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#this playlist goes hard guys
karamazovanon · 4 months
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you are my way of life
(i think verkhovensky would really like frank sinatra)
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bluerasbunny · 2 months
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ooooo you want to listen to my kind of but not really story-order c!dream playlist sooo baaddd
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hella1975 · 11 months
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assigning a character the highest honour like *adds go home by julien baker to their playlist*
#and by honour i mean pointing at them like TRAUMATISED! TRAUMATISED! TRAUMATISED!#like yeah relating to this song is a red flag actually. yeah it's one of the most personal songs in the world to me#and i actively am not allowed to listen to it some days bc it makes me significantly worse#even if im in a GOOD mood because of the layers upon layers of emotions ive associated with it#yeah i literally wont even blorbo post to this song even if it's accurate to a character because it's so personal#so they have to be REALLY FUCKING SPECIAL AND FUCKED IN THE HEAD to get this honour. enter touya#i made him a playlist im going crazy like yeah actually of course i was always gonna be weird about him#like he's got fire themes. he's got body horror. he just wanted to be good. he's ethel cain coded. he's georgia coded#he's got mommy AND daddy AND sibling issues. he's the only other character ive let even come close to mary on a cross#he's a waiting room girlie. he's an archer girlie. im tearing my hair the fuck out of my scalp#why does the first character ive latched onto this hard since CHUUYA have to be from mha of all things#like that's embarassing for me im embarassed to be here. and yet#touya todoroki#the thing that makes me sick about touya is yes the abuse he went through via his quirk and his dad etc etc#but also bc sekota peak happened when he was 13 right? and he's 24 now? that's 11 years unaccounted for#like ik it's confirmed his burns put him in a coma for 3 years and all for one and the dr guy just stapled his stubborn self together#which is something else i will YELL MY HEAD OFF ABOUT WHAT THE FUCKKKKK HE WAS A CHILD STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT#but im pretty sure it's confirmed that after 3 years he goes off again on his own? which still leaves him as a teenager?#like he straight up burns himself alive at 13 wakes up at 16 and reappears at 24 with dyed hair and piercings and a bad attitude#and im not supposed to wonder? or get upset? like i absolutely am leaning into the 'he was on the streets' angle bc i hate myself#and that's devastating and also what alternative is there logically like he has NOTHING#no home no money no name that he can feasibly use not even an appearance that will warrant anything but more cruelty#so youve got this child on the streets with injuries that absolutely cause insane amounts of pain daily he's literally STAPLED together#and he's completely alone and the only thing getting him through is this growing hatred and rage#like id set all my plans around killing the guy that put me there too actually just to fucking get me out of bed in the morning#I CANNOT STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM. WHERE WAS HE FOR THE PAST DECADE. HORIKOSHI PLEASE#I WANNA GO HOME IM SICK THERES MORE WHISKEY THAN BLOOD IN MY VEINS MORE TAR THAN AIR IN MY LUNGS#PIERCE MY SKIN NEEDLES TO WORN OUT RAGS THE FOLDS IN MY ARMS THE SICKENING BLACK AND I HAVENT BEEN TAKING MY MEDS#I KNOW MY BODY IS JUST DIRTY CLOTHES IM TIRED OF WASHING MY HANDS GOD I WANT TO GO HOME
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soggedupfrog · 2 years
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Me when i forget to take my normal pills
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latin-dr-robotnik · 1 year
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In a Blink (Final Boss) - Hi-Fi RUSH (2023)
It may not be The Perfect Drug, but it goes just as hard.
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mars-ipan · 1 year
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don’t talk to me i’m in unbearable agony
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dbphantom · 1 year
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Starting ffxv, watching the intro sequence: this is gonna be so fun, I can't wait to go on a fun road trip with my new friends! I love this song cover and it's really funny with it playing over them bitching and pushing the car. I've never played a final fantasy game before, so I don't know what to expect, but everything looks so cool and fun!
60 hours later, watching the end credits:
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#Cruddy rambles#ffxv#sorry for the ffxv tag but I wanna be able to find this post again it's making me laugh really hard lmao#I made a playlist full of songs that make me feel empty in my chest so I can cry and... the Pain.#As someone who refused to leave for Altissia until I was ready to beat the rest of the game and then did so in one night...#I just crawled into bed and ugly cried#That was 4 years ago and I will genuinely never forget that 'day'#It *broke* me#I also have some Transistor songs on here too. Idk her voice just breaks my heart... Paper Boats my beloved... Still salty Hades is what#Got popular when Transistor is RIGHT THERE#Fuck you guys Red deserved better 😤#Also going back to ffxv. I still tear up when somnus plays. I'm such a baby bc i have a mod to change the title screen back to somnus. So#You can imagine how it goes. every time I boot the game frantically clicking thru the menus while I tear up at the first few piano notes#Songs that make me feel empty in my chest indeed...#I am listening to it rn. I'm not okay lol#I've always wanted to learn Latin but especially bc of this games music. Yoko Shimomira went OFF#I want to know... But at the same time... I'm a little bitch. I can guess what it's saying and I'll cry just over that#Also I have a skyrim song on here. Just to point out how easily I cry#Because I played this game on ps3 in 2011 in middle school and I get nostalgic over it#And it makes me want to cry because I miss it#Same with Never More from P4. Is it inherently a sad song? Not... Really. But the memories... Knowing you'll never get to go back...#Waaaaaah-
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swarmkeepers · 2 years
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[ID: dark photo of lightning striking a nighttime sea. End ID]
hathym: augur of the second wave. cleric of tsinha, our lady of the lightning lance. soldier, sailor, setting sun.
i’m playing my dwarven tempest cleric for the first time and wanted to share my boy’s playlist <3 (under the cut!)
various storms and saints - florence + the machine - and the air was full / of various storms and saints / parading in the streets / as the banks began to break
hurricane - halsey - and there's a storm you're starting / i'm a wanderess, i'm a one night stand / don't belong to no city, don't belong to no man / i'm the violence in the pouring rain / i'm a hurricane
sky full of song - florence + the machine - grab me by my ankles, i've been flying for too long / i couldn't hide from the thunder in a sky full of song / hold me down, i'm so tired now / aim your arrow at the sky
bitter water - the oh hellos - i feel it in my blood / in the fire and the flood / the beast that can't be killed / even now you mark my steps / lovely bitter water
ship to wreck - florence + the machine - did i build a ship to wreck? / good god, under starless skies/ we are lost, and into the breach, we got tossed / and the water is coming in fast
deep water - american authors - when it pulls me under / will you make me stronger? / will you be my breath through the deep deep water?
casualty - lawrence - i'm in a war / i fight my history / it's hard to ignore / the thing that used to be / you look at me now / but i wonder if you see / that i'm swimming in the past / and you're wading patiently
ship in a bottle - fin - you set sail alone, there is no crew / no one on the deck who can help you / this is all your own battle to win / this is your ship, and you are the captain
where do we go - lindsey stirling ft. carah faye - now that i'm older, now that it's colder / day after day, like a wave after wave / where do we go, oh / when our prayers are answered, but the answer is no?
see the day - the altogether - the sea is bubbling beyond the shore / i can't quite tell what i'm hoping for / dive out of nothing and into more
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springcatalyst · 10 months
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Song shuffle game
tagged by @hamburgerslippers thank u bestieeee I've been listening to SO much music lately because of work
Rules: shuffle your ‘on repeat’ playlist and post the first ten tracks, then tag ten people.
i'm sorry but you know i dont know 10 people. I would if I could
AHEM
1. Break by Three Days Grace <- FUCKING slaps
2. Monster by Starset
3. King by The Amazing Devil
4. Careful What You Wish For by Bad Omens
5. Icarus by Bastille
6. I Will Fail You by Demon Hunter
7. Wrong Side Of Heaven by Five Finger Death Punch
8. Riverbound by Comaduster
9. Ghosts by Nathan Wagner <- I think you'd like this guy hes very dramatic and I think his voice is neat
10. Me and Mine by The Brothers Bright
as always if anyone wants to do this literally just say I tagged u. do it. give me new music to listen to
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emarezi-backup · 2 months
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im in a "listening to all of glaive's discography on repeat" mood. minnesota is truly a place that exists
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toxicanonymity · 8 months
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i need more raider joel more than i need air in my lungs
Night air.
3500 words, raider!Joel x f!reader | ✨gif
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Raider master list ⭐ Joel master
reader-curated playlist | sweet pea (smut songs)
“‘s’too cold out here, sweet pea. put on a shirt, would ya?" Your heart flutters at the implicit invitation and you return with a flannel over your nightie. . . He makes room for you, but doesn’t take his eyes off the fire as he lets you climb into his lap. You study his face and see something new flickering behind it. Worry.
You want to ask him what’s wrong, but you don’t.  "When are you gonna come to bed?” you ask instead.
SUMMARY: Joel brutalizes a bad guy, gives it to you hard, then works on something for you and gives it to you slow. His POV is revealing. WARNINGS: I8+, POV alternates, ANGST, Joel's trauma, overkill violence, dubcon (stockholm syndrome) unsafe P in V x2 (hard then soft), dark fluff, f masturbation, somnophilia, staying inside, NO Y/N. A/N: ty @milla-frenchy for Qs & recs 🖤
—--- JOEL——
Yeah, Joel killed two of his own men, and they had it coming.  He caught them red handed on their way into your room in the stash house. It still makes his blood boil to think about. If they hadn’t walked into that room talking about you like a piece of meat, those two men would be alive. Joel would do it again in a heartbeat.  
He’s not surprised when the others are shaken, but if they’re good men, they have nothing to worry about.  When things remain tense longer than he expects, Joel rounds them up for a group meeting. He puts you in the usual room with his trusted guard Carter posted at the door.  The meeting becomes heated. 
“No one’s gonna be left at this rate,” one man barks.  “They ain’t gonna say it,” he gestures behind him to the other men, “but I will. She shouldn’t be here.” 
Joel’s voice raises with his blood pressure. He asks, “What’d you say to me, Harold?" as he stands up. 
Louder, maybe loud enough for you to hear, Harold repeats, “She shouldn’t be here.  It’s bound to happen.” Bound to happen? These low-lifes are bound to put their hands on Joel Miller’s girl? Joel can feel the beat of his rage in his veins. All his muscles tense. 
He takes a deep breath, exhales sharply, then says matter-of-factly, “I’ll show ya what else is bound to happen.” 
Joel picks up his rifle. 
"Yeah, kill me," Harold chides. "Kill us all."
Joel shakes his head no. His voice is deep and flat.  "Not until ya beg me to." Now he’s gotta make an example out of someone. 
Joel forces Harold outside, then puts his rifle behind his back and lets Harold take a swing at him, just for fun.  When Joel gets this wound up, he needs to feel something. After getting clocked square in the jaw, Joel beats him until he’s barely conscious. Then, Joel hoists Harold, who is not a light man, and impales him on a sharp, severed fence post. 
Joel puts his rifle around front again, leaving Harold alive but doomed, and heads back toward the house.  He’s almost to the door when Harold manages to groan through his gurgles.  Joel turns around, calmly raises his rifle, shoots him in the head, then keeps walking. He goes back inside, chest heaving, wiping blood splatter off his face with his wrist. The rest of them are still inside. No one came to Harold's defense or ran. Joel stares down the men, and based on the faces he sees, he’s not worried about any of them.  
“Rest of ya got nothin’ to worry ‘bout,” he reassures them. “long as ya leave her ‘lone.” 
The men nod. Joel thinks about adding, and I’m not the only one you’ve gotta worry about, tempted to warn them that you know your way around a pistol and can handle yourself. One bullet, right between the eyes of that fucker. Joel thinks about it all the time. There’s something about his little sweet pea being a badass. And thank god, because he almost lost you. 
“Now back to business.” 
They discuss the rival crew they think sent two guys to Joel’s trailer, only for Joel and you to kill them. Joel doesn't think the crew is stupid enough to cause any more trouble, but agrees someone has to keep watch Just in case. 
Joel almost reminds his men that he holds all the smuggling routes and contacts, just in case they’re concerned enough to pull something.  But he doesn't need to say it. He dismisses them and grabs a duffle bag before collecting you from Carter. Carter asks what to do with Harold, and Joel says leave him for a while.
When the two of you get back to his trailer, Joel is ready to fuck out his anger. He sees himself in the mirror, chest heaving, veins about to pop, blood splatter on his hairline. God damnit, Harold. Joel  showers because he doesn’t want any part of Harold getting close to you. Not even his blood. 
You’re in the kitchen getting a glass of water when Joel walks out of the bathroom in just a towel.  He crosses the kitchen, drops the towel, and pins you against the counter, pressing his hardness against your ass. He backs up enough to scrunch up your dress and growls, "good girl," when he finds you panty-less and wet. You knew. You were ready for it. 
He grunts as he shoves himself into you, and he gives it to you good. "No one’s," he thrusts, "gonna," he grunts "touch ya." He plunges into you twice more, breathing heavily, then adds, “but me.” The power of his hips sends you to your toes with each thrust. He wraps an arm around you to hold you steady and watches over your shoulder as your tits jiggle with each punch of his hips. It doesn’t take you long to come.  Then he curls his hands under your arms to hold your shoulders down from the front and begins to pulse with a low groan. He leans his head against yours and cradles it from the other side as he catches his breath, then asks, “you good?”
You nod, “mm-hmm,” and he pulls out, feeling better. 
“Good.” 
-
In the following days, things settle down in Joel’s group and get back to normal. The rival crew doesn't show up.
—--
One night, Joel leaves you inside the trailer while he sits out by the fire, as he often does.  What you don't know is that he's not just sitting, drinking, and thinking.  He’s working on something.  He’s been making things for you. He hasn’t given you anything because nothing’s good enough, and it’s probably not going to get any better, but he keeps doing it.  Sometimes he feels a little silly, but they’re things that will help both of you.  Practical things. 
He made a thigh holster for your gun. There was an old one without the straps in the weapons cache which is just a small room of chaos in the stash house, no telling what else is in there.  He used part of a belt for the top strap and some black ribbon on the bottom, for the time being.  It would be better than nothing, but he hasn't given it to you in case it wouldn’t work. Maybe it doesn't matter. As the weather changes, you'll probably need new clothes, anyway. Maybe even pants, he internally grumbles. Sweaters, too, so your chest won’t be exposed. 
Tonight, Joel has another strap of leather with him, one that wasn't right for the holster. He also has a pot of water and a steel nail with a makeshift handle so he doesn’t burn himself. He heats up the tool and uses the hot nail head to emboss the strap with bold letters. He’s been working on it all week, and he’s only on ‘E.’ It’ll be first name only at this rate. You might not wanna wear it anyway, but it’s for your own good.  
Joel’s almost lost you twice now. If there’s anything he can do to make someone think twice about touching or taking you, he’ll do it. Because Jackson, may he burn in hell, was right. Joel can’t have his eyes on you every single second. He's told you before: you tell’em you belong to Joel Miller. They’ll back right off when they hear it.  But it doesn’t hurt for them to see it, too. And of course Joel wouldn't mind seeing it himself. 
Joel’s fingers are too big for work this small.  He accidentally makes the vertical line of the E slanted. Ah hell, this whole thing is no good anyway. You may never see it at this rate. But it feels good working with his hands, especially on something he thinks could help keep you safe and keep you his. You're a good girl, his good girl. 
He should be thinking strategy, what’s going to happen with these warring crews, but that’s just not where his head’s at.   
—--- YOU 🌸🫛—-----
You listen to the fire crackle and pop, longing for Joel to come to bed, longing for him to hold you, and more.  He seems to stay outside longer than usual. When he adds a new log to the fire, you get impatient and decide to go out. You put on your shoes and go to the door, pushing it open just an inch. The rail to the stairs is blocking your view, but he's looking down at something. His jaw clenches in the firelight and he raises his eyebrows as he looks up.  You slowly open the door, stepping out onto the stairs in your nightie.  He puts something down on the ground, out of view.  
“‘s’too cold out here, sweet pea. put on a shirt, would ya?" Your heart flutters at the implicit invitation and you return with a flannel over your nightie.  As you approach, he takes a swig of whiskey and puts the flask down.  His eyes are dark as he watches the flames.  He makes room for you but doesn’t take his eyes off the fire as he lets you climb into his lap. You study his face and see something new flickering behind it. Worry. You want to ask him what’s wrong, but you don’t. 
"When are you gonna come to bed?” you ask. 
His brows knit as he looks at you. For a few seconds, he concentrates on picking lint off the flannel and smoothing your nightgown. 
“I dunno, sweet pea. Got some stuff to figure out.”  
“Can I help?”
He shakes his head no. You put your arms around his neck and rest your cheek against his shoulder. Then you slowly roll your face against him so your lips touch his warm skin and your nose rests on top of his shoulder muscle.  You close your eyes and stay like that for a moment.  He doesn’t stop you. Then you dare to press your lips ever so slightly into his skin before pulling your face back to look at him, your lips disconnecting with a barely perceptible smack. Joel’s still looking at the fire, but he allows himself a subtle smile as he exhales a silent laugh, then cradles your head.  “Go to bed, sweet pea.” He kisses your temple. “I’ll be there in a li’l bit.” 
You take the flannel off and get in bed, still smelling like the fire. You think of getting naked, eager to feel Joel however he wants you. But maybe he likes undressing you, and it’s chillier than normal, too.  You lay under the covers getting wet and tingly thinking about what he'll do when he comes to bed.  
The fire is still blazing.  There’s no sign of him putting it out.  It doesn't seem like he's coming in soon, but you're too turned on to just go to sleep. You close your eyes, recalling the feeling of Joel’s warm skin on your lips by the fire.  The way his eyes sparkled. The way he always opens his arms for you to get in his lap–that seat is always yours whenever you want it. 
You think about how handsome he is. Even, or especially when he’s looking rough.  All dirty and beat up when he got home that one night, muscles pumped up. His sexy stitches. You play a montage in your head of all the times you’ve heard him yell, seen him stomp around ordering guys to do this or that. How fiercely he protects you. Your lip creeps under your teeth and you close your eyes. 
All the way turned on, you slide your hand down between your legs and imagine him walking in and ravaging you.  You recall how urgently he fucked you at the kitchen table after he thought you almost died.  You recall the time he fucked you naked in missionary and and marked your neck.  You try to visualize the look in his eyes.
And then, when you’re just about to come, you remember that one morning. Those few seconds you kissed, when he kissed you back. He had pulled you into him before he knew what he was doing. You still savor that fleeting moment he was grinding against you, his plush lips locked with yours. You can practically feel it.  And that’s enough to put you over the edge. You turn your head into the pillow and brace for your orgasm. 
—----- JOEL —------
You must think Joel can't hear your pretty little sounds when you touch yourself, but over the crackling of the fire he could swear he hears you moan into a pillow. His nose can't help but twitch into a little smile. He lets the fire die as he finishes the 'E',  then he comes inside and washes off the smoke in the shower. By the time he gets in bed, you're asleep on your back with your left arm on your chest. 
He carefully gets into the bed, spreading his weight out to not jostle the mattress. He's to your left, lying on his side, facing you. You’re so pretty and peaceful with your eyes closed and your sweet lips just slightly parted. An urge has been growing in his chest. He’s tried to push it away, but it's only grown, and he's afraid he can’t stop it happening. 
He can’t bring himself to do it when you’re awake. He can’t let himself see how happy it makes you. The loss feels inevitable, and it gets closer and closer.  The panic he felt when FEDRA had you on the ground.  The devastation when it sounded like you were shot outside his own trailer. It gets worse every time. And last time, there was something new. Two losses flashed before his eyes.  The loss of you (in the present and future), and the loss of what could have been–at least for a while, when he had the chance. The worst part is, he doesn't know which would hurt more.  
His eyes fall on your mouth again. 
If he does it now, it won’t mean anything. It won’t change anything. If he does it now, maybe this urge will stop pulling at him every time you’re close.  And then he can tell himself it never happened. Yeah, if he does it now, it can be like it never happened. Like he never let himself get that close, never gave you hope that he could be anything more than the terrible man he is. 
His lip twitches as he watches you sleep.  Then his breathing syncs with yours, and for a moment, everything fades away but you and him and the physical need that's tugging at him.  
Joel leans over you, careful not to wake you, and he hovers over your pretty face. It's happening. His heart races as his face drifts toward yours, drawn to you like a magnet. 
He closes his eyes, presses his lips gently into yours, and something rushes through his blood to every part of his body.  Fuck.  He's instantly soothed. With your lips still locked, he takes one breath through his nose then pulls away. He takes a deep breath, expecting the buzz to fade, expecting to hate himself. But you're so pretty and your lips were so soft. He almost chokes on his own saliva.  He's quickly gotten hard.
Still fast asleep, you sigh and your nose twitches. You hum the prettiest little "mm," and roll over on your right, facing away from him like you normally sleep. 
He pinches his eyes shut tight. He has to have you. 
Joel curls himself around you, inhales your hair, and cups your breast. He presses his cock against you, hardening to full strength by now.  He lets out a deep but quiet, "Mmm," not enough to wake you up. The exposed skin of your back and shoulder is so inviting, he's salivating. His arm slides from your breast down your nightie to your mound and you sigh. He lifts his head to see if you're awake as he aimlessly caresses you over your nightie. Your brow furrows with his light touch. Aw, sweet pea, he thinks to himself. You're just so cute. He presses a gentle kiss into your neck where it meets your shoulder, and he begins to ghost your clit through the fabric. 
You sigh again, but still don't seem to wake up yet. He presses your mound so your hips tilt for him, and he pulls up the nightgown. He tests you with a finger and finds you wet but pulls back and pauses to add saliva to his tip.  He teases your entrance with his cock, and you sigh "Mmm, Joel," as you begin to stir awake. He pushes the curve of his tip just slightly inside, then holds your breast. 
He asks, “You 'wake?” 
“Mmm,” you answer weakly. 
"wake you up?" His cock prods at your tight, wet entrance, pushing in a little further.. He's itching to be inside you, but he's taking his time, captivated by your peacefulness. 
Your spine arches and you push back on him, taking another inch of his cock in with a moan as you stir awake. "Joel,” you sigh. 
He presses his lips into your neck and lets them linger.  You ask, "are you awake?" 
"Mm-hmm," he answers, his voice deep and gravely.  He groans softly as he pushes his cock into you. He takes a deep breath as your insides make room for him. It dawns on him that he's never taken the time to savor the moment your bodies are joined, but shit, it feels good. He didn't know it could feel so good like this. He’s feeling every groove of you in slow motion. Each centimeter of you greets him with a tight, warm hug.  You push back on him with a moan, bringing your bodies together. 
Oh, sweet pea. You want it so bad, and you take it so good.
—---YOU 🌸🫛—---
Joel’s cock spreads you apart and he buries his length in you slowly at first, palming your breasts. He pauses, all the way inside you, and removes your nightie so your naked bodies are flush. It feels like a dream. The way he kissed your shoulder, the way he’s fucking you right now with his whole body cradling yours, each thrust so deliberate, you can’t help but still wonder if he’s truly awake. If you're truly awake. He grunts softly each time he bottoms out. His sighs and moans are deep and gravely. 
“Sweet pea,” he whispers against your neck, “ohhhh, you — ohh, you take it so good, baby.” His hand slides down your stomach, between your legs. He whispers in your ear,  "God DAMN, youfeelsogood,” he inhales sharply, then sighs your name.  Your nipples harden and you get goosebumps. 
“Joel,” you whimper at his fingers on your clit.  The fullness of his cock was enough, and the addition of his hand has you twitching already.  
“Shhh, it’s okay,” he whispers, and his voice is so soothing, you relax again. He slows down his pace, his length sliding snugly into your warmth slow enough to feel the drag of his tip inside you. He touches your clit and you whimper again. He adjusts his hand to touch it less directly, pulsing his flattened fingers.  That’s what you need. You moan. 
“Good girl.” 
You wanna ask him again if he’s really awake, but you don’t want to break the spell. You let the silence linger, peppered with moans and sighs from each of you. You’d love for this to last forever. You love every way he gives it to you, but the newness of this is something to savor. After a few minutes, sweat begins to bead and run between your bodies.  You’re both breathing heavily. He gropes at your breasts and the entire front of your body, like he can’t get you close enough. His breathing gets ragged.  You memorize the feel of his cock dragging thick and slow inside you.  Then he adds his hand again. His thrusts become more powerful.  “Come for me, I want you to– nnngh.” 
“Joel,” you whine. 
‘Ohh,” he moans. 
“Joel, I’m–”
“Go ‘head, baby—ugghh—-you can do it”
Your upper back presses into his chest.  He groans and holds you tight as you convulse against him and choke his cock with your climax. “Ohhhh, baby, mmmm.” He bottoms out and pulses inside you as you’re still coming.  He sighs "ohhh," as he fills you up with his warm release. Your body hugs him more with every pulse of his cock.  
When you’re both finished coming, your bodies are still joined. You relish the fullness of him inside you.  You expect him to pull out any minute, but his breathing regulates with yours. 
At some point, Joel's breath stutters abruptly, and you realize he's fallen asleep like this. Holding you close, body curled around you, cock gradually softening inside you. It isn't long until you drift off, too. 
-
Smut continues here: asleep inside
Next major chapter: hunger
-
Thank you so much for reading and engaging. Please consider commenting or reblogging to show raider Joel your love, even if this post is old. 💖 Love you guys. I love your passion for him. Your engagement motivates me. <333
Friendly reminder that there will be no pregnancy in this fic, Joel was snipped pre outbreak. 
----
@toxicfics for notifications, make sure your phone is set to enable push notifications from tumblr. Some of my fics are pretty dark!
⚠️ Since so many people are saying tags aren't working, I may discontinue the tag list soon, sorry ⚠️
All Joel:@ethanhoewke @silkiers @eiviea @evyiione @xdaddysprincessxx @queerly-anxious @chernayawidow @ambassadortotrilliusprime @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @jasminespringtime @romanarose @fandomsfallnomore @djarinxore @blackvelveteen1339 @manazo @wolvesandvampires @taeslarityy @str84pedro @lokanda  @kyloispunk @filthfairy @fieryglutenfreechickennoodles @harriedandharassed @moonlightdivine @worhols @fan-fiction-floozy @cutesyscreenname   @weddingfairy @pedropascal-whore @spideysimpossiblegirl @feministfanboi @gracieispunk @prettypartyfavor @am-3-thyst @babeincolor @milla-frenchy @switchbladedreamz @within-the-depths @am-3-thyst @may-machin @pedromania91 @sloanexx @paleidiot @yourmistysecret @bean-is-reading
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leoseazon · 2 years
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wait actually i accidentally madw myself feel an emotion thats never existed before
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j-onedrabbles · 5 months
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𝒔𝒕𝒖𝒄𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒎𝒚𝒃𝒓𝒂𝒊𝒏
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✧   PAIRING: BANG CHAN X FEM!READER ✧ PLOT: listened to STUCKINMYBRAINAGAIN by Chase Atlantic and decided i needed to write angst + anon requests: "Hi hi! Could I request a Channie comfort drabble/fic were the gf!reader starts to distance themselves from Channie because of a really believable dating rumor they found online involving him?" ✧   CW: fem!reader, overthinking, dating rumor, crying, unhealthy coping mechanisms (using alcohol to cope), themes of cheating (there is no actual cheating), reader is written to be of drinking age but age never mentioned, ✧   WC: 1.5K ✧   NOTE: this was kinda sitting in my drafts with a rough idea of a plot then i got an anon requests and it clicked so enjoy
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     It had to be a rumor. Right?
     Y/n scrolled through her Twitter, seeing her boyfriend trending wasn’t new but, curiously clicked it to see what he did this time. Only to find it was a dating rumor. 
     At first, she thought that Stay or div-1 caught them out on one of their dates but, as she scrolled, she found that it didn’t even involve her. It was another woman. Photos from afar— like most dating rumor photos were— but Y/n could believe this was her boyfriend and someone else, but it wasn't. Was it?
     Chan was friends with half the K-pop industry and she knew he had female friends. Could it be one of them? Maybe they were just hanging out?
     The longer she looked at the tag, the more her heart ached. Chan spent long hours at the studio working on music for 3RACHA and the kids. What if it wasn't music? Just an excuse to go out with someone else?
     The angel on her shoulder told her Chan would never. He was loyal. The best boyfriend anyone could ask for. But the devil was louder. 
    She got up from the couch and tried to busy herself with anything around the house. Chan had a packed week of schedules and had already told her he was going to crash at the dorms but he promised would text her when he had time—one week of not seeing him. 
     She couldn't even talk to the guys since they all had promotions to do. What if it was a staff member? She felt like she was going to be sick. Turning on their speaker and blasting a playlist— one without any songs her boyfriend had made, which was a hard feat.
     Cleaning the whole apartment while the random Spotify playlist played. She drowned out any noise in her head for as long as she could. Even made dinner for herself and turned on a movie. Silently eating as her phone pinged with a message. She looked at the screen to see the name.
Channie♡: hey baby, just got back to the dorms. How was your day? Y/n♡: okay. Just cleaned the apartment and made dinner. Channie♡: I’m glad you got something to eat love! Are you doing alright without me so far 😉 Y/n♡: yeah. The apartment feels a little empty though. Channie♡: I’m sorry baby 😣 I’m hoping this week goes by fast. I already miss you. Try and get some sleep tonight, okay? Y/n♡: You too. Talk to you later. Channie♡: Yeah, I’ll try and text you more throughout the day, yeah? I love you ❤️ Y/n♡: ily2
     Chan looked at the last text, he knew his girlfriend. She wasn’t one to abbreviate an “I love you”. Maybe she just wasn’t having a good day? Tired maybe? She did say she cleaned the whole apartment. He wished he could at least be with her at night but with all their promoting at the moment, it was just a little easier to stay with the kids at the dorms. He’d check in with her when he woke up, maybe send her some food tomorrow.
     But he noticed the time between her responses got more and more spaced out and cut down to one or two-word answers. He tried asking her what was wrong but she always said she was fine. It was at the end of the week when one of the guy's managers told him about the dating rumor. 
     He immediately thought the same as her. Their relationship was caught by fans or div-1. The staff showed him the photos and immediately knew it wasn’t them. Yeah, the guy had the same height and build as him, dressed similarly, and had his face hidden. He thought it was him too for a moment but it was the girl he was with. Complete opposite of Y/n. 
     He took a closer look at the guy. “That's not me or Y/n. How long has this been out?”
     “All week. We knew it wasn’t either of you but we wanted your confirmation.”
     All week? The same amount of time Y/n had been acting off. “Fuck,” he sighed
     “We can put out a statement denying it and announcing you and Y/n’s relationship,” The manager suggested 
     “Let me talk to her first. I think she already knows about the rumor.” Chan was thankful it was the end of the day and he finished the last schedule. 
     He hurried to make his way back home, calling his girlfriend along the way. No answer. 
     “Hi, you’ve reached Y/n L/n. I can’t come to the phone right now but please leave a message and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.”
     “Hi, baby. I’m on my way home. We need to talk when I get there. I love you.”
     Y/n listened to the voicemail but did nothing. One week had her spiraling. She ended up taking out one of their bottles and pouring herself a drink. Just wanting the thoughts to stop at this point. 
     She didn’t know how much she had actually been drinking, just that her world was getting blurry a bit. She didn't even register the front door opening.
     “Y/n?” Chan’s voice called
     He looked around the living room before spotting her in the kitchen. Both kept eye contact before Y/n broke down. Tears slipped from her eyes as she put the glass on the counter. 
     “Baby,” Chan ran over to her and pulled her into his arms.
     “Is there someone else Chan?” Y/n said through tears.
     He noticed the bottle of alcohol and felt worse. She’d known about it all week and said nothing. Thinking worse to the point of drinking. 
     “There’s no one else baby. Let’s get you some water and sit down, okay?”
     “Is she an idol? One of the staff?”
     God his heart broke hearing that. He should have checked Twitter or social media sooner. Slowly he sat her on the floor and quickly grabbed some water from the fridge for her. He sat down across from her and soothed her tears as best he could before getting her to drink the water.
     “Can you look at me, baby?” Chan asked softly
     Y/n looked at him, sniffling as she hugged her knees to her chest.
     “Let’s go take a nap okay? Sober up a bit and then talk. Okay?”
     “Okay…”
     Chan reached his hands towards her to help her up and walk with her to the bedroom. “How much did you drink?”
     “Don’t know. Just wanted to stop thinking about the rumor,” Y/n said as he got her under the covers. “Things are a bit blurry.”
     “Get some sleep for now. I’ll be here when you wake up and then we can talk.”
    Y/n sniffled and wrapped her arms around him, trying to keep him close. Chan did the same. Not wanting to let her go at the moment. Y/n let his warmth lull her to sleep.
     Both ended up falling asleep till morning. Not intending to but that's what happened. Chan woke up first but refused to get out of bed. First time in a week he got to wake up next to his girlfriend and he wasn’t missing out on anything. 
     He ran his hand through her hair as he looked down at her sleeping form on his chest. Slowly she started the stir, waking to her pretty boyfriend looking at her with stars in his eyes.
     “Good morning baby.”
     “Morning,” she grumbled, cuddling into him more, “I’m sorry.”
     “It’s okay baby. I almost believed it too.”
     “Doesn't excuse me for accusing you of cheating. Should have talked to you when I saw it.”
     “Hey. The company didn't even tell me till yesterday and I knew you had already seen it. I know you get in your head sometimes but, next time you see a dating rumor about me, talk to me.”
     “Don't want any more rumors about you.”
     “They asked me if I wanted to confirm our relationship. Think that’d keep the dating rumors at bay.” Chan smiled and tilted her face up to him, placing a quick kiss on her lips. “If you don't want to, that's fine baby. But I love you either way. You’re the only one I see a future with.”
     Y/n teared up a bit hearing him say that. She cupped his cheeks and pulled him back into a kiss. Chan smiled and pulled her closer to him, moving his lips in sync with hers before pulling away and resting his forehead against hers.
     “Tell Stay about us. I’m okay with the world knowing about us.” Y/n told him
     “Think you're just being possessive baby,” Chan joked.
     “Says you,” Y/n laughed at him
     “I’ll call them later. Right now I need to make up for not being around for a week.”
     Chan kissed her again and rolled her onto her back, smothering her in kisses and cuddles.
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M. LIST ✧ TIP JAR
T A G S ✧ @soulphoenix1618 @hanniemylovelyquokka @hyuneline @scarletbedlam @lillithathecat @cosniffee @caravm @queen-in-the-shadows @moonlight-the-writer @skzhoes @ultimatestayandminoronce @watermelon2319 @poody1608 @iadorethemskz @goblinracha @weakforskz @scallywag1299 @2mins-world @iloveksmohsomuch @stickycrusadecollective @lacie220900 @your-platonic-gay-lover @lvlnijiro @smally97 @lynlyndoll @bbokari711 @liknws @nicora04 @hrskt @lookitsjess @5starlee @hopefulrascalstatesmantoad @mini-mews @red-airhead @minhwa @soupbinlily @caitlyn98s @alex--awesome--22 @emyferra08 @yeetmehome @hyunjinswifeee @greyyeti @beautifulcolorgarden @ylixbok @tinyelfperson @mixtape-racha @lovesunshinefelix @princelingperfect @slay-and-gay @the-sweetest-rose
© 2023 jonedrabbles. Please do not copy, translate, or republish my works anywhere.
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hoesformatt · 3 months
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BEFORE THEY COME
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chris smut, those chris photos in the header IGNITED smth in me
dom!chris • poc!reader friendly (happy bhm to the sistersss)
contains: pet names (ma, mama, princess), eye fucking, no use of y/n, oral (m!recieving), sloppy head, quickie
word count: 0.9k
not-proofread
Matt pulled into the parking space of the walmart, taking a glance in the rear view mirror then over his should before putting the car in park.
Nick unbuckled his seatbelt shifting to the edge of the seat moving, about to leap out the car as Matt did the same but pulled out his wallet from the glove compartment. He had a bit hard of a time opening because I let Matt drive my Mercedes-AMG, he eventually got his shit out looking back at Chris on his phone. “Are you not coming?” he says toward Chris.
“No, you going?” He put his phone down stretching himself to look back at me, “Oh, nah i’ll stay here with Chris” Nick and Matt didn’t really care as they were leaving the car.
“You guys want anything?” Nick asks through the outside the window, “No I’m cool” I answer and Chris just nods no.
“Lame” Nick walks away to chase Matt into the walmart. Chris goes to the control panel trying to bluetooth to the aux but having no luck. He then left out the car marching around to the drivers seat and continues to attempt to connect to the panel. “This is your car, you gonna help me or not?” His hair brushed into his face but his rosy cheeks went unnoticed.
I snatched Chris’ phone out his hand, checking his settings to bluetooth it. His latest song began to play ‘Thristy’ by PartyNextDoor. Grabbing the phone back he began to shuffle through playlists “Don’t change the song” he agreed and put his shit down and his head hit the head support as he took in the music.
Taking in the beats too much the song slowly switches to ‘Extravagant’ by Lil Durk. Chris went to turn and gaping at me and his eyes traced along my lips to my exposed breasts, to my thick thighs “Who are you dressed up for” He licked his lips “Why do I look good?” I opened my phone camera playing with my hair inches.
“Too good mama” Oh my fuck, he knew I love being called mama, it gives my pussy a heartbeat.
He was hungry, it was in his eyes and it’s so fucking sexy, I just wanted to suck the life out him. We were eye-fucking each other for a while, the air in the car getting thicker than my ass.
“Can I come to the backseat with you?”
Here. Today. In my car… Fuck it bitch we ball, I wasn’t gotta miss a beat, I didn’t have my windows tinted for no reason.
“No” Chris looked somewhat disappointed as I opened up my purse putting my phone in there pulling out a hair tie and leaving the car going towards the passengers seat.
“Move the seat back and take off your pants” Chris smirked extending the seat back to finally lift his shirt up just a bit and I saw the hard print in his pants. Leaving his sweatpants on his knees, his dick flung out his length smacking his stomach. Chris’ cock was so hard and I admired the throbbing pink tip and also his girthy shaft.
I was about to tie my hair when he spoke to me “Come on ma, before they come” I just decided to go down grasping his length, starting from the base licking a stripe upwards, sucking his tip only.
His whimpers ran out his lips as I teased him, gradually putting more of his shaft into my mouth. Chris collected my hair holding it for me in a ponytail to watch me “Oh fuck— You look so pretty with my dick your mouth”.
I stroked the rest of his length that I couldn’t fit into my mouth to then refrain from sucking and spitting straight into cock making him wince and moan before I placed my lips back onto his dick.
Bobbing head at a quicker pace and hollowing my cheeks made a loud sucking sound “Use that tongue baby”, I took out my tongue out, shoving his inches down having the feeling of his tip hit the back of my throat. Chris pushed my head toward his balls causing me to gag excessively, my eyes rolled backwards as he continued his actions “It’s too good mama”.
Chris yanked my lips off his cock, out of breath with his lips parted at an ‘O’ while I didn’t pause jerking his length, waiting for him to cool down “Baby come on, make me cum”. I never hesitated, I was making Chris feel so good, he was gripping my hair tighter groaning loudly “Don’t fucking stop”.
We were so messy, mixed liquids of spit and cum, gagging and pushing, maybe it was the freak in me but I want him to cum in my mouth. Real bad.
A few more sloppy strokes and his body began to jerk and tremble uncontrollably “Fuck yeah mama, swallow it” He held my head down until all his fluids were in my mouth going down my throat.
Chris pulled me in by my neck kissing me with his moisture on my lips, “Shit they’re coming” We saw Nick and Matt slowly approaching the car as we scrambled to wipe off what was remaining on his lap and I turned on my air fresheners crawling to the seats behind.
“Did you miss us” Nick climbed to the backseat sitting beside me.
tags: @chrisenthusiast @miguelsangel @lunariaxzz @thesturniolos @angelic-sturniolos111 @littlebookworm803 @chrissturniolosbitch @leahsbussy @luv4kozume @alinaa131 @sturniolopowers @mattslolita @sturniofilmd @sturnioloooooo @mattsneezing @muwapsturniolo @idkwhosnyla @strniohoeee @iiheartstef @nonamegirlxsturniolo @ka1nani @1800chokedathoe @fuzzycupcakebeliever @mattgirly @me4chris
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onlyjaeyun · 10 months
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𝐁𝐎𝐘𝐅𝐈𝐄: 𝐒𝐈𝐌 𝐉𝐀𝐄𝐘𝐔𝐍 | 𝟏𝟖+
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— 𝐜𝐰: 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫, (𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐮𝐭) 𝐧𝐬/𝐟𝐰: 𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐭 𝐩𝐥𝐯𝐲, 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐝 "𝐬𝐢𝐫" 𝐤í𝐧𝐤, 𝐛𝐫𝟑𝟑𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐜𝐯𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲, 𝐡𝐞 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐬 𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐲 𝐨𝐤𝐚𝐲 💀
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࿏ skinship: if there’s one thing about sim jaeyun it’s the fact he’s incredibly touchy. this guy simply can’t stop himself from touching you, even if it's just as simple as intertwining one of his fingers with yours, he always has to be in some kind of skin contact or he gets nervous. most of the time he lets his hand rest on your thigh or your back, throws an arm over your shoulder or holds you hand but just know, he will touch you somehow.
࿏ PDA: the previous point brings us to this one because jaeyun just loves public display of affection. he’s subtle about it at times, yet sometimes when he gets a little possessive or protective, he does become a little more obvious with it. depending on how comfortable you are with it of course and even if he does fail at times, he also manages to read the room before he goes in for a kiss or a hug, pulling you closer to his body to feel comforted and safe in a way only you can make him feel.
࿏ love languages: besides physical touch, jaeyun's love language are also words of affirmation. he craves your validation because he wants to make you proud and be what you deserve, yet he never actually voices this one out. he always thought it comes over as desperate and needy, yet can’t ever hide the way his eyes start sparkling when you tell him how well he’s doing and how much you appreciate everything you do for him. definitely makes sure to give you the exact same energy in return, of course.
࿏ music: jaeyun loves expressing his feelings using songs, lyrics and melodies because he always feels like it’s intimate and gives you a way into his head you might haven’t considered yet. he just wants you to understand him and the way he feels about you so he suggests you songs, makes you playlists and even writes some lyrics dedicated to you.
࿏ now a few small things he does which are super boyfie of him
࿏ jaeyun’s the type to cover your face with his hand when he thinks you’re being too fucking cute to handle (happens at least twice during a conversation)
࿏ definitely tears up when you’re crying, regardless of the situation
࿏ has you as his home- and lockscreen, you’re his biggest treasure
࿏ doesn’t tell anyone about his crush on you until you say yes to dating him and then does a huge “reveal” on his instagram story (has a highlight dedicated to you)
࿏ buries his face in your neck at any given moment because it’s his comfort position
࿏ heavy on buying you your favorite snacks, drinks and takeout whenever he’s coming over to your place
࿏ when you two play against another duo in a game he still gets super competitive but never blames you if you end up being the reason you two failed bc he just appreciates your presence
࿏ daily good morning texts with a little fact about himself and good night ones where he quickly tells you about one particular thing you do he absolutely loves
࿏ BLUSHES WHEN HE TALKS TO HIS BOYS ABOUT YOU
࿏ now the nsfw part, let’s go
࿏ spit kink: there’s just about the way you look with your lips parted, tongue stuck out and ready to take his spit like the good girl you are which never fails to drive jaeyun absolutely crazy. he usually lets a thick drop of his spit fall into your mouth before he taps the tip of his hard cock against the puddle and sighs, then proceeds to gently fuck your face
࿏ “sir” kink: jaeyun never realised how much it turned him on until you jokingly started saying it and he found himself rock hard whenever you said it one too many times. isn’t all about it but definitely groans when you reply to his questions with a soft “yes, sir” or feels himself stumbling over the edge whenever you go “thank you, sir”.
࿏ praising: this goes back to his love language but also because he’s just a vocal guy. always praises you for taking his cock, his spit and cum so well, mumbling about how proud he is of you for cumming all over his face like the good princess you are. he also likes it when you praise him, usually asks for it indirectly but never fails to cum when you do it without his initiation.
࿏ face riding: this man is a certified pussy enthusiast and he eats pussy for his own pleasure. just loves it.
࿏ breeding/cumplay: this is more about the thought of having the honor to raw you, something jaeyun never takes for granted because of how intimate it is. definitely pulls back after stuffing you to the absolute brim with his cum just to watch it ooze out of your cute hole and onto the sheets, usually also doesn’t mind cleaning you up himself. he’s messy and likes the thought of your juices coming together on his tongue.
࿏ panties: whenever you two are apart for longer than two days, he makes sure to ask for a pair of your used oanties so he can bury his nose in the fabric when he fucks his fist, man’s just obsessed with you and your pussy.
࿏ tits? ass? thighs?: he’s all of the above tbh. his favorites are definitely thighs but he can’t help taking your pretty tits into his mouth and your ass into his big hands when he’s balls deep buried inside of your cute cunt
࿏ nicknames he uses: pretty angel (girl), princess, baby, honey girl, darling and my love
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thegoldensundreamer · 3 months
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Love At Last
Onyankopon x black!reader
Warnings: exes, use of n word, squirting, fingering (f receiving), eating out (f receiving)
Word Count: 6.2k
He was a little older than me. A junior, and I, a sophomore. In college, you only had two focuses: have fun and study, and truthfully it helped me. No matter what anyone told me I had control to do whatever I wanted in life and didn't want anyone's opinions on how I'd be living it.
Honestly, that's what made my other ex's love me and even some, hate me.  But I mean it wasn't like he was always putting his expectations too high for me. Onyankopon just wanted to see me as my best self. When we broke up and I told him the reason as to why I couldn't do it anymore, it all really didn't make sense. I wanted to tell myself that I knew the reason as to why he was just so terrible but subconsciously I knew I didn't. And it was hard for me these past months. Really hard. I been seeing him on campus like a thousand times and he just keeps getting more beautiful and glowin like the sun.
He's the head of his team now and it never helps me that he didn't ever have any girls he just messed around with. Especially bonding and having a real relationship with his exes. Including me. And Its painful seeing him just living his life and me not hating him for any reason because he is really a great guy. So whenever I see him I make sure to shift my eyes to the complete opposite direction of where his head is at. Or even cover my face with a book or a water bottle to not have that awkward walk past. But I kind of wish he chased after me... and although I know its selfish I'm just as confused as when I left that boy. But I guess we all just have to move on.
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
"The assignment is still due this Sunday at 11:59 on Blackboard. I don't want any emails, text messages, or conversations next class about an extension. Period."
I honestly think Professor Rodriguez is tweaking now. No excuses? What if someone is sick or something?
The whole class groans as we pack all of our stuff. I mean, it's just a paper so I'm not tripping or anything. I just got to make sure to do it before the Que party this weekend. There's never been a problem before so I don't think I have anything to worry about.
Me and my girls have been planning to go to one of the Que parties we keep infamously hearing about. It's always wild, lit, and memorable till you graduate. All of a sudden when you get that degree they don't exist no more because you don't want no one to know of the hoe tales.
I haven't been to one of their parties yet, but Im excited. I haven't been outside in a while especially since I ended things with Ony. A few kickbacks here and there were going on this past semester for me but that's about it. I like being inside just as much or even more than I like being out.
When I walk down the university building, I put in my headphones ready to blast some Sexyy Red. That woman music got something in it I swear.
"I'm looking for the hoooesssss" I mouth to myself while I nod my head. Shit, I forgot how hard that bass goes. As I bob my head I can't remotely hear the voice behind me trying to catch my attention.
It was Jaden, one of Ony’s teammates, and he's also in Professor Rodriquez class. He gave up calling my name and just let me go.
•••
When I finally left the building and head to my car I instantly switch my music over to the Bluetooth aux and look at my assignment before I pull off. You see... he assigned it to us last Friday and I for real have just been procrastinating till now. I would say my time management is usually really good but its not.
"Ok so I got to just write about 500 words. I could do this tonight no problem."
I put down my phone and start adjusting my rear view mirror only to find light grey clouds of the day turning darker grey. I really hope it don't storm when I'm on the road.
Driving out of the lot and onto the highway, I continue blasting my hoochie playlist. Shrugging at the random pain in my heart I'm feeling, I call one of my girls talking about how much I think this party gon cut all my feelings from Ony and revive the party girl in me.
Im pulling into my apartment complex excited . I haven't been this joyous to go to a party in a while. The mere thought of shaking ass is bringing me serotonin. Just a sweet release of stress. Plus, it's Friday and the party is Saturday night so I'm definitely geeking.
When I stumble up the steps right before the entrance to my residence giddy and jovial, looking for my key, I slightly looked up. The scream in my head is definitely showing me how much I'm not over this feeling in my heart.
I stopped my movement and fought the urge to back step all the way back into my car and hide. I'm not sure why hes here at this time. It's 5:30 which isn't late for real but just a bit confusing enough to make you question why the hell someone is at your door uninvited. Especially since its here. At my apartment. And it's him. With his aura and skin glistening like oil on a hot body.
He was in some black muscle shirt with matching jogger pants. Shyly smiling at me at first but then noticing my expression, he looked down at the state of his body and cringed before looking back in my eyes. Clearly embarrassed. "Sorry you seeing me like this, I just came from practice so I'm still a little sweaty"
I secretly moaned in my head. He looks so good I had to catch my breath and his voice is still captivating up to now. I still can't forget the way he used to t-
I'm getting sidetracked. Let me regain this composure.
"Is there something you need?" I quietly ask. This is no good. The whole point is out of sight out of mind. You know how you want to block somebody on everything and really go out of your way to not see them in person so you won't have to think about them or double back? Well I feel like I'm breaking that right now. It's not my fault sure but the shame still feels the same.
Ony pulls out an object from his pocket. A white, slightly long but thin figure. He looks at it for a moment before looking up at me again and holding it up.
"I came here to give this to you. Im pretty sure it's yours. At least that's what Jaden said."
I squint my eyes in confusion at what he was holding and hurriedly looked through my tote bag to find that I did not have my Apple Pencil for my iPad.
So that's why he's here.
Apple pencils are expensive so I'm not mad. I would've been more upset if I only figured out I dropped it when I got inside and tried to start my paper. But how did he even get it?
He reached his arm out as I began to walk up to him for my pencil. I thanked him for bringing it to me and awkward silence overtook the little rain droplets that noted the thunderstorm about to take place.
Our hands touched ever so slightly as I grabbed my missing pencil. I withdrew immediately and he did the same faintly after. After a few long seconds, he broke the silence.
"Jaden gave it to me at the locker rooms after practice. He said he tried to give it to you after class but couldn't catch up or something so I guess he just wanted me to carry out the deed especially with some paper he mentioned."
I grinned and slightly nodded in understanding, quickly glancing at his eyes before staring at the Apple Pencil. It's strange. He can't really look me in the eye. I mean, I can't either but he's 6'2" so my excuse is good. On top of that, the nonchalance in his tone doesn't sit right with me. It's either he's forcing it or a part of me wants to believe he is just to delude myself that he still cares. It's unfair of me, especially since I probably broke his heart, but it's the real.
"I'll thank Jaden when I see him next class. Thank you for bringing it to me." I quip and walk past him to my door, beginning to find my keys in my bag with the pencil still in hand.
Damn when did I get this shy?
Onys attempt at being nonchalant somewhat was breaking. He stared at the pencil smiling as he spoke and pointed.
"I'm surprised you still have Chowder on there".
I turned my head around, mid-hand in bag. He was referring to the little sticker I had on my ex-missing item. The one that would help me differentiate my pencil from everyone else's so no one would take it. The one he gave me as a funny gift for the love of our mutual favorite childhood show.
I'm surprised he still remembers these little details about me. About us.
"Well it's still my favorite show. I don't think that's ever going to change." I giggle looking back for my keys.
It's hard to do this. To face him. How do people talk to their exes? This isn't even my first but damn. Now my minds all over the place with him and us all over it. All those memories we share. Good and bad.
I stop fiddling in my bag and spoke under my breath with the same thought, caught up in the idea.  "I'm surprised you still remember." I mumbled to myself.
I can feel his presence and his eyes on me, not exactly sure what his actions are. But his voice speaks up with a small sense of fervor in his tone. Something undeniably him. The tone I always craved since it left me.
"Y/n, you can't tell me you don't call to mind how Ive remembered every single thing I've been blessed to learn about you"
I still my hands from roaming once again after I found my keys. At this point, I don't know what's going on. But as I motion my mouth to find what to say a grand lightning bolt flashed down from the sky, hitting somewhere nearby. Thunder that sounded like an earthquake erupted, immediately pouring heavy rain down with it. With that, we instantaneously saw lampposts shut off. All electricity in the area immediately being gone in an instant.
"Ain't no way" I groaned. I can't believe this. I look around at all of the dark areas surrounding the complex except for the emergency lights powered from the generator. Putting my keys in the door, I heavily sigh opening up my residence.
Slowly walking in to the dim natural light from the blinds I turn around to Onyankopon, standing still at the doorstep, and tell him he can come in.
"Are you sure? My car is all good and everything I can still drive."
"In this storm?" I ask raising my eyebrow. I rolled my eyes, "You not gon get nowhere the way this storm going right now. It's fine. Plus, your place is probably out of electricity too."
He nods, "Well thanks, I really appreciate it" He awkwardly steps into the 3 bedroom apartment. My girls usually have class during this time last I checked so we're the only ones here.
I grab some candles to light across my home hoping for some sort of spark to brighten up the place.
Once I withdrew a breath and looked around, the rooms seemed to be lit up enough comfortably outside of the insanely romantic essence it gave off. I stood up from where I was crouched by the living room table where I made eye contact with him sitting up on the couch.
"Soooo could I get you anything?" I awkwardly stand there and he's just sitting... menacingly.
Ugh who am I kidding he looks so geeked out right now.
"It's honestly fine. Once the storm passes I'll be right out forreal you don't have to go through any trouble." He laughs.
With that in mind I obliged and went to my room setting up my laptop and iPad with my now found Apple Pencil. Since the electricity's gone that means I shouldn't have any distractions on focusing on my work.
"Right y/n, focus on the goal. It don't matter that your ex is in the other room. Get on your zoom!" Mumbling to myself  as I type in my username to blackboard to view the rubric.
"What the-"
Shit. Of course blackboard and the wifi is down too if all the electricity is out.
As I groan and leave my room to get a glass of water, I'm getting Ony one too. Seeing him roaming on his phone and placing the glass in front of him on the table I sit on the sofa opposite of him.
He looks up from his phone, "You did not have to do this", he began to grin to himself as he lifted the cup and started to drink.
As I began to speak we both got a notification.
ALL UNIVERSITY STUDENTS: ELECTRICITY IS DOWN ON CAMPUS AND ON AND OFF CAMPUS HOUSING DUE TO A SEVERE WEATHER STORM. MORE UPDATES WILL COME SOON. CURRENTLY, AN ESTIMATION OF 3 HOURS WILL BE NEEDED TO REPAIR DAMAGES TO ELECTRICAL UNITS.
"Fuck" I groaned.
"You're not gonna be able to finish that paper huh?" He questioned.
"No and it's due Sunday. I was hoping to knock it out today before the weekend really starts. I don't need to procrastinate anymore than I already have."
"Oh trust me I remember." He laughed. "I can help yknow. There's nothing else we can do here."
"On what though? Blackboard is down."
"Not google docs or notes app though." He smiled, "As long as you know what you're supposed to write about you're set."
"But I like looking at the rubric when I write to make sure my grades solidified"
"I'm hearing a lot of excuses misses honors student. If you wanted to do it you would at this point. Plus, my specialty is writing papers so I can definitely help"
I remember oh so well. This reminds me of when I procrastinated on a paper last semester the weekend before it was due just like this one and we stayed up till 3 AM writing it. So many laughs and double shot espressos from that time. His specialty really is writing essays and all sorts of papers. That assignment was 5000 words and we started the Saturday and still got an A.
"Shit, why not. It's only 500 words anyway" I joke.
He smiled and we got to work. The first hour went by like nothing. It felt like old times. 200 words were typed but the only thing holding us back was that I actually need to have proper cited sources. Professor Rodriguez do not play around either so it's been a painstaking amount of time trying to find anything with no internet and a on and off personal hotspot.
As Ony and I sit next to each other working on the paper, he lifts up his glass and it accidentally slipped out of his hands onto the table.
"Ah damn I'm so sorry. Let me-"
"No it's cool." I put down my laptop and got up to get a paper towel. When I sat back down and handed the paper towel to him our hands touched again. That once jovial, funny and somewhat relaxed mood we had was now gone. We're exes. This isn't what exes do. We're not friends.
But shit we were . That was exactly what we were like before we started anything or knew there was something there. Even during our relationship we felt just like this at times too. Where the hell did we go? Why did I let us go?
The awkward touch we had became more intimate as I decided to gently grab his hand. The eye contact he made was confused but willing. It spoke "why haven't you done this all this time while I'm right here?" Or at least that's what I think.
Our hands interlocked letting go of the paper towel at this point. Eye contact on something serious as we ask questions to each other with them. As I began to lean down on the couch, Ony couldn't stop staring between my eyes and my lips. He eventually and quickly took the dive, trying not to lose the moment. Embers burned and flowed through the air as he began to shift from my power to his. He embarked on leaning my back onto the couch rather than his. Hands splayed in my locs and taking small breaks to breathe before going back in.
Small moans escape my mouth as he's working me. Kisses pressed on my lips were coming down my chin... then my neck as he suckled on my skin. His hands roamed my body slowly. One on the side of my stomach nearing my ass and the other beginning to feel my breast under my shirt. At this point, he's starting to get more vocal, groaning and whispering sweet nothings along my body.
"You know how much I've missed you y/n. How much I've missed this pretty face... this pretty body... and this pretty pussy" he hissed one kiss after another. "Is this all ok? If you're not fine with this of course I'll stop. Tell me what you want."
His asking for consent was always so sexy and those words... damn I missed him and this.
I looked at his lust blown eyes as he looked up to mine from my stomach as he briefly stopped from going lower and lower.
"I want you Q. I'm all yours." My composure is definitely done at this point. He's got me right now.
"Don't worry. You know I will always take care of you." He slurred, slowly sliding my bottoms and panties down and kissing my inner thighs before locking them in his arms. It's been a while since I've been in this position and I've missed it since forever ago.
Slow pecks from my thighs came closer and closer to the apex of them. He must could tell how nervous I was since his thumbs gently rubbed where they laid at to comfort me. Im in love with the way they feel on me.
"So as you can see I do have some hair ri-"
He side eyed me. "Y/n I'm a grown ass man. You know I like my peaches with some fuzz on it. Now can I have my dinner please?"
He can get so forward like this it's making me shy. I rolled my eyes and laid my head back. I never thought I'd be in this predicament.
"Good girl. Just stay just like that baby."
He nestled his lips on my bundle, wrapping them on to gently suck at a slow and smooth pace. His rhythm was gradually fastening and shortly, his lips unattached from my clit to lap at the bundle once more flicking his tongue. He remembers. He always remembers what I like.
Beginning to close my legs from the sensation, he parts me once again lapping at my cunny fervently. Like some undying need that he can't let go. As a "punishment" for me not taking it, he inserts a finger and then a second to make me break even more than I already am.
I plead and moan, "Ony, baby, I'm leaking"
I can barely control my body now. My breath getting fainter as I breathe heavy.
"Good. You know that's what I want." He keeps pumping. Squelching ensues as he becomes infatuated with his doing. "Look at that shit. All for me huh" He asks looking at my fucked out face.
I disappointedly moan when his fingers leave me but he swipes my essence from its trail and sucks his fingers while maintaining eye contact with me. I whimper and squeeze at the sight.
I guess he wanted to finish the job though. I tried to reach over to slip my hand in his boxers just for him to grab my wrist and pin both of my hands down to finish what he started.
It's always like a switch in him when he's like this. So different from the sweet Onyankopon from everyday that everyone knows. So nasty. I love it. I miss it.
He mischievously watches me. "You feel this?" I moan as he pumps his fingers back in me. I roll my eyes to the back of my head and he chuckles. "I'm gonna take that as a yes. Let me make you cum, princess."
He lowered his head down again as he continued pumping into me. Licking a stripe up my honey and continuing the mess he was creating previously. Languid strokes of his tongue were hitting me just right and my moans started turning to desperate whimpers.
Building me up for a while, he then dipped his muscle into my pussy and interchanging with his fingers, curling them with each stroke. His other hand left my thigh and his thumb began rubbing my clit. Faster and faster he went I started to find my stomach tensing and the air becoming hard to breathe.
In between heavy pants I slip out "O, stop, I'm gonna make a mess!" my eyes rolling to the back of my head and legs lifting and coming together.
He didnt stop and pinned me down pressing on my lower stomach. My moans became octaves higher and higher. He lifted his head from my cunny, "you gon take it and make a mess all over my face. Don't hold back nothing."
With that, he continued his ministrations. My grip on his hair became as tight as it could as I could feel my voice go weak. My legs began to shake as clear liquid lightly sprayed out onto his face and a white ring began to form on his fingers. My pants were beginning to rapidly slow down as I came down from my high, un loosening the death grip I had on his head.
He came back up kissing my cheek then licking my essence off his face and fingers, "Always taste so good." Proceeding to take a rag from my bedroom to clean me up and carrying me to my bed.
Before we even got the chance to speak about what happened, my eyes fell. A nap took over both of us and hours that felt like minutes rolled by.
His arm around me as we slept on our sides felt  like old times. Like something right that I just ripped away from my body. It's so comfortable.
After a dream I couldn't remember, I wake up in a daze, looking behind me to see him knocked out and his arm still around my waist.
Gently moving it off of me, I slowly get up and walk to the bathroom.
"Shit I might as well take a shower"
To be honest, none of this has settled in my head yet. My ex boyfriend who I'm clearly not over in my bedroom after being nasty on the couch is sleeping on my bed... crazy. Real fanfiction kind of shit.
Pushing the light switch up, I notice the bulb illuminate the room. Thank the Lord almighty. I put on my shower cap and get in. I feel myself let go of a breath I didn't know I had when the hot water hits my skin.
This is insane. I shouldn't be hooking up with my ex. I cut it off for a reason... I think. It's gotta be this way for the both of us so nobody gets hurt.
"Bitchhhh" I think to myself in the shower holding my head.
Leaving the bathroom with my towel on, I see my ex looking over at me from his phone, arm now holding his head up to stare me up  and down in awe.
"It's been a while since I seen this view"
I cut my eyes and stand in front of him on my bed. "Look we need to talk- " and my head turned immediately when I heard the front door of the apartment open. Thankfully, my room doors closed, but my girls walked in the apartment gossiping when they called out my name to have our daily debrief of the day.
I cuss at myself and know they probably see the cups of water, candles, and his shoes at the door as they fell silent. Whispering to themselves with words I couldn't make out,  I eventually hear a knock at my door.
I looked at Ony, mortified with a finger to my lips, then took a deep breath, opening the door so they can only see me still in my bath robe.
"Heyyy" I greeted with the awkwardest get out and don't make this weird smile I know.
"Hey mookie, we just wanted to check on you and see if you're good with the electricity going off and everything earlier." One of them said, clearly peeking inside my bedroom to see who's here, eyes widening that it was him before he could move himself. She gave me a look and I gave her one back like we telepathic or something.
"Girl yknow I'm good, just trying to finish this paper" I say hoping she takes the message that I know she's getting from me right now.
"Yeah I'm sure it's realll hard" She said acting like a real smart ass.
With a few more exchanges they go to their rooms to settle down for the night. After hearing both of their doors close I rush back to my room.
"Yeah, you gotta go" picking up his clothes and pushing them to his chest.
"But-"
"Look, I wish there was a better time to talk, but you have to go. This... is strange. We broke up. There's a reason why this ended. I know it was probably stupid of me to let you stay here during the storm, but this wasnt my intention." Pointing at the both of us.
I picked his arm up before he could get a word out to reason with me, clothes just tussled onto his body. If he sweet talks me again I really might not double back this time.
We get to the door and with the least amount of strength he has, he turns his body towards me and gently grabs my hand before I could open the door placing it back by my side.
"Y/n...why are you letting go of us... again? This still doesn't make sense and you know that."
I still. I remember this feeling... this sense of regret. But just like last time, I can't tell if it's the wrong choice or because I don't want to let go.
In truth, Ony feels... familiar. He'll always feel like a memory and I don't want to get too comfortable in his light of nostalgia. He brought such a level of solace in my life that I never wanted to replace. It was even more so after we became official....I don't want to become stagnant because of it. I have my own dreams, my own endeavors, and my own goals that I want to reach. It would be so easy to be a trophy wife to him... and he'd gladly let me. As a woman, I don't want that to be the tell all be all of my life when I know that I had a life before him. I didn't know if I could escape from it then and I definitely don't know now. That's the real reason why I keep shutting him out and probably why we broke up... but he can't know that.
"Because I know we won't end well. We're two different people Ony and this idea that you can just up and think everything is picture perfect for us has to stop now"
He looks in my eyes with such disappointment, then slight anger as his eyebrows pushed together. He opened his mouth to speak again but thought about it and decided not to, closing his eyes in the process. With a heavy huff from his chest, he looked at my eyes one last time for the night before turning away and leaving the complex.
When I shut the door, My girls came out immediately like paparazzi.
"You were over him huh?" One of them snarled at me. "It don't seem that way to me love. Maybe you shouldn't even go to the party tomorrow."
I looked down at the ground and they both took notice of my state. We all went to my bedroom and I explained everything that happened tonight. Their eyes looked at mine with frustration and awe. I held my head knowing their reaction just like they've been telling me for the past 3 months.
"You are not over that boy y/n"
"I think you're confused"
And they're right. I am. But I tell them the same thing I told them every time.
"But when he makes it to the league, what am I going to do? Wag my tail like a dog after him and have niggas tell me that I want his money or that I don't have half his talent for anything like them bitches was saying when we were together? And what if he cheats? He gon have hella girls at his disposable and I'll be feeling stupid like  "I really wasted my time on this nigga". Y'all know how much I love Ony and I was just getting over him too. This is for the best for me right now y'all know that"
They gave each other a look and got up to hug me.
"Whatever decision you choose to make girl you know we got you. Just remember to listen to your heart sometimes"
With that, we said our little goodbyes and retired for the night. Ony on my mind, I went to bed.
Waking up, he is still on my mind. Getting my laptop, I tried to continue the paper but had no will power to do so. The whole morning and afternoon felt like that... no volition and all a blur. Wasting away in my bed after the three different times my girls checked up on me throughout the day I just can't escape him. It doesn't help having the daydream engrained of what could've been present with our past. In that same thought, I hear a buzz on my phone, too in tune with the delusional reaction thinking it could be him.
I look at it to see the ticket for the party tonight that one of my girls sent. I groan and get up, finally deciding to start my day and also prepare myself for tonight.
Hype hoochie music is playing on my speaker and I hear Looking For the Hoes again. I'm thinking of how good everything was before all that happened yesterday. Do I even regret it? Am I blocking my blessings?
I can't let a man distract me from my life though. There's a life before and after him and I have to remind myself of that.
Finally finished with my look and it finally being an hour after the party started, me and my girls head out for the wild night we been planning for months.
What I didn't know was that the line would feel like 3 miles long and realizing we need our ID when we're finally 5 feet before the security. Why are parties this complicated? I don't know. But luckily we all at least have pictures of our ID and got in.
When we step foot into the party, the first thing we see is purple lights illuminating the entire venue. People are scattered everywhere and in every other corner we see the Ques barking and hopping to their stroll.
"Lawd have mercy" one of my homegirls say in love with the ques. Me and the other laugh and roll our eyes.
After some time just standing, we decided to find a small table and sit down with our small get ups. Our drinks from the pregame were starting to kick in after 10 minutes and we were laughing our ass off drunk when we hear "Girl the way you move it got me in a trance-", and that was it. All of us pulled each other to the dance floor and start to turn up. I'm throwing ass on my home girl and catching from the other.
I needed this. Seriously. I forgot how fun it is to be outside in the streets. Seconds later, we hear a scream and laugh from a girl and gasp from the crowd. One of the Ques picked up a girl and started acting like he was eating her out.
We all looked at each other with our jaws dropped. Ain't no wayyyyy. They were not lying bout it getting wild.
Right behind where I see the spotlight shining, about 30 feet away, I saw a face I didn't think I'd see at all. Just as his eyes set in on the scene before him he also saw my eyes and we made eye contact for a brief second.
I turned my body so fast that I almost knocked my home girl over. In the middle of her fussing me out she asked what happened. Naturally, I told her that Ony is at the party.
"Why is a nigga at a Que party is the real question though?"
"Girl unimportant can we please move somewhere else"
We all move to a separate section of the party venue. This can not happen. I'm drunk and I been dancing? I can not see or be around that man right now.
Before I could even get the nightmare out my head, I hear a "Y/n" near my head. I turn around mouth slightly agape to see him once again. Even finer in his put together party get up than his athlete clothes from yesterday. My mind all caught up in him just like last time I'm in a blur of what he's actually saying to me.
"Y/n, why are you here right now?" He whispers yells in my ear from the loud music blasting from the speakers.
I look to my left and right and my homegirls dashed off like the road runner... traitors.
Looking at him once again, eyes low from the drink in my system I ask, "Ony, why would it matter to you? I'm not your girl and you not my man. We single. The real question is why you're at a Que party." Remembering what my homegirl had said to bite back at him.
He fixes his face, his tongue poking at the inside of his cheek looking at me clearly frustrated. Just looking at his face he can't leave me alone. Sorry that's just drunk me talking I don't know whats on his mind.
"Y/n, why the hell you been drinking so much? Don't you got a paper to finish?"
"Ony you are not my daddy get up out my face!" I yell at him. "I'm out here having fun with my girls trying to get over YOUR ASS so why can't you just mind yo business!" Oops. My eyes widened, that last part wasn't supposed to come out. Fuck.
Shit, how did he react to that?
Without time for me to look up and see his face or even hear him utter a word, he has my hand in his and leading me somewhere and fast. I'm trying to keep up but it's kind of hard to have good foot and direction coordination in a party like this and off my ass.
With all of the movement feeling like a blur, I found both of us outside of the party venue from some back door. It's slightly raining by the building and the night sky showed a bright orange street light that was our only light source.
He takes off his jacket and puts it over my shoulders to warm me. It's a bit cold. What a gentleman.
"Y/n ... what did you say?"
He stares directly in my eyes with a sense of fervency and hope. One that I can't deny now.
Part 2?
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Authors Note: Hi y'all! I haven’t written fanfic in soooo long but never stopped reading lmao. I loveeee this one so much. It’s Literally the best fic ive done period thus far. I’m trying to think if I should start writing again fr esp for my fictional anime men.
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