#this one is kind of depressing whoops lol

[ohbother2]

Tha hazbin hotel brainrot is so strong, your writing is so good im kicking feet hsujsjsn

May i request a Lucifer X reader where they are pining so badly for each other and ends up in a situation where they are very close to one another? Like the classic " oh shit we're stuck in a small space together and so close" or "whoops tripped and fell now I'm pinning you down and panicking" kind of thing but it's really all up to you <3 and then they end up just full on making out lol, cause yearning,,

(I simply need making out fics with the short king he's taking over my brain😭)

Thanks for requesting!! I had a lot of fun with this one :) Hope you enjoy! Also, I only realised when I went to post this that this ask didn't specify a f!reader, but I thought it did so just a warning for you guys. It's not too specific but... not entirely gender neutral.

This probably borderlines smut, so... minors DNI.

Lucifer x f!reader

PART II

You had been Lucifer's secretary for many years now, joining him just after the disappearance of his ex-wife Lilith when he had decided he needed more help with his duties. You had been there for some of the worst years of his life, assisting him through the highs and lows of being the King of Hell, had seen him at his worst, and at his best. You had helped guide him from the deepest depths of depression, and for that he was eternally grateful, batting away the darkness with a smile enchanting enough to light up the dingiest corners of Hell. He truly didn't know what he would do without you, and today that was evermore apparent.

It had been a long day, and Lucifer found himself sat at his large desk, dark bags sitting heavy underneath his tired and bloodshot eyes, jacket and hat discarded and head resting in his hands as he tried to focus on the mountains of paperwork scattered along his ornate desk. He had been stuck in this position for hours, and he could feel his back creak and something in his neck twinge whenever he shifted. He truly desired nothing more than to crawl into bed, but he had duties that he couldn't just abandon.

A soft knock at his door signals your presence, and only his gaze lifts when you enter, tray in hand and that familiar comforting smile adorned on your rosy lips. Your smile morphs into something more fond as you approach the hunched man, who runs his hands through his disheveled locks and leans back in his plush chair, hands rubbing at the tiredness of his eyes and dragging down his cheeks. He looked tired, he looked weary, his waistcoat unbuttoned, his shirt wrinkled and rolled to his elbows, blonde locks falling across his forehead. You always loved when he looked a little disheveled, appreciating his strong forearms that flexed as he clenched his hands into his hair. It was more rugged than he ever let himself look in any other situation, and you couldn't get enough. You had to fight a frown at seeing how utterly exhausted he was, however, not enjoying the darkness encircling his bright eyes. He didn't hide these things from you, he had no need to; you wouldn't threaten his power at seeing this display of weakness, you would just smile and offer reassurance, appearing with a cup of steaming tea to quell his nerves.

"Good evening, sir." You place the tray against the edge of the desk, trying not to disturb any of the numerous documents that lay strewn about, though you doubted there was any system to the disarray.

"'Evening." He leans further back in his chair, watching you tiredly as you shuffle some of his papers to the side. "How many times do I need to tell you not to call me that? We're good friends, 'Your Royal Highness' is more than fine.''

"Apologies, 'Your Majesty'." You attempt a curtsy, though that was hard with the tight pencil skirt you had chosen to wear today. He laughs at your efforts, taking the steaming tea from your hands with a grateful nod, sighing as the scolding liquid reaches his lips.

"You're marvellous, you know? I don't know what I'd do without you."

"I brought you some tea." You back-hand his compliment away, as you always did, gaze turning to try and decipher some of his scrawling writing. You always found it easier to fight away the blush rising to your cheeks by confusing yourself with his work, that method hadn't failed you yet.

"You're here on a Friday night, looking after some tired old sod, when I'm sure you had many potential plans to go to." His gaze travels up from your hip that you had propped against the desk to tidy some books, up past the curve of your waist, the swell of your chest, gaze lingering a little too long on the collarbone that peaked from beneath your blouse, before finally resting on your face. He stares again, sipping slowly from his cup, far too long for a boss to appreciate an employee, mapping the curve of your brows, the light downturn of your lips as you tried to read something on the desk, the way your hair cascaded around your features. He was tired, he usually controlled himself better. "I wish you'd take a weekend off some time."

Your gaze finally returns to him, satisfied with the state of his desk and you lean back, both hands gripping the desk ledge. "Hypocritical coming from you, don't you think? When did you last have a weekend off?"

"Hmm," He hums, finishing his drink and placing it onto his desk. He rolls his neck in an effort to rid of the crick that was increasingly bothering him. You notice, you frown. "If I am nothing else, call me a hypocrite. You should be out - I don't want to see you here tomorrow night, I want to see you on Sunday morning with a horrendous hangover and stories to tell me."

You laugh, the King of Hell instructing you to go and shirk off your responsibilities and get smashed? Only Lucifer would tell an employee that.

"We both know that won't happen." You grin, taking the opportunity to reach forward and push some of his blonde locks back from his forehead, attempting to push them back into their usual immaculate style. He swallows tightly as you do, having to fight himself from leaning into your touch. You were so gentle, and that fond smile remained etched onto your face as you did so, and God he wanted you to keep caressing his face until he fell asleep right then and there. "Come on now Luci, this place would fall apart without me."

"I can cope one day without you." He bluffs, leaning heavily onto his right armrest and closer to you, legs crossing as he fully relaxes - work didn't matter right now, you did.

"You're so sure?" You shift your stance, and he notices in his peripheral how your tight skirt lifted slightly, exposing more of your milky thigh.

"Not at all." His confidence in the statement has you laughing lightly, the King of Hell grinning up at you and admitting how royally screwed he would be without you. "In fact, I'd probably be dead the next time you walked into work. But wouldn't that be a fun story?"

"I would much rather you be alive." You slowly leave your position leant against the desk, deciding enough was enough as he winces again and rubs at a sore spot in his neck. "I do quite enjoy your company, you know."

Your hands suddenly fall against his shoulders, and he lurches in his seat, shrinking away from the cold pads of your fingers that pressed delicately against either of his shoulder blades.

"Uh-" His voice is uncharacteristically high pitched, and he has to clear his throat to stop it from breaking embarrassingly. "Y/N, what are you-" His fingers grip at his thighs as your fingers move, pressing firmly against his worn muscles. Oh heavens, that felt good.

"You've been rubbing your neck since I walked through the door." You explain, completely focussed on your task at hand and unaware of the red hue that was steadily growing on Lucifer's rosy cheeks. "You need to give yourself a break."

This was rather a bold move from yourself, but you were nothing if not opportunistic. That's how you landed this job in the first place. Your hands work steadily, finally reaching the centre of his back and gliding your thumbs up his spine, up the centre of his neck, and directly into the base of his skull. His head rocks forward lightly at the movement and he groans at the action. You continue to work at his neck, and he remains sat, eyes closed tightly, clawed hands nearly tearing through his own trousers, bruising his own thighs, feeling as though he were back in Heaven. He could feel how close you were, the heat of your body wafting across his neck and shoulders as you worked, and he had to concentrate immensely to control the sounds that wanted to escape his throat. He had nearly combusted on the spot when he had audibly groaned, but you hadn't commented on it, for which he was eternally grateful.

After several minutes, that both felt like an eternity of torture and mere seconds of bliss for Lucifer, you pull your hands back, finishing with one final carding of your fingers through the short tufts of hair at his nape. His eyes open blearily at the loss of contact, blinking heavily as he watches you gather the tray into your arms, adorning his empty cup, and a stack of paperwork.

"Y/N what are you- absolutely not, leave those here." He reaches for the papers now stacked on your tray, and you lift it higher out of his reach unless he stood. He realises his dilemma, firmly rooted into his seat unless he wanted to make an incredibly embarrassing and inappropriate reveal.

"It's only the menial stuff I do sometimes." You step away from the desk slowly, heels clicking as you go. "Besides, it's barely made a dent. I'll have them finished and with you tomorrow morning."

"You should be sleeping." He warns, leaning his elbows against his desk and watching you leave.

"No no." You mock, pausing with a hand on the handle to the door. "We should be up and having fun, making embarrassing stories to share tomorrow. I, for one, can't wait to hear about the hilarious tales of Lucifer and his mountains of paperwork. I'll make sure my story is juicy, these accounting papers are always full of gossip." You lie plainly, and Lucifer shakes his head with a grin.

"Thank you." He calls as you open the door. "I mean it."

"I always have you to thank for a wild Friday night." You grin, finally leaving through the door you had entered from with a bow of your head.

Lucifer sinks into his seat, sighing heavily as the room plunges into silence once again. He stares at the papers that still littered his desk - you had lied, you had taken a sizeable amount. Your presence had helped, and your fingers had fully relaxed the tight muscles in his back and neck, and he felt immensely better than he had mere minutes before. However, you had created an entirely new problem. He shifts at the uncomfortable tightness to his trousers, hands dragging through his hair as he thought, hard. There was no point sitting here if he wasn't able to focus. He raises from his seat, cursing his inability to man up and just tell you how he felt.

Bathroom first, and then he would focus on his paperwork.

---

A month later, Lucifer had been in charge of organising a fancy ball with some incredibly important guests - the 7 Sins of Hell and a smattering of other Royal households, as well as general persons of influence from all 7 rings. The event was to be held in the Pride ring, and as soon as it had been organised he had practically pleaded with you to attend. You hadn't been able to go to the previous events, being stuck in the Pride ring due to your human-soul. Lucifer had been ecstatic when he realised you could attend, and had nearly cried when you had agreed to go with him. Not as a date, no, definitely not, but as friends.

"We're late!" Your voice shouts as you hurry through the door to Lucifer's office, heels in one hand and your purse in the other. Your eyes land on Lucifer, who was stood fiddling with his tie in front of a mirror on the wall, forked tongue stuck out as he concentrated. "Luci, the driver's outside."

"I know, I know." He stresses, finishing off his tie and attempting to smooth down the lapels of his jacket, finally turning towards you as he arranged his cuff sleeves. "It's fine, he'll w-wait-" He stutters as his eyes finally land on you, pupils widening significantly as he forces out "for us."

You never really dolled yourself up that much, usually wearing typical office attire, and sometimes even wearing casual clothes if you were in the office particularly late. Tonight, you had gone full out - you pretended it was because of the nerves about being around such powerful figures in Hell, in reality, you wanted to impress Lucifer, you likely wouldn't get another opportunity to doll yourself up so much again, and you wanted to make the most of it. Even if nothing happened, you wanted to prove you could be just as beautiful as the Overlords and Royalty he frequented.

As you stand, hesitantly, reapplying your rouge lipstick with your small compact mirror and fluffing your hair, Lucifer stands star-struck, eyes glued to your figure. You wore an elegant black velvet dress that clasped around the back of your neck. The elegant midnight coloured dress hugged your torso tightly, and Lucifer's gaze hovered heavily. The fabric was tight and emphasised your curves, with the neckline dipping down sinfully low and exposing the rivulet between your breasts, a beautiful ruby jewel hanging from a silver chain right between the valley of your breasts, the dress cinched tightly at your waist and fell elegantly from your hips. He could see one of your smooth legs from a slit in the side of the dress. You close the mirror and pop it back into your silver purse, smiling brightly at the stunned man.

"My- Y/N you look stunning." Lucifer compliments, leaning back against his desk as he finishes clasping his cuff links. "A vision. Dare I say, I'll be having to fight away the suitors all evening."

You blush furiously, thankful for the makeup that covered your cheeks. He pauses, swallowing thickly as you bend down to begin fastening your shoes.

"Please stay away from Asmodeus."

You laugh as you continue to fiddle with your shoes, glancing up at him as you tie the clasp. "You flatterer. Should I expect to see you pulling these moves on all the girls there tonight?"

You jest, but Lucifer is so enraptured by you he cannot help but feel insulted you would even think he would entertain the notion of other women. He speaks quietly, watching you struggle to gain your balance as you try and put on the other heel. "Not at all."

He didn't know what compelled him to do it, maybe it was the way you wobbled as you tried to get into your second shoe, likely it was the fact he'd already had two glasses of wine to quell his nerves, but before he realises it he's kneeling in front of you and grasping your ankle in a feather-light grip.

You freeze as his hands replace your own, sliding your foot easily into your heel as your hand comes to rest on his shoulder to regain your balance. He works slowly, gently fixing the clasp of your elegant heel, head turning up towards you and smiling up at you. Your breath catches in your throat, Lucifers hands resting against your ankle and calf, disarming you with a charming smile and lidded eyes, and kneeling directly in front of you. His hand slides up your calf as he lets you go, standing back to his full height easily, now a little shorter than you with your heels properly on.

"T-Thank you." You breathe, fixing the slit of your dress that had become creased. Your own hands reach forward, straightening his tie and smoothing down his collar. "You look very handsome yourself."

He smiles, self-satisfied, as you fix his collar, and then immediately schools his expression to hide his awe-struck grin when he realises you were actually looking at him. "Thank you, thank you." He chirps, cane materialising in his left hand and twirling it, trying to distract himself from how close you were, and how absolutely beautiful you looked. "I think we'll make quite an entrance. Don't you?" He offers you his right arm, and you take it with a grateful nod as you both leave the office and head towards the taxi. "That is, if you manage to walk down all those stairs with those stilts under your feet."

"I'm excellent in heels." You defend, rather enjoying the way your arm brushes against his chest as you walk, the smell of his expensive cologne reaching your nose. "We'll have a problem if you start drinking, you can barely stand straight after a bottle of wine, and I certainly can't carry you home in these heels."

"Oh? You're insulting my drinking skills? What about the time I had to come and collect you from a party I wasn't even invited to, to teleport you home? I could barely understand you through the phone." He clears his throat, raising his voice high and slurring his words mockingly. "Luci- I-I'm not drunk, BUT-"

You whack his shoulder, remembering the night perfectly, and utterly mortified he had had to guide you home after you'd had a few too many. "Shut up, you're no better at holding your drink."

He laughs, and you feel the rumble of his chest against your forearm. "I suppose we'll have to wait and see."

---

It had been several months since the party, and Lucifer was growing increasingly frustrated at his inability to make any sort of move on you. Hell, he hadn't even kissed your hand, which was something he had had to do to more people than he could count. He was desperate to make his feelings known, and yet was utterly paralysed whenever the opportunity arose for him to express them. It didn't help that ever since his stunt with your heel, you had become more emboldened with your flirting attempts, but he always doubted whether your words and actions were actually meant flirtatiously, or if he was just romanticising all of your interactions in his own head.

The party had been... uneventful. True to his predictions, Lucifer had been having to whisk you away from attempted suitors all night, and at one point had grown so irate at a particular demon's attempts he had placed a hand at the small of your back and refused to remove it until the demon had thoroughly gotten the point and left the conversation. The event had only made him realise his feelings more for you, being positively furious that he couldn't just tell the other demon's you were his, and to piss off back to whatever Ring they had come from. The next passing months had been nothing short of torture as he grappled with whether to confess, or not.

Despite his wishes, things had carried on as normal, and it was absolutely maddening. He had even spoken to Charlie about his dilemma, but she hadn't been much help, just shrieking at him excitedly through the phone. He had been so desperate he had nearly asked Asmodeus for help, but he had quickly decided against that after remembering some of the stunts he had pulled in their younger years.

Now, he sat back at his desk at 2am, frowning after realising he didn't have all the documents he needed. His hat and jacket were once again discarded, and his sleeves pushed up to his elbows in his signature 'I am having a bad day' fashion.

"Y/N!" He calls, and your head pokes out from a filing cupboard you had been tasked with organising. He smiles at you, a hand running through his hair as he sits back. "Can you please find me the letter we got from Wrath about the expenses for that new armament shop? I think it was sent by a Mr. Pennine."

"Yep!" You chirp, disappearing back into the cupboard with the sounds of shuffling papers increasing. Lucifer scans the document in his hands, patiently awaiting the file.

He hears a thump, and a groan, and he straightens in his chair, trying to see what you were doing.

"I've found it." You emerge, rubbing the base of your spine with a wince. An airy laugh falls form his lips.

"What did you do?"

"It's on a high shelf that I can't reach - I fell trying to climb and get it."

Lucifer laughs properly this time, already beginning to stand from his seat and head towards you, shoulders shaking as he does.

"It's not funny."

"I think you'll find it's hilarious." He grins, walking past you and into the small storage cupboard. "Right, where is it?" He glances around the cupboard with an eyebrow raised. He hated this kind of menial work, and was frankly terrible at locating things within this jumbled mess. "I have no clue how this system works."

"Hmm, filing has never been your strong suit." You hum, appearing behind him, having to press close in the small space. A hand appears in his peripheral, motioning over his shoulder to a shelf even he would have to climb to reach. He sighs, releasing a breath as he places a foot against an unsteady shelving unit.

"Yes, another one of my many limitations. Thankfully you're so good at finding things for me." He grins over his shoulder at you, hauling himself up until he's at eye level with the correct shelf. You stand beneath him, arms outstretched tentatively, just in case.

"If I fall, I fully expect you to save me." He comments, brows furrowed as he sifts through the files, looking for a 'Mr Pennine' to catch his eye. When he does find it, he wafts the document about his head, calling down to your worried expression. "Seems I'm doing a better job than my own assistant."

You cock your head at him, taking a small step back as he readies to climb down. "Truly, don't even know why I'm here sometimes-"

You hear a worrying creak as his foot lands on the next shelf down, and his gaze locks with yours for a mere moment before the shelf breaks and he plummets to the ground. He lands on you with a yell, flattening you against the floor and opposite wall and sprawled across your lap in a heap. The whole cupboard shakes with the fall, and the door slams shut with surprising force, plunging the room into darkness.

Lucifer groans, pushing himself back up onto his knees, rubbing an elbow tenderly as he attempts to stand, back smacking into another shelf as he tries to back up. You groan as well, hunched against the wall and thoroughly winded, not entirely sure what had happened.

"Y/N! I'm so sorry, are you alright?!" Lucifer attempts to bend down to reach you, glowing eyes staring at you through the darkness, but his back smacks against another shelf. He stands there, half-hunched, useless as you try and push yourself to your feet, clinging onto a shelf to haul you upright. He can feel you moving against his legs, the cupboard really not meant to house two bodies, and when you finally stand your body presses far too close to his for comfort. He smacks the cupboard door harshly, hoping that the lock hadn't fully sealed from the outside, but the hinges remain firm. "Oh, fuck." He groans, leaning back against a shelf and staring down at you, one hand still pressed pathetically against the door. "Looks like we're trapped."

You, on the other hand, are unable to see anything except the glowing pair of amber and ruby eyes staring down at you, not possessing the enhanced vision Lucifer did. Your hands search the walls aimlessly, and you attempt to press yourself back into the opposite wall to try and create some space. Despite both of your best efforts, you can still feel the heat emanating from his body, barely inches of space between you. "Can you portal us out?" You question desperately, blinking furiously to try and see more of your surroundings.

"There isn't enough room."

You both plunge into silence, and you wring your hands together nervously. Who would find you? When was the next person scheduled to meet Lucifer? It was 2am, who else would be awake at this time? God, he was so close, you could feel his breath fanning across your forehead and hair. You rub at a saw spot near your temple, having smacked into a shelf during Lucifer's rapid decent.

A hand lands against the side of your face without warning, and you jerk at the unexpected contact in the darkness.

"Sorry!" Lucifer draws his hand back as quickly as he had placed it, returning it to his side and flexing his fingers. "I forget you can't see as well." His hand approaches much more slowly, fingers carding your hair away from your face. "I was just trying to check your head, you hit it pretty hard when I fell on you. When I said I expected you to save me, I didn't mean to sacrifice yourself as my landing pad."

"That's what I'm here for." You joke, missing the contact as he withdraws his hand, satisfied that the skin hadn't broken. "I'm fine, don't worry." You smile despite the darkness, knowing he could see.

"We'll be fine." He assures, though he wasn't sure if he was talking to you or himself, he laughs to himself, trying to dispel the anxiety in his chest. "Someone will find us soon."

You hum, doubting him very much. All you could do was wait.

God-knows how long you had spent in that closet, but it didn't take long before you were unbuttoning the first few buttons of your blouse and complaining about the heat. Lucifer hadn't been his normal chatty self, and instead leant heavily against the shelves behind him, hands gripping at the shelves that ran along either wall to prevent himself from reaching out towards you. You were so close, so warm and smelling so sweat pressed against him, all it would take was an inch of moment, barely a lift of a finger, and he'd be able to pull you close, to draw you towards his chest just like he had dreamed about for years now. It didn't help that you kept shifting your weight from foot to foot, feet aching from the amount of time you had just had to stand still, seemingly completely unaware of the way it made your hip rub against his pelvis.

He was a sweating, panicking mess, and he had twisted his torso uncomfortably, back hunched, to prevent the effects of your movements on him pressing against you. He could see your innocent expression through the darkness, the way your eyes searched blindly in the cramped space, and he wanted nothing more than to reach forward and press his lips against your neck, and not stop until someone found you the next morning.

But, he was a gentleman, and he had control, despite what his body was doing of its own accord, and so he gripped the shelving either side of your head and tried desperately to think about other things.

That was until you tried to lean against the shelf to your left, causing your thigh to rub the slowly growing bulge he had been desperately trying to hide. Lucifer's breath hitches in the darkness.

"Are you okay?" You ask, having picked up on his quickened breathing. You couldn't see him at all despite the amber eyes that flicked around the room incessantly, but you could feel his legs pressing against yours, and you could faintly feel the presence of an arm close to your head. When his amber irises land on you, you have a perfect view of the way they dilate, and you furrow your brows. "Is there something wrong?"

"God, would you stop moving." His voice was tight, straining in his throat as he tried his best to remain composed. He was fully aware you weren't even doing anything, but a love-sick pining man pressed so close up against his crush for so long? Who could blame a man for growing flustered.

You shift, attempting to lean towards him to see what was wrong, but two hands are suddenly on your hips and pushing you away from him and back into the shelf behind you, grip vice-like over the fabric of your trousers. You can feel his ragged breath against your forehead. "Heaven, please stop."

"What are you-" You go to argue, but the way his grip tightens against your hips has you halting. You stare for a moment, and it takes you far too long to put the pieces together in your mind: the dilated pupils, the shaky breaths, the way he pushes you away from his hips. Oh.

"Sir, it's okay-"

"Please stop talking." He practically begs, face a fiery red and really wishing for death right about now. "I'm sorry. It's inappropriate. You keep moving and you're so close. You don't have to work for me again after this, I'll understand-"

"Lucifer," You interrupt his rambling, hands coming to rest atop his own on your hips, sliding them up his forearms and resting atop the junction of his elbow. "you know you're the densest man I've ever met."

No response greets you for a moment.

"I said I'm sorry, you don't have to insult me too."

The hurt in his voice has your face twisting into a sympathetic smile. He really was oblivious.

"I'm insulting you, because there's an opportunity right in front of you, and you're not taking it."

You can hear the way his breathing deepens. "What do you-"

You lean forward, impossibly closer, chest pressing against his own. You can feel the way he gasps at the contact. He still has a hold of your hips, pining them away from him like a man burned.

"I'm going to die." He suddenly blurts, his breaths short and panting. His composure was slipping. "You're going to kill me if you keep doing that."

"I'd much prefer it if you didn't die." One of your hands slides up from his arm to his shoulder, burrowing into the fabric there. A high sound catches in Lucifer's throat, and you grin. "In fact, I'd prefer it if you kissed me like I've been inviting you to for the past few years."

His mind runs blank, nothing but the sound of his heart beat ricocheting between his ears. You wanted this? You wanted him?

"I don't think you understand." He stutters out, arms beginning to end their fight and allowing you to inch closer to him. "I don't want this, I want you. D-Dates-" He falters as your hand travels up his neck to the tufts of hair at the back of his head, gently scratching at his scalp. "and cheesy stuff, not just... filing cupboards."

He'd die if he got to have you only for a few hours, and then had to live the rest of his life returning to mere friendship. He would starve to death.

"It's about time you asked."

"You really want this?" He asks, voice small. His breathing was getting harder.

"Yes." You breathe. "I have for a long time."

That was all the indication he needed, and his lips crashed against yours as his hands enveloped your waist and dragged you flush against him. You gasped at the suddenness, enjoying the feeling of his soft lips atop yours in a delicate, passionate, kiss. One of his large hands remains at the small of your back, keeping you pressed against him as the other travelled up your spine, cradling the back of your head and holding you steady as he presses into you. He groans as your fingers tighten in his hair, both of your hands winding around his neck as you push up into him.

He pulls away for breath, his hot breath fanning your cheeks as he pants. You can see his eyes, half-lidded but impossibly bright, pupils the largest you had ever seen them, staring directly into your own. "Do you have any idea how crazy you've driven me over the past years?" He asks rhetorically, voice low and husky. You don't have a chance to answer before he's kissing you again, a hand gripping at your jaw and neck as he tilts his head, his brows furrowing as he pours all his concentration into the kiss. He kisses like a man starved, like a man who depended on your lungs for oxygen, like a man who would die if he separated for a moment too long. His forked tongue slides against your bottom lip and you open your mouth without question. He licks into your mouth with giddy enthusiasm, groaning into you as his tongue finally slips into your mouth, groaning louder as you submit, tugging at his hair and allowing him to push you back into the door with a thud.

His hand falls from your neck, resuming its place against your hip, thumbs pressing dangerously into your hip bones and pinning you against the wall. You gasp against him as his fingers inch their way beneath the bottom of your blouse, pressing harshly into your supple skin as he sucks the air from your lungs.

You feel dizzy when he pulls away again, and as you catch your haggard breath he ducks his head to graze his lips against your throat. He peppers kisses beneath your ear as a hand slides down to grasp the curve of your ass, the other continuing to pin your hips against the door as he presses his hips flush against your own, rolling his hips lightly. He delves down lower, tongue snaking its way down towards the junction between your neck and shoulder, his fangs nipping at your skin as he presses hot open-mouthed kisses against your pulse point.

"Oh-" You gasp, hands clinging onto his broad shoulders as he corrals you against the doorframe. You tilt your head up and to the side, exposing your neck to him as he hums happily. He finds the spot he wants and presses his teeth harshly against your skin, suckling hungrily and lapping at the bruising skin with his tongue. You groan, a hand gripping his hair as he rolls his hips up, biting into your shoulder as he moans. He grinds against you, continuing to lavish your throat with his eyes closed happily, moaning and groaning into your skin. His breath catches when you roll your hips down to meet his thrusts, and he whimpers when you tug at his hair painfully when he abuses one spot on your neck too much.

"Sir-" You gasp, and suddenly his lips are withdrawn from your neck, and his wide lidded eyes are staring directly into your own. Both of your breathing is ragged as you anticipate his next move, heart in your throat.

"How many times have I told you to stop calling me that?" His hips still against your own, and you whine trying to rub against him, but he pins you in place and rests his lips against your ear, whispering, begging, against your ear. "How many more times do I need to?"

You shudder at his hot breath, hands uselessly clinging to the collar of his ruffled shirt. "Just once more."

"Say," A kiss, pressed heavily against the underside of your jaw. "my" Another kiss, hot against the column of your throat. "name." Another, lavished between your collarbones right at the hollow of your throat. You gasp at the staggering sensation, his tongue wet and hot across your collarbone.

"Lucifer." You gasp, voice high and airy. He rewards you with a grin and a fierce kiss against your lips, pressing your head back into the doorframe. You moan his name again, and his hips rock up into yours involuntarily.

"It's unfair, the effect you have." Lucifer whispers, hands sliding up your sides and beginning to unbutton your blouse. He presses a kiss at the corner of your lips as you help him with the unbuttoning. "That massage you gave me?" You can feel his breath against your lips, and you have to fight not to lean forward into him as he gently pushes your blouse from your shoulders, warm hands sliding down your arms and the fabric bunching at your elbows, not quite falling all the way. "I had to take care of myself afterwards." He tuts against your lips, each purse of his lips pressing a ghost of a kiss to your own, but not quite giving what you wanted. A knee presses between your legs as he delves his tongue into your mouth, and you're too distracted to notice until he rolls his hips into your leg and pushes his thigh up against you. His claws dig at the tender flesh of your sides, leaving light scratches as he returns to your lips, grinning against you as you gasp and whine.

"You're not so innocent." You gasp as he leaves your bruising lips to return to his path down your neck, know able to reach your shoulders and chest, which he takes full advantage of. A hand grasps your thigh firmly and hikes your leg up and around his waist. "You constantly unbutton your shirts around me, stare at me with those eyes, leave your hand on me the entire ball and don't do anything about it. How could I resist?"

"Well, I'm doing something about it now." His voice was infuriatingly giddy, his hand grabs at your thigh through the fabric of your trousers, and he internally wishes you had chosen to wear one of your skirts today. His hips roll into yours at the new angle, and he stutters at the pleasure.

"The ball was not my fault." He presses a bruising kiss against your lips, biting down gently as he pulls away. Murmuring against your ear, you can feel the smile on his lips as he talks. "You have no idea what was going through my head that night. If I had my way, I wouldn't have gotten up from my knees for hours."

The way his silky voice hissed at the last word was downright sinful, and you're too distracted by your own thoughts to realise he had ducked his head back down to your chest.

"Luci." You gasp as he travels lower, peppering kisses down the valley of your breasts, murmuring against your skin, hands sliding lower and lower and tongue chasing them down to your naval. A finger pulls playfully at the front of your bra. Oh no, he couldn't win the upper hand that easily.

Gaining confidence, and determined not to let him be his usual cocksure self, you grasp him by the collar of his shirt. "Don't be unfair." You reprimand. He doesn't protest when you lower yourself to the floor, pulling him beneath you and straddling his hips. The cupboard was just big enough for him to lay down if he bent his knees, and you grin down at him as his hands grip your thighs tightly.

Your hands rest against his chest, and you can feel the heavy rise and fall of his chest as he stares up at you, his fingers flexing against your thighs when you refuse to move. He tries to roll his hips up into you, but you lift yourself just out of his reach.

"Don't do this." He whines, but you only grin down at him, leaning impossibly closer until your chest presses against his. You wish you could see the blush to his cheeks, the parting of his mouth around those little gaps, but instead you settle for staring into his blown pupils.

"Whatever do you mean?" You feign ignorance, shifting lightly and revelling in the way his eyes widened and his claws dug painfully into your skin. You press a kiss against his forehead, his cheek, the corner of his mouth.

A noise traps itself in his throat, you kiss against his jaw, his chin, the other corner of his mouth.

"Sweetheart," He moans, trying to tilt his head to catch your lips with his own. You roll your hips to distract him, and he hisses unhappily. He stares up at you with big puppy-dog eyes, a world away from the confidence he had felt at having his way with you earlier. "please."

"Good." You purr, and he whines when you finally kiss him properly, hips lowering onto him and palms sliding up his chest. You pull away and immediately begin kissing at the underside of his jaw, leaving your own trail of hickeys down the column of his throat. He squirms beneath you, breathing heavy and voice high-pitched as you kiss down his chest, pulling his collar to the side and grazing your teeth along the top of his peck.

One of his hands guide your hips against him, and he jerks his hips, the buckle of his belt biting cooly into the hot skin of your stomach. The other hand lies flat against your back, caressing your spine and sides and pulling you closer, trying to guide you back towards his lips.

He had thought he was in heaven before, but with you above him, he could barely contain himself.

Your hands pull at his hair, tugging at his scalp as you bite into the tense muscle of his shoulder. He closes his eyes painfully tight, muttering incoherently as his fingers flex against you. Your pace was beginning to quicken, and you moan against his shoulder as he whimpers and whines.

"Ngh- wait, stop." His voice breaks around the syllables. He grasps your hips tightly, knuckles white as his claws dig dangerously into the skin at your hips. "Not too fast."

"Another one of your many limitations?" You grin against his neck, feeling the way his chest heaved beneath your hands.

"Hmm," He hums, bleary eyed and uncomfortably hot, warm hand cupping your jaw and bringing your face up to meet his. "You have a way of exposing those."

You give in to what he wants, allowing him to slip his tongue back into your mouth, a hand cupping the back of your head and tangling into your hair, pulling you close and making sure you couldn't get away. You rest against him, revelling in the moment, losing your breath and humming against one another's lips.

Just as you go to move your hips, a hand planting itself against his chest to help your movement, light spills into the cupboard, and you freeze, lips detaching and staring wide-eyed at the shadowy figure stood in the cupboard doorway. You blink furiously, trying to readjust to the harsh light, but Lucifer is quicker to recover and pulls you flush against his chest, attempting to hide your bra from view.

He glares at the worker who remains standing dumbly with a hand on the door handle. Lucifer's hair was a mess, sticking out in every conceivable direction, his cheeks flushed a flaming red, shirt tugged halfway down his chest, with a smattering of lipstick across his lips and jaw, and blossoming bruises dancing across his neck and chest. You weren't in a much better state.

His eyes blaze red.

"Come back in an hour. Close the door."

The worker immediately slams the door shut, plunging the cupboard back into darkness.

Your shoulders begin to shake, laughter bubbling from your throat as you tuck your head into Lucifer's chest. He sighs, resting his head back against the floor and eyes returning to their normal complexion. When you finally compose yourself, you push yourself up with your elbows, grinning down at Lucifer with a cheeky smile.

"Maybe I was too harsh." He mutters, a hand coming up to cup your jaw. He grins cheekily, eyes shining in the darkness. "Where were we?"

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel Lucifer x reader #hazbin hotel lucifer #hazbin hotel x reader #smut #hazbin hotel x reader smut #Lucifer x reader smut #x reader #lucifer x reader #lucifer #lucifer morningstar

[coffeestainedcamera]

Between the anime adaptation of My Happy Marriage, the incoming adaptation of a Sign of Affection, incoming new season of From Me to You, and now this, it's been a pretty good recent time for girls' anime, huh. Getting the first three episodes together and seeing all the careful attention to character animation that a royal drama demands made me feel extremely spoiled. Plus, there was all the gorgeous costuming that a medieval fantasy like this one demands.

Fundamentally, this really feels like a series about a bunch of women navigating a patriarchal society as best as they can. It's in the way that Maomao talks about getting sold off to the palace in annoyed resignation that indicates it's not a rare occurrence, the casual discussion of the concubine system, the cause of the medical mystery of the week... And that's just the first episode! It was nice to watch her bond with the other servantgirls and the princess throughout the rest of it, though, as I think leaving off on that painful first episode would have been more depressing. And then there was the remarkably triumphant ending of ep 3 that actually involved someone getting free of the palace. I was expecting Fantasy House MD, but this is entertaining as well.

Hoping we get to see more of her friends, as they seem extremely sweet and I want to know more about them. But ya, Maomao is a pretty lovable protagonist bc like. She's extremely resistant to poison so her first reaction to being a poison taster is basically cheering and whooping! Relatable protag writing goals lol. And she's really had a plan to survive her servitude at the palace in relative anonymity (until her basic compassion got the best of her). Her casually outlining this plan was a wonderful way to indicate her intelligence to the viewers without explicitly feeling like "we have a genius protagonist" exposition. That kind just feels like disrespecting viewers' intelligence.

Also, the crew's dedication to her silly expressions is just delightful.

#kusuriya no hitorigoto #text post #apothecary diaries #crunchyroll

[scholastic-dragon]

may I request some platonic bayverse! turtles x reader headcanons where the reader has a taste for very emotional (borderline depressing) music? like they’re just hanging out and reader gets a turn picking the song and they play glimpse of us or something. (maybe one of the boys is like “dude, are you okay??”)

Hehe, I'm guilty of doing this, sometimes sad songs just hit different lol

HA I just finished writing it and went back to read your ask and you specifically said "platonic" sorry there's some dating references but it's mostly platonic, whoops

Sad Music headcannons

I think shock would be the first things they feel. Like you get the aux cord, you're typing away on your phone trying to find a song, and then it starts playing

Starts pretty slow, they momentarily stop what they're doing to listen to the words, and its...pretty sad.

They glance to you and you seem...happy? Why are you bobbing your head? And you know all the words???

Why do you know all the words to this depressing breakup song???

(If you're dating one of them) and you put on like Olivia Rodrigo or the Kelly Clarkson cover of Happier than Ever, this boy is going to panic.

Immediately pulls you aside if you're not ready alone and is all sad puppy dog eyes. "Is...is that how you feel? Did I make you feel that way?" Practically breaks down into a sad little turtle puddle

But when you very quickly reassure him that you just like it as a song and it doesn't personally mean anything to you, he calms down

If you're in a big group, let's say you're helping them clean or going on a road trip or something that involves playing music

They all just stop and stare for a moment

Mikey 100% knows the song (not because he's sad, he likes all kinds of music) and is singing along

Leo is most concerned. Dad mode activated.

"Are....are you okay?"

"Yeah. Why?"

Donnie and Raph silently chuckle at how nonchalant you are, as if you didn't just put on a super depressing song

Depending on how close you are with them, you'll probably get pulled aside and genuinely asked if you're alright, or you'll get a text later asking if you want to talk

They don't mind the music they just want to check in and make sure you're doing okay <3

(Donnie may or may not have added some of the songs to his Playlists)

Leo doesn't really like the songs but he doesn't have the heart to tell you to change it. Depressing songs make him sad.

If you play over like 3 sad songs Mikey steps up and asks to play something. He's an empath and can only handle so much of Kelly Clarksons breakup songs

Raphs just annoyed cause the songs active his feelings. He doesn't like sad feelings

Donnie claims he's got nerves of steel and hasn't asked you to change them.

(But one time when he was in the middle of a breakdown he put on music to distract himself and calm down and one of your songs came up and he bawled. Tears, snot, everything. He refuses to tell anyone)

In the end, they don't mind so long as it's in moderation, like 1 sad song per hour, but do NOT let Splinter hear it, his dad mode is worse than Leo's and you won't leave the lair until you tell him everything

Rats persuasive

tags: @turtle-babe83 @thelaundrybitch @mysticboombox

#tmnt donnie #tmnt leo #tmnt raph #tmnt mikey #tmnt #tmnt headcannons #tmnt imagines #tmnt imagine #tmnt bayverse #tmnt 2014 #tmnt 2016 #tmnt x reader

[not-poignant]

Hi Pia

I'm so sorry you've been experiencing difficulties recently. I'm sending all my love and light your way and hope you start to feel a little less shitty soon.

P.s - Do you mind sharing your tiktok so we can follow you there too? Or is it a private acc?

Lots of love to you <3

It's not private! It's just not updated very often. Overall I'm more active on Instagram. But neither are private. The Tiktok is very art-focused so it might not be what you're looking for. But it's also pretty harmless overall.

And thank you anon <3

The last few days I had to stop writing and like...quickly redo my schedule for December and cut it back a little, which always makes me sad, but I'm trying to conserve my mental health as well as my physical. I realised I met all the criteria for a pretty serious depressive episode late last week (I have, alongside severe PTSD, Major Depressive Disorder, which is the one that will kill me if I don't keep an eye on it -> though I'm happy to report I'm not like in a very like 'I don't want to live' space right now, I can just tell I'm feeling / experiencing a lot of the red flags that go in that direction), and if I don't act now, that tends to lead to pretty bad places.

So I've redone the schedule for December and that will come out likely on Friday or Saturday. And then I'll only be posting during January for half of the month, and not the whole month, and taking off two weeks re: posting. Hopefully these are the sorts of things which will head off me needing to go into hiatus because I desperately don't want to do that <3

I can already tell I'm doing a little better after being a lot firmer with some boundaries, and also just...with myself re: taking more time off. I wish I didn't feel so guilty about it? But that's not anyone's fault here, that's shit to work on with my therapist/s, lol.

Today I spent around 3 hours researching a response to an ask (whoops), and then realised - not through any one person's actions but a bunch at once - that I need to kind of stop engaging with facecast stuff (nothing wrong with facecasting, the problem is wholly on me there and I wish I'd seen that sooner and saved people some pain and saved me from some rudeness).

I put away the shopping (we have a really good grocery delivery system here which is great for my disabilities etc.), and had some raspberries, and put on the Christmas tree lights.

I was so tired at lunch that I could only manage a bowl of cereal (and couldn't eat breakfast. I think my therapist would be like 'why are you putting three hours of research into responding to something instead of focusing on eating food' but well, whoops? Lol. To be fair I thought it would be way easier to answer, but Tumblr's search function is SO broken).

I fed my wonderful cat, Maybe, and got some sleep in the afternoon and then did some writing (1,200 words) on Palmarosa. It's like 7.00pm right now, and I'm going to put up some chapter commentaries on Patreon and Ream.

Tonight I might do some watercolour art, and I'm hoping to finish Palmarosa tomorrow.

December is actually a hard time of year for me anyway. It's the month that has the most chronological / time-based triggers, and my therapists know this and I'm hearing a lot of 'how are you in the lead up to December' which is about to become 'how are you coping with December.'

I'm grateful for small pleasures. Like my dahlias are looking pretty awesome right now. Here's some photos of this week (some art I'm working on, Maybe being cute, or screm, dahlia, Christmas set up, T-Rex ornament, Santa Platypus ornament):

#asks and answers #personal #lots of love to you too anon i hope you like the photos #that pride blanket was crocheted by my mum #i never have a themed christmas it's just #20 years of collected decorations salfjkas

[haveyoulistenedtothisalbum-poll]

sorry for being pedantic about the sadboy furry band BUT the wording in ur car seat headrest poll is inconsistent :((( title specifies twin fantasy (mirror to mirror) which is the 2011 version but all the links and the tracklist and everything are for the 2018 rerecording (informally subtitled face to face) anyways what is the truth whats the authorial intent here? like ig it doesnt Really matter i was a tboy with clinical depression in 2018 ive listened to both all the way through many many times but still

Whoops, that's my bad. I got the name wrong—

I was struggling to figure out how to disambiguate between the two and since one of the three submissions left this comment:

the original version (mirror to mirror) came out in 2011 but i believeeee the 2018 remaster is much more popular. and it sounds a billion times better. so ur choice what to do here LOL. i think one of the tracks has a different name (famous prophets (minds) -> famous prophets (stars)) but other than thats theyre the same

I figured it would possibly work to condense them down into a single "unified" version since the track listings are functionally the same with a slight rename, hence why the poll says 2011/2018. The links should reflect the 2018 version since remasters tend to be more available/better quality so that's kind of been the go-to on the backend.

However I completely didn't catch that "Mirror to Mirror" and "Face to Face" are indeed entirely different words :')

I also misread the Wikipedia article entirely. I thought "Twin Fantasy" was renamed literally to just "Mirror to Mirror" (learning valuable lessons about my 4am attentiveness to detail), so I was trying to do something similar what I did for the Atari Teenage Riot poll.

Anyway, if anyone wants to submit these two versions again separately (with the x-to-x part in the title so the formatter doesn't flag it if possible!!), I'll be more careful about consistency/precision next time around!

(Though on this note, I cannot stress how helpful the disambiguation/versioning information people have provided have been when various things are confusing/unclear, so massive thanks to people who have filled that part out.)

#hyltta-asks #the fact that i am very out of touch with better known music has finally gotten to me 😔 im so sorry guys

[cranberrv]

i think it’s finally time to fill u guys in on my roster LOL.. be prepared for blood sweat and tears

geography:

his name is geography cuz i met him in geo class for the first time! he looks like a skinny matt dillon w lighter hair, and he’s literally 6’1”. i used to like him sososooso much and when we sat together in a desk change i went feral!!!1! he’s sooo funny and i lowk miss when he was normal cuz he used to be so cute and awkward but now he’s so weird and immature ughhh. he asked me out last semester and i said no and i kinda regret it but idk i wanna like him so bad cuz i literally liked him FIRST but ig hes more like a friend. we argue a lot (teasingly) and its sooo obvious hes flirting with me and its so cute but i dont know.. maybe high school sweethearts maybe not (bye pov him to our future kid “ya ur mom liked me first then rejected me and then hated me and now likes me again and we r married and we had you”)

riverdale:

hehehehe hes so cute! he is blonde and goes to the school im transferring to and hes totes my type! (but then again my type is toxic red flags) we snap a lot and i quickadded him (whoops) but ive had my eye on his forever because his pfp on tiktok is so cute and we have mutual friends and i have been waiting for him to appear on my quickadd for forever! he wants me to move to the new school and thats sweet and he apologized for losing our 50 day streak :((( he was like “whoops mb” and i was like “abt what lmao” and he said “for losing our streak!” like awwwhhh u care! hes lowk depressed (i stalked his reposts) and he doesnt do super well in school but i can help him! hes my moms fave boy

mickey mouse:

i added him as a joke cuz hes only a couple years older than me and hes related to a celeb i like and i found his snap and he added me back and we’re snapping me full face and stuff. hes SO cute and i only just met him but he seems so sweet i stalked his insta

jeremiah:

dw thats not his actual name its an inside joke! anyway the way i describe this is gonna sound like true love but i swear its not hehehe <3 ive known him since gr6 and we instantly clicked on a canoe trip and got along sooo well, talking to him for the first time is a core memory. we were homeschooled together during the pandemic and we started liking each other and it was middle school so it was obvs so innocent and adorable! he got me flowers and chocolate for secret santa when we were 12 :(( i lost feelings but he liked me for a whole year after and i promised we would date in high school and now its high school and i broke my promise. i feel bad lowkkk.. but anyway i heard me might like me again! we have been kind of distant recently because he became one of the “cool kids” and i became one of the “popular girls” so ig we’ re in super similar and close circles but idk we never talk. i ran into him at the gas station and hes still so cute tho

person d:

thats who i left jeremiah for LMFAOO we met in gr7 and he was in gr8 and i was instantly head over heels, he has a big nose and dusty brown hair and brown eyes and hes so cute awww :(( we barely talked in middle school but then we added each other and started full on talking! he was soooo sweet but he had his days when he was kind of a jerk. we argued a lot and i think he thought it was teasing each other but it does get a bit tiring. we stopped talking for a bit but were kind of back again, its so off and on. when its good its so good.

#🎀 announcements #tumblr is my diary

[1-800-local-slut]

The Scientist Chapter 3

Hi everyone! So sorry for the delay, I know this is late. I had a family emergency and had to visit the hospital for a bit (not for me, I was looking for someone lol) but I hope you'll still enjoy. Chapter 4 and 5 are set and ready as well! I hope you'll enjoy, please let me know what you think!

Warnings: none really, just shy Poe, reader gets a bit depressed, angst but with a happy ending

Pairings: Poe Dameron x Shy!Black!Scientist!Fem!Reader

Series Masterlist

Next part <3

______________________________________________________

Washing his hands, and also trying to wash away his guilt, Poe’s face was flushed with shame. So much so he couldn’t even glance at himself in the mirror. Shame at himself for his lustful actions. 45 minutes were up, and he was now preparing to meet the Scientist in her office. Pulling on his boots, he forced himself to shake himself out of his shame.

Okay. So he jerked off to a woman he met yesterday who was fuming because his X-Wing blew up and now she has to rebuild it. No big deal. Poe’s jerked off to different men and women he’s never even met, just seen in a shitty drama. No big deal. Sure, he was about to go see her and was literally in the process of lacing his shoes up to go see her but he was certain he’d feel better by the time he saw her. He had a lapse of weakness. She was the most gorgeous woman he’d ever seen, he couldn’t blame himself for his subconscious. Another sigh left Poe, not of his own volition. Even his thoughts felt and sounded creepy.

⭐⭐⭐

“Is your brain smooth?!” Standing outside, Poe flinched at the insult. It seemed her mood hadn’t improved from when he last saw her. Bracing himself, he ran a hand over his tired features. His mind was muddled, still picturing images from his fantasy sequence.

He now stood outside her office door, Merca and Forian no longer in their offices presumably for lunch seeing it was around that time. He wondered if she had gone to lunch or just skipped it as he had a few times during times of heavy work. 

“You’re pissing me off, and you’re about to get beat the fuck up. Out.” He heard a growl, and his eyes snapped wide. Just one creepy thing after another, now it was gonna look like he was eavesdropping outside of her office. However, he was shaken out of his thoughts by none other than Merca herself. She stepped out of the office, pinching the bridge of her nose and her eyes shut. So, she hadn’t been to lunch, but instead received what sounded like a harsh scolding. Poe himself wouldn’t even be in the mood to eat after that.

“Oh good. Maybe you can fucking deal with her, and her temper tantrums!” Merca exclaimed the last part loudly, angling her head towards the open doorway behind her.

“What did I just say?!” Another scream. Merca flipped her off, before she shoved past Poe with more strength than he was ready for and stormed right out of the separate office and into the crowded hallway, shoving past more people and aggressively yelling at any one who dared to stand in her way.

Standing pensively for a moment, as the door closed, Poe wondered if that ass whooping was liable to go to anyone. 

“Come inside, don’t just stand there.” Her voice was now sweet and kind. Like honey and smooth jazz. It was a bit scary how quickly she went from flipping out and threatening violence to calling him inside. Upon stepping in, he saw a folder with papers strewn across the ground. 

“You, uh, you alright?” Poe asked the Scientist who was straightening up papers on her desk with one hand and fluffing her hair with the other.

“Of course, people try me every day of the week. Nothing I can’t handle.” She scoffed, her eyes darkening. Tempted to ask more, but not willing to set off her temper again, Poe nodded quietly. His eyes scanned her body, she now wore a jacket with fur lining the insides, zipped around her curvy form. His eyes met hers for a moment and his mind flashed back to his little adventure in his room. Riddled with guilt, as if she could see straight through him he tore his eyes away from hers rather unwillingly.

“So, we don’t have all day to just sit around. We have to get started on rebuilding that X-Wing, and we also have some other things to do. Do you mind checking what’s left on my schedule?” Now standing, she walked around her desk and crouched down, picking up the papers and the folder. Then she tossed them haphazardly upon her desk. 

“No problem!” A squeak left his throat, embarrassing him and he winced. Oh fuck, he was nervous. Him, of all people, was made nervous by the woman crouching on the floor below him. Pulling his tablet out, he opened it. Now she was glancing up at him from the floor through perfect eyelashes. 

“You have two meetings left-” 

“One, that was my other meeting.”  She interrupted as she pressed her lips together in thought.

Glancing up and raising an eyebrow, Poe tried not to pay it much mind. It made sense, Merca and Forian both had seemingly important jobs. Of course they’d have to check in with her, just like how Temmin had to check in with him. Friendship can’t stop them from doing their jobs. 

“Right. One meeting, two observations, that training session, you have to go help in the med bay, you have a meeting with Krista for a consultation, then you have dinner later on tonight to handle the ‘glue incident’ (he was still very curious about the nature of the glue incident, but decided not to pry seeing as how when it was mentioned today she just gave an embarrassed sigh) then your personal matters, and your lab experiment with Merca and Forian.” He finished the list, once again feeling tired after just reading it out loud. 

“Can you switch around my lab experiment and my personal matters? And please send word to Merca and Forian, tell them the experiment is being moved up.” Now she was standing again and adjusting her jacket. 

“No prob Bob.” He absent mindedly responded, giving her a thumbs up and dragging his finger across the screen. Suddenly her voice interrupted his thoughts, stating her name.

“Huh?” His eyes met hers again, only to see confusion fill her eyes. 

‘What a name…’ he thought. A name that only belonged to her. He could feel a bit better about using her in his fantasies earlier.

“My name isn’t Bob.” She replied dead serious. She had a face that could win Sabacc, perfectly unreadable.

“No…it…it’s a joke.” He explained. Now he felt even more awkward. Then again, was it really his fault she didn’t understand his humor? The confusion was adorable, flooding across her features. His heart fluttered a bit. 

“Ah.” A flustered look covered her face now too. Silence filled the room, and Poe took the chance to glance around. There was a photo of her, taken on a beach with her sitting on Merca’s back and Merca on Forian’s back. The three stood in the water, seemingly about to fall and laughing. Framed next to a bookshelf behind her desk chair there was a photo of a baby with a year stamped on it but he couldn’t read it. On her desk was a book titled ‘Overcoming Fears, How to Develop Personal Relationships’ with a receipt saying it was bought earlier that day. Maybe when he was taking his special lunch. More small trinkets littered the room, but he also noticed an assortment of random hair picks and a bunch of lip gloss tubes strewn across the bookshelf with some other photos. Then some stacks of books littered the floor, and some magazines. 

“Okay. No time to stand around all day.” She muttered brushing off her clothing. 

“Let’s head out.” 

⭐⭐⭐

A few more stressful hours passed. Five hours, with standing around bored out of his skull, his eyes trained on the woman before him being the only thing keeping him awake. Three fires in one hour. In five hours he witnessed those two observations, three fires and seeing a woman move so quick to put them out he blinked and missed her springing  into action, learned how his engine was put together piece by piece, watched the brilliant woman before him treat many with concussions and missing limbs and eyeballs with a tenderness that deserved to be envied, and watched her jump onto a man two times her height in a hand to hand combat session and choke him out with her legs while he thrashed around trying to shake her off. He even resorted to slamming his head and her side into the wall but she relented despite the banging and the hard punches being dealt to her side, delivering her own pounding to the man's cranium.

Now, she was sitting next to Poe, drinking another iced tea that he got her. After taking a shower in one of the locker rooms, her scent was more potent. After she yanked off the two shower caps she had secured onto her hair, she had packed things back to her shower bag and put them into a cubby waiting for her on the side. She wore comfortable cargo pants that scrunched up around her hips and around her ankles with a tan shirt hugging her body. She now wore a simple sweater as well with some boots that helped her jump and scale that man's body like a tree a few moments prior.

“This is wonderful. Thank you.” She said gratefully. Poe, still in awe at seeing a man turn blue before passing out and her rather graceful dismount from his neck. How he wished that was him.

“No problem.” He replied distractedly. She was stealing small glances at him now, her eyes tracing over his jawline and his lips. He felt the urge to hide his face but resisted. 

“I have an hour of free time…do you want to maybe do something?” That certainly caught his attention, his mind screaming at him to pay full attention.

“Something?” He asked her gently, testing the waters.

“Yeah, I mean like take a walk or something.” She replied now fidgeting with her hands.

“If you don’t want to, it’s fine. I can fuck off.” Quickly, she corrected herself, like she was afraid of asking. She stood up quickly before she was hit with a strong dizzy spell and braced herself against the wall. Alarms went off in Poe’s brain as he stepped forwards to catch her. His hands clasped her waist, steadying her as her arm pushed her off the wall.

“I’m fine.” She hissed, wiggling free as Poe backed off. She hugged herself as she stood uneasily on her feet and had another embarrassed look. What she had to be embarrassed about, Poe wasn’t even sure.

“Just making sure. Did you eat lunch today?” He asked, taking a step back. Touching her seemed to be a very strong no. She shook her head.

“I’m alright though. I usually just skip lunch and breakfast, that way I can get more done.” This information went straight to Poe’s brain and triggered more alarms. Poe will rip people apart if he goes too long without food, and her body was so accustomed to skipping lunch AND breakfast that almost passing out after physical activity was normal? No, this was a problem. Everyone deserves good food! Then an idea entered his brain.

“I know what we can do.” He smiled at her and her eyebrow curled up.

⭐⭐⭐

The market place was busy and crowded, and Poe led the scientist through it with confidence while she stuck closely to him.

“When you said you had an idea, I didn’t know you meant going outside.” She muttered.

“What’s the big deal? We’re on Coruscant, the food is great and we can just blend in and keep it cool.” He replied to her as he ducked past a woman carrying a basket on her head. 

“You’re not like a planetary fugitive are you?” He teased as a woman crashed into her. The Scientist apologized, helping her collect the few things she dropped and nodding as she went on her way.

“...Maybe.” She responded. She adjusted her scarf over her head that she bought the minute they arrived. Poe stopped suddenly at her response. He asked if she was a fugitive and she said ‘Maybe’. That right there was the cherry on top of a very strange day. Turning to face her his eyes wide, the best he could muster was a very confused,

“What do you mean?” His mouth gaping slightly open.

“Not a legal fugitive. I did what I needed to do for me, and some people won’t be too glad to see me back.” Her eyes went wide like the moon, and she suddenly turned around, avoiding the gaze of a man who was standing with a woman and holding a baby. Poe saw the large blade in his belt and followed her lead. They stood like that for a moment before they turned back around slowly.

“You rob a man and half the planet hates you.” She mumbled. She bit a manicured nail in thought, and Poe’s eyebrows shot up in question and slight fear. What could she have stolen that was so important that half of an entire planet hates her? And why was it a bit of a turn on? That last question was something Poe would have to work out amongst himself at a later date. Perhaps it was the thrill of technically being with a wanted woman.

“I was practically a baby when I did it anyways, but it needed to happen.” She then loosened her scarf and glanced up at him softly. The man was turned with his back to them, the baby gripping onto his facial hair now.

“You robbed someone?” Poe whispered, leading her away gently and she sighed. She glanced back, making sure the man hadn’t seen them and then they both sped up, getting a considerable distance away.

“I had too. Just know, I did it for the greater good.” She said, without an ounce of shame. In fact there was a sense of pride in her voice. They walked on as Poe’s mind swarmed with more questions than that response answered. He was definitely curious. 

There seemed to be a lot more to her than what meets the eye. The sun beat down on  them, the warm light illuminating her. She was sweating now, and as the heat grew, so did her irritation. Poe realized then, while he gets hangry after too long without food, too long in the heat seemed to be what dealt the woman in. 

A few more minutes passed and she was now making her way through the marketplace with slight fury while still trying to be polite to anyone who made the mistake of speaking to her. Maybe it was time for Poe to do what he set out for in the first place and get his little criminal out of here.

⭐⭐⭐

It took maybe ten minutes for Poe to see a bit of how she became a wanted woman in the first place. The two now stood on a line, waiting to get some sort of food on a stick and her boot tapped impatiently against the ground. Finally, the person in front moved off the line and they eagerly stepped up. 

“Hi can I get two, what do you want,” Poe paused to whisper in the Scientist's ear. She whispered back and Poe nodded.

“Two full meat kebabs, extra salt on the second one with extra spiced bogwin?” Poe turned back and asked the man. The man nodded slightly before he turned and shouted the order to a man somewhere in the back manning the grill.

“300 credits.” Proclaimed the man in front of the two. The Sun beamed onto his bald head in the bustling marketplace as Poe and the Scientist stood directly in front of his stand. He ran bony, dirty, dry fingers through his snow white beard. The moment he heard 300, Poe knew he’d have to stop the cranky scientist from committing a violent crime. 

She scowled. The heat of the Sun reflecting off their black hair seemed to boil her temper like soup. All she wanted was something to eat, he found a stand for them to get something into their bodies and after waiting for seven minutes, she was at her wits end. 

“300.” The man said sternly. His eyes were blocked by some cheap sunglasses and he fanned himself with a pamphlet. Her eyes twitched in anger and she let out a very angry noise.

“What for?! You’re crazy if you think I’m paying 300 credits for two kebabs!” Slamming her hand down on his countertop. The shopkeep seemed unfazed by this and Poe knew it was up to him to keep her from a homicide charge. He could probably charm their way out of this, but she lacked that same charm. Then again, 300 was an outrage. 

“300 credits.” The moment he said it, Poe threw his body over her, stopping her from pulling her blaster out of her side holster. No wonder she was a wanted criminal, with the way she was so incredibly fast to anger. A noise of indignation and defiance was pulled from her lips. He lightly grabbed her shoulders, pushing her to the side and moving her out of the way. Her eyes met his and she pursed her lips as if she was saying, ‘fuck this up, and I’ll turn you into a kebab.’ Poe shuddered, not wanting to see if she’d follow through.

“Hey man, come on.” Poe said, turning on the charisma. He moved his hair out of his eyes, his sweat filled hair felt damp under his fingers and he held back from cringing. 

“300? What’s the high price for? I know you don’t really charge that much. We’ve had a long day, you’ve been outside all day and it’s hot. I’m sure that's upsetting you.” The man's face didn’t change and Poe knew that he needed something else to get this man to budge. Poe held back an eye roll, as he searched his brain for a lie that could get them their food for cheap. Then he found it. Oldest trick in the book, he felt dumb for not figuring it out sooner.

“You’ll have to excuse my lady, the sun’s driving her up a wall. Have some compassion for my girl and I please?” He asked as the man in front stayed quiet. Now even he was considering armed robbery. Then he saw it. At the mention of romance between the two, he watched the man's face soften and his eyes opened through his cheap sunglasses. Some nerve to charge so much when he probably found those sunglasses in a ditch off a dead person. Eyeing them both up and down, he looked at the fuming woman who was standing with her arms crossed. Clearly, she wasn’t expecting to be outside this long, nor for the Sun to be this hot, or to be this hungry.

“...150.” Half price! Poe felt a swell of pride. The ‘young-lovers’ card always worked. He paid for their food and took the two kebabs while thanking the man. He held up the multitude of bags he was holding and made his way back to her. Wordlessly, she took the kebab gently. 

“You wanna find somewhere to sit?” She nodded, now looking a bit ashamed at her anger from a few moments ago. Finding a bench, they weaved through the busy market place and they sat down next to each other. They were now away from everyone in the crowded market place and sitting in a wide empty area, close to where they entered from. She slid the meat off the stick quickly and chewed silently but aggressively. 

Silence fell over them as they ate. Poe was a foodie. Sometimes, when he racked his brain, imagining he found someone to share his life with, it was someone who adored food as much as he did. He loved trying food on different  and in different cities. As hot and uncomfortable as he was and as irritated as she was he was happy to just be eating. He finished and patted his stomach quietly. What a good day. Hell, he even prevented a homicide. A true hero, he truly deserved a pat on the back.

His train of thought was interrupted by soft mumbling. 

“What?” Leaning down to hear her more, she was staring at her lap. More mumbling.

“I can’t hear you?” he repeated. It would be a long few months if she was a mumbler. He would know how tiring it was to deal with mumblers. When he sits down in his room, after work and gets to sit around and do little to nothing for the first time in hours he would just sit there and mutter. You could ask him his name and he would mumble through it.

“I would like to leave.” Was all she said. Her features wrinkled in displeasure with how fast her food was gone and Poe nodded. It was clear she didn’t go out often but when she did it wasn’t good for her. 

⭐⭐⭐

It had been two weeks since Poe and the Scientist went out. Two weeks since he basically saved that man from a very unfortunate end. He had fallen into a routine. Get up, head downstairs, update her schedule, and just generally just make himself scarce during meetings. By now, his X-Wing had sometime before it would be properly up and running and not about to explode with him in it. Then help her, Merca and Forian with whatever craziness (which he learned always had some good reason except for that time Forian lit the desk on fire trying to heat a sandwich quicker than the microwave) they were doing that day and crawl into bed before doing it all again. Now, he had reached the start of his day, after watching the woman drag herself out of her office after forgetting to charge Binksy last night, which was scary to everyone in the room due to how often she cares for and talks to that thing. He laid in bed having about 15 minutes before he had to rise, he thought to himself about the last two weeks.

He witnessed the people who stormed into her office demanding things from her, he watched her kick down doors in anger and run in screaming, he watched her work so hard that one time she responded to a message with a very long and violent screaming of the word ‘no’ and then fell asleep immediately afterwards. He fondly remembers the time she willingly lit a trash can on fire before kicking it out of a window after a very stressful day. Sure, she could use some anger management but she was currently among his favorite crazy people. And that craziness added to his fantasies that had only gotten more and more frequent than just a one off during the day. Now she haunted his dreams, as he tossed and turned through the nights, muttering her name. 

Dreams of her tackling him in anger and fucking him until he couldn’t even feel his hips, dreams of him coming into his bedroom and her waiting there for him reading a book and planting a soft kiss on his lips that would lead to him lifting her and slamming her down onto the bed before fucking her brains out. Some days she would be so cranky that it seemed like that was all she needed. But lately? Her wild, shy and crazy nature was replaced by a silent (more so than usual), constantly annoyed and forgetful personality. 

Poe sat up, dangling his legs over the bed. He frowned, thinking maybe it was time for a shave and touched his tan skin with a warm hand. His thoughts wandered again. Before he knew it, it was time for him to get up and get going. Hopefully, today she’d be in a far better mood than she was in for the past week. 

⭐⭐⭐

Poe walked briskly to Forian’s office, and Merca was probably once again doing something terrifying in her office again. The scientist never showed up for work and seeing her was a far better part of his day than he wanted to admit. It was 5:00 AM now, making her 30 minutes late and Poe could only hope she didn’t fall asleep in the hallway. 

Once he got to the door, Forian sprinted right into him. Poe looked up into his brown eyes and Forian looked down into his.

“Have you-” the two men began at the same time, both of their eyes riddled with worry. Maybe he was about to ask the same question. 

“Sorry, you go.” Forian blurted as he cleared his throat and took a step away from Poe. If the Scientist disliked being touched, Forian had a burning hatred for being touched or even approached by anyone that wasn’t the Scientist or Merca. He even confessed to Poe one night during an awkward time when Merca and the Scientist ran to the bathroom together that he just doesn’t like the feeling of most people’s skin and it truly wasn’t anything personal. 

“Have you seen the Commander this morning?” He asked as he checked his watch and frowned. 31 minutes without seeing her and Poe was close to just going back upstairs and crawling back into bed.

“No, not since last night. Have you seen Merca?” Forian asked as he glanced over to the curtains drawn over her office window. Poe had a slight feeling that Merca or Forian had a thing for the other and was secretly rooting for them, but that was the definition of not his business.

“She’s not in her office?” They both asked the other at the same time. Then Poe laughed a bit, feeling some of the tension in his chest breaking down as a smile curled over Forian’s face and they both chuckled. Just as Forian opened his mouth again, something on his desk beeped. The two were probably with each other, after all they were best friends. A few times of cussing each other out couldn’t break that friendship. A hologram popped up and there stood, or rather laid, Merca. Sick as hell in her bedroom. 

“Dude, I think I caught something from that dude at the bar last night. I don’t care if the General herself comes down, I’m not coming in. I’ve been dying.” She whimpered before the hologram cut out. Well that answered two questions and left one unanswered.

Where was Merca? Sick in her bedroom after making out with a stranger at the bar last night. Perhaps just severely hungover.

Where was the Scientist? Definitely not with Merca. As much love is between the two, the woman was too afraid of harmful bacteria to even enter the med bay without a face mask on and protective screen covering her face with disposable gloves that she refused to reuse even if she had to put them right back on.

So if she’s not with Merca, then where was she?

“I’ll check on her later.” Forian sighed, shaking his head at Merca’s carelessness in his eyes. He did seem to have some sort of qualms against random hook ups, but once again that was not Poe’s business.  His business was the gorgeous woman missing from her office.

“I have to run, I have a conference call. Let me know if you need any help finding our tired friend. I wouldn’t worry too much, she's probably just overslept.” Comfort was not Forian’s strong suit, and that was clear by the way he patted Poe’s shoulder with the tips of his fingers before he ran off down the hallway. Well. If she overslept, there was really nothing Poe could do but wait for her.

Poe overestimated his ability to wait. He had gone back to her office, and was now sitting on the same couch he imagined railing her on thousands of times. He waited. Then waited some more. He waited some more, and even a bit more to top it off. It was 6:10 and she was nowhere to be found. He debated calling her a million times, but glancing over her schedule noted she didn’t have a lot to do today. Just some busy work. Then as he pondered, she stumbled in. Except it wasn’t the work ready her Poe was used too. 

She had her silk bonnet on, her pajama bottoms and a robe on over that and her tank top. She also had on bed slippers. None of that mattered to Poe, she still looked fine as hell. The problem was the lack of light in her eyes. Her features were exhausted and she looked ready to quit. She walked right past him like she hadn’t even noticed him and plopped down into her desk. A purely miserable sigh left her and she placed her hand on her forehead. 

“Hey, good morning! Are you feeling any better today?” Poe asked her lightly, trying to improve her mood the way she had done for him many times without even knowing.

“Hm.” Was the only response. Weird. Confusion and worry were visible on his face.

“So…you don’t have a lot to do today. If you want afterwards we can go get something to eat again?” Coming directly in front of her desk. He looked into her eyes, trying to see if he could get her to relax a bit.

“No.” Weird again. 

“What’s wrong?” He finally asked her. Maybe he had no chance with her, but this wasn’t his usual flirtiness, in an attempt to get lucky. He was truly concerned about her. 

“Nothing. Just….fuck, I don’t know just leave me alone.” He watched her stand up, hurt crossing his features as she made her way to the exit. 

“...You can talk to me, you know.” Poe whispered.

“You wouldn’t get it.” She replied quickly. Her hand went to feel the silk texture of her bonnet as she shifted it on her head and Poe winced. Sure, it truly wasn’t his business but he can’t help but feel hurt. He felt hurt because here was the woman he felt so strongly for hurting and he couldn’t do a fucking thing to help her. 

“I can try…you can try talking to me. I’m a great listener.” Poe responded as he came up behind her and her muscles slightly relaxed. Then after a few beats of silence, like she was thinking about what to do her shoulders slumped and she recomposed herself.

“I want to quit.” Was all she said softly and Poe felt like the world stopped spinning and crashed into a nearby planet. ‘Snap out of it Poe, this isn’t the time to worry about your crush. Worry about her.’ he scolded his heart for immediately thinking about what he’d do if she left.

“What? But you love your work!” Poe asked as he moved around to the front of her. She looked at the ground and clenched her fist. Tears filled her water line and she huffed. A mocking laugh escaped her, and she rolled her eyes.

“I ‘love my work’. I love not being recognized or getting any credit for the shit that I do. I love that I’m a genius, I could’ve gone a million other places but I’m here getting screamed at by short bald people and mean patients who get concussed and then act like I can magically fix that for them. I just adore when everything goes to shit and I have to work my ass off to fix it but does anyone remember to say ‘thank you Commander, for all of your hard work.’? No, they don’t. I love when jackasses come into my lab and touch my shit. I love that, so so much.” She scoffed and turned her back to him, as she slowly walked to her desk and rolled her eyes at the cup with a ‘C’ on it that Merca gifted her for her last birthday.

“Look, I get that! But you know we can’t expect civilians to know about all the work that we really do for the greater good.” Poe pleaded with her.

“We? There is no we.” she growled and Poe flinched once more at the venom in her voice. She was feeling underappreciated. Surely he can at least understand on some level. Maybe not, but he had to at least try. And if he couldn’t even understand, the best he could do was listen.

“Poe, you’re commander of the Black Force. I’m not a moron, okay? I know that you get recognized and respected. You know what happened to me two days ago? My keycard declined when I was trying to get lunch and someone behind me was like ‘do you even work here?’ and I was like ‘yeah, i’m the Commander of the Science Department.’ and they were like, ‘we have a science department?’ and I was literally gobsmacked!” She ranted as she knocked the mug over into the garbage. Poe silently nodded. 

“I don’t want civilians. I want to do something big. I want to do something amazing, not be stuck in a basement with assholes who think I can fix everything just because I’m smarter than they are when the issue is a busted AC. And the people who don’t even know there’s a science department? Fine, don’t care, not my problem. But I do enough! I do enough where me and everyone else who works here deserves to be recognized for the things we do. You would all die without us. We do things down here that you couldn’t dream of.” She was in full swing now, anger and exhaustion making her voice sound gravelly, as Poe only nodded in response. She didn’t need a person telling her that it’ll be okay. She needed someone to listen without telling her she was being a baby. Someone to just accept her feelings. And Poe was more than willing to be that someone.

“Look at this,” she stalked over with passion in her strides to her bookshelf and pulled down what looked like an engine pipe off the shelf. It had three pipes extending from different parts, all feeding back into the one tube. Then Poe realized it was an engine pipe.

“You’re in space, you run out of fuel. Now what, you just drift about until you die or someone comes to save you? Not with this, no, I designed this myself. It takes the particles in the air,  everything from remaining exhaust particles from other ships that passed through at some point and converts it into a temporary fuel that can get you safely to the closest planet. It will collect everything as you fly. Rain water if you're on planet? Takes that, stores it, and turns it to fuel. Clouds? Those too! And you know what?” She asked as she placed it down into the desk.

“I present it to the board and they tell me to focus on your X-Wing for right now.” That one cut through Poe like a knife. Something so incredible, something that could save his sorry backside was postponed from his recklessness. From his carelessness. Up until now, he was certain he had done nothing too serious to deserve his involuntary sabbatical. And now he’s witnessing this woman on the verge of combustion because a project that could really give a helping hand to so many others wasn’t being respected. 

“Merca? She’s incredible. The first person to concentrate matter into an ever changing form so it can be consistently changed to suit anyone in combat. Forian? He creates new life. New animals that can help people with PTSD, people who struggle through day to day life, who have left the resistance because it’s too much for them. People stuck in the med bay who aren’t sure they’ll get up to fight tomorrow. People who can’t even write, there’s a bird in there that can write with its beak! And that is something incredible. And me? I did this. Not a mechanic, not a doctor, not a pilot, not a jedi. Me, I did it all alone.” She emphasized slamming her palm on the table next to the engine pipe again. Damn. Now he really felt dumb being around the three of them. Everything made sense. The bird Poe saw Forian beat and then tenderly cared for when he first started that now coos happily at Poe and is a big fan of hugs. The black goop dripping through Merca’s office that still remains whenever she turns her lights off and her black lights on. That’s what they were doing and Poe felt a bit worthless just listening to it. Their working on things to really change the tide but have to spend all their time running behind others and helping keep things up and running without an ounce of thanks. And Poe blows up his ship and gives them more work. 

“I can’t understand your feelings. I can’t because I have never worked so hard to just be thrown to the side. But think okay, before you storm out and leave all you’ve worked for behind. When we win, when all this is over, you know who's gonna be known as the Scientist who helped lead us to victory? You. It’s gonna be all you. And when that’s done, when the universe knows peace, you can get out of here and find somewhere your talents will be appreciated. No one could look you in the face and say that you need to focus on something else because you know what you’ll be able to do? You’ll be able to say ‘I created this, I built X-Wings, I created medicine all so your sorry ass could be free.’ and no one can ever take that from you or Merca or Forian. It’s an injustice, I know it is. There’s no other word for it and I’m sorry that this is what you consistently have to fight through.” He slowly walked to her desk and made eye contact with her. She couldn’t quit. Everything she does? She was right, everyone would die without the science department. Maybe incredibly slow, maybe incredibly quick. Poe didn’t want to find out. 

“Please. You didn’t even know I built your ships. You thought it was the mechanics.” She laughed. But this time it was real. A real laugh that escaped her lips that warmed Poe’s heart. 

“Okay, true but can you really blame me?” He responded with a sly chuckle. There she was. There was his Scientist, kind and sweet. All she needed was someone to hear her. All she needed was someone to truly hear her, not even understand her. And Poe wanted that to be him. And so long as she kept smiling at him like that and laughing, he would listen to her say anything she wanted.

___________________________________________________

That was a long one! I really hope you all enjoyed it, please let me know what you think!

@2tar08 , the next chapter is finally up incase you wanted to be tagged! I hope you like it.

#black reader #poe dameron #poe dameron x reader #fem reader #princess leia #star wars #x reader #shy reader

[juneviews]

I’m so glad you summoned us to your ask box bc I agree that watching cooking crush is so lonely. I am constantly lurking in the tag and its so depressing compared to the energy ‘not me’ got every sunday. I am so happy that offgun are doing a romcom. I know that you like angsty offgun but I desperately needed an offgun show that is lighthearted and cc is serving. Gun is shining in this show and I love that he lives with his grandma and sister. I have always found that Gun bounces off of actresses really well, especially older women, and he makes dynamics with them seem really natural and comforting. And holy moly is Off Jumpol blessing my eyeballs. I find myself swooning every time he comes on screen and this character feels so soft. I love how gentle Ten is with Prem. The way he quietly accepted that Prem was willing to teach him despite Prem screwing with him earlier in the episode. And then reassuring Prem that he is a good cook. Ugh I am so living for this dynamic and can’t wait to see what offgun do with it further.

But gmmtv and I will have words about them not releasing the full versions on youtube. Like what more can they do to inhibit offgun?

yeah to be fair I never expected the fandom experience for cc to be anywhere near not me bc that kind of collective watching experience can never be matched, but I'm glad many people have taken up my open call to discuss cooking crush lol bc it was getting lonely!

honestly, while I do love my angst & deeper topics, I've been glad that cooking crush is a silly romcom since the first trailer dropped. as I said in my gmmtv 2022 reaction video, I think we do need a breather after how intense & life-changing not me was, and also offgun are just SO GOOD at romcoms bruh, it's the perfect genre for them (even though they've slayed every genre they've been in too!) also I have this theory that cooking crush was chosen for offgun specifically to bring them back to their "bankable" image that they lost due to not me being too political & half of the entertainment kinda blacklisting them, which while not me being censored is bullshit, I am glad that it's not gonna affect offgun's careers long term & they're now back to getting more events & ads together!

you're so right about gun bouncing off actresses & especially older ones very well, I 100% agree! prem's ama is my fave I love her, she's such a good supportive force in prem's life :))) as for ten being super gentle & soft, YES!!! I was told before the show aired that novel!ten is like the softest man in existence, yet off still managed to exceed my expectations! especially after sean who was his roughest character to date hahaha! ten just feels like a big teddy bear, every time he appears on screen I wanna squish his cheeks 🥺 ten is really as forgiving as sean was hahaha, whoops I think I found another favorite character! the tenprem dynamic is literal perfection, though. they match each other so well I think I might pass away once they get together 😭

gmmtv is so fucking weird, like they still stand behind offgun & give them shows & fanmeets, etc. but at the same time they often do a terrible job promoting them. here what upsets me the most is that gmmtv actually was promoting cooking crush pretty damn well, but they set up cooking crush with their contract with wetv. it's nice that wetv seems to have given cc a lot of funds, which is why it was their headlining thai show of the year at their event in september, but I think in exchange they refused to have gmmtv post the full uncut eps to make it a wetv exclusive, which is bullshit. while gmmtv couldn't do much against it, they couldn't have discussed other ways, like they've done for other shows. it just really sucks bc the uncut version is the only great way to watch the show, but I wanna support the show on gmmtv's channel too :(

xxx

#answers #cooking crush #cooking crush the series #tenprem #off jumpol #gun atthaphan

[sjofn-lofnsdottr]

Third place of my dudes - and he's only third because I like playing Merc with Vezin, mind you - is Errol, my dumb sadcat.

Where Dusk looks high or distracted (you'll all see, eventually), where Mercuriel looks furious, Errol looks sad. He makes the most cartoonish sad faces, and I love it to death. And I don't know why, but his eyes just seem shinier, like he's on the verge of tears, a lot of the time.

This delights me, because I have been playing Errol in various forms since fuckin' 2014. I know him and what makes him tick extremely well. He's normally a depressed, cowardly human man in these things. When I first started playing FFXIV, I realized something that was going to make things more fun for me was yammering about the batshit experience I was having (I'd never played a FF before) to people. I did this via a written LP on a forum I frequent. They were all familiar with Errol due to the Let's Plays I'd written of the Sim version of him, and I let them pick what Errol should be in his FFXIV form. They picked miqo'te, and damned if they weren't right about this being the most Errol possible thing he could be in this universe.

Errol doesn't want trouble. Errol takes losses extremely hard, and he's very sensitive to other people's losses as well. Errol just wants to quietly live his life and avoid commitments like he owes them money. He hates conflict, and especially hates fighting. Errol is the worst possible choice for a giant crystal to pick as Her Champion.

He knows it, too. It weighs on him a lot, that everyone is depending on him and he hates everything about it, especially since he has no faith in himself, but he can't just ... not. So he dies inside, every day.

So it'll come as no surprise, then, that his MSQ class is DRK. Forever DRK, no matter how inept I feel playing one (well, DPS-wise, I'm still good at rolling defensive cooldowns and shit, obviously).

Seriously, his face is a treasure.

He is also married! The way he wound up married is sort of funny. Someone in my FC - I didn't know them particularly well at the time - wanted to get married for the glamour items. Some people volunteered but I got the vibe they'd be weird about it. I didn't know my friend very well back then, but I knew they deserved better than someone bad weird. I'm an old married woman who loves her husband very much, I am safe as hell for that sort of thing! I'm GOOD weird!

Her name is Y'sonjha. We decided she convinced Errol to pretend to be her husband so she wouldn't have to come up with excuses for why she wasn't going home to hook up with the latest nunh. Then whoops, they caught feelings, because lol romance novel tropes.

It's kind of funny, because the actual player behind her has wound up my best friend, go figure.

He struggles with the idea of not being good enough for her, but by and large he accepts she thinks he's good enough, and that's what's important.

I struggle with lighting them sometimes, I should really do more gposes of them for the practice.

Anyway, that's Errol, the Saddest Cat.

Please love him as much as I do.

#ffxiv #LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY CHARACTERS #sadcat #errol #if I want to make my friend shriek I just send him a picture of errol #WHY IS HE SO SAD ALWAYS he cries #i feast upon it

[snowblossomreads]

Exhibit 3: Art of Starting Over

Previous Chapter: Somebody That I Used To Know

Pairing: Sinclair Bryant x Amiee Huang (OC)

Summary: In where Amiee and Sinclair have their reunion dinner. Things are clarified yet complications arise as unsettled feelings bubble back up.

Tag(s)/Warning(s): Strong hints of depression, mentions of divorce, some fluff and comfort, and a bit of distress kind of through out the entire story.

Word Count: 7.7K

A/N: And in a much longer chapter (there is no consistency i tell you idk what that means)! As usual apologies for any mistakes and butchering of British English speak LOL. Hopefully it's still as enjoyable to read as it was for me to write! Off we go now with the lil past lovebirds.

The drive back into London proper was uneventful. Since most people were already at their dinner spots it left the roads calmer than they had been.

But the conversation in the car was lively as both Amiee and Sinclair conversed about the recession that had hit and how the government should have acted sooner. However, both of them couldn’t agree on exactly what the best course of action should have been.

"I guess that's why neither of us are in parliament. We run the whole bloody country into the Atlantic," Amiee joked, causing Sinclair to chuckle tapping the steering wheel of the car as he laughed.

It hadn't been all doom and gloom though as they jumped from topic to topic with ease, one being the Football League that had ended months ago but was still a source of conversation considering its outcome, especially for the residents of Manchester.

"And I'm sure you were proper chuffed when your beloved United won the League this year! If I remember correctly your current borough had a team playing? Did you double-dip your support?" Sinclair asked.

"Whoop!" She shouted, clapping her hand giddily at the memory of the clock running out in the final game and the score being 1-0 for Manchester. "You know I'm not that much of a football fan but there is something about having your home team finally win big. I did have to tone it down initially when Tottenham was still in play but when they got knocked out United was the only one in my heart!"

The laughter that they both shared over the subject made her forget the forlorn longing she had for him as they chattered about. But she couldn't help but feel a bit regretful at times when she saw how brilliant he was when laughing. From the way the crow's eyes he had deepened, to how wide his smile was and how loud he would laugh. It tugged at her heart and the wistfulness of it all had her want to avert her gaze for fear of tears slipping out.

If she was in Sinclair's mind though she would know he felt the same whenever he looked at her and saw her peeking up at him with a grin that made him equally feel a reawakening of a bond cut short.

With the conversation though it seemed like time had passed in a flurry as Sinclair was parking in the garage at the end of Chinatown before she had realized it.

"And here we are! See easy. No fuss at all coming to pick you up. Now sit there I’ll come over to you," Sinclair commanded in one breath as he quickly unbuckled and exited the car while Amiee unbuckled her seat belt.

She watched as he paced around the front of the car to her side and opened the door holding his hand out for her to take.

"Such a gentleman as always," Amiee simpered and it garnered a pleased smile from Sinclair as he helped her out before closing the door behind her.

Entwining her arms around his elbow she told herself to ignore the stupid ring on his finger and if she imagined hard enough maybe she could act as if she was wearing a matching band of her own.

God could she be any more delusional?

They made their way out of the dark garage and onto the illuminated streets that were crowded with chattering people in search of dinner or just hanging out.

"It's straight down the street on the corner," Sinclair announced as he guided them onto the pavement and began to walk briskly in that direction. "Hopefully it's not too crowded but it's also a Friday night so I wouldn't be too surprised either. The wait will be worth it though!"

"Well I sure hope so because I'm already starving," Amiee panted trying to keep up with his long strides and attempting not to be dragged by him. "And keeping up with your long legs is also a task on its own so I'll be doubly starved when we get there!"

His eyes flicked down at her when she stated that and he couldn't help but feel apologetic when he noticed how much faster he was moving than she was.

"Aha sorry it's the food," he apologised, slowing down to a more comfortable pace for them both. A relieved sigh left Amiee's lips as her legs stopped screaming at how fast they were walking and he grinned at her. "I'm just excited for you to try it, and for me to eat it, of course!"

"I know but let's not qualify for the next Summer Olympics. I don't think either of us would be appreciative of the restrictive diets some of the players have," she teased while watching a cross look appear on Sinclair.

A diet for him? She wished whoever tried to get him to follow one the very best of luck. She didn't think he needed it in the first place as he was perfectly fit in her eyes and had always been so.

A thought did briefly cross her mind about how possible it would be for him to win a gold medal if the reward was a food tour around the hosting country. It made her giggle and Sinclair looked at her quizzically.

"What, tell me why are you laughing I want to laugh with you," Sinclair prodded as they crossed the road saying a brief ‘excuse me’ to a touristy looking man who brushed shoulders with him.

"It's nothing I was just thinking about how great of a runner you would be if the prize was some world famous food tour. I can see it now! You just blasting past all those other sprinters with one thing on your mind."

A grin spread across his face and even in the dim streets, his expression lit everything around him up.

"Oh yes, I think if France was one of the countries that they let me tour I be very much up to the task. I would love that very much, hmm now I need to ask if that’s an actual thing!” He said it so seriously that Amiee couldn’t help but shake with laughter as he took hold of the subject and went on about it. “Did you know that the Michelin guide considers Lyon to be the world capital of gastronomy? I've been there a few times and I have to say I agree with them there is so much to try and all of it delicious and the wine is just-."

'Click' 'Click' 'Click'

While Sinclair continued to ramble on about the food of France, Amiee stopped in her tracks and turned around at the noise of a camera's shutter going off. It caused him to pause with her but he continued to happily educate all those around him about the world class food of France. He of course got some stares and giggles from people walking by. It didn’t bother him at all.

"Did you hear that?" Amiee asked, letting go of Sinclair's elbow and looking around them for the source of the noise she just heard.

"Hmm no what's that?" Sinclair hummed turning in the same direction as her and seeing the same thing she was seeing, which was just a lot of people.

An odd feeling bubbled in her stomach as she turned around to look at him. A slight frown began to mar her face as he continued to search for whatever she was even though neither was sure what it was.

"No it's just I heard this clicking noise like a camera shutter," she answered looking at him with furrowed eyebrows and a confused expression. "It sounded kinda close but it's a bit late to take pictures right now." Her hand motioned to the already set sun that left the sky a darkish blue as night began to settle over the place.

"Maybe they’re just trying to get pictures of the area? It is quite pretty with all these lights on the dark background of the sky," he pointed out. "These lanterns here add a nice ambience to it also and with all these people around it makes a nice candid shot. Those kinds of shots always win Pulitzers so maybe they are practicing don’t you think?"

"Right," she mumbled a bit warily, still confused even if his point was logical.

'You're weird week continues.'

She thought to herself only being brought back to the present by an excited noise from Sinclair that made her turn to him.

"Oh wait but look! All that talking and we are here!" He exclaimed gesturing to a brick building with a smooth black exterior on the outer window that had the establishment's name on it in English and Chinese.

"Well, shall we?"

Her stomach grumbled at his question and they both looked down at the culprit before locking eyes again which caused them to break into a noisy fit of laughter.

"I-I guess that's a yes," she chuckled, burying the unease down and allowing herself to continue enjoying the night as he led the way into the restaurant.

It was loud with the rush of dinnergoers and the savoury smell of food only had Amiee more excited as they were seated and began ordering. They had both agreed on a main dish of roasted duck with scallion pancakes and a variety of smaller eats one enjoys when going to a place like this.

After getting settled they both fell into a comfortable pace of chatting with one another just as old friends who lost touch would.

"I'm telling you I thought my soul had left my body when I saw the thing dragging a pizza across the pavement," Amiee wheezed trying to hold back the laugh caught in her throat as she retold the story about her rat encounter on the streets of New York City. "Sinclair it was huge, gigantic! I thought the rats were just a myth but it was there and I was just so confused I couldn't move! It was like if that thing can drag a pizza what else could it drag? Me!?"

Sinclair, who was already partaking in some of the food that had already arrived couldn't stifle the choked noise that left him as he grabbed his glass of water and downed it.

"A whole pizza?" He guffawed his brows furrowing at the image of a rat dragging a pizza. "What a waste who is throwing a whole pizza away? And I doubt the thing would have been able to drag you if I remember they only drag about two times their body weight!"

This time Amiee giggled, not at all surprised he was concerned more about the uneaten food than anything else.

"I don't know about that, apparently the rats there have a specialized diet so I can't put it past them being able to drag a grown adult," she mused as she plucked a soup dumpling from one of the bamboo steamers, "but what I do know is I'm more scared of those rats now than anything."

Their laughter died down as the main dish of the evening was served and for a few moments, the only thing they could discuss was how good it was before they were silent as they dug into the meal.

Amiee had to admit Sinclair had chosen well with the restaurant, granted she never doubted him when it came to culinary things. He did have a refined palate for all things yummy. And she had always been up to try anything new that he recommended considering they had never had a bad outing.

She did find herself grinning once or twice when she looked up and saw Sinclair very much entranced at their meal gobbling everything up. It seemed when it came to food, manners be damned Sinclair was going to have his fill of it. 

As he should and she supported it.

It couldn't have been more than thirty minutes into the main entree that Amiee decided that it was time to ask the question that had been burning in her head the entire time. Whether or not it burned her she would deal with it later because she was honestly just very curious. Was he married or not? Surely that ring wasn't just there for show...?

"And you Sinclair?" She asked, causing him to look up at her tilting his head and letting his hair adorably flop to the side. "Anything exciting in your life, you know friends, new hobbies, or...," she trailed off as her eyes seemed to automatically find the ring on his finger even if she wasn't purposefully looking for it.

He must have caught her glance though as he nervously began to play with the band. The piece of jewelery glinted at her in the dim light of the restaurant like it was mocking her and she could only look down at her food a little, a frown on her face.

"Wife and kids?" She finished before taking and popping a piece of the roasted duck in her mouth and groaning at how moist and savoury it was while having a crispy skin. 

Sinclair's eyes brightened for a second before dimming at her question, bright ambers became dull while a nervous expression washed over his features as he continued to fidget with the band. She had to say that the sudden look of misery that washed over his features caused the flavors of the food to suddenly become bland.

"Erm, no, no kids...unfortunately," he muttered, his voice unusually soft which was almost drowned out by the other patrons. "And yes a wife..."

Amiee felt her heart drop at his answer but she tried to keep her expression neutral even if all she felt inside was a bubbling of sadness. But what did she expect? He was wearing a wedding ring.

"But." Her ears perked up as she watched his brows furrowed and he seemed to be mulling over his words before continuing. "We're separated at the moment, well, divorcing actually."

His eyes averted Amiee's gaze that had widened in ill hidden shock as he spoke and she could see the dejection in his expression grow. For a moment Sinclair looked a bit older than he was and it brought a tinge of unhappiness to her.

The ray of sunshine that he was seemed to dim even more and for a moment she wanted to commit violence against whoever had caused him to be upset like this.

Not even once did she think that Sinclair was the culprit of something that would cause a divorce because while the man wasn't an angel, he might as well be close to one with how good natured he was.

Never had he been anything but loyal to her while they had been dating and while he could be a bit overbearing she always knew it was because of how much he cared and it had always been hard for her to get annoyed by it.

It was endearing to her and she had found the remedy was to let him know. And just like the puppy he seemed to be, he would scamper away happily to leave one to their own devices in search of a book or snacks. Or both.

Well for a little while at least.

She was brought back from her thoughts by his voice as he continued to explain his predicament with as much enthusiasm as one could muster about such a topic. Which was none.

"I'm hoping by the end of the year, earlier would be nice," he sighed as a weary expression blanketed his features and he picked at his food again, another unnatural thing for him to do. "But it's dragged on a bit longer than I thought it would have. It's a bit messy to be truthful, with the solicitors and such everyone up in arms about this and that and oh! I don't know why I'm going on about this! This dinner was for you and to celebrate your new job!"

Being told that she had indeed been hired while simultaneously being distressed for Sinclair and his currently messy divorce was not what Amiee thought she would be experiencing at the same time. And while she wanted to jump from her seat and shout ecstatically about the job, the urge to comfort the man sitting across from her won out easily, especially with how sad he looked. She always hated it when he was sad, it didn't fit him.

"Sinclair no no it's okay! I'm the one who should be sorry. I didn't mean for this to go sideways. I was just being nosy oh god I shouldn't have asked. I just thought...Well, I don't know what I thought really."

Apologizing profusely, she leaned over the table and reached over to place a comforting hand on top of his, squeezing it in what she hoped was reassurance. The action, while innocent, sent a warm sensation up both of their arms, one that had them locking eyes for a moment before shyly looking down as she retreated. Any sadness in his eyes seemed to diminish as amber flecks lit up at her touch.

If she felt bad about his current messy relationship status, the feeling was more overshadowed by how there was something deep in her that was well..relieved in some twisted way.

Letting out an inaudible sigh, Amiee could only shake her head at herself slightly perturbed with her brain which continued to guilt her. Yet it also kept planting the thoughts it was guilting her for so who was the bad guy here?

"Of course you didn't mean to! How would you have known considering," he trailed off nodding to his ring breaking Amiee out of her stupor once again. "Honestly I'm still not sure why I still wear it, probably something to do with memories and attachments. I did read about it in some book I picked up at this bookstore near the office. You should visit it the owner is lovely and she even lets me have free books sometimes!" Sinclair beamed, happiness radiating off of him suddenly as he talked about his new go to bookstore and the book he had gotten.

Quirking an eyebrow, Amiee took a sip of water while trying to hold in a laugh at how pleased he had become at talking about the bookstore. As if they hadn't just pivoted from the somber topic of his divorce.

"Free books? That may be bad for business but I may also have to visit this bookstore if that's the case," she grinned, "but this sounds lovely though I'm glad that you didn't scare her with your little nose around!"

"I am too!" He agreed with a grin and she was glad that he was already smiling again. 

It made her feel more relaxed as he grabbed a napkin and dabbed at his lips. An action that she kept her eyes on more intently than one should.

"Oh but now where were we?" He asked before his face lit up and he snapped his fingers. "The job that's right! Everything went through and someone should be giving you a ring Monday about it isn't it wonderful? I'm quite looking forward to getting to work with you again. I think we'll make quite a team as usual and you can have your office next to mine!"

Enthusiasm dripped off Sinclair's lips as he chattered eagerly about her new job and each moment had her smile growing wider and wider before she couldn't help but interrupt him with a high pitch cheer of happiness that stopped Sinclair in his tracks.

Amiee's brown eyes were alight and whether or not it was the lights making her eyes twinkle Sinclair couldn't help but be sucked into them just as he was her smile that he had noticed long ago was always more prominent towards her right side.

It was adorable. Everything about her was and for a moment he couldn't take his eyes off her as she practically danced in her seat. People were probably staring at them from the outburst but neither were concerned with anything other than each other.

Up until this moment, he had forgotten how much he had missed her initially when everything had happened. When she left there was this strange ache that he hadn't felt before. Yet seeing her so cheerful, so jovial in front of him now made him forget how long she had been gone and how much it had hurt when she had left. And in its own way, it made him forget his own unhappiness about his failed marriage because here was Amiee.

Even six years away from her and yet he still considered her his best friend even..even if she no longer did. But there was still a minuscule glimmer of hope that this was the case. Especially as he felt her leg gently tap his and her smile made him feel warmer than any summer could.

'Stop it, stop it, think logically Sinclair you're not the only person in her life she's happy about being hired nothing else. Don't be silly.'

"Sinclair thank you thank you thank you!" Amiee gushed, interrupting his chattering brain.

Her cheeks had begun hurting with how hard she was beaming at him and her heart thumped in joy at the semi-official news. While it wasn't a done thing until she signed papers it might as well have been as Sinclair never reneged from his word.

"Oh don't thank me, well I won't say no to thanks actually so you're welcome!" He smirked, looking quite pleased with himself at how well the deal had gone. "But thankfully HR turned everything around so quickly that you'll be pleased to know that I only had to talk to them once, no bothering of any kind needed just like you asked."

Things rarely went smoothly in the business world as they all knew but this had, and it made him feel even more confident that it was the right decision. That, and the way Amiee looked as if she was floating on Cloud 9 as he gave her the news made it also worth it as she continued to shine the rest of dinner.

They stayed for another hour or so before their waitress came with the bill seeing that they had eaten their fill and when Amiee reached for it she was startled slightly when Sinclair's arm shot out and grabbed it away from her.

"Sinclair no let's at least split the cheque please!" Amiee protested as he nabbed the tiny black fold the bill was in from her causing her to try and reach for it again.

This only made him turn his body away from her as if shielding it so that she couldn't get hold of it.

The waitress tending to them gave them an odd look but neither paid attention as Amiee was trying and failing to wrestle the bill from Sinclair who was adamant about paying for it.

"Absolutely not! This is your celebration and I'm not going to make you pay for it, especially with it being the first dinner we've had in forever," he fussed, pulling his wallet out and placing a few bills in it before handing it to the waitress telling her to keep the change.

The waitress whose lips quirked in bemusement thanked them before making her away from their table. No doubt going to tell her coworkers about the antics she had just witnessed.

"Plus take it as compensation for me being a downer for some of it!" He explained as he slid out from behind the table and walked over to Amiee's side of the table before offering her his arm.

"Alright now come on darling! It's supposed to be a nice evening out. Do you want to go on a walk before we head back to your place?"

A sigh of defeat fell from her lips at his question but she accepted his arm and got up from her seat. But as she took his arm she playfully bumped his side causing him to give her a puzzled look before a smirk on her lips appeared.

"Next time I'm paying, now lead the way, Mr.Bryant," she teased, causing him to chuckle before doing as she asked.

They had gotten back to her flat a little past 10 after they had taken a short stroll after dinner. And as promised once they returned she had allowed him to nose around her flat.

Anything interesting he saw he pointed it out, and he became especially thrilled when he saw the multiple canvases that decorated the hallway of the entrance.

"Amiee these are beautiful!" He admired staring at the details of each painting. "Did you paint all of these yourself?"

"No just these two," Amiee pointed to an acrylic painting of a city skyline that focused on the stars above and a nature scene that had flowers floating on a pound at sunset. "These though," she continued as Sinclair watched her eyes light up and she began to glow with pride as she motioned to a vibrant and colorful bouquet in a vase and another that was different from them all.

It was the side profile of a woman yet instead of a face her head had been sectioned off like a floor plan and inside each square there were different things. Flowers in one, tiny people in another, the sun, moon and some cogwheels in another. Each section had something different in it. All of it very abstract and yet all of it very beautiful including the profile of the subject who Sinclair thought looked very much like Amiee.

"They were from Angela, you remember my little sister?" Amiee pointed out examining the painted canvas and drawing his attention back to it as well. "It was a going away gift when I moved. A small something of her going with me as she said. I think she was like 17, 18 when she painted them but it's quite mint innit? She'll be going to the Royal College of Art in September actually!"

Sinclair began to mentally backtrack trying to remember if he had ever met her little sister before his lips went into an 'o' shape at a memory.

"Oh her! She was the one that found us snogging in my car when I dropped you off near your parent's home wasn't she?"

The choked laugh that left Amiee's throat caused Sinclair to look at her worriedly before his hand went to her back to gently pat her thinking she was actually choking. This only made her double over even more, causing his concern to increase for an instant before he began to share in her laughter.

"I-I'm fine Sinclair I'm fine," she gasped, still trying to get a hold of herself but failing to contain her amusement still. "Y-yes that's her, oh god haha! I almost had a heart attack because I thought it was the cops knocking at the window but it was her which made it somehow worse," she tittered remembering Angie's stunned expression when they locked eyes.

Amiee had never sprung away so fast from someone but being caught with your secret boyfriend by your little sister will do that to you. The walk home was awkward to say the least. But at least her sister had been very supportive of the relationship and had kept it from their parents as she had been asked. 

As their laughter died down, they both shared a smile with each other, cheeks hurting from how much they had repeated the motion over the couple of hours they had been together. Yet neither minded as Amiee began to let Sinclair poke around some more, giving him free rein of her flat as if nothing had changed between them.

After a while of finding anything and everything interesting, he excused himself to the loo giving Amiee a chance to change into her more comfy house clothes looking forward to going straight to bed after he left. Not that she was going to rush him out no, but she was a bit knackered from all the excitement and was sure once her head hit the pillow she would be out.

"Amiee?" His voice echoed out of the bathroom as she heard the water turn from the sink faucet turn off.

"Hmm you okay?" She called grabbing a decorative pillow and curling up with it lazily.

"I'm fine!" he answered back before popping out of the bathroom but not before giving something one last glance. "I got a bit distracted with the lobster basket in your bathroom. Why do you have a lobster in there? I am a big fan of lobster and I learned recently there are 75 different species of them but I'm confused," he rambled on making his way over to the sofa ."It's very cute though! May I?" He asked, pointing to the empty spot next to her.

"Of course get comfortable! And are you talking about Sebastian, my menstruation crustacean?"

"You gave it a name did you?" He asked, delighted at the revelation of the object having a name. "How very you and it's one of those characters from The Little Mermaid?"

"Of course I did! Something as cute as him deserves one but yes he uhm," she paused, not really sure how else to explain it other than directly. They were all adults here. "Well he keeps all my period stuff on hand. It's easy access when any of the girls come by and Bloody Mary decides to follow them."

Sinclair nodded in understanding as he took his seat next to Amiee who scooted towards him still hugging her pillow as they sat in a tranquil silence.

It wasn't uncomfortable, but it was very odd when Sinclair of all people had nothing else to say and he seemed to realize that too as he began to fidget a bit with his fingers. Truthfully he did have something he wanted to ask that had been on his mind for a while, especially during dinner but he was unsure of how to word it gently. And it probably wasn't an exciting topic either but neither was the topic of his divorce so.

Amiee, who seemed to notice him fidgeting again, unfurled her arms from around the pillow and instead laid her hands on top of his. Feeling her fingers around his, Sinclair jumped a little at the closeness and turned to look at her. A gleam was in her eyes and before he knew it, she was asking him about the thing swirling in his mind.

"You're awfully quiet, something on your mind or," giving him a knowing look she added, "something you wanna ask?"

Had he forgotten the adoration he had for her, which he didn't, it would have all flooded back to him then at her question and her gesture. She had been the only person to notice his little tic it seemed and to show a type of care for him when she saw it.

Not even Natalie had noticed the signs of his anxiousness. Only telling him to stop moving around so much when he did get fidgety. It only made it worse. 

Cogwheels turning in his mind about how to gently ask the question, he figured that he might as well be direct. Kind of like how he was with some of his clients even though she wasn’t his client. Hmm maybe he should be softer? 

‘Oh come on Sinclair ask the damn question!’

"Erm I just wanted to know well…why did you come back Amiee?" Sinclair questioned as he furrowed his brows, his lips turning into a slight frown as he watched her shoulders slump. "At dinner it felt like you had a wonderful time in the States, studying, working, meeting new people yet you're here. And don't get me wrong I'm happy you're here because I've..."

'I've missed you and wished you never left.'

"Sinclair?"

The little tilt of her head and the comforting squeeze of his hand as she said his name made his heart speed up. For a split second, he wondered if he should drop the topic considering that in the back of his mind, he may have already known the answer and didn't want to become angry on her behalf. She had hated that before and he was sure she would hate it now but he had to know. Who would he be if he didn't poke around people's lives, especially people he lo-.

"I've missed you," he mumbled gently, stopping his thoughts from finishing the sentence that was forming as he watched her expression soften a bit and a wistful smile appear on her lips. "And I'm sorry we didn't stay in contact but I would have probably run your phone bill up into the thousands," he added on causing Amiee to chuckle at his attempt to lighten the mood that was somewhat somber.

"But it doesn't matter because I knew you were going to do wonderful things when you went there, and you did! You did more than wonderful you were successful and you seemed happy but now you're here and you were doing something that made you unhappy why did you come back to do something that made you unhappy?"

Unhappy.

Being a bank teller did make her unhappy and it did make her feel worthless she had expressed that many times. But there was an intensity in Sinclair's eyes that stopped her in her tracks signaling to her that he wasn't exactly talking about that.

His look reminded her that someone at work had once said he had a strange wisdom to him that one wouldn't expect from someone so...well so talkative as him and young too. 

He loved to chit chat with people and loved to nose around but he did have an aura of wiseness once you actually sat down with him to talk. It was probably why he was so good at his job. And for a moment she was sure that in all his wisdom he knew what the answer was. Or at least had some sort of theory as to why she had come back. 

It was the same thing that had made her run away in the first place. Granted she had never told him what had been the thing to break her, no she had been too broken up about everything else before she left.

"Well unfortunately I found out that-."

Going to answer him she was stopped by the sudden ringing of her house phone. The sharp sound of it filled the air as they looked up and in the direction of her kitchen.

"Ignore it, probably a wrong number they always call late at night I've gotten some before and let it ring of course I do pick up later if they keep calling," Sinclair said matter of factly looking back at Amiee who wore a bemused look on her face from his statement.

"Well hopefully they don’t call back I usually don't pick up after a certain time because you know sleeping," she answered before she slouched some more, her expression cooling a bit. "I don't know...I just...I knew it would be difficult being away from my family and friends. And that was fine because I mean I think you know how things were with them." Amiee said, looking up at Sinclair who nodded.

It was a sore subject, her family, and from the things she had confided in him he had understood why. Families were messy, he knew that all too well, but it seemed her life was a mismatch of paradoxes of doing something you didn’t really want to appease people who were supposed to love you with no strings attached. Yet she had told him, tearily one time, that she had felt like there were many strings attached. 

That subject was the one that caused them to have their first disagreement for many reasons and he learned to tread lightly when it came to that. Even if everything in him just wanted to push back and argue about it he didn’t because he knew it was more complex than he could understand. 

Which was saying something.

"But,” she continued drawing his attention in, their hands still holding one another, “the problem was I didn't realize how hard it was. Starting over is an art form and while I'm okay with a brush and canvas it's a bit more difficult when you're talking about your actual life."

And when you can't stop thinking about the possible consequences of running away instead of facing your problems.

Shaking her head to clear that thought, she looked up at Sinclair who had an understanding gaze in his eyes as he listened to her intently and it had been a while since she felt like someone was listening to her. Who would have thought it would be him of all people?

"If I'm being honest it was hard to cope when I was there. I mean don't worry I didn't go on a wild bender like some stories we've heard of people," she joked, causing him to crack a smile and murmur an amused 'of course you wouldn't'. 

"But I don't know the entire time even when I tried to make friends, be sociable, it just felt off...it felt wrong and over time it was exhausting every day. Going to work, going to school, studying everything was just exhausting and I just," her voice wavered a bit and she felt a familiar burn in her eyes which she tried to keep at bay. "I really missed my family and my friends." 

And you. 

"We only called every other month for a few minutes but you know I never even came back for a visit for those few years. It was-."

Retelling him just a bit of what she felt when she was gone was enough for that deep seated loneliness to begin bubbling up to the surface again and it caused her to choke up. And from Sinclair's dower expression, she could tell that he had noticed the shift in her but she continued.

"It was isolating but I didn't want to tell anyone so I just worked through it because I didn't want to fail...didn't want to," her voice pitched upward with emotion this time and she clasped her hand against her mouth quickly. 

A wide look of embarrassment was accompanied by eyes that shined not of happiness but the complete opposite before she wiped it away. "Oh god I'm sorry I'm ruining the day again aren't I with my bad topics?"

"No no of course not you could never ruin my day," Sinclair frowned as he went to wrap his arms around her shoulder, dragging her into a tight hug that had her breath hitching as he basically cuddled her towards his chest.

She couldn't help but notice the lovely citrus smell that wafted off of him as she laid her head on him. It was combined with a dark undertone that had her relaxing in his hold. It helped her if only slightly to ignore the discomfort in her own chest as she tentatively wrapped her arms around him in a hug.

"I was the one that asked you why you came back and I should be saying sorry for making you upset I just-."

Again the shrill noise from the phone ringing interrupted them once again to both of their chagrin.

"Do you usually get this many late night callers on a weekend?" Sinclair mused as Amiee huffed and turned her head to look down the hallway wondering who was calling this late.

"I don't and I'm trying to ignore it but if they call again I may answer it but I hope they don't."

They sat and let the phone ring until whoever on the other end figured out no one was going to reply or the operator hung up automatically. Either way, there was a sigh of relief from both when the noise stopped as it was a bit of an annoyance.

"Well that was anticlimactic don't you think?" Sinclair asked as Amiee deflated once again in his hold and he couldn't help but chuckle as she blew a piece of hair out of her face before just staying in his arms.

"But I'm sorry darling I didn't want to upset you. It just befuddled me when you showed up for the interview to be an assistant. And when you told me what you were doing I really thought something had to have gone wrong with the universe all things considered."

Looking up at him from her spot, Amiee was met with puzzled eyes that gleamed with apology and she couldn't help but feel a rush of emotion flood her.

"Don't be it looks like we’re just both bad at picking topics today," she smiled up at him, causing his puzzlement to change into a warm grin that had her heart dancing. "I'm just happy it was you that day. I...missed you and I do wish we stayed in contact but look at us now."

Amber colored eyes lit up at her admission before softening and Sinclair hugged her tighter than he had already been. There was a glint in both of their eyes as they sat studying one another.

Maybe...just maybe.

"Amiee?"

He asked, his voice unusually soft and his tone taking on something akin to velvet as his lips ghosted against her forehead. It caused her to tense in his arms as he lowered his face so that his breath tickled her face before their lips ghosted against each other.

Her breath hitched and slowly he leaned in and for a moment, she was going to let him do it, let him kiss her. Because if she was being honest to herself she had thought of him too often and unbeknownst to her, he had been guilty of doing the same.

'He's still married Amiee, you can't!'

Ah there her inner thoughts were. Always coming to save the day...or make it worse.

"Sinclair we can't," Amiee whimpered as the realization struck her and she turned her head to the side even though she so wanted to kiss him. "You're still married and...I don't...I don't want this to complicate it."

Yet she still had her arms wrapped around him as he went to nuzzle her cheek gently and the whine that left her throat when he kissed her cheek tenderly had a shiver run through his body.

It's not like anyone was watching. What harm was one kiss it wasn't as if she was against being with him. On the contrary, the little devil on her shoulder had been screeching at her louder and louder since he had picked her up to never let him go again.

Even if the pit in her stomach was nagging at her. Telling her that maybe he was just using her. She had heard of people getting back with their exes or starting relationships as a way to get through the rough patches in life. What if this was a case of that rebound?

No, no, no this was Sinclair she was talking about! He would never use her like that. In all her time knowing him, he was sunshine, he was happiness a bright spot on a dull day. A loyal friend and even with his faults he still had a pureness that was unnatural for a man of his age and his class it was strange.

And it was what she had grown to love about him so what was so wrong with this?

"Sinclair-." "Amiee-."

'BRRRRRING!'

The shrill ring of the telephone cut them both off this time halting any movement between them as it began to ring over and over.

"Ah for fucks sake!" Amiee hissed snapping out of the stupor that they both had been put in.

"It's rung about three times now," Sinclair frowned as he nuzzled the top of her head before touching her forehead with his own again. "Should you get it?"

She did say she was going to answer it if it rang another time. Whoever was calling her had better have a good reason to be.

With a little huff, Amiee looked at Sinclair once more, his eyes still had an intensity in them that made them so much more beautiful and before she knew what she was doing, she took a quick breath and grabbed both sides of his cheeks.

Leaning up she kissed his forehead sweetly before scrambling off the sofa and making her way to the kitchen to catch the phone leaving Sinclair bewildered and wide eyed.

Her own heart felt like it was going to explode out of her chest and her cheeks were certainly red with how warm she felt from her sudden actions.

Padding over to the phone she let out a long exhale before picking up and hoping it was just someone who had the wrong number so that she could get this over with quickly.

"Hello?" Amiee asked or more accurately spat confused and a little annoyed at having her time with Sinclair interrupted.

"Xuemei!" The sudden distressed wail of her Chinese name from her mother had Amiee sobering up immediately from any of that annoyance as it quickly turned into dread as her heart plummeted to her stomach at her mother's tone. "Where have you been why haven't you picked up the phone I've called you so many times!"

It was never good when a parent called late Amiee had heard from people before, and as rushed Mandarin poured from the other end causing her to try and calm her mother down she understood why as panic settled heavy in her.

"Mama I've been with my friend. What's wrong, why are you calling at this time-."

"You need to come home right now!" Her mother sobbed loudly, her voice cracking as she interrupted Amiee, causing bile to rise in her throat as her grip on the phone tightened.

Her mother didn't cry.

"It's Qiuxiang, she's in the hospital and the doctors can't wake her up! You need to come home!"

A/N: Me to me: Don't make it angsty no need for angst Also me to me: lets give characters more trauma for the funsies! What can i say we need a semi balance of plot and angst is always a nice go to! Now lets see what happens next huh? (whenever that will be :D )

#sinclair x oc #sinclair bryant #alan rickman character #the art of entangled hearts #blossom writes

[reborrowing]

I think I’m getting normal about posting writing again (coincidentally, tmi, had a med adjusted this week lol) and this is my wip table that I’m working on organizing atm

a strange appearance - I want it to be done! There’s two more parts and each are in progress. Definitely not done with Stranger Swap more broadly, but this’ll wrap up how their first encounter went

curse and confession - also a Stranger Swap piece, jumps back to Hollow after he sees Val as not-a-borrower. also explores a little more of the setting

Pocket Guides to Zombie Survival - I think I want to rework/combine the two pieces I’ve already posted. the first one was up before I decided to keep going with it and is really short, I think they could flow better.

Glass Eden (on the whump blog) - whoops I got distracted and depressed and forgot to keep writing more than a single chapter more of this, but I do want to make the little dude more miserable

Dragonscale - maybe I want words to this au instead of just pictures. we’ll see.

I kind of want to finish amitb, just so I have something Finished on my blog other than one shots, but I just can’t get the motivation to care about that one.

Anything else that I’ve said I might do or continue is probably going to stay on the shelf.

#idk if people like…follow my writing and look for updates? but here’s where I am #I don’t have anything ready now but I want to lol #blog maintenance

[bumblebeehug]

whoops here comes an analysis on the pheonix priestess movie - heads up before you read!! this is all lighthearted and my personal opinion, you could probably tell me the opposite opinions and i’d agree in some way so if i sound mad or upset just know that it’s all written with love :)

i rewatched the pheonix priestess movie and wanted to commit crime at how badly they portrayed lucy lmao. at first they made her cute and excited for the job, but then they fail it which obviously is fine except lucy thinks it's all her fault (like yes she was the one who couldn't catch the thief but NEITHER COULD THE OTHER IN TEAM NATSU). then there's some scenes where lucy blames herself despite team natsu delibirately telling her that they don't blame her, and i get this whole fanfic vibe. like I can write a depressed lucy for those reasons because the stuff i write isn't canon, but unless she's depressed for genuinely good reasons (natsu leaving, losing aquarius key, not being able to say goodbye to her dad before he died) it just doesn't make sense for her character to get so genuinely sad over how things went. then, as if everything isn't bad enough, eclair acts like a total bitch just cause lucy wants to make friends with her - which leads me to the way she's acting when she's trying to make friends!! like why is she being so consistent on following eclair around and giving her ice cream and stuff when eclair is telling her she doesn't like it!!! LUCY WOULDN'T DO THAT, like sure, she'd walk quietly with her in that new town because she wants to protect her, but there's no way she'd act so obnoxious. then eclair decides to be kind to her, finally, because "oh, it turns out i'm not the only person in the world who has experienced sadness?? even mages can be sad?? but mages are bad because i hate magic!!" which was just a weird concept to me, like girl be for real.

nothing in that movie sat right with me (that’s a lie, i like the movie, but you get it) - i would like the nalu moments better if they didn't feel so out of place. there was no reason for eclair to tell natsu to take care of sad lucy - eclair and natsu barely had any interractions throughout the movie at all! how would she know shit about their relationship!! i'm sorry but it's just so weird. i do like how much natsu notices lucy though - when she's upset because of the mission he cheers her up, and when eclair bullies her (ignores her attempt to introduce herself) he jumps in to save the situation. those moments i like, because it shows development in how natsu pays attention to lucy, which does in fact prove that their relationship is evolving (nowadays it's all gone backwards though, but let's not talk about that here).

the portrayal i do like is when they show Lucy's more considerate side - she has moments where she pays attention to eclair's needs (asking her if she'd like to switch roommate since she obviously doesn't like lucy very much - good thing she declines that offer, because i would bite her head off if she took it), and is overall more silently caring. i like that more because that's the character i recgonise. don't get me wrong, i LOVE lucy's outbursts and outgoing personality, but she isn't known for being intrusive. she knows when not to step over boundaries, and this movie shows the complete opposite.

I also like when the thief (geese or whatever his name was lmao i love him) thanks her for being her - he admits that even if they were "enemies" (not that severe but u get it lol) he still found her intriguing enough to like her - which made him want to save her in a bad situation later on. he compliments her on her way of bonding even with her rivals (which i LOVE that they brought up - girlie befirends every single person she meets!! not even zeref could hate her lol) (no comment on that everlue guy though lmao).

I think that translates nicely later into how well eclair and lucy bonds later - they were truly only able to become friends thanks to lucy, because let's be so real: eclair's a bitch and i'll say it again. i still like the bond they formed later (they were such lesbians for a while i'd love them together if eclair had a better personality lol) because lucy could really shine in her way of loving her friends - she's the one who gets closest to the people around her, and she cries the hardest when they have to leave.

overall i have a love hate relationship with this movie, cause the characters are lowkey so ooc that they're in character which is ironic lol.

also i can't stand the animation. dragon cry stepped up!! love that animation, the pheonix priestess was just weird - their faces were weird, their propotions all whacky and they didn't look like themselves. some scenes were really pretty though, esp lucy's sad/melanchony faces.

#is it a crime to have these opinions #i'm aware of how critical this is #but i feel like it needed to be said #(it didn't need to be said actually but i just wanted to say it) #fairy tail #lucy heartfilia #natsu dragneel #the pheonix priestess #fairy tail the movie: the pheonix priestess #eclair fairy tail

[girldraki]

🍁+34 aurora

🍁 Where does your OC go when they need to have some time to themself? Would they ever have their own “comfort corner” filled with all the things they like? Do they have a favourite spot outside that feels like its theirs and theirs alone?

Remembers abruptly that a lot of these are going to come off super depressing because elodies gfs tend to come from pretty bad backgrounds in one way or another. lol whoops

ok so aurora, having been raised and still living in a compound dedicated to Her Glorious Upbringing And Eventual Ascendance and who furthermore has been (forced to be) on the #grindset literally since she was old enough to learn to walk, does not have a lot of personal downtime and doesn’t really register it as a need she might have. but actually she desperately could use it and is clinging to what semblance of it she can get (mostly library and coffee shop visits) as is.

in good ending, which elodie precipitates, she moves out and while financially she probably needs roommates at least at first a major part of her Chilling Out will arrive when she finally gets a space of her own. it will probably be a tiny little apartment but something will click in her brain and she will spend a ton of her off time just kind of lounging. specifically she will love her bedroom to death and still probably set it up a little bit #aesthetic #academia but it’s no longer her Actual Job to be perfect so it won’t be

34. What’s their room look like right now?

dovetailing from the previous question fairly well! She is, as aforementioned, living in a compound that is partly renovated from a normal house on a big lot and part original architecture; her room is very dorm-y. it’s nice, like, there was a fair level of care put into her upbringing and she has nice furniture and a bookshelf and she picked her sheets and curtains and the wall paint etc but it also gives a very clinical vibe almost. like. she lives here but she doesn’t live here. it’s very/too tidy

#ask #ringtoneumruremix

[mentally-illenial]

Content Warning ⚠️ : drug mention, PTSD, stress and complaining

We officially sold the big car yesterday. There's a demand for used and new cars right now; dealerships have been shrinking in inventory since last summer. So a local dealership was quick to offer us our asking price, which is a godsend, honestly. But I didn't feel any relief or happiness about it yesterday. I know it's going to take a huge chunk out of our bill debt, and I'm incredibly grateful we had the resource to use as needed... But I feel bad. I feel guilty about selling a very generous gift that we only had for a year. I feel stressed that we had to downsize because we can't even afford something as simple as the gas for the big car, let alone should anything happen to it. I'm stressed that we lost a valuable vehicle, as our family is ever growing and genuinely could use the extra space and power (towing, storage, etc). And I'm anxious as fuck about the financial situation still. I've been applying for jobs regularly, and without bias; I had an interview at the most depressing Aldi store I've ever seen in my life the other day. I'm willing to work in service or retail hell to keep us balanced. But I'm honestly not content with the situation. And though selling the car brings in a significant amount of monetary relief, it feels like I've just borrowed a couple more days of uneasy peace, and that nothing has actually improved.

Last night I was feeling so upset, so I took a kpin before bed. I was tired and needed the sleep, but the anxiety and stress were making my body and mind so tense that it felt like I wasn't even lying there, but instead floating out of pure tension just over the sheets lol. I did knock out eventually, but now I'm groggy and just kind of bummed out today. I have a run that I'm planning to get to soon, and that's a nice thing to look forward to. But then it's back to the job grind, taking care of the house/husband/pups, and just trying to keep moving on. I'm out of a lot of core recipe ingredients. I'm out of my DOC (coffee lol); I have black tea, so at least my caffeine addiction is placated. My husband is just as picky as his kids and prefers foods that I don't have or don't have the ingredients to make right now... And my PTSD gives me extreme anxiety when someone close to me even comes off as upset, whoops.

My goal is to just tighten all the belts and just make it through this summer. I don't want the kids to worry or feel pressured about our financial issues. It's not their responsibility or burden to carry. Unexplainably luckily, my sister and mom have offered to help with groceries while the kids are here, so that's one fewer stressor on my mind for the next two months. Granted, they're preteen and teenaged, so they eat like rabid ship rats lol, so I'm not certain how long things will last. But they do enjoy some very cheap and easy meals like pancakes and chicken and dumplings, so that's stuff I can whip up with relatively cheap ingredients. But I'll have to keep looking for work while trying to keep everyone afloat.

It's not very helpful, also, that it seems all my husband wants to talk about or watch/listen to is bad news. I realize everything is awful right now and good news is few and far between, but every day, all day, he just wants to reiterate all the awful things happening around and to us. It's just his modus operandi for processing, I think, but it really wears me down. I KNOW how fucking terrible everything is. I KNOW how corrupt the government and the powerful corporations they shield are, despite the dire needs of the very people and economy that fund their existence. I KNOW the earth is dying and supply chains are breaking down and people are being violent all the time. Even when I try my damndest to ignore anything but good news/content, the realities seep through. And having my only constant human contact and partner constantly reiterating the awful echoes of our current realities just makes me feel so pressurized. There's no true relief to be had anywhere.

Blegh. Sorry if you read all that and are bummed out now lol. I just don't have anywhere else to put this weight. Which reminds me, I'm also supposed to be looking for a therapist right now... ugh. I hope everyone is hanging in there and doing okay right now. 💙

[doublegoblin]

Hello! This is your friendly inquiry to answer this ask with whatever you'd like to talk about right now! Whether that be a story you're working on, something you're excited or worried about, or just something random you happen to know.

All the love,

~ toribookworm ❤️

P.S. Ignore that I have yet to answer your very sweet return ask after my previous one. I am very appreciative, promise. 🥰

Well howdily doodily. No worries about the yet to answer, you've uh...been a little preoccupied so all good water under the bridge.

I think I'll just kind of do what I did last time and start with an idea and see where the rambling takes me.

Let me first use this as a chance to say thank you to all the people who have given me a follow, reblogged any of my things, liked, or whatever else. It really does mean a lot. I consider myself a very amatuer writer (not in a self-demeaning way) what with my exposure to writing mostly being through required english courses for my degree and roleplaying in the early aughts. So to have people not only see my stuff, but like it, is humbling. I'll keep the melodramatics low and just say once again, thank you.

Rambling right along, I also want to put this out that I may be setting up a side-blog for just my writings/other creative things. I hadn't thought when I first set this account up that I would be doing much outside of posting me things, whoops, so I want to make a place where people don't need to scroll through all of my feed to find anything. Still no idea when or what I'll call it, but uh, keep an eye out?

Related, with it being spring (at least it's suppose to be spring, I think Michigan didn't get the memo and speedran to summer...until we get snow next week that is) I'll be going on walks with my partner more often. With that also comes the joy of bringing out the old camera and snapping photos of whatever nature catches our eyes (mostly birds). So I guess maybe expect to see some of that? Idk, with the season changing and taking the depression along with it I've just been filled with a fresh drive. I'm even working up the courage to dive back into an ooooold passion of mine, something that can go hand in hand with my writing, keep an ear out?

Other than all that I'm making some more progress on my WIPs. Slow as it is. I try not to force myself to write when I'm not feeling it, sometimes that puts me right in the middle of a sentence lol. Working through some writers block and all that jazz, but hey that's what having multiple WIPs and one-offs is for (certainly not for procrastination)!

Speaking of which I'm glad to be diving back into my document style story again. Like I always knew I wanted to add more to that universe, I just didn't know how to approach a new series of events without it feeling the exact same as the one I just wrapped up, but I think I found the voice of this installment. To be frank, I was surprised by just how much fun I did have with the first installment (Cavern Chronology). It kind of breaks away from my usual style of writing; sitting down and letting the story create itself. Hopefully people enjoy this new part, either way I know I'll have a blast writing and re-reading it.

Well I'm starting to run out of "talking about myself" steam. So I'll just leave it all at that. Thanks again for reaching out and providing me with this little platform to, idk, just kind of word barf? Yeah that. I hope things are on an upward trend for you.

Some playfully pretentious words of encouragement: Even the thickest of winter's snow too will melt and nourish spring's new growth.

#writing #writeblr #thanks for the ask #asked and answered #no worries if you don't it's all good #I think I'm getting better at talking about myself lol

[kamil-a]

another acepost longpost? another one. boom. i wrote the majority of this a while ago but was waiting to see the full route in case id have more to say about it later

i was going thru some ace stay content again this morning and he really keeps EVERYTHING about tower stuff absolutely 100% locked down. wonder why hes keeping those particular cards to his chest...doylistly i guess so it can be a ng+ surprise lol

he gives alice his little "no don't seek mental health improvement youre so sexy like this aha" speech. no i like that youre humble and gloomy... hang on let me open the game and just quote him directly:

"im weak to masochistic people. it's like they need to be rescued, and it catches my attention. look, i am a knight, after all. when i see someone so unsure, i can't help but find it cute. i want to help them, but also to push them over the edge. it makes me want to bully them."

"hey, i may be a knight, but i'm also a wanderer. the kind that makes cute girls go along on his adventures, you know?" 

COMPUTER DIED AS I WAS LOOKING AT THAT SO I MAY HAVE MISQUOTED but the point is girls specifically. he's keeping the bi card close to his chest too. this i don’t think is saying anything intentional about him (the way i think the ‘look, i am a knight’ is) except like. we live in a heteronormative society, but it’s interesting with a like more headcanony interpretative lens, especially because i don’t think he has anything at all to lose by being Open about that- as we see from vivaldi!

also the other point i notice as i type is that specifically here he ties his depression fetish (for a quick n easy if much oversimplified term) to his role as Knight which is VERY INTERESTING!!! MUCH 2 THINK ABOUT. i dont think he does that in the tower.

but also in the tower he also just sort of lists negative traits and goes "well i think they can be good! and i'm attracted to people like this :)" and i feel like here he goes a bit more into WHY. 

not that i think he even knows the full why, because i think THAT'S a fear of being abandoned by a person who can 'get better' like he doesn't think he can do at all.

so he's both opening up to her in a unique way and also keeping a LOT of things to himself. very tasty to think about. 

but actually, when he talks to her about how social faults can be a good thing and also he’s attracted to them in tower stay, he's not being any more "no role, just himself" there either, is he? he's wearing his cape.

and when, in the tower stay route, he talks about love and protection in the same breath (about julius), he does it in his knight’s clothes.

lets see what he says in nonstay about his secret alter ego- future me here! he doesn’t. he also doesn’t really go into detail about his ‘depression fetish’ , he says something about her having bad parts too but it’s okay, and talks about wanting to keep her in her pain and misery, but like... idk i guess they were like its been years, you should know this by now, lol. they had new things to talk about! but i was hoping there’d be like a perfect synthesis of ‘talks about depressed people being hot while shirtless’ or something

also he talks about how he wants to be the only person who hurts her and protect her from everything else. (sighs exasperated-fondly) ace....

he was not lying when he said if i give someone a pain always i will choose you i dont hesitate doing it i am not scared.... future me here again! this part gets REALLY emphasized in nonstay route.

anyway i think he hates the weird identity situations he's gotten his life into and only entraps himself further but also he has connected his expressions of love, closeness, romantic and nonromantic like just all of it, to those identities. whoops lol

---

this is a second saved-for-later bit semirelated so im putting it here too:

ace does keep his other loyalties (and his bisexiness) mostly under wraps to alice, huh... (as opposed to peter and vivaldi, who know his deal with traitorly actions etc) and he’s very happy to share when prompted, whether its his bi-2-bi communication ball moment with alice (before he gets into ball clothes, iirc!) or when alice lives at the tower and sees him. but otherwise he won’t bring it up himself. maybe its a rules thing... but im sure he could engineer it to come up if he wanted. even in elliot nonstay he just ominously warns instead of going like “ok yeah i have skin in the game myself”.

it’s very good dramatic irony lol. but poor alice having it hidden from her!!

#thoughtful honking