#this literally does not make any sense im SORRY

[thurio-edau]

SBG GANG MENTAL ANALYSIS

yup, him for part two. funny thing despite Aiden being my favourite character I'm most excited for the other three posts I'll make, especially the last one. there's a lot to unpack here so

also im writing this with a migraine pls read it-

Part 2: Aiden Clark

ah, yes. the obviously-mentally-ill from the start fan favourite Aiden Clark. let's go.

first, I want to start with something I find really important about his character, what makes him heavily mischaracterized in the fandom. the 'psychopath' cliche.

the terms 'psychopath', 'insane' and 'unstable' are often confused with each other due to media stereotypes, such as Aiden here. one, he is not a psychopath. psychopath literally means a self-centered person who lacks sympathy, affection and care; making them far from most other characters in their franchise. their lack of sympathy/empathy often makes them criminalized, here

disturbing content warning, for an example of a psychopath.

let's take Gressil from Homesick for example since a lot of SBG readers also read Homesick. so, here, Gressil is a perfect example of an actual psychopath. his lack of empathy makes him torment others, he's very self-centered. and when asked why he's doing this? he says he was bored. let's look at Aiden here. what does Aiden do when bored? probably dumb ideas or annoy Tyler. not torturing people for fun. Aiden is just a boy who likes thrills, but he has a sense of empathy, care and justice.

you wanna see a psychopathic Aiden?? the canvas is it

(our local Logan hater is publishing the canvas eps go checc beachy out)

but that's him, not our Aiden. canvas does not equal originals y'all

alright, now since we got that cleared out!! firstly, ADHD.

I think everyone in the fandom is already aware that Aiden is ADHD but I'm still going to talk about it just like Ashlyn's autism. Red has also said that she wrote Aiden with ADHD in mind but hadn't canonically confirmed anyone as neurodivergent. let's start with the main symptoms of ADHD, also known as Attention Decifit and Hyperactivity Disorder.

I know about 5 different ADHD people myself and did some research, it probably won't be extremely accurate since I'm not ADHD myself, but I'll try to do whatever I can. first with the AD part, Attention Decifit.

now as seen, he doesn't exactly have any problems with theorizing itself. but the problem is that his attention just goes away easily.

i mean cmon bro was making memes on the job

he tries to do work, but can't. he has a low attention span which makes him not able to concentrate. he can't keep it up for long, he'll get distracted or bored too easily about things that doesn't interest in specially.

it's just distracting. what his attention is on constantly changes, there's more to that after the ADHD part but we're here for now.

the hyperactivity... it's a lot more apparent. but I should explain the insane-unstable thing before that.

insane means that someone's mental health is not in an okay situation, where it prevents the person from thinking normally, acting rationally, very often found together with delusions. the person is seriously mentally ill where it might count as a disability.

unstable, however, where someone is prone to psychiatric problems, has moodswings etc. they're not exactly the most sane person, but they aren't insane either. Aiden here, obviously falls on the unstable side. maybe just a little bit insane if you squint. this will be brought up later too, but it mixed well with his hyperactivity too.

and as we all know, our boy isn't exactly the most stable person. (sorry for the collages, but since there is a tumblr picture limit i have to keep on collaging. yes i learnt from the last time) his hyperactivity mixes with his unstable mindset which makes him incresingly vulnerable to danger- which he likes. from when the first shift happened, he's been really careless about stuff but it's been all about his love for thrill.

and it irritates Tyler, too.

the main subplot about his character is that he's a person of excitement. guess what? ADHD people like the excitement, they like new things, they like the adrenaline and thrill. now, Aiden's main characteristic of being unstable mixed with ADHD makes him an even more reckless person. another thing mixing with the hyperactivity, is boundaries.

this part will mostly be about Ashlyn since the boundary issue only happens with her.

I talked about this on Ashlyn's side on my Ashlyn analysis, now it's time for Aiden's side.

he's really annoying to her at first. Ashlyn is someone with lots of boundaries, like high walls. and who tries to climb them with his dumbass? Aiden of course.

she kept rejecting his efforts to befriend her for some time, until the night they stole the jeep. then she managed to actually bring the walls down, and accept them all into her life. but damn was she blunt.

felt that honestly

and Aiden understands her that night, too.

Ashlyn was hesistant to hug him, yes, he was aware. but she still did which made him realize she was also trying. i have to tell you, people with ADHD and people with autism either have trouble getting along, or go perfectly well. my ADHD sibling for example, I have to push them away for a lot and tell them to lower their voice. but once they remember my boundaries it actually becomes a normal, even pleasant hangout. which, Aiden realizes and tries to get along with. he tries.

seeing his efforts on her boundaries makes something click in her mind. and she starts to be a lot nicer when they hang out in the arcade.

Aiden eventually learns and remembers what she's like and what she loves to do. he already tried to watch her ballet sessions once -got slammed-, he's been to her room where he remembered the mat from and her fighting makes it obvious. I'm sure he knew he'd get cooked by betting that. but he still did,

because he knew it'd interest her. which he succeeded, he saw her smile again. the arcade day went great until Barron and his gang pulled up, but if we ignore that part it all went well. Aiden started to understand and respect her boundaries.

anyways then Tyler fucking dies

he knows that Ashlyn feels guilty. Aiden wants to comfort her through it, but also do it correctly. without going over any boundaries. which makes him really,

really,

really surprised when she responds.

also including this pannel cause its hilarious

here we see that he's still trying. hell, I'm sure he spent minutes thinking if he should come close physically to help her. that's probably why he just nudged her softly before anything else. he's not used to it, he has to conciously make an effort to not cross said boundaries. keeping his voice lower, try to not be so reckless, not doing anything physically close unless she reciprocates. wow how i wish another someone i knew irl tried that hard instead of blaming it on me cOUGH COUGH COUGH

also other small things to include

he's yapping a lot

he has a comically large amount of puzzles in his backpack for one single trip

and sticks his head into lamps for some reason

but that's just Aiden and his little neurodivergent brain for ya.

now the part I wanted to get to the most.

Borderline Personality Disorder.

first, what is Borderline Personality Disorder?

shortened as BPD, borderline is when someone's mood is inconsistent and swinging. think of it's name; the person's mental state is in the border, in the border line, switching up fastly. the most easily understood and common type is when the person goes from a depression to a happy state. but no matter which state they are in and/or go to, one thing stays the same: it is unstable.

one thing about borderline is that it is frequently mixed with bipolar. however bipolar is a neurodivengercy which means it is what someone is born with and cannot be changed. but borderline is obtained later in life. it usually happens with depression. bipolar is much more random and the episodes last longer in comparison. it may last up to hours, and the person's memory might have trouble remembering their episodes. borderline, on the other hand, is a short-lived mood swing.

now here. here's the catch; people with BPD during mood swings can have reckless behaviour, suicidal thoughts -in his case as far as we know, lowered sense of protecting himself- or a loss of understanding danger. sounds familiar?

borderline's recklessness and dangerousness, sometimes self-destructive acts combines with ADHD's love for thrill and excitement, combined with Aiden's own personality all make up for a great condition of instability.

Aiden's behaviour constantly goes crazy, I think his most frequent mood swing might be his normal self (at least, as normal as he could be) to this more maniac way of acting. I noticed it from his eyes, when he's in a more calm-ish normal state his pupils are a bit more dilated. in the pictures above, you can clearly see that he's still in the episode; filled with the adrenaline, the unstable way of thinking.

but, what causes that? surely a mental illness such as borderline doesn't happen on it's own.

right?

cause it didn't.

it never works that way.

but it can get better.

eventually.

but what happened to him?

personally, as much as a large amounnt of people seems to believe it's something like family abuse I don't think so. maybe neglect, maybe withdrawal, maybe maybe. but we've seen his parents. I don't think they would hurt him like that. I can't put any more pictures, but this is the last part anyway. his parents seem to be kind and gentle, despite that picture in his house. I'm thinking the picture was only for the dramatic effect. his parents said that he used to be really calm and quiet during Lily's birthday, and both Aiden and Ben seem comfortable around them. they were happy taking Ben in too, any kind of abusive parent wouldn't do that at least that's what I believe. also there is that Aiden got serious and concerned when he learnt that their parents were also in the facility, most likely worried for his own as you would have thought.

there was a post that I've been trying to find for like half an hour, I commented on it but I can't find the post now. the person talked about their own theory. if I remember correctly it was that when Aiden was depressive as a child, his parents took him to a thrilling activity like the ones he's been talking about (bungee-jumping, skydiving etc.) and the thrill made him actually get excited. which is why his parents allowed him to go even more reckless, because they are aware of how prone their son could be to the depression.

what happened? let's ignore the parents factor. someone can have a loving family and still be traumatized, someone can be taken care of and still feel abandoned, someone can never have confronted a situation they are terrified of.

one of my theories is that, the loneliness. it must get to a child heavily considering children need to not be left alone, but Aiden was. he didn't have any actual friends since they always moved from one place to another from his parents' business, and they might have not had enough time to make for him (which I believe is bullshitting, every child deserves to be taken some time out for. some people quit their jobs entirely for their child.) and be unaware, and that doesn't change that he was still depressed and alone. his depressive state was seemingly before Ben was taken in. now here one thing with borderline, at least from my experience, is faking actions. smiles, laughs, friendships, conversations... almost as if there's two different lives; one fake, and one real. you keep on switching, you keep on swinging between the sides where you're yourself and where you're just mimicking 'normal human behaviour'.

it starts from faking a happy state during their depression, and by time you're faking it it becomes an automatic adition to your personality. to your mind. once it furthers, it becomes the disorder. Aiden we see is always smiling. it becomes a habit that only breaks sometimes. now, I'm not saying his smile is fake- I think his face is literally just stuck like that. it breaks ever so slightly sometimes. fake it till ya make it yanno? that kind of thing. and when he swings from his calm mood to his borderline-d mood, his pupils get small and his smile gets worse. noticably worse. I'll be rereading the series (AGAIN) and this time look at all the small details since Red loves putting them and I love theorizing so

which, wraps up the Aiden thing! im actually really proud of how i could put my thoughts into text which i never could. i'd love any additions because i love other opinions as well.

and you know what? im glad Ash and Ai are out of the place because the rest are what I'm actually looking forward to >:)

...and i should sleep. really.

(wow sorry yall i finished this hours ago and said 'alright reread to make sure its good before sleep' and fell asleep through it lol sorry for 4 hour delay ig)

(leaving for school rn see yall 8 hours later 🫡)

#sbg #sbgblr #sbg (webtoon) #school bus graveyard #school bus graveyard webtoon #schoolbus graveyard #aiden clark #ashlyn banner #sbg aiden #sbg ashlyn

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

the picnic table scene

#this isnt going to make sense to literally any of you for a long time and im sorry about that #but FUCK was i writing this morning #man. man man man man Man the motivation Hit #this fic might get done after all... #i need. to go sleep. OUASGAHSAKJSNCADCLSKDVMS; #THEY MAKE ME INSANE THEY MAKE ME INSANE #YALL ALREADY KNOW WHO IM TALKING ABOUT #THEY MAKE ME CRAZY AGH AGH AGH #ok. ok. ill sleep. and we'll see if the scene holds up when my brain is Refreshed #absolutely unprompted #throwing myself to the ground and howling #who do i need to BITE #oh 7 am me we're really in it now #literally getting myself too worked up. im. Emotional. i almost feel like tearing up #if that was something i could do lmao #fortunately crying does not come easily to me but in my heart im like. idk. Sobbing #anyway in order to calm down im gonna go think about something that makes me equally insane #which is the OG reason i designed a butterfly look for howdy. yass!howdy's origins <3 #slamming my face through drywall ok bye im off to crazyville where i can catch a layover to sleepytown

[mcybree]

Ok ok ok I'm not Tryna start discourse but bluestars prophecy was my first ever warriors book and bluestar will always be my favourite so I'm gonna make some counterpoints to you about her being a Smajor character

bluestar has always been led by an intense loyalty and dedication to those she loves and cares for - this includes her mum, her sister, her clan, eventually Firepaw when he joins the clan, and she has a VERY strong moral compass when it comes to doing the right thing - when she sees thistleclaw teaching tigerpaw to hurt a then baby scourge she very much discourages it and is against it

Afaik scott is Not like that, he doesn't have an emotional or love-driven moral code, he does things because they're smart decisions in the long term or because he wants to. Granted I havent seen a ton of his stuff but I have seen his limited life and 3rd life perspectives and he is very much a singular team player there, there to look after himself and well if people align with him that's great he's got allies (jimmy and Martyn) but he won't go out of his way to care for them

Bluestars defiance of starclan in the first series is BECAUSE she gave herself to them and what the warrior code demanded so much - yes she broke clan rules by having kids with crookedstar but she did everything in her power to make sure they'd have a happy life and felt terrible that thrushpelt was willing to say they were his to save her reputation. She didn't do it out of a selfish want, she only ever wanted to help her clan and those she loved, and her becoming clan leader is emblematic of that want. When she rejects starclan so wholeheartedly in the first series it's because THINGS KEEP GOING WRONG WHEN SHES TRIED SO HARD TO STOP THEM FROM DOING THAT - starclan has never cared about the sacrifices she made to keep her loved ones and clan safe, she lost her mother, her sister, her kits, her mate, literally everything, and things STILL KEEP GETTING WORSE. it's not a demand that she deserves to have everything good, it's a cry for help that shouldn't something go right after she's tried so hard???

C!Scott isn't like that. He puts himself above others and inherently believes he will get the best if he just plays his cards right, and he is good at it, he's very competent at lasting a long time in life series and getting what he wants - the ruthlessness of gem driven by desperation kills him in secret life, Martyn's complete fucking about face kills him in limited life, and I'm pretty sure it's etho who gets him out in 3rd life by luck. He doesn't plan to look after the ones he cares about, because he cares about himself first and foremost. Yeah you can argue when he doesn't get what he wants he gets annoyed, but his is less of a 'why don't I get this don't I deserve it' and more of a 'oh fuck this didn't work. Ok new plan double down on getting what I want by appeasing to people cos they're easy to read and therefore account for'

I don't doubt Scott would make a bluestar adjacent character if he made a warrior cats oc BUT his character would honestly be closer to darktail or ashfur than bluestar and that's that on that.

(sorry you activated 13 year old me's unskippable cutscene sjdjsjsjja this isnt meant to be a serious argument I just love bluestar a lot and love talking about her)

OKAY 1. this is fucking awesome thank you 2. i am going to do something new and exciting (advocate for scott instead of beating him to death with sticks) because unfortunately this bluestar info has only made me believe she is a smajor character even more.

As a general note when I talk about smajor characters as a collective here I’m referring to characters more in the realm of esmp/traffic/rats/pirates/etc, less vampire scott or necromancer scott who are intended to be villainous.

Scott characters tend to operate under a “If I am not a Good Person I may as well die” rule, and consequently abide by a strict moral code to keep themselves feeling clean. For instance: traffic Scott will never go back on his word, he will avoid dishonesty, and he won’t take from others unless he is sure that he can repay them. He will never betray his seasonal primary ally (even when they betray him first), and will often give people things just because they asked him nicely. He stakes a lot of his own identity on this, because it is through being a “good person” that he justifies his superiority (and, by extension, his own existence); in his mind he deserves the best and *is* the best because he is such a good person. When things don’t go his way, he thinks he doesn’t deserve it because he has been nothing but good, so he tries to place a reason. He often assumes that somebody must “have a vendetta” against him, even if this somebody is the world (see: him asking if limlife episode 1 boogeyman is some kind of joke played on him for not giving in to the boogey curse in Last Life.) which is very Bluestar to me, convinced that her misfortunes are a divine punishment.

This is all to say that Scott does have a strict moral code and deep sense of loyalty. Being a “good person” and devoted partner in the ways he understands it are so ingrained into what he is that I think he definitely has the capacity to be a Bluestar if he were raised being taught clan values, even if his internal systems are often built around never letting gross emotions be fully felt rather than what those emotions compel him to do.

#ive always wanted to partake in pointless character debate on tumblr #considered maintagging this but didnt want people looking at your ask weird. sorry yall we serve fucked up scott here #“But bree” you might ask “what about pearl? He wasnt a very devoted partner then!” #and to that I say: pearl isnt a person to him. and neither is jimmy. Scott fucked up with both of them and unfortunately if he is not good- #and justified 100% of the time he loses his entire identity so convincing himself that they are incompetent or crazy so that he #doesnt have to self reflect is how he gets by. he would literally rather kill himself than earnestly admit fault for anything #… huh. about the above tags I dont remember the lore but is there any parallel there with the whole bright heart thing #genuine question bc I do not remember why blue star did that and I dont trust the wiki #(Trying to space out names so they dont tag) #I really hope this makes sense btw bc I feel like I usually list a lot more examples… but im tired #I can elaborate on any point here if need be ig. I dont talk about this aspect of him often because the literal entire fandom does already #Every scott analysis post out there is about his damn loyalty… anyways yeah scotts loyalty is transactional more often than emotional but #It’s still loyalty and also. hard to draw the line between where the emotions stop sometimes because he can stop giving a fuck about— #most things on a whim. How much scott genuinely cares about something is a forever undefinable concept #asks #he is genuinely a very good ally to have usually. like jimmy was very much the exception there #he does like helping people out he does. he’s just also emotionally detached so he tallies his favors and good deeds to bring up later if— #someone he’s helped decides to go against him. If that makes sense #sorry man I just keep talking. I love this blue animal……. #thanks for the ask genuinely I love when paragraphs about characters #anyways im gonna pass out and. Shakes myself STOP ADDING MORE TAGSSS i think im so tired man

[v-arbellanaris]

da/i critiques?? on MY dash?? 👀

#HELL YEAH!!! #there's so many narrative problems w this fucking game im sorry but it literally makes no damn sense on any level #the way da/i works is how white middle class people think global politics works and it's like no. #that's NOT how this works. and their every commitment to making the story mean that everything the inq does ~not~ #matter and have ~two sides~ to absolutely EVERYTHING POSSIBLE actually *gasps* damages the story they're trying to tell in the first place #it's almost like you can't write a good story when nothing means anything or something 🙃 #tbd #bioware critical #dai critical

[cannibaltranssexual]

hi jason! sorry if youve answered this before, but what does aaoc stand for? i love the posts that you tag as such so im curious :]

its my tag for posts that remind me of my wip fic(s) !! i havent 100% settled on what to name the series yet but pretty early on in development i stumbled upon that passage by julian k jarboe (from the book everyone on the moon is essential personnel) that goes

Why does God create grapes and wheat, but not wine and bread? God does this because God wants us to share in the act of creation. To be how you made me, to become how God made me, though you, I can remake myself. You and I: we are already only whole, and shifting towards the divine.

and the author also has a tweet relating this concept to transsexuality and youve probably already seen one or both of these floating around on tumblr already but whatever i just wanted to center my t4t hannigram fic around these quotes cause theyre just. so good.

so yeah it stands for "an act of creation" except it should probably be "#taoc" if i wanted it to match the original quote but i cba to go and change it now which is probably not how placeholder tags are meant to work !! oh well . fic playlist <3

#sorry idk if u were asking me abt the tag in general or just the acronym but whatever . infodump time #i have not answered this ask before <3 i rarely get asks and even more rarely answer them 💀 #ask #aaoc #i dont even know how much religious themes to include in the fic bc im like the worst person to attempt to write that (<- raised atheist) #but character wise it would only make sense and it would literally make the narrative so much more layered #anyways . some things that go in the tag: #autocannibalism + transsexuality as violence + transsexuality as cannibalism which is like . thesis statement #rural american towns/houses #wolf/dog symbolism + deer & antler symbolism + especially the two combined #literally any pictures of knives but especially those ones made of canine teeth or deer bones. or ones that just have swag gender vibes #knives r gonna be a big thing for young will and theyre basically his symbolic wolf teeth. but maybe fashioned out of whats left of the doe #and of course literally anything else that has to do with/reminds me of trans hannibal or trans will or t4t hannigram or dark!will #ditto with the characters' youths at any point in time since im writing backstories for both of em as well as a florence hannigram arc #and idk sometimes i just go by vibes. sometimes a post is hannigram but ever so slightly different so it must go in the tag #i seriously cant wait til school is over and i can finally go thru my tag and write scenes/notes of what every single post reminds me of #my thought process for the most recent one was just. gore goes on the hanniblog by default + androgyny = defiance of gender norms = aaoc #then it made me think of our convo abt hannibals relationship with japanese culture and also what would body horror be for young hannibal? #so yeah basically just things for my brain to chew on for inspiration #sorry abt the tag wall im normal abt this au (lying) and also just wanted to write down a list of things to tag for personal reference

[newvegascowboy]

Honestly like, the more I think on the subject of relationships the less answers I really get cause like on one hand I'm genuinely very content with the relationships I have right now. I have a wonderful group of friends. I went from an extremely low, isolated place, wrecked with nerves, to finding a great group of people who I would do anything for, and it's really hard to imagine anyone else fitting into that dynamic. But on the other hand I'm like, wow im 24 and I've missed out on something that so many people have experienced by my age. I didn't date in high school and all the dates ive been on in University have been Bad, so I have zero experience or expectation when it comes to approaching a romantic relationship. Plus with a history of not being able to state or enforce my own boundaries and like, years worth of sexual shame and trauma I have to unpack, I'm like. Yeesh. That's a Fun Person to date. But on the other, other hand, the emphasis that society puts on romantic relationships that makes them superior to all other relationships I feel like im doomed to never being anyone's priority. It's so hard to express that without feeling and sounding selfish! And it probably kind of is! But it definitely stings when the majority of people are just like. Open about their disdain for platonic relationships. Idk.

#not fallout #kal talks #sorry for the novel lmao.. this isnt really a vent im just expressing thoughts #like genuinely if i could live with one of my friends i would but then i would just be third wheeling for eternity #i get what people mean about qpps #idk does this make literally any sense. like its not necessarily about the relationship its about like. not feeling like an afterthought #i think part of this desire is what led me to having such a shitty awful fucking toxic friendship #because even tho i knew I was being lied to i was still like 'wow this person is so fun i love spending time with them' #'surely these lies are not a pattern indicative of a larger behavioral issue that will cause me extreme anxiety and stress in the months #to come!'

[nixtorr]

eight and liv but they enable eachother’s murderous tendancies instead of their actual dynamic

#eighth doctor #liv chenka #eight and liv but eight is the same eight who would have killed davros gladly if they were the only victims in terror firma #eight and liv but eight takes more traits from caerdroia’s the nasty one #eight and liv but eight resembles the eight who was like ‘give me the code and i shant break your arm’ #gets the code and whomps the guy’s head against a wall in vanishing point #eight and liv but eights character actually makes sense to be like that after de1 #im sorry but eight is rarely an optimist. he is however a hopeful realist #‘despair accords with reality but i insist on hope’ and such #he KNOWS the universe is full of evil but #his hope never stops him from doing horrible things. like killing the clock faced people in anachrophobia #in de1 he is faced with his despair after the death of lucie in the face of ww1 and the daleks and the fake reality made to please him #and when he thought molly had died when she fell. he still had hope. he still climbed back up. but he was still ready to jump back down #with the risk of death #he was going to go to the end of the universe to look for hope. he hurt the tardis and himself for it. #thats all good. thats sexy. but why after all that is he so horribly an optimist #why does he believe that the eleven can change after he's been like that since his second incarnation. lumps of rock evolving into flowers #the only nice incarnation of his being the eight but he was like that since he was born and he was obviously struggling #why does he treat dickbag landlord from better watch out like he has any empathy in him before hes literally dragged to hell #anyway. bitchier eight and bitchier liv i think theyd be great together #actually. the amount of bitch liv is is great already

[persephoneflouwers]

Billie jeeeeeean is noooot my loooover she’sjustagirlwhoclaimsthatIamtheone BUT THE KID IS NOOOOOT MY SOOOON

#sorry tiktok is showing me all MJs best performances #because apparently I liked (not by mistake I liked consciously) #a viseo that literally destroyed a swiftie saying Taylor is Micheal Jackson level of famous #but babygirl… if you still use MJ name to compare her level of fame #maybe… maybe she’s not famous as much as him lol #like these people see the world with a US stamp #its not like she’s mega famous in your country then automatically she’s famous everywhere #i promise you if you go down this street and ask someone to sing a Taylor song they would say who’s taylor #my ask them a song from mj and they will start some chorus #this whole comparison is ridiculous because first of all he’s dead lol #and that does something to artists #kinda makes them… eternal #but mostly… people used to have heart attack when micheal just did a pose #like thee was a level of excitement around him that was… genuine and not pushed by SM if that makes sense? #im not a MJ fan by any mean but like… that was such a dumb take ahah

[natasharomanoff]

.

#harmony speaks #id like to apologize to literally all of my friends lmao #i feel maybe i've been distant #please know as cliche as it is it's not any of you it's literally me #i want my friends to know i deeply deeply profoundly love them but i ignore them....how does that make sense #(its bpd) #does it ever get easier??? because my highs feel high and my lows are killing me #and it's been almost 3 years exactly since....OH #oh that might be....oh #welp. probably adding on to the fact we're coming up on the 3 year anniversary of me 5150ing myself - that's probably contributing #i just hope my friends know i love them. and im sorry #it's like i can't wrap my head around anyone actually wanting to be my friend #like not to be mentally ill #but truly i think everyone is just pretending to be my friend and they're doing it because they feel bad for me or something #it never feels like Oh I'm A Person Who Deserves Friendship #it's oh god i'm a burden on these people #my mental illness is mentally illing very muhc

[dandyshucks]

ack ough augh me when paranoia gets the better of me smh smh dfsjkl

anyways i am having a rly weird night and deleted the post w the oc first concept drafts, but I can tell yall that their names are Philby and Theodor :]

#sorry i literally do not know why brain was like ''hey man u gotta delete that post or ur going to like. die or smth'' dsgjkl #usually i will do my best to just ignore it but im sitting here w a pounding heart (a feat in itself bc of meds) and difficulty breathing #so i figured ah well i'll just do what it says for this one thing bc i would like to avoid a complete breakdown tonight HFDJKL #i think the brain does not like my art rn sfjkl it seems to think that any of my not-perfect art is Not Okay to post #like. somehow morally wrong. which does not even begin to make sense. so fdhskl what the fuck bulnasaur #also annoying bc i cannot make my art look Good most of the time so if i dont post shitty art then i end up never posting anything LOL #anyhowdy... weird day weird night having not a very good time but alas and alack what can ya do fdsjkl #if i go quiet for a while it'll be because of all this but im probably going to keep my usual activity up bc i try hard to fight the brain #if i start letting the brain gophers drive my actions too much then it gets harder and harder to break away from it and out of it #vent // #dandy.cmd

[lucindarobinsonvevo]

hey, I wanted to ask, because it's around the era you like, what are your thoughts on the rosie/pepper kiss + the way the show handled it? also making pepper homophobic (w her mum and) by bullying rosie out of questioning her sexuality (which never made sense to me since she's a teacher) what was the point in any of it? they obviously didn't want to take it seriously. it could've been interesting but instead rosie ended up w frazer. was it just too early for proper lgbt relationships or?

One of these questions is easier to answer than the others. The point is ratings. Around this time, you'll notice that there was several 'big' storylines that seemed to pan out into nothing (Scary Mary as an example) because (i suspect) the show knew that it was going to lose it's BBC contract (The last episode to air on the BBC was during Carmella's pregnancy) and it was trying to rally the ratings to seem as appealing as possible to other bidders with the ultimate winner being Ch 5. iirc there was actually a small bidding war between two channels? So, yeah. Funbus was an era who perhaps girlbossed a bit close to the sun in it's twilight storylines. Pepper and Roise were a casualty of that. And it worked, it did get people talking about Neighbours again even if it was in a negative way. To my recollection, the reception was not positive.

As for why it never went anywhere......I loathe the phrase but yes, it was far too early in Neighbours history for lgbt+ regulars. (also check out this of the time article. really interesting) The mid 2000s was a pretty homophobic time to be alive, I mean people still used gay regularly as an insult right? Neighbours characters didn't stop being casually homophobic in GENERAL until at least 2010. I don't think that they were trying to be homophobic, but for a modern audience the 'Frazer's masculinity is threatened...AGAIN' storyline just doesn't sit quite right. The general salaciousness of Oliver and Ringo. It's not out of character, it's just something that leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Carmella however was so normal about gay people i love you Carmella. I’m sure you’ve heard the rumours of Stingray being set as the first gay regular only for that to never eventuate. I feel as thought Neighbours was trying to set the precedent that they could do a gay character for a long time before actually doing one. 

The conspiratorial part of me wonders if maybe Pepper’s Mum’s storyline may have had elements that were initially set to go to Pepper and Rosie re: acceptance but the smarter part of me knows that the tight schedule Neighbours works on they probably wouldn’t have had that kind of time. To my knowledge Neighbours almost never re-films anything because things are so tight unless the situation is dire, but even then I couldn’t point to something I know 100% was refilmed. 

As far as Pepper being homophobic, I go back and forwards on it. I think it makes her story a little more interesting for someone who is generally billed as loving and kind to have this dark spot in her Personality . As something that potentially comes from her feelings about her mother in her parents divorce, exploring that, I think wasn't strictly a bad call since she did end up coming around. I don't think we should never have homophobic characters (which...in Peppers case seemed to be more about her mother than her being gay.) because I believe homophobic people have the capacity to change. Even so, much of her behaviour was not warranted, snapping at Janae for asking about the brand of her jeans, for example. I would wonder if she really DID have some feelings awaken for Rosie and was now not sure how to deal with them.

I feel like I've written and re-written this part like a million times because i cant quite be sure I'm actually answering your question but like. as a Story Beat, I think that them kissing was good! Yes it was ratings bait, and clearly not written with the intent of following through but As you say, there is absolutely something in Rosie and Pepper that works well together. Rosie is a character that I think would have been perfect to do a coming out story for. Someone who spends all this time with men, trying to figure out why her relationships with men are not working the way she wants them too, and why don't men respect her anyway but as it turns out, it was a womans touch she needed the whole time.

Pepper would have also been a good character to go through a period of self discovery with. After her pap-smear storyline, when she basically tells Rosie she thinks she has no value if she can't have sex I mean. Heartbreaking. But also I would have loved to see that concept explored deeper with a more meaningful character than Adam. Especially Rosie, who was very strictly no sex until marriage. Obviously Rosie is not judgemental of Pepper’s choice to have sex outside of marriage, but she is very supportive of Pepper and her quest to separate her value from her looks.  Call me crazy but I think those opposing view points in a relationship would be delightfully angsty. Of course, a gay teacher storyline in 2000's neighbours would not have been handled very well so perhaps it was best that we stayed clear of that one.

I really don't know if I've actually answered your question or just prattled on for a long time about Neighbours. So to recap in a more clear, concise way i probably should have approached this ask with a month ago when you sent it to me:

My thoughts on the Rosie/Pepper kiss are that it was a wasted opportunity to do something really interesting and different with the show that would have aligned with the core values of neighbours, however was perhaps best not pursued with the quality of writing and general landscape regarding homophobia at the time.

My thoughts on the way the show handled it: I like that they took the time to explore homophobia as a pervasive, toxic poison that is also inherently linked to toxic masculinity re: Fraser acting as if Rosie's sexuality is in some way a reflection on him, as well as more generalized homophobia (albeit probably not seen as homophobia by the characters in question) from Ringo and Oliver. Pepper's homophobia is more interesting as much of it seems to be based more toward her mother than a generalized dislike of gay people. Her reaction however was not warranted, especially toward Janae who got caught in the crossfire. Exploring internalized homophobia would have been really interesting, but probably not handled well in terms of the quality of the show's writing. I don't like that they then proceeded to continue pushing interesting women into the arms of annoying and or uninteresting men for the duration of their time on the show, and that ultimately this storyline did not do anything useful for either character which it really should have.

The point: The point was that they were trying to rally ratings for the show to secure funding for the future after their contract with the BBC came to an end -- This was also evident with the amount of sensational storylines that led nowhere around the same time.

Was it too early for a proper gay relationship: in a word? yes. Owing to the social climate of the time more than anything else even a usually boundary pushing show like Neighbours is not immune to being held hostage by homophobia. Equally evidenced by a negative reaction from the conservative public and those who still saw homosexuality as an affront to 'family values' which was what the incorrectly perceived Neighbours as a proponent of.

#i have been reading this over and over like does this literally even make sense. am i crazy #mitzianswers #im so sorry i made you wait so long ahhh #if its any consolation. i have asks in my box sent to me two years ago i still think about. im so sorry again. youve been very nice.

[klonoadoortophantomile]

instead of going straight to playing the game ive never played before like a normal person i played thru a bit of the dtp remake to see all the little changes for myself and im . really mad at myself for doing that becuz the remake is genuinely grtting on my nerves every little change feels like a massive downgrade or actively making the experience worse and i feel like the changes that i dont like will carry over to the other remake which i really really dont want becuz i have literally no other ways of playing klonoa 2 besides this and the last thing id want is to have a bad experience with it =(

#like. man #i dont know. #i feel like im overreacting to the issues eith the remake and like its not awful by any means im not trying to say it is but #it just. does not compete st all with the original its actually making me really upset #i was looking forward to playing this i fucking lost it when i saw that announcement trailer back in february i was so excited #this is the most easily accessible version of any klonoa games. its a good majority of peoples first introductions to the series. man . #i just feel like it really isnt doing the game justice. which just really sucks to see i ADORE this game with every bone in my body #it means the world to me. i think ive made that pretty clear on here lol #just like. the controls feel off the audio mixing is awful the ui THE VISUALS. GOD THEYRE SO UGLY #the atmosphere of the game feels completely lost it feels cheep and generic. this is making me so upset for no reason #its literally not that big of a deal i just care way too much abt all this shit . #i want people to like this game i want people to see what i see in it . and i just cant find any of it in this remake does that make sense #i could elaborate more on my issues with it but that would involve. getting image comparisons and some spoilers and also probbaly just make #me even more frustrated than i am right now so i probbaly wont. i shouldnt let myself get so worked up over this shit #part of me wants to go talk to my friends and complain abt it with them cuz some of them have actually played some of dtp #but like. i sont know dude they have pretty constrastinf opinions on it and also whenever i complain abt shit with them #it feels like were coming at it from entirely different angles even if we arrive at similar conclusions #its just kind of tiring sometimes if were talking abt smthn i do genuinely enjoy aspects of does that make sense #okay sorry i just keep going on tangents today i dont know why this keeps happening lol #inquisitivewaltz.txt

[starbcrnes]

Just gonna say that if you willingly racebend ocs or use barely legal idols, literally unfollow me now

#˖ ✧ we don't buy any stars we make our own stars » ( ooc ) #like cmon guys its 2023 you should know better by now #dont use the 'im a poc' card either you ain't fooling nobody #im a poc and i don't do that shit bc its COMMON. SENSE. #you have a brain use it it's not that hard to just find someone else who better fits instead of doing that weird shit youre doing #it's not bad if you did it unawares just change it and that's okay but for those who continue to do despite already knowing imma need you+ #guys to go away and not follow me or interact with me at all yall weird #im literally gonna go through my followers and block whoever does this shit willingly #everyone else is welcome just jot those ass behaving weirdos #*not #either change your shit or leave #sorry for the rant lol

[81folklore]

this is me trying - CL16

pairing: charles leclerc x small!singer!reader (fc: olivia rodrigo)

summary: after a twitter thread was made talking about the struggles you faced in a horrible way, you release a song you wrote with charles to talk about it

authors note: i am in no way saying olivia has struggled with or is dealing with anything mentioned in this story. this song means alot to me as someone who struggles with both addiction and my mental health so if im projecting..no one needs to know😁 i honestly have no clue how this is going to turn out but we will see. anything in bold italics is french

warnings: talks of addiction, depression, anxiety and suicide. alcohol addiction, drugs and self harm are all mentioned. the topics of this is me trying are mentioned, for obvious reasons but in a more personally focused way (if that makes sense). unwarrented hate (?). nothing really goes into detail but just regular warnings, please reach out to someone if you are struggling!!

authors note 2: i had to dust this one off and I HATE IT. its literally my least favorite work ive ever done so please feel free to keep scrolling😭😭 i just kept projecting by accident and it honestly kind of got out of hand. im also SO BAD with my wording so i have no clue if any of it sounds how i wanted it too!!

authors note 3: after reading it over i realised i never actually explained what i was talking about in the song thread so quickly, charles’ and yn split for a short period after yn started shutting him out, she spoke to someone (the stranger) who helped her start to extend the branches back out to charles and they got back together around 11 ish months before the song was released!! the fans never knew why they broke up, there was some speculation but most of it was dropped when they got back toegther

masterlist

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, arthur_leclerc and 2,457 others

good food, yummy people😋

view comments

arthur_leclerc: you mean good people yummy food right?

yourusername: suuure😁

charles_leclerc: beautiful girl

yourusername: love you!!

user7: what is charles doing in the 5th picture😭😭

yourusername: he dropped his airpod😭

user10: girl have you seen twitter…

user75: charles run as fast as you can

user2: there is no way charles knew he’d never be with someone like that💀

user10: what and he’d be with someone like you??

user6: wait what is happening in these comments what happened on twitter?

user7: someone made a thread ‘exposing’ yn but its just a bunch of bullshit that his fans are using because they dont like yn

yourusername

liked by pierregasly, charles_leclerc and 3,562 other

studio time with baeee💋💋

view comments

charles_leclerc: my favorite musician💐

charles_leclerc: i love you so much

yourusername: you mean the world to me charlie

pierregasly: kika wants to know if she can come next time

yourusername: tell her to text me so we can arrange it!!

user73: oh my god new music soon

user64: does this mean charles is on her new music?!

yourusername: maybeee

user64: GIRL DONT TEASE US LIKE THIS

user99: im so sorry about whats happening on twitter you dont deserve that

user2: yes she does

arthur_leclerc: can you tell charles to stop talking about your music when im not allowed to hear it, please🙏

yourusername: sorry arthur!! wanna come for a car ride and listen to it with us??

arthur_leclerc: please please please

user82: yn and charles taking arthur on a car ride to listen to her new song, oh what if i cried😭😭

arthur_leclerc added to their story

seen by yourusername, charles_leclerc and 86,289 others

*text in first picture reads: 🤍🤍* *text in second picture reads: so unbelievably proud of my sister*

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, sebastianvettel and 8,215 others

if you had told me a year ago that not only would i still be here but i would be releasing a song talking about the darkest times of my life with the love of my life by my side i would never have believed you.

throughout the past few months i have revisited times of my life i wish i could have left behind but ive learnt that accepting that this is a part of me now is important in my journey of moving forwards, and in moving forwards ive learnt that my struggles do not define me and i wont be embarrassed by things that have affected me

sometimes i wish i could go back and erase that part of my life, erase the way i felt, erase the way i treated the people i loved the most. but i cant, and i wont let people belittle me for that time anymore

if you have struggled in the past or are struggling today, you are not alone. its a cliche thing to say but i promise you at least one other person will be experiencing the feelings your feeling, you may not know them, you may never know them but you are not alone, you never have been and you never will be

you are not weak for struggling, you are not weak for finding ways to cope, no matter what they may be, you are not weak for shutting people out and you are not weak for reaching out for help, no matter how little you think you need it. you deserve help, no matter how small your problems may seem to you, you are worthy of being safe, you are worthy of being happy

i never thought i would release a song highlighting those times for me, but i wanted anyone whose been through these things to know that i love you and i will always love you; this is me trying out now on all platforms❤️‍🩹

view comments

arthur_leclerc: i am so so proud of you, you deserve all the happiness in the world

charles_leclerc: you mean the world to me, i am so proud of what you have achieved and i will be by your side forever and always

yourusername: charlie i hold so much love for you i feel like i may explode

user55: ive been struggling with an addiction for a while, i cannot express the way this song feels. just, thank you so much

yourusername: im right beind you darling, i believe in you❤️‍🩹

user81: i fear if i listen to this anywhere outside of the comfort of my room i will break down in tears

user93: 🩵🩵

user42: I😭JUST😭WANTED😭YOU😭TO😭KNOW😭THAT😭THIS😭IS😭ME😭TRYING😭

sebastianvettel: im so proud of you yn, come visit with charles soon sweetheart

yourusername: dropping everything and coming right now

lewishamilton: 💜💜

yourusername: hi lewis🤭🤭

user70: YN HELP😭😭 (just like me fr)

charles_leclerc and yourusername added to their stories

seen by pierregasly, sebastianvettel and 2,348,172 others

*text on first photo reads: i hold so much love for you🩷* *text on second photo reads: my bestest friend in the entire universe🩵*

#f1 x reader #f1 instagram au #f1 smau #f1 social media au #social media au #formula 1 insta au #formula 1 social media au #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc social media au #charles leclerc insta au #charles leclerc

[baltears]

truly i dont think people think enough about how literally all of william and dolores' behavior toward each other can be directly traced back to what happened in their original relationship

#i dont know how else to say this. like to me it feels so incredibly obvious that they're still very much in their feelings about each other #like VERY much. #the idea that they just hate each other now and there's no other emotions there is so confusing to me #like bro they're literally exes... and like not casual exes either these bitches both fully thought they were soulmates #like ive said this before but sometimes i feel like people think making them fall in love in s1 was just to up the emotional stakes #before he turned evil. and like bro think about that for a second. does that make any sense to you. #Would any writer worth their salt build the single most focused on relationship in the entire show around a single plot twist. #You know about that part of their relationship because it's important that you keep thinking about it throughout the story #and before you say the show isn't that intentional about things. #i get to say this now. im literally a screenwriter you can trust me when i say this show has all the markers of a pre-planned #and highly structured story. i could break every episode of every season and easily show you how everything fits together #far from being hard to understand i think it's one of the easiest and most intuitive shows ive ever analyzed #because it is so obviously thoughtfully and conscientiously put together like from a storytelling perspective things always make sense #im a filmbro now im sorry. it's not my fault #westworld

[angelltheninth]

can i get a kinda arrenged marriage with zhongli

umm as a yk maybe a contract that our ancestor signed or something like that İM SORRY İF İM NOT MAKİNG ANY SENSE

(also can it be kinda smut please)

u can just ignore HAVE A NICE DAY THANK YOU FOR EVEN READING THIS

I have a full smut fic that I'm writing for him that kind of has this included so I'll make this a little less smutty but still smutty.

Pairing: Zhongli x Fem!Reader

Tags: fluff, kind of smutty, arranged marriage, getting to know each other, being awkward, kissing, literal sleeping together, dragon traits, protectiveness, domestic fluff, falling in love

A/N: The fic is coming soon so I hope you'll look forward to it!

Zhongli remembers all his contracts and the payments that are due for them, of course he remembers you

He avoided seeing you before it was time to marry you, he didn't want to scare you by telling that you were what your ancestor promised him

Your first kiss with him happens on your wedding day

Does his best to be welcoming to you, gives you a tour of his home, let's you see his half-dragon form because you will need to get used to that as well if you're gonna be his wife

You quickly notice that he talks to you very formally and when you bring it up he goes completely silent, he's not really sure how to talk to you is the thing, if he seems too pushy he would frighten you, he would rather you approach him first

If he's gonna be your husband then you don't want him to be cagey with his emotions or thoughts, you want to know him better

His life story is a long one, you've got time though, all the time in the world to hear it

You jump off the bed the first time you feel his tail wrapping around you

He didn't mean for it to happen, sometimes his tail has a mind of it's own and it's a normal reaction for him to be protective of something precious to him, which you are now seeing as you're his wife

About his anatomy, yes he is a little bit different as you could see when you woke up in the morning

You were staring a little so he wanted to make sure you weren't freaked out by it

When you tell him that's fine, that it's actually very interesting to you he feels a little bit better

Oh and he should also tell you, he is very sensitive and tends to run hotter then most, even his seed, so careful if you're gonna put your mouth on him at any point

As you learn more about each other you begin to be more casual with touching, more comfortable with kissing him, calling him your husband, with feeling his tail around you, or his teeth nibbling on your neck, back, wrists and eventually your thighs

Zhongli holds back a lot when you first make love, not just because of his anatomy, he's not even sure you could take him because of his size

He is pent up all night but he makes sure you get as much pleasure as you want

Only in the morning does he get his own when you do put your mouth on him, and your hand too, doing double work, tasting him for the first time

You discover that his horns are a bit of a sweet spot for him, that his voice gets deeper and more raspy when you touch them

You try grabbing them one night while you're sitting on his face and end up with a huge mess across your back

That's one more Zhongli fact to add to your growing list

Nuzzles your face against yours when he's too tired for words

Loves kissing the ring on your finger very night and staring at the bite mark on your neck

One time he took your ring off and bit at the spot where it was then slid the ring back over the mark, letting both his romantic and possessive sides shine through

#genshin impact x reader #zhongli x reader #genshin impact imagines #genshin impact headcanons #genshin imagines #genshin headcanons #genshin impact fluff #genshin impact smut #genshin fluff #genshin smut #zhongli imagines #zhongli headcanons #zhongli hcs #zhongli fluff #zhongli smut #genshin impact x female reader #genshin impact x you #genshin x female reader #genshin x reader #genshin impact #zhongli #x female reader