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#this just is a whoooole fuckin mess and i can't even like. do anything to help myself because i know everyone who could even comfort me
junepegbert · 3 years
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mm. feelings.
#anyways so my dog is dying and yeah it;s normal to be sad and cry and shit#especially over a pet you've had for like 7 years#but god. i genuinely just can't handle this right now#i can't even like properly feel bad because i'm always too tired or just. don't have the capacity to feel strong emotions about shit#like i can't fully process this? i was just crying for a good 15+ minutes laying next to him on the floor#and after that i just. feel normal#not like good normal like 'i just cried and got it all out' i mean#normal like i'm USED to this level of grief or whatever#this just is a whoooole fuckin mess and i can't even like. do anything to help myself because i know everyone who could even comfort me#is too busy being asleep because Timezones but still#i just know that when i get up after passing out tomorrow i'll be unable to talk like this until The Next Tragic Event#so i'll do this for now and then well#if anyone sees this hi i guess#but god it's. i don't even have the energy to grieve or hate myself for not being able to grieve#i'm just gonna go and add this to the list of issues i have and i hate that because i need to be able to address my own fucking emotions#and yet here i am writing a vent post on tumblr that like two people at most will see#i just miss. being able to feel y'know? like genuinely feel many complicated things#like yeah i hate myself and detest myself but like. in a chill way because i can't fucking even HATE myself right this sucks dick#and by 'right' i just mean like hate myself with energy it's literally just 'huh you're a freak who everyone is going to hate if they learn#more about you' or 'you can't be genuinely nice to anyone because you have to put so much effort into everything' or just. etc etc my point#has been made#i just wish i could like. FEEL feel y'know. everything is just at most miserable or at normal. just. real bad#anyways everything is criiiinge#vent
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