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#this isn't a complaint I think it's hilarious
woobifiedvillain · 6 months
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I used to be like "I can't write sex scenes" and I'm finding out that's not really true. It's more like. I can *only* write really weird, fucked up, and somewhat metaphorical sex scenes. If it's like two people who care about each other and you want them to idk communicate and then be horny about that. Uh.
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necro-hamster · 2 years
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every time i post my ocs people want to have sex with them
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I hate correcting customers who call me ma'am and miss and honey over the phone, because only about 30 percent of the time do they apologize and start calling me sir, while 70 percent of the time they double down assuming I was trans and continue misgendering me on purpose to show how little respect they have for me as a human being. "Thank you, MISS."
I'm a cis man, for the record.
Whenever I correct someone and they keep it up, I simply refuse service. "Oh, I'm sorry, we're completeley booked up the day you wanted. Yeah, no, we're booked up on your backup dates too. Looks like our next opening isn't until, hmm, mid-November. Oh, but it doesn't have enough beds for your party. We could probably fit you in around New Years, but you'd have to change rooms every day. You might wanna try [more expensive motel] a few blocks north of us, they might have vacancies. Have a good day."
I've been able to dodge what few complaints we've gotten so far because they all tell my boss that they just spoke to a very nasty woman, and she has no idea who they're talking about. "You must have dialed the wrong number, because I'm the only woman here, and I didn't talk to you." That PISSES THEM OFF, and she doesn't understand why they respond with "well we've been staying there for years, but we're never coming back." They think she's protecting me, an afab trans man, and are disgusted by it, but from her perspective they're just crazy people who are complaining about made up bullshit; it doesn't even cross her mind that they're talking about me. Why would it?
My boss is like 70 or 75, and was a Republican until 2016. It's never come up in conversation, but something tells me she wouldn't exactly be a trans ally. I'm in a weird position here, and it's hilarious.
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anniemal2004 · 10 months
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my manager is so funny like she spent the entire morning chatting to me and prevented us from doing any work and then she went off on a 2 hr lunch break and now she's back and has a meeting in 30 mins but she says she hasn't seen this guy in a while and needs to catch up w him so she'll probably be away for the rest of the day. this woman makes 80 grand a year lol
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phoebemunster · 1 year
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so the girlies are suffering from wendigo psychosis right???
#truly....the pacing on this show is insane I did not think we'd be getting to the cannibalism on episode 2 but we've made it!!!!#I truly didn't think jackie would be the first because of shauna but now like sure okay they made that work#I also don't know if I believe lottie about travis but I want to believe her#I'm officially very upset with nat though and now I'm like positive that javi is alive because it's gonna be so funny when he shows up#and travis is like what the fuck nat and she has to explain that she is in fact insane#I'm really relieved though about how the descent into cannibalism went though because I was very worried about it#like shauna isn't nearly unwell enough for her to have just been like yeah let's eat jackie#also I assume officer callahan will be on stranger things next season since he has the same exact facial hair boy is he type cast#but now.....my complaints. I actually have a lot but I have two small silly ones I'm gonna let the others go#I'm not crazy about the older travis' casting because I think he looks too young and idk it just felt off#and not so much a complaint I guess but the fact that the fucking caboodles box survived the plane crash unscathed#and like fully stocked is so fucking hilarious to me I legit thought she'd make makeup out of like blood or berries or something#but they were like nah she really had her caboodles that friggin sent me#anyway that was probably the best episode since the pilot for me tbh#also you know what shout out to coach ben I knew he wouldn't succumb to the bbq#that's actually why I thought he'd be the first to be eaten but that was also very funny him just backing up into the cabin#and shutting the door lmfao I hope this means he'll be involved a little more this season
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pinkiealexie · 2 months
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Guardian Angel...?! ✟ Adam
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NOTE :
I haven't wrote in forevah so these are simple headcanons (pretty much a one shot just in bullet points) of Adam dealing with being the guardian angel of a modern day teenager. Our beloved reader! Reader is in high school and very much hispanic/latino coded. THIS IS PLATONIC!!!
WARNING(S) : Adam being his own warning, average teenager crap, short and messy, not proof read
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Adam was NOT thrilled to learn that he'd have to be 'babysitting' some loser named "Y/N". All he could do was try to bitch and moan his way out of it to Sera but his complaints fell on deaf ears as there was no getting out of it. I quote "All angels must do it at some point while they're in heaven." Sera spoke with a stern tone. Psshhhhh, he knew that, but he didn't think that meant it would also apply to him. Now he didn't have as much time to do his chicks and gigs but it is what it is. From what he remembers about being a guardian angel, all he had to do was...
1. Protect them
2. Get them to avoid sin
3. Guide them from Point A to Point B
That shouldn't be TOO hard.
✟ First time back down on Earth since he died and the first thing he sees is you screaming "KILL YOURSELF" at someone in voice chat. Damn did you scream louder than the bitch he fucked last week. Already he wanted to leave but he had to stay with you for at least a couple times a week. Not only that but your room was a MESS! Don't you know sloth is a sin?? Empty bottles of water are scattered everywhere and your desk was a mess, things were collecting dust, and your bed is so undone like you were just raw dogging someone or being raw dogged
✟ After the first day of watching over you he could already tell that you were far from the path of god and possibly make him go insane from boredom so his genius little mind thought that if he was going to do this, then he was going to make it fun for himself
✟ Adam began to purposely knock things over in your house, rearrange items around, and call your out your name only for you to see no one. He found it hilarious that your seemed to piss your pants and think your house was possessed, he especially loved doing these things after you decided to watch any type of horror media at night or if you were home by yourself
✟ The jokes and laughs got boring very quickly since your reaction was always the same. After a bit he remembered that there was no rule that he couldn't show himself to the kid. Sure it should be obvious and common sense to not reveal yourself as all the other guardian angels never did it but that's an imaginary rule so it's not an official rule. Therefore, he isn't breaking ANY of the rules
You grumbled in pain as you had woken up with a bad migraine in the morning, the only upside was that your mom let you stay home from school today. Speaking of your mother, she had made you some caldo de res before heading to work so you'd feel better along with a cold can of sprite. As you were about to eat some of the caldo you saw the vase of a plant slightly move from the corner of your eye which paused your eating. Ever since last month your house had some creepy ghost shit happening and you were sure that you'd end up in a padded white room if you told anyone anything.
You decided not to pay it any attention as you took one last bite of your warm caldo until the vase fell off the shelf and crashed onto the floor.
"GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE DEMON!"
You felt silly for shouting at an empty space in your home but you had enough of whatever spirit was haunting you, and your headache was not making it any better.
After a few seconds of silence you heard an very offended voice from behind you "Okay first of all, I'm not a fucking demon, second, don't yell at empty spaces unless you want people to think that you're a schizophrenie."
Were you dreaming?! Was this you finally loosing your shit from those all nighters? You turned around and almost broke your neck to look up at this guy...this dude was like 3x your height if not more!
You were stunned, you blinked once then twice then just put your empty dish in the sink.
"I need to…nap."
As you walked upstairs, you brought two fingers to forehead, your stomach, your right left then right shoulder, and up to your lips in a prayer of “En el nombre del Padre y del Hijo y del Espíritu Santo. Amén.”
✟ You later confirmed that you weren't dreaming and this was in fact real after waking up to his smug toothy smile. It being day only a few hours ago and it now it was pitch black out side. His bright glowing neon yellow face being the only source of light in the room which also allowed you to see that his elbows were resting on the crinkled and wrinkled sheets of your bed as he held his face in his both of his hands.
"Sup kid, so is your mom single or what?"
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infamous-if · 4 months
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Spicy Snippet #1: Orion
As a thank you for 6k, I will write a variation of romantic/suggestive stuff for the ROs. I don't usually write in those contexts because I like sticking to canon in order not to spoil it when the the time comes in-story, but I think we are overdue for some! Starting with Orion!
"This is inappropriate."
Even though the words are said through a throaty hum you can feel against your lips, you don't stop nipping at Orion's throat. He sits with one arm propped, the other on your back as you straddle him on the edge of the bed. Orion, with all of his complaints, is hilariously compliant. He moves his head to give you more space for his neck, shuddering when your biting turns to salacious swipes of your tongue.
"Should I stop?" you ask through your kisses, your words muffled. The question has Orion's arm gliding over you to hold you tighter, the answer loud and clear.
"Are you trying to give me a hickey?" he asks. His voice trails off when you lick just the right spot, making a small squeak of a whimper leave his lips. You've learned that Orion is a vocal participant, his breathy reactions only encouraging you further. "You know..." His throat bobs when he swallows. "Cameras." He can't even form a coherent sentence, which is the most satisfying part. "I will be on my best behavior."
"I doubt that—" In one swift move, Orion grabs you and rolls you over until he's hovering over you. You're breathless from both surprise and excitement. He has you pinned with his hands on either side of your face, and his cheeks are flushed.
"Can you imagine?" He says, leaning down to brush his lips against yours, featherlight. It makes your body shudder. "Us doing this in a room of executives?" He brushes his nose against yours with endless delicacy, teasing you. So close and yet not quite there. "Forced to watch?" His mouth goes to the hollow of your throat, his teeth grazing your skin until you're swallowing. "Think of the scandal."
Another thing about Orion Quinn? He's a cheeky bastard.
You can hardly breathe, especially not when Orion sits up, towering over you as he begins unbuttoning his shirt. His eyes stay on you, his fingers deft and skilled, your gazes never breaking.
"You—" You swallow, propping yourself up on your elbows. "You would faint if that were to happen."
A low laugh escapes him, but his gaze turns hungry, heated at the thought. Almost as if fainting isn't what he would do at all. "You're right. HR would have me ruined."
"You are HR!" You lift your hand to put it on the last button that remains, fully intending to unbutton it for him. Orion puts his own hand over yours, directing it over the buckle of his belt. Your mouth waters. You know exactly what he wants, and he's not shy about telling you. "Knowing you," you swallow, using two fingers to remove the loop of the belt from the buckle, "you would punish yourself." "Saying that in this context is quite suggestive." He grins, taking the belt off and tossing it aside. Your fingers get to work on the button of his slacks.
"I'm being completely serious." You bite your lip, your body heating when he grabs your hand and plants a chaste, loving kiss to the inside of your palm, removing his pants with his other hand. "Get your mind out of the gutter, horndog."
"Sorry," he says, not sounding sorry at all.
He proceeds to bend down, nuzzling his nose into your neck until you're letting out a surprised laugh, failing to swat him away when he continues to tickle you. Eventually, he stops. And then Orion Quinn begins doing something else that has you forgetting exactly what you two were even talking about. Doesn't matter.
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lizardsfromspace · 5 months
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So I guess Film Twitter is apoplectic with rage over some people suggesting they have intermissions in long movies. Not over theaters adding one without the director's consent, but like, at the concept of them
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...by which I mean, getting mad at disabled people daring to have complaints. There's a lot of "HAHA are you so STUPID you can't go beforehand? You can't HOLD it for three hours?" and implying you don't deserve to experience art if you can't
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And, of course, because Film Twitter is a bunch of insular discourse-addled dipshits, they're tying this...to Marvel. Yes, people are only saying they have health conditions that make sitting still for a three hour movie is because...they're Marvel fans mad at Scorsese, or something?
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Why is this complaint new? Well, bc runtimes are ballooning to the levels of the old epic filmmaking days of the 50s-70s. And those movies...had intermissions. Multi-act plays have intermissions. Bollywood films have intermissions. Intermissions were literally just abandoned so studios could cram in more screenings, not out of an artistic ideal. But anyone saying "this would make it easy for me to access this film I want to see" needs to be viciously shouted down and called a moronic, lazy child hating on Scorsese bc of "discourse"
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I've seen that meme multiple times and Jesus, look at the bizarre disdain for your fellow human beings embedded in it. You dare still bodily exist during a Martin Scorsese movie? You have a disability I don't? Well, I have no problem just peeing beforehand and not buying popcorn or a soda (you should really just sit their quietly until it's done, when you can pull out your phone to log it on Letterboxd), so what's your problem?
Calling people who are into non-blockbuster films "film bros" is mostly untrue, but man, the hardcore Film Twitter types unambiguously check every box. They're certainly dismissive of anyone outside their little box; extremely insulting, in fact, of how anyone who disagrees with them even slightly must be a Marvel-addled hysterical artless moron. Because nothing says "artistic appreciation" like preemptively calling analysis of a movie's choices "discourse" ("Ugh, I can't believe the DISCOURSE about how a movie portraying a morbidly obese man portrays obese people" - what should they talk about, then, if the movie's subject is instantly off the table?) They think the idea that someone out there may have a disability that prevents them from sitting in one place for three and a half hours is a laughable thing made up by the internet; or when people pointed out that a movie only getting one or two screenings a city may be inaccessible to working people, and these bloggers and podcast hosts dunked on the idea that working class people may like art as a hilarious, made-up thing.
I don't know, maaaaaaybe classing the life experiences and complaints of anyone who isn't you as "discourse" and presuming it's made-up kvetching about nothing as a matter of course is bad, cruel nonsense, actually?
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rainbowsillz · 6 months
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Their voicelines about you.
FT. Riddle, Leona, Azul, Kalim, Vil, Idia and Malleus. + Rollo.
Synopsis: The boys sharing their comments regarding with you, some can be sarcastic, otherwise it's cool ♪
Warnings: None!! Wholesomeness overload <33
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꒰ ꕤ ꒱ ─── Riddle Rosehearts
— About you?
“...A question to me? Are you asking to how I think about Yuu? My first impression of them? Well, they are hardly polite if I had to say, with them colliding against a housewarden that is. Yes, I am referring to when they tumbled on me during the beginning of this year. It was admittedly too much. They are a handful to manage. And keen, no doubt about it.”
꒰ ꕤ ꒱ ─── Leona Kingscholar
— About you?
“Oi, what's this? An interview about that herbivore? Did they pay money to you for this? Are they brave for me? I guess? Or moronic since normally no one would be able to handle overblots. It hurts my ego every time I wonder how I lose to them. If that lizard gets beat up like the rest of us, I will be grateful. I can't wait for that day— so I can sneer at him.”
꒰ ꕤ ꒱ ─── Azul Ashengrotto
— About you?
“About them? I fail to understand the point of this topic. They are incisive, hilarious and tactful. Outsmarting others was one thing but me? Me? As much as I dislike to speak this out, they are doing nicely being a prefect on our school grounds... Oh my? You don't believe in me? I am genuine. I haven't scar anyone, have I? You have my word at least.”
꒰ ꕤ ꒱ ─── Kalim AI-Asim
— About you?
“I have been wanting to tell you that! They are carefree, unique, a person you can rely on. Night Raven College wouldn't be the same without them. Please, tell them how much I care for their happiness. Yuu is an honest friend, and them being magicless doesn't change anything. We should look up to them even! Strive to be willing to confess we are flawed.”
꒰ ꕤ ꒱ ─── Vil Schoenheit
— About you?
“Curiosity? What was it that you stated? The supervisor for Ramshackle dormitory? They are skilled in encouragement, diligence, unluckily due to being appointed by the headmaster without proving if they deserve their status beforehand. Some people gossip about them. Ah, do not worry about it, I squashed any complaints they have to that already.”
꒰ ꕤ ꒱ ─── Idia Shroud
— About you?
“They are like the main characters of a shonen manga. C-could they be? Because the dorm leaders like them, some just wouldn't reveal they do. I have the data from Ortho to confirm my observations. I steer clear from them mostly though, they always are around with extroverts.. I prefer my room to them. Are we finished yet? I'm — leaving so bye...”
꒰ ꕤ ꒱ ─── Malleus Draconia
— About you?
“My treasure? An intriguing idea. They are fearless, doesn't mind my ramblings about gargoyles. I was invited by them, it made my heart filled with anticipation and I am rather fond of their remarks. If I am any more selfish I would wish to cage them up inside a tower so that I can preserve them forever. Alas, it's too cruel for them, isn't it? I suppose.”
꒰ ꕤ ꒱ ─── Rollo Flamme
— About you?
“Their decision was unsavory, why must it be Draconia? And what does he have that I do not? It plaques me how obstinate that clueless sheep is. Magic users are notorious, insidious, when will they learn? If only they agree to let me whisk them away from that concept. For I, Rollo Flamme, would not treat them as their Headmaster Crowley does.”
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kissforyouu · 12 days
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Would you ever write a little drabble or something of oc having a huge reaction & going off at jk & how he responds? Or how he just crumbles lmao like you said he would 😭😂
"but then it didn't make sense, noh? i asked rhea about the theme and it was beach. the clothes they've provided us with are nowhere near beach? i don't know how we're gonna come up with a beachy look with those. i mean, kook, it's literally a long dress. even worse, it's fucking formal! who wears formal to the beach? nobody! but you know what the worst part is? they said we weren't allowed to use the given clothes to make new ones. like, what? that doesn't make sense at all", you continued with your rant, "it's unfair, to be honest. it was just our time and like 2 more out of the entire competition who got these non beachy looking clothes. it doesn't make sense. but we're all thinking of making a complaint. i have to win, you know." you nod, body slanted against the table.
"what do you think—" pause.
"you're not even listening are you?" you glare at your boyfriend, who's been glued to his phone for the past 20 minutes. he's watching some football match. a fucking football match.
he mindlessly nods, pretending to listen. he doesn't even know what you're saying!
"you're not listening to me."
once he just nods again, you groan and then just slap his arm. jungkook jolts at the sudden hit from you, looking up from his phone.
"what?"
"you're not listening to me." you whine.
"hm, no, i was." liar.
"quit lying, jungkook."
"nah, nah, i was." he looks back at his phone again. you hate when he acted like this. makes you feel ignored.
"see! again! you're not listening to me!" you shout, throwing your hands in the air.
jungkook groans, rolling his eyes at you. you gasp, looking at your boyfriend with pure shock. did he just roll his eyes at you? oh no, he didn't!
"my bad."
the short careless responds were annoying you to the core.
"okay." your voice is stern. you get up, stomping your way around his room. he still doesn't bother to look at you or anything, eagerly watching his match. and just because you're such a dramatic spoiled bitch, you grab your bag and put on your shoes. your boyfriend, who was playing with his lower lip, drifts his eyes away from his stupid football match for a moment. and suddenly, he starts panicking.
nah, you were gonna leave. oh he messed up.
"baby, where you going?" his lazy ass finally gets up from his bed, brushing his hands on his sweats as he walked towards you.
you scoff, looking away dramatically.
"home."
"nah, come on, stay." he grips onto your arm tightly.
"no. because my boyfriend who invited ME over isn't paying me any attention because of some stupid fucking football game!"
"baby, i'm so sorry, okay? i didn't realise. now come on, don't go."
you squint your eyes and look at your boyfriend with a glare. and because you love the game, you decline again.
"y/n, i'll be better, come onnn. you can't just leave. i'm sorry i was being an ass to you earlier. please stay. let's cuddle and watch a movie or something. i'll rub your feet and give you a massage too." you try not to break into a laugh at the rubbing your feet part and somehow manage to keep an expressionless face.
"you need to be put on timeout."
"okay, say less."
jungkook walks back to his bed, sits on and faces his wall. he stares at it blankly as if he was a toddler who had just gotten scolded by their parent. the sight was hilarious. god, the things he does because of you. i mean, you didn't mean it literally, but he just accepted it.
"am i good now?" your boyfriend peaks at you slowly. you scowl. he slightly finds it funny and cute at the same time. everything you do is cute for him.
"come on, sweetheart. don't look at me like that." you kiss your teeth at his slightly flirty comment.
"okay. i'll stay." jungkook releases a loud sigh, falling back onto the bed.
"you're so dramatic sometimes."
"I'M LEAVING!"
(okay ik this isn't a major argument but i js thought this would be cute😭😭)
taglist:
@fungie2332 @wintertxt @wheexine @hyunjinswifeee @ohsweetmimosa @canyon-txt @kooreo @rrosiitas @goldenjeonkoo
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vixstarria · 28 days
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You know what I just realized? Astarion’s unending hunger for blood got replaced with unending hunger for power if he ascends. He absolutely has no need for Cazador’s palace or political connections now that he can travel in the sun, but he’s so obsessed with protecting himself he happily takes up residence in his abuser’s home, despite all the terrible memories in it because it’s perfect for a power grab.
Essentially.
Tbh I'm a bit surprised to find this in my inbox as I don't think I've really said anything on the Spawn vs Ascended Astarion route. Ultimately, it's all pixels and people can do whatever they want with them.
But, hey, sure, here's a little rant under the cut.
My biggest gripe with Ascended Astarion isn't even that he's evil, or that he may be in any way mistreating Tav, or that he's power hungry, or any of the other usual complaints people have about him.
It's that he's simply boring.
You start off with this theatrical goofball, who is also an evil little shit, sure, but a hilarious one, who's terrified and riddled with trauma, and who just wants to experience simple joys and be safe and autonomous again.
Spawn ending - what does Astarion do? Well, anything he bloody wants to, really. Look at some of @spacebarbarianweird's headcanons for examples. Maybe he's an adventurer, maybe he's leading a quiet life running a shop, maybe he's a pirate, maybe he's a dragon rider, maybe he's in the Underdark, maybe he's somewhere on the astral plane. Maybe he's got kids. Maybe he found a cure for vampirism. Maybe he found a way to walk in the sun with an artifact. (I would add that maybe he's gathering a 7,000-strong vampire army in the Underdark and trying his hand at taking over the world as a spawn after all, but we know he can't plan that well)
He's charismatic. He's loving. And he's still the little shit you initially fell in love with.
Meanwhile, what's Ascended Astarion doing up in his castle?
Paperwork.
Dealing with bureaucrats.
Hosting occasional balls for people he despises, where he sits on his throne stroking his comically overinflated ego. In the very same castle that he just spent 200 years wishing to escape.
I just don't understand the appeal.
The archetype is essentially that of a corrupt politician or a ruthless head of a corporation. It's lacking in empathy and completely void of any positive emotions. Power and money for the sake of power and money. This is not the type of character I find appealing or compelling whatsoever, whether in fiction or real life.
"Oh, but you're giving him what he really wants if you ascend him!"
You just turned your favourite character into a bland, heartless megalomaniac, trapping him just as much as the blood craving and sun vulnerability would have, if not more. 🤷‍♀️
P.S. Ironically, some of my favourite fanfics actually happen to be Ascended Astarion fics, so no, he doesn't have to be boring. The above picture is a summary of what is implied by the game, together with the general gist of most AA fics I've seen.
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sqiim · 3 months
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check you out, punk
(mdni)
leon kennedy x reader
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warnings: pseudo-incest, stepdad!leon, fem!reader, abuse, non-con/dub-con, oral (m recieving), somnophilia, reader gets drunk, pet names, mentions of degrading, spitting
a/n: finally did a stepdad leon fic!!! i didn't intend to make leon so mean, but... we ball!!! this hasn't been proof read because... i can't be arsed. enjoy!! title is from keep it in the family by korn
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Your stepdad hates you, that much is obvious. The cheek of him fucking your mother, invading and polluting your home, only to berate you for simply breathing (a slight exaggeration, you'll admit, but it definitely feels like it).
Thing is, you don't hate him. How could you? He's built like a Calvin Klien model, all muscle and pretty, and the way he treats your mother when you're not around makes you swoon because it's cute. The little kisses on the forehead or cheek that he does and the hand placements as well. Old romance.
Seems like you get in the way though, he's rigid around you when your mother's about, and when she's not he's got that mean look about him, and he gets even more frustrated when you call him by his name.
You don't want to call him ‘dad’, don't need to either because the one you've got is just fine.
Couldn't even understand why he was so hung up about you not calling him ‘dad’ because he's been with your mother for the past six months, and he moved in three months ago.
Bonding takes time, but he doesn't even want to bond with you anyway because half the time he's shouting at you to go up to your room or hitting you for petty reasons. Sucks to be him. Sucks to be you.
One time, you decided to go get a snack at eleven o'clock at night. Bad move, he gives you a smack ‘round the head like you're a ten year old who just tested his will.
And another time when you go out to see a friend in a simple skirt and top? You get dragged up to your room and forced to get changed into something else because ‘a skirt will make men think you want it’.
That occasion really pissed you off. Patience is a fucking virtue, but you're running on dregs right now. Especially today.
Your friend bought some alcohol, told you to come over to their place and have a couple drinks- not enough to be a drunken mess, but enough to get you that buzz.
Much to your own surprise, you're able to head over with no complaints nor no sign of your stepdad. You're optimistic that when you get back he'll be passed out from drinking whiskey because your mother isn't home.
You were very wrong.
Stumbling into the house with a bottle in hand, you shut the door, well, more like a slam. Makes you realise that you're more drunk than you thought.
And you've never seen your stepdad look so pissed before.
“You do realise it is one in the morning?” The gravelly voice he does drives you up the wall from how sexy he is. It's the voice he does when he dirty talks to your mother (your walls are thin, much to your dismay).
You take a swig of the liquid from the bottle in your hand, laughing after you see him giving you a fierce look. God, you're going to regret this in the morning. “Really? I thought it was two.”
Haha, very funny. You make sure to let him know that you think you're hilarious because you're laughing to yourself as you stumble into the kitchen. You need to sober up before you get your arse kicked.
“You didn't think to sober up before you got here?” Oh, must've said that out loud, whatever. You're probably speaking a load of bullshit right now as you're stumbling around trying to find some bread.
After scrambling around and slamming cupboards for some bread which you proceed to give up with, you turn to your stepdad and shake your bottle. “I hadn't finished my drink.”
You must be more fucked than you think, because now he's very close to you with your bottle in his hand and taking a swig of it. You open your mouth to tell him off, ‘cause that was your drink, but instead he kisses you.
The only thing you can taste is alcohol and saliva, and the only thing you can hear is the sound of kissing and you moaning like a bitch.
You get all drowsy mid-kiss from the lack of air and the bountiful supply of alcohol in your system, and all you can register is your step dad slapping you ‘round the face.
The sting wakes you up a little, you know you're smiling and giggling like a drunk git because you didn't realise getting smacked around the face felt that nice.
“Such a dumb bitch of a stepdaughter.” Shit, that was hot. You'd normally start crying at that, much like how you usually do after he calls you a slut. But now you're drunk, and your brain chemistry is a little fucked. “Good thing you look like your mother.”
You're never drinking again. Seriously, your head is thumping and you look and feel like utter shit. You don't even remember coming home.
Your throat hurts, which is also new. It's a strange feeling, but you don't remember doing shit karaoke or sucking someone off. It was just you and your friend last night.
Odd, but not as odd as your step dad in the morning.
He said nothing to you as you came downstairs. He actually made you some breakfast, you felt tears brewing in your eyes despite it being toast. He's never done something so nice.
Must've been having an off day, or maybe he just feels bad for treating you like shit because he's got that guilty look on his face.
Much to his surprise and your own surprise, you actually apologise to him. Mumbling out a sorry for getting drunk and how you'll never do it again.
It earns you a hug. A fucking hug.
For the six months you've known your stepdad, he hasn't touched you so gently or so tenderly before. Makes you recoil because it's just… odd. Not like you're against it though, means you get a better feel of his muscles.
When your mother gets home, he's no longer rigid like he was before when you were around. And for the next coming weeks, he's less affectionate with her. You don't hear them having sex anymore.
While that is a good thing because you can finally get your beauty sleep, it's also concerning. What was the catalyst that night that made him so different and distant?
You vaguely remember making a shit joke, a slap on your cheek and something warm in your mouth. That's it.
It's hard to piece things together with such little evidence.
“Leon, what happened that night?”
He'd figure you'd come ask about it, figured that you'd want to know why he's being a dick to your mother.
Simple really, he loves you. That night when you came home drunk he was tempted to drag you by the hair and up to your room. But he didn't.
After he'd told you that you looked like your mother, he'd forced you down on your knees and made you get his soft dick out. Unfortunately, you didn't stay awake long enough to actually put it in your mouth.
Didn't stop him though, he kept fucking your mouth until he pulled out and came on your face. That's when it hit him that he shouldn't have done such a thing.
He knows he treats you like shit, the only reason he does it is because he hates you. Couldn't tell anyone why though, but it didn't matter all too much.
Your mother was dim about it. For months he'd been grabbing you a little too hard on the arm, or hit you a little bit harder which leaves you with bruises everywhere. She never asked any questions as to where they came from.
His excuse was that he was leaving marks on you to show that you were his, there for your real dad to see.
Though he knows he's crossed the line, knows that he's done something that could make him lose everything.
Running away from the issue is what he knows best. Unfortunately, it means everyone around him suffers as well. Well, nearly everyone.
Your mother's getting more grouchy because she's being dick-starved and affection starved, and you're no longer getting beaten up or told off.
It's not ideal, but it's better than a bottle of booze.
He wants to lie to you about what happened that night desperately, but it would be a pathetic attempt to save whatever dignity he has.
Whatever, he'll figure it out.
When you asked him that question, you didn't think he'd respond with a ‘how about I'll show you?’
Then again, you didn't really expect to be shoved down to your knees and made to pull down his trousers, but you weren't really complaining (when you know damn well you should.)
When you see his soft cock, it feels all too familiar. Sure, you've sucked dick before, but this isn't any dick, this your stepdad's dick, and somewhere in your head, a glimpse of it appears.
“I called you a dumb bitch,” Yeah, you vaguely remember that, but you didn't feel offended because he said it in that sexy voice. “Seems like it's pretty relevant here, baby.”
Right, your stepdad wants a blowjob, which is most definitely within your abilities. You start licking the tip, go so far as to wrap your lips around it and suck.
Looks like you did something right, because a groan escapes his lips and his hand is going through your hair and tugging on it.
“Fucked your throat when you passed out.” What? You're actually surprised, pulling away from his still partly soft dick completely to give him a glare. “Sorry sweetheart, don't know what came over me when I did it.”
Yeah, you bet he is, only because he got caught in the act, but that's by the by. You respond by rolling your eyes at him before spitting into your hand and stroking his dick until he's hard.
“You gonna fuck my throat now?” Damn, you sound kind of pathetic, all raspy when you haven't even had cock down your throat.
Your stepdad all but forces his dick down your throat, bobbing your head and moving his hips to thrust into your mouth, and it's the messiest head you've ever given.
Tears brimmed your eyes as you awkwardly gagged on his dick, it was almost to the point where you felt like you were going to throw up.
“Shit- look up at me.” You do as you're told, not like you have much room for complaint as he stills his thrusts, shoving his cock deep in your throat before pulling out, and you can't help but collapse and choke.
You're sure you look a state, but that fact solidifies when you look up at him with tears running down your face, snot and saliva dripping all down your chin because he groans at the sight of you while he strokes his dick.
“Open wide f'me princess.” He smacks your ‘round the cheek for good measure too, and you're extremely tempted to spit on his dick and not open your mouth, but you end up only doing the former and opening wide.
He spits in your mouth, and you can't help but grin and go back to sucking his dick, running your tongue along the underside of it as you jerked him off.
You get a little cocky though, ‘cause it looks like your stepdad is enjoying himself, so you dive into getting his balls in your mouth. They're a nice weight in your mouth, and they must be stacked up from not having sex for nearly a month.
You're not complaining though, sucking away at his balls as well as occasionally going back to his dick, all the while your thumb circles the tip because he's groaning and calling you a whore for how good you are at it.
By now, you're soaked. Your underwear has definitely seen better days, but you couldn't even careless, nor are you even worried about getting yourself off. You're focused on him.
“Wanna cum on your face.” That's when you look up at him, realising that he's probably close, but you're tempted to edge him. Serves him right for treating you like shit for the past six, nearly seven months.
But you don't, instead you move away and take his cock down your throat gradually until it's fully seated on your tongue and you swallow hard.
Start choking after that, makes you pull away and gasp, choking and spluttering until the sound of your stepdad finally reaches your ears, making you glance up at him.
Cum lathers your face, imprinting you with your step dad's filth and it almost makes you wince. At least none of it got in your eye.
“That's what happened that night,” He paused, grabbing your chin and smiling down at you. “Want me to show you what else I wanted to do?”
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sp0o0kylights · 20 days
Text
Being from PNW as I am, I really want to do a Polybius AU with Steddie (I just don’t want to write it lmao) 
We begin with Eddie being absolutely attached to this growing urban legend. An arcade cabinet shrouded in mysterious gameplay, awash with rumors of kids disappearing or even dying, and men in black “collecting” something from the cabinet every week? 
Throw in his own little weird encounter with an arcade game as a kid, one Eddie cannot for the life of him find again and yeah, he’s salivating over this shit. 
Hellfire’s tired of hearing about it. This has been Eddie’s white whale since they met him, they’re done listening to him chase down rumors and insist the game was checking for psychic powers in the population. (Or testing a “mind weapon” or six other things.) 
 He gets met with nothing but groans and complaints when he catches wind that something like Polybius popped up on the west coast, igniting the rumors all over again, but this is a new tale for Hellfire’s freshmen.
They sit, enraptured  and asking six million questions, by something everyone but Mike thinks is just some silly bullshit story--but it’s so out there that Lucas and Dustin placate him. 
(“Why on earth would Brenner use an arcade cabinet when he was just kidnapping kids at birth Mike, you just want an excuse to see El…”)
Obviously Polybius IRL takes place in Oregon, but let’s say things have grown a bit. Extended, like the growth of a disgusting, pulsing vine, into California. 
Will is walking home when his hand flies to the back of his neck, a buzzing overtaking his ears as this weird, black arcade cabinet from a nearby shop seems to slide into his focus.
Slowly, like a camera lens being focused, it pulls him in until El yanks him out of it and he realizes he hasn't been breathing.
 Later he tells Mike--because he has to tell someone that isn't Jonathan and isn't El and absolutely isn't his mom-- and Mike absolutely loses his shit. 
This, of course, accumulates into a blowup at lunch, in front of the rest of Hellfire. 
Who are rolling their eyes because oh God, not only has Eddie infected the freshman with this, they’re now doing that thing they do where they get all secretive and try to talk in code words. 
(As if all of Hellfire isn’t aware they think “Mike’s girlfriend” who is about as real to them as Suzie is, has superpowers. 
The party is good at a lot of things, but whispering isn’t one of them.)  
There's an argument about whether this means Brenner, or someone like him, is collecting kids again and if so, do they have a responsibility to stop it, and that this isn't the Upside Down this is human horror, but what if it is actually the Upside Down, they don’t know--and it goes round and round between the Party in Hawkins and El & Will up in California, via phone calls. 
The Hawkins crew decides they need to go to California, together. 
They just…have to figure out a way to get there, first. 
Will & El on the other hand, decide they can’t wait, because they can save kids.
They can make a difference--prevent this shit from happening in a new location all over again.
El doesn't want to be like Kali anymore, but she understands what Kali was trying to do and she feels that same sort of responsibility to stop what she can. 
They disappear. 
Jonathan calls everyone he can, frantic, because he thinks Will and El have decided to go back to Hawkins, and his mother just left with Murray to do something she was extremely vague about and Argyle does not have enough weed for this.
If you guessed this accumulates with a Eddie + the Extended Party (Nance/Steve/Robin) going on a road trip you’d be right. 
Also they collect Suzie on the way because no one ever uses her in stories and fuck it she’d be fun to bring in. 
With them being in California you have Max’s past coming into play, as well as Eddie’s own mystery with the arcade cabinet, everyone crashing together at the Byers house (one bed or no bed either is hilarious for Steddie) and as we left the rest of Hellfire back at Hawkins to try and dodge six million questions about where like, ten people vanished off to (“Uh….camp?”) we get to have some fun there too. 
Throw in Eddie’s massive ass crush, “out of Hawkins”  Robin + Steve (who is perhaps a lot more chill with things than Eddie realized) and a need to go “undercover” at a gay bar purely for selfish reasons on my end (I want to see Steve flirt shamelessly with men and watch Eddie blue screen bc of it) and you have a lot of fun with the entire groups dynamic. 
I don’t have an ending other than Eddie at some point needs to play Polybuis and Steve drapes himself over Eddie’s back, whispering encouragement in his ear as a way to keep him from getting pulled into it the way Will was while the kids work together to kill whatever it is the government's unleashed this time (not Brenner, but instead another branch or faction who took his research and ran) but I’d love to parallel Eddie more to Will, on both the gay and supernatural fronts.
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90s-belladonna · 11 months
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would it be okay to request Bakugou's reacting to another hero trying to recruit his assistant who he has a crush on? I need a jealous Kacchan
Explosive Disposition: Katsuki Bakugo x Fem!Reader
I apologize in advance if it isn't the best, I still have terrible writer's block but I've got you anon!
word count: 3992
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He doesn’t know when it happened but he couldn’t stop thinking about you whenever his mind happened to have a free second away from his hero work. He figured it was just that he found you funny or that he was beginning to appreciate all you did for him. However, deep down he knew that something had shifted as he had always been appreciative of your work since he hated filling out paperwork for the cases he solved, yet you did it for him without a single complaint. No, perhaps it was that he was finally becoming aware of his feelings, feelings that had always been there.
“and then (name) said ‘Dynamight doesn’t answer any stupid questions so before you open your mouths ask yourselves if your question is stupid. If you doubt it even a little do yourself a favor and just keep it moving because it won’t get answered today.’ It was hilarious! The reporters were trembling after that.” Kirishima lets out a chuckle as he recalls the events from that morning’s press conference. Their agency had just solved a huge case involving a criminal organization, and naturally, the media had a lot of questions. However, as Katsuki’s assistant, your main task was to constantly shield him from anything that could set him off to avoid a PR nightmare. 
You honestly didn’t mind the responsibilities that came with the job, you appreciated that Bakugo didn’t feel the need to put on a fake persona for the media just to come off as more likable, and you agreed that a lot of the questions they asked heroes were useless and unimportant. You quickly adapted to working with someone like Bakugo as both of your personalities were very similar, the key difference being that you were a very direct person who could communicate your thoughts and feelings easily and professionally. 
You were fond of Bakugo. Most of the tasks in your old job consisted of helping sleazy businessmen lie to their wives and cover up secret families and affairs, so working for someone as brutally honest as Bakugo was a breath of fresh air. When you finally had enough and decided you didn’t want to waste your degree working for shitty people with even shittier morals you got the email notification that they were accepting applications for administrative positions at a hero agency that was about to open up, and that’s how you ended up working for Dynamight. You quickly adapted to the explosion hero’s even more explosive attitude, and you’d be lying if you said the way he carries himself didn’t amuse you. 
While you could remain cool as a cucumber in stressful situations, Katsuki on the other hand was undoubtedly a hothead. While he likes to think he’s direct and honest with his thoughts, everyone knows that couldn’t be further from the truth. You enjoyed the job though, you got to come off as “Dynamight’s bitchy assistant” which came with a lot of power and respect, and that reputation kept people from approaching Bakugo with any stupid questions or comments knowing they’d have to deal with you and your attitude. You were the number one hero’s shield and everyone who knew Bakugo knew that much was true. Every action you took was meant to advocate for him and keep him in his comfort zone so that any useless interruptions wouldn’t affect his hero work.
“Oi idiot! Enough gossiping with your girlfriend we’re here for my issue!” Bakugo grumbled as he glared at his friend-turned-business partner. “Yeah, Yeah, honestly what can we even do anyway? The dude is untouchable. He’s the commission’s golden boy.” the redhead head argued before taking a bite of his food. “I can tell him off that’s what I can do. Call him out on national television. That’ll show that shitty knockoff.” Bakugo was fuming. He put a lot of work into developing his brand so for some nobody to come and rip it off, that truly pissed him off.
“No. It wouldn’t be a good look for the number one to bash another hero in front of the media like that.” Tsubaki argued, she was the head public relations agent for the agency and had made it a point that both heroes, especially Bakugo, ran everything by her. “WHAT THE HELL THEN? THAT ASSHOLE NEEDS TO BE TAUGHT A LESSON! OR FIVE!” the blonde yelled causing everyone in the restaurant to look his way, only to quickly look away the second he slammed his hands on the table. “Relax. I have a better option for you. We can always have an anonymous digital team spread info online with enough proof to back it up about how he’s trying to copy you. Reputation is everything for a hero and this will ruin his. The bonus side is it won’t get back to you so it’s a win-win situation.” the raven-haired girl suggested with a smirk.
Bakugo couldn’t help but roll his eyes. “That’s a coward’s way of handling shit.” is all the blonde let out. “Well, then we’re back to square one where you can’t do anything about it. He’s a prodigy and has the hero commission’s full backing. I mean come on it’s obvious they’re trying to have the kid kick you out of your number one spot.” Tsubaki argued, however, the blonde could not be reasoned with. “She’s right bakubro. They’re turning that guy into the general public-friendly version of you. I mean he started off as a wannabe hawks like a year ago, and now he’s changing every aspect of himself to mimic you. This needs to be dealt with quickly and efficiently.” The redhead tried to reason. Bakugo knew the two were right, which only served to piss him off more. 
“This is bullshit.” was all the explosion hero had to say regarding the situation. He hated feeling helpless. It pissed him off. “Hey I know you and (name) are roommates but please don’t let this get back to her. You know she goes into rage mode whenever someone pisses Bakubro off.” Kirishima pleaded with the tall woman sitting next to him. “Don’t worry. I keep client info confidential. Plus (name) isn’t much of a gossip, she doesn’t take her work home. It’s very much out of sight out of mind with that girl. God I love her, she’s so chill!” Tsubaki couldn’t help but gush about her friend, it wasn’t every day that someone so effortlessly cool befriended someone as wild and hyper as her. 
Bakugo couldn’t help but let his mind wander off to you, a small sense of peace passed through him at the thought of you being so protective over him. The truth is he didn’t need anyone to protect him, never had and never would, but he couldn’t lie to himself and say there wasn’t a strange feeling in his body that came with being cared for by someone. Even if it was just your job to do so, it strangely comforted him to know that someone had his back without question or hesitation.
“I don’t know if chill is the word I’d use to describe her, but she’s definitely a joy to have around the office.” Kirishima chuckled as he began to remember all the different times you had gone off on someone for trespassing on Bakugo’s personal space. The blonde can’t help but notice the doe eyes the taller woman gives his friend. “I know I requested the lunch meeting… but why do I feel like I just got tricked into paying for one of your dates.” He asked out loud as he observed the couple scoot closer to one another. “Maybe because you are!” teased the ravenette with a giggle following closely behind. He refused to show it but he was glad his friend had found someone that made him so happy. “Whatever.” he managed to grit out as he rolled his eyes and reached for his drink.
“All jokes aside, we do need to deal with this issue. That dude is just awful.” Kirishima stated, this made the explosive boy’s crimson eyes go wide. “See! Even shitty hair hates him, and he stupidly likes everyone!” Katsuki spoke, a delighted tone in his voice as he felt vindicated in his opinion of the up and coming younger hero. “Well, he certainly makes it hard to be on his side with that fake personality he puts on.” Kirishima explained. “I’ve been saying this shit for the last month, but neither of you idiots ever listen.” the blonde grumbled, only to be shot down by the public relations expert. “yeah well you hate everyone soo…” 
A few days had passed since the meeting with Tsubaki and Kirishima, not much had progressed regarding the issue of his copy cat so he still couldn’t shake the feeling that something was about to go terribly wrong. “You need to relax. It’s your day off. What good will you do the public if you’re always on edge?” Katsuki had been invited to, well more like forced, to attend a beach day with Shoto and Sero. “I’M ALWAYS RELAXED FLAT FACE!” the blonde fumed at his raven-haired friend. “sure you are big guy.” Sero quickly dismissed his friend’s uncontrolled temper knowing there was nothing he could do to diffuse him when angry. “Perhaps you should join us for a swim. Water can be very calming, it might help you forget about what’s causing you grievance.” a tired set of blue and grey eyes met his crimson ones, he always hated how the heterochromatic boy could tell when something was upsetting him.
“I’ll forget about it when bitchass Dynamic is buried six feet under.” he managed to grumble, this caused Shoto to hum in understanding. “I can see why his existence would upset you. Dynamic doesn’t come off as sincere, His energy seems brittle, as if he’s wearing a mask that could fall apart and crumble at any second. I would assume that factor paired with his attempt to mimic your personal fashion style as well as his rapid rise in the hero charts would only upset you more.” Sero watched in awe at how effortlessly the fire and ice hero was able to decipher Bakugo’s thoughts. “Tsk. I worry about you half and half. You’re becoming perceptive in your old age.” The blonde’s comment had Shoto perplexed. “So swimming?” Sero asked again in an attempt to move the conversation along, he was well aware that left to their own devices his two socially awkward friends would just sit there staring at each other in silence. “I’m not getting my hair wet.” “Oh right.” were answered simultaneously.
It had been about twenty minutes since the other two boys had gone out to swim. As much as he hated to admit it Sero was right, Katsuki had managed to relax a bit as he sunbathed and read his most recent favorite book. He had caught a lucky break as not many people recognized him when he was out of costume, his wearing sunglasses certainly helped with that too. It was looking like it was about to be a great day off away from work and all the worries that came with being a pro hero. That’s until his nose caught wind of a familiar sugary strawberry scent, he knew that perfume anywhere. Sure enough, within seconds your friend and you had settled in a spot in front and to the left of the spot Shoto had chosen for his group. The placement was perfect so that Katsuki didn’t have to outright turn just to look your way, and you wouldn’t be able to notice he was even there unless you looked back long enough. 
“Are you sure you don’t want to swim with me? It’ll be fun!” Asked a girl with pink hair, who Katsuki could only assume was your friend. “You’re lucky I agreed to come at all,” you spoke as you pulled a book and a bottle of sunscreen out of your weekender bag. “I’ll be fine, you enjoy yourself okay.” goosebumps covered Katsuki’s arms, a reaction to how sweet your voice was. He watched as your friend walked towards the water as you laid a towel on your chair and began putting on sunscreen. Being vigilant over you was like second nature to him, he didn’t even have to think about what he was doing, he just knew he had to make sure you were safe. After a few minutes, his brain accepted that no one was going to come to harm you, he could accept that you were at least safe enough to where he could go back to focusing on his book. As the minutes passed Katsuki felt himself relax. He didn’t want to assume anything, but something in the back of his mind was telling him his zen state was due to the proximity to you. He could feel his eyelashes fluttering shut and his vision becoming blurry. After such a stressful day he finally felt relaxed. Something about your presence brought him a comfort he’d never experienced before. 
About twenty minutes passed and the blonde hero was suddenly woken up, it was like his mind could sense you were upset. “it’s literally my day off, and I hate when grimy bastards bother me so fuck off.” your tone was not the usual bored tone you used on people you didn’t care for, instead it was a vexing one. This shift in you caused him to look over at who had you so exasperated just for it to be the one asshole who’d had him annoyed all week. “Look all I’m saying is why stay with a barbarian like Dynamight when you could be working for the next number-one hero?” The man said with a dastardly smirk. The blonde had to hold himself back from interrupting the conversation, you weren’t in any immediate danger and he would only prove the copycat right if he were to punch him for offering you a job. “and why the hell would I stop working for the number one hero in the country just to work for a loser like you?” You didn’t expect a response, you were hoping he could read social cues and notice the disgusted look you were giving him. However, you were far too optimistic.
“I’m so glad you asked! First of all, I can double whatever you’re making working for that… guy, and you would get to help build me from the ground up as the greatest hero in the country. Isn’t that far more fulfilling than doing busy work from a terrible boss?” Katsuki hated him. He hated his audacity, he hated his face, he hated the terrible blonde dye job on his hair, he hated his shitty voice, and most of all he hated everything he was offering you. HR will eat me alive if I interrupt him… But I’m dying to punch that bastard.  “Terrible boss? Who told you all that? More importantly how the hell did you track me down? We’ve literally never once spoken but let me make one thing clear. I will never and I mean NEVER choose you over Dynamight as a boss. I rather gouge my eyes out than have to listen to your infuriating voice ever again. This is why Bakugo is the number one. He actually cares about his work instead of running around trying to put on a fake image like you do. He’s the number one hero because he deserves it, he put in the hard work to earn that title. Now leave me the hell alone because I have no interest in working for an idiot like you.” To say he was shocked would be an understatement, it was obvious no one had ever spoken to the hero hopeful like that, and to rub salt into the wound everyone around the area was now snickering at the public rejection. Bakugo was also taken aback, he knew you had his back during working hours but to see you respected him enough to also have his back in your free time, that was a different development entirely.
Embarrassment aside, the up-and-coming hero had a mission to complete. He had to take you away from Bakugo. He had to take everything that made him who he is as a hero. So he resorted to the only option he had left. “Well, how about a date then?” Your face instantly gave away your abhorrence for even the suggestion of a date with such a clown. The younger hero’s audacity had Bakugo seeing red, his blood boiling, and every vein in his body popping through. “ew. stay away from me you damn loser.” you nonchalantly let out as you looked down in an attempt to pick up the book you had been reading which you accidentally dropped when the fake blonde approached you. You thought that was the end of it and that he would walk away soon only to be forced to look back up once more when you heard a loud smack. “WHAT PART OF STAYING AWAY FROM HER DID YOU NOT UNDERSTAND IDIOT?!!?”
Your (color) eyes instantly met crimson ones. You didn’t even get enough time to process what was happening as you looked down at Bakugo’s hand only to see it grabbing Dynamic’s wrist. The younger hero couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight, almost as if he had realized he’d committed a great mistake and was trying to play it cool to avoid further embarrassment. “We were just talking. I wanted her attention is all, we were planning a date before you intruded.” “Ew, as if I would ever date someone with a bad dye job and no skincare routine.” you absentmindedly let out.  “You heard her. You weren’t planning shit so fuck off!” the blonde growled as he let the younger man’s wrist go and stood protectively in front of you. Dynamic clicked his tongue and put on yet another irritating smile. “Whatever. We’ll discuss our date later cupcake.” he spoke before dashing away so as to not further piss off Bakugo. “NO. YOU’RE STAYING THE FUCK AWAY FROM HER!” The blonde yelled after the obnoxious man while you cringed at the fact that someone had dared to call you cupcake of all things.
You instinctively grabbed Katsuki’s wrist when you noticed his quirk beginning to activate. “He’s gone. It’s okay.” was all you needed to say, your soothing voice mellowing his explosive disposition. The blonde let out a huff before visibly relaxing, you took this as your chance to address him. “You sure take your job seriously huh? Coming to my rescue on your day off and all.” You snickered in an attempt to lighten the mood. “You wouldn’t need saving if you weren’t out finding trouble. Damn brat.” was all the blonde could manage to respond, he was well aware that he was being a dick in an attempt to keep you from noticing the blush beginning to dust his cheeks. “Who would’ve thought Dynamight was such a big softie? Protecting his sweet angel of an assistant from an awful man. The public would swoon!” You teased wanting to see just how far you could push your luck with the explosive boy.
“I’m territorial is all.” His voice was gruff, and he had a stern look in his eyes, almost like he was saying exactly what he was thinking for once. “I don’t like idiots imposing on what I consider mine.” Bakugo’s confession left you perplexed. You didn’t want to assume he meant his words to be interpreted romantically so you opted for attempting to diffuse the situation. “Yeah? I mean I can understand why, what would you do without me? I’m the best, a very efficient assistant if I do say so myself.” You spoke with a giggle, however, your heart betrayed you by acting on its own. The beating was completely out of control, as if it were running a marathon with no end in sight. His crimson eyes searched yours, as if your eyes could tell him what you were thinking or what you were attempting to do. After a few seconds when he felt like he was caught on he finally decided to speak. “Well, you don’t suck.” With that, he decided to walk back to his spot. You watched as he picked up his book and continued to read as if nothing had transpired, as if his words and his gaze hadn’t just set something inside you ablaze.
Two days later you were back at work. Your days off did nothing to help you relax, rather they had your mind in shambles as you thought through every possible scenario that could’ve happened had you responded to Bakugo differently that day at the beach.  It doesn’t matter anymore. I just need to focus on work, I’m probably just imagining things. There’s no way he could… He would never think of me that way.  You had never considered Bakugo as a romantic prospect before, however ever since he protected you, you’d be lying if you said the thought hadn’t crossed your mind. 
”Pro hero Dynamic has just announced his new official colors as orange and black! He also tells his fans to stay on the lookout for a new costume he will debut later this month incorporating his new colors!” The mention of the annoying man from a few days earlier caused you to look at the screen which typically had the news playing all day at the agency. Sure enough, it was a reporter standing next to the fake blonde, he had styled his hair in a spiked manner, which was a big difference compared to the slicked-back style he had at the beach. You couldn’t help but feel disgusted as you watched the man smile on the tv as if he wasn’t a complete and utter sleaze bag. “Ugh. I hate that guy.” Both you and a gruff voice said at the same time.
You turned towards the door only to be met with none other than Dynamight. “You’re very cat-like these days. I didn’t even hear you coming, maybe we should get you a bell.” You joked in an attempt to lighten the mood. “Try it and you die brat!” He joked back in a crude tone causing you to shrug as you gave him a mischievous smile. Something had shifted ever since your last conversation and you both knew if. It was an unspoken thing. Bakugo felt bare as if the walls he’d spent years building were slowly crumbling. “By the way… you should have the marketing team sue him. He’s clearly trying to profit off of your image. It’s creepy. You should crush his aspirations.” you let out as he began to walk toward his office. His eyes went wide at your comment. “I knew you’d understand… And that you’d have a solution that wasn’t stupid.” His comment had you lifting a brow making you wonder if perhaps he was already aware of the situation.
The pro hero turned your way and examined how your eyes looked at him as if you knew what went on in his soul. “If something or anyone bothers you… tell me. I don’t care how insignificant you think it is, you have to tell me. I’ll come to rescue you. I’ll protect you.” His voice was soft, unlike his usual tone, but he wasn’t asking. It was clearly a command. You weren’t sure how you should respond so you just nodded. Eventually whatever you two had going on would have to be addressed, but for now, the unspoken tension was all either of you could realistically handle. It wasn’t like either of you could read minds, and yet you understood each other perfectly. Both of you also understood the only obstacle keeping you apart was a fear of rejection, on both ends.
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☆ Master List
☆ Oneshots
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gabessquishytum · 6 months
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The black widow/sugar daddy ask has me obsessed, but I can’t help but make it a little silly (and of course lean into the Addams Family Gomez/Morticia vibes dreamling definitely has 😁)
So, Dream is a black widow, and his latest target is Hob Gadling, who was ridiculously easy to wrap around his finger. He practically worships the ground Dream walks on from minute one, without Dream having to do much at all. The meet to marry time is a new record for Dream, and he’s kind of enjoying himself. But alas, the wedding is done, the will rewritten in his favor, and all good things must come to an end.
Except Hob just…keeps not dying. He’s not noticing the traps and avoiding them, he blindly walks into them, but somehow they never manage to kill him or even incapacitate him.
He eats or drinks something poisoned and just compliments the interesting flavors. Tripping or pushing him down the stairs or out a window has him laughing at his own clumsiness as he stands and brushes himself off, nothing broken or bleeding or even bruised. Dropping something heavy on him has Hob gently teasing Dream for his clumsiness, with not even a concussion to show for it. Ropes and knives somehow get Hob excited and thinking that Dream is introducing some new games to the bedroom. At one point out of desperation Dream sits on Hob’s face in the hopes of suffocating him to death, and ends up passing out from too many orgasms instead (in hindsight not his brightest idea, trying to beat the king of oral sex at his own game).
Nothing works. Hob Gadling just refuses to die. And through it all he never stops lavishing Dream with gifts and attention, spoiling him rotten and treating him to the best sex he’s ever had, always with the mindset that Dream deserves it all.
Dream is enraged. Dream is fascinated. Dream is seriously considering for the first time in his career just staying in this marriage (apart from the whole not-dying thing, which offends his professional pride, he really has no complaints about his life with Hob, which he doesn’t know how to feel about)
-🪽anon
Oh this is rather wonderful!! I've been really enjoying thinking about this concept and it's really interesting to explore more of Dream’s deadly assassin side!!
I'm chuckling over the idea of Hob’s inability to die. It's hilarious. The ways that Dream tries to kill his husband become increasingly deranged. Crossbow (Hob apologises for getting in the way of the shot and pulls the bolt out of his own thigh). Drowning (Hob fucking FLOATS). Setting starving dogs on him (Hob ends up in a pile of cuddly, drooling doggos, grinning and thanking Dream for a wonderful surprise!). Its getting ridiculous. Dream’s reputation is on the line and his stupid, gorgeous, beloved husband won't die!!
And yes, of course Dream has managed to fall in love with Hob. It makes the whole thing even harder.
Finally Dream breaks down and admits the whole thing to Hob who... laughs a little. And admits that he knew. He isn't quite sure how he's managed not to die? Good luck maybe? Or maybe it's that Dream isn't really trying that hard?
Dream bristles and How Dare You's him, but Hob dips him, kisses him, and shuts him up. Hob’s leg slides between Dream’s and rubs against him and he whispers that it's ok. He's actually really really into the whole thing. He'd be honoured if Dream would continue "trying" to kill him. In the meantime he'll keep being a devoted husband and giving Dream the best sex he'll ever have.
Maybe eventually Dream will finally finish him off by sucking his life out through his cock. Now seems a pretty good time to try, anyway, and Dream is only too happy to slide to his knees. Hob really is exactly what he deserves.
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phoenixcatch7 · 5 months
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Thinking about possible totk dlc again... Listen, we all know we want it XD.
Thing is, I've read the interviews, and I think Nintendo is right. There's just no more mechanics they can add to the game without completely breaking it. Totk is maxxed out on mechanics and options and playability. There really is nothing more they can add ability wise without bogging the whole thing down and causing a million problems, both for themselves and players.
But that's not all there is in a game, is there?
There's master mode, for one. Gold enemies are missing from totk entirely, never mind all the craziness of regenerating enemies, new mob camps just floating around, the gleeok they'd probably put on the great sky island. People loved master mode in botw, there's no reason not to at least drop that button back in.
But... People do have a few complaints. There's stuff they're missing, stuff that leaves loose ends, stuff that wasn't explained well enough. It all mostly boils down to one thing.
Story.
We could have an answer to where the divine beasts and all the sheikah tech went. We could find a giant scrapyard at the bottom of a new/old chasm because hyrule tossed everything in that could be pried up. There could be like five remaining active guardians, just so we can mess them up like we did in botw. There's voids where water is on the surface, there's plenty of space! It'd solve both the 'where tf did they go' and the 'man I wish we still had guardians' issue in one fell swoop.
We could get casual dialogue that all the divine beasts were driven out to sea and sunk! I don't know! Some sort of closure! We could talk about generational trauma responses! The instinctive fear of sheikah tech if there is one! Link is certainly canonically traumatised, did you see him with the first sky tower??
We could get wolfie back! Update his teleportation code so he can keep up with our stupid endeavours and not get caught in crossfire! Make him immune to zonai tech, idk.
We could get a resolution to kass and Penn! That whole storyline ended so sadly, and the lack of kass is straight up disturbing. We could rescue him from the depths where he fell in or smth idk!! Just because you're a bird does NOT mean you can fly a kilometer + straight up in pitch black through a narrow cylinder with lethally toxic sides. Now he's got enough material for life! (and probably trauma. The only food down there is stuff the yiga brought, which - well, it's not like they'd worry about thieves down there.
That stupid chef from lookout landing who ran off to the castle. That's TOTALLY a quest come on :(. Let him come home.
More lookout landing expansion, if you're desperate for stuff that isn't 90% dialogue! Please let me install bigger towers and a bathing area and more shops or SOMETHING. Little outlet stalls from every capital! Let me rebuild the first home in castle town! I! D! K!
More newspaper news! We could randomise it like the spider man ps4 news feed, that was hilarious. Absolute hogwash rumours and stupid feuds between neighbours and the results of pumpkin growing competitions! Mix it up, traysi had bonkers stuff, it was so good. What does life look like from inside the world?
Hylia gossip? We know she doesn't keep strictly to her 'find shrine rewards for increased gains, link' thing. Let her ask link for random stuff for 'power buffs' and give him, like, a random buff that lasts precisely 24 minutes.
Maybe even a 'now we opened the plateau again, people want to investigate' side plot. No one wanted to see :(. I didn't like that the only people up there were yiga :((. Send some new research team dude to wax lyrical and beg link for photos of different areas or symbols.
Gloom hands should be able to attack link in the depths. This would solve nothing and in fact make things much worse, but it happened to me twice and it was so much worse than on the surface lol.
Maybe some idiot managed to make it to a Sky island with balloons but now they can't get down, whoops lol. Some of them really aren't that high up and there's a lot of very determined people XD.
Someone's been captured by the yiga and link has to do a full infiltration and smuggle them the keys to their cell. Come on, the yiga base is underutilised!!
The gerudo stable was being shut down because of the sandstorm turning away travellers. After we solve that, maybe we could help reopen it? It made me so sad...
Link vs the flower lady. She wants a sample of every single flower in hyrule to get it all nice for her majesty! She remembers his crimes...
Link and the new sages could have a silly bonding quest each! Let him test his mettle against them in a spar! I don't know!
The ability to pet dogs and horses! An idle sitting animation that makes link sit down properly to enjoy the view!
Heck, a master cycle equivalent....
There's just a almost infinite amount of options available for real, actual content, it doesn't just have to be new mechanics and new dungeons. Yes, it gets the adrenaline going, but neither the fans nor Nintendo want nor need more of that.
We know the story is more lacking in botw/totk than previous zelda games, an understandable and acceptable sacrifice when you're working with such a huge and complex open world as this, but this is the perfect opportunity to fix that, Nintendo, don't you see? Give that incredibly elaborate coding a break and give the writers something else to chew on.
Tag what quest line or question you want answered in the comments or tags!
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