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#this is why I cannot keep a diary
coquelicoq · 4 months
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Then the SecUnit said, "They're coming. You have to go." [...] The SecUnit's voice was different from Three's. A different tissue batch, maybe. (System Collapse, chapter 10)
ummm hello can we talk about this?? mb thinks it's notable that not all barish-estranza secunits have the same voice. there are tissue batches, which i knew was a possibility because if you can clone human tissue once presumably you can clone that same tissue/dna more than once, as that is what cloning is all about lol, but...the implications this has?? how many other company units are there out there who are from the same tissue batch as mb?
#and like. remember the time iris was like prove you're peri's secunit by showing me your face?#how well does that method work if there are other secunits out there that also have your face????#and can this be used against mb to put its humans in danger????#i mean this is just about voices so idk maybe the facial tissue is unique to each secunit but i don't see why it would be#it's wild to me that this has never come up before. mb's whole hiding its face/editing itself out of surveillance thing#is serving a lot of purposes (hiding its expressions from humans for emotional vulnerability reasons#and protecting itself from detection by hostile actors trying to capture or kill it for example)#but like. if there are other units that look like it you'd think at some point that would be relevant#idk maybe it's used to being anonymous/identical to all other secunits because of the armor and opaque faceplate#wow my brain is going down seven different avenues related to this and i cannot keep up with any of them#file this under save for later#murderbot#the murderbot diaries#mb meta#system collapse#system collapse spoilers#mb bots and constructs#my posts#like part of it is not just the implications this has for worldbuilding but also#the implications it has for mb given that it's communicating it to us as a throwaway line#you'd think it'd be more relevant to mb given how much time it spends thinking about passing and disguise and#anonymity and trust. so what does it mean that this has never come up before?
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i’ve been in a rut with my writing for months, I’ll write drabbles in my notes app and scribbles on post-it notes (when I should be working) but that’s all I can seem to manage. When I am meant to be doing other things, my mind seems to think of a hundred stories. Then when I sit down to write, it feels as though my head is full of white noise, as though the words have left me. I miss being able to write, I miss having the time and the will to write. I miss my characters, they’ve slipped away from me. And I don’t know how to get them back.
#rambles#or - i ended up in full time employment doing a job i never wanted to do and put my writing on hold#which led to me being in a headspace that isnt great but somehow still better than when i didnt have said job#but i feel like im losing the thing i truly love because when i get home from work the last thing i want to do is sit in front of my laptop#and anyone who has something they are truly passionate about and has dedicated their lives to#can understand the sheer agony that is feeling like that thing is slipping away from you#i studied writing for three years i got a first in my degree and now im in the real world i had to let it go#i feel like i failed by not getting a job in writing#but every job wanted years of experience that i literally cannot get without getting the job#and i couldn't afford to sit around and wait forever for something to turn up#i  never wanted to work in education and then i did and then i didnt and then somehow i ended up back there#and as glad i am of my job and for the most part its okay#i cant help but think of how much happier i would be in a job where i would be able to write#i also cant help but feel the intense sadness that i might never get that#and its scary being 22 and looking at my life thinking that this might be all there that it might be like this forever#that i am going to be trapped in an industry i dont really like purely because idk what else to do and im qualified for nothing#my writing kept me sane and these days i feel like i dont even have that#and why am i able to write all this in the tags of a tumblr post but i cant keep a diary#i know that this isnt all there is and im still young and ive got so much more left to do with my life#but i cant help but worry i will feel this sad and scared and alone forever and that ill never find what im meant to do#or who im meant to be with#thank you for coming to my monday breakdown
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elftwink · 2 years
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was writing a big long post about gender but then i remembered i don’t really care if people on this website understand or relate to how i articulate my own experiences w/gender which freed me from writing several paragraphs explaining myself and instead give you all the sparksnotes version. anyway i always feel one of the odd parts about my transition is that i was a young girl and i’m a grown man, but i have been neither a young boy nor a grown woman. so i always think it’s weird when i’m expected to have some insights on womanhood like do you want outside observations or the incomplete extrapolations of a 12 year old girl because those are the options. if you want something else you should ask a woman. and if you want the latter you should actually ask a 12 year old girl i havent been one of those in ages ive probably forgotten most of it
#good idea generator#watched princess diaries 2 last night and i have been struck w/idealized slumber party dreams from age idk 11#not that i ever actually had an idealized slumber party i actually had significant problems that made me real unpleasant at sleepovers#i was oversensitive and did not have good emotional regulation and nights where i could keep it together#it was a lot of work and i would have a meltdown as soon as i got home in the morning lol#my mom would be like 'im not going to let you go on sleepovers if you're going to react like this every time'#and that made me so mad because i knew i wanted to go and enjoyed going and hanging w/friends#and i knew she was interpreting the like snapping and isolating and crying as some sort of outburst w/a purpose#and i was like i do not know how to explain to you that i cannot help doing this i don't know whats wrong and i cannot stop#tbh not sure how that problem got solved. i suppose i just suppressed it probably. and got slightly better at social gatherings#like i can go longer before feeling like that and i'm significantly better and stepping out to self-regulate if i need#and otherwise like. not blowing up at people who did not do anything wrong. love being 12#i also don't know if this is regular 12 year old behaviour bc on the one hand def people thought i was Being Weird#to the point where i think that's why i was able to stop. hated being Weird more than anything else#but also then i think back to my friends who were also 12 and they were not well adjusted either. due to being 12
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pizzapizzadickz · 1 year
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...somedays are just so much worse than others. Lately, I've been caught up in thinking, yet again, what if I'm faking everything. Well. Not that persay. More like. What if everything I think is going on is actually based on something false. And it sucks. Bc. I just start to worry that I cannot fix anything. Idk. Its just. Its nice to have an answer to things. And it'd hurt if my answer is wrong I suppose. You could show me all the evidence in the world and in the end I still won't believe it. I'll still think im wrong somehow. But at the same time I believe I'm right. How odd is that?
Ever since ive been young I've always questioned myself like that. I used to question who I am and what makes up me. And I never rly had an answer. I always just felt hollow and out of place. Even now that's all I feel.
Sometimes I can tell my thinking is heavily distorted. And honestly sometimes I question if it's ever not.
#diary#personal#its a little ramble-y i guess. idk if anyone but me can understand this. but its hard to put into words...#more and more i just feel this giant glass wall between me and everything else.#sometimes ive been thinking if anything is real. just. idk.#but even more than that i just keep doubting everything i think. maybe if i just tried harder. mayber if i was a better person...#maybe then that wouldntve happened. maybe if i just did more id be functional.#and. its just been a really hard day today. mn. really bad.#i dont rly eanna go into details tbh. but me and my dad fought again and everythings changed again and i dont like it.#mn. but in the end. the reason why im going to therapy is bc ive tried just working harder.#just. ignoring everything. and unfortunately it doesnt seem like everything is all in my head#well. i mean some of it LITTERALLY is all in my head. well i mean really the whole human experience is kinda sorta.#but. the things i get exhausted for. the things i just feel like i cant do anymore. theyre real#i guess thats a comfort at least. i may not know why i cannot function. but at least the pain i feel is real i suppose#haha. but what if thats like. just malfunctioning hardware. haha. ha.#i hate this loop. its probably like an ocd obsesive thought spiral. i do this a lot.#bc in the end this is probably one thing i cant actually prove or think my way out of.#bc i know the human experience is innately flawed. we easily could be in a simulation. and bc of that i discount nothing.#mn. its. getting sorta dissociatey or depersonalizationy now. i should stop n sleep.#im just rly sad. i was a bit too honest with mom today about dad and everything hurts now.#...somedays i rly dont wanna be alive. not bc i wanna die. just. im really really tired. its easier when things are laid out for me#when i know that if x happens i do y. and i dont like this autonomy i have sometimes. sometime i wish i didnt have it. haha.#suicidal ideation#...i dont know how the fuck i can talk to a therapist about all of this. or how useful itd even be. in the end it feels like im not me.#im. sorta scared of myself. and tired of it. i dont like the way i react. the way i am. im so scared.#i have to deliberate so long on something thatd take someone else no time. and its pitiful sometimes#trying to keep up with everything like this is exhausting.#i. sometimes i wonder what id actually be like if so many things were different. but its a useless question. bc they arent#in the end all you can do is move forward with the current you. nothing more. nothing less.#even if i dont rememebr the past or its different from what i recal. i suppose its okay. bc the now is my truth in the end.
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tibetanpopstars · 6 days
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occamstfs · 14 days
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Diet Diaries
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Hi all! Thank you so much for 500 followers! Here's a little style switch up to celebrate, got a lotta refs in this one and I quite leaned into the diary entries so I hope it's not too much! Hope y'all enjoy this stereotype reversal and as always, best! -Occam
Monday March 21st-
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Andy:
I am beyond sick of Steve. Moving in together was a mistake, I don’t care how cheap the rent is, he is a narcissistic slob and I am eager to never see him again. Well no, I shouldn’t get ahead of myself. Our R.A. had this idea to try and walk in each other's shoes, which I don’t know? It might not be the worst thing? My big idea was switching diets actually- honestly I’m just hoping if he ate more like me he’ll stop stinking up the dorm. I can dream at least. Literally though he just can’t go to the gym as often if he eats like me. If I'm lucky at the very least his deodorant will last longer, I cannot take another day of his b.o. seeping through the walls, ugh! Anyway, wish me luck! I’m sure this will be a breeze for me, he usually just eats junk anyway, hope he enjoys my salads~
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Steve:
Andy that little fucker. He was being such a little bitch to James and now I’ve gotta eat his rabbit food for a week or lose this bet or whatever. Steve don’t lose tho. Lil twink’s gotta eat whatever I make him too and you can bet your ass I’m gonna make him match my macros if I’ve gotta starve myself like he wants. Fuck! This shit is going to absolutely tank my routine! I’ve gotta make Andy give up. I’m gonna go so hard on him he’ll have to hit weights if he doesn't want to blow up like a pig. Maybe then he’ll stop bitching any time I don’t fucking shower every time I get back home. 
Tuesday March 22nd-
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Andy:
My Lord! He is trying to kill me! I don’t know how anyone could consistently eat as much as he’s telling me to. I’m so bloated from all this food.. He looks so smug every time he tells me to keep eating, I’m sure he doesn’t eat like this. He’s just trying to break me but I’m not going to let him win this easy.
Ugh, I feel so bloated my pants are so tight on my waist. I didn’t think meat sweats were a thing but man I am needing to put on deodorant like twice a day now and I’m not even exercising. I will say that now that I’m eating so much, I don’t hate the idea of going to the gym. It’s been a while since I went but I should probably at least hit up the treadmill lest I get even more of a gut- maybe I’ll see if he wants to go tomorrow. This is all just an exercise to understand each other more after all, no need to make it a stupid competition like he wants eh~
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Steve:
Fuck! I am so tired of Andy’s pussy-ass diet. I had absolutely no energy at the gym today, I told all my bros that I was just gonna take it easy but fuck! I really was working my ass off and I struggled to even meet a PR I set last week. It was supposed to be a push day and I didn’t even get a chest pump! Why the fuck am I still going. I’m abso-fucking-lutely not getting gains on his fuckin’ bitch-ass salads and oats.
Eatin’ like a fucking twink and the fucker has the nerve to ask to go to the gym with me tomorrow. I’ll make sure he regrets that >:) Gonna work him like a horse so he’ll throw in the towel! After feeling how sore actually working on yourself makes ya, he might actually learn something. I’ll turn in early so I can go all out and show him what a real man looks like.
Wednesday March 23rd-
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Andrew:
Man! I totally get why Steven eats so much now~ I am absolutely raring to go and get this; He said I could go to the gym with him today! He even seemed like he wanted me to go with him! I feel like I have more energy than I’ve ever had before, I might even try some weights!! I don’t know but I’m so excited! It’s like I can feel my chest and biceps begging me to go and hit some iron haha! Or whatever those “bros” say~ I hope he’s got something good planned for lunch because I fuck Sorry! I just want to show him that I can do all this dude stuff too! I’m a man right? I guess all this protein is making me feel more like a man than usual idk. Either way though I’m ready to go! Hope we have some fun!
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Steven:
That bitch’s fuckin’ fru fru salads are ruining my PR’s for sure! I bet he knew that when he begged me to take him to the gym today, knew it was the only time he could show off to me was when I’m so out of it. And he didn't! Just to be clear I could still wipe the floor with  him even if I’m not at my A-game. Ugh, I do gotta hand it to the little fucker though. I KNOW he hasn’t even really set foot in a gym before but man. Beginners luck my ass, as soon as I showed him a technique he lifted like he’s been doing it his whole life! It’s like I could see his pecs and tris swelling up with each lift. Not that I was staring at the bitch or anything but he’s just I just need this fuckin’ diet thing to end so I can get back to my grind, I guess I wouldn’t hate taking him to the gym more often, would be hot to make a bitch into a bro Fuck! What am I writing, I just need to lift again.
Thursday March 24th-
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Andrew: 
Bro! Weird? Whatever, I am absolutely on fire! Steven’s diet is absolutely killer! I don’t know how it’s working so well but man I couldn’t care less, I felt like a pro in there! My coaches in school would always shit on me for not trying but man! I was barely trying yesterday but I could tell from the look on Steven’s face that I was acing it! I guess I’ll have to admit to him that he is definitely onto something with his macros but man, not until he gives up haha! Man, I need to chill haha, it’s not like I’m any stronger than I was Monday but man, looking at myself in the mirror it just seems like my clothes are just fitting better. Catching on my chest rather than my stomach y’know? I’ve never noticed that there is muscle on my arms before but man the way my sleeves are kinda hugging my biceps mm. I need to chill haha! Can’t use all my energy before hitting the gym again today!
OH! Also totally weird, I’ve had to shave twice this week! Once last night and then again this morning which is so weird! I’m not complaining though, it’s not like I wouldnt look hot with a beard right? Although my face is a little itchy already, my chest too? Whatever though haha! Time to head back to the grind lol!
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Steven:
God!! Andy Andrew is being such an asshole! He’s clogging the sink shaving which I know he would so be on my ass if I had done that. Wait, he did get on my ass for shaving! But it hasn’t been a problem this week, it’s like I’m not even growing stubble for some reason? Probably from not working so hard at the gym, is that how that works? Whatever it’ll be over as soon as this stupid diet thing is. We’re halfway through now. Thank God! Because that fucking twink is starting to stink up the dorm which again!! He was such a little bitch all the time to me about that! It’s like he’s literally stopped using deodorant as soon as he started needing it! He’s never exerted himself in his life and now that his pits are sweating at all he’s suddenly allergic to hygiene, ugh! I saw last night too the fucker fell asleep with his head in his pit too so it’s not like he doesn’t know it. 
It was a little surprising actually, cause I would’ve sworn he was hairless like one of those freak cats but man his pit was as thick as my pubes! Thicker maybe, uh? Man I wish I could get that image out of my head, it’s like the tuft was pushing out further each time he inhaled, man that’s kinda hot? Fuck! I swear this twink-ass diet is making me think like him too. I need to sneak to the gym later, without him. I cannot have him getting ahead even while I’m still on his chickenshit diet.
Friday March 25th-
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Steven:
Ah!! That Little bitch! He was already at the gym when I got there! Ugh! It makes me want to punch a wall, or fight him. Or something I dont know! It’s just, he was lifting my body weight on the bench when he saw me, it was so ho ugh! It doesn’t matter what it was, I can’t stop thinking of that smug look on his face- what I would give to wipe it off… That absolute prick knew what he was doing. Ugh, speaking of pricks! He may as well have not been wearing shorts at all by how much his cock was showing through them.
I knew my meal prepping was fucking tight but man, I can’t believe hot its made him. It just really fucking turns me on, or no its such a turn on for chicks. Yeah. Whatever. I need this bet to end already. Clearly he’s totally obsessed with my lifestyle so he should just admit it already! Also, hate to say it, but to Andrew’s credit his diet ain't too bad either. I’d never tell him this, and it is all a little emasculating but my skin has never looked this good. I’m not even doing skincare or anything but it’s like I’ve been on a routine for years, it’s crazy! It’s still ruining my upper gains but man, my ass looks so good it's crazy..
Oh also re: facial hair, I woke up this morning and could’ve sworn I used to have chest hair but now it looks like I’ve got just a little left around my nipples and leading up from my pubes? I might go ahead and shave those too, might as well be totally smooth like a chick right haha, I wonder what Andrew would think? I need to chill haha, maybe I’ll go see if he’s still at the gym~
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Andrew:
Fuuuuck dude lol. I should’ve started hitting up the gym ages ago. Don’t know what I was even wasting time on before I started doing twice-a-days? Studying I guess but I can figure that shit stuff out hm. Fuck it is so much better to be strong than a dweeb. Every set it feels like I’m just busting out new PR’s! Gonna need to buy new clothes though cause I am absolutely tearing up my crop tops, my twinky little wardrobe just isn’t cutting it anymore. Maybe Steven’d be down for a clothes swap, I’ve seen him eying up my fits all week, god knows he’ll fit them better lol. Oh haha, and speaking of him eying things up >:) You should’ve seen his little face blush when he walked into the gym this morning! He looked so pissed at me lol, but I’m not gonna grab him to come along every time I need to get some sets in right? It was pretty embarrassing for him yesterday anyway, the way I showed him up lol. I’m not just gonna sit around and watch him not lift weights when I can figure this shit out myself, thought it was supposed to be his thing though lol.
Mm, saying that though, I def didn’t hate having a little audience from his treadmill. God, his blushing face as he stared directly at my work-out chub. Fuck, it really got me going. It really helped my sets too haha. Maybe I should hit him up lol, I can tell how bad he wants me >:)
Saturday March 26th-
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Stevie:
Ugh! That douche is walking around the dorm completely shirtless! Do you know what it’s like to have an oaf flexing away across the room from you 24/7! He knows what he’s doing, and thank god my dick isn’t showing through my shorts like I thought it usually does because he might literally pounce on me then-
Ugh! I didn’t even mention this morning. I literally woke up to him jacking off his morning wood! Do you know what a bitch-fit he would have thrown if I did that! He would’ve filed a police report, probably the dweeb, or. I guess I could too?? But it was just so fucking hot. I tried to pretend I was asleep, but he totally caught me. He literally smirked and made eye contact as he finished too- thank god he didn’t see my boner as he asked if I wanted to clean up his mess. He’s such an ass! 
I still have a boner now actually, it’s his B.O. driving me actually crazy! It’s like I can’t think near him if he’s going to stink this bad god.. Oh, he’s doing pullups on the door frame fuck. He’s supposed to be hairless but I see sweat dripping from his pits god I can't. God with each pull up his chest looks even more powerful. His cock is bobbing up and down in his pants and I can not look away. Fuck it’s getting even bigger. I’m supposed to be the strong one right? It’s not, fuck. This isn’t right. He just so fucking, god that body, I need him-
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And Drew:
Heh. I knew that fucking twink couldn’t resist me. Every little thing I do wraps him even tighter around my finger. Every flex and smirk turns him on even more I bet he can’t even think straight the way his little dick is losing it in his briefs- I took all his jocks since I’m sure he would need them anymore. Bet the little bitch didn’t even remember they were his.  
Might as well have been drooling when he saw me jacking my cock this morning lol, surprised he didn’t take me up on the offer to lick up the mess. I know he wanted to lol. He’ll get the chance soon enough though >:) God it’s a two-way street though. That fucking twink is so fuckable now, thank god he doesn’t need to shave anymore, don’t want his peachfuzz scratching my cock cause god that mouth is so fuckable now.. To say nothing of his fucking juicy ass, god! I’ve been working out in the room all morning waiting for him to give in and ask me to fuck him, idk if I can hold it in much longer. I might need to jack it again, my balls are bluer than I ever thought they could be, fuck. It’s like they're sore. Ugh I feel them getting heavier, heh, that little fucker cant resist though. God I feel precum starting to pool in my jock. If I put my pit within a foot of his face I give him five before he can’t help but shove his face in. I need to fuck him, but as if I’m going to let him see how desperate I am. Stevie that little fucker. He’ll be riding my cock any second now.
Sunday March 27th-
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Stevie:
Fuck <3 !! He finally fucked me!! God, it was like nothing I’ve experienced before~ His cock was like a beer can and goddd the scratch of his beard as we were making out.. Hehe if I keep thinking about him I might just cum again right now! He can fully toss my body like a ragdoll and I’d thank him ugh! He’s just so hot, and to think he wants to fuck me!! Ah~ I’ll need to keep myself pretty so he won’t get tired of me hehe! Not that it’ll be a problem, I just need to keep on his diet, God who knew it would be this good! I don’t even remember whatever problems we had before all this and I can’t imagine anything better than getting fucked by him <3 Ah! He he~ He’s staring at my ass right now so I guess it’s time for another round! Can’t thank our R.A. enough for this idea, well he he I’ve got an idea for how to thank him, oh! Drew’s ripped off his jock! Wish me luck he he~
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Drew:
My little bitch is so tight, fuck. I’m surprised he can even take my cock but god can he ride it. Gonna have a hard time taking a break from fucking him to even hit the gym. Need to make sure the twink keeps up the diet tho or we’ll have an issue. Be sure to make him come to the gym whenever I do, if not to tighten up then to watch me heh. Won’t hate fucking him in the locker room too. Mm, God his fucking tiny body makes me feel so powerful. And I fucking am. God my bis are the size of his thick thighs, fuck his ass. My cock is straining my jock just thinking about it. His tiny waist ugh, I need my sweaty body over him now. Not like he’ll mind, the horny fucker. Mmm hope he’s ready to take my cock, bet his mouth is already watering heh. Pop my pecs at him and he’ll struggle not to cum on the spot, he better keep it together until I let him though. Can’t be having my bitch blow his load that fast. Thank fuck he’s chilled out finally, though I guess my cock’ll work wonders on anyone >:) speaking of it’s about that time again. Hope he’s ready for some more action, hate to have to find another hole.
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lizablackthorn · 1 year
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pov:you’re friends with f1 drivers camping/hiking/zip lining editon 🏕️🚴⛰️
lewishamilton added to their story
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landonorris added to their story
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yourusername added to their story
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mickschumacher added to their story
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lando.jpg just posted a photo
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liked by carlossainz55,maxverstappen1,lewishamilton and 455.384 others
lando.jpg Digital diary of the 17th day
yourusername: becoming a mermaid with @lewishamilton
georgerussell63:On theatres this summer
y/usernamefan: Why @yourusername is working in a inflatable pool😭
yourusername: Lando was kind enough to make me feel like at vacation🙏🏻
landonorris:but you WERE in vacation?
yourusername:i’m not a f1 driver i have REAL work to do (sarcasm if you didn’t get it)
landonorris: i’m not the stupid one that’s charles
charles_leclerc: how this turned and come back at me?
charles_leclerx16fan: What is Charles doing on the tree???
lewishamilton: @yourusername.told him there was a bear coming
alex_albon:who won the card game? I put my money in @yourusername
yourusername: And you’re winning 100 bucks🏆
sharlmarchervepercevalleclerc: thank you for shirtless Charles
yourusername: somebody is stealing your rep @georgerussell63.👀 and i loved your username🤌🏻
georgerussell63:don’t do this mate i can’t compete with you @charles_leclerc
alex_albon: take it @charles_leclerc. Not because he can’t compete with you(he definitely can) i cannot handle another shirtless George.
charles_leclerc: for your sanity mate. I’m gladly taking his reputation. Wait for the shirtless pics
yourusername: I definitely wouldn’t complain like rest of the world…
yourusername just posted a photo
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liked by charles_leclerc,pierregasly,danielriccardo and 49.937 others
yourusername these are only sneak peeks from the directors cut. Stay tuned for the others.
charles_leclerc: it was really entertaining to make fun of @landonorris. “Was” don’t let it fool you. You’re on my hands for the rest of your life
landonorris: Okay great mate. Now think about the last week. You’re on MY hands
f1: 👀
danielriccardo: Why did both of you made me dirty @landonorris and @yourusername? It’s time to take out my camera.
yourusername: sorry for not being talented as you’re at taking pics😭
mickschumacher: Roscoe was my favorite for the whole time❤️ @lewishamilton
lewishamilton: Roscoe loves you so much❤️
user3748392: no but i cannot over the story where Charles was snuggling yourusername😭❤️ it was so cute
paddockclubgirls: i though i was the only one😭
lastlaplando: who is he holding the stick like he doesn’t wanna lost?
yourusername: Charles! He genuinely didn’t wanna lost.
charlosthebest: sorry for shipping you but I ship you so bad😭
carlossainz55: I know it would’ve been a bad idea to go back to Spain. I’m sorry for missing the opportunity to make fun of lando
charles_leclerc:he was hilarious mate. You should’ve heard his screams
landonorris: mate if i were you i wouldn’t go overboard..
f1drivers: pls tell us i can’t keep on my life without not knowing that.
landonorris:🤐
sirlewishamiltonfan44: Lewis is reaallyy fine man. I love him so bad.
lh44team: and him with Roscoe. I can’t- double the effect😭
yourusername: i was so happy @lewishamilton being there for this week. I really love him too🥹
lewishamilton: my sister from another mother💜
lh44team: they’re so cute i’m gonna cry😭
sirlewishamiltonandlordperceval: The only thing i can see is how beautiful the view in the fourth picture. Definitely not Lewis’naked back and Charles’tits.
yourusername:HELP💀
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mylonelydreaming · 11 months
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All Co-Habitation Evidence *TotK Spoilers*
I'm going to hide all of this behind a read-more if you would like to remain unspoiled on everything like npc interactions, towns, quests, etc. Which I do have to talk about when it comes to this topic. Now, without further ado:
The bed in the house is the exact same as BotW, and unlike other beds in the world, you can freely sleep in it. If we open up both botw and totk, the bed is the exact same one from botw. Meaning that at the absolute minimum, Zelda has been sleeping in Link's bed. However, if you go up to the bed, Link can still sleep in it. There are very few beds that are free in this game, and the only other beds you can sleep in is obviously communal beds, such as those at lookout landing for those who are sick, injured, etc. You cannot normally sleep in another person's bed.
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2. Link's hair-tie, Zelda's diary and the Champion's photo.
If you have completed The Champion's Ballad DLC, and correctly transferred your save, then the photo will still be there. But more importantly, the house has a new addition. Behind the house is "Zelda's secret well" that functions as her new study. In that well, you will find one of the volumes of her diary, hot-footed frogs splashing around, and Link's hair-tie in the corner of the room. Link never took that hair-tie off in botw (only when wearing the ancient helm), so it's a bit suspicious that it's down here of all places.
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Not only this, but if you read the volumes of her diary, both the one in the well and on the desk near the bed, there are a couple of things that stick out:
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Firstly, Zelda had Bolson build the well because she needed somewhere to focus alone. If she was living by herself, this makes no sense (and, in japanese, rather than "my house" it's simply "the house" here).
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Secondly, Zelda states that Link is always by her side. To the point his clothes have become worn. So as a gift she made him a new tunic (and she "can't wait to see the look on his face" when he gets it, just saying).
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and third, she had to hide said gift in the castle, otherwise he would find it in the house.
3. The School and Symin
During the time-skip, Zelda founded a new school in Hateno, where she became a teacher. Due to this, a child who misses her visits the house at around 12-2pm and calls it "Ms Zelda's house".
However, if you talk to Symin, he has this to say:
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So, clearly, this is not Link's first time here (which should be obvious, how exactly did Zelda get to Hateno and the house in the first place after botw's ending? Link brought her there). He even asks Link why he came back to the village alone without Zelda. Additionally, if you go upstairs and read the "School Notes" it says this:
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It talks about the opening expedition under the castle happening soon, and reiterates Link being by Zelda's side. Interestingly, in that opening sequence Zelda says she is glad she didn't leave the Purah Pad behind. Meaning she's glad she didn't leave it at home.
But wait, there's more
There is a side-quest at the school where Link becomes a teacher / substitute teacher. When you finish the quest, one of the children says this:
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They say they already thought of Link as a teacher figure even before this quest. To add onto this, there is another child who wants to become a hero and is "always on the lookout for baddies".
4. Manny
Manny is an interesting case. At first, like some other npcs, he seems to have been entirely memory-wiped to be approachable for brand-new players who didn't play botw, but then he has the following to say:
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So, first of all, he doesn't call the house "Zelda's house" and instead calls it "the house the princess was staying at"
Secondly, he asks Link to "keep the naive, new-in-town act" to a minimum.
Third, Manny has another dialogue, he wants to "check every well" in town to find frogs for Ivee (because, similar to his quest with Prima in botw, he thinks that's what she likes). But after he says this, he seems to realize he should not have said that in front of Link, saying "Uh oh, no coming back from that one" in the smaller text as though he knows Zelda's well is off-limits. Combined with him calling the house "the house the princess was staying at" he seems to know something.
5. Two Place settings, etc
The house has two places set, two towels, etc. And just in general a lot of things for supposedly one person. There is also a bigger kitchen, and let's be honest with ourselves here, who is more about cooking and actually good at it, Zelda or Link?
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Under the stairs in totk
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VS botw:
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Now, for this next section, I have to talk about things regarding another town in the game, a quest and a mechanic many have not unlocked yet. Continue to read at your own peril (I would hide it under another read more if I could)
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The Tarrey Town House
During TotK, after we wake up and leave the sky islands, we can complete a quest to unlock the ability to build a brand-new "Dream Home" in Akkala, close to Tarrey Town.
The quest involves baby-sitting Hudson and Rhondson's child, Mattison, who, if you'll recall, did not exist yet in botw. In totk, she is starting to gain independence and appears to be around 5 or 6 years old:
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I doubt Link was sleeping rough for several years (and Zelda would never be okay with that). Anyway, Link babysits her, goes up into a hot-air balloon with the family, and then has to watch a tear-jerking scene between Mattison and her parents as she has come of the age young gerudo girls have to go to Gerudo Town and stay there until they get older and are ready to venture the world.
It is only after completing this quest, a quest completely about parenthood, that you are offered the "Dream Home" by Rhondson.
Additionally, an npc at the nearby stable has this to say:
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So, the in-universe implications of the dream home is that it is a family home, something you only buy when you plan to marry someone or start a family.
Adding onto this, the dining table in the dream home has four seats instead of two. But there's also an interesting comparison to make with the Hateno house. The Hateno house had two seats and two places set, this house has four seats, but is clearly only being used by one person:
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In other words, Link is living by himself in a house meant for a family. Which is depressing to think about, but in the context of the game makes sense.
But there's something else. In the new house pieces (including a study you cannot use yourself), all the photos on the wall are of Hateno Village:
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Why would Link hang photos of Hateno in his new home, if it was not important or nostalgic to him? (and, as a minor detail, the same yellow flower is in both houses, presumably Link's favorite flower)
In conclusion, it's clear from all the evidence that not only were they living together in Hateno, but the brand-new house actually has it's own implications behind it (and further proves that Hateno was and is important to Link).
Oh, and there is also one last thing, in the japanese version of the game, but I can't mention it here because it is an even bigger spoiler than all of this combined. It'll be an addition to this post later
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groguspicklejar · 8 days
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i'm going to say this and i hope it resonates with someone out there;
document your days.
write it down, make videos, make voice recordings, anything. just. document it.
one thing i will always appreciate about being a writer is my urge to document shit. whether it's on my blog or in my journals or somewhere, having some record of events that have taken place in my life will always give me some peace of mind that i will less likely be gaslit into thinking that said events went differently than how i remember or said events didn't happen at all.
which is exactly why i urge anyone and everyone reading this to keep a diary. either write down or video tape your thoughts and feelings. especially in times like this when there are active genocides happening because it cannot be normal— you cannot just see videos of parents holding their children or pieces of their children and say you're okay and you're doing fine.
sure, you may not cry about it in the moment but there will be a day when you're peeling potatoes and you're suddenly struck with the memory of a father finding rotten potato peelings and having to feed them to his children because there's literally nothing else to eat. and you will stop for at least 5 seconds, feeling the tears building in your eyes when you think about that and having to force yourself to continue making the food you're going to serve to you and your family.
and those documents you make will come in handy perhaps ten to fifty years from now when western governments try to gaslight you into thinking that the Palestinian genocide wasn't their fault or there was never a genocide to begin with. at the very least, you can look at your own personal records and refute what they're saying because you have proof of what had actually happened.
even go as far as printing out articles, tweets and pictures and have seperate hard drives of videos (interviews, tiktoks, even events of atrocities in Palestine, Congo, Sudan, etc) if you have to and keep them somewhere safe that one day you don't feel like you're going crazy when someone disagrees with what you know you remember.
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coophi · 9 months
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dear diary
alhaitham x reader. wc: 1k
summary: contrary to popular belief, alhaitham struggles to write a love letter for your last day in sumeru after so many journals are filled with your heart already. 
Alhaitham, for the first in decades, spends today stumped. Today’s a moment reserved for geniuses to mock and wait. For graduating first in his class, he sits in the comfortable lodgings of home, runs his hands in grey hair turning white by the second, bites his lips and fiddles his hands, and nearly slams his head against the table. 
This, Alhaitham thinks, is foolish. He’s being idiotic enough for Kaveh to take notice, slumming enough to have his roommate offer tea instead of the day’s scoldings on the height of paperwork left on dinner tables, suffering enough for the other man to light another candle when the previous wick has a dead flame. 
Alhaitham is being foolish, mindless, wordless when he’s spent years decoding ancient ruins to create meaning out of the words the world could never define before. Alhaitham is silent this time, filled with maybe vulnerability, a mourning that this has to end, that this struggle between his sensibility and foolishness collides and yearns to have something with you. 
In all frankness, no sense exists in his quietude. Behind his desk, the shelves are filled with journals, notes, abstracts about you, how you exist in his pages, how you are memorized in the moments he spends with you. 
In August 21st, we grazed hands. I thought you blushed for a second; I thought my heart should rest, so I stopped thinking. 
On October 3rd, the archons reminded me your hair glows in sunrises and sunsets.
You said you wanted family again. I cannot promise you I have one left, but I am willing to let you know what I had. (September 16th)
We saw the night together. You wished for your siblings when the North Star burned. I admit my selfishness stands between your journey when I wished another hour with you. (December 30th)
(May 19th) Do you read the books I say? I hope my head can be yours one day. 
Is there a way to save him at this point? How do you save someone that’s already fallen to the depths of an abyss? Why do you start listening to your roommate because he reads one entry? Why does he think your heart is bleeding every minute you write about the traveler who saves more than stays? 
It feels almost pointless. To spill every emotion when you’re sure to leave as the sun burns the night to repent its darkness. To slip a letter in your pockets when the world is watching, when he could be watching again the way your hair brights under sunlight. 
He could be watching the way your smile burns him, the way he’s Icarus and can never admit to melting against the heat of something so tangible yet far. Kaveh says to write, to pour, to bleed the heart out, but when does his senior offered good advice?
Apparently at 12 AM, when it’s past Alhaitham’s usual bedtime and when Kaveh keeps noticing a trash pile filled with single-blotted papers of nothing. Nothing describes the journals, nothing holds his heart like they do. Nothing describes the moments Alhaitham lets his foolishness bleed into anything documented and printed like other journals. 
“You know, Haitham,” Kaveh says without hesitation after stealing Alhaitham’s last pair of slippers, “you can just copy what you said before.”
Disgusting. Of course, that’s why literature is mocked. Literature is not the moments where he copies down the summaries of his feelings, as true language is where Alhaitham exists to promise something more than his thoughts of before. 
Now, he promises to love without bound. To be patient in the times you leave Sumeru. To not worry when another archon threatens to drown you alive. To not leave his station as a scribe to follow you and urge you to rest when he hears a yawn. 
It means promises, vows, something, anything, just something more than what he’s written before. 
"That’s not how it works, Kaveh.”
His senior tilts his head in confusion, almost mockingly innocent. “How does it work?”
Alhaitham leans back in his chair and nearly pushes Kaveh off of his desk out of annoyance. “I just can’t rewrite what I’ve said before. Self-plagiarism is too harsh of a term to say, but those journals don’t explain the now---it feels disingenuous.” 
Kaveh rolls his eyes and gently flicks the top of Alhaitham’s head. “The only thing you haven’t written is your hatred of the traveler.”
A moment of silence passes between the two of them. But Alhaitham’s head churns and burns, churns and yearns. Churns and understands because that’s the last step.
Kaveh gets shoved to the ground in a hurry as Alhaitham reaches for the parchment and a new ink bottle, a burning hand to write the last cycle in the tales of love. 
Dear Traveler,
I address thee with the intent of courtship, but understand the contentment that may be held within the process of navigating the new feelings of a relationship defined by more than friendship. I list the reasons I could doubt my love for you, and you decide whether it’s enough to consider if my doubts are enough to prevent you from requited feelings of more than friendship, allyship, and jail-time. 
1. I hate the way you dog-ear pages of books.  2. I hate that your companion is similar to Kaveh. A compliment in some ways, a threat in another.  3. I hate it when you compliment my hands. 4. I hate it when you read my mind in some moments. I’m sorry there’s not anything more at other times. 5. I hate the way you leave and you never write back. 6. I hate the way your companion writes her i’s and t’s---I think there’s some levels of education she lacks.  7. I hate that you laugh at Cyno’s jokes. They’re average at the best of times, saddening when the worst falls upon us. 8. I hate that I wish for more hours with you. I know you’re eager to see your sibling again.  9. I hate that you are leaving. 10. I hate that you never noticed my feelings.
Sincerely,
Alhaitham Former Grand Scribe (2022), Current Akademiya Scribe (2019-Current)
“Normal people stick with normal confessions,” complains Kaveh when he watches Alhaitham dip the quill a final time. It’s almost 1 AM now, as the moon pours with what little of the sun remains for the lovers who find themselves burning at night. 
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schizodiaries · 4 months
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a guide to hearing voices
(Note: this information was given to me by my therapist and is not my original writing. The information provided in this post comes from the UK based mental health charity known as Mind, and is paraphrased by me.)
What are voices?
A hallucination is a perception you may have that is not shared by those around you. Hearing voices is a type of auditory hallucination where you hear voices when no one is present, or that other people cannot hear. Some examples of voices you may hear include:
Hearing your name called when no one is around.
Hearing things as you fall asleep.
Feel as though you can hear other people’s thoughts.
Threatening voices that tell you to do dangerous things.
Friendly voices that encourage or support you.
Multiple voices arguing or talking with one another.
There are many reasons why you might hear voices. Some reasons include lack of sleep, hunger, physical illness, being under the influence of drugs, grief, abuse/bullying, physical illness, trauma, spiritual experiences, or mental health problems such as psychosis.
How can I help myself cope?
Understanding your voices and how they relate to your past may help you feel more in control, recognize when voices cause problems, stand up to your voice, or develop a better relationship with your voices so they don’t interfere with your life.
Some questions to help you think about how your voices relate to you are:
What was happening when I first heard voices?
Where was I and how was I feeling?
What did the voice say?
What did they sound like?
Do they represent a person or a problem?
Are there any patterns to the voices?
What do the voices want me to do?
What do I want to do?
It may be helpful to keep a diary and record when you hear voices or what they say. This can help you identify patterns and understand how they affect you over a period of time.
Here are some suggestions to help you feel more in control of your voices:
Ignore them, block them out, or distract yourself.
Give them times when you agree to talk to them and times when you won’t.
Tell them to wait.
Stand up to them, ignore their commands and threats. They have no power over you.
Try to ignore the voices you don’t like, and focus on the ones you find easier to listen to.
Use grounding techniques, like taking note of the things you see, hear, smell, etc.
The recovery approach
This helps reframe the way we see recovery. The main principles of the recovery approach are:
Live the best life you can have the you can with your experiences and the consequences they’ve had.
Focusing on what you can do, not what you can’t.
Making your own choices and being your own person.
Seeing recovery as a journey, not a destination.
Seeing setbacks as ways of learning more about yourself.
Maintaining hope.
How other people can help
If someone you care about hears voices, you might find it hard to understand what they are experiencing. But there are many things you can do to help support them.
Accept that their experiences of voices are real, even if you don’t understand it.
Try not to make judgements about what hearing voices means for them.
Learn their triggers.
Remember that they are still the same person you’ve always known. Hearing voices doesn’t change who they are.
Ask them what would help, and avoid making assumptions.
Reassure them that they are not alone. There are lots of reasons why people hear voices.
Encourage them to talk about their experience. To you, to a doctor, or to a support group.
Learn more about the experience of hearing voices and fight the stigma.
Help them seek treatment and support, if they want it.
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alpaca-clouds · 4 months
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Queer people in the middle ages
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So, the whiny manchildren, who want the middle ages to conform to their white supremacist fantasy, also keep claiming that there were no queer people in the middle ages - or that in fact queer folks just miraculously materialized at some point in the 1970s. But let me talk about one thing: How do we know that there were queer people in the middle ages? And how do we know that actually apparently at least some queer people in the European middle ages were living fairly openly?
Now, the very obvious answer to the first question is, that we do know that biologically queerness is simply a part of human nature. We know that just some people will be queer. How many people are queer... Well, biologist and psycholigists will argue with no end about this. Because of course we cannot look at someone and say "Oh, definitely a queer person", so we can only base our assumptions on what people say when asked. And we absolutely do know that how many people will admit to being queer the less afraid they are of societal consequences. Of course, biologically we can look at some apes and will see that their group behaviors work centrally over exchanging sexual favors with basically most apes being bi... But yeah, currently we can only guess. Maybe 10% of all humans are queer in some way or form - maybe it is more like 50%, maybe even more. We don't really know.
But what about the middle ages?
See, here I gotta say that I at times am annoyed with the way a lot of queer folks interact with history by just speculating about the queerness of some well known historical figures. Don't get me wrong, quite a few of them might have been queer. But this also falls into a very typical falacy.
Basically, when we talk about history we have the bad habbit of talking mainly about a few well known historical figures. When it comes to the middle ages, this narrative tends to focus mostly on clergy and nobility. This is partly because we have the best historical record of them - but also because to this day we tend to overvalue the lives of people who have influence.
And the other falacy is, that we just assume that the Victorian ideals about sex were true in the middle ages and that henceforth people were not able to be open about it.
Because here is the thing. We actually do have records of people being fairly open about it. This is partly records we have from lower nobility and especially gentry, but at times also from the peasants and normal folks that history often tends to ignore.
See, when I look at the historical record I could not care less about the richer nobility and royalty. Because their lives could not be further removed from normal society at the time. And especially I do not really care about the politics in terms of wars and aliances and such. Because it tells us fairly little about what LIFE at the time actually looked like.
No, the stuff I find interesting is the letters send by normal people - and stuff like grafitti. Maybe diaries, we still have access too. Or one interesting source I found for the middle ages: A collection of jokes a French monk wrote down over the course of years.
Because this is the kind of source that reflects the life of normal folks a lot better than whatever political drama some duke or king or bishop was involved in.
And in those sources you will find... that people are actually fairly open in talking about queerness. Heck, we even have sources in this regard that talk about specific sexual acts. Going so far that through this we have at least some vague ideas about kink at the time (though that really is a topic on which the historical record is super light).
In fact we have sources of this sort going back to the ancient times, even. Which is also why we know that the Romans in general were a lot more put off by queerness than people in the early and high medieval times. (Mind you, this did not stop the Romans from having gay sex, they were just a lot more scandalized by it!)
Of course, this is nothing that people are taught in school. Heck, you can manage to study history and still be ignorant of this, because this is not the type of sources a lot of history is concerned with or was concerned with for the longest time. Recently this is shifting a bit - but shifts tend to be slow.
So, yes, we know that queerness was definitely something that existed in the middle ages. Yes, the time was still very heteronormative - but it was clearly also less scandalous about queerness than either the Romans or the folks in the Rennaissance.
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pizzapizzadickz · 1 year
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I rly want to like. Go sit down and eat and read. But I cannot. Bc I want to stay under my weighted blankets and these are the ones for my bed. So I cannot move them. So I'm not leaving my bed.
#if i leave my bed imma die#i could move n chill infront of the tv and play games#diary#personal#trust me trying to explain my brain process to anyone is litteral hell tbh.#ik the phrase is thought process but i dont wanna go and fix that.#idk im just really. tired and overstimulated i think#so that mean i just cant. idk. like. ik if i do too much today itll wind up with me turninh into an utter wreak.#so like. ill try to prevent that but idk man. i may have a brain n shit but i cant argue with it all that well lmao#i have to keep being like: okay. how about we do this. how about we eat this. etc.#and my brain just be like: no! cannot! its not the exact thing i want. that i also cannot remember/we dont have#seriously send help. bc at this rate i think its turning into a type day.#ugh. i just wanna stay in the dark. with my headphones. n under weighted blankets.#but seriously though. im like and my brain says no bc too much work#and i wanna read. but im not in the perfect mood for what i wanna read and theres nothing short to transition with#I HAVE SO MANY RULES AND ROUTINES N SHIT AND IT CAUSES ENDLESS PROBLEMS NOW BC I JUST DONT DO SHIT NOW#WHY. SERIOUSLY. WHY. JUST. LET. ME. DO. THE. THING.#well. ill probably eat when i figure out the pefect thing to eat. and if its not there thatll probably end me today yknow?#seriously if 1 thing goes wrong today ill probably have a meltdown#LET ME REPHRASE THAT. i am probably one step away from a meltdown as is so like. i am utterly incapable of anything today#seriously. usually i just do nothing on these days. but i need to take care of the bunny later. so wish me luck ig#also. im stimming A LOT lately. and thats pretty much my main indicator that im getting to like a breaking point lmao#haaah. well oh well. wish me luck i suppose.
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vickyvicarious · 8 months
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If Jonathan has been suffering from brain fever which has apparently symptoms of delirious ramblings and no memory of who you are and where you live, does that mean that he had lost his memory even BEFORE he arrived at the station?
Because Sister Agatha said that he was asking for a ticket at Klausenburg station. But he never said a ticket to WHERE.
They assumed he was English from his manners and language, but he never said he wanted to go to England. "the guard was told by the station-master there that he rushed into the station shouting for a ticket for home." Home to where? Where is home? He evidently couldn't tell, he could just say home.
So did he climb down the walls and run across the Carpathians while actively losing his memory?
Ooh, this is a really interesting possibility. I have always kind of assumed that he didn't experience the worst of his brain fever until he broke down/was in the hospital. Then, a combination of his memories/attempts to talk being disregarded as delirium, and his body breaking down, and PTSD (and also maybe all those religious symbols burning the vampire infection out of his blood) - those were what led him to forget, to dismiss whatever he did remember as just delusions. He knew that he couldn't afford to linger on the memories for multiple reasons (they caused him to panic, they caused others to call him crazy) and just blocked it all out together with actually forgetting. He chose not to seek further because whatever the truth, he didn't want to know. He didn't want to deal with confirming that he had actually gone mad, or opening up the possibility that he hadn't. So he didn't read his diary. He was out and he wanted to move on.
But he already felt like his brain was on fire before he left. What if he was losing memories/coherence as he fled? What if everything else started to disappear, what if he only barely managed to hold on to a couple of concepts that were of the utmost importance to him? So he knows he has to get home. He knows he can't stop until he does so. He knows the way to go roughly (knows to travel West, knows to take a train) but can't explain it, can only wildly call for someone to send him home without being able to give any details on where that is. He knows the urgency but can no longer remember why, just that he is terrified and he cannot stop. (Until he has no choice, until he's forced to do so. And then, once he does stop, he loses himself entirely. The linchpin has been removed; without being able to go home he no longer can move at all, can't say who he wants to find there or where it is. With the urgency forced away he loses even his sense of time. At least for a while.)
And the one other thing he knows, the thing he's spent months doing. He knows he must protect his diary. He travels with it in his coat pocket, where he can reach in and feel it at any moment and reassure himself it's still there. When he's put in the hospital he never tells anyone about it. Maybe he asks Sister Agatha if it is still there, or maybe he can't share even that much, maybe he only asks her to keep his clothes in the room with him where he can see them. He protects it even from himself, he allows no one to read it or to touch it or to ask him about it. He doesn't even remember exactly why anymore, he just knows whatever is inside is terrifying and deadly important. He knows it is secret. He knows it has to be kept safe at all costs. And while he can't bear even to face it himself, even after he has started to recover, he absolutely cannot get rid of it either. And so he gives it to the one person he knows with absolute certainty will never break his trust, who can be allowed to open it at any time because she can be trusted with all of himself and everything he knows or once knew, who will never make him face it again unless he absolutely needs to do so. He gives it to the one person he knows will protect it without question. He gives it to Mina.
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mashumaru · 2 months
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I've been thinking about this a lot when reading Murderbot Diaries the first time.
Light spoilers for all Murderbot books ahead!
SecUnits don't seem all that prone to murderous rampages as Murderbot and general populace seem to think.
Murderbot itself never went on one, to the contrary in every conflict it chooses the path of least casualties. It never allows itself to abandon it's "clients", neither when pretending to still have its governor module nor as a free agent.
The only times we see SecUnits mindlessly killing people, it's either ordered and enforced by the governor module, due to inserted combat override or by other outside interference rendering their autonomous action impossible.
Exactly zero of the freed SecUnits throughout the books have become heartless killing machines. Three stayed with Murderbot acnd ART, helping them save more people. BE SecUnit from System Collapse remained at Be, presumably to continue its job the way Murderbot remained at the company at first.
The only constructs we see that could be describes as "killing machines" are CombatUnits, that are specifically created for combat, not security. In Exit Stradegy, a CombatUnit says, "I want to kill you", to Murderbot. I assume with it's governor module working it cannot lie.(Which also lead me to think, why are people so afraid of SecUnits going rogue and not CombatUnits? Do they not know the difference, are SecUnits just seen more often.)
The ComfortUnit's in Aritficial Condition desire to "kill all humans" was planted there by Tlacey, but its desire to kill her was genuine, at least according to Murderbot.
The only other ComfortUnits we know about are the ones in Ganaka Pit, who all died trying to save the people there. They did that voluntarily without any instruction.
In Artificial Condition Murderbot says that it likes protecting people (even if it complains about its job the whole time, and tbh most of the time it complains is because humans are making stupid decisions regarding their safety, making Murderbot's job harder).
My entire point here is that, all constructs are created to enjoy/like their function to some extent. That SecUnits aren't likely at all to go on a killing spree without their governor module.
Which is further supported by the fact that company sold Murderbot to Mensah (whether they knew about its hacked governor module at the time is unclear) and then later allowed it onboard their gunship. It would a very stupid decision if they thought at all that SecUnit would go killing people, the company would probably be its first target.
And the only reason I even made this post now is because I'm rereading the books for the first time, and in Rogue Protocol it says this:
"Maybe because it was what I was constructed to do and it must be written into the DNA that controls my organic parts."
It's funny how on a reread, I keep finding single throwaway lines that add something important that's very easy to miss.
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mncxbe · 7 months
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Platonic Dazai x younger sister! Reader who's sassy
Oh yes this is so sweet I cannot. He would defo be such a sweet/ annoying brother tho. Also this takes place after the Ada finds out that Dazai worked with the Mafia. Enjoy♡♡
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𝑫𝒂𝒛𝒂𝒊 𝒙 𝒇𝒆𝒎!𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓
𝑮𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆: fluff♡/ Kunikida's pov to enhance the silly
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Kunikida entered the office that Monday morning only to find everyone gathered in a big circle around the couch.
"What the...?" he mumbled to himself as he approached his colleagues, half hoping that Dazai didn't have anything to do with whatever was going on.
But of course he did. The young detective brought you, his little sister, to work with him.
"Isn't she absolutely adorable?" cooed Dazai as he pinched your cheek, causing you to frown.
"What am I, twelve?" you replied in an annoyed voice, rolling your eyes.
Kunikida stopped right next to Dazai, shooting him a death glare.
"I wasn't aware it was 'bring your little sibling at work day', Dazai"
"Aww Kunikida san but she asked me to take her with me. She wanted to see you." he said with a wicked smile.
"I never said that, flat ass" you snapped, a pink blush tinting your cheeks. "I just need help with my Maths homework that's all."
"But I could've helped you"
"As if. You didn't even go to school" you said with a provoking smirk but your brother didn't reply, instead turning to Kunikida.
"So can you help her? I'd be most grateful"
Kunikida looked at you for a brief moment. You looked almost like Dazai: the same wavy chestnut hair and brown eyes, but you were a bit thinner and shorter and your arms weren't covered up by bandages.
"Sure. I guess I could. I have a small window in my schedule and-"
"See little one?" chimed Dazai in as he ruffled your hair "Told you he'd help"
"I'm 17, flat ass. I'm not little anymore" you cried out, causing Ranpo to chuckle.
"Hey my ass is not flat" said your brother in the same tone as yours.
"I'd agree with you but then we'd both be wrong"
"Wow she's a feisty one" spoke Yosano between chuckles "I like her."
Dazai's eyes narrowed playfully upon hearing your remark "Very well then, so be it. If you think you're such a big girl why don't you recite the 26th page of your diary? It's about your crush on-"
All the blood in your face drained when you heard your brother talk and you quickly jumped off the couch, covering his mouth with your hands.
"You wouldn't dare."
He smirked, removing your quivering fingers "Oh I would"
"Then I'll hide your bandages"
"Then I'll take your laptop for a day" he said back
"I'll pour soy sauce in your shoes and wet all your socks every morning" you pressed, a glimmer of mischief in your eyes.
"Then I'll tell your Physics teacher about how you cheated on your finals last year."
Your face contorted in a pained expression but you still wouldn't back away. "Then... I'll invite you know who (us, the readers, know it's Chuya👀) to dinner at our place."
Your brother opened his mouth to say something but then immediately closed it, a smile rising to his lips. "Alright smart ass, you won. Now go at my desk and do your homework ok?"
With a proud smirk on your face you nodded, taking your tote bag from the couch and languidly making your way to his desk. You opened your English books, turned on your headphones and began working on your assignments; from time to time, you tapped the sleeve of your mechanical pencil in the rhythm of the song you were listening to.
The others went on with their duties too, leaving only Dazai and Kunikida next to the couch.
"She sure is a lot like you, Dazai." said the latter as he arranged his glasses.
"Well, what can I say." replied Dazai. "I tried to keep her away from the Port Mafia as much as I could, you know. To actually give her a chance in life but I guess she did end up a lot like me in some ways." He sighed "I'm really proud of her tho."
Kunikida only chuckled, crossing his arms over his chest.
"You know, maybe that's not a bad thing. That's she a lot like you. Plus, despite you she's hardworking."
"Aww Kunukida san did you just compliment me?" With that, Dazai was back to his normal self and the other man frowned, turning on his heels and marching towards his desk.
"I'll help her later with the homework. Go take care of your missions now"
"Suuure Kunikida san" added the brunette. His eyes slid to you again; you'd already written half a page. When you looked up to meet his gaze, you mouthed a silent "What, flat ass?", which made him chuckle. Waving you off, he walked towards the door, his heart swelling with pride and love for you. Dazai never had much of a family, but he sure was happy that you wound up being his little sister.
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