#this is really long but please interact I've been dying to talk about this for weeks now

[jo-harrington]

Standard Operating Procedures 1.05 (Eddie Munson x Store Manager!Reader)

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader

Summary: It's a normal Sunday night. You're just going over to have dinner, smoke, and listen to music. It's not a date. What could possibly go wrong?

Previous Part: Standard Operating Procedures 1.04

Warnings/Themes: AU where the Upside Down doesn't terrorize Hawkins. Reader works at the Claire's at StarCourt. Eddie works at TapeWorld. Mutual pining, alcohol and drug use (wine, beer, and weed), R has a minor panic attack while high, fluff, lighthearted smut (petting/groping/dry humping), minor angst, misunderstandings and miscommunication, driving probably a little under the influence, slight anachronism (slapping the bag)

Note: Big note for this one if you've read the most recent installations of SMVerse that I've posted...this is NOT in chronological order. SM and Eddie are not together in this one, we are rewinding back before Closing Time. This chapter and the next one are both a little longer and have been lingering in my head for quite a long time. Almost a year. So without further ado, please enjoy SOP 1.05.

You can find my masterlist here for more featuring our resident Store Manager and all of my other writing.

Please do not interact if you are not 18+.

Enjoy!

---

Sundays were your favorite days, hands down.

They sort of always had been, even before moving to Hawkins. Now, though, you had an extra special reason why they were your favorite.

Sundays meant that you could be yourself after you clocked out. They meant standing in the mirror and wiping away the layers of glitter eyeshadow and scented nail polish off. They meant shedding the overly sparkly jewelry from work and the trendy clothes from the JCPenney or Madigan's Juniors department that were definitely cut for a teenage body.

No matter how young you still were, you just weren't sixteen anymore.

You could finally breathe a little easier.

No more Dress to Impress, no more preppy popular girl, no more customer service voice.

Sundays meant freedom.

Lately, part of that freedom meant walking out of the store, taking the most freeing breath you could, and walking right up to your crush best friend so you could spend those last few dying hours of the weekend together.

Shooting the breeze, laughing, and getting to know one another. Getting to really see one another.

Tonight, though, there was just this cloud hanging over you as you stood in the store's bathroom after hours and shucked off the plaid vest and fashionably unmatched skirt you'd chosen for the day in favor of a t-shirt and comfy stirrup pants.

Summer was over, school was back in session, and you hadn't gotten to see Eddie as much as you normally did.

Which, in the grander scheme of things, a lot of things changed with the new school year starting: a bunch of your associate's schedules changed, a few of them even left town for college, and business started to slow a little during the week for the first time since the store opened.

Still, you missed him.

It felt weird from practically seeing him every day to only seeing him in passing or on the weekends.

What if he didn't want to be friends anymore?

Well, that was just silly. Some remnant of fear about the fickleness of your friends memories in childhood. Besides, the first shift after school started back up, he immediately came running to your store and talked your ear off about the new kids that he forced to join Hellfire.

"God, they're such losers," he reminisced with a sparkle in his eye and a smile on his lips. "They have so much potential. I can't wait for you to meet them."

Tonight though...

Tonight was like any normal night; you were getting together after the mall closed and picking up pizza.

However, instead of any of your usual haunts or shenanigans in and around Hawkins, Eddie insisted you come over to his place. Totally normal.

"And we can smoke," he added as an afterthought.

"You know I don't smoke Eddie," you reminded him. "My grandpa and his crackly lungs? I've taken him to enough doctor's appointments."

"Doesn't stop you from sucking up the air around me when I'm having a cigarette on break. No. I mean smoke. Reefer. Weed. Jesus, don't act ignorant Miss Goody Two Shoes."

"Excuse me," you choked. "How am I Miss Goody Two Shoes?"

"Because," he began with dramatic emphasis. "For all of your stories about garage beers and parties that your work friends dragged you to, you've never mentioned partaking in any sort of illicit substances. You're being obtuse on purpose or you're afraid."

You were caught like a deer in the headlights.

"I...I'm not."

And you weren't; it wasn't fear. It was just...inexperience.

Back home you were always careful, even when you hung around friends from school or work; with your overprotective father and uptight mother and two brothers who wouldn't hesitate to rat you out if they found out you broke some kind of rule? It would be over.

So you never got too wild at parties. Disheveled clothes could be straightened, and you could pretend that swollen lips were just a side effect of getting a little sick. You never drank more beer than whatever made you feel a little floaty if you weren't sleeping over at a friends. And you never smoked weed.

Ok so it was fear, in a way; residual fear. Just not the way Eddie thought.

"Hey, don't worry," Eddie said in the most understanding way he could. "You just tell me and I'll drop it, if you're afraid."

You wanted to tell him, wanted to explain it, but in a moment of reflection and wanting to assuage his worries, defiance got the better of you and you told him that you weren't afraid and it would all be fine.

You were going to be with him; you never needed to be afraid when you were with him.

Now though, staring at yourself in the mirror as you got ready to go and meet Eddie you realized you might have made a mistake.

Hanging out with your crush friend alone at his place? Fine. Sitting close on the couch as you ate pizza and listened to music? Cool. Drinking and smoking together, knowing that you got a little bit chatty when you loosened up a little bit under the influence? Uhm.

What could possibly go wrong?

---

The spread that you and Eddie had created was impressive.

Pizza and a six pack and red vines and...and...and...

Eddie was usually very thorough when it came to providing snacks or planning outings where you could get a nice little treat together. Tonight it was partially your fault.

You'd originally planned just to drive to his place after work and the pizza would be delivered, but he said that when he'd called to place the order at Lou's--large pepperoni and a box of cannoli--they told him that the delivery driver was out. Takeout only.

But then he also forgot to stop at Bradley's for soda.

So you offered to go to Bradley's while he picked up the pizza, and you might have gone overboard.

Soda and a box of wine and peanut m&m's and...and...and...

"And you say that I'm bad," Eddie scoffed as you walked in, arms laden with shopping bags.

"Excuse me, this is the once in a blue moon you let me pay for anything, I'm gonna take advantage of it."

Wayne was still home getting ready for his shift when you got there and he simply shook his head at your bickering with a fond smile, then pilfered a little of everything for his own dinner before leaving you both to it.

Once he was gone, the festivities began.

You were both overzealous, talking a mile a minute over each other about your days as you set up for the night. Eddie divvied out food--creating a plate that reminded you of the Peanuts' Thanksgiving feast, overflowing with multicolored candies and popcorn and pizza slices--as you took care of the drinks.

You were a little smug that you got to teach Eddie something during these little Sunday night not-dates for once.

"Where did you learn this?" he asked skeptically as you ripped into the cardboard box. "What even is Franzia? Sounds fancy."

"It is the least fancy thing you can get," you grinned maniacally and freed the floppy plastic bag full of pink liquid from its confines. "Honestly I should have thrown it in the fridge but it's fine. You can put it with some coke; it'd probably taste better anyway."

He made a face.

"I'll just have a beer."

"Oh my--Eddie! Live a little." You settled the bag on the coffee table and gestured to it. "You don't have to drink it...chug a beer, I don't care...but you need to slap it."

He huffed and shuffled across the carpet on his knees to settle beside you.

"Is this a Claire's thing?" he asked, he looked up at you through his bangs.

"No it's not a--well...no. It doesn't matter! My old store manager, Jen, made us do it whenever we went to parties and hung out at her place. It's fun."

"Why does this feel like a lie?"

You reached out and smacked your hand against the plastic, listened to the liquid slosh inside. He let out a long suffering sigh but gestured for you to go ahead and he settled on the floor as you squealed with glee.

Eddie popped the little tab on the spout and the cheap wine poured freely into his mouth; he maintained eye contact with you the whole time, even as he choked on the unfamiliar taste of the pink zinfandel.

When you'd hung out with Jen and your coworkers and friends, it was just...a silly thing. Now, though, it was just you and Eddie; you stood over him with the bag gently held in your hands over his mouth and his hand rested on your calf as he drank. It was tense and intimate and as you started feeling a little hot under the collar, you wondered if this was a mistake.

Regardless, when he'd had his fill, he shut the spout and raised his hand and slapped the bag so hard it soared out of your grasp and across the living room.

You both burst out laughing as it swished and sloshed with a pronounced glorp on impact with the floor, and Eddie collapsed against your legs as the giddiness got the better of him.

"Ok, that's better than a keg stand." He looked up at you and wiped a hand over his mouth. "Blagh...probably gonna need that coke if I have any more though. Your turn, sweetheart."

Then the tables were turned, but unlike Eddie, you stood toe to toe with him as he held the bag for you.

To avoid the tense eye contact, you kept yours closed as you pulled mouthful after mouthful from the bag. You almost felt a little smug; you'd always been good at this, despite how awful the wine burps were gonna get after. You knew Eddie's competitive nature--always seeing who could finish a blizzard from DQ first and giving himself a brain freeze in the process--so you were hoping to last a little longer, hit the bag a little harder, and get him to concede.

You counted down in your head and finally when you couldn't take the heartburn the wine caused any longer, you shut the spout and released it, ready for victory.

Of course, opening your eyes provided nothing of the sort.

Eddie stood there, inches away from you; his pupils were blown and he was breathing a little heavily and for a split second you thought to ask if he was ok.

Until he leaned a little closer.

Close enough where you could smell the laundry detergent and the general amalgamation of mall scents coming off of him.

Then you noticed that his eyes were locked onto…your lips?

Was he gonna kiss you?

You already thought…well…and in the van the other week? When he licked frosting off your hand? You'd thought...

Except that was the thing, you always thought, you never acted. Too stuck in your head weighing and judging the options and if you could just do something about it. If you could just lean forward a little, you could stop worrying and have your answer right?

And if it wasn't meant to be and things were weird? If he didn't actually mean to try and kiss you? You worked retail; you could bullshit with the best of them if worse came to worse.

Then you'd just pretend that your heart didn't ache from rejection for the duration of your friendship. You were already familiar with disappointment; this would be no different.

Alright, that's it, you weren't gonna chance it anymore. All the worrying you did back at the store was enough. You were just gonna kiss him. Just lean forward; just go. Just go. One, two...two and a half...

Eddie's eyelids fluttered a little bit, and your heart clenched in hope, until he leaned away and cleared his throat.

The wine bag was tossed onto the coffee table and Eddie gestured to the plates he'd prepared.

"So, pizza?"

---

Music was the next event of the night.

And the weed.

Funny how all of your anxiety over smoking flew out the window when you were anxious about something else.

Because you just couldn't get your feelings out of your head after Eddie walked away from a kiss like that.

Was it even going to be a kiss? Or was it just the awkwardness of your positions in that situation? Were you overthinking the overthinking?

On and on those thoughts spiraled.

Until Eddie said he was going to get his stereo to start your comprehensive education of metal.

"We really don't have all night Eddie," you said and threw a balled up napkin at him as he fiddled with his tapes.

"Ok, maybe not fully comprehensive," he held his hands up in surrender. "Nothing sounds better than vinyl and I have all of that at Rick's. And my mom's records. You wanna talk about classics? We've gotta spend a whole weekend there."

He put a tape into the slot and hit play and the room was immediately filled with guitar riffs and singing and shouting; he turned the volume down immediately.

"I've gotta give you the whole history sweetheart," he explained. "So you've gotta hear me too. This song's not so important...I'll turn it up when we get to the good part."

Of course, Eddie's music history lesson...started with him.

"Picture this," he said, arms waving as he walked over to his school things that had been haphazardly thrown in a corner of the room: a wilted canvas backpack, a black binder, and a dented metal lunchbox. "11-year old me, fresh after my mom's funeral and everyone she knew was coming up to us but I refused to talk. Wayne kept making excuse after excuse. But Rick, bless him, said 'gotta make him cry.'"

And on he went as he spilled the contents of the dented lunchbox on the coffee table and began the fine work of rolling a joint.

"Took me to the record store, let me pick out whatever I wanted. Of course I chose Sad Wings of Destiny because the art was cool. Little did I know that would change the course of my life forever."

You didn’t know what to focus on and that made you spiral a little bit further. The words, the music, his lips and his fingers as he followed steps that he seemed to know but didn't feel the need to elaborate on were all very appealing targets; the music and his story was what was important here though and you made the attempt.

He told his story in a way that only Eddie Munson knew how to—arms flailing, minute details, expressions and voices and everything you loved admired about him. He took a moment to swap cassettes and crank up the volume before he fell onto the couch beside you in a mess of cushions and limbs and hair.

"I would say ladies first," he began as he presented the joint to you. He then stuck it between his lips and continued talking around it. "But I'm nothing if not a gentleman and I need to teach you how to do this. It's a little different than cigarettes."

It was a comprehensive lesson and you'd gotten the hang of it quickly, but the proximity did nothing to help calm your nerves; Eddie's knee touching yours, his face and hands so close to yours as he held the joint to your lips, then one hand your shoulder as he soothed the cough that escaped you after your first hit, and finally the way he inhaled along with you as you took another.

Want burned in your lungs along with the smoke, but it didn't leave you when you finally exhaled.

You were very much looking forward to the light and mellow feeling that Eddie promised once the weed hit your system.

"Until then," he grinned and took another hit himself before dropping the smoldering stick into a nearby ashtray. "We just dive into the mind of the great Ronnie James Dio."

You rested back against the cushions and turned your head to really watch him; it was strange just...observing him. You had never done it like this before, close and quiet at this distance. Your time together was always spent with conversation and laughter, your observations and mental notes about him done in little snapshots as he moved through life like a blur.

Now you got to experience the simplicity of his presence in private and the addictive frequency that he emitted.

It was nice.

You watched the way his lashes brushed against his skin as he melted into the sofa beside you and closed his eyes. The way his plush lips pursed and then stretched as he hummed along to the music. You closed your own eyes for a second as he matched the sharpness of the lyrics with his voice, hushed and then shrill, and then hushed again.

And when you opened them back up to watch him some more, he was watching you and practically vibrating.

Your heart skipped a beat...

"Sweetheart," he reached out and touched your wrist. "You ok?"

Wait...he wasn't vibrating.

You were.

Then you noticed that your heart skipped many beats, then the beats suddenly tripled, and then it all slowed again, pounding harder and faster in your chest than you believed to be possible.

Did your chest hurt? Or were you imagining it?

It felt like the few times you ran the mile back in high school, but you hadn't run.

Had you?

Your legs felt like jelly. Your arms too.

So you must have run...but when?

No wait, you were forgetting something. Your chest, your heart, your lungs. You had to focus on them first, you needed them to live.

You tried to fix it all by taking a great gulp of air in--if you felt like you'd just run the mile, surely catching your breath would fix it--but you found that it didn't fix anything. In fact, you seemed to lose even more control of your body. You floundered, breathing heavily over and over, quicker and quicker to try and get a hold of yourself.

And the panic set in, unlike anything you'd ever experienced before in your life.

Your consciousness became untethered from your body and you sank deep within yourself. Like Alice falling down the rabbit hole. Only instead of a rabbit hole, the you that existed in your mind fell away from your eyes and deeper into your skull then out the back of it and into the so-soft cushions of the couch.

But this wasn't sinking, this wasn't melting. This was being buried alive.

You remembered Eddie’s taunting before, about being afraid of smoking. Why hadn’t you told him that you didn’t want to do this? Why hadn’t you told him you were afraid? You were a stubborn idiot and now you’d die here, buried amongst pilling fabric and lost change and lint and a few cheerios that were stuck between the cushions.

You would die here on Eddie's couch...

"Eddie!" you practically sobbed and reached out for him, remembering suddenly that he was there with you. Why wasn't he doing anything to keep you from sinking? "Help!"

"It's ok hey!" He grabbed your hands now and pulled you back from the void, hooked the tether back onto you and saved you from the depths. "It's ok, breathe. No, not like that. Slowly, deep breaths with me. In and hold it and out. Whoooooo."

You focused on the whooshing sound of the air that escaped his lips and you tried to make the same sound yourself. Over and over, slowly as he guided you.

"That's it," he smiled. "Good girl."

You slowly grounded yourself through Eddie, escaping whatever horrible clutches had just grasped at you. You began to feel better, lighter; more centered within yourself but…nicer?

Had that awful feeling been the high? Or was this?

Maybe everyone got caught by a demon when they smoked and then if they escaped they felt a nice light flutter and instead of a heavy beating heart that threatened to burst out of their chests, they felt...silly. Happy. Bubbly.

Like you did whenever you were around Eddie.

Only now it was better, and it was all getting better as he spoke to you and smiled and wiped at the few tears that had escaped your eyes.

Breathe in, breathe out. Good girl.

You kept breathing and staring at his lips.

Breathe in.

Lips.

Breathe out.

Eddie's lips.

Good girl.

You thought about earlier...minutes or hours you couldn't tell for sure...about the way Eddie leaned close to you and almost kissed you. All the worry you'd had about not being able to make a move because you were thinking so much you couldn't act. Here you were now, thinking again. When his lips were right there and you could do something about it.

With one last shaky breath, bubbly infatuation flooded your body; you smiled and said one final farewell to your nervous thoughts, and you surged forward. Your hands shook his away and grabbed at his face, as your lips slid clumsily against his.

Your noses bumped and teeth clacked painfully but it didn't quite matter because the sparks that emanated from your joined lips shot through your limbs and made you both feel tingly and pleasant. At least, you assumed they did for Eddie because he let out a sound that was somewhere in between a giggle and a moan.

But he didn't push you away; in fact, his hands clapped over yours and smushed them further into his cheeks.

He wanted you to kiss him. He wanted to kiss you. He...liked you.

It was a euphoric moment of joy and realization, but your need to put your lips on him outweighed that. So you tried again. Gentler this time.

Eddie followed your lead for a little while as you pulled him towards you; one of his hands found your waist as the other arm rounded your shoulders, and he became your anchor to prevent you from being buried by the sofa again. As thanks for his chivalry, you gifted him with soft caresses, quick pecks, and sharp little nips.

Your fingers developed a mind of their own, and seemed to love his cheekbones and getting tangled in his hair, although they couldn't quite decide which they loved more so back and forth they went.

The rest of you, though--mind and body--just basked in the kissing.

You were good at kissing; you liked kissing. And you liked kissing Eddie, more than you ever thought you would. Kissing under the light, buzzy influence of a beer or two was nice, and it might have been the weed or it could have just been Eddie himself, but this was nicer. Floaty and tingly and transcendent.

The music itself had stopped, but Eddie himself continued to provide the soundtrack to the night. Instead of guitars and vocals and pounding drums, it was a symphony of soft hums and sweet sighs.

Eddie, who often pilfered bites and nibbles off your plate and cited that he was a "growing boy," seemed to prove that his hunger was greater than yours the way he bit and nibbled at you too, appetite growing the longer you kissed. The pace you set no longer fed him the way he wanted and he started to feast a little more; that was a side-effect of being high, right? Hunger. Insatiable hunger?

His mouth pulled away from yours and started to explore your jaw, the column of your neck, the junction between your neck and shoulder. You let yourself get lost in the feeling of his attention, of his lips and hands as he gave and took, of the floaty feeling that settled comfortably in your limbs now, all the nerves of the day forgotten.

Before you knew it, your own hunger grew as well. You wanted him closer, needed more of him now that you had him.

You let yourself drift back along the pillows until you were laying comfortably and pulled Eddie along with you; one hand still lingered in his hair as the other fisted the collar of his shirt and got him right where you needed him to be.

Of course, you couldn't just take without giving as well, and as he settled onto you, your hips bucked up into him. You both moaned--savoring the proximity and delicious friction that his jeans and your leggings provided--and then giggled together as he collapsed on top of you, unprepared for the sudden surge of delight.

His breath fanned across your neck and jaw as he laughed breathlessly, and your hands caressed his head and shoulders fondly as you mirrored him.

He strained his neck a little to look you in the eye; his grin accentuated all the lines in his face, and for a second he struggled to form words. His mouth opened and closed silently and then he licked his lips to compose himself. The next thing you knew, his hand was coming up and squeezing one of your breasts with an exaggerated "honk" as he fell back against the other one and pressed his mouth to the swell over your shirt.

Back into the throes of unadulterated giggles you both went as he continued to honk and kiss and suck at exposed skin.

One of the highlights of the whole night was when he blew a raspberry against your neck; the feeling of goosebumps that erupted along your body and the spittle that sprayed across your skin would be a sensation you would remember and cherish forever.

"No fair," you whined and shifted against him again, both to protest the fact that you currently couldn't return the favor of all the attention he was giving you. Nevertheless, you treated him to the attention that you could, and you bucked your hips up again, only to be met with the feeling of him grinding down onto you.

Giggles began to mingle with desperate pants as he began to shift against you and settled into the cradle of your thighs; he grew harder and ground and rutted against the covered softness of you, faster and sharper, and your body eagerly responded, wanting to be as close to him as you could. As close as either of you could honestly fathom at this point, feeling too good like this to consider that there was more pleasure to be had if time went on and clothes came off.

Sunday nights together were truly gleeful and hedonistic, and tonight was no different. However, instead of snacks and arguments accentuated by the sounds of light-hearted talk and laughter, it was your writhing bodies and mingled breaths that took center stage; the two of you never stopped, only paused for your lips to smack wetly against one another, for your nails to rake through his hair and scratch against his scalp, and for him to grasp at your hips to pull you closer and closer as he drove you higher and higher.

"Eddie, I'm--" you broke away from him and keened, and he responded with a husky "uh-huh" and pressed his forehead against yours. Both of your eyes closed as you felt the pleasure building between the two of you, as he moaned and your toes curled...

As keys jingled in the lock of the front door of the trailer.

...and suddenly it was like a bucket of cold water had been dumped over the both of you and you froze, all thought of completion forgotten.

Your eyes shot open and you stared into Eddie's panic-filled, pleasure-blown pupils. He shifted sharply and then paused, almost like a glitch, and then he was off you, across to the other side of the couch in the blink of an eye. You watched, dumbstruck, as he panted heavily to control his breathing, and he held his head in shaking hands.

"No, no," he muttered. "Shit. Shit."

You reacted quickly as the door started to squeak open--throwing your legs over the edge of the sofa to sit upright as your hands clumsily fixed your disheveled clothes--and Wayne walked in. You took the extra second as he grumbled at the threshold and fiddled with his keys to look at Eddie, hoping for some kind of...secret conspiratorial smile or...or heated gaze...just something but he refused to look at you.

Suddenly, all of the good feelings that had flooded you since the moment that Eddie had chased your panic away...they vanished. The sweet giggles and shared pleasure were gone; even the love bites you were sure Eddie had left behind stung instead of blissfully buzzed.

And in their place, an acute clarity of what the two of you had just done.

"You wouldn't believe the mess I walked into tonight," Wayne chuckled with disbelief as he finally shut the door.

No kidding Wayne, you thought bitterly.

"Some of the machines were down when I got there and it took a few hours to figure out the problem. Some rusted old part..." On and on he chattered as you spiraled, stuck in your thoughts once again.

You and Eddie, Eddie and you. You and your secret crush...had just...on his couch. You and your best friend, your only friend in town...got high and kissed and canoodled and now he refused to even look at you.

You didn't know if it was the weed again or if it was just you, but you could see stars in the corners of your eyes and you felt lightheaded as the panic settled back in. And it only got worse the longer you sat there and tried to get some kind of sign from Eddie, only to be left with nothing. Such a stark contrast from just moments ago where you were giving and taking and responding to one another so freely.

Giving and taking...was that really what it was? Or did you just...do this to him? Do this to the both of you? Effectively tank your friendship the way you'd worried about since the first time you'd hung out and Eddie had specifically said it wasn't a date?

You abruptly got to your feet and Wayne stopped his chatter and looked at you questioningly.

"I..." you felt your throat closing up with emotion. "I just forgot I have a really important call first thing tomorrow. I...need to go!"

Eddie finally looked at you with wide, shocked eyes.

Were those tears? Oh god...

"I...it was nice to see you Wayne, sorry..." you scrambled to grab your bag from where you'd tossed it by the door and then looked back at both Munsons. Back and forth at Wayne's curious expression...and Eddie's devastated one. "I'm...sorry."

And you bolted out the door, into your car, and back across town to the lonely confines of your apartment, where you would wish for a second chance at Sunday all over again.

Because until tonight, Sundays had always been your favorite days.

Next Part: Leave of Absence

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson fluff #store manager verse #Eddie munson smut #stranger things fic #stranger things Eddie munson

[allgremlinart]

hai good friend,, tell me about mai. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of her before… look what we are doing to our beautiful queens 😔

YIPEE I love when me going insane about a character for a day makes you curious about them... especially cus atp I can kind of predict what is going to pique ur interest

ok ok: so, Mai. She's 1/3 of Azula's Evil Girl Group, colloquially known as Ozai's Angels, and thats the context you see her in for most of the show which is why it's important to know. You know how all cartoons in the 2000s HAD to have ONE morose goth chic? Well she is atla's quota. She's a noble, she's an only child (THEE only child. The first only child they made at the only child factory <33), she fights with 🔪KNIVES 🔪!!! she's Zuko's canonical comphet love interest and she has a very understated but underrated arc..

Her role/arc in the show:

I mentioned Ozai's Angels because her interactions with Azula and Ty Lee are the real meat and potatoes of her character. They're like... baby's first toxic yuri love triangle <3333 REALLY can't overstate how toxic yuri love triangle they are. Mai and Ty Lee end up betraying Azula in season 3 which is both the climax (imo) of Mai's arc and the inciting action for Azula's descent (but we're not getting into Azula never ask me to get into Azula please). A lot of people reduce Mai going turncoat to JUST being about saving Zuko - and like partially it IS. She saves Zuko from dying because she loves/cares about him and that's a big part of it.

But it's ALSO about her finding her voice ?? Like throughout the show we NEVER see her voice opinions about something unless it's to say that she's bored, or jaded, or what have you. She never seems to have strong feelings about anything; her stated reasoning for joining Azula's Imperialism Girl Band is because she's bored living with her parents 💀 but it's like. It becomes clear to the audience later in the show that she was raised to never speak unless spoken to, to mask emotions, etc etc LIEKKK SHE'S SOOO REPRESSED ONLY CHILD SHE'S SO WOMAN TM... So her telling Azula "I love Zuko more than I fear you" was THEE cuntiest moment EVER because it's like oh shit ?? this is something pretty unexpected from this character ?? Waow so crazy so cunt ??

A lot of people point out that she and Ty Lee never really got a "ohhhh Imperialism is bad" arc like Zuko did but. imo there wasn't a whole lot of room in the show for it lol. Would have been something interesting to explore in the comics for sure !! but uhmmm I'd rather walk into the ocean than watch Gene Luen Yang try and write about imperialism and colonialism again so maybe its better we never got that.. (no offense to him he's just... not that great at doing it in the atla comics...not his strength..)

Her reception in fandom:

She's usually only ever talked about in the context of being Zuko's love interest (either positively OR negatively) hence my post that you saw. Like. Victim Numero Uno of zutara/kataang shipping wars cus at least a bunch of people LIKE Aang whereas people either ignore or actively dislike her.

There's often discourse about like. Who's the "toxic" one in the Mai/Zuko pairing and it's annoying when she gets flak for it cus like newsflash: they both are. My GOD they both are. They've canonically broken up twice. They're the emo boy/goth girl pairing. They're cute together. They're miserable together. They're both homosexual. You get it.

Also a lot of times people just call her boring or emotionless and it's like congrats !! you have fallen for her facade... in conclusion... sorry this is so long uhm.. your fault for asking me though... how long is it going to take until I've just told you the entire plot of this cartoon piecemeal ask by ask...

#mai atla #allgremlinasks #north tag #every time I get one of these I'm like 'UGH idk 🙄 idk how to say this UGH. anyway here's my essay on-' #its so embarrassing hope you know that.

[archivalofsins]

“UNDER”

Which way will you throw down your weight? To be the deceived, or the deceiver.

Let's have an objective conversation about the deceiver, the snake, the ever-self-absorbed masquerading as the selfless.

Shidou Kirisaki

I was discussing Shidou in private with @tsuwmya and the response I received encouraged me to post my objective thoughts on his character and actions.

First let's talk about Shidou when it comes to his relationship with children. Shidou is bad with children and Milgram has done everything in its power to display this fact.

In Throw Down Shidou's main and only focus is on saving one individual. Someone who is very clearly shown to be a fully grown adult or adult sized.

Outside of this portrayal of the individual in Throw Down looking adult sized which could be considered abstract in these instances. The bed we're shown in Triage is literally just a different bed entirely from this one-

And Milgram does nothing to hide this information.

This is the sight we're shown when the death of a child is heavily alluded to. Clearly making these two separate instances and possibly two different family members.

This displays that the person in the first bed- The one he is trying to save throughout Throw Down is more than likely his wife and not either of the children. To take it even further the flowers meant to represent his victims throughout Throw Down are in full bloom and the food that represents them in Triage is ripe as well.

Further implying that most of his victims were adults or at the peak of their lives.

This imagery can allude to his victims being perfectly healthy as well as these things only wilt or rot after Shidou interacts with them. Because a plucked/cut flower can only live so long even if you put it in new soil.

And no one can still have their cake and eat it too. Once it's eaten, it's gone. Once it's been cut into, it begins to spoil and lose its flavor.

"It becomes more and more diluted, it doesn’t have any flavor even if it’s chewed. If it’s not needed, I’m not interested."

Before we see his wife, before we see his kids, before any moments with family we see Shidou getting the necessities in Triage. We see him getting food. The food is highlighted before we even see his loved ones.

After it's alluded to that he lost his family in Triage something that should be a tragic scene where his kids or his wife should be the focus. The bed is empty, there's no one to be seen outside of himself/someone who may just look like him from behind. Either way we're just seeing him.

No wife, no kids, or kid.

Then immediately after this image of loss what do we see-

The food going rotten. It's spoiled now. Everything is ruined. It's gone to shit definitely but even when it has, his family is still an afterthought to him. They come after the food, after the dead flowers.

They always came after the necessities. They always came after his work. They were always a convenient excuse for his actions-

"Now slowly close your eye, put your regret on display wish for being there for someone."

Just like the feelings of Shidou's victim's families came as an afterthought to tack on when he saw Es had reservations about just finding him guilty immediately and killing him like he wanted.

"The death penalty is what I'm hoping for. Thank you in advance."-3:31 "If you want to hand down the correct punishment for me, then all you have to do is put an end to my life. It'll be over in the blink of an eye." You're being annoyingly persisten, Shidou- Know your place here! "Please listen to me, Es. I've killed people. Lots of them as well. It was for such a selfish reason too. I'm a fine specimen of what a murderer ought to be." I really don't... get you. "If you don't put me to death then neither the people I've killed nor their families will be at peace. Don't you think so too?" 4:39-5:10

From the beginning Shidou displays that dying is something that he wants. Something that he's seeking. Because he wants to be at peace he wants to be reunited with his loved ones. It's not because he genuinely feels remorseful about what he did, cares about the fact what he did was wrong, selfish, and hurt many people. No, it's still about him and everything he tacks on after is just there to justify him getting what he wants.

Milgram displayed from the beginning that Shidou wants to die but he doesn't want to take his own life. If his end goal is being able to reunite with the people, he cares about in the afterlife.

To be reincarnated and see them again-

Q.19 What do you think happens to people after they die? Shidou: I like the idea of reincarnation. I hope that’s what happens.

Then he cannot religiously commit suicide. The implication through the mention of reincarnation is that Shidou is either a Buddhist or Hinduist both religious beliefs do not condone suicide. Except for Hinduism which condones it only on the grounds of religious reasons which Shidou does not have. Both state that taking one's own life can impact reincarnation.

It's really funny to consider that Shidou is trying to get Es to kill him based on religious grounds that he's been fully open about yet for some odd reason the only person being persecuted for their religious beliefs and how they adhere to them is the child.

Shidou has also shown his desire to circumvent or skirt passed this rule- Very openly in the portal timeline.

20/05/26 Kazui: Ahh, this old man’s gonna go and smoke in the corner a bit. I checked with the guard, and apparently we can use our free time however we want. Man, I’m glad this place is so relaxed. Shidou: ……! Are…… we allowed to smoke……? Kazui: Huh…… Shidou-kun, was it? You smoke too? That’s kinda unexpected. Shidou: Ah, yes. ……I only started fairly recently though. I’ll go with you…… to smoke. Futa: Ahh, those old men really stink of tobacco. Are they idiots or something? They should know better at that age…… If they really can’t cope without relying on something like that then I worry about their sanity. Yuno: ……it doesn’t really matter does it? They’re making sure they’re staying far away from the people who don’t smoke. Personally I quite like the smell anyway. Futa: Huh!? What are you talking about? It means you’re more likely to get sick, it costs money, it’s a nuisance for everyone around you, what’s even the point. Our tax money is being wasted going towards paying for that, you know? If you were really smart, you’d know not to smoke at all! 20/06/20 Mikoto: ……oh, so you are here after all. Shidou-san, are you free? Let’s chat~ Shidou: ! Ah, just give me a moment…… Um…… I don’t mind talking, but you didn’t need to come over while I was smoking. Are you sure it isn’t too smoky for you? You’re not a smoker, right, Kayano-kun? Mikoto: Ah, you don’t need to put it out! That’d be such a waste!I smoke too occasionally. Though just vape. Like, the smoking room is a really good spot for communication, right? So I thought now might be a good opportunity to talk with you. Not like I have anything else to do. By the way, I’ve been wondering for a while, but do you always wear those gloves? Shidou: I don’t…… How to put it…… I suppose…… since I have my hands covered all the time, then when I take them off, it feels as though the feeling in my fingertips is even greater…… I know it’s probably all in my head…… but that’s how it feels. 20/08/04 Mikoto: By the way, why did you two start smoking? For me it was just a means for communication with people at work. Kazui: Hm? I don’t really remember…… It’s maybe changed nowadays, but in the past it was just natural for everyone to smoke. What about you, Shidou-kun? Do you remember? Shidou: ……I wonder. I suppose…… I just wanted to do something that was bad for me. Mikoto: Ahh, I kinda get that. It’s like eating instant ramen in the middle of the night. Q.20 What do you think about smoking? Shidou: I often get stopped and told it’s bad for my health. I smoke because I want to be unhealthy, though.

Shidou admits to only beginning to smoke recently and that he's only doing it to be unhealthy. He recognizes that smoking is dangerous and unhealthy not just for himself but those around him. Just as Futa points out.

This is indicated by how quickly he goes to put his cigarette when Mikoto comes over to the smoking area. The area literally designated for smoking which would mean anyone going to it would rightfully expect those to be ya know smoking. Even still he quickly attempts to put it out.

Showcasing just how new of a smoker he is along with the fact that he doesn't want to ruin anyone else's health but his. Then he just bluntly states when asked why he started smoking that he just wanted to do something unhealthy.

Because he is purposely trying to make himself sick and die. Because he believes that would be an indirect enough method for him to die by despite it being his choice to do this that it wouldn't technically count as suicide-

This guy is trying to pull a technicality on the fucking gods. He's basically going if the rube goldberg machine I built kills me because I purposely trigger it I'm still not technically killing myself. However, he doesn't just want to die. He wants to die with-

"Emotions with no color I wonder if I can die with it still left."

He wants to die indifferent to his behavior. He wants to die feeling nothing about what he's done and for that purpose he used Mahiru as an excuse for why he needed to be innocent.

"That’s right, there are lives that need safeguarding. So hey, prolong my life, I’m indispensable."

Because he's seen what a guilty verdict does. He's seen first-hand the mental stress it causes to people. The regret it drags out. He doesn't want to feel that. he wants to die not feeling that and from the beginning he's known-

"Hm... But this place does smell of the dead though. I'm sure that some sort of death will lie at the end of Milgram."

He's willing to wait for it and receive the regretless death he wants. In order to get that, he's more than willing to do the same thing he did to people before to someone Es cares about to change their mind.

"If you don't put me to death then neither the people I've killed nor their families will be at peace. Don't you think so too?"

X

Well, moving on from that to the topic of him with children overall due to all that he's been through.

Shidou is bad with children that much is clear from how he interacts with Amane in the Portal Timeline. However, Triage just makes this more apparent with his interactions with his own children.

By that I mean the lack of them. Instead of seeing him spend time with his kids we mostly see him spending time with his wife. We see him cooking with her, going on walks with her, and outside of when he hugs his children upon getting home the only time, we ever see him with the kids after that is when they are all together.

It's after Shidou is shown thinking about the kids playing by themselves that he sings,

"I yearn to be found “GUILTY”."

However, when he thinks back to the time, he spent with his wife walking with her alone it turns into-

Showcasing what Throw Down put on full display that Shidou threw down his duties as a father in favor of trying to do everything within his power to save his wife. He neglected to watch his children properly in favor of working towards saving the love of his life and his kids ended up paying for it. He says so plainly in Triage-

"Those cards of promise I discarded were they retribution for my incessant taking."

And Throw Down goes even further to allude on this.

"“Throw down” connecting you with me. To keep you alive, you are still living. “Throw down” the invitation that I can’t take back. Lying, replacing with hope." "“Throw down”, someone’s value cannot be the same as another “Throw down” should choose between superiority or inferiority. Has come true, stabbing the despair to death."

Even his very first glitched character voice line-

"Ah, ha, ha, ha- Not dead... Yeah, she's definitely not dead... I finally understand the value of what I've been robbing people off."

Hell, here's all his voicelines in a resonable order from the first character voiceline trailer, second, and the second trial teaser trailer.

"Have you ever taken out a person’s insides? The weight of a human life, there’s no difference between people. And therefore…… I will save the lives I want to save. You're in my way...hurry up and die. Ah, ha, ha, ha- Not dead... Yeah, she's definitely not dead... I finally understand the value of what I've been robbing people off."

Shidou fuck them kids Kirisaki everyone. Both of his kids are male presenting the only she we see in his videos is his wife. His only focus was on saving his wife. This is why he says this from the beginning-

"I've killed people. Lots of them as well. It was for such a selfish reason too."

Shidou has perfectly illustrated that his understanding of children is that they should be seen not heard. Stay in line of sight, don't cause trouble, help out if you can, and be quiet. When he came into Milgram he was remorseful due to how his neglect led to the death of his children. How throwing himself into his work and trying to save his wife led to him losing not only her but both of their kids.

His family is important to him now-

Q.04 What is important to you? Shidou: Family.

Because he didn't appreciate them enough when they were around. He took it for granted thinking they'll always be there later. I just have to do this first it's important. I'll make time after this is done.

Q.07  Is there anyone you’d leave behind if you died? Shidou: Not any more. Q.08 Is there anything more painful than death? Shidou: The death of someone you love. Q.09 What do you want from a lover? Shidou: I want them to stay healthy. Q.14 If there was one person you could bring back from the dead, who would you choose? Shidou: I can’t choose.

Only no longer able to choose between superiority and inferiority in the case of choosing between people he loves. Because he now knows the pain of losing them. I guess doing things like that is harder when he actually humanizes the people he's doing it to, huh? Convenient.

This warped relationship with his own children is why his interactions with Amane are so stunted. Mainly focused on what children should like and how they should act instead of accepting that Amane is her own person. Because he was not responsible for taking care of his children's emotional needs. He was not the one consistently present for that his wife was.

Q.19 What was your partner like? Shidou: A strong person. I tend to be a bit careless in my personal life, so I was always relying on her.

This is also why Shidou's behavior does get to Amane in a way and we see him being given a seat in the counsel even if he does sort of just pop up uninvited. Because Shidou is like Amane's dad and she recognizes this.

Amane's father is out for work frequently trying to do something that he believes will make the world a better place. Doing difficult and demanding mostly underappreciated work and when he does come home he more than likely acts like Shidou.

Q.01  Why did you choose your current job? Shidou: I wanted to do something that would be of use to society. Q.15 Do you think you’ve made a contribution to society? Shidou: I used to think my work was a contribution to society. Q.02  Who do you look up to? Amane: My father. He’s been away on a trip for a while, but I think that’s very honourable of him. Q.13 Who do you want to see right now? Amane: My father. I want him to praise me for all my hard work. Q.10 What was your father’s job? Amane: After a lot of hard work, he became a lecturer I think it’s something to be proud of.

Dotting on Amane for the limited time he has with her when he is home from working. Because Shidou was like this before and it didn't turn out well he was trying to rectify his past mistakes by being their for Amane at the start of Milgram. Yet feel into the same old habits as soon as there were more important things to take care.

He's similar to Futa in that regard. Since he tries to be there for children more from the start of Milgram as well and has gone more into that it seems as a result of his verdict. While Shidou has fallen back into his own self-centered nature. Only using the safety of others to excuse moving towards his own goals.

With no real guarantee that he'll actually help them or not outside of trust me I'm a doctor. This isn't even touching on the fact that Shidou is not medically permitted to diagnose brain death and states as much in his second voice drama-

"This may be out of my profession, but her mental health is deteriorating as well."

He is literally not allowed to diagnose this on his own and neurologists are meant to be involved in some capacity when diagnosing this. Something that he is not.

"“Throw down” ethics is a delusion."

So, he would not know if they were actually brain dead or be allowed to pass down that diagnosis to family members at all. Because, again, he is not qualified to diagnose that on his own. However, pushing that to the side.

Shidou is not treating Amane differently because she is misbehaving right now, or because she's not the child he'd expected her to be, or even because he doesn't like kids. A person can like children and still be bad with kids. Shidou Kirisaki is just bad with children. He was bad with his own children and he's still bad when it comes to the children within Milgram. His behavior comes off as condescending and he stereotypes kids. Believing that if one kid likes something all kids will.

A very hit and miss way of dealing with children or anyone for that matter. Because one would not be treating the child as an individual with their own feelings and interests and due to that overlook or miss that child's individual needs entirely. He's inattentive in his personal relationships.

He takes them for granted, frequently tending to hyper-fixate on higher priority things just to end up straining or neglecting his personal relationships entirely. On top of that he's just objectively fucking evil and selfish. Never really understanding the value of what he was taking from others until it was ripped away from him. Then upon feeling that pain making it everyone else's responsibility to give him the ending he feels he deserves including another child like Es.

Because he can't handle living through what he made multiple other people go through and again he wants to meet them again in the next life so he can't really take himself out in this situation. I didn't vote Shidou Kirisaki Innocent this trial because I thought he would change. Because I trusted him to keep his word. I voted him Innocent beccause I wanted him to live with what he put other people through. I refuse to help him alleviate his pain and get out of the consequences of his actions.

If he wants to go so badly, he's going to have to do it himself instead of once again leaving the tab to other people. When I heard him sing this-

"So, this is unpleasant. So, this makes me sick. What do you mean INNOCENT? If this is my punishment- Now I see, this world is cruel and merciless."

I thought yeah you fucking live with that dick. You think you can just get a convenient out as the people whose family you admit to killing multiple times- have to live in a world without their loved ones. No, fuck you. Have a nice life with reaping what you fucking sowed.

#migram #shidou kirisaki

[annabelle1901]

Lost Frank Castle x Karen Page fic

Hi! So I don't really interact with anyone on Tumblr but I don't really know what else to do, so here we go. I'm back on my Kastle bullshit <3 and I've been trying to find this old fan fiction on AO3 that I started reading years ago. Stopped reading after a certain point but had the tab open on my phone and I thought I'd continue reading eventually.. And then my phone got stolen, and I forgot the title & author name. Not great. I've dedicated the past few days to looking for it and so far I got nothing.

So what I'm gonna do is write down everything I remember like a mad woman in the hope that this jogs someones memory. Please help me this fic haunts me. ANY sort of reference or whatever could potentially help (Tumblr posts, links, screenshots, Google history, etc)

Fandom: Daredevil/ the Punisher obv

Pairing: Frank Castle/ Karen Page

Rating: probably explicit (canon typical violence and eventual smut)

Published: 2016-2017 (started post s2 Daredevil but pre The Punisher s1 because I don't remember any of the plot or characters from that show showing up) might have been deleted in 2020ish

Length: has to be +10 chapters (long chapters as well, don't know if it was finished)

Characters: Matt Murdock/ Daredevil, Foggy Nelson, Claire Temple, Elektra Natchios (I vividly remember them making some sort of appearance)

now let's get really unhinged...

Plot:

Pretty sure the story starts on Karen's birthday but her mood is meh.. She's on her way home or something, gets in her car and Shining Star starts playing which let's her know that Frank was recently there. Something else must have alarmed her because she goes looking for him and finds him in like an alley around her building. He's in really bad shape, bloody practically dying. She carries him to her apartment and either helps him herself or calls Claire Temple.*

*Don't think it was in this part of the story but she helps Frank and makes a joke about him not being healthy enough to be sleeping with Karen anytime soon which makes them blush. Don't think they were intimate yet but tensions were rising.

For the next couple of chapters I remember it was mainly beautifully written angst between them in this contained space while he's healing. Karen doesn't want Frank to get killed while being the Punisher, he resists her care and tries to hurt her by saying "You aren't Maria and could never be" or something.

I also vividly remember a scene where he's grieving and keeps like tugging on this necklace Karen has on while he cries in her arms. She leaves her necklace at his family's graves and the groundskeeper or something tells her not to do that because it'll get stolen but she knows that but does it anyway as a sign of respect.

They sort admit their feelings eventually but don't sleep together yet because they know they can't go back after that. For some reason Frank needs to leave the city for a little while to re-home a dog I believe he found while on a "mission" and the idea is that the time apart will help them decide whether or not they want to be together. They reunite on a sunny, lovely day in the city and go back to her apartment and lots of smut ensues. Daredevil shows up at midnight/ morning to get Frank. Something's going down he needs his help. It doesn't end well somehow Karen gets involved and they both go to the same hospital. Frank is in a coma and Karen visits him when she's allowed and urges him to live sort of mirroring when he first got shot in the head at the carousel. He wakes up but needs to go back to prison. Everything is really bad. The press somehow knows about their relationship as well. Last scene I remember is Karen and Foggy talking about all this and a newspaper printing a picture of Karen's legs with the caption Keys to the Castle? or something. Gross everything sucks and that's where I stopped reading.

So that's about all I can remember, feels like a fever dream. If anyone could help me out I'd really appreciate it. Thx!!

#Kastle #frank castle #karen page #the punisher #daredevil #nmcu #daredevil netflix #foggy nelson #claire temple #fanfic #lost fanfiction #ao3 fanfic #fanfiction #ao3feed #ao3 link #ao3 stuff #help #kastle ff #kastleedit #kastlenetwork #nelson murdock and page #fic finder

[akariamai]

Interview

Summary: You admit on live television your old childhood crush on Bruce Wayne.

Actress!Reader

Word Count: 1014

You waited for your name to be called up towards the stage; being invited to The Tawny Show permitted your nerves to spike. It wasn’t the first time you were interviewed, in fact you did them for years promoting the projects you’ve been a part of. However, there was something about being backstage of The Tawny Show only cemented the reality of your rise to stardom.

“Please give a warm welcome to surprise guest [Reader].” Tawny’s voice rang out and you mustered as much self-confidence as you could before elegantly walking towards her idol. Tawny gave you half a hug before taking a seat on her fluffy pink couch. “It’s so nice to see you. You were phenomenal in your new movie.”

Your cheeks flushed maroon, “Thank you for inviting me. I am overjoyed you loved the movie. The crew poured so much heart and dedication into the production.”

“And it shows, doesn’t it everyone?” Tawny Young turned to her audience, who agreed with the sentiment, “This production wasn’t your first appearance on the big screen, wasn’t it?”

You nodded, “I’ve been in the acting gig for several years now. Smaller roles and such. I’ve starred in several ads for multiple products and been in an assortment of movies and TV shows.”

She hummed in agreement, "You're extremely private when it comes to your background. I've heard rumors that you're a native Gothamite. Gotham Academy was the school you went to, correct? What was it like going to school with such prominent figures of Gotham’s high society?”

You mentioned briefly, “There’s not really much to say. I went to Gotham Academy on a scholarship and usually stayed by my lonesome.” Your peers were not the kindest bunch as you offered no connections to lift them from their current social status. You were raised in the Narrows, an immensely poor and dangerous neighborhood, and were lucky enough to win a scholarship from the Wayne Foundation.

Tawny laughed, “So modest. There must’ve been something from Gotham Academy that’s juicy enough to share. What about childhood crushes?” The room grew quiet as everyone was anticipating the next words out of our mouth.

You thought about the boy you once loved but never pursued. A boy who was too far from your reach and most definitely out of your league. He probably didn’t know you existed during your time at Gotham Academy. Your love for him became a secret only you knew. 

“I did have a minuscule crush on a boy.” You laughed remembering how lovestruck your younger self was. “But I’ve never spoken to him. I was very shy and he was always surrounded by our classmates so I never had the chance to get the chance to talk to him.”

Tawny gasped excitedly, leaning forward to catch the name of your once crush. “Who was it? I'm sure everyone is dying to know.” The uproar of cheers followed soon after from the live audience in the room.

You glance at them for a moment, pondering over the secret you've kept for so long, before redirecting your attention towards Tawny. You no longer felt the puppy love you once held for him but admitting your old crush will bring him unwanted attention. He was already in the limelight at such a young age, born into a rich family and such, but you didn’t want to place more attention onto him nor his family. “Um… I don’t know.”

“Was this lucky fellow Apollo?” Tawny asked, receiving cheers and whistles from the audience. Memories of Harvey Dent narrowly resurfaced as you sparsely had any interactions with the current man. He hung around Bruce Wayne a bunch, establishing her assumption that he and Bruce were friends, but never thought of him as anything more than his past accomplishments and the man he became due to his unfortunate accident. Unease sank into your body as you were aware that once Harvey’s name was mentioned, Bruce’s followed right after. Their names were intertwined with one another.

Tawny’s eyebrows scrunched together, lost in thought of who your younger self fancied, “The Prince of Gotham Bruce Wayne? Was he your crush?”

You hoped the blood rushing towards your face was masked by the color of your skin. Wished the topic of crushes was not brought up and left skeletons in the closet alone. There was a brief moment to lie but lying in the face of your fans was not a stance you would take. Your fans were everything to you. They cheered, others not so much, and pushed you to try your very best. Lying was not something you considered lightly. You could only nod before Tawny awed in astoundment and scant amusement.

~~~

Dick Grayson mindlessly found The Tawny Show for a good while before he became obsessed with it. He loved Tawny Young and her surprise guests. It was enjoyable white noise as he focused on finishing the last of his homework. Currently Tawny was attempting to snuff out the childhood crush of her guest [Reader], who appeared to be slightly panicked about the entire affair. It wasn’t too obvious for the average person to notice, but being taught by the world’s greatest detective allowed him to observe efficiently.

Harvey Dent was the first name Tawny named drop. Dick never knew Dent before his accident, only the shadow of the man he once was. His school showcased old photos of the students who previously attended and there he learned of the peculiar friendship Harvey and Bruce once shared in their youth.

“The Prince of Gotham Bruce Wayne? Was he your crush?” Tawny asked and [Reader] flushed red before nodding hesitantly. The audience went wild at the thought of [Reader] previously harboring romantic feelings for billionaire Bruce Wayne. Tawny then tried to reel them back into silence to proceed with the interview but by then Dick’s mind began to race. He wondered if Bruce ever knew of the girl’s attraction towards him. The thought of a potential love story brewing in the haze of schoolwork and lunches. It really made the boy wonder.

Masterlist

#bruce wayne #tawny young #the tawny show #actress!reader #dc comics #dc universe #batman #dick grayson #harvey dent #gotham #gotham tv #reader insert #reader #dc imagine #bruce wayne x actress!reader #bruce wayne x reader

[akuma-tenshi]

so this is a big, long rant about sexism in the idv community bc it's been on my mind lately and i need to put it out there. this is what i've observed after almost four years in the fandom and been stewing on for a long-ass time. if you don't feel like reading an essay on how annoyed some random enby on the internet is, then don't click the read more and just keep scrolling. don't interact with this post if all you're gonna do is get mad; i'm not here to piss anyone off, just make observations. and if this isn't your experience, good for you and please direct me to whatever circles you run in because i need to be there.

so, i've noticed that the idv fandom is extremely shit when it comes to how they treat female characters, and nobody really.. talks about it?? the only person i've ever seen actually discuss it used it as a way to drum up sympathy for ada. which, if you know me, you know really fucking pisses me off. because there are SO MANY OTHER EXAMPLES of sexism in this community, but no, clearly because we have sympathy for a male victim of abuse we're being sexist towards his abuser.

the thing is. there is so much to point to when you talk about how the fandom is sexist. it's very common to see female characters boiled down to just a couple traits. mary?? hot mommy step on me. michiko?? soft and gentle and demure (don't think i won't notice the weird shit about how that's a very common stereotype of asian women btw i see it). demi?? hot and drinks a lot. emma and lily are "uwu mentally ill babies". annie is soft. emily is either an irredeemable monster or a bitch, depending on who you're talking to. patricia is scary and mean. sangria's a girlboss, grace is soft and gentle, martha is spunky. and if you ask anyone their thoughts / ideas on these characters beyond those short descriptors you get nothing. i'm starting to fucking hate the word "girlboss" because it's all anyone says in response to like half these characters.

male characters are given alllllll the nuance in the world you can't talk to an aesop fan without them going into their endless headcanons / theories on why he's the way he is or how he's not actually that bad of a person or how cute he is or whatever. look at norton, or eli, or orpheus, or luca, or edgar, or joseph, or ithaqua, or any characters in that vein, and look at how the fandom treats them. look at the endless fanfictions and character studies and ships and x readers and headcanons. and then look at what female characters get. nowhere near that much.

i feel like margaretha and emily are the ones who suffer the most from this male-centric view by the fandom. they're characters who are inherently intricate, whose actions can't be explained away as entirely good or entirely bad. but that doesn't stop people from actively trying. they're going to act like margaretha wasn't being horrifically mistreated by her husband and just decided to burn down the circus for funsies or whatever. they're going to act like emily isn't trying so fucking hard to help emma and repent for what she's done. neither of them are meant to be read as black-and-white, but people will try because if they have to use more than two braincells on a female character they're going to implode.

meanwhile you get paragraph after paragraph about the intricacies of the argument between luca and alva. you get so many people analysing the relationship between norton and orpheus and how they're both kinda dicks but also both kinda have points. you get endless people defending joseph's actions bc his brother's dead and he's terrified of growing old / forgetting the people he loved / dying. you get so many fucking stories about how y'know, edgar's not that bad actually.

AND I'M NOT AGAINST ANALYSING THESE CHARACTERS!!! idv, especially in recent years, has been doing some great things with character writing. like, fuck 'em, they've got their issues, but they're still really good with some stuff and deserve credit. but don't act like it's not obvious how so many people have overlooked women (and poc, don't think i've noticed people ignoring the intricacies behind william and ganji as characters as well in favour of "himbo" and "bastard who cares", but i'm white so that's not exactly my place to talk) in favour of their favourite skinny whiteboy of the week.

they're that way with older-looking characters, too. if an idv guy has facial hair, you bet your ass he's also getting boiled down to his base traits. jose's an alcoholic, kevin is self-sacrificing and likes women, kurt is a little guy, kreacher is Awful, charles basically doesn't fucking exist anymore. but again not the focus of the talk atm.

it's just. so upsetting. esp. since most of my favourite idv characters are women but everyone i talk to about them is like "oh yeah demi's hot" or "aww annie's such a nervous little baby" or "god patricia's such a cool girlboss". and even when the shit they say is positive in a vacuum it still makes me so upset bc THAT'S NOT ALL THEY ARE!! demi is kind and loving and hardworking in the face of a world that only ever hurt her. annie's life has been an endless stream of pain and heartbreak and the only thing she really wants is freedom. patricia is literally cursed and is trying to find her place in the world.

also. i fucking hate ada but she falls victim to this too. as much as i despise the "you dislike her just bc you're sexist" thing and as horribly uncomfortable as she makes me, don't act like you haven't seen how her entire character is boiled down to how much she "loves" this man. don't act like you haven't seen how her entire character, all of her promise and potential, is forgotten in favour of that fucking trainwreck of a relationship. i bet half the fandom can't tell me anything about her other than her relationship with emil. emil suffers from this too, with his backstory and personality and life of abuse becoming an afterthought, but again, not what we're focusing on.

this is not an isolated thing or confined solely to the idv fandom. this happens in fandoms everywhere. but because idv is so close to my heart i feel like i really need to talk about it. there's so little content of female characters when there's fucking daily content of male ones. and don't get me wrong, i do like male characters. norton is literally one of my favourite fictional characters and i love talking about / analysing him. but i can guarantee a lot of people wouldn't be so interested in him if he was a woman.

sorry, just needed to get that off my chest. mandatory "this doesn't apply to everyone in the fandom" and "if this doesn't apply to you then i'm not fucking talking about you". we were so against the ashley wood collaboration bc of how much he sexualised michiko (and women in general) but like. do y'all really care that much?? bc i really don't think you do.

#idv #identity v #sexism #sexism in fandom #setting off a fucking bomb on tumblr today #this isn't meant to hate on people who like the male characters i've mentioned btw #i'm just saying it's an ugly pattern i've noticed #discourse #ranting #rant #rambling #abuse mention #abuse ment tw #happy new year!! akuma's pissed off about something and about to make it your problem

[ncteez]

.・゜-: ✧ 𝘄𝗲𝗹𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗵𝗼𝗻'𝘀 𝟲𝟬𝟬𝟬 𝗳𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗻𝘁! ✧ :-゜・．

♡´･ᴗ･`♡ first and foremost, woah! when I started this blog I never expected this many people to be interested in the things going on in my little tiny brain, but here we are!

this is the first time I've ever done an event for a milestone, so I apologize if it feels a bit messy. I'll do my best to maintain and make sure everyone is satisfied.

★ sleepover dates: the event is now over!

★ all sleepover event messages should be sent through my ask box and indicating in some way that it is for this event!

★ ko-fi | bog rules

!!things to do with me to celebrate!!

★ admin ama! ask me anything as long as it doesn't get too personal. talk to me or ask me about my fics and the process i use when writing, or ask me what colors i’ve dyed my hair. general question to get to know me basically! ✨

★ prompt drabbles! (i am no longer accepting drabbles due to the amount that has already been sent in!)

★ personal playlists! send me an ask to receive a personalized spotify playlist based on your blog.

★ hard hours! send me your dirtiest, most juicy thoughts about your bias, or my bias, or just some guy you saw from that one band! this is not limited to bands i write for. if i do not know the person you're sending thoughts about, i'll simply indulge you!

★ fic share! share your favorite fics that you've ever written or read with me! you can either provide links, boast about an author, boast about your own writing that you're proud of, or simply just talk about something in a fic that you really love!

★ nsfw share! send me ur delusional lil porn links and let me cry over them.

!!RULES!!

★ this is an adults only event. any minors found to be interacting with me or any of the posts will be swiftly blocked.

★ all sleepover posts will be tagged with [sleepover] so that you can blacklist them to prevent clogging the dash.

★ please refrain from asking me questions deemed to be too personal or inappropriate. (i am an open book, but refrain from asking questions regarding my personal life. ie: where i live, where i go to school, where i work, etc)

★ all of my regular blog rules still apply to this post.

that's all there is to it! stop by and come say hi to me ♡

#[sleepover] #i will start answering asks a lil later today!!!

[everynicorobin]

Favorite Robin panels, cont.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

Dressrosa (cont.)

Chapter 745

We knew she spent the timeskip with the Revolutionaries, but this is the first time we see her interacting with named characters and it's very sweet

Chapter 745

The way she's forcing him to sit up and say hello when he's on death's door is so funny, and Sabo's "You can let him rest" is great. Like, "That man is clearly dying, please leave him alone."

Chapter 752

They're reacting here to being told that they'll be floating to their destination using the stag beetles, and I find this especially funny because it's not even the most outlandish thing Robin's done in recent memory

Chapter 757

I love when the crew supports Luffy unconditionally. Robin hasn't had a moment yet where she declares Luffy will become king of the pirates, but this is pretty close.

Chapter 777

Robin was only defending Rebecca in the flower field, but she did a damn good job of it. Her quick thinking led her to shield the two of them with the surrounding flowers, and when that eventually failed, she used her own body to shield her. It is pure cowardice on Oda's part that she does not carry scars from this battle.

Chapter 783

She's very cute here! That is all.

Chapter 801

After a very long day, she deserves to chill out like this for a bit. Just enjoying the company of her friends.

Zou

Chapter 802

What I love about this one is that a few panels ago, Barto's crew were talking about some gum that's been stuck to their deck for ages, and how they were finally able to get it off using the hail that fell. So she really is offering Usopp gum that was just lying on the floor.

Chapter 804

It's times like these when I wonder how many of her weird and morbid comments are genuine and how many are just to mess with everyone.

Chapter 806

I kind of wonder if this is what Zunesha looked like as a young elephant...

Chapter 815

Robin is typically in the character category "Responsible/mature/smart woman among irresponsible/childish/stupid men" so little moments like these where she slips up and contributes to a problem are very endearing.

Chapter 818

Look at how far she's come!! She knows she doesn't need to handle all her burdens alone!! She can count on her friends!!

Chapter 820

As discussed, Robin and Luffy are very similar, and I love that she knows exactly what to say to remind him of who Marco is.

Chapter 820

Speaking of trusting her friends, she knows this will be a dangerous task, but she also knows she can count on Luffy and the others to get the job done :)

Wano

Chapter 924

I am so glad she gets to make these faces now. Ms Robin I love you

Chapter 927

Robin is adorable when she laughs. Look at her I love her

Chapter 927

This is the font that Oda tends to use when characters (like Usopp) are lying or exaggerating, and I love that it's used here. It's like an inside joke to the readers, like when a character says something in a novel and the dialogue tag or narration immediately contradicts them.

Chapter 951

This is great because there are so many things she could have done to disguise herself and this is what she chose. I am asking for her hand in marriage

Chapter 951

Such a sweet and soft moment... Robin knows what Toko is going through and wants to be there for her because no one was there for Robin

Chapter 976

This is awesome. Why specifically a baby?

Chapter 984

Robin is going all in when disguised as the enemy and it is The Best

Chapter 989

Robin and Jinbe haven't hung out all that much, and this is their first fight together, but they're already displaying some fantastic teamwork. I really love it when the Strawhats team up like this.

Chapter 1005

Look at that! She only just got there and she's already coming in hot! No hesitation!

Chapter 1005

"When someone does horrible things to my friends, the demon part of me starts to emerge!!" She is a true Strawhat!

Chapter 1005

I've said that there aren't a lot of good Robin and Sanji interactions due to Sanji being weird and gross, but luckily he's not in this panel so this is one of the nicer moments. Robin may not have been at Whole Cake, but she recognizes that Sanji isn't used to making himself vulnerable to the crew, and that this is a once-rare moment of him asking for help. Not only that, but just as she trusts him to protect her, he trusts her to protect him when he needs it, too.

Chapter 1020

Look at that power! Literally my only complaint is still that there's NO reason for her giant form to not have clothes but my god she is beautiful

Chapter 1021

What an awesome reveal! Look at her looming over the wreckage she caused! I take back what I originally said about this possibly being Robin's DF awakening, but it's a power-up on par with Luffy's Gears.

Chapter 1021

What a great declaration. Just like Chopper is happy to be a monster for Luffy's sake, she's happy to be a demon for him as well. *parks & rec meme voice* it's about the weaponizing what has hurt you in the past for the sake of the present

Chapter 1021

Do I even need to say anything

Chapter 1024

I am so soft for characters holding each other!! Just like Franky back in Enies Lobby, I love that Robin implicitly trusts Brook to take care of her after the battle until she can stand again ;-;

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

#tree of knowledge #fujikos-gun

[alister312]

ok so i've put together all my thoughts about the gregstophe merman gregory/selkie christophe AU and it's a lot so i am gonna put it all below the cut 👀

(there are also more images below the cut 😏)

The concept of this AU starts with Christophe’s mom and dad. One of the old myths about specifically male selkies is that lonely fishermen's wives would cry seven tears into the sea and they would come to be with the wives instead (and maybe take them away). Christophe’s mom was a fisherman’s wife whose husband had been gone for a long time and she was lonely so she did this but after just one night with the selkie she felt guilty, changed her mind, and sent him away. Against her wishes, though, she wound up pregnant and her husband was still lost at sea (and presumed dead), so everyone knew she’d cheated in some way. 

Humiliated and upset, she moved to a new town so she could escape people judging her but she was still very bitter. She blamed the selkie for forcing her to have to uproot her life like that and when Christophe ended up being born as a selkie, she took his coat and hid it so she would never have to think about the whole affair ever again. She ended up projecting a lot of her bitterness and hatred for that selkie (as well as guilt) onto Christophe, making his life miserable. He learned early in life that he was a selkie but since his mom had his coat, he knew he couldn’t go anywhere and had to just put up with it. She ended up dying young, never having told Christophe where she put his coat so he’s stuck in the town forever.

I know there’s a lot of different versions of the myth about what happens when a selkie is separated from their coat, but currently I’m just going with the idea of the yearning for the sea and not being able to properly talk. So Christophe chose to become a fisherman because his mother used to talk about how good her past husband was and it’s a way he can be out in the sea constantly, kind of. Plus he doesn’t need to talk to be good at it, he just kind of grunts and gestures if he needs to communicate and everyone figures he’s just a very gruff, antisocial guy.

Gregory is a merman who’s gotten a bit cocky about having never been caught every time he goes to watch humans. He doesn’t want to join them exactly (he likes life in the sea very much) but he finds them fascinating to study. Anyway, Gregory gets caught one day by (of course) Christophe. Gregory is bit freaked out, worrying that Christophe might kill him or bring him back to the land as an attraction of some kind, but Christophe just wordlessly lets Gregory go.

This act makes him Gregory’s new fascination and, after a while of staring from a distance and learning that Christophe is an ultimately good (albeit quiet) man, he starts to interact with him more. Gregory is everything Christophe wishes he was (living in the ocean, free) so at first he gives him the cold shoulder out of jealousy but eventually warms up to him. Somehow Gregory learns that Christophe is actually a selkie who is missing his coat and he becomes determined to find it and give him the freedom he deserves.

I say somehow because I’m not quite sure but I’m partial to the concept of this AU also containing Stan and Kyle because…… i like them. Anyway, the thoughts I have about them in this AU is that basically Stan is also a fisherman who knows Christophe and doesn’t totally like him because Christophe’s gotten aggressive toward him before. Stan’s husband is Kyle who is also a selkie but, unlike Christophe, has his coat and can come and go from the ocean as he pleases. Kyle can sense what Christophe is and what’s wrong (and berrates Stan when Stan makes a rude comment because he doesn’t understand why Christophe is so difficult), but he doesn’t really know what he can do to help. He feels like he understands the best of anyone what Christophe is going through, and he technically does, but again he represents what Christophe wants but can’t have.

There's two potential endgames for this AU I've thought of but I'm open to hear other's thoughts if you've read this far! Anyway, both of the ones I've thought of I like, but they've got completely different vibes. In one, Christophe gets his coat (his mom had thrown it overboard a ship somewhere way out at sea) and joins Gregory in his life in the ocean. While he spends much of his time being a seal, he does come out of the water and shed his coat so he can give Gregory proper kisses. Maybe they live in a cave with an underwater entrance so they can have privacy and a safe place to keep Christophe's coat when he does take it off.

In the other end, it's less cute but imo still happy in a way. Basically Christophe finally accepts that he'll never find his coat and he tells Gregory that he doesn't want to string him along (haha like a fisherman) so he breaks off the relationship, believing Gregory would never want to give up the life in the sea. Gregory is offended Christophe thinks he doesn't love him that much so he goes and finds a way to start living on land with Christophe. He already liked watching people, why not live among them if it means he also gets to be with the love of his life? They are both trapped on land now, but they're trapped together so it's like a silver lining thing.

ANYWAY that whole thing is the AU concept!! I guess the one other important thing to mention is that selkies and merfolk are sort of myths in this world? Like they exist for real but most people think they're not real. Sorry to have gone on for so long but oh well! It's fun :)

#south park #gregstophe #gregory of yardale #christophe delorne #ze mole #sp gregory #sp christophe #this is a lot of writing and doodles which is why im bothering w all the extra tags #sp style #i promise you it's in there u just gotta look #gregstophe mer/selkie au #ali art

[ilgaksu]

So, please tell me about how DMBJ: Ultimate Note "occupies a complex place" in your heart. 👀

Oh, boy. Okay.

I don't think Ultimate Note is a good show in terms of pacing, but then I don't think the majority of DMBJ adaptations I've seen are, so it's not exceptional. Ultimate Note was also my gateway drug/entry-level position I was hired for at the franchise, so to speak. So it naturally is in "I didn't say it was good, I said I enjoyed it" territory for me.

The personal aspect is that the person I was when I first sat down for Episode One, First Time Watching of Ultimate Note is a different person to me now, so much as to be just...beyond unrecognisable. If the past is a different country then that version of me is a stranger I just want desperately to hug and tell it's going to be okay - not just yet, but it will be. I think we have to practise empathy for who we were, and I was a very frightened, isolated, panicking person who had reached a breaking point and then fallen right through it and kept falling and kept falling - and then, when I hit the ground, had to figure out how to get up. The fact that when I watched Ultimate Note I felt Something was significant. It had become easy, and very normal, for me to feel like an outsider in the world, and then I had relearn what my place in the world was going to be, and having this show and my interest in it helped sustain me. I actually had multiple friends, God love them, try and bravely watch the show - mostly just because of how I had a visible reaction when talking about it. If you've ever doubted someone loves you, see how long they can last through the billionth parasite arc in a tomb-raiding franchise when they aren't even in the same fandom.

(Obviously, I have a LOT of feelings about Hei Xiazi as a disabled person and how that plays into my love for him, and my way of interacting with him in fics. I can talk about that too but this ask is already so long AND IT'S ABOUT TO GET EVEN LONGER, so. Another time I guess?)

I think it might seem strange to people, for someone to stay writing in a fandom so long and so consistently, without any seeming outside influence from the wider fandom. Like, I did the maths recently and on average, it's something like a fic or a fic update every two weeks for nearly three years. The only way I can put it is this. Writing HeiHua as a result of Ultimate Note at first, and then the other adaptations, really felt like the actions of a person who was not so much writing as curled, full-body, around a very small and guttering flame in a very, very dark room, refusing to let it go out.

And I really think that when something provides that for you, it doesn't matter how long for and how much it means you have to reckon with the past or how many years it's been since maybe you stopped engaging with it (although I haven't yet, but you see my point), you just adore it. But like, let's be real. Let's have some common sense here. A-ning wouldn't have looked like that after days dead in the jungle. I'm not asking for absolute forensic realism, but anything would've been appreciated. A-ning dying at all is part of a long, long history of women's pain for men's journeys. For every xenophobic take one of the adaptations has on an indigenous culture, I wish I could buy myself a coffee to stare sadly into, but then I would run out of money and have to peddle my wares door-to-door and all I have to sell is more HeiHua, and I'm just saying nobody has come calling to ask me to write the next movie for them, so.

But for real, I think all the time about that quote about how sometimes, reading something is like someone out of space and time reaching out to you and holding your hand. And like, I don't need Ultimate Note as an emotional crutch anymore. It's comforting, but my life is...just, so, so much bigger than it was when I started. The love is still there, and still as intense, just life is better and I get to savour my enjoyment even more now. And also criticise it. And also I have to keep busy making new women OCs forever because the more of the canon ones NPSS knocks off, the more I worry about the fictional depopulation of the DMBJ universe.

#asks #persimmonyms

[iamthecomet]

Comet, when you've got the time/chance to get around to this ask, I must know how the concert was!!! I need all the details, spill the tea, please? I couldn't make it to the Milwaukee ritual so I'm living through a ritual through others and dying to know!

SCOUT. Scout, I'm so sorry you didn't get to go to Milwaukee. But, since you asked, both of my rituals were fucking incredible. I've made a couple posts about it already. But long story short. Amon Amarth is amazing (they were the first death metal band I ever REALLY liked). Ghost ruined my life (positive) twice over. Getting barrier in CT was otherworldly and I will never go back to just GA pit, or seats, again (sorry to my cousin who hates the pit, he'll be sitting alone). Not just because of my interaction with Dew, or the pick I got. The people around us were so fucking happy to be there, and we were so happy to be there, it was like being part of a big party. Could not have been better. We were off to the side so we had room and weren't crammed together, and just got to rock out with each other and with Ghost and Amon Amarth. Dew was extra bendy, extra gremliny, and extra sweet for both shows. Made eye contact with Papa a couple times which is WILD. Had a great view of Mountain for the first show--which was really sick. Got to meet a handful of tumblr friends, and also trade bracelets/other stuff with a LOT of very sweet people. Just all in all it was basically perfect. It was so good that my partner and I spent half of yesterday trying to talk ourselves in and also out of going to another one (there was serious consideration about flying to LA). It was so fucking good, and I will never recover from it and I really don't want to. ♥

#comet comments #scout #ritual talk #my rituals

[whitexdove]

⭐  𝙢𝙚𝙚𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙢𝙪𝙣

— 𝙗𝙖𝙨𝙞𝙘𝙨

(𝙋𝙀𝙉)𝙉𝘼𝙈𝙀: Stumpy

𝙋𝙍𝙊𝙉𝙊𝙐𝙉𝙎: they/them (genderless, probably a demon)

𝙕𝙊𝘿𝙄𝘼𝘾: pisces but spiritually an aries

𝙎𝙄𝙉𝙂𝙇𝙀 / 𝙏𝘼𝙆𝙀𝙉: totally married to @/fatetainted (pete)

— 𝙩𝙝𝙧𝙚𝙚 𝙛𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙨

𝙞. i am NERVOUS. constantly. just a fuckin mess. i have a hard time with social interactions and i'm trying more on this blog but you guys i'm fucking dying. (autism and anxiety is a hell of a combo). it's been weird to be the most authentic version of myself on this blog but.

𝙞𝙞. i have a fursona and my friend is making a partial fursuit of the dude. uh. they're a poorly bred german shepherd/a neurotic mess that chews holes in their clothing, like me. goth/punk aesthetic but nerves.

𝙞𝙞𝙞. i feel like im the peak depressed artist. i'm constantly sleep deprived and struggling with my art. i share my art occasionally but tbh with the drawing ideas i have here you will unfortunately see it more

— 𝙚𝙭𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙚

haha i started rping on tumblr when i was 13. i'm 25 now so i've certainly got roleplay experience. uhhh i do write standalone things, but not frequently. you can find some of those HERE (though it's back when i wrote cats so... jot that down) --i stille WRITE standalone short stories but its really only a fit of passion thing. look i draw i'm bad with words (i say, when people have surely seen my nonsense/read the stupid long bio page anyway)

— 𝙢𝙪𝙨𝙚 𝙥𝙧𝙚𝙛𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙚

if this is what i write... feral. animal-like. not quite an animal but they're a little too wild to be a normal person (which is like, the vibe with rufus. he bites.) i used to have a werewolf oc that got big and was known for being unhinged and feral. just,,, lets not talk about that bitch please ty. i also write dragons, cats, kinda anyone.

either the muse is picked up as a joke, because i had like extreme passion&ideas or like,,, some fucked up combo. i have a sideblog for college fratbro versions of slashers LMAOOOOO nothing is safe

— 𝙨𝙪𝙗-𝙜𝙚𝙣𝙧𝙚𝙨

juuuuust about anything within reason (like sometimes. sometimes we are gonna have to plot i'm not just writing wild shit with anyone you feel) -- horror is a personal preference but like. haha i love horror. i need to make a list of horror influences i've used. idk fuck it we ball after discussion. fluff/soft stuff is also SUPER NICE. but if im not writing casual stuff im probably writing soul crushing angst. iiiii do not rp smut. fine to imply it /talk about it in threads but like. please. please do not boink my muses in threads. even if they joke about it. i will hard skip into the next scene ty goodbye

— 𝙥𝙡𝙤𝙩𝙨 𝙫𝙨. 𝙢𝙚𝙢𝙚𝙨

U H. look, memes are the best way to start bc like either i'm shit at plotting or galaxy brained. there is no between. once i have a better feel for how our characters interact it's easier/more comfortable to bullshit plots! i'm the captain of the uss make shit up

#& || stumpy drowning in the sunshine riptide ( ooc. ) #hi got mental illinois but i'm really passionate about this stupid fuck and wanna reach out more #just pssspssspss me it'll work #im also the silliest jester. i promise im just SCARED #like my therapy workbook pinned me for having 4 different types of anxiety #when its just... no... i have cptsd and autism #and i used to write on here when i was a CHILD and like.... eugh #long post #someday i won't ramble

[cherryrainn]

Hello! could I please get a Helluva Boss matchup? multiple characters are okay, if you think it's fitting or necessary.

I'm 21, non-binary pansexual/romantic, and polyamorous (no preference for gender)

General personality stuff:

MBTI is INFP

Ennegram types 2, 4 and 8

Zodiac Taurus sun, pieces moon and rising

Not sure if appearance matters but- 5'3, chubby and kinda muscular, lots of scars on arms, chest, and legs, brown eyes/hair. Hair is shoulder length, wavy, and usually dyed. Fashion consists of graphic tees (with puns, memes, and trippy art) and jeans or shorts. I'll wear lots of different kinds of jewelry, and don't really have a set aesthetic.

Hobbies/likes- going to the gym, roller skating, playing video games, driving, listening to music (and singing along.. Badly), smoking weed, watching TV shows and movies, hanging out with friends, drawing, Writing, reading, going to museums/amusement parks, taking care of/watching animals, and analyzing media

Positive traits: my friends have told me that I'm smart, funny, sarcastic, polite, thoughtful, strong, patient, trusting/trustworthy, empathetic and compassionate. Pretty self-sufficient and independent/productive. My friends generally come to me for advice and I've been told I'm a good listener. I also like make myself useful (doing dishes, wiping down counters, laundry, etc) I'm passionate and very excitable and it makes me pretty talkative (when I want to be). Sociability depends on my mood. Sometimes I sit back and enjoy group dynamics, other times I participate more in conversation

Negative traits: tendency to be envious. I'm very self conscious/ insecure, and indecisive because of it. Bad habit of taking stuff personally and dwelling on issues that I should let go. can get annoyed/frustrated easily, especially if I'm overstimulated. also jumpy and gullible. Communication is very important to me in all my relationships, but when I get depressed, I tend to isolate.

Diagnoses: depression, anxiety, PTSD, and ADHD

Misc info: When I first meet people, I'm overly formal and will crack a few jokes, but once I'm familiar with someone, I cuss a lot and enjoy playful teasing, but I always encourage to set boundaries if they need to. I collect a lot of stuff. I have a Ton of comfort items- my posters, stuffed animals, collectible figures, etc. I'm a big over thinker. Big on current events and media analysis. I've got lots of vocal stims and am pretty fidgety.

I show my love through acts of service and words of affirmation. I enjoy doing things for my loved ones and making sure they can relax, feel safe, and be happy. I could talk about my friends for hours.

I know this is pretty long, so I apologize if it's overwhelming. Please don't feel pressured to answer. Much love to you 💛

I would pair you with….

Blitzo!

given your personality traits, interests, and preferences, i think you find a great match in blitzo. blitzo is known for his wit, humor, and sarcastic nature. like you, he's talkative, excitable, and enjoys playful teasing. his devil-may-care attitude aligns with your sociability depending on your mood. blitzo’s multifaceted personality, from formality to more casual interactions, resonates with your initial reservedness evolving into comfortable, informal exchanges.

while his hobbies may differ, his passion and energy could mirror your excitable nature.

both of you share a tendency to be envious and a struggle with insecurities.

he will absolutely come to you for advice, considering your empathetic and compassionate nature, friends are likely to come to you for advice. your good listening skills, combined with your thoughtful and patient approach, create a supportive environment for him to open up and seek guidance!!

both of you have your share of struggles—be it your mental health diagnoses or personal insecurities. this common ground could foster a deeper understanding and empathy between you two, making for a more supportive relationship.

blitzo’s sarcastic and has that sharp edge, but deep down, he's got a soft spot for those he cares about. sounds a bit like you, right?

and hey, acts of service and words of affirmation? blitzo might not say it outright, but deep down, he'd appreciate having someone who values connections and shows love through actions.

#matchups #matchup #helluva boss #helluva boss matchup #blitzo

[alsahm]

i want to make a post about this actually.

this post talks about weed, cops, panic, hospitals, and suicide.

i have diabetes, chronic pain, PTSD, anxiety, and depression. i take edibles sometimes to make life more tolerable. i tried a new one friday night bc the long weekend would give me time to recover if it was too strong. hurt my neck carrying something and felt searing, burning pain throughout my entire body, so i figured it was time for bed.

my heart rate was insane and i literally felt the world caving in on me. i thought my right side was becoming paralyzed. i thought i was dying. i recited the shahada. called my partner, who was two hours away, and he asked if i needed to call 911. i said yes. i called..

okay, i needed to go outside. should I take my bag? i can't find it. where is my cat? oh, i should close the door so she doesn't accidentally leave the house...

on the phone, my partner tells me to take square breaths. i go, "A-B-C-D — no, that's wrong, ا - ب - ت, no —"

i go outside. cops showed up first. i explain.

"yeah, you're high. you should just go inside and go to sleep. who are you talking to?"

i am high, so the world is sort of lagging around me, but i know that's not what this is. but now i'm embarrassed. why did i have to do this now, on a day when he is so tired? but he would never say that, i'm sick, why am i -

"i feel like i'm dying. i'm really scared. my partner - he's driving up from kansas city."

"okay, well the hospital can't do anything for you. you're just high and need to ride it out. have you ever taken delta 8 before?"

"i know - but - i'm so scared - " this is the worst thing that has ever happened to me.

"you're high. he has 10 seconds to decide whether you want to go to the hospital or not. the ambulance is on its way."

"what? do you need my consent or something?" this is. the worst thing. that has ever happened to me.

"they're not gonna do anything. do you want to go?"

"yes."

they shame me more. eventually i get on an ambulance and i'm crying. they're taking me to a hospital i haven't heard of before. out-of-network?

my vitals are fine except my heart rate is 140. and my BP is high. and i won't stop crying.

"how much did you take?"

"i don't know, half of one, this big. the packet is in my desk if you want to see."

they don't. seems like it's not even that much. at least the paramedics aren't laughing at me. we go to the hospital.

"have you taken marijuana before?"

"yes - this is different, i -"

"you're just gonna have to ride it out, okay?"

sluggishly, i think of the knife in my kitchen. i wonder, "did i try to kill myself?"

my glucose is high. 300 something. they say i should follow up with my primary care.

is this really happening? where is my partner? i am pinching myself and it hurts. i tell the doctors that everything, everything hurts and i'm so tired and so so scared. this is 10/10 pain. please, please help me. i'm so scared.

the hospital is one i've never been to, so they don't have any records on me. they get my name wrong. they don't ask for a personal contact. no one asks me what meds i'm taking. no PHQ9. if you're curious, 24. i'm tapering down venlafaxine. just stopped mirtazapine. just tapered off guanfacine. prazosin for screaming nightmares, oh, god, is this one? where is my partner? what is happening to me? did i try to kill myself?

i. was. having. a panic attack.

you can be high and have a panic attack. in fact it's common!

you can be trying a new drug regiment and have a panic attack. also well-documented!

your drugs can interact with each other.

you can just have a panic attack.

i was home alone and thought i was dying and called 911 like every search, paper, phone answering service, etc., told me to do.

the doctors said, "technically, this is an overdose. we are going to give you an IV to get your heart rate down, okay?"

okay. okay. is this really happening? when that door opens and my partner will finally be there, that is when i will know this is reality. that is when i will feel safe and everything will stop spinning.

my phone is ringing somewhere? don't know where it is though...

he's here.

oh, god, he is here, and i'm sobbing. and he is holding me, and i am so tired, no one is listening to me here, and no one even told him where i was so he went to a different ER first, and on his way here a cop pulled him over because he was speeding, and, oh my god, i was so, so scared, i love you, you were worried about me, you're not mad, i thought i tried to kill myself and i couldn't—

he is so mad at the cops, at the doctors. he loves me so much. i am safe i am safe i am safe.

finally, time to go home. doctor says again, your glucose is high, follow up with your primary care. here's where you can get one of those. and get that pain looked into.

they don't ask him my medical history either. he has access to an entire document i set up just in case of this situation.

okay, sure. of course that's not something i'm already doing or anything, right? i'm an amateur weed-haver.

After Visit Summary®.

reason for visit: anxiety.

diagnosis: cannabis overdose.

if you ever have thoughts of suicide, tell yourself not to do it. call 911 if it gets bad.

this hospital is out of network. will they cover this emergency visit i consented to? idk. will i lose my job because i was diagnosed with weed during a severe panic attack and pain flare-up? who knows.

do i have any trust in our emergency medical system as a chronically physically and mentally ill person? no.

#endless asa

[missrandomdreamer]

Family Ties

just a snippet of writing for Hope and her brother talking about life and Karl meeting said brother. The siblings conversation was a lot more cut-throat but then I realized Hope probably wouldn't say what she was thinking out loud so dialed it back a bit. Also people will get a glimpse of Hope when she is around her family which is very different than when she is with other people :T This was just something I wanted to write, not really edited and not sure where it will fit in the over all story but just kind of felt like writing something like this *shrugs*

"You dyed your hair again , it looks like crap."

"Wow, nice to see you again to Merle."

Hope couldn't hide her frown and the slight pain in her eyes, but luckily for her the purple shades protected her brother seeing the latter. Merle Cohen Joyce, a foot taller than her, skinnier than a toothpick and blue eyes that looked at you a certain way made you feel like shit. That was her brother.

Merle looked her over from underneath his baseball cap wit his judgemental eyes, "Did you get more tattoos."

Hope rolled her eyes and pushed off her yellow jeep and walked to the entrance of the cemetery. "No, I did not. I haven't got any new ones since leaving home. Did you come all the way up here to talk shit?"

Merle followed her behind rolling his own eyes at his younger sister, instantly catching up her in only a few strides due to his long legs. "Still have the sailor mouth I hear."

"You bring it out of me." she muttered back, tightening her purple hair tighter in its ponytail. Hope sighed and looked out around the cemetery. They were the only two there, much like how it always had been. No one ever came to this cemetery, not anymore. It was a place they used to go to all the time when they were both younger. It always brought them comfort even if they didn't even have relatives their, it was just a nice peaceful place. Hope carefully watched her steps as they traversed the grounds, annoyed that her brother was walking always a step ahead. She heard her brother huff, but not out of being tired but of annoyance.

"To answer your question I didn't come here to make fun of you, entirely, just had to get it out of the way first." He grinned down at her and the younger woman scowled up at him. "I came up to see how you were doing and well to catch up. Mary is visiting her family up here and so I thought I would do the same."

"Only out of convenience, I see."

"I was going to ask if you wanted to come to dinner with us tomorrow night. You and her siblings got along last time. You guys like the same stuff, they all really like you, for some reason."

"I'm not in the people pleasing, talking over dinner, trying to make conversation type of mood." Merle huffed again and turned to her, eyes narrowed down,

"You never are, Hope."

"I've had to much human interaction this week, and had to deal with to many rude customers. I'm tired."

"And you are always tired. It's literally just a few hours, it isn't going to kill you."

The two stood still near a large oak tree, its heavy arms out stretched nearly hitting Merle on the head but the man didn't move. Hope had never really clicked with Merle's wife Mary or her family. Sure she was nice enough but there was just something about them that rubbed her the wrong way. She could never really pinpoint it there was just something, about them. Maybe it was because they were over religious (in her eyes), maybe she always felt a look of disapproval when she had come to talk to them. Of course, she had to play pretend when she saw them, all smiles chipper voice despite on the inside she felt like screaming and crawling into a hole. Hope took a deep breath and let it out slow,

"Ill go to the dinner."

"I don't want you there if you are gonna be all mad about it."

"I won't be."

Again the silence came, now it was Merle's turn to sigh and adjust his hat.

"Look I didn't come up here to fight with you, though you make it terribly hard not too. I came up here to see you again and to ask you something."

Hope turned slightly to him, she was waiting for this, she knew it was coming.

"Will you go with me to see dad?" his voice was soft and serious. "You know he will be out soon. Mom says shes been talking a lot to him lately, says hes changed, like a lot."

"That's what she's been saying. She's been calling me nearly every other day telling me that." Merle sighed putting his back to the tree facing away from Hope.

"I want to try to get the family together. Maybe things will be different now, it doesn't have to be perfect right away but at least we can try."

"He's said he would change before and he never has, why should this time be any different?" Hope said softly, trying again not to let her brother hear the tremble on her voice. Merle gave her a side glance and stuffed his hands into his black denim jacket, shrugging slightly.

"Supposedly he's got back into church or at least the ministry at the prison. Even his brother said he's changed, for the better. You know coming from Uncle Sean, that says a lot."

Hope look past the tree to the stones beyond out to the road. She felt a tightness in her chest and she wanted to scream and cry but she knew she had to keep it together. Crying in front of anyone but especially her brother, she just couldn't do. "When did you plan on going," she brought her eyes down studying her combat boots in the mud. " I have work, I would have to put in for it."

She could feel Merle's cold glare, " Probably a few days after he gets out. Give him some breathing room, maybe come down the following weekend. It would just be us, Uncle Sean and Aunt Em. That's it. " Hope again kicked the dirt.

"Give me a day and I'll put in for it, I guess." She didn't want to. Hope did not want to, with every fiber of her being she did not want to get dragged down there again but then their was that small part. That little part that whispered guilt and damnation if she didn't go and face her father again, her family again. Hope closed her eyes and adjusted her ponytail.

Merle again studied her, his lips pressed into a thin line. There was a silence between the two of them again with only the distant sound of a crow cawing and the hushing of the wind in the leaves of the tree. He eventually looked away and started his walk back towards the car, it had only been a meeting place after all, "Weren't you going to show me your apartment? I think it's going to rain soon anyway."

Hope leaned her head back and quietly prayed for the strength not to snap, immediately thinking the worst of her brother seeing her apartment and judging it. She took in another deep breath and let it out through her nose before turning around to catch up with him. "Yeah, wait up, Ill lead the way."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Heisenberg could feel the humidity in the air as he stepped out of the apartment building. He has been fixing one of the tenants pluming all day, then proceeded to get into a lengthy heated argument with Reddick on the phone. Now all he wanted to do was hide in his work shed, lock the door and not come out till midnight. Karl was already taking out a cigar and about to light it when the slamming of a car door grabbed his attention.

To his utter surprise it was Hope, though immediately seeing her rigid and the blank face, could tell something was wrong. He was going to walk towards her when suddenly a man appeared at her side. Karl felt something write in his stomach and he found himself concealing himself behind a large tree only ever peaking out around to watch them. The man was tall, lean, nearly like a scarecrow. He wore a serious expression, tussled black hair and seemed to walk with a purpose. Karl saw the man say something to Hope, but he couldn't hear, they were to far away. Hope remained blank face but walked towards the pathway that led to complex with her apartment. He saw her turn her head up to the man and respond but again Karl had no idea what they were talking about.

He didn't feel right, something felt wrong. He had never seen her body language like that and he had never seen this guy with her before. Heisenberg immediately felt annoyed and angry. Why? Heisenberg shook his head and started in the opposite direction of them back towards his workshop but then stopped. Maybe he should go check up on her? He could make up some excuse for coming up. "Could say there was problems with the plumbing in the apartment near by, that isn't technically a lie, and I just needed to see if her apartment doesnt have any damage. Yeah that could work."

Karl continued his walk back to the shed to grab his tools, so he could at least look the part. He adjusted his hat and threw on his coat again before heading back out. The Iron Lord didn't know why he was so bothered, it really wasn't any of his business. However, he didn't like the way Hope looked with him and that bothered him more than he would like to admit.

#karl heisenberg x oc #hope (oc) #Merle (oc) #rusted cages violet dreams #karl heisenberg #snippets #writing #re village #family drama #Joyce Family

[solarsavoy]

Fandom Saturday, Toilet-Bound Hanako-kun, part 2

It has been requested that I share some of my theories on TBHK, so here they are! Remember, I've not read the manga, so please don't spoil it for me. Also, spoilers for the anime reside below.

First, I wonder if Tsukasa's destiny was to become a wonder and Ayame stole it because he foresaw it corrupting his brother, and that's why he killed him.

The reason I wonder if this is what happened is because what little we see of Ayame's past implies that he's bullied, but he also has a gentle soul. If it were his brother that was envious of power and maybe he was sick (going to die anyway) and it was some sort of mercy killing, but then he saw what his brother would become and then killed himself as well, as a sort of way to keep his brother in check. I also wondered this because of how their powers really complement each other. It's almost as if the power itself were split into two and shared amongst them.

Second, Ayame killed Tsukasa to prevent a different murder and couldn't handle it and committed suicide afterwards.

Nene visited Ayame and may have unintentionally altered time, which is timey wimey anyway, so I wonder if it's one of those chicken or the egg scenarios and it prompted Ayame to be a little closer to his brother. It doesn't mention that Tsukasa's destiny was altered, so maybe Tsukasa was to be killed shortly after killing his victim, but then it doesn't mention that the potential victim's destiny was altered either. In this case, I imagine it could've been something like Tsukasa was going to attempt to kill someone and in the process ended up dying instead and in this altered timeline, Ayame tried to kill Tsukasa before he got to the victim and then unintentionally ended up with Tsukasa's destiny instead, dying in the process of trying to kill someone (except in this case, he succeeded in killing his target). Otherwise, maybe instead of the death being accidental like in Tsukasa's case, Ayame just couldn't take it and took his own life as well.

Third, Ayame wasn't the one that changed his destiny, Tsukasa was.

Tsuchigomori mentioned that Ayame was the only one to ever change his destiny, but the only thing he could possibly know, which he admitted to, is the fact that it changed. He has no idea how it changed, just that it did, so I wonder if it was actually Tsukasa that changed Ayame's destiny, not Ayame. After all, his power is to grant the wishes of the dead. What if it was his wish for his brother to be with him for eternity?

Ayame's killing of his brother could be symbolical. What if Tsukasa blamed Ayame for killing him? For all we know, Ayame's hands could be perfectly clean. Like I said before, he was clearly bullied, and it seems possible, even likely that his own brother was probably a source of that bullying. The way the two interact makes it seem that Tsukasa has some sort of controlling edge in their dynamic. If he isn't the older brother, he's the stronger one. And that's an interesting thing too, what if Ayame's actually the older brother? The weight of his responsibility for his sibling would be greater. And with that in mind, my last theory.

Fourth, Tsukasa died as a young child, which Ayame blames himself for, but they still talked while Tsukasa was a spirit because of the twin thing.

The reason Tsukasa would still age is because of his twin, and he'd merely have to mirror his brother, which the signs on their cheeks implies. Ayame talking to his dead brother would also make him isolated and prone to bullying from other students, but I wonder if this is why it's the girl's bathroom. Maybe it's less about where Ayame died and more about where he always hung out with his brother. Maybe after some time, Tsukasa admits that he's gained a power, the power to fulfill wishes, but it's only for the dead. After a long time, Ayame decides to kill himself so he can make a wish for his brother to be alive again, accept it doesn't work like that, and the act of killing himself is like granting a wish for the living, which is how he in turn gained the power to grant the wishes of the living.

This also proposes the idea that the two don't actually have a bad relationship, which is implied on Tsukasa's side anyway. Tsukasa is more playful and open with his brother, while Ayame on the other hand is scared and regretful. I think this theory plays into that dynamic quite well. Ayame is ashamed of committing such a heinous act like suicide just to be with his brother, which adds to his own reserved nature on that subject.

And those are my theories! What do you think?

And this is why I enjoyed the anime so much, by the way. So many interesting ideas were spawned from the short season. I really hope it continues! ^^

Have a great day, everyone!

#toilet bound hanako kun #ayame and tsukasa theories #daily delivery #Fandom Saturday