#this is one of my favorite things that i've written

[kanmom51]

https://twitter.com/parkjmwins/status/1782358915939774874

Idk whether you will even answer this ask or will block me but this is exactly why JK had similar concept pics like Jimin. Jikookers made it to be romantic while Fandom made it to a joke 'JK always copy Jimin' (ofcourse). I've seen you making multiple posts about Jikook concept pics being match is a proof of them being a couple when in reality Hybe don't even take permission of original artist before using their ideas for another. One hybe label just got into trouble for copying newjeans and according to CEO min heejin it was BANG SHIHYUK who wanted to copy newjeans to create a second version of them through illit. And guess what he made sure illit gets 10x more success than newjeans, a 2 day song was already charting in different charts including hot 100. The same bang shihyuk who ignored every bit of Jimin's success but shamelessly copied his ideas and visions of concept pics for another favorite member. He shamelessly asks staffs to copy original ideas of artists who created them and use them for a cheap version of the said artist, Newjeans and Jimin are just examples.

Was it JK's fault ? Not necessarily but unlike rookie Illit he had power and capability to make his own decisions and use his own visions instead of doing what he was asked to do by the staff (his words) but he didn't and sat comfortably while using another person's hardwork. If you still think those similarities were because they were couple then idk what to say because in that logic Newjeans girls and Illit girls are dating.

Talk about TikTok generation ask.

Linking me to a tweet that has zero actual information and/or proper discussion, just stating a fact that isn't necessarily even a fact. Ignoring the full picture (like y'all do when it comes to Jikook as well, btw).

And I also find it so so funny how you are basically hanging your all on something that a very problematic figure within the Kpop industry is claiming, all to try and deflect from despicable behaviour she's being accused of, including using and revealing private info of Hybe idols obtained in illegal and despicable manors, perhaps including having to do with certain private info leaking of certain BTS members (including the one person that you so vehemently claim to love and stand in defense of).

You think that by sending me this link you are proving something?

You say that you read through my posts. Well, obviously you've missed those many posts I've written explaining how JM and JK being a couple can be deducted not from one action or one behaviour alone, but the combination of many many actions or behaviours. A puzzle built of not 10 or 50 or 100 pieces, but one built of so many many more.

I find it funny how with everything that has been going on with JM and JK you guys are still at this.

We're back to JK copying JM.

Like seriously.

Like even if the whole NJ Illit thing was true there was some kind of a comparison to be made with these two men.

Like JK, who's album concept is 180 degrees different than JM's doesn't have stylists at his beck and call to create a concept that isn't a full on copy of JM's. Right down to the studs and colours and minutiae details of some of the outfits.

Like if he did copy JM, that same scorned poor JM (that's how you guys love to portray him, as a damsel in distress awaiting you to swoop in and save him) CHOSE to fly to NY to be with JK and spend Silver day there with him, travel with him multiple times and spend his entire 18 months in the army with that awful copy cat JK.

Your ask tells me that you have zero understanding in human interactions and relationships. JM saying time and time again, JOKING time and time again, about JK copying him, it's a tease but also something that he LOVES. How he inspires JK, how JK perceives him as his catalyst.

But this here, the photo concepts and the whole of JK's wardrobe while promoting, claiming it's all about copying JM is just bull crap. This was planned. And it was planned by the two of them. It's not a coincidence that JM happens to wear the bottom part of a two piece outfit months before JK wears the top part of the same exact outfit.

And if we are talking about copying, is it the concept he's copying or is he so far gone that he's literally copying down to the smallest of details?

Like seriously. You think that's about copying JM?

Or because it worked for JM so he thinks it will work for him? Literally same hairstyle rocking as JM had in Face? Cause why not use a concept that works? Seriously? JK's all "I should do this cause it worked for JM so it will work for me"?

Was that what he was thinking when he rocked a highlight of JM's hair colour over the years? That the colour works for JM so I should have a strand of that colour in my hair as well, copying his success? Is that the theory you're working with?

Or when JK wore the same jacket as JM on Valentines day, you know, in a clip that JM himself records and uploads, that JK also copying JM?

Babe, this isn't just about the concept pics either. And it's not just about Face and Seven or Golden. Wearing the actual same black leather or leather-like pants just because he couldn't find any other pants? That level of copying? Or perhaps it wasn't about copying and more about mirroring.

About "You are me I am you", which they have been screaming at the top of their lungs for years now!!!

It amazes me how you have zero issue in taking an over decade long complex super close relationship (no matter how you perceive it they are super close) and simplifying it into "JK copied JM's concept because JM's concept worked for him", or to even compare whatever went on with JK and JM and those similarities to a claim made (by a disgruntled and caught red handed employee of Hybe) about one new GG copying concepts and whatever from a GG that's been around for 2 years now. No connection between them. No long term relationships between the groups. One group supposedly copying from another. Yeah, definitely the comparison needed to be made between that and Jikook's behaviours or decision making.

How infantile of you.

Oh and that paragraph of yours at the end. Laughable really.

Like I already said, go compare 2 GGs in two different companies to 2 men that have been close for over 10 years now. And let's also disregard the long history of those two doing the similar and same outfit (during official shoots, performances etc, or during their free time) thing and look at this one single concept.

Probably styled (funny how the styling seems to be similar for years now on many occasions, and just with the two of them)

Not styled.

These are just examples of MANY MORE instances.

Oh, and I suggest you go read this post too. Not mine, but recently written and oh so relevant to the conversation.

I can't help but wonder how different your pov would have been if one of those two young men was a female. Just thought I would throw that in here too.

But I gotta give you an A for persistence. You guys, you never give up, do you? No matter what JK and JM will throw at you, you will find a way to twist it around to fit your narratives. I guess you also think that JM was forced into enlistment with JK, ah? And their trips together and the content that will drop, also forced on him? I guess him saying otherwise isn't enough to convince you guys either, right? I love the way how you guys are so intrenched in your belief of victimhood that you don't even listen to what JM himself tells you. You love him so much that basically call him a liar. Good for yous I guess.

So, to clarify my answer to you, just in case it wasn't as clear as day already...

You do you, cause nothing I tell you, or show you, or you know what? Nothing that even JM himself will tell you or show you will satisfy you. Because you are living in a self built fantasy of what and who JM is and what and who those that surround him are, all to fit that narrative of yours in which he needs you guys as his saviours and knights in shining armour to swoop in and save him from the big bad JK.

One more thing.

JM's Face was a masterpiece.

We all agree on that. JK included.

He adores JM, he's his no. 1 fan and he's been showing us this throughout 2023.

JK is not a person that would callously copy a concept used by a bandmate just because it succeeded for his bandmate and might work for him too.

Let alone from JM.

His person.

Not even if, as you put it, he was told to do so by the powers at be (which yeah, he'd tell to go shove it up their asses if they ever did 'tell' him to do that btw, and they wouldn't do it anyway seeing that they know that would be his exact reaction).

So, no.

That is my answer to you.

Just a whole big fat NOPE.

No to copying. And surprisingly no to blocking you.

Yet.

#Jikook #kookmin #minkook #jungkook #jk #jimin #jm

[autismprotocol]

TMAG Theory Board Update (EP 11-12)

Hi guys sorry about the late posting I've just started a new quarter of college and its been pretty hectic. also got into my school design BFA program so pretty stoked about that! Anyways lets get into the Episode Breakdowns because even though not a lot of lore related things happened I still have a lot to talk about

For the breakdown I'll separate each by episode in sequential order

What Happened in Episode 11: Marked

Celias Rude Awakening- we jump right into the weirdness straight away with Celia waking up on the side of the interstate. she indicates that this is not a weird occurrence and ends the scene by telling someone named Jack that she's "on her way." If you remember episode 8 after Celia and Sam talk to Gerry and Gertrude, she mentions stuff about wanting help with her own mystery. When Sam asks about it she says she's looking into Time travel, other dimentions and teleportation. Many people have theorized that maybe Celia is just a super heavy sleepwalker, but I think the she teleports random places out of nowhere. This could be a side effect of her reality hopping if this Celia is originally from The archives universe.

As for the identity of Jack I'm not quite sure about that yet. I cross referenced the name Jack with past episodes of TMA. The only thing that came up was Jack Barnabas from the statement about dating Agnes Montague (aka an avatar of the desolation and Jesus-like figure for the cult of the lightless flame) So Unless Celia is secretly Agnes of Agnes reincarnated , I can't find any way to link Barnabas to Celia. (if anyone has a theory feel free to send it my way.)

Sam Lore- this one is pretty minor story-wise but I thought it was interesting. Before the statement for the episode is presented we get some classic Sam and Alice Banter ™ most of it is pretty lighthearted but I noticed Sam mention something that could indicate he might be an amputee.

These could not mean anything and I find it weird that it hasn't been mentioned until now but thought it was kind of cool and I will probably be drawing sam with a prothetic leg in the future cause I really like this head-canon. It also begs to question if he is missing a leg. it might have anything to do with his past as a Magnus institute test subject but then again could just be a fun character detail added by Jonny and/or Alex .

The Statement- Getting into the statement we get another Ink5oul appearance. Also possible Ink5oul identifying as she/they. (and lets be honest being a fear avatar is pretty non binary core). I found this Episode gave me a feeling of a hybrid between the Vast, Buried and the Flesh some people are theorizing that is might be a new entity called the Deep but I think that the fear of the ocean could easily apply to the vast or buried. Not much to say about this story though pretty standard Magnus horror that also gave us a hint to what Ink5oul's goal could be/which entity they serve.

Post Bonzo- Gwen has a debrief with Lena after her first Externals Liason assignment and her meeting with Mr. Bonzo. Undoubtedly Gwen is still pretty shaken from her encounter, even arriving late to work due to sleeplessness. Gwen is able to ask Lena a few questions mainly she wanted to know who's name was written on the letter given to Bonzo

Lena is largely unhelpful but tells Gwen she should have worked it out by now and if not to pay close attention to the case load for the next couple of days. before the latest episode my guess was Klaus because that is the only person mentioned so far that the OIAR intends to kill. but more on that later

Marked- Now were getting to my favorite thing about this episode. This episode title can have two meanings. The first is the more literal interpretation. Tattoos are marking of the body and the case this episode was all about tattoos so easily a good name would be marked. But I believe this is a red herring meant to misguide listeners who have not consumed all 200 episodes of TMA because if you know the world of Magnus Archives the term Marked takes on a entirely different meaning.

In TMA the term marked is used to indicate that somebody has been influenced by one or more or the fears and are one their way to becoming an Avatar. I think this could be a coded way to tell the audience someone in the OIAR has been marked. I have two potential candidates

Alice Dyer- Alice has been having dreams about the Institute after her and Sam's adventure into the ruins. also she mentions feeling like someone's watching her (common to people influenced or fed upon by the Ceaseless Watcher/The Eye) My guess if she is marked it would be by the Eye.

Gwendolyn Bouchard: Probably the most likely culprit. The main way an entitly tends to mark people is through encounters with other avatars. Gwen has just had an encounter with Mr Bonzo last episode who I strongly believe must be an avatar of some sort.

What Happened in Episode 12: Getting Off

Aww Sam!!- Sam asked Celia out and it was adorably awkward. not much to say I just loved this interaction and I'm longing for a new Magnus brand office romance hopefully is wont be an agonizing slowburn that ends tragically like a certain pair of morons from Archives (I love you Jon and Martin but Jesus christ)

It's Bonzo time bitches!!- Probably one of the most gruesome Magnus statement I've ever listened to (good work Alex) Mr Bonzo completely annihilated some poor dude at his bachelor party. Based on the date of the Incident the I can confidently say that whoever Baz (the groom) was he was our mystery person the OIAR sent Mr Bonzo to get rid of. Along with some of the bloodiest imagery we learned a few things about Bonzo. The most interesting detail is that Bonzo has to be summoned by playing his theme song I think the CD of his theme song acts somewhat like the tapes did in TMA by materialising out of nowhere. Also fun fact you know that torn seam that is right down Bonzo's middle? that is actually is his mouth lined with rows sharp teeth so I guess I know that now (so fun) Moral of the story dont f*ck with Mr. Bonzo

Alice knows something: Theres been this recurring audio glitch throughout TMAGP thatnks to a few extremly observent fans we have started to relize that these glitches are not at all random and are actually letting the audience know when a character is lying (i actually reposted somones deepdive into all the istances of this glitch so far if you guys are intrested in knowing more) why i bring this up now is becuase since we know when any charater is lying we also know when they are being truthful if there is no glitch when they say somthing and at the end of this episode this interaction occurs

Alice goes ahead and makes a joke about this to annoy Gwen but the fact theres no audio glitch when she says "I know" means she does actually know who is behind the OIAR and is activly refusing to share it with Gwen or the others. What do you know Alice!?

and that's about it im already loving these next batch of episodes and am so excited to learn more (ERROR has to show up somtime )

thanks to everyone who resonded the poll on the last update I will continue to include drawings into the breakdown even if it takes me a little bit of time to post. anyways I wrote this all in one sitting and I'm about ready to pass out so thanks again and the ask box and comments are always open for discussion and theory crafting.

-Echo

#the magnus protocol #augustus tmagp #tmagp #chester tmagp #gwendolyn bouchard #jonathan sims #lena kelley #martin blackwood #norris tmagp #tmagp theory #ink5oul #tmagp fanart #tmagp spoilers #the magnus pod #magpod #tmagp speculation #magnus protocol #magnuspod #alice dyer #gwen bouchard #samama khalid #lena kelly #celia ripley #tmagp celia #rusty quill #alexander j newall #celia x sam #tmagp thoughts

[stilljuststardust]

Hey my sister wants to shift, she’s 13, what is the most basic “here’s what you need to know and never listen to shifttok” song you’ve got for her?

∘₊✧Explanation✧₊∘

Thanks for the ask! I'm sorry this took me so long I've been having some health issues.

Disclaimer, please read:

There are SO many different perspectives on how it works. Mine is not the only one and though all perspectives are valid, I'm going to assume that you chose to ask me because you are familiar with my blog and how I personally view shifting.

I'm going to try to leave LOA out of it but that is how I personally view shifting.

What is shifting?

Shifting is when you become aware of the life you're living in another reality. The reality you shift into is just as real as the one you are currently in. It will feel real because it is.

How to shift

Strictly speaking, you don't have to do anything to shift. How people shift is so personal and customized and nothing is necessary to do it but I'll try my best to give "instructions" anyway.

You decide you're in your DR, you decide that it is true and it has worked, ignore anything outside of yourself that tells you otherwise, and know that it is true because you freaking said it was.

You decide you've shifted and ignore anything but that decision. That is IT. Don't worry about this reality, it doesn't matter. Don't worry about any aspects of this reality you can still hear see or feel, they won't stop you from shifting don't let them distract you.

ALL you have to do is become aware of your DR. I know that it can be hard to conceptualize that for a beginner so most people use methods.

Methods

To start off: It is not necessary to have a method. Many people just intend to shift and then they do. That's it. You don't have to do anything, however I recognize that for someone who isn't familiar with shifting "just intend to" is probably an unhelpful answer.

Most methods can be divided into two categories, awake and asleep methods.

Awake methods revolve around becoming aware that you are already in your DR.

Asleep methods revolve around becoming aware that you will wake up in your DR.

Common features in both kinds of methods:

Meditation

Visualization

Affirmations

Affirmations are pretty straightforward, you repeat a sentence that aligns with your goal over and over. "I have shifted. I am in my DR."

What I personally do

I robotically affirm all day "I am going to shift tonight" robotic affirmations are just repeated affirmations without feeling. So all day I just say it to myself again and again.

I then take some time to sit down and imagine my desired reality, my favorite street, pretty things I would see throughout the day, stuff that grounds me in the feeling of it.

Then I just lay down and tell myself I'm there no matter what. No matter what I feel hear or see I am there.

Doesn't matter I'm there.

Frequently asked questions

I am choosing to put these first because I feel like they really clarify what shifting is and how it works.

Will I have memories of my destination reality once I have shifted?

Yes, you have always existed in that reality and you have a life's worth of memories there. When you become aware of a reality and of the version of yourself that exists within it you also become aware of your memories there.

How does scripting work/ what is it?

It is a description of the reality you'd like to shift into, usually written. Think of it as an the address of the reality you'd like to shift to. You specify the details of the life you would like to become aware of. Having one is not necessary.

Can I script [insert anything here] ?

Yes. You can script anything, and I mean anything. If you can imagine it, it is possible. The realities we shift to do not have to follow the rules of this one and what is impossible here doesn't have to be impossible there. You want to script the sky is purple? Then it is. You want to have wings? Congratulations you can. I cannot stress this enough, ANYTHING you want can be scripted.

Relevant posts

Your desired reality already exists

An old post of my own shifting routines nothing listed is necessary, the list exists to give ideas not instructions

How to visualize

A good post on shiftok misinformation by my awesome mutual

#shiftblr #shifting antis dni #reality shifting #shifting community #shifting #shifting realities #shifting reality #desired reality #shifting blog #shiftinconsciousness #shift #shifters #shifter #anti shifters dni #reality shift #reality shifter

[fallout-lou-begas]

Not sure if you’ve been asked this before, but what are your favorite/essential mods for new vegas? I’ve only ever played it unmodded so I’m curious

Good question! I definitely have answered this before, but that was so many years ago. It's only now that I've taken the opportunity to overhaul and modernize my own mod set-up that I've been figuring out the answer to this question myself. But I can definitely talk you through the most important parts of my new load order.

First, however, every single person modding this game in this day and age absolutely needs to start with the Viva New Vegas modding guide, and follow every step to the letter. The recommendations are air-tight and the instructions are written and presented as if you, the reader, have never even seen so much as a computer before. It's amazing. The "Base" of VNV contains nothing but bugfixes, lightweight unofficial patches, performance optimizations, and other under-the-hood stuff designed to remedy FNV's infamous stability issues while maintaining a completely "vanilla" feel. This makes it absolutely necessary, in my opinion, even for people who don't actually want to play with any (other) mods. Especially crucial to this guide is its mandate to use Mod Organizer 2; if you're using Nexus Mod Manager, Vortex, or Fallout Mod Manager any time since Biden got elected, you are shooting yourself in the foot plain and simple. The best endorsement that I can give of Mod Organizer 2 is that it mods you game completely virtually, meaning that if you fuck your mods up beyond repair, you can just go to your actual FNV launcher in your root folder and boot up the vanilla game like nothing ever happened.

And the "Extended" section of Viva New Vegas consists of more modding tools, quality of life tweaks, content restorations, and a curated list of strongly recommended gameplay modifications that nevertheless all come down to your personal preference (though deviating from their provided list may make you use your brain a little bit when choosing the right compatibility patches, and so on).

This isn't going to cover every single thing that I play with, but here's everything that I would think to suggest to anybody who asked. With that said, here's Fallout "Lou" Begas's Mod Recommendations, 2024 Edition:

Viva New Vegas Extended: Lou's Preferences

VNV Extended recommends several gameplay modifications that come down to personal preference. I installed just about all of them, with a few exceptions (I don't care at all for B42 Optics, for example). Here's some specific details:

Just Assorted Mods has a hell of a lot of features but I actually enable are breath-holding, the vanilla sprint, and the loot menu (though I flip-flop often on using JAM's Bullet Time in place of V.A.T.S.). If you install VNV and boot up the game and wonder "what is all this fucking shit on my HUD," it's probably some of Just Assorted Mods's components. Just disable the ones you don't want in the in-game Mod Configuration Menu, which you will also have available if you followed the instructions for VNV Base.

Vigor is a modernized fork of JSawyer, the mod that was originally created by FNV's own director after the game's release that tweaked a lot of under-the-hood game settings and statistical balance to his personal preferences. JSawyer Ultimate Edition a more faithful modernization of the original JSawyer whereas Vigor is "a more lightweight alternative" that dials back some of the more drastic features of JSUE. Your choice of these, or none of them, is purely personal preference, and my preference is for Vigor. Any form of JSawyer is strongly recommended if you play in Hardcore Mode.

Simple Vigor Config is used in conjuncton with Vigor and is an intuitive and easy way to overwrite Vigor's gamesetting changes with your own preference. I use the config to adjust carry weight to a much more punishing (25 + 5*STR) formula that incentivizes the use of backpacks, mindful inventory management, and companion inventory space; and to increase the starvation, thirst, and sleep Hardcore Mode rates to 10, 5, and 14 respectively.

Desert Natural Weathers is the weather mod to end all weather mods, in my view, and it includes configuration for customizing the darkness and visibility of nighttime. This effectively obsoletes former dinosaurs like Darker Nights Ultimate Edition. Refer to the post that I made on DNUE's Nexus page here for a copy of my settings to darken those dang nights with DNW.

In AIStewie's Tweaks's nvse_stewie_tweaks.ini file, I set bCustomSpecialPoints = 1 and iNumPointsToAllocate = 35. This slightly reduced starting stat spread forces you to make tradeoffs in your character creation, because it starts with a perfect middle 5 in every stat. Every addition above average will require a subtraction below average. The "Essentials" INI included with VNV Base is all that most players will ever need, so this is my one specific personal tweak that'll keep you from scrolling through every single option in the whole damn thing (though I also recommend enabling the tweaks that hide all of your skill check tags in dialogue for more immersive and less gamified roleplaying in conversation: set bNoSkillTags, bRemoveFailedSuccessText, bRemoveRedOutline, and iRemoveTags to all = 1. )

Lou's Personally Valuable or Sentimental Tweaks and Fixes

Better Pause Menu Screen (Simple Blur). I play with an ultrawide resolution and the vanilla pause menu filter doesn't actually extend past 1920x1080. So this is really vital, lol.

Vanilla Animations Weapon Scale Fix. This mod will fix a common issue with custom weapons and animation mods where your weapon will become invisible because its scale has gotten stuck at 0.

Companion Carry Weight Fix. All companions in the game have an invisible attribute called "companion suite" that, among other things, halves their carrying capacity based on their actual stats. If you play with a super low carry weight formula like I do, you can see how this is a problem. Here's the solution.

Miscellaneous Tweaks Collection includes a few files that I get great use out of: No DLC Recipes Early (great unless you integrate DLC crafting ingredients into your base game somehow) and Vendors Have Throwables (why the fuck are throwing weapons so hard to find in vanilla!). There are others that I use as well but I recommend these two the most generally.

Lucky 38 Suite Upgrade Terminal Tweak is a very cute little mod that removes the ugly wall-mounted terminal and makes you purchase your suite upgrades from the actual computer on the desk in the master bedroom instead.

I Fought the Law - Simple NCR Start finally gives you a good reason to check out NCRCF if you're not siding with the Powder Gangers.

Hire Cass Early was my "dream mod" for the longest time, and thanks to some help, it's finally a reality. Simply pick up the letter that this mod adds to the Mojave Express office in Primm and you can recruit Cass right away (through the usual persuasive requirements) without ever stepping off the road from Goodsprings to the Mojave Outpost. Part of my ongoing "make @ikroah real" project.

Harder Strip Access. Getting into Vegas to finally confront Benny should feel like a tremendous accomplishment. This mod makes it so. Better pony up the caps or call in one hell of a favor, kid! With any kind of tougher economy mods, especially, this mod makes it wonderfully Herculean to just buy your way onto the Strip.

Balance Tweaks

Pseudo-Realistic Carry Weight - No Weightless Item Overhaul and Realistic Bottle Cap Weight. The former is actually an optional file; the main file just implements the the carry weight formula that I was coincidentally already using. The latter just forces you to think strategically about how much money you're walking around with. Can you tell that I love inventory management? Note that if you give bottlecaps weight, you should definitely let yourself drop them when necessary by editing Stewie's Tweaks (bShowCurrencyInContainers = 1).

Carry Weight Affects Speed, Med-Tek Trauma Kit (Lou's Version), and More Conditions to Fast Travel. The first appearance of my own mods on this list! These three mods in conjunction tie your encumbrance and your overall health to your mobility far more strictly. I love the balancing act of packing enough supplies for an excursion while leaving enough room for loot that I can still fast travel with, and the choice to get greedy with more loot than I can comfortably carry and just hope to not run into danger on my slow walk back toward a merchant. My tweaks to the classic Med-Tek Trauma Kit mod apply this level of emergent gameplay and resource management to your limb health, though it makes the game much more difficult unless your character specializes in Medicine. I haven't tried it myself, but Simple Healing System is fully configurable, modern mod that I've had my eyes on and that might be better for most general playstyles, and it might even be compatible in conjunction with my Med-Tek mod for extra intensity!

Better Charisma (Charisma Affects Dialogue Skill Checks) and/or Charisma Affects Reputation. I've always been very frustrated with how much of a meaningless dump stat Charisma is, and the phenomenon of the 1 CHA 100 Speech player character in general. These two mods, which you can use just one of or both together, give Charisma much more meaningful and palpable functionality.

Terrifying Presence (Lou's Version), speaking of Charisma, changes the requirement for this perk from Level 6 and 70 Speech to Level 2 and 6 CHA, making it much more accessible to more types of intimidating characters. This same mod includes alternate options to take it as a trait instead, with the drawback(s) of either tanking your Speech and Barter and/or increasing your addiction chance. See also: Less Snarky Terrifying Presence.

New Vegas Karma Rebalance is a great under-the-hood mod that makes FNV's nearly vestigial karma system less nonsensical without removing it or its effects on the player entirely. Thanks to this and Mass Ownership Tweaks, which is already included in VNV Extended's recommendation of Essential Vanilla Enhancements Merged, Cass won't hate your guts just for stealing a few things from Caesar's Legion at Cottonwood Cove, especially not after you've already killed them all.

Damage Multiplier solves the sluggish damage sponge problem that plagues Bethesda engine combat by simply multiplying all damage dealt globally, both by and to the player, by a factor of your choosing. I use 2.5x, which is usually enough to kill any level-appropriate human being with a single shot to the head. 2x should be the minimum. Combine with Combat Enhancer NVSE and NPCs Use Ammo for overall faster but much more ferocious and intense combat engagements.

Visuals and Animations

Third Person Camera Overhaul. Though I'm still getting used to its extremely specific configuration settings, this is vital for a third-person enjoyer like myself. It obsoletes any and all "dynamic camera" or "shoulder swap" mods of the past. Once you figure out how it works and what you like, you're set for life.

Realistic Movement and Dramatic Inertia. Although a little goofy, it has never felt better for me to physically move around in the game than it has before. I like the weight and get-up-and-go that this mod has for me as a player, but it's especially significant in firefights and other combat situations where, now, your targets can't dodge bullets by shifting direction instantly or stopping and turning on perfect dimes. For a single, less heavyweight alternative, try 360 Movement and Diagonal Movement together instead. Each pair of these mods is incompatible with the other pair, however.

B42 Loot, B42 Interact, and B42 Inject. I recommend a lot of the B42 family of animation overhauls in general (except B42 Optics, lol) because I just love seeing my character actually do the things they're doing. For B42 Loot, I use the included config file to disable the "force pull" effect, and for B42 Interact, there exists compatibility patches between it and its more third-person oriented counterpart Animated Ingestibles, but I'd only look into that if you know what you're doing (though, I do).

Character Kit Remake is a mod that I was turned onto recently. For a long time I have scoffed at character appearance overhauls out of nostalgia for those classic gamebryo engine potato-faces and what I thought was, to be blunt, the tasteless ineptitude of the actual overhauling. But I do really like this one, even if the showcase of screenshots do a really bad job of selling it. It looks a lot better in motion and in game, I promise. i think that these people are just not good digital photographers.

Height Randomizer. It's funny how much you can get attached to a minor character when they are, for whatever reason, especially tall or short. This lightweight mod just adds some height variance to all NPCs in the game that don't already have a non-normal 1.00 height setting in vanilla.

The Strip Groove. Dance on command. Endorsed.

Items, Economy, Crafting, Survival, Repair, Etc.

Gloves Galore (Lou's Version), Power Armor Gloves, Combat Armor Gloves, and White Glove Society Wear Gloves. Anyone who has followed me long enough on here should know that I have strong, totally normal feelings about gloves.

Armed to the Teeth Redux and literally any backpack mod. I've used this duffel bag forever, for example. I love these ones because I personally love when you can physically, literally see the things that a character is supposed to be carrying.

Flashlight NVSE. Another piece of Agnes Sands's arsenal, this is the one "old" mod that I can't quit. Even if it is a little janky, I've yet to find a better directional flashlight mod. Only install this is you think you can handle wrestling with it a little, and make sure your "Exterior" flashlight settings are all on the lowest quality regardless of computer specs (or else it causes flickering). It's a must-have for darker nights, too.

Famine is the last "loot scarcity" mod you'll ever need. Combine it with Harder, Barter, Faster, Stronger from the VNV Extended recommendations list for a really tough time affording even basic necessities without tailoring your build for mercantile success... which is just how I like it.

Cheaper Repair Costs. The vanilla formula for determining the cost of weapon and armor repairs at merchants is, in a word, fucked, where it literally costs twice the weapon's base value to repair it from broken. This mod lets you adjust that proportion so that you won't be better off literally selling and buying another gun in every single case. I play with a rate of 67% (which means that paying a merchant to repair a completely broken weapon from 0% health to 100% health will cost 67% of the weapon's base value).

Alternative Repairing does too much cool, practical shit to the base repairing system to even get into here. To keep it short, it intuitively incentivizes actually scrounging for all kinds of formerly useless junk that you can now scrap for spare parts. Check it out.

Water Overhaul. Ever play with a Universal Water Bottling mod and find things suddenly far too easy? Water Overhaul combines all the convenience and sense-making of bottling water anywhere with the much-needed tradeoff of truly purified water being much rarer. All that convenient H2O is now just radioactive enough to keep Goodsprings Source from singlehandedly breaking the survival economy of the game (not to mention the literal economy).

Cowboy Coffee and Coffee Grounds, my own mod that adds brewable coffee to the wasteland. While mostly just created because it's cute, it's really nice to have a reliable and palpable source of sleep deprivation relief when playing in Hardcore Mode.

Gun Oil From Animal Fat, another mod of mine that provides a cheaper, craftable, and less demanding but less effective repair option to complement Weapon Repair Kits. I patched this one recently to fix some old issues, and it's great for incentivizing emergent gameplay (since you need to hunt for meat, and cook the meat for fat, and combine the fat with loot to make the gun oil).

Sound

Less Constant Music and Passive Combat Music Tweaked do exactly what they say on the tin and are perfect for people who like to get immersed in the natural sound of their environment, especially if you're a chronically stealthy player like me and you've trained yourself to constantly listen for enemy footsteps. I do recommend keeping Less Constant Music disabled when you first start a game, though, because until I can figure out how to add an exception to it myself, it will remove the background music from character creation at Doc Mitchell's house more often than not, and I really like that music.

SPEAKING of Doc Mitchell's music, Try Not To Get Killed Anymore is one of the first mods I ever made and it has never left my load order. It simply replaces the musical sting that plays when you die with an emphatic, tolling bell and the refrain from Doc Mitchell's theme, plus an optional version that includes his ghostly voice telling you to try not to get killed anymore. Two of my other personal sound replacers are the Mysterious Stranger Level-up Theme, Simple Snap Sound Effects for Quest Updates, and Mechanical Camera VATS.

#fallout #fallout new vegas #fnv #mods

[zanarkandskylines]

『 ♡ 』  fem!reader thinking about her crush...

no pairings used, fill in the thoughts of your favorite man instead. 🔥

I keep these longings locked In lowercase inside a vault

there he was again, walking into the coffee shop without a care in the world. you knew his order by heart - he doesn't even have to tell you before approaching the register.

"thanks doll," he says with a wink, making sure his fingertips brush over your hand as you hand him his coffee. "see ya tomorrow."

infatuation floods into your cheeks while you smile, painting them with a pretty rose flush. your co-workers don't notice when you tighten your legs, hugging your thighs together at an attempt to keep yourself from shaking in anticipation.

the next four hours are a brutal test of strength.

Someone told me there's no such thing as bad thoughts, only your actions talk

your shoes are barely off when you enter your apartment before you're darting to the bedroom, desperate for release.

it's almost embarrassing how wild this man drives you.

almost.

the coffee shop uniform crumbles next to your bed, hair undone against the pillow while your fingers are rushing to the hem of your panties. you can't help but notice the wet fabric as your pointer finger finds purchase on your clit, a shock of pleasure surging through your system. it's unbearable at first, the bud too sensitive to touch until your free hand cups your breast, tweaking your nipple softly to disperse the lightning bolts coursing through your body.

there's no harm in this sea of lewd thoughts, it's only intoxicating satisfaction.

These fatal fantasies giving way to labored breath, taking all of me

he's gorgeous - eyes that illuminate the room and flawless skin with a body to die for. his features are etched into your mind, every curve of his muscles, angle of his jawline, thickness of his fingers...

oh god, his fingers.

you stuff two fingers into your soaked entrance at the thought, imagining that it would only be one of his. wanting to feel how he fills you up with such ease, molding to his burning touch until he moves up to two...maybe three.

you could take it, you're a good girl.

you've heard enough of his voice, the way he enunciates, to vocalize his praise in your mind. that's it princess... so good for me, doll... you open up so well for me... your sighs are so pretty.

the thought of his tongue running along the shell of your ear as he coaxes out your first orgasm has you squirming beneath your own fingers.

If it's make believe, why does it feel like a vow we'll both uphold somehow?

sweat has your back sticking to the sheets, the blaze in your abdomen hotter than hell itself. your fingers aren't reaching deep enough, aren't thick enough, to fuel your desire further - you're feeling too empty.

the nightstand wobbles intensely as you rip open the top drawer, favorite toy now in your sticky grip. you kick off your panties and drag the silicone cock down your belly, stopping shy of your drenched mess of a cunt.

What if he's written 'mine' on my upper thigh only in my mind?

you wish you possessed unlimited hands - something to stimulate the yearning for touch, turning the daydream unfathomably realistic. extra hands to grip your thighs, dig blunt nails into your hips, push and pull the fake dick in and out of you for hours.

for now, you get creative with the fantasy.

you tap the silicone tip against your swollen clit, mimicking him teasing you before he slips inside of your tight hole.

look how wet you are, baby... just for me.

the moan that falls from your lips is voracious, begging yourself for more.

i suppose i can reward you with my cock after being so patient.

My bedsheets are ablaze, I've screamed his name, building up like waves crashing over my grave

the words swirl in your head as your juices coat the toy, the gratifying slurp of your pussy sucking it in to the hilt with no resistance. you clutch the base and begin with a slow, teasing and tantalizing pace, screwing your eyes shut to replace the dildo with the mental image of his dick filling you to the brim.

it's not long before your tempo increases, ferociously fucking yourself while slurring his name, mumbling curses while your release builds. the thread is pulled taut, threatening to snap any moment. your free hand moves back to your puffy clit, harshly pinching around it to push you over the edge.

you ride out your orgasm, continuing to massage your slick covered walls with the toy through the sensation, quivering from the adrenaline. cum drips from your used hole, dribbling down to your ass and staining your sheets.

Without ever touching his skin, how can I be guilty as sin?

blissfully lying in your own mess, you let the dildo slip out of you and sit between your thighs, the sheen of your arousal glistening under the sunlight of your bedroom window.

does he masturbate to the sight of you, too? has he memorized your every curve, the shape of your face, and the silk of your voice? you can't help but picture him sitting in his own bedroom, white knuckling his cock with his pink tip beading with pre-spend to the thought of you - aching for a chance to touch you.

you sigh, wiping the back of your hand across your sweat covered forehead. a surge of guilt begins to settle in-between your trembling thighs...does this define you as an obsessed, lovesick fool?

no. not in the slightest.

it's been a month, there's nothing wrong with fantasizing. you think of it as manifestation, desiring something forbidden until it's graciously presented for you to take.

and one day, you'll take him back to your apartment and into your bedroom, where you can show him just how eager you've been for him.

maybe tomorrow, you'll finally give him your number on his coffee cup.

thank you taylor for another masterpiece of poetic smut to inspire this little drabble ♡

#x reader #fem!reader #x reader smut #reader insert #fem!reader smut #fem reader #x fem!reader #smut #x reader headcanons #☆.rei daydreams #sorry if this is too bakugo kirishima or eren jaeger coded lmao

[htchnr]

heya you guys, just to make something clear that apparently needs to be said;

TLDR ; sending the same requests to multiple authors at once isn't cool. therefore i'll be posting the ones that i've noticed that have been double sent to other authors behind a paywall on my Patreon. it'll be $6,50 to read all of them once they're all out. read the post for more details and which fics i'm talking about.

i'm sorry i'm taking a little while with some of these requests that y'all have sent me — but to see the exact request in someone else's inbox (on waaay more than just one occasion) is not cool.

i'm not a writing machine, i've got college and work besides also having free time to do things with my hobbies.

it feels pretty dang sucky when i see requests i've gotten a week and a half-ish ago in other people's inboxes or already having been written by other people that you've sent the requests to. it's not nice nor cute to double send requests to multiple authors.

therefor i'll add each request i've found either directly coppied into other people's inboxes or already fulfilled by other authors on this site or others in a list below that will only become available on my Patreon. i do still really want to post the fics i've been working on, since the requests are super neat and really cool, but i will be putting them behind a paywall for the reason listed above.

I CAN DREAM, CAN'T I?

THE CHEMISTRY BETWEEN US.

OLD WORLD BLUES.

now my Patreon is not pricey, it's $6,50 to able to read all the posts once they're all posted. and i will post here and let y'all know once they're all out so you don't have to pay and then wait (that would be really dang lame i know).

i really do not like to have to get negative here, but writing is one of my biggest hobbies and i really deeply enjoy it and it's truly an outlet for my feelings and my love for characters. but please keep in mind that your favorite authors are humans too, and have lives outside of the platforms they post on!

also, another note while i have y'all here,

please stop double or even tripple requesting things from me! yes lovelies, i see every message in my inbox and i write them all down. just cause i haven't responded to a message or posted it does not mean i'm not working on it nor that i haven't seen it. i check my inbox waaay too many times per day (fr, someone take the internet away from me LOL) so i see every message/request. don't worry your pretty little heads about it.

lots of love,

Aurora xx

#⋆୨🗣️rory talks #cooper howard x fem!reader #cooper howard x reader #the ghoul x reader #cooper howard #the ghoul fallout #fallout tv #fallout tv series

[kitsunefaux]

Chapters: 11/13 Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (Anime & Manga), Yu-Gi-Oh! - All Media Types Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Bakura Ryou & Thief King Bakura, Bakura Ryou/Thief King Bakura Characters: Bakura Ryou, Thief King Bakura, Bakura Amane Additional Tags: Gemshipping, Queerplatonic relationship, unhealthy relationship, Wingfic, fae!Ryou, Dark Ryou Bakura, human!TKB, at least at first, Kidnapping, Magical Compulsion/Mind Control, Non-Consensual Body Modification, Power Imbalance, Possessive Behavior, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Creative License: European Folklore, Fae & Fairies, Swan Maiden, Reverse Swan Maiden Story, as in a fae kidnaps a guy and turns him into a swan, Ryou is just a weird little fellow, with a bit of trauma, Oops, Psychological Horror, Alternate Universe - Fae, supernatural horror Summary:

A twist of fate leaves Bakura under the care of the fae Ryou, who thinks he would be so much cuter as a swan.

What can you do against a creature who holds your choices in their hands? Who can you be in the belly of the beast?

#ao3 #ao3 fanfic #yugioh fanfiction #thief king bakura #ryou bakura #gemshipping #amane bakura #chapter update #chapter eleven #this is one of my favorite things that i've written

[astrobei]

take a little moment (find the right words)

“Wow,” Will breathes out, just on this edge of teasing. “You sound very confident about this.” “Well,” Mike shrugs, swallowing hard in a desperate attempt to soothe his very, very dry mouth, “I don’t know why someone wouldn’t be interested in you.” “Oh?” Will says, and it’s definitely teasing now, enough for Mike to feel himself turning warm, all down his neck and to the tips of his own – sadly unpatterned – socks. “Someone?” “Yeah.” Mike nods. Oh, god. This is fine. “In a very arbitrary sense of the word. Just– people. Someone.”

Mike is approximately ninety-eight percent sure that his feelings are requited. That last two percent, however, has really been throwing him for a loop.

for @wiseatom <3

#it's here !! aka what i have lovingly dubbed the btr fic despite there being more one direction references in this than btr #whatever #thea this one's for u #sorry for being horrible and 4 months late but this was one of the most fun fics i've ever written so i hope you enjoy !! #also for the record i am projecting so so heavily onto mike wheeler here #like i always do that lbr #but so extra hard in this one #i know modern aus aren't everyone's cup of tea but i'm asking you to pretty please give this a shot bc modern hcs are some of my most #favorite things to think about #anyways #the second longest oneshot i've ever written #and for a second there i thought it would top the diner fic. oops #byler #byler fic #mike wheeler #will byers

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

Stede is a cryptid hunter on a team setting out to find the kraken. Ed is literally a kraken. Can I make it any more obvious?

My Ocean Deep is now complete! This a 65k, E-rated fic with some suspense, some angst, and lots and lots of love. If you're into actual Kraken!Ed, sweet protective Stede, monsterfucking, monsterloving, the crew as a family, or you just want to see what it would be like if Ned Low was just a really fucked up marine biologist, give this one a shot!

#ofmd #our flag means death #i really love this one and am very happy to see it finished! love how it turned out #also the last couple lines? maybe my favorite thing i've ever written 👀 #ofmd fic #my fics

[michinnyun]

Sweat

Rating: Explicit (Minors dni)

Pairing: Din Djarin x F!Reader

Summary: Mando comes back from a hunt to have sleepy sex with you send tweet.

Tags: Din Djarin Removes the Helmet × Vaginal Fingering × Vaginal Sex × breath play × Sleepy Sex × Soft Mando × Dirty Talk × attentive din djarin × y'all × this is so horny × Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot × Fluff and Smut × Mando'a Language (Star Wars) × Implied Age Difference × Explicit Consent

Words: 1.6k

Link to AO3

It’s always done something to you, the taste of Din’s skin on your tongue. Salt and heat and sweetness.

Being alone with only the kid for company is hard the majority of the time, but Din makes it worth your while. Whenever he comes back from a hunt to your sleeping form, he makes sure to take care of you. Shuts off all the lights in the hull, crawls into the cot in only his underthings, wakes you gently with lazy kisses pressed to the back of your neck.

This time in particular, he’s quickly got you rolled onto your back, lazily pushing your shirt up your sleep warm skin, pooling the fabric above your breasts and ghosting gentle hands over the goosebumps on your chest. He swallows your quiet whine with his lips, letting you buck softly into him while he plays with you.

“Missed me?” he whispers, chuckling at your sleepy nod. You wrap your arms around him, curling your fingers into the shag of hair at the nape of his neck before you lick a stripe from his collar to his jaw. He hasn't cut his hair in a while, and it's curling at the ends. You always imagine it being brown, black even. He probably has dark eyes, too. Pretty ones. Crinkled at the corners, with long eyelashes. He shudders, the way he always does under your mouth, and you preen. You can taste sweat on him, and it only stokes the coiling heat in your belly.

Maybe it’s a little gross, but you like it when he comes home sweaty. You love tasting him and the evidence of his hard work while he's trying his hardest not to get carried away. And work hard he does, providing for you and the kid, making sure you’re safe and well-cared for. He deserves something sweet for his troubles. You tug on his pants, frustrated by the barrier when you just want him in you now.

“Please,” you whine before he's pulling your underwear off, thick fingers finding you wet and needy.

“Be patient,” he admonishes. You mouth over his pulse, sucking until you can feel him starting to cave. “I want to be gentle with you. Don’t you want me to be gentle with you?” he asks quietly, and you shiver, teeth grazing his collarbone. “Doesn't seem like it,” he mutters, and you bite down softly. Your breaths are coming out in little puffs, still in that beautiful state between sleep and horniness, and he groans.

“Din,” you whisper after you've licked the saliva off the bite mark. “Please just put your dick in me.”

He shucks his flight pants, totally naked in the dark, and it passingly reminds you, not for the first time, of a tale you heard on a distant planet once. That of a girl and the god who fell in love with her, but only came to see her at night, shrouded in darkness. After so many visits, her sisters planted the idea that he might be a monster out of jealousy.

You see Din outside of his bunk, of course, but always suited up. He told you his name, but hasn't given you his face yet. What if he’s a monster, like the girl in the story was worried about?

A monster could never make you feel this way, you think, as he gently takes your chin between his thumb and forefinger, sealing your lips together and stroking your tongue with his. And besides, everything worked out for that girl in the end, you surmise absentmindedly before his hand is traveling down your body. His fingers trip over your clit on their way to enter you, jolting you, and all thoughts of the strange couple's story vanish. You whimper into his mouth when he starts fingering you, and he practically growls.

This is everything. He is everything. You’d live in this moment forever if you could, sleep-drunk with his hand between your legs. He’s been gone a few days, and sex over the comm isn't the same as the drag of his fingers in you. For one thing, your fingers are a poor replacement for the way he curls his into you just right, reducing you to a drooling, babbling mess. There’s just no point when he’s not around.

But now, here he is, fingers leaving your heat and tracing damp circles over your nipple while you arch into him, electricity coursing down your spine and into your gut.

“Din,” you whisper drowsily. “Don't make me wait anymore.” He kisses you one more time.

“Are you sure?” You’ve had sex dozens of times, but he always asks. Always wants to make sure you're comfortable, completely ready for him. It's beyond sweet.

You kiss his nose and smile lazily, even though he can't see it in the dark without his helmet. “Yes please.”

He takes himself in hand, coating his length with your slick. The way his hips push into you is borderline reverent, and you exhale steadily while he mutters sweet things into the crook of your neck. The first time you had sex it took forever to get him inside you, but that turned out to be a good thing with his size. Even now he stretches you beautifully, drawn a soft moan out of you.

“Good girl,” he whispers when there's no more room to move, nosing under your ear. You shudder, body involuntarily letting him know just how good you're willing to be. Your fingers are still tangled in his hair, and you tug gently when he doesn't immediately move.

He moans, a soft sound, and a jolt runs through you. “You gonna fuck me soon, old man?”

“Hey,” he groans when you roll your hips gently. “Don't call me that. Makes me feel dirty.”

“But you like being dirty,” you whisper, still frustrated that he's not moving. “Like using my body to get off, right? Teasing me?”

His scruff scratches your neck, and you shiver. Not fair. He knows how much you love his facial hair. Especially when he's using his mouth on you. One of your favorite feelings is mild rugburn on your inner thighs.

“Pretty girl, if you keep saying things like that this’ll be over before it’s started.” His hand moves from your hip to rest under your jaw, and though you're not in the mood for choking right now, the mere idea of it makes you clench.

“How can it start if you won’t fuck me,” you whine, prickling heat cutting through your honey sweet languor.

He presses a dozen kisses into your cheek, grinding lazily into you and pressing his cock into a spot that makes your mouth water.

“Do you like that, mesh’la? Hm? Is this what you wanted?” he asks as he snaps his hips into you, punching the air from your lungs.

“Din,” you breathe, jaw falling open. You press back against him, his hair tickling your face as his head falls back into your shoulder and you rock back and forth.

Your legs wrap around him, fingers digging into the smooth skin of his back. You inhale his scent as he wrecks you, slowly pulling the pleasure out of your body the way only he can.

“Are you okay?” he asks, and you almost laugh. You would, except he’s fucking you so sweetly, so attentively that it takes your breath away.

“Yes, just fuck me like this, love it so much,” you mumble, starting to enter that weird, sexed out headspace you find yourself in whenever he… Makes love to you? You guess that's what this is, and even though that phrasing would make you gag under normal circumstances, in this case it's the only appropriate term. He uses the hand on your jaw to turn your lips back into his, biting down softly on your lower lip. You keen, lifting your hips in tandem until he's fisting the thin sheet under you.

“So sweet to me, pretty girl,” he says, actually pulling out a bit and fucking you properly this time. You gasp, burying your face back into his shoulder when he finally gives you everything you want. “So fucking wet for me, aren't you? Always ready for me, always waiting for me to come back and ruin you,” he rambles, and salty hot tears of overstimulation slip down your cheeks that he kisses away. “You gonna come sweet thing?” he asks against your cheek, and you practically sob.

“Please,” you beg, moving in earnest. The hand that's not secured around your neck moves down to press soft circles into your clit, and you almost sag with relief.

“I love making you come,” Din whispers. “Such a good girl for me. Taking everything I give so sweetly.” His thumb strokes over your pulse point in tandem with the thumb smudging your clit, and it's all you can do not to convulse.

“Please," you whimper, pleading with him like your life depends on it.

The hand around your neck tightens, and it's over.

His name is a prayer on your lips as you use his body to ride out your release. It’s slow, rolling over you in waves as you whimper, Din’s tongue slipping into your mouth again. Stars, you’re never going to get enough of him.

Before you know it, he’s following you over the edge, grunting as his stuttering hips grind into you and you gasp softly. His hand fumbles, releasing your neck so he doesn’t crush it in his death grip.

When you’ve finished, you’re even sleepier than you were before. You make sure the blanket covers the both of you before you pass out again, covered in a thin layer of sweat and intensely satisfied.

Din laughs quietly when he realizes you’re already snoring, wrapping an arm around you fondly and slipping into blissful unconsciousness next to you.

#my fic #this is still one of my favorite things i've ever written #star wars #the mandalorian #din djarin #reader insert #din djarin x reader #din djarin x female reader #mando x reader #pedro pascal

[poorlittleyaoyao]

i think qinyao's dynamic is superbly underrated. that horror of a marriage. she loves him, and she doesn't know why he won't touch her. he loves her, but not in the way he once did, and the very thought of touching her makes him feel ill. after rusong dies, he's so relieved that she doesn't want to have another child, and feels horrible for it. if she hadn't married him, she would have been happy, he thinks. she would've never had to grieve like this. in public they are perfectly normal, the picture of a happy marriage, and only the two of them know the truth. and i don't think they ever talk about the cracks in their marriage, up until it's FAR too late. I Am Sick over them.

ahhhhhHHHHHHHHH

Their whole Situation is THE MOST DISTRESSING because it should have been so good! It probably still could have been if neither of them had known! Maybe it would even have been workable if someone had told QS sooner so she and JGY could navigate it all together. But no! Instead we get JGY keeping everything under wraps and continuing on as though This Is A Perfect Marriage And Everything Is Fine when it's not.

And the way in which it's not fine is fascinating, too. "Well-to-do couple's perfect-on-paper marriage is dysfunctional AF " is a common trope in US and UK fiction, but the dysfunction is usually this destructive, vicious thing. One or both of them is abusive, one or both of them is cheating, one or both of them is addicted to something to cope, one or both of them blames the other for all of these problems, one or both of them never loved the other at all. But JGY and QS aren't serving Don and Betty Draper vibes here. They care for each other! They treat each other with kindness! Even when she's sick with disgust and fury, QS confirms that JGY treated her well.

Which makes it more excruciating, honestly, because technically, Nothing Is Wrong. If they didn't love each other, it would be easy to exist apart. Yes, his wife's presence fills him with dread that won't abate, but to break the engagement would ruin her reputation, and none of this is her fault, and he's seen and dealt with worse, and he loves her, so he'll carry on. Yes, her husband abruptly withdrew all physical intimacy, but it's better than a husband who demands sex she doesn't want, and he's faithful to her, and he's so attentive otherwise, and she loves him, so she'll make the best of it. They're both trying so hard, and the situation is too messed up for it to be enough but not messed up enough for them to give up.

#qinyao #I've only written them one time but they were my FAVORITE to write in that set of vignettes #and the dynamic that emerged was QS trying to reach out by doing special things to show she cares #which he graciously rebuffs as much as possible bc he knows he's put her in a fucked-up situation and is like #'if I do enough good things for her and don't take any more FROM her it will cancel out this one Extremely Bad Overarching Thing' #which then ends up making it worse because oh hey her husband is rejecting a type of intimacy without explanation again! #awful!!!!!!!!

[acequeenking]

Fandom: Tekken

Relationship: Kazama Jun/Mishima Kazuya

Rating: Explicit (this one has sexy times so not for kiddos)

THIS IS POST TEKKEN 8. BIG TEKKEN 8 SPOILERS. DON'T READ IT WITHOUT FINISHING THE GAME UNLESS YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT SPOILERS.

Additional Tags: Reunion, Reunion sex, Vaginal Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Awkward Conversations About Not-So-Accidentally Trying to Murder Your Son and Actually Murdering Your Dad and Kind of Accidentally Abandoning Your Unknown Baby-Mama, Forgiveness, Getting Back Together, Dealing with the mental fallout of Tekken 2 to Tekken 8, which for both of them is...a lot, but they're getting there

"I am not the man you want me to be," Kazuya admits. "But that does not mean the man I am does not love you."

"...Still?" Jun asks, the word the only thing that can quite get out of her throat.

#tekken #jun kazama #kazuya mishima #kazjun #kazujun #kazjun week 2024 #kazujunweek2024 #yes this is SO GOD DAMN LATE #But it took on a life of its own and it's 16K so #;_; I throw myself on the mercy of the Kaz/Jun shipping court #this is the last prompt so now I gotta finish the others I started lol #There will probably be a sequel to this with Jin's perspective at some point because I am mentally ill for the Mishimas atm #because I imagine it would be so fucking weird to seeing your dad and mom get together after all...that #my favorite part of this fic is the repetitive aspect where they mirror one another a lot #....and tbh Kaz going GET USED TO YELLING MY NAME WOMAN which I think is the most in character thing I've ever written for him #this man is a service dom and a terror #I tried to write more realistic sex scene for them here and that was also quite fun!

[hellfirenacht]

Upside Down to Inside Out Part 1

Summary: It has been four months since anyone has heard from Eddie 'The Freak' Munson. After the Events of the Upside Down, he skips town, leaving you to reflect on the fallout and how your relationship changed during the battle for Hawkins.

Tags: Eddie Munson x Reader, angst, drug use, sfw, friends to lovers

No one had seen Eddie ‘the Freak’ Munson for months. 

After the events in the Upside Down, where he, Dustin, and yourself had created a distraction for the Demobats to allow the rest of the team to do what was needed to kill Vecna/Henry/One, everything had happened in a blur. No one talked about that night, how everyone almost died, how the world almost ended, how Eddie had cleared his name but still was seen as a murderer. 

The official story was that Eddie had been kidnapped by whoever had actually killed Chrissy and the others. The official story made Chrissy out to be some sort of druggie, which pissed everyone off, not least of all Eddie. The official story had Eddie locked up and tortured by some boogie man who had sacrificed others. 

If the whole thing hadn’t been so traumatizing, it would almost be funny how close the papers got it right. 

It was September now, and you hadn’t heard a word from Eddie in months. You’d called him so many times, even showing up at his home to try and find him. Eventually, Wayne Munson had to tell you that he wasn’t there, and that he’d packed up his guitar, his cassettes, and his clothes and left town just days after being discharged from the hospital. 

Eddie ‘the Banished’ had retreated for the last time. 

You were glad that none of the kids were there to see you completely break down over this. No, instead it was Johnathan Byers and Argyle of all people who had been witness to your downfall. You barely knew them, had never talked to Johnathan much in school and Argyle... never went back to California. You never did ask about what his parents must have thought. 

They had been the one to drive you to Forest Hills Trailer Park when your car broke down. They had been the ones to hear Wayne explain that Eddie had skipped town. It was Johnathan’s idea to take you out to an old dump with a shitty golf club from the local thrift store to help you take your anger and frustration out on a broken washing machine. 

You swung the golf club with all your might at the poor appliance. Screaming profanities, yelling at Eddie, and cursing this town that never gave him a chance. 

“FUCK!” you screamed as the golf club swung down with a clang. “Stupid- He fucking LEFT!” Another swing. “He said... he wouldn’t run away again!” Another swing as hot tears stung your eyes. “Stupid shithead- stupid FUCK.”

You had long since stopped making sense of your yelling as Johnathan and Argyle just watched you. Everything was just wrong. How the hell did you save the world and still feel like you lost everything?! It wasn’t fair, you were supposed to have cleared his name, the town was supposed to love him now the same way that you-

Another feral scream ripped through your throat as you slammed the golf club down for a final time, snapping the cheap metal and denting the appliance. You fell to your knees in a heap, sobbing uncontrollably into the dirt. 

Argyle was the one to step in, sitting you up and sticking something in your mouth and telling you to breathe in. The joint burned your throat and only reminded you more of Eddie as you coughed out smoke. Someone was rubbing your back as you cried, you couldn’t tell who at this point. You should have been embarrassed to be having this complete breakdown in front of two people you barely knew, but you couldn’t help it. 

You weren’t sure how long you were sitting on the ground with the two men. You had mostly gotten your breathing under control, and you weren’t sure if the joint that was being passed between the three of you was doing you any good. 

“So... you were close with Eddie?” Jonathan asked, once he decided that you had calmed down enough to talk. 

“I... I thought we were.” you said. “I really thought so.”

“Come on, if anyone can get Eddie to move Hellfire it’s you!” Mike pleaded. “It’s the final session and then it’s over!”

You looked at the two freshmen before you and sighed. You agreed with them, you fully agreed with everything they were saying. You wanted Lucas there, you wanted everyone there for this. It wouldn’t feel right that the campaign would end without the whole of Hellfire Club there. 

And you had some sway over Eddie, not much but some. He was your friend, the one who had singled you out and dragged you into the club. He was the one who gave you a place to belong in Hawkins, and the only person you had opened up to about things in your past. This was the same man who when you said you had a passing interest in Metal music, he’d come to school the next day with a mix tape of his favorite songs, with a track list of why they were significant to the genre. 

Eddie was your friend, and none of the others could ever truly bring themselves to stand up to him the way you did. You weren’t afraid to poke at him when he was being stubborn, you weren’t afraid to fight with him, or call him out. That’s why he liked you, if he was honest. You were never afraid or nervous around Eddie Munson. 

Well, not to his face. 

“I won’t make any promises, but I’ll try. Maybe three people voting to postpone will make him at least think about it.” you finally agree. 

Dustin and Mike were satisfied with that as you all looked over at the normal Hellfire Club table. 

“Shit, he seems really revved up today.” Dustin said, watching as Eddie laughed about something in the magazine he was holding. 

“He’s always revved up.” said Mike, who looked just as nervous. 

“Welp, time to go ruin his day.” You said with a deep breath and a laugh. “Business as usual.”

That at least made the freshmen laugh a little bit as you led the way towards the club, dropping your lunchbox on the table next to Eddie. You were creating a barrier between him and Dustin and Mike, just in case. Not that Eddie would ever actually hurt anyone. Okay, yeah he wasn’t afraid to get handsy and grab onto club members and push them around a little but there was never any true malicious intent. 

But if you were going to be the one with any actual sway over his decision, then you had to be the one sitting closest to him. 

“‘Sup, Freaks.” you said dropping down in the chair, forcing Zack to scoot over. Gareth rolled his eyes at you, as usual. He never did seem to care for you, but it didn’t matter to you that much. 

Eddie barely acknowledged you until you opened your lunch box and tossed him an extra sandwich. It stressed you out how little he always brought, and you made sure to never make a big deal about it, and he didn’t question. Eddie grabbed the bag and took a bite out of the sandwich, and you could almost laugh at his expression. He was frowning so hard, and he was clearly in some sort of mood. 

“Exactly.” Eddie said, looking at you as he swallowed. “We’re the freaks here right? Just because we like to play a fantasy game.”

Oh no, he was in one of those moods. You immediately grabbed your lunch and scooted it back; you’d already lost more than one sandwich to Eddie’s speeches in the few months that you’d been here. Oh, this was going to be much harder than you thought it’d be. 

“BUT” Eddie slammed the table with his hand and started to stand up. You couldn’t stop yourself from laughing as he climbed up on the table- how many times had he managed to stand on these tables without getting in trouble? How many teachers had just given up at this point and let him go for it knowing it would only take a moment of everyone’s time? 

Still, you never got tired of it. You never got tired of his energy and passion, how he meant every single word he said, even if it pissed everyone else off or annoyed them. The whole school thought that he would snap one day, and you assumed that’s why most people stayed away from Hellfire. This club came with a certain level of protection against bullies, no doubt thanks to Eddie’s antics. 

“As long as you're into band!” Eddie yelled out, walking along the table. You had heard him say this exact thing hundreds of times before in private that you could almost say it word for word; wait, had that been him rehearsing for this? “Or science, or paaarrrtieeess-” 

He was gaining attention now, a few people looking up and flipping him off or muttering about the freak standing and yelling on the lunchroom table again. 

“Or a GAME where you toss BALLS into LAUNDRY BASKETS!” He yelled even louder. 

Shit. You looked over at Dustin and Mike with a sigh. Oh, he was NOT going to be happy about your proposal. You were now also glad that you had bought your supply off of him a few days ago so that he couldn’t hold that over your head. He has absolutely refused to sell you weed before, or at least delayed it by a few days because you two had gotten into some spat but he always ended up selling to you when you made up. 

A few people were yelling at Eddie now, and he threw up his hands and hissed at someone. You shook your head, God he was dramatic. But you loved that about him, if you were honest. Eddie was refreshing in a sea of normalcy. It was part of the reason you felt-

“It’s forced conforming.” Eddie declared as he walked back down the table and jumped off, getting into some poor girl's face who stumbled back into a pillar. “That’s what's killing the kids!” He took a seat again. “That’s the real monster.”

You readjusted your lunch and gave him a polite round of applause, with Mike and Dustin also following when they saw your face. Flattery worked on Eddie, of course it did. Eddie was a DM, so that meant he had some form of God-Complex and any form of stroking his dumb ego could only help. 

“So, uh, speaking of monsters...” Dustin started. Eddie was eating his sandwich again and his eyes had narrowed. Eddie always had a sixth sense when some form of bullshit was about to happen, and he could already tell that he wasn’t going to like whatever it was that this kid was going to say. 

“Lucas has to do his, uh, balls-in-laundry-baskets game.” Dustin laughed nervously, trying so hard to remain calm and casual. “So... He’s not gonna make it to Hellfire tonight. And I know there’s no way we can beat your sadistic campaign without him. So, me and Mike, we were talking, shooting the shit. And we were thinking that maybe we might...”

“Postpone!” Mike said, not letting Dustin get to the point. That’s probably not how you would have handled this situation, but it was out there. 

The table immediately delved into chaos as your friends immediately started fighting with the freshmen. 

“Postpone?!”

“You can’t just drop this on us!”

“Over my dead body!”

“SHUT UP!” Everything came to a halt with the club and you all looked at Eddie. He leaned over and looked at Dustin. “Are you saying that Sinclair’s been taken in by the dark side?”

In the off season, it had been easy for Lucas to ‘play the field’ between Basketball and Hellfire. With Hellfire on Fridays and practice on Tuesdays and Thursdays, the kid had been able to mostly get by playing both games. He never talked about one extra-curricular with the other, knowing that neither group of friends would care about the other. 

Then Spring semester started, and Basketball season started ramping up as the Hawkins Tigers started winning games. Lucas was still benched, but he couldn’t skip games, not without losing the chance to actually play. This had been causing friction for a few months now, with Lucas skipping Hellfire and everyone needing to find a sub for the game instead of, maybe, Eddie adjusting the dungeons and encounters accordingly. But Eddie would always be Eddie, and he was a stubborn, sadistic DM. 

“Uh, something like that?” Mike mumbled. 

“Something like that?” Eddie threw a piece of crushed pretzel that he had been eating at the freshman, which you barely dodged by leaning back. 

“Jesus, Eds.” you mumbled. 

He waved you off. “And rather than find a sub for him, you want... you want to postpone ‘The Cult of Vecna’?” You could practically hear Eddie grinding his teeth, and his shoulders were shaking. 

“I... I don’t want to postpone it.-” Mike started and you had to step in. This was not getting anywhere. 

��Yes, Eddie, we want to postpone the game” you said firmly, sitting up straighter. He looked at you, jaw agape and eyes wide as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. 

“Are you serious?” he asked. “This is the final session of the campaign-”

“And this is the Championship game!” you shot back. 

“You’ve got to be shitting me.” Jeff said. 

“So we’re supposed to just postpone because Lucas has to go play with his balls?” Gareth added. 

“ENOUGH” Eddie said, his eyes were now trained on you. You did your best to stand your ground. “So it’s the championship game?” 

“Most of the subs will be there-” Mike started, but a sharp look from Eddie had him shrink back before wide brown eyes turned back to you. Freshmen he could handle, but you could be just as stubborn as him when it mattered. You and Eddie always challenged each other, and most times it was fun to get under each other's skin, but this wasn’t playful banter about a dice roll this time. 

“Can I level with you three?” Eddie asked, his eyes sweeping over you, Dustin, and Mike. He stood up and you wondered if he was capable of sitting down when he had something to say. Even during Hellfire he’d be more than happy to hop up and lean over the table, walk around and get in everyone’s faces. 

You’d called him a theater kid once and that had almost caused a fist fight between you two. It was totally worth it. 

He pointed at the members across from you.  "Jeff graduates this year. Gareth’s got, what? A year and a half? Me, I am army-crawling my way toward a D in Ms. O’Donnell’s.” There was a fire in his eyes now, and he was practically vibrating as he walked around the table. “If I don’t blow her final, I’m gonna walk that stage next month, I’m gonna look Principal Higgins dead in the eye, I’m gonna flip him the bird, I’m gonna snatch that diploma, and I’m gonna run like hell outta here!”

If you heard this speech once, you heard it a million times, and it still got to you each time. This wasn’t exactly your first senior year either. You and Eddie had tried several times to study together, to try and get your shit together enough to graduate, but it didn’t work. You both were far too easily distracted when around each other and it ended up doing more harm than good. Both of you were right at the finish line now, him needing three more credits and you needing two now. 

“Didn’t you say that last year?” asked Gareth. 

“And the year before that?” Jeff added. 

“Yeah, yeah and I was full of shit. This year’s different. This year is my year. I can feel it. ‘86, baby!” His smile could light up this whole town, and you felt yourself falter for just a moment as he made his way behind you three. “And with us finally getting out of this hellhole,” his hand fell heavy on your shoulder and gave it a squeeze before he looked at Mike and Dustin. “It means you boys are the future of Hellfire. I knew it the moment I saw you. You sat on that table right over there, looking like... looking like two little lost sheep. You were wearing a Weird Al t-shirt, which I thought was brave.” 

You had thought it was cool. 

“Thank you.” Dustin said, unsure how to take that. 

“Mike, you were wearing whatever shit your mommy bought you from the goddamn Gap.” Eddie continued. Okay so this was Eddie’s plan, ignore your protests to focus on the freshmen. Everyone at the table was laughing now, and you were losing this argument. 

That’s when you stood up, now standing above him as he was squatting by Mike and Dustin. For just a second you had the high ground. 

“Actually Munson, can I level with you?” you asked, looking down at him. He raised and eyebrow and slowly stood up as you crossed your arms. He had a few inches on you and he stepped just a bit closer. 

“Mom and dad are fighting again.” you heard Zach mutter under his breath. 

“Speak.” Eddie’s voice was low and dangerous and you had to smother the small insistent voice in your head that it was, perhaps, a little bit attractive when he was like this. 

This was not the fucking time.

“We’ve all been working our ass off with this campaign.” you said. “You’ve put us through hell and back and we’ve all fought to get to this point. You want to split the party Eddie? You want to do this during the final battle? Shit, Eds, it’s the last session! What happens after this? A few one shots until the semester is over-”

“There’s no guarantee that you’ll all fight and win. You might have to retreat.” Eddie interrupted. 

“If that’s the case then we retreat as a team!” you shot back. “Lucas is our friend, and yeah he hasn’t been around much this semester. But are you really about to throw that away just because you’re so stubborn that you won’t postpone this one time?!”

Eddie stared down at you as the rest of Hellfire held their breath. 

“I have poured my blood, swear, and tears into this campaign.” he said. 

“I know, and it shows! This is probably the best table I’ve ever played at but if we can’t end this together then what’s the point?” You straightened up. “We should go to the game.”

“Are you joking?!” Jeff asked. 

“Why would we do that?!”

“Because Lucas is our friend, Dipshits!” you turned to the club. “After he basically carried your sorry ass last semester, I would have thought better of all of you.”

“Okay mom.” Zack grumbled. 

“You’re grounded.” you snapped and turned to Eddie. “Eddie. You’re not unreasonable. Postpone the game, even by a single day. We have all of spring break to get together and finish this. You worked so hard on this campaign and we all worked hard to play it with the respect it deserves-”

“Didn’t you interrupt a villain monologue three weeks ago to talk shit about the wine at the cult gathering?” Gareth asked. 

“Okay, so that’s- shut up, Gareth.” And you’d do it again just to make Eddie roll for stupid details like that. “The point is, we should want everyone there. This is your year, yeah? You’re gonna throw away a player because you can’t wait to have everyone together?”

Eddie’s shoulders slumped and he rubbed down his face. There was a look of defeat that you held your breath for. He turned to the rest of club. 

“And what say the rest of you?” he asked, looking around the table. 

“At this point I don’t care when we play as long as we play.” Jeff said. “Sinclair’s tried to be around as much as he can for us and yeah, last year he was a big help.” 

“I’ll concede if it means they stop fighting.” Zack said. “Just get a divorce already.” 

“We can’t, we’re staying together for the kids.” you nudged Eddie, who looked like he couldn’t tell if he wanted to be annoyed or amused. He just shook his head. 

“Gareth?” he asked. 

Everyone stared at the drummer and his face was contorted into a pissed look. “I guess I can’t say no without being the bad guy. Fine, but you really owe us.”

This was good enough for you as Dustin and Mike visibly relaxed. Mike was looking as if he couldn’t believe that this actually worked. 

“I’ll cook for all of you, I promise.” you said instantly. “Next session I’ll bring food and everything!”

This seemed to satisfy even Eddie, who could never turn down free food. He still looked annoyed, and disappointed, but he had accepted the fate of tonight’s game. 

“If you don’t make those cookies, I’m sacrificing you to Vecna myself.” he said. 

“Don’t threaten me with a good time, Eds.” you smirked. 

Someone at the table muttered ‘Jesus Christ’ but you took your seat again. Mike and Dustin were staring at you as if you’d achieved the impossible. To be fair, you probably did. 

“I guess we’re going to watch Sinclair play with his balls.” Gareth said, which broke the tension and everyone laughed. 

“Man, that guy sounds like a tough cookie.” Argyle nodded as you handed the joint back to him. It had been weeks since your episode, the three of you were now laying on top of the large Surfer Boy van that you were starting to suspect wasn’t legally his.

The three of you did this a lot. When things got to be too much, when the nightmares were too stressful to deal with, the three of you would meet up and just... talk. It was cheaper and easier than therapy and you doubted any therapist was equipped to deal with teens who fought monsters and saved the world. 

“I can’t believe that Eddie ‘The Freak’ Munson wouldn’t move it.” Jonathan said. It had only been within the last week that you had started telling them about your relationship with him. They knew that you two had helped cause the distraction to blow up the Demobats, but you hadn’t talked more than that. 

“He gets wrapped up in himself.” you said quietly. “Told me once that he’d move Hellfire all the time but he had to put his foot down because nothing would get done.” 

“When Will was younger he was always at the Wheeler place playing.” Jonathan said. “They’d be playing all day until we had to put on a stricter curfew.” 

“It’s easier when you’re kids. Less shit to do.”

“Did you ever finish that campaign?” asked Argyle. “With the food and everything?”

You took the joint back and took a deep breath, holding it until your lungs and eyes burned before exhaling slowly and handing the joint to Jonathan. A tear slid down your cheek and you wiped it with the back of your hand. 

“No.” you said, your voice sounding raw. “They... after everything that happened, they don’t talk to me anymore.”

The only Hellfire members who acknowledged your presence now were those who fought Vecna. Zack, Jeff, Gareth- they had made it very clear that you weren’t welcome anymore around them. They blamed you for Eddie’s disappearance, they blamed you for pushing to move Hellfire, they blamed you for Gareth’s broken fingers where Jason Carver had stomped him for information. 

They blamed you for the breaking of Corroded Coffin.

You never had the strength to try and explain what happened. And what did it matter anyway? Without Eddie around, Hellfire was broken. A cult without a leader. The whole town would probably lynch you all if you ever donned your Hellfire shirts again. You all already had a lifetime ban from The Hideout and none of you were even 21 yet. 

“Bummer.” Argyle said sympathetically, and you just shrugged.

“I can live without them I guess.” you sighed. “Living without Eddie sucks but...”

You couldn’t keep going. You already talked about him too much today and that wound in your heart that refused to scab over just continued to slowly bleed. You wondered how much longer before there was nothing left of you. Your strange new friendship between Johnathan and Argyle had kept you afloat for now, but how long could it last? Jonathan would have to go to college and you think Argyle would have to return to California at some point. Maybe. 

“Were you two..?” Jonathan started but even Argyle shook his head.

“I just wish I knew where he was, you know? To know that he’s not mauled in a ditch somewhere.” you said. 

“Yeah man, like if there was just something we had that could just tell us where he is.” Argyle nodded. “That’d be crazy! Just push a button and we know where he is.”

“I should have had him microchipped” you laughed as another tear slid down your cheek. 

Jonathan sat up suddenly. “What if we didn’t need something?” he asked, brows furrowed as if he was trying to clear a path through the fog of his mind to a dimly lit idea that was just out of reach. “What if we needed someone?”

“What like some psychic girl who can transport through people's minds to fight off monsters and locate people just by thinking about them?” Argyle laughed, and there was a moment of silence before you and Argyle shot up to look at Johnathan. 

“EL!” 

----

Next

a/n: comments and tags make my ADHD write more, just sayin'

#eddie munson x reader #nacht fic #upside down to inside out #honestly this might be one of my favorite things I've written for Eddie tbh

[fieryphrazes]

in honor of the fourth annual fieryphrazes valentine's day fic, let's look back at past entries, unrelated except for the fact that all my sappy urges were indulged, and of course that beejhawk unites all things under the sun (amen)

2024: 3 a.m.

2023: they say it's spring...

2022: what couples do

2021 (inaugural): makeout creek

#proud of all these but What Couples Do might be one of my favorite things i've ever written #written for a treasured mutual who has never read it <3 #my fic

[ddarker-dreams]

posting a story later where chrollo talks to you about bread.

#why is this short piece unironically one of my favorite things i've written in a while #it makes me want to start a 'story time with chrollo' mini-series #magnum opus dropping soon #lock.txt

[television-overload]

beautiful (X-Files fanfic)

Rating: G

Word Count: 4,985

Summary: Weakened by her latest round of chemotherapy, Scully doesn't feel much like herself. Mulder helps her find the strength to keep fighting.

Read on AO3

“I wish you weren’t seeing me like this, Mulder,” she says out of the blue, drawing his attention away from the magazine he was idly flipping through at her bedside. Immediately, he sets it aside, dropping his feet to the ground from where they were perched up on the hospital bed.

“What do you mean?” he asks, grabbing her closest hand and running his thumb over her knuckles.

Scully sighs. “Don’t make me say it,” she responds. The answer looms over them both, and she’s right. He doesn’t like hearing it spoken aloud.

Dana Scully is wasting away, and there’s nothing he can do about it.

This latest round of chemotherapy has hit her harder than the first, and he’s starting to see the physical changes. She’s thinner, paler. There are dark circles under her eyes. The doctors have noticed it too, recommending that she stay in the hospital for a few days or even a week rather than recover at home.

Of course, she had refused on principle until Mulder told her he was being forced to take a few days’ leave anyway to use up some vacation time, which wasn’t exactly true, and she probably knew it.

But either way, she had let him accompany her to her appointment, which was more than he could say for her previous round of treatment.

“I look like the night of the living dead,” Scully mumbles, fiddling with the scratchy blankets on her lap.

Mulder tries not to show a physical reaction to her choice of wording. “Don’t say that,” he pleads, shaking his head. “Please don’t say that.”

Scully smiles wryly. He’s as predictable as ever.

“I just mean, I don’t look like myself. I don’t feel like myself.” She says this with such an unaffected voice, that anyone less familiar with her tells would think this was just some passing annoyance, but Mulder knows. He can see the way this has grated at her, and he just wishes he could take this all pain away from her. “I can’t even do my makeup,” she adds, throwing a breathy laugh in for good measure at the end of her sentence, as if to say, ‘but why should I care about that?’

Mulder tugs on her hand, and she follows his unspoken cue and meets his gaze. “I like you just fine without makeup,” he says, his eyes communicating the sincerity of his words. “Besides, who is there to impress anyway?” he asks, gesturing at the empty room over his shoulder to emphasize his point.

Scully gives a tired smile. “You’re a guy, Mulder, you wouldn’t understand.” Squeezing his hand once, she adds, “But thank you,” and he gives her a smile back. He wishes he could do something to help her.

She hasn’t had the strength for much, ever since they began the treatment two days ago. She’s having a better reaction to it than she could be, but he knows the fatigue is frustrating her. She’s told him a thousand times that he doesn’t have to stay here with her, but he does anyway, even when she’s sleeping for hours on end. When she’s awake, he reads to her, or they watch something on TV, whatever she’s feeling up to. If it weren’t for the harrowing circumstances, he might even be really enjoying this time spent together outside work.

“Don’t take this the wrong way,” Scully speaks, drawing his attention back to her. “But you’re not looking so great yourself.” Her teasing tone is softened by her genuine concern for him, but he can’t help but play along.

His eyes narrow at her in mock offense. “Just what every man likes to hear,” he says sarcastically. “Scully, you wound me.”

This earns a patented Scully Eye Roll.

“Go home and take a shower at least,” she amends, looking at him fondly. “You could use one.”

He simply stares at her, challenging her to more of this banter.

“Are you gonna just keep insulting me until I finally leave?” he asks.

“If that’s what it takes,” she answers. “I could touch on your poor posture next, if you want.”

Mulder laughs, waving a hand dismissively as he stands. “Alright, alright, I’m going.” He looks back at her, pauses, and pointedly straightens his posture before grabbing his bag and taking a step toward the door. “You’ll be okay while I’m gone?” he asks, unable to help himself.

Her gaze softens, her playfulness turning back to seriousness. “Yes, Mulder, I’ll be fine. I probably won’t stay awake for much longer anyway.”

He nods, shifting to take another step, but on looking at her again, changes his mind. He turns back, crossing the floor to her bed and leaning down to press a quick kiss to her cheek. The hand that isn’t busy holding his briefcase gives her left shoulder a squeeze before he pulls away.

“I’ll be back soon,” he promises, tucking her blankets back up to her chin.

She smiles, her eyelids already growing heavy. “I know you will.”

-.-.-

True to his word, Mulder makes a stop at his apartment to shower and change, trading out the books they’d already finished with new ones that she will probably roll her eyes at. He has to admit, he feels like a new person as he steps out of the shower. He needed that more than he thought he did. There was something to what Scully had said earlier, about feeling like yourself. It gave him an idea.

As much as he wants to get back to her, Mulder knows she’ll be out like a light for at least a few hours. He decides to make another stop before heading back to the hospital.

It’s still fairly early in the day when he knocks on the door and waits for a minute. He hears the shuffling sound of someone approaching on the other side before the door creaks open.

“Fox?”

“Hi Mrs. Scully,” he says, giving her an awkward half smile, his hands jammed deep into his front pockets.

“What are you doing here? Is it Dana?” The woman is understandably worried; it’s not like Mulder to show up out of the blue like this unless there’s some kind of terrible news to convey.

He is quick to reassure her. “No, no, nothing like that. I just had something I—I wanted to ask you, if it’s no trouble.”

Maggie’s brows pinch together in that distinctly Scully way as she pulls him into her home, shutting the door behind him.

“What is it?”

Sheepishly, Mulder rubs a hand over the back of his neck, feeling less and less certain of what he came here to ask.

“Well, it’s just—Dana mentioned something earlier about wishing she had her makeup on, and I wondered… You know, her strength isn’t what it usually is, so I thought maybe I could—”

Maggie’s hands wrap around his forearm, halting his rambling speech. He looks up to see tears glistening in her eyes, and she nods in understanding.

“That’s very sweet, Fox.”

He nods, hoping his cheeks aren’t turning pink. He doesn’t do well with motherly praise.

“So, are you wanting me to show you how?”

He lets out a breath, relieved that he doesn’t have to find the words himself. “That would be great, actually.”

Mrs. Scully smiles, jerking her head toward the stairs so that he would follow her. “Come with me, I’ve got some stuff we can use.”

He dutifully follows after her as she leads him up the stairs. This is the furthest he’s been inside Maggie Scully’s house. He wonders how much of her belongings are mementos from Scully’s childhood, whether a certain painting hanging on the wall appears in her family Christmas photos or if it was bought recently.

In his perusal of the house itself, he nearly collides with someone he knows by name only. “Mom, who was that at the door?” the man is asking, and the moment their eyes meet, the air in the room thickens. “What’s he doing here?” he demands, looking to Maggie for answers.

Maggie is quick to come to Mulder’s aid. “It’s none of your business, young man,” she says, shooing him toward the stairs they had just come up. Despite his protestations, she continues, “Why don’t you go to the drugstore and pick up some eyelash straightening cream for Dana, we can bring it to her when we go visit later this afternoon.”

“But—”

She swats him on the arm. “No buts. Dana would really appreciate it if we brought it.”

He grumbles all the way down the stairs, but does as she told him. As soon as he’s grabbed his jacket from the coat closet, he’s out the door and starting up the car.

“What was that for?” Mulder asks, breaking the silence that had settled after the front door shut.

Maggie gives a pleased little smile. “There’s no such thing as eyelash straightening cream. Bill will be there for thirty minutes at least. As I’m sure you can imagine, knowing my daughter as you do, he doesn’t like asking for assistance if he can help it.”

Mulder lets out a surprised laugh. This woman runs a tight ship, and he has to respect her for it.

“Alright, now sit right here, Fox,” Mrs. Scully orders, pulling out a small stool from the vanity in her bathroom. She quickly leaves and returns with another chair from the bedroom, placing it across from him. She hums quietly as she rummages through her drawers, extracting several mystifying objects and setting them on the counter. “Now, let’s start with the foundation. I’ll show you how, and then you can do the other side of my face, sound good?”

Mulder nods, sitting up straighter to watch as she blends the creamy substance onto her skin. She’s narrating as she goes, and Mulder commits her words to memory, hoping his ability to replicate them will be as good as his ability to remember her instructions.

“Here, now you try,” Mrs. Scully says next, handing the brush to Mulder. He pushes aside any lingering feelings of awkwardness or embarrassment and sets in on applying the makeup. Maggie’s lips curl in a smile as she watches him, tapping ever so gently on her face as if he might break her. She wonders if he’s done this before. “You’re a natural,” she praises, “Are you sure this is your first time?”

He lets out a breath of laughter, shaking his head. “I’m no expert,” he answers. He’s silent for a moment, not breaking concentration, and then adds in a quiet voice, “My sister had this play makeup set, real cheap quality stuff. She’d sometimes force me to be her test subject.” His eyes grow distant as he remembers.

It wasn’t all that long before her abduction, he thinks, the last time they did this. It always went the same way. He’d sit patiently—or as patiently as an eleven- or twelve-year-old boy could—while she clumsily dabbed colorful eyeshadow onto his eyelids. He’d learned early on that it was better to just go along with it, having suffered the wrath of Samantha Mulder once before for refusing to be her dress-up doll. The makeup rarely stayed on for more than a minute after she declared him done, scrubbed off like some kind of deadly germ in the sink, but it was enough to appease her.

When she was finished, she’d beg him to help her with her makeup, putting that pouty lip out that she knew he couldn’t say no to.

“Stop blinking, Sam,” he’d say, focusing intently on brushing on the mascara she’d stolen from her mom’s makeup bag. “You’re gonna mess it up.”

He remembers these times fondly, of rare moments where he managed to be a good big brother, instead of pretending to be annoyed by her like he often did. He’d give anything to be teased by his peers for spending time with his kid sister, if it meant having her back.

With the utmost care, Mrs. Scully walks him through the remaining steps, patting him gently on the cheek once he’s put on the finishing touches.

“You’re a good man, Fox,” she says, her fondness for him evident in her smile. “Dana is lucky to have you.”

Once again, Mulder shrugs, uncomfortable with the compliments, no matter how sincere they are. “I’m the lucky one, Mrs. Scully.” He thinks he’s never meant something more in his life. “But I appreciate you saying so. Thanks again for showing me everything.”

She pulls him into a hug. “Of course, you call me if you ever need anything. We’ll be by sometime this afternoon.”

He nods, and is thankfully out the door with time to spare before Bill can get home.

After a brief visit to Scully’s apartment to grab some of her things, he drives back to the hospital. When he arrives, Scully is awake in her bed, her upper body elevated so she can look out the window. She greets him with a warm smile, and he can’t help but grin back.

“Sorry I took so long,” he says in apology, “Had to make a quick pit stop.”

This catches Scully’s attention, and she watches as he produces a bag from behind his back, setting it on the tray table in front of her and starting to take items out. She recognizes it immediately, and looks up at him in wonder.

“Mulder,” she says, her tone jokingly admonishing. “You didn’t have to bring me this.” She’s smiling still as she starts to sit up, reaching out to grab a tube of lipstick, but he stops her.

“No, no,” he says, gently lowering her hand back down to the table and urging her to sit back and relax. “You take it easy, I’ll take care of this.”

She gives him a look with a furrowed brow, but eases back, watching him suspiciously as he selects a bottle of liquid foundation and a brush.

He sits sideways on her hospital bed so that he is facing her. With the limited space, his thigh brushes up against her blanket-covered one, but it barely even registers. This kind of closeness is nothing particularly unusual for them. If nothing else, it is an added comfort to them both.

“You ready?” he asks, makeup brush poised to start.

Scully searches his eyes for a moment and, deciding she trusts him, gives a nod. “Okay.”

With a pleased little smile, Mulder begins applying a light layer of foundation, leaning in closer to reach as he gently blends it into her skin.

Scully can only watch him, his brows drawn together in focus as he works to meticulously apply the makeup. Her eyes wander over his face, over the sharp lines of his nose and the roundness of his lips. Occasionally his tongue peeks out in concentration, and she can’t help but fall a little more in love with him.

She didn’t ask him to do this. If he thought her needless grousing earlier was a request, she felt terrible. He isn’t her servant. He doesn’t exist to make sure she has all the niceties of her normal life in this cold, sterile place. The last thing she wants is to be a burden, especially to him. He’s had enough to deal with in his life without having to look after his terminally ill coworker.

But that isn’t all they are, is it? They’re friends—the closest of friends. This isn’t the first time he’s gone out of his way to do something nice for her, and she suspects it won’t be the last, no matter how little time she has left. For some reason, he’s taken it upon himself to be with her throughout this whole ordeal, even when it means holding back her hair as she heaves into a trash can or when she can’t adjust the covers over her cold feet.

The words jump into her mind unbidden: “In sickness and in health.”

It’s funny, in a distinctly unfunny way. She supposes she should be thankful that someone cares enough for her in that way, even if they are nothing more than friends and coworkers. In some ways, their partnership is more of a marriage than many people will experience in their lifetimes, and for that she is exceedingly glad. She couldn’t have asked for a better person to have in her life than Mulder.

He’s moved on now to powdering her skin with translucent powder, beginning with her forehead. As he brings the soft brush down between her eyebrows, she scrunches her nose up, hiding a smirk from him. His sloping green eyes soften from their earlier focus and he lets out a chuckle, playfully tickling her nose with the brush.

“You’re not gonna sneeze on me, are ya?” he asks, getting back to work on her cheeks and chin.

Her only answer is a quiet, affectionate smile.

After a careful application of blush on the apples of her cheeks, it’s time for her eyes. She watches him open her eyeshadow palette and rub a brush over one of the colors, and she quirks an eyebrow in concern. As he brings the small brush closer to her face, she draws back and looks at him doubtfully.

“Don’t put too much on,” she says, trying not to laugh at the absurdity of the situation.

Mulder rolls his eyes. “Relax, Scully, I got you.” He starts in again, shifting a few times to find the best angle before gently brushing over her eyelids in an arc.

“I like the brown color,” Scully informs him, her eyes fluttering in an effort to stay closed.

“I know,” Mulder answers. He pulls back just long enough to show her the tip of the brush, which is covered in a tasteful brown, exactly the right shade.

Before she has time to process that he knows what color eyeshadow she likes, she’s being told to close her eyes again and she complies, soaking in the feeling of being taken care of in such an intimate way.

“How did you know what eyeshadow I wear, Mulder?” she asks during a moment’s respite, while he returns the brush to the palette to pick up more of the colorful powder.

Now it’s his turn to glance at her disbelievingly. “I look at you every day,” he answers, as if it were obvious.

She takes in a breath, willing her heart to start beating normally again. The look on his face makes it clear that he’s laughing at her, amused by her lack of self-awareness in this respect.

“And…” he adds amusedly, “this one has clearly been used more than the others.”

Of course, she laughs to herself. There’s no way he was looking at her close enough to guess what shade of eyeshadow she wears. Although his perception of the finer details is greater than that of the average man. He has his Oxford education and eidetic memory to thank for that.

“Who knew a background in profiling could come in handy as a makeup artist?” she says as he finishes blending out the color.

“It was actually one of the main selling points when the FBI recruited me,” he deadpans, enjoying the banter. He could almost forget why she wasn’t able to do her own makeup.

The mascara comes out next, and it requires Mulder to encroach on her personal space even further, to the point where she can feel his breath on her face. He smells of peppermint toothpaste and hazelnut coffee, and she even catches the scent of his shower gel, like fresh rain water. All of this she counts as a marked improvement to the antiseptic smell of the hospital. It smells like their office. It smells like home.

When he’s done all he can to her eyelashes with her eyes closed, he asks her to open them so he can give them the finishing touches. Her eyes flutter open, and she is mildly startled to find him hovering only inches away.

“Do you have to be that close to my face, Mulder?” she asks, carefully hiding her nervousness behind a laugh.

Mulder chuckles and goes back to work, gingerly running the brush over her lashes. “That depends, do you want to be poked in the eye, Scully?”

Resigned to their positioning, she fights the urge cup his elbow with her hand, steadying him as he completes arguably the most delicate part of this routine.

“There,” he says, leaning back at last. “I think that about does it. Except—”

He pauses, reaching onto the tray table to grab the lipstick she’d picked up earlier.

“I knew I was forgetting something.” Before she can prepare herself, he’s removing the lid from the tube and drawing closer again, his hand finding its way to the back of her head to hold her still. She hardly dares to breathe, feeling his fingers threading through her hair as he carefully runs the tip of the lipstick over her lips, depositing the bright color on their surface.

She looks more alive than she has in a while, even if it is a false image.

She wants to avoid eye contact, being this close, with him doing this thing for her, but she can’t. Her eyes are locked on his as they focus intently on keeping the color within the lines of her plump lips. A few times, his eyes flick up to hers, and she catches the way the corners of his mouth quirk up when they do. She wonders what he’s thinking.

In no time at all, it’s done. Every last detail has been tended to, and he pulls back to survey his work. The hand that was resting on the back of her head drags forward along her jawline, and ever so lightly, his thumb comes to rest over her newly-painted bottom lip.

“There’s my Scully,” he says quietly. Proudly.

She feels the tears pooling in her eyes, but there’s nothing she can do about it. He, thankfully, doesn’t mention it.

“Can I see?” she asks, her voice managing not to waver too badly.

He smiles and nods, reaching for a handheld mirror and holding it out to her.

She’s not sure what she was expecting—clown makeup, maybe—but that’s not what she sees at all.

“Oh, Mulder…” She’s finding it very difficult to withhold the tears that are trying to escape. “You—you did a great job.”

Aside from perhaps just a little too much blush, everything is as it should be. She looks healthier, more confident. Her makeup is a mask. It is comforting to her, makes her feel like she can face whatever it is that lies before her. Mulder has always been able to see past that mask, and if it were anyone else, it might bother her. But not him.

“You didn’t cover my mole,” she says, reaching up to touch the offending spot beneath her nose.

Mulder takes her hand and pulls it away from her face. “Cause it’s cute,” he answers simply, smiling at her almost reverently.

She’s surely blushing now.

“How do you feel?” he asks. What a loaded question that is.

She tilts her head, surveying the surface of her face from every angle in an effort to stall long enough to regain her composure. It’s a placebo, she knows, but she feels reinvigorated. Ready to fight another day.

“It’s been a while since I’ve felt like myself,” she answers, her voice thick with emotion. “I… I look beautiful.”

He nods, an unnamable look in his eye, and she swears she hears a mumbled, “You’re always…” before he trails off, dropping his gaze to his lap. He subconsciously squeezes her hand once before letting it go, instead occupying his hands with putting everything away.

“You really did do a good job, Mulder,” Scully speaks after the somewhat awkward silence had persisted long enough. “Have you done this before?”

With a zip of her makeup bag, Mulder looks up at her with squinted, suspicious eyes and jokes back, “What me and the Lone Gunmen do on our boy’s nights is none of your business.”

Scully laughs, amused by the imagery that conjures. Never one to be thrown off, however, she persists. “Well, someone must have taught you,” she declares, raising an eyebrow in his direction. “Who was it?”

She gets a devious look in return. “I’ll never tell.”

-.-.-

As Bill pulls into the driveway after his wild-goose-chase trip to the drugstore (“You made me look like a fool, Mom!”), Margaret Scully greets him, sliding into the passenger seat with a bag full of goodies for her daughter.

He seems to finally be getting over his mother’s betrayal by the time they arrive at the hospital. They walk in, accepting visitor’s badges which they stick on their shirts before taking the elevator up to the oncology ward.

Bill’s admonishing tirade, which had persisted throughout most of the car ride, lingers on between intervening silences as they make their way down the hall. Once they approach Dana’s room, however, Maggie shushes him, holding out an arm to stop him.

Through the window, she sees Mulder setting a tube of mascara aside and exchanging it for lipstick. Bill’s curiosity gets the best of him, and he leans over his mother’s head to see for himself what it was that made his mother pause.

“Let’s give them some privacy,” she says, putting a guiding hand on her oldest son’s arm.

Inside the room, Mulder pulls back, and Bill can see even from this angle how his cheeks widen in a smile. His sister looks like herself again, and he doesn’t miss the shine of tears in her eyes, or the wobbling smile on her lips. Since they were children, he has kept a careful eye on her, monitoring her emotions, the protective big brother that he is.

And that’s why now, he understands. He hadn’t realized before, his own fault for not wanting to believe it.

His sister isn’t being dragged through hell by a sadistic partner, bent on destroying her life and everything she holds dear in one fell swoop. No. The truth is that she does it willingly, walks by his side through even the darkest shadows.

Because Dana is in love with her partner.

And he is undeniably in love with her.

The pieces slowly come together in his mind, everything he knows about Fox Mulder. His mother must have seen it long ago, hence her willingness to help him this morning. And he would have stood in the way.

The thought fills him with shame.

Mulder’s love for Dana goes so far beyond what Bill himself knows about love, that he had almost missed it entirely. What a blessing it is for his sister to experience it, for however brief a time.

With one final glance into the hospital room, Bill allows himself to be pulled away and toward the cafeteria.

“You see now, don’t you, Bill?” his mother asks as they walk, her eyes looking to him hopefully.

He nods, feeling his throat close up with unexpected emotion.

“Yes,” he answers. “I do.”

-.-.-

An hour into Mulder’s in-depth explanation (and diagramming) of the anatomy of dinanthropoides magnipus, otherwise known as “sasquatch” or Bigfoot, someone gently taps on the door.

“Come in!” Scully calls out, thankful for the reprieve.

“I hope we’re not interrupting…” Margaret Scully says as she enters, followed closely behind by Scully’s brother.

Mulder scoots back in his chair, shuffling the papers he’d strewn about and trying his best to fade into the background to provide them some privacy.

“Not at all,” Scully says, and she’s sounding better already than she has since they’d gotten here. “I’m glad you came by. Bill, I didn’t know you were in town.”

Bill clears his throat and steps forward, looking a little uncomfortable but otherwise happy to see his sister.

“I had a few days’ leave. Tara and I decided to make a weekend of it.”

Scully nods and looks between her brother and Mulder, realizing they’d never actually been properly introduced. She hopes they’ll both behave. Lord knows she’s told Mulder enough about Bill over the years, and she’s very familiar with her brother’s opinions about her partner.

She coughs. “Oh, uh, Mulder, this is my brother, Bill. Bill, this is Mulder.”

The two exchange an odd look before Mulder stands, and Bill meets him in the middle with a firm yet friendly handshake.

“Nice to meet you, Mulder,” Bill says with a pointed look, not at all unfriendly.

Mulder nods with a funny half smile. “Likewise.”

There’s another look exchanged briefly before they let go, returning to their respective awkward stances.

“We wanted to bring you some new magazines,” Maggie speaks, carrying a tote bag over to Scully’s bedside. “And Tara sent us with some crayons and coloring pages, in case either of you gets bored.”

Scully smiles, her fingers dragging the corner of Mulder’s silly sasquatch diagram out from its hiding place under a stack of other papers.

“I’m sure Mulder will appreciate being able to enlighten me on the specific coloring of Bigfoot’s spleen,” she says teasingly, and Mulder briefly wishes he could disappear, fearing the look on Bill’s face.

When he looks up though, both son and mother are smiling in amusement, not a hint of malice on Bill’s face.

Maggie leans in to place a kiss on Scully’s cheek, holding her daughter’s hand in hers.

“You’re looking like you feel a bit better,” she says as she pulls away, brushing her fingers over her brow and pushing back a lock of hair. “Lovely makeup, too.”

 With these last words, she looks to Mulder and—discretely—winks.

“Doesn’t she look beautiful, Fox?” Maggie asks, goading him knowingly.

He rises to the challenge, his eyes finding Scully’s and holding.

“Beautiful as always.”

-.-.-

The TikTok video that inspired this made me sob uncontrollably, so I hope I captured some of those same emotions here. I beg you to go watch the video too, but have tissues at the ready. It seriously hasn't left my mind since I saw it the other day. I hope we all have the chance to find a love like that in this lifetime.

Tagging some people: @today-in-fic @teenie-xf @cutemothman @queenlovett @tygertygerfoggybright @baronessblixen

If you ever don't want to be tagged by me, just let me know! You won't hurt my feelings. Alternatively, if you want to be tagged if/when I write more X-Files fics, let me know and I'll make a list!

#xf fanfic #x files #txf #msr #msr fanfic #hurt/comfort #my fanfiction #fox mulder #dana scully #cancer arc #tw: cancer #x-files fanfiction #maggie scully #bill scully jr #txf fanfic #love #feedback highly appreciated #this took way longer than i thought #but also might be one of my favorite things i've written #every x-files fic i've written has been an accident #not my follower count being exactly 1013 #how very x-files of me #also wait that's mulder's birthday too #right? #is that intentional?? #am i stupid?