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#this is literally just all about drugs and dissociation
reasonsforhope · 3 months
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Sorry I'm kind of dissociated and my vocab crashes during that can you explain the Biden drug thing in just. Shorter simple sentences.
Sure! You're not the only one who's mentioned being unclear on what it means either, and I'm happy to help
(Context for anyone else: US Sets Policy to Seize Patents of Government-Funded Drugs if Price Deemed Too High, via Good News Network, December 11, 2023)
From the very basics:
When drug companies create new drugs, they get a legal protection called a "patent." The patent means no one else can make or sell the same drug for whatever number of years.
Usually, this is about 10 years after the drug starts being sold to the public.
So, for those years, that one drug company is the only source of whatever medication. And since people need their medication, drug companies can charge however much money they want.
Meaning a lot of drugs that people need to live cost way too much money to buy.
So, with this, Biden told drug companies "Fuck you, if you keep making medicine too $$$ for people to afford, I'm giving your competition the right to make and sell those drugs too."
The US has never done anything like this before.
This is a huge threat to the whole (awful) drug industry in the US. It will save people thousands of dollars. If he does this, it will save lives.
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Edit 12/17/23: Quick note, as people have said in the notes, this only applies to drugs made in part using taxpayer money. Which is! Literally all of them!
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obsidiancreates · 2 months
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I do think it's funny that they thought they had to concoct Fake Reasons for Shawn to be put into a mental institution. First of all the Psychic thing alone would work, BUT aside from that there's
the complete and total disregard for personal safety that they can claim is passive suicidal tendencies (cough cough)
the obsessive lying that even people who don't know he's not psychic can see he engages in with enthusiasm
the Double Whammy Combo Daddy And Mommy Issues
the inability to comprehend what Boundaries are for both others and himself (seriously, is it possible to overstep with Shawn beyond literally actually being 1 second away from killing someone he loves? Clearly trying to kill him is not a disqualifier from friendship for him)
the inability to stop severely masking everything unpleasant/engage with his own strong emotions without something Severe forcing him to
The Manipulation and Puppermastering (how funny would it have been for Lassie to hear Shawn's "cover story" is that he's a genius manipulator and scoff about it because "Spencer just gets lucky," and then watch through the cameras and such as Shawn wraps the whole damn staff and patients around his finger but Lassie STILL CAN'T PROVE SHAWN DOES THAT TO FAKE HIS PSYCHICNESS BECAUSE IT MEANS ADMITTING HE'S A GENIUS)
The eidetic memory- imagine they put him in and don't tell him at first that there's cameras and such watching him and the staff hit Shawn with a "So we hear you can't forget anything and have witnessed multiple murders and are suffering from some PTSD because of it such as repression, dissociative episodes, disreguard for personal wellbeing..." and Lassie and Jules slowly realize watching "Oh shit wait... that's Real actually."
Anyway. We all know His Brain Is Fucked so I don't have to keep going on but I gotta say, I think a lot about how interesting it would've been for Shawn to be fighting to solve the case while avoiding being Actually Therapized For His Actual Issues as much as possible and Gus is kinda like "Shawn, maybe try to embrace this a little, they're not wrong."
"Gus, one of these people is working with a murderer to drug a witness!"
"But they're right about you hiding a lot of pain behind jokes-"
"Oh my god, I can't do this with you right now."
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creature-wizard · 10 months
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What's up with the Satanic Panic, in a nutshell.
Around the 1970's, conservative Evangelicals began weaponizing a number of conspiracy theories against anyone who wasn't a conservative Evangelical. These conspiracy theories were essentially repackaged witch hysteria (IE, the conspiracies pushed by early modern witch hunters) and antisemitism (especially blood libel).
The core conspiracy theory was that a global satanic cult was working behind the scenes to manipulate politics and lead people away from Jesus. The exact practices of the cult depended on who you asked, but common allegations were practicing human sacrifice (including plenty of child sacrifice), drinking human blood, engaging in sex slavery, producing CSE and snuff films, doing drugs, and having orgies.
Numerous people stepped forward claiming to have been either former cult members, or cult survivors. Pretty much all of their accounts are full of blatant absurdities, and anytime someone was actually investigated, pretty much all of their claims fell apart. For example, Mike Warnke, one of the earliest self-proclaimed ex-satanists, was found to have made up his entire story. One woman, Lauren Stratford, was not only revealed to be a fraud, but afterward claimed she was a Holocaust survivor to collect benefits.
Some examples of claims made by people who claimed to be ex-members/survivors include:
Neopaganism was created by the global satanic cult, and Aleister Crowley was their main agent in this.
All neopaganism and modern witchcraft is a slippery slope to human sacrifice and "hardcore satanism."
All media that depicts magic or the supernatural in any way is part of the satanic agenda. Yes, literally all of it. Yes, even that.
Homosexuality is part of the global satanic agenda.
Rock and heavy metal music are part of the global satanic agenda.
Fluoride, artificial sweeteners, and various food additives are actually mind control drugs.
Electromagnetic waves are used to control people's thoughts.
Marxism was created by the global satanic agenda.
If you know anything about QAnon conspiracy theories, you might notice that some of these look awfully familiar. This is because QAnon was another manifestation of Satanic Panic. They updated "electromagnetic waves" to 5G, and largely replaced homosexuality with transgender, but it's the same thing.
The conspiracy theory about cultists creating mind controlled slaves by inducing dissociative identity disorder through torture (all that Project Monarch stuff) is purely a product of the Satanic Panic. People's supposed "memories" of this abuse were generally produced via recovered memory therapy, which is now known to be more effective at implanting memories rather than recovering them. No serious investigations ever produced any evidence of the supposedly widespread and incredibly elaborate torture of tens of thousands of children.
Now, there have been actual isolated cases of what might be considered satanic ritual abuse. But they do not constitute evidence of a global satanic conspiracy. Rather, they constitute evidence that the perpetrators were inspired by the conspiracy theory.
Additionally, they had a very pseudoscientific view of DID, and the horrible practices allegedly used to induce it and create mind controlled alters were pure pseudoscience, as were the alleged symptoms that someone might be a victim of satanic ritual abuse and just didn't remember it. Everything from autism to having conflicted feelings about your abuser to liking BDSM could be construed as a sign that you had been ritually abused. With a bunch of therapists fully convinced that thousands of people had been ritually abused and armed with hypnotic techniques that allowed them to implant memories of abuse, you can see where things could turn messy in a hurry.
Those who claimed to be former satanists/SRA victims were extremely clear in their assertions that this global satanic conspiracy really did exist, and that the only way to escape and stay safe from it was to accept Jesus. Tales of demonic attacks that could only be stopped by the power of Jesus were common, as were other claims of grandiose supernatural power.
In short, the Satanic Panic was - and still is - a means of demonizing anyone who isn't a fundagelical Christofascist, and scaring anyone who already is, into remaining such. Many of the conspiracy theories have made their way into supposedly progressive circles, so you'll occasionally come across the Project Monarch stuff in DID communities, or see pro-LGBTQ people subscribing to conspiracy theories about the wealthy elite drinking blood or adrenochrome.
But make no mistake, there is no "grain of truth" to these allegations of a global satanic conspiracy. There was no "time before all of this was corrupted by evil agendas." It was all created by people with with hateful agendas, and continues to be perpetuated by people with hateful agendas. And that's all, folks.
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I have a whole theory about that contract and Angel and Val’s relationship! I was a domestic violence and sexual assault center volunteer, I have a degree in psychology, and I’m trained in trauma as a social worker in trauma informed foster homes. My thoughts are under the cut!
If you watch the music video for Addict, I think the beginning depicts the situation Angel was in and exactly how Angel and Val met. This is all just theory and unconfirmed, so please take it with a grain of salt!
Angel appears to be living in a shitty apartment and has a shitty life. He works as a stripper at some club and it seems he barely makes ends meet. I think this is supported by the flashes between Angel on the stage and Angel crying in his bed in a messy room. And then Valentino hires him for the night, which is the performance we’re watching from the opening.
Then Valentino sweeps him away to a life of gifts and drugs and expensive outings. I think Valentino spends time romancing Angel and love bombing him. My reasoning for this is that Angel signed that contract with a heart, his pet pig was a gift from Valentino, and the lyric in addict that says “you fell in love but you fell deeper in this pit”.
On top of that, there’s a popular theory that Valentinos saliva is an addictive drug. You can see it’s pink when he licks Charlie’s arm in this episode. You can also see during the Poison sequence that 1) Val specifically bites Angel and 2) Angel is shown to be disoriented from some kind of drug after pink smoke is blown in his face and 3) Val’s tongue is dripping pink drool immediately following that. It’s thought that the pink smoke cigarettes and the drug that was put in Angels drink are made with Val’s saliva.
If this is the case, it also makes the song poison both figurative as a metaphor for Val and literal as a description of the addiction Angel has to this drug. Not only does this tie into the video called “Addict” (where we specifically see Val shove his tongue in Angels mouth), but Val also calls Angel “addict trash” in episode 2 during the voicemail scene.
So now, the situation is that Val has convinced Angel he is loved, most likely gotten him addicted to a drug he produces, and has shown him a fun time. For all we know, Angel could’ve been high from Val when he signed that contract. But it would also make sense if he just signed it because he loved Val and trusted him.
And if you look at the lyrics to poison, it supports this idea; “spewing red hot lies” (believing Val loved him and trusting him), “addicted to this feeling”, “every night I’m living like there’s no tomorrow”. All of these portraying he is enjoying the life he’s living (early in their relationship when he was being won over by Val).
Then the next part changes; “I got so good at being untrue”, “telling you what you wanna hear”, “I dissociate, disappear”. These show how he started trying to appease Val when things were going sour. I would assume he’s already signed the contract at this point and is now trying to maintain the fun relationship they had beforehand. Letting Val have his way and escaping from what he doesn’t want to do by checking out mentally and emotionally.
This is also supported by the lyric change in the next chorus; “choking from taste”, “every night I’m wasted like there’s no tomorrow”. These indicate that Angel doesn’t want or like the poison anymore. “Choked” is a very specific word choice that has multiple meanings here. I think it’s alluding to already signing the contract and having that collar on his neck, to the sexual acts he’s forced to perform, to how forceful consuming this “poison” is. And he’s wasted on drugs and alcohol as a means to cope with his life. Things are definitely soured and he’s just trying to stay on even ground in his relationship with Val. He can’t escape and he feels trapped.
And then there’s the last bit; “drowning in poison”, “filling up my glass but it’s always hollow”, “sick of the poison”, “wish I had something to live for tomorrow”. He’s drowning. He can’t stabilize his relationship, he’s always trying to right himself against the waves of Val’s treatments and mood swings. He’s filling up his glass with the same alcohol he used to cope but it’s not working anymore. He’s sick of this situation. He wants out. He knows Val is bad for him and that this relationship and deal is hurting him, but he knows there’s no escaping it. He has nothing to keep him going and he thinks dying would be the only way out.
And the sad thing is, he’s right. He also thinks he deserves this for signing the contract in the first place. We see this with the lyrics “what’s the worst part of this hell? I can only blame myself” and the constant use of “I made my choice” in the chorus.
And don’t even get me started on Angel’s facade! I think Angel Dust is a persona that has been created in order to protect the real person he is underneath, Anthony. Angel Dust is used a way to cope with the abuse he faces and also as a way to protect Anthony from everyone around him.
Angel keeps people at arms length. He either distracts them from seeing behind the mask with sex and attraction keeping their attention or by diverting that attention away by making them uncomfortable. He also uses it to test people and see how they’re going to treat him. On top of that, he uses it to protect Anthony from judgement and rejection. “You can’t hurt me if you don’t actually know me. You can’t reject me when I created someone else for you to judge.”
And THAT is why Husk gets under his skin! Husk calls attention to the “masquerade” that Anthony is under. He can see through him and it makes him uncomfortable because the performance of Angel Dust is the one thing in his life that he has actual control over. Husk is a threat to the only thing Angel has to cope with outside of drugs and alcohol.
And I think Angel has spent years pretending everything was fine and normal so he wasn’t faced with the actual pain of his abuse. He’s numbed himself to the wrongness of a lot of it. I think we see that with how he reacted to someone drugging his drink. “I do this all the time” Angel says, but he means “people do this to me all the time. This is my normal.”. He doesn’t want it or like it, but it has to be fine because he has to deal with it anyways. And when Husk says “you just let people drug you all the time”, it gets a reaction out of Angel. I think the idea of Angel letting people do anything to him is something he hates because he’s so desperate to have some bodily autonomy in his life. He’s controlled and forced to do things so often and he hates it because he /does/ blame himself for his position. To him, he did let this happen.
So he responds “you think I ask for it?!” Because he doesn’t. I’m sure he has to hear that he’s “asking for it” all the time in the porn industry. That he’s somehow causing others to treat him this way.
I’ve run out of brain power, but I’ll probably have more to say later!
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jaskierx · 4 months
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[CW for discussion of severe mental illness (PTSD) and suicide]
I want to add my perspective to the conversation about canyon people picking and choosing which disability rep is worth telling. It’s really offensive to me because I’m mentally disabled so it feels like these people are glossing over the mental illness rep in the show.
I hesitate because i do not want to seem like I’m chastising people for acknowledging the physical disability rep. OFMD has better physical disability rep than any show I’ve seen, while I’ve seen many shows with mentally ill characters. I also do not want to give credit where credit is not due, because ultimately these characters don’t have any diagnosed mental disabilities. However, I don’t think that that subtracts from the representation because 1)the show obviously takes place before many mental health diagnoses that we have now did,2) even if those diagnoses did exist, the crew would not be able to access them, and 3) I think the show is clearly trying to tell us that characters are suffering from PTSD, or at the very least struggling to process a traumatic event, they just don’t have the words to describe it as such.
Many characters exhibit what would today be classified as symptoms of a psychiatric disorder. In this fandom we often joke about that, especially Ed’s (which is more than okay), but I also want to appreciate the way that season 2 deals with the trauma of the kraken era. They freak out and have flashbacks over blindfolds and birthday cakes because of what they’ve been through. They have interpersonal conflicts due to differing ways of processing the trauma and not seeing eye to eye on each others own unique experience (Lucius and Pete come to mind). Lucius takes up smoking to cope with the pain. Ed dissociates (I think, because he doesn’t remember wanting to have a talent show) and is literally suicidal, first passively (“you mean curl up into a ball and die?”) and then actively (the whole storm thing). He also turns to using drugs to self medicate.
Anyway sorry for the novel I just wanted to add my perspective because this show means a lot to me as someone who’s mentally disabled and I want to know if anyone else with a mental disability feels the same/differently.
no don't apologise this is a really good point!
i've posted about it a few times and so has glam and several other people whose links i don't have to hand but the depiction of ed's mental illness and his suicidality is fucking spot on and the show absolutely deserves all the praise it gets for that
especially because it's quite possibly the first show i've ever seen that depicts suicidality in a way that manages to be accurate without being pitying and manages to be hopeful without romanticising the issue. the show brings ed to his lowest point and then shows him being helped to come back from that by people who love him. it tells us that there's always a way for things to get better and that you can get there by yourself but it's easier if you have help, and it tells us that this help is available because there is always going to be someone waiting for you even if you doubt that. it never shows ed as 'cured'. it never shows stede being angry with ed for his symptoms. when lucius suggests that ed might just be 'broken', stede very quickly shuts him down and the show makes it clear that the narrative is on stede's side here.
and all of this just doesn't get brought up by izzy stans. discussion of mental illness portrayal tends to be one of the following:
ignoring ed's arc altogether to focus on izzy's suicide attempt and his 'i want to go' line while he's on his deathbed (and in a massively different place to where he was in s2e2) and using this to pretend that the show's message is 'disabled queer people deserve to die' (yes unfortunately this is a take i have seen with my own two eyes)
writing ed's arc off as an example of 'magic dick' and using this to pretend that he was fine as soon as he got stede back
ignoring ed's arc completely and instead insisting that he's a violent serial killer and abuser with anger issues who traumatised the crew and will inevitably physically abuse stede and kill all their inn's customers
ignoring all portrayals of mental illness completely because they will deliberately downplay the disability of every other disabled character in order to centre izzy
the canyon will bend over backwards to centre izzy and to view the entire show through a lens where he is their longsuffering protagonist who can do no wrong and it's led them to ignore so much of what makes the show great
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birdslayer-blade · 5 months
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This is a post about Sylvester Lambsbridge from Web Serial Twig by Wildbow. He's Plural Btw.
(Warning: Major Spoilers for LITERALLY ALL of Twig. I can't talk about this without covering the entire story and talking very explicitly about the ending.) This is really a take I haven't seen anyone make about him ever before I don't think (not that many people are out here making takes about Sy, but) so here I am to loudly shout to twigblr that Sylvester Lambsbridge is plural and he makes factives of all the people important to him and he's a fucked up little freak about it. Now obviously Wildbow didn't write him to be plural. I think if he'd *tried* to write Sy that way he would've done a dogshit bad awful job, because he's Wildbow. That said, Sy's hallucinations of the Lambs (and later a number of other notable figures) that he conjures, who act with varying degrees of independence (especially later on in the story as he gets more unstable), match pretty closely with a lot of my experiences with being plural. The ways that each of his alters are interconnected and how they're tied into deep-rooted concepts (Duncan is Politics and Social Engineering, the Infante representing Power, etc) matches a lot with how things are structured with us. Also a lot of him is tied up in his fucked up relationships! Sylvester cultivates the people around him into the shapes that best please him. He does this because he is a very very traumatized, scared individual who was sold to or seized by the government and made into a child assassin when he was a toddler. They inject his brain full of neuroplasticity drugs which cause excruciating agony on the regular. This has, naturally, leads to him having an somewhat skewed worldview from someone from a more reasonable world. He views people as either Threats or Allies, and neither can be trusted fully, ever. Both can be manipulated, though for different purposes. For the Lambs of course he'd say that he was trying to help them thrive, help them get everything they want (and genuinely he does). But he still manipulates them actively, willingly, consciously, and deliberately. This means that fundamentally, no one can ever trust him (except Jessie but this post is long enough without getting into their relationship) and so he can't get the kind of human connection that he craves. This is where his alters supplement that human need for connection. All of Sy's alters are factives of real people (and monsters), both allies and enemies. The most powerful and concrete of them are the Lambs of course, as they're the closest thing he has to people he can trust and be vulnerable with. His alters serve to help him understand and predict them, since they will never trust him and open up to him in the way he craves (because A) he's Sy and B) they're all also sooooooooooooooo fucked up in their own ways :3). Sy's deteriorating memory also fits really really well through this lens because, well, dissociative amnesia! During the time that he was on his own and his mental state got worse and worse, more and more alters started forming. He starts losing more and more memories. This is just kinda stuff that can happen when you go through a big period of trauma and you're plural. It really just Fits. And the ending of Twig, well. The alter that was Sylvester is gone. Now the host is Lord Simon. Lord Simon is a somewhat more integrated person; a lot of the crowds and voices that built up alongside Sylvester got woven in. Fusion of alters is also a thing that happens, especially during big crises. A major headspace restructuring is also not particularly weird! This man is literally just part of a system. I think I've kind of finished what I was trying to say. No clue if this is coherent or if the people will care to read it, but here it is! Maybe I'll post more Twig thoughts in the future, who knows :3
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What Hides In The Night Breakdown: Izuku Midoriya
Lore:
Kidnapped and sold into human trafficking at 5.
Was originally held in an underground “sanctuary” with at least a dozen other kids.
Was sold off to a German politician after being deemed Quirkless. (Normally she’d only take girls but Izuku’s face was too pretty.)
Worked as a maid with other trafficking girls since he could pass as a girl as long as he didn’t speak.
Was taught simple things like lock picking and hoarding supplies by the other girls who had been there longer.
Educated himself in secret by stealing books from the library when the owner wasn’t home.
Eventually got sold again at 16 after getting a cut on his face which deemed him “damaged” in the Politician’s eyes. Unfortunately, this time it was Sex Trafficking in Russia.
Gained many bruises and scars from beatings.
Would sometimes sneak onto client’s phones for real world updates. ( He spent most of his life chained to his bed in a brothel and was only allowed out for stage performances )
He knew Katsuki was a Hero through his small media updates and because of this, he never gave up on being found no matter how many years past. It was the only thing that kept him from going insane and losing himself (fully) to the dark.
Eventually the owner of the brothel was murdered by the mafia and they took it over, this made the beatings, starving and client lists very extreme.
Unfortunately, Izuku is very well known to the Dark Web in ways nobody should be.
Izuku was married off about 8 times but it was always to degenerates and never lasted too long. Normally just for business ventures or to make someone jealous by higher ups. He always ended back at the brothel in the end.
By 18 he had become almost immune to the abuse and the murders. He learned not to make connections, even with the other slaves. He learned to only keep necessities and a tiny amount of them. He learned to never speak and live with his head down. He learned that he didn’t matter because the loss of 1 in 8 billion was laughable.
Became extremely underweight.
Mental Health:
OCD (Needs all windows and doors locked to feel safe)
Extreme Anxiety
Extreme Depression
Memory Loss due to dissociation disorder
Occasionally has flashbacks, though.
Chronic and vivid nightmares
Low self esteem
Suicidal
Trust Issues
Authority Issues (Has has many police and high ups as clients)
Emotional Numbness
Body Dysmorphia
Eating Disorder (under)
Sex Addiction (the only thing that makes me feel real and wanted)
Substance Abuse from being almost constantly drugged
Habits:
Hoards things under bed (the only place he really had to hide things)
Checks all locks at least 3 times (mistakes were made in the past)
Avoids eye contact unless asked or mandatory (eye contact makes the experiences too exposed and can cause him to have a panic attack)
Doesn’t speak to police or heroes
Never leaves the house without Katsuki
Doesn’t stay outside after dark but likes the house to be dark.
Very submissive from habit and often blames himself for literally anything even if he didn’t even do it (someone pls protect our sunshine child he’s just a boy)
Apologizes A L O T
Abnormal attachment issues with Katsuki since he makes him the most comfortable but he’s also a hero which makes him weary.
Adores pictures and letters since he has a bad memory.
Spends most of his free time looking after his hoarded things.
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mochatune · 3 months
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Hey! So I've fixated on a vague headcannon of a Y/N with dissociative identity disorder. They're a system with different alters, and each feels differently about Peter (each could be a reference to the different routes in the game - the romantic route, the friendship route, the abusive route, etc.) And well, Peter loves all of you - so he tries to get every single alter to fall for him. I love your HCs, could you write a Peter x Y/N with DID one?
Hey so sorry about this being as late as it is, I’m just now getting back on tumblr. Anyone else with an ask i promise it’s a priority.
In advance I have no real idea on how DID really is and am going off what I’ve been told, if this comes off as offensive then I apologize.
Peter x darling with DID
- honestly he wouldn’t pick up on it at all in the beginning, which is weird considering his favorite hobby is literally stalking you. He knew you took some sort of medication but upon further snooping he found it was Prozac, a common depression med.
- when you keep changing how you feel about him it gets him angry, he genuinely thinks you’re just giving him mixed signals. This could lead him on to take you even faster than originally in the game.
- you go from calling him asking when you guys are meeting up again to telling him to stay the fuck away from you and blocking his number. He doesn’t appreciate the inconsistency, don’t be surprised when he’s banging at your door screaming demanding an explanation. He’s patient but enough of this will start to piss him off and leave him feeling paranoid.
- it’s not until you both are having a at home date when he realizes what’s happening here, the switch is gradual and almost seemless but as your biggest fan he picks it up.
- one second your cuddling him and now you’re just staring at him with this gross look in your eyes.
- after this incident it’s clear he doesn’t know as much as he thought he did about you. if you felt watched before then you definitely did now, not only is he keeping a strict eye on you trying to figure out what’s going on with you but he’s also snooping through your place a lot more consistently.
- he eventually finds your hospital records in a dusty old box and it all starts to click, of course you were acting so ‘weird’.
- this determines him further to win the love over every ‘you’, though don’t be surprised if you find this also motivates him to take you faster. Now that he has an actual reason to believe you need him he won’t release his grip.
- it starts with him coming over more often and Texting you more, being more attentive basically. He also starts noticing the switches more.
- as soon as he found out about your diagnosis he did so much research, like an insane amount. Knows pretty much the ins and outs of what DID is.
- when you switch it’s like he switches, more so switching his approach in how he talks to you.
- when you’re lovey he doesn’t do much, he likes this side of you best and is ultimately determined to get all these sides of you to be like that with him.
- when you’re angry or more so scared of him he gives you space and comforts you as much as possible, it’s a little antagonizing to admit but he treats you like a child when you get like this.
- it’s sort of a running game, this personality is incredibly stubborn and doesn’t want anything to do with him. His best bet is to more gently force himself on you until you can eventually tolerate his presence and hopefully soon his love.
- all in all he just becomes more attentive. There’s not much to say considering he’s not as mentally there either.
- you end up kidnapped in his home much earlier than expected from even himself where he basically locks you inside and treats you like a helpless animal.
- its fucked up but he drugs you into being complacent when you switch and you start freaking out about the current situation.
- if the drugging doesn’t work then it’s the constant manipulation that does, you’re other personality will never really love him but it is numb to his touch at this point.
- he’s really just putting a bandaid over a bullet wound with the way he’s treating you.
- when you behave he’s all over you and treating you like a goddess but when you have these freak outs he just doesn’t know what to do, despite being so well versed in your disorder he’s still a very toxic person who wants all of you.
- he won’t even take you to therapy because of how possessive he is, he expects you to treat him as your therapist and you can only imagine how that would blow over.
- you’re always ensured your meds and a warm body to stay next to but that’s about as much as you get because Peter is not as emotionally available as he makes you believe he is.
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neuroticboyfriend · 3 months
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honestly, for me addiction is all about coping with pain. and i don't just mean coping directly with drugs. sometimes it's coping without drugs, either because they're not available or not working. the entire point to my drug use is that i don't want to be in pain, but am unable to utilize healthy coping skills. the amount of pain i was (and still am) in became too much for what i could realistically handle, given my abilities and the support (or lack thereof) around me.
an example is. i ran out of drugs A, B, and C, which all help my anxiety and physical pain. drug D also helps my anxiety and physical pain, but can also cause me panic attacks and dissociation. do i stop doing drug D? no. i finally pull some self-soothing out of my ass. is it difficult? yes. incredibly fucking so, and sometimes, i cant do it. but it is a lot easier for drugs to take up most of the coping work and for me to try my best to fill in the gaps.
a lot of the time, drugs are what people resort to when they have quite literally exhausted every other option. it doesn't mean other options aren't out there somewhere, or they're doomed forever. it just means that right now, that person is at their fucking wits end and is desperate for relief from their pain. addictive self-medication is still medication - it's just a very chaotic, painful, and unsustainable one, that ends up creating as many problems as it temporarily fixes.
so please, for the love of god, give addicts a break. they're trying their best to take care of themselves, and it isn't a failing to not be able or willing to do that better or more healthily. people experience pain. it's a fact of life, and it doesn't have to express itself in a way you find digestible to be needing of support and care.
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gab-has-adhd · 9 months
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📍🃏Illumi and Hisoka headcanons I have
Warning for potential NSFW or gore-related stuff as well as general angst, traumas, s*icid*l thoughts and drug use ⚠️ Please do not read if you are not in the best mental health state and believe this could harm you. Stay safe 💕
Warning for some SPOILERS if you only watched the anime and/or didn't read pas the end of the election arc 🌸
Do not engage a discussion with me if you are disagreeing please, I just feel like sharing, I am not looking for discussion or arguments 🌸 Keep in mind that these are just my headcanons in the end, and headcanons, by definition, aren't canon.
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📍Illumi📍
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A traumatized man who always acts as if nothing is wrong, ignoring his trauma on purpose, not seeking help nor wanting to heal
He has been brainwashed by his parents. By his family in general. This guy believes he exists only to be useful to the Family (tm)
Meeting Hisoka is specifically what made him start to stray from "the path of the assassin"
Baby realized he had the right to desire things for himself like any human being
And boy he wants power and control
Absolutely yassified himself to match Hisoka
Neurodivergent (AuDHD, I want to believe)
Queer and homosexual
I want to believe he has BPD solely because I want him to be like me
He does feel pain. He just doesn't react to it. His pain receptors might have been altered, but I like to think it's more of an emotionally / sensitively stunted kinda thing
I really just think he got tortured until he just completely stopped reacting.
God thas man is broken
He does dissociate and have traumatic flashbacks on occasions. And ignores them. And lets his mental health get worse.
Used to have trypanophobia
Sensations are complicated for him. They tend to mix up. He often confuses pain for pleasure (the opposite as well)
Boy is extreme. He likes everything extreme. He wants to feel things, and to feel things, they have to be extreme.
Weird fascination for blood
I swear to fuck this man holds himself back so hard from provoking bloodshed because he is an ✨️assassin✨️ and has to be discreet and professional, but. Dang. Blood.
He's AFAB just because I am AFAB úwù
Probably greyromantic or demiromantic.
Also probably greysexual or demisexual.
He does care for Hisoka, deep down. But he 100% denies that fact. Denies so hard he thinks Hisoka being dead won't bother him at all. It will. God it will.
He's so silly.
Everyone thinks he has no emotions but he does have emotions! He has a heck lot of emotions. It's the ability to emote he somewhat lacks. Ya know, like a lot of neurodivergent people.
He's a dom but he will be a bottom for the right person (aka someone able to override his numbness and make him scream)
More of a masochist than a sadist
Lanky boy who does hard drugs because he wants to feel ✨️
Secret death wish
Takes everything he hears literally
Toned but underweight
Knows how to make piercings
When he was little, Kikyo used to dress him up in kimonos like a doll just like with Kalluto.
Look I love both of his seiyuus honestly but Urara Takano wins my heart
Depending on the person and despite how detached he acts, he can actually behave in a jealous or possessive way.
⭐️Hisoka💧
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Such a mystery man right here
Genderfluid pansexual
Oh boy he do be hypersexual
His natural hair color is red. This guy is a ginger.
He dyes them magenta or blue all the time.
He actually is covered with freckles.
Uses makeup + Bungee Gun + Texture Surprise to hide them though
He is very self-conscious about his face and overall appearance. Baby hates his freckles.
I don't teally wanna imagine a backstory for this guy. This guy doesn't need one. I honestly don't care about why he is Like That, he just is. Let him remain the Mystery Man!
Sociopath
Does he actually care for Illumi? Honestly? Maybe he does. Maybe he doesn't.
But at the end of the day I do think Illumi is really just another of his toys. An exceptional toy, a toy nonetheless.
Obsessed with violence
A very lonely man
Kind of a loser honestly
Actually an introvert
Possibly has ADHD. As an ADHD person I am not sure to see traits in him but hey. Why not
Doesn't have a death with but he isn't scared of death either
Is he only capable of feeling genuine, 100% not-twisted romantic feelings? I doubt it
There is something deeply wrong with this man but we will never know why
Life is just a game for him and he intends to have as much fun as possible
Autoassassinophilic mf
Just as more of a sadist than he is a masochist
Both Illumi and Chrollo make his kokoro go dokidoki, but at least with Illumi it's mutual (?)
Body covered with scars he hides with his nen
He is still disfigured from the Chrollo fight under that Bungee Gum
He is kept alive by post-mortem nen. When / if he succeeds to kill all of the Spiders, he will die for good.
Might have actually met Illumi once when they were kids. They both forgot.
I prefer his 1999 seiyuu. Hiroki Takahashi in my heart forever 🌸
This man has the worst possible vibe but gets what he wants thanks to his big dumptruck ass and his charisma
Pathologically big cock
He thinks too often with said cock instead of using his brain
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best-element-poll · 2 months
Text
(the 2 most voted elements will continue onto round 2!)
More info about each element (and propaganda for the ones I like) under the cut. pleeeeeeeeease read some of them at least the one about francium
(disclaimer: these are based off short wikipedia reads and my crumbling high school chemistry knowledge. correct me if I'm wrong about anything.)
HYDROGEN: Hydrogen is the lightest element (consisting of only one proton and one electron). It is also the most abundant element in the universe, it's a gas (at room temperature) and it can explode. It's also quite representative of acids, having the (Arrhenius) definition of an acid straight up saying that it has to dissociate in water to form H+ ions. It's also quite an efficient fuel. Hydrogen is anywhere and Hydrogen is everywhere. If you like explosions, sour beverages, or acid in general, consider voting Hydrogen!
LITHIUM: Lithium, under standard conditions, is by far the least dense metal and the least dense solid element! You may primarily know him from your phone's Lithium-ion batteries. There are Lithium-based drugs used to treat mental illnesses. You can throw a block of lithium in water and it will make a really big explosion. The metal is soft and silvery. I'm running out of things to say about him. If you like batteries vote Lithium? (edit: just realised lithium is used for batteries, and batteries are connected to robotics and engineering. if you like robots and cool mechanical stuff vote lithium!)
SODIUM: You must know him from table salt. That's actually NaCl, his best known involvement. There are many more very important and very commonplace compounds that involve sodium, such as baking soda (NaHCO3) and sodium hydroxide (NaOH) (that's probably the most famous base?). It's also very important to the human body (you shouldn't eat more than 2300mg a day). If you've ever used table salt or baking soda while cooking, consider voting Sodium!
POTASSIUM: Their name was based on the word potash, which was based on an early and easy way of obtaining potassium, from putting ash in a pot, adding water, heating, and evaporating the solution. It's used in a lot of fertilisers because it's an essential plant nutrient. It's also involved in a ton of important compounds: KOH (a strong base), KNO3 (often used as salt bridges in electrochemical cells), K2CrO7 (an oxidising agent often used in organic synthesis), and K2CrO4 (I don't know what this one does). If you have ever eaten food from fertilisers consider voting Potassium!
RUBIDIUM: Rubidium compounds are sometimes used in fireworks to give them a purple color. They've also got a cool name, based on the latin rubidius, for deep red (the color of its emission spectrum). I'll be real, I don't really know much about them beyond that, but that is one cool name. Vote for Rubidium if you like cool names.
CAESIUM: Caesium is used in the definition for a second, meaning that an entire SI unit is based on it! A second can be defined as "the duration of 9,192,631,770 cycles of microwave light absorbed or emitted by the hyperfine transition of caesium-133 atoms in their ground state undisturbed by external fields". It was also discovered from mineral water. Did you know that they had to use 44000 liters of water to find her? If you've ever experienced time or had a conception of it in terms of units, consider voting Caesium!!!
FRANCIUM!!!: Caesium... TWO! It's sad that no one will probably read this far but this is my favourite element in this poll. This element is characterised by instability. Her longest half-life is 22 minutes. Her entire existence was conjoint with Caesium before they discovered that she was her own element. She has never been seen. They literally never confirmed what color she is. She was born in a wet cardboard box all alone. Through the hands of different scientists, she was going to be named after Russia, Virginia, or Moldavia at different points in time. At one point the name catium was proposed (for "cation", since she was believed to be the most electropositive cation), but was rejected because it sounded like a cat element. Which is so fucking sad. We could've had cat element but we ended up with France element. That's right she's also named after France. Just tragic fascinating existence overall. Also isn't it just insane that her half-life is only 22 minutes? Dude, you don't get it, the most of her that's ever existed in one place is a mere 300000 atoms. She's here and she's gone. What the hell.
The charm of Francium can be summarised by the wise words of my good friend Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart:
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nerves-nebula · 9 months
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Hi um terrible sorry to bother you rn with a maybe loaded question but what would be each turtles biggest concern(?) issue(?) once they leave splinter and like move to the hidden city? I have a decent idea for donnie and leo but have barely have any for raph and absolutely nothing for mikey
This may or may not turn into something im working on for this tmnt iteration
not entirely sure what you mean by concern so I'll try to wrap my head around "issue." but even that's pretty broad, since they have a lot of overlapping issues.
so like, they've all got PTSD. just to get that outta the way. i think ive talked about this before but i cant find those posts sooo here's to hoping i dont contradict myself!
Raph: Raph mostly struggles with figuring out his identity outside of being a protector. he also focuses a lot on trying to remain present (not dissociate) and being more in touch with his bodies needs, as well as his emotional needs. it's hard for him to pick up new hobbies because he can't really tell what he likes?? so that's what hes doing in therapy, trying to figure himself out and learn how to better take care of HIMSELF instead of others. and like, see himself as a person haha.
Mikey: Mikey gets a bit high off of freedom and kind of goes crazy throughout his twenties, lots of sex, parties, magic drugs, normal drugs, he's down for whatever. he's kind of all over the place and he loves it at first but then he realizes it might not be a great way to live for him. he wants to have something to show for his life and work and like, find a community (while still being insane sometimes :>) and he ends up doing a lot of charity work, painting murals, and a bunch of other stuff. eventually he stumbles his way into a tattoo apprenticeship. His whole thing is basically figuring out how to be his own impulse control, with a side of guilt because he feels like he's the "least traumatized" of his brothers (he still has PTSD it just usually shows up differently than in his brothers)
Mikey also really, REALLY hates being called stupid (not as a joke, like if he fucks something up and someone says hes dumb or something). Splinter always said he was the dumbest one of them all and he acts like he doesn't care, BUT HE DO. it really gets under his skin.
Leo: a lotta self hatred on his end tbh. he spends a lot of time as the hidden cities protector trying to atone for his past mistakes. he feels both fragile and like he's walking on eggshells around his brothers because he knows that he's made most of their problems worse. he also feels like what he went through isnt as bad, because splinter liked him the most. so he's got a similar guilt thing going on as Mikey, with the added pressure of feeling like he has to "earn" his place with his brothers, the way he had to "earn" his place as Splinters favorite.
Donnie: Donnie goes to college pretty early into moving into the hidden city, which he's super excited about! he gets into a really bad relationship for like a year or two with Adelaide, and after that just kind of becomes more and more suicidal until he attempts to kill himself. im not actually entirely sure about the timeline here but yeah, he deals with a lot of sexual & relationship trauma as well as self esteem issues (literally only conceives of himself as pathetic and weak), intrusive thoughts, and suicidal ideation.
donnie doesn't feel like he'll ever be good enough for anything, and he resents the people around him for disagreeing because he thinks they're lying to him.
hope that wasnt all too rambly for ya!
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leejenowrld · 3 months
Note
has seoyeon continued to bother yn and jeno?
yes! the stares have continued but it doesn’t bother yn anymore. the 360 change in reaction and attitude is hot and it turns jeno on. the past yn would get so much anxiety and fear every time someone stared at her and jeno, but now, she’s gone through so much and felt so much that she doesn’t care anymore!! instead, she makes fun of the whole situation lmfao if she feels someone being a bitch and staring a bit too much, she gets extra touchy with jeno. the pda is intense!! jeno is more for public pda, his hand is always in hers, arm around her shoulder, hand in her back pocket, lips will always be on her skin whereas yn does keep it relatively controlled in public but the times when seoyeon or any other girl stares, she’ll legit just break jeno from any conversation and start making out with him :D jeno gets so confused but god he moans against her lips! my man is loving it <3 mwah
one time it got serious. don’t ask why but jeno had convinced yn to party with him. it was juyeons party, yn was happy and having fun! all her friends were there too. she stayed close to jeno all night long, they were being a young couple in love, dancing sexy and close to each other, being touchy, the kissing. for a change for a party, jeno’s lips found itself on her more so than on the glass of an alcoholic beverage or drugs !! but don’t get me wrong, he was high
anyways… here comes seoyeon. as jeno and yn look into each others eyes and hold each other close, seoyeon legit comes from nowhere and pours a glass of wine all over yns dress. it was red and it stained. funny thing is, they didn’t even know she was near or at the party. she was lurking and hiding all night long, staring at them but they were in their own worlds too involved with each other to care 😭
and wow… you’ve never seen jeno more angry. his first reaction was to check on his girl cus she was pretty startled and surprised! he kissed her, whispered something sweet to her and gave her his jacket immediately as the liquid was making her top very see through. his soft eyes turned brutal as he turned to her, my god… the anger was like no other i can’t describe it, he begins basically verbally belittling her and for good reason! and he’s about to go on and on but then suddenly heejin comes out of nowhere and throws a glass at seoyeon and then seoyeon throws hands but heejin punches her in the face:D
the thing is, jeno and heejin are literally the no 1 yn protectors cus even tho yn has grown in confidence, she still don’t defend herself! when people are mean to her she just sits there and takes it. she doesn’t fight back, she’s too scared to, her anxiety and her shock takes over. as heejin is punching her, yn is genuinely out of it, like she’s dissociated and still processing what’s happened :( that’s why jeno and heejin always fight for her :( especially those 2. if jeno is with yn and someone’s treated her unfairly, she’ll let them get away with it but he won’t!! he fights for his girl
and heejin… don’t get me started. she’s the best best friend you could ever ask for. i wish i could’ve made her a more primary character in the fic but i’m gonna write some extra pieces that include her ! so you can see how truly hot, fearless, giving and confident she is. she was watching the whole seoyeon situation from afar and buzzing with anger as the minutes went on. she just had to punch her. it angers her that seoyeon picks on yn because she knows that she won’t fight back and believes her to be an easy target, she vocalises that clearly. she says that she is more insecure than she claims yn to be. she says that her obbession with yn is incredibly sad because what is she doing wrong!? she’s at a party and having fun with her boyfriend? she genuinely offers to book seoyeon a therapy session lmfao
lowkey wanna write this as an entire scene
should i?
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forbidden-sin-bin · 1 year
Text
Welcome To:
Forbidden-Sin-Bin’s Masterlist of… Masterlists
Here you will find links to ALL of my works. Take a look if you’d like and enjoy reading! As of right now… it’s literally just Eminem lmao
(Anything underlined are direct links to my works!)
(NSFW fics will be labelled as such)
Last updated: 03/03/23
Marshall Bruce Mathers III, AKA. Eminem
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-Series-
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By Your Side
Rating: M and E for Mature and Explicit
Warnings: Mental health, trauma, violence, profanity, slurs, mentions and depictions of drug abuse, graphic depictions and mentions of abuse/toxicity, and eventual sexual content.
Notes/Keywords:  Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining, Idiots In Love, Idiots To Lovers, Coming Of Age, Fluff, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Relationship, Eventual Smut, Reader Needs Therapy, Poor Life Choices, Friends First And Foremost, Fucking Comes Later, Eventual Healthy Relationships, Keyword: Eventually
Status: Ongoing
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-One Shots/Drabbles-
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*** - Smut
***Heat
Summary: Your love for each other is feral.
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: SMUT. VERY FILTHY SMUT. Mentions and descriptions of a panic attack/dissociation and self-deprecating thoughts.
Keywords: Plot what plot/P*rn without plot, sexual content, Smut, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Angst, DFAB!Reader, unprotected sex, established relationship, Oral (receiving and giving), DOGGYSTYLE, PRONEBONE, breeding kink, slight choking, insult flirting, Author is going to hell and it’s partially the Tumblr fam’s fault.
Status: Posted
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Shoutout
(Requested)
Summary: After being together for so long, somehow evading the world for years, Marshall decides to take the big reveal of your relationship into his own hands.
Rating: General
Warnings: None.
Keywords: Fluff, Rock n Roll hall of fame ceremony, established relationships, author blames the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame ceremony for this
Status: Pending
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Filter
(Requested)
Summary: After being hired to do a photoshoot for Eminem’s album, Recovery, the two of you seem to just click like a camera.
Rating: Mature
Warnings: None
Keywords: Photographer!Y/N, fluff, flirting, photoshoot, 2010!Marshall, hey Alexa play Filter by Jimin, sexual tension go brrrrrr-
Status: Pending
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***Purr Kitten
(Requested)
Summary: He would get down on his knees for you; Anytime, anywhere. Because you would do the same. It’s about time he gives you the worshipping you deserve.
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Filthy smut (oral, female receiving) Thirsty fuckers beware
Keywords: Smut, oral, female receiving, established relationship, author is going to hell and it’s entirely the Tumblr fam’s fault
Status: Pending
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Bury Your Face
(Summary:) Marshall’s always been the one who’s taking care of others; always being the leader, the dominant figure. But what happens when you, his significant other, take care of him?
Rating: General
Warnings: Mentions of anxiety and outdated views on masculinity/femininity
Keywords: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, established relationship, EMOTIONAL DAMAGE, eventual fluff, remember kids: being emotional and empathetic does not make you weak or a target, anyways someone give this guy a hug, author is going to hell for being an overly empathic analyst
Status: Pending
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-Headcanons-
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Wearing the Glasses
Summary: Just some ideas on what life would be like with him when he wears the glasses, those damn glasses.
Rating: General
Warnings: Very slight mentions of sexual content
Notes/Keywords: Fluff, slice of life, headcanons, established relationships, author blames the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame ceremony for this
Status: Posted
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New Life
(Requested)
Summary: Hc’s on Marshall’s reaction to your pregnancy, all the way up till your baby’s birth.
Rating: Mature
Content Warnings: Pregnancy, pregnancy kinks (plus similar ones) and childbirth. Many, many implications of smut and sexual content. Rest assured there’s an equal amount of fluff that’ll disintegrate your jaw. Mentions of Postnatal Depression.
Notes/Keywords: Fluff, suggestive, headcanons, slice of life, established relationships, slight angst, jaw-necrotic fluff
Status: Pending
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sunspira · 6 months
Text
Im laying my bets now. the entire idea that autism (and adhd) is more common in men and boys is pure myth created by poor science, backwards statistics and faulty parameters of the condition itself. in another 50 years we will understand it was never a gendered condition. just a highly gendered and biased measurement system. i'm absurdly confident on that
the rates of autism in girls is "rising" exponentially. it is rising even more exponentially in girls than in boys. not because girls are becoming more autistic. but because the "science" is just getting better at measuring and accurately acknowledging autism in girls.
autism often does present differently in girls, due to how girls are raised or personality differences. the literature and criteria was based on boy sample groups. the entire research data was done on white men as if that is a standard default person and control group.
not only that, doctors and teachers and parents literally were not looking for it in girls under the false widely propagated belief it was rare in women in girls. it is a self fulfilling prophecy. that's not science.
we will soon have to reckon with the lost generations of autistic girls and women and children assigned female at birth* who never got diagnosis and early intervention. we should be forcing the world to reckon with it right now. a great deal of autistic millennial women are brilliant minds who dropped out of STEM and the workforce due to their untreated and misidentified disability overtaking their life. the impact of never Knowing you or your child is autistic or adhd is difficult to comprehend for autistic and adhd people who did get diagnosed as children. even when the awareness and interventions were unhelpful or harmful. the harm of not knowing means the child trying even harder to become neurotypical and a level of autistic burnout few others on the spectrum can comprehend, often taking place after the woman is a legal adult, and there are no legal protections in place for this disabled person.
the unmitigated stress of being developmentally delayed and never knowing it, simply hating and blaming yourself and fighting day in and out past your limits to become neurotypical, limits your don't know you should have because you have never been so much as briefed on what adhd or autism can feel like. you don't know the distres and tiredness you're feeling is "dysregulation". this is why we see women in nervous breakdowns. psychiatric wards. treatment resistant depression. electric shock therapy. hard drug addiction. cutting. homelessness. personality disorders. dissociation. psychosis. early death by accident or suicide. (obviously people who are not autistic or adhd have these illnesses but my point is untold and disproportionate numbers of them are undiagnosed neurodivergent with unprocessed trauma. i'm telling you. more than you think).
it's why we see young people on tiktok not faking DID per say, but describing a dissociated experiences and fractured sense of self and escapist alternate personalities, a mental illness that has much less in common with traditional DID, but has much in common with struggling and under-treated autistic people. DID is a very rare condition. autism is very common. autism can create out of body experiences and self protective blurring of reality and fantasy so extreme, no person can be expected to understand it is autism if they never been advised about their own disability and the knowledge that should he available to them. it's no wonder we have people with mislabeled rare disorders like DID who are clearly very sick but instead of showing real DID signs, are sick with all the signs of severe unassisted autism they have been completely barred from understanding or coping with in any other way. for those lucky enough, we see unemployed young women with severe chronic pain in their 20s and 30s who look and feel like they're elderly and gave up their dreams when they hit 21 or 25 and their brains stopped working and their bodies shut down. now they mostly scroll tumblr and tiktok and try to remember to open the blinds. they have a roof but people scorn them for entitled laziness and worst of all derided for "self diagnosing".
again i'm asking why CFS chronic fatigue syndrome is so responsive to adderall. i'm asking why professionals are reluctant to test women for adhd if she does well in school because she is very bookish and why experts in the field are openly amused and doubtful to test a woman for autism if she has a long term boyfriend. why is ability to mask or function a disqualification. why is inability to function in women, who later turn out to be autistic or adhd, so aggressively mischaracterized as BPD, bipolar, depression, OCD, schizophrenia. why is autism and adhd clinically diagnosed and defined by distress and dysfunction and not by intrinsic traits and qualities that present while still functional for preventative care. why are all people, men and women forced to wait until their lives and minds are deteriorating and they have experienced some irreversible disasters and pain before they can be diagnosed. why must girls and boys wait until their daily life as children have become unbearable hell for them before their disability can be treated and acknowledged. and if these policies are changing now, why are doctors and psychiatrists not eagerly and urgently reaching out to find the vulnerable adults they missed during more archaic screening methods. we aren't rising in adhd diagnosis because of tiktok you assholes. adult onset adhd and autism don't exist. those people were always adhd. adult onset skill regression and increase in severity due to stress DOES happen in adulthood. modern day stresses like loss of structure during the pandemic and social media is advancing to become more attention span draining. everyone is feeling the effects but these are causing adhd and autistic people to cope less and mask less effectively so they are running into significant problems, their loved ones are noticing, they are getting referrals and suddenly forced to google their rapidly worsening mental issues for the first time and seeing they line up with a known neurological condition . this is obvious. doctors blaming it on some sort of trend are being willfully clueless
*because autism especially is screened identified diagnosed and first intervened ages 2-5, before a child has an internal concept of self or gender and above all before they can express their gender, diagnostic practices and criteria are based on how adults perceive a child via birth assignments. and the studies are overwhelmingly beholden to data only on children assigned male at birth, rarely accounting for their actual future gender either. as part of the warped science insisting that autism is as if somehow linked to the y chromosome and not a universally likely human quality, you see amab kids laser focused on as candidates and afab kids fucked over most of all. all children assigned female have the worst chances of their developmental disability being identified and acknowledged in a timely manner and disproportionately experience late diagnosis in later adolescence or adulthood. tho i wouldn't be surprised if trans womens rates of accurate diagnosis is lower than cis men. as trans girls may present autism differently and characteristic of girls autism, even while still in the closet or before she knows she is trans. regardless adults are very vigilant for signs of autism, even atypical ones, in any child they perceive as a boy. so any millennial or gen z child identified female at birth had significantly worse chance at receiving autistic support compared to peers
in particular women assigned male at birth might have a better chance at being identified for types of autism that are often labeled "high functioning", involves high masking, and often receives few services. these more invisible types of autism often need to be diagnosed before age 5 in order to qualify under the criteria at all. and so in the days where autism was believed to be 20x more common in the genetics of xy children, any chance of being considered and diagnosed would come down to almost purely birth assignment dependent. with the less outwardly visible types of autism, a person who misses this window will remain autistic all their life but once they learn a certain level of skills and masking, no matter how late they learn these, the person will no longer qualify for diagnosis, either not until they have a nervous breakdown or possibly not ever qualify. it's this type of more hidden autism we see struggling across the board as undiagnosed adults including both trans and cis women especially, tho we are seeing it disproportionately even more so in undiagnosed afabs of any gender. who are dropping out of schooling and work and succumbing to severe mental illnesses during what should be the prime of their lives. overall tho birth assignment is not everything this is an issue that disproportionately impacts cis women. trans women. trans men. non-binary people. likely doubling for those that are afab. and then tripling and quadrupling for children who are not white.
bit of an understatement in that last part there. gender likely isn't even the biggest barrier to proper diagnosis and treatment. probably race is even more so. but since gender is such a big disparity in itself across race and one i relate to and can speak on from experience ive focused on it here. a more in-depth look is needed on the neglect of adhd and autistic children of color especially black native and latino kids. but for now do keep in mind the points i'm making increase exponentially for kids who aren't white across all genders including cis boys
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Text
Eighth Sense Ep 2 Rewatch
Ok, listen. Am I watching this show and playing video games at the same time? Yes. Does that mean I am missing a lot? Yes.
But! The facial blurs when it comes to JaeWon seem very intentional and is especially evident when they are in the water:
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Now, okay, there is 200% room for argument here that all the blurriness is because the cameraman is most likely filming in the water with a go-pro and has little to no control over the video quality. And that is totally something that can be true. And that is also totally something that would disguise any intentional, purposeful point of the blurriness in this moment.
And there is something else I noticed, the colors in this scene. Thanks, as always to @respectthepetty for turning me into a color monster.
The way the light refracts off of JiHyun's wetsuit makes the colors seem distorted.
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Camera issue? Sure! But could it be another indication of JaeWon's altered mental status? Why the fuck not! I mean, we don't know how his brother died yet. Personally, my theory is that he drowned. Because so much of this show is water centric, because of the fish tank and the fact that our title card for Episode 2 is literally JaeWon surrounded by a fish tank as if he is under water.
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I think it would be extra super spicy sad if it was when JaeWon was teaching his brother to surf. Just for the ~trauma~, and cause if that is true, then the blurriness and the distorted colors here once again is intentional, and is brilliantly capable of being written off by the audience as just difficult filming conditions.
So again, if that is the case, the blurriness is the altered mental status. And we can take that however we want, medically induced alteration, cognitive dissonance, anxiety, dissociation, all of them.
If the water killed JaeWon's brother, then being in the water would make him feel close to his brother and also be a great punishment for JaeWon. If his brother died learning to surf, then to teach a person the same age as his brother would have been would remind him of all that he had lost but give him that moment of soft remembrance to the person he loved most in the world.
And GOD we see this blurriness, much less obviously, but very rapidly cutting back and forth in the shower scene in Episode 3.
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Out of focus
In focus.
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Back and forth and back and forth every couple seconds like the camera isn't quite able to stick on his face. JaeWon wants to be present in this moment, JaeWon is fighting to remain in his body, tied to his emotions, tied to this person, so he is slipping in and out of focus because he's trying to fight the numbness and the brain fog.
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And again, you cannot tell me this man is not dissociating. I'm sorry but those are some dead fucking eyes. This man is shut down, this man is not present in this conversation with his ex. Why would he be? Why would he try to be? He has no reason to fight the numbness he feels.
And we're back on the color train for JaeWon with JiHyun, with this soft pink light around his head when he joins JiHyun on the beach for their late night kiss conversation about fear.
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Methinks JaeWon fears feeling anything, hence the hint towards drug dependence in Episode 6. I think it is so much easier for him to just be numb to the world so he doesn't have to feel the pain of the loss he suffered.
Anyway, the more I watch this show through the lens of mental illness, the more the camerawork is standing out to me with how and when they blur faces, and how it really only is JaeWon whose face is blurred when he's supposed to be in frame. Obviously there are instances where character's faces are going to be blurred because they are in the foreground or background, or they are not the focal point of the conversation. But JaeWon goes blurry far more often than anyone else does.
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