- Pretense: Silver calls Lilia "old man" in Japanese, which leads to some hilarious misunderstandings.
🌸♀️: I heard you've been sparring with Silver and Sebek a lot more recently. Don't overdo it, ok? Here, some pain relief patches for the old man!
🐉: !! Old... man..!
🌸, laughing at the joke: Yeah, you're already an old man!
And Malleus' lizard brain short circuits and blocks off any room for critical thinking. He breathes heavily, whines with a sob, and takes your hands with the softest eyes you've ever seen on him.
🐉: Thank you. You made me the happiest being in the world. I swear on my life that I will devote myself to protect you and your happiness.
🌸: That...sounds a bit too dramatic for a box of salonpas but... I'm glad you like it!
And then he starts focusing most of his time reading books unrelated to class. The professors try confiscating them, but are too stunned to react and think of the appropriate course of action when they discover he's studying phases of pregnancy and how to properly raise children.
He also starts pampering you out of the blue: personally preparing your meals for you and ensuring that the food you take have the appropriate balance of taste and nutrition, as well as escorting you everywhere. He even carries you up and down stairs. This one embarrasses you so badly that you threaten not to see him in the evenings anymore if he won't stop this insane overprotectiveness.
🐉: Nonsense! If you slip and fall, what happens to our offspring? Would you rather not let it see daylight even once?
🌸: Offspri-- what?! What are you talking about?!
🐉: You told me that I have become a father!
🌸: When?!
🐉: When you gave me that box of... Salon pass!
🌸: Salon-- Oh my god Hornton, I said you were an old man. A literal old man. You're literally hundreds of years old.
🐉: !!
🐉: ... Do you mean... I am not a father?
🌸: No! How did you even think of that?
🌸, not knowing whether to laugh or cry: We've never even slept together once? 😭
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