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#this is dumb but I will compile evidence
quirkeduptransguy · 28 days
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oh fyi this sort of changes my perspective on the shame forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and
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^ from scorpion boy by the vogue and the shame by the blood brothers respectively
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i-drop-level-one-loot · 7 months
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Smile❤️ (Yandere X Loser!Reader)
Micky thought that he couldn't feel love.
Ever since he could remember, Micky couldn't connect with anyone on an emotional level. Even his own family members were like aliens to him, creatures that stretched their lips into strange contortions, ETs that became unreasonable when he wouldn't do the same. As a teenager many girls flirted with him in school, hell, a few guys did as well, but none of their confessions ever stirred any emotion from him, even at the height of his puberty. The smiles of the people around him never felt warm or welcoming. Just, tight. Cheeks pulled back, revealing teeth, expecting him to mirror their action, and Micky couldn't understand why.
Nothing made him smile.
College was further isolating. Group projects seemed to no longer be a thing, (at least in the classes he took) so his interactions with humans slowly became less frequent, making his classmates look more inhuman and monstrous.
Until someone in his college was doxxed for being a creep. It was interesting, watching how quickly people turned on their friend, forcing him into an outcast because someone online revealed his private post history.
An annoying young woman in his language arts class gathered people around Micky's seat to talk about what had happened. Micky wouldn't have searched up the drama on his own time, but he didn't see the point in pushing everyone away.
"This user on Xforums, anonymousXnightmare is the one who doxxed Nathan."
AnonymousXnightmare? How fucking lame.
"That's a lame username..."
"Maybe it's a kid..?"
Micky did his best to ignore them, but the username kept popping up in conversation throughout campus. It was getting a little annoying. Some people were mocking the name, while others were praising the "internet hero". It started interfering with his ability to focus in his classes.
But the gossip cooled down after a week, and life began to run as normal, until another student had their life ruined. A football player, they didn't post anything incriminating or disturbing. It was anonymousXnightmare who posted their own collected evidence. Pictures taken from afar of the player with his highschool sweetheart, as in sweetheart who was still in highschool. Recordings of the two of them. Months of stalking all compiled by the stranger.
Again, Micky was bombarded by chatter, excitable young adults losing their minds over the situation. It was... irritating.
Back in his dorm room, Micky was scrolling through Xforums, the most popular forum used by students in his university, made by students for students, searching for the loser with the lame username. Scrolling past the photos he had heard about, he found a post stating
"Dear Allen Brackens, if you cannot stop blasting your shitty music in the halls on your shitty speakers, I WILL ruin your life!"
and Micky had to lean back, to just take in what he had read. That must have been the name of the football player. What he was doing was genuinely gross, and should have been exposed by someone. But did this poster really stalk them for what looked like months just because he listened to music they didn't like?
It was so dumb.
He scrolled down farther into the mystery poster's history, to the first man they doxxed.
"Dear Nathan McAllister, we all know you're a two faced little bitch. Either stop littering the campus with your Jesus pamphlets, or else..."
Micky, for the first time in his life, was amused. The whole situation was so stupid. They really ruined their fellow students lives, just because they annoyed them?
He made an account just to follow his mystery poster, not sure yet why he was interested to see what they would post next.
Less than two days later, and Micky's phone notified him of another post.
"Dear Samantha Rudbeckia, your obnoxious laughter is driving me insane. Can't you see how annoying you are? Knock it off."
That was it?! That was enough to set you off? Laughter? Micky paused mid step, still staring down at his phone. Something felt off about his face. It hurt.
It was pretty easy to find anonymousXnightmare in his school. Micky picked up a map of the university, and mapped out the paths of the three people targeted. They ran into a lot of different students throughout their day. But they only ran into a couple of people who openly seemed to hate them, and only one of those people was a student named (Reader). (Reader), who constantly appeared as though they would collapse at any moment, the hollows under their eyes so dark they looked sickly. (Reader), who despite being borderline anemic, was very sneaky, and very good and being unnoticeable despite their extreme appearance. Unfortunately for them, they had someone watching them as closely as they watched their victims bullies. Micky watched as they stealthily snapped photos of students from around corners, how they seemed to blend into the background and nobody noticed them hiding in waiting.
Micky felt ashamed for ever thinking you were lame. You were.. cute.
The way you crouched like a bug, hunched over like a roly poly scared of being picked up. The way you bit your dry lips in anger to the point they bled.
Micky's face hurt more and more. Every time he saw (Reader) a pain he had never felt before would strain at his cheeks, and his face would feel hot all over. It wasn't until he caught a glimpse of himself in his reflection in a window that Micky realized he was smiling. He never knew that smiling hurt. But he couldn't stop it.
Pictures and videos of Samantha and her married professor were posted online, and Micky was excited to know what (Reader's) face would look like when they reaped the fruits of their labor. But when he snuck into their classroom, zooming in on their exhausted face with his phone's camera, he felt a new emotion seeing that (Reader) was just as annoyed as they always were. A hard pit fell from his ribs into his lower stomach. He was disappointed.
Why aren't you happy? You won. You should be rejoicing right now.
He felt conflicted and confused. Like an octopus was throwing a tantrum in his abdomen, squirming uncomfortably. And it ruined his day. Micky couldn't focus on any of his classes, and the rest of his day was like a foggy dream. What was it about (Reader) that attracted him to them so much?
A cute young woman with smooth black hair approached Micky, a dark blush complimenting her picture perfect face.
"Um, excuse me? Excuse me? Excuse me?"
Micky snapped out of his thoughts, turning his gaze down towards the beautiful person. Her rosey lips were slightly upturned in a posed way.
She's smiling.
Micky internally verbalized it. The same way he did whenever he saw anyone smiling. It never looked good. Smiling was so awkward, and strange. People loved seeing others smiling, and smiled when they were happy, but it always reminded Micky of how not one of them he was.
"Hi! My name is Maggie."
I don't care.
"We have econ together?"
"Okay."
Why was seeing her smile make her look fake, inhuman, alien? Just like everyone else. Then why was Micky so let down seeing (Reader's) lukewarm reaction to their victory?
"I was wondering, I mean, (laughs), a group of us are going out for drinks later, and we, I was wondering if you wanted to come with us.."
She giggled nervously, fiddling her fingers and biting her lip. The image of (Reader) practically eating their lower lip was triggered like a trap. This woman, whose name wasn't worth remembering, made Micky feel nothing. The uncanny feeling of speaking with a living mannequin or an advanced AI. Her movements weren't natural, her smile was just a contraction of muscles. Then, like an epiphany, Micky realized all at once what made (Reader) so special.
Maybe, it wasn't that everyone else was alien, but Micky. Micky was the only one who never fit in. The only one who didn't feel emotions or connect with others like everyone else could. And there was a bug walking around in human clothes, barely staying awake in class and casually ruining peoples' lives simply because they annoyed them. (Reader) wasn't a human either, just like Micky. That's why they didn't seem happy with their victory. Why would a human bring them joy?
Micky's lips pulled tight, smiling brightly at the young woman before walking away without saying a word.
You're the first person to make me feel, because you're just like me. Right, (Reader)? If no one but you can make me feel, then no one but me should be able to make you smile!
:::::::::::::::::::::::::
(Reader) slouched over their laptop, their messy hair pulled back in a top bun just to keep their untrimmed bangs out of their eyes in the privacy of their dorm, eating another cup of noodle while reading all of their "fan mail". Samantha wasn't getting kicked out like they had hoped, but Professor what's-his-nuts did get canned, so hopefully when Samantha comes back to class she'll be too busy sobbing "woe is me" to find anything funny.
Ba-ding♪
A private message popped up from an account with an automated username.
(Reader) snorted so hard a noodle went up into their sinuses.
user01793664544001: I know who you are <3
"Ah-ow! God damn!"
anonymousXnightmare: Who the fuck is this?
user01793664544001: ur prince charming <3
anonymousXnightmare: Don't fuck with me
user01793664544001: come find me
"Watch me, bitch."
Looking up IP addresses is a lot easier than people make it seem. It doesn't take a genius hacker to doxx someone. Of course, (Reader) goes above and beyond, often following assholes for months to collect evidence of their douche baggery. (Reader) got an address in less time than it took to finish their noodles, and took down their hair, quickly setting out to start getting information on their newest "bully".
The address took them to another dorm across campus. How dumb are they? (Reader) faux chuckled, feeling superior to this newest dick. No one was quite as smart as them.
As they crept through the building, no one payed them any attention as they began taking notes on the residents. It had to be one of these losers.
They didn't have a chance to fight back, as they passed one of the rooms the door opened and pulled them inside faster than they had a chance to scream. The man who abducted (Reader) wrestled them to the floor, panting heavily.
(Reader) glared up at the handsome stranger, smiling down at them in a creepy way, his cheeks twitching like he had never smiled before, like his face hurt from the small action. His face was pink and he was sweating, panting with a feverish moisture glazing his eyes.
"Aren't you happy? You found me~"
"G-Get off of me, you pervert!" (Reader) attempted to kick the kidnapper off of them.
This wasn't the answer he was looking for. His smile fell briefly before bouncing back.
"You're just upset because you don't know me yet. Don't worry, it took me a while to realize you and I were the same species as well, so don't worry. I'll wait, I'll wait for you to realize you love me too..."
He rambled quickly, pressing harder against (Reader's) body. A strange noise squeaked out of his throat as he seemed startled, (Reader) feeling a bulge form against their upper thigh.
"Ah, I'll wait.. I'll wait for you to love me too.. but I need you to do something for me while I wait.."
Micky stuck his fingers in (Reader's) mouth, pulling their dry lips out till they bled across his skin.
"Smile for me..."
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stinkyme · 4 months
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Hello! I won't explain myself, yall should've seen it coming at this point 💆🏻‍♀️ I hope you like it and enjoy it! :)
CW/TW: NSFW (mdni), fem!reader, hate sex, reader is Fyodor's subordinate, mutual degrading (dumb slut, bitch, crybaby, etc), usage of (little) girl & she/her pronouns, reader slaps Fyodor, dacryphilia (both), riding, reader teasing Fyodor's mommy issues ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯, oral fixation (?), mentions of blood and marks, if I forgot anything please let me know! :)
I apologize for any mistakes in advance! :) and sorry if this sucks, I haven't been very inspired + got a bit rusty me thinks :/ sorry if you dislike it!
Hate Sex || Fyodor Dostoevsky x Reader
You aren't entirely sure when exactly you started sleeping with Fyodor. Sleeping is probably a soft word to use, better way to put it is - you aren't sure when you became his little sex toy.
Perhaps in-between endless, to you - quite boring assignments and missions he was giving you, he decided to make a full use out of you to which you compiled as a good little subordinate you were. Which, by the way, he would disagree with.
He always had a snarky comment to make, not praising you once, not thanking you once for sticking by his side for so long and flawlessly executing all of his desires.
Without questioning his reasoning, without asking for details - you were a perfect weapon, a perfect executor. Unlike Fyodor, who was far away from a perfect superior, treating you like you were nothing but one of the mere useless pawns he was using as he pleased. You would lie if you said it didn't hurt your ego or that it wasn't pissing you off each time his eyes would look at you with disinterested, even bored gaze after you give details of everything you executed perfectly. Waving his hand at you in a lazy manner as he turns on his chair, not giving you a benefit of a simple praise, a simple acknowledgment of your hard work.
His treatment towards you was beyond unfair, as if he was holding all those useless idiots above you. It was annoying, humiliating and it made your blood boil. There was not a single way to hurt Fyodor, you knew that, but you were also the only person who had him in one of his most vulnerable states.
So, why not use that to your advantage and let out some pent up stress you were experiencing?
"I completed the mission perfectly. Again." you say in a stern tone, slightly sighing as you close the door behind you. 
"Is that so?" Fyodor doesn't give you even a proper moment of his attention, voice distant as his gaze remains on the paper he was holding. You silently click your tongue, but quickly compose yourself as you walk up to his desk, eyes swiftly scanning over the paper in his hand.
"Indeed it-"
"Bring me a cup of tea since you are back." he cuts you off in a beat, that familiar feeling of humiliation settling in your tummy again. You remain still, gaze evidently displeased with his request.
There is a prolonged moment of silence, a thick layer of tension filling up the distance between the two of you. Finally, Fyodor looks up, gaze switching from disinterest to slight irritation upon meeting yours that was holding evident annoyance. He drops the paper, fingers elegantly colliding together, hiding his lips.
"Is there an issue with my request?" he says in a serious tone, the usual silkiness of his voice getting lost. His gaze is sharp, shamelessly piercing through yours. You feel your whole body burning, breath short as your remaining dignity gets ruined by him, once again. However, you decide to swallow your pride this time, once more.
"No, sir. I will be back in a couple of minutes." you say sternly as you turn on your heel, closing your eyes once he can't see them anymore, anger boiling inside your tummy.
Your hand reaches the doorknob when Fyodor stops you in your tracks.
"Take your time." 
There is a split second of initial confusion.
"Wash yourself up first, I can't have you walking around looking like that. Dirty and unpresentable." 
You hear a rustle of papers as you shoot him a cold gaze, the one he doesn't return, too busy with work. As always.
"I thought you liked the taste of blood." you make a dirty remark, lips slightly curling as shameless pride fills you up. Fyodor glances sharply in your direction, sucking his cheeks in, his very discreet way of showing annoyance, but you notice. You hum as the feeling of pride overwhelms you, another remark leaving your lips quickly.
"One more thing." 
You pause for a moment, noticing that his gaze slightly softens.
"When you make a request, you usually use the word please. Just for the future reference." 
Your face molds from a sly expression to an irritated one, voice sharp. You quickly open the door, not giving him any time to answer you, enjoying the feeling of victory. It's not the full experience you desire, but it will make you satisfied for now.
There are so many more ways you wish to use in order to humiliate him and ruin that disgusting demeanor of his.
Lucky or unlucky for you, either way, Fyodor shared the exact same feelings towards you. 
Which is why you got an invitation to his room tonight - to fulfill another of your endless, unappreciated duties and ease up his pent up irritation. 
Couple of hours later, you find yourself greedily kissing Fyodor, hands gently pulling on his purple locks. He carefully sucks on your bottom lip, letting his tongue slide over it in a teasing manner. Your hands sneak underneath his thin shirt, fingertips messily exploring his lanky body. He lets out a mellow whimper as his tongue finds yours, sound getting muffled by the kiss. 
Foreplay with Fyodor was different than his usual self.
He wasn't the most loving, evidently, but he was holding a certain tenderness during it. That's truly the only part of his that you were looking forward to. The vulnerable, whiny Fyodor that only you get to see. That only you get to ruin. 
He swiftly slides his thumbs between your panties and hips, greedily rolling them down your thighs as you undo your bra, allowing him to softly kiss your chest area as the bra falls down your arms. Your hands move to take off his boxers, his hard, needily dripping cock softly pressing into your tummy as his hands pull on your hips, fingernails slightly digging into your skin.
Quickly enough, you find yourself on top of him - as always. He leans his back against the bed frame, hands falling on your hips, fingers shakily pressing into your skin, needy for you to pleasure him. With a slight dissatisfaction in your eyes, you look down on him for a few moments. In those few moments you let all of your anger and hatred towards him settle inside your body, a burning sensation of a desire to humiliate him like no one did before swirling inside your tummy.
You align your dripping cunt with the tip of his cock and slowly move your hips down, each inch stretching you out more and bringing soft moans out both of your throats. Your ass reaches his thighs and you remain still for a moment, purposefully clenching around him, receiving a breathy moan of his in response. You give him a sly smile as your hands rest on his trapeziuses, fingernails slightly digging into the cold flesh as you start moving your hips up and down, in an agonizingly slow manner.
Fyodor keeps his gaze on you, there is a lingering anger behind his eyes, even though mellow whimpers escape his parted lips. You let out a mellow moan each time you slide completely on his cock, its tip reaching the deepest spot inside of you. You remain at your pace, slow and teasing, not taking your eyes off of him. His fingernails dig deeper into your hips, squeezing a light gasp out of your lungs as he kneads on your skin roughly.
"Go faster." he orders, voice cold but quieter. You smile, bending your knees and adjusting yourself into a frog-like position. His face softens at that, he loved when people were obedient to his orders. You lift your hips up, letting only the tip of his cock remain in your needy cunt, holding it like that for a moment, letting the anticipation build up.
Fyodor's lips part in expectation of a heavy thrust, but he only receives a slow slide down on his cock, a sly smile curling on your lips.
"I prefer it like this." you say in a playful tone as you slowly move your thighs and hips up and down, occasionally clenching around his pathetic cock. He lets out a soft grunt, either from dissatisfaction or pleasure - perhaps both. He digs his fingernails more into your skin, receiving a sharp gasp of yours as the burning sensation tingles under your almost ripped skin.
"I said go faster." he says in a cold, almost threatening tone, as his fingernails keep on digging into your skin. You let out a yelp, but keep your pace slow and teasing. There is an evident anger and frustration lingering in your gaze, chest shaky with a desire to hurt him. However, you keep your composure, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of riling you up.
"Only if you say please." you force a teasing smile, pussy clenching around his tip before you slide down in an even slower manner. His grip on your hips becomes painful, a sharp gasp escaping your throat in response as your hands fall onto his wrists. You barely pull his hands away and keep them on the sides, meeting his anger filled gaze, returning the same treatment.
"Say please." your voice is more stern as you keep slowly sliding up and down on his cock, suppressing your own moans each time it rubs over your sweetest spots. Fyodor remains silent, lips parted in pleasure that he was trying to hold back as your grip on his wrists tightens.
"Do you need me to spell it out for you?" you ask in a sharper tone as you let yourself remain still, sitting on top of him as his cock reaches the deepest parts of you.
There was something challenging, dark in his eyes as he finally replies.
"Who do you think you are to order me around? Should I remind you of who you are?" his voice is cold, but his cock slightly twitches inside your warm, dripping cunt as you remain still. Your lips become shaky, grip on his wrists loosening as your tummy burns in a mixture of annoyance and anxiety. He moves his hands away from yours, letting one of them fall on your waist as the other one cups your cheek, thumb drawing small circles on your skin.
"You are a dumb little slut." he says in a condescending tone, a sly smile on his face, but slowly his annoyance takes over him as he finally lets his thoughts out.
"A dumb little slut who is good for nothing but my cock. And can't even do that properly." he spats out, voice becoming more filled with hatred.
"A dumb little slut who thinks she has any say in how I will behave. A dumb little bitch who thinks she can tell me what to do." his voice grows more deep, more annoyed, more everything.
"Disrespectful senseless little girl who expects praise every time she does her job. Is that why you behave like a desperate whore every time you finish a mission?" he continues, his thumb gently caressing your burning cheek. Bitter tears slightly cloud your vision, all the hatred melting away as he continues talking. Your pussy clenches around his cock regardless of your emotions, a soft breath getting stuck in your throat.
"You want me to call you a good girl? Is that what you clench around me for?" he asks in a lower, more gentle tone, eyebrows slightly rising at your pitiful state. You bite your bottom lip, reverting your gaze away from him for a moment. He chuckles, cold thumb delicately wiping away the small tear that was rolling down your cheek.
"Remember that awful feeling, that's what you get for disobeying me. And girls who disobey me don't get to be called good for it." he continues in a silky tone, moving his hand away from your cheek and letting it fall on your bruised hip as his face softens in the feeling of victory.
His gaze remains on your mocking-worthy expression, a soft curl of his lips revealing amusement and satisfaction he was feeling. You let the feeling of defeat and humiliation spread inside your body for just a moment before you compose yourself. Your gaze pierces through him, eyebrows furrowing in faint disgust and frustration as his words repeat in your head.
You hate to admit the fact that his nasty insults make your pussy leak even more precum than before mixed with the pure desire to punish him for it. Almost mindlessly, you start bouncing on his cock in a fast, greedy manner, receiving sharp gasps of his in response. Your hand sneaks into his hair, fingers roughly pulling on his locks and forcefully pulling his head back.
A strained moan escapes your throat as you keep on moving up and down, each full thrust making your head spin as his cock pressures all of your overly sensitive spots. His fingers shakily grab on your skin, unable to make a proper grip as your ass keeps slamming on his thighs in a rough manner. He lets out breathy whimpers as your cunt keeps on sliding over his needy cock, thighs bruising from the force you were riding him with. You swallow your own moans, only a few short whines escaping your lungs as you pull his hair more, exposing his pale neck.
Your gaze falls on how the muscles of his throat strain with each sound he makes before it moves to look him into his pathetic, half-lidded eyes.
"Yeah? You want to know what you are?" you speak in a breathy, heavy manner as you keep on bouncing on his cock. You don't feel a single thing besides anger and the fast pleasure building inside your lower tummy each time he reaches your g-spot. Your hand wraps around his throat, thumb pushing his chin back as your grip on his hair tightens.
"You are my dumb little toy. Just look at yourself, getting used by me like a personal dildo." you let out a strained chuckle as you switch your movement from bouncing to grinding, your hips making quick and heavy rolls on his cock.
You let out a sharp moan as his cock perfectly pressures your sweetest spots. Fyodor lets out a mixture of strained whimpers and grunts of disagreement, clawing his way into your outer thighs. With the way your hands roughly keep him in place it's hard to speak, but you can see an obvious anger breaking through his pleasure-filled eyes.
"You are my slut. You are a dumb little manwhore who needs me. You need my pussy, don't you?" your voice is firm even though faint whimpers fill in the gaps between your words.
You let go of his hair, but your hand remains on his jaw, firmly keeping it in place as you force him to look at you. You speed up the movement of your hips, not letting the soreness of your muscles get in the way.
"Tell me. You need it, don't you? You are a pathetic creature, can't even get off without me." you chuckle as your hand slides away from his jaw, down to his throat. You wrap your hand tightly, resulting in Fyodor's eyes to roll back, heavy whimpers slipping his parted lips alongside a small amount of drool.
He shuts his eyes closed, trying to regain some strength as his fingernails leave deep marks in your skin, making it burn and ache. His cock twitches inside of you, pulsating heavily as your needy and fast grinds become unbearable for both of you. Fyodor's fingernails dig even deeper into your skin as your grip on his throat tightens, a quick gasp escaping your lips as the pain becomes sharp and unbearable. Without a thought, your free hand lands a heavy slap on his cheek, making his head turn as your grip on his throat loosens, hand falling next to your body.
He gives you a frustrated look, lips immediately finding your nipple as he begins sucking roughly on it, almost mindlessly. You let out a sharp moan, throwing your head back as your pussy keeps sliding on his throbbing cock, sending shivers up your spine. 
"Yeah? Is that how your mommy used to do it? Slap you around and then give you a nipple to play with?" you give him a breathless laugh before a heavy moan cuts you off as he bites on your nipple in a harsh manner. His fingernails dig deeper into your skin, a small amount of blood rolling down the flesh of your thighs.
"Fuck!" you almost scream out as you throw your head back, both of your hands falling on and tightly squeezing his bicepses as your pace on his cock remains the same. Your cunt starts to clench and pulsate around his leaking cock, heat beneath your skin tingling in a pleasurable manner.
Fyodor keeps on sucking on your nipple, a bit gentler than before, his eyes surprisingly tearing up. He lets out soft snivels and whimpers, hot breath heating up your flesh even more as his tongue relentlessly slides over your nipple. You bring one of your hands to his cheek, rubbing soft circles in a condescending manner - just like he did to you. You regain your focus, even though the heat that keeps on swirling inside your whole body makes it quite hard.
"Ah, don't be a crybaby now. Nobody likes little dumb bitch boys who cry during sex." you say in a teasing tone, wanting to degrade him more, but he starts rolling his hips into yours, barely but enough to make you lightheaded as his cock pressures your sensitive spots more.
He lets go of your practically bruised nipple, mumbling something as he messily moves to your other one and begins sucking on it in a greedy manner. You let out louder moans as your hips keep on rolling into his, your precum leaking and spreading all over his balls. The pain in your thighs from riding him for so long and from the fact he made you bleed becomes overwhelming, but the knot inside your lower tummy urges you to suck it up.
His cock reaches the deepest spots inside of you, perfectly rubbing over your g-spot and making you beyond dizzy as your orgasm slowly approaches. Your cunt keeps involuntarily clenching and relaxing around him each time he makes a harsher suck on your nipple, sending jolts through your whole body. You let out sharp moans and gasps as Fyodor pants into your skin in-between the heavy sucks, his cock throbbing inside your leaking cunt.
You curse under your breath as the knot inside your lower tummy starts slowly unraveling, first waves of your orgasm making your thighs shake. He barely lets go of your nipple, panting and whining in a desperate manner, eyes heavy as you fuck his brain out using only your hips. Your chest feels heavy as your breathing becomes incoherent, loud gasps in and out occupying your throat as your orgasm finally unravels.
Your whole body shakes as you squirt all over his cock and balls, making his own body shake as he gets close to his own climax. The pace of your hips becomes messy, the pain finally settling in and making it hard to move as the jolts of the peak of your orgasm rush through your body. Fyodor's hands fall onto your hips, desperately trying to hold you down as pathetic whines escape his dry throat. You swiftly lift yourself away from his cock and he gasps loudly, whole body shaking as a tiny load of cum drips out of the tip of his cock and slides down his length.
He lets out shaky pants and whines, clawing into his own thighs as his release gets ruined. You quickly put on a shirt, your breathing still incoherent and heavy as you slowly stand up, pulling your panties up.
Fyodor gives you a mixture of a needy, desperate, irritated and pathetic gaze, his cock softening and twitching as your combined releases slide down his balls. He remains silent, but he brings his semi-bloody fingers close to his lips, the tip of his tongue gently licking them. You give him a dirty look, a sly smile forming on your face. 
"Remember that awful feeling. That's what disobedient, disrespectful and badly behaved boys deserve." you say in a bitter tone as you pull up your pants, letting out a small yelp as it rubs over the bloody scars on your thighs. 
You leave his room, letting the lovely feeling of humiliating him overflow inside of you.
You won...this time, that is.
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Point Counterpoint (Tech x F!Reader)
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Summary: Despite the mutual attraction, Tech thinks a relationship at time isn't a good idea. You disagree. Vehemently.
Pairing: Tech x F!Reader
Rating: Mild.
Word Count: 3.1k.
Warnings: None!
---
But if I seem to act unkind
It's only me, it's not my mind
That is confusing things
---
Figuring out where you lived wasn’t difficult. You’ve mentioned that it’s a ten minute walk to Cid’s bar, and a fifteen minute walk to the hangar where they keep the Marauder. A third distance would have made it easier, but Tech has done more with less.
Though it would have been much easier if Omega wasn’t hovering over his shoulder.
“This seems... complicated,” she says slowly.
“Not particularly,” Tech replies. He points at the computer viewscreen. “The edge of this circle represents about a fifteen minutes walk, and this one--”
“No, I mean why do this when you could just message her? You have her comm information.”
Echo chimes in from his spot lounging on the bunk. “Because he’s scared to talk to girls.”
Tech shoots him a dry look. “There is no guarantee that she would reply in a timely manner, or that she would be willing to give the information freely. This is faster.”
Omega gives Echo an uneasy look, but he shrugs. She returns her attention to the screen. “Did she forget something?”
Tech shakes his head. “There is something I’d like to discuss with her in private.”
Echo chimes in again. “Make sure you bring flowers. I’ve heard roses are traditional for first dates.”
There’s a crash from outside the ship, and Wrecker comes barreling inside. “Tech’s goin’ on a date?!” he bellows.
Everyone flinches, with poor Omega covering her ears. But she recovers quickly. “He’s trying to figure out where she lives right now.”
Wrecker’s brow scrunches up. “Why doesn’t he just ask her?”
Tech sighs. “I am not going on a date,” he says. “Though, given that she is infatuated with me, it would be a reasonable assumption to make.”
You didn’t hide it very well. The way you’d stand a little closer to him, or play with your hair, or send him messages with hearts in them. You seem to be using them playfully, but given all of the other evidence, it’s the only logical conclusion.
Wrecker breaks into a wide grin. “Aw, lucky!” He gives Tech what is intended to be a friendly punch on the shoulder, but it nearly knocks him out of his chair.
“Don’t sound too excited, Tech,” Echo says. He sits up and swings his legs over the edge of the rack to sit.
“I am not,” Tech says. “Regretfully, I am going to talk her out of it.”
Wrecker’s voice doesn’t crack often, but it does now. “What?! Why?!”
Tech picks up the holopad on the console and passes it to him. “I have spent the last several days compiling a list of why we should not pursue a relationship. You may peruse it if you wish.”
Wrecker is more than capable of reading, but he stares at the pad like it’s written in Durese. His expression hardens and he shoves it back into Tech’s hands. “These are dumb. You’re dumb.”
“Demonstrably untrue,” he replies.
“Nah, Wrecker’s right this time,” Echo says. Tech looks to him, only to see him shake his head in disapproval. “A girl likes you, you go for it. Especially when you like her back.”
There is wisdom in his brother’s words, but how did he know he liked her back? Tech blinks at him. “And where did you hear that?”
“You act different around her,” Omega says. “You’re always standing really close to her, and your cheeks get kinda red, and you smile at things she says...” She shrugs. “It’s really obvious.”
He takes a steadying breath. “Regardless of my feelings, we are not compatible. It is as simple as that.” He stands up. “If you will excuse me, I’d like to see her before dark.”
Wrecker lets out a low grumble, not unlike that of an agitated tooka. “For someone so smart, you’re really stupid, y’know that?” He turns to Echo. “Two creds says this doesn’t go the way he thinks this will.”
“Bet,” he grunts. “She’s gonna kick him to the curb.”
Tech rolls his eyes, but says nothing. He has places to be.
Hunter almost bumps into him as he walks down the ramp, but he scoots to the side just in time. “Going to see your girlfriend?” he says with a smile.
“She is not my girlfriend,” he says flatly, “and I’m going to straighten that out now.”
---
You’re a very intelligent woman. You have an education and a career. You can usually keep up with his explanations and ask more questions. It’s one of the many things he likes about you.
Today, however, you seem to not understand a thing he’s saying. From the second you opened your door, you’ve been wide-eyed and baffled. Which is unusual, given that he’s not espousing any particularly complicated technical insights.
You stare at the holopad, eyes widening as you scan the text. They’re enormous and uncomprehending when you look up at him, blinking. You swallow, then take a deep breath.
“Tech,” you ask flatly, “what the fuck?”
That’s an unusually ignorant question coming from you. “Is it not obvious? It is a list of reasons you should pursue other men. I am not a suitable partner for you.”
You blink once. Your mouth opens, then closes. You look at the holopad and open your mouth again, only to close it again as you look back at him. “How long is this?”
“There are about thirty-five items, though some have multiple subsections. So about…” He counts in his head. “Forty-seven, in total.”
He waits for you to speak. You don’t. You just keep staring at him. You look remarkably like a fish, with your mouth opening and closing. You look between him and the holopad several times.
Unsure of what to do with his hands, he adjusts his goggles. “This is not to say that I do not wish to stay friends,” he says. “You are good company and I would like to--”
He’s about a head taller than you, but you have the element of surprise. You grab him by the collar of his breastplate and haul him into your apartment, throwing him onto your sofa. It’s quite plush and his landing is soft.
You slap the door panel to close it and then whirl around to storm towards him. “This isn’t fair,” you say. “You can’t just throw a list of reasons at me and leave.”
“I just did,” he states. He tries to stand up, but you sit him back down. “I don’t understand what you are upset about.”
With a huff, you toss the holopad at him. “At the very least, I deserve to have you tell me to my face why. And I should make an argument back.”
That’s fair. He glances at his chronometer. “I hope you have no plans for the evening.”
“Free as a purrgil,” you say, voice smooth. “So lay it on me.”
He likes that confident tone you take. It makes his insides squirm in a pleasant way. “Very well,” he says. He taps the pad. “Point one,” he begins. “I am a fugitive of the Empire.”
You scoff. “For a good reason. I’d desert too if I had people to protect.”
“Friendship is one thing, but the close contact necessitated by a romantic relationship would put you in constant danger.” He gives you a pointed look. “It is not an easy life.”
You ponder that a moment, tipping your head back and pursing your lips. “Well, yeah,” you finally say, “but I’ve known that from the jump. It’s not like you’re hiding it from me.”
That’s a good point. You’ve been nothing but gracious about his status -- helpful, even. You’ve gone so far as to warn him when inspections are to be conducted on the ship hangars.
You continue. “And in the interests of openness, I assure you I’m not hiding anything either. Except maybe my credit card number, but that’s nothing personal.”
A joke. Your mood has improved. A good sign. Perhaps you’ll be more receptive to the next point.
He adjusts his goggles. “Point two: you are far more attractive than I am.”
The right half of your smile disappears as your brows shoot up and your eyes widen, leaving you looking remarkably like an orbak in a pair of headlights. “Are you saying you wish I wasn’t pretty?”
“Nothing of the sort. You are fine the way you are. More than fine, if I may be honest. Which is what concerns me. Couples where one is perceived as more attractive than the other are subject to more scrutiny and are therefore more likely to separate.”
Your expression doesn’t change. You’re still baffled. “I’m flattered, but... what?”
For such an intelligent woman, you’re being unusually dense right now. It’s very frustrating. “Objectively speaking, you are very beautiful. Your face is symmetrical and your bust-waist-hip measurements are within ideal parameters -- based on just my visual estimates, of course.”
Somehow, your eyes get even wider. “...how long have you been looking at me?”
Too long, but he’ll keep that fact to himself. He ignores your interjection. “I, on the other hand, am a Human clone of decidedly average looks. Which brings me to my next point--”
“Whoa whoa whoa whoa!” You regain your wits and flap your hands so fast that your fingers appear to smear in the air. You stick your index finger at him. “What makes you think you’re unattractive?”
He almost scoffs, but he swallows it. “The data I’ve seen suggests I am not.”
You roll yours. “Don’t care. Explain yourself.”
He’s not a fan of prolonged self-depreciation, but if you insist. “Brown hair and eyes are, according to research I’ve read on the subject, the most common hair and eye colors among Humans. Hardly unique traits. Thus, average.”
“You’re taller than most guys I’ve met and in better shape. That rates you pretty high in my book,” you say. “And your goggles are neat.”
“While your appreciation of my eyewear is, well, appreciated, you are just one woman.” Speaking of which, they’re slightly crooked again. He adjusts them.
You suck in the slightest of breaths, and the corners of your lips curl. You always seem pleased when he touches his goggles.
You shake your head as if to clear it. “There’s more to attractiveness than looks, man.” You count on your fingers. “There’s personality, interests--”
“I’m aware of that as well. Which brings me to my third point: disparate levels of intelligence.”
You abandon your counting and your gaze snaps to his like a turret locking onto a target. “Excuse me?”
“I’m far more intelligent than you are.”
While it’s the truth, the look in your eyes makes him regret saying that. “Are you calling me dumb?”
He raises his hand. “I did not mean to offend.”
“Then what did you mean?!”
It’s suddenly very hot in here. “That was-- What I mean to say is--” He swallows thickly and takes a breath. “While you are by no means unintelligent, I am an enhanced clone. I am very knowledgeable and, in past experiences, my sharing of that knowledge has led to discomfort and irritation on the part of others.”
Your anger deflates. You put your hand on your breast, and your brows knit. “Have I ever been like that?” you ask quietly.
“Not often, but on occasion.”
You deflate even more. “I’m sorry,” you say in a small voice. “I didn’t mean to hurt you like that.”
A fuzzy warmth blooms in his head, pressing against the backs of his eyes. He’s not used to apologies, and yours seems genuine. “It’s fine,” he says, willing the feeling away.
“No, it’s not.” You vault over the arm of the sofa to sit next to him. Your gaze is soft. “I hurt your feelings and I apologize for that.”
The feeling doesn’t go away. It trickles down his throat and into his chest, even fuzzier and warmer. He coughs and turns back to the datapad.
“I think it’s really neat when you go off about stuff. Like, I didn’t know that thing about getting into hyperspace faster if you use a gas giant as a slingshot. I was telling everyone that for weeks.”
He’d completely forgotten he’d told you that. Though it’s not slingshotting. “Gravity assist,” he corrects.
Your smile returns and it’s like when he takes his armor off after a long day. “Gravity assist,” you repeat. “My bad. Point is that I like it when you talk about stuff. So scratch that from your list.”
His insides are fuzzy enough that he’s suddenly worried he swallowed a mouse without noticing. “...very well,” he says. He highlights the passage and deletes it from the list. “But that doesn’t affect my next point.”
You cross your arms. “Lay it on me.”
Your casual demeanor calms him somewhat. “Point four: clones have inconsistent fertility levels. Should you desire a child, conception may be difficult--”
A peal of laughter interrupts him. You’ve got your hand on your chest as your shoulders shake, your eyes scrunched up and your smile wide.
The warm sinks into his belly. He likes it when you laugh. But this is a serious matter. “What is so funny?”
You giggle for a few moments more, then inhale. “We’re not even in a relationship and you’re talking about kids!”
“It is a genuine concern!” he says. “Numerous studies stated that infertile couples are three times more likely to separate.”
The seriousness of his tone seems to affect you, and you stop laughing. “But we’re not a couple.”
“And I would hate for that to happen if we were.”
“Tech,” you say sharply. “You just brought over a list about why you don’t want to be in a relationship. Why are you worried about it?”
“It is not that I don’t want to, it’s just that it would be unwise,” he says.
It’s the truth. He’d love nothing more than to be with you. But it’s a bad idea and he’s holding forty-seven reasons why. One of which is infertility and he would really appreciate it if you took it seriously.
And yet now you’re looking at him like he sprouted a second head. Wide eyes. Jaw lowered. Lips parted. “Say that again.”
“It is not a good idea,” he repeats.
You shake your head and speak slowly. “No, the first part.”
He swallows. His cheeks are heating up. “It is not that I don’t want to be in a relationship--”
You spring forward so fast that not even his enhanced reflexes are enough to stop you. The datapad clatters to the floor as you push him back against the sofa and position yourself above him.
“I wanna kiss you,” you whisper. “Can I kiss you?”
His surroundings, all of the tactile sensations he’s getting, every single thought swirling around in his head vanishes with a pop. All that exists is your beautiful, symmetrical face, staring down at him with glittering eyes.
A single word appears, deep in his gut. He has to grab onto it and force it up his throat, past his teeth and tongue to his numb lips, and even then it’s barely louder than the breeze through a field of grass.
“Please,” he croaks.
The glitter in your eyes turns to a shine. Slowly, agonizingly slowly, you lower yourself towards him. Your breasts make contact with his chest first, and he wishes he hadn’t worn his armor. He wishes he could feel their warmth, their weight, resting against him.
And then your lips make contact with his and he doesn’t wish for anything at all.
Tech has never been kissed before. He’s seen it, heard others talking about it, how much they crave it. He didn’t put much stock into it. It seemed like it would be unpleasant.
He was wrong.
Your lips are gentle and warm against his, soft and smooth as satin. Your muscles move beneath the skin, as if you’re putting great effort into keeping them still.
He wants to linger in this moment forever.
But all things must end, and just as soon as you make contact, you pull away. Your eyes are lidded slightly, making you look intoxicated. Your tongue peeks out from behind your lips, visible for only a moment.
He wants to taste it.
He throws his arms around your waist and pulls you flush against him. One hand snakes up to press your head back down towards his as he rises to meet you.
He's a man possessed, watching his body act of its own accord. He moves his lips against yours and, though you peep in surprise, you reciprocate. You part your lips and he feels the warmth of your breath and the coolness of your mouth and you taste like hyperspace looks.
He has no idea what that means, but it feels right.
“Tech,” you whisper into his mouth.
Hearing his name come from your lips is like heaven. He murmurs yours back, and he gets a coo so sweet in response that he gasps.
You pull away, concern knitting your brow. “You okay?” you pant.
He nods. “Yes. This is a... new experience.”
Your jaw drops. You look both sad and elated. “Well, I’m honored to be your first.”
He’s glad you’re the first as well. With any luck, you’ll be the only.
He licks his lips. They taste faintly of meiloorun. “...I would like to kiss you again.”
Your eyes sparkle with delight. They drift closed as you lean in to catch his lips in yours.
---
He doesn't know how long he lays with you atop him, exploring your mouth, but the sun has set by the time he leaves. Or you let him leave, rather. You refuse to let him go until he promises to come by tomorrow so you can buy him dinner.
The phrase walking on air never made much sense to him, but as he strolls through the streets, he thinks he gets it.
Hunter is examining the contents of a cargo crate when Tech returns. He initially doesn’t pay him any mind, but he double-takes and raises a brow. “Where’ve you been?”
“Seeing a friend.” He adjusts his goggles. “Why?”
“You got...” He rubs his thumb along his lower lip. “...on your mouth...”
Tech touches his fingertips to his mouth. Pulling away, a swash of color stains his gloves.
Uh-oh.
He scrubs the back of his hand along his mouth just as Echo pokes his head out the door of the Marauder, quickly joined by Omega and Wrecker. “So how’d it go?” he asks.
Somehow, he manages to keep his voice even. “Better than expected,” he replies. “We’re getting dinner tomorrow night.”
Echo’s eyebrows shoot up as Omega’s jaw drops. Wrecker barks a laugh and jostles Echo with his elbow. Hunter continues to look confused.
“Seriously, what happened?” he asks. “Is this about your girlfriend?”
Tech opens his mouth to respond, only to pause. Instead, he nods. “It is,” he says.
Hunter waits for the correction, but it doesn't come. His brows slowly rise, and he breaks into a knowing grin.
---
Thank you for reading! Special thanks to my bf for putting on Revolver just when I was looking for an epigraph. <3
---
⬅⬅⬅ | "Filled With Things to Say" Masterpost | To the Mastahpost | Tip Jar | ➡➡➡
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suratan-zir · 2 years
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@saxor117
as per usual, I'm publicly answering to all sorts of disgusting individuals on tumblr instead of just blocking them, because I'm dumb like that and have no chill. I can't stand the injustice. And I will not tolerate someone, who probably never even been to Ukraine nor experienced the war, calling me a liar.
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Here's a video where you can clearly see russian missile hitting the mall. Although, if you were interested in truth, than you would easily find it yourself.
I live in a small rural area right across the river from Kremenchuk, just a few kilometers away. I almost rented an apartment in that district for my grandmother who was forced to evacuate from Donbas (because russia if fucking razing Donbas to the ground at the moment). Good thing I didn't. Who knows, maybe she could be in that mall. Or my husband, or me. I am so bad of a liar that I posted about the explosions way before it was clear where exactly this happened. The blast was quite powerful, and I honestly thought it could be my last day on earth.
"Literally no evidence that russia target civilians"? I don't know, how about the whole fucking cities and villages being razed to the ground? Dozens of videos of russians opening fire from tanks at apartment buildings or riding over civilian cars with innocent people inside? Tens of thousands of killed Ukrainians?
Someone today made this compilation of shopping centers destroyed by russia. Are these all military targets?
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The thing that you call a "military factory" is in reality the Road machines factory "Кредмаш" and it produces asphalt mixing machines.
But I want to talk about something else. When it became normal to invade a sovereign country, completely unprovoked and unjustified, and target its military even? What about it is okay?
Not only every civilian person killed and civilian object destroyed is a crime for which russia is fully responsible, but the killing of every Ukrainian soldier is a crime as well. Because russia has no excuse, no real reason for this war, other than conquest and genocide.
And here's a link to the video of todays missile strike on an apartment building in Mykolaiv. Just to add to "no evidences"
Fuck you so much
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sedicii · 2 months
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right? https://twitter.com/BLVDLINES/status/1745833775840239677
Oh lord this is such a terrible take… frankly both dumb and insulting, I can’t. People will really go to any length to find him some faults and to shit on him I swear.
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Ok this will most probably turn into a rant I apologize in advance but sometimes I truly wonder if people hear themselves. ‘Carlos will outperform Charles because Charles is « distracted » and more focused on his « social status »’ — please, let me laugh.
And the supposed evidence/example of that attitude is that Charles was vibing in LA before the Vegas Grand Prix.
We’re talking about the week-end where Charles topped all sessions and grabbed pole, right?
The same week-end where he finished 2nd (not to mention that he could have won had he not been unlucky with the timing of the SC), right?
The week-end where he managed to overtake the RBs several times, one of which was voted Overtake of the Month AND Overtake of the Year, right?
All that while Carlos finished sixth (notably messing up at the start of the race although he was starting from the back through no fault of his own I’ll give him that but still it wasn’t a particularly brillant race on his part).
Overall, even if we’re not comparing the two but just looking at Charles, it was a pure masterclass from him. He showed everyone how talented and smart he is while offering us the best race of the season with more excitement than we’ve had during all the other races of season combined.
But sure, that’s not how he’s gonna win championships because it is well known that drivers have to LIVE, BREATHE and BLEED racing ; and really they shouldn’t have any life or hobbies outside of that. Sure.
Honestly, that statement basically just proves people’s tendency to talk about shit they either don’t really understand or don’t want to make the effort to understand. It manifests a gross misunderstanding of how racing in F1 works and how high performance athletes - or simply humans overall - work. And simply adding some basic context is enough to defeat that kind of ‘argumentation’ (if you can even call it that).
Damn this does make me angry. Like believe what you want about drivers, we’re all biased, but don’t come out and say that a driver won’t perform well if he dares do anything unrelated to racing (their job) outside of race week-ends. Should we talk about how many things Lewis does outside of racing? And remind me again how many times he won the championship? Right. And also, why do people pretend to know everything about what’s going on in drivers’ lives. What do people know about what Carlos was doing before Vegas? Just because he didn’t put out a vlog or wasn’t photographed with friends by paparazzi (in all probability because he’s not as popular and thus not as followed/stalked/put under the microscope) doesn’t mean he spent the whole time training and racing and etc (and even if he did, considering how Vegas went for him, well…). Anyway we all know how wrong and dumb this is. We know Charles’ worth and we know how nonsensical this theory is. Sure you can believe Carlos will outperform Charles, I don’t even care about that, anyone is free to believe what they want really. I personally don’t believe this can happen (not only because I’m a Charles’ fan first but also because of everything we know, the facts we can compile and analyze (the context of past races and past seasons, how Ferrari behaved, the drivers’ driving style, how the car was developed, what upgrades were brought and what they did, wether in 2022 or 2023, and everything else). What bothers me is the ‘argument’ used to somehow “prove” that Charles not only will be beaten by Carlos next season but also that he isn’t championship material.
This is just yet another popular narrative that has emerged this season: how Charles isn’t focused enough because of how many things he does outside of racing, how Charles shouldn’t profit from his popularity and marketability etc etc. Honestly; this just displays a blatant and deep misunderstanding of Charles’ character and attitude imo.
So please, can people let Charles BE
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makkiavelico · 10 months
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An unnecessary list
Dear Satosugu nation, I've decided to make some unnecessary research into the topic: What were Satoru's last words to Suguru.
For that, I've been using these two pieces of evidence:
Those words were said in Jujutsu Kaisen 0.
Those words were localized, and it was a total of 3 words in the English version.
With those two factors in mind, I've made a compilation of all 3-words phrases said during the movie.
Before starting with the list, I wanted to make some things clear:
English is not my first language, so I apologize in advance for any words I might have misheard or misunderstood.
In certain phrases that may be considered 4 words long, I didn't take into consideration the names (e.g.: "I love you, Rika" since Rika isn't necessary for the sentence to have sense, I took it out. While others, like "Geto is there", I counted it, since the name is necessary). Again, my knowledge about English syntax may not be the best.
Please, feel free to tell me about any error you might find in this list. I only did it for the funsies tho.
That's all, here's the full list!
I'm sorry (a lot).
He's underage.
Not one hand.
I'm Yuuta.
What is it?
An engagement ring.
You were bullied.
‌It's sickening.
‌Sorry about her.
‌She's right.
‌Where are we?
‌Just remember this.
‌Something just moved!
‌Like in school?
‌Dumb blindfolded guy?
‌That's right.
‌Please, help me.
‌They are alive.
‌I told you!
‌I'm sorry.
‌Who are you? (X2)
‌Look at me.
‌I love it!
‌You did well.
‌I did it.
‌I said stop.
‌You got me.
‌I don't understand.
‌Here use this.
‌What's up?
‌It's going...
‌She dodged that?
‌She's right (again).
‌One more please.
‌Come over here.
‌You startled me.
‌He was shopping?
‌It's dangerous.
‌Is something wrong?
‌I'm sorry (again).
‌Out of service.
‌Go get him.
‌A superficial wound.
‌He's though.
‌I'm fine.
‌What a shame.
‌Just forget it.
‌Outclassed by who?
‌It feels better.
‌That's unusual.
‌That's rude.
‌It's nonsense.
‌Is he serious?
‌I'm sorry (Yuuta apologizes a lot).
‌I hate righteousness.
‌Let me think.
‌Obliterating your clan
‌Sorry about this.
‌What's up (again).
‌Geto is there.
‌Are you ok?
‌I really did.
‌Quantity before quality.
‌I'm sorry (this time it wasn't Yuuta).
‌I loathe him.
‌Inumaki is incredible.
‌I see now.
‌It's true.
‌Nanami's here.
‌What a pain.
‌You're annoying.
‌You're oblivious.
‌Like I care.
‌Gojo's mad.
‌Ten more minutes.
‌Look at this.
‌Follow my lead.
‌I love you.
‌Are you okay?
‌Let's die together.
‌I love you (X2).
‌It's wonderful.
‌They all were.
‌Are you okay?
‌He's awake.
‌Sorry about that.
‌Are you crazy?
‌Who are you?
‌Don't die (x a lot)
‌See you later.
‌My only friend.
‌Ready to go?

With all said, I think Gojo's last words are clear now.
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copperbadge · 10 months
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I've been procrastinating by reading all the books you published for the first time, I'm on like a 4th reread (well, re-listening, I'm having the robot in google play books read about loud to me) anyhow I walked past my old high school and was listening to the bit where the school children are at Eurovision and I'm thinking of what an experience it would have been to be a parent, looking at the field trip permission form where one of the listed chaperones is the King Emeritus himself. Like it may as well just happen.
Aw, that's a nice way to procrastinate! I hope you've been enjoying them :) Interested to know how they sound with the google play books reader, I'll have to check that out. For a while I was trying to set up so that I could listen to articles as well as podcasts on my phone but the tech is uh, still evolving.
As for the chaperoning issue, being fair, if your kid attends Maritime then likely you live in Fons-Askaz and if that's the case you have probably bumped into the King Emeritus like....grocery shopping or eating a doughnut or something. :D "Of course he can run a country, but will he make sure my kid wears sunscreen? I've seen him at the beach, he doesn't even wear a hat."
On the other hand there's ample evidence of him being an invested and mindful father. Almost certainly someone has by now put up a youtube video that's just a compilation of every interview, speech, and public appearance he made, 1990-1996, while holding a squirming child in his arms. And the kid's got his job now so he turned out ok....
I do think it must have been a little intimidating when Amani's parents realized that their kid was having afterschool snack-and-study at the home of the King Emeritus. Meanwhile Amani is much more impressed by the super cool and famous Jes Deimos, and thinks of Michaelis as the guy who makes dumb nautical puns and brings cookies home if he knows Noah has friends over.
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we-love-morioh-cho · 7 months
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Theory - Usagi Is Meryl Mei's Son
From the first or second chapter of The Jojolands, I have had a theory that Usagi will be revealed as Meryl Mei's son. For the record, some of this could be me overthinking it BUT, just for fun, I thought I should compile my 'evidence'.
I should say that I don't follow the fandom much outside of Tumblr so idk if other people have thought of this.
Spoilers for the first 7 chapters of The Jojolands under the cut. Heads up that this post got kinda long and dense.
Visual Similarities
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I want to start off with some visual similarities between these two. While some of this could just be stylistic trends in Araki's art, I want to point out the general shape of their jawlines and their eyes. I think Usagi is meant to have a fuller face then the other teens but this is shaky. It does look similar to Meryl Mei's face shape though. I also see similarities in their noses and eyebrows BUT I do attribute that mostly to Araki's style given how similar a lot of his noses and eyebrows are. While Usagi is sometimes drawn with wider and rounder eyes, generally they seem to be more pointed/angular and (with the 'winged eyeliner' thing he has) they resemble Meryl Mei's eyes more than the other protagonists. Below I've put a photo of his eyes alongside Dragona's and Rohan's just to help illustrate this as best as I can.
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(This is a dumb point but while collecting photos I noticed Usagi and Meryl Mei both had ponytails which.... is probably nothing but I thought it was so cute.)
She Has A Mysterious Family
When we first meet Meryl Mei in Chapter 1, we get a description of her from Jodio. While Jodio does emphasise how mysterious and weird she is, one thing he mentions hearing a rumour about is her having a husband and child (as far as I can tell the sex of the child isn't specified). While this is just a rumour, I guarantee there will be some sort of follow-up to this. Early on, it introduces the idea that Meryl Mei has family that even her employees don't know about - I don't think it's too crazy to say she could have them in her business. Again, it could point to something else but it feels very early to be dropping info like that.
Introductory Scenes
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A very small thing but right after Usagi's introduction, like the very next panel, is when we first see Meryl Mei at the school. This would be a classic way of hinting at some connection between these two, but I actually want to go into the previous scene on the bus.
So the first scene we see of Usagi is him asking Jodio on the bus for drugs. Jodio is alarmed by this since they are surrounded by other students and responds by bashing Usagi. When they get off the bus though, Jodio and Paco do their routine to exchange Usagi's money for some drugs. While it's suggested Usagi is an addict, I think in hindsight it's clear that he isn't. Usagi is set up to be a fool but is then shown to be intelligent. He 'betrays' the gang but then comes back and proves his loyalty and 5000 IQ. I don't think it's crazy to say that the gang's assessment of him as an addict is inaccurate too, there's more to this but I'll get into it later.
My theory is that this scene isn't an addict asking for drugs on the bus randomly, I think this is some sort of test. Jodio is the youngest of the gang and, as shown in Chapter 2, his naivety and inexperience could cause problems for Meryl Mei. With the diamond heist coming up, as well as us hearing that Meryl Mei wants to expand her business, I think it's possible she got Usagi to ask him for drugs in a public space to see if Jodio would slip up. Just to make sure he has enough common sense and discretion to not reveal any info BUT that he still manages to make the transaction afterwards. Otherwise, it's just weird in hindsight that Usagi would do this.
EDIT: Didn't think of this until a few days after initially making this post, but if the bus scene was a test, it could be a parallel to the undercover cop scene in Chapter 2. He's being tested and lied to by both sides of the crime struggle and maybe his initial failure with the female cop is what prompted Meryl Mei's test (I think the undercover cop scene is a flashback but correct me if I'm wrong). Jodio's ego and self-worth seem like they'll be explored this part so maybe this reveal would be a bit of a blow to his confidence?
Usagi Joining The Mission
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So.... there obviously has to be something going on here right? Meryl Mei somehow knows about Usagi and trusts him! (Also I completely missed that she says here he isn't an addict!!! Paco still thinks he is one in Chapter 2 but come on now). She wants him to specifically go on this extremely important heist even though the others barely know him. There has to be something going on here, and I think that him being her son would be a good explanation! She would obviously know him, his abilities, and would trust him. It would almost be like having her own set of eyes on the group to make sure the mission goes well. I don't know if any relationship between the two could garner more trust than a parent and child. And given that Meryl Mei literally sells drugs to children, I don't think she'd hesitate to involve her child in the business and send him into danger tbh.
Before I move on, I quickly wanna mention 2 small things that I noticed but seriously doubt are intentional. First is that there is a rabbit-inspired outfit design behind Meryl Mei in one panel and Usagi means 'rabbit' in Japanese. (Remember how The Jojolands was first teased with the rabbit image?) It also happens to be right beside the panel mentioning her child BUT I'LL STOP.
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The second dumb thing in this scene I noticed is how Usagi suddenly shows up at the very end of the rundown of the mission. We get a panel specifically showing Dragona locking the front door after the customers leave, but then Usagi gets in somehow? Was he hiding inside already for the reveal? Also, he would've missed the briefing but doesn't seem confused and instead already seems to know what's going on? Possibly just Jojo logic though but I wanted to mention it.
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Weird Texting And Delay
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Not much to this, could just be a funny gag about Usagi being sillycore but I wonder if he could've been texting Meryl Mei here? Maybe with an update on the mission? I have no idea what the delay could've been about, we do find out later he got hamburgers at the airport (hence the bag) so maybe it's hinting at that instead? Idk to be honest, just think it's noteworthy.
The Car Place
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I forgot about this, but Usagi must be experienced at this sort of thing. How does he know about this criminal-safe car rental place? Was the texting maybe him getting this info from someone? It's also strange to me HE was in charge of getting the car - I doubt the other teens would've given him that responsibility so was that an order from Meryl Mei? That's super speculative though.
(Tiny thing since you can see it clearly in the panel above - is the weird logo on his shoulder meant to be model legs??? Like women's legs in underwear and high heels???? I have no idea if that's what it is and what it could mean but Meryl Mei is in the fashion industry *shrug*. My partner thinks they could be his stands' arms instead but we're not sure. I kinda doubt this point for the record, but it doesn't hurt to mention plus I'm interested in what others think the symbol is.)
Figuring Out The Cat Stand
Another thing which at least points to Usagi being more experienced than the others despite his age and demeanor - Usagi is the first to figure out that the string attack is a stand specifically. He also suspects the cats sooner than the others, Paco angrily insists the strings are some sort of security system (???????) but Usagi knows. It's not like the others don't know about stands, maybe Usagi has dealt with stand users on missions before? Also, goes without mentioning, but his 7D chess-level plan to defeat the cats later on is very impressive but maybe suspicious.
Quickly, other examples of Usagi's intelligence/possible experience are; going straight to cutting the painting in Rohan's house, scientific knowledge with the beakers and flasks, knows about birds in the local forest, also talks about the cat plan as an 'experiment' - could his scientific knowledge tie into being involved in the illegal drug business? They do compare Rohan's science set-up to drug making. Think 'Breaking Bad' essentially.
King Crimson Parallel
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So, full credit for this final point goes to @/pandoragigi who pointed this out on a previous post I made.
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They pretty much summarised it better then I ever could, this idea kinda blew my mind when they mentioned it. Sometimes it seems like Araki chooses song references randomly, but this could be a possibility. I don't have much to add besides the fact that 'Matte Kudasai' is a melancholic song which seems odd for Usagi, so maybe it has deeper meaning to his character.
To be clear, I'm not necessarily insisting with this theory that Meryl Mei or Usagi are gonna be villains. I think they could be mother and son and not be antagonists at all. I think it's unlikely Usagi is the traitor after already having a fake-out betrayal - but I do think Meryl Mei could be the traitor Rohan warned about. So if Meryl Mei is a villain then the possible parallel between Usagi and Trish could mean he remains loyal to the gang. Of course, it could also end up like Araki's initial plans for Fugo :( It's still too early to know where this story is going but I like to speculate and overthink things.
Conclusion
Ultimately, the next chapter could instantly disprove everything here. Araki has an... interesting track record with solving mysteries and reincorporating cool little details and I know theorising on this series can be pointless. I may in fact be Boo Boo the Fool for this making post :( But I'm having fun thinking about this and would personally be very excited if it came true! I have so many self-indulgent thoughts about angst possibilities and narrative parallels you could draw between Usagi+Meryl Mei and Jodio+Barbara Ann!!!! I think in a hypothetical evil!Usagi route, he could also be a great foil to Jodio. Also, what about the husband Meryl Mei is also rumoured to have? Will he appear and be relevant? But that type of speculating got things way too off-track so I cut them and might post them later. I feel like I could talk about the possible implications if this theory was true all day, but I'll cut it off here. All in all -
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Thanks for reading :)
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fuu-miku · 2 years
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Gus Porter is autistic - Meltdowns and self-esteem.
 So. Season 2 episode 18, Labyrinth Runners, huh. Tbh I’ve never seen Gus as autistic even tho I saw a short headcanon post here and there, but this new ep? Holy hell guys. This is as canon as it’s going to get, I cannot be convinced otherwise, and I’m pretty much convinced it’s intentional. This single-handedly made me love Gus much more, and I now hold him dear to my heart. If you wanna skip to the new ep stuff, go to the keep reading section.
First of all, let’s have a rundown of possible autism traits Gus has shown so far: 1- Like the others, he’s somewhat of a misfit and doesn’t have many friends. 2- Special interest in humans. Leads to rambling/infodumping and excitement, I’m specifically thinking of the whole “human” nickname scene but there are tons of examples of that. 3- His special interest in human culture is driven by a curiosity, the want to amass knowledge about it, and he likes to makes theories about it, like why humans get wires to their teeth. It’s kind of like a puzzle, but it’s also a whole rich world and culture to explore and, relatable. I couldn’t find a clip of it but iirc he explains what he likes about illusion magic at some point and it felt very in that same vein as well. 4- Speaks to himself pretty regularly. (Irl with asd it’s usually either to help sensory/emotional processing, but can also be because of a lack of awareness of social norms or even control) 5- Socially awkward gifted kid nerd trope. Self-explanatory. 6- Sometimes says rudely blunt things, seemingly not knowing it’s the wrong thing to say. Ex: Willow: “We weren’t going to leave you behind.” Gus: “I was.” Willow: “Gus!” -elbows him- (important to note it wasn’t in a sassy or bitter manner) / “Don’t worry, we’ll get you out, dead or alive!” -Willow looks at him and shakes her head. Gus sees that, his eyebrows rise and his expression shift- “Okay, alive!” / Even thought it’s magic, the “Better luck next time!” and “goodbye forever!” messages feels like an instance of this as well 7- That goes hand in hand with not being able to read a room. Ex: Willow, worried/horrified: “Luz is in a witch’s dual!” Gus, excited: “Yeah, and she can win it all! Yeah yeah!” -epic finger guns- 8- Generally a stickler for rules and knows a lot about cultural history of the Boiling Isles. He can remember specific rules and dates, etc. 9- Strong moral code, thinking of the illusion graveyard ep specifically. (that’s not a diss, rigid morality and unlikeliness for corruption really is extremely common in autism and a diagnosis trait) 10- A certain social obliviousness. With overcrowding Willow, getting betrayed by fellow illusion coven students, and I couldn’t find a clip of it but iirc most Human Club members weren’t as excited about human stuff as much as he thought 11- ”Gus chomp”? This boy just dissed every existing social norm ever 12- Self-esteem issues due to social problems and perfectionism, as well as feeling like his special interest/skill (illusions) is useless/dumb and wanting to change that about himself. Here’s a good compilation to see many of those in clips: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ISSkcKdzN6s&ab_channel=Milasia
Ok. Um... I didn’t think that’d be so long. Well that used to not be enough evidence to sell me on the headcanon, so below the cut we get to the new ep! Beware spoilers! 
The angst? Delicious. Relatable. 
There’s obviously the obliviousness and naivety + hard time reading people of Gus thinking he’s friends with a classmate after they teamed up to work on 1 project together once and said classmate left all the work to him. Gus didn’t notice him/think much of him not working on the assignment at all and said “we’re practically best friends now!” before he learned the truth from accidentally eavesdropping. To think you’re best friend-level getting along with someone who was obviously using him, like let’s be honest the dude didn’t look like he’s a very good actor and the vibes are very much rather that Gus is very easy to fool, especially since Gus says he “did it again”. “Why does this keep happening?”. This isn’t a “kid learns a lesson that some people will pretend to be his friend for their own gain” thing, this is a “it happens again and again but Gus can’t see the warning signs”. He’s confused. He doesn’t get it. This is a fundamental social thing that he cannot identify, that he does not learn from no matter how often it happens to him. “What’s wrong with me, why can’t I learn?”. I’m sobbing y’all. Undiagnosed autism right there. He knows something is wrong, but social cues just do not click, and he doesn’t have the tools or knowledge he needs to know why he can't read them. He can’t tell when someone likes him or not, leaving him to wallow or overanalyze social interactions or friendships sometimes, like when he was sad over overcrowding Willow.  And it’s not like he never got any trust issues either, after all he pushes away Willow at first, and wouldn’t believe Hunter’s comfort until he did the breathing exercise.
The confusion, the trauma, the anxiety, the sheer emotional turmoil of hurt and betrayal and the crushing of self-esteem for not being able to tell. “Everyone thinks I’m the smart one, so why do I keep acting so dumb?” “I can’t even trust myself [my perspective of what’s happening] anymore.”
Meltdowns share similarities with anxiety and panic attacks, because it comes from what I listed just above. This? Is a meltdown.
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This isn’t just a panic attack. This is an outburst, a coping mechanism, even if it is characterized by intense emotions and stress and a loss of control.
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Source: https://www.rdiconnect.com/what-is-an-autism-meltdown/ (don’t mind it being mainly written for autism moms) It isn’t necessarily written the best way for the purpose of highlighting Gus’ situation, and meltdowns can also be from sensory overload and others, but Gus’ is obviously because of an emotional overload. Hunter coming in with the breathing exercise shows that he had to calm down for it to stop as well. This may be one of the most powerful visual representations of a meltdown I’ve ever seen. Meltdowns cause you to explode and often lash out, it’s not just internal or even crumbling down alone in a corner, it’s compared to temper tantrums and you can hurt others. Which is why the illusions are affecting others as well, not just him, despite them being caused by him because of his emotional state, and that he doesn’t want it to happen. It sucks for everyone involved and it’s very overwhelming.
As an autistic who only got diagnosed at 18, who learned that she had 0 friends when she thought she was bestie with all her classmates because everyone pretended, who when I look at memories of being tricked I can see obvious signs of dishonesty when it just didn’t register at the time, this resonates so, so much. Result: I got social anxiety, but overanalyzing everything and bending myself for other people didn’t help, I still got taken advantage of and thought of as annoying, though self-improvement and learning more about social stuff did help as I grew up. I was a gifted kid academically, but couldn’t tell who’s a bff and who literally could not wait to get away from me. Time and time again. And yeah, most of the time I learned through accidentally hearing something they didn’t want me to.
If you’ve watched She-ra and the Princesses of Power or you know a fair bit of pop culture, you can see huge similarities in Gus and Entrapta, who is confirmed to have been intentionally written as autistic. And that similarity is the confusion when it comes to social situations and betrayal. It’s not that they’re not trying, or that they’re dumb, it’s that they genuinely can’t tell when someone likes them or not and such. In both cases, it causes deep self-esteem issues and trauma. It’s honestly heartbreakingly relatable to see their eyes widen in realization when the bubble gets popped and it becomes obvious and explicit that the friendship they thought they had was a lie. It’s even more heartbreakingly relatable when statements such as “I’m supposed to be smart, so why do I keep acting so dumb” and “I can’t even trust my vision of the events” and “I just wasn’t suited for friendship” be like... True, y’know? It’s not just an exaggeration of their feelings or 1 bad experience, it’s how we are, and we just have to cope with it, accept it and find a good entourage we can trust. This is a good compilation of Entrapta angst if you’re interested, huge spoilers beware: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrW54RZFTAQ&ab_channel=tlr748
Also on the note of several main characters showing numerous signs of autism or other neurodivergences: Neurodivergent people tend to gravitate to each other, which makes our main TOH cast of misfits all/most having some neurodivergence not surprising or “unrealistic”. A diagnosis shouldn’t make them any less loveable to you. Though, of course, we’re all entitled to our own opinions and visions of them & that’s valid. /gen
Thank you The Owl House, for keeping delivering with the great rep
Not me crying writing this, no u, nothing more to see here
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I literally just made a Google Slides presentation with my friend that compiles the evidence we have that Blitzø has been catching feelings for Stolas. I am absolutely devoted to this ship and am trying (and failing) to resist getting my hopes up that it will work out the way I want it to.
But they can’t just drop it. That would be a dumb choice from a writing perspective. The whole situation needs to be resolved regardless of whether or not the bird boi and the red dickhead end up in a romantic relationship.
It kinda felt like they were ignoring the drama that ensued at Ozzie’s in Seeing Stars. I get that they were trying to focus on Octavia and they are the kind of people who would ignore their problems. It’s just that I think it would have been nice to get a small moment acknowledging the awkwardness of the whole situation. But I suppose it’s not a huge problem as long as they resolve things later.
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ladyfromaspookyforest · 11 months
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Stranger Things & The Fly
I was looking at the ST4 DNA board, which I haven't personally spent time closely examining, and I saw The Fly on there. I'm assuming they meant the 1986 version and not the 1958 one because...you know...the 80s. So my immediate thought was "oh. NINA."
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But I decided to do a rewatch of The Fly to see what else paralleled, and it isn't just the NINA elements. Rather, there are two separate parts of the Stranger Things 4 story that echo The Fly. Someone has probably already talked about this, but I'm crap at searching for things, so I couldn't find it. SO I'LL TALK ABOUT IT ANYWAY. This will contain spoilers for The Fly (1986).
The purpose of the pods in The Fly is teleportation via disintegration. You put something in one pod, it disintegrates, then reassembles itself in the other pod. Sounds familiar, you say?
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This is the second storyline I'll be talking about.
In The Fly, our scientist protagonist, Seth Brundle, has figured out how to teleport inanimate objects, but when he tries to teleport anything living, it goes wrong. I was going to post a screenshot of him attempting to teleport a baboon, but it's maybe too icky for tumblr? Basically, in Seth's own words, "It turned the baboon inside out." Hmm. Reminds me of...upside down? Seth says "Something was lost in translation." So when the baboon was transported by disintegrating and reassembling, it didn't come back right. This is because he says "Computers are dumb. They only know what you tell them." So he teaches the computers to understand flesh (yeah, idk how he did that either). And the next baboon lives! Huzzah!
What does that mean? Maybe that 001's transportation to this other world (which may or may not be the Upside Down...could even be, dare I say, the Inside Out?), something went wrong. We see how mutilated he became and while he lived and Baboon #1 did not, he still ends up looking like a grody sack of meat, just like Baboon #1. Seth apologizes to Baboon #2 about killing his brother in an aside, but the brother comment is interesting. Perhaps meaningless. But with all the weirdness surrounding Henry that we still don't have answers to (like who tf is Edward Creel?) and the time wonkiness we can expect from season 5, it seems possible that there's a different version of Henry (or Edward) that DIDN'T come out as a grody sack of meat.
After the baboon success, Seth decides to teleport himself (dumbass) and it's VERY IMPORTANT that there is nothing else in the pods or else the molecules could reassemble wrong. And a fly gets into the pod with him, causing his DNA to merge with the fly's DNA when he comes out the other pod. Which brings me back to the NINA Project.
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The purpose of the NINA project is to do exactly what the pods do accidentally. The NINA project is intended to influence the person in the pod by putting them in there with an external source. So like Seth's DNA changes with the presence of the fly (accidentally), El's memory changes with the presence of the video tapes.
The fact that Seth comes out wrong could indicate that El does too. The video tapes could, in fact, be influencing her to remember events incorrectly rather than truly giving back her genuine memories of events. There are other people on here who have written some really incredible, comprehensive posts compiling evidence of all the discrepancies between what we see in flashbacks and throughout NINA, so I'm not going to try. But at the end of the day, we still don't know why. Evidence seems to support that Vecna is a different version of Henry/Edward than the one El is being told to remember in NINA, and what she's seeing may in fact be a combination of what she's being told to and what she truly experienced. If you were to look at this through the lens of The Fly, El and the videotapes being in a pod together would make sense as a merging of two things rather than as a recovery of her own memories. (How relevant The Fly is, who's to say, it's all speculation for fun)
Of course, Seth comes out monstrous and El does not (*cough* probably). This brings Seth back to paralleling Vecna, as his disintegration and reconstruction in a horrific way alters not just his appearance, but who he is fundamentally. I imagine something similar happened to turn 001 into Vecna.
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There's a super weird quote in the movie after Seth merges with the fly but before he realizes what's happened. He's trying to get his love interest to go through the pods and she refuses.
"You're afraid to dive into the plasma pool, aren't you? You're afraid to be destroyed and recreated, aren't you? ...You can't penetrate beyond society's sick grey fear of the flesh. Drink deep or taste not the plasma spring...I'm talking about penetration beyond the veil of the flesh, a deep penetrating dive into the plasma pool." So...WTF amirite? It's sort of a bunch of raving nonsense, but there are key words and phrases in there that really stick out to me. Being destroyed and recreated. The multiple references to the pool. (There is no pool in The Fly. This is a metaphor but there IS one in Stranger Things) The veil beyond the flesh, which could be the veil of...shadows? And of course, it's all about fear.
Brenner tells El "If you go too fast, I'm afraid you could become lost in the darkness. And if you are lost, so are we all." As evidenced by The Fly, going too fast very much did get Seth lost in the darkness. Brenner was even at least partially right about El. He tells her she isn't ready but she leaves anyway and she doesn't save the day. The apocalypse comes to Hawkins. (And Max is lost in the darkness)
I think the clearest parallels with this movie are the pods and the disintegration method of travel. Everything else is me blabbing. But after this rewatch, I am intrigued by the idea of the other Henry/Edward being the "successful" version of a teleportation.
Here are a couple of other quotes I found interesting that I'll just be leaving here for funzies:
"The sheer process of being taken apart atom by atom and put back together again...why, it's like coffee being put through a filter."
"Human teleportation, molecular decimation, breakdown and reformation, is inherently purging. It makes a man a king."
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roobylavender · 8 months
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im fairly new to batcomics so forgive me for this dumb ask/being uninformed, but do you ever have like. doubt in your reading for bruce as a character, or feel bleak about it (?) im aware you dont really like the reading of him as an abuser, but from what ive seen he most often does emotional neglect/distance and parentification of a child, which /are still/ abuse, and this happens very consistently. from what i can tell there is more evidence of him being a bad parent than otherwise. people often say hes incapable of having a child without messing them up beyond repair, and from what ive seen that rings true😭 i also know you said u dont like alot of his modern portrays, but these types of abuse also occur in older comics as well from what i can tell. i myself often have doubt (perhaps this is because i havent read everything yet and im still informing myself on his character)-that maybe this /is/ just his character, bc of HOW consistent the pattern is. idk if im really asking a specific question. im more so wondering what your thoughts are, like on parentificafion of his kids and emotional neglect/distance, would this be different if DC portrayed him more empathetically/based on your reading, and/or is he just fundamentally unable to parent someone without abusing them like some ppl say. i understand i may have just opened a whole can of worms lol but im so curious
you are totally fine! canon is quite overwhelming in both volume and scope, and conversations about bruce being an abuser definitely dominate at present (not wrongfully btw), so i don't blame people for ascribing to them early on. i will say at least from what i have read (and i will admit here that my pre-bronze age reading is not nearly as consistent as my post-bronze age reading so i have kept less track of specific writers and runs there) that i think the aspects that largely define present interpretations of bruce as an abuser tend to take from canon post-crisis onward. so that's probably why in a sense it looks like bruce has "always" been an abuser, bc realistically speaking if you're a new dc reader it makes most sense to start with the aftermath of the crisis and go from there. most conversations about "canon" tend to be about post-crisis canon (ie what has taken place on new earth/prime earth) and usually when you're looking up batman reading lists they will start with year one rather than with anything in pre-crisis. the crisis was nearly forty years ago after all! it covers a lot of territory and unless you're a really dedicated comic reader with a lot of time on your hands i don't think most people have the time or energy to go further back (to no fault of their own obv)
all that being said. pre-crisis canon is obv not monolithic in nature and there are definitely blogs out there who have dedicated themselves to compiling individual issues or moments they would personally interpret as evocative of abusive behaviors on bruce's behalf. i don't think that's inherently wrong to do per se and to each their own reading but my primary divide with that practice is that it's often performed within a vacuum. to me the most important thing when it comes to being a comics reader (or any kind of reader really) is taking into account real life context and genre conventions. how do the politics or culture of the time shape the way a given narrative is written and with what tone it's written? all of that is crucial to incorporate into an analysis. i'm going to use a pretty famous example of why. world's finest comics #153 (1965) is the origin of a pretty famous panel you may be familiar with:
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on its face this looks pretty bad (and it'll actually factor into when i discuss parentification later) but contextually this issue imagined an alternate reality wherein superman was responsible for the death of bruce's parents and subsequently became the face of bruce's relentless revenge and pursuit of criminal activity. obv that's not a bruce who actually exists in reality and this was merely written for the sake of exaggeration and entertainment but it can also give rise to some interesting questions about what the writer here was specifically trying to satirize and why. primarily it's obv trying to poke some fun at the idea of bruce's crusade to begin with (which i am sure most people would agree was quite cartoonish in the early decades of dc despite the more layered portrayal and analysis it was afforded in later decades). but what's also pertinent here is the sort of "natural" exaggeration of bruce's dynamic with dick. in even as far back as the original bob kane comics, bruce and dick had a dynamic where dick was comedically portrayed as the more morally responsible one of the two. it wasn't much reason for concern back then bc the stakes weren't nearly as high and dick's tendency to question some of bruce's decisions (eg his tendency to always let selina go or to allow some villains to die horrifically) was almost always played off with a laugh. but the foundation was still there and you can recognize it in these panels despite that foundation obv being taken to an extreme. all of which is to say: the portrayal of bruce as an abuser largely depends on what a writer is willing to exaggerate, and why, and how. this issue was obv a one-off with no relevance to actual canon but it was nonetheless a peek into what that dynamic between bruce and dick could look like given a writer willing to pursue a darker tone and to explore the potential extremes of what was on its face merely a gag
the novelty of cape comics is that they are a place to explore anything and everything. extremes are possible bc no writer/artist and no editorial staff are ever on a book forever. what creatives want to explore with what they're given can hugely vary esp if a particular editorial staff is liberal enough to allow that exploration. and i think it's fair to say that a lot of writers are interested by the idea of that what if the above issue explored. not out of malice per se but certainly out of a growing curiosity as to how far disbelief with respect to the internal reality of cape comics can actually be suspended. the big question for batman in the 80s was whether having a kid sidekick constituted child abuse. this was primarily explored via the starlin run that ended in a death in the family. and obv following that we got the triple whammie of year three, a lonely place of dying, and knightfall. these arcs to me were what really cemented the foray into parentification in batman comics. the fledgling idea of it had always existed in a sense. dick was the more morally upright character of the two known for chiding some of bruce's decisions. he was the leader of the original teen titans, who historically demanded more respect and support of their mentors (i do not think it all inconsequential that dick and roy were developed so closely). and increasingly as we moved from the bronze age into the modern age we saw a dick who simultaneously desired to be independent of bruce and to be recognized by him. so the components to take that fledgling idea to its natural extreme were all there. editorial merely had to create the right circumstances to mesh those components together, and those circumstances were the buildup to and execution of the death of jason todd
i really do not think it can be underestimated in any sense what an enormous impact that event has had on the entire bat mythos at large. beyond utterly shattering the readers' suspension of disbelief wrt sidekicks' place in cape comics what a death in the family did was create an unavoidable void. this was not an event that could merely be skimmed over and moved on from. the aftermath and the consequences had to be dissected to their fullest extent otherwise batman editorial risked falling into the exact same problem the crisis was written to avoid: circular and aimless continuity. everything had to have concrete, forward moving direction and the consequences had to matter long term for there to be meaningful character development. so when you created the circumstances for a child dying bc batman had him gallivanting around as a masked vigilante, he had to retreat into his shell and utterly fall apart from the guilt of it all while everyone else fought like hell to keep him standing. it was pretty riveting and compelling. knightfall is probably one of my favorite arcs ever despite how utterly boring it is bc the introspection into bruce and his breakdown following jason's death was superb. but the circumstances it created for everyone else in bruce's vicinity to act like his emotional crutch while he took the next decade to recover obv had significant long-lasting consequences. dick had to be relegated to acting as the go-to family man rather than ever again pursuing his own dreams as he had in the 80s and early 90s. when jason came back he had to deal with all of bruce's grief and guilt being projected onto him while his own concerns went unheard. tim had to spend his teenage years deluding himself into believing he was the only one who could hold gotham together while bruce was falling apart. cass had to expend an enormous effort trying to prove herself to bruce bc all of the built up circumstances from the last decade drove him to insane paranoia about having sidekicks at all. and damian had to deal with whatever bruce had become by the time all of that was over
all of this to say: do i think bruce was always meant to become an abuser? not really. but did editorial avail themselves of and relentlessly pursue narrative circumstances that allowed that path to be realistically taken? absolutely. it's ultimately a debate of whether or not you agree they should have taken that direction long term. and i know it may look like i would probably be a hard no on that but personally i find myself more in the middle between these two imaginary camps. bc i'm not unsatisfied with what knightfall explored. i found it hugely interesting to explore the natural conclusion of bruce taking all burdens upon his shoulders and making himself highly vulnerable to collapse bc he refused to open up to anyone out of a fear of burdening them in turn. but knightfall was also followed by contagion and legacy and no man's land and murderer and fugitive. it was bruce taking one hit after another until he was utterly ripped to the core and had to start over from scratch and ig that's what i fundamentally disagree with. i don't think they needed to have gone any further than where knightfall took him and to me the end of knightfall should have signaled that bruce was ready to turn a new leaf where he could healthily balance his emotional commitments without letting them be guided by fear. publishing comics takes a long time so i think people often forget that despite there being a decade worth of comics between the events i immediately listed above what actually transpired in real time in the pages was two years or less. if we want to go all of the way back to a death in the family and account for that as well it becomes four years. four years isn't at all a long time nor is it unsalvageable. but by the time knightfall was over i truly think editorial was so obsessed with its own ideas on exploring bruce's collapse that it failed to see little else in the way of that. everything became about how people responded to him rather than about how bruce responded to the world. ironically by being the main character of his books he became the maker of his own demise. bc everything and everyone had to relate to him and his problems first before they could ever have any of their own. that is why keeping him in a perpetual state of emotional collapse has been so profitable. it is the easiest way to tell a story without ever having to make an effort on anyone else in it
note: one clarification i forgot to make earlier is that everything i wrote above is specifically with respect to bruce’s emotional abuse. i personally think there is zero justification for bruce’s physical abuse and that it can’t actually be extrapolated from anything about him as a character at the core, so whenever writers resort to it in the pages i dismiss it completely
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booksandpaperss · 2 years
Text
Welcome to booksandpaperss (aka chaos lol)
Hello hello fellow gay people! Apparently people actually follow me?? And since I usually end up spamming my page with reblogs this is me making an effort be somewhat organized on here so ppl can actually navigate this blog and find my posts (to a decent degree anyway 💀)
update as of 4/4/23: my apologies to feminism bc as you will see 90% of this blog is Mike Wheeler. there’s rlly nothing I can do abt it, hope you understand 🙏
Other sites where you can find me:
ao3 - booksandpaperss
instagram (art acc) - @/fizzy.noodle.doodles
Blog Index:
Writing (WIP excerpts, ficlets, snippets, etc) -
My mandatory Be Nice to Me (by TBF) byler fic- byler fic WIP sneak peak, aka my painting fight fic that completely spiraled out of control and is now also Mike hostage theory, petergate, and lettergate all wrapped into one
And I’ll look directly at the Sun (but only in the dark) - byler fic WIP sneak peak, title loosely based off of anti hero, it’s a pre s3 byler relationship study
right by your side- byler WIP sneak peak, Will-centric and Will has powers fic, among other things ;)
A Look inside Max Mayfield’s “last word” letters to the party- an index of ficlets for my version of Max’s letters to each party member, very angsty, will be updated as I post each letter <3
Info dump post of my season 1 rewrite - byler fic WIP (multichapter), it’s just a general overview of my season 1 AU where Mike goes with Will into the UD ;)
Clinging to Before - a bite sized byler rain fight study/ficlet/poem of sorts
To Swing in our Rusty Memory (like the age old pact) - a Mike gets vecna’d poem from Will’s POV, heavily inspired and influenced by Achilles Come Down and I Know the End
Will comes out to Mike- some quick dialogue only writing practice with the blorbos
Fanart-
Angsty Will animation
Stranger Things posts Masterlist-
List of current in progress analysis posts
major clue in s4 that Mike is vecna’s next target
Let’s talk a lil abt Mike Wheeler, his depression, and what it means for s5
My iconic Stranger Things HotTakesTM
The REAL fruity four
why canon byler is gonna be a huge win for the queer community (breaking down dumb comments on why byler shippers are “overdramatic” 🙄)
we’re really overlooking how much the painting lie was a huge break in Mike and Will’s understanding of their friendship (aka how it’s definitely gonna blow up in Will’s face later)
Mike’s Basement Beats: When love breaks down- analysis (a look at Mike’s s4 arc)
Mike’s train wreck of a “love confession” actually just confirmed byler is mutual
Mike’s expression right before he starts his monologue is confusion + heartbreak
My perspective on Mike’s monologue when I was watching it as a casual viewer
Mike is sooo getting targeted by vecna in season 5: an essay in screenshots
Still having doubts abt byler bc of the monologue? Don’t worry I gotchu
Using my perspective as a lesbian to prove that Mike Wheeler is gay asf (we been knew but still)
Finn Wolfhard’s acting choices in the first flirty byler scene (you know the one)
More on Finn’s acting choices and style
Another look at Will Byers in the Van Scene (will, Mike, and feeling like a mistake, ft the amazing @heheidks)
Shaggy bowl cut Byers agenda
Some Unhinged van scene byler proof
Byler’s love languages <;3
Byler vol 1 in a nutshell
Byler endgame proof: screenshot compilation
Will’s feelings for Mike have been made a crucial part of the plot and will be addressed properly in s5
a brief look at s4 El and overcoming abuse (I’m soso proud of her omg)
Mike’s gay realization arc is already almost complete and can be broken down into 3 parts (mid s2-s4)
Mike and El already broke up in s4 onscreen (Will just didn’t realize and since we got the breakup primarily through his POV we didn’t notice at first either 👀)
Mike gets a sword in s5 agenda has evidence behind it 👀
Episode 9 lighting parallels/analysis (byler and lumax ft some of my moots)
Mike, Will, and queer realization
Mike and El both associate their romantic relationship with losing their best friend
A quick look at how the show shows Will and Mike’s crushes on each other, and what that means for s5
Dustin and his well meaning but horrible no good very bad gaydar (ft byler being dumb and Lucas being tired)
100% accurate and byler tumblr approved analysis of Mike fans vs Will fans
My delusional and self indulgent but also kinda realistic byler scenario for a season 5 trailer
PSA for byler shippers/stranger things shippers in general (and even just fandom with teenage characters in general) to stop shaming teenagers for having sexual thoughts and acting like it’s abnormal
Mike’s alleged romantic love for El was never actually believable to her
Camera angles, volume 2, and Mike Wheeler (aka an analysis of the subtle transition into Mike POV for season 5)
Stranger Things 4 through the lense of a Shakespeare tragedy
the Wheeler parents: a quick debunking of fanon assumptions and misconceptions
Unhinged bowlcut metaphor (you’ll see lmao)
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sullxo · 9 months
Note
In honour of recent events, I would like to provide you with some shitty poetry for thought.
“Last year was Amber Heard
This year is Colleen Ballinger.
From “My dog stepped on a bee”
To singing an apology with a ukelele,
Here is your annual reminder
That it is not only women who experience abuse
But that it’s also boys and men too.”
And everyone claps. If you’re confused, Colleen Ballinger/Miranda Sings (popular kids YouTuber for like a decade) got accused of grooming, manipulating, and abusing her fans usually aged 12-17. One of the more mild things she would do is inquire about her teen fans virginity.
These aren’t just blind accusations, there has been extremely solid proof that has been brought forward (from multiple people) about what she was doing and some of the evidence was literally from HER OWN VIDEOS.
She has repeatedly had most evidence compilation videos taken down and removed everything that could possibly incriminate her. I would link you to a lot of stuff like threads but Tumblr stopped letting anons add links. There’s a lot of stuff on reddit and twitter and her “apology” is on YouTube.
She didn’t respond to anything brought against her until today and her response video… was a song. Basically saying “it’s all false, but I’m not gonna provide any evidence to back up my statement, but it’s all false and y’all are all just opps.”
And yeah, innocent until proven guilty in court, so I will give her some benefit of the doubt, but if my alleged abuser played me a song on a ukulele in response to my trauma, I would lose it.
me fucking with ya 🔥:
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But yeah, female abusers getting away with abuse.
Granted, two different types of abuse; IPV & straight up pedophilia, but societal reaction to female abusers of all kinds is just so abysmal, that it empowers them.
Only toxic female empowerment empower these women to do absolute dumb shit, because no man, even if they were innocent, would do or be advised to do this. But since toxic feminism allows toxic women to do shit because they are “wahmen and wahmen are always automatically victims”, they get bold ass hell.
Even if they’re victims are shockingly women, children, the elderly, anybody that isn’t a cisgender warm body straight male.
Definitely. Ballinger is innocent until the scrutiny of the criminal justice system, court of public opinion be damned. Despite her more than likely won’t see a courtroom.
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the-witty-pen-name · 1 year
Note
hiii i recently read your edward nashton college au fic and was wondering if you planned on continuing it ?? i love the storyline and would love to see where it goes :O
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Edward Nashton x F!Reader Part 2 (18+ ONLY)
Word Count: 2.7k
Warnings: nsfw content, dark, sexual references, incel mindset, stalking, manipulation, masturbation, cursing, angst, isolation from peers
A/N: Happy New Year All!!
It’s not fair, the way he’s expected to just carry on and pretend like he’s not spiraling. The way he needs to act like everything is fine, and that he doesn’t care about any of this. It burns, and it’s slowly eating away from him on the inside out. He’s angry, and confused and he feels deceived. How could you do this to him? How could you be with that shithead when he’s right here with his arms and heart opening just praying for a chance to give you the whole world? 
You’re such a smart girl in many ways. An amazing student, making dean’s list every semester. You’re a reader… with an almost inhuman GoodReads goal that you surpass every year. And you’re thoughtful- the insights you share of what you read for is enough to just compile and submit as a final thesis. You know how to make people like you. You have mastered understanding people better than Eddie can ever hope- you amaze him with your ability to listen, and to be a good, genuine friend to so many people, especially those that don’t extend that back to you. But in other ways, you're quite dumb. Wasting your time with that guy was just one of the things Eddie realized you needed help with. 
He needs to set you up with better internet security once he’s the one your leaning against as you type away on your laptop. You’re busy with a final paper, while your deadbeat boyfriend watches the game with some of his friends. He wonders if Chris knows that your search history is the proof in the pudding that he can’t satisfy you, and you beautiful soul think the problem is you.. not him. 
The amount of times you google and read articles on tips, won’t fix the fact that your boyfriend is bad in bed. Eddie acknowledges he doesn’t have as much of a body count as the man, but even Eddie can observe terrible form and pure selfishness all the way across the street as he watched this supar excuse of a human being chasing his own competition while your face falls for the briefest of moments. Chris doesn’t notice, but Eddie noticed. He embodied it. He makes a promise he’d never not make you cum,’make you feel good. 
He wonders what you look like when you aren’t faking it, and putting on a little performance so that asshole can keep his conflated ego. You don’t deserve that. You’re too good for that. If you were with him, he wouldn’t even think about fucking you until you came several times. He imagines you sitting up working on a paper, or maybe reading a book, with your back on his chest where you're safe. And he’d lazily pull you apart slowly with his fingers. Circling your clit and teasing your pretty pussy for hours if you’d let him. And he’d praise you and tell you all the things he wants to tell you now. That you're perfect, the most amazing, beautiful girl and that he’s so lucky that you even looked at him. 
He needs to move his plan forward. It’s depressing seeing you pent up and frustrated and he can’t help you just yet. Everything needs to be perfect. He can’t let his baby be stressed, or heartbroken or anything else when the time is right. And of course, that means getting the braindead Neanderthal out of the picture in a way that will make you resent him. He’s sure any evidence he’d need to get this roadblock out of the way lies in the moron’s cell. But, you’re too sweet, and too forgiving. You don’t know your worth, and you are quickly beginning to settle. Eddie refuses to see you settle, not with this man who doesn’t even see you for weeks until he wants a quick fuck. He doesn’t love you like Eddie does. He won’t take care of you the way Eddie will. 
In the meantime, he’ll learn to be content to be the shoulder you cry on. To become your friend. He’s decided for now he wants to be friends than not be in your life at all. He’ll continue his role of the found friend. The guy best friend. That’s the trope he’s settled on. You’re always rooting for the best friend to get the girl in the end. This way, while he devises a plan to eliminate Chris from the picture, he can still be close to you. And love you, even if it’s not exactly how he wants it just yet. It’s enough for now just to exist as a page in your life. He can wait. He’s patient. Everything needs to go perfectly. 
He knows you’re doing it on purpose. You send him little unspoken messages letting him know that you want him too. The clothes you wear, the way you talk to him, riddled with innuendo and you're so coy. Shy little thing that just makes him crazy. He knows your not innocent, he’s seen the things you do. He knows the e-books you read on your Kindle to hide the romance books. He loves it, your little good girl act you put on for everyone. So sweet, and nice and then you go back to your dorm and the you behind closed doors is such a dirty, naughty girl.
He sees the way you touch yourself in bed when your roommate is gone. He knows all about that little toy you keep under your bed in a shoebox. He thinks about how he can’t wait to get his hands on the thing and show you the other ways you can use it. He’s read the titles on your Kindle Unlimited, your ao3, tumblr… and it’s enough to make his cock undeniably hard. Its all research. To please you, and learn what you like so he can be the best boyfriend for you. Learn all the little kinky secrets you keep in your incognito browser so he can be the one to finally make you fucking cum since your current man clearly couldn’t. 
He’s waiting for you outside your dorm, across the quad under his usual tree. He can see you in your dorm, you always seem to have the curtains open. You’re on the phone with someone, and he can tell his baby is upset with how she’s pacing, and it seems like she’s fighting with whoever was on the other end of the phone. He checks the time on his laptop. About 3 minutes ago you should have received an anonymous email with photos from your boyfriend’s iCloud account. He’s not bright enough to realize those pictures weren’t ever deleted. Unseemly photos that broke his heart to send you arrived at approximately 2:23 to your personal email address. 
He’ll be here for you, in your time of need. Your shoulder to cry on. He waits outside patiently for the movie moment. Whenever you leave your dorm, he’ll be there and then you’ll see him and it will finally click. It was him all along that you needed. Your shy, quiet, almost invisible Eddie was there the whole time and you finally notice him. You realize how much you need him. That you love him the same way that he absolutely and unconditionally loves you. This heartbreak is just a little chapter for your bigger story. Eddie is your happy ending. He just needs you to see him. 
It’s two hours later when you finally emerge from your dorm. You have a hoodie on with the hood up covering your face from the world. He knows it’s to hide the fact that you’re still crying. It’s actually cute. The way your hoodie is longer than your little pajama shorts. It makes his cock twitch in his jeans at the thought of you just wearing that hoodie. You walk with your head down, arms crossed tightly across your chest. You’re embarrassed, and emotional. And vulnerable. 
He watches from his place, but then gets up and heads to his position to run into you. Just like he expected, you're walking quickly, head low, heading directly to either your friend's building to talk or maybe the dining hall to grab food before anyone sees you. Either way, you're walking like you're on a mission so he moves quickly. 
“Oh, sorry I didn’t see you,” you apologize, quickly helping Eddie pick up his dropped books. “I wasn’t paying attention- Eddie! Oh god, uh, hey.” 
“Don’t worry about it,” he stutters, he thought he could be suave, but his stomach is a bundle of nerves and his head is dizzy at the smell of your shampoo. You take the book he dropped (the next read from your Instagram) and tucks it under his arm. 
“That one was great,” you comment, looking to move away quickly before he notices your tear stained face. He pours, concerned. 
“Are you okay?” He asks, “Can I ask what’s wrong?” 
“I’m fine, don’t worry about me,” you try to say with a sniffle, but fail terribly and erupt in a sob. You do your best to choke back the tears and he can tell your trying so hard to keep it in. 
“You don’t seem it,” he says gently, “not to call you a liar.” That makes you smile the smallest bit and it makes his heart race. You take a shaky breath and try to settle your breathing- but it gets much worse and it all just escapes you. You rest your head on his shoulder he offers to you, graciously letting his sweatshirt muffle the sounds of your sobs. 
He’s overwhelmed to be this close to you. To have you touching him this intimately. It was all going to plan, and yet he couldn’t anticipate this all would make him feel. He mumbles your name softly and rubs your back as your tears leave a large spot on his shoulder. He loves it. Wouldn’t trade this for anything. It’s all exactly as he pictured.
That’s it, that’s a good girl, let it out. He’s here. It’s all okay now. He’s going to make sure no one hurts you again. You don’t have to worry about that stupid boy. It’s all going to be better now. Just wait and see. 
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” you apologize, pulling away, and it takes all his will power to not pull you back in. “This is so embarrassing, I’m so sorry. That was so not okay,” you force a chuckle. “You don’t know me, I’m so sorry, Eddie. I don’t… I’m sorry, uh, I should not burden you with this.”
“Hey, hey,” he says softly, only touching your arm respectively, it’s almost like it’s hovering. He’s a good guy. He’s not going to take advantage of this. Not now. That’s what will make you like him, he’s going to be the respectful guy, the nice guy. The one you can come to and trust. 
“It’s okay,” he says soothingly. “Do you want to talk about it? Let me be a little more helpful than just a shoulder to cry on- unless you just need that. That’s okay too. I'm your friend. It’s okay.” 
You nod and sniffle, offering a weak but grateful smile. You are able to mumble a small thank you and he just thinks you’re so cute. You’re so sincere. He’s so sorry he had to make you hurt like this. He knows if you knew you’d understand, but you also understand why he can’t tell you. You’re too sweet, you don’t deserve to be subjected to that. That’s why he’s here, so you don’t have to worry your little head about anything else. He’s going to protect you from all of that. 
That was the start of your friendship. No longer just classmates, or friendly acquaintances. That moment solidified Edward’s presence in your life. That pivotal moment was what let him in. It was the open window and invitation inside instead of merely getting just glimpses of your life. 
It takes so much self control around you, to not be too forward and scare you away. You’re delicate, and he knew he needed to ease in slowly. Purposeful moments spaced out just enough to let you believe it was all happening as it unfolded, and not that he’s had these moments drafted for months just waiting to Star you in them. 
Your popularity and status took a very hard blow as soon as you started to talk more with Eddie. People warned you that he was a weirdo, and a creep and that you should avoid him. He was a troubled person and you needed to keep your distance. You ignored all the warnings, people were just cruel, and they never got to know him the way you did, you believed. 
Eddie began to help you understand that he was the first true friend you actually had, and how everyone else was fake, and status obsessed. It bothers you to see people avoid you now. They had reached out in the beginning, urging you to stay away from him and come out again, but he helped you understand they didn't care about you. Soon, texts and calls were avoided, you’d rather be with Eddie. Your one true friend, the one person you could be yourself around. He was all you needed. 
He can hardly contain himself around you, still, after months of this only friends thing. You’re precious, and delicate, and he doesn’t want to scare you away by moving too fast. You’re growing closer and closer each day, but it’s also more and more painful for him. To restrain his desires, to make the sacrifices he needs to keep you happy. It doesn’t help that you have no idea of how much of an fucking tease you are. 
You’re affectionate by nature. Caring, constantly showing your platonic affection through little touches. Holding his arm, rubbing his shoulder, hugs, kisses on cheeks… it’s all so overwhelming. He’s still not used to the chills he gets everytime you touch his arm, or push his grown out hair from his eyes. You’re so needy for physical touch, and it causes him so much strain. He can’t contain himself, desperate to just finally release all the pent up tension running deep in him and just finally wreck you. 
Many times, he’d need to excuse himself- thanking whatever higher power let him secure a single dorm with a bathroom- to pump his cock while you wait for him on his bed, movie paused. You’re in his room, something he fantasized about for ages, and it’s so overstimulating. Both of you, legs touching, with your thighs exposed by your shorts that have ridden up. Your shoulders brush against each other and your skin is just so soft, he can’t take it. He wants to just ravish you, freely let his hands grope and roam all over the exposed flesh. He can’t help it, can you really blame him?
Now that it was just him, it became his duty to keep the others away. He’s not stupid enough to think he’s the only one that wants you. He sees the way heads turn when you walk past, and how it goes unnoticed by you often. He sees the way despite his presence, other men on campus will approach you. You think they are friends, but Eddie knows they are just like him. But they don’t want what’s best for you like he does. Self-serving jerks that make you laugh politely at their jokes, and have your little mind convinced their friendliness is genuine, but Eddie sees right through it. 
He always wants to keep you just like this. Cuddled into his side, head resting peacefully on his shoulder and just enjoying silence as a movie plays softly as the only source of light in the dorm. He considers himself so undeserving but also the only one deserving of you. He lives to be able to just witness you, your essence… Just the mere fact of your existence is enough to make his life something worthwhile. He can strive to be everything you want, and be the only thing you need as you are for him. 
The friendzone is a fascinating phenomena to Eddie. He’s observed he provides the emotional support of a partner, but that final step of establishing a relationship just never arrives. It’s perpetually dating, but the outings aren’t considered to be dates. It’s frustrating, like many things when it comes to you. However, he knows you’re still getting over that asshole. He understands your fears and apprehensions, but it bothers him how they prevent you from realizing your feelings for him. He knows you love him, you show him that every single goddamn day. You just never seem quite there to commit the same way he does.
You just need a little more time, and soon enough he knows he can make you his.
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