rough times for robert scranton
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I need to listen to more music so bad I need more unit swap songs NOW
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Propaganda
Michèle Mercier (Angélique, marquise des anges and its sequels)—Mostly known for her main role in the Marquise Angelique series and my god she's so gorgeous there and an absolute marvelous character. Go watch it. I have no words. One of those people that make me go "I'm so fucking gay".
Jayne Mansfield (The Girl Can't Help It, Will Success Spoil Rock Hunter?, The Loves of Hercules)— The smartest "dumb blonde" who ever lived. Seriously, she knew five languages, was trained in the violin and piano, studied drama, had a super high IQ and loved dogs. She was arguably more well-known for her publicity stunts than any of her films, which is a shame because she is so freaking funny in both The Girl Can't Help It and Will Success Spoil Rock Hunter where her genius for spoofing her own bimbo image fits perfectly in the live-action cartoon tone they're going for. Like all her already stunning features are so exaggerated that every man around her is basically turned into the bonk, go to horny jail meme (as in this scene she struts around and causes a truly insane number of boner jokes). Still, those PR stunts gave us one of the most iconic old Hollywood photos of all time where Sophia Loren is side-eying her very famous cleavage as it threatens to spill out of her dress [attached below]. Not related to hotness but she was also the mother of Mariska Hargitay (aka Olivia Benson from SVU!)
This is round 1 of the tournament. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage woman.
[additional propaganda submitted under the cut, TW mildly NSWF photo]
Michèle Mercier:
Jayne Mansfield:
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what if i wanted to make another insane promo post?
yeah, ik, its promo time again. BUT this time around i do wanna add in the post both my cousin and niece
one thing i did get wrong, heartz is my niece, starz is my cousin! this will basically be going over what each of these 2 do (...and im also adding in a bonus competitor/promoed person, well actually 2 because I GOT A CHANNEL YIPPEE)
each channel will be seperated up so yeah lets go!
first channel:
Starzzz.andgalaxy (my actual cousin, lol) is a great yter who absolutely deserves to be celebrating more then just 170 subs! since shes actually here with me, i can let her say a lil something on the matter:
"hello! I would love to reach 200 subscribers at least, I think my hard work should not be for nothing!" <- her typing
shes very very fun (and also with this i hope all the god damn hate comments shut lol) and does very cool things such as:
Roblox videos
(comment is from me lol, we'll get there soon) For right now these are just rating videos of her avatar, but I find them very fun (plus since I play roblox if needed I can help with filming lol)! Not much to say on it cause it's not a common kind of post, so onto the next form, which is:
2. Art
As you can see, she does very cool art, this one in particular is a tutorial on how to draw bodies. Is it the best? No, but the fact she's trying makes it great! (this is also where I've seen a couple hate comments come up, so yeah, I'm trying to be mature enough to not commit violence for her upon them) She does admit this video isn't her best work, but she does A LOT of very very cool drawings! Go check them out and her channel of course! There is one thing she also posts about which I love most of all...
3. Paper Dragons!!
(the first image is her first dragon, second is her most recent i think) I don't get how these things are "paper furries", but I do know THEY ARE SICK AS FUCK. I got to see one in person and they're very cool, all with different stories! I honestly wanna ask for one but right now, I'm gonna stick with watching them.
Channel link can be found here:
(this section was finished on january first of 2024, so at the point of this being posted she wont be over here, but i had her here so yeah :D i love my cousin)
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Second channel:
Heartzzz.❤️ is my niece, and she does similar content, but still does good content! A couple of videos of Starz and Heartz are them promoting each other, so yeah. While she is on vacation and can't be here to give her reasons to subscribe to you, I certainly can!
Memes
One thing I forgot to mention my cousin doing (well, actually my cousin's section is just kinda old because it's from when she last came over, but she's back to help me again, yay!) is making memes like this. Sometimes they do involve a paper dragon, but I think they're pretty funny and/or relatable (also dragons very cool)!
2. Edits (and Undertale related things)
I'm putting these 2 in the same category just because of the example image above. While my cousin has recently started doing edits, Heartz is the only 1 of the 2 to make anything Undertale related. While the Undertale stuff comes once every blue moon it seems, that doesn't make it any less enjoyable.
I actually found in her description a run down on what she does post, so here:
Link to her channel can be found right here:
(okay ik this section was really short, again, she posts similar things to my cousin, and i didnt wanna repeat, so yeah, if you want more reason, here's what the cousin herself says: "[Heartz] is really nice, she's a good artist, and she's creative"; time i finished this section was 1/15/2024 lol)
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third channel:
Boli and gang (or as their original user is + the profile picture says, Boli the bear) is the channel belonging to 2 kids I babysit! They're pretty new to making content, but they have a promising start already! Currently, their content consists of...
Animations
One of them has really been getting into animation, posting things like ball loops and such on their account. They're very interesting to watch personally!
2. Cool places
I'm not sure if this is going to be a common theme, but there is around 3-4 videos of places like this one. I have to admit, this has to be the prettiest of them all.
3. Art (+FNAF/Five Nights at Freddy's Content)
This is another one grouped together, but because this is the first drawing related one I've seen. They're very big FNAF fans, of course leading to things like this. Is it the best? No, but they tried very hard of course, and maybe you could leave some tips for them to improve with!
(they also post memes and funny videos, but I'd rather not do repetition; FINISHED THIS ALSO ON THE 15TH LETS GOOOOOOO)
Link to their channel can be found here:
Oh, one final reason, their profile picture is super cool! Can you guess who made it? This actually provides me with the perfect transition into...
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fourth/final channel:
ITS ME!!! FINALLY I CAN STOP DOING PROPER ASS TYPING
yeah, i have a youtube now, and there's like nothing on it minus a couple videos. all of them are made back in like 2021-2022? cant really remember, but i posted them for younger me's sake. i have like a couple more to get through, but afterwards im probs gonna do a bigger variety of content! art videos, jrwi edits, animations, rambles, essays, you name it! (might even stream again on twitch if that seems what the people like lol)
you may want actual reasons to subscribe, but i currently dont have any. i can only make promises of better future content, but right now i can admit theyre shit. i dont post often, its only oc related rn, all very vague, nothing that interests most people on my blog (cause i know a lot of you are here for jrwi content, huh?). this channel, the choice to subscribe is fully up to you, im not gonna sell myself to it, im simply just saying its real.
Link to the channel is found here:
if you at all took the time to read through my part, i appreciate it, but please do actually check out the other 3. after all, you can always find me here, but you cant find the others anywhere else!
(FINISHED THE REST OF THE POST ON 1/15/24 LETS GOOOOOOOOO)
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Lmk ss edits + headcanons, Part 6 (Azure Lion, Peng, Yellowtusk)
(I originally made my own design of Azure and Yellowtusk but wasn't quite happy with how they turned out so I scrapped them, the designs for those two I used in these edits were made by @/erraday_ on twt, with a few minor changes, but Peng's design is my own :) )
- He/Him
- Pansexual
- Snores so loud, it's insane, Yellowtusk once thought there was an earthquake
- Feels bad whenever he's steps on a ladybug, butterfly etc
- Gives everyone and everything giant bear hugs because he thinks if Yellowtusk can take it, so can everyone else (They cannot)
- Mei once gave him catnip as a joke and he went fucking feral, he's not allowed near catnip anymore
- His hair/fur is actually very soft and curly
- Thought he saw an old friend while out in public and hugged them, it was a stranger
- Wakes up Yellowtusk in the middle of the night to ask stupid questions
- The Brotherhood asked to hear his roar but he got really nervous last second and it ended up being really meek, they never let him forget it
- Coughed up a hairball once and Peng refuses to let him live it down
- Has eaten cat food before and would do it again
- Cannot do the splits and is too scared to try
- Gets really confused by modern slang, MK and Mei abuse the hell out of it because it's funny
- Whenever he's rough housing with people he accidentally hits a bit too hard
- Whenever he walks past anyone playing a game that involves a ball (football, basketball, netball, etc) he somehow always ends up getting hit in the head with it
- If he wasn't sealed away and got a chance to babysit Redson as a kid he wouldn't know what the fuck to do and would be really awkward cause he doesn't know how to interact with children, he'd be able to bond with Redson better when he becomes a teenager though
- No one gossips with him because he always ends up unintentionally outing someone about something
- Ate moldy food once by accident and freaked out, he was absolutely disgusted
- Hates horror movies but loves slashers
- Drinks mouthwash
- Smells like catnip (trust me guys)
- Love language is words of affirmation
- Has horrible bed head, his mane gets tangled really easily and he tosses around a lot at night so his mane takes hours to brush out
- Absolutely refuses to wear shoes, they hurt his feet (paws?)
- The type of person to cry over a movie about a dog getting lost and then finding its owner at the end
- Can somehow eat an entire goddamn buffet and not gain a single pound
- His face always scrunches up when he smiles
- Lost his balance on a hill and fell down like a tumbleweed once, Peng still brings it up
- They/He (Canon, Peng uses They/Them in the show but is exclusively referred to w/ He/Him in the sets)
- Nonbinary (Canon)
- Starts squaking when he laughs too much
- If you throw a blanket over their head he'll immediately fall asleep
- "look behind you but don't make it obvious" Looks behind him in the most exaggerated, obvious way known to mankind
- Stole food from Wukong's private stash for several months when the Brotherhood was all still together, Wukong still doesn't know
- Wukong gave them cooked chicken once as a joke but he actually liked it
- Constantly argues with Wukong about Macaque not being able to hold his own, yes it got physical
- Their wings have a bunch of scars from the amount of weapons and shit they block with them. Has to consistently clean their wings in order to keep them from getting too damaged, yes this includes softening and preening his feathers
- If they weren't sealed away and got a chance to babysit Redson as a kid they would tape him to the wall like that one meme and call it a day
- Bit off a person's finger once just to see if they could
- Doesn't shop, just steals
- "I hate you so fucking much" as he's handing the person a gift
- Tried to draw on Wukong's face once but got wacked with his tail
- Absolutely HATES beetroot, will actually gag if he smells it
- Kicks over kids sand castles at the beach
- Can't stand small buzzing sounds
- "I'm not that competitive" is that competitive
- Claims you can trust them with anything but will snitch the second they know it will benefit them
- Probably threatened to eat someone's baby once
- Goes to playgrounds to trip kids
- Smells like Lavender, it just feels right
- Love language is words of affirmation and acts of service
- Has tried sleeping upside down like a bat multiple times
- Hardcore wine aunt vibes
- Had a bunch of ducklings accidently imprinted to him and they followed Peng for hours
- You'd have to pin this bird down to get them to eat collyflower
- Jokingly pushed Azure off a cliff once then remembered they're the only member of the Camel Ridge Trio that can fly
- They have full on concerts at like 3 am, has woken up Azure on multiple occasions
- He/Him
- AroAce
- Is the calmest one in the Brotherhood
- He uses Peng's head as an armrest sometimes
- He and DBK were actually quite close, he knew and accepted that DBK was in love with a celestial but was very surprised to see they ended up having a child
- Very poor eyesight but doesn't like wearing his glasses because Peng made a joke about them once saying he looked like a grandma
- Uses ":3" and ":D"
- Loves soap opera's
- Hates seafood
- Peng once tricked him into eating fish nuggets once and he still hasn't fully forgiven them
- If he wasn't sealed away and got a chance to babysit Redson as a kid he would definitely be the most responsible one, and probably Redson's favourite uncle
- Eats a snack then forgets he ate it and will bet frustrated when he can't find it
- The therapist of the Camel Ridge Trio, and probably of the whole Brotherhood in the past as well
- Was the only one who felt bad about imprisoning the Demon Bull Family since he and DBK were very close
- He also reprimanded Peng for when they pinned and scratched Redson with their claws after they left the Demon Bull Palace (he's the protective uncle, trust me guys)
- Hates getting hiccups, he despises the feeling and it gives him heartburn
- Wakes up at ungodly hours just to raid the fridge
- Heard a story about a bug crawling in someone's ear while they slept and has worn earplugs to bed ever since
- Loves apples
- Smells like Lilies
- Love language is gift giving
- Is really big on safety, would be the type of person to make sure everyone is wearing their seat belts before the car is even turned on
- Actually really good at cooking
- Makes the best chocolate chip pancakes ever
- Is the kind of person who assumes everyone tells eachother everything and accidently exposes someone because he thought everyone else knew about it already
- Always hears things wrong but doesn't wanna ask anyone to repeat themselves
- Has the most elegant ass handwriting you will ever see, somehow
- The peacemaker of the Brotherhood, they all would've disbanded way sooner if it wasn't for him
- Uses his trunk as a snorkle when swimming or sleeping underwater (elephants actually do this irl, I just thought it was cute)
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Mag 81 A Guest for Mr Spider
FUCK FORMER HEAD ARCHIVIST
Wait I need to check the timelines - this was 2 days after leitner's death
New spooky music???
My man is so fucking dramatic I love him so much "grand of sand behind my eye" love the way he speaks
Yeah FUCK JURGEN LEITNER
Omg the greying hair is canon??
Child in the 90s makes him at most 27 GOD DAMN. I was imagining like mid 30s...can you imagine a fucking 27 yr old using words like "ilk" when talking to you
Oh shit he's an orphan poor guy
Yeah ok a lot of his personality seems to make sense if you realise he was raised by his grandma
You know those memes that are like people raised by their grandparents are exceptionally polite but in a brisk way, talk fancy and are super posh? Yeah that's him.
Getting such neurodivergent vibes
Yeah he sounds like a main character from the start Jesus Christ he's such a kid who got traumatised and then grows up to be a horror protagonist vibes
My First Leitner lol like kids had to be introduced to them at a young age like those my first toys
He's so funny I can just imagine him as an 8 yr old getting super like affronted at this like how dare my grandma think I am of subpar intelligence he's such a little bitch from the start
"The eponymous Mr spider" even talking about his childhood trauma he's busting out the vocabulary
Fuck that story actually kinda rattled me I had my hand over my mouth in shock for most of it
I think it was the bit where the horsefly brought his son and they were both crying that got me, I could definitely imagine it scaring an 8 yr old
The way it drags out as well, with the pages of the same scene it really heightens the suspense
Is his childhood bully someone we should keep track of?? Love how he says Michael probably cause he sees him as a bully lol
It's interesting how despite him bullying him (quite badly seeing as though he beat him up) he's still like yeah but he saved my life and that means he deserves to be remembered
My bro didn't save your life on purpose, he was just trying to make it worse and happened to come to a terrible fate cause of that
I guess underneath it all he was still a kid who watched someone die, knowing they'd get eaten by a fucking spider, he still held him in some regard
The way he specified the guy was his bully even after he was being eaten though lol
He was desperate to get the book back? That's a leitner thing I guess, the book makes you want to keep it so it can finish whatever it wanted to do to you
On my relisten (which I will do once I've finished the series I'm sure of it), I'll have to look out for any reaction of leitners name
I wonder why Jon didn't react more to Carlos vittery's statement, like it must've terrified him? I saw a post a while back explaining Jon's thoughts and IT WAS GENIUS it was like of course he doesn't react, he must be terrified that someone knew about his experience and somehow did this to mess with him or it was a joke and he can't let anyone know that the Head Archivist is not Good at This ugh it's so good I'll tag it if I can find it
AHHHHH HE REGRETS DISMISSING THE OTHER STATEMENTS AHHHHHH
HE FINALLY ADMITS THAT HE NEEDS HELP WE LOVE THIS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT YES YOU FUCKING DO BITCH.
yeah at least he's right about Elias killing leitner
GEORGIE THE EX GIRLFIEND
ITS SO WEIRD TO SEE HIM ACTUALLY NICE TO SOMEONE WOW HIS VOICE CHANGES SLIGHTLY AS WELL HES LESS ACADEMIC
THE ADMIRAL
Awwww he's so cute with georgie
GHOST PODCAST GHOST PODCAST
THE WHAT THE GHOST T SHIRT IS CANON???? AHH THATS SO CUTE
Can he not go back to his own flat?? Did he bring all his clothes to the archive and then subsequently leave them there? Does he even have a flat??
God Georgie is so nice I would kill for her
It's so funny that an apparent supernatural cynic dated a ghost podcaster
WOW SEASON 3 OFF TO AN AMAZING START I CANT WAIT TO KEEP LISTENING IM GONNA TELL MY THERAPIST ABOUT THIS TOMORROW!!!
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Argylle - A Breath of Fresh Air
**Spoilers Ahead**
I just got back from seeing Argylle with a friend. I knew I had wanted to see it because I like a lot of the actors in it, but I had seen the trailer so many times that I felt like I had already watched it.
That trailer couldn't have prepared me for the unadulterated fun I was about to have. Every other line out of Sam Rockwell's mouth was laugh out loud funny. What kept me drawn in, though, was the editing. The splices between Rockwell and Cavill was seamless. I know with modern technology, they easily could have greenscreened a lot of it, but it still must have taken a while to film all the same fight scenes in the same exact way to make the cuts as seamless as they were.
The score and soundtrack were brilliant. Between the funky tunes used for the fight scenes, and the dramatic notes used during what would be dramatic in a regular spy thriller, had me enjoying every minute. I will be looking up the soundtrack playlist on Spotify and listening repeatedly.
Henry Cavill is no stranger to playing a spy. In between Superman movies, Cavill starred in The Man from U.N.C.L.E. The latter was another movie that didn't mind being silly and wasn't afraid to have its comedic moments. Because Cavill has played so many daring roles over the years, where he's been the hero or the brute or even just the eye candy, he was the perfect fit for Argylle. You can tell he was having a blast, and not taking things too seriously. The audience isn't supposed to take it seriously either. The Argylle books in the movie are a personification of how cheesy those sorts of books and movies can be. The eye-rolling puns, the use of a femme fatale, and crude jokes.
Back in the day, that's how most James Bond movies were. They had their serious moments, but Bond was a cheeky spy who liked to fuck and crack wise with his villains. He was suave and sure of himself and a badass. But there was a transition in the 90's when the Austin Powers movies started rolling out. Now, I'm a huge fan of Austin Powers movies, I'll watch them any time, any place. But those movies, being replicas of the old Bond films but with more humor, outlandish sex, and over the top puns, made it difficult for the new Bond films to be silly. Suddenly, they were getting more and more serious, with more and more over the top action scenes and explosions.
Argylle brought back the silliness and the goofiness, and the ability to laugh at itself. Suspension of disbelief, etc etc. Sometimes you just need to sit back and let yourself enjoy the ride. Throughout the film, as the layers kept being peeled back, I kept thinking, "What is this movie?!" I can usually figure out what's going to happen, but the twists and turns in this film kept throwing me off, and that kept me in my seat and having fun.
There's a scene where Bryce Dallas Howard's character, Elly, thinks she's seen her parents die in cold blood. Rockwell is driving her somewhere in the south of France, and he asks her if she's okay. Howard, astonished, asks, "Am I okay? Am I okay?!", and then she started crying. This made me lean over to my friend and say, "all of us @ Elmo the other day", and we burst into hysterics. (If you're unfamiliar, Elmo's X account posted asking how everyone was, and there was a surge of responses of people using memes to show how not well they all are.)
A little more than halfway through, we find out that Elly's real name is Rachel Kyle. She had gotten into a bad accident on a spy mission and had no memory. The bad guys brainwashed her into thinking she was someone else, and it worked. The Argylle books she wrote as Elly, were really just memories coming back to her. We were made to believe her books were predicting future events, but really, it was the past. Samuel L. Jackson explained that to her. Rockwell then had to calm Howard down and get her to settle into the information. Slowly, Rachel remembers who she is. She hasn't lost all of Elly, but she makes it seem like she has in order to complete the overall mission.
Rockwell thinks that Howard has double crossed her, but in a very Knives Out fashion, she explains that she knew if she shot him in the chest in just the right spot, he wouldn't die. We learn that the two were lovers back in the day. Not only did he feel betrayed, but he was heartbroken. Later on, she double crosses the bad guys, finds her cat, then finds a room with all the weapons she could possibly need to get out. Rockwell finds her there, and they're able to hash things out. She assures him that they're on the same side.
This leads into one of the most incredibly choreographed fight scenes I've ever seen. You can tell the actors were having an incredible time. Smoke pours into the corridor and the two come out shooting. While throwing in body rolls and other dance movements, they take everyone out. This also included Howard lifting Rockwell up, much like how Dua Lipa was lifted up during the beginning of the movie by Henry Cavill, spread eagle. The shots used every time there was a lift like this was not subtle. We get it, it's an innuendo for sitting on someone's face. And it was funny every single time.
Then the next fight scene happened, which gave Howard a moment to shine. They were trapped in a room that was slowly filling with oil, so they couldn't shoot their guns. She remembers she's actually good at ice skating, and puts together makeshift skates. She sticks a knife into a gun, then rushes out like a hockey player. I thought I was going to pass out from laughing so hard. It was the perfect mix of hockey style skating and figure skating. Were these scenes filled with CGI and body doubles? Yes. Did it make them less fun? Absolutely not.
Everything works out in the end because of course it does. Her ending is given to Argylle and Wyatt. Personally, I think Henry Cavill and John Cena should have kissed, they were clearly in love. I thought they would have since Rockwell and Howard kissed. All of the scenes paralleled one another, so why couldn't that one? I digress.
For one last big laugh, at the end of the movie, Howard is back to pretending to be Elly the author, and is doing a book reading of the final Argylle book. She's taking questions from the audience, and she calls on a man. He stands and knowingly smiles. It's Henry Cavill, only he has a curly mullet and a southern accent. What is it with British actors and doing southern accents that brings me so much joy? He says, "I don't have any questions, but I'm sure you have a couple for me", and winks.
There was a post-credits scene. It was supposed to be the actual Argylle book's first film adaptation. The scene takes place in a bar called The King's Man. An Easter egg thrown in by director, Matthew Vaughn, who has also directed the 2021 film by the same name. We couldn't tell if it was serious or not, but I'd love to see a movie based off the fake books. I think mostly because the writer, Jason Fuchs, and Matthew Vaughn, should definitely team up again.
Even though there were parts reminiscent to other spy movies, this is one of the most creative movies I've seen in a while. This is my favorite kind of satire. There are so many movies that are just remakes of remakes of remakes these days. It feels like there are no original ideas left. So, this was a breath of fresh air. It was so funny and so brilliant with a star studded cast. I bet this movie was so fun to work on, you could just feel that energy radiating from the actors. There were some slower parts, but that's to be expected. For the most part, my attention was kept. It was one of those movies where I left thinking, "I can't wait for this to come to streaming so I can watch it again".
I don't think Howard is the strongest actor, and some of the plot between the good spies and the bad spies was a little confusing. I found a lot of that hard to follow, maybe that was supposed to be on purpose. Most spy movies aren't always clear on what the main issue is.
Anyways, if you're looking for an escape from the cold, or an escape in general, this is definitely the movie to see.
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Killer King
AN | Someone asked if I could do a little something based off this post and here we are! Enjoy and shouts out to @eddiemunsons-missingnipple for the inspiration 🥰
Warnings | Language, Mentions of Masturbation
Pairing | Rockstar!Eddie x Fem!Reader
Word Count | 2.2k
Masterlist | Main, Eddie
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
Eddie Munson was a lot of things. He was talented, kind, smart, funny, handsome, and possessed a heart of gold. But for all the things he was, there was plenty that he wasn’t. Including tech savvy…he was more technologically challenged than anything. For someone young and fairly hip, you’d think he’d have at least the basic skill set. But nah.
Don't ask this man about setting up a twitter because all he’d say was tweeting is for birds. He had an Instagram account, but the only posts on there were done by either his PR team or on occasion you. He never saw the point and he was too much of an old man at heart for sharing and appreciating memes. He’d barely figured out how to use a third of the features on laptop and phone. Texting was probably his strongest suit, and even then he preferred to call. He was definitely a man out of time when it came to any technology.
For a long time he kept his same phone - not that there was anything wrong with that but this poor phone deserved to be put out of its misery. The screen was cracked to hell, the back was shattered, the camera was akin to a potato and it was slower than all hell. You were able to finally convince him that he needed a new phone, at least to make sure he was able to keep in touch without wondering if the phone would handle another call. Naturally, Eddie had grumbled and complained, positive that it was an unnecessary expense. But he still did it anyway, knowing better than to argue with you.
Little did you know it would lead to some interesting…consequences.
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
You were at work when he went to pick up his new phone; unlike your rockstar boyfriend, you were no celebrity and preferred to keep it that way. Honestly, Eddie was not into his celebrity status and couldn’t care less. He just wanted to write and perform music, everything else was just cherries.
Eddie, your sweet, wonderful boyfriend, had come up with a wicked idea. One of the many things you liked to surprise him with, especially when he was away performing, was the occasional photo. A nice and tasteful nude, Eddie joked, despite the fact that they were often not very nice or tasteful but downright sinful. Hey, when you were separated for long periods of time you had to find a way to keep things spicy. And, you wagered, now he’d be able to appreciate your pictures in full and clear high definition technicolor.
That’s precisely where Eddie came up with his brilliant idea. You loved him, truly, madly, and deeply, but he was just so damn clueless at times. Once he had gotten home from the store, having waited around to have someone help him set up his new phone and show him how to use the new features, he went straight into the bathroom. If you could send him the sexiest fuckin’ photos he had ever seen, maybe he could return the favor. He didn’t think he was anywhere as gorgeous as you - you loved to remind him he was so wrong - and almost talked himself out of his plan, but decided to push through.
It had been a few days since you’d seen one another besides in the late evenings in bed; despite living together, it was like the two of you were passing ships in the night. And fuck, he missed your delicate touches and soft, warm body. And his own had been screaming for release - finding it with his hand in the shower hadn’t been anywhere close to what he had with you. But just thinking about you, your pretty face - all of it - was enough to have him half hard.
He ducked into the bedroom and undid his belt and zipper, shoving the tight, well fitted jeans halfway down his thighs, along with his boxers. With a groan, he sat on the edge of the bed, and stroked himself a few times, filthy moans dripping from his lips as he pictured your much smaller hand wrapped around his cock instead. It wasn’t long before he was fully hard and used the drips of precum to provide some lubrication.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck…pretty baby you touch me so good,” he threw his head back, eyes tightly shut, and his mouth open in silent bliss. But before he allowed himself to cum, he grabbed his pristine new phone and walked to the full length mirror. He looked at his wild reflection and smirked, fisting his hard cock as he snapped a picture. After studying the photo for a moment, he decided it was good enough. You’d never complain about getting a picture of him or his cock, a small fact you reminded him often of.
He messed around on the new device for a moment before sending you the photo. Once he was done, he locked his phone and tossed it to the side. He immediately went back to lie on the bed and continued to fuck his hand until he came all over his fist and stomach, a heavy load that he would have preferred leaving deep in you.
When he was done and caught his breath, he decided to take a long hot shower before making dinner. He was going to make you a delicious dinner from scratch, an intimate and loving gesture that you adored. In his mind, absolutely nothing was wrong and soon he’d get to see his favorite girl.
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
You were sitting at your desk, scrolling through some spreadsheets when your coworker almost burst into your office. You startled, heart pounding as you leaned back in your chair, “christ! To what do I owe the pleasure of your sudden intrusion?”
“Holy fucking shit,” was all she could say as she perched herself at the edge of your desk, “lucky fucking girl.”
“What…what are you talking about?” you raised an eyebrow in confusion, “did my new project proposal get approved?”
“I dunno,” she shrugged, “that’s not what I’m talking about you minx. How come you never told us you were this blessed? We’re supposed to be friends and friends don’t hold back on discussing their boyfriends!”
“Eddie?” you asked as she eagerly nodded, “what about him? I don’t know what’s going on…”
“You haven’t…seen?” her mouth formed a small o as she fished her phone out of her pocket, “babe, it’s all over the internet!”
“What is?” you were thoroughly baffled - your main concern was that Eddie was alright. But, you supposed, she wouldn’t be this excited or calm if something was that wrong.
“I…fuck me. Eddie!” she scrolled around for a few moments before turning her phone screen towards, “or should I should say your boyfriend and his dick! I’ve always told you this, and I say this respectfully, but your boyfriend is fuckin’ hot as hell. A rockstar and a huge dick? Baby, baby, baby don’t let him go.”
You snatched the phone out of her hand as you studied the photo that he’d uploaded to Instagram. You knew immediately that Eddie had absolutely no intention of sharing this photo with the world. That was not him; it never had been and never would be. No. This clown had somehow managed to upload a full frontal dick pic to the world wide web. You knew that it had been intended for your eyes only and yet…millions of people were now privy to what he was packing. And it was a lot, if you said so yourself.
The longer you looked at the photo, the funnier it became. And you couldn’t help but burst into a fit of giggles. The comments proved to be just as golden and before you knew it, you were laughing so hard that you were crying and wheezing.
“Babe?”
“Eddie’s…this was an accident,” you dried the tears in the corners of your eyes with the sleeve of your sweater, “I bet you that he still has no clue. He doesn’t know how to use Instagram, he barely knows how to use the damn phone. And he just got a new one today, which explains a lot. He probably thought he sent it to me and didn’t double check!”
“Damn,” she was softly laughing as well as you handed her back her phone, “you’ve really got the whole package with him, don’t you? So jealous but also so happy for you.”
“Yeahhhh,” you shook your head in amusement, “he’s a lot, but I love him more than anything. Besides being a little…technology illiterate, he’s perfect - to me. I better go home and explain what happened. He’s a lot but I am glad he’s mine.”
“I can see why,” she snorted as she nudged your side gently, “tell him I’m impressed!”
“You and most of the internet apparently!”
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
Eddie heard the door to the apartment unlock, surprised at first and poised with a frying pan in hand but then realized it was you. You were home early, but he was beyond excited to see you. He tossed the pan onto the counter and met you at the door, wasting no time in picking you up and spinning you around in a small circle, “fuck I’m so happy to see you, angel. I missed you so much.”
He gently set you down and pressed soft, happy little kisses all over your face, as you practically melted into a puddle at his touch. You beamed at him, a pretty, magical thing that always made his heart flutter, “I missed you too, Eddie bear. I love you.”
“I love you,” he touched your face, gently brushing his thumb over your cheek, “pretty little thing. Did you, ugh, like the picture I sent you earlier?”
“Oh yeah,” you nodded and a cheeky little smile ticked up the corners of his mouth, “me and the rest of the world.”
“I thought so - wait. What? What do you mean the rest of the world?” his pretty brown eyes widened in surprise as his mouth dropped open.
“Mhmm,” you reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, unlocking it was the code you knew he always used, “you didn’t send that picture to me, Edward.”
“O-oh…who did I send it to?” he seemed frazzled as his cheeks flushed a pretty pink, “Steve?”
“You wish,” you shook your head and pulled up Instagram and showed him exactly what he had done, “you posted this photo on IG, for the entire world to see, baby boy. At least five million people liked your dick and almost three thousand people felt the need to comment on it. So yes…I like what I saw and…so did everyone else.”
“Oh no,” he groaned as he scrubbed a tired hand over his face, “fuck. Delete it! Please, shit, damn it.”
“I got you baby,” you quickly clicked a few things and deleted it, looking at the distraught man with a soft little smile, “the internet is forever though…so unfortunately that delicious picture of you will live on forever.”
“I’m an idiot,” he leaned against the wall and banged his head a few times, “‘m sorry, angel. That was only meant for you.”
“I know,” you touched his face tenderly before brushing a few rogue curls out of his face, “‘s okay. It happens and so what? It’s just a dick pic, it’s not like you’ve done anything wrong, accidents happen. And let’s be real, my love, you’re hot as fuck with a huge cock and now everyone knows. But they know you’re my man.”
“You’re not mad?” he sounded timid and you shook your head softly. You were pretty sure you could never be mad at him, “I’m never doing that again.”
“Well, please do. But make sure it’s in a text, only for me. Yeah?” you still had his phone and were doing a few things on it for him.
“Yeah,” he agreed, “you’re really not mad?”
“Nope,” you promised, and you really did mean it, “besides, I’m the only that gets to touch your dick, or suck it, or get fucked by it.”
“Fuck yes, always,” there was a bit of a mischievous glint back in his eye as he settled a large, warm hand on your waist, “what’re you doing?”
“This,” you smiled sweetly as you showed him what you had done. His eyes lit up when he noticed your handiwork. It was a sweet picture of the two of you together, both grinning happily and so obviously in love. His heart skipped a few beats with pure joy, “just gotta remind people that you’re mine, baby. And I’m yours.”
“Hell yeah,” he nodded eagerly, “you’re so metal, babe.”
“I know,” you shot him a cheeky little wink, “now…get in the bedroom and let me show you just how much I love you…and your cock.”
“Oh angel,” he let out a sound somewhere between a moan and groan, “you’re gonna fuckin’ kill me. I love you so much.”
“I love you, rockstar. Now hurry up!”
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BEN Drowned headcanons
Finally I’m getting around to posting my current standing BEN Drowned HCs! The ask I got a couple weeks ago definitely motivated me to finish this finally lmao.
Trigger warnings for: Mentions of death, manipulation, suicide, drowning, violence, and the general mature stuff you should expect from the adult side of the Creepypasta fandom. There are NO CENSORS BEYOND THIS POINT. Read at your own risk.
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ageless/has kinda always existed since the internet has been publicly accessible
It/it’s pronouns, occasionally caught using they/them and even rarer he/him
Manipulative as fuck
Malewhore mansplain manipulate
Literally makes up a huge chunk of its personality idk what to tell you
Will doxx you
No seriously if you catch its attention you’re getting stalked
Stalks potential victims through the internet
Finds potential victims on forums and the “dark web”
Often goes after people who are heavily depressed and/or suicidal
Thinks it’s funny telling people to off themselves
Like fr its favorite hobby is basically being an average redditor
Probably the WORST mf to date out of all of my interpretations of Creepypasta characters
Gives zero shits about anyone besides itself
Seriously it does not care about you Y/N RUN!!!!!
Lies lies lies omg loves lying so much
Lies to get what it wants
Master “hacker”
If it’s stalking you say goodbye to any and all digital important things you have
Say goodbye to your laptop too
And switch
And iPhone
It’s all getting bricked by BEN if it finds it funny to do so
And it probably will
You like sleep? Too bad
Woe, nightmares be upon ye
Gaslighting KING. Deletes messages between you and people in your life on purpose
Has extensive knowledge of internet culture and video games
Knows every meme ever
Has created most of the “video game” Creepypastas as their own personal “proxies”
Sonic.exe, Smile.jpeg, The Princess, etc, anything inhabiting digital media that torments people, BEN is the one behind it all
Finds friendships useless but respects Slenderman enough to continue being a proxy for it
Got bored of tormenting the other pastas pretty fast, generally avoids them unless slender tasks it with giving specific info pulled from the web to the other pastas (news articles, police reports, locations, etc)
Out of all my HC characters BEN is probably the most serious/grimdark/gritty, I prommy not all my blorbos are as mature and serious as BEN
Takes on the form of a late teenage boy’s body, waterlogged pale skin, constantly glitching and dripping water. Speaks in at least five different voices/tones at once, including robotic AI voices
Only physically manifests to scare the fuck out of people
Stans Hatsune Miku
SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER!
All these HCs are for BEN! Not Ben!!!!
Because after much deliberation I have decided that yeah I kinda do want some of the old BEN middle school me liked to fuck around with. So without further ado, here’s my Ben headcanons:
Created BEN as an AI program for when he can’t be at his computer
BEN is kinda like their “avatar” for the internet
He/they pronouns
Roughly about 20 years old, give or take a few years
Died in the mid 2000s
Sort of??? A ghost?? Like a fusion between a ghost and zombie
Like is obviously a corpse and can kinda go in and out of corporeal and non corporeal form
Has the skin tone of a freshly drowned corpse, but isn’t constantly dripping water
Eyes constantly leak and drip with blood tho. Tissues are scattered all around his room with his futile attempts to keep the blood tears at bay. Face has a “pinker” color compared to the rest of his body thanks to how many times they’ve wiped and smeared the blood around
Similar in behavior/personality as BEN but toned way the fuck down
Like. Still enjoys tormenting people but can (sort of) empathize
Still an asshole tho
And a pervert
And a stoner
And a gamer
He’s a discord Reddit mod irl. Scummy guy tbh
Not afraid of water, just afraid of water damage on their equipment
Lives in the mansion basement
Hasn’t seen sunlight since 2004
Introverted as fuck
Prefers to be physically manifested, leaves all the digital movement to the BEN AI but can enter technology if need be
Cheats in any and all video games you play against him in. Hacker aficionado
Y’all know those fits people used to wear in the 2010s of like, cargo shorts and legend of Zelda t shirts? Almost exclusively his fashion sense
Like yeah he does have the link getup but finds it pretty tedious to get into
Does enjoy scene fashion quite a bit tho
And EDM
electronic stuff in general is his favorite shit ever
Him and the BEN AI never physically kill people, just manipulates them into offing themselves
He’s a weak motherfucker he physically cannot kill somebody
Emotionally tho he would mass murder if he could
The one thing him and Jeff can agree on
Bi, and aro. Kinda too horny and despondent to society to care for someone emotionally for more than twelve seconds
Could definitely stand to make a few friends though, and isn’t opposed to conversation if he ever leaves his gamer basement
Currently friends with EJ, Jane, Liu, Nina, and Helen
Has a tolerable relationship/mutual respect for Masky, Hoody, Jason, Puppeteer, and Slenderman
Doesn’t get along with/hates Jeff, LJ, and Clockwork
Sally sees him as an older brother figure. Unfortunately he’s a bad influence on the kid and also has no idea how to look after a child, he just kinda goes “fuck it we ball” anytime someone puts them in charge of Sally. Has taught her every swear and slur known to man. Thinks it’s hilarious to put her on the mic in gamer lobbies
“Hey dude check this out” proceeds to show you the nastiest shock video ever
Semi-fluent in Japanese despite being whiter than paper. Unsurprisingly a weeb
If he owns a body pillow he keeps it hidden with his life. They won’t be caught dead cuddling up to something like that at night
The mansion’s go to IT guy. Against his will but unfortunately if he wants to continue living in the mansion (or living in general) he has to take this role lest slenderman eviscerates him for defiance
Both him and the BEN AI have a major superiority complex, he thinks he’s way better than everyone else and is the cockiest bastard mf on the planet
Stans Hatsune Miku
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okay as a person who was raised on new wave but has gotten into goth recently. how the ever loving fuck did tiktokers think rock lobster was goth. how??? they out there listening to love shack and own private idaho and somehow thinking that was goth???😧
couple factors
tiktok kids do not seek out context generally. this is how we got any/all pronouns cartman. they engage with south park based only on the sound clips that become memes on tiktok. similarly, i think they just heard the song and accepted it at face value and didn't look into who the b-52d are or notice that these are the same people who made love shack.
goth is a very broad (group of) genre(s). rock lobster admittedly sounds like it could have been made by the cramps.
goth dad (@awfullysinister) has admitted to playing it at the clubs he djs for years
there are a lot of bands whose goth status is contested like strawberry switchblade and even the fucking cure.
in my opinion rock lobster on its own is goth purely because a lot of goths like it. same with strawberry switchblade even tho stylistically they're more like an early ancestor to vaporwave.
goth classification in general is quite complex tbh there's a lot of nuance. imo its more of a vibe check. and rock lobster passed the goth vibe check to those kids.
the blind leading the blind is kinda the guiding principle of tiktok and none of those kids talk to people older than them.
now now it turned into drama. hot takes coming.
i think a lot of them have tricked themselves into thinking that gothery is objective and easily quantifiable and not largely vibes-based.
they've tricked themselves into thinking that "music based subculture" means the music itself IS the subculture nothing else that grew out of the goth scene is important (they do this while stanning elvira and collecting bones and ofc wearing tradgoth apparel but ignore that doublethink is at play here)
i'm blaming the influencers with amazon affiliate links here. they're seeing girlies posting their looks plus a shopping list for how to replicate their life exactly plus affiliate links (or worse, tiktok shop links ew) and it doesn't pass the sniff check for them, but because they don't talk to people older than them and because the version of goth that's presented in mainstream media is stripped of its anticonsumerist ideals, they only way they can think to counter it is to parrot "goth is a music-based subculture" back and forth forever
not thinking about how the fashion being antique and vintage and reused and diy and gloomy and spooky are extensions of the ideals put forth in the music, as applied to a more everyday form of self expression.
they get that goth isn't something that you can buy but they don't know how to articulate that
um in case you haven't noticed, tiktok, a highly trend-based and consumerism driven platform, yanno with all its influencer shills and brand accounts and ads disguised as content and clones of each other and viral song of the week and they've recently baked shopping right into the app itself and every other video you see has that damn "eligible for commission" badge under it, where everybody is copying each other to sell shit or as an audition to sell shit, just might not quite line up with goth ideals.
which imo is more important than the music but obv the platform itself doesn't really lend itself to putting that into practice. again frankly tiktok as a platform is fundamentally incompatible with the goth subculture.
ok back to rock lobster bc the politics have been cut out all these kids have to back up their sense of gothenticity is music based subculture. meaning when they find out they've been dancing to a song that isn't even technically goth, that's really fucking embarrassing.
cue one zillion identical "um we can still listen to other genres and still be goth" tiktoks. which, like, true. still funny that you were preaching that shit while dancing to the boomer equivalent of like. idk old town road. what does the fox say. i don't fuckin know.
anyway now everybody's having a damn identity crisis calling each other posers and elitists and the influencers are laughing all the way to the bank. also setting their makeup haul videos to rob zombie who while liked by many goths is DEF not goth.
oh yeah and dollskill have been making the sponsored content rounds too. because this wasn't already enough of a shitshow
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Given your dislike of BG3 and preference for the previous games, how would you rework BG3 to be better?
COMBAT
Round Based Combat (Turn based combat playing in real time on a 6 second rhythm)
The cursor will now snap to an enemy's hitbox.
Class Kits have been re-implemented
Mages get access to Horrid Wilting because what even is the fucking point of playing a Mage otherwise?
Larian has been sent to Sunday School to repent for their wicked and sinful fetish for surface effects, explosions and arson.
Boss mechanics are about positioning and reactivity, rather than finding the one button in the room that wins the fight for you
Cantrips are now called Innate Abilities and can be cast within a round independently of regular spells and actions, creating a higher skill ceiling of weaving them between regular spells and attacks.
NON COMBAT GAMEPLAY
Dice rolls have been removed from 80% of dialogue. The game now rolls the relevant skills behind the scenes when dialogue options appear and if you succeed, that skill's dialogue option is available. If you don't have the relevant skill but a party member does, this still works only choosing the dialogue involves asking for their input. Ideally this should only fail if nobody in the party has that skill, or you haven't levelled up at all.
The Dice Roll animation now runs three times faster and most of the drawn out animation of all the bonuses and penalties has been removed.
Thieves will re-roll a perception check every round. If you fail a perception check, put a thief in the party and wait until they finally find it (just like BG1 and 2 does, that's another thing Larian changed for some reason)
Multi-Class characters will have their classes level up independently rather than choosing which class to level each time.
Mind Flayer abilities no longer require inserting more tadpoles. Once the tadpole is inserted, the tadpole levels up as its own unique class with your others as it roots itself into more of your brain. It was always strange that removing the tadpoles is the primary motivation and then it gives you four more and says "put that in your eye."
COMPANIONS
Your first companion is not a complete stranger
Your first full party is not entirely composed of absolute cunts
Companions are no longer acquired as rapidly and are spread out among Act 1 and 2.
Shadowheart is now a Fighter/Cleric. Her Wisdom is increased to 18 and her Strength and Constitution are increased to 16.
Wyll is now a Rogue/Warlock. His Charisma is increased to 18, his Strength to 13 and his Dexterity to 16.
Karlach is now a Berserker. Her Strength has been increased to 18 and her Constitution has been increased to 17.
Jaheira has been returned to a Fighter/Druid. Her Strength and Wisdom have been increased to 18.
Jaheira and Minsc are so old that their equipment is itemized using Second Edition rules and as a result is unusable by the other party members. Fuck you that's funny.
Jim Cummings has been restored as Minsc's voice actor, because the decision to recast the meme character with the meme actor of the week was always a bone-headedly stupid decision.
Companions have a wider array of stories than "abuse victim."
Halsin and Shadowheart are now only romancable by male characters.
Astarion and Minthara are now only romanceable by female characters.
Lae'zel and Gale are no longer romanecable.
Karlach, and Wyll remain bisexual.
Romanced Ascended Astarion will now completely end your relationship, claiming you have outlived your usefulness. Because apparently some people were too busy listening to Niel Newbon doing his best Seth MacFarlane impression to actually get the message.
Shadowheart's story no longer involves Viconia de'Vir.
Gale's story no longer involves him being Mystra's side piece at Level 1
Astarion's personality is no longer a blatant copy of Anomen Delryn
Astarion's story is no longer a blatant copy of Anomen, Keldorn, Aerie, Imoen, Dynaheir and Hexxat.
STORY
The game will now allow you to import old Infinity Engine save files. The only notable effect is that any mention of "Gorion's Ward" in text will now use the Ward's name, pronouns and race from the save file imported.
The Narrator can be disabled.
Origin Characters have been removed. Larian's characters suffer greatly from having to fit into this concept.
Dark Urge has been removed and moved to its own separate series of games called "Baldur's Gate" "Siege of Dragonspear" "Shadows of Amn" and "Throne of Bhaal." They will all be made available on Steam immediately.
Tav has a personal motivation for getting involved in the story, rather than being shepherded through the story by everyone else.
A level 1 character does not start the game on an exploding Michael Bay ship. Seriously Larian, what the fuck?
The Mind Flayer tadpoles are inserted into Tav at the end of Act 1 instead of the prologue as a consequence of getting involved in all this "True Soul" malarkey.
Tav is now the only one infected by the Mind Flayers deliberately. Over the course of Act 2, the others will be infected due to their proximity. Companions now get involved with each other for mutual advantage and companionship instead of "lol same brainworm."
Sarevok Anchev and the Conspicuous Consanguinity Conspiracy has been removed from the game. Like seriously Larian what in the actual fuck?
Bhaal and his children are no longer present in the story. The only mention of any active Bhaalspawn will be a footnote in a journal and only if you imported a save from Throne of Bhaal where Gorion's Ward was a long-lived race that chose to remain Mortal, as that is the only possible way for any Bhaalspawn to still be alive. They still won't be involved in the story owing to being banished from Baldur's Gate during the events of Siege of Dragonspear.
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The Abyss: He's not that stupid, is he?
Juliano: *takes its deal while having a mental break and believing that if he does this, it won't affect anyone else he loves*
Abyss: *looks into the camera, eyebrows raised*
----
Juliano, watching shadows grab him: I'm about to do what's called a pro-gamer move.
Phobos, softly: Don't.
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Luigi: Mario was banned from the chicken shack, so we had to go out of town to get some.
Mario: Well, they shouldn’t say “all you can eat” if they don’t mean it.
Luigi: Mario, you ate the kitchen.
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Tulip, rummaging through her old desk: I remember when I was little, my mom said that I couldn't get my tetanus shot unless I got perfect marks on every assignment leading up to that day.
SMG7: What.. what did you do?
Tulip, tossing up papers that all have perfect marks on them: FUCKING STUDIED, I GUESS.
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Melony: I slept for almost 12 hours, but I might still be tired, so let's go for 12 more just in case.
Meggy: Melony, that's a coma.
Melony: Sounds festive.
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Luigi: Are you sure this is the right direction?
Bob: I'm as sure as I am honest.
Luigi: In that case, we're definitely lost.
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SMG4: Lily, keep an eye on Coding today. He's going to say something to the wrong person and get punched.
Lily: Sure, I’d love to see LC get punched.
SMG4: Try again.
Lily, sighing: I will stop LC from getting punched.
----
Meggy: I'm so tough, I'm on alert even when there's no danger!
Dr. Avis: That's PTSD.
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Dr. Pheobe: You often use humor to deflect trauma.
Juliano: Thank you!
Dr. Pheobe: I didn't say that was a good thing.
Juliano: What I'm hearing is, you think I'm funny.
----
SMG3: Do you really think they can handle preheating the oven?
Forum: I would hope so!
*The sound of the kitchen lighting on fire, followed by Domain's cursing and Meggy's shrieking, can be heard*
Forum: *slowly crushes the object he's holding* .. I have a sudden passion project for putting Meme Logic into an actual body, tying it up, and hitting it with a wrecking ball.
----
Irene: How do you usually get them all focused on something whenever you have something else to do?
Juliano: Watch.
Juliano, to the rest of the Avatars: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss.
Avatars: *immediately begin arguing*
Irene, watching in horror: Oh, this. I don’t like this. I don't like this at all.
----
Lil Coding: I think Houdini did something like this once!If I remember right, he was out of the hospital in no time!
Cody, deadpan: Well, that's encouraging.
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Happy 28th birthday to this iconic moment in Canadian history!!
On February 15th, 1996, former Canadian prime minister, Jean Chrétien created this could-be meme format by putting a protester in a chokehold. The photo of the event became known by many Canadians as the Shawinigan Handshake; a joke about the prime minister’s home town.
Now, this dude bred controversy man. Like any politician, you go to the controversy page of his Wikipedia page and all of them have full articles associated with them. This controversy, while having its own Wikipedia page, is barely even a controversy compared to everything else. In fact, the now 90-year-old man allegedly will still take photos reenacting the event. Notable examples being comedian Rick Mercer and current prime minister Justin Trudeau. There’s a Shawinigan microbrewery that has a beer depicting the event on the label. The label uses the likenesses of Chrétien and hockey commentator and fellow controversy-machine: Don Cherry.
So where did this come from? Why did the prime minister of Canada have this protester in a chokehold? Well, this may come as a shock, but Canada has only ever had two political assassinations: D’rcy McGee, 1868 and Pierre LaPorte, 1970. However that has not stopped people from trying.
Three months before the infamous Shawinigan Handshake photo was taken on Flag Day, Jean Chrétien survived an assassination attempt. Much like the president of the US, the PM resides in a publicly known address: 24 Sussex Street in Ottawa. A separatist snuck into the house in the early morning with a knife with the intention to slit Chrétien’s throat. The attack was narrowly missed due to (allegedly) the random chance of Chrétien’s wife Aline being up and spotting him.
So my man is tormented by the traumatic experience of almost getting killed in his sleep both by his own brain and the opposition. Needless to say, he’s a little on edge as he’s at this Flag Day ceremony, even more so when his security detail seemingly breaks up. Then, BAM! A protester is in his face. Having grown up a bit of a scrapper and having assassination on his mind, the PM (around 60 at the time) takes the guy in a chokehold, and the rest is history.
On a quick aside, four years later, Chrétien was pie’d by a protester and, this part seems relatively unclear, but it seems he had a trauma response to it. For whatever reason, the opposition decided this was fair game to bring up in the House of Commons. and one Tory MP was quoted as saying “next time it may not be a pie” which was interesting phrasing. However, this wasn’t new as they felt it was appropriate to make an ableist attack ad in 1993. The ad was regarding the appearance of his mouth, a result of a condition called Bell’s Palsy but that’s another story.
Anyway, thanks for tuning into Heritage Minutes with Goon! A show all about the funny and fact of modern Canadian politics and culture. Tune in next time to learn about the beginnings of Definitely Not The Opera: a tale of a nation hating opera so much that they fucking killed it.
PS Tumblr sucks and isn’t letting me add links so I’ll RB with sources in just a second. Hilariously I’m not embellishing this much at all.
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Hi! I just wanna ask if you're from India? Just wanna make sure cause I saw it once on the blog description. The reason I ask is actually for a stupid reason. And feel free to ignore.
Lately, I've been coming across Indian tv scenes meme where people die by getting strangled ridiculously by the scarf getting caught in a fan of them getting slapped and pushed into it. Or one where a girl rescued a guy who fell and did many backflips in the air, by riding a large kite. Are these really what's in Indian tv show? I wanna know who their target audience is. And what they think about it?😅 I find it quite humourous and it gives me a good laugh.
OMG. Lol. Okay. I'm gonna rant okay! I'm also gonna be referring some tv shows and use show hindi terms that are very popular among these shows.
Indian tv serials or Indian tv dramas are EMBARRASSING AS HELL and I'm not proud to say that. If I could describe it in one sentence I would say---"It will give you a brain tumor, so please don't watch it."
About 90% or more, Indian tv serials are like that. I'm not joking. Let me tell you why?
Ekta Kapoor. Ekta Kapoor or Ekta didi (we'll call her like that!) is a very infamous name in India. She's basically a producer and has produced more than 100 tv serials. Apart from two or three good ones, the rest are dog shit. Also, all of them are soap operas. The problem with her tv serials is that, they don't have an identity. For example, let's take K-dramas or C-dramas. They have shows for different genres like romance, mystery, thriller, horror, historical etc. But when you take a look at most of the Indian shows, almost all of them have 'saas-bahu' melodrama ('saas' in hindi means 'mother-in-law' and 'bahu' in hindi means 'daughter-in-law') and nothing else. There is no actual plot or goal or even an ending. They don't even have a genre. For example, there is a tv serial called 'Sasural Simar Ka'. It started a normal soap opera melodramatic show, but then out of nowhere it ventured into supernatural stuff. Yeah, I'm not joking. Simar is the name of the main protagonist and is a normal human being who got married into a rich family (like every other ekta kpoor tv shows) and then after IDK 1000 episodes later, she turns in a fly. .....yep, I wish I was joking. You can check that on youtube if you don't believe me.
Seriously, the writers don't know what they're writing. They're just doing whatever to milk-out each episodes. Another problem with these shows is that, they just never want to end. Some shows starts with a good message but then after like 50 episodes when the message is conveyed and the goal is achieved, the best thing we must do for the show for it to remain as good as it is, is to end the fucking show, right? But Nope! They just keep going and going and going and going and going...I remember when I was nine years old, my mom used to watch this one serial called 'Yeh rishta kya kehla tha hain'. I finished my school and started college and the show was still going on. After reading your question, I simply googled to see if the serial was still on going but thankfully they ended it after 14 YEARS! WITH 4000+ EPISODES! 4 FUCKING THOUND EPISODES!!? WTF IS THIS EVEN ABOUT? One piece could never. Oh before I forget, 'Yeh rishta kya kehla tha hain' is also a soap opera. So as you see, unlike k-dramas that ends with about 20 to 22 episodes per season, Indian tv serials doesn't end. This also burdens the writers because they have to keep churning out new drama for each episode and after some time, its clear that they are running out of ideas. Writers are also human beings. If they are ordered to writer each episode everyday, they would obviously feel burned out and run out ideas, which would lead them writing shit like this:
and also the funny clips you saw on youtube. Unlike K-drama, whose episodes are once or twice a week, indian tv shows are daily (except for sat and sun) and there would be a watch party in my house which starts right after 6pm. 6pm is when my family pray and the tv would be on around that time, because my family members don't wanna miss a single scene. It starts at 6pm and ends at around 9 or 10pm on avg. depending on the number of serials they watch.
Now earlier when I said about Indian tv shows having no identity, well, almost all tv serials are centered around 'saas-bahu' drama. No matter what the story is, everything ends up being a story about a rich family wearing heavy makeup and saris and their boring household affairs where the daughter in laws and mother in laws try to conspire against each other for no reason and the men in these serials are nothing but props. Also there is always this grandma character who for some reason never dies despite having grandkids and those grandkids having grandkids and even if one of those grandkids die, this old lady never does.
Another thing, which I'm quite embarrassed to say is that, Ekta didi had been trying so hard to remake many popular american shows like the Vampire dairies and the Game of thrones. Now personally, I have not watched either of them. Ekta didi has tried remaking Vampire diaries and Twilight 3 times! The first one is called 'pyaar ki yeh ek kahaani' was something my sister used to watch. It was fine at first but soon becomes boring as hell. There is no story or setup or mythology, nothing. She just made it because she wanted to copy Twilight, because it was a blockbuster around that time. Her second attempt was 'Fanaah' and I don't remember it at all despite it having well known actors, it flopped so hard. Her third attempt and the most embarrassing one is the recent remake of the Vampire diaries who's name I don't even remember and I don't care to look it up, because I'm so embarrassed to even talk about it. Yeah, that's why.
You what's the best and worst thing about India? India is a country that has people speaking many languages. I come from the South and I speak Malayalam. There are other languages like Tamil, Telugu, Hindi, Kannada, Marathi, Gujarati etc. Although I don't speak most of them, I do understand them. That's great. But you know what is not great? The tv shows that I mentioned above, they are all in Hindi. Which means....THERE ARE TV SHOWS LIKE THAT FOR OTHER LANGUAGES AROUND INDIA! Like I said, I come from the south, so my family watches Malayalam tv shows and although they are not as cancerous as the hindi ones, they are still shit and the writers doesn't know when to end it. I swear to god, if my grandma understood every languages in this world, she would watch every tv serials like this forever.
Now the audience. Basically all ages can watch these. But, not everyone wants to. Especially we young teenagers and people with brains, don't wanna watch these kinds of serials because we know it's not worth our time. Instead of watching that, we'd rather waste our time watching a normal anime or manga or play games or even study. The only people who watch these are kids (as in babies) who don't know what the fuck is going on but watches them because others are watching it, grandparents because they don't have anything to do in life so they just watch for entertainment, and people who have no job irl and watch these shows just to taste that spicy drama that we don't get to taste irl. I mean, I won't blame them, who the hell would wash laptops in real life with a dish soap? They all gather and form a watch party and once this starts, no one is allowed to disturb them. My grandpa was bedridden, so my grandma would feed him dinner before 6pm every night so that he won't disturb her during her shows. My dad told me that the watch party is so intense that they won't even be conscious about their surroundings. He said "Even if a robber enters the house, steals the things around the house, makes coffee and leave, these idiots still won't know." and he's not exaggerating.
Also let me tell you, its not always been like this. In the earlier days, before Ekta didi became a producer, Indian tv serials were not like this. There used to be good tv serials with good messages and not to forget the epics 'Mahabarath' and 'Ramayana' these are literal gold even to this day. But now, Ekta didi is the Queen to indian television, so we can't do anything about it. :(
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After,, years, i remembered i had this in my drafts, so i continued, i have half done, the other half is pending, but some day.
For those who might find this without context and say "ayo what the fuck is going on" "why is himiko so tall", this is for my fanfic, its called "the curtain rises, encore" on ao3. it's one of those nobody dies fics with virtual simulations and yada yada, you guys know the drill. since its VS, i changed how they look (and himiko pulls a saionji on us because nobody told me im not funny on time, alas, this is the result of it).
Some commentary for those interested. i gave the girls the prettiest clothes i could think of but i'm a guy so i don't know if i succeeded, i'm very sorry if i didn't, i tried. tenko looks like that one omori girl. tsumugi is now in her path to become goth (will make sense in the fanfic someday). kokichi won't know how to dress, not on my watch, he uses the ugliest attire he can find. i changed ryoma's design because i'm in charge. i made kaito beefy, no i'm not h0rny, i like drawing beefy guys because i'm a jojo's fan and an araki fan (araki one day i will steal your drawing style). you people have NO vision making shuichi a MCR fan, like he could be but i'm still in charge so he's now a The Cure fan, he has a the cure shirt, i was gonna give him a tool shirt (it's a metal band, not literally a tool omfg) but i think that would take it too far, i'm still deciding if he would listen to progressive metal or not (IT'S ALWAYS THE QUIET ONES TRUST ME). miu has a hentai shirt, i have no further comments. gonta is cute with a messy bun, if i was good at drawing i would add instect decorations or some flowers, but i'm not, so let's just visualize how great that would have been.
On the same note of this being years old, my art style improved, here's a meme about it.
that's it, bye. (link to encore huehehuhehehe https://archiveofourown.org/works/31197323/chapters/77105771)
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happy bloody harvest! here's some spoopy themed headcanons for the jakobs-hammerlocks!
Wainwright & Alistair
Not really into the whole thing. They're more "visiting graves for All Damned Day" (All Saints Day but borderlands) sort of guys
They would do a silly couples costume occasionally tho. For funny hahas
Occasionally, disappear mysteriously soon after helping their kids set/dress up or whatever it is they want to do. Hmm, I wonder why
Angel
Does some weird occult ritual ghost summoning shit
Definitely has an ouija board which she tries to use to talk to the Many people who have died in the manor
It doesn't work most of the time
Not one for parties, but will still dress up. Goth dresses are easily repurposed for costumes
Troy
Bloody Harvest? More like prime "DON'T PLAY MINECRAFT AT 3AM!!!!" season
Alternatively, playing horror games (five nights at freddy) on stream. And probably unironically getting scared by a few of them
Knows a bunch of creepy bandit stories and will not hesitate to tell them
Has the goofiest but also the highest effort costume
Hansuke
The guy who ACTUALLY sees ghosts
Also a "visiting graves" guy but out of fear and respect than anything
Helps Gaige with her more... paranormal videos because Troy and her clickbait F tier memes can take a fat L (silly)
Costume, if any, is probably cosplay of a fictional character he likes
Lazarus
Trick or treater ultimate despite being "too old for it"
Takes the trick part SERIOUSLY. If you do not give zir candy you can expect anything from getting egged to fucking flashbanged
Gets sugar sick very fast, but is also a master at hiding and preserving the candies properly, so if zir manages to get enough the supplies can last all the way until spring
Costume is probably another Vault Hunter. Sniper Dad initially did not approve of zir making an elaborate Aurelia costume but was bribed with puppy dog eyes. Many such cases
Rebekah
Depends on the year
Sometimes, it's trick or treating with Laz. Sometimes Angel tries to teach her impressionable young mind how to talk to dead people. Sometimes she just sleeps right through it
Costume varies but is always the cutest shit you've ever seen, without fail
Hammerwright
Walks amalgamated around the manor, stalking and whispering, just doing a little bit of trolling (as its components are known to do)
It's Bloody Harvest, people expect weird scary shit to happen, so why not be weird and scary. It doesn't get many safe-ish opportunities to Exist anyways
The manorguests are always confused by this. He gets a great many laughs out of their conflicting reports of what or who they saw
Occasionally has discussions with ghosts, which always end with ol' Monty's hecktoplasm getting spilled on the floor (either by them, or by the other family members)
Is his own costume
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