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youthofpandas · 2 months

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Call Her Ishmael (or: a trans reading of one of my favorite Limbus characters)

Hi, I have been thinking about writing something like this since Canto V first released and today I finally felt inspired to actually make this... A compilation of the parts of Ishmael's story that lead me to reading her as trans <3 and why I think that understanding her character though that lens works so well

We begin with a woman stuck in the mundane. No plans for the future, no dreams of a life beyond the one she is currently living in, and that life is one she has long grown tired of. And she decides she would rather quit living that life, even if it would kill her. Everyone told her not to do this, but she wanted (needed) to do something new with her life.

She finds Ahab here, when she is at this low where she is unsure of where to go from here now that she has cast her old life away. She looks at Ahab and sees a woman with goals, determination, serious plans for the future she is willing to commit to. And she wants to be just like that woman. She wants to be a woman who will choose what her destiny is, choose what life she has.

"I hoped to be like her one day. To be someone who will face the destiny of her own choosing. To have something I could give it my all with conviction and without a moment of hesitation."

And when she gets on that boat and starts this new chapter in her life, well. There she meets Queequeg, and is asked for her name...

Queequeg asking her name, something that surprises Ishmael, and complimenting her hair is a defining moment in Ishmael's life and in their relationship. And not only is it the first conversation they have, it is the also last thing Queequeg asks of her. To hear Ishmael's name one more time is something that will bring not only herself comfort, but she knows will stabilize Ishmael as well in this moment. That it will bring her back to when they had first met, to the fond memories of a good friend who had asked for her name. Ishmael's name, her identity, the one she forged on that boat even through great difficulty is what shaped her into being herself... That is how their relationship begins and ends...

There is also a recurring theme of being reborn, of happiness being found in another life that is kinder to them both. Ishmael dreams of a life where they can break out of their cocoons. She wants to bury her past and had no dreams of the future before joining the Pequod, before meeting Queequeg and finding someone she wants a future with. Through Queequeg, through the woman who thinks her hair is the brilliant color of sunset and asked for her name, Ishmael is capable of imagining a destiny of her own choosing just like she had wanted when she met Ahab. (She isn't able to chase after it, not yet, because of Ahab's influence over the Pequod, but she for the first time can at least dream of a future where she is happy)

When tragedy strikes, she is left as, in her mind, the sole survivor of the crew, she has lost Queequeg, lost Ahab, lost her chance at finding happiness and purpose. It's then that she takes Queequeg's rope (the thing that kept her alive! Queequeg throughout their time knowing each other is always there to save her and help her keep on living) and makes it into a headband, attaches cute bows to it, a bit of femininity that is intrinsically attached to the woman who helped save her. She grows out her hair, her beautiful sunset colored hair, and it is so heart warming. For a long time I assumed that her not cutting her hair was done out of mourning, out of an unwillingness to move on from the life she had on that ship, but instead it was because Queequeg had loved her and she had loved her friend in kind.

In conclusion I love Ishmael very much and I like to rotate her around. Everything from her metaphors of being stuck in a cocoon and wanting to break free, her envy of Ahab's ability to find purpose so easily, her relationship with Queequeg that helped inspire her to dream for more to dream of a future where she is happy,, it is all very good and to me reading her as trans strengthens the themes of her story. I've watched the final part of the Canto V dungeon several times over when my friends arrive at that part of the story, and the Call Me Ishmael line always makes me start tearing up.

Ishmael starts as an unhappy office worker with no future and it is a life she cannot continue living, she meets an older woman who has the drive and passion to chase after her goals and wants to be like her when she is older, she has a life defining moment where another woman asks for her name and wants to be good friends with her, that woman will save her in so many ways and she will love that woman so deeply for how she helped influence her life, she sees herself trapped in a cocoon and wants to break free, she dreams of her and that woman will persevere, how they will live out the rest of their days, countless mirror worlds of happiness spent at each other's side. She starts the game proper with her hair grown long, ribbons attached to a rope that helped save her that represents the woman who had saved her before. She ends her chapter finding a new adventure to go on, one will she get to explore the world she lives in, she has found a compass in Dante who will help her chart her path forward.

Also I know we all make jokes about how inconsistent the art is when it comes to her chest but like... Come on look at the difference here.... I'm correct about this. But I mostly wanted to make this post to point out that her narrative arc is also trans and it goes so much deeper than just art inconsistencies.

Okay that's all I can think of now, thank you for reading, I hope you all also love her <3

#limbus company #ishmael lcb #not quite sure what to tag this as but I hope you all enjoy...?#i just sort of wrote whatever came to mind so i hope this is like... understandable

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myun-saidthoughts · 9 months

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8TH House Synastry VS 12TH House Synastry

(More Info In my eBook)

The main difference between the 8th and 12th house is that with 12th house synastry, it may be hard for one another to fully know where they truly stand with each other, and the planet person (or the one who has more Pisces/Neptune/12th house influence) might create false narratives or fixate on the desire of saving the house person, and the house person may not know how to respond or won't know how to really articulate how the planet person makes them feel; especially if they feel uncomfortable within their own mind/spiritual self.

12TH House

With this synastry, it's likely that the planet person will constantly question and imagine the relationship. It is blurry and somehow the energy between the two of them becomes boundless and confusion can erupt. Both can experience showing up in each others dreams, both can overpower each others thoughts, and they both might find themselves sitting in unexplainable synchronicities that tie themselves to one another.

(Allowing and accepting this energy is the only culprit for deep mutual spiritual occurrences to happen, both parties have to want one another on some level; if not, unrequited love can occur, where one person is emotionally unavailable or distant and the other person has this innate drive to fix, save or love their soul in hopes of healing all of their flaws, which in most cases than not, impossible)

To add, the individual (usually the house person) who struggles with accepting their shadow self may experience a persistent sense that their partner is invasive or somehow withholding important information from them. If they are uncomfortable with embracing this energy, they may perceive it as a violation of their privacy and have an aversion to such intrusiveness from the other person. Now with the other person (usually the planet person) who is more spiritually inclined and open may always question where they stand with them. A part of the planet person is able to just feel how the house person feels (without words) and yet there's no solid, tangible reason to justify or clarify those thoughts or feelings that the planet person has towards them. The house person will ask themselves, "can they actually heal and erase my pain, or will their presence cause me more?"

Both might experience an underlying uncertainty about the true intentions of the other person; making it difficult to discern their genuine feelings or motives. As a result whoever is more affected by this type of intensity might constantly question the authenticity of their relationship, fear might seep in since there's a quiet voice in the back of their mind just whispering to them a false truth they can't make go away, especially if there is a lack in communication or open honesty between the two individuals.

In the extreme sense of it, the intensity of this dynamic can be amplified by an underlying presence of lies or deception, which in turn may affect the relationship. Secrets may become a recurring theme, causing both individuals to hold back certain aspects of themselves or their lives. These secrets may not necessarily be intentionally created, but could arise from external circumstances.

On one side of the spectrum the planet person can either fixate on healing any inner mental struggles the house person subconsciously holds onto. This can become one sided if the other person feels they don't need to be "saved" or "fixed," they might look at them in confusion, wondering what the planet person is holding onto, why they won't let them go, or why they have this drive to heal aspects of them they (the house person) isn't even aware or comfortable with.

So, the shadow side of this synastry depends on the individual. That itself would better showcase how intense 12th house synastry will manifest for each individual. If one is not used to being completely seen past the 3D (for both parties involved), then this would cause uncomfortability. If one is spiritually open and aware about how deep and ethereal this type of love can become, then the chances of dealing with deception or confusion is less likely.

Another aspect that this synastry may manifest is the inclination to hold onto this connection because the house person may believe that the planet person genuinely sees the real them even before they could fully see themselves (but it can also be vice versa; depends). If both are accepting of this love, the planet person can accurately read the house person and vice versa, words are not a necessity when it comes to the two of them, the planet person will know the house person's exact deep rooted innate fears before the house person was even aware they had any. The house persons presence just screams to the planet person's all of their inner mental challenges, and all the planet person wants to do is heal that part of them, the planet person will just know what their soul needs to hear and they want to give the house person that care and reassurance (especially if the planet person has strong attraction on their end/have natal 12th or Pisces placements).

This bond (when wanted on both ends) can create a soul binding connection where the house person would feel like no one else can ever understand them the way the planet person can. No one else would be able to read them like the book they secretly are, no one else can look into their eyes and bring solace into their bones, which in-turn can cause the dynamic between them to consistently become something that is impossible to let go of. How do you let go of the one soul who speaks to the parts of you that you don't even know?

They'll both feel that they've known each others souls before, leaving them to hang on and stay even if it gets destructive. If the energy between them both lack, then constant wavering thoughts and "what if's" can take over, and when the energy between the two of them feels grounded, that type of love is unbeatable and can feel ethereal. The overwhelming level of unexpressed intimacy between the two of them can be especially intense for someone who isn't accustomed to experiencing such boundless love.

Everything is unsaid but between them, there’s just a given understanding of each others inner mental struggles and pain, and having that kind of depth can bring in fear of what it would mean if this person leaves. Therefore self-sabotaging or escapist attitudes can occur, leaving this relationship to enter a side neither of them truly wants.

Be conscious and aware that (especially if you have 12th/Pisces house placements), a part of you wants to be seen without having to say a word, a part of you wants to feel connected to someone mind, body, and soul; and so with that brings in the intensity of this synastry and could be the reason why you choose to stay with someone that can ignite these feelings in you.

(In general to fully grasp how 12th house synastry can manifest, a deeper analysis is usually needed, by understanding your chart and your persons. I have an eBook that perfectly describes and answers almost any question about 12th house synastry so if you'd be interested in learning more about that, the link is pinned on my page).

8TH House

With the 8th house, it is an engulfing type of love. A clear and known relationship with deep intense feelings and emotions. You see it, other people see it and it’s hard to control and hard to let go of.

Usually, instantly, the house person is aware that the lack of planet person will feel like the worst loss there is, but they'll remain indifferent to that consequence. The house person can’t hide their feelings toward planet person, and they can't help but allow their feelings to flood out into the open. They want to showcase their undying desire to have the planet person because the want for them is the deepest thing the house person has have ever felt. A look from them rushes in emotion the house person never knew was possible. This synastry makes the house person accept any and all flaws that they have, and because of that, the loss of them can feel like they are losing a part of themself that they've always wished they could fix.

Nothing is hidden when it comes to this type of synastry, the feelings that preserve can’t help but be outwardly known by everyone in the vicinity of them. The threshold of the vulnerability that the planet person creates in the house person is untouchable. For the house person, nothing else matters but the planet person, and even though they are painfully aware about how transformational the planet person's absence will be, they'll stay anyway.

In another sense of this, if one or both of you struggle with insecurities/fears or have self-worth/value issues then the dynamic between you can erupt power struggles and control issues. The type of control and need one might have depends on how deep the internal pain the individual has (more info in my eBook).

The planet person gives the house person this serene and peaceful feeling where the house person finally can fully accept themself, so if the planet person leaves their presence. the house person will feel a pain that's worse than death; and the culprit behind that is because of fear. Constant battles of power/trust may emerge between the two of them. They' both might share this jealousy that they didn’t know was even possible and especially because without the planet person the house person won’t feel this specific “high” and that alone creates the intense need for them even more.

This intimacy is deep, almost instant, it can't be a lighthearted connection, their actions and the expectations you expect them to uphold too will create these high and lows you can't escape.

Loops and cycles are likely to occur, you will constantly go through ego deaths; you let go of them then you can't, you say you don't miss them then you do.

The love and hate spectrum is constantly wavering over your head, their smallest action can create a ripple effect of intense emotion, you start to depict every thing they have said or done to you, leaving you to go back and fourth with wanting them; to wanting nothing to do with them.

A part of the house person knows that the lack of them would disrupt their peace, yet their soft touch brings them the sense of wholeness and home they've only ever wished they had. If both are accepting of this type of love, they can elicit both the best and the worst aspects of each others character, and if the love for themself is lower than the desire to be loved; they won't be able to walk away.

(Who ever struggles with self love/self value/self worth/or have a broken attachment style because of past partnerships or parents OR has strong Scorpio in their natal chart/8TH house placements/Pluto influence will feel this type of synastry deeply)

This synastry needs desire and attraction on both ends to fully feel the effects of this kind of love, unrequited love can still occur and obsession/obsessiveness can happen on BOTH ends if each person just allows this type of energy in when both of your souls meet

While both types of synastry can bring in intense desire and lust, the differences exude in the type of person you are at your core. The healing (or lack there of) will dictate what type of relationship you'll experience when it comes to this individual.

Moving on or learning to change bad patterns is difficult but through the process of understanding your souls needs, everything else will follow.

(Understanding exact transits, synastry aspects or house overlays between you two will help you better understand if the person you're with share these karmic ties more info in my eBook and the link to purchase is pinned on my page)

#astrology #astro #astro notes #astro observations #scorpio moon #12th house synastry #8h synastry #8th house synastry #12h synastry #scorpio

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general-cyno · 5 months

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since I've rambled quite a bit on zoro's side of things in some of my zolu posts, I wanted to give luffy a try too! though perhaps overall subtler than zoro's grand gestures throughout the manga, there's no doubt to me that luffy cares for him just as much and his relationship with zoro is one of the most important he has (without intending to downplay others btw), both as individuals and crew, so let's goooo.

(warning: it's going to be long. sorry. also spoilers for the manga, as usual.)

albeit luffy and zoro's journey as a crew starts in the marine base where they met, I've mentioned here before that their childhood experiences, the way they sort of parallel each other's, also play a big role in their personalities and understanding of one another later on. the specifics are different, sure, but both were acquainted with struggle since they were young. zoro had already lost his parents by the time he was 8 and dragon left a baby luffy in garp's care, which... involved some questionable (dangerous) caretaking choices in order to make luffy "stronger". eventually, zoro would become a student in the isshin dojo, interact with koushiro and kozaburo, and start his rivalry/friendship with kuina just like luffy would later meet folks like makino, shanks and his crew whom he'd be inspired by, then dadan, ace and sabo, who'd become his family.

although we don't know yet what luffy's particular dream is, it's one he's had since young and that he mentioned to his brothers. similarly, as a kid, zoro wanted to become the world's greatest swordsman too, which he told kuina about and promised to strive for along with her. still, it's not until they lose sabo and kuina respectively that their dreams are accompanied by the necessity to become stronger for other people's sake. this is a specific sort of grief they share and are motivated by. and in luffy's case, his vow to become stronger is so he can prevent the further loss of those he loves.

(I'll get back to this, because it's important!)

fastforward to years later and we have a luffy that's started his journey to become the pirate king and achieve his dream. the insane thing about zoro's recruitment is that it only took hearing about the guy's name and fearsome reputation to have luffy pester koby about meeting him. I've also mentioned here that "fate" seems to be a recurring theme in OP especially in the latest arcs, and especially where luffy and zoro are concerned, seeing as they not only have a bunch of parallels with each other but also with important figures/characters in OP, some of who share or have shared a close relationship among themselves as well - namely, roger and rayleigh.

heck, luffy and zoro's lives are so intertwined you can even see lil zoro training during the ASL flashback chapters, when dragon mentions the dojo providing the revolutionaries with some food (ch 589). it's kinda incredible tbh. even so, when it comes to zoro... he was first and foremost a choice. regardless of how fate has come into play in the story, it was luffy's decision to actively seek him out and rope him into joining his crew, one he made after realizing zoro wasn't just a good guy but that he also had a cool, crazy dream and a determination to make it come true that was similar to luffy's own.

back then, luffy was already punching others (helmeppo) and getting angry on zoro's behalf, taking bullets for him and leaving himself wide open for zoro to protect during their confrontation with morgan. this is pretty much the beginning of his unwavering trust in zoro's strength and his willingness to step in when luffy needs someone to watch over him in turn. this is what their relationship is based on within? hours? of meeting and it's the foundation of the straw hat crew.

he's praising zoro before he's actually taken morgan down and luffy doesn't even look back to check. the amount of trust luffy's placing on zoro off the bat is bonkers and it's literally just the start.

from shells town onwards - well, in spite of how luffy's considered an anchor by shanks in the first chapters of OP because of his inability to swim, I believe the anchor metaphor is actually kinda perfect to describe zoro and his relationship with luffy, more so from luffy's side, even if he doesn't necessarily say this stuff on the pages.

I may be going on a slightly poetic tangent but it works imo. anchor symbolism is pretty popular and you can find all sorts of articles about it online. I read a few out of curiosity and y'know, the anchor as a nautical symbol has supposedly been regarded as one rooted in feelings such as those of stability and safety. you can probably tell where I'm going with this.

in terms of stability, think of OP's arcs and how many of them zoro's been in alongside luffy. they don't always fight side by side strictly speaking, but zoro is a constant - he's usually there to fight the second strongest threat and sometimes protect or lead the others when luffy's otherwise occupied, or he handles things while luffy gets there/recuperates enough to battle again. for the most part, zoro's also there in a bunch of the crewmate-rescuing arcs and he's even the one to directly liberate brook's shadow in thriller bark. there's only two major instances in which luffy and zoro (+ the crew) get separated for a considerable amount of time, one of them unwillingly and the other by choice: sabaody and zou/whole cake island. ig you could count baratie/arlong park too, but I don't think as much time passed in between one and the other compared to zou/WCI and the reunion in wano.

something that really got me even though it was tinted by a comedic feel, is the fact that bon-chan turned into zoro out of all straw hats back at impel down when luffy was trying to rescue ace and how happy he was at the prospect of having zoro there to aid him. no matter how the adaptation differs from the manga, I couldn't help but think of opla luffy's I need you speech too. would he have been as happy to see any other members of the crew? likely so! still, zoro's definitely someone luffy particularly looks forward to having by his side when things get tough.

irl, anchors are generally used to secure a vessel and prevent it from drifting. sounds a little familiar, I'd say.

it's not as though zoro's the only character in OP who's "guided" luffy but there are moments when he does ground his captain in a manner other characters can't at the time, and my favorite part of it is how seriously luffy takes zoro's words/advice whenever it happens. water 7 and enies lobby are perhaps the best examples of this, as it comes up in the context of luffy's fight with usopp and robin's supposed betrayal.

this is a really, really good moment imo. once luffy slows down to consider what zoro's saying, you can see he understands the importance of it. plus, luffy knows zoro's not someone who'd just leave a friend behind (he's fought to bring some of them back at this point, with luffy and the rest of the crew) and if anything, his "so the fact that he left our crew means nothing to you?!" outburst proves he's as upset as all of them about usopp's choice.

that said, you can tell how much luffy values and respect zoro's imput simply by the way he cries his soul out when usopp finally apologizes and asks to come back. luffy wears his heart on his sleeve and adores his friends, doesn't want to lose them ever, so reining all those feelings in to stay true to his position as the captain that zoro has placed his faith and loyalty in? amazing. and consider it from another angle: if he had ignored zoro, luffy would've lost him too. he certainly doesn't want that either or this would've gone differently.

this kinda thing happens also post timeskip, with zoro reminding luffy to get his shit together at punk hazard, bringing up the fact that they can't just ignore the threat kaido poses in zou to have the entire crew going after sanji, or when they're facing kaido and big mom in wano. zoro's someone luffy counts on to keep him steady and afloat, and this part of their relationship is something that was portrayed (again) nicely in the live action. in ep 6, it's zoro who manages to reassure luffy of his position as the captain and that he's done nothing wrong, that their crew isn't falling apart, because if luffy needs him then zoro vows to stand by his side til the very end. (they're insane).

in addition, their core similarities, understanding of each other and luffy's (almost unbelievable) faith/trust in zoro is what allows him to depend on zoro, specifically, when it comes to things like saving smoker in alabasta, not fighting back against bellamy's crew on jaya, or just mentioning the spilled oshiruko as explanation enough for zoro to get why luffy's angry during the onigashima raid, to name a few of examples off the top of my head.

as for the safety aspect of the anchor symbolism... that one speaks for itself I think. I feel like I must mention once more that zoro's not the only character or even the only straw hat to help or protect luffy, but he's fairly insistent and consistent in this aspect compared to others. compiling all the moments in which zoro's stepped in to protect luffy, worried about his well-being or signaled the rest when luffy's truly in danger/has reached his limits would probably break this site's image upload limit lol.

that said, luffy's the same back at zoro just in a bit of a less common manner or in a different way rather - mostly because of his belief in zoro's strength and the lengths he'd go to keep people safe, which includes allies and more so their friends. one could argue depositing that kind of faith in zoro can have its drawbacks (sabaody) or isn't completely fair (like when he goes all, "with you here, how could this happen?!" in skypiea) BUT. my opinion is that trusting zoro any less than that would likely hurt his pride more. so when luffy says stuff like this,

it's not about having unrealistic expectations wrt zoro but more about fully trusting in the man who tearfully swore to him that he'd become the greatest swordsman and never lose again. the one who trusts luffy just as much in turn, called him captain and pirate king first. luffy's seen zoro pull through some impossible situations, so it'd be more unfair to doubt him this way if you ask me.

this is also why I mentioned luffy's childhood vow. if you ever wonder "how important is zoro to luffy?" compare this,

to this:

luffy's past is revealed hundreds of chapters after skypiea. yet in hindsight, it adds so many layers to his relationship with zoro. for someone like luffy, who promised to become strong so that the people he loves wouldn't have to leave him, who would even die as long as it means he won't lose a member of his crew, the fact that he can relax this much when he gets separated from his friends because zoro's with them is... a lot, man. when you remember luffy's lost people close to him or had them leave him (for very understandable reasons, often out of everyone's control), zoro being one of the most stable presences in his life since they met - someone who will help him fight to get their friends back or stay behind to watch over them when they can't all go together, that for zoro to leave he'd have to be pried by force from his side unless they both agree to it for the sake of their journey and crewmates, is likely to be a very comforting fact to luffy. luffy, who's afraid of/hates being alone more than getting hurt.

he doesn't voice it out but allowing zoro to protect him and the people they both care for is giant sign of love and unbeatable trust, where luffy's concerned. although he doesn't know about it, zoro's sacrifice in thriller bark demonstrated why luffy does this without hesitation too. however, it's worth noting that luffy does worry for zoro's own safety whenever he's there to actually witness him being in danger and he knows zoro well enough to tell when said danger is real. it happens during the mihawk duel, when kizaru almost kills zoro in sabaody then as kuma sends him away, for example. he gets angry, desperate and teary in all of these instances. luffy cares so much about him.

lastly yet just as relevant... is that luffy likes zoro, beyond metaphors and all zoro might represent/stand for in the crew. luffy thinks he's cool, that he'll certainly achieve his dream, enjoys teasing and bullying him harmlessly, offered to share his food with him to convince zoro into accompanying them in thriller bark, tried to give an injured zoro an entire barrel of alcohol because luffy knows he loves booze and thought it'd make him feel better, and is generally someone luffy's happy to be with.

I bring up the wano hug a lot but honestly it doesn't get clearer than this. I've seen people try to downplay this moment but hey, context. people that luffy's hugged this way include 1) sabo, the brother luffy believed had been dead for years, 2) hancock who helped him try and rescue ace and 3) jimbei who's helped luffy during some of the most dire moments he's gone through, like impel down, marineford and WCI. for luffy to straight up hug zoro with just as much happiness, eagerness and enthusiasm in a relatively danger-free situation... he likes zoro, there's no better way to put it.

it's not that they can't butt heads sometimes either, but never seriously enough to damage their relationship. as a more recent example, luffy's shown he can put his stubbornness and recklessness aside when zoro's right even if he doesn't like it (ch 1060, about vivi's current situation). and as long as he's there, luffy won't let people interfere in zoro's fights, much less when it involves zoro's dream - like when he held johnny and yosaku back from stepping into zoro's duel with mihawk, even though luffy himself was worried about zoro.

so yeah, zoro might get to be crazier about luffy more often and explicitly but imo, it's an entirely reciprocal thing.

if you got this far, thanks so much for reading!

#zolu #tp #long post #like. real long #I love these two so much!!!!#and i don't think their relationship is as one sided as some seem to believe it is. luffy's just as crazy abt zoro #regardless of how you prefer to view the nature of their relationship #this is for layne also🙏🏼hope it's a worthwhile read!#jay reads op

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lains-reality · 9 months

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hello! i rlly love your blog and the way you explain things

how do i just apply? whenever i do i stress that i’m doing it wrong because i feel overwhelmed by the amount of info and things i have to make sure i’m doing right then i spiral and over consume again. i don’t want to rely on tumblr anymore.

what’s the simplest way to apply all of this and just “manifest” (i don’t rlly like this word bc it implies there’s a process or that i’m trying to get) my dream life? thank you

hi! ty!

it takes some courage! i also read a lot as a way to feel secure, but eventually i just got tired and just decided 'i have no more fears from this day on! done with this!' and i made it a practise to stop avoiding myself whenever something comes up

its all very natural, i can't say how you'll just finally decide that your over this lol

"whenever i do i stress that i’m doing it wrong because i feel overwhelmed by the amount of info"

well, learn how to stop yourself in the moment. you're putting too much pressure on your character! it only know what it knows now, it will not accept anything outside of what it already knows! thats why you leave it alone. read all you want to read, but stop when you feel like you have to. like you must. let yourself relax.

"i don’t want to rely on tumblr anymore."

good! keep going!

"what’s the simplest way to apply all of this"

just do it. try it and see. something that is a recurent theme in all the posts and book i read, is to try it. experiment. just for this one moment, let all the worries go. promise to never make problems for yourself again. you've given up troubles now, no more. just test it and see. surrender. let the mind cry and scream, for this moment, you won't allow it to deter you from freedom.

i'll give a list of stuff that helped me

theres only now -> stop bringing the past to now, learn to sit in the present moment

stop avoiding emotions, sit with the fear, discomfort etc

you already are Self! nothing can undo that!

be patient

non attachment (or detachment)

experiment - take something you already know and test it

question everything

find out what are the stories you want, what the desire will supposedly give you

it is not necessary to get rid of thoughts or images just stop deriving identity from them

"am i arguing for my limitations?"

soon more lovely thoughts and images will appear in your awareness and you can choose what you want

can you outgrow it? not you. observe it? not you. in the absense of it, you don't dissapear? not you.

be okay with not having it. get to a place where no one and no thing can disturb you (and your happiness and peace)

just see how absurd all this shit is. like i was born? what was it like before i was born? why is it normal to hear your voice in your head? no one knows what tomorrow is but we all worry abt it, where tf does the voice in your head come from? how can we actually identify feelings, what if the feeling pride isn't actually pride and you've been lied to? do you know how crazy this is for an infant?! we say we are an [x] person and that changes and so we say we are an [y] person, so who are we?? if we can change like that? being a human is confusing, seek the truth out and question all

just start to disidentify as the body-mind. when you disidentify as the body-mind you'll start to feel better as all the pressure you put on your character falls away. this will intice you to keep going as you feel freer!

have fun!! go and live life!! appriciate what you have now - this is all expressing the character, omnipr3sence, perfectly! you'll start to see "i barely thought abt x 2 days ago and now i see it here lol" "i was worrying about y and now i see it here too" "oh so this comes along with being the character too, maybe i should change that story"

you're in your own dream, see it as your dream and you'll start seeing the connections.

no need to convince the character, just move on. let yourself doubt this 'reality'

disclaimer: i'm still learning too! so please keep practising and have your own epiphanies!

reading

habit

no need to convince

behaviour

#lainsmail #to the other anon who wanted to start applying: here u are

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raven-at-the-writing-desk · 10 months

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I just read through the Wish Upon A Star event for the first time and it's a nice heartfelt story! But hoo BOY do some things about this event feel unexpectedly heavier now with the context of Book 6 and what's currently out for Book 7, particularly with the Diasomnia boys ...

Wish Upon a Star was really nice for the Shroud brothers' story in hindsight! I wouldn't say the event has anything "essential" (you can still understand book 6 without seeing any of Wish Upon a Star), but it definitely adds extra context (like sprinkles on top of an ice-cream sundae!) and some vague foreshadowing to the upcoming main story happenings. (It helped a lot that both brothers were featured cards for this event; they could share the spotlight!) We learn some new information that is fundamentally rooted in what we already know of the Shroud brothers (ie Idia is into video games, Ortho is supportive of his brother) and how it all plays together in a grander narrative. Star Rogue was actually first introduced in this event as something important to Idia and Ortho's childhoods, which later becomes a recurring motif in book 6. The book even closes on Idia playing it with all of his new NRC friends (?). The legend of the Starsending itself, of course, refers to the story of Pinocchio, where a puppet turned into a real boy--a theme which eventually carries over to Ortho, the robot that gains humanity. Additionally, we get a more in-depth exploration of Ortho and Idia's relationship in Wish Upon a Star. We see that Ortho, despite being a robot who would easily be able to look up anything he doesn't understand, still has a child-like wonder about wishes coming true and even dedicates his own wish to hoping that his older brother's wish comes true. It's Idia who expresses a deep cynicism for the Starsending and acts like a buzzkill (pointing out that the stars most likely react to people's body temperature rather than light up in response to being whispered a wish). This reflects their behavior in book 6 too: Idia is the one who has given up hope, and Ortho is the one who seeks to help his brother's dreams come true.

I guess something similar applies for the Diasomnia boys? 🤔 Although to be fair, this event came out in summer of 2020 (when the game itself first launched in March 2020), so we didn't know a ton about the Diasomnia boys back then. A lot of what they said for their wishes would have easily been dismissed as just normal characterization, but it definitely comes off as more ominous knowing what we now know of book 7:

Sebek’s wish: “I wish for the whole world to kneel before our king.” WELL. You definitely got that wish granted, Sebek 😭 cuz all of Twisted Wonderland is about to kneel over in a deep sleep once Malleus’s UM spreads far enough… Sebek is pretty much always going on about how powerful Malleus is, but in book 7 it’s not so fun having to deal with that magic now turned against us and set on consuming the world.

Silver’s wish: “I wish… for my father to have a long life.” When we first heard of this, the assumption was that Lilia would outlive Silver?? Especially with how spry Lilia is portrayed to be… BUT THEN IT TURNS OUT 700 YEAR OLD LILIA’S MAGIC IS ON THE DECLINE AND HE WANTS TO GO DIE ALONE IN A FOREIGN LAND 😩 Silver also mentions during his wish segment that he owes a lot to his father and isn’t close to repaying him for everything he has done. This is a sentiment Silver shares again in book 7… in which he then proceeds to break down and cry in front of Malleus about those insecurities 😭

Lilia’s wish: “My wish is… for humans, fae, and all other species to live in harmony.” This one hits super different because right now we’re witnessing Lilia’s past self as a general actively fighting against humans and being suspicious of them. His present self is much more peace and harmony loving, even instilling in Silver a respect for all creatures and lecturing Malleus and Sebek for their sometimes ignorant behavior towards other races. He acknowledges the challenges that come with bringing together those from all walks of life, but he’s also the first to preach about how the importance of it. People may be weak alone, but they can come together like the threads on a spindle to become something stronger together. This is a testament to how much Lilia’s feelings and him as an individual have evolved over time. What’s even sadder is that when you read Lilia’s words, it definitely sounds like he’s reflecting on his unsavory past, and wishing for a better world for the future: “You've learned about […] all the countless tales of our failure to compromise, and the resulting conflicts? I have no desire to see such history repeated.” So he makes the same wish every year…

Malleus’s wish: “I wish for Roaring Drago (Gao-Gao Dragon-kun) to make a friend.” Gao-Gao makes his first appearance in Malleus’s Labwear vignettes, but becomes a more integral part of Malleus’s story in other materials, then culminates as a motif in book 7. The importance of this virtual pet cannot be understated in regards to its connection with Malleus’s understanding of human lives and change. Prior to book 7, we see Gao-Gao as something “like Malleus”—it’s alone, a dragon hatched from an egg. (One can say that wishing for Gao-Gao to have friends is a metaphor for how Malleus himself wants friends.) During book 7, the perception of Gao-Gao changes; now it is likened to Malleus’s loved ones. He fears them leaving, just like Gao-Gao does when he’s all grown up—and so Malleus justifies his extreme actions with the excuse of, “I want them to live a happy fantasy forever and ever, just as though Gao-Gao were with me for all of time”. It’s how Malleus rationalizes his actions and comes to understand others. What makes Gao-Gao and even more prominent symbol in book 7 is its ties with Lilia; as Malleus notes in his Starsending segment, Gao-Gao was a gift from Lilia’s travels… and Gao-Gao set to leave once it has fully matured, so, too, comes the painful reminder that Lilia set to leave soon. It puts more pressure on Malleus to act, to come up with some kind of solution for a “happily ever after”. It’s his way of keeping his friends with him… whether they want it or not.

#twst #twisted wonderland #Diasomnia #Malleus Draconia #Lilia Vanrouge #Sebek Zigvolt #Silver #disney twisted wonderland #spoilers #notes from the writing raven #Idia Shroud #Ortho Shroud #Ignihyde #Pinocchio

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wen-kexing-apologist · 6 months

Text

SHADOW THE SERIES!!

ALRIGHT Y’ALL I HAVE SUCCESSFULLY BINGED ALL SEVEN EPISODES OF SHADOW (2023) THAT HAVE CURRENTLY BEEN RELEASED AND MY BRAIN IS GOING A MILE A FUCKING MINUTE. I HAVE ABOUT 25 THEORIES ALL BOUNCING AROUND IN HERE, ALL OF WHICH ARE PROBABLY WRONG.

Thank God for @so-much-yet-to-learn deciding not to watch this, meaning he can’t be spoiled and I can spam his DMs with all the twists, and turns.

I literally do not think at this point, even seven episodes in I can really write analysis of the show. I’m almost certainly going to rewatch this, and maybe that will inspire conversations around lighting, and blocking, and use of reflection but for now, I am just going to talk about some of the things I have been noticing and some paths I see those threads taking.

First of all, in a ghost story, I do not think that I am actually putting too much weight on the use of Hamlet as a play in this story. However, I will admit upfront that I am very potentially putting too much weight on the Greek mythology (River Styx, and Orpheus and Eurydice) that were referenced in, I think like…episode 1 or 2.

gif by @pharawee

But, what can you expect when some of the first supernatural happenings we get is Dan waking up on a boat in the middle of a body of water (River Styx)? This does not hold consistently, but there is a trend I have been noticing, of following. It has been making me think of Orpheus and Eurydice, that Orpheus is supposed to guide his lover out of the underworld, and back to the land of the living, but he cannot turn to look behind him. He has to trust that Eurydice is there, following behind him.

And I have been noticing some point in the show where following behind and not turning back to look have been particularly relevant. In Episode 6, Dan sees a reflection of Trin in the bathroom mirror. Trin is technically behind Dan, but the second that Dan turns to look? Trin is gone. When Dan looks away, he sees a reflection in the mirror of Trin leaving the bathroom, and he follows behind Trin all the way to the funhouse.

This scene had some particularly striking and beautiful uses of mirrors and reflections. Namely that we see Trin, walking, and Dan following far behind in a number of mirrors. But every time a mirror appears Dan stops for a moment to look at himself. At this point, Trin has continued moving (in fact Trin never stops moving) and we see Dan completely alone in the mirror. What does this have to do with anything? What is the show trying to say about what purpose Trin, the shadow, the visions Dan have serve? Not sure yet! But it’s fucking fascinating.

Hamlet, of course, is an obvious choice of story for a boy that can see ghosts, especially because Dan sees the ghost of his father at some point(s) in the show. Especially because there is a recurring theme/motif of drowning in this show. We have multiple boys who are haunted, both Dan and Nai being able to see ghosts, we have Dan who harbors anger in his heart for the way his father abused the family, we have a boy who went missing, last seen by the lake and whose ghost consistently appears waterlogged. We have a shadow that grabs Dan by the ankle and tries to keep him below water, we have a moment where Dan sees Trin’s lifeless body floating in a pool. Where are they going with this? I don’t know! And I want to find out.

photo from @sparklyeyedhimbo

I have thoughts about water and it’s relation to baptism, that these boys are attending a Catholic school, that Dan is constantly pushing back against the way the school functions and the beliefs that Brother Anurak holds. I am so fascinated by the fact that Catholic priest Brother Anurak cannot confirm the existence of spirits, (when Dan has been haunted by this shadow for almost a decade of his life), and that he turns to Buddhism, and a venerable monk to help him navigate the moments where he slips between reality and dreams.

I am fascinated by the fact that the Shadow we see gets progressively less scary, at least to me, as time goes on. This is an entity that has been following Dan from the time he was seven. When he was a child, at his mother’s funeral he called this Shadow his friend when he was talking to Brother Anurak.

This may seem tangential, but, about a year or two ago, I played a little indie video came called Gone Home. The premise is that you arrive back to your childhood home, unannounced only to find that no one in your family is home, they have vanished without a trace, and all that remains are these letters your sister left. When I started playing this game, I was tense, I thought perhaps the house was haunted, perhaps my family had been killed and a murderer was about to pop out from around a corner. But as the story unfolds, as you read more letters from your sister, you realize that she’s queer, she’s telling you a story of why she has left, she has gone to reunite with her girlfriend. And I cannot explain the level of safety and comfort that washed over me the second I realized this was a queer story.

In some ways that is what this Shadow feels like to me. At first it is scary, it is set up to be, it creeps up, background music builds tension, creates jumpscares of sorts, the shadow is what keeps nearly drowning Dan. But as the episodes continue, the shadow doesn’t do that anymore, Dan turns around and hugs the Shadow, and it takes him to his father (who is a massive fucking asshole to be fair).

gif by @pharawee

In Episode 6 or 7, Dan is dreaming of one of the few peaceful and happy memories he has of childhood, and the Shadow rests it’s incorporeal hands on his shoulders, almost familiar and comforting, and Dan talks to it. Dan asks it if he can stay there a little longer, and the Shadow lets him. And for me this begs the question, what is the Shadow? Is the Shadow one entity, or multiple? Are the different interactions with the Shadow meant to signify Dan is interacting with multiple different people? Is the Shadow a spirit, or a manifestation of something else: grief, anger, pain? Did Dan die/is Dan dead?

We see two instances of almost sexual acts performed by the Shadow on Dan. Once happens in a dream, and within the dream Dan is conscious. But he wakes up the next morning wet and covered in scratch marks. The second time, Dan is unconscious, but the Shadow appears in the real world, not the dream world (as far as we can tell) and starts pulling up Dan’s shirt, leans in close, so that they are almost mouth to Shadow…mouth? Both times, there is some form of pleasure on Dan’s face, but both times Dan is technically unconscious, and not really able to give consent.

Is Dan supposed to be enjoying these moments? If so, are they coming from a lover of his, either one from the past or are we perpetuating circles of time where Dan is retroactively being haunted by someone he loves and loses in the future? I don’t know about you all, and personally I don’t want every story that involved Catholicism to focus on the known history of pedophilia within the Catholic church, but…

gif from @pharawee

Dan has been seeing the Shadow since after he was shot accidentally by his mother and she had a mental breakdown, but this is around the same time that Brother Anurak, Catholic Priest, Brother Anurak enters the picture. And Dan says that the Shadow has been getting stronger since he started at this boarding school where Brother Anurak is a teacher. Could the Shadow be a metaphor for childhood sexual assault trauma that Dan cannot remember, or does not want to face? Possibly. Brother Anurak has seemed a little bit suspicious in the show thus far, (not wholly in the like, “possibly a pedophile” way to be clear, just in the “this dude almost certainly knows more about this student’s disappearance than he is letting on” kind of way).

Then again, according to the precisely thirty seconds of google searching on name meanings I did, Anurak as a name apparently means “the one who takes care” or “male angel”. I would love someone who is not me and has an actual understanding of the Thai language to correct me if I am wrong. (@recentadultburnout or @lurkingteapot are either of you watching this show? If so, would you be willing to discuss name meanings for Shadow the series? Obviously, no pressure or obligation).

ANYWAY, the Shadow does not really seem like all too much of an antagonistic force at this point, more of a neutral or potentially positive force, so again, I have 25 different theories that are all possibly wrong, and this is one of them.

Other theories about the Shadow: Dan started seeing it after almost dying of a gunshot wound, it’s just like the manifestation of death and Dan has been running from it for awhile, it is a manifestation of the people Dan cares about in his life, it is actively trying to possess Dan and keeps getting interrupted, it is a spiritual guide that is supposed to lead Dan towards helping other spirits find justice and peace. It’s a physical manifestation of queerness. Like seriously, I could probably go on all day.

And actually, queerness is something I do want to talk about while I am here. Because this show is certainly not shying away from homophobia.

gif by @pharawee

Nai has suffered for revealing his crush on Anan the previous year, he is still suffering for it. It did not escape my notice that the only known queer kid at an all-boys Catholic boarding school does not have a roommate. Nai is pretty much always alone, until Dan shows up, and Nai is warned by his teacher to stay away from Dan to make sure “Dan stays out of trouble”. Ever time that Dan and Nai are seen walking together, touch each other casually, exit a room together, they are called a slur. Nai tries to tell Dan to stay away from him so that Dan isn’t condemning himself to the life of a social pariah. We get one good Token Straight Friend in Josh. We learn that Trin was queer, and Trin was friends with Nai, and now Trin has disappeared.

The queer kid(s) or the kids associated with the queer kid are the only people getting beaten up at this school, and the actor that plays dickbag Anan is truly committing to the bit, because the (fake) punches he delivers look like they got some force to them.

I was actually just chatting with @so-much-yet-to-learn and as I was writing out the sentence “what if the Shadow is a physical manifestation of queerness?” he wrote “ooh, so Nai sees them as human figures whereas Dan sees his as a shadow commentary on how aware they are of their sexuality, maybe?” Dan does see Trin in full form, so I am not sure how much this does track, but it is at least worth acknowledging that Nai is aware of his queerness, has been outed, is The Known Queer at school, and has a very visibly obvious crush on Dan. Meanwhile, Dan reads queer (to me), some of the things he says, the way he laughed at Josh asking him if he liked Cha-aim, the fact that he sticks with Nai, make me think he is aware of his queerness. But, we as the audience have not actually gotten any explicit confirmation that Dan is queer or aware of his queerness.

photo from @blmpff

However, it is worth noting the physical ghost that Dan is able to see is Trin, another queer boy, (who everyone at school knew was queer because they knew he had a crush on his male theater teacher) and then some random boy that we have never seen before that he, once again, only sees in a mirror. But in Episode 7, Dan has lost this grounding stone, and the line between reality and dreams is constantly blurring. In Episode 7, Dan dreams of a near empty place, the only thing on the floor are drawings of a boxer, a naval ship, a sailor. He sees a man with one arm missing, the remainder of the limb bandaged and bleeding, he sees a man (again, only from behind) handcuffed to a table, behind bars, reading a letter by candlelight, he sees a man tied to a post, blindfolded and about to be executed, once again facing away, back turned to a firing squad.

Dan finds out like, practically the next day about the local legend of the One Armed Man, who was a boxer, joined the navy, lost his arm, sold himself to homosexual millionaires, and got arrested for selling drugs to party goers who ended up dying of drug overdoses. You know who else has currently been associated with a narcotics related drug overdose?

Trin.

The missing, queer boy who was trying to break tradition, and bring progress to his school.

Trin, the missing queer boy who has hallucinations. Hallucinations like…

Dead bodies.

You know who else saw dead bodies in the most recent episodes?

Dan.

photos from @sparklyeyedhimbo

I don’t know where I am going with this beyond the fact that Trin is established to have bipolar disorder, for which was on medication. In flashback he is shown stating that he wants to get off his medication, we are told in the present that he had stopped taking his medication, and that instead he was treating his bipolar with narcotics, and that he had smoked week the night of his disappearance. It is at this point I would like to say, this show would be absolutely fucking based if they actually gave Trin bipolar disorder, and then had the adults that are suspicious and clearly hiding something, weaponize the stigma against his mental health disorder to try to discredit whatever Trin was trying to do, as well as distance themselves from any potential suspicion around their level of involvement in Trin’s disappearance. (This is not to say this is behavior I support irl, it is to say that it would be excellent commentary around how someone’s mental health can be weaponized against them in truly terrible ways)

So by my count we have two instances of drug overdose mentions from two separate people and stories (Trin’s disappearance and the One Armed Man), and two instances of “hallucinations” of seeing dead people (Trin’s vision he discusses in an audio recording and Dan’s vision in art class). These are not enough data points to say they are definitively doing something with this, but it is just something I am noting.

Another theory that @so-much-yet-to-learn floated in conversation with me was the idea that the boys that were being haunted were ones who were breaking the status quo in some way. Trin was trying to do away with hazing at school and was called in to the administrator’s office multiple times and told to change his student president campaign policies, Nai is currently the only known queer at school, and Dan does not engage in anything even resembling filial piety. (Again, his dad is a Grade A Major Fucking Asshole).

photos from @sparklyeyedhimbo

Where am I going with this? I don’t know! Maybe nowhere! Again, my brain is going BRRRRRRR and I am just rapidly cycling through a thousand unformed theories. God, I just want to know what happened, I want to know what everyone knows, I want to know what the fuck is up with Anan and the teacher he is fucking and their involvement in all of this, I wanna know why the fuck he is as reactive as he is (like he literally almost strangled Dan to the point of unconsciousness at the end of Episode 7), Anan and HIS TEACHER keep making references to Trin, to “the nurses other daughter”, throwing suspicion on Dan about knowing about them. I want to know how they are involved in all of this.

I JUST WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING! I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS HAPPENING, I CAN SEE A MILLION DIFFERENT OUTCOMES, I AM HAVING A GREAT TIME AND I FUCKING HOPE THIS SHOW CAN STICK THE LANDING BECAUSE I AM ENJOYING IT SO MUCH.

#shadow #shadow the series #singto prachaya #fluke natouch #thai bl #gagaoolala #shadow meta #shadow analysis #shadow the series meta #shadow the series analysis #brain dump #i need the rest of this show immediately

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factual-fantasy · 21 days

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Hello Factual! Thanks a ton for answering my last question regarding your acquiring of your Pokemon- the quirky stories attached to their origins make them all the more memorable and lovable! And alongside that, thanks for drawing the full party together in your most recent post! Their personalities were all fleshed out really well in such a simple set up, and as always it's impressive that you kept your art style practically identical despite the transition to paper!

If you don't mind, since I've got the ball rolling at this point- I wish to ask your thoughts on two somewhat more well known Mario enemies than the last pair- and inquire as to their placement in the AU- starting with the jumping dangers from another game- the Ninji!

Ever since their strange "dream" debut in Super Mario Bros 2, they, like many others from that game, have become recurring staples of the main games- always being shown as quick, jumping warriors who work primarily under Bowser. But do you think these goofy little guys would work in the AU? They probably wouldn't be directly affiliated with your mostly Koopa centric Koopa Troop- but perhaps they could be a small band of dangerous assassins, known to do business with the Troop- for the right price- eliminating targets using more "Ninja" like techniques, rather than just jumping...

And the other I wished to mention could prove either very easy or very difficult to implement- another creature hailing from SMB2- the bullet spewing shy guy look alikes- the Snifits!

You of course already have shy guys in the AU, living in seclusion in Shy Guy Woods- but would there perhaps be any Snifits among them? Even in the most recent movie, Snifits have always been shown commanding their weaker Shy Guy Cousins- though their exact biological connection has never been explained- how would you explain it? How would their strange, biological bullets work? Would they live alongside the shy guys, or just live somewhere else entirely? If anywhere at all? And most importantly- would they still have an obsession with hosting game shows, as all the spinoff games show!?

Thanks as always for taking the time to answer our Asks despite your health troubles ( which I sincerely hope are getting better now ) and I'm glad answering them makes you happy! I've obviously been asking a lot of Mario questions lately, so let me know if you want me to ask about a different AU for a change- I just love Mario so much! ( Your awesome AU especially! )

(First post in question) (Second post in question)

No problem! :DD I had a lot of fun making those. And thank you! It certainly isn't easy to keep my style consistent on paper. But hey, at least it's keeping my mind busy! 😅

When it comes to the critters you sent.. I've actually never heard of the first one! 😰 I'd have to do some thinking about where those guys would fit in my AU..

Now for the Snifits, I did see them in the Mario movie. So I am aware of them! But where to put them.. hmm.. I can see myself taking the idea of them, rather than the actual functionality of them.

What I mean is, there could be "higher ranking" shy guys amongst the tribe. And they could wear these black masks instead of white ones. Perhaps they could make use of slingshots or some kind of projectile to keep with the theme..? :0 I'm unsure, but it's definitely something to think about!

And no worries about too many Mario questions, I'm having a lot of fun with them! Thank you for sending them! :D And thank you for the well wishes. I'm hoping that all of this mess is finally over soon 🙏🥹...

#my response #super mario bros

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muffinapologist · 1 year

Text

girl help I can't stop thinking about an AU where Edgeworth is conscious when Von Karma shoots his dad but he doesn't realize it until months later after he's already been adopted by the man because the lack of oxygen and trauma made his vision fuzzy.

and then Von Karma finds out he's a witness and stages an Accident at that river near Hazakura temple. and he's declared dead but he washes up on shore without any memories and is raised as an acolyte alongside Iris.

and then Phoenix shows up literally 17 years later and sees not only someone who looks just like his ex but also his supposedly dead best friend.

Some details because this AU is taking up all my brain space lately:

Phoenix is a prosecutor because he has suspicions surrounding Miles’ death (particularly about Von Karma).

Mia was still sort of a mentor to him because she saved his ass in college and helped him study for the bar but he obviously didn’t come to work for her.

Maya is actually still good friends with Phoenix and something of an assistant a la Kay. Phoenix was very dedicated to finding Mia’s killer and never believed Maya was responsible. They bonded. Now Maya causes trouble for the prosecutor's office.

Gumshoe is Phoenix’s direct subordinate and spends a lot of time keeping Maya out of trouble (at least theoretically, she actually usually talks him into whatever nonsense she’s up to)

Gumshoe is a little less formal with Phoenix than he is with Miles in canon, he still calls him ‘sir’ but also calls him ‘Nick’. The result is usually something like “Nick, sir, we found this bloody shoe at the crime scene”

Franziska is there on the day that her father pushes Miles into the river although she doesn’t witness it. As she grows older she grows suspicious as to her father’s involvement in Miles’ death and in DL-6. She becomes a defense attorney to spite him and so that she can look for Miles (whom she believes is still alive) without her father watching her every move.

Franziska is Phoenix’s courtroom rival/frenemy. The butt heads a lot but they share a common goal and work together on Miles’ case. They also wouldn’t hesitate to risk their lives to each other. You know it’s kind of “I hate them [affectionate]”

Maya and Franziska flirt a Lot in court and Phoenix teases Maya relentlessly over it.

Miles’s name is Hyacinth for the time that he lives at Hazakura temple because he doesn’t remember his name, so Bikini gives him one when he washes ashore. She chose Hyacinth because it matched the tropical theme she has going on with Iris.

When Iris is dating Phoenix covertly she brings back books from the city for Hyacinth about a wide range of subjects. He’s a massive nerd.

Miles is a prodigy in canon so while he wouldn’t remember his interest in law specifically he is still incredibly sharp and gets bored easily when his mind isn’t engaged.

I think he’d play chess with Iris and Bikini and read a lot to stave this off. Bikini has some books delivered for him before Iris starts bringing them home for him. He’ll read about just about any subject with a preference for non fiction.

He’d have read at least some of the scrolls about Kurain that are at Hazakura temple but there are some that are secret to anyone outside the family so he hasn’t read all of them.

Bikini is still the tour guide though because while Hyacinth knows the history he is not great with people

When Phoenix meets Miles at the temple he’s like hey can we talk in private and Miles is like sir this is a place of worship. And Phoenix has to be like that wasn’t a come on,

Hyacinth wouldn’t recognize him immediately. He never met him as Iris’s boyfriend and he lost his childhood memory. However when Phoenix introduces himself Hyacinth recognizes the name

you know in canon Miles has that recurring nightmare about DL-6? well in this AU he has a recurring dream about almost drowning in the river and "a man's voice" guiding him to the surface and telling him to keep swimming. But he always wakes up just as he breaks through the surface, before he can see who it was (spoiler alert it’s Gregory Edgeworth)

#Wrightworth #narumitsu #miles edgeworth #phoenix wright #franmaya #Franziska von Karma #maya fey #ace attorney au #tentatively calling this the Brother Hyacinth AU

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inbarfink · 8 months

Text

For a while now I’ve been considering the option of, like, what if… There’s a new DHMIS season or like a whole new version/adaptation - and they’re not not gonna follow up in any way on the stuff with Lesley from the first season in DHMIS TV. And the final few episodes of that new season are gonna have, like, Duck or something come face-to-face with some totally different ominous secret about how the World of DHMIS works that seems to totally contradict both the stuff with Roy and the machine in ‘Dreams’ AND the shit with Lesley and the stairs in “Electricity”.

Like, I’m not just thinking about it as a ‘haha funny troll!". My thoughts are… So, one of the recurring themes of “Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared”, especially in the TV Show, is like the Existential Horror of Being a Fictional Character. And Creativity has been a theme since, well, the very start. And DHIMS always loved its 4th-Wall-Break, always loved to remind us that this is a show.

So what if the Hidden Truth about why their world is so Wrong is just… the real actual truth? You know, that they are a bunch of fictional puppets for a show created by Becky Sloan, Joe Pelling, and Baker Terry?

And for the characters that would be just as much of a horrifying eldritch revelation as anything we could dream up for them, y’know? That they’ve been created basically just to entertain strange unseen beings via their misery, that they are being watched 24/7 in the sense that when they are not watched they basically don’t exist, that their life and wills are totally controlled by these unknowable strange beings who possess a level of free will they can’t even conceive of.

And they can’t even really perceive this truth fully or reach the actual real world cause, well, they can’t exist in the actual real world or interact with their real creators. Because once you take them out of the context of the show, they just go back into being puppets and costumes. The DHMIS creators could probably pretend to have a conversation with their puppets, or hypothetically the DHIMS characters could talk with a fictionalized version of their creators - but a real interaction between them is metaphysically impossible.

So the climaxes of both the Webshow and the TVshows are, like, Red Guy and Yellow Guy (respectively) coming as close to understanding the nature of their reality as their little fictional brains can bare - which they process as these weird surrealist metaphors because that is as far as they can grasp it before their brains literally become felt and cotton.

Red Guy, especially in the Webshow, was always the one most exacerbated by having to deal with the Teachers. He very much does not enjoy being the Main Character in a story. And he’s generally kind of a cynical pessimist. And so for him, Reality - the DHMIS Webshow - seems like some sort of ominous and impersonal machine that exist for nothing but tormenting himself and his friends.

Roy might be involved because, being one of his friends’ parents - that makes him both a sort of authority figure, and a creator of sorts. So for Red Guy’s mind he’s like a stand-in for their actual creators (since Red Guy doesn't know his own parents - he's at least the closest he's got. Plus it is Yellow Guy that has become the target of the torment by the final episode. That whole thing with Yellow Guy and Roy really is a creator tormenting his creation) . Or maybe it has something to do with Roy being credited on all of the episodes?

Implying he’s some sort of liminal being with connections to both the real and fictional world?

Meanwhile, Yellow Guy is a lot more willing to play along and try to enjoy the Lessons he is given. He’s not as stressed about being free as Red Guy is most of the time. And we know his sense of imagination can be very sweet and adorable.

But at the same time,Yellow Guy suffers a LOT as a result of the Lessons. And when he is fully charged, he pretty quickly becomes uncomfortable with the teachers’ condescension and the strangeness of their lives. So Lesley’s whole setup showcases his more conflicted feelings about the Reality. On one hand there is something charming and whimsical about Lesley, but she’s also kinda ominous and creepy.

And Yellow Guy’s Enchanted Cyborg Intelligence gives him a… slightly more accurate understanding of the situation. Yellow Guy’s Reality, with the Big and Bigger Boys, shows he has some understanding that this world exist for some sort of edutainment (where Red Guy only saw it as torment for the sake of torment) and his idea for the Person Behind Everything is… at least Mostly a live-action human.

Making her a step closer to the actual creatives working on DHMIS compared to Roy.

And the extra set of stairs might show that, like, Yellow Guy at least has the potential to understand that his Reality is not quite the end of the story. Like that, yeah, there IS another level of understanding above meeting Lesley - and that is the Real World with the real creators, the one he could never actually meet.

And now the question is, what would Duck’s Reality be? What would he see, if he had a chance to peek behind the curtain?

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voylitscope · 16 days

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CA: TWS 10th Aniversary Ficlets (Day 10)

Daily ficlets for the CA: TWS 10th Anniversary Event @catws-anniversary. With Huge thanks to @sparkagrace and @cable-knit-sweater for running this wonderful event! 💞

Previous days' ficlets now Ao3 by ship/genre! Stucky | Gen | EvanStan |

Also readable on Tumblr! Links under today's ficlet.

Bucky has a lot of strange dreams. Nightmares, images that might be memories mixed with ones he’s sure couldn’t have ever been real., and things don’t make sense at all. Sorting it out feels damn near impossible.

Even with the slightly better grip on his own memories that he’s regained these days, and even with Steve’s help, it’s still hard to work through.

Most of the time, he doesn’t bother trying. Dreams are honestly the least of his worries. So he tends to just shake them off, no matter what.

But lately, he’s been having this recurring dream. It’s been happening multiple times a week, and it’s starting to really get to him. And not because it’s a nightmare or a disturbing dream of any sort.

It’s not. It’s actually —

It’s about Steve. It’s about him and Steve, and what he now knows to be their old apartment in Brooklyn and —

In the dream, Steve is sitting on the couch. That’s how it always starts. Steve’s sitting on the couch, and Bucky sees himself walking across a wooden floor and then leaning over Steve's shoulders, looking at the sketch pad on his lap. And, in the dream, they both look how they did back when they’d really lived in that apartment. But in his sketchbook, Steve has drawn Bucky looking how he does now, in the present — metal arm clearly visible in the image.

Then, in the dream, Bucky grins at Steve, as if this image is an expected thing to see, and he always says,

“How bout that you got my good side for once,” and that makes Steve laugh and set down his pencil so he can puts a hand around one of Bucky’s arms.

“Didn’t know you had one,�� Steve says, tugging Bucky closer to him. He’s always still laughing,. They’re both always laughing.

That’s when Bucky watches himself bend lower and put a hand hands on Steve’s neck.

“It’s looking real good, Stevie,” Bucky says, every time, as Steve’s head turns toward his. “I like this one.”

“Glad to hear it.” Steve’s grin is so close to Bucky’s own mouth, and he’s still tugging on Bucky’s arm. “Guess it’s accurate.”

“Oh, such flattery,” Bucky says, somehow even closer to Steve’s mouth than before.

And then. Every time.

They kiss.

And that’s when Bucky wakes up.

It’s really not a bad dream.

Honestly, Bucky really wouldn’t mind if he kept having it. He well, he thinks a lot about kissing Steve when he’s awake. That’s a thing, too, lately. He doesn’t know what to do about that. He can’t quite figure out if the wanting is remembering something he’s always wanted, or if it’s a new thing. Either way, it makes the dream pretty enjoyable, if confusing.

But he’s had it eight times in two and half weeks, and he thinks there’s gotta be something to that. A message, or something.

When he wakes up from a nap and the 9th version of it — on a couch with Steve already in the room, it feels incredibly hard to shake off. It feels —

“You okay?” Steve calls. He’s got a sketchbook in his hands.

“Yeah.” Bucky sits up on the couch and watches Steve’s hands as he draws. “How long was I out?”

“Only about an hour,” Steve says, sending him a smile. “Didn’t wake you up, did I?”

“No.” Bucky shakes his head.

The dream is still floating in his mind, and with Steve right here, it’s —

“You sure you’re alright?” Steve sounds more concerned this time. He puts his sketchbook down.

“Just a dream.” Bucky waves a hand. “Told you how they are.”

“Sure,” Steve says, not seeming any less worried. “You can tell me about it if you want.”

Bucky shakes his head, but then he notices what Steve’s been drawing. The sketch Steve was working on is him, looking how he does now, in the present — metal arm clearly visible in the image. It’s not exactly the same as the one Bucky’d seen in his dream, but it’s close.

Bucky stares at it, quiet for long enough that Steve reaches out and puts a hand on his arm.

And suddenly the dream starts feeling very real, and Bucky wonders if —

If it could be a memory.

“You drew that in my dream,” Bucky says, pointing to the picture. “Close to it, anyway.”

“What?” Steve frowns.

“I keep having this dream,” Bucky says, pushing the words out before he changes his mind about saying them. “About you and me in our old apartment, and you’re drawing, but you draw me now, not me like I was then, like I am in the dream.”

“Oh,” Steve says, slowly. He nods, and he gets up to sit next to Bucky on the couch.

“And we kiss,” Bucky says, eyes locked on Steve’s face when he does. “In the dream. We joke around about you drawing me, and then we kiss like — like people who do it all the time.”

Steve’s breathing and pulse change.

“We — we did,” Steve says, flushed, but meeting Bucky’s eyes. “Might be a memory. Memories.”

“I was wondering,” Bucky says, nodding. “Keep having it so often, and then this time you were here, and I thought —“

“Right,” Steve says.

“I hoped that was right,” Bucky offers truthfully. “It’s a good dream.”

“Yeah? You did?” Steve brightens noticeably. He outright beams at Bucky.

“I did,” Bucky says, pleased when Steve sets a hand on his arm again.

Bucky doesn’t really remember a lot about how to do this, he’s been watching himself put a hand on Steve’s neck before kissing him for weeks. It seems like a good move. So he repeats it now. Bucky puts a hand around Steve’s neck, and he lets Steve tug him in a little closer with that hand on his arm —

And then they’re kissing.

But this time, Bucky doesn’t wake up as soon as it starts.

He gets to keep kissing Steve.

#CATWS10 #SteveBucky #Stucky Fic #My fic #my writing #masterpost

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draftsandrecs · 3 months

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Pairing: Bucky X Reader

Summary: Reader and Bucky often dream about each other. Which isn't weird until you realize that they're strangers in two different states who have never met.

Word Count: 3,305

Warnings: 18+, a little bit of smut

Taglist: @jbbarnes-dog-tags

The recurring dreams began about six months ago. At first it just seemed like any normal dream. Walking around your hometown, grocery shopping, being back in high school. But the same pattern wasn’t a place or theme. It was a person, but someone you know you’ve never met or seen online or in other media forms. But anytime you interacted with them you felt drawn to them like you knew them. At first the same man was another customer in a grocery store or someone you asked the time for. But now wherever you go when you dream or what you do, he is there.

You often wake up not remembering your entire dream the night before. But you do know it had to be with him regardless of adventure or mundane task that you went on. You figured out that lucid dreaming is what you’ve been experiencing. At least based on the few Google and Reddit searches you’ve done. It led you through a rabbit hole filled with academic papers, blogs, and of course Reddit users' opinions. Which actually made you feel a lot less alone and crazy. Lately you’ve been questioning yourself if the dreams you have been having are just dreams or if there’s more to them. There’s a small part of you that wonders if they are just dreams then why is it the same person showing up over and over again. But if it isn’t just a dream and something more, is the dream being shared as well?

Friday Night’s Dream

You’ve never visited New York before but here it is. The subway entrance nearby welcomes regular crowds, billboards galore light up with ads, and tourists walk amongst themselves. As you stand there watching the world move around you, you hear a familiar voice.

“Hey! Come on, I want to show you a place nearby.” There he is standing in front of you now. A smile lays on his face as he holds out his arm to grab.

“Lead the way.” You say grabbing his arm. His denim jacket feels warm against your thin top. His presence as always makes you feel warm.

You and him walk through a set of doors that immediately send you down a flight of stairs before coming to an entrance. A bright sign that outlines ‘JAZZ CLUB’ catches your attention. The place is dimly lit with soothing music playing. Patrons are spread out through the place talking to each other, dancing, or smoking cigars. It feels like a time capsule that few people know exists.

You’re led to a table near a wall secluded from most others. A small lamp is attached on the wall by the tables for light to brighten up the dark atmosphere. He gets to your chair before you do, allowing you to sit down. You say a small thank you as he sits across from you.

“I see you put your best outfit on.” He says teasingly pointing out that you’re wearing pajamas compared to his attire.

“Well excuse me, if I would’ve known you were taking me here tonight I would’ve worn my going out pajamas to bed.” He laughs at your comeback, making your heart swell. His laugh is something you always remember even if you have no recollection of your conversation.

“You smoke?” He takes a puff out of his cigar that just appeared, letting little rings fill the air.

“Cigars, no. I’ve never taken an interest.” He hands you the cigar, lighting the end again to get a better burn.

“Don’t inhale, just suck in.” You do as he says, sucking in then removing the cigar as you blow the smoke out.

“It’s sweet. What is that?” The taste is decadent on your buds. Almost like a dessert.

He takes the cigar back to taste it again,“It’s like chocolate? Maybe even espresso,” he continues smoking before asking if you enjoyed it.

“Maybe but I probably won't do it again. Not my thing. Though it is by far better than cigarettes.”He hums in understanding as he discards the ashes of the cigar into a tray.

You’re aware. You’re aware of the building you’re in. The dark lights and little lamps around you. The smoke that travels through out the space. You know you don’t have much time left before you are about to wake up.

“You’re in a dream.” You tell him quickly, wanting to ask him a question.

“I know, you are too.” He says it like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

“What’s your name?” You’re rushing now feeling yourself half asleep half awake not wanting to forget his reply.

“James, don’t forget it.” How could you?

Saturday Morning

His voice is still in your head when you wake up.

James. James. You repeat his name a few times letting it settle on your tongue. You’re almost tempted to google his name and the city you were in but lord knows how many James that live in New York there are. (You did in fact look up how many there were and it was well over 20,000 people). You know you’re not crazy. But you wish you had some form of confirmation that it wasn’t just you observing, dreaming, a part of it. This is an experience you’re having with someone.An experience you’re sharing with James.

“I’ll have the french toast please with syrup on the side thank you.” You hand the waitress your menu as she writes your order down before leaving the table.

“Any new dreams or the same old same guy?” Wanda asks next you as she sips on her mimosa.

“No new dreams but I did get some information. I was finally able to ask a question.” You feel proud of yourself. You know your friends don’t not believe you. But you can even see that you may just be stressed or reading too much fiction.

Natasha’s perked up at this answer, both girls have been following this ‘saga’ since the beginning.

“We were in New York and I was wearing pajamas. Don’t know why, but anyway he took me to an underground jazz club. It was really neat and vintage. You know how when you’re dreaming you kinda know when you’re about to wake up? Or like that half asleep half awake?”

“Yes! I hate that, it’s always during the good part of a dream too. And you can never go back to the dream again.” Wanda chimes in with her own experience.

Natasha nods at you encouraging you to continue.

“Exactly! Well usually I wake up before I can’t even ask anything but I was able to ask for his name. His name is James.” You’re so excited to share the information you’re beaming.

Natasha and Wanda exchange a look.

“James. Just James? No address or instagram handle? Not even a last name?” Natasha smirks at you poking fun.

You know she means well. She isn’t trying to downplay or hurt your feelings. But she is a realist after all. It’s why you love her. She’s honest and upfront.

“Look I didn’t have much time, okay? I got nervous.” You pout and sink into your chair chewing on your lip.

“It’s okay Y/N, you have his name at least. Maybe now you can figure out more about him.” Wanda’s words of support make you feel a little better.

Hopefully the french toast can help bury your feelings.

‘Okay, two melatonins, Or should I do one? I’m a grown adult. I'll do two. It is the weekend after all. If I knock out till the afternoon then who cares.’ You chew both gummies before washing it down with some sleepy bear tea. You can’t recall the name of the brand but it’s the one with the bear sleeping in the chair. Fingers crossed you’ll end up like him soon.

Saturday Night’s Dream

Your body is relaxed, you feel so lightweight that you feel like you're sinking into the bed. You can still hear the faint hum of the air conditioner and the sounds of cars passing by. You know you’re seconds away from a deep sleep. Until you’re not. Your body is frozen, paralyzed. Sleep paralysis is occurring.

You curse yourself in your mind telling yourself that you should’ve never taken two melatonins. Now. you’re stuck for who knows how long. Your eyes stare ahead. You’re watching the shadows of the car lights pass through the blinds. Projecting slightly onto the wall in front of you. Your dresser sits beside the door. You make a mental note to clean it off soon. There’s way too many things cluttering that piece of furniture. An unfamiliar sound catches your attention quickly, your bedroom door knob is rattling like someone is trying to get in. Now, you’re no stranger to hallucinations during sleep paralysis but hardly ever when on your stomach. But you’re on your back this time. You brace yourself as the door begins to open, trying to scream but only a whimper comes out. Mouth forced shut, heart beating a million miles.

The hallway light is off when the door creaks open a little. You can’t see the figure but you can feel it. You shut your eyes scared to see anything even if it’s nothing. You begin reciting every prayer you know. Praying you can somehow move your body to get you out of this.

“We don’t usually meet like this.” James' voice breaks the silence.

Your eyes shot open, finding him in the doorway with that stupid looking grin he always wears.

Before you know it you’re speaking with ease, “you scared me half to death. How’d you even find me?” Your body relaxes, supporting you to gain control of it.

“I don’t know actually. I thought of you and I was then standing in front of a door.” He walks in, looking around the room.

“Sorry, I just got scared. Sometimes I see scary stuff when I get sleep paralysis,” You’re sitting up in the bed now. Hoping you look someone decent. It feels personal now that he’s in your space when all you know is his name.

“Oh no, I get that. Sleep paralysis is no joke. Especially when you start making up scary stuff.” At least he understands. You aren’t the only scaredy cat.

He motions to sit on the bed which you nod yes in confirmation. He’s sitting on the edge of the bed which makes you feel compelled to get closer. You sit in front of him, knees tucked to the side. Wanting to be in his embrace. Wanting to be as close as possible to him.

“You know my name, It’s only fair I know yours, Don’t you think?” His question makes you stop for a second. This is a confirmation that it isn’t one sided. It isn’t crazy- you aren’t crazy.

“Wait, you remember yesterday’s dream the on-” You’re cut off as he finishes your question.

“At the jazz club, yes.” His answer continues, “I wanted to ask what your name was but you left too soon. I wanted a pretty name to match the pretty face.” His pickup line makes your face breakout into a smile.

“My name is Y/N. Y/N Y/L/N.” You hold out your hand for formalities, half joking half not.

“It’s nice to meet you Y/N. I’m James Buchanan Barnes.” Your hands meet, his overtaking yours and your heart skips a beat.

Even in the dark room the light from outside shines in just enough for you to see his face clearer than in dreams. His eyes are incredible. Pulling you in with its color, He has a stubble that most men can’t get away with but he could probably pull off anything. You realize you’re staring, you both are. You find yourself wanting to kiss him. But would it be wrong or should you ask for consent? Technically it is a dream of sorts, it wouldn't be bad. Oh fuck it kiss him.

Your brain shuts off as you grab his face to kiss him. Your lips meet his and it’s as if fireworks are going off inside your body. You can’t help but feel- actually feel how real this experience is. The softness of his lips along with the roughness of the kiss absolutely make you go feral for more. For him. You're dominating his upper lip, kissing like you’ve been touch starved for ages. His hands find their way to your waist, pulling you closer. You enjoy the control you have as the kiss deepens allowing you to set the pace.

Before you know it both your clothes are off and nowhere to be found. He’s inside of you, you’re on top riding him. His cock feels so delicious inside of you. Completely stretching you out and deeply sitting inside. Your cunt molds around him to fit like it was made for him. You grind against him wondering how life like this feels. And how you never want it to stop. He’s staring up at you in admiration holding your hips letting you go at your own pace. You feel so full. He’s as deep as he can be and it feels like nothing you’ve ever experienced. It feels incredible, pleasurable, and magical. You’ve never felt so secure in front of anybody especially during something so intimate. It makes you feel free knowing you don’t have to hide yourself as he accepts you for you. James wants you for you.

“I’ve missed you.” His words come out clearly. You know he doesn’t mean miss when it comes to skipped dreams but real life.

“I know, I’ve missed you too.” You lean down to kiss him, letting him take control this time.

Sunday Morning

Your body is riddled with anxiety as you and Natasha search for James Bunchanan Barnes. James B Barnes. James Barnes. James, James, James.

“I’m sorry but I literally can’t find anything about him. Not from his full name or variations. Or even narrowing it to New York. Maybe we got the wrong last name like you misheard it?” Her voice is full of sympathy as she looks up from the computer. You’ve been at this for hours racking through New York’s white pages, Facebook, Instagram, even Linkedin.

“No, I know I had it right. I know. Maybe it’s just a dream I don’t know.” You sit down on your couch in defeat feeling awful. Maybe you were crazy and your brain just made this man up.

“How about we take a break, we’ve been at this for a while you know?” She gets up to stretch her legs as you continue to sit in your misery.

“Yeah that’s probably for the best. I just don’t understand why the clues aren’t adding up. Like why always place me in New York and take me to places-” Your heart stops for a second as you stop talking to grab the laptop.

“What?” Natasha sits beside you confused as you type furiously on the search bar.

Once you’re done you turn the page towards her. On Facebook there’s a profile page for a bar and cigar lounge called ‘JAZZ CLUB’.

“No way. There’s got to be a few tagged people or likes.” She opens up the app on her phone to help find the profile.

After 30 minutes you and Natasha were able to cross reference likes, comments, shares, other profiles to find James. Except it’s not James. It’s Bucky. Bucky Barnes.

Monday Morning

You called into work excusing yourself because of covid. You weren’t sick or in bed. You were in New York. You booked a ticket within the same hour you found his profile. Natasha was very reluctant to let you go but she also knew that once you set your mind to something you weren;t going to stop. She made sure to book a hotel for a night in case you ended up not being able to find any more traces of James/Bucky.

You arrived at 1pm with nothing but your phone, wallet, and the clothes on your back. The profile had no picture, no birthday, or anything except a job location. It was a record store that seemed to sell used and new vinyls of all genres. You used Apple Maps to guide you to the store. You were too anxious to get a taxi and instead began walking. You also wanted some time to yourself to play out some scenarios of what might happen, what could happen, and your plans to cry yourself to sleep if all else fails.

Your heart performs palpitations as the road on the map gets more narrow counting down how many feet you are. All until you’re standing right in front of the small looking store. The sign looks like it hasn’t been painted since the day it was put on. The store itself looks like it could be run down itself and abandoned until you see a group of teenagers walk out laughing about something that you don’t hear. Just go in. Literally go in. Open the door, step in, and ask for him. That’s all you have to do. But it feels like more than that. It feels like hanging your feet off a cliff and asking yourself to jump.

‘Okay calm it, You kissed and you had sex. Just walk in, ask for him and leave. Maybe you’ll even get a vinyl out of it.’

You’re walking in right as you finish your pep talk. The store is larger than expected. Posters hang on the walls along with shelves displaying records and stickers. There’s aisles of records in milk crates and wooden boxes with scribbled handwriting identifying the alphabetical order and genre.

“Welcome to Lucid Dreaming, I’m Steve, let me know if I can help you find anything.” A male’s voice pulls you from the record stacks. He’s standing near a box unloading a shipment it looks like. He’s tall and blonde, looks far too clean cut for this kind of store. But kind nonetheless.

“Actually, I was wondering if you could help me find someone.” You almost regret even asking, cringing on the inside in case you made a mistake.

“I can try, shoot.” He’s stops working to focus on you.

“Do you know a James or Bucky? I’m not sure the name he goes by actually.” Your voice trails off not trying to stutter or make a complete fool of yourself.

“Yeah, he’s the co-owner of this place. He said he needed to step out for a minute but let me check in the office. Just give me one sec!”His eyes light up as he heads to the door behind him labeled ‘EMPLOYEES ONLY’. At least he knows a James or Bucky. That gives you some hope.

You can’t believe it. You’re seconds away from meeting your potential soulmate or being crushed. Either way at least you tried. You’re mindlessly flipping through records as the door opens and you look up to find not only Steve walking out but James. Your James. The one from your shared dreams. The one from last night and the night before. Exactly as you pictured even down to the stubble. Your heart feels like it’s going to pound out of your chest as your eyes meet. James looks like a deer caught in headlights. Eyes wide and no words. Steve looks between you and Bucky trying to understand the connection.

“You know her?” Steve asks, trying to get an answer of what’s going on as Bucky walks towards you.

Bucky’s voice almost breaks in disbelief, not taking his eyes off you as he replies to Steve.“It’s her. It’s the girl from the dreams.” Bucky whispers the last part as he is now standing in front of you, “The girl of my dreams”.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky x reader #bucky barns fanfiction #bucky barns imagine #draftsandrecs #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes fluff

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snek-panini · 1 month

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I participated in Renegade Bindery's Binderary challenge this past February, and since it ended about two weeks ago it's probably time for me to start posting photos of the finished books, yeah? I made eleven books this year, many of which were multi-volume sets, and I'm going to start with the one that I had the most trouble with, Jane Austen's Persuasion. This project was nothing but trouble, and honestly every time I look at it I see nothing but its flaws. The cover is Allure book cloth from Hollander's (wisteria color; I bought it for another project last year and had a lot left over) with gold metallic HTV for the title and graphics. The last project I did with these materials was a dream; the cloth took HTV like a champ, better than any other project I'd done, and yet this time with the same roll of cloth and type/brand of HTV I couldn't get it to stick. You can see two spots where it's gone on crooked in the above photo, and below the cut you can see additional problems with the spine:

Yikes. It is peeling. I read the book once and it is peeling. I've never had this problem before; it won't always stick at first, but once I get it to stick it stays that way. Not this time.

Top view, with the endbands I sewed that have their cores visible. Again, not a problem I've had before but was a recurring theme this binderary; several of my Binderary books have it. Also platinum silk moire endpapers that were really hard to photograph and have both a wrinkle and a glue stain. It's my first time working with silk moire and I'm not sure I'm a fan, but three of the other books I made also have it and I didn't have nearly so may issues with them. So I think this book may have just been cursed. It's not pictured but the ribbon bookmark developed some kind of mysterious dark smudge in the middle somewhere between me gluing it in and me taking these photos. I do not know how this happened. The gilding went well though. That I can say.

Couple of images of the typeset. I had to print the title page twice because it came out streaky the first time. I actually really like the typeset, which is what makes the rest of the issues with this bind so frustrating. It's pretty! I did well on that part! I wanted the exterior to be just as pretty and I'm upset that it's not!

Fun fact: Persuasion was actually my least favorite Austen when I first read it. But I was in my early twenties then, and I thought it would be fun to bind myself a pretty copy since I didn't own one, and reread it and maybe have different feelings about it now I'm on the other side of thirty. And I did reread it after binding, and I do like it better, and I'm sad that the exterior parts didn't turn out as well as I had hoped. Half the reason I bind public domain stuff is so I can show off my skills to IRL people who aren't in fandom, and not have to explain what fanfiction is or why it has so many dicks in it, and there were so many issues here that I don't even want to do that.

The good news is that this was the low point of binderary and most of the other books gave me results I like better. I'm still doing titles for a lot of them, so we'll see how fast I can get them done and photographed, but I've definitely got more books in store in the near future.

#bookbinding #snek makes books #it feels weird not to tag a fandom but i don't want to put this in the main book tags #i realize it sounds like i hate what i've done here #i don't hate it i'm just frustrated with myself #and i learned stuff which is an important part of the process #but dangit #the public domain bind from last year came out better than this

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luminouslotuses · 4 months

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watched the video and. i have thoughts

the most glaring issue i noticed right off the bat was how he went through various controversies from the past first. clearly he’s doing this to make sure everyone knows what his intentions are, which– sure, would’ve been good after each issue had happened 1-2 years ago, but it’s just that this is completely irrelevant to the allegations. that’s what everyone is here for and wants his actual response to, which he knows, but he pulls this shit anyway; and he still acts self-righteous while going through them.

i’m not a liar– here’s some instances of me lying about things i’ve done in the past. this was a very good and detailed video, but he’s highly critical of me. i do not support nsfw art of minors, that’s disgusting (but it’s fine to make sexual jokes about minors in my own minecraft server!). i can’t post any photos without people saying i’m gross or weird!

the “examples” of fan & friend relationships that are shown in a following segment also bothered me. why would you bring these people, who– despite you being on good terms with in the past have clearly distanced themselves from you recently– into this dumpster fire of a situation?? again, dream with this recurring theme of constantly bringing up people he used to be friends with as either an attempt to garner sympathy or to make himself look better.

when he gets to the allegations, i feel like he’s taking a roundabout way to actually address them. at one part he says how it’s difficult to prove what actually happened without there being evidence, then gives an example saying “prove to me you didn’t sext [insert anybody here]”. thirty minutes into the video and he’s still managing to somehow sidetrack from the matter at hand, even if just for a moment.

then there’s the segment where he’s talking with his mom about him barely leaving his house between 2021 and his face reveal, which lasts for a minute and half. you’re not missing anything if it’s simply summarized as such: he rarely left his house. maybe, for the sake of clarity, he could provide a few examples and move on, but nope. he had to stretch it out for as long as he possibly could; and not to mention how despite the video being “SERIOUS” and “NOT A JOKE” he’s chuckling and laughing with his mother, which feels like such tonal whiplash compared to the heavy topics that are (and should be) being discussed.

i. don’t even want to get into the cantu situation too much or it’ll give me a headache but i do have a couple things to say. overall both dream and cantu aren’t good people and while it’s shown more clearly by cantu in this specific instance, it’s obvious by now that dream’s not a good person either. the other thing is that the editing in the video is very poppy and unserious, which– god, AGAIN, this video is supposed to be about serious topics! being discussed in a serious manner! and this is literally the opposite of that.

all in all it’s good to finally hear what he has to say that’s not in a rushed, emotionally-driven or standoffish tweet. and, yes, no original evidence was concrete. yes, dream might not be a groomer. but it’s fucking pathetic it took him this long to make a clear response. he’s not trustworthy, he should definitely not have the platform that he has, and his reputation is irreversibly damaged from this. there’s no going back now.

#i’m sorry this was so incoherent and messy ugh but i had to get my feelings out there #i think i’ve made it clear before but if you support dream. get the fuck out of my blog #dream situation #discourse

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tachiguin · 1 year

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Analysis of BSD Tanizaki (Character and Theories) in Reference to Real Life Tanizaki Jun’ichirou

By popular demand of (1) person in the comments of a post I’ve made briefly touching on this subject, I have compiled all of my thoughts on the portrayal of Tanizaki Jun’ichirou—and by extension, Naomi—in Bungou Stray Dogs in reference to the works of the real life Tanizaki Jun’ichirou-sensei (who I’ll be calling Tanizaki-sensei to differentiate from his fictional counterpart). Disclaimer that I don’t have the academic background to write as an expert on this subject. I will be citing all of my sources in the text.

Tanizaki-sensei (1886-1965) was an author who was well known for writing about sexual obsession and fetishes, and the exploration of Japanese versus Western culture in his works. His female characters were particularly reputable for having strong personalities (drawing upon the dofuku - “poisonous woman” or femme fatale troupe), and frequently fulfilled the domineering role in sadomasochistic relationships with men. This recurring theme is most likely the basis for Tanizaki and Naomi’s relationship in Bungou Stray Dogs.

In a similar vein, motifs such as dreaming, delusions, and fantasies (oftentimes of the erotic nature) frequently appear in Tanizaki-sensei’s works. This could be the basis for Tanizaki’s illusion projection ability, “Light Snow”, which is named after Tanizaki-sensei’s great novel, Sasameyuki (1948), also known as The Makioka Sisters, the title of the English translation, which was changed due to the nuance of the original title being difficult to convey in English.

Going on a slight tangent here, Tanizaki-sensei also wrote a handful of works depicting blindness, such as A Portrait of Shunkin (1933) and A Blind Man’s Tale (1931). In these works, blindness can be interpreted as a metaphor for blind devotion and obsessive worship of one’s love interest, even to the point of martyrdom. For example, in A Portrait of Shunkin (1933), the character Sasuke destroys his own eyesight for his vain mistress, who did not want to be seen after an incident destroys her beauty. Tanizaki and Naomi’s deep affection for each other is reminiscent of these themes (Tanizaki’s willingness to throw away his morals for Naomi, Naomi taking gunfire in Tanizaki’s place).

Unfortunately, we aren’t given any other concrete pieces of information about Tanizaki or Naomi that can be reliably connected to something in regards to the real life author...

The Unreliable Narrator

Which brings me to my first point in regards to fan theories surrounding Tanizaki and Naomi. I have mentioned in previous posts that Tanizaki’s descriptions of himself oftentimes contradict what we are actually shown (not good for combat, cowardly and average, etc), which means that Tanizaki is an unreliable narrator of his own backstory. To what extent he is unreliable, we can only speculate.

However, the theory that Tanizaki cannot be trusted to tell the truth about himself is supported by the real life counterparts’ use of this narrative device in his works. A journal article by The Columbia Companion to Modern East Asian Literature explains that “[Tanizaki-sensei’s stories] are often told by a personified and thus not necessarily reliable narrator,” which is especially evident in both Naomi (1925), a post-hoc account of the protagonist’s marriage, and The Key (1956), two juxtaposed diaries of a married couple.

Since Tanizaki-sensei tended to employ biased narrators in his stories, Tanizaki being an unreliable narrator of his own story would be a clever nod to his real life counterpart.

Moving on, the theory that Tanizaki may be lying about himself opens a world of possibilities regarding what the truth actually is. One popular fan theory is that Naomi is actually an illusory ability construct created by Tanizaki’s ability “Light Snow”.

Sculpting the Ideal Woman

Another recurring theme in Tanizaki-sensei’s works is a character’s desire to “shape” a woman into their vision for what that woman should be. This takes a variety of forms: in The Tattooer (1910), the protagonist “[desires] to create a masterpiece on the skin of a beautiful woman”, thus transforming her into a “real beauty”. In Aguri (1922) the protagonist dreams that “he would adorn [her] with jewels and silks. He would strip off that shapeless, unbecoming kimono... and then dress her in Western clothes”. The desire to make a woman more “Western” is also apparent with the protagonist Joji’s intent in Naomi (1925), the book that BSD Naomi is named after.

However, I must caution that BSD Naomi is actually quite different from how the character of Naomi is in the original novel; BSD Naomi is kinder to the people around her, and isn’t portrayed as selfish or manipulative. The two Naomis’ do share their penchant for mischief, and their bold, tomboyish personalities, as well as their surprising intelligence and aptitude for planning.

Back to the main topic: other BSD fans have pointed out that this theme of “making Naomi” in the novel supports the theory that BSD Naomi was created by Tanizaki’s ability. Considering that this pygmalion-like desire also appears in many other stories written by Tanizaki-sensei, the connection makes sense. Notably a role reversal between the “sculptor” and the “sculpture” always takes place in such stories.

Losing Control

In Tanizaki-sensei’s stories, female characters who are transformed to fit a man’s ideal are rarely subservient by the end of the narrative. Instead, the change oftentimes pushes them into a more dominant role, where they are the ones doing the controlling, rather than being controlled. In Naomi (1925), the protagonist narrates that “I forgot my innocent notion of "training" her: I was the one being dragged along, and by the time I realized what was happening, there was nothing I could do about it.” As the alternate title, A Fool’s Love, may suggest, by the end of the book Naomi has made a fool out of the protagonist, having “made careful plans and lured [him] on”, ultimately ending up in a position of power.

This could be indicative of Naomi’s own autonomy as an ability construct: we see her arguing with Tanizaki and defying his instruction, possessing talent and knowledge that Tanizaki does not have, and making decisions independent of Tanizaki’s will. For all intents and purposes, Naomi is no different than a human being.

Of course, whether or not this theory will prove correct is a different matter. It should be noted that one variation of this theory speculates that Naomi did exist as a real person, but died in middle school. Unable to cope with the loss, Tanizaki unconsciously created an illusion in her image. This idea is reminiscent of A Portrait of Shunkin (1933), where it is said that in the years after Sasuke’s mistress and lover passed away, “he created a Shunkin quite remote from the actual woman, yet more and more vivid in his mind.” The character Sasuke was said to exaggerate his mistress’ talents to the point that his accounts of her were unreliable, and her passing contributed to his over imagination of her likeliness.

Secret Relationships

Another theory I have seen circulating the fandom is that Naomi and Tanizaki lied about their relationship, telling others that they are siblings in order to cover up their romance. In Naomi (1925), a similar ruse is hatched by the character Naomi, who goes behind her husband Joji’s back and sleeps with other men. Joji discovers this subterfuge from the character Hamada, who confesses, “I didn't know about you at all. Miss Naomi...said you were her cousin.” As such, Tanizaki and Naomi may similarly be lying about the nature of their relationship, which would be a nod to the original novel.

Of course, though I am partial to this theory, since I would be sad if Naomi turned out to be an illusion, I cannot with any confidence claim that it is more likely than the other theory I mentioned regarding her, or any other theories that might be circulating.

Return from the West

Moving on from theories involving Naomi, evidence that supports the theory that Tanizaki will change allegiances from the Armed Detective Agency to the Port Mafia can also be found with his real life counterpart. As I touched on a bit before, Tanizaki-sensei wrote about and was influenced by Western culture and traditions. However, after Tanizaki-sensei moved from Yokohama to the Kansai region in 1926, his fascination dwindled, and he completed works such as Some Prefer Nettles (1929), which “[presented] subtly and effectively the great transformation in Tanizaki's life from a worshiper of the West to a believer in the value of the Japanese heritage” as explained by Donald Keene in “Five Modern Japanese Novelists”.

One such work that compared Western and Japanese culture is “In Praise of Shadows” (1933), which associated shadows with traditional Japanese aesthetics, and light with the West. In the essay, he writes “If light is scarce then light is scarce; we will immerse ourselves in the darkness and there discover its own particular beauty.” In Bungou Stray Dogs, darkness and shadows are associated with the Port Mafia, while the light is associated with living morally upright. As such, Tanizaki-sensei’s shift from his fascination with the West (the light) to finding beauty in the darkness (Japanese traditions) could be paralleled in his fictional counterpart switching sides as well.

Moreover, although I am far from informed enough to speak confidently on this subject, I’d be amiss not to mention this meta written by bsd-bibliophile, which explains how the Port Mafia authors were faithful to the styles of traditional Japanese literature, whereas Armed Detective Agency authors were influenced by Western writing. Coincidentally, or perhaps intentionally, the comparison of Japanese versus Western traditions is the subject matter of “In Praise of Shadows” (1933), as I explained above; it would be a very clever reference to Tanizaki-sensei’s shifting interest if the theory that Tanizaki will switch sides ends up being correct.

In Conclusion

Despite knowing very little of Tanizaki’s backstory, and having limited on screen appearances of him in the story, much of what is established about Tanizaki can be traced back to his real life counterpart. We can also attempt to reverse engineer the character Tanizaki by making conjectures about his backstory and future character development based on what we know about Tanizaki-sensei. The theories that Naomi is an illusion, Tanizaki and Naomi are not real siblings, and that Tanizaki will switch sides are all supported by themes, motifs, and narratives that frequently appeared in Tanizaki-sensei’s writing. As such, I am very excited to see which theories will prove true, and how Asagiri-sensei will execute them in Bungou Stray Dogs going forward.

credits: bsd-bibliophile is a great resource for PDFs and ePubs of the works mentioned here, manga caps were scanned and translated by Easy Going Scans or Dazai Scans, highlighted passage in second visual is from the official Light Novel 3, left image in third visual is the first edition cover of Naomi novel

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd naomi #bsd tanizaki #tanizaki junichirou #tanizaki naomi #bsd theory #bsd meta #bsd analysis #min i'll never write an essay of my own free will lu #clown emoji #i think i should get an extra lit credit just for writing this

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