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#this feels so validating as someone who couldn’t afford it as well
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Plastic hearts - (8)
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It's new, the shape of your body
It's blue, the feeling I've got
It's a cruel summer
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Your eyes fluttered open, it took you a while to recognize your surroundings. The school nurse came into your line of sight with relief on her face.
“Oh good, the IV has worked. She must have just been dehydrated.”, she stated.
The last thing you could remember was Ken running to you, his arms encasing around you to prevent your fall but as you rubbed your forehead, you were sure your low sugar levels had contributed to having a hallucination.
“But it also looks like a common occurrence. All the girls have complained they’ve lost sleep and in most cases, can’t dream.”, she went on to explain. You hummed in response, you haven't been able to sleep well too.
Hopefully it wasn’t another virus because you couldn’t afford to take days off. Melissa’s house needed to be maintained and renovations were expensive affairs. She had come to see you as her own daughter and therefore bequeathed everything she owned to you.
You weren’t worthy of her kindness, you were a nobody and yet she made a way to look out for you even in a time she would not be here. So you just had to live up and work hard to feel worthy of that love. Thinking about her made you feel sad but then in a way, it would make you feel better.
That in Barbie land, everyone was sheltered from the experiences that occur here. But as you fell back into the pillows, feeling a little frail, you also enjoyed the fact that you could feel these emotions completely. So your eyes began to tear up and you let them fall down your cheek.
“You need to take a break, dear.”, the nurse placed a loving hand on your shoulder.
But could you take a break?
After all the work you put into yourself and still not feeling quite whole, to think of yourself as an individual, you were still questioning your own value, even here.
“It’s sweet how your boyfriend stayed by your side even while managing the parents who wanted to meet him.”, she said as she discharged you.
“I don’t have a –
“Is she alright?”, you heard him as he stormed into the room with worry ingrained in his eyes.
“She is. Just needs a lot of rest and care. Which I assume you are going to see through?”, the nurse gave him a knowing smile as he nodded his head with a solemn resolve.
Your legs felt wobbly and needed support to walk around, you had taken care of yourself. And yet you weren't sure how you ended up in this situation. The nurse placed your hands in his and as he took it, he took up your bag to sling it over his shoulder, collected the medical papers and thanked the nurse. All of which you were truly tired to do.
You waited till you got to the corridor but until then you couldn’t help but look at him. It was uncanny, the resemblance, but he felt like a whole new person. He was secure, stable and mature in the way he held himself. You were sure this wasn’t the Ken you had known.
“Look, sir. I think you’ve got me mixed up with someone else.”, you came to a stop in the empty corridor.
“Your name tag says ‘Castilian Ryder’ and I don’t know anyone by that name.”, you narrowed your eyes at him, trying to validate the doubt you felt.
“I don’t like to use my first name here but it’s me, Brie.”, he said with a sense of unbelief.
Could you have really forgotten him?
“It’s Ken, from Barbie land.”, he stepped closer to you, to whisper.
He still smelled like the sea, even in a dingy school corridor in a metropolitan city that smelled like tarmac. You wanted to lean closer, to rest your head on his chest, to admit you were tired of running but maybe he was just this happy because his dream had come true. You had seen a newspaper clipping of him and Barbie, here in Los Angeles that many let it pass as a funny incident but you knew it was him. Maybe he was here, settled in life with his girlfriend and is just being nice because he had known you once.
Having experienced this world, you quickly learnt it was very difficult to trust men and their motives. They played sweet to turn out sour, their words sound like honey until you give in to their charms and then every single one of them that you’ve met so far finds a new way to let you down or betray you. All while finally stating that you weren’t enough.
You stepped away from him but his hold around you was firm, he held you up as the medication began to wear off.
“I can take care of myself from here. Why don’t you go back to where you came from?”, you peeled away his fingers from your waist, somehow even after all these years his touch burned your skin.
“And stop telling everyone you’re my boyfriend.”, you pointed a finger at him as you took the papers from his hand.
“Only someone who knew you well enough could sign the papers for your treatment. That’s why I lied.”, he replied and it stunned you.
He didn’t feel like he was from Barbie land, he held himself like a real person.
“So you can lie now?”, you scoffed and took your bag as you watched him furrow his brows in confusion.
“What?”, you snapped at him.
“I just thought at the very least, we would still be friends.”, he said but his eyes softened with sadness.
“Sorry, Ryder. You’ve just been lying to yourself.”, you turned away from him and it felt good to be mean. To have the power to hurt him. So you used it.
But it didn’t seem to stop him. He caught up to you.
“I need to get back to work and I also need you to leave me alone.”, you said without looking at him.
“The school’s closed, it’s 5pm and your staff were dismissed by this man called Sam.”, he narrated to you with his hands held behind his back.
You had missed the whole event?
Panic began to set in, this was not good, you pushed open the doors to only be proved right, the sun had set and no one was around. Except for a man leaning against the streetlight.
“You told me you could handle it.”, he spoke to you.
“You got me to trust you with this event and then, to get out of it, you act sick.”, Sam began his tantrum and you didn’t have the time for it.
“You didn’t tell me we had this event in the first place.”, you lashed out to which he pursed his lips.
“Excuses, excuses, excuses. That’s all you’ve been saying since Melissa passed.”, he flailed his arms about.
“I expect my staff to be put together. To not be tardy and all you’ve been doing is just that.”, he yelled.
“Somehow feeling the fatigue of being worked overtime is my fault?”, you argued to which he folded his arms and shook his head as though you’ve done a grave mistake.
“Maybe I need to cut back a few of your shifts.”, he tilted his head and you couldn’t push past that. This was his way of putting you in place because he had the power to do so.
“No, I’ll pull myself together.”, you said through gritted teeth which eased Sam.
“Good girl.”, he scoffed as though he was elated by the act of making you feel small.
“However, the school wants us to cater their lunch and maintain the cafeteria. I’m busy with handling the business side of things so you’re in charge of this venture.”, he said in a matter of fact tone.
You wanted to say no, that running the restaurant and the school order who be the death of you but he sensed it.
“And before you say no. Either take it up or you’re fired.”, he said it without feeling, with no empathy and there was nothing else you could do.
You agreed and he left, leaving you bear the weight of your decisions again. Maybe you should have just stayed in Barbie land, instead of thinking this place would be any different.
“What an idiot.”, Ken chuckled behind you.
“You still haven’t left?”, you turned to him with a scowl, not wanting to cry in front of him.
“Come on, I’ll drive you home.”, he said softly as he walked up to you, to take your bag and belongings.
You felt lighter and oddly consoled. To know that atleast one person could see through Sam’s cruelty.
“You have your own car?”, you smiled as you sniffled.
“Sure do.”, he winked as he held up his keys that where held together in a horse keychain.
His vehicle came into view and it wasn’t like what you had thought he would own. It was a regular sedan that had a few areas where the paint had worn off but the smile on his face as he unlocked it made you feel guilty. For having tried to hurt him before.
It looked like he had been here for a while, he put his phone up after entering your address into it. His taste in music was more nuanced and it amazed you that he even knew the lyrics well enough to sing to Taylor Swift’s songs. He was a whole new person, one you were only getting to know now.
You searched for signs, a ring on his finger, a picture in his wallet, the wallpaper on his phone, anything to confirm your thoughts on him having a life with Barbie. He couldn’t exist without her.
As he pulled up into the carpark, he snapped his fingers as though he finally had made a connection.
“All this while, we’ve been neighbors.”, he said with surprise.
He held up his phone to show you where his home marker was on the map and it was astonishing. He was in the apartment block next to you. For a brief second, his eyes caught yours and you could sense he had more to say or that he wanted to.
“Brie.”, he began with a serious tone and in the vacuum of his car it felt as though he was about to say that the world was about to end. But he sighed to remove his keys to then say,
“So you have your own dream house?”, he smiled and that brief moment was lost.
“I do.”, you said.
“but its not dreamy.”, you gave him a tired smile.
“Is it girl’s night, every night?”, he asked quietly, his eyes finding yours even in the dark and the only revelation from this was that you couldn’t erase him from your memories. Even after all this time, that connection you felt with him didn’t fade.
You shook your head to his question, it was hard making friends outside of work.
“I’m sorry.”, he said. His hands now gripping the steering wheel, he looked away.
“For hurting you. I didn’t know what I was doing before but I never wanted to hurt you.”, he continued and you could feel your heart in your throat.
“You don’t have to be nice to me, but I know how it feels.”, he said with a sad smile and distant eyes.
“It feels good to finally be able to inflict the same pain you felt.”, he reminisced to when he took over Barbie’s dream house.
But seeing you here, knowing the reason behind why you left, he lacked the courage to tell you the truth behind why he was here. Looking into your dark eyes even for a second reminded him of what he had done. It was unfair, to just come in, to state his business and in the desperation of clearing his name, to take you back. It had to be your choice, he was only the messenger. What you choose to do, was up to you.
“So if you don’t want me around. I understand.”, he said finally, and embraced the uncertainty. Saving Barbie land was important but then so were you.
You didn’t know what to say, in all your time here, no one had given you a choice. You were at a loss for words because this wasn’t what you had expected, for him to not attach himself into your life.
“Thank you for saying that, Ken.”, you felt the anxiety wash away as you pushed back your hair. To say his name after so long, felt good, felt like home.
“I just need a little time.”, you replied sinking into the seat.
“To process all of this.”, you caught his gaze as he nodded sweetly.
The blue of his eyes still held that glimmer, his smile, still perfect that it made you jealous even in a world that was imperfect and harsh, he wasn’t touched by it. And as you stayed in that second, forgiving him was easy. Because his actions were never done with the intent to be malicious. It still however didn't change you fate though.
He wasn’t yours, but you wished for it nonetheless.
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fairycosmos · 7 months
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i feel like ur almost the only person who i can talk to about this. i lost my brother similar to you also almost three years ago. how do you feel about the angus cloud situation? i couldn’t even read the full article bc i related to his situation so well and it hit me to my core. my mom and i almost both took our lives together days after his passing and sometimes i feel guilty for still being here when i wanted to just end it all and still do bc life’s not worth it without him. i also judge myself bc i feel like bc i didn’t leave i’m not showing how horrible i truly feel (to both him, myself, and others) idk. i just wanted ur thoughts on feeling guilty and also feeling invalidated in how we handle our grief
yeah honestly i've been avoiding articles on it like ever since i heard the news ive just been kind of blocking it out, did the same w demi lovato's drug overdose in (i think) 2021 i just can't even begin to approach news like that. it fucks me up for weeks/months at a time and i cant afford to feel like that honestly. i'm so so sorry youre going through it too and i'm sorry youre in such a dark place, i know me and my mam often are too. it's the kind of feeling words cant really touch and i wont try but i absolutely do understand and i think everything youre going through makes a very painful sort of sense - the guilt, the absolute despair, having to go along with the way life just moves forward and then feeling bad because youre not displaying how awful you truly feel. i feel like i'm feeling my sister in so many ways every day honestly, i feel like i failed her the day she died and every day since. guilt is such a big part of my grief, and i think it's one of the most unavoidable and natural parts of it too unfortunately. we'll always feel a heavy responsibility towards them because we love them so so much and the worst thing that couldve happened to them happened. i think there's not many ways for the brain to make sense of that without going a bit mad. there are so many moments that ive wished i could swap places with her, so many moments i just want to die, and still i'm here and i still i have to deal with being here. those are very difficult, conflicting emotions - im so so sorry. i hope you have the support you deserve in your life and i hope youre able to find a way to mourn your brother that feels a bit more cathartic (if there even is such a version of mourning.) i hope you're able to talk about this with a grief counsellor or someone who can help you make sense of what youre thinking and feeling in a way that doesn't hurt so much - not because i think it'll solve anything or bring your brother back, because you deserve to be listened to and validated throughout the grieving process. for your own good, whether you feel you deserve it or not - you do. if you ever want to talk about him, tell stories about him and what he was like, or talk about what ur going please know im always here. i'd like to talk about becca (my sister) more too and share her memory in a way that makes her feel real again. sending a massive hug. x
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yaqamole · 8 months
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Fresh Fades
Ship: Spain/Romano
Summary:
Antonio couldn’t stand the feeling of his hair getting long.
It was a writhing feeling that always overwhelmed him like nothing else. As soon as it touched the back of his neck, he knew that it was getting too long and that it was time for a haircut. However, sometimes he didn’t manage to do that fast enough. In those cases, he always made the horrible decision to cut his hair himself and it never ended well.
And then came Lorenzo. And suddenly things didn't feel like they were suffocating him
Read HERE
Sneak Peek
Antonio couldn’t stand the feeling of his hair getting long.
It was a writhing feeling that always overwhelmed him like nothing else. As soon as it touched the back of his neck, he knew that it was getting too long and that it was time for a haircut. However, sometimes he didn’t manage to do that fast enough. In those cases, he always made the horrible decision to cut his hair himself and it never ended well.
Everyone around him always wondered why he waited so long to get his hair cut. Why didn’t he schedule anything earlier when he knew that this would happen and he would walk around for a day or two with the most botched haircut known to man. Really, he couldn’t tell you why he did it. It just happened that way. Calendars and phone apps never seemed to serve him well so he just waited until that awful day that he could feel his hair brushing against his neck.
It had been this way for a while. If anybody asked why Antonio hated having his hair long, he’d give a million answers and people assumed their own reasons. Because he just liked it shorter, because of sensory issues, because it was dysphoria-inducing. All of them were valid reasons and ones he had used before. But the reality was that none of those things were the reason why he couldn’t stand his hair getting long. There were other reasons hidden deep inside that he never let anyone see. Those parts of him were reserved for only the closest of people and even then, many of his friends didn’t make the cut.
Gilbert and Francois did. God who knows why. They were terrible influences and the most enabling of friends. Which was also really funny given that Francois and Gilbert did not get along at all half of the time. There was always some bickering and it was left to Antonio to figure out how to mediate. Funny for three people that lived together. But they always got up to something that was no good and encouraged each others wildest delusions. Still, it was nice sometimes to be young and to jump fences, sneak into pools, trespass abandoned buildings, and do other stupid things that made no sense. They were in their early twenties, they could afford it. And it was worth it every step of the way.
Despite the things they got up to and the arguments that broke out, Antonio trusted them with the world. So those parts of him that he wanted to hide deep down? They knew every inch of his persona. Yes, Gilbert and Francois were his closest friends. In all of their confusing, crass, delight. Antonio would have happily jumped from any bridge if they jumped to
“You keep waiting until your hair bothers you to schedule a haircut. Please don’t botch your hair up before your appointment this time.” Francois said upon seeing Antonio pulling at his hair — a habit he struggled to let go of.
“Last time you really went at it. Francois could have probably given you trim if you’d told him.” Gilbert said.
“No promises.” Antonio said, “My haircut is on Sunday and it’s only Tuesday.”
Francois threw his head back from the couch he was sitting on, “Please do not ruin your hair. I cannot keep lending you hats because you look like a toddler cut your hair. Honestly, I’m more amazed that you’ve managed to fail this much at cutting your hair for someone who always does this.”
Antonio laughed. Okay. Maybe it was a bit funny that he couldn’t manage to work a pair of scissors after this long. Even if the reasons that he fell victim to cutting his hair ran deeper. They were something that weighed on his mind heavily and often left him feeling like life was hopeless. Being able to joke about it sometimes made it feel better than it was.
“I’ll do my best.” he shrugged. That was all he could really promise.
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barkspawn · 1 year
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maybe elliott finding out the farmer is an avid fanfic writer or something but never mentioned it due to the fact people often don't see fanfics as valid fiction.
*** This is a comment on the FIRST post asking for one-shot requests and I'm horrid and forgot ***
@shirofluff
Hi dont hate me here it is
Amelia's phone has been buzzing like mad today. She had to turn the sound off so it didn't drive her insane. She had finished her farmwork fairly quickly thanks to the sprinklers she was finally able to afford. Nothing was quite ready for harvest, but definitely would be soon. 
She sighed as she pulled her phone out to check the time, pleased to see that the hits on her story started to slow. Someone who was very well-known had shared a small bit of it and the rest of the fanbase jumped on it quickly. 
Thankfully, Elliott would be there in about an hour, giving her plenty of time to shower, or so she thought. She took longer than she intended to get ready to actually shower and once she got in, the hot water felt so good that she didn't want to get out. 
Before she knew it, she heard Elliott call out as he came into the house, “Amelia?”
She cursed under her breath before calling back, “I'm in the shower!” 
She got moving, focusing first on washing her hair. She heard Elliott walk to the door, giving the frame a gentle knock, “want me to sit with you? Or I can wait out here.”
She couldn't help but smile, humming at the feeling of the hot water washing away the shampoo, “that's up to you, love. I’d invite you to join me if we weren't pressed for time.”
He laughed softly, coming into the bathroom and leaning against the sink. 
“Don’t tempt me, my muse,” he teased. He couldn’t see through the glass, per se, but he could see a clear outline of her. It had to be one of his favorite views. 
The couple had been dating now for almost a year, growing inseparable. For Amelia, there was no question that they were meant to be together. The very moment they met, it was like she was talking to an old friend. She’d never felt so moved or invested in anything as much as his writing. But when he kissed her for the first time? She knew he was it. 
Her phone buzzed again, loud against the porcelain of the sink. She groaned as she started to rinse the soap from her body, “sorry, just social media going crazy. You can turn it off if you’d like.”
He hummed, picking up her phone and touching the power button before the notification caught his eye. 
“ New comment on The Runaway: Ch. 17: I love your writing! The way that Rayt…”
His brows pulled together in confusion, the door to the shower opening, Amelia standing there with a bright smile. His expression, however, caused her smile to fall as she reached for her towel, starting to dry her hair, “El, what’s wrong?”
He took a long moment before setting her phone down, which immediately buzzed again. His eyes met hers, and though he very much wanted to take in the beauty of the naked woman in front of him, he couldn’t seem to figure out what to feel. 
“You… write?” 
She blinked, realization taking the place of her confusion, “oh, uh, not really,” she commented, her voice small. It felt silly to be embarrassed but Elliott was a real, published author. She wrote stories about characters from her favorite comic online, “just little things about Cave Saga X.”
“Oh,” he watched her carefully as she dried herself off, “so are they reviews for them?”
She cursed her phone for buzzing again, not quite meeting Elliott’s eye, “well, no. They’re like short stories with the characters in it and one of my own that I’ve created.”
Elliott nodded slowly, understanding falling over his features, “may I read some?”
She looked over at him, an almost terrified look washing over her, “El, it’s not anything special… you don’t have—“
“Darling,” he stopped her, walking over and cupped her face, “I know what fanfiction is,” he leaned in to kiss her forehead, “why haven’t you told me?”
She toyed with his lapel, meeting his eyes as he spoke. Something in them eased her. She took a deep breath before answering honestly, “because you’re this incredible, talented, successful author and I write short stories on the internet for a character from something I didn’t write.”
He sighed as he understood, offering her a kind smile, “my love, you write. You created a whole character, gave them a story, love, and life. You put pen to paper and wrote their lives,” she bit her lower lip as her cheeks, neck, and her ears grew pink at his kindness, “Some writers think lowly of fanfiction and that’s just pretentious,” he leaned in and smiled at her brightly, “personally, I’d love to read it.”
She leaned up and pressed a small kiss to the corner of his lips, “only if you promise not to laugh…” 
“You know I wouldn’t ever laugh at your work, no matter what it may be.”
She took a deep breath, slipping her hands down into his, “I know, I’m sorry. It’s just hard to compare, you know?” She gave a small, apologetic smile, “it’s a little long, so if you’d like to read it tonight, that’d be okay.”
He chuckled and kissed her forehead, “that would be fine, though you know I am a fast reader.”
She laughed, wrapping her hair up in the towel once she was dry. 
“Although it’s very possible I would be a bit distracted,” he teased, moving his fingers gently over her hip before she slapped it away. 
“El, as much as I would like to stay home and do everything running through that beautiful mind,” she shifted to put her bra on, “we are going to be late to the festival.”
“They say being late can be fashionable, you know,” he teased, guiding her against him with his hands on her hips before bending to press a kiss to her neck. 
She let out a breathy laugh before pulling back, “love, I promise we can do literally anything you want after the fair,” she leaned up to kiss the corner of his lips, “you know I have to kick Pierre’s ass today. My display needs to be perfect.”
Elliott smiled, handing her the shirt from beside him, “I will be taking you up on that, my muse,” he hummed, leaning against the sink. He thought for a long moment before offering a smile, “perhaps I can read your work while you get set up?”
“You could start to,” she hummed, admittedly still nervous, “as I said, it’s gotten to be a bit long.”
He watched as she got dressed, his mind a blur of questions that he would wait to ask. 
“You say that like it’s turned into a novel. Is it that long?” He inquired, following behind her to offer any help he could to assist in her getting ready. 
She laughed, “well, kind of, I guess,” she started, hoisting her bag over her shoulder before slipping her hand into Elliott’s, “it’s running about 113,000 words so far, I think.”
Elliott paused in his walking for just a moment as they descended the stairs out of the house, “darling, that… is a novel and then some.”
He saw heat rise through her face, a smile creeping at his lips as he stepped to her, “you are a remarkable woman, love. You never cease to amaze me,” he bent and stole her lips in a too-brief kiss, “I also seem to have forgotten to say good morning properly.”
She laughed, shaking her head as her voice came out a little breathlessly, “you know, if I knew telling you that I write occasionally would earn more of this… sudden affection,” she teased, “I’d have told you the day I met you.”
He laughed and squeezed her hand, “there would have been chaos, darling. I was already taken by you and to know that would simply have brought me to my knees.”
“Oh, I could make that work,” she hummed, a devilish smirk playing on her lips as they passed the bus stop. 
He slipped a hand down into the back pocket of her jeans before humming just loud enough so she heard, “if I have to behave so do you.”
She shot him a look as he moved his hand back to her waist. Her smile returned as they got to the fair, “I don’t think you want to play that game with me, El.”
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tentative-wanderer · 2 years
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[2ha spoilers]
2ha Ethics 101
Actually just a thread of wandering thoughts.
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Thinking about Shi Mei/Hua Binan and how it must have felt utterly terrible to have to choose between
A) the life of someone you like/love, as well as the lives of people who have been kind to you; and
B) your people’s freedom from centuries of genocide and systemic torture.
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I’ve seen some readers say that Shi Mei is not Hua Binan and imply that Hua Binan is the villain while Shi Mei is less guilty. I disagree. Shi Mei 2.0 and Hua Binan 0.5 may have made different choices, but neither of them—nor Chu Wanning for that matter—made the right/wrong decision; like the trolley problem and Chu Xun’s dilemma, there wasn’t a right answer. That’s one of the beautiful things about 2ha. (I feel like I’m just repeating something basic that everyone already knows, but then I think of those comments and readers’ ridicule of Shi Mei/Hua Binan and remember that no, not everyone thinks the things in my head.)
***
It’s really sad that Shi Mei couldn’t even be called by his real name at Sisheng Peak.
What’s it like to be alone among friends? To live in constant fear of being found out? To be too cautious to ask for help from people around you, not even people who are kind and upstanding, because your mother died due to misplaced faith in a sect and its leader and you can’t afford to repeat that mistake? And also because as nice as the people of Sisheng Peak are, you don’t know if they have sufficient ability—or even the drive—to put an end to a widespread practice that’s been going on for ages. Would they mobilise the entire sect just because you asked? Would they start moving mountains for societal change just for you when they haven’t started on their own? They certainly haven’t made significant efforts to push for reform by themselves. Sisheng Peak has been on okay terms with Jiang Xi and Guyueye, home of the slavers.
So…read critically. It’s easy to put yourself in the main couple’s shoes, but Shi Mei’s shoes are no less valid.
***
Speaking of Jiang Xi, he literally sold Song Qiutong. Couldn’t care less about her fate, or the plight of the Butterfly Bone people, which is why I can’t bring myself to like him much.
Speaking of Guyueye, Shi Mei/Hua Binan went undercover back to his people’s prison. How nerve-wracking it must have felt.
***
As far as I can remember, the only major, clearly wrong thing that Hua Binan 0.5 did was attempt to *coughcough* his teacher. Personally, I excuse that behaviour because 1) it’s fiction, 2) he’s got good taste, 3) readers like to see Chu Wanning *coughcoughed*, and 4) Shi Mei/Hua Binan is hot. *bangs pots and pans* Graceful and beautiful Shi Mei! Handsome ponytail-and-forehead-ribbon Shi Mei! Get yourself a man who can do both!
Speaking of men who can do both: Mo Ran. Comes in different flavours, all are tasty.
***
By the way, if anyone knows of happy fics in which Shi Mei is treated well, some recommendations would be nice :) They don’t have to be Shi Mei-centric, can be ranwan-focused.
***
More snippets and musings: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25990618/chapters/63187981
***
Sequel: https://tentative-wanderer.tumblr.com/post/682774792501428224/2ha-to-do-or-not-to-do-and-how-to-do-those-are
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pavinx225 · 1 year
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On Kit Connor’s Coming Out
Hello, people of Tumblr. Tonight, I’m emerging from exile for a few minutes--minutes that SHOULD be spent banging out the first chapter of my novel for #NaNoWriMo, but here we are--to talk about Kit Connor’s coming out. Firstly, let’s get the obvious out of the way.
No one should ever have to come out like this. Ever.
And as a gay man who has always been an introvert, and thus bullied relentlessly throughout my elementary, middle, and high school years for “acting gay” long before I myself even knew my own sexuality, I can relate all too well to the kind of pressure Kit was facing, never mind him being a celebrity (an added pressure I hope to never know and cannot fathom having to handle).
Judgmental people assume they know things about you just because of what they see on your online profiles, what your personal interests are, the way you dress, the way you walk and talk, whether you’re extroverted or introverted, how extroverted or introverted you are, etc. All of these things become tallies in their minds. And because they can only see what’s public about you, they feel entitled to find out other things to confirm their own biases and feel validated in their pressure.
Honestly, no wonder people are still scared to come out in 2022.
Especially because being online literally all the time has not only become a major part of our existence, it has also massively lowered inhibitions, empathy, and the capacity for tact when we sit behind a phone or computer screen on social media too often. This has been proven through valid research and countless studies. (On a side note, there’s the wave of transphobia going on here in the US and abroad too, which I won’t get into, but politicians and conservative reactionaries have certainly added fuel to the fires of online drama.)
I recall seeing a Tweet back when this whole debacle started, which I can no longer find unfortunately, in which someone had said “it’s not bad to want validity in stories. If it came out Kit was straight, a lot of LGBTQ people would be mad, so he should save them the trouble and just come out already”.
A lot of LGBTQ people would be mad. Seriously? Are you fucking kidding me?
Raise your hand if you’re mad at Kit right now. Anyone? No? Thought not. 
So I cannot even begin to express how toxic, damaging, and enabling of hate that kind of view is. As if he’s directly responsible for the angry reactions of so-called “fans”. As if hate crimes could be justified against the unlabeled simply because they will not disclose their sexuality for validity points. What the fuck.
Look, part of me understands. People want validity, and it’s nice when we get it. They want to know that the portrayals of the queer heroes they look up to and take refuge in are coming from a place of honesty. That not only are their favorite characters just like them, the actors are too...right? NO.
That’s where self-professed fans need to take a step back and realize the difference between television and reality. Because unless you personally know these actors or their families, no member of the general public is entitled to any revealing personal info about them at all whatsoever. PERIOD. THE END. Have a thin mint or something and stop being a literal stalker.
We’re lucky to know what these actors do share, we’re even luckier when they interact with us, support us, say things that keep us going, and make life a little more bearable for everyone. But sadly, we probably just lost any further chance of that light from Kit.
All because a certain toxic subset of people who called themselves Heartstopper fans couldn’t be bothered to grasp how traumatizing Charlie’s coming out was, or Nick’s very real fears about how his life could negatively change if he came out.
I can only hope those “fans” know now, and for the sake of any other unlabeled LGBTQ+ people, I hope this shameful incident teaches you to treat everyone else you meet online with the respect and dignity you failed to afford Kit Connor. And perhaps seek psychological help if you haven’t learned anything at all, because once again, you were never entitled to know a single fucking thing.
Now that I’ve spent a good hour on this, I’ve got a novel to write.
Until my next post, I wish the rest of you well. ☺
And to the undisclosed, remember that Pride doesn’t have to be a formal public declaration. It can also be a private, personal thing that you should absolutely throw a one-person party for. Order your favorite foods, buy a new piece of clothing or jewelry, do something nice for yourself. Because you’re awesome. You’re beautiful. You’re valid. You’re loved. I accept you. 🌈
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coffeebanana · 2 years
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Read “Zero Chance of (Not) Falling” on ao3 now! Written for day 10 of @marigamijuly and for my friend @xcatmo​’s bday!!
Summary:
What if, when Kagami told Marinette to practice her confession to Adrien on someone who wouldn't fall in love with her, Marinette chose Kagami. What if Marinette and Kagami weren't as immune to each other's charms as they believed? (Glaciator 2.0 Alternate Ending)
First scene under the cut!
To be honest, Marinette was completely lost.
Why had Kagami summoned her to discuss confession strategies? Why did Marinette’s heart rate pick up when she stepped into the car, and why couldn’t she get enough of that subtle lavender scent coming from Kagami’s…shampoo? Perfume? Hand cream? Marinette would ask later.
But mostly, mostly, it was Kagami’s words that made no sense.
Since when did Adrien have a sword? Or was he the sword? And what did an edge have to do with anything? Marinette had been in enough Akuma attacks to know that attraction was nothing like combat, no matter how well Chat Noir might think the two paired together.
Then again, Kagami made some valid points. It wasn’t like any of Marinette’s previous confession attempts had been anything short of disastrous. Kagami’s suggestion was certainly no more convoluted than Operation: Secret Garden, or more humiliating than the time Marinette had given Adrien Master Fu’s prescription. And it was nowhere near as cringe-worthy as the failure that still haunted Marinette’s nightmares—the dreaded statue confession.
So really, Marinette had nothing to lose by trying things Kagami’s way. After all, practice did make perfect, and if anybody knew perfection it was Kagami. Not just because of her flawless skin or silky hair or surprisingly warm brown eyes, but because of her drive to be the best. Hell, Marinette had even entrusted her time and time again with the Kwami embodying perfection.
Marinette just had one question. “But what if the person I'm practising on falls for me? Since I don't feel the same way, couldn't there be awful consequences?”
“That's why you must be sure that the person you pick has zero chance of falling for you,” Kagami said.
“Huh.” Marinette took a moment to think that through. It did seem like a good plan, and surely she’d be able to find someone to help her out. Alya, or maybe even Nino…No, that would be a little awkward seeing as he was Adrien’s best friend. Maybe there was even another option.
“Would you help me?” Marinette asked.
Kagami’s eyes widened. “Well, that isn’t really what I meant…but yes, actually. That could work.” Her eyebrows furrowed. “Actually, that’s brilliant. It would allow me to ensure we’re approaching this as efficiently as possible. I can do some research too, to really make sure we build up the best strategy…”
Kagami smiled, staring somewhere off to the side. Marinette almost wondered if she’d forgotten she wasn’t alone until her gaze suddenly darted back to Marinette’s.
“That’s all then,” Kagami said.
“Wait, so…that’s a yes?”
A slight nod was Marinette’s only response.
“Great!” Marinette beamed. “We can get started right away. I just have to run home and grab the confession I wrote out, so—” she broke off when Kagami grabbed her wrist with a surprisingly soft set of fingers.
Was all of Kagami’s skin that soft, or did she just have really good hand cream? Surely she could afford high-quality cosmetics, but how much of an effect could they really have? There must have been some sort of natural…talent? No, that was the wrong word, but what was the right one? Gift from the Gods? She was fairly sure Kagami was agnostic. Perhaps there was something to the gift part, though. Hm…maybe Marinette should make Kagami a gift for helping her out. What would Kagami like? Certainly not hand cream, she had that covered.
“Marinette.” Kagami smiled again, and there was something even softer than her hands about the way her eyes sparkled. “Not now. I have other commitments at the moment.”
Before Marinette could decide how to respond, Kagami leaned across her, and—oh! The lavender smell was definitely her shampoo—pushed open Marinette’s door.
“I’ll be in touch,” Kagami said, and it took Marinette a solid few seconds to realize she was actually supposed to get out of the car.
Marinette stumbled outside, turning around to see Kagami’s smirk widening as she pulled the door closed. As the car drove away, Marinette couldn’t help but grin, her heart thumping eagerly as she considered what would come next.
With Kagami on her side…well, frankly, Marinette couldn’t imagine anything she wouldn’t be able to do. Confessing to Adrien would be a piece of cake after Kagami’s tutelage.
And spending more time with Kagami in the process? That was just the cherry on top.
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neonscandal · 2 years
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Manga With Me: MHA Edition
⚠️ Spoiler Warning: focused on chapters 175-200 and references previous chapters
With this latest chunk of chapters, I feel like syncing with the anime isn’t that far off and avoiding spoilers for MHA and the chapters ahead at this point is an Olympic sport…
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We pick up where Deku and Vil!Gentle Criminal left off, a criminal in the midst of a “harmless” crime and Deku, determined to see Eri smile. Their fight is fascinating for a few reasons. For starters, Gentle is a villain who loathes violence as a means of conflict resolution who is ironically pitted against Deku’s newly mastered wind attacks. Gentle remarks that Deku’s mild appearance belies his ferociousness and, while Gentle tries to maintain his airs, we see that even he is driven to act out of character for what’s at stake. This isn’t a particularly stunning fight, it pales in comparison to Chisaki’s most recent takedown as well as Stain’s previously. However, this fight carries a notable gravitas as it is a battle of heart and one that Deku can see both sides of. As his perceptive lens widens through his real-life experiences, villains are fleshing out to be more than cannon fodder for heroes. Their complex ideologies are permeating the world around Class 1A and Deku’s no longer completely clueless. 
Gentle is simply someone who earnestly wanted to be a hero but couldn’t. Be it his quirk or his lack of timing, it wasn’t in the cards for him. It’s what made his ploy to loosen the beam so much more impactful because, former hero student to hero student, he knew Deku would be compelled to save the bystander because he and Deku have a similar nature as noted by Vil!La Brava who is surprised by Gentle’s underhandedness. They are both relentless in the pursuit of their goals and wanted/want so desperately to be a hero but neither were afforded the ability to do so. Had Deku not, by some huge coincidence, happened upon the one person (heh, well…) who could pass on a quirk, he very well could have been Gentle Criminal. We’ve seen how hopes and dreams can twist someone into the opposite of their initial goals as with Vil!Stain and how turmoil can forge people into villains under the wrong guidance with Shigiraki.
When Gentle hoped to measure up to the foes of Deku’s past, it was particularly peculiar since no one truly knows the extent of the villains he’s taken down at this point. Deku has survived Sludge Monster, bested Stain, safely navigated two LOV attacks (+ incapacitated Muscular in particular), and, most recently, beat Chisaki. Gentle subsequently abandons his principles to defeat Deku. This is the same dignity, honor, and style that puts him a cut above most criminals in his mind, perhaps a distinction he needs given his previous aspirations. It’s his sign of respect to Deku, to cross the line fully into his own villainy.
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Deku returns that respect by besting him all out and saying this was the toughest battle he’s fought so far which… he so narrowly survived fighting Chisaki that Sir Nighteye and he could have had matching tombstones. What made Gentle so hard to fight was that they could have been the same had, at any point, things continued to go south for Deku which is a great concession for him to acknowledge his own potential for darkness. They were similarly motivated by others, Gentle wanted to succeed to validate his feelings and to perhaps feel like he didn’t lead La Brava astray in thinking they could achieve greatness. Deku pressed forward to provide some light and joy for Eri and so the hard work he and his class wouldn’t be for naught.
Hopes and Dreams, Hero Mentality. These were things Vil!Overhaul described as illnesses, infections and Gentle is an excellent example of how soured dreams make villains in that he’s the shadow of a would-be hero. Gentle’s single misstep, which prevented a hero from executing a rescue, cost him so much and it’s not something we’ve seen previously given Deku’s limited experience and general naivete. We were introduced somewhat to the idea with Pro!Mt. Lady as she’s constantly having to pay for damages caused by her quirk. But Gentle was slapped with charges, financial damages and expelled. He wasn’t exactly on a path to success having failed his license exam so many times but for things to change so abruptly for a fledgling hero, an idealist at that, then for his peer to not to see or recognize him later... it puts me in the mind of Yoarashi and his experiences with Pro!Endeavor and Todoroki. It’s easy to see how he could have been radicalized and it makes me questions how fragile the convictions of some would-be heroes are when we begin seeing more origin stories of villains who started out well meaning. Looking at you, Tenya Iida.
Gentle finds surprising redemption at the police station which makes me question if we’ve seen the last of him. It’s said that the only people who can’t turn their lives around are those who don’t try or want to. We know the police have reach over UA as they tried to intervene on the school festival previously, are they going to flip Gentle somehow? We saw, through him changing his appearance for La Brava to make her more comfortable, he ultimately wants to do what’s best for her. He wants to preserve her relative innocence and to secure her bright future (ironically, this parallel motivation is eventually shared by Endeavor of Todoroki). For someone like her, surely things could be better. As far as the Police Commission is concerned, this sounds like leverage.
In the last chunk of chapters, we extrapolated that, in addition to quirk drawbacks, one’s body can simply not align with their quirk. During the school festival, using Aoyama as the disco ball may not match his body but it certainly matches him as a person.
We hit a pivotal moment where Deku reaps the rewards of successfully defending the school’s ability to carry on in peace when we see Eri shedding Chisaki’s hold. It was incredibly empowering and reaffirming why Deku wants to be a hero. Despite losing Sir Nighteye and Mirio’s quirk, Eri’s innocence is the bright spot. The means justify the end as it were. She brings a renewed sense of inspiration for the other hero students who were apart of the raid as well. When Togata mimics Eri describing the performance? I cannot. This idea is reiterated later when Deku bears witness to KOTA’S RED SHOES! It not only shows he successfully got through to Kota but that, in his eyes, perhaps became his very own All Might and I love that to a degree. Again, Deku is being reassured that he’s instilling good in the world specifically as it relates to righting the paths of these younger kids. But it’s also giving very minute validation that him destroying his body time and time again serves a greater purposewhich could ultimately be to his personal detriment as it creates a strong justification for martyrdom.
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Class 1A’s performance being a success was a given with Bakugo’s harsh guidance previously and, notably, Jirou and Mina’s deft talent in coaching their respective teams. What’s worth noting here is that, perhaps unknowingly to the rest of the class, Bakugo is the Class 1A protector in his own way and I love him. He was a pretty good barometer for how people will watch just to throw shade, this is echoed by Aizawa himself who looked on in the audience of the performance and I can't help but think it shows a level of depth to Bakugo's emotional intelligence (or maybe he recognizes his own pettiness in others). Just remember, kids, haters never prosper.
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I wonder if there’s meaning behind Mirio offering to play “Othello”, the game where not everything is black and white with Eri. Especially following the gradient of morality that was Deku’s showdown with Gentle Criminal. If this is a play on the game’s name, “Othello”, the play is about the decline of the titular character after being manipulated into believing the imagined infidelity of his wife who he, spoiler alert, murders and then kills himself in a fit of jealousy. This is directly ahead of a special guest visit to Class 1A’s, Pro!The Wild, Wild Pussycats. The team intends to return to work despite Pro!Ragdoll’s quirklessness after her capture by the LOV. Recovered alive, her quirk of Search or the ability to observe and monitor up to 100 people at a time is now presumably held by AFO. What if this is foreshadowing for something yet to be revealed like a possible defection?
Their return comes ahead of the Hero Billboard Chart, another public show of hero strength and power which feels tone deaf in the face of everything (re: Stain, LOV’s steady attacks, Nomu, All Might’s retirement… like, what are ya’ll trying to prove?). It’s giving Sports Festival despite the USJ invasion. Given these unprecedented times, heroes take the stage and this gives Pro!Hawks the platform to challenge everything much to Pro!Endeavor’s chagrin.
Behind closed doors, Hawks is able to better explain his dissatisfaction with the status quo he challenges. But like, is Endeavor Trump? He’s shockingly dim and as socially clueless as Shoto when it comes to interpreting Hawks. To a degree, it’s with reason. Hawks is, while being extremely straightforward, still surprisingly enigmatic in his motivation. It is behind closed doors that we also learn the Hawks never particularly cared for All Might and I wonder if it’s because, with his own successful navigation of public approval, All Might’s sheen of PR appropriate luster rang false to him. On patrol and even with Hawk’s relative control over his district, you see the effects of villainous ideologies as they manifest within zealots that are essentially encouraging revolt. Boot lickers, rise up.
Potentially envious of Hawks’ popularity and still mitigating how he’s meant to embody #1 when people still openly criticize him, Endeavor tries to approach a fan which does not go as expected. Endeavor having a fanboy amidst all of this is so critical given the public dissention but also fascinating that he had a Chris-Crocker-in-defense-of-Britney-Spears moment. Note: I am not at all putting Endeavor on the same level as sweet baby angel and pop princess Britney Spears but allow me a little bit of rope here. Chris Crocker was a critical voice of reason while Britney Spears was going through it. They very publicly spoke in defense of Britney Spears and drew the ire of the internet for it but, with the recently concluded conservatorship case, the public realized that they were very much justified in being concerned for her. Chris Crocker seemed to understand more than the general public and remained loyal amidst their own crisis. Endeavor’s fan, not unlike Britney’s, is remembered and meme-ified after the successful conclusion of the fight but earnestly seems to understand Endeavor on a more intrinsic level than the public doubters. Even when approached by his idol, he shies away from Endeavor’s break in character and speaks against cow-towing to fans as it isn’t in his nature. Separately, I wonder if this refusal to appease the public is also what garners Hawks’ interest initially as his younger self is shown bearing witness to Endeavor’s attempts to close the gap between himself and All Might. All things considered, this fan is unaware of the other facets of Endeavor’s life but acts as a lightning rod of approval for Endeavor and changes the tide of his public reception.
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Surprisingly, Endeavors’ fight provided a lot of exposition into the Todoroki family of all things which is discussed in depth here.  
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What I didn’t deep dive into there was Endeavor’s own recognition that his determination to be the strongest, the best, to be number one drove him to the brink of villainy. In that moment, not knowing if he’d be successful or not, we see his family’s reaction to the fight and, more specifically, the distinction where Todoroki sees Pro!Endeavor vs. Enji Todoroki, his father. I purposefully oscillate between Pro and Vil signifiers for characters. One, with such an ensemble cast, it helps to keep everyone straight (there was a period where I confused Shoto and Shouta..). More often than not, once I’ve identified someone as such in a passage or analysis, I may not do so again. However, for some of our main characters like All Might, Endeavor, Tomura, etc. it is seldom that I classify them at all because my mind isn’t totally made up about them or, perhaps, their exposure to Deku doesn’t create a comprehensive snapshot of who that person is as he lacks the ability to pick their public personas from who they actually are as a person. Like his limited ability to discern All Might from Toshinori Yagi, it’s also why I rarely call Deku “Izuku” or “Midoriya” He is inextricably linked to this name having been “Deku” long before the possibility of being a hero was taken from him or given back to him.
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Related but not related, Deku’s awakening during the hero course 1A v 1B training exercise. Triggered doesn’t even begin to describe it (don’t mess with Kacchan) but why can he only feel above his nose and his right hand? Are these local to the quirks that have been awakened so far? Also, the silhouettes of the vestiges that aren’t corporeal kinda give Stain and Dabi vibes though I’m mostly sure that’s not the case. But maybe you’re only solid in death which is why All Might isn’t fully formed in the quirk. Doesn’t explain why the other two are black though. It makes me wonder when Nana passed him the quirk (and whether she was his teacher because 👀).Interestingly enough, All Might doesn’t really know the extent of the vestiges and I wonder why that is. Previously, I talked about Deku’s trajectory to pass All Might and assume this is an allusion to that phenomena as well. All Might can’t lead you through something he hasn’t experienced for himself and it suggests that, in order to grow, Deku’ll have to go beyond All Might’s limitations. 
During the battles, Denki stepping up into a strategist role? Mama is so proud. Book dumb but battle smart and remains to be largely unassuming. But clearly he’s growing and learning as are the rest of the students in 1A and 1B (to a degree that is humbling). Aizawa's feedback feels strangely like foreshadowing and I hope that's not the case:
Kaminari! Your early game was a mess! Does it take losing your allies for you to finally put your talents to actual use?
Critically, in the reflections following each bout, you see that the work studies kids took the exercise to heart way more having lost so much in battle with Chisaki. Another minute departure from the overall story of the battles was Tokoyami recalling his time with Hawks. Obviously, Hawks has already piqued our interest just from his enigmatic nature as exposed pre- and post-Nomu fight but I find Tokoyami’s recollection to be incredibly endearing. Hawks intimates his selection of Tokoyami was driven by the whole “birds of a feather” idea which suggests that even similar quirks tend to gravitate to one another (like the fire guy appreciating Endeavor’s sudden success) in addition to being passed along genetically. But the lesson that mentor Hawks impresses upon young Tokoyami is that “those who can fly, should”. The fact that he only got to that lesson by annoying tf out of Tokoyami is an added bonus.
Aizawa’s pedagogy hinges on regular exposure to “small deaths” or a sense of fear which is driven by his own experience and cultivated by the relative weakness of his quirk. He is truly not with the shits and kind of protects them from the bs of hero society like PR, something he hates, and even things like the beauty pageant so as to show his students that they’re more than meat for the slaughter. It makes his students more well-rounded as they are challenged to develop beyond their quirks or to supplement them with other strenghts. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Hawks is like Yo. You can fly. Improve on your natural talents too. Considering his lackadaisical temperament, especially contrasted by Tokoyami’s super serious attitude, I found this advice really poignant. 
COMPARISONS
Hawks v Bakugo
I feel like Hawks is who Bakugo could be if he just had more finesse. Like neither of them hide how they feel but Hawks has more panache or is more palatable because his demeanor isn’t as abrasive. 
All Might v Endeavor
Forever the comparison and with good reason. All Might is like a pre-packaged PR friendly pipe dream and the gap left by his charisma and strength is so roughshodly being filled by Endeavor. We’ve not yet seen enough into All Might’s personal life to see how Toshinori Yagi may pale against his public pro persona except in the physical manifestation of muscular All Might contrasted by the fragile figure of Small Might. But Endeavor, we’ve been given such intimately gritty insight into the split in character between his personal life and his public persona which already isn’t immediately endeared to the public. It gives the sense that the other shoe is about to drop in a big way. Endeavor has gotten what he always wanted but it leaves much to be desired. Ironically, what makes him so unsuccessful, as we saw above, are his attempts to measure up to All Might or Hawks rather than just be successful in his own right as Endeavor.
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Bakugo v Endeavor
It breaks my heart to make this comparison but it has to be said. From their fiery quirks and penchant for violence, the two are similar in that they are the only two characters who seem to think that they are capable of surpassing All Might himself. They’ve both got skeletons in their closet and are constantly reminded that their public persona will keep them leagues below All Might but they press forward with an obsessive tenacity that can teeter on villainy. Obviously this parallel foils the parallel between Deku and All Might and, where Endeavor’s lack of success here drives him to abuse those around him, Bakugo’s leads to a constant inner turmoil that also manifests itself in lashing out at those he feels inferior to. It’s giving Icarus, it’s giving a tragic fall from grace. I think we’re seeing growth and possible redemption with Bakugo considering Deku still calls him Kacchan and generally regards him affectionately even in the face of his unwarranted violence. Considering the weight of Endeavor’s sins, however, he may just be irredeemable.
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Endeavor v Nomu
Is the Nomu Rappa (I realize that isn’t the case eventually)? Because his desire to seek and destroy the strongest is very familiar. I think this is what drives Endeavor’s realization that they are the same and recognize how toxic that is. Way to realize you lived long enough to become the villain mid-fight, Endeavor.
CHARACTER ALIGNMENT
Keigo “Hawks” Takami (Chaotic Good or Neutral) – Hawks prefers the freedom of flying under the radar but to what end? He doesn’t want to be Number One he just wants time to kill. He comes across as aimless but then we see he’s strategically feeding leads to Endeavor before the Nomu that he coordinated with Dabi strikes. Seems inherently duplicitous but at the same time, during the attack, Hawks employed his quirk mid-flight to take what keeps him afloat to save everyone. There’s poetic beauty in that. And recklessness. At the end of the fight when Endeavor is on his last leg, Hawks continues to propel Endeavor forward at the possible expense of his wings. This is not an evil character but he is one with a very specific purpose that isn't entirely self-serving. The Hero Commission's use of him seems like it comes at a great personal price. He values honesty, especially when working with The League and effectively knows all the tea, fr fr. He kind of strikes me as a Finnick O’Dair from The Hunger Games series. Here’s to hoping he meets a better end.
Dabi (Chaotic Evil) - We see that Dabi is, in addition to being very strong, villainous through and through. I’m using the Crimson Riot litmus test of whether Dabi remembers the the faces or names of those he killed and he doesn’t. He’s left scorched corpses in his wake and pays no mind to the carnage. 
Mt Lady (Chaotic Neutral or possibly Neutral Evil?) – I kind of missed the opportunity to dig into her character in the last chunk of chapters but ole girl is not a good guy. Like, she very much works to her own advantage and will do underhanded things to steal the limelight, glory and the credit for a win. She works in a densely populated, urban setting which is not conducive to her quirk but is conducive to her being seen and it’s frequently to her own detriment. She strikes me as reckless and in it for herself. I’m not convinced that her money troubles don’t make her a threat to those around her either.
Spinner (Lawful Neutral or Lawful Evil) – We see Spinner second guess whether his alignment with the LOV was in fact in line with his Stain centered beliefs and I can’t help but wonder what end of the spectrum that puts him on. He’s got a code of conduct that centers his own sense of morality and justice. I’m sure Dabi’s behavior in particular has him on the fence and wonder what his impression of the other members of the LOV are.
CHRONOLOGICAL OBSERVATIONS
Did they retrieve La Brava’s security sensor disabler? Or is it lying in wait to hurt us later?
Seroroki the birth of a ship, thanks to Kirishima 😂
It feels like heroes only help kids they fear like Eri or that they can use like Hawks. Where did that leave Tomura?
Bakugo visibly chewing on Deku’s words SLAY me.
Monoma is truly a villain.
Denki and Shinsou, I see it. Reading the manga seriously fuels the ships lol
Ibara Shiozaki and religion. So weird. I feel like there will come a time where that is worth exploring but this chunk of chapters ain’t it.
Kendo stopping the cancer that is Monoma. A necessary balance lest Monoma manage to radicalize Class 1B…
Momo getting some deserved recognition for rising to the occasion. Can more of the girls from Class 1A be fleshed out?
I feel like speed reading the next 140 chapters so we’ll see how big of a chunk the next analysis covers 😅
Drop your thoughts belowwww 👇🏾
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themessywitchblog · 2 years
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5 Things I Learned My First 5 Years as a Witch
Blog Post: 6/12/21
Starting your witchy journey can be overwhelming. The first few years of your craft are so important because they create the foundation upon which you build your practice. Here’s a list of the top five things that I learned in my first five years as a pagan witch:
1. Witchcraft is a Study. My first three years were almost exclusively research. I spent hours every evening researching deities and folklore and what herbs were good for this or that. I made charts and spreadsheets about which crystals were for healing and which ones if carried in a purse, would attract money. I educated myself on responsible ways to practice my craft, meaning that I took time to learn what tools and rituals were used in closed practices and therefore were off-limits to a white girl like me. I filled my phone with notes and screenshots from web pages I’d found at midnight. And all of this was done before I even attempted my first spell. The learning never ends. There’s always research to be done. So with that in mind…
2. Check Your Sources. There’s so much free-flowing information out there that it's easy to take anything presented well as fact. Always cross-reference several reputable sources before you consider anything true. This applies to research surrounding your craft, but also your religion (should you choose to attach one to your practice). I had a Dickens of a time finding reputable information on Celtic deities, so it took me a good while to piece together what information I could find. I found myself relying heavily on native Irish pagans who grew up immersed in the folklore of their country. There’s nothing like a good primary source!
3. Shadow Work is a Bitch. But it's oh, so necessary. The term “Shadow Work” sounds mystical enough to be enticing to anyone, but it’s not as glamorous as it may first appear. The term “Shadow” was coined by psychologist Carl Jung to refer to the “totality of the unconscious,” or to all of the stuff we shove under the surface and don’t think about, whether by choice or by instinctual suppression. You don’t have to understand the science of it all to get why working with those thoughts or emotions sucks. And a lot of people can’t do this work on their own! Finding a therapist to work with you through your shadow work is an incredibly valid and helpful thing to do. Since its roots are in psychology, who better to guide you through it than someone with a degree in psychology! Doing shadow work, whether by yourself or with a guide, will bring you closer to an emotional equilibrium, where you can be at peace with all aspects of yourself. Shadow work never truly ends, and it sucks when it's happening, but it does help you heal.
4. Aesthetics aren’t Everything. I know, I know. We all love a good apothecary jar from TJ Maxx. But recycled salsa jars with painted lids look just as cool and work just as well, I promise. I spent way too long thinking I couldn’t do certain things or that I wasn’t “witchy enough” (whatever the hell that means!) because I couldn’t afford all of the fancy witchy decor and supplies I thought I needed to be taken seriously. The beauty of witchcraft has always been in its convenience. Ancient practitioners didn’t traverse the world to find aesthetically pleasing containers and rare herbs. They used what they had nearby! I think the best way to honor them is to do the same. Use what you have.
5. Deity Work can Wait. I was two years deep into my practice before I even attempted manifestation, three years before I tried my first spell, and it wasn’t until year four that I felt the pull to begin worshipping a deity. (I should probably stop here and mention that worshipping a deity and working with a deity are two completely different things. I’ll explain that in more depth in a later post!) They’ve been around for thousands of years and they’ll be around for thousands more, so you can take your time and wait until you feel ready.
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victoriasreyes · 2 years
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Don't Look Up! FILM REVIEW
1. The film has been described as a "science fiction black comedy". Do you think that is accurate? How would you describe it?
I genuinely enjoyed the movie “Don't Look Up” which had so many of my favorite actors that I admire to present a comedic take on such a  consequential topic. Addressing the seriousness and severity on the impacts of human selfishness that can potentially destroy or end the planet, is something that should definitely be discussed more in this present time because of how our generation is living in it today. I also found it super accurate of how the film conveyed that most people couldn’t care less, and that political, money driven motives, as well as the consequences not being immediate enough, created such ignorance amongst the public. The role of how social media practically controlled opinions and awareness to anything that happens in the world, being either a false or accurate take on issues, was also something that I felt was extremely realistic, while having a list celebrities and influencers be the only people the public care to listen to. Therefore, to call it a “science fiction black comedy” is definitely a valid description of the film. Even with the top scientists screaming in our faces how we need to take action and pay attention, and the public still choosing sides and only listening to what the most popular names in media are saying or just being flat out ignorant, is something that is so globally present today, with the COVID19 pandemic/vaccine being an example. 
2. Why do you think this group of A-list celebrities signed on to appear in this film? Do you think their influence has helped to amplify climate change awareness? 
There is definitely a reason for the certain actors being asked to take a role in this film, being that they are some of the biggest names in Hollywood today. Directors know that the public only cares if they see someone they look up to or idolize caring about it too. It is obvious that they just really wanted people to watch the film. Unfortunately I feel like it may have done the opposite of amplifying climate change awareness, when most people talking on social media have only chosen to watch the film because of big names in it. People did not pay attention to the message it was trying to send, and instead only watched to enjoy a comedy with their favorite actors. 
3. What is your reaction to this meme? Provide a quote from one of these tech CEOs that could have been in the movie.
I have seen this meme all over twitter and instagram as soon as the movie came out, which definitely gave me a good laugh. I feel like this was such an accurate way to describe Peter Isherwell, and all those men were exactly who I was thinking he was being portrayed as. Quotes I think could have been in the movie include:
Elon Musk: “ Attempting to build affordable clean energy products at scale necessarily requires extreme effort and relentless creativity, but succeeding in our mission is essential to ensure that the future is good, so we must do everything we can to advance the cause."
Mark Zuckerburg :The biggest risk is not taking any risk... In a world that is changing really quickly, the only strategy that is guaranteed to fail is not taking risks.”
Jeff Bezos: “We can't be in survival mode. We have to be in growth mode.”
Tim Cook: “Our goal has never been to make the most. It's always been to make the best.”
4. Did the film spur interesting discussions in your community? Provide some examples.
I feel like I had the opportunity to listen to a variety of discussions about the film. To be completely honest most of my friends wanted to only talk about how Timothee Chalambet looked attractive in the film and how it was crazy that he was kissing Jennifer Lawrence. When I went on social media, people were raving about how many big names were in the film. And amongst the film students in The New School, the only conversation I was hearing was how the film could’ve been better in terms of how it was edited or how the lines weren’t creative enough. I rarely heard conversations about the message that the film was sending, which was making me feel a bit annoyed because I too also wanted this awareness for these relevant issues. 
5. Can comedies create more of a social change impact than documentaries? Has this comedy been effective in delivering its climate change message?
Usually I would say having a comedic take on serious topics could be good for awareness, because a lot of comedians, like Trevor Noah, tend to discuss the importance of issues in a light hearted manner, yet would say this worked against the film. I feel like many people unfortunately missed the message the film wanted to be perceived and only focused on the comedy and celebrities. Comedy sadly works against spreading this awareness, and that scaring the public may be the only way the right attention will be perceived.
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jimin reassuring an army that feels guilty for watching muster illegally…. i thought i couldn’t love these boys more than i already do,, welp i was Wrong
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shijiujun · 3 years
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on the danmei twitter fight
okay guys i didn’t wanna say anything about this and yes it’s that hot danmei twitter translations saga thing that’s going on, because honestly i feel like there’s nothing much to say but when i see dumb posts on tumblr taking about that, by people who present a misleading hot take and their friends or moots run off with it without even knowing what exactly is going on - it really pisses me off.
and also if you shit talk translators for not continuing their translations or locking their translations whatever - the door is that way on your right and left, but anyway here’s a rundown on what happened because i am seeing people make comments without two brain cells put together, without the slightest bit of consideration for the people who bring them translations
here’s my hot take and thesis: if you enjoy english translations made by fan translators, you don’t, in any way, no matter happens, shit talk fan translators. fan translators do this for free, and whatever their intentions are, whether genuine sharing or like some of you like to say, for clout, if you consume, and you enjoy these translations, i’m sorry, you’re not uninvolved, and you don’t get to sit on a high horse and say translators should or shouldn’t do something. you should just keep quiet, honestly, because someone else is doing you a favour, a favour that you are enjoying and taking. that’s what respect is.
i’m presenting both sides or i guess three sides of the story as objectively as i can, altho my support is still for fan translators who were just minding their own business before this blew up.
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🔺 what happened:
so it started because one of the bigger translators in the fandom did this poll - i’m not blaming her at all, i doubt she had any intentions of shaming anyone or causing any controversy and was plain curious, but her poll asked english speaking danmei twitter how many people buy the digital, print copies of the danmei they read, and who did not. 
in my honest opinion, it’s not strange at all for her to have created that poll, considering just how much work she’s put into making sure things are accessible for the eng-speaking danmei fandom. i mean i’d be curious too, to know out of my thousands of readers, what the reading and buying behaviour is like. do yourself a favour and don’t read too much into it.
obviously in an era where a lot of people do consume content for free whether the underlying content is profit-making (like anime, donghua, manhua, manga etc.) or not (fanfiction etc.), it was unsurprising to see that the last option - the ones who consume danmei without paying a single cent, came out as the majority. i don’t think this is a surprising result at all, for all sorts of reasons that i will not get into now.
anyway, this is obviously kind of a sore point in the fandom especially for translators who want a wider audience to support their fave author’s works - i won’t get into that for now, but the issue began because other translators or fans started to criticize the majority of people who don’t pay for objectively rather affordable danmei and just consume things for free. 
and yes, i don’t deny that the argument on both sides got really heated and emotionally charged with both sides calling each other names which i believe is uncalled for, but it totally derailed the crux of the issue, which basically is that the majority of english-speaking danmei fandom - consumes danmei for free.
anyway this whole thing escalated and fan translators were brought into this for no fucking reason at all except that the people who didn’t want, or were unable to pay for the danmei they usually consume, made what i call a LOGICAL FALLACY in argument by going to the extremes, i will explain why later.
the end result is that fan translators were brought into this (most of them, the bigger ones i know at least) without even participating in the direct crossfire. and obviously, you can see why they’re hurt and decided to lock their translations. let me explain why
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🔺 kind of like four camps:
(1) translators and fans who criticized those who consume danmei liberally but do not pay for them in any way - no merch, no digital copies, no physical copies, no audio dramas whatever
*** their arguments:
danmei is so cheap right, that technically people should be able to pay for it in one way or another, even if not all
danmei and its authors are, at the end of the day, out here to earn a living, and the industry, like any money-making industry, is a for-profit enterprise - and unlike public goods, if you cannot afford danmei, then there is no obligation for others to make it free for you (fan translators or otherwise, it wasn’t super clearly stated while this shitshow happened) when it is inherently a for-profit industry
yes, i don’t deny that some of them did call the peeps who don’t pay at all, “leeches” and other sort of names. personally, i wouldn’t go that far or even like venture there to be honest because in general, if it’s something that i’ll get punched in the face for if i called someone that in real life i tend not to do it, but i’ll leave my opinions, whatever they’re worth, for later
(2) the readers and fans of danmei who do not pay in any sort of way for them
*** their arguments:
some of them really cannot afford, even the dollar or more, to spend on danmei for several reasons: upbringing, culture, money-spending mindsets, real poverty, struggling to make ends meet etc. - some definitely more valid than others (and when i say not valid, it’s because SOME, a minority or like those few stragglers, say they cannot afford and then you see them like idk, throwing $50 on other merch on kpop and stuff - i’m just bringing up ONE example. not shaming anyone for spending more money on one aspect rather than the other, but yeah you can see why some of them, when making this same argument, are a little invalid, that’s just a small number of them tho)
if translators are blaming them for consuming free of charge, then the fault lies, at its foundation, fan translators who translate illegally, which i mean, in that definition, all of them including me 
did i mention that we were called illegal translators like you know in response to being called leeches? anyway-
(3) others translators who literally were just minding their own fucking business before some smart alec dragged them into it
i don’t think most of us had an argument. we were just quietly munching on popcorn and staying out of it and yeah, can you imagine, we provide a service, however illegal it is, for free on our own time, we don’t even check whether people support legally or not, we just... provide, and pray that those who are able to, at least support in some small way or another do so, on their own time. i mean i don’t check, most of us don’t, not the bouncers at your local club before COVID happened do, and then suddenly, to be used to derail an argument, we were called illegal translators. and that we should stop translating, and that it is our fault that there are free riders in the fandom
(4) people who offered to provide JJWXC credits to those who said they couldn’t afford it etc.
honestly i think they were just trying to help - no different than a gofundme. there’s no shame in taking a free thing that people already weren’t intending to pay for. it’s there, just take it!
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🔺 the shitshow that led to fan translators locking their stuff up:
i would provide some actual examples in the form of screenshots but i’ve blocked most of them, and i don’t want to direct any sort of traffic to them so i guess you’ll have to take my word on it or go search on twitter yourself but-
(1) the affordability issue: i can understand the frustration at being called leeches, and some if not a majority of people, do have valid reasons for not being able to afford something or anything and end up pirating content they enjoy. hey, i am not about to crucify anyone for pirating at some point in their lives. we all have done it at some point, or for example hate disney+ and that $30 they were trying to rip off us for a subpar Mulan live action. i don’t have anything to say about that. inherently, is it wrong and illegal? yeah sure of course it is. do we call people leeches? i wouldn’t go that far.
if anyone cannot afford, cannot access for whatever reason, fine, i’m not gonna go check if jjwxc truly is banned in your country, or is your postal service so terrible that you definitely won’t be able to receive a hard copy of the book you like at affordable rates.
and if you have to pirate? go ahead. i mean it’s always been a rampant thing. the only thing fan translators and fans can do is encourage, motivate and incentivise as much as possible to get people to support legally. they can only put up REALLY COMPREHENSIVE guides as to how to access jjwxc or taobao or whatever. 
and if you still cannot afford it and pirate, honestly no one cares about the story behind it. you owe no one justification, just as how no other person is obligated to take it into consideration or understand you or empathize with you. i don’t say this in a malicious way - i do think that in general, you just do you. 
(2) the poor people don’t deserve nice things argument: honestly, this was not the point of this entire debacle, altho yes, people were rude to those who could not afford to support legally. but this is not the point of this whole thing.
main point - there are free riders who can support but choose not to because they choose to just consume it for free and if you are able to you should support
everyone going off on a tangent - you guys hate poor people / you guys are leeches
well guess what, no one wins in this argument. 
there were a lot of people saying “reading danmei is our only source of happiness, are you saying poor people who can’t access legally don’t deserve to read danmei” (this is just one example i’ve seen, there are other variations), and it wasn’t put across perhaps in the right way, but the other camp of people were saying “you’re not entitled to it for free if you cannot afford it”, which raised a lot of hackles and anti-poor yellings 
altho i do not deny that there are those who mean it maliciously, i think what everyone is trying to say is - the danmei industry, like any other profit-making industry, is looking to make profits. the people working in the industry, the authors even, are looking at numbers - traffic to jjwxc or other legal platforms, how much revenue they’re making from their live actions etc., comments, rankings, etc. i think @/hunxi-after-hours made a really succinct post on this aspect which yall should read.
it’s the same as - if you wanted to purchase a standee which costs $20 USD, but you cannot afford it = you don’t get it. there’s no way you can get this standee unless some gifts it to you for free. what the camp trying to ask people to support legally is saying, is that danmei is NOT A PUBLIC GOOD. it is a private, for-profit product. it might be intangible, but it is a PRODUCT that has a price that needs to be paid.
if you cannot afford it, you either don’t get access entirely (i’m saying this objectively and honestly from an economic standpoint). if someone gifts that standee to you for free, count yourself lucky - if someone makes a danmei accessible to you for free, COUNT YOURSELF LUCKY. you don’t have to be grateful and treat them as gods or like obey their every word, but it’s not rocket science. someone did you a favour that you accepted and consumed, show some respect. 
if you cannot afford to buy the standee - you do not go on twitter demanding that someone ensures that you have access to the standee for free. do you see how ridiculous this sounds once it’s a tangible product? and danmei novels ARE PRODUCTS. they are not FREE CONTENT. if someone cannot afford the standee, this is the equivalent of people going “we didn’t get the standee for free because poor people don’t deserve nice things”
totally missing the point. i don’t even know how it got to this. once again, i do admit that some users were unnecessarily mean, but going to the extreme of this is ridiculous. in argumentative essay writing we call this a logical fallacy:
e.g. “if you cannot pay for merchandise or danmei, it is a fact that you might not have access to it” morphing into “if we cannot pay for food, does this mean we cannot have access to it?!” - this is a slippery slope, and factors are not equivalent!!!! do they not teach people anything in school
don’t confuse fanfiction with danmei - danmei novels ARE PAID PRODUCTS unless for free chapters, just because it’s released online doesn’t mean it’s free public property, and also selected novels (did you guys know the WHOLE of SCI novel is free? about 500 chapters sorry, random, just a tidbit)
there are of course nuances right, like if anyone told me they were pirating disney+ content i’d be like yeah hey get one over those bloodsuckers, they take enough of our money and produce shit content anyway. the difference is that danmei authors, and the danmei industry itself can still be considered a nascent and not-yet matured industry, with a majority of authors if not all, depending on monetary flow, likes, comments, virality on the sites their content is hosted on, for a living, unlike hugeass MNCs trying to squeeze us dry for content that isn’t even interesting.
danmei is priced rather reasonably - and this brings me to another argument that was made, that the value of money is not the same for everyone. i don’t want to make comments on this because yes this is correct to a large extent. a $6 book might be cheap to most of us, but might be expensive to someone else. i’m not gonna comment on how cheap or whatever it is, if you gotta use your money for other things, definitely! i still maintain however, that a novel less than a dollar should be affordable to most people, a majority of people. and i definitely side eye some users who obviously have money but are just creating noise because they wanna continue free-riding
(4) the “they’re losing out on their international audience” argument: honestly, i feel like english-speaking danmei fandom gives themselves a bit too much credit. danmei has long thrived in china in its domestic market - sure the international audience is a plus to have and i’m sure the authors are grateful and flattered that people who don’t understand chinese love their content and love it a lot, but do they and their companies care about fans who basically don’t bring in money? i’m not sure (okay i’ll get to the fan translators doing illegal shit later okay i got it don’t be impatient)
and international fans are great, i don’t deny that - but when i see arguments like “oh but it’s their loss if they don’t cater or deny access to us, they get more popularity and sharing overseas”, i honestly think they don’t care as much as you think. once again, hunxi made a really good argument regarding non-sinophone audiences, but it really irks me, because this is the same as:
an instagram influencer saying they’ll give a restaurant exposure for free to their followers, if they get a free meal
it’s par for par - danmei authors wants earnings, popularity, tangible results that show that they are succeeding. this is life. if i put something out there for sale, i better be getting returns, simple economic logic. they probably don’t care that a non-paying reader is bringing them greater ‘exposure’ - once again, i mean this objectively. 
and yes if they’re thriving without the international market then why should it matter that people are pirating right? which brings me to the next point~
(5) it’s fan translators faults for so many people pirating, and fan translators are the ones doing the “illegal” work: this one is like... wow where do i unpack this and how-
firstly, we are talking about assholes who can pay but decide to free ride and not pay for danmei, and we assume that if you really cannot afford and have to pirate, no one’s saying anything as long as you don’t go around spreading how to pirate, how the hell did it get to fan translators from “you guys are anti-poor” and whatever
yes, fan translations are indeed illegal, i don’t deny that, and i also don’t deny that there are translators who translate for clout and popularity but putting these aside - here’s what i have seen from people who ran their mouths and made this argument
“if you guys care about us pirating the book so much than fan translators shouldn’t have translated in the first place” and “if you wanna come after us for reading illegally, then fan translators, you guys should go get the copyright for the book and then translate it cuz what you guys are doing is also illegal”
hooooo i’m telling ya, i am all for translators locking up their translations at this point. see how fucking hurtful that is? you eat from my hand and then now you biting at the hand that fed you the gays in love?
honestly if you’ve made this argument or supported this, you can basically go to hell. yes this is personal because what, you think fan translators don’t take out their personal time and effort and hard work to make translations accessible to you? if you’re ever consumed and read translations, don’t be a hypocrite and make this argument. you benefitted from it, now you wanna say it’s their fault? 
most translators want to share and spread the love they have for a novel right, want to show you how wonderful all these authors are, how much enjoyment u get from reading these wonderfully thought out stories of gays in love. yes we all know we are illegally translating, which is why on top of sharing we first, purchase the novels legally ourselves first, and then we try to encourage people to buy etc. and actually put their money to use. it doesn’t make it any less illegal, but we are bridging the gap between danmei and basically the english-speaking fandom, albeit illegally
we aren’t that self-important to ask for gratefulness but some respect would be nice. like i said, you read it, you consumed it, you enjoyed it, you can only access it because of illegal translators - a bit counter-intuitive to yell at these translators, who are simply telling you, if you can, please support. and none of us went “if you cannot afford, begone!”
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🔺 some people tried to help by offering jjwxc credits so people who cannot afford as they say, can get legal access: honestly, just take it right, guess what some of these users did in response
they said the people giving away credits are trying to redeem themselves for their comments by giving away free stuff
they also said that we are trying to shame the people who cannot afford it with this handout to them, to show that they are the bigger person - the fact that they think this is a handout to them is TELLING. the people offering this is giving their money not to these readers, but to the authors! that’s the point of this exercise!!!
one of them even said “instead of trying to do these giveaways, here, there are greater world problems out there, donate instead to these causes” - love the initiative, but how did we get from being able to afford danmei and entertainment content to saving the world? i just- i cannot
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🔺 so why i get why fan translators are locking up their translations, because wow, so hurtful:
you have no idea how many fucking assholes went “sure, lock up your translations, deal with the consequences” - ermmmm firstly, thanks for making a threat. like who the fuck do you think you are?
the consequences is... the authors still don’t get the money these free riders weren’t going to give them anyway, so no loss, and they weren’t reading on jjwxc anyway so you know, the authors don’t lose or gain any readership numbers or traffic they didn’t already have. instead, it WILL push and force people to pay for the PRODUCT. once again, it’s a product.
this works, and i’d say Word of Honor’s payment model worked marvellously for Youku, because they fucking forced everyone to pay to access content. ALL OF THEM. sure ok some people still pirated it, but how many MORE people paid on Youku, on Youku Youtube, watched on Viki etc. than if they didn’t? even english-speaking fandom were wracking their brains trying to purchase a Youku pass even if there were no subs initially - and other examples that lovely hunxi brought up in her amazing piece
and for translators?! honestly me for one, i’m glad i don’t feel pressured anymore to churn out a chapter every week since we get called names etc. most of us are glad to have a break to be honest. we’ve lost all motivation to translate because it’s a free service, at the very least we don’t expect like hate, or rudeass fuckers. for those who are doing a proof of purchase thing - go for it honestly! 
hopefully it’ll minimize the free rider problem - some people for whatever reasons really cannot buy or support legally, that’s totally cool and they don’t have to justify it, i get that. but for others making the same argument but obviously are just unwilling to pay because they can’t read chinese, think it’s too troublesome when there are guides and translators provide it for free anyway so what’s the point - we all make concessions and make decisions to grab what we like (not talking about the ppl who have their various troubles and difficulties!)
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🔺 and those who are saying why is it the ‘rest of us suffer’ from locked translations just because of a few bad apples:
IT ISN’T ABOUT YOU. where the hell were all of ya when we were getting called illegal huh? it’s about us fan translators getting shot at for no reason, and then people still demanding things for free. i don’t see any of the people i’ve seen on tumblr complain about fan translators stopping or locking translations defend any of us in any way. instead, you’re complaining.
it is the translator’s prerogative to start, stop and end translations, unless of course the original author starts to sue i suppose. i see people on tumblr going like if they were gonna do this, they shouldn’t have started in the first place etc. - i don’t what world you live in, but when i do something for free, then get called names and am attacked or get dictated on how i should do something that’s already like free, i tend to be less generous.
i’m sorry, do us illegal and free translators owe ANY OF YOU? i wasn’t aware any of us were being paid for this hobby. readers, especially those who CAN and just refuse to support, don’t get to say SHIT. translators deal with so much shit and so many entitled readers, i say they get to lock whatever they want as long as they aren’t profiting off of this monetarily.
let me give you an example - nan chan, which is translated by lian yin, completed translations by the way for all chapters. it is all free for viewing, and she only locked up one extra and asked for proof of payment. some dumbfuck quotes that locked up extra chapter tweet and said “honestly, this turned me off reading this novel because they restricted access”.
the. fucking. entitlement. the whole of nan chan is free, that’s like what more than 80 chapters. she locked up the EXTRA and the money goes to the author, she doesn’t earn anything. AND HERE THAT BIJ is (yes, i’m going to call them names because you know, fucking asshole who didn’t bother to check) going “yeah i didn’t wanna read because 1/80+ chapters were locked”. 
AN EXTRA. LITERALLY AN EXTRA!!!!!!
at the end of the day, translators are not like DYING to translate, not like some of you are DYING to read the translations. once again, this isn’t a “BE GRATEFUL” message, it’s a please be respectful to the people who put in time and hard work for free and share the goodness ya know? what’s the use of yelling at fan translators as if we owe you anything?
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🔴🔴🔴 TOO LONG DIDN’T READ 🔴🔴🔴
some people may need really need to pirate - and no one needs to justify why they cannot afford to purchase etc. pirating happens all the time, translators only hope that when you can, and in whatever way you can, to support legally - in general we don’t ask and we get it! we’re just annoyed that some people think that it SHOULD BE FREE, when it is a paid product, especially for those who CAN afford it
readers are not entitled to shit on translators for what they do with their translations - once again, you’re not OBLIGATED to have it. so what if i start and stop? i’m the one doing the work, i get the only say. don’t be a hypocrite and shit on translators, whose works you’ve read - it’s no loss for translators, we read and enjoy danmei just fine
yes, fan translations are illegal, but you can’t read and enjoy them like some of you have, and then turn around and point the finger at translators - a lot of us are happy to stop translating - this isn’t a threat, but at the end of the day, shitting on translators simply decreases access, and sure, some people can indeed live with you know, MTL or shitty translations from people who’ve learnt chinese for only six months or whatever, but you’re gonna be reading an entirely different book tbh
the people saying illegal translators are at fault - funnily enough, most of them consume the translations, so what the fuck? i mean we know it’s illegal, we’re trying to share the love and trying to minimize the illegalities of it by redirecting people to hopefully support legally. it’s still illegal yes, but i think it’s hypocritical for people who have read translations, stab translators in the back. and now that translators are indeed ‘restricting’ and ‘removing’ their ‘illegal translations’, yall yelling again? and threatening?
fan translators aren’t “elitist” or “classist” - just looking for some respect in a community which seems to have taken them for granted, and also looking for support for their fave authors - and honestly a lot of us were caught in the crossfires truly, don’t be an asshole and demand things from fan translators - who are you talking about? do you know why they decided to lock? do you know know what their locking system is like and what for? 
it’s not EASY to lock the translations up - it’s more admin work, it’s putting together a whitelist of people, if given the choice i’m sure translators would prefer to share everything. but not when there are assholes who have a comment on how they should translate etc. and yeah!!! calling us illegal!! i mean we are but still!!
the last straw was seeing that post on tumblr and people in the comments going like fan translators shouldn’t or should do something, without getting the whole picture, without even considering how hard it is for fan translators being caught in this situation. 
whoever puts in the work gets to decide, and everyone else should leave them alone. 
be nice to the people who really cannot afford as they say so (or just don’t think about it), be nice to the translators feeding you content, and the people who free ride and shit on translators - honestly, i’d say ready the pitchforks.
edit: i forgot to mention this is my hot take and i’ve tried to like present all the arguments i’ve seen so far. i’m definitely not doing all of it justice and i don’t claim to speak on behalf of any of them except maybe one or two- and i’ve definitely left out stuff, but anyway, lmao we’re just tiny people doing what we love. i wish we could solve you know inequality or poverty or hunger or other pressing concerns. if i was that great i wouldn’t be stuck on tumblr or twitter or have to make posts like these like a loser.
thanks for coming to my ted talk.
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jayeray-hq · 3 years
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Twin Kittens (Part 1)
Hey everyone! This is my part for the Paws and Claws Collab that was with @katslutski The theme of the collab was hybrids (puppy/kitty/bunny etc) so if you’re interested check it out!
Unfortunately as usual I got excessively wordy, so this is going to be split into three parts. This part alone is about 20K words and we're only about a third of the way through! so it definitely had to be split up.
If you like this feel free to check out my Atsumu or my Osamu masterlists!
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While there is no smut in this part there will be in the future thus this story is 18+ minors DNI please!
TW: Previous mentions of past abuse, gaslighting, verbal, death threats, hybrids have been treated like slaves before
This story is Fem Reader x Atsumu x Osamu but there will be no actual incest. While there will be a threesome at the end the boys won't ever touch one another sexually.
“Are you alright?” your neighbor Ojirou asked, a concerned look on his face as he watched you listlessly stir your drink with the straw, playing with the melting ice in the glass.
The two of you were actually good friends, having lived peacefully side by side for over five years now. You’d met on the very first day when you moved in, you’d been struggling to open the door with a large box in your arms and he’d rushed to the rescue. He and his hybrids diligent Kita, the blue merle border collie, and sly, sleek Suna the Siamese cat, had all pitched in to help you get moved in and settled. You’d been good friends with all three of them ever since.
It was his turn to host your traditional Friday night dinner, so you’d gone over to his apartment determined to enjoy yourself. However, something must’ve given away the rough day you’d had, because all three of them had been casting you concerned looks all night and trading glances when they thought you couldn’t see.
It was apparently Aran’s job to confront you about it, though both hybrids were looking at you expectantly. Well, Kita was looking at you expectantly, Suna was pretending not to pay attention, his phone in his hands, but you could see him watching out of the corner of his eye.
“What makes you think something’s wrong?” you asked determined to at least give it a try.
The stern look you got from Kita and the sympathetic smile from Ojiro told you how ultimately fruitless the effort had been, so you caved in with a sigh, pushing your glass away so you could slump face down on the table burying your head in your arms. You’d tell them, but that didn’t mean you wanted to be necessarily looking them in the eye when you did.
“You know how I went to that thing with some of my girl friends today?” you asked tiredly.
There were acknowledging hums all around even from Suna who you saw from the corner of your eye was no longer pretending to look at his phone and instead watching you like some rare breed of animal in a zoo doing something particularly fascinating.
“Well it was fun, great even,” you told them with a small quirk of your lips, “Right up until we started talking about significant others. Apparently two of them are getting married soon, one has a baby on the way, and the rest are in steady loving relationships or have openly declared they aren’t interested in that kind of thing. So guess who was the only sad single there?”
“Ah,” Ojirou acknowledged a well of sympathy in his voice.
“And of course once they found out, they were like ‘oh I think my husband has a brother’ or ‘oh I have this great friend from work you’d just love,” you ranted, earning a quiet snicker from Suna, which prompted you to lift your head up so you could dig back at the cat hybrid who looked to be having far too much fun at your expense.
“They even asked me why I didn’t date my nice neighbor, the one I’m always hanging out with,” you added on ruthlessly, ignoring Ojirou’s shocked sputters, “But I told them he was in a committed relationship. They were skeptical at first, but then I told them that I was sure because someone is extremely loud, enough that I’m forced to use headphones to drown out the yowling.”
Poor Ojirou was coughing, clearly dying of embarrassment, and even Kita had the faintest red tinge to his cheeks. Unfortunately, Suna, unbothered as ever, simply smirked at you, which confirmed some of your suspicions that he’d been doing it on purpose, the brat.
Heaving another forlorn sigh you decided to give up and give poor Ojirou a break, making a mental note to make it up to him somehow. The poor guy really didn’t deserve to be caught in the crossfire between you and Suna.
“So, I spent the time being relentlessly hounded until it was time to leave,” you continued on, pretending not to notice Kita patting Ojirou’s back sympathetically, “I tried to explain to them that I just don’t have the time and energy it takes to go out and start dating people, that work was taking up too much of my time, but they weren’t having any of it.”
“It sounds like a rough time,” Ojirou told you, with genuine sympathy, the man too kind even after you’d embarrassed the hell out of him, “like when I go home and baa-chan asks when I’m going to settle down and get married.”
Suna let out an involuntary hiss at that, and Kita’s shoulders stiffened up a bit. Even though hybrid-human relationships were accepted and even almost expected between them and their owners these days, it didn’t mean that everyone accepted them as ‘true’ relationships. There were a good chunk of people, mostly conservatives and the older generation who believed that human/human relationships were the only valid ones.
This was no doubt because of the fact that most hybrid children, once they hit eighteen chose to go to hybrid adoption centers rather than staying with their parents. This was partly because it was one of the few good ways to get out from under your parents roof.
Hybrid rights had come a long way from when they’d first been implemented a few decades ago, back when they were considered something of a toy and a pet, not better than a slave. However, they technically still required a human ‘owner’ to do things like go to school, find a job, or even be out in public unsupervised.
There were people working to change that of course, and you’d donated heavily to the cause and actively supported it, but change was slow going, so for now it was what it was. It didn’t help that there were a good deal of people around like Ojirou’s grandma who viewed hybrids as less than human, and would probably never acknowledge his relationship or any children they had, especially if the children were hybrids too.
It was something you’d listened to him vent about more than once, happy to lend him a listening ear, especially since he’d done the same for you plenty of times over the years.
“It wasn’t quite that bad,” you admitted, giving him your own sympathetic smile, “but it was rather depressing.”
“Do ya even want a companion like that?” Kita asked her reasonably, “I don’t think I’ve ever heard ya talk about wantin’ a relationship other than rantin’ about a few failed dates here and there. If ya don’t I don’t see why it should be a problem, and not any of their business either.”
“Except I think I kind of do,” you admitted with a grimace, to the practical dog-hybrid who always gave solid, dependable advice, “I never planned to spend the rest of my life alone you know? I just always put my career first figuring relationships could come later, when I had more time, but now I’m starting to wonder if later will ever come.”
“And ya don’t want to date?” Kita asked with a slight frown, “I’m sure ya could make time if ya really wanted to, we could change our dinners around fer a while maybe?”
“No way,” you protested immediately, “Dinners with you guys are my only bastion of sanity. Plus I’m not even sure I want to go out and meet people, frankly at this point I’m not even sure I know how. It just… gets a little lonely coming home to an empty apartment sometimes you know?”
“So why don’t you get a hybrid?” Ojirou asked, his tone eminently reasonable despite the shock of what he’d said.
“A hybrid?” you repeated a little dumbfounded, “Me?!”
“Well why not?” he defended, stroking his recently grown goatee with his thumb and forefinger, “You’re wealthy enough to afford one, it would solve your companionship issue, and you wouldn’t have to date anyone, just go to a hybrid adoption center and find someone you’re compatible with.”
When he put it like that it did sound reasonable, even if it wasn’t an idea that had ever occurred to you. A lot of your friends, not just Ojirou, had hybrid companions, one of the weddings discussed earlier that day was even to a hybrid even if it wouldn’t be official until they could get proper legislature passed. You just had never really considered it an option for yourself.
“Do you think I could?” you asked with a light frown, turning the idea over in your mind, the question directed more at Kita than anyone else, both because he was always the most reasonable of the three and because as a hybrid you thought he’d probably be more qualified to answer whether you were a fit ‘owner’.
However to your surprise it wasn’t Kita, but Suna who answered first informing you in his normal lazy drawl, “You’d do well with a hybrid I think, probably something lower energy, like a cat, and we’re pretty self-sufficient as you know, so you wouldn’t have to worry about leaving it home alone like you would a pet.”
“He’s right,” Kita agreed, after a thoughtful pause, “Personally I believe ya would do well with a hybrid, ya get along with us well enough. Plus if yer worried we can help ya look after them. Suna needs a playmate anyway, he’s been getting’ up ta too much mischief lately when Aran and I ain’t here.”
Suna didn’t even bother to protest, just shrugged, completely unbothered by the accusation. Figuring you might as well take advantage of the situation you asked a few more questions, all of which were answered by your friends who all had a lot of input on what kind of hybrid you should get.
You left that night with your head stuffed full of information, after telling them you needed time to think it over. Getting a hybrid was a lifechanging thing and you didn’t want to run off half-cocked. It had gotten you an approving nod from Kita and a supportive pat on the shoulder from Ojirou. Suna had simply given you a knowing smirk, as if the smug cat hybrid already knew exactly what you were going to do as you walked out the door.
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You stared up at the hybrid adoption center, not quite sure how you’d ended up here. For the last week or so, ever since Ojirou had brought it up you’d had hybrids on the brain. You’d found your eyes wandering to look at them when they passed you in the street and idly daydreaming in your down time what it might be like to have one waiting when you came home and fantasizing about what kind you might get.
Normally you were very focused and productive at work, but somehow, you’d found yourself scrolling through different sites, putting in research into what kind of facility you should visit and what you’d need to do. It had gotten bad enough that some of your coworkers had noticed your distraction, which was the final nail in the coffin.
You’d already known which center Ojirou had used to choose Kita and Suna, and so at the end of a particularly long day, quietly dreading heading home to your empty apartment you’d instead found yourself driving over to the center.
It was on the smaller side when it came to hybrid adoption centers, privately run and owned by Azumane Industries, a fashion line that created clothes that specifically catered to hybrids. Ojirou had, had nothing but good things to say, and so gathering your courage you left your car to head resolutely inside.
The lobby was rather quiet, only one other patron and two people manning the desks, both of whom looked up when you entered. You were a bit surprised to see the only two workers in sight were hybrids, one a silver cat of some type and the other clearly a German shepherd.
In hindsight it made a lot of sense to have hybrids be in charge of the adoption of other hybrids as they would likely know best how to match people up. However, you rarely saw that kind of practicality when it came to hybrids especially because you knew there was a lot of prejudice out there.
You offered the cat a hesitant smile, stepping up to the desk, the smile he gave back one that was both kind and welcoming as he introduced, “Welcome to Azumane Industries Hybrid Adoption Center. My name is Sugawara, how can I help you today?”
“I’m looking to adopt,” you admitted, unsure what else to say you tacked on, “My friend recommended this place to me, so here I am.”
“Well, we’ll take good care of you,” he assured you calmly, “Usually we do this by appointment, but you’re lucky. It’s a slow day and we have an opening, so I’d be happy to start the process with you if you’re willing.”
“Great,” you told him with a quiet sigh of relief, glad that he could fit you in. Honestly you should’ve known that a place like this would require a call ahead at least. It would’ve served you right for being so impulsive if they hadn’t been able to squeeze you in, “Just tell me what I need to do.”
Sugawara offered you a sly grin, one that reminded you of Suna as he promptly pushed a large stack of paperwork in your direction and handed you a pen. You grimaced at the sight of it but set to work, quietly filling out the forms one by one and handing each of them to Sugawara after so he could log them into his computer.
The forms reminded you of a loan or job application in a lot of ways, asking after your health, your income, your living situation, if you had a criminal record, any previous experience with hybrids etc. It took you quite a while to fill them all out, and by the end of it your wrist was sore and you’d signed your name more times than you cared to remember. However, since Sugawara had been filling in as you went you didn’t have to wait long to move on to the next step.
“Congratulations,” he told you with an amused smile, watching as you massaged your wrist, “You’ve been approved to adopt from our center, which means we now get to the fun part.”
“Fun part?” you questioned a little warily, having learned from Suna that a cat hybrid smiling at you didn’t necessarily mean good things for your sanity.
“Tell me about what kind of hybrid you’d like,” he told you leaning forward, elbows braced on the desk as he watched you intently, “Do you have any preferences? I’ve read all your information as we’ve gone along so I have some ideas, but I’d like to hear from you what you think you want.”
“I’m not sure where to start,” you admitted, feeling a little overwhelmed.
“That’s alright,” he assured you, “That’s what I’m here for. Let’s start with species, that’s always good and will narrow things down a bit.”
“I know I want a cat or dog hybrid,” you told him immediately glad to have some kind of answer for him, “Rabbit and rodent hybrids have heats and ruts too often for me to handle given how busy work keeps me.”
Heats and ruts were one of the big things that separated hybrids from humans and were part of the reason it was hard for them to find and hold down jobs. There were two kinds of hybrid within each species, alphas and omegas.
Alphas were usually more aggressive, stubborn, and willful. You needed to have a more dominant personality to have an alpha hybrid otherwise they’d walk all over you. Alphas also had a period called a rut, where their hormones skyrocketed and made them want to breed with anything and everything. It was a really uncomfortable time for them, and made them even more aggressive.
Omegas were generally more passive, quiet and compliant. They tended to be favored over Alpha hybrids as companions because of their more docile nature. They had periods called heats, which were similar to an Alphas rut, the only difference being they wanted to be bred rather than to breed. It made them needy and clingy the entire time.
Both heats and ruts lasted anywhere from a couple of days to a week depending on the species of hybrid. Dogs and cats had week long heats, but they only happened two to three times a year, whereas rabbit and rodent hybrids only lasted a few days, but happened every week and a half to two weeks.
You knew it wasn’t necessarily expected for a hybrid owner to stay home when their hybrid was in heat or rut, but you also knew it was those times that hybrids tended to be more reckless. Most of the research you did advised that you should if you could, even if you weren’t the one who was going to be sexually intimate with your hybrid. There were of course hybrid heat centers, where hybrids could go to find willing partners and get their needs taken care of, but you’d heard horror stories about places like that and didn’t want to use one unless you absolutely had to.
“There are medications to manage heats and ruts,” Sugawara pointed out reasonably, a slight frown on his face.
“I know,” you agreed, “But I did some research and it looks like most hybrids don’t like to take them because they have nasty side effects, like potential infertility, mood drops, and weight gain. If there’s a rodent or rabbit hybrid that wants to voluntarily take the medication then that could be fine, but I’ve heard only a few ever want to risk it.”
Sugawara looked surprised for a moment, then slowly nodded, “It’s good you’ve looked into things, and it’s nice to see someone who’s come prepared. I’ve heard a bit of that too, so no rabbits or rodents. Do you have any preference Alpha versus Omega?”
“Not really,” you admitted with a helpless shrug, feeling a little bad for not being able to narrow down the criteria for him, “I’m pretty open so long as they can fit into my lifestyle, are a little more independent, and think they’ll get along with me.”
“Well you’ll at least have lots of options,” Sugwara assured you, with a smile that told you he wasn’t off put by the fact that you didn’t know exactly what you wanted either, “Does that mean you don’t have a preference for breed either?”
“That’s right,” you agreed with a firm nod, “I just want someone who’s going to be compatible with me, everything else is secondary.”
“Okay,” he told you cheerfully, “I’m sure we can do that! Though it might take us a little bit to narrow things down. Since you aren’t picky you might as well come with me to start looking. Daichi can you manage the desk on your own?”
“Sure,” the german shepherd hybrid agreed, from where he’d been sitting quietly, keeping watch over the two of you and typing away on his computer, since there was literally no one else in the lobby, “Just keep a radio on you so I can call you back up here if it gets busy Suga.”
Your soon to be guide agreed with a smile, plucking one of the aforementioned radios up and attaching it to his belt, before standing up from the desk. He stretched in a very feline manner, then ushered you towards a door that led toward the back of the building, tail swishing peacefully behind him.
“Each species of hybrid has its own floor,” Sugawara explained as he led you through the hall, “Bunnies are on the top floor, rodents underneath them, cats on the second floor and dogs here on the first. Each floor has four separate wings, separated into categories depending on whether the hybrid in question is male or female, alpha or omega. These wings have private rooms in them and are connected by a shared space.”
“We’ll be going into the shared space,” he explained pausing outside one of the doors, “It’s where hybrids come both to hang out, and to meet people. If a hybrid isn’t interested in being adopted by a specific human they’ll simply return to their rooms until the human leaves. This way we ensure that no one gets coerced into adoption. We also keep a close eye on things with security cameras in the shared space, for both the safety of humans and hybrids. Before we enter the room, I need you to give me verbal consent to allow yourself to be filmed.”
“That’s fine,” you told him, more than a bit impressed with how thorough and organized the whole thing was, along with the lengths they went to, to ensure everyone’s comfort.
“Alright then, let’s introduce you to the dogs,” he teased, with a confident smile.
The minute the door opened, almost every head turned in your direction, making you feel a bit awkward and unsure. Some of the hybrids were in their human forms, ears and tails the only hint of their non-human status, while others were lounging around in their secondary animal form.
The animal form of a hybrid was indistinguishable from a normal animal of the same breed. The only thing that might give it away was the high level of intelligence. Your research told you that hybrids tended to act more on their instincts when in animal form, which could be both a good thing and a bad thing.
Case in point, the minute you entered with Sugawara one enormous grey and white speckled dog came bounding over barking his head off. He was absolutely huge, and only the madly wagging tail kept you from cringing back as he charged over, his barking immediately setting off a few of the others.
You got the wind knocked out of you a bit as he collided with you, though thankfully the door was behind you, and kept you from being knocked off your feet as he placed enormous paws on your shoulders, burying his face in your hair and sniffing enthusiastically. You froze, unsure exactly what to do in this situation, and more than a bit uncomfortable.
Luckily Sugawara immediately came to your rescue, shoving the big dog off as he scolded, “Bokuto! What have I told you about jumping up on our guests!”
The big dog immediately began to whine, tail tucked between his legs, and you wanted to feel bad for him, except you were still a bit unnerved.
“Sorry about him,” Sugawara apologized with a sigh, “He’s harmless I promise, just incredibly enthusiastic about new people.”
“It’s okay,” you assured him, hesitantly reaching out to Bokuto palms first to see if he might be interested, only to have him turn away. Unsure what to do you glanced at Sugawara, whose tail was swishing in clear agitation.
“Ignore him,” the silver haired cat hybrid told you, “He’s just sulking because he got scolded. In fact, better yet ignore all of them, since they can’t stop being rude and barking.”
This last bit, along with the fierce glare that accompanied it was leveled at the room in general, earning some sheepish looks from a couple of the dog hybrids who were in human form, and managing to quiet several of the barking ones who were in animal form.
“Come on,” he urged with one last flick of his tail, “I should’ve started you with the cats anyway. You seem like a cat person to me, and I assure you they’ll have much better manners. If you don’t find what you’re looking for there, we’ll come back, but let’s explore the cat option first and give them time to recall their manners.”
You allowed him to usher you out of the room and toward the elevator, trusting his judgment. It was funny that he’d said you were a cat person, as he was actually the third cat hybrid to have told you so, Suna being one and the Siamese hybrid of one of your coworkers being the other.
It took you less than a minute to get up to the next floor, and when Sugawara ushered you into the cat hybrid room you could immediately feel the difference. There was no noise for one, just a bunch of curious eyes turned in your direction, but it didn’t feel hostile at all.
Sugawara quickly introduced you to the cat hybrids, telling them you’d come to adopt and had ‘just been slobbered all over by the dog hybrids’ so if they could all ‘mind their manners’ that would be great. You were a little amused at the exasperated hybrid’s antics, and you weren’t the only one, if the quiet snickering from a hybrid with particularly messy hair was any indication. However you were also grateful to him for being so diligent as he introduced you to everyone.
Slowly, several cat hybrids meandered up to you, some in human form, some in cat form, though some also stayed in place clearly observing everything. You chatted lightly with the ones in human form, while letting the ones in cat form do as they pleased, answering their questions and asking a few of your own.
It was a much more relaxed experience, something you were infinitely grateful for after the sudden chaos of the dog hybrid room, and you had to wonder if the cat hybrids who’d pegged you as a cat person hadn’t been right after all. You were in the middle of quietly talking to a lovely female alpha hybrid named Shimizu when Sugawara’s radio blared to life. Apparently, the front had gotten rather busy and Daichi desperately needed his help.
“Will you be alright if I leave you here?” Sugawara asked you seriously, “This shouldn’t take too long, and Shimizu is more than capable of looking after you.”
“Sure,” you agreed, after a quick glance at the hybrid in question, who gave an acknowledging nod of her head, “I don’t mind.”
“Good,” he agreed with a bright grin, before rounding on the rest of the room, “And all the rest of you better behave or I’ll hear why!”
With one last warning glare around the room he turned on his heel and left, leaving you in Shimizu’s capable hands. The two of you continued to talk amiably as several cat hybrids came by in one form or another to sniff at you or listen in on the conversation from nearby. A number of them only came over for a few minutes, lingered a bit and then left, spreading back out to the room or going into the hallways that led to their private rooms, however a good chunk of them stayed nearby as well.
Chatting lightly with Shimizu and a few of the others you found you really liked the poised and graceful cat hybrid and might’ve looked into adopting her. Unfortunately, Shimizu quickly made it clear that she had some plans of her own, that included getting herself and her young and adorable munchkin kitten hybrid Yachi adopted by one of their frequent visitors.
She was however, more than happy to give her own opinion on some of the other hybrids around, most of whom seemed to respect both her and her opinion a lot. You were listening to Shimizu tell you a bit more about Yachi, who was watching from a safe distance, clearly anxious, but also unwilling to leave, when you felt something paw at your leg.
A quick glance down revealed a long haired fluffy looking cat, in shades of silver and white who was staring up at you expectantly. None of the other cat hybrids had actually dared to touch you, a few coming close, but none making actual moves to greet you.
A little intrigued you crouched down so you’d be closer to his eye level, and extended your hands for him the same way you did for Suna when he was in his cat form, giving him a choice about whether he wanted to be touched or not. The cat hybrid eyed your hands thoughtfully for a minute, before sauntering within reach, nudging his head against your palm.
Taking your cue you allowed yourself to pet him, gently rubbing at his silky ears and enjoying the feeling of his thick, plush coat. His back arched pressing closer into your hands, eyelids lowering in contentment as you carefully massaged your fingers through his fur in a way you knew Suna enjoyed.
A rumbling purr escaped his throat and you couldn’t help the pleased smile that crossed your lips at the sound as he pressed his way closer to your torso, entering the circle of your arms and keeping himself there. You were caught up in petting him for a moment and didn’t immediately notice, but after a few seconds you realized the room had gotten very quiet.
It had been quiet before, as cat hybrids didn’t make a lot of noise in general, but now it was almost deathly still outside the small purring sounds from the cat under your hands. You immediately froze and glanced up at Kiyoko who was watching the two of you with wide eyes.
“Is something wrong?” you asked, more than a bit concerned.
“You pet him,” Shimizu murmured, more to herself than to you.
“Should I not have?” you asked worriedly, moving to pull your hands away, “I’m sorry I didn’t realize. I pet my neighbor’s cat hybrid all the time when he’s in the mood for it.”
The cat hybrid under your hands made a noise of protest as you pulled your hands away, giving Shimizu what you assumed to be a rather annoyed look based on her baffled and slightly contrite expression.
“No,” she assured you quickly, “We like to be pet, physical affection is important to hybrids. It’s just that particular one doesn’t usually allow anyone to touch him.”
“Do you mind?” you asked the hybrid in question, holding out your hands again.
He gave an agreeing mew and pressed his head to your palm, which you assumed meant you could resume petting. The fur under your fingers was clearly well taken care of, soft and plush and you truly wouldn’t have minded continuing to pet him until he got sick of you.
However, you were interrupted by a furious yowling sound that immediately made you jump, your head snapping up to search for the source of the noise. It turned out to be another long haired fluffy cat, this one in shades of gold and white who came charging out of the halls and ran straight at you.
You didn’t even have a second to react as the cat that had been in your arms darted around to hide behind you. Not that it stopped the oncoming golden one who didn’t even bother to go around and instead went right over you, claws digging into your arm as he attempted to get at the silver one.
You let out a yelp of surprise and pain, as he launched himself off your shoulder at the silver cat behind you who immediately darted out of reach, running around you in dizzying circles with the golden one fast on his heels both of them yowling, hissing and spitting, clearly having some kind of argument.
It only took a moment for you to regain your bearings and decide you needed to put an end to whatever this was, since poor Shimizu didn’t look at all ready to step in, an utterly appalled look on her face. Luckily you had quick reflexes and managed to snag both cats around the middle and stand up quickly, the abrupt shift immediately silencing both, no doubt shocked by your interruption.
“I think that’s quite enough of that,” you scolded firmly, as you hefted the two carefully, keeping them firmly separated. They were a bit heavier than they looked but certainly not too much for you to keep aloft.
“You,” you scolded the golden one, gently shaking him, who had turned to stare up at you with wide copper colored eyes, “I don’t know what he did to you or why, but I’m sure whatever it was could’ve been resolved without the ruckus. I also don’t appreciate being climbed on or used as a spring board.
“And you,” you gently shook the silver one in turn, who looked equally surprised to be addressed, “I’m not sure if he deserved whatever you did or not, but you shouldn’t have been causing a ruckus either, and I don’t appreciate you using me as a shield.”
“From what I understand, in order to be here you have to be considered adults,” you continued firmly, “So I suggest you act like it, and figure this out between yourselves without dragging innocent bystanders into your mess!”
With that you loosened your grip, fully expecting both of them to jump to the floor. However, both continued to simply hang limply in your grasp, watching you with curious eyes that you realized rather abruptly were almost completely identical.
“Siblings huh?” you asked no one in particular, nodding to yourself, “I suppose that explains a lot.”
“Are you alright?” Shimizu asked you worriedly, “You’re bleeding.”
A quick glance at your arm showed you were indeed bleeding, small pinpricks of blood welling up from where the golden cat had dug his claws into you. It stung a bit, but you didn’t think it was too bad.
“I’m alright,” you assured her, kneeling down and releasing both cats, since they seemed disinclined to continue fighting, and you wanted your hands free, “Though I’d appreciate some disinfectant and some band aids if you���ve got them.”
“Of course,” Shimizu assured you with a quick nod, “Just let me get them and I’ll be right back.”
The elegant hybrid moved with enviable grace and speed as she exited the room, leaving you alone. A quick look around the room showed that almost every eye was now on you, and you heaved a sigh, not exactly pleased to be the center of attention, especially since none of them did anything but stare, none of them bothering to approach, just look.
You glanced down in surprise when you felt something touching your leg, only to find the golden cat headbutting your shin, rubbing his face against your calf affectionately as he twined his way through your legs.
“Does that mean you’re sorry,” you asked, crouching back down and offering your hands to the pretty, fluffy cat.
He immediately rubbed his face against your hands too, which you took as permission to continue your petting, rubbing your hand affectionately over his head and earning a happy purr from the feline who arched happily into your hands.
You were distracted from your petting by a paw, which came to rest on one of your wrists, the silver cat watching with obvious envy in his pretty copper colored eyes. Luckily for both of you, you had two hands, and you reached out to pet him too after assuring it was okay. The golden cat clearly wasn’t too happy about his brother’s presence, but didn’t kick up a fuss, instead pressing himself closer and becoming more insistent as he purred ever louder. The silver cat didn’t seemed to pay him any attention though, simply soaking up your attention and affection.
“Here,” Shimizu offered as she came back, first aid kit in hand, “Do you need any help getting bandaged up?”
You were about to accept her offer, as attempting to bandage your dominant arm was always a pain, when you felt something strange under your hand. You turned your attention back to the cat hybrids you’d been petting just in time to see the silver one shift, form becoming large, limbs extending, body lengthening and bulking up until he stood in front of you in human form.
You blinked, utterly startled as you stared up at him, taking in his appearance. He was incredibly handsome in his human form, with the same silvery grey hair as his fur in cat form in an undercut and bright bronze eyes that peered out at you from under heavy lids. He had a strong, slightly square jaw and thick eyebrows, with blunt cheekbones and cupids bow lips.
He was also surprisingly big, at least six feet tall, and maybe a bit more than that, with broad shoulders and a trim waist. He was wearing a simple black t-shirt that clung to his chest, showing off the definition of his muscles. To top it all off he had two cat ears poking out from his silvery hair and a fluffy tail that was slowly waving back and forth as he looked at you.
“I’ll do it,” he told the two of you, his voice pleasant and lightly accented, his hand held out to Kiyoko gesturing for her to pass him the first aid kit, “I’ll bandage ya up. It’s only fair since the moron who scratched ya is too busy bein’ pampered.”
That earned a hiss from the golden cat, who immediately began to shift under your hands. You watched in surprise and no small amount of awe as he turned into a carbon copy of the other man who’d appeared, only with golden hair, ears and tail. You’d realized the two were related, but you hadn’t realized they were identical twins. Twins were really rare for hybrids, even more rare than human twins. As such they were usually snapped up for adoption right away, so it was rare to see them in any sort of center.
“If ya hadn’t stolen my puddin’ I wouldn’t have chased ya and scratched her in the first place,” the golden cat hybrid hissed at his brother.
“Well if ya hadn’t eaten my onigiri, maybe I wouldn’t have had to eat yer puddin’” the silver haired one retorted, his tone and expression both flatter compared to his sibling who looked like he might lunge at his twin at any moment.
Not wanting to get in the middle of a literal cat fight you held your own hand out to Kiyoko, who gratefully placed the first aid kit in your hands, then plopped down to sit cross legged on the floor. Your sudden movement startled both cat hybrids who turned to look at you, but you pointedly ignored them as you worked on opening the kit, and pulling out the things you’d need.
“Here I got it,” the golden haired one told you, plopping down beside you, “That scrub ain’t right about a lot of things, but he is right about this. I scratched ya, and I should fix ya.”
You gratefully held your arm out to him, and watched as he gently dabbed the scratches with disinfectant, grimacing slightly at the sting. You were distracted enough by his careful movements that you almost didn’t notice the other twin, right up until he gently smeared Neosporin over the scratches, placing small bandages over the deeper punctures.
“Thank you,” you told them both when they finished, automatically reaching up to pet their heads, but then pausing as you realized the gesture might not be as welcome in their human form.
Your worries were quickly allayed through as the golden one practically fell into your palm, soft, happy purring noises leaving his mouth as you gently scratched the base of his ears. His twin however didn’t immediately move for you, and you turned concerned eyes on him, worried he might be offended. The minute he saw you looking though he immediately leaned forward, pressing his head to your palm, his own soft purrs leaving his throat as you carded your fingers through his hair.
“I’m back,” a familiar voice sang, the door to the room sliding open to reveal Sugawara, with a cheerful grin on his face, a grin that was immediately replaced by wide eyed shock as he saw you and the two hybrids who were nearly in your lap with how close they were pressing towards you.
However, shock melted into fury as his eyes saw the open first aid kit and the bandages on your arm, his words nearly a hiss as he demanded, “What happened?!”
Both hybrids immediately stiffened under your hands, drawing closer to you, either looking to protect you or looking for protection you weren’t sure. Either way you allowed it, rubbing your hands over the backs of their necks in a way that always seemed to sooth Suna as you answered, “We just had a bit of a mishap is all, but we’ve cleared it up.”
“Are you sure?” Sugawara demanded anxiously, “We were told when they were brought in that they’d had a bit of trouble before, but they never mentioned that they might attack humans.”
The golden-haired twin seemed to bristle, and if he were in cat form you were sure all his fur would be puffed out as he glared at Sugawara. His twin didn’t look nearly as bothered on the surface, but close as you were, you could see how tight the muscles in his neck and shoulders were as if he was about to spring forward at any moment.
Instinctively you pulled the golden twin toward you, tipping him over into your lap. Despite his size it wasn’t all that difficult given he’d been practically leaning all his weight on you. He let out a yelp of surprise, but stayed still as you buried your fingers in his hair, keeping his cheek pillowed on your thigh. Your other hand gently squeezed the back of the silver twin’s neck, both holding him still and reminding him of your presence.
“It wasn’t an attack, simply an accident,” you assured Sugawara, as you soothed your thumb over the tense muscles of the silver one’s neck, hoping to get him to relax, “A bit like what happened with the dog hybrid earlier.”
“If you’re sure,” Sugawara told you, watching your pet the twins with wide eyes, like he couldn’t quite believe what he was seeing, “Does that mean you’ve decided to take them then? I know you were a little worried about adopting one hybrid so I never imagined you’d want two at once.”
“What?” you asked, a little overwhelmed by the sudden onslaught of information, and the assumption he’d made.
“You’d have to take both of them,” Sugawara explained gently, “Admittedly sometimes twins are separated, but we don’t do that unless they want to be separated, and in this case both of them have stated they want to stay together.”
“That makes sense,” you agreed, with a smile. It was good that the center accommodated things like that, and you made a mental note to thank Ojirou for directing you to such an upstanding place.
“Should I get paperwork started?” Sugawara asked, with an answering smile, “If you’re taking the twins it will take a bit more work than usual, so I’d like to get started right away. No pressure though, you don’t have to make a decision today if you don’t want to.”
“I hadn’t really thought about adopting them,” you admitted, and felt both twins stiffen under your hands, so hurried to reassure them, “We haven’t had a chance to chat much yet. I’d like to talk to them a little bit first before we make any decisions.”
“Of course,” the kindly hybrid agreed with an understanding nod, “We’ll give the three of you some space and let you get to know one another a bit better.”
“Thank you,” you told him politely, waiting until he’d ushered Kiyoko a little bit away, clearly trying to give you some sense of privacy despite the fact that they were still well within earshot for hybrids, and likely interrogate the elegant female about what exactly had happened while he was gone.
“Do ya not want us,” the golden haired one asked you, once the two were gone, rolling over in your lap to peer up at you with wide copper eyes, the hint of a pout on his lips, and a little bit of hurt in his eyes.
“I don’t know yet,” you told him honestly, gently stroking his golden hair away from his eyes, “We don’t know each other, yet do we? Do you even know if you want to come with me?”
The two cat hybrids glanced at each other, clearly communicating silently with each other for a moment before turning back to you. The golden haired one had apparently been elected spokesperson because he was the one to admit, “We wouldn’t mind goin’ home with ya.”
“But you don’t even know my name, do you? And I don’t know yours either,” you pointed out, utterly baffled that they’d apparently already decided.
“I heard mister pleasant over there when he introduced ya,” the silver haired one told you with a shrug, “But if it matters so much to ya, I’m Miya Osamu and he’s Atsumu.”
“I can introduce myself ya know,” the golden haired on hissed, doing his best to glare at his brother, though you were sure the effect was entirely lost considering he was apparently refusing to move from your lap and was upside down, “And I didn’t get to hear yer name.”
“That’s because ya were sulkin’ in our room,” Osamu pointed out.
“And whose fault is that huh?” Atsumu demanded with a grimace.
“Yer own,” Osamu countered, looking utterly bored as he peered down at his brother. Atsumu made to lunge out of your lap, but was stopped by your hand pressed firmly to his forehead holding him in place. You took advantage of his moment of distraction to introduce yourself, gently rubbing behind his ears until he started purring again.
“And ya wonder why we want to go with ya,” Osamu told you sardonically, watching the two of you, “I ain’t ever seen anybody who could get ahold of Tsumu like that.”
“Do the two of you always squabble like that?” you asked, a little amused and a little concerned, “If I didn’t know better I would’ve thought one of you was a dog hybrid with how well you’re getting along right now.”
“It ain’t always so bad,” Osamu told you, turning his face away though you thought you saw the faintest hint of pink to his cheeks, “We’re just a little restless is all. We haven’t been here long so it’s just new, not as much freedom as we’re used to either bein’ cooped up for most of the day.”
“Surely they let you out if you want out,” you questioned, a little appalled that the center might be keeping hybrids like prisoners.
“Well sure,” Osamu answered turning back to you, his head tilted to the side as he studied you, “But there are only so many places a hybrid is allowed without an owner ya know.”
You winced slightly at the blunt statement, but couldn’t refute it. The law stated that all hybrids had to have a registered owner, and it was then up to that owner to set limits on the hybrid, about where they could go and what they could do. This was because if the hybrid caused any trouble, it was always on its owner to take responsibility which made things quite limited for them at times. There were lobbyists working to change that of course, as it was viewed as inhumane, but for now the law was the law.
“Did you have more freedom before here then?” you asked curiously, “I’ve heard this place is pretty good.”
“It’s not bad,” Atsumu piped in, his voice content and rumbly as he turned languid eyes in your direction, clearly not wanting to be left out of the conversation, “Better than the first center we were at when we first went up for adoption.”
“So you’ve been adopted before? Or did you just get moved from one of the other centers?” you asked curiously, only to have Atsumu go absolutely rigid under your hands as Osamu hissed at him, clearly angry with his brother, who’d apparently revealed something he shouldn’t if the way he shrank away instead of hissing back said anything.
You glanced between the two of them warily, unsure what to do as Atsumu pulled himself out of your lap so he could look at Osamu. The two of them were clearly communicating, both their tails swishing back and forth in clear agitation.
“We had an owner,” Osamu admitted at last, his words clearly careful as he peered at you from underneath the fringe of his hair, “But we didn’t get along with him so he surrendered us ta the shelter again and they sent us here.”
A part of you really wanted to ask why exactly they hadn’t gotten along with their old owner, but given the way Atsumu was refusing to meet your eyes, his nails practically digging into his thighs where he sat next to you, you got the feeling it would be kinder not to. Instead you carefully redirected the conversation back on topic and asked, “And what makes you think you’ll get along better with me than your previous owner?”
“Yer nothin’ like him,” Osamu told you bluntly, effectively shutting that avenue of conversation down.
“If you say so,” you told him calmly, holding his gaze until he glanced away, his hands clenched into fists at his sides.
It was clearly a sensitive topic, and you didn’t want to push. You’d just met the two of them today after all, you certainly wouldn’t have liked it if they tried to pry into your past, fair was fair after all.
“What do you picture yourselves doing all day?” you asked instead, figuring you might as well.
“Doing?” Atsumu repeated confused, tilting his head in a manner that you couldn’t help but find rather adorable.
“I’ll be at work most of the day during the week,” you explained patiently, “Which means you’ll be by yourselves for quite a bit of time. You’d be more than welcome to laze around if you really wanted to, but I figured I’d ask.”
“What kind of things are we allowed to do?” Osamu asked slowly, a strange look on his face that you couldn’t quite interpret.
“Anything within reason,” you told him with a helpless shrug, “I have money, it’s not an issue, so long as it’s legal, and doesn’t have the potential to hurt me, you or anyone else then I see no reason to place restrictions. My neighbor has a dog-hybrid who works a small rice farm that Ojirou bought him, but his cat-hybrid Suna spends most of his time either lounging around their apartment or playing sports with some of the other hybrids who live in the neighborhood.”
“Which sport?” Atsumu asked, eyes bright, all hesitation forgotten in the face of this new information.
“Volleyball I think,” you told him with a shrug, “Ojirou and I have gone to watch a few games, though I don’t think it’s just volleyball either.”
If Atsumu had been a dog-hybrid you were sure his tail would’ve been wagging a hundred miles an hour with how eager he looked, copper eyes bright in his face as he told you, “I like volleyball. Do you think he’d let me play?”
“You’d have to take it up with Suna, but I don’t see why he wouldn’t,” you admitted cautiously, earning a happy smile from the hybrid.
“What about you Osamu?” you prompted gently, “Do you play too, or is there something else you’re interested in?”
The silver furred hybrid looked startled to be addressed, but then slowly admitted, “I like to cook.”
“That’s amazing,” you praised, “I live on take out a lot of the time, unless I’m headed over to Ojirou’s or Kita, his dog-hybrid makes an extra bento for me. I really should cook more, but I tend to be on the go a lot and don’t want to dedicate the time.”
“It’s a bit of a shame though,” you admitted, feeling more than a bit sheepish, “One of the best features of my apartment is the kitchen and I hardly ever use it.”
You continued to chat lightly with the twins learning quite a bit about the two of them in the process. Atsumu was definitely the louder twin, always eager and a bit blunt with his words, always saying the first thing that came to mind. Osamu was quieter than his twin, letting his golden furred brother do most of the talking for the two of them. He wasn’t necessarily shy per se, and would answer when spoken to, but he seemed content for the most part to quietly observe before adding his two cents in.
The two of them together were utterly charming, which made you wonder just how they hadn’t been adopted yet. You were fairly sure it must have something to do with the reason they’d been returned to their adoption center, though for the life of you, you couldn’t guess what that reason might’ve been.
“Sorry to interrupt,” Sugawara cut in gently, interrupting Atsumu telling you all about the last volleyball game he’d played in, “But the center is closing to visitors in a few minutes.”
“I’m sorry,” you apologized immediately, hurriedly scrambling to your feet, feeling more than a bit guilty, “I hadn’t realized how late it had gotten.”
“That’s alright,” Sugawara assured you with a kind smile, “It sounds like the three of you are getting along well.”
“I think so,” you admitted, glancing at the twins who’d both risen to their feet as well, both of them far more graceful than you could ever hope to be.
Both of them were watching you, Atsumu with tentative hope clear on his face, and Osamu completely unreadable except for the agitated twitch of his tail which told you he wasn’t pleased your conversation had been interrupted.
“I’m glad,” Sugawara told you, “Do we have any kind of decision made?”
“I…” you started glancing between the twins, who were both looking at you. Gut instinct meant you wanted to say yes. You’d gotten along well and you thought you might continue to enjoy one another’s company. They seemed like they’d slot into your life pretty easily. However you were still a bit hesitant. Adopting one hybrid had seemed like a big deal, but adopting two?
Plus you’d only met them today. Maybe you were being overly cautious but a single day didn’t seem like nearly enough time to get to know someone before inviting them to live with you, no matter how much your heart urged you to say yes.
“Actually, it doesn’t matter,” Sugawara interrupted, an apologetic expression on his face, pulling you from your thoughts as he explained, “We wouldn’t have time to finish the paperwork before it’s time to close, so you wouldn’t be able to take them home with you anyway, not today at least.”
“But…!” Atsumu tried to protest, but quelled as Sugawara shot him a stern look.
“I think that it will be good for all of you to sleep on your decision,” the cat-hybrid told all three of you firmly, gently beginning to usher you from the room, before telling you, “You can come back tomorrow if you like. We’re open at the same times then.”
“Alright,” you agreed, following after him without a fuss, only to pause in your tracks at a heartbreaking mewling sound.
You turned around to see Atsumu staring after you with devastation written all over his handsome features, his hand outstretched like he was trying to reach out and physically stop you from leaving. Before you’d really thought about it your feet had carried you back, and you’d pulled the hybrid into your arms.
Atsumu clutched you tightly, burying his face in your neck and rubbing his cheek against yours in a move you recognized as scenting. You let him do as he pleased without protest, gently running your fingers through his soft golden hair. However, you were conscious of Sugawara waiting for you, so you gently extracted yourself after a few minutes.
Turning you saw Osamu watching you with an unreadable expression on his face, but you stepped toward him, offering your open arms anyway, waiting patiently. You were rewarded for that patience as he stepped into your hold, nuzzling at you the same way his twin had on the opposite side.
“I’ll come back,” you found yourself promising, “I have work tomorrow, but after I’ll be here.”
Osamu drew back and peered into your face, copper eyes boring into your own, clearly searching for something before nodding, “We’ll hold ya to that.”
You let Sugawara usher you out after that, but found yourself tearing up a bit as you followed after him. You desperately didn’t want to leave the twins behind. Somehow, someway you’d gotten terribly attached to them in just a few short hours.
Your sniffling apparently caught Sugawara’s attention, because he turned around and hurriedly fumbled a packet of tissues from one of his pockets.
“I’m sorry,” he told you apologetically, “I thought maybe you wanted more time to think things over. We can still do paperwork tonight if you want I don’t mind staying a bit late.”
You looked at him, startled that he’d apparently picked up on your hesitation as you gratefully accepted the tissues, dabbing at your eyes and blowing your nose before replying, “No, no you’re right. It’s not a decision I should make impulsively. I do want to think it over I just…”
You trailed off helplessly, unsure what to say or how to explain that you’d gotten incredibly attached and were currently having a crisis as your head and heart were at war with each other. However, Sugawara apparently understood as he nodded in clear sympathy.
“Don’t worry,” he assured you, “That’s completely understandable, adopting a hybrid is no small thing. Those troublesome twins will still be here waiting for you tomorrow, so take all the time you need to think it over.”
“I will,” you told him, then tacked on sincerely, “Thank you, for all your help today. I really appreciate it.”
“It’s my pleasure,” he told you with a bright, pleased smile as he walked you to the door, “I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“See you tomorrow,” you agreed with a smile, letting yourself out and heading back for your car.
The drive home your thoughts were absolutely full of the twins, and what it might be like to have them with you. Your heart and your mind were at war with one another, your heart desperate to run back to the center as soon as it opened in the morning for the cat hybrids, and your head worrying about what it might mean to have both of them and why they’d been returned to the center by their previous owner.
You were so preoccupied with your thoughts that you almost didn’t notice Suna as you walked passed Ojirou’s door, headed to your own.
“What is that?” Suna demanded, his voice making you pause in your tracks.
“What is what?” you asked him baffled as he strode toward you nose in the air, clearly picking up something.
“You smell like hybrid,” he informed you his tone accusatory, watching you with narrowed golden eyes.
“Do I?” you asked mildly.
“You do,” he affirmed, “Doesn’t she Kita?”
“Doesn’t she what?” the collie hybrid asked, emerging from somewhere deeper in the apartment.
“Smell like hybrid,” Suna explained, his tail twitching languidly behind him and eyes alight with interest.
“You do,” Kita agreed, after carefully scenting the air, “Two of them actually.”
“Really?” Suna asked, clearly surprised, moving closer to sniff at you again, “You sure?”
You held still, too used to his behavior to be bothered by it, partly amused and partly annoyed at the cat hybrid who was clearly digging for information.
“Yes I’m sure,” Kita told him calmly, “They’re very similar, but there.”
“They’re identical twins,” you explained, figuring the jig was up anyway, and hoping maybe Ojirou or Kita would have some advice that might help you with your quandary.
“Ho?” Suna asked a purr of interest in his voice as he inhaled and nodded to himself, then asked slyly, “And what were you doing with these twins to have their scent on you so thoroughly?”
“Is Ojirou home?” you asked Kita, completely ignoring Suna’s question, earning a chuckle of amusement from the Siamese.
“He’s here,” Kita agreed, “Did you need to speak with him?”
“Both of you, if you have a minute?” you questioned hopefully.
“For you? Always,” Kita assured you kindly ushering you in.
“Oya, I think I’m hurt,” Suna told you as he followed along behind, a feline smirk on his face, “What about me? Don’t you want my advice too? After all they’re cat hybrids aren’t they?”
“They are,” you agreed with a huff as you plopped into your normal chair, “But are you going to give me good advice, or are you going to say whatever you think will be most amusing for you?”
“What’s this about cat-hybrids?” Ojirou asked, emerging from the hallway, where Kita had gone to fetch him.
“She’s thinking about adopting twin cat-hybrids,” Suna informed him before you had the chance to speak up, smug as the cat who got the canary.
“Are you really?” Ojirou questioned with a grin, taking his own seat.
“Yes,” you agreed, shooting the smug Siamese a look for interrupting and stealing your thunder, “I went to that adoption center you recommended today.”
“That’s great,” Ojirou told you, leaning forward in his chair eagerly, “How did it go?”
You explained your meeting with the twins, happily accepting the drink Kita pressed into your hands, which was your favorite, as the collie hybrid got everyone settled and then settled in himself to listen. You talked about how much you liked them, but your wariness about getting not one but two hybrids, and the strange issue with them having a previous owner and being so cagey about it.
“I can see why you’re wary about used goods,” Suna noted.
“Don’t call them that,” you snapped, despite the fact that you could hear the tinge of sarcasm in his voice and knew he didn’t really mean it, unable to help yourself, “people aren’t like items, and shouldn’t be treated like them.”
“She’s right,” Kita told the Siamese sternly, “Even as a joke, that was a rude way to refer to them.”
Suna slouched in his seat, looking thoroughly chastised as he admitted, “I know you don’t see them like that. You’ve always treated us just like normal people.”
“That’s because you are just like normal people,” you told him, stroking your fingers through his hair to let him know you forgave him, “Just with enhanced senses and a different set of instincts at times.”
“I don’t know why you think you need our advice,” Ojirou pointed out reasonably, “It sounds like you’ve pretty much already made up your mind, you clearly adore them already.”
“It’s just a lot,” you admitted, “Do you think I can handle twin hybrids? Especially since I’ve never even had one before? I mean, I’m not like you, none of my family ever had one growing up, and the only ones I really know are Kita, Suna, and a couple that come into the office with Tendou from time to time.”
“We’re not exactly children,” Kita reasoned, logically, “We don’t actually require all that much care outside of the basics, which I know you’re monetarily able to provide, and companionship, which is the whole reason you decided to seek out a hybrid in the first place. One or two, does it really matter? It might even be better as they’ll be able to keep each other company if they get lonely when you’re gone, and I see no reason we can’t help you look after them too.”
“You’d do that?” you asked the collie hybrid, surprised.
“Of course,” he agreed with a tiny smile, “We’re friends are we not?”
You smiled at him, touched, and extremely reassured by his ever cool logic. It did make sense, and quelled some of your worries, plus knowing the extremely reliable hybrid would help you out if you needed it was incredibly comforting.
“I wouldn’t worry about them being returned to their center,” Suna told you, surprisingly serious, “Hybrids get returned for all sorts of reasons, but most of the time its owner incompatibility rather than behavioral issues. Plus that center wouldn’t let you adopt them if they thought they’d give you trouble.”
“But Sugawara did say they’d heard the twins gave someone trouble,” you admitted, recalling the conversation with the worried cat-hybrid.
“Yes, but they didn’t give you trouble,” Suna pointed out, “We cat hybrids tend to make up our minds pretty quickly about people. It sounds like they decided they liked you, and unless something really terrible happens they’ll keep liking you, we’re terribly stubborn that way.”
“If you’re really worried you can always ask the center about it,” Ojirou told you, “They keep records, and would probably tell you, especially if it’s a concern about their adoptability.”
“I don’t want to pry into something and lose their trust,” you admitted, even as part of you was incredibly tempted to do just that.
“Then maybe try asking if the center if they think whatever the issue was, will be an issue with you,” Suna reasoned, “And if they say no then let it lie and adopt them, and if they say maybe or yes, then tell the twins you can’t accept them if they can’t tell you what the issue was.”
“That seems fair to me,” Kita agreed with a nod, “Just make sure you’re honest and tell them you asked, just in case.”
“Okay,” you agreed, letting out a relieved breath, “Okay that sounds really reasonable to me. It’s just… do you think I’m rushing into this too fast? I mean going to the center today was an impulse.”
“I don’t think so,” Ojirou assured her thoughtfully, “You’ve been thinking about it for a while, haven’t you?”
“She’s put so much thought into it she’s actually over thought it,” Suna interjected wryly before you had a chance to answer.
You made a face at him but couldn’t actually argue. He might have a point about overthinking it. Reassured you spent a good couple hours talking with your neighbor and the two hybrids as they answered more of your questions, and you told them about the twins.
Eventually however you headed home, determined now to get at least a little bit prepared for the arrival of your two new housemates tomorrow. Luckily it wasn’t dirty, but running a load of laundry and doing a little vacuuming never hurt anyone. You didn’t have a whole lot for them and didn’t know what kind of things they might have or need, but hopefully your office with pull out futon and guest bedroom would suffice for now until you could take them shopping.
Falling into bed that night you let yourself feel your excitement for the first time. You were adopting a hybrid, not just one but adorable twin hybrids. You couldn’t wait to bring them home and maybe put an end to your loneliness once and for all.
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Osamu glanced slowly around the room, trying not to look at his twin, the clock, or the doors to the main area of the shared living space the way Atsumu was. Yesterday had been a bit of a revelation. He’d never actually expected to approach the woman who’d shown up looking to adopt. After what happened with their last owner he’d never expected to ever actually want to be adopted again. However, somehow he’d found himself entranced by her, and he had no one but himself to blame.
When he’d initially strolled over, it was because he’d known via his bond to his older twin that he’d finally realized that Osamu had snagged his pudding for himself and was throwing a fit about it. He’d thought that his twin wouldn’t dare make a fuss if he was with a potential owner.
The rules of this place were pretty lax compared to the first center they’d lived in. It allowed them a lot more freedoms. It let them come and go from their rooms as they pleased rather than on a regimented schedule, and allowed them to turn down any potential adopter that they didn’t like, which had felt utterly shocking and unprecedented when he’d first been told about it. They gave them a small allowance they could spend or save as they chose, and even let them deal with their heats and ruts in whatever way they chose, including with other tenants so long as birth control was used.
It honestly felt like heaven compared to the first center they’d been at, and maybe even better than living with their previous owner even before everything had gone to shit. He wasn’t sure he’d even ever wanted to leave, which he’d been assured by several other tenants was also an option if he so desired.
However, the one rule that was the same between both centers was that they weren’t allowed to cause trouble with the humans that came looking to adopt. This was only good sense considering how much the law favored humans in cases of hybrid vs human issues. However, unlike the first center they’d lived, this one at least didn’t threaten to put them down if they misbehaved.
They’d been young back then, everyone in that center was, all of them below the age of twenty-one, because anyone who reached their twenty-second birthday disappeared and was never seen again. Thus he hadn’t known it was actually against the law to kill hybrids, none of them had known and the caretakers had perpetuated the rumor that those who reached twenty-two were killed instead of shipped off to other centers in order to make them that much more desperate to be adopted.
It had made him more than a bit bitter once he’d been with their new owner long enough to learn more about what was and wasn’t allowed when it came to human hybrid interactions. The man had actually found their previous beliefs amusing and had laughed at them more than once for being so naïve.
It was positively galling, and had made his hackles rise more than once. However he’d known better than to lash out and had better impulse control than Atsumu who’d been punished by their previous owner more than once for acting aggressively. Fortunately, Osamu had never liked being made fun of, and spite was a powerful motivator, meaning he’d practically memorized any and all of the laws that had to do with hybrids.
It meant the few times their owner had toed the line with Atsumu’s punishments that he’d been able to cite the law to pull him back, right up until their owner had decided he no longer cared and pushed too far, leading to them being removed from his home and put back up for adoption at this new center.
They had been here for just over a month and while several people had been interested in adopting the ‘rare gold and silver hybrid twins’ he had absolutely refused to engage with any of them. It was probably why that female alpha hybrid had been so shocked when he’d first approached.
He’d fully intended to just use the human to keep Atsumu at bay, right up until she’d crouched down and offered her hands to him and he’d gotten a whiff of her scent. He’d known from the few lessons their ma had bothered to teach them that hybrids relied a lot more on their sense of smell than humans did, and that scent was the basis of the instinct that told them who would be a good mate and who wouldn’t.
He’d originally thought compatibility could only be found with other hybrids, after all he’d met plenty of humans before both when he’d lived in the adoption centers and with his previous owner and never once had he gotten a hint of compatibility with any of them. He thought he could be forgiven for completely losing his head and giving over to his instincts as he caught the scent of the most compatible person he’d ever met.
Her scent was honestly indescribable, and his instincts had him purring within seconds as he tried to rub her scent all over himself. She’d obliged, petting him with fingers that had felt magical, her touch kind and soothing and perfect as she rubbed his ears, carded fingers through his fur and rubbed her hand along his back.
He’d been lost in a dizzy haze of touch and scent and probably would’ve remained that way if not for the fury of his brother, which had jolted him out of it. It had been like a bucket of cold water dumped over his head pulling him from his happy haze and reminding him of the whole reason he’d come up to the human in the first place.
He probably should’ve run off, but hadn’t been able to bring himself to move very far, instead darting around to hide behind her. He’d thought that once Atsumu saw her he’d stop and at least hold off attempting to get vengeance until later, but he’d overestimated his brother again, who was apparently more incensed than he’d guessed about the lost pudding.
Instinct had kicked in and before he’d really thought about it he was running away from his brother, darting around her legs in a game of chase that was both amusing and a bit annoying, especially when he could tell how much it was pissing his brother off, his sibling’s annoyance pulsing down their bond in waves of sparks.
He wasn’t sure how long it would’ve continued, as they’d actually run around like this until someone got tired before, usually Atsumu as he got fed up and didn’t have the patience to keep going. However, he’d suddenly found himself plucked right up into the air.
He’d been amused when she’d scolded Atsumu, though the amusement had faded a bit when she’d decided to scold him too, leaving him feeling properly chastised. He’d been more than a bit pissed off with his brother when he’d realized the nice smelling woman was bleeding because of him, though there’d also been a small frisson of fear, wondering what the consequences would be.
However, to his surprise she hadn’t actually seemed all that angry with either of them. Instead she’d immediately accepted Atsumu’s apologies as his brother, who’d managed to get a lungful of her scent had cuddled up to her. He could feel Atsumu’s deep interest in the human. His brother clearly also scented compatibility with her, which wasn’t surprising given they’d shared almost everything else in their lives.
He’d found himself more than a little bit jealous as he’d watched his brother soak up her attention. It had always been like that to an extent. Atsumu had always been the more outgoing one, the one who attracted attention, who wore his heart on his sleeve and somehow managed to win people over despite his often crass personality. Osamu had always kind of faded into the background as he was much quieter and had better control over his emotions, the silver to his gold, the shadow to his light.
Normally he didn’t mind, but this time being forgotten had stung. They’d always competed with each other, but most of the time he’d been humoring his brother, or simply hadn’t wanted Atsumu to win rather than wanting the prize of winning himself. This time though it had felt like more than that. No way was he going to let his brother steal her all to himself.
Before he’d really thought about it he’d reached out a paw, and to her credit she’d immediately offered him a sweet smile and resumed her wonderful petting. Atsumu hadn’t been pleased, but he hadn’t cared a bit.
It hadn’t surprised him at all that when Shimizu had come back with the first aid kit that Atsumu had insisted on taking over when he’d been the one to offer first. The two of them had continued to quietly compete over her attention as they fixed up her scratches, though he could at least feel his brother’s guilt for inflicting them on her in the first place, which did help sooth some of his annoyance with his older twin.
It was utterly gratifying that even when she had Atsumu literally in the palm of her hand, she’d still looked for him too. He’d tried to shove the feeling down and away, trying to remind himself that neither he nor his brother actually wanted another owner, but found it wasn’t working well. The combination of her scent and her fingers as she massaged her fingers through his hair enough to make him want to curl up in her lap and never leave.
He’d thought they might get in trouble when Sugawara returned. His fellow silver cat-hybrid belonged to the owner of the center, and took his job very seriously. He wouldn’t allow any of them to make trouble, and while he respected him, and admittedly envied him a bit for the clear trusting and loving relationship he had with his owner it didn’t stop him from wanting to claw his eyes out for bringing up their past in front of her.
Right when he was considering attempting to verbally eviscerate the other hybrid and damn the consequences his brother’s shock had pulled him from his thoughts, and he turned just in time to see her pull his twin into her lap. The feel of her hand gently squeezing his neck from behind practically made him limp with pleasure as Atsumu’s own bliss at being so close to her combined with his own to thoroughly distract the two of them, though not so much he didn’t notice her excusing their behavior and ensuring they didn’t get in trouble.
However, both of them had snapped to attention when the other hybrid had asked her if she wanted to adopt the two of them. He’d been able to feel his twin’s building hope, his impulsive brother apparently forgetting all about not wanting another owner, already clearly more than half in love with her despite not even knowing her for a day.
It was a trait he both hated and envied in his twin, the ability to be so impulsive, to move on so quickly and let go of past hurts. It wasn’t something he was capable of. He knew he was a grudge holder and far slower to trust than his brother was. He liked to think it served him well and kept him from being as naïve as Atsumu could be, though there were times it made things difficult too.
He’d been unsure whether he wanted her to state her intention to adopt them or not, right up until she’d said she hadn’t even considered it. It stung more than he’d expected, his own small hurt amplified by his brother’s though both of them had been somewhat soothed by her explanation that she wanted to know them better.
It was extremely reasonable and made him like her all the more, knowing she was the cautious type, more like him than like Atsumu, even if he simultaneously wished she’d been a little more impulsive just this one time and said yes instead. Though he found himself heartened by her honesty. That she’d actually asked them if they wanted to go with her rather than making any sort of assumption had settled things for him.
He hadn’t needed Atsumu’s silent pleading to forget their original plans to agree that maybe they should give this human a chance, though it did make it easier in the end to agree as he wasn’t the only one who wanted it.
They’d both tried to win her over, and though they’d accidentally fallen into squabbling more than once she’d handled it like a champ, not at all put off and even amused by it if the smile was any indication. However, despite the fact that they were the ones trying to win her over, it seemed every word she spoke was actually meant to win them over instead.
She was nothing like their previous owner, who’d been strict with his rules and harsh with his punishments. In fact she didn’t speak about punishments at all. He wasn’t naïve enough to think there wouldn’t be any if they misbehaved, but the freedoms she was offering in turn more than made up for anything she might throw their way.
The biggest hiccup had been when Atsumu mentioned their previous owner. The horror and guilt he’d felt from his twin was the only reason he’d managed to keep himself from doing more than hiss at him. His stomach had sunk when she’d gently pressed them for answers, but he knew they had to give her something.
He’d tried to give her as little as possible unwilling to volunteer the information, both because he hated even thinking about their time with their previous owner and because he was afraid she might somehow decide she didn’t want them because of it. In the end she’d changed the subject herself, and not brought it up again, but as she’d walked away from them with Sugawara, leaving them behind he’d wondered rather despairingly if that hadn’t been a mistake.
It didn’t matter that she’d turned around to comfort them when Atsumu had been unable to keep his heartbreak quiet. He’d known the minute she walked out the doors the chances of her coming back were slim to none. That was the other thing that remained consistent between this shelter and the last. Once a potential owner walked away claiming they needed to ‘think on it’ they never came back.
Still he hadn’t been able to turn away from her embrace, or to stop himself from scent marking the opposite side of your neck from the one his twin had claimed, laying his own personal stamp with the faint hope it would remind you to come back for them. However, no matter what you’d said, he couldn’t bring himself to hope. He knew hoping would only lead to more disappointment, and he wasn’t like Atsumu he wouldn’t be able to bounce back from it.
Not that his twin was making it easy on him. His brother’s hope was so fierce it was almost painful and he could feel the slightly desperate edge to it. He’d gotten attached to her, not that he could blame him, he was more attached than he wanted to be too. However unlike him, Atsumu had fill faith you were coming back, so much so he’d actually packed up his room into the bags they’d brought from his old place and was ready to go.
Nothing Osamu or any of the others, who also seemed to understand how small the chance was that she’d come back for them, said could sway him. The moment it had passed three o’clock Atsumu had brought hjs bags out to the shared living area and began to sit vigil, waiting for her to come back.
Stubborn as ever his twin had ignored all the pitying looks sent his way and the fact that slowly but surely time had slipped by, leaving just half an hour until they were supposed to close. Though his face was resolute, his brother wasn’t actually stupid and Osamu knew it was only stubborn pride keeping him in place. He could feel the slow onset of his twin’s hurt and despair as each minute ticked down.
He’d contemplated leaving him, going to his own room to wallow, but he knew he could never abandon his twin. They’d been through everything together, and he certainly wasn’t going to leave him now.
He was trying to figure out if he could coax his brother into leaving his post when the door swung open, revealing Sugawara, who had a wide beaming smile on his face. His fellow silver hybrid cast a quick glance behind him before ushering his follower into the room.
He barely caught a glimpse of her before his brother practically launched himself at her, but it was enough to freeze him in his place, because it was her. She’d actually come back after all.
His brother had wrapped himself around her, burying his face in her neck and clinging to her like favorite a stuffed toy, not that she seemed to mind, if the hands she was running over his hair and back meant anything. He couldn’t quite hear what they were saying, the words too quiet to hear over the sudden near painful hope and the rapid beat of his own heart at the thought that she’d come for them.
Atsumu’s joy was practically burning through him, combined with his restored faith and smug satisfaction that he’d been right all along about her coming back for them. It probably should’ve annoyed him, but he found that all he could really feel was a bone deep sort of relief.
“Where’s your brother?” she asked, as she finally managed to gently extract herself a bit from his twin’s embrace, though he noticed he didn’t let go entirely, one of his hands laced firmly with hers.
He immediately stood, letting himself fall back into his more human skin as he made his way toward them, not waiting for his brother to out him. She seemed to spot him immediately and the relieved smile on her face was enough to make his traitorous heart skip a beat.
“Osamu,” she greeted warmly, more warmly than he thought he’d ever been greeted by anyone before as she opened her free arm in an inviting gesture. It was maybe a little pathetic how readily he accepted that embrace, but he couldn’t bring himself to care, as he fell into her hold, face automatically nuzzling against the side of her neck that Atsumu had left unclaimed. A rumbling purr left his lips as he felt her press her face against his affectionately, as he allowed himself to cling to her for a bit.
“I’m so sorry I’m late,” she murmured to him quietly, her arm squeezing affectionately around his waist, genuine regret in her tone, “My boss made me stay a little longer than usual, and then there was an accident on the freeway. I called ahead though and Sugawara has almost all the paperwork done. I just need to collect the two of you, do some signing and we’ll go home okay?”
“Really? Yer takin’ us home?” he almost didn’t recognize his own voice given how weak it sounded, the quaver in it making him feel utterly ridiculous and overly emotional, something that was supposed to be his twin’s job, and frustrated him enough that he bit his lip nearly hard enough to bleed as he wrestled with himself, trying to get back in control of his emotions.
“Yeah, as long as you want to come, then I’ll gladly take you,” she offered with a gentle smile that made his heart squeeze nearly painfully in his chest, “Though there’s something I need to admit to first.”
He froze a little at that, staring at her anxiously as Atsumu also looked on, his blabbermouth brother finally silent and clearly wary. She carefully released him, though she still reached for his hand, peering between the two of them, anxious but also obviously determined. He allowed her to grasp her fingers, squeezing them automatically, anxiety making his heartrate skyrocket and bile rise in his throat.
“I asked the center about your previous owner,” she confessed, the words automatically making his heart drop, as he wondered numbly what they could’ve told her. Had she asked for the details? Was she afraid now? Had she changed her mind or decided to add some stipulations to their adoption?”
“I didn’t ask for details,” she clarified, her voice managing to cut through the haze of panic that had been rising in his chest, “All I asked was if they thought whatever had happened with your previous owner would cause trouble for me, or put any of us in any sort of danger.”
That didn’t actually sound so bad, and was even fairly reasonable the storm of hurt and anger that had been building behind his anxiety slowly dispersing the more he thought about it. He noticed that his grip on her hand had loosened a bit, and he retightened his hold, hoping the center had responded in a way that reassured her. Given that she was here, talking to them, he thought it wasn’t unreasonable to be hopeful.
“They said none of us would be in any danger, otherwise they never would’ve offered to take you both in, in the first place, and that they were sure you’d be alright with me,” she explained, her hand gently squeezing his in return.
He wasn’t sure if the bone deep relief he felt was his or his brother’s but he couldn’t bring himself to care, too caught up in the surging hope that followed it as she asked, “So, even knowing that I asked that, are the two of you still willing to come home with me?”
“O course we want to go with ya, right Samu?” his brother replied instantly, nuzzling into her neck insistently, clearly begging for attention, attention she seemed more than willing to give if the affectionate smile on her face was any indication. When she looked at him for confirmation all he could do was nod in agreement, unable to find the words for how very much he did want it and unwilling to sound ridiculous again.
The next half hour passed in a strange almost dream like haze, as he packed himself up, his smug brother clinging to her and gloating over how he was already finished, soaking up her attention as he made a mental note to get back at his annoying twin later. Once he finished packing all there really was, was a couple of signatures before he found himself in a nice car that was speeding along the highway.
Atsumu was chatting away in the front seat, practically bouncing as he asked their amused new owner anything that popped into his head as he tried to digest what had happened. Somehow, someway, they had an owner again.
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You smiled to yourself as you listened to Atsumu babble away happily in the seat next to you. The golden furred twin hadn’t stopped bouncing since you’d showed up at the shelter, clearly over the moon that you’d come back for him. Osamu was quiet in the back seat, and you might’ve been worried he was happy to come with you if not for the way he’d scent marked you, almost frantically his hand clutched tightly to yours as you’d signed the paperwork to take them home.
It was pretty clear both twins had thought you weren’t coming back for them, and it had broken your heart a bit, and made you even more resolute that you’d done the right thing for all of you. You’d been anxious the whole day to get back to them, not nearly as focused on work as you probably should’ve been, which had been part of the reason for your delay in the first place.
You’d panicked more than a bit when you’d encountered the accident on the way there, afraid that you’d break your promise to the twins. It had only been Sugawara’s kind voice, assuring you that he’d start the paperwork while you drove and even stay open late if necessary for you to get there, that had kept your guilt and panic at bay.
Now that you had them with you weren’t quite sure how you felt. Dazed that it was actually happening, excited for what the future might bring, and a little anxious about all the changes you’d have to make in your life even as you looked forward to those changes more than anything.
However, before you headed for home there were a couple things you needed to do first. Luckily you would hopefully find everything you needed in one place, at least for today. You wanted to give them time to settle in a bit, more shopping could come later when they’d decided what they needed.
“Where’s this?” Atsumu asked, pausing in his excited babble to look at you with confusion, as you pulled into the large parking lot, “Ya don’t live here do ya?”
“Don’t be stupid,” his brother huffed from the backseat, “Yer gonna make her think we’re some kind of bumpkins, ya know what a mall is Tsumu.”
“O course I know what a mall is,” Atsumu blustered, twisting around in his seat to glare at his twin, “I just thought maybe she had an apartment nearby is all. Who knows how rich people live?”
You huffed in amusement, reaching out without thought to ruffle his ears affectionately. The golden haired hybrid froze for a minute under your touch, and you wondered if you’d done something wrong, freezing as well, before a rumbling purr left his chest as he pressed his head further into your hand.
“You’re too cute,” you murmured almost to yourself as you gently scratched his ears and stroked your hand over his face and neck, unable to keep the smile from your lips.
“We’re only stopped here for a quick couple errands,” you explained to both twins, reluctantly pulling away from Atsumu who offered a pout but didn’t protest, “I noticed you don’t have as much as I thought you would, and I want to get you more comfortable collars to wear when we’re in public.”
Both twins hands immediately flew to the simple brown leather bands around their necks. All hybrids were required to wear collars in public to identify them as belonging to someone. The collars had a tag on them, which was essentially a small chip that had all their owner’s information in it, that when scanned would tell someone how to get in contact with their owner. It was to ensure they behaved and that if they didn’t their owner could be forced to take responsibility for their actions. Any hybrid who walked around without a collar immediately had the police called and was brought in and held until they could figure out why they were without.
You’d heard horror stories about the way such hybrids were treated, innocent hybrids who’d accidentally lost a collar somewhere and been so traumatized when they were finally returned to their owners that they were never the same again. Which of course was why you were determined it was never going to happen to your twins, even if a part of you balked at the idea of putting a symbol of ownership on another sentient being. Judging from the looks on their faces, Atsumu’s much easier to read than Osamu’s they’d heard stories too, and neither of them bothered to protest.
“Come on,” you urged gently, climbing out of the car yourself, “The sooner we get the unpleasant stuff done the sooner we get to the good stuff. I’ve got a couple things in mind I’d like to get you both as welcome home presents, but if there’s anything else you think you want or need feel free to ask.”
“Presents?” Atsumu asked eagerly, practically bounding out of the car.
“That’s right,” you agreed with a small laugh, watching him sulk a bit as he realized his brother had beaten him in securing your free hand, Osamu’s fingers laced with your own and a smug smirk on the silver hybrid’s face, “So keep close and let’s get going okay?”
Luckily the mall wasn’t too crowded, and while the twins got more then their fair share of admiring looks, doubtless both because of how good looking they were and how rare twin hybrids in general were, no one actually dared to approach your group, even as Atsumu practically bounced around glancing around the mall in fascination and reminding you more of an eager puppy than a supposedly slightly older cat hybrid.
Osamu was much more dignified and kept close to your side, though judging from his wide-eyed look that he couldn’t quite hide behind his stoic façade he was just as in awe as his brother. You were starting to get an impression of their previous owner and it was far from good.
You’d known that some owners kept their hybrids close to home, either because they were overly protective or possessive, and it had always rubbed you the wrong way. Ojirou had always allowed Kita and Suna to do as they pleased for the most part, treating them as capable adults and equals, more like roommates than the pets some treated their hybrids as and his was the example you were going to strive to follow.
It was why your errands today were so important, because while you would happily have let your twin hybrids run around as they pleased dressed however they pleased a collar was unfortunately the one thing they couldn’t be without, especially if they were going to go outside without you.
Luckily the mall was outfitted with several hybrid specialty stores and it didn’t take you long to find one dedicated entirely to collars. Both twins were a little wide eyed at the selection, and neither seemed to know quite what to say as you roamed through the aisles together looking at the selection.
Several of them made you grimace in outright distaste, the collars boasting accessories like inward facing spikes or tracking devices that would alert the owner if the hybrid tried to leave their home. It made you feel a little sick to your stomach, so you instead turned to the less intrusive ones.
“Do you see anything you like?” you asked the twins, squeezing Osamu’s hand affectionately, “You don’t have to wear collars in the house if you don’t want to, but you’re going to need them if you want to leave when I’m not home, which means you’ll probably be wearing them a lot, so make sure to pick something you like. You can even pick a couple if you want it to match your outfit for the day or whatever I don’t mind spending a little more to get a handful of chips programmed.”
Both twins blinked at you owlishly clearly startled by the offer, which made your heart hurt for them, even as they hesitantly turned back toward the displays, looking more closely than they had before.
“Do ya have any restrictions?” Osamu asked bluntly, not quite looking at you as he eyed a display of thick leather ones that didn’t look comfortable in the slightest.
“No,” you assured him, “I’m not the one who has to wear it.”
Osamu nodded slowly, and seemed to be taking his time as he perused the collars. You let him do as he liked, allowing him to lead. You’d only loosened your hold on him once, thinking he may like to wander the store like his brother and not have to tow you along with him, but the way his hand had reflexively tightened on yours in response had put paid to that assumption and you’d immediately re-laced your fingers together.
In the end Atsumu approached you first, holding a collar out to you hopefully. It actually looked like it was meant more for a dog hybrid, thick black leather with steel spikes on it, making it look fairly fierce. Personally you thought it was gaudy and was probably going to be uncomfortable, but you tried not to let your distaste show, after all you’d said anything they wanted and you’d meant it. Luckily in the end you didn’t need to say anything.
“What the hell is that?” Osamu demanded when he caught sight of the collar in his brother’s hands, the disgusted look on his face letting you know his feelings quite clearly.
“It’s a collar scrub, what else would it be?” Atsumu replied with a sneer for his twin you were beginning to think was automatic.
“I’m not the scrub you are,” the silver twin sneered, “Because only a scrub would wear somethin’ like that.”
“Oy,” Atsumu interjected, with a fierce glare, “She said we could have what we wanted.”
“Yeah but she probably thought ya had some sort of taste, she doesn’t know you well enough to know how scrubby ya are scrub,” Osamu hissed back.
“Alright guys,” you interjected gently, squeezing Osamu’s hand and reaching out to gently ruffle Atsumu’s ears, aware of the eyes of the cashier which had definitely turned in your direction given the twins were getting louder and louder by the second, “Let’s try to keep it to polite volume levels in public hmm?”
“Sorry,” both twins grumbled, identical pouts on their faces that made you giggle.
“It’s alright,” you assured them fondly, “Just try to be good okay?”
They nodded though Osamu clearly needed to get the last word in as he turned to you with pleading eyes, “Ya think it’s an abomination too don’t ya?”
“I said you could have whatever you wanted,” you told him diplomatically, “If this is what Atsumu likes, then of course he can have it.”
“Ha, see!” Osamu demanded of his twin, clearly seeing right through your attempt at diplomacy, “She thinks it’s ugly too!”
“Do ya really think it’s ugly?” Atsumu asked you sulkily eyeing the collar in his hands.
You’d known before that you were weak to pleading eyes, but it turned out you were even more weak to the pleading copper eyes of your hybrid, the thought that he might be sad tugging at your heartstrings.
“I just worry you’ll be uncomfortable,” you assured him, letting go of Osamu’s hand and gently cupping his face in your hands, rubbing your thumbs along his cheeks affectionately, the same way you did for one of the hybrids that occasionally came to your office to sulk when his owner brought him to work but didn’t pay attention to him.
Atsumu immediately leaned into your palms, heavy lidded eyes half-shut with bliss as you explained, “It’s summer right now, and there’s no padding so it will be hot, heavy and probably chafe. Plus didn’t you say you wanted to play volleyball? Won’t it get in the way? I can definitely get it for you if you like it, but maybe pick something else too, okay?”
“Kay,” your golden twin agreed, sounding completely and utterly content as he nuzzled into your hands, making your heart melt in your chest.
“What about this one?” Osamu offered, pulling your attention away from his brother.
He was holding a collar in his hands, one that actually looked more like a necklace a thin but sturdy looking cord of leather fastened with a silver chain in the front that clasped on both ends to a silver hoop that suspended a solid silver disc in the middle that on close inspection revealed that it housed the chip needed for identification.
“That looks really nice,” you praised, letting out a breath of relief at his choice. You weren’t a big fan of the collars in general, but seeing it look more like a necklace made it seem far more tolerable. Plus it was black and silver and thus would probably go with just about anything he chose to wear.
Letting go of Atsumu to take the collar from his twin, you completely missed the smug smirk directed over your shoulder by Osamu as you inspected it, though Atsumu certainly didn’t, giving his twin an annoyed glare above your head.
In the end, while Atsumu sulked and complained about it, he did actually put the original collar he’d offered back and go with Osamu’s choice, even though you offered to get him both. He refused, sulking slightly all the while, but remained insistent that he only needed the one, even though you ended up buying four collars total, so you could have two back-ups. Though he did insist on holding your hand to make up for the disappointment.
Luckily the manager didn’t seem to mind having to program all four collars, tapping away at the computer, while Atsumu sulked a bit by your side and Osamu somehow managed to all but radiate smug superiority. The cashier carefully ringing up your purchases for you as you pulled your wallet out.
“A word of advice?” the cashier offered as you waited for the programmed collars, surprising you with his forwardness.
“You’re too indulgent with them,” he continued on, not giving you the chance to refute the need for him to speak, “Hybrid’s need a firm hand. You’ll spoil them if you let them get away with raising their voices in public and causing a scene. Don’t ever let them forget their place.”
You felt more than saw both twins bristle on either side of you, and gently squeezed Atsumu’s hand, before laying your hand over the back of Osamu’s neck. You wouldn’t care a bit if they wanted to verbally eviscerate the man who was eying them with clear distaste, a distaste you were almost sure stemmed from jealousy given the lascivious looks he probably thought you hadn’t noticed levelled in your direction. Unfortunately, you also didn’t want them to get into trouble, and weren’t quite sure what the law said about how hybrids were allowed to defend themselves from humans, something you planned to rectify as soon as possible.
For now however you weren’t about to let the twins get in trouble and cut in your tone as cold as you could make it, “I don’t remember asking for your opinion, nor do I care about what you think in the least. I’ll treat them how I want to treat them, which means I’ll spoil and pamper them as much as I like. I suggest you keep your opinions to yourself in the future if you want to keep this business running. As it is I’ll be sending my complaint to your superiors. Let’s go guys, we can find other collars elsewhere. It’s not like they’re hard to find.”
“Wait! The chips are already programmed and you haven’t paid,” the manager protested, standing up from the computer looking utterly appalled.
“Should’ve thought of that before your employee opened his mouth, and decided to spew his unwanted bile everywhere,” you countered with a shrug, “I’d consider finding better employees in the future if I were you, or at least teach them to keep their mouths shut.”
“But the chips can’t be removed from these collars, they’ll be completely ruined,” the manager put in, sounding more than a bit despairing.
“I’m sorry,” you told her, feeling genuinely bad for the woman, after all it wasn’t her fault the other employee was an ass, “But that’s not my problem. I refuse to support any sort of business that would treat its customers like this.”
The glare she leveled on her fellow employee was utterly ferocious and had him cowering back in his seat. Not that you could blame her for being upset, each collar was about three hundred USD so the sale they were losing out on was enormous.
“I can offer you a discount?” she tried hopefully, “Fifty percent off?”
You tilted your head thoughtfully, but didn’t reply instead turning to look at the twins who’d clearly been more than ready to follow you out of the store, “What do you think?”
“Us?” Atsumu asked, clearly baffled.
“Yes, you,” you told him with a fond smile, “You’re the ones who got insulted, not me, and they’re your collars. I’m happy to buy you whatever you like from wherever you want it, whether that’s here or somewhere else.”
“Seventy-five percent off,” Osamu bargained from her other side, taking you by surprise. You turned to see him watching the manager with shrewd eyes, and when it looked like she would protest he added in, “Seventy-five percent off and we won’t leave bad reviews on every site we can or send letters of complaint to upper management.”
“Agreed,” the manager huffed, shooting another vicious look at her employee, one that clearly read that it would be coming out of his salary.
You huffed, amused at Osamu’s bargaining, gently massaging your thumb against the base of his neck affectionately before releasing both twins and moving to pay, only spending a quarter of what you’d originally planned.
“Nice work,” you praised the silver hybrid once the three of you were out of the store and out of earshot.
Osamu shot you a sly smirk, looking exceedingly pleased with himself as he walked beside you. Atsumu had claimed your hand this time, so he was carrying the bags, though it didn’t seem to bother him in the least.
“Now that, that’s taken care of, let’s go grab your gifts,” you told the twins, tugging them along to the PineApple store.
“Presents?” Atsumu asked eagerly, practically bounding along beside you, your intertwined hands swinging back and forth between you.
Laughing you simply pulled him with you into the store. Both twins were wide-eyed as you browsed through, clearly unused to the cutting edge technology on display, both of them exceedingly cautious with the expensive looking tech. It took some gentle urging, but eventually you managed to get phones and laptops picked out for each of them.
“Isn’t this too much,” Osamu asked you in an undertone, clearly worried as an employee walked Atsumu through getting his laptop set up. It turned out that of the twins Osamu was definitely more technically savvy and loved his new laptop, though Atsumu had already managed to download several apps and games on to his phone and was thoroughly enjoying them as well, “It’s expensive.”
“I have the money,” you assured him gently, “And besides, everyone has a phone these days. I want you guys to have them in case you get in trouble when I’m not home and need to reach me, like if you got lost or hurt or simply need a human to ensure you’re treated fairly. I’d feel awful if you needed me and I didn’t know.”
“The laptops are so you don’t get too bored at home, though I hope you’ll find things to enjoy outside the apartment too,” you continued, absently stroking your hand up and down his back.
“Will you be wanting hybrid trackers in the new phones?” the employee asked, her voice professional as she began to ring up your purchases.
You hesitated. On one hand you hated the idea of invading the twins privacy, and on the other you knew that you fully intended to let them roam as they pleased so wouldn’t it be better to have the tracker just in case? A quick glance showed that Osamu was impassive as ever, and even Atsumu just looked bored, not paying any attention whatsoever, instead tapping away at his new phone.
“What do you think?” you asked them, more than willing to hear their opinions on the matter.
“You’re the owner,” Osamu told her, apparently speaking for both of them as he gave an unconcerned shrug, which wasn’t helpful in the least.
You grimaced a bit trying to think of a compromise before finally pulling out your own phone and asking the employee, “Is there anyway to ensure all three of the phones will track each other?”
“Let me go ask,” she told you politely, turning away to go grab someone more knowledgeable.
“That’s fair right?” you asked hesitantly, “This way you know where I am too and can come find me if you need me.”
“Yeah,” Osamu agreed, giving you a look that you thought might be something as close to awe as you’d seen on the silver haired hybrid, “Yeah that’s fair.”
The employee quickly returned and confirmed they could indeed make all three phones track one another, and in the span of a few minutes managed to get your purchases complete. Feeling like that was probably enough for now, you led them back towards the car.
It was starting to get pretty late, and the minute you’d exited the mall Osamu’s stomach had given a loud rumbling growl. Atsumu had made fun of him for all of a minute, before his own stomach betrayed him. You’d shaken your head at their antics, but allowed a surprisingly eager Osamu to order whatever he wanted for carryout from the Chinese place near your apartment.
One quick stop for the food, and you finally managed to bring your new hybrids home. Both of them were a little quiet as you led them up to your apartment, staring around and clearly taking everything in. Either Ojirou, Kita and Suna weren’t home, or they’d decided to give you time to settle with the twins as they didn’t emerge from their apartment as you arrived in the hallway and fumbled the door open.
“Here we are,” you told them, hitting the lights, “Home sweet home.”
Both twins were laden with things, carrying their purchases, the food, and their things from the adoption center. Still looking at them was enough to make your heart clench. It had only taken one trip to bring everything up, but despite hybrids being stronger than normal humans it still made your heart clench to see how very little the twins actually had. Each of them only had a medium sized suitcase of things, and Atsumu had a worn volleyball but that was it aside from the things you’d bought them. It was something you were determined to fix for the future, but for now you’d make do.
“I know you’re hungry, so unless you want to settle in for a bit first we can eat and then I’ll show you around,” you offered.
The twins exchanged looks, but nodded in clear agreement. You pointed out the bathroom just in case, but then brought them to the kitchen, trying to show them where everything was as you pulled utensils from the drawers. Osamu clearly paid much more attention to her explanations than Atsumu did, though both diligently helped her set the table.
The food was really good, and thankfully sparked more conversation, even if it was more subdued than earlier, all of them worn out from the long day they’d had. Osamu was clearly very interested in food, and not just in eating it the way his brother was. You managed to coax out that he’d cooked for their previous owner from time to time, and told him that as long as he was careful he was more than free to use her kitchen and anything in it for whatever he wanted earning what felt like her first real smile from the silver haired twin.
Despite how tired they clearly were, both twins helped you clean up. For the first time since you’d first discovered the lovely little Chinese restaurant there weren’t actually any leftovers, the twins having consumed everything you said you didn’t want. As they worked you noted it really was kind of nice, even if things were quiet, to have the company as they went about their tasks.
“Alright, so I wasn’t sure if you’d want your own rooms or if you’d want to share,” you told them, gesturing for them to follow, “We’re going to have to do some shopping either way, since they’re your rooms and I want you to be able to personalize them any way you want, but I think they’re pretty equal in size.”
The twins stared at you, clearly surprised, glancing at each other, to the rooms you’d offered, to you, and back again, the gesture making her more than a bit nervous. You’d thought there was plenty of space for the two of them, but maybe they didn’t see it that way?
“We get our own rooms?” Atsumu asked at last, finally breaking the silence, his voice quiet and disbelieving, copper eyes huge in his face.
“If you want them, then of course they’re yours,” you assured him, concerned, “I still have to clean out my study, but I didn’t want to delay adopting you and I don’t think it will take too long. There’s a pull out futon in there, though you’re more than free to share if you want a bed, or I can take the futon and one of you can have my bed for now. I’ve certainly slept on the futon before and I don’t mind.”
“You’d give up your bed?” Osamu repeated, looking like you’d just smacked him over the head with a fish, more surprise on his face then you’d thought him capable of showing.
“Just until we find something for you,” you told him, a little puzzled at his surprise but with the sinking feeling that your suspicions about their former owner were correct.
“But, why?” Atsumu asked you, wide eyed and a little teary.
“Because, you’re mine now,” you assured him, unable to quite find the words you wanted to say, but hoping you were conveying your feelings at the very least, “And I’m going to do everything I can to keep you safe and happy.”
The sad mewling sound he made in response to your words was enough to break your heart, as he pitched forward squeezing you into his chest and burying his face in your shoulder. You pressed your cheek to his hair, rubbing his back soothingly with one arm even as you automatically opened the other one for his twin, a gesture that was slowly becoming more and more familiar to you.
Osamu didn’t sob the way his twin did, but the way he squeezed you tight let you know he was just as moved as Atsumu even if he was quieter about it. Seeing their genuine gratitude for what you felt was common courtesy broke your heart, but even as it ached and you did your best to soothe them you swore to yourself, to love and care for your new hybrids so they’d never want for anything ever again to be the best owner it was possible to be after all they deserved nothing less.
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boldlyanxious · 2 years
Text
Kiss me more: proposal
Timari January
Masterlist
Business and personal lives should not be mixed. Marinette knew this. That was especially true when helping guide people’s personal lives was your business. That wasn’t an issue for her though. She did what she could to help those who came in, but she herself was not a candidate for a matchmaking service. Usually the people she assisted had valid reasons for not being able to meet people on their own without fear of deception. Often the clients were people who were concerned about the type of person who would be interested in them without knowing them. But here and there, some people had just never gotten good at maintaining a connection with people after they met.
She offered her services all over but she was currently operating out of Gotham. She would travel to meet people when it was necessary, she did do far better with matching after an in person interview. But today, she had a walk-in appointment. That was highly unusual. She would generally talk to someone several times before having an in person meeting.
She had the man wait for a few minutes while she got organized. He looked much younger than the usual clients, especially for a male client. They tended to wait on looking for a match while the women flocked in hoping to be matched with the type of older man who would shower them with gifts. Marinette tried to steer away from those women as serious matches as much as possible. She had a rather intense line of questioning that would filter out a lot of them from the serious matches. The rest was little more than a dating service. She didn’t love it, but it paid the bills.
“What brings you in today?” Marinette asked the man, once he was seated before her.
“Well, I guess I’m looking for love. Isn’t that what a matchmaker does?”
“A matchmaker only finds suitable matches for two people who are both ready for the same kind of relationship.” she said. “Perhaps it would be best if you wait until you know what you want.”
She stood up and walked to the door, waiting for him to follow. He hesitated before standing and following her to the door. He opened his mouth but chose to walk through the door instead. He was halfway across the lobby before he turned back to her.
“I do know what I want,” he said. “I want someone to share my time with. I want someone to have as a partner in life. I don’t want to rush off and get married. That is why I fought my brother on the suggestion of a matchmaker. He claims that your service is different.”
“I like to think it is. Many people turn to matchmakers when they have decided that they waited too long to get married and suddenly they want it.” she paused. “I can help you find what you want. But if you are only trying to disprove matchmaking, that is exactly what you will find.”
It had been an odd first appointment for her. It was among the strangest of the appointments that she had ever had. But after a series of interviews both in person and virtual, she had worked up a very good profile for Tim and had a few options to consider. She had him return to review the candidates. That weekend he went on a date.
She was much more nervous than she had expected. He was a well off client but she tended not to be concerned about how any of the dates went, especially not the first one. She was only introducing him to well vetted clients who did not seem interested in what they could get out of a date. He was definitely the type of guy who would attract the attention of all of the girl’s who were interested in money and power. He was very rich and the CEO of a very well off company. She couldn’t afford for this to go wrong.
The date did. Both parties had felt it. It was not uncommon early on. She would do most of the arrangements for the dates so someone would not be put on the spot about whether or not to follow up with another date. Maybe she was feeling something beyond the interviews. Sometimes she almost seemed to have a sixth sense about how the connections would work. That is how she ended up following this line of work. She had set up several friends and even a few exes, 2 of them with each other. She decided maybe love wasn’t for her but she could love helping others.
She decided to put away her notes for now. Nothing she looked at felt right. She might have another suggestion for the other person on the date. She didn’t like to do back to back matches like that but she was getting that feeling that she couldn't ignore. For Tim, though, she had no ideas. Every one seemed like a worse idea than the last. She may have to look into adding additional possibilities. But it could wait for tonight. It had only been a couple days since the first date match so there wasn’t urgency. She had finished all her other paperwork and had no other clients to meet today so she decided to head out a bit early.
She was on her way down the street when she ran into Tim. He looked startled to see her out and then looked at her office building as if to verify she wasn’t in it. Maybe she should have been looking harder if he was expecting faster results.
“Mr Drake, you look a bit like you were surprised my business was closed. Did you need an appointment?”
“Oh, well yeah. I was hoping to catch you at the end of the day,” he said, His hand moved to the back of his neck nervously.
“I closed up a bit early today. I don’t have any further matches for you right now.”
“What would happen if I needed a sudden date?” he asked.
“I am not a dating app. I don’t really specialize in hook ups.”
“That isn’t what I–” He took a deep breath and started over. “I have a last minute business event to attend. It is typically expected that I would have a date. But I don’t have one because I didn't want to interfere with the matchmaking process. I was hoping you would accompany me.”
“Well, that would be rather inappropriate, for me to date a client.” She narrowed her eyes at him. “There are other less match inclined people I could introduce you to. I don’t like to offer less qualified people as matches.”
“That sounds like an escort. One of my brothers did that as a joke. It did not go well.”
“They are not escorts. But they do have expectations of dating those who will spend money on them.”
“That could work. I have the money and I’m assuming that the date would not be likely to act in a way that would reflect badly on me.”
“I can come up with some candidates and call you in the morning.”
She definitely had a bad taste in her mouth after they walked away. She went from excitement when he tried to ask her to dread at the idea of sending him with someone trying to find a sugar daddy. She definitely wasn’t supposed to feel any of that at the idea of a client going on a date even if it would probably be a bad date. She sighed and headed back into the office. She had no desire to set everything back up, so she just sent herself some files that she thought seemed more practical for what he needed.
She had hoped to have a more relaxing evening but Mr Drake was a rich and influential man. She really needed to keep him happy so he wouldn’t say anything against her service. He was making it difficult by changing what he was looking for. Perhaps she should have a few back up date options for him just in case he ended up needing more emergency dates.
It was hours later when she had a decent list of candidates. She was reasonably certain most of them would be available or willing to make themselves available for an exclusive, extravagant event. She really wished she had saved herself the hassle and just went with him herself. She was far too tired to consider why the idea seemed so appealing to her.
She groaned when her phone rang Saturday evening. It was late. She spent the evening baking to remove the stress that she shouldn’t be feeling. Maybe it was just because she was letting the client go on a date that did not suit what he was looking for. But it is what he wanted. Sometimes what a person wants long term cannot be immediately accommodated. She felt that the date he had selected from the candidates would at least suit the event. She was always well put together and charming. She presented herself well and should be able to navigate being the date of a man like Tim.
She moved around, and tried to answer the call, her hands still covered with flour. It was TIm. That worried her. He should be at the event now. Luckily she had nothing in baking right now so if she needed to rush out to help them, she could. She released a breath and answered the call.
“This was a terrible idea,” TIm said.
“Which part was terrible?” Marinette asked, worried. “I hope the date didn’t do anything to harm your business relations.”
The phone fumbled on the other end and Marinette could hear noise that didn’t seem to fit the event Tim had been expecting to attend.
“I don’t think I can do this anymore. Maybe it was all a joke my brother played on me.”
“Mr Drake…Mr Drake…Tim, where are you?” she listened and responded, “Okay, stay there. I’m coming to meet you.”
Marinette changed out of her clothes in a hurry and rushed out the door. She knew that even if he had decided to go against her recommendations that he could still harm her business if he brought it up. She spotted him in the diner right away and moved over to join him.
“You were right about not making that kind of date," he said before lifting his mug up and drinking it all.
“It did not go well,” she asked, signalling the server to bring them more coffee.
“It was a disaster. These types of events never seem to go very well for me. Lex Luthor was there and we are business rivals of sorts.”
He looked up at her to see that she was still listening, waiting for him to explain. He reached out and picked up his now full mug before continuing.
“The date dressed the part and behaved acceptably, but Lex seemed to know that using her was a way to embarrass me. So I don’t know if he took her home with him but they were definitely making out very publicly.”
He set down his mug without taking a drink. Marinette didn’t respond immediately. She lifted her own mug to her mouth and took a slow sip.
“I’m very sorry for the experience,” she said after a moment.
“Because you are afraid of what I could do if I say anything against your business?” he said sardonically. “That isn’t really my style.”
“You could do great harm if you said anything negative, even if it was not the recommended service. But do believe me Mr Drake that I am actually empathising with you.” she paused before deciding how to proceed and how much she could open up about herself while maintaining professional distance. “I did not set out to be a matchmaker. I had plans to take over the world of fashion. I even completed a fashion program and I am not bad. But I repeatedly discovered that I seemed to be able to help people find others who made them happy.”
She reached out for his hand on the table. It was a comforting gesture. One of the few she allowed between herself and her clients. But she couldn’t ignore the way her skin tingled at touching him. She was ready to pull it away when he set his other hand on hers. She looked across the table at him. He smiled for the first time since she arrived. She was willing to accept a small bit of discomfort to allow him a moment of comfort.
She worked on Mr Drake’s file quite a bit over the next few days. She had other clients to work with so she devoted her mornings to other clients and filled out his file over the afternoon. She tended to keep her days short so she wouldn’t burn out. She needed to be available when her clients were on dates, especially in the early days when she did most of the set up. But if Mr Drake would possibly need other available options for business events before she had appropriate matches, she wanted to be ready with a few more appropriate options for him.
It was later in the week that she brought him in to go over the options she had available if he were only looking for a date for an event. As much as she hated to do it, she recommended that he actually attempt to go out with a few of them to see what it was like. So if he had an event he wouldn’t be choosing blind.
He was not having a good time. She could tell, but he was trying to hide it.
“Why don’t we take a break for now,” she said.
“I can keep going if that will make your work go better. I feel like I’m making everything far more complicated.”
“You will have to relax about that. We are trying to find you someone you could spend your life with. That isn’t something we will likely accomplish in one day,” she looked over at the clock. “Also, I need to have lunch at some point. I have another appointment today.”
Tim wasn’t sure how he convinced her to have lunch with him. She was very particular about maintaining professionalism. But she did see it as a way to learn more about him. He found himself not wanting her to find a match for him. He definitely didn’t want to go on dates with random women. He didn’t have too much trouble finding women he could date most of the time but he didn’t want to date them. He had watched Dick and Bruce both find someone in the last couple years and he liked watching what they had. He wanted it too.
Unfortunately even 2 months later, the most chemistry he had with anyone was at that lunch with Marinette. He had used the service for single dates 3 times and then she had found 2 more possible matches for him. The first, he had dated 3 times. They had gotten along really well. He had a good sense of humor and understood Tim’s obsession with coffee. But halfway through the third date they ran out of things to talk about. The conversation stopped and it felt very awkward.
Marinette didn’t say whether the match had felt the same way. It wasn’t important to the process for him to consider how the match had felt. She encouraged him to think about how he felt about the person over considering their reaction to his feelings. That is what she was for. The next match she found faster. But it was almost immediately clear that she was not a fit. He was polite through the evening and told Marinette he didn’t want to see the match again.
Marinette just got back from traveling. She had great success as during her time she was able to see 2 successful matches who were happily planning their life together. Then on her way back she was able to stop at the wedding reception of one of the matches who had taken a nice long engagement while planning the wedding of their dreams. She loved this part of the business. It could feel hard if there were a lot of mismatches ahead or if the client changed what they wanted frequently. She knew that they just wanted to be happy and she loved being a part of making that happen.
She had that extra bounce in her step when she arrived at her shop the next day. She stopped for a fancy coffee and pastry, she wasn’t in a rush because she didn’t have any morning appointments. So she was surprised when she arrived and Tim Drake was already waiting for her. He wasn’t looking happy. She tried to think of what it could be but he hadn’t had any events in the last couple weeks and there was nothing left over after he passed on the last match. She had been very clear that it would take time to find other suitable matches and he hadn’t seemed overly rushed.
“Good morning, Mr Drake,” she said brightly. “Were you needing to see me?”
She turned to unlock the door and he waited to respond until they walked into the building. He went straight to her office area and seemed content to wait while she rushed through getting lights on and loading her computer. She finished quickly and turned to him with her full attention when he spoke.
“I have a business proposal for you,” he said.
“I really don’t think any sort of business works well with a client,” she said. “I don’t really have the type of business model that lends itself well to expansion.”
“It’s not really that kind of proposal. I want to pay out the rest of my contract but not have you match me with any other clients for 3 months,” he said.
Marinette looked at him in shock. He looked fully serious.
“I’m not sure I can accept that. If you are not happy with the service, we can adjust it or cancel. I am not just going to take your money for nothing,” Marinette said.
“It isn’t exactly nothing.” He stood up then Marinette had a feeling that he was pondering how to say the rest of his plan. “The rest of the proposal just needs to be separate from the business.”
“Okay, how can I help?” she asked.
“There is one person I have met that I can’t get out of my mind. But I can’t ask her out through the business. I need to get away from it, but I didn’t want to cancel my contract suddenly.”
“Mr Drake, you are free to pursue anyone. I will not stand in your way. I realize that businesses have a bottom line, but here my bottom line is my client’s happiness. Even when it is found without my help.”
He walked around the desk and stood in front of her. She pushed away from the desk a bit, not sure how to respond to his odd behavior.
“I do need your help.” He reached down and lifted her hand from the desk. His touch was so gentle she almost melted. He just held it there while he continued. “Can I really pursue anyone? Don't think of it as standing in my way when you could stand in front of me."
He tugged on her hand to get her to stand. She sucked in a breath as he then lifted her hand to his mouth and kissed it.
“I don’t think it would be appropriate,” she said.
“Tell me you don’t feel it too,” he pleaded. “Tell me there is nothing there and I will go.”
He watched her as she opened her mouth but she couldn’t say anything. He kissed her again on the wrist. She closed her eyes at the feeling. She had no denial. It died in her throat. Instead she said nothing but she was still frozen there.
“I suggested 3 months because I don’t think I could take hearing from you again sooner if you turn me down.” His voice dropped to a pleading whisper. “Marinette.”
She looked into his eyes then. She took a small step forward. She hadn’t meant to but her body moved anyway. She was still afraid of what would happen to her business if she gave in. He stepped in closer. His hand cupped her cheek.
“I’ve worked hard to make this business a success.” she said, side stepping the question.
“You are very good at what you do. Is there a better option for me?” he asked. “Send me away if you must, but you haven’t said no. You are hesitating but your lack of reaction leads me to believe you feel this too.”
“I don’t want to send you away,” she admitted.
He stepped closer, still cupping her cheek. She turned into the hand, enjoying the feeling. She was certain that he was going to kiss her and she would have to make a decision. But he never moved closer. His other hand reached for her hand and laced their fingers together. His thumb brushed the back of her hand and then he mirrored the movement with the hand on her cheek. The thumb brushed against her cheekbone. She moved herself closer. When she moved towards him, he moved to her too.
She pushed aside her doubts and pushed herself the rest of the way to him. She barely touched his lower lip with hers, leaving a whisper of a kiss. He still didn't move to her until she pushed the rest on the way against him and connected their lips fully. It was a soft kiss, slow and tentative. Tim let her lead. He had waited so long, trying to work past his feelings to find a match. She pulled back slightly and looked into his eyes. They didn't speak. Her hand slid up his chest and tightened on his shirt when she kissed him again. He moved his hands to her hips and pulled her close to him, happy that he had found a match.
Taglist
@timari-month-event | @theymakeupfairies | @emjrabbitwolf | @vixen-uchiha | @trythisagainlove | @trippingovermyfeet | @tbehartoo | @izanae | @kittenmywaythrulife | @folk-ever-lore | @jayjayspixiepop | @adrestar | @zynna
58 notes · View notes
roger-that-cap · 3 years
Text
peace
natasha romanoff x fem!reader
summary: natasha wanted to marry you more than she wanted everything, but how was she supposed to propose to you and ask you to be hers forever when she couldn’t give you even the simplest of things?
warnings: so this is minimal angst, don’t be fooled, this is fluff, ya know the drill. this may or may not be cheesy, but i tried 
word count: 6.4k, short and sweet 
so, i listened to peace by taylor swift while i wrote this one. take that information how you wish lollll. also, not edited!
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Natasha met you years ago. You were the bright eyed girl at the front counter of an ice cream shop near the tower, soft serve shop. Natasha, ever the reader of mankind, immediately knew that you were kind, patient and simply sweet. Sweeter than the vanilla cone she had treated herself to, the one that you had made yourself because your coworkers were on an extra long break that wasn’t exactly authorized. 
  You knew who she was, but you didn’t ask her for anything. No autograph, no murmuring of a catchphrase, nothing about whether or not Captain America would be into you. Natasha admired that. She loved that she saw the flash of excitement and recognition in your eyes, but that it never went further than you asking her if she wanted sprinkles. 
 That one encounter led to many more. Soon, you two were on a date, after you had been brave enough to ask if she wanted to go on a picnic in the park after she kept coming into the store. And that one date was enough for you both to know that you wanted to see each other again, and again, and again. 
You and Natasha spent two months dating each other before making it official, and it was the best decision either of you had ever made. 
You made her feel like she was needed and loved, and she made you feel like you were cherished and safe. The feeling that you got when you looked at her was just so… natural. You weren’t worried about angering her, or about messing up in front of her. She made you feel calm, and one look at her washed all the jitters out of your nerves easily. 
And in return, there was no one on the entire planet that made Natasha as happy as you did. You were the one, and it was almost over night when she realized that you were it. 
One night, she was in bed next to you after a long day of training recruits and having a briefing for an upcoming mission. She had only been in your apartment for about twenty minutes, just lying in your gentle and welcoming arms, and she was fighting the urge to nod off where she felt safest. She was tired, but she knew one thing above everything else, and it was that she wasn’t going to waste an entire night with you because she wanted to sleep. 
“You don’t have to stay awake, sprinkles.” You said to her in the dark room, your hand smoothing her hair. “I’ll be fine.”
“I’ve been wanting to talk to you all day.” Maybe that’s when Natasha should have noticed. When the urge to talk to you was stronger than the drive that she had while training recruits, or when she nearly forgot that she couldn’t go home early because of how much she was just ready to. 
“I won’t be upset, you work hard,” you said softly. “You deserve some peace and quiet. Sleep, I’ve got you.” 
Natasha did a few things for the first time in a long time that night. 
One: she felt at peace enough to fall asleep immediately. 
Two: she went to sleep with the sound of someone humming in her ear. 
Three: she realized that she was completely in love with her girlfriend. 
There were plenty of times that hinted to her that she was falling in love. She looked for you or an essence of you everywhere, from seeing something the color of your eyes to looking over at your favorite brand of yogurt in the grocery store and contemplating buying it. Whenever you smiled, she couldn’t help but grin twice as big. If you laughed, she was happy. When you were upset, she wanted nothing more than to make it better, than to eliminate whatever it had been that made you feel that way. She would do anything for you. And she really believed that you would do anything for her right back. 
 Your relationship wasn’t perfect, but it was damn near it. It was the thing Natasha was most proud of, just like you were the person that Natasha was proudest of to call hers. And she wanted that. She wanted you to be hers for the rest of your life, and she wanted nothing more than to be officially yours. 
And that was why she stood in a high end jewelry store that specialized in special rings, closed for two hours from the public just for her. And Tony and Steve, who desperately wanted to tag along. 
  Tony was more of the planner and the doer. He was the one pointing out the rings that seemed pretty, the ones that looked like they would fit your style. He was the businessman, ready to negotiate price even though he could easily afford the entire store ten times over. Steve, however, was the mother hen. Hovering mostly silently, an excited buzz flowing out and touching everyone else in the vicinity. He was excited for Natasha, it was obvious, and he also wanted to make her feel as comfortable and ready as possible. 
  “That one’s pretty, isn’t it?” Tony muttered, pointing towards an intricate ring with a diamond in the middle of the studded band. “Y/N likes stuff like that.” 
“No she doesn’t,” Steve cut in, and he pointed to a ring that was quite literally the opposite of the one Tony was referring to. It was a simple ring, one with a silver band and a decently sized diamond in the middle. It was clearly an engagement ring, but it wasn’t flashy. “That one is probably closer to what she’d like.” 
Everyone in the tower knew you well. Natasha made sure that you knew her friends well when you two started to get really involved. You introduced her to your siblings and parents, and she let you meet her own family, the Avengers. Natasha remembered the day that you met everyone vividly. Everyone had loved you immediately, and she was so proud of the way that you handled yourself while being so nervous. Hell, she was always proud of you. 
  You made fast and sturdy friendships with everyone and fit in well, and that was all Natasha could ever ask for. Eventually, she started to bring you over at least once a week just to hang out with everyone, to get you familiar with every member of her found family. 
  Perhaps that was another sign that she should have taken and read. She had never introduced a significant other to the family that she cherished so much, not once before you. 
“Steve’s right,” Natasha murmured, and she heard Tony’s playful scoff. “But I have no idea when I’m going to actually do it.”
 “You don’t have a trip planned?” Tony asked incredulously. “Well, I can schedule anything you want, whenever you want. Just ask me.” 
Natasha knew exactly what Tony was referring to. He had gone above and beyond for every romantic gesture that was ever for Pepper, and Natasha knew that your relationship wasn’t like that. You didn’t need grand gestures or long trips to beaches. The both of you were happier than ever just being with each other. She knew that you would cry in the middle of a Wendy’s if she popped the question there and held her hand patiently waiting for the ring. The location mattered the least. 
“We probably won’t do a trip, that’ll make it obvious.” There was one thing that Natasha was very picky about that had to do with the whole affair, and that was surprise. She wanted you to be the most pleasantly surprised you had ever been in your life, and she wanted to watch those beautiful eyes of yours light up and start to water in the most joyous of ways. She wanted the cheesy hand-over-heart move, the hand grabbing, the excited chatter of a small gathering of random people looking. And most of all, she wanted to hear your elated yes and she wanted to slip the ring onto your ring finger, and she never wanted to see it off from that moment on. 
But that was just her. 
Natasha, Steve, and Tony spent another hour in the jewelry store. The owner was buzzing around, clearly excited for the amount of business that their presence was sure to rope in. He took a picture of them and promised not to release it until Natasha proposed, even though he was quite literally bursting at the seams to brag about it. In the end, Natasha ended up getting a pretty ring with a silver band and a nice sized diamond, simple and just your type. 
They were on their way out when Tony spotted paparazzi. He stopped in his tracks and turned around. “Okay, I’ll go first to lead them away.” 
“Why?” 
“If Y/N sees you on a tabloid at a ring shop with me and Steve… the surprise is up.” Tony made a clicking noise with his tongue and left without anything else to say, strolling out and indeed leading all of the people with cameras away from the shop, all of them entranced by the billionaire. 
To be safe, Natasha and Steve waited for a few more minutes before walking out and getting jumbled in with the crowd. Her grip on the bag was tight, and she was holding the box in her hand through it. So, are you excited?” 
“Not as excited as you,” she teased, but even she could hear the nerves in her voice. “I just don’t wanna ruin anything.” 
  “Please,” Steve scoffed. “Y/N is so in love with you that I forget that you two aren’t already married, honestly.” 
  Steve saying it aloud made Natasha’s heart race, even though she already knew that. That was one of the million wonderful qualities about you. She never had to ask you for validation, because you told her with everything you did. You tapped her hand three times at parties. You whispered it into her ear before you both went to sleep. You kissed her cheek or her jaw when she started to get antsy, and rubbed her back while you did it. Every touch, every kiss, every breath that the both of you took told the other that you loved them. There was no question about that. 
“So, what are you worried about? She’ll say yes. Everyone knows that.”
If only Steve knew that it was so much more than you saying a three letter word instead of a two letter one. 
They walked back in silence to the tower, comfortable silence between two friends who were both deep in their own heads even as they swiped their clearance cards and went into the elevator. 
§§
Natasha always felt bad when she lied to you, no matter how small or white the lie was. One day, it was small and for the both of you, but it still didn’t smooth the guilt. 
She had told you that she had a late night meeting, top secret, and that she would call you when you could come up in her room. “So, that’s the plan.” 
“You’re gonna pop the question of your lives in the park?” Tony asked, a brow quirked upwards. “Well, to each their own.” 
Wanda rolled her eyes. “That’s a really sweet idea, Nat. Tony, here, is just annoying.” 
“Thank you, Wanda.” Natasha said, and then turned to the billionaire. “So, what would you do, then?” 
“I would go on a crui-”
“Yeah, I’m thinking Nat wants a more casual approach,” Sam said, giving Tony a once over. “So the park would be great.” 
“I know,” she said absentmindedly, thoughts already on the next hour, where she would be on the couch in her quarters with you, watching one of your favorite shows together. 
“We’re still allowed to come, right?” Wanda asked, gently bringing Natasha out of her thoughts. 
“Of course.” That was another thing she really wanted. Her family had to see everything happen first hand, that was non negotiable. “Just lurk in the shadows, she’ll know what's happening if she sees all of you.” 
That night, she left the tower to go to your apartment rather than just have you come over and swipe your card that Tony had made you. She figured that the less people around that knew about the proposal, the less likely it was that someone was going to spoil it. 
  She wasn’t an idiot. Weddings were special to you. Hell, when you were younger, you used to want to be a wedding planner. Natasha knew that a goal in your life was to be loved by someone so much that they wanted to spend their life with you, and luckily, the both of you found that in each other. 
  “Baby,” Natasha called when she stepped through the threshold of your apartment, her ears already pricked up as she heard the television coming from the room that you had moved half of her belongings into. She smiled as she walked closer, purposely making her footfalls a little louder so that she didn’t startle you. 
  You were smiling at her when she opened the door to the bedroom, and Natasha felt her heart stutter for a second as she caught her bearings. “Hi, sprinkles. How was work?” 
She would never get tired of the sound of your voice. “It was alright.” Natasha walked over to you, and you leaned into her hand, the same one that always reached for your face and cradled your cheek, her own little greeting. “You weren’t there, so.” 
“Sadly I was doing soft serve,” you said, rolling your eyes at the customers you had encountered. “And one woman was particularly… not nice.” 
“Oh, I’m sorry, baby.” Natasha said softly, pulling you closer. “At least now all you have to worry about is sitting down in time to catch your show.” 
“That is my only worry,” You agreed playfully. “Come sit, I’m tired. And I know you are, too.” 
§§
Natasha thought that she was going to do it as you walked through the park, on a trail that the rest of the Avengers were following you on flawlessly. She was surprised that they could keep that quiet for that long, especially Steve, with his non-stealthy physique and training. But they were doing it. In a way, it made Natasha worried out of her mind that you couldn’t feel that five people were trailing you. But she forced that part of her mind, the one that was always so overwhelmed with the need to keep you close and safe, to the back of her mind, and instead felt for the little box in her pocket. 
“Oh, do you hear that bird singing?” You asked softly, trying not to disturb the peace. She watched your eyes scan the tips of the trees, watching as a smile grew on your face and planting one of her own. “I wish I could see it.” 
“You go bird watching all the time,” Natasha mused at you, and you snorted a bit. 
“But we never really sit down and do it together,” you said after a moment, and just like that, Natasha’s excitement was dried out. Her fingers left the box in her jacket pocket, and her hand swung at her side with the other held by your hand. 
“What?” 
“We just don’t do it much, ‘s all.” Like you sensed that you had said something that changed the mood of your little stroll, you turned to look at her. “There’s nothing wrong with that.” 
But there was. There was everything wrong with that statement. Mostly because it was one hundred percent true. The two of you didn’t have any time to bird watch or stargaze like you wanted to. And it wasn’t on your end, no, it was on her’s. 
She came home late more often than not. She left early in the morning, sometimes before the sun even rose. She was sent on missions that were weeks long, sometimes even months. Sometimes, she didn’t even get to warn you or say goodbye before she had to get on a quinjet, just up and leaving and sending a text, apologizing for things she couldn’t control. 
  “Nat?” She hadn’t even realized that she stopped walking. But she had. Her arm was stretched out towards you because you hadn’t dropped her hand yet, and you closed the gap between the two of you with a look of concern on your face. “You okay?” 
“Um, yeah.” She cleared her throat and rubbed her face with her hand, blinking a few times as the familiar guilty feeling burned in her chest like acid. “Wanna keep walking?” 
For the rest of the walk, Natasha was stuck in her head. She was good at multitasking, so she indulged you and your words to the best of her ability while she thought about how terrible she felt for you. She couldn’t even take you birdwatching. And she thought that you would want to marry her? 
“Are you ready to head back, darling?” Natasha asked once the sun started to finally make its retreat, and after she felt that the others had left and were far ahead of them. They knew her just as well as you did, and they knew that it wasn’t the day that she was going to ask. 
“As long as it’s with you,” you murmured, and then you turned around to press your lips to hers in an innocent, binding kiss, and then pressing a kiss to her forehead. “I love you.” 
“I love you, too.” Natasha said back just as sincerely, wrapping her arms around you and hugging you right in the trail, closing her eyes tight and waiting for the feet and doubt to subside. 
It didn’t. 
§§
It took two more failed attempts for Steve to finally come knocking on her door one night. The night of the third failed proposal attempt, everyone was anxious to see a ring on your finger, and everyone just wanted it to be done so that they could plan the wedding. 
 Natasha was not on the same page. 
At first, the team was confused. Natasha’s love for you never wavered. It was as certain as the sun rising and falling, as the tide coming in and going out. It was constant, and it never faltered. So her backing out of making it official, of finally tying to knot with you, confused everyone. And then, they thought about what exactly made the change in conversation.   
  Wanda was the one to crack the code. She subtly picked at Natasha’s mind during the last of the failed proposals, and when she came back out into the present, she didn’t seem surprised at all. 
  The first thing that Wanda said when they all got back to the car was, “she doesn’t think that she’s enough.” 
Doubt. 
Natasha Romanoff never doubted herself. She was the best assassin in the world, capable of literally anything that she put her mind to. She had no reason to doubt herself. Until she started to work for someone else, not just for herself.
  “What is she doubting?” Tony muttered, the exhaustion at watching one of the boldest people he knew dancing around a woman who clearly loved her to death. “Y/N is going to say yes. She would say it if Nat asked her on the toilet.” 
 “No, it’s not that,” Wanda said softly, shaking her head. “She thinks that she’s… neglecting her. That her presence isn’t often enough. She feels guilty about her job.” 
 Silence. 
That was something many of them who had relationships dealt with. The balance between domestic life and life as an Avenger was hard to achieve. Not only did the Avenger have to know when to separate things. The Avenger also had to find someone who knew what they did, what their job entailed, and that they would both have to make sacrifices.  You knew how to do those things. So what was the problem?
“Y/N takes the distance and the danger really well,” Steve stated. “So, what’s the problem?” 
Wanda shrugged. “There was… there was more. But I didn’t have enough time to really see.” 
  While the others tried to figure out what was going on the the former assassin’s brain, Natasha was back in her room, sitting and twiddling her thumbs as she thought. Her eyes kept going back to the box, resting on it very now and then before she looked away in apprehension.  
 There were three knocks on her door, way too harsh and precise to be you. Besides, you hardly ever knocked, just as she never knocked on your door. “Um,” Natasha started, and then her brows furrowed as she put the ring in a drawer just in case. “Come in.” 
Steve Rogers was standing at her door, arms crossed, a slightly disappointed look set on his face. “What’s up?” 
Natasha raised a perfect brow. “You came to my room, Cap.” She crossed her arms as well, even though they both knew that neither was on the defensive. “Are you okay?” 
“Why haven’t you done it yet?” 
Her heart dropped to her toes, but she knew how to control her facial expressions. She was sure that she would never lose that skill, no matter how old she got and how much she would start to forget things. “Done what?” 
Steve shut the door. “You haven’t proposed to her yet. Why not?” 
“The time wasn’t right.” 
“That’s a lie.” 
She wasn’t used to Rogers calling her out so fast. Typically, she was an A list liar, and the only person she failed at lying to was you. She rarely ever did that, and when she did, it was for the better. Like, when she would tell you that she would be back within a few hours knowing that it would be about two nights still. Or when she would tell you that she wasn’t hurt, knowing good and well she had been bleeding out five minutes not even two minutes before she made the call. 
The second lie that came to mind came flying out of her mouth. “I’m scared she’ll say no.” 
Steve rolled his eyes, to Natasha’s surprise and sligh humor. “She’d find a way to say yes to you even in the afterlife, Natasha. You can’t play the lying game. Not with me, not with us, and especially not with her.” 
“Why are you so worked up right now?” 
“Because you deserve happiness, and it’s right there in front of you. You’re throwing it away, for what?” 
  “I never said that I wasn’t going to propose,” the redhead defended, but Steve just put his hands on his hips. 
 “I can see it in your eyes. You’re not going to unless someone pushes you, and because Y/N can’t in this situation, then I will.” His “Captain” voice was on. “It’s much more than you being worried about something that won’t ever happen, so what’s wrong, Natasha?” 
Natasha stood there for a second, her eyes narrowed on him as her face stayed still, and her mind raced a thousand miles an hour. She pursed her lips after a few seconds and breathed in, trying to decide whether or not to spill everything to one of the people that she trusted the most in life, one of the few that she trusted with her very life itself. Her mouth started moving before she could even approve its speech. 
 “Because of who I am and what I do, I can never give her what she deserves. I can never give her the suburban life, the calm life, the one where all she has to worry about is whether or not she’ll have to go to the store to get more cheese. I can never give her that.” 
 “I have money, she’ll never have to worry about going hungry or not being able to do things, yes, but at what cost? At the cost of me leaving her by herself one day for forever because of one wrong step? At the cost of me not being there to hold her at night or wake up with her in the morning? I can’t even do simple things with her like stargazing because I don’t have time for it. I don’t have time for her, do you realize how horrible that is? How terrible I feel?” 
Whatever Steve was expecting, it surely wasn’t that. Natasha was never one to have an outburst, even with the people she was the most comfortable with. But there she was, spilling all of the feelings she had been harboring within seconds, her eyes resting on Steve’s as they both refused to look away for more than a few seconds at a time. 
  “I can never give her a calm life without worry, or without pain. She’ll have to be scared about whether or not I got shot in Siberia, or if I’m rotting somewhere at the bottom of a cliff, or if I’m a prisoner halfway across the world. All I bring to the table is worry, and all I want to give her is what she gives me every second I’m with her. Peace. I want that so badly, and she deserves it more than anything. And I can’t give it to her.” 
Steve was silent for a moment, and a singular moment turned into two. “Have you ever asked her what she wants?” 
 The question stopped Natasha’s erratic thoughts in their tracks. “What?” 
 “Natasha, she’s been with you for years now, and I’ve never heard her complain about your job. I’ve never even seen her cry about you being gone more than anyone else would. She knows what you do, and she knew that when she agreed to be your girlfriend. She wouldn’t have stayed with you if she couldn’t handle it.” 
 “How do I know she’s handling it?” 
“Ask her.” Steve said softly, like he was nudging her with his words alone. “You’ll only know if you ask her.” 
  As she drove to your apartment that night, her mind was buzzing with nerves. “Ask her,” she mocked, making her voice deeper. “Not that easy.” 
  The door was open when she got there, enough to make Natasha shout your name with anxiety in her voice, and that sound was enough to make you come poking your head out from the kitchen. 
“You alright, sprinkles?” 
Natasha could breathe again. And when she inhaled, she smelled chicken in the air. She grinned. “Perfect now,” she said, shutting the door, locking it, and walking over to you. 
§§
It hit her in bed with you that she should bring it up. You two always had conversations before bed, it didn’t matter what about. Sometimes, the conversations were as serious as a heart attack, and other times, they were about whether or not Candyland was a good game. That night, it was leaning on the more serious side. 
  “Y/N,” Natasha called softly, and you hummed in response. “Do you… are you happy? With me?” 
The soft humming that was coming from your throat cut off abruptly at the question, a question Natasha had never asked you before. To say that you were confused was an understatement. You two had almost always been on the same page, and if one of you were to be unhappy, the other would know. “Of course I am, Natasha. Why? What’s wrong?” 
 “Do you think that my job complicates things between us?”
Natasha sat up after you did, looking at her like she was in the process of growing a second head. “What?” Before she couldn’t say much else, you were talking again. “Who put that idea into your head? No, your job doesn’t put a strain on us, unless you feel something on your side?” 
  “No, no,” Natasha rushed out. “I just… I don't want you to feel like I’m neglecting you. I don’t want you to feel like you’re not getting what you need from me, as a w-girlfriend.” 
 “Natasha,” your voice was soft in the night, a satisfied and sweet whisper that never failed to calm her nerves. “You give me everything I could ever ask for. You always have, and I think you always will. Is this about stargazing?” 
  “What?” 
“Don’t think I didn’t notice the way you got weird when we were walking in the park,” you said softly, your fingers tracing little hearts on her back. “I told you that we didn’t go stargaze or bird watching together, and you got upset. Is that what this is about?” 
  She couldn’t lie to you. “Somewhat.” 
“Oh, Nat,” you said, and you pulled her closer to you, resting your head on her chest and listening to her heartbeat, steady and constant. “I don’t care about that. All I care about is you.” 
 “Do you even see enough of me?” 
“Your job does not affect me whatsoever,” you answered. “I knew who you were and what you did when I asked you to go to that picnic with me, remember? I knew exactly what you did, and I knew around how much I could or could not be seeing you. I knew everything. So, why would I back out now after all these years? And why would I leave you?” 
  You had no idea how soothing your words were to Natasha in that moment. To you, it was just reassurance, affirmative words. To her, it was everything. It was the solution to all of her worries regarding the ring that was in her dresser back at the Tower. 
  “The point is, I could wait up for you to get home until four in the morning and make dinner for you after a long mission every day for the rest of my life, if you wanted me to.” The tracing of hearts never stopped on Natasha’s skin, but her breathing surely did for a second. “Because, what’s losing a few days compared to sharing a lifetime?” 
  Natasha smiled as the fear washed out of her system like it had never been there. More or less, you had just confessed to her that you wanted to be with her for a lifetime, and that for that lifetime, you didn’t mind any of the things that she was worried about. She was going to do it.  
§§
  After a short chat with the team, Natasha was finally ready. Like they could all tell that it was the day, they gave her a serious pep talk and Tony even muttered his premature congratulations, even though Wanda insisted that saying it before was a form of bad luck. 
 The plan was set. She was going to get you from work, pretend like you were going to go to dinner, and then take you stargazing. And then, she was going to pop the question. And hopefully, most likely, you were going to say “yes”. 
 When her car rolled up to the windows of your store while you were cleaning, you laughed. “Hi, Nat! What’s up?” 
 “Just here to pick you up,” she said with a smile, and your grinned at her. 
  “Alright, give me fifteen.” 
By the time you had gotten home, gotten dressed and were both seated in the car, Natasha’s hands were sweaty, and the weight of the little box was somehow heavier than anything Natasha had ever carried before. Her leg was bouncing up and down in the driver’s seat, and she hoped that you paid no mind to it. 
 “It’s pretty tonight,” you mused, and she nodded.  
“Yep, very clear.” And it was pure luck. She thanked all the gods that were ever worshipped that it was a clear night. “You can see everything.” 
“Yeah, you can.” 
“Do you… do you wanna go look at the stars?” She asked, and you turned your head to the side to look at her, a spark in your eyes that had just caught flame. 
  “You didn’t reserve anything, right?” 
Natasha had forgotten about the fake dinner already, her eager mind already onto the next stage. “Oh? No. I didn’t.” 
 “Then, we should ditch the food and do that. I’ll make you dinner after.”
 When Natasha parked on the side of the road, it was empty. It was emptier than it usually was at night, and the closest street lights were off. It made it much easier to see the stars. You were the first one to sit down on the dry grass, and you patted the spot beside you, urging Natasha to sit down with you. The second she did, you laid down and sighed, eyes on the sky. 
After a few moments of holding hands with eyes to the stars, roaming the dark blue sky in silence, you quietly began to speak. “It’s so pretty,” you murmured. “I haven’t done this in forever, and I hardly remember what it was like, but I can’t imagine that any other time could have been better than a time with you.” 
  Natasha turned her head into your neck, resting it there like she always did. “I love you,” she whispered, and you shivered at the intensity laced between the three words, the sincerity warming your heart. “I love you so much.” 
  “And I love you,” you responded, just as genuinely. You tapped her hand three times with your pointer finger, saying it twice. “More than I love the stars.” 
You two stayed there for hours, just watching the sky and ignoring the dull hunger pains that kept leaving and coming back. You spent a little time pointing out constellations, and Natasha told you how to navigate using the stars. Eventually, it was time to leave, and Natasha reached her hand out to you once she stood up. 
Natasha slowly walked you towards the car, but you didn’t notice how out of character it was for her to walk without a sense of urgency in the moment. She knew that you couldn’t hear their footsteps, but she could. They were soft and familiar, trying not to alert you of their presence, and they were succeeding. Natasha cleared her throat softly and swallowed her fears.
“Y/N,” she started, and you furrowed your brows at the usage of your name. “Do you remember how we first met?” 
You stopped walking, your back towards the approaching people. “Of course I do,” you responded, a smile on your face as you reminisced. “You ordered a cone with no sprinkles, what a weirdo.” 
 “Is it weird for me to say that I knew?” 
“Knew what?” 
“I knew that you were going to be a part of my life somehow. Whether it was going to be a friendship, a relationship, or even just an acquaintanceship, I didn’t know. But I knew you’d be around.” 
“That’s so sweet, Tasha.” Your bottom lip poked out and you went in to hug her, closing your eyes as you held her tight and then pulled away. “I think I knew after our third date.” 
Natasha cracked a smile, even though she felt like she was going to throw up. “Coney Island?” 
“Coney Island,” you confirmed, eyes glimmering under the starlight. Natasha was about to get lost in them, well on her way, before she shook her head and cleared her throat again, checking behind you discreetly to make sure that everyone was hiding before she turned you both sideways, so that your side profiles were visible to the others. 
“But… you have the most beautiful soul that I’ve ever had the privilege of meeting. You're everything I could ever dream of asking for, and I love you more than I’ve ever loved anything in my life. You’re my day and night, my high tide and low tide, and you’re the only person I’ll ever admit that I need. Because it’s true. You give me a peace that I never hoped to ever receive from anything, and I love you even more for that. You are just… you’re the one for me. And I…” she swallowed as her eyes tore away from yours, and she wiped her sweaty palms on her jacket. “I’m sorry I’m no good at speeches, but I...”
   She reached into both pockets at the same time and pulled the box out in a swift movement, and before you even knew what she had done, she was on one knee right in front of you. A strangled noise came from your throat, a gasp and a sigh all the same, and then you put one hand over your mouth. 
 Natasha’s eyes were watering, and so were yours. “I would be the luckiest woman in the world, the most privileged and honored person in the entire universe, if you let me marry you.” 
 There was utter silence for a second besides your harsh and surprised breathing. Then, a gasp left your mouth. “Natasha!” You shrieked, a hand still over your mouth as the tears ran down your face, reflecting the joy you felt on the inside. Your emotions roared and rushed inside of you, like a furious river of elation. You blinked rapidly, but you were so happy that your eyes didn’t even get that familiar burning feeling that came with the tears. 
“Is that even a fucking question?” You bent down to her level and your lips met hers, passionately and full of love and relief. Neither of you noticed the clapping and cheers after being so immersed in each other. 
 Natasha pulled away, a shit-eating grin on her face as she started to say something to you, right when you noticed everyone else around you. “Wait, baby, let me put the-”
“Have you been here the whole time?” You shouted towards the rest of the team, who were all watching with proud and excited expressions, and Wanda nodded. 
  “Most of the time,” she grinned, and you wiped the tears from your face, only to see the one and only Tony Stark recording you and Natasha, who was still on one knee in front of you, holding one of your hands. 
  “Can I?” Natasha asked from her kneeling position, gesturing towards the ring, and you nodded excitedly. She slipped it on your left ring finger, and you yanked her up with such excitement that she was sure that one of her bones popped, but she didn’t care. She kissed you again, a sweet and meaningful kiss, before she hugged you tightly. 
 “Thank you.” 
You would have been confused if you weren’t on a high.  You were going to get married. To Natasha. You were going to have forever with her, like you always wanted. “For what?” 
She kissed the shell of your ear softly, and then your jaw and cheek, right where you always kissed her. “For everything, darling.” You leaned back into her, your face in her neck, and she made brief eye contact with her friends, who were all looking at the display of affection with soft eyes and even more tender hearts. She closed her eyes as she felt your heart beating against her chest, savoring the feeling of being so close to the woman that she loved unconditionally, her soon-to-be wife. “For everything.” 
****
hey guys! hope y’all liked this one, i wrote it in two hours, and then thought about deleting it, but here she stands. if you liked it, feel free to like and reblog! comments are also widely appreciated, i love those! also, i wanna make friends up here so feel free to blow up my messages! hope you have a great day/night 💕
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astudyinfreewill · 4 years
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penny for your thoughts.... do you think adam would still have been into ronan and/or wanted to be with him if he hadn't known already that ronan was interested in him first? I wonder sometimes how much of adam's feelings were reactionary at first or if he would have still fallen for ronan on his own without that push
oh hey there! sorry this is so late, but i had a lot of thoughts for this one, haha.
the short answer: 
adam already was into ronan, probably as far back as trb, despite not acting on it; and while ronan being into him surely couldn’t have hurt, i don’t think it’s what pushed him over the edge.
the long answer:
there are three premises i should make here. 1- it’s pretty clear from adam’s narration that he’s far from indifferent to ronan, even in early books (hello, “savagely handsome”? “black-painted poetry”? those are not exactly casual descriptions of his friend). 2- it’s also apparent to me that adam must have already known he was bisexual/not straight pre-series (see: complete lack of questioning his sexuality and/or reflecting on it, and this is from a character who overanalyses and stresses out about everything). 3- adam probably knew ronan was not straight long before ronan even admitted it to himself (see the infamous double-entendre in trb and his wry comment about piper not being ronan’s type).
so why did he never act on it?
well, imo: common sense and self-preservation. 
firstly, as a boy living in the deep south with a violent, homophobic father, entering a queer relationship is dangerous. plus, it isn’t like this precludes him the opportunity to date altogether: being bisexual, he has the option to date girls, which is both something he’s interested in and something that enables him to “pass” (yeah, i hate that word too) as straight. in short, dating girls is both safer and something he wants to do anyway - he’s immediately taken with blue, after all, and we see he’s not exactly shy in asking her out.
secondly, even if he were to decide to date a boy, ronan would be - to quote adam himself - the most difficult option. of course when adam says that, he just means that ronan is a deeply committed, fiercely monogamous romantic with a sharp-edged personality and a dangerous magical secret. but in trb and tdt, ronan really is the most difficult option in a whole other sense: he’s crippled by grief and guilt, struggling with depression and suicidal ideation, using self-destructive coping mechanisms like drinking and car-racing, and generally speaking, rather unstable and violent. that would be a lot to take on for anyone, and especially for someone like adam, whose home life is already unstable and violent, and who has it so hard in every other aspect of his life. he’s at capacity; he’s barely staying afloat. he can’t afford to keep ronan afloat too (“emotional costs”, anyone?). in fact, for a trb adam, gansey would be a much safer romantic option (and yes, adam is clearly a bit taken with him, even though it all falls apart by tdt).
in short, i think there were plenty of things holding adam back from exploring his feelings for ronan in the first two books. by bllb, ronan has broken free from his destructive self-loathing, and is altogether much nicer to be around and bolder in his appreciation of adam - but i still don’t think ronan being visibly interested in him is a make-or-break factor. in fact, though adam is clearly already aware of ronan’s interest in him at the end of tdt, it takes him almost two whole other books to decide to go for it. this is for several reasons, most of which have to do with adam’s crippling lack of self-esteem. first of all, he can barely believe that ronan would be interested in him, of all people, even when everything suggests that he is. he goes as far as to think it’s vanity and arrogance to even think ronan might like him - that’s how bad his self-image is. 
but secondly, and most importantly, adam has no faith in his own ability to love - and that is what holds him back until the end of trk. by the middle of the book, there’s no question ronan is interested in him - he kissed him, after all - and no question that adam is interested too, since he kissed him back. but because adam knows how much ronan goes all-in in his relationships, and because he cares so much about him, he wants to avoid hurting him in any way. that’s why he asks gansey about love - not because he doesn’t feel it, but because he needs validation that his feelings are good enough. him asking gansey is the culmination of this process, but it’s something adam has been struggling with throughout the series: his own self-loathing, his belief that he’s broken and ugly and dirty, his deep-rooted fear that he can’t love people because he’s never received love from his family, and therefore isn’t confident in his ability to recognise and express it. 
in conclusion, i believe that while it was certainly comforting and flattering for adam to find out ronan liked him, it does his character a disservice to assume that his feelings for ronan are just a reaction to someone having a crush on him and he wouldn’t have fallen for ronan otherwise. rather, adam did develop feelings for ronan on his own, but before he acted on those feelings, he had to learn that he is capable of accepting and giving love; which, in my mind, is adam’s truest arc of the series.
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