#this could just b me being paranoid; jumping to conclusions and thinking of the worst-case scenario n such. but still im so ;;;;;;

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 13th May 2018

Top 10

It’s pretty stale over here. We still have “One Kiss” by Calvin Harris and Dua Lipa at the top spot, spending its fourth week there.

“Nice for What” by Drake has jumped up a single place to the runner-up spot.

That’s because “No Tears Left to Cry” by Ariana Grande took a step down to number-three.

That song that I refuse to name until the end-of-year lists come around is still at number-four, quite obviously to my dismay.

“2002” by Anne-Marie is also steady at number-five.

“Answerphone” by Banx & Ranx and Ella Eyre featuring Yxng Bane is surprisingly making upward moves, up two spaces to number-six this week.

“Paradise” by George Ezra is sticking to its place at number-seven.

“Lullaby” by Sigala featuring Paloma Faith is also moving up two spots, right to number-eight. This has more longevity than I thought.

“Psycho” by Post Malone featuring Ty Dolla $ign took a three-space hit to number-nine after the album boosts.

And speaking of Post Malone, to round off the top ten, we have “Better Now”, down one but still sticking onto the top ten.

Climbers

So, outside of the top ten, we don’t have many notable climbers other than “Flames” by David Guetta and Sia continuing to succeed, jumping eight spaces to #11. We also have the absolutely atrocious “Familiar” by Liam Payne and J Balvin up six spaces to #25. I sincerely hope this does not become a hit anytime soon.

Fallers

There’s actually not that many notable drops this week either. We do have a streak of five-spot falls for “Say Something” by Justin Timberlake featuring Chris Stapleton to #26, “Mad Love” by Sean Paul featuring Becky G and David Guetta to #29, and “Be Careful” by Cardi B to #39, as well as a six-spot fall for “Call Out My Name” by The Weeknd to #23, but the real loser here is Post Malone, who not only has the top ten drops, but an 11-position drop for “Paranoid”, now at #22.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

“Jumanji” by B Young is the only returning entry here, but in terms of dropouts, we have “Make Your Own Kind of Music” by Paloma Faith from #28, “Never Enough” by Loren Allred from #40, “Wake Me Up!” by Avicii featuring Aloe Blacc from #33, “Let Me” by ZAYN from #35 and, finally, “SAD!” by XXXTRAEDGY, from #39.

NEW ARRIVALS

#40 – “Man Down” – Shakka featuring AlunaGeorge

So to my knowledge, this has been bubbling under for a while, and I honestly can’t understand why it took this long to break into the top 40. I mean, it’s the typical dancehall percussion with some extra reverb and autotuned Cookie Monsters, with some cringeworthy lyrics from both Shakka and AlunaGeorge, who has a pretty decent performance over all the paper-cutting sounds they call “finger-snaps” and “hand-claps”. There’s some skittering trap drums and a pretty blatant sub-bass that might be too in the front of the mix, but otherwise, this is just what I’d expect from Yxng Bane or Not3s doing a song with RAYE, so honestly I think I’m disappointed when two somewhat under-the-radar artists sacrifice better music for their big hit. Ah, well.

#36 – “First Time” – M-22 featuring Medina

Medina’s softly-sung melodies are very much wasted over the thumping dance beat and repetitive piano and synth loops. The lyrics are actually reminiscent of the first time doing something, most likely sex, because of course, and I can definitely see that in Medina’s desperate enthusiasm, but the vocal drop leaves much to be desired, and the verses and hook can feel overly repetitive. However, it is just a very short, sort of lowkey song, with a few buzzing synths and a great performance from Medina, but mediocre production from M-22. Sorry that these two reviews might feel a bit on-the-fence and lifeless, but is that not ideal for these drab, middling-quality singles?

#35 – “Youth” – Shawn Mendes featuring Khalid

So, this is the latest single from Shawn Mendes’ upcoming self-titled album. This song, particularly, is about the Manchester attacks, and Shawn and Khalid’s beautifully soulful vocal performances show that, especially Khalid, both in the verses and the anthemic hook. I also love the fact that it isn’t a dreary piano ballad, that it definitely could have been; instead it’s a pump-up pop rock track with tropically-tinged guitar strumming, a steady beat and a lack of skittering trap percussion or, in fact, most recent pop clichés, which really shows that this track is from Shawn’s heart. As much as Khalid’s deep, sleepy cadence is an automatic win-me-over moment, I think Shawn’s writing is as sharp as ever, and the energy on this, once again, very short track is infectious. Props to both men on this one because this is some of the best both have put out, but it’s still not all that interesting, keeping it back from being anywhere near great – just a solid tune.

#16 – “I’ll be There” – Jess Glynne

Despite absolutely despising that absolute trainwreck of an unlistenable vocal sample that runs throughout the whole song and is never drowned out by the percussion or Jess Glynne’s borderline-yodelling, in fact, in the chorus, it just gets pitched higher, I’m thankful that this passed my expectations, simply because I thought it would have a botched sample of the Friends theme song by The Rembrandts. Thank God it doesn’t, but this is still terrible, but mostly due to that aggravating vocal sample and Jess Glynne’s yodelling nonsense. Otherwise, there’s nothing outright offensive about this, which makes it all the more unbearable.

#14 – “This is America” – Childish Gambino

Now, this was massive due to its video, and while I appreciate the video, Donald Glover as a filmmaker, comedian and musician, and to an extent, the song’s message, I really can’t gravitate to the big single itself here. The choir in the intro and throughout is easily the best part, with their joyful vocalising and hook, “we just want to party, party just for you”. However, this is where it goes downhill. The trap beat comes in and it feels like a cluttered, unfinished, unpolished mess as Gambino has some (purposefully) underwhelming rap verses, with some energetic ad-libs from BlocBoy JB, Slim Jxmmi, 21 Savage, Quavo and Young Thug, who also provides excellently smooth singing on the outro. Thugger definitely steals the show here from the simplistic, lazy bars that Gambino spits. It doesn’t matter if that’s the point or the message or whatever – it’s still a dull, half-hearted and more importantly trash pair of verses. I like the choir being drowned out by ad-libs and autotune, but as soon as it transitions to the pathetic attempt at being menacing with the sirens and the gunshot-like percussion, I tune out. The distorted autotuned screams are fantastic, and I do love the chorus and outro here, but everything else, as well as those sections themselves, have this sloppy, junky beat. As a single, this is disappointing to say the least, and it’s downright sad that Glover’s worst song since 2013 is what has set its eyes on taking the US #1 spot from Drake. If you like messy, all-over-the-place clusters of a whole bunch of song elements cheaply piled together, you’ll love it. Unfortunately, with me, that is not the case.

Conclusion

Yeah, sadly, the first Childish Gambino song I’m covering on this series, “This is America”, is getting Worst of the Week. I love this dude’s music, but, man, this is a serious misstep. Dishonourable Mention goes to “I’ll be There” by Jess Glynne, but it’s pretty obvious who takes Best of the Week: Shawn Mendes and Khalid for “Youth”. Nothing here is good enough to deserve Honourable Mention, so hopefully next week can be less... horrible in its new entries. Peace.