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#this book legit got banned once
mumblingsage · 1 month
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Anti/censorship discourse but the writing everyone's arguing about having on AO3 this time is the full text of The King in Yellow.
At least it'd be an interesting change of pace.
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legoflowrs · 8 months
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HEADCANNONS
c/w: drinking, drugs, addiction, abuse, slight nsfw
AGED UP TO 18 MY PEOPLE!!!!
A/N: ok so in the headcannons he’s with Stan cause Style is very dear to my heart but in the relationship headcannons he’s with reader xx
Kyle Broflovski
- Massive fucking NERD!! (pls i love nerds).
- Got straight A’s throughout high school.
- Was on the honour roll and was on student council.
- Firm believer in basketball Kyle supremacy.
- Came out as Demisexual and Bisexual (male leaning).
- Stopped being super strict on Kosher throughout high school but kept that a secret from Sheila.
- Never stopped being insecure about his nose. Literally at one point started saving for a nose job till Stan talked him out of it.
- Drinks almond milk.
- Thinks thrifting is gross cause he’s a germaphobe. Washes his hands like 50 times a day.
- When I hear the song Basic Instinct it reminds me of Kyle.
- The Smiths > The Cure.
- Style: Stan fell first, Kyle fell harder (bro i love these dweebs lol).
- Was legit so in denial about being in love with Stan for the longest time.
- His Dad pushed him to study law but he ended up studying psychology to become a child psychologist because he saw the effects of unchecked mental health in children while he grew up.
- Got really drunk once and Kenny pierced his septum. He has it flipped up most of the time.
- Hates glasses so wears contacts.
- Such a fkn mummas boy lol it honestly was a problem at one point.
- Didn’t do his own laundry till he moved out. Did not know how to put sheets on a bed 👍
- Such a good relationship with Ike, he would die for his little brother.
- Did someone say abandonment issues!!!! Could not keep a partner to save his life during high school.
- Smoked weed with Kenny twice and then freaked out after he greened out.
- Got addicted to nicotine during college and used it as an outlet because he put so much pressure on himself to be perfect. Spoke to his doctor and he’s trying to quit.
- Defs listens to Phoebe Bridgers because he has a strange relationship with his dad.
- His dad pushed him to be perfect all the time until Kyle had a massive breakdown in junior year that burnt him out for a long time.
- A family man!!! Wants kids pretty early on into his life.
- A god at poker.
- Hates taking photos of himself.
- Still pretty insecure about his hair but Kenny and Stan helped himself to accept it and even start taking good care of it.
- Really struggled with anger issues.
- Stopped speaking to Cartman completely.
- Forest green is his favourite colour.
- Writes poems and makes people cry with how nice his birthday card messages are.
- First out his friends to get a license. His parents paid for his car.
- Such a damn backseat driver.
- Didn’t really work until he moved out.
- I think he’d help Heidi out at the community gardens.
- After Heidi finally ended things with Cartman, her and Kyle became really close friends.
- Had a friendly academic rivalry with Wendy through high school.
- Him and Wendy study together in college often.
- Has a record player.
- Grew closer to Craig’s gang in senior year of high school. Goes record shopping with Tolkien.
- Very accident prone.
- Has diabetes.
- Loves picnics and simple activities like stargazing.
- Smells like pine needles and the ocean.
- Actually a fantastic swimmer.
- Did drama in sophomore year.
- A massive library in his house. Had to instil a book ban on himself because he was spending all his money on it.
- Really nice eyelashes.
- Comes home to celebrate Hanukkah with his family every year.
- Did long distance with Stan during college. They almost broke up a few times but pulled through.
- Enjoys taking pictures of nature.
- Takes Ike to the movies very often.
- Has the nicest knitted sweaters.
- His guilty pleasure is Taylor Swift.
- HE IS SO MIRRORBALL CODED.
- When he’s in a good mood he loves baking and often bakes for his friends.
- Kenny, Kyle and Stan do day trips together super often. In my world these three never grew apart they are inseparable 🤞🤞
Kyle in a relationship
- An absolute gentleman. Refuses to let you get out of his car without him opening the door for you. Holds doors and pulls out seats. Always gives you his jacket.
- Was very insecure about his sexual inexperience. But y’all guided each other through it. I think there’s something so sweet and special about that.
- Touch tank by quinnie is all I have to say 😼.
- Loves kissing your neck and ears. He kisses your knuckles as well it’s very tender.
- Combusts when he sees you getting along with his family. Especially his Mum and Ike.
- Let’s you touch his hair, it relaxes him a lot.
- Opens up to you about his struggle with his Dad and nicotine. You are his biggest supporter through it all.
- Even though he hates photos, he’ll have a polaroid of y’all in his phone and wallet. Plus a photo booth strip in his car.
- Y’all will bake at midnight together.
- You go on fancy dinner dates together and rate the restaurants in the car together.
- Avid Letterboxed users lol! Give each other show and movie recommendations all the time.
- Kyle always had trouble sleeping but there was something very comforting about your presence so he’ll spend a lot of time at your dorm.
- Writes poems for you.
- Brings you flowers every time the old bouquet dies (ugh what a man).
- BUYS YOU LEGO FLOWERS!!!
- His love languages are gift giving and quality time.
- Keeps a list of all the dates you’ve been on.
- Will take such good photos of you fr! Your biggest hype man.
- I think his short temper would be a problem for you guys but he loves you so much he works on it so hard.
- Your praise means the absolute world to him.
- You guys always go to carnival together and share a caramel apple, it’s like tradition now.
- Couples costume for halloween always.
- Asks for your Dads/Mums/Guardians blessing before he proposes to you.
- Loves the smell of your perfume/cologne. Like it’s seriously intoxicating.
- Proposes to you with his Grandmas ring.
a/n: guys i love kyle so much i’m gonna make his mood board now <3
also if any of these are ooc in ur opinion it’s just for funsies and my opinion hehe
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rowark · 4 months
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curious since you waited for it, where does your url come from?
it's from John Grisham's "A Time to Kill". There's a character named Ellen Roark, but it's set in the deep south, and no one can say her name as one syllable, so they call her Row-Ark.
I made a profile on IMDb back in like 2004, and I had just watched the movie so I made my name Rowark (I hadn't read the book yet at that point, so I didn't know it was supposed to be hyphenated lol). I kept that account for a long time, and when I got into Law and Order SVU, I was still using it to chat with people on the message boards, and I started writing fanfic for that show, and so I made an account on FFN and just used Rowark, because it seemed to make sense
When I joined Tumblr it was already taken (and it was a blog that only posted picture of super ripped naked men lmao), so I made my name rowark-sq (because I made this tumblr when I got into Once Upon a Time and started writing Swan Queen fanfiction, so SQ made sense)
I hated that I was Rowark on FFN and AO3, but not tumblr... and I especially hated that the blog was all naked men, because I write femmeslash and like... I didn't want people to look me up on here after reading my fics and find naked men...
I used to check once a week to see if that blog had randomly deleted, but they never did... until the porn ban. Legit, the moment i heard that was happening, I was like "I'm getting that URL"
I checked every single day and within about a week of the porn ban, they deleted, and I got the URL... it was my proudest victory lol
Also, here's Sandra Bullock as Row-Ark in the movie... my namesake lol
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papirouge · 5 months
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Lol the stories about the child sacrifice and abortion parallels plus the boy wanting and mutilating himself to be an animatronic as a trans allegory are pretty based and at least the last one seems quite likely to be based on that if the original creator was the one who came up with the idea. how in hell did people even find out he was a registered republican voter? how do you even register yourself as a voter for a particular party?? in my country, things don't work like that so I'm lost. your vote is completely confidencial so it shouldn't be possible for anyone to know such info unless someone close to him decided to spill the beans.
I think i've heard before something about the creator of fnaf being cancelled but for some reason I had the idea it was for being christian, perhaps i'm confusing him with another game creator...
like i said i only play minecraft and pokeymon, but notch, the creator of minecraft, has also had his heated gamer moments too. he said trans women aren't women, he said people who didnt believe in a straight pride parade deserved to be shot, said feminism was a social disease and called a feminist a cunt, said there was nothing wrong about white pride (then later kinda recanted by saying something like "I didnt know there were only some groups allowed to feel proud of who they are"), and something else about not giving in to mentall illness in reference to transgenderism, though later kinda apologized saying he didnt understand trans identities very well. obviously, references to his name got erased in many products and even the game itself, only visible once after you beat the ender dragon, and microsoft banned him from their events ever since.
pokemon creators havent had these type of controversies which i attribute to having a better pr team and not growing up alongside social media and decide it's a great idea to post any thought that passes through their head. theyve had some though, like with jynx believed to be a racial stereotype (supposedly though she's based on ganguro fashion and the "fat lady" of an opera) so her skin was changed from black to purple. interestingly, ludicolo is a very obvious mexican stereotype yet nobody cares lol.
i do think its kinda funny when these authors get cancelled but they stil keep them/their product around to milk it to death.
and I might or might not watch the video. ive watched some youtube essays before but never that long, so we'll see...
I mean only mentally ill people like me would be dedicated to watch a 9 hours lore video essay, so I don't blame you anon lol
I am too very confused about the registred political alignement thing but I gues that's yet another dystopian US lunacy. In my country this stuff doesn't exist neither. I heard some celebrities/influencer get flack for being Republican (Jaclyn Hill comes to mind) but I have no idea how people/haters manage to get this information. I guess they are available on public record or stuff like that.
Since FNAF has a VERY dedicated fandom, I am not surprised some fans went as far as to sleuth this info out.
That minecraft guy sounds like a legit asshole though and he deserved to be canceled idc I HATE when people make foul out of themselves for the whole world to see, and then act shook when people don't want to have anything to do with them anymore. I hope he didn't have the audacity to whine about "Mh fReeDoM oF sPeeCh" because dude was apparently saying it was ok to kill people for having disagreeing opinions🙃
On the opposite, Scott Cawthon is SUPER lowkey & private and never explicitely said anything rude or insulting. People just started hating him for being Republican and allegedly Christian (which I think nobody found actual evidence of)
And animatronic aren't allegory of trans people, it was only the B-7 story of a boy butchering himself as one. The whole FNAF story is Scott Cawthon creation. He just co-writes the book with a female author, but only him creates the lore. Animatronics are regular robot who are possessed by the spirit of dead children.
I didn't know they changed Jynx color 'o' I never thought anything about this design - I felt like she didn't even have skin, but but more like a void lmao (like these spectre type pokemon)
I roll my eyes at article defending this design à la "oooh but Sugiomori didn't want to offend anyone uwu" ok but Pokémon is now a game with an INTERNATIONAL audience. If Nintendo wants to keep making bucks out of their game, they have to adapt themselves to foreign audience. This sort of "purity complex" when it comes from japanese cultural assets coming into the West is insufferable. No culture is immune to criticism.
Ganguro started around 1996 which is the year when the first Pokémon game came out...so I highly doubt Sugimori would be already aware of this trend during the game development. Japan already had a weird thing with dark/black skin, so Jynx simply might be yet another design celebrating this brand of "quirkiness".
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octaviasdread · 3 years
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any girls! dark academia movie recs? i really struggle to find anything not about a group of boys (as much as I love them)
SO MANY!!! This is probably a far more detailed answer than you were expecting but this is a popular question and I want to keep a list for myself and others.
Feel free to add to it/give opinions. I've tried to give a tw for anything I can remember
Girls! Dark Academia Movies/TV Shows
Mona Lisa Smile (2003)
1950s Women’s college
Art professor! Julia Roberts
She’s legit the female Mr Keating of the art & college world
Feminism vs. Tradition
Maggie Gyllenhall x Ginnifer Goodwin; their characters were more than friends. Fight me.
Does not end how you expect
Strike!/All I Wanna Do/The Hairy Bird (1998)
MY FAVOURITE!!!
Free on YouTube under one of its various names
Comedy
1960s all girls boarding school
Young Kirsten Dunst
Group of girls plot to sabotage a merger with a boys school less prestigious than their own
Secret attic clubhouse meetings of the D.A.R aka Daughters of the American Ravioli (eaten cold, ew)
girls get political & advocate for their rights using ANY elaborate and chaotic scheme
TW: eating disorder, vomiting & creepy male teacher but the girls plot against him too
The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie (1969)
based on a short book I read for uni by Muriel Spark
1930s girls school in Edinburgh
Scottish teacher! Maggie Smith, controversial with a focus on romantic ideals
Spoiler alert, the liberal teacher is actually a fascist
Her group of fave students has cult- vibes and it’s fascinating
Picnic at Hanging Rock
1970s movie or 2018 mini series
Never watched either but I plan to
Wild Child (2008)
00s romcom every UK teen girl loves
Emma Roberts as the spoiled rich American teenager sent to a strict English boarding school
Plots to get herself expelled but oh no she’s making friends with the girls who help her
And the headmistress has a hot son, and he’s nice??? Double oh no
ICONIC SCENES
Everything! Goes! Wrong!
omg she burns the school down
Feel good, comfort, nostalgia
St Trinians (2007)
English girls boarding school
The kids are all criminals, no joke
So are the teachers
CHAOTIC
gay awakening for british girls
Art heist pulled off by school girls
Government tries to shut them down but oh no, the education minister & the headmistress are ex-lovers
Colin Firth x Rupert Everett in drag
Superior cast: Jodie Whittaker, Gemma Arterton, Juno Temple, Stephen Fry, Colin Firth, etc...
embodies the phrase 'problematic fave'
St Trinians 2: The Legend of Fritton’s Gold (2009)
Mystery, pirate ancestors, hidden treasure
omg Shakespeare was a woman
girls disguised as boys to infiltrate and rob the posh boys school
Villain! David Tennant in that ICONIC boat scene
Teen girls vs. ancient misogynist brotherhood
like the first film but MORE chaotic and BETTER!???
The Falling (2014)
1960s all girls school
best friends! but its unrequited love
Agoraphobic + distant mother aka mommy issues
Sudden death and the school suppresses/ignores the students grief, sparking mass hysteria & a fainting epidemic in the girls
Cast: Maisie Williams (GoT) & Florence Pugh (Little Women) & Joe Cole (Peaky Blinders)
TW: teen pregnancy, death, vomiting, underage s*x, sibling inc*st, past s*xual assault
READ THE PLOT SUMMARY FIRST
The Book Thief (2013)
Based on an amazing book by Markus Zusak
set in 1940s Nazi Germany
Daughter of a communist whose family were taken by the Nazis/died is fostered by an older couple who teach her to read & she paints a dictionary on the basement walls
Coming of age story about a compulsive book thief. No joke, this kid steals books from banned book burnings and breaks into the mayor's library through the window
Family hides the Jewish son of an old friend in their basement and he helps her to start writing about her experiences in the war
TW: death, bombings, WW2 anti-semitism
Mary Shelley (2017)
Overall good & roughly biographical
Pretty costumes and aesthetic
Modern feminist take on Mary Shelly in her own time period
So many INACCURACIES for the drama so don’t take it as truth
Percy Shelley slander and not all of it is justified
Cast: Elle Fanning, Douglas Booth, and Maisie Williams
The Secret Garden (1993)
Based on a fave childhood book
1901 colonial India & Yorkshire, England
Orphaned, spoilt & neglected girl sent to live with her reclusive Uncle in the English countryside
Gothic elements, mysteries, secret doors/passages/locked gardens
local boy with a flock of animals, magic, kids chanting around a fire and all around immaculate vibes
Happy ending!!!
Hidden Figures (2016)
African-American women as mathematicians for NASA
1960s space project
Women balancing a career and family obligations
Deals with racial & gender discrimination
Loosely based on the lives of Katherine Johnson, Mary Jackson, and Dorothy Vaughan who worked for NASA as engineers & mathematicians
Anne of Green Gables (1985) & sequel (1987)
Adaptation L.M. Montgomery’s ‘Anne of Green Gables’ books
Canada (late 1890s/early 1900s)
Highly imaginative & bookworm orphan is adopted by a reclusive elderly brother and sister duo
Small town & school years comedic drama
Unrequited Enemies -> Friends -> lovers
Inspiring new woman teacher
Girls re-enact Tennyson’s poem and nearly drown for the aesthetic™
Dramatic poetry reading with INTENSE 👀eye contact👀
Writer! Anne & English teacher! Anne dealing with unruly girls school antics
Collette (2018)
biographical drama on french writer Sidonie-Gabrielle Collette
Victorian & Edwardian era France
More talented than her husband so she ghostwrites for him
Fight for creative ownership of her wildly successful novels
Affairs with a woman called Georgie and also with Missy, born female but masculine presenting
Cast: Keira Knightly, Dominic West, Eleanor Tomlinson (Poldark)
Enola Holmes (2020)
Netflix book adaptation
Younger sister of Sherlock Holmes
Victorian era! feminism/suffragettes
Mother-daughter focus
Mystery, adventure, secret codes, teens running away & escaping from (and eventually fighting) assassins
Cast: Helena Bonham Carter, Henry Cavill, Sam Claflin, Fiona Shaw, Millie Bobby Brown
Ginger & Rosa (2012)
1960s England
best friends since literal birth navigating troubled teen years
poet & anti-nuclear activist! Ginger
off the rails but also catholic! Rosa
Shout out to Mark & Mark the gay godfathers we all want
family troubles 
TW: older man has an affair with a 17 yr old
Testament of Youth (2014)
based on WW1 memoir by Vera Brittain
young woman (writer & poetry lover) escapes traditional family & goes to study at Oxford University
abandons to become a war nurse
romance, tragedy and war trauma
Cast: Alicia Vikander, Kit Harrington (GoT), Taron Edgerton (Rocketman), Colin Morgan (Merlin)
Little Women (2019)
Writer! Jo & Artist! Amy
Mother/daughter focus and sister dynamics
the March sisters’ theatre club is *chefs kiss*
champagne problems edits of Jo x Laurie are a mood
Ambivalent ending perfectly captures Louisa May Alcott’s dilemma with the book the movie is based on
set in 1860s America
ALL STAR CAST and a Greta Gerwig masterpeice
Lady Bird (2017)
coming of age in early 2002/2003 Sacramento, California
all girls catholic school
writer! Christine aka Lady Bird wants to get outta town and start her life again at college 'in a city with culture'
Mother/daughter dynamics - so realistic!
I live for that Jesus car stunt & the nun's reaction
school theatre program
Cast: Saoirse Ronan, Timothee Chalamet, Beanie Feldstein
Another Greta Gerwig gem
Beguiled (2017)
Virginia, civil war era
Girls school with only five students and two teachers left
Find an injured Union army soldier & bring him inside
Women & teenagers want his attention (v. problematic) before uniting against him
(tbh you'll either love it, hate it, or watch once & forget it)
Sofia Coppola film so its very feminine gaze
TW: violence, death, underage
Legally Blonde (2001)
No questions will be taken
Elle Woods was the blue print
TV series:
House of Anubis (2011-2013)
I know it’s a kids/young teen show but I still unironically love it
ANCIENT EGYPT!!!!
Modern day with Victorian era links to treasure hunters & Egyptian research expeditions (stealing from tombs)
Chosen one plot lines, curses, kidnapping, mysteries, secret tunnels under the school, elixir of life
Teens have investigate & protect themselves cus oh no the TEACHERS are involved in some shady stuff
new American kid at British boarding school is the actual premise not just a fanfic au
Nostalgic, light-hearted, funny, and kinda cheesy but I will accept no criticism
The Alienist (2018 -now)
Mid 1890s, New York
Woman’s private detective agency (Season 2)
Serial killer mystery
Woman secretary turns detective and teams up with a criminal psychiatrist and a newspaper editor to solve crime
TW: violence, child pr*stit*tion
Cast: Dakota Fanning, Luke Evans, Daniel Bruhl
The Queen’s Gambit (2020)
Woman chess prodigy
1950s & 1960s
TW: drug & alcohol abuse
Gentleman Jack (2019 - now)
Based on the diaries of Anne Lister
Victorian Yorkshire, England
Upper-class lesbians
Confident, suit wearing! Anne Lister x shy! Ann Walker
Business woman! Anne running the family mines
Cast: Suranne Jones (Doctor Foster) & Sophie Rundle (Peaky Blinders)
TW: violence
Gilmore Girls (2000-2007)
bubbly/ambitious single mom + intelligent daughter
bookworm! Rory Gilmore gets into a prestigious private school and then an Ivy League college
Small town drama is comedic gold
Fast dialogue packed with pop culture and literary references
Comforting & nostalgic
TEAM JESS
Anne with an E (2017-2019)
Loose adaptation of L.M. Montgomery’s ‘Anne of Green Gables’ books
they completely change the plot lines but it’s still very good content!
Orphan girl with trauma and a love of books/poetry is adopted by an elderly brother & sister duo, bringing light and fresh ideas to a rural community
Feminism, girls writing club, lgbtq safe spaces, girls eduction, black/indigenous representation
Miss Stacy as THAT inspiring teacher
Aunt Josephine’s lavish gay parties have my heart
TW: creepy male teacher tries to marry a student, racial discrimination, indigenous assimilation school
Victoria (2016-2019)
Adaption of Queen Victoria’s life
Victoria navigating her political, royal, and personal life
Albert’s involvement with The Great Exhibition, 1851 (on cultural + industrial innovations)
Alfred Paget x Edward Drummond is exquisite
Gorgeous costumes and aesthetics
TW: bury your gays trope
Derry Girls (2018-now)
1990s Northern Ireland during the troubles
Comedy, episodes 20-25 mins long
English boy sent to an all girls Catholic school with his cousin
✨Dead Poets Society parody episode ✨with a free-spirited female teacher
Sister Michael, the sarcastic nun who hates her job & reads the exorcist for giggles
Wee anxious lesbian! Clare Devlin (plus her friends wearing rainbow pins)
Badass with bad ideas! Michelle Mallon
Main Character! Erin Quinn
Lovable weirdo who would fight a polar bear! Orla McCool
Wee English fella & honorary Derry girl! James Maguire
Dickinson (2019-now)
Loose adaption of the poet Emily Dickinson’s life
Set in 19th century Massachusetts, US
Historical drama with modern dialogue & music that works SEAMLESSLY
gives a great understanding of Emily Dickinson’s poems
💕Vintage gays! Emily x Sue💕
Theatre club, writing, poetry, dressing as men to sneak into lectures, love letters, teen drama, feminism, and an underground abolitionist journal as a brief side plot in season 2
Wiz Khalifa plays death in a horse drawn carriage
TW: opium use
A Series of Unfortunate Events (2017-2019)
Based on great childhood books
Bookworm! brother, Inventor! sister, and baby sister with sharp teeth
Mystery, secret organisations, orphaned siblings figuring things out & fending for themselves against the villain after their fortune
Adults either cartoon evil, comedically incompetent, or SPIES
Boarding school, library owner, scientific researcher, and theatre episodes
Ambiguous time period which is really fun to try and pin point
Killing Eve (2018-now)
Classic detective who has homoerotic tension with the assassin she is tracking down
British Detective! Eve Polastri figures out the notorious assassin MI5 are investigating is a woman, is fired & then put on a secret MI6 case with a small team
Assassin! Villanelle, a psychopath with a tragic past and a mastery of both accents & fashion
Woman MI6 boss! Carolyn Martens, head of Russian section
Travel Europe following Villanelle’s killings and escaping the assassins sent by Villanelle’s organisation
‘You’re supposed to be my enemy and moral opposite but omg you’re the only one smart enough to get me and why am I obsessed with you????'
🚨 GO IN FOR A KISS AND THEN STAB YOUR ENEMY 🚨
Cable Girls/Las chicas del cable (2017-2020)
Spanish drama set in 1920s Madrid
Four young women at a telecommunications company form a group of friends and help navigate the difficult situations they are all in
Secret identities, dangerous pasts, murder, crime, lgbtq couple & throuple, trans man character, feminism/suffragists
girls commit crimes for humanitarian reasons and cover! it! up!
UNDERRATED SHOW!!!!
Gorgeous costumes and set
Haven’t finished it yet and I’m catching up
TW: abuse, violence, death
Outlander (2014 - now)
haven’t watched yet but plan to
Woman time travels to Scotland, 1743
Rebel highlanders, pirates, British colonies, American revolutionary war
Time jumps between 18th & 20th century
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lazydanni · 2 years
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Demon brothers with a Game character!MC
Okay so what if the MC was a character from an otome game instead??? Like the MC and them got switched their place? you know then you know 😏
Warning: none. the brothers being a simp like always
Summary: Levi was the one who found out and introduced it to the rest since the game because it was ridiculously popular. About a demon, who's a human world exchange student. The player's tasks are to slove the mysteries around the school and hook up with you of course ( ͡• ͜ʖ ͡• )
▲───────◇◆◇───────▲
Lucifer
Definitely found this game stupid, but Levi somehow managed to convince him to give it a try. At first he was only do it to make his little brother happy, but now he got addicted to the game, especially you.
The way you interact with him and praise him, makes his ego goes ☝☝☝
But he only plays when he was stressed and alone in his room. Your welcome voices never fail to relax him. But since this man is very smooth, he knows how to raise your intimacy beating the stages within a day.
He's a private man, so he doesn't let anyone know about him having a crush on a fictional character, especially his brothers. Imagine Diavolo found out about this 😂 Luci would just dig a hole and die in there-
And if your game released an anime plot, he'll definitely watch them too. But after he's done with his work, since he's a very busy man 🧍‍♀️
Mammon
The "At first I was like "mmm, Y/N" as a joke. But bro, I DON'T THINK IT'S A JOKE ANYMORE!" type
He only downloaded it because he was bored, but now he's full time simping-whale for you. Your limited clothing editions? whale💳 A body pillow of you? say less 💳💳. He definitely spent too much money on the game that Lucifer grounded him from playing the game for like a week or some.
This mofo is trying so hard to beat the puzzles so that he could raise your intimacy and shits liek that. And he failed of course- 🧍‍♀️
Always flushes whenever you give him a welcome message. He has a full record of your messages!! Good morning, goodnight messages, you name it (And definitely listen to it before head to bed)
And yes, he's also flexing to Levi whenever he achieved something from you. Both of them end up fighting eachother 🤼‍♀️
Oh, also, He once tried to hack the game just to get your skins for free but ended up got his account banned 😍😍😍😍
Leviathan
Congratulations, you're on the same tier as Ruri-chan 😍☝
This man legit has a shrine of you next to ruri. I can tell he also does praying every night—
Like Mammon, he's also have a record of your dialogs. But he's a whole new level of whaling. Would literally pay your creators' rents if Lucifer didn't stop him
The Leader of "We love Y/N 2000 moe moe". Let's be honest, he would name something like that 🚶‍♀️And guess who's the second one join the club? that's right, Mammon himself👍. His room would be a whole hide-out of Y/N spot. Probably the one who likes spoiling the gaming plots to his brothers too
Listen, HE DEFINITELY WROTE A BUNCH OF FANFICS OF YOU AND SHIT. Don't blame me because aren't we doing the same thing too? 🤨
Satan
At first he was playing for the puzzle part, but if it wasn't because of you, he wouldn't have spent his money for those catgirl/boy skins 🙄
He likes listening to your theme song while reading books. And since he's a smart mfker, he often helps his brothers to slove the game puzzles
Bro imagine your game collab with a cat café shop. THIS MAN WOULD LIKE TO SLEEP IN THAT PLACE FOREVER
okay hear me out, He always mentions by accident. Can't tell if he's even try to hide is at the first place?? 🤨 something like:
"Hmmm these puddings are good... Dunno if Y/N likes them too?.."
And then he got teased because of it and it frustrated him—
Asmodeus
Okay so, He played the game because people said your character is very attractive, and he wanted to see it himself
and sheesh, He's now a simp for you after himself of course <333
This pretty mofo know how to hook up with ya so your intimacy is high as heck. I meam he's the Avatar of Lust after all???
He found your clothings are very cute and unique. So he sometimes try to match with your aesthetic. Also has a little keychain accessory and plushies of yourself (ayo chibi mc??😳)
HIM AND LEVI ARE WRITING FANFICS OF YOU??? SOMEONE SEND HELP 😭😭
Beelzebub
this man... THIS MAN.. HE WOULDN'T DARE TO EAT A CAKE THAT HAS YOUR FACE ON IT
he don't care how hungry he was, you're too precious to be consumed <33
He has a chibi plushie of you too. and boiiii imagine him carrying you around like he must protect it at all cost
Sadly he rarely use his D.D.D so he often misses out the events. Sadge boi :( But don't worry, LEVIATHAN IS HERE TO THE RESCUE!!!!
okay so, there was a plot where you and the player bake a cake together. Beel nearly eat his D.D.D because you said you were gonna feed the cake to him 😔☝
Belphie
This little bitch owns a whole pillow collection of you. AND HE'S STILL TRYING TO STEAL LEVI'S BODY PILLOW OF YOURSELF TOO?? 😟
is he trying to build another Y/N hideout or something?? Levi won't like this kind of copyright 🤨🤨🤨
Probably have your goodnight message as his alarm sound, even tho he's gonna turn it off and goes back to sleep
And since he's a salty cow, he always fuck up and accidentally made your intimacy went down couple times.
imagine him and the rare body pillow edition of you that he just stole from Levi's room go startgazing, while Levi is panicking about his body pillow went missing. How romantic 😍
▲───────◇◆◇───────▲
Thankyou for reading my writing haha.
I'm still trying my best to write more fics due to my busy schedule 😔
Hope ya enjoyed it, and have a great day <33
-Anna
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babydaddyleorio · 3 years
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How they would act on a plane
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These are very much crack headcanons because I needed something to help me escape my writing plateau lmao
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                                    How they would act on a plane
Chrollo
-If he’s sitting next to a girl? Oh he’s flirting the whole plane ride.
-Literally won’t shut up and tells her this very extravagant story trying to woo her, the whole time eyeing the necklace that’s placed on her neck.
-Also did I mention that he’s in first class? Yeah he definitely tied up some guy in the bathroom and “borrowed” his ticket.
-He’ll order drinks for him and the girl and will secretly pay for them with her money.
-A true finesser.
-Even the flight attendants love him. He has so many numbers now.
-If he does happen to sit by himself, he’ll probably read a book while listening to classical music.
-He refuses to sleep because he feels like he has enemies everywhere watching him.
-like please you are not the main character Chrollo take the damn nap. 
Shalnark
-He's on his phone the whole time but he’s so obnoxious with it. He purposefully has his volume all the way up just to annoy everyone around him.
-He’ll play games like candy crush and laughs super loudly If he makes a match and groans sadly If he runs out lives.
-The old man next to him wants to bang his head against the chair in front of him because he literally won’t shut up.
-Doesn’t put his phone on airplane mode.
-Probably hacks into the plane. Literally will make the bathroom have the occupied sign on the whole plane ride so no one could use It.
-Has a needle in the pilot’s neck just for fun.
-Also has the plane doing loopity loops in the sky and everyone is screaming for their lives while he’s just laughing evilly.
-Claps when the plane lands.
Feitan
-He just reads the whole ride.
-If you accidentally brush his arm he gives you a death glare.
-He has to jump to reach the overhead because it’s too high.
-He woke up way too early so he’s in a “I hate everyone” type of mood.
-Hisses when the person beside him tries to open up the window.
-He accidentally sits next to an escape exit and when the flight attendant asks him If he’s ready to save others just in case something happens he’s like “....No.”
-Refuses to change his answer too
-Listens to music on his playlist and silently pretends to be in a music video.
Franklin
-Takes up all of the space and squishes you.
-You wonder how the hell his earlobes got that long and he would say something smart to you like “It’s rude to stare.”
-Well excuse me...
-Someone in front him will lean back in their seat and their hair covers the movie he’s watching. 
-Is scared to move it so he just sits there like “😐”.
-All the drinks are too small to fit in his hand so he awkwardly sips from the straw that’s poked in his apple juice box.
-Someone ends up leaning their head on his shoulder while they are sleeping.
-Doesn’t know what to do now and is frantically looking around for help.
Machi
-Knitting or sewing the whole time.
-Do not try to talk to her. She won’t respond.
-Has a window seat because she likes to peacefully look at the clouds and city lights as she’s sewing.
-Also to imagine Hisoka falling from the sky without a parachute.
-Ah, so tranquil.
-Doesn’t like riding on planes because they’re kind of scary. She would never tell anyone that though. 
-Wanted to sit next to Pakunoda but instead got stuck sitting next to a chihuahua who won’t stop yapping at her the entire ride. 
-Has to stop herself from yeeting it out the window.
-The dog will see he’s not getting through to her, so he’ll slowly raise his leg up and Machi will literally start screaming at what he’s trying to do. 
-Yeah she hates her life.
Shizuku
-You can hear pierce the veil blasting from her headphones.
-Binky has its own seat for some reason.
-She goes to the bathroom and once she sees that It’s occupied (kudos to Shalnark) she will turn to go back to her seat but already forgot where she sits.
-The type to bring a book that she never reads.
-If the person next to her is watching a movie, she’ll change It simply because she doesn't like It.
-There’s one flight attendant constantly flirting with her and she gets a lot of free drinks because of them.
-Of course she never catches on and forgets who they are every time they try to talk to her.
Phinks
-Will argue with the flight attendant about how expensive the peanuts are.
-After like five minutes, he finally buys the peanuts and once he’s about to eat them the turbulence becomes so strong that It makes them fly everywhere.
-He has to resist the urge to punch the air.
-Phinks has to have an aisle seat because he gets paranoid easily.
-Phinks will try to go to sleep but there will be a kid constantly kicking the back of his chair.
-He will turn around and would be about to throat punch the kid when suddenly he sees how hot his mom is.
-Simp mode activated.
-He’ll try to flirt with the mom but the kid will notice and he ends up “accidentally” squirting his drink in Phinks face.
-Yeah It’s on sight when he gets off the plane.
Nobunaga
-Watches a movie, probably one dealing with samurai. 
-Somehow got past security with his Katana?
-Most likely because of Shalnark
-Ate really bad airport food which messed up his stomach.
-Feels sick and tries to hold It in, but you can tell by his face that he’s struggling. The old lady beside him stares with wide eyes once she hears his stomach literally start beat boxing.
-He runs down the aisle clenching his cheeks and knocks harshly on the bathroom door, but he sees that sign says occupied.
-Nobunaga is shouting at the non-existent person in there to hurry up holding his stomach.
-Shalnark Is eating popcorn and laughing at Nobunaga as he watches him through the security camera.
-Goes to ask the flight attendant for hemorrhoid cream
Pakunoda 
-Is really nice and will talk to you If you start a conversation with her
-Has earbuds packed for the altitudes and offers you some as well
-Turns her brightness down as she reads smut on her phone. Literally turned her whole body and everything so no one could see the words.
-Her face is so red as she stares at her phone and the flight attendant is so concerned that they ask if she’s okay. Pakunoda jumps so high and almost chucks her phone once she sees them standing over her, scared that they’ll see that she commented “😩💦” under the fanfic.
-Brings homemade snacks and sandwiches that no one wants 
-Has a window seat because she wanted to look out the window and see how small the land is below her
-Unlike Machi, Pakunoda has a cat sitting next to her and the cat absolutely loves her.
-Will probably steal it 
Uvogin
-sleeps the whole ride with a mask over his eyes and a neck pillow that he swiped from someone earlier.
-He snores sooo loudly and everyone around him is irritated because they can’t go to sleep because of It
-He would eat all the food on the plane
-Is the type to laugh very loudly at the movie playing or give commentary about each scene that’s happening
-Didn’t bring any luggage with him and… yeah...
-His head touches the ceiling of the plane and Its really uncomfortable 
-Has no Idea where he’s going but got on the plane anyway
Hisoka (honorable mention)
-Somehow sits in first class with Chrollo and once Chrollo sees him he almost loses his shit
- “This seat is taken.” Chrollo would say while staring straight ahead but Hisoka ignores him and sits down anyway.
- “Do you not enjoy my company?” He’d tease while licking his lips.
-Chrollo immediately gets him kicked out.
-So now he’s stuck in economy with the rest of the troupe. None of them let him sit with them either.
-Finds an empty seat and sits down In it and starts laughing to himself because he’s plotting on how to get back to first class.
-The person sitting next to Hisoka is legit terrified and they side eye him the whole ride while clutching their bag to their chest.
-Will trip people walking down the aisle with his bungee gum.
-He would purposefully take his time to get his bag out, creating a long line for no reason.
-Whole time doesn’t even have a bag.
-Is banned from ever riding a plane again.
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shyrose57 · 2 years
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How would Dreamon hunting fit into our Dream being nice and regularly going to the boutique?
think He would get a kick out of tormenting teasing mortals. Terrifying Youth that Get A bit too big for their britches, mess around with ouiji boards n stuff.
If youre not a local ghost story or Crypid than youre doing something wrong.
Which attract people who think that they can Deal With Deamons. Its laughable already, but to try and fight The Dreamon? Hubris IS one of humanitys many faults. If He Took this seriously, They wouldnt BE here to continue to hunt demons. He finds it Hilarious and drags them on wild goose chases, that usually end with them hopelessly lost and/or needing new clothes.
(He does this a lot in between manhunts )
Of course He IS responsible for his subjects and protection and while HE might never be in any danger, He does have to make sure that Humans dont go around killing demons.
So if By chance a long time ago, Someone went around and spread false information about demons, leaving Deamon books with Only How to exorcise and banish, well, It makes his job a lot easier
(If he had a galaxy brain moment in the past, or He got Sapnap to get Karl to do him a favor)
This means he got some clowns chasing him, convinced he is up to no good, ( he even tricked them into 'exorcising' him out of his 'host' and then hung out for a bit before dramatically 'repossessing' his 'host' and doing a little evil monologue about being too powerful for puny mortals), and generally being a little bastard (affectionate)
(Im making him such a drama kid tbh but Look me in the eyes and say that Wilbur and Him havent gotten into a competition over who should be the ~Drama King~)
If they rope in Tubbo, They both laugh their asses off at the end of the day
Dream, Tubbo, and Wilbur, terrorizing the general public for kicks. Sounds about right. Of course, who's gonna believe anyone who brings it up?
My original thought was that Tubbo and Sapnap join Fundy and Hbomb in filming(and instigating) petty neighborhood drama, but I've now decided that as a side-gig, Fundy, Tubbo, and Sapnap, are all very legit(aka, as absolutely sarcastically and silly as possible) paranormal investigators.
Okay, no, no, wait, I have it all figured out.
Starlit Boutique Spinoff-thing: Dreamon Hunters Addition.
Fundy, Tubbo, and Sapnap meet as a result of their desires to cause chaos and petty drama. They get along so well, they're almost immediately banned from the neighborhood.
But that wouldn't work(because Tubbo is threatening, and also Tommy), so they've instead been redirected to take their mischief to mess with the public to keep another neighborhood war from starting up.
Thus begins their careers as the Dreamon Hunters! Paranormal Investigators who's main goal is to confront the mysterious and powerful Dreamon, who's sighted terrorizing people throughout history.
But for now, while they 'gather clues' to this demon's whereabouts, they mainly just take on normal haunted houses, and just post their videos online. It, unsurprisingly, gets very popular very quick.
Fundy and Sapnap get to play the skeptics. Sapnap gets to try and say he doesn't believe in demons with a straight face, and Fundy gets to stare ghosts dead in the eyes while he makes excuses.
Tubbo gets to play the believer, and conspiracy theorist who gets conspiracy theories mad about him(also by him, but nobody needs to know that)
Dream's their cameraman who absolutely loses his mind every time they go into a well-practiced monologue about defeating the Dreamon once and for all-he doesn't even bother hiding any of his traits, and it's often caught on camera, but the hunters regularly just dismiss it, and it infuriates all of their fans because he's very clearly the actual Dreamon, but noooo, Dream's 'just like that, guys'.
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Hello . Do you know if there are any books about Empress Sissi and her family on archive org? Thanks.
Hello! Sorry it took me so long, I was busy and then I got sick (not covid but still I was very tired to write anything). Luckily for us, the answers to this question is quite long! There are PLENTY of books about Sisi and her family on the archive!
Non-fiction in the public domain:
Some memoirs and near contemporany biographies that you can download for free!
Aus den letzten Jahren der Kaiserin Elisabeth, by Irma Sztáray. This book was written by the last lady-in-waiting of Sisi (literally, she's the one who accompanied Sisi to the trip in which she was assassinated), and it narrates the years Irma spent with the Empress, up to her death. It is however only in German (there are translations, but those aren't in the public domain). The upcoming movie Sisi und ich is based on this book.
My Past, by Countess Marie Larisch. The memoirs of Elisabeth's infamous niece who went down in history for being the go-between Crown Prince Rudolf and Mary Vetsera. Although all memoirs are written to put its subjects in the best light, Countess Larisch's are known for being heavily unreliable, since she goes above and beyond to paint herself as a victim who did nothing wrong, ever. And on top of that, she also just, straight up made stuff up. Still, she was Sisi's close confidant for many years so there probably are true facts in here also. And more importantly, many books do use this memoirs as well as her other works as sources, sometimes without even citing her or noting that she's not super trustable, so knowing what stories originate from here may worth the read.
I was to be Empress by Stephanie of Belgium. The memoirs of Elisabeth's daughter-in-law, in which she gives her version of her married life with Rudolf, her time as Crown Princess and the Mayerling affair. This book is high in my TBR list, because Stephanie was a much maligned figure on her time and I'm really curious about what she had to say about it. Fun? fact: Archduchess Erzsi, Stephanie and Rudolf's daughter, had this book banned in Austria.
My own affairs by Louise of Belgium. The memoirs of Stephanie's elder sister, whom also married into Austria and had a very scandalous life. There isn't much about Sisi here so it might not be of your interest, but after watching this video about Louise's life I've been dying to read it since it sounds like a legit good read? Also she and her husband were close friends with Rudolf, so she has some stuff to say about Mayerling.
Recollections of a Royal Governess. Written by the governess of Archduchess Erzsi, this book is full of anecdotes and stories about the Imperial family (although once again, there isn't much on the Empress herself). Not sure on how reliable it is, but it can be an interesting reading nontheless.
Maria Sophia, Queen of Naples: A Continuation of "The Empress Elizabeth", by Clara Tschudi. The first biography ever on Sisi's younger sister Marie. Here's my review on it.
BONUS:
Absolutely unreliable books that you may want to check for funsies only:
The secret of an empress, by Countess Zanardi Landi. In case you don't know, there was a woman that claimed for YEARS that she was Elisabeth's illegitimate daughter. No one believed her back then and no one believes her now - but before DNA tests you could claim being the long lost child of anyone and nobody could do anything about it. Said woman wrote a book on this; its contents are probably 95% made up, but in case you're curious about what she had to say, here it is.
Behind the Scenes at the Court of Vienna by Henri de Weindel. I skimmed through it and honestly it sounds fake, but hey who knows - maybe de Weindel was onto something. On the same vein of "hey this sounds kinda fake but maybe it isn't?" Princess Catherine Radziwiłł wrote some books about the Austrian court too (also in the public domain).
Non-fiction not in the public domain:
Books you can borrow and read for free, but not donwload. There are plenty so I'll just recommend the ones I've read.
The Reluctant Empress by Brigitte Hamann. Elisabeth's historiography in English it's kinda outdated, so Hamann's work from the 80s remains the most complete biography available (and it's overall still considered one of Elisabeth's best biographies). She does a really good research and covers many aspects of her life that sometimes don't recieve much attention (like her relationship with her siblings). However, as it is often noted, Hamann is also weirdly hostile towards Sisi, and many of her conclusions about her have a very noticeable negative bias. It's still very informative, just be prepared for this because it can be annoying.
Sissi ou la fatalité by Jean Des Cars. This is a very good a biography on Elisabeth. Des Cars has a more positive view on his subject and reading it after Hamann's gave me a more complete and nuanced picture of Sisi. My main criticism is that Des Cars isn't a historian but a journalist and it shows; his approach to his subject and investigation was very journalist-like. Also his prose is a bit dramatic so be prepared for that too lol. There isn't an English translation and on the Archive only the original in French is available.
Elizabeth, Empress of Austria by Egon Corti. This biography was groundbreaking when first published, Corti went through many primary sources unknown to the general public of the time and interviewed people that actually met Elisabeth. Although now it's considered outdated, to this day it's the backbone of any book on the Empress.
The Emperor and the Actress by Joan Haslip. This book covers the relationship between Franz Josef and actress Katharina Schratt, whose friendship (and maybe much more than that) lasted over twenty years. This book is fairly short and easy to read; personally FJ's relationship with Katharina is like the only thing about him that I find genuinely interesting and I loved learning more about it. Elisabeth was the first shipper of these two so she appears a lot too. For more books about FJ check his tag.
A LOT has been written about Elisabeth's brother and sister-in-law Archduke Maximilian and Princess Charlotte - the short lived Emperor and Empress of the Second Mexican Empire. Currently I'm reading The Crown of Mexico by Joan Haslip (available on the archive) and I'm quite enjoying it - although it does has some outdated language (specially when talking about the indigenous people from Mexico) and one random homophobic comment that's pretty gross. Other than that it's quite informative and easy to read, specially if you don't know much about the subject. I could not list all the works about them on the Archive, there's just a lot of non-fiction and fiction, as well as some memoirs of people that knew them and were in Mexico with them. I recommed going through their tags ([x][x]) or just looking up "Maximilian of Mexico" and "Carlota of Mexico" to see all that's available.
There are a couple of biographies on King Ludwig II of Bavaria, Elisabeth's cousin and friend. I woudn't know which one of these recommend to you, but you could start with Greg King's one, since I've read other works by him and they were good.
Fiction books:
There's plenty too! I can't recommend any of these tho, since the only fictional book about Sisi that I've read isn't here, so I'll just highlight the popular ones:
Elisabeth The Princess Bride by Barry Denenberg. The Royal Diaries seems to be every English speaker royal history nerd formative book series so I'm sure this one is beloved too.
The Accidental Empress and Sisi, Empress On Her Own, by Allison Pataki. This duology was published fairly recently and it's quite popular. The Sisi stans of Goodreads THRASHED these books tho, since apparently Pataki is very historically inaccurate.
The Fortune Hunter by Daisy Goodwin. Apparently it isn't very good either.
A Caged Bird by Maureen Fleming. Not a popular book at all, just highlighting it because this 30s novel it's in the public domain so you can download it (and because the first lines killed me).
These are just some books (and I haven't read many of them); the Archive is an amazing place because you can spend hourse searching and finding books and information. If you go to the tag you'll find even more books on Sisi (I couldn't fit all of them on the post), there are also some on Crown Prince Rudolf here. If there is someone in particular you are interested in and I haven't covered them here tell me and I see if I can find something!
I hope this answer helped you!
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pendraegon · 3 years
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hi ellian, I recently started trying to get into arthurian legend a bit and like, i'm working my way through some of chretien de troyes but sometimes I just want something a bit more modern and easy (I've read cliges and erec and enide.. oh my GOD erec is a dick), and if you feel like getting into it at all, why do you hate t.h. white / the once and future king ? whenever I look for recommendations its the first anyone recommends ! i'm so unsure whether to read it ?
hi!!! okay okay okay i legit got SO excited reading this because arthuriana ask<33 but also holy shit dude WHAT?? YOU READ..CLIGES AND EREC AND ENIDE FIRST?????????? cliges and erec and enide like oaisklfdjosadjfas they suck so much oh my god (anyways yeah welcome to the “we all hate erec” club on tumblr dot com, i think almost everyone who has read that text hates him with a passion) but holy shit if i started out with cliges and erec and enide i would never ever read arthuriana again. for chretien de troyes the only two things that are worth reading are yvain: knight of the lion and lancelot: knight of the cart. lancelot is significantly harder/more difficult than say yvain but also because de troyes fucking HATED lancelot and you can TELL through the text.
oh man..toafk...okay christ so we actually got into...a little bit of discourse, or as much discourse as you can GET in the arthuriana circles on tumblr, over this. i am hesitant TO call it discourse because i don’t believe it is at all but rather that me and a few friends were informing people just of...well..... it was a matter of a fact of the arthurian circle here on tumblr skews VERY white and toafk has a lot of racist/homophobic/misogynistic/ableist content in it that is either actively or unconsciously skimmed over and instead is just blatantly praised without ever getting into the nuance of discussing the fact that toafk by all means is NOT the end-all-be-all arthurian text. (personally it REALLY grinds my gears when people use toafk to cite their sources but that’s another matter aoisdjfoas)
th white is...well, th white himself and his works are incredibly racist in that there are SO many racial slurs used to the point that i remember being distinctly uncomfortable reading it, th white’s portrayal of palamedes (a muslim knight who is often portrayed as a “conversion fantasy”) is deeply upsetting, and the fact that th white uses a specific dialect FOR certain characters as well that gets even more skin crawling due to it. i cannot find the post for it but if i do i’ll update it but there are these “notes” of th white’s for toafk in which he says that lancelot (who toafk portrays as a gay man but lancelot, despite being one of the greatest and handsomest knights in legends, is portrayed as grotesque and ugly....the classical western thought of beauty = good, but also equating homosexuality to ugliness is. uh...not great) preys on younger men/squires (such as gareth, gawain’s brother). there is a lot of linking between homosexuality and pedophilia in toafk and the fact that toafk is LAUDED for this portrayal of lancelot makes me genuinely ill. similarly, mordred is shown to be the only disabled character but he’s villanized to the point of it being sickening. his portrayal of women especially in regards to guinevere is strife with misogyny (there’s this one specific part about how gaudy guinevere looks now that she’s old and applying makeup) and in regards to elaine of corbenic it’s uh. somehow he made elaine of corbenic WORSE than she is already.
that being said, toafk was published in 1958 and by all means i firmly believe that [1] no books SHOULD be banned ever but [2] that being said you MUST be aware of the author’s biases that seep into the text because of COURSE that happens. and [3] as long as you are AWARE of said biases (and th white has many and once you’re AWARE as well of th white’s family’s history in india you can’t unsee it in his work) and you KNOW what it is you’re imbibing, then by all means, use critical thinking skills -- there is still something to be taken from BY toafk and by what it is th white wrote but do not praise it as “the best” arthurian modern novel when it falls flat on so many levels. i feel similarly about mists of avalon which is another highly praised modern arthurian book especially in its portrayal of female characters, but lots of people simply do not want to talk about or KNOW that the author herself is a rapist and a pedophile. i’ve read both of these books and like, i wouldn’t recommend them at all because personally i also think that the writing sucks, but IF you read either of these works, it’s good to be aware exactly what it is you’re getting into. especially since arthurian circles, which again are predominantly white, often tend to keep these things very hush-hush or get VERY antsy if you speak out badly about toafk/mists of avalon.
arthuriana HAS and IS used as a dogwhistle online and in alt-right spaces. arthuriana HAS been used historically to promote islamophobic and antisemitic sentiment. arthuriana HAS been used to villainize people who don’t fit a particular “mold” of “normality”. arthuriana HAS been propaganda itself -- but that doesn’t make arthuriana bad or evil. arthuriana is a LIVING tradition, an evolving body of work -- for me, as someone who adores the medieval lit side of arthuriana, it’s extremely troubling to see just how the works from the 1900s and onwards has, instead of uplifting the genre as a whole to become more inclusive, has only become more entrenched in racist and misogynistic and homophobic thought. arthuriana deserves better, we deserve better, and arthuriana CAN be better.
here is a link to a discussion post that goes deeper into it!
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sepublic · 4 years
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The Sleepover to End All Sleepovers/A Day at the Aquarium!
           That last episode HURT y’all. All the callbacks, from the Zapapedes, to Vegetter Robo… Like, that whole specifically-shaped-coral montage was hilarious and all, but it also kind of hurt! But at the same time it was validating, like you went through all of these silly, hilarious, and heartwarming adventures together… And now you’re looking back! These kinds of episodes and whatnot in stories ALWAYS get to me. There’s this sense of progress, but also a journey coming to a close, and the show writers know how to GET to me!
           I really liked how A Day at the Aquarium focused on the Plantars trying to make one more happy memory, trying not to get sad… It’s like how some people believe that one should celebrate that something happened, instead of grieving over the loss! But inevitably, in order to make room for happiness, there ALSO has to be room for grief… And I really love this show for the quiet, subdued little moments and lessons like these. Just simple little life-lessons that seem so obvious at first-glance, but it’s actually getting the guts to implement them in practice that’s really the work!
           Lemme tell you, I was DELIGHTED by the Aquarium episode! I’ll get onto the Sleepover episode shortly after, that was also amazing… But right now I’m fresh off the feels of the Aquarium episode. I half-expected to see the return of the seashell that Sprig gave to Ivy… But that’s not important honestly, I feel like THAT would’ve really wrecked me! But let me tell you, that climax? That callback to the FIRST episode, to our first proper Spranne Against the World adventure, at the lake? Hop Pop finally learning the truth but he’s just too sad to do anything about it?! UGH that hit hard, that hit SO hard man! Way harder than I expected it to, I was laughing and triumphant and sad all at once, and legit afraid that the group would be split up… And I CHEERED when I saw Wanda the Water Snake and recognized her species!
           But that callback to those first few episodes, Sprig and Anne whacking those stingrays away? Polly employing her spitting skills? Like I said, it’s all of the callbacks that make the journey worth it, all of the small moments… It reminds me of a point I made a while back, about how there’s no ‘filler’, that every little thing contributes to this show’s themes and feelings of family, of private little moments and in-jokes! Also the humor was top-notch as always, I love the gag with the Sting Rays and the ‘faces’ beneath them, people in this show REALLY like their aquatic and amphibious animals and it shows! And the gag about the Stingrays being freed and that one dude who’s happy, but predictably, the Plantars get banned?
           UGH the humor in this episode was top-notch! Small little moments like these, it’s the tiny little moments…! And then when Anne is leaving Newtopia, seeing Doris, Priscilla the Killa and her daughter Pearl, the alligator, etc.! I was HOLLERING, like our memories at Newtopia were even more recent and young but it felt so validating about a journey of various connections made, a lot of them one-time but still meaningful, different memories! I’m a sucker for episodes where memories get flung back at you, like it really IS a final goodbye…
           And this episode hurts even MORE, when you remember that two nights ago or so, Sprig was already mourning the loss of his mother, who he never got to know, with Anne- Somebody he DID get to know! So seeing him realize he’ll lose her in this episode makes it hurt so much more… And I love Marcy, being so mature and letting Anne be happy, getting to go back to Wartwood! I miss that place, will we get episodes of the trip back? Or will we finally return? Regardless, I’m going to miss Newtopia, our time there was brief yet gorgeous…!
           And Marcy! Marcy, trying to be so ‘logical’ over emotions, I wonder if this is something that caused issues with her and Anne in the past? Perhaps she was never good with emotions, and/or being hurt in the past led to her trying to prioritize being ‘logical’ to cope! But I also have to wonder, what with Andrias’ proposition… Is Marcy going to want to stay in Amphibia, but also keep Anne and Sasha with her? In the past I mused about the idea of the way back to Earth involving all three girls leaving, or none at all… So Marcy prevents Sasha and Anne from leaving, so she can stay in Amphibia!
           But this? The idea that Marcy doesn’t just want to be in Amphibia, she wants to keep Sasha and Anne with her… She’s tired of going along with what others want, and wants to prioritize HER desires just this once! UGH that’s brilliant! As for Andrias…
           …Well. Dialing back to the previous episode, we saw that torn painting with what appeared to be Andrias, a toad, and maybe a young frog? Are they a daughter, sibling, and/or loved one? Did they DIE, were the bodies of the other two in that crypt?! We know Andrias is pretty old, so this could’ve happened a long while ago… Was there some incident involving the Calamity Box, or not? Andrias didn’t seem to know about it until recently, so probably not. Or maybe those two did their own thing and got sent to Earth?
           What does it say, that the caste system exists now? Were they friends before, or during…? Andrias speaks of loss, is he trying to get his friends back, or keep the ‘new ones’ he’s made…? Is he going to be some sort of dark parallel to Marcy, and what does that say about the young frog and Toad? Will Andrias’ old friends parallel Anne and Sasha respectively?
           Those polyp-plankton-ghost things were terrifying… It seems having light shined directly onto them, by virtue of their reflection, causes them to go solid; So maybe they’re partially photo-synthetic? Not gonna lie I DID get bad vibes from that crypt, I agree with Marcy and Anne, it felt like we were desecrating some hallowed grounds, but also lowkey stumbling across the dark secrets and more-than-literal skeletons in the closest of the royal family? In particular that underground greenhouse, what was up with that, and was that a Moss Man!? Is the same kind of energy used for the Calamity Box, also used for the ancient automatons of the past?! Can it be used as a life-force to sustain things? I’m just speculating mindlessly here though…. Maybe the nutrients from the decomposing bodies help to sustain the growth, but even then…!
           This episode clearly helped to set up some dark secrets that will be told later on. Does the royal family have some sort of ancient secrets, some mad scientists here or there? Could this connect to the Plantars? Did the Plantars and THEIR unusual past lead to Yunnan, possibly a member of their family, joining the ranks of the royals? We know Emma the Newt was an ancestor, after all…
           On a lighter note, seeing Lady Olivia get scribbled on was hilarious in this episode, as well as her in general…! And I love the gag of Anne just NOW realizing the leaves in her hair, implying that she regularly tries to get them out, but somehow they still just. Get there. And what about the robot?! It seemed unwilling to head into Newtopia, is it because of ancient programming, or is the water hazardous? If so, now that the Plantars are leaving Newtopia, surely they’re about to run into it, right? Or will the robot come into Newtopia, just as they leave, leaving Marcy and Andrias to deal with it???
           Also, it’s mentioned that the Calamity Box was used to access other worlds, and we can see some that don’t look like Earth… Will we briefly get a glimpse into those, as well as what Matt Braly said about lands beyond Amphibia being a spoiler? Earth is drawn almost broken off from a pattern… Dumb idea, but what if the Calamity Box was used to unite these worlds together, and Earth is different in that it never got the chance; Possibly because the Calamity Box ran out of power? And obviously we have a decent idea as to where that missing power is, but it seems that recharge stations also still exist… Which accounts for all of the OTHER ancient automatons!
           Andrias said his ancestors were ‘explorers and scientists’, but let’s be real here. They were PROBABLY also conquerers, and maybe that’s why the Calamity Box was depowered, to prevent them from taking other worlds! I’ll have to see what others have decoded, but in the meantime, what we see here is VERY fascinating, and I’ll have to check up on future episode synopses to get a better idea of this show’s trajectory now that we’re leaving Newtopia… One thing’s for sure, we see a volcano in that book, so the one temple Andrias and Marcy know about is probably there; And it’s where we’ll have our confrontation with Sasha and Grime! How will Yunnan play into this, I wonder… Will certain truths of the Royal Family come to light, will the Plantars have to choose between the Toads, and Newts? Will Anne have to choose between Sasha and Marcy?!
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kncrowder88 · 3 years
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So, thanks to a tiktok video, I got to thinking. The person was talking about love potions and how horrible they are and how they are essentially date r*pe. Which, legit. However what sparked my attention was more the fact I’m aware Molly used them and I know there was a mention of them being banned but yet they get taught?
So, I did some digging. In, Goblet of Fire (chapter 27 Padfoot Returns) Rita Skeeters article accuses Hermione of uses a love potion while also stating that “Love potions are, of course, banned at Hogwarts and Albus Dumbledore ...” . Now, while Rita isn’t the BEST source of info I highly doubt she just tossed in there that something is banned like that just to do so but more found someone willing to accuse Hermione of something that severe/risky to spice up her article. Better to find an accusation of a crime than craft a crime people can prove isn’t even an actual crime.
However, in chapter 9 of the Half-Blood Prince, titled the same, Slughorn presents the students with amortentia - “the most powerful love potion in all the world”. Now, in the books he states that should be able to make these potions after completing their N.E.W.T.s. In the movies, we only really are shown and told about the potion - no mention of if it would be taught or not. And as I recall, the article on the banning of the potions isn’t brought up at all. Keep in mind, the most we get on the Molly incident is her telling Ginny and Hermione about a love potion she made as a young girl. No info on punishment if there was any, on if she was taught in school or what.
What I’m getting at is this. Were these potions ALWAYS banned? Or, was this ban a new ban as a result of a change in potions professors? We don’t get to see N.E.W.T.s under Snape, so for all we know he also showed the potion but for all we know he also never once presented it to the students. And based on his strict teaching style and guidelines and ... well insistence on banning just about anything that could potentially cause harm to student or teacher I would not be surprised if he spent a good amount of time during his first week in office arguing for the banning of a variety of things including love potions.
Here is why I personally think this would work and make sense. Slughorn we know has been teaching since Riddle’s time as a student. That is during the 1930s, and likely even started earlier (possible 1920s or 1910s). Now, I am no cultural expert of ANY time period. However, it is far to say that sexism has been around for centuries. And while we can argue back and forth on which society - muggle or magical - was and/or is superior to the other in regards to many things we should all be able to agree much of that is fan opinions and not canon (as we get little ACTUAL canon info to compare on that in truth).
So, I wouldn’t be surprised if the potion - from the eyes of someone like Slughorn - wouldn’t be viewed as something used for that purpose. Oh, yes, he does mention that it is dangerous and causes obsessive love. But he isn’t looking at the BREWERS intent but the effects on the one taking it. He’s talking about how that individuals behavior will then become dangerous. So I can see how easily the potion can be looked at as a sort of haha funny prank or “oh well she just needed to loosen up a bit” mindset in someone not even looking at the INTENT of the BREWER.
Whereas, someone who LITERALLY IS FASCINATED WITH THE DARK ARTS AND INTENT OF CASTERS, would look at the potion and go “lol no ban this shit”. I could go on but post is long enough as is and I’m curious what others think because its kind of curious this little inconsistency and I want to see what others make of it.
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anestheticrage · 4 years
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Be me: Japanese honor student🎓, 15, with half a brain and even less of a plan. Hunting bitches by day and witches by night. Livin that dank only child✌️ life while mom n dad yeet all over the globe, leavin me plenty of time to forget not to make 2 lunches for myself #quirky 😜
no time for socialization or basic electronics skills ???📱??? when your best friends are an alien demon rabbit🐰👽 and the inexplicable Hole ™ in your brain. lmao, btw did i mention im ✨M✨A✨G✨I✨C✨A✨L✨
dreamin bout my 2D waifus again when familiar pink haired cancer patient dances through my brain passin out fliers: Kamihama Meguca Dating Service: Sponsored by Cult of the Magius. 250 stones per session 🤔
seems legit, Mr. Moneybags. wasn't spending my unwieldy sack of gemstones on anything else anyway. lets pull 💎💎💎
first up we have Redhead Radagast and her plethora of plants. 🌿☺️🦎
anndd, nearly dies immediately. 
well not off to a great start but i guess shes pretty cute at lea- oh FUCK its her girlfriend, Tsundere Poseidon😒🔱💦, and their exasperated, straight and single Sword Mom 😔🗡️🔥. fml gonna have to save up for the next pull. might as well play a few rounds with what i got tho. 
get in some good girl talk about things like school, color coded hair styles, body count, permanent soul damage, and our personal demon pacts. ya know, the usual 😚 . realize my dark backstory seems to be missing, so the girls take me to Ketchup Queen Sappho 🍅🥧 (wtf?) to molest my glowy egg stone. whatevs, more action than ive had since Kuroe 🖤 got added to the story anyway
the gang agrees it's time to hunt down the cutest rabbit pimp 🕶️🐇💵 in the city. >> say 🎵mukyuuu🎵 one more time and ill hug you so hard my backstory will pop right out, you adorable fluffy bastard. plz be my new best friend 💕
Form brand new friendship pact with Kyubae, and remember that my lil Sis 🐥 was always the best wingman for pickin up magic chicks, and kept her side of the room so spotless i forgot she existed. whoops 乁༼☯‿☯✿༽ㄏ Maybe if I find her i can stop paying these exorbitant pull fees.📵💎
speaking of which: hot damn this week's featured bachelorette is a 19 year old model and magical detective🔎 with massive levels of PTSD and self loathing 🥵💙💦 more likely to stab you or dramatically jump off a rooftoop than utter a single positive comment. wow, maybe i really COULD find true love…
... if i had MORE THAN A 1% FUCKING DRAW CHANCE. 😡 smh
hard to make much progress finding sis or winning the broken heart of a hard boiled detective amidst the never ending lover's quarrel of the Trident Vine Lesbians. 💔 Sword Mom tells them if they don't behave a monster will take them away. LOL classic mom 🤣
>>>HOLY FUCK IT DID
declare all-out war on urban legends, starting with staircases ⚔️ to reunite the dysfunctional trio, and hope that I net a way better lineup with the next 10x pull. at least sad sleuth lady came to help out. they say combat is the best way to bond wi-   and there she goes off the rooftop again 🙄 fml
alright that got way off track, we need a fresh start, away from all the loli drama. how bout a little B&E🔓🔨🤷🏻‍♀️ at the local house of worship to clear my head. ahh nothing like the unanswered prayers of the masses to get you in the mood for another wasted pull, and the 🔥 MIGHTIEST 🔥 headache you could ask for with a side of Double Cooked Pork 🐖🍜 (meh 5/10🧾)
venture forth into the spiritual unknown with your new human flamethrower🔥🌻🧡 and ask your favorite private eye to please, for the love of Eve, trade Meguca accounts with me~~~ Head through the eastern spirit portal to meet up with hologram propaganda sis and detective crush's evil ex, who joined a dating-app cult (#fuck) and also turned into the moon?🌕?(that's rough buddy)
get ambushed by Acid Horse on Wheels 🌈🐴 and vomit up my soul so hard that its time for a crossover episode. T U R F F F   W A R R R *que operatic harmonies* 💛 Blondie with the hair drills and enough attitude and guns to fill up a noble phantasm tries to ban my account permanently, but PI heartthrob denies her admin privileges. aww babe i didn't know you cared. 😭♥️
get kidnapped by my new true love and go back to her place 😏  defs enough empty rooms to house five emotionally traumatized girls and at least two ghosts hehehe👻 XD 💚🃏💜🎸 decide to form the anti-gossip brigade and recruit my blazing sunflower after getting ambushed by the witch living in my fruit loops🥣
❌outvoted 2:1 that cults are bad. mf. fiinneee one last pull to round out the team and then I'll delete the app. cmonnn Karin 🎃~
OH HELL YEAH TWO FOR ONE.
Always wanted a daughter 💜🔨🐄 with a penchant for pissing off the local Martial Arts & Books Club and drinking suspicious liquids offered by total strangers. Well if it's good enough for her AND the sexy mayadere with enough game to seduce a mermaid, might as well get in on that myself. 
#curseddrank 🤢 0/24 would not recommend to a friend, 'cept maybe Ria
win alot of cash 🤑, blow up a fountain, meet the pied piper²🎶🖕, moon cult, monochrome feathers, something about liberation✊🏻; adopt temper tantrum cow girl. aces 💜🥩
Next up!!! skydiving with DJ Hammer! Jump to apparently-not-certain death after suicidal A.I. 💚💾🗼 tells you to rescue her hostage before they run out of Radiohead albums and have to move on to Thom Yorke's solo discography. save the invisible shield kitten 💚👑😿 from happiness and get chased through the internet by the sexiest homicidal Paint Pallette 💚🎨😈 since Caravaggio. (apparently green is the color of the digital apocalypse. i’m deleting Kako from my friend's list)
that’s it, fuck this app. 250 stones 💎 per-life-threatening-experience is more than i’m willing to deal with 😓 don’t wanna mess with the perfect nuclear family anyway. we've already got: 
✔️the two emotionally traumatized moms with memory and commitment issues
✔️the adhd daughter with anger management problems and a giant hammer
✔️the psychologically abused scizophrenic cat
✔️and the eccentric aunt with crippling anxiety
#squadgoals
now that were done hoarding bitches, its time to hunt the witches. and the bitches makin the witches. btw did i mention the witches ARE the bitches! AND WERE ALL GOING TO DIE!? 📽️⁉️💀 wait fuck lets back up a second
This is Nemo📕 and Token🧪 and they have all the answers but prefer if you only ask vague questions in exchange for vague responses so they can fill in the rest by discussing their superior intellect 🧠 at length. not to mention they built that dating app, so of course everyone in my harem decides to be a FUCKING. TRAITOR.🤬
cept waifu prime ofc 🥰💙. [PTSD > brainwashing] 'yOu CaN bE tHe LeAdEr NoW'. i have been from the very beginning you traumatized Hinedere nightmare. maybe if you weren't so caught up collecting surrogate daughters you would've noticed IM👏THE👏ONLY👏 ONE👏PROGRESSING👏THE FUCKING👏PLOT✨
rescue the rest of dysfunctional found-family™ from selves before my adorable firebender burns down Disnihama🎡🔥😱 during her weekly anxiety attack. (love the makeover T B H) 
CHAPTER 8: Magical Girl Massacre🩸🗡️
   - everyone has like, the shittiest day ever
   - the new Pope really needs to be extradited from the church
   - make friends with a really pretty tree 🌺🌲✨
i swear, if i don't finish this god damn story in time to get that free pull im gonna beat the shit out of every mirror i find in that giant mansion that i haven't even had any time to even mention yet. 🖕🏚️ let alone EVERYTHING happening with the prequel [fuck you, I'm the star] girls 💗💜💙💛❤️️ and their multidimensional melodrama. We don't need that many repetitive af episodes to emphasize that Homo-ra is a shitty person. we've all seen Rebellion. 🙄
NO, I DONT CARE IF YOU WANT SAPPHO'S BACKSTORY, I ONLY HAVE 79 STONES LEFT AND IF YACHAN FINDS OUT I HAVEN'T DELETED THE APP YET IM GONNA HAVE TO GO SLEEP IN WITH SANA 😭💎💸😠
uhhhggggg where were we… Topple a cult and burn down Hotel Denoument only to realize that Sis was fused with the dating app servers this entire madokafuckin time (told ya she was the best wingman 😊). 
Dilemma: Sis =🥚, Triumvirate of Trouble want 🐣. What do? vote now:
Help Hatch - IIIIIII
Not Do That - IIIII
What The Actual Fuck Is Going On - IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Lets just fight everyone until something good happens.
🔥🔫🔥🗡️🔥😱🔥🌆🔥😱🔥🛡️🔥💣🔥
Kill (???) the artist-in-chief of the italian reindeer murder police after teaching her the true meaning of Christmas 🎄 hatch 🐣lil Sis and realize she WAS your wingman all along🐰 MUKYUUUU! we're just gonna ignore how much trouble it would have saved if you'd just mentioned that. "yOu DiDnT aSk..." 
FUCK YOU SPACE BITCH. ONCE AN INCUBATOR ALWAYS AN INCUBATOR 🖕🐇🔪
anywho, somewhere along the lines we of course summoned the Antichrist ⚙️ because why not raise the stakes to max and still not kill off a single character. Madofuckinkami, can we PLEASE wrap this up. 😩💤
feathers (not the culty kind, tfm) rain from the sky, and the power of friendship and not having the Urobutcher 🔪🩸as a lead writer saves our peacefully sectioned off alternate reality 😇
TL:DR fuck cults, real life waifus DO exist, don't sell your soul to space rabbits, or your stones to megacorporations. Enjoy arc 2 on the JP server with your shitty translation patch you filthy fuckin weebs 
Yours Truly, 
- Thirsty Weeb Eroha 💗💎😘 
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Request: “#100 with Dean + ‘younger reader’, smut, fluff” by @emoryhemsworth​ 
Prompt: “Everyone keeps telling me I should stay away from you.” 
Pairing:  Dean x Reader 
Word count: 3.1K  
Warnings: Mentions of age difference, smut, way too many words to call this a drabble (sue me) 
A/N: This one got away from me a little bit. Let’s just all agree to ignore the word count. Also, not entirely unimportant: the Reader has a specific age in this fic due to part of the request being for them to be younger, as noted above. 
Beta: @princessmisery666​ 
JJ’s Rockin’ 100 - PROMPTS || MASTERLIST || ASK BOX 
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Dean let the Impala roll into one of the empty spots on the motel’s parking lot and shifted his Baby into park. He leaned back, allowing a heavy sigh to pass through his lips. When he glanced up, he caught a glimpse of his reflection in the rearview mirror. He decided he had definitely seen better days.  
The vampire nest he had been tracking, had been easy enough to take out. It was the place they had chosen as their lair that had done most of the damage to his appearance. That dusty old house had been leaning heavily toward a true vamp-cliché.  
Dean hated clichés. Especially if they contained filthy dark basements with earth flooring instead of concrete. One dive to dodge an assault and he had been covered in dirt.  
He reached up to wipe at his face, but the movement just made things worse. A low groan rumbled from his throat. At least the nasty bloodsuckers had gone down fast, and he could get some satisfaction out of that.  
Part of the day’s success was thanks to the other hunter that had been in the room.  
With Sam gone to help out Rowena with something out west, Dean had set off on this hunt alone. He had been in town for less than two hours when you found him. There was something in the way you looked at him that gave Dean an inkling of your intentions, and they didn’t seem to be strictly case related. 
It had been a while since Dean worked with another hunter, whom he had never met before. He had been surprised at how easy it had been. Especially since both of you had not exactly been able to focus solely on the tasks at hand.  
The first couple of comments had been innocent enough. He liked how he could make you bite your bottom lip with a few simple, well-timed words. And he certainly didn’t mind the suggestive remarks you had slipped in whenever the moment allowed for them.  
Another one of those inappropriate pieces of commentary was flung right his way when Dean stepped out of the car. He saw you leaning against your own vehicle a couple of spots down, a smirk on your alluring lips as you took in the sight of the dirt-covered hunter.  
“You are one filthy man, Winchester,” you said, pushing yourself off against the side of your car before making your way over to him.  
How was it you had only a few smears of dust on your shirt and he got the full facial? Not fair.  
“You don’t know the half of it,” he heard himself respond before he could think better of it.  
The smirk on your lips only grew. “Need some help cleanin’ up?” you asked, voice airy and casual but eyes darkened with an underlying, less innocent, motive. “’Cause if so, I’d be happy to offer you my services. I’m really... thorough.”  
Dean’s eyebrows shot up for just a second. He caught himself and quickly turned his expression back to neutral. “Right,” he said, clearing his throat when it suddenly felt awfully dry. “Think I can handle it. I’m quite the expert at getting those hard to reach spots just right.”  
He shut his car door a little harder than intended and started for his motel room, leaving you behind on the parking lot to mull over his words.  
The thought of you followed him into the shower. As he rid his skin of dirt, Dean couldn’t help but imagine it was you who was touching him. Your hands, rough from hunting but skillful and efficient. He could already feel his cock beginning to harden.  
There was still a voice inside his head telling him to walk away from this, to block it all out and ban it from his mind. That voice had been there since the moment he had laid eyes on you. There was no doubt you were younger than him, and not just by a year or two. Calling Bobby to check if you were legit – as he did every time before trusting someone new to hunt alongside him – had confirmed his suspicions.  
But the chemistry was there. The constant flirting. There was no denying that damned sexual tension. It hung in the air between you and weighed down on his conscience. Still, so far, it had done jack to keep him from flirting with you and augmenting the flames.  
You were an adult. He knew there was nothing wrong with the thoughts he was having. But he also knew he had changed over the years. His days of sleeping around with whomever he could persuade with a mere look, had long since ended.  
Dean muttered a few curse words he had picked up from his dad at a very young age and turned off the meager shower stream. After taking care of his little problem, with nothing but you on his mind, he got out of the tub and grabbed a towel.  
Fifteen minutes later he was hunched over the trunk of the Impala, forcefully stuffing his duffel bag alongside his machete that still had some vamp blood on it.  
“Not leaving without saying goodbye, are you?”  
Dean turned around to see you walking over to him across the parking lot. He could tell you had taken a shower yourself; your hair was damp and you were wearing a different set of clothes. Now that the hunt was over, you seemed to have traded your practical jeans and a t-shirt for a denim skirt and a yellow top with thin straps Dean would have loved to slide off your exposed shoulders.  
“Don’t tell me you’re going to get all emotional now,” he said, trying to force his eyes to focus back on your face.  
You scoffed. “You make me feel a lot of things, Winchester, but sentiment isn’t one of them.”  
Dean closed the trunk and walked around the car. He wasn’t sure if he was doing it simply because he had finished packing up his things, or if he felt the need to put some distance in between the two of you. There was no telling what he might do if you got close enough for him to see whether you were wearing a bra underneath that top or not.  
You didn’t notice his futile attempt and just continued to slowly close the gap.  
“I was thinking,” you spoke, “maybe we could go grab a drink. You know, celebrate our win from earlier?”  
Dean watched as the space between him and you grew smaller with your slow approach. “Not sure there’s much to celebrate, sweetheart,” he said, hand already on the door of his car as if he would jump right in and speed off. “This was probably one of the easiest hunts I’ve ever been on.”  
“That’s because you had me covering your ass.” Your grin turned cocky. Dean decided he liked that look on you. “But you know what they say; it’s important to celebrate the small victories every once in a while. Besides, from what I’ve heard, you’re not usually one to shy away from a drink or two.”  
By the time your lips stopped moving, so had the rest of your body, leaving the two of you only inches apart. Dean noticed you were about to take a final step so your bodies would be touching. He took a step back in an attempt to keep that from happening, but soon felt his back pressing against the side of the Impala.  
Dean cleared his throat. Why did it have to keep feeling so dry? 
“That so?” he said, trying to keep up the casual façade just like you seemed to be doing so effortlessly. “What else have you heard about me?”  
“Not much,” you simply shrugged, “except...”  
You paused and took a moment to glance up at Dean through your eyelashes in a way that made him want to groan. But he clenched his jaw and suppressed the urge.   
Dean had a few ideas of the things other hunters out there were saying about him. The Winchesters had a reputation, as a family, but also individually. Whatever it was you had heard, he had a feeling it wouldn’t surprise him. 
He coaxed, “Except?” 
You were still glancing up at him in that irresistible way when you told him, “Everyone keeps telling me I should stay away from you.”  
If Dean hadn’t been so busy staring at your lips as they moved, he would have laughed. “Everyone’s probably right.”  
“Probably?” you repeated. An eyebrow shot up, pulling at your perfect features, while you seemed to be measuring the seriousness of his words. After a moment of contemplation, you decided, “I’ll take my chances.”  
Dean felt his brain scrambling for a way to respond. If the dumbfounded look on his face wasn’t giving him away already, the strain in his jeans probably did the trick.  
But your expression changed when he remained quiet. He watched you take a step back, giving him room to breathe. You turned your head but he still managed to catch the look of hurt that flashed through your eyes. It made his insides twist painfully.  
“Right,” you spoke as if you understood. Your head bobbed in a curt nod. “I’ll let you get back to packing.”  
You were an open book in that moment. Dean could see the doubt all over your features. You were most likely wondering if you had read the signs wrong. He had to admit, he had let himself go a little when flirting with you these past few days. But it had all been so easy, felt so natural, with you.  
Dean dragged a hand over his face and took a deep breath. When he noticed you starting to turn away, he said, “Listen, kid-”  
“I’m not a kid.” Your tone was harsh and judgmental. The look of hurt on your face made way for obstinacy.  
Yet, still, Dean couldn’t help but scoff at your words.  
The thunder in your eyes told him you didn’t like his reaction. “Ten years isn’t that much, Dean. I know you know it, too.” You weren’t wrong, but damn if he was going to admit that out loud.  
“Eleven,” was all he said instead.  
Your answer came quickly, “I’m turning thirty in three months.”  
“Right, which means, as of right now, you are twenty-nine. Which makes me over a decade your senior.” Dean was still debating whether or not this argument was even worth it.  
He should have expected your response, but it still managed to catch him off guard.  
“And?” Your tone was challenging, clearly daring him to give you a good reason why any of this was an issue.  
Dean only pursed his lips and narrowed his eyes. He looked over your face, took in your features and stopped at your eyes. They were hard; stubborn. But there was also still that clear hint of lust he had seen every time you had looked at him during the vampire hunt. He knew that was what it was, because he felt it, too.  
“And...” he started slowly, dragging out the word. Dean was trying to buy himself some more time to think this through, even though, deep inside, he knew he had already made his decision.  
There was a spark between you two that could no longer be denied the opportunity to turn into a sea of flames. Just because this wasn’t usually his thing anymore, didn’t mean he should deny himself what he so clearly wanted. It was obvious you both wanted this, and as long as you were two consenting adults, Dean knew he shouldn’t get in his own head so much.  
You had heard about his reputation and still you wanted to get closer instead of run the other way. Who was he to dismiss your grit? There was no need for him to suppress his urges when you were so consciously drawing them out. The only need he had to listen to was the one causing the indomitable pull he felt toward you.  
“...I’ll be expecting you to get the bill since it was your idea,” he finally finished his response.  
There was nothing subtle about the way you reacted when you realized you had won the argument. “I better get my wallet, then,” you said, clearing your throat and straightening your top as if you still thought you could pull off playing it cool.  
Dean watched as you walked away, eyes on your swaying hips until they disappeared around the corner of the motel.  
Once he was alone, he let his body fall against the Impala and heaved a sigh. It took him about ten seconds to make a decision. Now that he had let go of any unnecessary thoughts holding him back, he had a clear view of what he wanted. And he wasn’t going to get it standing and waiting around.  
“Screw this,” he grumbled to himself as he started for your motel room.  
You opened the door at the same moment Dean lifted his hand to reach for the handle. A look of surprise took over your face but you quickly recovered and stepped aside. You didn’t say anything, just let him inside with a simple nod of your head.  
Dean looked around the motel room as if he was interested in the musty décor. He heard you close the door behind you but he didn’t turn around.  
“Thought we were going out for a drink.” He didn’t have to see your face to know that cocky grin was back. He could clearly hear it in the amused tone of your voice.  
“I was thinking,” he said, finally turning to look at you, “maybe we should take care of the more important business first.” He watched your face for any possible last indicator that he wasn’t supposed to be here. “I’ll take you out to dinner after.”  
That last word hung in the air between you two for a moment, until your lips caught it and you repeated it back to him in a question.  
“After?” Your grin dissolved slightly and your face grew more serious. There was that hint of lust again, only this time it started to take over in your eyes until it was all Dean could focus on.  
Instead of specifying things for you with words, he thought it best to let his actions speak for him. He was in front of you in a second. His hands grabbed your shoulders and pressed you up against the door. Rough fingers slid down to your waist and found their way underneath your top, gripping your waist tightly.  
“Which restaurant are we going to?”  
Your question was about the last thing he had expected to hear – and Dean had heard quite a few strange remarks during sex over the years.  
“Hm?” was the only reply he could give you. He was too busy pulling off your top and pressing his lips against the base of your neck to care much for conversation.  
“It’s just that I’m really picky about the things I put in my mouth.” 
Though you tried to sound serious, it was clear to Dean you were playing games, just like you had been doing these past few days. Clever, dubious words in an attempt to throw him off. It was the breathlessness with which you spoke that gave away you wouldn’t be able to keep that up much longer.  
Dean needed you to give in. He needed you. Period.  
“I’ll take you someplace nice,” he promised against your collarbone, his fingers now working your skirt, struggling to get it down with you still pressed against the door.  
You reached up and put your hands against his chest, pushing him back only slightly. Then you took your skirt and panties off in one motion, leaving you naked in front of the hungry hunter.  
“Such a gentleman,” you responded, biting your lip as you watched Dean take off his own clothes in record time.  
His hands were back on you in a flash and this time his lips found yours. They were rough, demanding, but you had no trouble keeping up. “You’ve got me all wrong,” he growled before pulling at your bottom lip with his teeth. He pulled your body against his own and he could feel his hard length trapped between the two of you, pressed against your belly. “I’ll show you.”  
Dean hooked his hands behind your thighs and lifted you up in one smooth motion. He carried you over to the bed, placing you down on the mattress before positioning himself between your legs.  
“Look at you,” he said huskily. He took his time drinking in the full sight of your naked frame. “All of this, for me.”  
Your eyes met, charging the electricity that was coursing between you. Dean bent forward and kissed you hard. It only lasted a moment before he moved down, covering your neck, your collarbone, your chest. He paused at your nipples, giving them a little extra attention. They were already hard and ready for him, but he continued to suck and pull until you were arching your back.  
His lips traveled further down, pressing sloppy kisses to your stomach. The closer he got to your core, the more impatient the noises sounded that were coming from your throat. They were like music to his ears, so Dean willed himself to go a little slower.  
Your hips bucked restlessly but he used his large hands to grab a hold of them and pin you back down.   
“Isn’t this the way you like it, sweetheart?” he spoke, lifting his head to catch your eyes. They were pleading, desperate. It made his cock twitch. “Thought you liked to play games.”  
You threw your head back and groaned. He could feel you trying to buck your hips again.  
“Dean.”  
The breathy way you moaned his name was enough to throw Dean’s will for payback out the window. He let go of your hips to spread your legs a little wider. His head found its way between your thighs.  
The sounds you made when his eager tongue entered your wet entrance were almost as sweet as the taste of you.  
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That afternoon, Dean showed you exactly the kind of man he really was.   
By the time you had relieved each other of all pent-up frustration, you were too tired to go out. Instead, Dean ordered takeout. You laid next to each other in the small bed, eating and talking together.  
Once the food was halfway gone, your hands were on him again and Dean pulled you closer.  
The rest of the day, neither one of you left the room.  
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illmamnim · 4 years
Text
Re watching Danny Phantom - episode 2
Basically me watching and analyzing each of the Danny Phantom episodes episode 1 | episode 3
"Well, there's only one way to find out. Go on, Danny. Go to that library and check out that book!"
Tucker has hit on every girl in school, why didn't he "check out that book"?
it just seems like Danny has Main Character Syndrome
"We have to stop meeting like this."
ok, Paulina, smooth.
"Pant-less again, Mr. Fenton? Third time this week I've caught you-"
I understand if it happened once- it felt awkward but it was meant to feel like that because we need to relate to him- but the fact that it happened so many times seems unnecessary and they could've probably found a better way to handle it.
"Mr. Lancer what? Is this bad news?"
Danny didn't even do anything wrong, why was he so scared? He always seems to be dropping and breaking things ("Thirty-four dropped beakers in the last month, banned for life from handling all fragile school property," from episode 1) but he has no reason to get in trouble.
They made Jack harsh, overbearing and senseless, not just here but I'm just gonna focus on this episode for now.
"If you haven't already got one, you are doomed to languish as a toxic social outcast for a period of [...]"
I get that the whole idea of the popular kids is to show how shallow and cookie cutters they are, but I feel like Paulina could've actually gotten some interesting moments with how stressed she is to always seem perfect and maybe to give her an actual personality (not to say that she would get a full redemption but just understand her character better)
Sales girl
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 this girl saw enough shit in her life working in retail. She gives no fucks.
"Looks are deceiving, Danny."
I actually like how by the end of the episode we get the reveal of "oh being pretty doesn't make her a bitch. she just is one."
"Hey! My fleecy tee! They must have had it in my size!"
Did Paulina just straight up steal from this girl
Valerie!!
The start of seeing her turn from a basic bitch to the best character in the show
I'm looking forward to it
"And the pants are still on."
Ok, I'm not gonna get into it now, but I love tucker's potential as a character! They just kinda fucked it up later on
"I don't even remember volunteering to chaperone the dance. It's all a vague blur."
I wish they had explained more on how the characters feel when being overshadowed
Ghost research
I love seeing them do the research when ever they find a ghost with a past.
The world building it perks up each time is always what gets me more into the show. I don't remember how much it shows up but I hope there's plenty.
Danny overshadowing tucker
first, rude.
Second, even so it does fit into the characters and story, and I feel like this is kind of the beginning of why tucker got so jealous later on and the amount of times Danny treats both him and Sam like sidekicks and not friends
Tucker & Sam being friends!
Why do they always feel like just mutuals that hang with Danny and not actual friends?! I wish they got better treatment from the show
(also happy Sam...)
Over shadowing jack at the dance
Danny really dug himself into a hole with this one.
I like how this is kind of how he can learn about the consequences of lying, both about the amulet and Lancer.
But, than again, this show doesn't like development too much.
"He's my best friend. Maybe that's why I was so hard on you. I didn't mean to call you shallow."
I love this about Sam, how she can admit if she's wrong and how honest with her feelings she can be
She's true to herself and her morals and she'll stand up for both herself and others and that's just why I love her character.
[Sam turns into a dragon]
Paulina didn't know about the amulet and what it can do- she just saw this goth girl turn into a dragon and never brought it up again??
I really wish the show had kept notes on what the characters know and what the audience does.
Danny just left Paulina to wake up in the field?!
pppffft ok, legit imagine this episode from her perspective
- dealing with a random dork and his goth girlfriend
-  flirt with said dork
- find he's not dating anyone and you're not causing the drama you were hoping for
- find this goth girl is a ghost dragon and faint
- wake up behind the stairs in the football field
- walk back to the school
- get hit on by this jock who scrubs his mom's feet
- find the dork dancing with this dragon girl
- realize you didn't dump him and he just stood you up
ya sounds like a forgettable day
Why did the teens just cheer for Jack and Maddie?
can they not have tucker third wheeling them One Time
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miss-lady-uhane · 3 years
Text
Off My Chest Pt.1
I don't see what's so hard about being in a relationship. You are born in to a group of relationships. Your parents, maybe siblings, aunts, uncles, or cousins?
Then immediately you're expected to create more relationships and this time it's with strangers. You're told at a you age to treat others how you want to be treated but who's to say that others will treat you the way you treat them. It's totally uncertain how a person will react to you since not everyone gets along even for the most simple of reasons.
When I was in elementary school I always had the weirdest time making friends and I think it's because no one else was going through what I was going through. At that time I was too young to connect those dots because I didn't even really know what I was going through. I always hung out with my cousin patsy when we weren't in school, mostly because my dad was working and she was also my only cousin who was my age. I think we got along well but we just had different views about things. We both grew up in a Jehovah Witness family, and by that I mean my grandparents were both heavily religious and had 13 kids where majority of them were also heavy in to the JW beliefs. The difference between us was that her dad didn't care about going to church and never let the rest of the family pressure him. My dad was always in the church as a young man but was also a troublemaker and actually was disfellowshiped which means no one in the JW congregation could talk to you because you've basically been banned and the only way to get that back is to do everything you're supposed to do in regards to being a good follower.
I don't exactly know how his obligations transferred to me but we always had to go to church until I was maybe 6-8? And I had to go alone. My older cousins would take me to bible study or come over and study the watch tower. At a young age I started to actually realize how hypocritical that was, why do I have to get dressed up and memorize the Bible when my dad just stays home every night? Boom. All at once I was a bad person even though I never did anything wrong.
As a kid I spent a lot of time with my dad who was really strict. My grandma got me a phone because he would refuse to answer her calls and that was both the best and worst gift. I could have some kind of social life and hang out with my friends but my dad would literally call me every 20 minutes and I'm not exaggerating. It got to the point where I would just turn my phone off even if I knew I would get in trouble.
The constant calling and over-protection along with my dad always being gone for work coupled with moving in to smaller and smaller housing situations started to change me inside. I started realizing that not everything was peachy-keen. My dads best friends who I would go over and hang out with their kids no longer wanted him around which meant I had less and less friends. I started to wonder why my dad was always so frantic and why these people he's known his whole life started to drift away from him. The final time we moved to Pa'anau village which was basically Kauai's section 8 housing changed everything. After a lot of drama and overhearing arguments I realized that we were poor. I was still to young to understand why that was but I wasn't really bothered by it because I still wore the same school uniform, I still saw my friends from school, I still went to the beach every day. The only thing that was different now was that my dad was unemployed because the union does massive layoffs all the time.
I was still in middle school at this time and things started to change a little, people wanted to come to my neck of the woods all the sudden and I could never think of an excuse to tell them why they couldn't. Because my dad is a hoarder? Because I live in the ghetto? Or what else? Because my dad refused to pick me up or drop me off because he was always asleep? I never questioned why my dad was the way he was. I always just thought he was sad and missed my mom. He would cry a lot and have nightmares where he would yell for her and I would go in and wake him up and he would just cry.
I learned a lot about growing up once we moved to pa'anau. I had to clean our apartment all the time or it would be a mess, I did my own laundry. I definitely got in a lot of trouble because of who I was hanging out with in the environment. Living there and going to school in the city really changed who I was as a person.
I never saw myself as a "hot girl" or let alone a "pretty island girl". When I was in chief was I remember being like wow I thought I was a tomboy before and now I don't even own a pair of short hollister jean shorts. Either way I made my own path, I had the typical "text" boyfriend that I never saw in my life. We'd look at each other after our friends would go tell them something we each sent them on a mission to relay. Never really cared for any of that because in reality I was still shooting my guy friends with airsoft guns on the weekends.
After a while I realized that I couldn't just hang out with my two guy friends (Curtis & Treydon) because they too were finding themselves in a whole new world. I started hanging out with girls.. I just always felt like I never fit in. Girls as a whole are hard to get close with because there is ALWAYS drama. I still managed to have a group of friends wether I was unsure of if they really liked me or not we all ate lunch and we all hung out every lunch and found each other in class.
In the 8th grade things started to go for a wild turn. I got in a lot of trouble since my after school friends were those in my neighborhood and most of the people who lived in Pa'anau Village have drug using parents or drug dealing parents. I ended up getting arrested for the first time when I was 11 years old. We were eating ice cream I. Old Koloa Town when one of our friends said hey that couple left their bag should we take it? I remember everyone being scared and not wanting to but before I knew it she grabbed it and everyone just started running so of course I ran. She started opening the bag once we got to a bush covered pond near by and I realized we fucked up. The bag had her cell phone, her engagement ring, wedding band, Movado watch, everything. When they caught us I didn't have anything in my possession but the only thing that linked me was a phone call to my cell phone from the stolen phone. That call was made by a friends boyfriend who thought it was funny.
I'm now an 11 year old on probation. Grounded for life, can't affiliate with those friends, not to mention that we all had a different version of what happened. After this I found out that not only those friends but also our mutual school friends also had it out for me. As some kind of joke while we were banned from seeing each other they made a fake MySpace page where they started flirting with all kinds of guys including my last friend left in the groups boyfriend.
At this point I pretty much gave up on everyone I knew. I didn't want to hang out with them and I knew that I could find better people to be with. 8th grade summer my cousin Levi who was for some reason two years older than me in the same grade invited me to hang out with his friends. They were all way older and looked at me crazy!
A 13 year old? Who brought her here. But I was a balmores and they knew my older cousins really well. This group wasn't easy to get in to but once again I found my way and stuck around.
This all leads me to what I wanna figure out. Why, do I consistently get shafted? My 9th grade year I met a boy, he was quiet and literally said nothing to me. We would pass at school and for the first time ever I was like wow who is that. Fast forward, I find out he's friends with my new older friends because he was a senior which would make sense why I never saw him before. We eventually had small interactions and then one day at a party we hooked up. Go figure. We danced and kissed and I was like holy shit I'm gonna get in so much trouble. After that he literally said nothing to me until months went by and it happened again and this time it went all the way. First of all as I'm writing this why the fuck would he be the one to choose? Fuckin guy didn't do anything. Anyway.
I'm 14 and I've lost my virginity to a senior who also lost his virginity to me. Everyone we knew found out and made fun of him for hooking up with such a young girl. Everyone was so mean to me and he never talked to me again not a single word. Later I find out he was too embarrassed, what a pussy.
Instead of being sad I got really mad and started partying more and being kind of a tease because I thought it was funny that guys would try to hook up with me and I could say no but a girl they knew for years would be trying to hook up with them and the guy wouldn't want to. My way of killing two birds with one stone, getting over a guy and pissing off girls who were being mean to me.
Eventually I had my first legit boyfriend and that was.. a first. Typical I threw away my whole world for him but it wasn't hard since we were in the same group, things continued pretty much as normal minus the fact that I always had a ride now.
A lot of things happened that would need an entire book to fill in order for me to explain my self enstated independence from my dad, moving in with a friend, moving in with my coupons, then ending up in Washington.
I spent the entire time in Washington flying back and forth to California partially to see my boyfriend and partially to stay with friends and party.
My boyfriend and I ended pretty bad. He had developed depression and became a legitimate alcoholic, was cheating on me with multiple girls who I was suspicious of, then finally he was a complete drunk monster and that was the end of that.
Once again I found my way. I stayed in Washington and completed high school where I also met a whole squad of female demons. But yet again I started dating someone I met at a party. I didn't know him at all just what I knew from parties and social media. I figured we would be good friends and have fun and it was one of those things where he just called me his girlfriend one day. This was the biggest mistake I could've ever made. This guy was abusive, mentally and physically. I've never dealt with anyone like that and found myself at my weakest point. He spat in my face, threw my belongings all over the place, cheated on me physically, cheated on me on social media, fought with me publicly and on social media. Ultimately he ended up hacking any kind of internet profile I owned and was trying to ruin my life and I had to go to his house get my stuff and tell his parents and threaten legal action. Worst person ever.
Then right before I move to college a friend of mine was really in to setting me up with someone and I told her sure but nothing official. I hung out with this guy and her a few times and started to like him just because he was a normal guy. Pretty basic, friends, family, a dog. Most of all worshipped the ground I walk on. Everything was pretty easy going he asked me to be his girlfriend and I didn't see why not so I said yes, we dated in Washington for 3 months. I moved to California and we were still together even though that wasn't the plan. While I was there the day before my first ever jiu jitsu tournament I get a call "Keanna I'm so sorry I should've never done that I feel so terrible" the voice was a girl but the number wasn't recognized. It was a friend of my boyfriend, she told me that they went to lunch and after went back to his place. I didn't care much about him hanging out with girls because he had a lot of girl friends and it just wasn't an issue. She said that she wanted to break up with her crazy boyfriend and she saw an opportunity (to cheat) and took it. They went back to his house after having a long talk about how they used to have feelings for each other. The stories after this don't really add up but what I gather is that they went up to his room to have sex or something and she started feeling guilty, because we were "friends" and told him she changed her mind to which he responded "can I touch your ass at least" and she pulled her pants down and he touched her ass. Doesn't make sense yeah? So anyway I'm not really trying to deal with this and I should've broken up with him but instead I call him and I said "what did you do?" He sounds confused so I ask again but this time louder. He panicks and says I don't know I don't know. He ended up telling me and flew down the weekend after because wanted to talk. While he was there I looked through his phone and saw some other conversations he was having and also saw that when we first were hanging out he had another option if I didn't go through. Another option who apparently was in his bed when they were making out and she got her period and bled on him she felt so inclined to apologize. After this I lost my shit and didn't trust him at all and I just wanted him to leave. He begged me to forgive him and promised nothing would ever happen again and like me, I go with it. We end up dating for a total of two years. After he said he wouldn't do anything he really didn't. I still let him do whatever he wanted if he wanted to go to Vegas with his friends or party or go to lunch with girls. I just didn't really care I guess, my friend told me "do what you want to do so I know what you'd rather do" so I kept that. Eventually I was tired of how dependent he was. I had to do everything for him aside from basic chores. I had to file papers for him (e.g work, school, gym) I felt like I was teaching him how to do things and I just got tired of it. I felt like everything was almost too good and too plain because I was carrying the relationship. I was better than him at everything. We broke up and he moved out which was a long process.
During that process I was working my first full time job, had a recently found new best friend, and was spending most of my time with someone from high school who didn't like me but we ended up liking our adult selfs. This person suggested that I start hanging out with a teammate, a guy I knew since the 6th grade, or at least knew who he was. She said she thought we would be cute together and people always made fun of us for being so close. Never in my mind did I think I would date him. I just didn't see him like that. We started hanging out and realized we have a lot more in common than we thought. Everything happened pretty fast and things were so different. For once I was open to the idea of having a "friends with benefits" because I knew this person for a while and knew he wasn't exactly the relationship type. I told him that this could work out as long as he didn't keep me in the dark and was honest with me. After 4 months of us being kind of exclusive kind of not he told me that he loved me more than anyone else and I felt the same way. We were officially official. I felt so close to him in ways I never felt with anyone else. Eventually we had our first issue. I had found out that he had been chatting with our old classmate who lived in a city near by, he was telling her all kinds of false nothings and she asked "aren't you dating Keanna?" To which he replied "ugh". I found out because we were sitting with each other that night and she messaged him, I said ew why are you talking to that girl? And he said they were talking because she lived near by. I messaged her "hey girl. Bryson told me you live in LA we should hang sometime" to which she responded something like "Keanna I'm so sorry I shouldn't have been talking to him I'm so sorry I did this to you" followed with screenshots of their conversation. I was hurt. I freaked out, he left, he came back and squeezed me tight after hours of us fighting and said he was sorry and it would never happen again. A few months go by and we're sort of living together mostly because I didn't want to hang out at his house anymore and my place was cuter. Every morning before he went to work he spent a huge amount of time in the bathroom and I was always kind of like wtf and I don't remember how I found this out but I found out that he was flirting with girls during those hours because some how one of the girls told me and sent me screenshots of their conversations. Once again I got mad and forgave him and months went by. I go away for thanksgiving break leaving him at our place/my place. I come back to beautiful flowers and more attention than I had before. He told me shortly after that break that he wasn't going to be hanging with his old friends because they were bad news and I was pretty surprised. I kind of agreed but I also think.. idk my friends are wild too. Either way things were good. One day he gets a FaceTime call and didn't want to answer it, I copied the number in to google and found a name of a girl I recognized from a while ago at my birthday. I was drunk and he let me send a Snapchat to a bunch of girls I told them "I will ruin your life" the only one who responded was this girl who said "I didn't even do anything" and I thought it was funny. I find out that while I was gone for thanksgiving he and his friend picked this girl up and her friend and brought them to my apartment and they stayed the night. They made a vlog about how they picked them up in my car and how they hung out at my place and slept so long that they missed their flight. The next morning there were videos of my boyfriend driving them back in my car. My heart stopped.
I've never felt so blind sided in my life. I hated him and I didn't want to see him again but somehow he convinced me that it was all a mistake and he already cut all these toxic people out of his life.
He suggested that we delete social media and I remember the exactly message "if you love me you'll do the same thing" and I was like wow, yeah let's do it. That was probably the most interesting time of my life. For once I didn't have social media and I had to answer to everyone as to why and tell them that I am okay and that I'm just taking time off. We ended up moving to LA to be closer to school. His friend moved in from Kauai and stayed only 6 months. Living in LA was an interesting change. We got to eat a lot and experience a different kind of the city.
Lots of little things happened while we were here, we fought a lot about social media. He would reactivate his Instagram without telling me which I felt like was kind of shady since we were doing this together and I didn't know there was that option on the table but I felt like life was better without it anyway. At one point I saw a call on his phone made from Snapchat to a random girl. I asked about it and it got no where but I became very suspicious. At this point my trust level was low as could be but I just thought that the goods were good and that bads were so stupid and avoidable. One day I just decided to look through his Venmo and the first name said "queenturtlee" I was like wtf kind of name is that so I look it up on google and see that it's connected to a Twitter account of a girl asking people to send her money. I reach out to her and ask why she's friends with my boyfriend to which she sends me screenshots of their conversations and once again I am frantic. I screenshot all of it and send it to him, we go through the apologies again. And yet again I believe that he was going to delete it. Half way through living in Palos Verdes, life at this point is a fucking rollercoaster. I haven't told anyone about anything thats happened I haven't opened up or really understand how I feel about it we just keep moving. One night after he was out with friends he was getting texts and calls from a Hawaii phone number which I thought was strange, I look it up on a google and I recognize the name. I start questioning it but I get deflected, it's nothing it's nothing. Once again we move on.
A few months go by and we're hit with an actual pandemic. We leave LA all together to go to Washington temporarily and it turned in to permanently after realizing that life in California just wasn't going to be sustainable. I graduated college virtually, we were living in my grandmas house for 3-4 months. Things were weird. We were managing to stay positive by doing all the things we possibly could to stay active and have a good summer.
Eventually we got our own place, moved all our belongings up, and got a puppy! Things were still locked down but at least we had all of our things and more importantly we had this little fluffy bear.
I've always struggled with birth control because I would get the worst symptoms so a friend told me about tracking ovulation and taking my basal body temperature in place of taking birth control. This method was risky but I felt like it was okay because she does it. One day I felt really sick and realized I didn't get my period, I took 5 pregnancy tests all faded positive negative. This led to me having to take a bunch of blood tests and ultrasounds to find out that I was exactly 3 weeks pregnant.
I wasn't ready and had no intention on having the baby but I had to wait until a fetus was visible to do anything about it. While I'm in this process I get a random message from a classmate I haven't talked to in years. They say "hey girl sorry to message you about this but I was at a family party and there were some girls talking about your boyfriend subscribing to her only fans" I immediately felt my heart drop lower than ever. The girl who was at the party messaged me, she told the girl with the only fans to message me and she did. She sent me everything and I remembered a time recently when I walked out late at night and saw him on Snapchat which is where the messages she showed me came from. So once again I confront him but this time it's different. I'm going through something that I never thought. I'm waiting weeks knowing I'm pregnant feeling nauseas, anxious, and scared. What am I supposed to do now.
After a huge fight, the solution was that he would delete it again and give me his password.
This was probably the worst it ever was. A couple nights I unlocked his phone and then got nervous and locked it again. I wanted to look but I was scared of what I would find. I couldn't sleep every night, I didn't know what I was doing, I didn't know if I could trust him anymore. Everything was so good how was I going to deal with a breakup, a puppy separation, all after moving to a new state. I thought to myself, if I don't look now I'll never know. So I do. I find messages that date back to a year. I find all the extra messages that no one sent me, I find money trails sent to females for nudes or sexual messages. Worst of all I find the girl that I saw calling him a year before when he came home late that one night. He had been talking to this girl the entire time, telling her stories about things we were doing. Worst of all is that he wrote the words "I love you".
I completely lost my shit. I woke him up in a rage showing him all the things I saw asking him how he could do this to me.
I never wanted to see him again I felt like I was going to throw up. I was crying so much I felt like the world knew.
He went to his moms house and I tried to stay out or away as much as possible without telling my family anything. At this point it hurt so much. I love him so much, everything outside of social media is a dream so why would he risk that? I felt insecure. A few days before my surgery he told me that he wanted to be there for me and that he was a changed person and realized how fucked up he was but he didn't want me to go through it alone. I didn't want to go through it alone either, I couldn't stop thinking about what I saw and all the names I read. I felt alone and like I was looking at a stranger.
He came back and we slowly tried to figure out how to be normal again. Since then we've moved on far but I think he moves much faster or at least it seems like it. He is my best friend and someone I care about differently than I've ever before. We make a great team, we support each other and know each other on a deep level. We can be our selves with each other. We know each other more than I've ever known any of my friends.
Today, we are still together. He is still my best friend. Our little fluffy bear is now a semi-huge German shepherd who is the cutest and most well behaved 9 month old ever. We've established ourselves in Washington and he actually got a really good job doing what he went to school for. In regards to loyalty things have been going well so far. It's taken me a lot to get to where I am now, I feel like I lost myself for a long time. I'm trying to work on myself lately and trying to stay focused on things that really matter. Our life is pretty much picture perfect but we're still growing up.
Our most constant argument is always social media, but now it's all over the place. It's me being crazy, it's him being careless. A constant circle of misunderstanding each other and breaking each other down emotionally. Sometimes I wish there was a way to forget everything. I wish social media was as it were before, simple. I wish communication wasn't so aggressive and that there was an easier way to mediate instead of getting a therapist. I don't know I wish there was a way to make the pain go away. To not think about what's made me who I am today.
I think it's hard being in your 20s. Everyone is at different stages of life. They have different priorities. People who you grew up with are now spread across the world and you may go years without seeing someone you consider your close friend.
One thing that's hard for me now is not knowing what's next. I feel as if I've given all of the emotional gas I have and if anything else makes my heart drop I think I'll completely give up.
I wish it was easier to get over a fear but some people including myself need extra support. Unfortunately for my boyfriend, not only does he get to deal with what we've been through but he has to deal with all that I've been through.
I always feel like no one I know actually knew what I went through growing up. Boyfriends or best friends are usually the ones who get to know you best and so far only one person who's not my family knows so much about me. Life has shown me how easy it's been for people to leave me or treat me badly. I know that I am not a perfect person but I do know that I don't deserve half the things I experienced. I blame myself for being too forgiving, I blame the church for teaching me that trait, I blame my dad for making me go and making me think life was different than it was.
At this point I have no one to blame but myself for how things have gone. All I can hope is that all that I have now stays afloat and keeps growing in the positive direction that it has. I can't control everything even though I want to.
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