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Me and my boyfriend both laying on a twin size bed. Hard enough with two full grown adults yet he constantly tells me I'm too massive and scoot me further and further off the bed throughout the night just to nail it into me how fat I am. I can't wait until my weight is in the double digits
I really wish I was enough . I wish my weight didnt matter but when he follows all those beautiful girls it triggers my ed I dont want to eat , I dont want to be ugly. This anxiety of the thought of him cheating or leaving me for someone that looks better or has a better mental health takes over any hunger I have . Im only full of thoughts never food. The cycle of thoughts that tell me even though you love him and would do anything for him , it will never be reciprocated but thats the world we live in right .
I really wish that I could love my own body as much as I love other people’s bodies. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a body that I didn’t think was lovely and as deserving of praise and nourishment as a model’s body, except my own. I don’t get how I can love someone with my exact measurements genuinely but I, on the other hand, will never fully appreciate and be okay with my own until I’m a size 4, 120-130 lb beauty queen. Is there an explanation as to why the F I feel this way, or am I just going insane?
Sitting in the bath sweating out the calories as I drink. I know how hypocritical. But fuck it, being a nurse fucking sucks- especially when you are berated all day and look in the mirror at the fat fuck I am. I deserve it all. I’ve let everyone down. Now I pay for it. Tomorrow I start over.
♡tw. i do not promote ed’s. if you are struggling please reach out for help. i am using this blog as an outlet. this is my safe space. please don’t report.♡
hello!
this is my blog to share inspo, stats, and connect with the community (my asks and pm are always open!)
i currently IF 20:3/OMAD with a calorie deficit max 800-1000. my goal is to lose 2lbs/0.9kgs every week until my ugw.
as i stated above, I AM NOT PRO ANA/MIA. if you are offended or triggered, PLEASE BLOCK DO NOT REPORT.