#think about the queer people you know irl

[old-school-butch]

Hello again <3

I sent you an anon that you replied to on April 1st, which was me asking how ex-TIFs are received back into womanhood. Your reply gave me a little foothold which ended up very comforting as I started coming out rapid-fire to all my friends as detrans. this is primarily a message for other people in my situation, who are afraid and might want a template of what you might expect will happen once you do come out with it.

Predictably, most of my friends dropped me; I've 3 friends left. Two of which continue to support trans people but can accept that i have different opinions (as long as i'm "not mean") and one of which has seen the gender critical arguments, accepted them, and agrees. So, heavy losses, but not total losses. My two siblings seemed to sigh in relief and reveal that they never believed in genderism at all, which is odd, because in my 10 years of being trans not one of them challenged me on it. my mom fell into heavy guilt over "letting me" do all this, although i was 18 when i took testo and 19 when i got surgery, so she really could not have stopped me, legally. i suppose she mainly grieves knowing that had she had the right arguments she could have saved her kid this, but i've told her she is not to blame and i hope she recognizes that.

i haven't received any real harassment, not from anyone that i PERSONALLY know, though my family has received... harassment targeted at me? my sister had a classmate begin sending her copious pro-trans propaganda (contrapoints videos) which she instructed should be sent onward to me (sis did not comply). hilarious how my 10 years of direct experience is suddenly null and void and i'm assumed to know nothing about transness.... 6 months ago i was helping people sensitivity-write trans characters. now, i'm told i can't speak for the trans experience at all, and that i do not know what it's like to be a transmasc person. told that i need to listen to the arguments more carefully, that i don't LISTEN, when i literally lived this for 10 whole years. girl, on god? they tell me i don't get it and need to educate myself. and have empathy of course.

but in general, detransing, i've discovered that there are PLENTY of people who do not actually believe in genderism but who will play along simply out of fear or social pressure. my friends aside, who i knew through "queer" circles, everyone in my family (expect my mom) has revealed they never actually believed in it. i think this might contribute to why trans people bully dissenters so badly. they know this is the truth, that no one really buys it. i think, subconsciously, i have known that too. i never downloaded grindr, i never went into the men's bathrooms. i knew that despite testo and surgery and pronouns i could never challenge men as an equal in their eyes.

interestingly, making new friends is not that hard. I lead with the fact i'm detrans and "don't believe in all that shit" and people are VERY eager to be able to, suddenly, voice their real opinions without being called transphobic. they begin with probing questions, uncontroversial statements like "i agree they shouldn't put males in women's sports..." but if you continue to agree and not punish this daring on their part, they will reveal, with much relief and enthusiasm, what they really think. most people, normal people, really do not believe it all? i'm a brash person and can take irl confrontations quite well, hence i feel safe putting myself up as a transphobe off the bat. and people are very into this. so. the old ass saying, just be yourself.... normal people will not volunteer anti-genderist opinions on their own but when i continue to state thing after thing they open up and agree and eventually feel safe enough to admit their own thoughts. making friends, especially with non-gendie women, hasn't been that hard.

i'm going to write another message about same-sex attraction in the genderverse, but it's also a can of worms so i will make it separate from this one. again, thank you so much, for having anon on and listening, and letting us listen to each other without fear. i would hug you. to be continued

Thanks for the follow up!

My only comment is that I think most people play along out of kindness, it's not all bullying and fear, but that does impose a silence on everyone so everyone feels quite alone with their doubts.

[neverevan]

(random, sorry) I agree it could be so much better on abc now than it could have been on fox. I'm so happy they already got renewed it almost makes up for the sadness over what could have been with the shooting and the will and all...I would have loved to see what they wanted to write. I am still worried though that because time is running out, they see them as just that now – endgame. That we might not get to see their relationship, just an ending?

I don't know... when I think about it, there's always this list of circumstances, you know? things that we have to account for when considering how it is most likely to go down.

1) is Tim sticking around? was he really forcibly removed because of the buddie thing or was that just a coincidence? if someone else takes over the writing again, which way would that sway the story? also, would it be someone new or someone who worked on the show before?

2) the actors. Oliver especially has been very loud about how important it is for him to tell an authentic story for the character and for the people Buck represents; that comes with all sorts of bi and queer stereotypes they'd wanna avoid dipping into, which again would sway the story (of Buck and Eddie together at least) into specific directions. then there's Ryan, who has said many times over the years that he's open to wherever the road takes them with buddie, but he also emphasised truthfulness to the story and characters — we know Tim is interested in their input, we don't know how another writer would go about it.

3) ratings and reception. in many ways, bucktommy was a buddie soft-launch. don't get me wrong, I love bucktommy with all my heart and am very adamant on keeping their story separate from buddie because it isn't about buddie within the realms of the show, it is somewhat about buddie irl though.

making a lead (male) character canonically bisexual was a big leap of faith. yes, it is a Ryan Murphy show and yes, the show had a lot of queer rep already, but we never had a man-on-man on-camera kiss before on the show and we all know how differently general audiences react to two women kissing and two men kissing — which is, again, why this storyline on such a big primetime TV show is so so important. they calculated the risks, went for it and it all worked out; the ratings were great and the response was overwhelmingly positive. that's a great step one into the direction of canon buddie.

4) writing. buddie going canon however would make 3 of the 5 lead characters queer and not only that but all of them would be in relationships, bringing in outsider recurring or even guest star characters somewhat harder to write, unless they branched out and brought new people in to be part of the lead ensemble (Ravi main, abc, I'm begging!!). not to mention the people who'd call it pandering; and even though the story between Buck and Eddie is there to see for everyone already, it'd be harder to defend when the numbers would be 3:5 compared to the intial first season's 1:5.

all that being said, we are on a good path right now; we are renewed for season 8 and that, at least, gives us time to develop the story without rushing through it and I have my fingers crossed that the stars will align and the show will do justice to this beautiful love story that has been in the making for years.

until then, I'm just immensely grateful for abc and the budget and freedom they gave to the writers, cast and crew and I'm here for whatever they'll give us, because I know it'll be great.

#i know it's long but you guys know i love to yap #buddie #911 #911 abc #ask #anon #ramblings #my stuff

[garden-ing-gnostic]

The [problematic]queer discourse is so unserious because I feel yall forget that it's. The internet. And nobody cares irl. There are like 10-ish people here max who use such labels (including post rqs which I think is just me and some1 else Idk if you still use it tho) and less who are explicitly pro rape, (which you all would know if you took advantage of the amazing ability of asking questions,) no where near enough to make this an actual problem. Thats all it took to turn the community into mini-antis? If we want to organize and make a change in the world we need to grow some skin and not fall apart at the slightest drama. Which means building a bridge over xenosatanism and basedwueer and lsdqueer and noxiqueer and post rq, and whatever else, and getting over it.

Thats not me saying you should support or id with these labels mind you. You have all the right to have your own beliefs and complain about others, as do I. I'm just saying that it doesn't matter in the real world, and you shouldn't be saying what anti (rqs but also anti Para and anti transid + queerphobes etc) say on the daily over it.

That being said, why r we dealing with drams caused by coining by... doing more coining? I mean people will just radicalize the new labels all over again? Thats,,, how most of us got here? From radicalizing? Like maybe I'm missing the point of it all or maybe the new labels are special idk.

#Not an angry post so much as a mildly annoyed one #🌱 jade posting #Also surprised to know that post rq is somewhat considered xenosatanist and co adjacent. But not entirely just a little bit #Is it because of Dave? Or is it just because there are like only 2 of us and 1 got #Posted for liking a problematic coining post or whatever #Well anyway idrc. Partially hope it becomes known as problematic as the rest just for fun lol

[practically-an-x-man]

Introducing myself with any pronouns

People who keep using she/her: alright fine whatever, most common with cishet/non-queer folks, technically not doing anything wrong but gets annoying when it comes from everyone

People who switch to they/them: most common among queer folks, shows a level of care/attention and recognizes queerness if still defaulting to a strict set of pronouns.

People who use she/they: my favorite so far, mostly my theatre/sfx friends or others who understand deeper queer identities, recognizes that I use more than one set of pronouns though still strangely resistant to masculine terms

People who include he/him, masculine terms: THANK YOU THANK YOU LORD HAVE MERCY FINALLY

#fun fact i've only had one person ever refer to me as 'he' and it was a mutual on here. made me so so happy fr #a few people irl will use masculine terms for me casually. like saying 'thanks man' or things like that #but i've never had someone use he/him for me irl and i don't know why there's such a hangup about it #like do you think i'll get mad at you? i said 'any pronouns' that means you can use he. honestly i'd be thrilled if you did that #i've debated switching to mirror pronouns just to try it out but i worry most people won't know what it means #and when i say any pronouns some queer folks mirror their own pronouns anyway which is cool. so like. the people that WOULD do it already d #queer #lgbtq #lgbtqia #genderqueer #any pronouns

[dullahandyke]

i need 2 get to know queer ppl irl or im gonna start biting ppl. i miss youth theatre

#the ratio of trans to cis people at my youth theatre was genuinely insane #theres no trans personi know irl that i didnt get to know via youth theatre #like at least 9 ppl and it was a small youth theatre. the cis were consistently outnumbered in the later years #the only trans person i know that didnt go there was my childhood friend who nonbinaried after moving away #it literally was a thing where ppl i had seen around school would go and id be like 'oh so youre trans' and the answer was always yes #and we never particularly had gender chats or whatever but just like. being around people w gender. yknow? #like i love my school irls but man #not to be like 'theyre not queer enough smh' but even my queer school irls are like. In the culture yknow #like yeah my girlies are bi but theyre still chatting about organising waxings for the debs n i feel alien from that #meanwhile at my youth theatre there were ppl who did weird things w their hair n it was nice #you guys get what im saying. anyway i think being in the same space as a trans person for a bitín would fix me

[demadogs]

i am once again saying dont ship the actors irl!! its pretty weird!!!

#a lot of it is clearly a joke/meme bc were sad and want an excuse for how gay mike and will were in volume one but some of it is too much #thinking theyd be cute together and maybe making a joke meme about it sure ok fine #but confidentally talking about them crushing on each other as if its a fact like homie you dont know them #and doesnt finn have a gf #every time finn plays a queer character or one with a boy liking him people want them to date irl #this happened with jack from IT and that was hella weird cuz they were like 13 #like theyre still young imagine if one of them is questioning their sexuality and they see shit like this its not cool #if you MUST ship real people in stranger things natalia and charlie are right there go for them theyre adorable and actually dating #this is about one blog in particular i see mention it a lot…. b**********e iykyk #byler

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

[cws: non-detailed discussion of both fictional and irl SA/CSA/abuse dynamics, apologia for the previous, homophobia, fetishization of wlw, and anti rhetoric.]

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having a lot of thoughts about the wider fandom's treatment of the various abuse dynamics present in sdmi--supposedly in the name of being anti-abuse--and how instead it's propagated deeply anti-survivor/abuse apologist sentiment and behavior through where they choose to apply that rhetoric, and where they choose to look the other way.

(first off, if you're someone who does not and has not done this, thank you from the bottom of my heart. second, this is not at all exhaustive of my feelings on the subject and there will probably be more posts about these dynamics and people's behavior toward them in future. as you can imagine by the length of this post that is saying something lmao)

one of the reasons i feel as strongly as i do about the way both canon and fandom have historically been about pericles, pericky, and shitting on anyone who likes them because it Normalizes Abuse(tm), is that their fans are pretty open and emphatic about the fact that it's Fucked Up. it's why we find it compelling. it is vanishingly rare that we don't.

meanwhile, velma is the UwU Cute Sassy Lesbian Icon whose relationship with shaggy was Cringy and Immature (and mutually so 🙃) at worst, when it directly mirrored such visceral aspects of my experience with CSA that i almost threw up rewatching the second episode.

and that's not even getting into how normalized it is for women to abuse men in a relationship, in broad fucking daylight in front of other people, and how men are supposed to Always Want It and it's an insult if they don't, and how the vast majority of CSA--which it overtly is in shaggy's case, he is implied not to be an adult yet--is perpetrated by other kids.

and it's also not getting into the fact that the ~cute lesbian relationship~ is almost certainly going to end up with the other queer girl in the show also being abused, because abusers are not Magically Cured by True Queer Love's Kiss. how it is incredibly difficult for survivors of abuse in a wlw relationship to be acknowledged or get support because then they'd be a Traitor, or people would rather maintain the feel-good fuzzy feelings wlw exist to give them, or they're closeted and it's not safe to let people know they're in a relationship with a woman. how queer relationships, especially between women, are fetishized as cute pure healthy fairytale romances and not dynamics involving real people who might harm each other or be harmed and need help.

and that's not even getting into the fact that mlm are seen as inherently predatory to an extent that the majority of other queer identities are not. how older queer men grooming boys is a classic homophobic stereotype used to justify violence toward them, up to and including lynchings, and how that is the abuse dynamic everyone in the show and fandom latched onto to revile as the Disgusting Evil Predatory One while giving everything else a pass. how mlm have a long history of forced institutionalization and psychiatric torture and abuse, and the Predatory Gay Man is subjected to decades of--you guessed it!--forced institutionalization and psychiatric torture and abuse, which is framed as what he deserved and where he belonged. how he's supposed to be unattractive (and the majority of the people who do this shit lean hard on that), while people are way more likely to give Charming Attractive Aesthetically Pleasing abusers a pass.

this is just..... normal, to the fandom. it's treated as completely normal. and i think that's a whole lot more fucking harmful than finding emotional catharsis in exploring an abusive dynamic that would not fly in broad daylight irl in a million years.

#sdmi #scooby doo: mystery incorporated #professor pericles #velma dinkley #shaggy rogers #SDMItag #cws in post #like. everything about shaggy and velma's dynamic in and related to the first half of S1 is *gutwrenching* #it took me up until this rewatch to realize why every time i try to rewatch the show in linear order i can never seem to watch past E02 #and end up just skipping around #and time and personal experience have *really* made the 'fairytale queer romance that is a missing stair right into a bottomless pit' #thing hit harder #whereas exploring pericky when i was younger *made me realize things about their relationship were abuse that i hadn't understood before* #'okay so if i go back and fix *this* part that'll make it not abusive anymore and they can be happ--oh. oh geez. this goes deep doesn't it' #and the people who don't like pericky will do the opposite and *actively claim the abuse dynamics that are there do not exist* #because Then It Would Be Shipping and That's Just Gross UwU #because 'this can't have been [X kind of abuse] because [X abuse] is Gross and its potential existence near me makes me uncomfortable' #'you're the one who's gross for seeing it and pointing it out; ew how dare you ruin people's day by making them think about that' #'thank goodness it didn't happen and we can all move on with our lives (and you won't like what happens if you dare bring it up again)' #isn't. you know. famously a thing that happens all the time to gaslight and silence survivors irl and take our words away from us lol #anyway as you can maybe imagine i am bitter about this lmao #but also i just generally think it's worth talking about; especially if even one person understands their own experiences better for it #the crit files #the salt files #SDMIcrit tag #pericky #dyn: when i die i want you to die too

[ardentpoop]

sick 2 my stomach for a plethora of reasons friday

#started thinking abt how neither of my parents have ever known me and never will :) #I heavily limit criticism of my mom and dump all my resentments on my dad bc she was the one who did all (ALL) the emotional labor #in our household #but she very much fucked me up in recognizable ways too lmao #she has an extremely narrow view of the world and we’ve argued so hard it devolved into yelling sometimes but nothing changes #I get really heated when we talk abt queer issues especially to the point that if she brings anything up now I have to tell her #‘we can’t talk about that’ #she’s always like ‘why do you get so angry abt this. is there something you’re not telling me’ #and I’m always like ‘you definitely know queer people irl they just don’t feel safe/comfortable disclosing their identity to you’ #and she still refuses to see it lmao. which is why I can say that much #I know it’s like completely unfathomable to her. something that happens to other ppl’s kids #even more so with my dad of course - he views certain people as just like. subhuman. not worth having any kind of discussion about #I don’t feel comfortable having a conversation with him abt ANYTHING lol he is a fundamentally unsafe person to me #but I can’t ever express that without wounding him deeply (everything is about respect with him)

[luminant-lepidoptera]

All of Dave's homophobic remarks in Homestuck are actually funny because he doesn't know he's bisexual

#This isn't to excuse irl bi people who are homophobic I'm just saying this about a fictional 13 year old haha #Dave is like “ew that's totally gay dude stop being gay haha what're you gay for me or something” and then 3 years later he has a boyfriend #Honestly if you want to analyze that behavior Lalonde-style all you need to know is he is 13 and he grew up in TEXAS #He's the kid who grew up in a bigoted community then moved away (to a subspace void) and immediately started thinking queer thoughts

[spaceshipkat]

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#genuinely cannot understand how someone can go from watching a wwii movie that talks about the holocaust and genocide #to saying that what isr*el is doing is not genocide. is not ethnic cleansing. #and to STILL be harping on about the hostages #when isr*el has killed over 30000 fucking people in just five months #and bc they know i'm an ally to queer people (they don't know i'm hella fucking queer/think im just an ally) they tried to bring up pride? #like just fuck right off with that. #anyway. if you think this is about someone in particular it's not. #it's about someone else. just. if you know me irl and think it's about one person in particular i've vented about #nope. different one. #tbd

[jemandrr]

accidentally browsing a (very niche) female-dominated gaming space and seeing people TEAR into people who want an option to change the player character's pronouns to he/him or they/them without changing anything else because it'd invite men to invade a safe space. For a game purely about dating men. Like, I've been through plenty of female-dominated spaces where queer people and similar-interest straight men are welcome (in this case it'd be bi men but yknow), so it's just this one community, but jeez. The amount of fear that anyone who isn't explicitly a femme female would come in and A. hit on the faceless women there or B. taint the game by making the devs add designs of men who they don't want to date?

I got such a strong terf-y rhetoric from that community, like we can't have anything in common with people who aren't like us going on. All about taking 'our' things. And a lot of people contradicting one other but not trying to find out what the truth is because they have the same conclusion. Like two people saying A>B or B>A and no argument arises and no one shows interest in which is true because both people conclude C.

A lot of people even saying that, likewise, things that appeal to female or queer audiences should NOT be added to mainstream media just like queer content should not be added to female-oriented media. These hard walls around what belongs to who is like...they were raised by toy companies or something.

Like what is (paraphrasing so it isnt searchble) "I would never come into a male dominated community because I feel like I would be invading their safe space, so I don't get why men would want to come here and talk about liking men." At least the people who are scared of sexual abuse are warranted, I've seen tons of abusive language towards people they think are women in male dominated online spaces, but what is this fear of even...sharing interests with men? I know we've been in a new era of gender role enforcement with the tradfem movement, but jeez. And as for these last two points, they both are ones that were contradicted. People also said they do believe in diversity BUT just *this* shouldn't count.

Some people even said it's not fair that they get pushed to be more inclusive when mainstream media never does. Which makes me wonder if they're so deep in their niche 'I only experience content made by and for exclusively straight women' content that they haven't noticed any of the movements in media going on over the last 1.5 decades. Like it's true that we haven't made that much progress, but how do they think that no media gets pressed to increase diversity? The more rigid/right-leaning male audiences of tons of media have been complaining about forced diversity for years in exactly the same way (and sometimes, when it really WAS forced diversity, everyone complains because it's not representing anyone really but yknow). But I guess they wouldn't know that if all of them avoid mainstream media?

Also...what is the fear that gay men like men in a 'wrong' way...(and again, the unargued contradiction being plenty of people saying that they also like media about gay characters, but just they shouldn't make these characters gay)

And like I do get it, in the sense that being marginalized makes you skeptical and fearful of things you don't understand in its own separate way from how being in a privileged class makes you skeptical and fearful of things you don't understand. There's a lot more fear of exploring things different and new because the possible retribution feels/has been higher.

Honestly, this post isn't actually about a couple hundred to low-thousand women in a small community for niche games. Not like, I think it's important, I want to actively make them change. It's not that big a deal, not that surprising in the grand scheme. It's similar rhetoric to things i've seen before (Tradfem/terf). I've seen screenshots of, like, facebook mom groups before. And I've seen way bigger communities be way more open and welcoming, it's just a little outlier.

I'm just writing this because I'm a bit shellshocked because I forget how much that those kinds of people are not just the older, tech-illiterate generations, and not just shallow influencers who will say anything for the clicks (or because someone behind the scenes is funding it), their views behind the camera up in the air. Like I think I cultivate the people I interact with a bit too well. Too many of the people I actually interact with or witness the thoughts of regularly are queer and have flitting relationships with gender and then I remember the other side of the coin has people who think they're being progressive by suggesting that everyone who is different be segregated and therefore safe from each other with no room for intersectionality.

#for the record in other communities talking about the same game i saw several people sharing tips for making androgynous or slightly butch #characters which is the wholesomeness on the other side #ranting into the void #is this one of those situations of like #'the celebrity you call ugly will never see this but the person you know who shares those features will?' #but with 'The men who want to invade your safe spaces will never see this but the he/him butch and other queer people who are otherwise #generally your advocates in political and social spaces will' #also ngl being gay admittedly does make this so much easier #but i cannot imagine having the idea that #categorically #'you and your partner cannot have any interests in common' but so many do #And honestly I would have trouble believing that any women who says they're scared ofplaying or discussing a videogame #with a gnc or gay person- would say that irl they're not a terf and they would let gnc and trans people into the same public bathroom #like i can believe it because people hold lots of contradictory ideas but #if more than 20% of them said it i would think that was legitimately virtue signalling #because while i think trans panic is waaaaay less common than the media thinks #inside a community with those beliefs when they can talk anonymo usly #itd be a tough sell for me. I have to imagine most of those women are the kind who would find out their partner was bi #and start feeling uncomfortable about the state of their relationship- with the way they talk about how men can't enjoy female things like #dating men and such #ALSO there are more women than men #wtf do you mean mainstream media is only for straight men #straight adult men is #like 30-odd percent of the us tops #they got more purchasing power cus of sexism and homophobia and so on but #its so self defeating to think of mainstream media as exclusively the purview of straight men

[trash-bin-ary]

I still think about the name I came up with when I was unsure if I liked my legal name and like jeioebe could the world be super cool about having 2 names or that using a different name at all than legal wasnt nerve wracking please

#this is a post i made #me back at it again not being sure if this is a vent post or not #okay actual tags now they do have the non-legal name used so idk if you want mystery of my irl life look away #listen Mil is a great name to me even if I’m also hyper conscious of it being I guess obviously different even though I want to be vis queer #o(-( idk I just thought about using [legal] and Mil and he/they and was like yeah euphoria #and like… I think if it wasn’t my legal name I would not choose that name but I don’t think I could imagine not having it I love it #I’m also just aware it doesn’t exactly line up with me in my head and when I tried only Mil I was like I miss using my legal sorta #… idk that post that’s like what did people think trans names are: what trans peoples names secretly are: made me like yooo other people hav #secret names… oh no I don’t have multiple unless you count my internet name which I don’t it’s distinctly for safety. it’s just the 2 and #excluding the year I was trying the other out I don’t exactly tell people it #yknow the beginning of college I did use both I think but then I got a different friend group and it was with someone I used to know and so #the nerves came back #anyway sidebar I think the reason I don’t really consider Ary a real name is cause my first internet name was actually the first trial of Mi #and then once it moved to the real word I changed to align with my username for anonymousness #like to be clear I like the name Ary but I would not go by it to people outside of the internet

[hypnowave]

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#mmm. mmmmm. #sometimes u wake up and shower and look in the mirror at your wide hips and narrow shoulders and u think #''damn this trans stuff is really delusional isn't it'' because no matter how hard you try you're never going to pass #because you can't get top surgery and can't get hormone therapy and can't safely learn to lower your voice #and you have a couple irls who know about your actual identity but you're certain they don't actually see you as male #except your sister and your best friend #you have a woman's body and a woman's voice and are living a woman's life and nothing you do seems to ever change that #it all feels so fucking pointless sometimes. #figures. one of my classmates presented her essay draft today and it was about whether or not being queer was nature or nurture #and it really hit a nerve. because people don't actually care which one it is. if it's nature then they will find this hypothetical gene #and they will purge it. #if it's nurture then they will do anything to stop the ''gay agenda'' because lgbtq+ behavior is deviant behavior and is therefore immoral #they would do anything to prevent us. we are an illness #i'm so tired. so fucking tired. i know i'm not male and i know i'll never be male and i wish i could just accept that #idk why i keep clinging to the notion that i am male . what's all this for? #i choose to carry this burden as if i'll get anything out of it. as if my time and energy wasn't needed elsewhere #my work. my final paper. my health. i'm so tired #i just wish i could stop caring. #jun.log #negative

[odetolovers]

hey i'm sorry this is going to sound incredibly parasocial but I always get so happy whenever you post about how happy you are or how much you love your gf idk maybe it's because seeing other queer people being happy just gives me a little hope for my future? idk lol but anyway that's all hope you have a nice day :)

STOPPP that’s so cute wait stop i’ll cry :( i totally understand you on that, seeing queer people happy and talking about their partners has alwaysss made me go !!!!! so i get you!! i’m really glad <333

#i think especially as a formerly repressed + struggling w internalised homophobia didnt figure out she was queer until she was 20 girlie #my life panning out the way it did and me finding the person who i know without a doubt is the love of my life #and being openly gay on here + irl #it just proved to me that if you stay the course you Will find what you’re looking for #i think it’s so easy to feel isolated and alone and hopeless if you’re queer and you dont particularly have queer people around you #- certainly was the case for me #so queer joy and queer love being openly showcased on social media makes me so so happy #also i just love talking about my girlfriend one of my favourite topics fr fr #this is like three different points in one tag ramble but fuck it im tired as hell and deliriously happy WAHOO! #valentina answers #anon my beloved

[awordwasthebeginning]

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#this wasn't prompted by anything so don't worry #i've just been thinking about it from time to time #i think it might be helpful for me (and maybe for others too) to separate fandom and activism #not in the sense of 'oh but i watch [show] because it has great queer/poc/... rep! i'm doing my part' #but more in the sense of #'this book/film/show has problematic aspects and so does the fandom. but it is a hobby and does not define my political views' #because it doesn't and it shouldn't #being a fan of something means that i enjoy it. and others may not enjoy it for a variety of reasons some of which political. #that does not mean that our separate views of the thing define how we interact with each other outside of fandom #or how we approach (political) issues in real life #(obviously it depends. jkr making a fuckton of money for her transphobic agenda with hp merch should be reason enough not to buy her shit) #but generally...most fandoms do not have that much of an impact on real life. and so it should be ok to sometimes enjoy a thing #without constantly justifying my enjoyment to myself and/or to others. without constantly questioning it. #because i know that my actual political activism with irl impact goes in the right direction #and if you feel like your fandom experience defines your activism/is what your political views are being judged for #maybe you should find a second hobby; engage in actual activism if it makes you feel better. #because that will have a positive impact on society/the world; unlike apologising to like 47 people for uncritically enjoying something #(again. it depends. if a friend was really hurt by how [issue] was represented in a medium - I wouldn't gush about how much I loved it #or try to downplay it. maybe we won't make that medium part of our friendship then. and keep it in mind. #but i cannot keep my life 100% pure and unproblematic. that's impossible. and again. fandom is not how i shape the world. it shouldn't be.) #loquor #tdl #probably

[wormsdyke]

not going to a catholic church for several years now allowed me to forget the way people can be so comfortable saying the most intensely guilt tripping things without a second thought

#it occurred to me that i might like to have some of my dads ashes in a small urn #and hoooooo boy #the reaction was unpleasant #ppl responded like oh. interesting. i mean if you think you want that then you can #it’s a sin. you’re denying the church if you do that but whatever #your poor grandparents will be so disappointed but you do you #ok. #i guess the idea is all of his ashes are kept in the columbarium at the church so anyone can visit any time #great lovely but he’s my fucking dad. why do i have to give him up so a bunch of people who don’t know him can theoretically stand by #a box with his name. why do i have to prioritize them #it wouldn’t even be all his ashes! but fine whatever yeah i’m tarnishing his eternal memory #anyways. where does one buy an urn #also i’ve been thinking about what to wear to his catholic funeral #the last time i saw most of these people i dressed feminine in a cishet way still cause u know. catholic #gotta call my old youth minister who told us to wear neck high blouses so when we bowed at communion the priest wouldn’t be tempted to look #down our shirts and ask her if i need to be concerned about that if i’m wearing a binder now #been thinking a lot about femininity lately #the things i miss but not because they made me feel good or affirmed #but because they made me feel less othered #i have got to find queer community irl #ok ok i’m done for now #tw: religion #tw: catholicism #orating!