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viperwhispered · 30 days

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Rest

Guess what? I've got more Jamil x reader for y'all. You can also find this on ao3. No warnings, just 866 words of kinda fluffy(?) caretaking stuff with gender-neutral reader.

At this point, you know Jamil’s schedule almost as well as he does. So, when you have the chance, you head to Scarabia’s kitchen, hoping to spend some time with Jamil while he and the other students prepare dinner.

However, when you enter, it takes you but a moment to notice Jamil’s uncharacteristic fumbling and the tired look in his eyes. The way Jamil’s chopping the vegetables has you worried about him cutting himself with that knife he’s usually so adept with, and it seems it’s only force of habit that’s keeping him on track.

You frown, and when your eyes meet Jamil’s, you can already see him put his guard up.

So he knows what state he is in, huh? And still, here he is.

It seems Jamil is reading your thoughts, all of him telling you drop it before any words are even said.

At least he still lets you lean in and give a quick kiss to his cheek in greeting.

“Hello love. Do you still have a lot on your agenda for today?” you ask, keeping your tone low for at least some semblance of privacy in the busy kitchen.

“Nothing I can’t handle,” is the response you get.

Of course.

It takes a little more pestering before Jamil actually answers your question. Your lips purse. That list is far too long to your liking.

You take a moment to think, juggling your own plans and to-do list against the urgency of the things Jamil mentioned.

“Will Kalim be eating from that?” you ask, pointing at the food Jamil is preparing.

“Yes.”

“Alright, I won’t be touching that one, then. I’ve gotta do a few things but I’ll be back when you’re done here.”

“Don’t,” Jamil says with a glare, clearly aware of what you’re thinking.

Yet even his disapproving look doesn’t have the usual weight behind it.

“Yes. I will,” you say firmly, even as your heart curls inwards with another bout of concern.

Really, when did he get so tired?

And how did you not notice it earlier?

You leave the kitchen before Jamil can protest further, hurrying through the dorm corridors to find Kalim.

Soon you have an enthusiastic – and concerned – supporter for your plans. You have Kalim point out a few reliable Scarabia students to help with a few of the most urgent matters Jamil mentioned – cleaning up the common areas, delivering some paperwork to Crowley, preparing some dorm-wide notices – while you see to Kalim getting his school supplies in order for the following day. You even recruit a couple of third years to help Kalim with his homework.

You’ll see to the rest tomorrow – after all, you do also have a boyfriend to look after.

Your conversation over dinner can hardly be called anything else than an argument – despite Kalim’s best attempts at acting as a moderating force between you two. It is very tempting to ask Kalim to tell Jamil to take the rest of the day off – it’s not like Jamil would be willing to openly disobey a direct order. Still, you really don’t need to remind Jamil of his position on top of everything else that you’re already doing more or less against his wishes.

Eventually, however, Jamil’s had a square meal, the most urgent things on his to-do list are being taken care of, and you’ve managed to drag him to his bed.

“I really wish you wouldn’t push yourself so hard,” you murmur, your arms wrapped tightly around Jamil. You’re telling yourself you really do just want to cuddle, to offer some respite to Jamil. Still, there might also be a part of you worried that if you were to let go, he’d just jump up and get back to working himself to the bone.

Yet, for all his protestations, just the fact that you’ve gotten Jamil to lay down with you speaks volumes of his current exhaustion.

“I can’t just leave my duties, albi. You know this.”

“Making yourself too indispensable, is what you’re doing,” you protest.

Oh, you know it’s not so simple. Not with his background, not with all the expectations and assumptions.

But sometimes you really wish it would be.

Jamil merely scoffs in response to your words.

Still, it is undeniable that he is slowly beginning to relax in your arms, slowly bringing his head closer to yours. His eyes are starting to flutter, too.

“I will still need to help Kalim with his homework, at the very least.”

You wonder who he is trying to convince more, you or himself.

“Amin and Khalil are helping him. They’re basically top of their classes, aren’t they? I’m sure they’ve got it.”

Still, Jamil frowns.

You sigh. He really is not letting go, is he?

“Do you want me to go supervise?” you ask.

And leave you, unsaid yet hanging there right after your words.

“Don’t,” Jamil eventually says, the word barely more than a breath.

It seems he has accepted his fate.

You softly caress Jamil’s hair, listening to his softening breathing.

And when you wake up, wholly unaware of having been lulled to sleep in the first place, it’s to the lightest of touches from Jamil’s fingers.

Tagging @diodellet @twstgo @crystallizsch @jamilvapologist @jamilsimpno69 as per request If you'd like to be tagged for any future works, let me know!

#twisted wonderland #jamil viper #twisted wonderland x reader #jamil viper x reader #woop it sure has been quite the burst of creative energy lately #especially since this has apparently been sitting in my drafts since last august #but now you have it #I certainly can’t promise to keep up with this rate of writing (in fact I can promise I won't) but hey let's enjoy it while it lasts #and yes I’m hopping on the “jamil using arabic terms of endearment” train #I’ve read so many fics doing that that at this point it feels more natural than english ngl #even if english would probably be more canonical #also is it a *good* way to go about it to just pretty much just force someone to rest like this? probably not #is it sometimes the only way to get stubborn people to stop for a bit? perhaps #and is it something I might do?#...possibly #also oh boy can you tell that I'm avoiding jamil's dialogue like the plague lately?#I really need to reread so much of his stuff to get a hang of his voice again #(also if you notice typos pls tell me because they always bug me)#(or other wonkiness because I'm not a native speaker and sometimes things just go silly)#anyways hope y'all enjoy!

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uncanny-tranny · 4 months

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Also, in response to the "testosterone making people angrier" myth, I've found that, personally, testosterone has given me the self-respect to recognize and call out when my boundaries are being overstepped in ways that I wouldn't have had the courage (or, frankly even liking of myself) to have done before. This is in addition to me working on my trauma responses, but testosterone was the spark that gave me the will to do this in the first place. When I see people sae that as anger and thus is a "bad thing," I wonder how much of that is just people being uncomfortable with us... having boundaries or enforcing them, and that the response to that overstepping is labeled as aggressive anger.

Frankly, I now actually respect myself enough to care when I am being mistreated. It seems that people sometimes take that as a personal failure on my end because I don't think I deserve mistreatment.

Caveat: Anger is a fine emotion, and it is a worthy thing to recognize and honour. I find that the accusation of trans men* and trans masc* people "being angry" on testosterone is a moot point simply because it is often a false accusation which uses anger as a punishment. My issue isn't that we're "angry," but that our perceived anger is used, often, as a transphobic bludgeon to punish those who either want to transition with testosterone or who currently are, and everything in-between.

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #nonbinary #transphobia #transphobia tw #unpopular opinion i guess but: trans man* and transmasc* anger is a fine thing and more people ought to express it without fear #basically i want to start a punk band with some other trans guys/trans guys+ who are Angry and Will Express It #like not going to lie but i had no boundaries before because i HATED myself...#...so it's pretty weird when people almost... miss that they could have taken advantage of me had i not realized my worth #like why does my Testosterone Anger say something bad about me when you MISS that you could have taken advantage of my self-hatred. like. hm #anyway. i let myself be angry now because i have realized that i deserve to express my full range of emotions #i notice that many trans people start asserting themselves way more when they transition gow they want/need to...#...and i think part of it is that many of us start to get out of the rut of feeling Horrible 24/7/365...#...so when people express they 'miss the old [you]' to me that's a red flag...#...because... do you miss that person pre-transition or do you miss their abject misery and passivity?#this might be a generalization because of tumblr's tag character limit #but i have noticed this with a few trans people when they are openly/currently transitioning #this isn't me saying that this is universal but just... something i have Taken Notice Of #and it seems weird to me that this hasn't only just happened to me because. it just feels...... gross

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ethosiab · 4 months

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avian etho maybe?

Okay so I mayyy have had quite a bit of fun with this

#my art #ask game #ethoslab #hermitcraft fanart #ethoslab fanart #mcyt #hermitcraft #anon #i might just adopt this as one of my designs honestly #if you notice that i draw his hair differently with every new design. yeah. im indecisive.#look i thought about corvids and their affinity for shiny things and ethos love of loot in stuff like do or vh and immediately decided #he needed to be one #and so now hes a magpie and im ignoring that their love of shiny things is actually a myth lmao #let me dream #also yeah this is really rough but tbh i just wanted to have fun and not bother with proper lines

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freakadr0id · 2 years

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This has been sitting in the back of my mind since I first watched Rise, but it seems that the show hints at an underlying sadness to Donnie's character that appears very subtly over the course of both seasons.

(Long post after the cut)

I feel like Donnie longs for a normal, human life to some degree. It isn't a major part of his character but it's there. Maybe he doesn't exactly want to be human, but there are a few signs that Donnie wants, at the very least, a human experience.

We see a few nods to this throughout the show:

He has a knowledge and love of fashion and appearance, something he, as a mutant turtle, wouldn't need to know or care about. Sure, his brothers wear clothes several times in the show as well, but they don't seem to have as much of an interest or passion as Donnie.

In 'The Purple Jacket' Donnie initially wanted to fit in with the Purple Dragons, a human group of teens at a human school (although it was mostly for the jacket).

I mean, this is a boy who wants to actually go to school and even graduate college but we know that, realistically, he can't do either.

Seriously, just look at how happy he is to be at April's school!

Hell, he draws eyebrows on his mask for goodness sake. Yes, from a meta standpoint this is mostly for the sake of his character design since he would look really fucking stupid without them, but the key to any good character design is to have an in-universe reason for it as well. While some people headcanon that Donnie does this to better convey his emotions (which is totally valid and I kind of agree), I also think this could also be a way for him to seem just a bit more human.

I'm not saying this is a defining element of Donnie's character - IT ISN'T. Our boy Donnie is confident in his intelligence, his skills as a scientist and an inventor, and who he is as a person overall - he doesn't want to change those things about himself. However, it is possible that maybe some small, quiet part of Donnie still longs for the things he could experience if he was a human, as opposed to a mutant turtle.

Hopefully, I'm not the only one who sees this because I think there are interesting things you could do with this part of his character - especially when you consider his closer friendship with April and the potential isolation he feels with his brothers.

I don't know, maybe this is just me overthinking things or looking for angst where there is none, however, this little thread of Donnie's character appeared often enough in the show to at least acknowledge it.

#yeah I'm not sure how I feel about this post #I might be crazy here #and maybe I'm grasping at straws #but I noticed it enough in the show that I just HAD to mention it #Rise also reinforces it visually by constantly framing and pairing april and Donnie together #and planting the idea that Donnie has a closer association with humans in the mind of the audience #BUUTTT #I still think it would be super fun to explore more of this in fanon and canon #we're getting that season 3 I'm sure of it #(they said in complete denial)#Just think about it #he is a softshell turtle who likely feels that he's different from his brothers #if you consider those insecurities #it makes his subtle longing for humanity and the human experience that much more interesting #maybe someone with better writing skills than me can play with this idea a bit more #*hint hint*#and who knows #this could be an established part of Donatello's character in TMNT already #Rise is the only TMNT thing I've seen so I have no idea #rottmnt #rise of the tmnt #rottmnt donnie #rottmnt donatello #rise donnie #rise donatello #analysis #character analysis #rottmnt analysis

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mokeonn · 1 month

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Before I go to sleep I leave you all with this piece of advice: sometimes you don't actually have to answer big political questions, sometimes you can just say "I am not smart enough to know that, I just know the small things I do to help." Like you can often times completely avoid making a fool of yourself if you just say you don't know.

#simon says #to explain here and not in a reblog:#sometimes when you try to explain big picture solutions you're gonna sound dumb #you might not have done enough research #you might not have a rebuttal to a counter argument #you might not be articulate enough to explain why you think this #sometimes you gotta take a step back and give the simple solution. the one man solution #you do what you can to fight against the problem #you talk to people to help spread awareness and how to fight the bad problem #and you vote and invite others to vote for bigger steps towards solving the problem #like you can talk about theory and how you believe we need to do a huge drastic thing to solve and issue #but people will disagree and argue til you're blue in the face #they'll poke and prod until you mess up or lose your temper and use it against you #and you'll feel dumb and they'll learn nothing #sometimes the best thing to do is step away from the big picture and just say 'idk what the solution is I just know the things I can do“#sometimes you gotta admit you're not a scientist/expert and you can't answer that #i used this while talking with my Dad tonight #he brought up our climate crisis and space travel as a possible solution #and I said I think that's just addressing the symptom and not the cause and we need to care for our Earth now #and he asked me what solutions I think would fix it #and knowing my incredibly smart Dad who is articulate and ready to throw rebuttles at a moments notice to play devils advocate #and my past experience in struggling in this topic with him before #i just told him I didn't know. all i knew is the little things I can and do do to help #and that hopefully by spreading the word and habits and encouraging others to vote for those bigger solutions I could help make a change #but all I really could do is the little things I have control over #and the topic became much less stressful about the little things we have control over #like planting native plants and recycling and adopting habits that are healthier to our planet #which was 100% more preferable to if I tried to give a big solution. because I would reveal i didn't have all the knowledge needed to argue #and my articulation would make me sound like a stupid kid who only thinks they know what's best #so yeah I basically suggest that if you dont wanna feel like shit after debating someone just step away from the big picture for a moment

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infizero · 1 year

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listen i was guilty of this once upon a time too but dawg ppl GOTTA stop calling any platonic dynamic they like “siblings” without any precedence

#there are many characters where there is good right to call them siblings. but ppl have gotten so trigger happy w it #and like theres nothing wrong with viewing a dynamic that way ig but at the same time it makes ppl who may ship those characters really #uncomfortable. bcuz although there is nothing to suggest that those characters view each other in that way by calling them siblings #instantly you've made it weird for anyone who might interpret the dynamic differently #idk this is very nuanced but it just irked me a little bit #absolutely nothing against the person in the tags of my art btw power to you #but. as someone who ships pearl and scar a little it was a bit uncomfortable to see them be called siblings #i dont like ppl making ANY of the hermits siblings. like grian and pearl are a common one i see and i just. i dont get it i truly dont #none of their dynamics read like that to me. idk. again ppl have their own interpretations of things and they didnt mean any harm by it #it just made me feel a little weird #and this is a problem or well. trend ive seen in all fandoms recently #please. people are allowed to be friends and have close friendships and not have a familial element involved #esp with a girl and a boy THEY CAN JUST BE FRIENDS! YOU CAN HAVE THEM BE TOTALLY PLATONIC WITHOUT CALLING THEM SIBLINGS #whatever whatever idrc. just something ive noticed i know other ppl have talked about this before #again this is not a callout or anything im genuinely not mad or weirded out or anything please dont think i am #serena.txt

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astranauticus · 8 months

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in light of the new episode this joke i made once is feeling a lot more relevant

#rwd #asto speaks #rolling with difficulty #fuck it yeah i'll tag this i feel like at least some people will find this funny #it's the moment when noir said 'if you want VR-LA to understand what you want you have to tell him *verbatim*' that just #got me?? for some reason??#my irl insight is genuinely so bad i need people to tell me what their deal is or else i just have no clue #this joke has been simmering since like i got to season 3 this ep just had a lot of very raw heart to hearts so i was feeling it extra hard #also the whole VR-LA just needs a 'dani are you mad at me' sign but that might just be an anxiety thing #no the thing that always gets to me is that i never *registered* the autism of it all surrounding VR-LA until like #after i started engaging w the fan space and saw everyone talking about it #and i was like?? really?? gosh i never noticed #so yknow. that probably says something

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antirepurp · 10 months

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im gonna love putting him into frontiers and discovering 170 vertices with shit-tier weight painting that float above his head

#purp art #yeah i think the model is done enough for that #sonic #sonic the hedgehog #there are some oddities with the finger beans but they're barely noticeable #also the op scars function in ways i do not understand but i really can't give a shit about that #i was gonna do fancier textures for him but like have you ever tried to unwrap UVs? that shit sucks #him being all flat colors is a stylistic decision and not a result of me wanting to conserve my brain cells #anyway the only thing i might want to add is being able to move the eye UVs in blender #rn he's got two eye meshes one for when i import him to frontiers and another for in-blender use #and for the in-blender ones i'll have to implement ways to move them if i wanna adjust them at any point #it's very optional especially bc i made this specifically for frontiers importing but it could be cool. maybe. we'll see lol

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blackbackedjackal · 10 months

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Sometimes I think about how long some of you all have been following me and I'm like wow, ya'll really like watching this clown.

#i know so many of ya'll by icon especially since I'm a visiual learner #I'm honestly very lucky to have attracted so many nice and cool and interesting as hell folks #i don't wanna sound like cliché or anything just like #even if I can't respond every the time know that I do really appreciate you all taking the time to be kind to me and show me things #and ask me stuff like #tumblrs always been my safe spece online #especially since this blog was made cause I had to avoid a stalker #and it's grown into this place where like #i love hearing what you guy have to say and show me things #I live alone and work a lot (and have been on tumblr more due to a lot of irl drama I can't get into yet)#and if any of ya'll are like gone for a while I will be like 'I hope ___ is doing ok' cause I do notice ;-;#so many of ya'll have been just so willing to be kind to me or let me vent to you privately or educate me about stuff #led me in the right direction and offer help #like the kindness goes both ways and I think that's really special #i might remove this later cause I get shy sharing but ahhhhhh #thank you all so so so much #it's been a rough as week #and a rough few years #so I'm just really thankful to you all ;;;;;;

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bending-sickle · 2 years

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Rules: Tag 9 people you want to get to know better.

Tagged by: @its-sorcery <333

Favorite time of year: okay look, i spent 12 out of my first 18 years in various countries within the tropics, which means i imprinted on the rainy season v. dry season dichotomy, so even though it’s been years - i haven’t had a rainy season in thirteen years, and even that one doesn’t count, because that was in the middle of a three year severe drought. - i still yearn for the rainy season where it will be a torrential downpour for a week, just absolute sheets of rain. even now, whenever i see a mildly dark cloud, my first instinct is “oh lawd it comin’“ and not “hmm, i wonder if it’ll rain”. (i remember one time my class was at an amusement park on a field trip. three drops of rain fell and we all raced to the buses, and by the time we got to them we were all drenched.) i Yearn.

i mean spring isn’t half bad, there’s the excitement of seeing plants wake up and start flowering and all that. (i’d say autumn but we don’t really get the whole changing-of-leaves here? they just...get sad and limp and slowly fall off all throughout winter. and we shall not speak of The Heat that is summer. and winter here is...just more autumn. god i miss snow, too.)

Comfort food: my favourite thing that my mom makes ever since i was a tiny child was her version of curry, which is simply beef (i know) slices with curry powder and cream with onion, on white rice.

if we’re talking purchasable food, then oh god, bbq ribs. i rarely get to eat them, but they just fix something. not everything, but certainly a lot.

Favorite Collection: like, personal collection? my postcards. i have a lot, and after keeping a bunch from Deceased Great Uncle, i have a lot more. i’ve even stuck a few into photo albums, so i can actually see them once in a while. most i’ve bought myself on trips, a few were sent in my friends and fam.

i do also have a coin collection, kept from all our travels, which i also like. got a few ~fanceh~ ones too.

Favorite Drink: fresh orange juice, my beloved citrus.

Favorite song: deep in my childhood bones is an undying love for cat stevens’ moonshadow and joan manuel serrat’s cantares. we’re going to go see serrat’s last ever concert this december - he’s retiring - and i’m all a-squee. i’ve seen him once before, when he was touring with a few other classic rock stars. so excited, but sad. (cat stevens came here touring recently, but even the cheapest tickets were unbelievably expensive, so no dice :<)

Favorite artist: like, painting? of living artists, the fondest place in my heart is for ursula vernon’s stuff. it’s whimsical, it’s beautiful, it’s both. i mean, the biting pear of salamanca, anyone?

as for dead artists, i’m coming up with monet, but also when we went to madrid last year, we visited sorolla’s house and i fell in love all over again with his stuff. it’s just. it’s so gorgeous. his beach paintings alone are just *soft gasp*

Favorite fic: can i say the entirety of the sith academy archive? no?

then (though i haven’t finished it because i read it as a wip but now i need to reread it from the start now that it’s finished, because i remember nothing) but @flollius’ frailty was the chef’s kiss of all chef’s kisses. that was Arte.

also livejournal user evadne_noel’s breadbox editions and cleolinda jones’ movies in fifteen minutes were absolute highlights of the fanfiction experience way back when.

i haven’t read fanfic much these past few years on account of my brain refusing to do so, so i can’t really speak as to more recent experiences. but those listed above? keeping the memory of those with me forever.

(No Pressure) Tagging: @seschat, @icarus-suraki, @cargopantsman, @pepperf, @sylniabab, @beenworkingonacocktail, @misskillamarmalade

#things you might have noticed about me #i uh got talkative there sorry

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sieglinde-freud · 2 months

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started another file and got two really terrible pairs of siblings. arent they pretty :)

BONUS I MARRIED ONE OF EM I LOVE U FOREVER PINKNIGO 🫶🩷

#ann plays awakening #the great thing about the gay hack is that if i make most of them siblings #it cuts my grinding in half!!#anyways i absolutely started a new file to marry pink inigo like i wont even bother hiding that #but i figured while im here i might as while try out some other pairings #i have the rest of them written down i just need to. yk. grind em out #another time though #in case you havent noticed by now awakening is really just my fun family simulator #its fun for me #something i didnt expect though was that cordelia!owain looks REALLY good #i didnt expect that but his hair + his red accents??? HELLO??#and ik u can make him ginger in the base game but no one really matches cordelia red yk #sully could work actually but that’s still not a vanilla game thing #also cordelia lets him have full access to the VVW combo which is excellent #severa unfortunately misses out on wrath but thats alright #she’s really pretty with lissa’s hair. maybe she got the pigtails from mom

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meownotgood · 10 months

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sneaking knight!aki into your room so he can please his princess in various ways 👀

he's so loving and kind... just wants to make you happy and give you anything and everything you desire... he knows he shouldn't stay much longer but if you're begging for him so sweetly how is he supposed to resist...

he'll kiss every inch of you, mutter pleasant words into your ear while his hands slip under your nightgown — that's it, you're doing well. stay quiet, now. you're so beautiful, princess. he'll give you his steady fingers while his tongue is lapping at your clit; there you go, you can take one. you think you can try and take two? curl them into that perfect spot and groan into your cunt when your thighs squeeze around his face, make you cum on his mouth and his hands until you're either satisfied or pleading for him to stay with you for a little while more.

#he's such a giver it's crazy #im just thinking of like #you're making out and things about to get heated #but then you hear one of the maids coming upstairs so you're quickly pushing aki into your closet and telling him to be quiet LOL #mmm... think he'd have a lot of scars all over his body... from battle.....#big strong fingers from fighting with a sword #he apologizes for his touch feeling a lil rough and calloused #but he's so gentle you hardly notice #him. calling you princess in an endearing way might just make me explode #ask mags

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lyxchen · 4 months

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When you feel weird saying your favorite actors name out loud when talking to your parents or friends because it feels like it's going to reveal how deeply obsessed you actually are

#oh how often i have said to my parents #'it's a movie with that actor i like'#because i am afraid if i say 'david tennant' i will also add 'the prettiest most gorgeous funniest guy who is so lovely and if i met him i #would probably hyperventilate and i think about him probably too much because he's just an actor but also Look At Him!!'#you know #normal fangirl stuff #i have a theory that this is either some sort of weird ocd thing deep inside of me like how for a few months i was very afraid that people #could hear my thoughts and so i never allowed myself to think strange or very personal things with many people around #or this is because other people have made me feel like i can't talk about my interests because they're so intense that they find them #annoying #or it's because i don't want my parents to think i have a crush on him because i don't and also i'm gay so like no crush potential this is #completely different emotion which i can't explain especially not my parents so i'd rather they not find out how cool i think he is #but also they probaly know because they got me 10th doctor merch for christmas without me even asking for it and my mom also said that #she noticed that he's my favorite actor which is fine it's toatally fine i'm so cool about this #any so yeah anyways #didn't think i'd analize myself that much tonight but here we are #david tennant you have to honor of recieving the title of 'that one actor i like' which is much more important than it might sound #good night #lea's random thoughts

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lanciilatte · 2 years

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Cabby’s Gaps in Understanding

These scenes.

Are the parallels of all time. I think it was absolutely intentional that their ‘niche intelligences’ were explained in this exact order on these separate, very important occasions. Cabby thinks Test Tube and Fan are defined by these intelligences, and acknowledges that it was reductive to discredit Test Tube later on.

They’re stronger together and made a rash decision out of how much they care for each other. This results in TBD being made, and TBD’s existence is the one thing that stumps Cabby. Cabby cannot understand using all the potential behind combined strength to make an emotional decision. She doesn’t realize Fan and Test Tube doing this is a possibility, nor does she understand Test Tube throwing away that potential due to emotions brought out by the situation.

There’s an emotional reaction on her part to this too. She wants to experience this bond and combined strength very badly. She wants to believe she can experience it, even though it probably would not come naturally. Of course it wouldn’t, as though she regards it as ‘something warmer’, she also mentions how it’s ‘more subjective’. Considering how much of her image and sense of self is lauded as objective and factual, this is a big deal.

She’s so fascinating in that way, that what she clearly wants more than anything is the one thing that trips her up. She can categorize people all she wants into whatever boxes she can think of. But she can’t understand anyone not chasing the thing she desperately wants. Especially if they threw the potential away for a reason like Test Tube’s: because of emotions stirred up by the immediate circumstances. That’s an uncomfortable prospect for her, that unpredictability you have to trust as a part of yourself, since it’s what you really feel. That might be one of the most uncomfortable things for her full stop. She can’t understand stifling the potential to achieve something she desperately wants for that reason. But then we run into another problem, she doesn’t know how to openly discuss achieving that connection. It’s something she can’t even talk about comfortably without relying on someone else’s expression of feelings to draw from. Even when outlining a strategy with objective information, which is the definition of her comfort zone.

Now it’s caused a problem in her research, in her game plan. It’s gotten her eliminated and it’s gotten her nowhere with the biggest mystery/challenge to her database we’ve seen her tackle. But research has nothing to do with her goals, other than to be insurance that things never get too far off course. Though it is very telling that one of the clearest signs of her sense of lack is how it interferes with her research. How it interferes with her database, because the easiest way for her to realize a sense of lack in herself is through an extension of herself, right? Her files are that extension of herself.

This idea of her knowledge being all that she sees or presents herself as is not concrete yet. But consider everything else and her elaboration being “I am a piece, Test Tube is a piece, and our combined strength is—was… a piece.” There’s all this strategy and ‘sake of the game’ talk, but she’s really trying to reflect on the feelings brought out in both herself, Test Tube, and everyone else. She has to ‘evenly divide’ the moving parts of the situation in order to justify how she feels about it. She has to evenly divide people to understand them, she approaches the social aspect of the game in the way she knows how. She frames it like it only makes sense to do so, but deep down she puts so much of herself into her writing because she wants to understand others. “To understand them” is the reason she gives for making files on people. She could’ve elaborated if she wanted to… But she preferred to leave the reason unstated and move on. Before we can delve into that idea, we need to detail Cabby’s own understanding of herself first.

She more-so sees people as what they do, and their actions rather than who they are. Whether she views herself that way and then applied it to others or the other way around I don’t know. But she definitely makes a habit out of keeping track of peoples’ habits. She doesn’t just do it to pass time, she’s fascinated by it. She’s fascinated for the wrong reasons though, as a true logician fuelled by information would not be so comfortable with predictability. She’s not only comfortable with it, but depends on it to understand the whole set of said knowledge. This is all very similar to Fan, however she is far less inclined to include others’ emotion in her fascination or perception. In Cabby’s database, Clover can be a ‘sweet girl’ but she cannot be a ‘source of sweetness’ or ‘someone who makes me feel me sweetness.’ There’s no spontaneous action involved, only a type of person.

All this is to say: I think Cabby can understand certain emotions driving your actions, but those actions all have to be rational and controlled. She doesn’t understand emotions being a large part of the decision or action itself. This is what consistently trips her up. She can account for the base emotional state of people, but not what they’ll do when emotions that suddenly arise in them or change unpredictably are involved. What someone will do ‘under pressure.’ Not following the same patterns over and over. She can understand the patterns she sees, she can’t understand that everyone is a unique example of the ‘type of person’ she sees them as. I’d say this is where Cabby and Fan’s insular perspectives line up and then diverge again. Cabby plays with accurate information she’s perceived and that’s the fun part. Fan has fun with perceiving information without that close consideration to accuracy, since trivia is more of a decoration to him. For Cabby, she is a decoration to the trivia. She needs to perceive things objectively and accurately for her own pride, and she needs to preserve this information in order to put it to use. Because of course her understanding needs to be useful, to be helpful, otherwise she’d be doing it for the sake of knowledge. What she extra doesn’t understand is that if she’s doing this for own reasons, for pride or for a clear end result being a comfort, she’s already been making rash decisions fuelled by emotion. She’s making ill-advised decisions and *mistakes* by disregarding her own fallibility. There’s no way she can always keep up this image when that image has an emotional strain and her goals don’t take into account how to mend emotional struggles. The thing is, her emotional struggles or even her mistakes aren’t something she looks away from. She just doesn’t know what she’s looking at, or what she brings to the table that she would rather get from other people’s input. She doesn’t know it, nor can she begin to express it yet, but she has her own warmth inside her objectivity, she doesn’t need to gain that ability from someone else. She could win people over if she showed up as the ‘girl who puts herself into her database to calm herself and help others’ and not the ‘girl who cares more about her files than anyone, including herself, so imagine how she feels about *you*.’

The number one decision she needed to be making, is the kind of decision she can’t fathom someone else making. Acting upon a spontaneous desire to help someone, no matter if you have the perfect plan or even a plan that makes sense. Or, in the competition sense, helping people through their problem instead of keeping track of their problem just running its course. Looking out for the team in an honest and upfront way, instead of waiting for that perfect ally to come along and spark a change. This is especially unrealistic since a ‘perfect ally’ for her would have to be one that’s earned her respect and given her new insight. Cabby makes that very difficult to accomplish, in fact, she makes it harder every single time she seeks out information on her own.

But she could do so much good if she just realized that. She’s already done a lot of good without directly intending it. Cabby’s research is what gets Clover to question how she lives her life. She kickstarts Clover’s entire arc. Cabby’s research is also what helps TBD start looking for answers, and one of the things that let her know Test Tube was hiding something regarding those answers.

She overall needs to become more comfortable with spontaneity related to both emotions and information. If she were comfortable with that, then her needing ‘constant input from other people to feel alive’ wouldn’t result in her looking at people reductively. If she stopped looking at people reductively, she could see them more as ongoing projects, not instalments in the history of her perception. Then, finally, she could see that she herself is one of those ongoing projects that can be fulfilled by warmth and efforts to change for good. Not just reliability when things go wrong, but taking initiative in making things right.

Since she still just ‘wants to win people over’, she’s still figuring out what all the moving pieces are. The ‘why’ and ‘what’ she did wrong. But she wouldn’t have gotten to this point so easily if she didn’t care about how others felt. She cares that her mistakes hurt people, that’s why she’s reevaluating her thought process immediately after being shown that was the case. She wants to make things right, but she has to step out of her comfort zone to do it, and understand that ‘right’ changes in an instant from situation to situation, person to person. But she’s been shown her impact, and she readily accepts it once she stops clarifying her intent. That’s a great start. It’s the same start that Test Tube made once. I’m confident it’s the start of something better, considering the way she found out she was wrong is that she’s upset people outside of ‘the sake of the game’, that says a lot! It definitely couldn’t have been because her pride was damaged, since she was kind of really frantic and openly kinda pathetic while grasping at more answers during her last moments on the show. If only she knew the gap in her understanding that’s damaged her pride beyond caring for it is directly linked to the one damaging her growth. I would love to see these ideas linked again if Cabby and TBD are truly acquainted one day! Acquainted, or able to meet as friends who learn from each other, not as a mystery or problem to solve. That would be the perfect resolution to Test Tube realizing she made Cabby’s mistake before she could learn who TBD really was.

#inanimate insanity #ii cabby #you might notice that test tube and their alliance are exceptions to a lot of this… which is so sad #if they could talk or challenge each other more it wouldve been really great !!#but WOOOO CABBYPOST I HAVE NOT STOPPED THINKING ABOUT THE III2 AND III8 PARALLEL SINCE WATCHING III8 SO ITS. BEEN A BIT.#hope the cabbynetters enjoy and pls tell me what does or doesnt align with your interpretation =D!!#i have. tons more to say about test tubes mistakes and the tbd thing in general …#but the cabby relevant things are all here I think!#I ALSO BARELY TOUCHED ON TRUST. I WILL NEED MORE CABBYPOSTS TO GET INTO ALL THIS BUT BUT #if it involves test tube which it would.. I will need more test tube focused talking points #this one is mostly cabgirl enrichment #LANCING #also #long post

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