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pochapal · 6 months

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hi there! Since you're currently Homestuck I'm writing in to ask you a favor: could you explain the truth/relevance/essentiality model of native integrity, for someone who has some experience with metafiction but hasn't read the Epilogues? I never got to that part of Homestuck and my attempts to Google explanations has left things very unclear in my head - in particular where each category ends and the other two begin.

okay so! caveat that a lot of this is going off memory and also 4 years of my own interpretation of the terms that may or may not correlate to actual reality, but truth/relevance/essentiality can be explained as follows:

as per the epilogues these things constitute the three pillars of canon - for a piece of fiction to attain canonicity it must be true relevant and essential to that which came before. in some ways this is as simple as if something like a sequel/spinoff passes the "he would not fucking say that" test and sometimes it's less simple.

for ease of understanding, each pillar can be understood as thus:

for something to be true, it must by definition not contradict either the literal or metaphorical truth of the canonical text. what comes after must be congruent with what came before. the easiest way to measure a story's truth value is to see if what is being said is verified as existing in some form within canon - if a character expresses interest in thing A, but this piece of fiction depicts them as both liking B and disliking A without even acknowledging their canonical enjoyment of A, then it loses its truth value.

for something to be relevant, it must have some matter of value or importance within the text itself. an example of something that is true but not relevant would be a side story that doesn't contradict the main canon but also doesn't add or change the core story in any way. inoffensive fluff of no consequence in other words.

for something to be essential, it must be in alignment with the themes and driving theses of the text. to make something essential, it must speak to the "why" of the source text in such a way that it either changes/becomes part of the central message. another understanding of essentiality is through audience impact - is this feature valued enough to stick in a reader's consciousness as a key component when recounting the story's details? in a lot of ways essentiality/relevance do share overlap, but my understanding is relevance = within the text and essentiality = outside of the text.

when thinking about these pillars, the important part is that these terms are also a loose metaphor for adherence to power structures/conformity to hierarchical norms. in homestuck, "canon" is a form of violence inflicted on its characters (the alpha timeline as a concept is the most accessible form of this) and so to adhere to canon is to perform existence in a way that the system views with approval. the pillars of canon are extrinsic validation that represent a total narrativising of reality, and thus the conflicts and hardships of canon continue to perpetuate (in homestuck epilogues terms, this comes in the form of sacrificing "happily ever after" for an intriguing and exciting sequel despite the suffering it will inflict on the characters).

what's interesting about this model is that truth/relevance/essentiality can also be self-generated and self-sustaining. a totally canon-divergent fanfiction will completely undermine the rules of its source to the point where if it were to be moored to canon it would damage the integrity of both texts, but it nonetheless continues to have its own internal consistency/structures. a queer AU means nothing to the source text, but it has meaning to itself and to the audience it exists for (audience response isn't very hashed out in the epilogues model, but i think it's important to consider for a more comprehensive picture - @hms-no-fun's godfeels touches a lot on this angle) and thus an alternative mode of being is formed in response.

the problem with a text that fails to adhere to these pillars is that, while it is afforded a greater structural freedom, it also fails to matter. a fanfiction that is canon-compliant has a greater value in the discourse surrounding its source text than a coffee shop au that only has character names and appearances as a shared commonality - even if this coffee shop au is a groundbreaking and moving piece of narrative, because it lacks any meaningful ties to canon it cannot be used to shape canon.

to give a clear example, a lot of this for me is most easily explored in the concept of june egbert who existed most prominently as a nebulous promise destined for the future of homestuck, but absent in its present. the question driving a lot of the fans with a vested interest in june during the 2019/2020 era was "june egbert is real, but how can june egbert be real? and what does june egbert being real mean?"

you can see this a lot with the two schools of fanworks depicting june egbert. on one hand you have what is loosely dubbed "hairclips june" - a version of june egbert who exists as the platonic ideal of transfeminine fantasy, who inhabits contemporary college aus and perfect femininity and coming out stories filled to the brim with queer coming of age tropes and feelgood trans girl archetypes. she is true and essential and relevant to the transgender experience (and indeed hairclips june *has* helped in cracking people's eggs and thus her validity and importance cannot be denied) but not the homestuck experience. in homestuck, june egbert will never come into being as an early 20's john egbert who realizes her depression is actually unaddressed dysphoria and who spends a great deal of time taking estrogen and wearing skirts and kissing her friends, but that doesn't mean there isn't a great deal of value in these texts existing regardless of their proximity to canon.

on the flipside you have "extant june" (a term i am inventing right now to categorize this character type in absence of official terminology), a version of june egbert focused much more on meaningfully addressing "how can june egbert come to be in a convincing way?", or "what canon and canon-adjacent avenues could june egbert take to come into being?". these june works are more dominated by the messy and heavy and dramatic rules that govern homestuck, and figuring out how to fit june egbert into that pattern. one such instance of this is godfeels, whose june comes about from a mind-meld with a sort of brain ghost vriska after a severe depressive episode and creates the composite "june eg8ert", a manifestation of vriska's influence on john during act 5 brought to its logical extreme. another instance is my own story, omelette route, which has june egbert come into being following her resurrection at the end of the epilogues and the canonical truth that "john egbert is dead"; freed from the narrative obligation of being john egbert, she is able to start examining the true shape of her feelings - this of course is an extension of the questions of selfhood posed over and over again by postcanon homestuck. you can even turn to homestuck^2 itself for what will almost certainly be "canon" june's entrance, through a 40 year old john egbert who, after sleepwalking his way into a miserable life and cruel world, has decided to once again give autonomy a chance.

extant june's stories are, for a better term, characterised in bleak and heavy and thematically dense brushstrokes, because homestuck itself is all of these things and more. to make a plausible june egbert that adheres to the rules of homestuck is to make june egbert compatible with the suffering of homestuck. june will never get a neat and happy coming out, but she might experience post-resurrection ego dissolution, or she might experience a personality-shifting psychic fusion, as these are all extreme character-defining moments common to homestuck's narrative language. yet there remains a controversy in these junes compared to hairclips june - these stories are often too complicated, too messy, too traumatic for an easy and palatable consumption. and yet they feel infinitely more tangible than a story about 21 year old college senior john egbert who is forcefemmed by his transfem roommate rose lalonde and has several feelings awoken as a result.

one version of june strives for truth and relevance and essentiality, and one does not. both junes contain an immense value for their respective audiences. in this way, you don't need the pillars of canon to have a conversation with a story's audience, but you do need them to have a conversation with the story itself. a story can only speak to its own pillars. if you discard those pillars either willingly or unwillingly, then you are distancing yourself from the possibility of dialogue. this is not to say that extant june is more "real" than hairclips june (they are both fanworks after all, and thus unable to ever attain absolute "truth" on their own due to not being canonically-authored texts), but that extant junes are more readily in direct dialogue and conversation with homestuck and thus have a greater potential for influence in this specific way. hairclips june through her essentiality can change your relationship to yourself, while extant june through her essentiality and relevance can change your relationship to homestuck.

i hope this helps in illuminating these concepts in a way that makes more tangible sense!

#cetaceanhandiwork #homestuck epilogues #june egbert #homestuck 2

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kararisa · 1 year

Text

marigold promises

pairing: albedo x gn!reader

genre: social media au, modern/college au, childhood friends to academic rivals to lovers, slow burn

summary: it was evident that you and albedo have changed in the five years you’ve spent apart, but you know better than to view him through the lens of nostalgia. with one goal on your mind – graduate valedictorian – who better to stand in your way than the studious, intelligent, ice-cold albedo? one thing’s for sure: he’s going down.

warnings: swearing, crack, light angst, unrealistic depictions of college, family issues, self-doubt, abandonment issues, side ships (tighnari gets paired with a moot); specific chapter warnings will be at the beginning of the chapter — will be updated as the series continues

status: ongoing

author's notes:

my first smau hehe. i've been working on this for a while so i'm really excited! updates will be sporadic but i'll do my best to update often.

the timestamps don't matter unless i say they do!

apologies in advance if i miss any grammar mistakes, english isn't my first language

pictures used are simply to add visual description and do not depict the reader's skin color, height, etc.

written chapters are marked with (☕︎)

profiles:

coffee addicts ([name]'s friends)

donut disco (albedo's friends)

year 1 — whether i like it or not || playlist

01. finally, a worthy opponent! || 02. why pay for netflix?

03. if looks could kill || 04. impromptu cramming session

05. enigma (☕︎) || bonus. i hate it here

06. temporary truce || bonus. crisis companion

07. crack theory || bonus. bread

08. twin pendants (☕︎) || 09. no harm in asking

10. the print shop by the mondmart || 11. #TCUClubFair

12. save me a slice || 13. miss you too

14. caffeinate me up || 15. u ok?

16. hell week (☕︎) || 17. dean's lister

18. please send help || 19. 6/10 difficulty (☕︎)

20. #ynsweep || 21. equilibrium (☕︎)

22. look me in the eyes (☕︎) || 23. team bonding

24. how could i, when it's you? (☕︎) || 25. kiss for good luck

year 2 — we make a good team, partner || playlist

26. lab partner thief || 27. dodoco

28. not even remotely subtle || 29. jealousy doesn't look good on you

bonus. ultra secret project proposal || 30. ice cream for three (☕︎)

31. "just" the lab report (☕︎) || 32. a letter and a promise (☕︎)

33. that damn cardigan || 34. shit happens, that's life

35. on instinct || 36. don't be a stranger

bonus. soft launch season

year 3 — promise me this || playlist

37. the college experience || 38. keep it coming

39. the day the world stopped moving (☕︎) || bonus. an unexpected call (☕︎)

40. i can sense your denial || 41. what is wrong with me

42. stubborn™ (☕︎) || 43. strawberry hair tie

44. get your shit together || 45. in spite of it all (☕︎)

46. right here

tba

year 4 — these bonds that bind us || playlist

tba

taglist: @fvkkyu @mintreen @edreee @khyllynnn @xxmirrorballxx @aiikalvr @yaefics @ch35hir3 @aequha @alch3myy @lovely-althxa @nei-rinn @cridtiins @zestrya @skylions-den @moriiartt @theother-victoria @sunsethw4 @dazaisfavgf @serossidechick @koiir @lazy-sanns

— the taglist is currently CLOSED! shoot me an ask or a reply if you've changed your url or you'd like to be removed!

#genshin smau #albedo x reader #albedo x you #albedo smau #genshin x reader #genshin x you #genshin albedo #genshin fluff #albedo fluff #genshin imagines #albedo imagines #genshin scenarios #genshin modern au #marigold promises smau #genshin college au #🏹 — navi

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wood-white-writer · 4 months

Text

“Didn’t mean to make your heart Blue” || [9/…]

— OPLA!Buggy x F!Reader

“And I know no one will save me, I just need someone to kiss.

Give me one good honest kiss and I’ll be alright.”

— Mitski, “Nobody”

Pairing: Buggy the Clown (Live Action) x F!Reader

Summary: You were an apprentice of Gol D. Roger’s crew in your youth, long before his eventual demise. Along with the Red-Haired Shanks and Buggy, you were a formidable trio; the embodiment of a new generation of pirates yet to come. But times changed, and so did you and your friends. In which there is lost affections, mentions of the past, and re-bonding over a bath. Unshared thoughts and feelings of regret return from years of negligence, and whereas some aspects remain buried, others have a chance to resurface from the depths.

Warnings: fem!reader, LA!Verse, slight canon divergence, morally grey reader, mentions of violence and blood, dual-pov (though primarily Buggy's), Buggy being a simp, implications of Buggy being a horny simp

A/N: AND HERE WE ARE! FINALLY, AFTER SO MANY WEEKS, THE NEW CHAPTER IS UP! Seriously, I want to thank you all for your immense patience and support. As I mentioned in a previous post, work has been hectic as hell and I know I wrote that this chapter would hopefully be finished last week, but life took its toll. Hopefully, you'll enjoy this chapter, though I myself have mixed feelings about it.

INCLUDES SOME SELF-MADE SKETCHES AT THE BOTTOM, so you’re warned

The sun warms your face as you breathe in the fresh scent of the sea. You’re lounging on deck, hands folded behind your head and feet hanging over the railings in a rather peculiar position, but you’re perfectly content.

Luffy benched you for the rest of the voyage to Arlong Park, a decision you initially found insulting to no short degree. Well, maybe benched is not the right term to use, but more like “I don’t want you to die, and I think you need to relax this once”.

You had argued that no, you’re fine and the love bites Arlong left you are nothing compared to the marks Mihawk left on Zoro, and he’s still up and about as usual.

But Luffy is firm about his decision, and what the Captain says goes.

So, here you are, enjoying some quiet all while letting your wounds heal, and it seems that nothing can hope to put an end to this ambiance that is—

“HEY! THERE ‘YA ARE!”

…. You spoke too soon. Way too soon.

A shadow falls over your face like a curtain and blocks the view of the sun. A shadow belonging to - you make a lucky guess - a severed head that’s been talking for way longer than a severed head typically should, in your experience.

You open one lazy eye to pinpoint the exact perpetrator and see a bright red dot staring down at you from Usopp’s grip.

Buggy winks at you, making those mildly irritating clink-clink noises.

“I can’t stand it anymore,” Usopp grumbles. “You take him! He’s annoying and keeps telling me my nose is too long!”

“Because it is, you shidiot!”

“It’s average!”

“That’s what your mom said!”

“You keep my mom’s name out of your mouth, you psychotic, fucking—!”

“Be quiet.”

Both the clown and the slingshot simultaneously shut their mouths before things have a chance to escalate on a non-verbal scale, and you take this as a sign that your break is officially over and buried ten feet under.

Stretching your arms out loud enough to pop a few vertebrae, you shift to lean your back against the railing and give both boys an unimpressed look-over, like a disappointed mother having caught both of her children in the act of something. “It’s too early for you to be making a ruckus.”

“It’s 11 am,” Usopp points out.

“Still too early.” Deciding that you’d rather not deal with this with more effort than you’re willing to spend, you return to your previous position. “Leave the head, or don’t. Just let me rest.”

“Fine by me.”

With a thud and an “OW FUCK!”, Usopp unceremoniously drops the clown and forgoes his Buggy-sitting duties to do whatever he wants to do, leaving you to pick up the slack.

A string of curses flow from Buggy’s mouth, which you only vaguely pay attention to. There was something along the lines of “Long-nosed asshat,” and “Right on the nose”, but you abandon all interest in favor of feeling the sun on your cheek.

“So…” you hear him jump a little closer. “Alone at last.”

You don’t answer.

“What? Don’t give me that! I thought we were good!”

You remain selectively mute.

“Hey! Don’t ignore me! I don’t like it!”

“You survived it for twenty years. I’m sure you can stand it for a few more minutes.”

“…. Seriously?”

“Mhmm.”

You don’t know what possesses him, but he keeps quiet for most of the next thirty minutes, and you take the time to continue basking in the sun.

It’s a luxury you can rarely afford, and you’ll be damned if it gets ruined now or all time, least of all by him. You’re not going to even open the can of worms that is last night’s events, so you lock it in a chest to be dug up for another day.

Not now. It won't be that long until you reach Arlong Park, and shit will go down. This might be the only chance you get to replenish your strength and gods do you need it now more than ever.

"… Hey?” Buggy starts.

You let him decide whether to perceive your silence as an opening or a locked door.

“I’m bored.”

“Tough.”

“Can’t we do something else?”

“We could fish. Your head might serve as a good bait.” Despite yourself, your lip tugs a little in what is supposed to be a halfway smirk. The image of Buggy dangling above the shark-infested waters from a hook to his bandana would be an entertaining sight to behold.

He swallows audibly. “Was that a joke?”

“Keep bothering me and we’ll find out soon enough.”

“C’mon! Don’t be like that! Seriously, I’m bored! Ain’t much you can do when you’re just a head… except to give one, but that’s beside the point.”

Too much detailing, you think. He wants entertainment of any kind; you want peace and quiet. What to do and how to kill two birds with one stone? You open one eye and let it drift over to Buggy, who in turn is staring intently at you.

In the sun, you make out every detail of his rugged face. His make-up’s almost wiped completely off the skin, with only remnants of the red lipstick and blue diamonds vaguely in place. His stubbles have grown slightly, given the lack of access to a barber, and if you get close enough, he probably stinks of—

A lightbulb goes off in your head. A devious one, blinking to every corner of your brain.

Despite what anyone thinks, you’re not above being petty.

With a push, you sit up and glance over at him. “Anything?”

Buggy raises his eyebrows and nods desperately. “Yeah! Anything! As long as I ain’t got to sit here doing naught-shit, I’m game!”

You turn to him, put each of your hands to the edges of his jaw, and lift him a little closer to you. Whether from the sun or just him alone, he’s warm and soft under your digits.

“Alright,” is all you say.

Buggy beams much like the bulb in your head, and a loud bark of laughter erupts from his mouth. You almost pity him, pity him for being oblivious to what’s to come.

But it needs to be done.

There’s no other way around it and he’s had it coming. He deserves this, you tell yourself. He deserves every inch of ruthlessness you can offer, and you’ll deliver.

————

Buggy blanches, lips wobbling in horror as he slowly glances up at you. Betrayal fills his bright-blue eyes and, for the first time since Orange Town, he sees you as the beast you both know you are.

He’s afraid.

He’s afraid of you.

He knows you can be vindictive; he knows you can be brutal, but in all the time he’s known you, he’s never perceived you as cruel.

Maybe it’s time for him to reassess that thought.

“No,” he whispers softly. “No, please.”

Your face is blank, and cold, and he doesn’t know if it’s a trick of the light or not, but there’s a shadow across your face that darkens everything but your eyes. Those bright eyes he used to hold in such high regard.

“You want my forgiveness,” you state calmly as you gradually lower him to his demise. “You have to earn it.

“Please, anything but this. I’ll do anything other than this!”

But his pleas earn no mercy from you. He wiggles in your grasp like a fish out of water, and as much as he tries to beg and move and free himself, your hold is iron incarnate.

Buggy lets out an ear-curdling scream the moment he feels the water under his neck.

“NOOOOO!”

————

Honestly, how childish, you think as you begin to soak him in the basin you procured from the kitchens. He hisses like a cat as you pour the water over his head, rinsing his hair. Try as he might, he cannot escape your grasp.

It’s not even deep enough to reach his chin, and still, he acts like it’s acid he’s been thrown into.

But you’re determined, this has to be done.

“Oh, quit whining” you chastise, getting drops of water your way with all his scuttling. “You need this.”

“You’re gonna drown me!” he accuses.

“It’s soap and water, and it’s not even that deep.”

“You say that now, sure! But the moment you let go, plop! Oh, there goes Buggy the Clown! Taken from this world too early!”

You roll your eyes. “I’m holding you up, you’re not going to drown. Now, stop acting like a child.”

Buggy is restless and continues to thrash around for a good ten seconds more before finally relenting, a look of sour disapproval on his face. It’s so caricatured and animated that it threatens to make a suppressed chuckle leave your throat.

He still looks the same when he’s mad.

Now that he’s finally calm, you lower him so that the edge of his neck finally stands on the bottom of the basin. Then, you soak a rag and raise it towards his face.

Buggy flinches. “Can you …. Eh… leave the face?”

“There’s hardly anything there anymore, and it’ll irritate your skin if you leave it on for too long.”

“I think I can tell you what irritates me or not, like this bird bath for instance, thank you very much.” He scowls and edges further away from the wet rag. “Seriously, just leave it.”

“I’ll reapply the make-up.”

“… What?”

When you first boarded the Merry, you happened to find some leftover make-up hidden away in one of the shelves. It was strange, considering how the boat was freshly built, and imagined that one of the builders had taken some personal liberty in the large space before the project was finished.

For whatever reason, you didn’t throw it out, though you didn’t use it yourself.

If it can get him to accept the fact that he needs a wash, you’re willing to do it.

“I’ll put on your make-up if I can wash off what you currently have,” you clarify. “Deal?”

Buggy goes quiet, and his eyes widen slightly, but not out of horror or dread. It’s more like … when you catch the sight of something unexpected; a delayed reaction that stirs feelings you have yet to decipher.

Finally, after some internal debates with himself, Buggy nods. “Fuckin’ fine then,” he utters, and despite the crudeness of his words, they’re lenient.

Content, you gently place your free hand to his left to keep him stable and use the other one to carefully drag the rag across his stained cheek.

Buggy watches you intently through the process, never taking his eyes off you unless you’re wiping off the painted diamonds on his eyes. Your hands, for once, are soft to the touch. They’re soft for him, as though a single misplaced touch might shatter him like glass.

He used to be acquainted with the soft touches long before the cold and brutal ones. Soft fingers that pinched his cheeks as you helped apply the paint over his face.

Soft touches against his arm when he was feeling particular for some reason, whether it was good or bad.

Your fingers intertwined with his’ as you came to terms with your captain’s death, sitting by the edge of the docks as the rain poured from above. It was cold, he was freezing, and too close to the waters for his comfort, but he wanted nothing more than to sit in the rain with you and share the heat from your fingers.

Even after everything, you’re still capable of reserving those touches for him.

After wiping the makeup completely off him, you raise the cup and fill it with water. “Close your eyes.”

He doesn’t want to, but he does and feels the water rushing down like the rain on those docks.

When he’s finally finished, you fish him up from the basin and put him down atop a soft towel on the table. Like a cat, he instinctively shakes off the residue of water, only to find you already raising a new towel towards him.

He stops moving, and you takes this as your cue to continue. You’re attentive, he notices. You wipe his face first, then his ears, then his hair. You dry it and scratch his scalp at the same time through the fabric, and he instinctively leans against your touch.

This is … nice.

“When did you cut your hair?” You ask out of the blue as you continue to dry him, making sure to leave no spot too humid.

He almost failed to catch onto your words with how at ease he is. “Hmmm?”

“You used to have long hair before,” you elaborate. “Why did you cut it?”

“…. Too much of a hassle to maintain,” he answers after some thought. “It’s hard to find the time to take care of it.”

“… I see.”

The truth is, he cut it right after he left. Not particularly clean either. You know that feeling you get when you feel like you’re losing control, and ridding yourself of any additional weight seems to relieve it?

Well, that’s what Buggy did.

He cut it with a pair of rusty scissors, severing chunks at a time — some bigger than others — until all he was left with was pieces sticking out to each side like a madman.

It didn’t help though. It didn’t make him feel any lighter from the weight on his chest. From that gnawing feeling.

Still, he maintained the habit and got better with practice. It became more of a practical thing with time; he was a busy man, and he could do well with fewer things to get in his eyes, but it never eased the pain.

But feeling the tips of your fingers lightly graze his hair, however, he feels more relieved than he’s done in the last twenty years.

After a few minutes, you remove the towel and give him a neutral one-over. It’s the first time you’ve seen him as an adult without any of that makeup, and you’re reminded of just how much he’s changed, but also how he’s not.

Even after all this time, it’s still Buggy.

Buggy sees you watching him, and he can’t help but feel slightly self-conscious now that your eyes are on him without his usual armor.

But you don’t comment on it, nor show any surprise in any sense of the word. There are times when he hates your face, not because of anything superficial, but because you make it so damn challenging for him to figure out what goes in that brain of yours. He’s reminded of how you were when you were younger, how lifeless you used to be, and it feels like you’ve regressed to that state.

Another thing to add to the shitlist of things he’s regretful about.

He licks his lips and opens his mouth to say something when the door suddenly bursts open. Buggy jumps whereas you merely look over your shoulder to spot Zoro standing there, his eyes narrowed between you and the clown.

Buggy frowns.

“Zoro,” you speak plainly, as if you failed to notice his annoyance towards the spectacle presented before him. “Is there anything?”

“The hell is this?” His eyes flicker between you and Buggy like it’s the worst show on earth. “What’s going on?”

“He reeked,” you explain. “I have merely been rectifying it for the sake of our noses.”

Buggy wants to argue with the statement that No, he fucking doesn’t, but he suppresses it for the sake of figuring out where this conversation’s headed.

“Since when do we make it a habit of bathing prisoners?” Zoro asks, his hand resting on the handle of his sword.

“Since when have we had prisoners?” You counter.

The swordsman scoffs. “The clown’s needed upstairs in ten.”

“Sure.”

“I’m right here, you know?”

Zoro gives him a nasty look and nothing more before heading back out the door, shutting it with a forceful thud.

“Why do you even stick around with these nobodies?!” Buggy questions. “They can’t navigate for shit, they have no sense of preservation, and they suck at fighting!”

You shift back to raise a knowing eyebrow at him. “They defeated you, didn’t they?”

“That’s—! … I was outnumbered, it wasn’t a fair fight!”

“No fights are fair in the life of piracy,” you point out.

He bites the inside of his cheek. “All I’m saying is, you’re too powerful to be with these losers. You could join my crew! Think about it! We’d be unstoppable!”

“You mean, join the same people who locked me up and whose asses I subsequently kicked?”

“Exactly! Don’t worry, they’ll get over it! Once they see how awesome you are, they’ll accept you with open ar—!”

“I decline.”

Buggy pauses, his enthusiasm promptly vanishing and getting replaced with bitter disappointment. “You’re not even going to consider it?”

“Why would I?” You wipe away a descending drop from his right eye. “I have no interest in joining another crew.”

“You say that, and yet here you are with these losers.”

“I was never going to stay permanently.”

He pauses. “You weren’t?”

“I’m here for Luffy, and once I’ve decided that he can hold his own weight above the waters, I’ll leave.”

“… Where will you go? After, then?”

It takes you a moment to answer, like you don’t know the answer yourself quite yet. Your hand stills for a moment before resuming with the task at hand.

“Who knows?” You shrug. “The sea is my home. I’ve missed it, so I will remain where the waves pull me.”

That won’t do on its own. Stay with me. Buggy wants to ask, and if he had knees, he’d ask on them. Come with me. Be with me. You won’t have to be an official member of his crew; you don’t have to bend to him. You just have to stay.

Stay with him.

That’s all he’ll ask.

Stay with him until he has the opportunity to figure out a way to make it up to you.

Stay with him so he can compensate for the twenty years you suffered in each other’s absences.

Just stay.

“Hey.” He’s surprised by his own initiative. “Why’d you even leave your crew and stick your feet on land if you love the sea so much?”

You raise an eyebrow in question.

“I mean, you were Captain of the Cross-Haired Pirates, for crying out loud! You used to be legendary!” He proclaims, almost saddened by your apparent dismissal of your previous title. “You had fame, berries, a reputation that preceded everyone! Everyone feared you! Why’d you ditch all of that? Because of that rubbery prick? Because of Shanks?”

“Is that really what you want to ask me?”

“Yeah!”

You sigh through your nose and put the towel down to recline in your chair. “I didn’t become a Captain because that’s what I wanted. I became a Captain because it provided an outlet.”

“An outlet? For fucking what?”

It takes you a few seconds to finally reach a suitable response.

“Anger,” you admit calmly, your arms crossing over your chest as the words stir on your tongue. They must taste bitter. “I was angry, and it festered every day, churning into a poisonous substance in my body. Being a captain with a crew, I could take it out on whoever I wanted. Pirate, marine, unruly crew member, it didn’t matter. Nothing else mattered.”

It makes sense now, he thinks, the reputation you’ve garnered over the years. Beware the Beast in the East, people would chant in passing towns and harbors, like you were a ghost story. Her eyes were like swords, and her hands were twice as sharp.

There wasn’t a single place where blood didn’t paint your steps.

He never met you while you were a captain; he didn’t want to, couldn’t find it in himself to pop by even once. Still, he kept your poster hidden in the dark depths of the chest in his quarters, if only for acrimonious reminiscence. He would spend some drunken nights doing nothing but staring at it, and it was like he could feel your rage seep through the ink on the page and scorch his fingers. A reminder of what he did.

Now, looking at you and comparing you to the poster, he fails to see the resemblance. He doubts he could’ve spotted it had you reunited earlier on. Captain Cross-Hairs was sharp around the edges, with pecks of blood on her cheeks and fresh scars on her face.

He licks his lips in deliberation. “You were pissed… because of what?”

Because of me?

“I don’t know.” He watches your chest expand with your breath, mesmerized simply by watching you commit to living. There used to be a time when you didn’t. “I didn’t care about money or power. I didn’t care for much of anything, except to purge that rage from my body. I fought, and I killed. It helped, for a time; I felt satisfied, but after a while, you grow bored of eating the same meal.”

When he looked at you when you were younger, he imagined he saw the scorching sun. Burning and bright and enlightening.

You were … everything, but he never imagined that the same fire that used to mesmerize him would burn a thousand ships in his absence.

But he was a boy back then. He’s older now, more experienced in the ways of life, he knows better.

He knows enough.

"But the boy," you say with a certain gentleness in your voice that does not evade his notice. "He's good."

"He's weak," Buggy scoffs, feeling his belly fill with sour smoke. He recognizes the feeling. It's the feeling he got when he watched Shanks talk to you that night by the fire. The same feeling he got when he watched you stay with Shanks that day.

"He's defeated every opponent he's come across."

"Didn't beat Arlong, though." Buggy points out with a smidgen of childish pride and smirks. "Got his ass handed to him real good if I remember correctly."

You look back at him in that narrow way you usually reserve for him when he's crossed a line, and he can already tell he fucked up.

"I watched him grow, Buggy.” You say firmly. “I was there for all of it. I watched him learn, I watched him fight, I watched him leave land. He’s not like us — he doesn’t waste time on regret. He’ll become better than we ever were.”

Buggy glowers but doesn’t say anything else, insisting on letting your words simmer in his brain until he can find the will to let them go.

You procure something from the drawers and it’s only when he looks down that he realizes it’s the make-up. With gentle hands, you lift him and place him in your lap, the brush already blue and ready.

“I’m not here to talk about what used to be,” you say. “Now hold still.”

The diamonds across his eyes come first, the brushing makes his face tickle and it’s only by sheer willpower alone that he manages to refrain from staring at you.

“Takes us back,” he whispers and closes his eyes so that you can finish. “Doesn’t it?”

He hears something akin to a chortle that doesn’t quite reach your throat, but he considers it a small win.

“You looked a mess,” you answer. “A child could’ve done a better job than I did.”

“Wasn’t bad for your first try, though.”

Except that it was. It was pretty bad. Your hands were shaking, and you held your breath like you were afraid of making a mistake. By the time you were finished, he looked like a canvas painted by a child, but he didn’t have the heart to tell you that.

He used to think that it was strange. You were skilled at nearly everything you committed yourself to, without even trying.

When he thinks back on it, maybe it wasn’t skill; maybe it was just an ingrained fear of failure that drove you to become the best at what you did.

Then again, your worst could never be the worst in his eyes.

You finish his eyes, and when he looks up at you, he sees the same determination and focus in your eyes as he did that day. It’s the same look you have when you’re targeting something, be it an enemy or a point of interest. It’s always the same.

And he can’t look away.

You move onto the crossbones next, and he’s happy he won’t have to close his eyes for this one. He’s not certain you can pull off his iconic look, but he’ll give you the benefit of the doubt for now.

After all, you strive for perfection. He doubts this will be an exception.

Get it? Perfection and except— You know what? Nevermind.

He can feel your attention in every stroke of the brush, feel the white paint glisten on his skin before it dries. Your warmth lingers like burning embers, he feels like getting too close will burn him, yet he wants nothing more than blisters upon his skin.

He looks at you, looks into your focused eyes, and he feels … something tightening, back where his body is. It could be his stomach, his head… other places, but he can’t tell. Arlong’s been busy abusing his body long enough that he can’t differentiate between a kick or a punch anymore.

But this isn’t Arlong.

It’s you.

He can handle a tight body if it’s because of you.

When he was young, and his body began to work in the way of a man, he would sometimes wake up and feel sweaty and … stiff. He knew enough to know what it was, to know what caused it, but he didn’t know how to approach the situation.

He knew the source of his frustrations. He knew how to alleviate them, but he didn’t. He respected you far too much to ever dare cross the threshold. He figured that simply talking to you, simply holding your hand, and being at your side would be enough. He would be content with just that.

But he watched you … develop. It didn’t seem like such a big deal at the time, but he couldn’t help but marvel at the sight. He imagined feeling your flesh under his digits. The softness across your chest and hips. The warm skin.

He looks at you now, sees the scars peeking from under your shirt, on your face, and he wants to feel the rough edges.

Buggy gulps and he’s rather happy now that the rest of his body is not attached to him. He’s lost enough dignity as it is.

“And now, the mouth.”

Yes, he wants to touch that t—

You take the lipstick, and in a straight line, smear it across his mouth in a way that snaps him out of his thoughts. He can feel the warmth emitting from your thumb as you finish his face, and it takes him half a mind not to—

“Done.”

Disappointment lingers in the clown’s visage, and even when you present him a mirror and see the identical likeness to his wanted posters, it does not alleviate the feeling. For what it's worth, he's impressed with how far your make-up-applying skills have reached since last time.

It's perfect.

But it means you’re done, and the nobodies require his flashy expertise to get Miss Ginger back.

You dump the discolored water out and put the rest of the equipment away, and he feels his head weigh another ten pounds at so. He somewhat hopes it would; maybe it would be heavy enough that you wouldn’t bother carrying him up the deck?

… Oh, who is he kidding? It’s you. You won’t have any trouble in that department even if he were to weigh as much as a boulder. Ten boulders, even.

To his surprise, instead of reaching for him, you lounge back into your seat and nonchalantly cross your arms and ankles. He’s confused. Weren’t you going to go up with him already?

“If Zoro needs you, he can get you himself.”

That’s what you’ll leave it be like. He, freshly washed, dried, and painted. You, just casually sitting like you have no urgency to get back to the world.

“He’ll be pissed at you,” Buggy warns. “And probably threaten to throw you into the sea.”

You shrug, your eyes already closed, giving him no indication whatsoever that you’re particularly concerned with the veryscary swordsman. He grins with all his teeth on show.

Unfortunately, the green-haired asshole turns up not even five minutes later. All but ripping the clown by the roots of his hair and taking him away like a sack of flour. Buggy spews curses and threats, but they all fall on deaf ears.

It’s only when he’s positioned on deck that he’s finally free of his torment, if only for an hour or two. He begrudgingly instructs the long-nosed slingshot where to sail, adding a few creative insults along the way. Hey, it’s not Buggy’s fault they’re too easy to rile up.

“Is that long nose compensating for something?”

To which he earned a slap to the back of his head. From whom, he doesn’t know, but he’ll take his victories in whatever light weight they come in.

After a while, he shifts his head to eject another insult to the slingshot when he sees that you’re standing a few feet away, your arms crossed while leaning against the railing; eyes closed but face focused and attentive.

He cuts his verbal daggers down a notch.

It gets late, the sky darkens, and one after another, the crew members resign to their chambers save for the slingshot, who still insists on going for a while longer. Him, and you, surprisingly enough.

You stay, for all of it; neither complaining nor muttering a sound.

You're stoically positioned on the sidelines, hardly moving at all. He would've died if he'd been standing in the same position for more than one hour, but you endured a total of six without a shiver or a strain. Like a soldier in the rain. A monk in a temple of thorns.

A beast in an empty forest, lonesome in its hunger, yet content with what content remains buried in its stomach for the time being.

Long-nosed slingshot finally calls it a night and withdraws from the steering wheel with his hands outreached for the head. Before his dirty fingers can hope to graze the magnificent head that is Buggy's, you stretch your arm out like a shield between them.

"I'll take him."

Slingshot snorts. "Really? You want to?"

"Do you want to?"

With his hands raised in mock surrender, Slingshot relents. "... Fine, be my guest."

With a nod, you take the head and retire back to your chamber on the ship. Buggy yawns in your arms, tired, but satisfied with the warmth embracing him. Your steps feel like waves with each one you take, nudging him further and further toward the edge of sleep. Only unadulterated stubbornness keeps him awake.

It darkens for a moment. When he rouses back, he feels softness underneath him. A pillow of sorts, not comforting enough to offer him sleep, but enough to keep him relaxed.

He nudges around, like a fish in a small bowl, only to find that he's not on the table, nor in a barrel, nor a bag. The surface beneath him is made of fabric, and swings with his movements.

He's in a hammock.

More precisely, your hammock.

“Sleep.” He hears your command.

He finally locates you, seated by the window of your cabin with your palm under your chin, staring out into the darkened ocean.

He turns, voice diluted with drowsiness. “You too…”

“Soon.”

“Now," he almost whines.

The look you give him is not any different from the kind you usually provide, but it lacks the usual undertone of annoyance. He can tell you're tired, even if you're refusing to show it. The shadows under your eyes stand out more prominently, even in the dimmed candlelight.

With an inaudible sigh, you stand and while he expects you to move towards the hammock, he's disappointed to see you aiming towards the door instead.

"H-Hey, where are you going?"

"The kitchens," you respond. "You can sleep here for the night; I'll take the couch."

"That's not necessary!" He wiggles so that he can look at you from over the edge of the hammock, careful as not to fall from the height. A thought dawns over him, one that makes his cheeks feel warm. "We- We can share! I don't take a lot of space!"

"You still take up too much of it."

"Are you calling me fat?!"

He's almost insulted when you don't answer to contradict his assumption, yet despite the innate urge to defend his honor and spew shit at you, he decides to let it slide.

"C'mon! I promise I'll behave," he tries again. "You'll hardly notice me. Those couches suck balls anyway, so why not?"

He watches you give it some thought for probably a good two minutes. He expects you'll decline his proposition, finding that your own pride weighs more than the need for decent sleep.

Then, you lower your shoulders in defeat and make your way over to the hammock. "Scoot over."

He obliges rather excitedly, and when he wiggles back a bit too much to make space, he can feel gravity threaten to drop him on the other side of the hammock. Before it gets to that point, you grab him by the side of his face and hold him until you can lift yourself and lay down.

Only then do you lay him down, on the right side of your abdomen. He's mindful of the wounds that have yet to heal there, so he tries not to invade too much. Still, he can't deny, he's quite comfortable. Very comfortable.

He's the most comfortable he's been in a long time - twenty years.

He surpasses the urge to push closer to you, share your warmth, and elects to look up at the ceiling instead.

"Hope you don't snore," he jokes, only to have a yawn follow promptly behind.

"I don't snore," you answer, deadpan. "Now go to sleep."

He's not convinced, but he doesn't comment on it. This peace hangs by a thread, and he'll be damned if it's cut short now of all times. He shuts his eyes, and in his dreams, he's presented with the sun on the blue skies above.

He feels warm all over.

----

Taglist: @kurinhimenezu, @carpinchootaku, @ay0nha, @teh-vampire-bunny, @lokiscure, @internationalsuper-spy, @detectivesparrow , @yuriwk , @notyuralycat, @angeli-fucking-cat, @machinema7k , @shuujin, @avatar-lover, @gingernut1314, @autumn-slaves. @marvelouskatie, @floristoflillys, @dizzyenby, @redpool, @deliri-yum22, @aemondsb1tch, @ackroxia, @gayandfairycore, @knightsfavoriteprincess, @asterizee, @aamethyst23, @lizzie1107, @cyberwears, @heylookliisten, @f41k47, @beep-beep1, @crimsonflameproxy, @unpopular-sober-thoughts, @rayleeya, @timeladyrikaofgallifrey, @fanshavegottensotoxic, @fluffybunnyu, @sirenmelody23

(If you want to be tagged for this story, just send me a message or leave a comment :))

(Additionally, some sketches of how I imagine Cross-Hairs to look like while I’m writing.)

#buggy the clown #buggy x reader #one piece live action #buggy the clown x reader #one piece #one piece x reader #buggy one piece #buggy x you #buggy the clown fanfiction #buggy x female reader #DMTMYHB #didn’t mean to make your heart blue

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brewsterispunkk · 1 year

Text

THE TUTOR

eddie munson x reader

part 1/4

pairing: eddie munson x f!reader, eddie munson x shy!reader (only one use of y/n and I cringed writing it)

rating: 18+ mature! minors be gone!

summary: reader has had a secret crush on Eddie Munson for months, only she has been too scared to tell him. When she’s forced to tutor him, she lets it slip that she feels like she’s missed out on the normal “high school experience.” Eddie aims to change that.

A/N: this has been in my drafts since LAST MAY!!! & i am just now finishing it jfc. this is part one to a series I’m looking to make three parts! I’ll finish it if it’s the last thing I do!

You hated first period. Always had, ever since sophomore year when you’d had AP literature with the juniors and Carol Perkins had made it her life’s work to make your life a living hell.

You didn’t know exactly what you had done to make her hate you so much, but early on in the year, she’d made it abundantly clear that you were going to be her new target. And you, being the only awkward, braces-faced sophomore in the class, had elected to suck it up and take the bullying.

After all, she was telling you everything you already knew; your hair was frizzy, your teeth were crooked, your acne was ugly and awful. The usual things that you, with the same awful self esteem that was characteristic of every knobby-kneed 14-year-old, had already heard and already believed.

Eventually, when your study-buddy and the only other underclassman in the class, Nancy Wheeler, found out about the full extent of the bullying, she’d done something about it. She had just started dating Steve Harrington at that point, and despite his larger than life hair and not so great reputation, he was nice to you by association. He was the one who got Carol to stop.

Still though, you thought that that god-awful year of excruciating first-period classes had ruined them for you for good; conditioned you somehow into expecting the worst from your first class of the day so that now, as a senior, you still dreaded it.

Today was no different.

You tapped your foot distractedly in the back seat of Steve’s car as he pulled out of your neighborhood.

“For the last time, Robin, no you cannot play the new Clash cassette. Put it away—“

“Oh come on, Harrington. It’s good.” Robin sighed exasperated. She’d been your next door neighbor since you were five, and your best friend ever since.

“Oh, oh! Like the new Madonna album?” Steve asked, eyebrows raised as he looked at Robin in the passenger seat.

“Or the Duran Duran one?” You piped in, biting your nails and looking at her expectantly. Immediately, her head whipped back to you, mouth open in a silent gasp.

“Wha—“ she made a choked sound, looking between you and Steve before bringing her gaze back to you, narrowing her eyes. “Who’s side are you on?”

“Uhm, the side of good music.” You countered, playfully sassing your best friend.

“Wow..” she drawled dramatically, interrupting you.

“And right now,” you continued. “Harrington has the better mixtape. Sorry!” You batted her hand away as she reached back to smack your arm.

“Boom!” Steve declared triumphantly, raising his hands from the wheel for a split-second. “Sorry, Robs, we love you but if I have to listen to one more of your mix tapes, I’m gonna—“

“Yeah, yeah! I get it.” Robin was silent for a moment before turning around to glance between the two of you. “You know, every day I remember how it was me that got this little group together, and every day it comes back to bite me in the ass.”

“Oh right,” Steve scoffed. “You’re forgetting, I’ve known y/n since junior year, and I’ve only known you for like, I don’t know, nine months.”

“Okay, but you two weren’t friends.” She gave Steve a pointed look. “It wasn’t until I convinced her to come work with us at Scoops Ahoy that we all started hanging out. So what I should be hearing is ‘thank you Robin.’”

In the rear view, you saw Steve roll his eyes at her antics, a smirk on his face.

“Actually,” you pointed out. “Steve and i hung out almost every day sophomore year.”

“Yeah,” Robin pressed. “But that was because of miss prissy-pants, Nancy Wheeler, not because you two were friends.”

You bristled a bit at your best friend’s name for Nancy. You knew she probably didn’t mean anything by it, but still. She didn’t know Nancy like you did. And Nancy had been nice to you when you didn’t have many friends besides Robin. She’d made it her problem when you were being bullied and did what she could to stop it, when she didn’t have to.

You and Nancy hadn’t really talked much since she and Steve broke up. Even after the whole ordeal last summer, with the mall “fire,” and Russian agents in Hawkins, you two hadn’t really reconnected. But there was no bad blood there. You wished her the best.

“I don’t know, Robs,” Steve interjected. “I think she gets bragging rights for knowing me longer.”

You laughed at that.

“Oh whatever,” Robin shook her head, leaning her elbow on Steve’s open window, bopping her head to the music pouring through the speakers.

“Good god, I don’t wanna be going back there.” She groaned as Hawkins High came into view. “It’s not too late to skip you know.” She craned her head back to look at you, a hopeful look in her eyes.

“I’m highly considering it.” You bounced your knee, trying to relieve some of the tension in your limbs.

“Ugh, no I can’t.” Robin exasperated. “My moms gonna kill me if she finds out I skipped again.”

There goes my chance, you thought, knowing there’s no way you’d skip without her.

“Yeah, I do not miss this place, gotta say.” Steve mused as he pulled into the parking lot. Robin rolled her eyes at him. You chuckled. They fought like an old married couple.

“I have Ms. Taylor first period,” you groaned at the memory of the stern, mean older woman who you had for home room this semester.

“Oh god,” Steve laughed. You smacked his shoulder. “Well, good luck with that. I’ll see you two at 3.”

You and Robin begrudgingly exited Steve’s car, facing the pit of despair known as Hawkins High School.

Thank god this was your last year, you thought to yourself.

As you eyed down the beige brick building, you could’ve sworn you felt a bit of your soul get sucked out. It may sound dramatic, but it was true. You felt yourself retreat into yourself the closer you got.

Something about Hawkins high just did that to people. Made them retreat and put on whatever mask they had to go get through the day. You were no exception.

“Let’s get this over with,” Robin mumbled beside you, beginning to walk toward the doors.

“Let’s.” You sighed back.

- - - - - -

There was one aspect of first period English with Ms. Taylor that you considered a saving grace—not that you’d ever admit it out loud.

Eddie Munson.

You weren’t sure why it started, if you were honest with yourself.

In fact, at the beginning of the year, you, like everyone else, were actually a little bit terrified of the lanky, tall metalhead that the rest of the school had dubbed “the freak.”

Before this year, you hadn’t really had many encounters with Eddie Munson. You’d known of him, sure, but never really interacted with him. Besides the few random outbursts he’d have in the cafeteria, and one time when you’d given him a pencil in your art elective freshman year, you’d kept your distance. Most of what you’d heard about him came from the kids; which meant they were lies, at worst, and exaggerations at best. You could tell they admired him from the way they spoke of him—Dustin in particular, who had spoken of Eddie in the way he’d only ever spoken of one person before: Steve. But that was the extent of your knowledge.

Eddie had been two years ahead of you technically, although now he was a senior, same as you, and stuck in the same miserable first period English class with Ms. Taylor.

It had started out innocent enough, you liked to tell yourself. You weren’t always swooning over him and his leather jackets or studded rings. It had just snowballed.

It had begun like this: it was the first day of your senior year, and to add to your nerves at a new dreadful year, Ms. Taylor had given you, and all your classmates, assigned seats.

Great, you’d thought. Just great. Now you had to sit next to a complete stranger while also being a complete ball of anxiety all class.

You were early. Much to your chagrin, Steve had insisted on picking you and Robin up earlier than usual because it was your first day, and what if you have trouble finding your classes. Completely ignoring the fact that you and Robin had gone to Hawkins High for three years and knew it like the back of your hand.

Still, it had gotten you here, 15 minutes early to the first bell, trapped in a room with no one other than Ms. Taylor, and Eddie Munson himself.

“You’ll be right there, beside Mr. Munson.” Ms Taylor had drawled monotonously, eyes focused on a stack of papers on her desk.

You froze, looking over at Eddie, who was scribbling down in a notebook in the second to last row of desks from the back. He looked up at you for a moment before going back to his writing.

“Did you hear me?” Ms Taylor said your last name. You snapped out of it, smiling over at her and gripping the strap to your backpack before making your way to the seat.

“Yeah. Sorry, Ms. Taylor.”

You sat down rigidly, looking anywhere but at Eddie. Ms Taylor left the room to refill her coffee cup in the teacher’s lounge, leaving you and him the only people in the room.

You felt your hands begin to shake at the impending doom of first period rolling around. You knew it was dumb; it’d been two years since the first-period-from-hell, and you still couldn’t shake your fear of home room. You clasped them together, folding your fingers on top of each other on the desk, trying to calm your breathing. Your heart pounded in your ears.

“Look, you can relax, okay,” Eddie’s annoyed voice beside you snapped you out of it. “I won’t bite.”

You looked over at him, his face looked impatient, though if you looked closely, you thought you could detect a little bit of hurt there too. Your eyebrows furrowed, before you realized what he must have been thinking.

He thought you were scared of him.

It made sense, though that was far from what was going through your head.

“No,” you began quietly, before clearing your throat. “That’s not what I—that’s not—that’s not it.”

“Whatever you say,” he mumbled, eyebrows raised as he continued writing.

That was the day it started. The watching him.

It’d begun as a way of coping; a way to distract yourself from Ms. Taylor’s droning on about Shakespeare, or the whispers of the two mean girls who sat at the front and liked to glance back at you and snicker.

Your therapist had mentioned the method to you a few months before, a way to maybe cope with your anxiety in anticipation with the upcoming school year. It was a method that your shrink had described as a way of ‘hyper-focusing’, or concentrating on one thing until the anxiety wore away.

And in the haze of your first day, you’d focused on Eddie.

But eventually, as the year wore on, it developed into something different.

You began to notice his hair; how it would fall over his face as he frowned in concentration at whatever he was writing in that book. His hands, big and flanked with gaudy silver rings. You began to wonder how they’d feel on your skin, running through your hair, over your stomach.

It was almost a type of game you played with yourself; a form of escapism. On days your anxiety got too much, the days your hands would sweat and your feet couldn’t cease their tapping, you could look beside you and focus on Eddie. And it would all fall away.

You supposed that’s why you kept your little obsession a secret; it was embarrassing.

Not the fact that you were infatuated with him, but the fact that you’d been using practically a complete stranger to talk yourself down from anxiety attacks. You hadn’t even told Robin, the person you shared everything with. And somewhere in the back of your mind, you knew that this wasn’t some little crush or admiration—it was more than that.

But you refused to admit that to yourself, because there was one huge, glaring problem. That being that Eddie Munson hated you. You were sure of it.

It was as if after the awkward encounter you’d shared at the beginning of the year, he avoided you like the plague. Not looking, talking, or even so much as breathing your way once. And the one time when you’d gotten the nerve to ask him a question, he’d barely grunted out a response before the had rung and he was gone.

That had been the first and last time you’d attempted to talk to Eddie Munson. Your crush was doomed, you knew it. Not only were you convinced he couldn’t stand you, you also were almost positive that he still thought you were scared of him, like he did at the beginning of the year.

Which, to be fair, you were. Just not in that way. As far as Eddie was concerned, you were scared of him in the judgy, superficial, ill-intentioned way that the rest of Hawkins was, not in the butterflies, tongue-tied, make-your-hands-sweat way that you truly were.

Besides, even if you were the most confident person in the world (you were far from it), and if Eddie didn’t, for some inexplicable reason, hate you, you were sure that you would have absolutely no chance with him anyway. Because why would Eddie Munson, all crooked smiles and sure steps and kind eyes, be even the least bit interested in you? It was inconceivable. Because you were shy and scared and binary and everything he was not.

So, you’d deduced that you were doomed to wait out this life-ruining crush the same way you’d been doomed to wait out countless other things in your high school life: silently.

- - - - -

Today was no different than the other nearly insufferable first periods you’d endured this school year, aside from the fact that today was Monday, which brought with it a more tired you, and a much, much more irritable Ms Taylor.

She’d assigned two detentions so far this period, to Bradley Green and Doug Mitchell, two boys from the basketball team that had been throwing spitballs and harassing Eddie, who merely smirked at them in response, effectively egging them on.

You glanced at the clock, tapping your foot subconsciously on the off-white tile below your feet.

5 minutes left, you reminded yourself, watching the clock tick down. Your hands started to clam up. Perfect.

You let out a shaky breath. A few rows in front of you, Pam Simpson and Diana Fiorelli glanced back, eyes zeroing in on you, before Pam snickered and leaned over to whisper into Diana’s ear.

This wasn’t new; they always had some off-color remark or an unnecessary eye-roll to throw at you ever since they found out about your close friendship with Steve Harrington, former king of Hawkins High.

How two nerds like yourself and Robin Buckley had managed to bag someone as popular as Steve the hair Harrington as a best friend seemed to be beyond them, and they sought everyday to punish you for it.

The truth was: Steve had left all of that behind. From the wake-up call that was his break-up with Nancy, to the whole fighting-monsters-from-another-dimension thing, he didn’t really care about it anymore. He’d found better friends in you guys. The whole Russians-in-Hawkins, and Starcourt “fire” helped too.

It was true what they said about trauma: it brought people together.

You tried to ignore their whispering, like Robin had encouraged you.

She was absolutely livid when she’d found out that Diana had “accidentally,” spilled her yogurt parfait over your new blouse last week. It had taken a whole five minutes of both you and Steve talking her down from her stupor to stop her from marching straight to the gymnasium, interrupting cheer practice, and giving Diana a black eye. After though, when you’d managed to calm your best friend down, she’d gone off—trying to convince you to stick up for yourself, to say something. If not to the mean girls themselves, then to Ms Taylor at the very least.

But that was the difference between you and Robin; where she would act, you would listen. Remain passive. It was a trait that served you well when it came to retaining information or solving upside-down-related issues, in situations like these, it kind of screwed you over.

You turned your head from the front of the classroom, blocking out Ms Taylor’s lecture on T. S. Elliot and instead turning your head to the desk beside yours. Eddie’s desk.

He was hunched over, head on his hands, which were crossed and folded on top of the desk in front of him. His chin rested there, and his dark eyes were focused on the board, squinting, as if trying to make out what it said.

He seemed to be trying to pay attention, a stark contrast to how you usually saw him hunched over around his worm notebook, scribbling or drawing.

He wore dark blue jeans today, instead of his usual black ones, and a Quiet Riot band T-shirt . His leather jacket was draped over the chair behind him, as Ms Taylor’s room was hot today. His hair fell messily over his back and in front of his face. His ringed fingers tapped on the desk—he was evidently as anxious for the class to end as you were.

You knew he had trouble focusing. You’d picked up on as much throughout the school year, watching him try and try and try to stay locked in to whatever Ms Taylor was teaching.

So many of your classmates had written him off: cult leader, satanist, idiot, freak, but you saw something different. The Eddie you knew (well, not really knew, more like observed) was none of those things. He was different, yes. Flamboyant, sure. But he was not an idiot. Nor was he evil or freakish or anything of the sort.

The ringing of the bell snapped you from your thoughts. You jerked your head back to your desk as your classmates began to pack up and bustle out to their next classes, the sound of backpacks zipping and chatter filling the classroom.

Per usual, Eddie was the first out of his seat, already packed and ready, before leaving the classroom with long strides, eyes trained on the floor, narrowly avoiding your gaze.

You shoved your notebook into your bag, bending over to zip it up and run like hell out of the classroom. You hoped to avoid any unnecessary contact with Pam and Diane. Ms Taylor cleared her throat, before saying your name.

“I’d like to see you for a moment, please,” she said monotonously, eyes focused on the grade book in front of her. A shot of anxiety spread through your stomach.

“Yes, Ms Taylor?” You asked quietly, noting that you were the only two people left in the classroom.

“You have one of the top grades in the class, second only to Mr. Levy, did you know that?” She asked, still not looking up. You puzzled. So you weren’t in trouble?

“Uh-I-no, I didn’t, actually.” You mumbled, brows furrowed.

“Indeed,” she hummed. “I also have been made aware that you are lacking an extracurricular for graduation, is that correct?”

Shit, you thought. She was right.

Last summer, you’d been set to take a summer gym elective; the ones that the school offered during the school year were too crowded and made your anxiety act up, so you and Robin had both signed up to take summer gym. However, the upside-down and the Russians’ presence in Hawkins at Starcourt had had other plans, so both you and her had failed the class, due to bad attendance. And while Robin had made sure to complete her gym credit last semester, you’d completely forgotten about the whole debacle until now.

“Yeah,” you breathed, in shock that you’d managed to forget about something so important when graduation was only months away. “I-I forgot—“

“I figured as much,” Ms Taylor cut you off, finally looking up at you. “Well, seeing as it’s too late in the semester to sign you up for any electives, it would seem that you’ll be having to repeat your senior year.”

Your breath left your lungs.

No, you thought, no, no, no. The last thing you could handle was another year stuck here. In this high school, in this city. You felt your breathing stutter at the thought.

“Luckily for you,” Ms Taylor continued, refocusing you on the moment. “I have a solution that may just save you from that.”

You blew out a breath between your lips, looking at her anxiously.

“Yes,” you breathed out. “Anything— I completely forgot about—“

“I trust you’re familiar with Mr. Munson?” She interrupted you. Your brows furrowed. What did Eddie have to do with this?

“Yes.”

“Well, then I’m sure you’re aware that this will be his second time repeating his senior year.” Ms Taylor looked up at you now, her beady eyes laser-focused. “If he fails again, the school won’t be giving him another chance. It would seem that this class is one of the only things standing between him and a one-way ticket out of this school.”

“I dont think I follow—“ you began.

“You will tutor Mr Munson.” She clarified, face stoic as ever. “From now until the end of the spring semester. If you do this, and if I see improvement, I will make it count as your extracurricular. You’ll be able to graduate on time, and he will get the hell out of my classroom for good.”

You were stunned—not only by the fact that you’d be forced into proximity Eddie Munson for the rest of the year, but the fact that Ms Taylor would speak so candidly about a student.

“I—I-“ you tried to articulate what to say next, but found you were unable to gather your thoughts.

“I can’t,” you finally managed, dumbly. Ms Taylor raised a thin eyebrow at you.

“Well,” she said. “It seems that unless you want to repeat your senior year, you don’t have much of a choice.”

“But, Ms Taylor, I—“

“Look,” she sighed your name. “You’re a smart girl. Mr Munson may be… a handful, but I promise he’s harmless. You will be fine. You can even meet on the school premises, if you’d feel better about that.”

Dear Lord, you didn’t know how to tell her that the reason why you couldn’t tutor him was not because of his reputation, or that you were scared of him, it was because you could barely form a coherent thought in his presence.

“Are we clear?” She asked, arms crossed. You tried to speak, but your mouth was dry. You just gulped and nodded.

“Good,” she smiled tightly. You sighed, turning to leave, already knowing you’d be late to your next class. She called your name as you began to exit, your hand on the door handle.

“Just know, I will be checking weekly with Mr Munson to see how tutoring is going. So don’t think that if you fail to show up I won’t know.”

You nodded, shutting the door behind you as you left.

Great. No escaping it. What if you embarrassed yourself? What if he really did hate you? What if—

“Hey.”

You jumped, too caught up in your thoughts to even notice the tall, lanky figure leaning up against the lockers next to Ms Taylor’s classroom.

“Jesus, sorry.” Eddie looked at you with wide eyes, an arm coming to steady you on your shoulder. “Didn’t mean to scare you.”

When you just stared at him, he cleared his throat, removing his hand from your shoulder. A part of you mourned the loss.

“So, uh,” he began, looking down at his feet as he walked alongside you. You tried not to notice the faint scent of his cologne that sent a thrill through your gut. “So I guess she told you? About the tutoring?”

When his curly head snapped up to meet your eyes, you quickly faced forward, realizing that you’d been ogling his side profile while he was stumbling over his words. You nodded in confirmation.

“Ok,” he said, rubbing his hands on his legs. “Ok,” he repeated, stopping and turning to face you. “I’m just gonna cut the bullshit: I really, really need the help in this class.” His eyes were a bit wild, panicked. Like he thought you were going to run away from him the moment you got a chance. “Like, ‘really,’ as in, if I don’t pass, I don’t graduate. And I know you really don’t wanna do this, and she’s forcing you, and that you hate me, and you’re scared of me, and all that, but if you could please—please— just help me get through this class, I will make it as painless as possible spending all the time with me.”

By the end of his little speech, he looked frantic, like he was pleading—and you suppose he was. And before you could stop yourself, you just nodded, looking at him dumbly, before remembering to speak.

“I’ll help you pass.” Was all you could manage.

He sighed a breath of relief, running a hand down his face.

“Thank you,” he said, and you could’ve sworn it was the most sincere you’d ever heard him. “Thursday after school in the library sound good?”

- - - -

You arrived early, because, of course you did.

To say you were nervous would be an understatement; you were terrified. Mostly of making an even bigger fool of yourself than you had earlier in the week.

You’d spent the better part of the last three days poring over your last interaction with Eddie in the hallway, when he’d begged you to tutor him, and you’d gotten about five words in edgewise.

He’d practically accused you of hating him, and instead of correcting him—like you’d been dying to do for the whole semester—you stood there like an idiot.

You wished you’d told him then and there in that hallway that he was wrong; that you weren’t scared of him, and that you didn’t hate him. That you were just shy and awkward and he unnerved you. So, you decided to do just that.

Last night, while finally talking through the whole situation with Robin, you’d decided that the first words you’d say to him would be: “I’m not scared of you and I don’t hate you.”

It was a bit abrasive and to-the-point, you knew that. But, you also knew that if you let him get a word in before that, you’d lose your nerve. At least this way, you got your point across.

Your eyes ran over the page of your book for what felt like the fiftieth time. You sighed, throwing the worn novel down on the table.

There was no way you’d be able to get any reading done, not with your nerves eating you alive.

The book wasn’t that good anyway. You had no clue what Robin meant when she said Hemingway was ‘profound.’

You sighed again, eyes finding the clock in the library.

He was five minutes late.

You felt something deflate inside you. Maybe he’d been bluffing about the whole thing, or maybe he’d changed his mind and wouldn’t show. Your mind ran with the possibilities.

The library was sparse at this time.

It was just past three, and most students had already rushed out of the building. It was Thursday, which meant that the town was just waking up for the weekend. It wasn’t uncommon for friend groups to have small get-togethers, or even for one of the bigger cliques to throw a party.

In fact, Steve had managed to convince Robin and yourself to attend one later that night. Which was a feat, because you didn’t make a habit of going out.

It was at Darren’s house: one of the few friends from high school that Steve actually kept up with after, y’know, everything.

Robin was hoping Vicky would be there. You were just hoping to let loose a little.

With all this business with Eddie and your impending (maybe) graduation, your nerves had been through the roof. A party was just what you needed to calm down.

“Sorry,” he appeared out of nowhere, and before you could stop yourself, you jumped.

“Sorry!” Eddie rushed out, slumping down in the chair across from you. “Really, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to scare you all the time. Sorry I’m late.”

You stared at him.

God, he was pretty.

His hair was big and frizzy, per usual, and fell around his face as a halo. His brown eyes were wide and almost doe -like, and his cheeks were rosy with exertion.

He must have been running, you thought. But why? He wasn’t that late.

“Were you running?” You blurted before you could think. Your brows furrowed as you looked at him.

“Uhhhh, yeah,” he drawled. “Yeah, I ran into some trouble getting here.”

“What trouble?”

“The usual.” Eddie rubbed his eyes, and for the first time since he’d sat down, you noticed how disheveled he looked.

His white tee shirt was stained on the shoulder with what looked like… fruit?

“Is that… food on your shoulder?”

“Shit,” his gaze snapped to his shoulder. “Yeah, uhm. It’s jello.”

Eddie looked… embarrassed. For the first time in the time you’d known him, he looked sheepish.

“Was it Jason?”

“That obvious?” He laughed mirthlessly. In fact, it was a little menacing.

“He’s a dick.” You said without thinking.

Eddie just nodded, staring down a place on the table.

“Are you okay?”

He looked at you, dark eyes guarded.

He seemed to be sizing you up, eyes following you up and down. But his usual playfulness was gone. Instead, he looked almost… forlorn.

“Uh, yeah.” His lips lifted into a humorless smile. “Just done with this bullshit, I guess.”

“Hmm,” you hummed.

“I’m tired of people looking at me like I’m a freak. I’m tired of not behind able to fucking walk to class in peace, I’m tired of people being fucking,” he slammed his hands on the table in front of you. When you jump, he throws them up. “Scared of me!”

You stay silent for a moment, letting him stew and collect himself. After a few seconds, Eddie sighs.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t—“

“I’m not scared of you, and I don’t hate you.”

“—mean to—what?”

“I’m not scared of you.” You repeated, wiping your clammy hands on your jeans. “And I don’t hate you, like you said on Monday. I’m Im just,” you stopped to take a breath. “It’s just hard for me sometimes. With… new people.”

“You sure? Because you look scared to me.”

“You aren’t helping.”

Eddie shivered, rubbing at the jello-colored stain on his shoulder.

“Do you… want to change?” You asked shakily.

“What?”

“Nevermind,” you rushed out, shaking your head. “It’s nothing. You just—looked cold. I have an extra sweatshirt.”

“And you think it would fit me?”

“I like to wear them a few sizes too big.” You added lamely.

Eddie contemplated you for a moment, before sighing.

“What the hell,” he said half to himself. “Why not?”

After he pulled the lilac crew neck over his head, he smiled.

“Okay,” he chuckled. “I’m sorry. Thank you for doing this. I know it can’t be great for your…image.”

You snorted at that.

“Yeah, my image isn’t exactly suffering.”

“Yeah?” He leaned forward, setting his chin on his fists.

God, his forearms. You forced yourself to look away.

“Yeah. Not exactly prom queen here.”

“Eh, prom queen is overrated.”

You laughed, your own crinkling eyes meeting his. You thought you saw his eyes soften as they looked at you. The vision of him there, in front of you, made your stomach flip.

You cleared your throat, turning to your notes in front of you.

“So,” you straightened your notebook. “Ready to talk about T. S. Elliot?”

- - - -

The party was loud. Mötley Crüe boomed through the speakers that Darren’s rich family had in what seemed like every room.

You silently thanked Darren for having good music taste. The party would have been unbearable otherwise.

You sighed as you walked out the back door of the house. The inside had gotten a bit too stuffy for you, and with Robin trailing after Vickie and Steve reconnecting with one of his old flames, you were flying solo for the time being.

You brushed your jeans with your hands before sitting down on the back step, a lukewarm rum and coke in the solo cup in your hand.

You felt yourself deflate.

As a senior in high school, this was the closest you’d come to actually living.

While Robin had had her fair share of secret flings and parties and Steve had lived a wild four years of high school, you were just… there.

At eighteen years old, you felt like you’d missed out. Been robbed. The Upside Down had something to do with that, you supposed. Fighting for your own and the kids’ lives from Russians and other-worldly demon creatures tends to do that. Still, it didn’t stop your friends from living. You felt like you’d let your teen years pass you by, but mostly, you felt pathetic.

Sure, you had the grades, but rather than that? You had nothing to show for your time at Hawkins High.

“Hey tutor,” the smooth drawl came from the side of the house. You’d know it anywhere.

Eddie rounded the corner of the house, approaching where you were sitting on the back step.

He wore the same black jeans he wore earlier today, but his jello-stained shirt and your lilac crew neck were gone, replaced by a t-shirt with what looked like Judas Priest’s logo. His arms were crossed over his chest, covered by the black leather he wore more often than not.

“Hey,” you offered lamely, rubbing your hands together.

“What ya doing out here all alone?” He came to stop in front of you, his chunky combat boots taking up your line of vision.

“Just…taking a breather.” You smiled up at him, tight-lipped.

“Hmm,” he hummed. “Scoot over, then. It’s a little too… preppy for me in there.”

You obliged, scooting over a few feet so he could sit next to you. As he dropped down on the concrete step next to you, he was close enough that you caught his scent.

It was deep, some kind of cologne, mixed with cigarette smoke and a hint of what you knew was weed.

“So…” Eddie bumped his shoulder into yours. “Thought this wasn’t your crowd?”

“It’s not,” you pressed your hands between your knees. “Robin and Steve dragged me here. I thought it would help me… unwind.”

“Robin… she’s in band right?”

You nodded.

“And Steve… I don’t think I know that one.”

You chuckled.

“You definitely do,” you peeked over at him, eager to see his reaction. “Uh, Steve Harrington?”

Eddie looked at you like you grew a second head.

“The hair?” He asked incredulously.

“The very same,” you nodded.

“God, sweetheart.” Eddie shook his head. “I’m beginning to question the company you keep.”

Your heart leapt at what he called you. Sweetheart.

“I know, I know,” you held out your hands. “He was an asshole. But he’s different now.”

“I find that hard to believe.”

“He is!” You turned to Eddie defensively. “I wouldn’t be friends with him if he was still the way he used to be. He isn’t like…”

“Jason?” Eddie raised an eyebrow at you. “Like Pam and Diana?”

“Exactly.” You nodded. “He’s still… peppy. He just lost all the bad parts.”

“Hmm,” he crossed his arms. “I’ll take your word for it.”

A moment of silence passed between the two of you, the only sounds being your breath and the roar of the party inside. Your breaths swirled in the chilly air around you.

“Why are you here?” You spoke finally. “You said this wasn’t your scene.”

“It’s not,” he shrugged, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a little baggy filled with green substance. “I’m, uh, supplying the party favors.”

You snorted at that.

“These things good business?”

“You have no idea.” He nodded to the inside of the house. “A lot of these kids’ allowance is more than what my uncle makes in a week.”

You hummed, content to just sit in silence.

Eddie tilted his head at you, leaning his chin on his hands again like he did earlier in the library. He tilted his cheek toward you, an easy smile on his lips.

“So, why are you really out here, tutor-girl?” He looked at you curiously. “You look upset.”

You drew a heavy breath, before sighing.

“It’s dumb.” You picked at your nails.

“Try me.”

“I feel like..” you looked up, before turning to Eddie. “I feel like I’ve missed out. I’m a senior, I’m graduating this year, and I have done nothing.”

Eddie’s eyebrows furrow, but he doesn’t move to interrupt you. He only leans further toward you, spurring you to continue. The alcohol gave you the rest of the confidence you lacked.

“All my friends have had their little rebellions. Their flings, all of it. And I have done nothing, except drink shitty booze and nearly lose my mind.”

You blew a deep breath once you’d finished. Somehow, you felt even worse—more pathetic—now that you’d vocalized it.

But Eddie didn’t look at you like you were pathetic. Instead, he looked pensive, hand on his chin as he contemplated. It was your instinct to backtrack.

You moved to stand

“Sorry. That was a lot. Nevermind. Let’s just forget I—“

“No, no, don’t apologize.” He grabbed your arm and gently pulled you back to sit beside him. “Especially after what I dumped on you earlier.”

Your cheeks were red, you could tell. Whether that be because of the combination of the alcohol and the confession, you couldn’t tell.

“Hmm,” Eddie hummed, still thinking. You snuck a glance over at him and noticed a wry smile on his face. “Let’s fix it then.”

“What?”

“We have til May, don’t we? That’s eight months. Your senior year isn’t over yet.”

You laughed nervously.

“I couldn’t ask you to do that—“

“You’re not! I’m offering. Consider it payback for all the hours you’ll be tutoring me in Taylor’s class.”

“Okay…”

“Okay.” Eddie smiled. “It’s a deal, then .”

#eddie x fem!reader #eddie munson #eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie stranger things #eddie x you #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x y/n #stranger things fic #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things 4 #stranger things #steve harrington #robin buckley #hawkins indiana #eddie munson fem!reader #eddie munson fic #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fanfiction

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tarotwithdanise · 1 year

Text

10 things that April will brings to you.

This can be realizations you will feel, new hobbies, your career and finances, love and relationships, blessings or negative outcomes that you might be experiencing.

༉ ‧ ₊ ˚ how to choose a pile? ✧ . ˚

꒰⠀from left to right ; intuitively choose the pile your mind, heart and soul desire for. if you are having trouble choosing the right pile for you, here’s some tips you can do ; (1) take a deep breath (2) close your eyes (3) ask guidance from your guides (4) finally open your eyes and you can choose the right pile for you by the guidance you ask from your guides. if you are still having trouble by choosing the right pile for you let me know because i am willing to help and guide you.

MASTERLIST - PAID READING SERVICES - TIPPING JAR

1 - 2

3 - 4

Pile one

You'll travel and meet a significant person. It's an important destination for you or for this person where you'll learn and grow as individual through new experiences and discoveries ; can be a place of having power spiritual. Or if not, you will be moving into cold location.

You'll finally release and forgive an old anger and resentment that will make your wishes come true. This is about forgiving yourself and be cleared by toxicity.

Moving to a new home or get promotion at job or a raise to salary will happening or new career path is possible before this year ends. About your career path, you should trust your intuition and follow what it's saying to you. Financial improvement is about to come with this month.

A toxic relationship will end ; your relationship with yourself such as self-sabotaging or if not, a relationship that cause to much pain for you and you can finally cut off a toxic partner from your past.

A business idea will be successful.

A new hobby will be unlocked : planting a garden with plants, vegetables and flowers or if not, you will likely spend more time with nature.

Some of your manifestations will begin to blooming.

One of your prayers will be answered this upcoming holiday season especially Easter.

A vacation for yourself and loved ones - this family get-together will results a healing for you with any negative patterns that might be happening between with you and them.

You will going to let go of old habits such as worrying and overthinking a lot and changed it to a better perspective like everything will work out in the best and right time.

Pile two

If you already have business, it will likely to bloom with this month. Your business will experiencing a healthy transition. Or if not, you will start writing your ideas about your upcoming business.

You will be prepared and open for new love and relationships that will go on your way.

You won't care about how others view you anymore, you starting to dress how wanted to be and what makes you happy without the approval of others.

You are likely to meet or join a group promoting gender equality. They might be older than you and so fun-loving individuals.

Buying lavender perfumes or oils to make calm yourself. Buying a flower for someone is likely to happen as well.

Anxiety and exhausted may come so make sure you are getting enough rest and eat healthy foods.

You will made a clear to free yourself from old debts.

Someone will be moving in, moving out or visiting your house.

Someone will be assertive and will tell their true feelings to you or vise versa.

Mixed feelings will come for this month ; it will make you sad and happy at the same time.

Pile three

*if just in case you find yourself attracted to pile one, you can the read the messages that has been read there.

You will stop identifying yourself as a victim and starting to see yourself as a powerful individual.

Congratulations because you might get married. Or if not, someone who is close to you is getting married with this month and you will likely meet a person that will play a big part of your life with this wedding.

An unborn baby girl' soul is sending love to you. (Maybe someone in your family or relatives is currently pregnant. ) Or if not, a girl from heaven is with you all the times and protecting you like an angel.

A healing upon to parent- daughter/son relationship. Or if you were a female, you are likely to receive a message from your parents.

Some time to rest and relax a little bit.

You should trust the synchronicities that may occur. If your guys telling you this a "no" trust that.

You will take an extra class if you were a student or if not, there's a lot of things that will be happening in your school with this month. Or something like a sudden activity of your school will held in an exotic location or place.

You will spend more time outdoors to reconnect with your spirituality.

A sudden issue may come, if this eventually happens - talks to people whom involved with situation in order-to double check your facts.

Healing. If you have a problem about your health it may improve with this month.

Pile four

You will realize that one of your life purpose is to involve working with children or your inner child will play significant role with this month.

Visiting or moving to a location where the leaves and trees are bright and healthy.

You will start believing with yourself and your abilities and how this can get far. Remember, positive thoughts is attracting a favorable outcomes.

An important message from a psychic that will lead you to a huge realization about yourself, they will validate and praise your intuition that will bring enhancement regarding to your confidence when it comes to spirituality.

You will start writing a book or articles.

You will start eating healthy foods and drinks and there's a high possibilities that you will start dieting. You promise to yourself, that this month is about eliminating toxic chemicals and foods for your body.

You will spend more time with a place where it's has a lot of flowers ; a flower field.

Someone is planning a surprise for you (I am very hesitant if will still includes this because it's a SURPRISE but yeah you don't have a clue about who is this person.)

You will finally allow other people to get to know the real you. And you will face the fears heading-on.

You will make time to heals and work on past hurts.

𝆣𝆤𝆣𝆤𝆣𝆤𝆣𝆤𝆣𝆤𝆣𝆤𝆣𝆤𝆣𝆤𝆣𝆤𝆣𝆤𝆣𝆤𝆣𝆤𝆣𝆤𝆣𝆤𝆣𝆤𝆣𝆤𝆣𝆤𝆣𝆤𝆣𝆤𝆣𝆤𝆣𝆤𝆣𝆤𝆣𝆤𝆣𝆤𝆣𝆤𝆣𝆤𝆣𝆤𝆣𝆤𝆣

⪩ ⪨ ⠀⠀♡ ⠀⊹ · 𓋜⠀ ⠀⠀!

I'm not quite sure what time this pac will be posted but yes, I put this on my queue so it will be scheduled posting today just not quite sure what time 😭

Hope this make sense, Danise.

#April #divination #tarot #spirituality #spiritual #tarotcommunity #cartomancy #pick a card #pick a pile #fortune telling #free tarot reading #tarotblr #witchblr #witches of tumblr #magick #astrology #danisetarot #daninixx #oracle cards

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ahgasegotarmy116 · 7 months

Text

Keep Quiet For Me | Choi Yeonjun

Summary: Yeonjun does his best to stay quiet while you make him feel good Pairing : dom f!reader x sub Yeonjun Word Count: 4.6k~ Warning: Explicit Language, age gap (four years), Noona kink, oral (male receiving)

My best friend Minji and I arrive at the party that Yeonjun invited us to at his friend's place and we both can't help but feel out of place since the party is being held in a penthouse suite in one of the most expensive districts in Seoul.

"Hey guys glad you could make it!" Yeonjun says greeting us at the door. "Yeah it took me a while to finally get her out the door but we're here" I admit gesturing towards Minji. "Thanks for inviting us" she says elbowing me in the side. He ushers us inside and takes us around to introduce us to the others and then gets us a drink. "What the actual fuck?" Minji says after taking in our surroundings and the kind of people at this party.

"I know, see why I didn't want to come here?" I say shyly looking around the room for the tenth time tonight. "Are you kidding me? These people are fucking loaded! Maybe one of them knows someone who could check out the music I've been working on" she says wandering off into the crowd. "Minji wait!" I say calling after her but my pleas go on deaf ears as she heads over toward the dance floor.

"Hey is everything okay?" Yeonjun says placing his hand on the small of my back while simultaneously handing me a flute of champagne. I can't help but jump a bit at the sudden contact but relax as soon as I find out it's him. "Yeah everything's fine, Minji just wandered off. She never acts like this unless we're at a party. I swear sometimes I don't even recognize her and seeing how she's acting now I can tell that tonight is not gonna end well" I say starting to regret my decision of coming. "It's okay, she'll be fine. My friends will take care of her I promise" he says giving me a soft reassuring look. "Alright" I say still feeling a bit reluctant.

"Wanna get some air?" he questions. "Yes please" I agree and he takes my hand in his and leads us towards the balcony. I can't help but feel that same jolt of electricity between us just like the first time we met. As we head outside I feel myself catch a chill but I ignore it in favor of escaping the heated atmosphere that is offered in contrast. He notices my change in body language and takes his jacket off and drapes it around my shoulders.

"Thanks" I say almost silently. He leaves his hands on my shoulders and leads me towards the edge of the balcony to take in the view of the city. I lean up against the railing and take a moment or two to admire all the beautiful lights. "It's so peaceful up here" I say talking a deep breath. "Yeah, everything seems so small and insignificant from up here. It kinda puts your life in perspective looking at a view like this" he admits following my lead and leans against the railing as well, taking in the sights and sounds from down bellow.

"Wow look at my little one getting so philosophical" I say bumping his shoulder with my own. He turns around and leans up against the railing but now choosing to face me instead of the city scape. "Come on Noona I thought I asked you not to call me that, you're only 4 years older than me" he says crossing his arms physically reflecting the start of his bratty behavior. "Four years is basically a lifetime at our age. You've still got a lot to learn" I say reaching my hand up to pat his head.

He grabs my wrist before I'm able to and brings it down towards his lips. "And I'm sure there's a lot of things you could teach me aren't there Noona" I widen my eyes at his boldness and slide my wrist out of his grasp while clearing my throat. "I mean I'm sure there are but there are some things you've just gotta figure out through personal experience and self discovery" I say shying away and going back to face the city. "Personal experience you say?" he says mulling over my words for a bit.

"What kind of personal experience?" He says scooting a bit closer. "Well lots of things" I say starting to feel breathless from his efforts to get closer. "Like going through struggles and overcoming them, getting into trouble and figuring out how to get yourself out of it" I say listing off a few nervously. "What if I don't want to get myself out of it?" he says determination coloring his tone.

"Huh?" I say turning towards him. "I said" he starts taking a chance to lean in closer "What if I don't want to get myself out of trouble?" he says almost challenging me. "Yeonjun please, we've talked about this. What will everyone else think?" I say trying to bring him back to his senses. "I don't care what everyone else thinks. All that matters to me is what you think" he says leaning in even closer and I freeze once feel his breath on my lips.

"This isn't a good idea" I say glancing down at his lips briefly. "Good thing I'm full of bad ideas" he says a hairs breath away from me. I can't help but feel the need to lean in the rest of the way to connect our lips. I give into the tensions and lean in to finally make our lips touch. Fuck it who says I'm not allowed to have a little fun of my own too.

We kiss for a bit and he starts to stand up straight but places his hand on my hip in an effort to get me to follow him and keep the kiss connected. I get up on my tippy toes continuing to kiss him a bit more but ultimately lose my balance and am forced to lean into him. I place my hands on his chest regaining my balance and am met with firm muscle that I can feel through his shirt. I pull away to catch my breath as I realize this kiss has gone on for much longer than originally anticipated.

"Wow" he says panting lightly also feeling a bit breathless, "Yeah" is all I say in response. I feel my head start to fog up still in a daze not believing that actually just happened. "So, you ready to be a bit more reckless?" he says before turning to head inside. "Wait where are you going?" I start to question.

"We" he says placing his hand in mine "are gonna go dance" he finishes while leading me back inside. "Wait but you know I can't dance" I say in protest. "Can't or won't?" he questions with an air of mischief around him. I open and close my mouth a few times trying to come up with a response but before I can he places his hand on the small of my back and leads me towards the dance floor.

He turns me around so I'm facing towards him and places my hands on his shoulders and grabs me by the waist to pull me in. "This is so embarrassing" I say bringing my vision down to the floor where I do my best to mirror his steps. "It's okay noona no one is even paying attention to us, look" he says urging me to take a glance around the room. And just a he said everyone is absorbed in what they're doing. Whether it be dancing with their friends or grinding on their partner while swaying to the beat. I look away and can't help but blush at the sight.

"Hey" he says bringing my attention back to him. "The only one you need to focus on is me. Just follow my lead and feel the music, relax and let yourself have some fun okay?" he says tilting his head looking down at me and I nod in response. I avert my gaze to the people around the room again and I can't help but feel shy under his gaze. "Noona" he says using a feather light touch on my cheek to bring my gaze back to him. "Didn't I say you should focus on me?" He says tilting my chin up towards him. I feel as though my only option is to make eye contact with him so I nod almost admitting to my shyness.

"Is everything okay?" he says bringing his hand back down to his original placement on my waist. "I just, I don't know what to do. Should I talk to you? Should I just dance? Sho-" I'm cut off feeling his lips against mine again. It isn't forced or rough at all, it almost feels like it's meant to be, it just feels so natural with him. He waits a moment or two and pulls away leaning his forehead against mine. "You talk too much" he says amused at my dazed expression. I take my hand off his shoulder and place my hand on his cheek and bring him closer for another kiss. This one almost feeling a bit needier than the ones before.

I'm not sure exactly how I got here but one second I'm on the dance floor and the next I'm in an unknown bedroom getting drunk off Yeonjun's kisses. As soon as he closed the door behind us he goes in for another kiss. I can feel how needy he is, needy for me. He keeps our lips connected as he pins me to the wall. Not nearly as aggressive as I had expected which is refreshing.

He places one hand on my jaw, keeping my face angled up towards him. And the other he uses to feel me up. He runs his hand down my thigh and brings it up to wrap around his waist as he grinds against me showing how much my simple touches have affected him. I gasp at the feeling and pull away from the kiss only to feel him start to kiss down my neck and finally settle on a place that makes me let out a breathy moan.

"Yeonjun" I breathe out. He hums in acknowledgement but continues to grind against me and in turn keeps me in place. "Yeonjun I don't think we should be doing this" I say hardly being able to hold back a moan that is begging to be released. "Noona shhh don't think" he says bringing his face back to mine. He stops and hovers right over my lips. "Tell me you don't want this, that you don't want me. Then I'll stop" he says in a deep tone, just above a whisper almost daring me to say no. "I-" I start, locking my gaze with his and I can't help but look down at his lips and kiss him again.

He smiles into the kiss and grabs my other leg, wrapping it around him and carries me over to the bed and places me down. He stands up and takes his shirt off then comes back and continues to kissing me until I'm gasping for air. "Wait who's room is this?" I question. "Don't worry it's his parent's bedroom. No one would dare to come in here, except for me" he says smirking and going back in to kiss my neck.

"No wonder you said you were full of bad ideas little one" I tease. "Noona, please don't don't call me that" he pleads softly. "But I thought you liked it when I tease. Or was that just me?" I say teasing yet again hoping to get him to be a little more aggressive. I like sweet and gentle but my whole body is on fire and I need more.

"Don't temp me" he says in a warning tone. I push him over so he's now lying on the bed and I follow him, in turn straddling his lap. "Or what?" I question gaining more confidence. I'm older than him and more experienced so maybe it's my turn to take the upper hand. He lays there slightly stunned by my dominance and I can see the wheels in his head turning, trying to come up with a cheeky response. But to no avail, it seems I've left him speechless.

"Didn't you say you wanted me to teach you something?" I say reminding him of our conversation on the balcony. He nods his head in response. "What's wrong little one? Cat got your tongue?" I question. He opens his mouth to respond but I cut him off going down to give him a short kiss leaving him chasing after my lips. "Actually why don't you be a good boy and keep quiet for me. Think you can do that?" He nods his head and I can see a gleam of excitement reflecting in his eyes as well as anxiousness from not knowing exactly what to expect.

I gather all my hair over to one side and go down once more to kiss him. I feel him eager to take over the pace but I pull away and hover over his lips yet again. "Calm down little one, you need to follow my lead. I promise I'll make you feel good, just be patient okay?" he nods again keeping in mind that he needs to be quiet for me. "Good boy" I say sitting back up to look down at him.

I wore a button up blouse and I'm so glad I did, now that I'm placed in this situation. I can see him getting needier with every passing second and I can't help but laugh slightly at the state he's in. "Does someone want more attention from Noona?" He nods his head almost furiously but tries to refrain from whimpering as he's clearly affected by me. "Patience baby, didn't I say I would take care of you?" he slightly pouts at the fact that he's not granted the instant gratification he was initially anticipating on his way over here with me.

As I start unbuttoning my shirt little by little I see his eyes starting to sparkle at the thought of seeing me bare. I stop once I open the button that starts to show my cleavage. I feel him squirm trying to gain friction after seeing the sight in front of him. I made sure to sit right above his hips so as to not provide any contact from me in the place he's desperately craving for.

"You need to be patient if you want to be rewarded. You want noona to reward you right? "He nods clearly anxious at the fact that he had disobeyed me. "You've been very good so far. Should I keep going?" I say placing my fingers on the next button. He whimpers as a way to plead me to continue. "Shhhh" I say leaning in and running my hands along his chest and torso while also providing him a clear view of my cleavage. "I know baby, soon" I say and go back to sitting up straight.

I reach for the next button and the one after that and finally reach the last one and let my shirt fall off my shoulders. He takes that moment to admire me in the dirty position I've put myself in. "Okay now listen very carefully, I need you to open the clasp on my bra. Do you think you can do that?" he nods his head clearly excited at the thought.

"But the thing is, I need you to keep your eyes on me. Do you understand? You cannot look down and you cannot me touch until I tell you. Is that something you'll be able to handle?" I say tracing a line from his collarbone all the way down to where our bodies connect. He shakes his head showing how desperate he is for some sort of contact with me. "Oh come on, I'm sure you can" I lean back down and then whisper in his ear "I believe in you"

He whimpers again at my encouragement. "Okay baby if you think you're ready then I give you permission but remember, don't look, don't touch. Only look at me, do you understand?" I repeat making my instructions very clear. He nods again finally mustering up the confidence and self restraint to do so.

He reaches up and makes sure to only reach for my bra but he accidentally makes contact with my lower back. He studies my face in panic but I nod urging him to continue. I can't help but get wet seeing how submissive and pretty he looks in this position. "You're so handsome and such a good listener" I say praising him. I hear him whimper again clearly satisfied with the praise.

"Does my baby like noona's praises?" he quickly nods his head with zero hesitation hoping to gain even more praises. "You're such a good boy being so responsive and staying so quiet for me" he places his hands back down on the bed after having undone the clasp. I let my bra fall off and throw it to the side. I see him widen his eyes trying his best to maintain eye contact. It's funny to think I was shying away from his eye contact just moments ago.

I lean in to kiss him and make sure to slide down his torso and hover above his lap so as to provide me a better angle to kiss him and in turn brush my breasts against his chest. He can't help but let out a shaky moan at my actions and slightly bucks his hips hoping to gain some sort of friction. I pull away from the kiss slightly gasping at the contact.

"I'm sorry Noona I didn't mean to!" he says in a panic. "It's okay baby. You've been such a good listener so far, so I'll let it slide" I respond satisfied with his quick apology. "Noona" he says before I go to connect our lips again. "Yes little one?" I say pulling away and giving him a soft smile. He continues to keep eye contact with me still obeying my earlier instructions.

"C-can, can I touch you?" he says with vulnerability coloring his tone. "Sure baby you can touch me" I say and he immediately places his hands on my hips and works his way up towards my breasts. He looks up at me in a pleading manner waiting for my permission. "Go ahead" I say so satisfied with his obedience. He grabs my breasts and plays with them to his hearts content. I moan at the feeling of finally being touched and go down to kiss him again, making him swallow my moans.

"Take your pants off" I say between kisses. He sits up with me still on top of him and I climb off of his lap and wait for him to oblige. "Wait!" I say before he can continue. "Leave your boxers on" I order. He looks at me in confusion but does so all the same. He lays back down and goes to pull me back down onto his lap but I stop him and go to do the same as he had just done, except I strip myself completely. I see his eyes light up in excitement as he drinks in the sight before him.

"Lay down" I say placing a knee on the bed and pushing him gently onto his back. I climb onto his lap but hover right above where I can see his length clearly growing more and more at the quick escalation of the situation. "What do you want me to do handsome? Should Noona rub her wet cunt all over you?" He moans at the idea and quickly agrees. He grabs my hips and guides me down where he's been craving the most attention. "Fuck" we both say in unison as we finally come in contact.

"Noona please" he says bucking his hips up to rub his tip against my clit. "So needy" I breathe out through a laugh. I lower myself down and start to grind my hips against his, hearing him take in a sharp breath finally getting the attention he's been begging for. I let out a shaky breath and throw my head back getting lost in the feeling. I place my hands on his chest using it to help me regain some balance and provide me better support so I can pleasuring the both of us even more. I start to rub myself up and down his shaft faster and I can't help but start to let out breathy moans at the feeling.

"Noona you're so wet" he says trying keep his voice even. "You wanna know what made me so wet?" I say bringing my gaze back down to him. He widens his eyes laying in wait to hear my response. I continue my actions and do my best to keep a level head as to not lose my dominance. "It was because you were such a good listener, you just look so pretty under me. I love seeing how my touch affects you. You're so responsive that I just can't help but want to toy with you even more" I say making sure to lean down in an effort to connect our lips.

I stop just before I reach him and smile at his adorable reaction trying to angle his head up in an effort to chase my lips again. "Aww how adorable" I say praising him but also denying him. I suddenly feel myself being flipped over ending up with my back against the bed. "I've let you have some fun but please no more teasing. I need you" he says with an almost painful expression on his face. "Does baby need to have some fun of his own?" I say laughing at his effort to take over. He nods his head and looks down to where our bodies are connected.

"Okay how's this. Why don't you use those pretty lips to pleasure Noona? Do you think you can do that? After that I'll let you have all the fun you want" I propose waiting for his response. "You promise?" He says going to rub himself against me again. I let out a moan louder than my previous ones feeling myself getting closer. "Noona I want to be inside you. Please" he says almost sobbing at the thought of being denied release.

I take a second to study him and decide that I should go a bit easier on him since it's our first time trying something like this. "Do you want me to touch you?" I propose giving him a chance to chase his high sooner but not giving him what he want right away. "Yes please anything, it hurts" he says letting out another sob.

"Okay baby take these off and sit at the end of the bed" I say toying with his waistband. He does as he's told and stands waiting with eyes full anticipation and vulnerability. I kneel down in front of him and reach for his shaft slowly pumping it in an effort to get him to leak a bit more precum so I'm provided with something that'll make my movements a bit slicker. He moans immediately at the contact and bucks his hips up against my grasp. "Shhh baby soon" I say urging him to be patient.

"Please Noona I can't" he begs. "Do you want my mouth?" I question and am met with an immediate yes. I lean forward and lick a long strip from base all the way back up and suck a bit on his his red tip visibly begging for release. I take him in slowly and bob my head up and down at the same time. I know he's close and I want to reward him further so I reach up and place one of his hands on the back of my head. He gets the message and asks for permission. "Noona can I fuck your throat?" I hum in approval and immediately feel him thrust further down my throat and I gag at the sudden intrusion. "I'm sorry I'll go slower" he chokes out.

He continues and instead chooses to help me bob my head a bit faster instead of thrusting in an effort to not hurt me. He's so fucking adorable, even though I've been torturing him this entire time he still makes sure to be gentle with me. His hesitation is endearing but it seems funny thinking that now with his dick pushed down my throat. "Fuck Noona look at me." he lets out in a restrained voice. He brushes my hair to the side in an effort to gain a clearer view of my face and I in turn look up at him with the roundest doe eyes I can muster.

"F-fuck I'm cuming" he says warning me in an effort to give me the option to pull away. I lean in closer waiting for him to release in my mouth and I feel his grasp get a bit tighter as he thrusts and picks up the pace for a second until I feel him let out a low moan as he cums down my throat. He thrust himself into my mouth a few more times fucking himself through it until he's done. I pull away and get up to kiss him but wait and give him the option not to. He pulls me in roughly and brings us both back down on the bed and plants lazy but needy kisses all over me.

Once he slows down and lays down on the bed I roll over on top of him. "You did so well, made sure to take good care of me even though you wanted to be rougher. I'm so proud of you" I say placing a few kisses on his chest. "T-thank you Noona" he says through labored breath. "You're welcome little one" I say planting a soft kiss on his lips. "Do you wanna rest for a bit?" I say propping my chin on top of his chest. "Yeah just... just give me a second" he says clearing his throat. "If that was too much for you you would've told me right?" I say tracing featherlight patterns on his torso.

"Yes of course Noona I loved everything, I promise. I would've told you no if I couldn't handle it and you listened to me when I said I couldn't wait and that was exactly what I needed you to do. You took very good care of me" he says reassuring me. "Okay I'm glad you liked it" I say happy that I was able to satisfy him. "But" he starts out but pauses to clear his throat. "Do you think we could stop? I feel like my whole body is on fire" he says clearly exhausted from all of the over stimulation.

"Of course baby you can always tell me when you're finished. Don't hesitate to speak up if you feel the need to. Especially if you want to stop" I say taking the chance to look him in the eyes as a way to reassure him. "But, Noona you never came" he says eyes full of concern realizing the state he left me in. "It's okay baby I'm fine. You can help me out next time" I say giving him a soft smile.

"No!" he says flipping us over and making his way down to help take care of the throbbing sensation between my legs "Let me make you feel good".

Read pt. 2 here > Keep Quiet for Me Noona | Choi Yeonjun

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sixofwandsss · 2 years

Text

pick a pile: what needs to change in your life?

pile 1 pile 2

pile 3 pile 4

"close your eyes, take 3 deep breaths, allow your intuition to help you chose the right pile"

pile 1

You need to change up your relationship with your intuition, let it guide you a bit more. You seem doubtful about making decisions while listening to your gut instincts.

In some cases, some of you might want to pursue a creative career or field but feel afraid of it not working out.

This might be because of what other people expect of you, but also because of the fear of not earning enough money for a living

There's a lot of things you want to achieve but you feel indecisive and overwhelmed.

Please, listen to your heart and believe that everything's going to work out on your favor, you must have faith in the divine and its protection towards you, if you take that leap of faith, the universe will catch you.

Feeling afraid it's understandable, but overthinking and over-analyzing the situation just creates more resistance and stagnation.

pile 2

You need to learn how to appreciate yourself and understand the value that you give to the world only by existing.

There might be a need to release old toxic beliefs about yourself that only leave you feeling down and suck the happiness out of your life.

Discover what makes you feel truly alive and give your life a sense of purpose.

Connect with the divine and understand that you were meant to be here on Earth, you're not an alien just because you are different or don't fit in.

You exude starseed energy, you are from other realms, that's why it becomes difficult for you to understand the human experience, but you were meant to live this.

You could change the world only by being truly you.

You HAVE A PURPOSE.

Be hopeful and optimistic about what you could achieve on this lifetime, you have infinite power.

Getting rid of this beliefs will be hard but it will be 100% worth it.

pile 3

You don't have to deal with others' problems, neither have to carry their baggage. It feels like you put other people's needs above your own, and that's weighing down on you: fill your own cup first and watch your life become more balanced and enjoyable overall

The reason why you don't prioritize yourself is because you think that if you stop attending other people's needs all the time, they will abandon you.

The truth is: only people that deserve to be in your life won't run away if you take care of yourself first.

You might need to start to set boundaries and think logically when you start to notice these people-pleasing behaviors.

As you grow out of this state, focus on following whatever makes you feel good, no matter what other people think about it.

What makes you feel more confident and fullfilled?

Your happiness comes first, darling, always remember that.

pile 4

This is a sign from your guides for you to stop neglecting your own emotions. Repressing them is only a coping mechanism that you had to acquire on an early stage of life to deal with trauma. Perhaps, expressing emotions wasn´t viewed as something positive in the environment that you grew up in.

This behavior is currently affecting your self-steem and your long terms goals. Remember, it is safe to feel what you feel

Your inability to be vulnerable and open up to others is causing you to feel lonely and misunderstood.

Not all people are gonna hurt you, if they show you that they can be trusted, please do; it is both healthy and necessary to develop a support system around you, it's sort of difficult to do that without showing your real self.

There's also an energy of not having high hopes about the future due to a pessimism developed after years of suffering.

You are desserving of good things, and you will get them, no matter what.

You are resilient and will get through it all, allow yourself to enjoy your life a little more

take care, del <3

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sattlersquarry · 1 year

Text

Steve Harrington x Reader Fics

🍊 orange juice - (Post Season 4 AU) Steve's world changes in the worst way when he loses you. He struggles to move on...but he learns he might not have to when he miraculously gets a second chance with you.

🫀 the great divide - (Sequel to Orange Juice; Post Season 4 AU) After your miraculous return to the land of the living, you aren't doing well. [READ THE WARNINGS!!!]

🔪SuperFreaky - [AU inspired by Freaky (2020); modern body-swap-with-a-slasher AU] The Hawkins Hacker has been terrorizing your town for years now. What happens when he digs his hooks into you is surprising. It's shocking. It's downright superfreaky.

🌸🪻🥀 bloom - (Series; Completed; Post Season 4 AU) In the summer of 1987, you and your mother travel to Hawkins, Indiana to plan the event of the season: the Byers-Hopper wedding. (garden center!steve x wedding planner!reader)

🔥 the view between villages, part one: good bones - (Season 3) Armed with nothing but a GED and a small sum of inheritance money, you move to Hawkins, Indiana in March 1985 for a fresh start. ... It seems that the town has a strange history with science experiments and government cover-ups, but that’s all in the past...right? (this is a choose-your-own adventure fic with about 10 possible storylines.)

💀 the view between villages, part two: haunted - (Season 4) Things in Hawkins are much calmer than they were over the Fourth of July week. ... Wait a minute ... have you been experiencing any strange symptoms? Nightmares, headaches, nosebleeds? (this is a choose-your-own adventure fic.)

🍓 forget-me-not - (Post Season 4) Steve Harrington broke your heart almost a year ago. You think it's only right to still hold a grudge, despite how good he seems.

📼 the video store frame-up of '86 - (Post Season 3, lightly inspired by Romeo & Juliet) You and Steve fall in love, despite working at rival video stores. Things get complicated when the two of you are prime suspects in a Blockbuster video vandalism.

🖤 the end is here - DIRECT FOLLOW-UP OF VIDEO STORE FRAME-UP OF '86 - (Season 4 adjacent) Your boyfriend Steve Harrington is keeping secrets from you, and you aren't sure how much longer you can take it.

🍃 & now i’m covered in you - (Post Season 3, inspired by Taylor Swift's "ivy") Despite having a boyfriend, you find your feelings for your best friend Steve Harrington growing tenfold over Christmas break, 1985.

👻 Worse Than Ghosts (Series; Completed) - Y/N is a producer on YouTube's most popular ghost-hunting show. When she and the Spirit Search team travel to Hawkins, Indiana to film their second season premiere at the Creel House, they discover that some things are worse than ghosts. [Modern Buzzfeed Unsolved AU]

🎶 Elegia (Series; Completed) - (Season 4 AU) You get a call at 6 in the morning from your coworker Steve Harrington, demanding to know your favorite song.

🎲 Remedial Chaos Theory 2.0 (from July 2019) (Series; Completed) - Steve Harrington’s life takes a turn for the weird when Dustin tries to set him up with his babysitter, Y/N.

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Epilogue

RCT 2.0 Moodboard

🏀 A Study in Self-Sufficiency (Series; Kind of Completed; Sequel to RCT 2.0) - Steve is tired of his parents deciding everything for him; he and Y/N bond over controlling parents and Y/N shares a secret about her past.

Part 1 / Part 2

Non-x Reader Stories

🍕 Remedial Chaos Theory 1.0 (from 2018) (Completed) - A normal night of D&D turns topsy-turvy when the party has to choose one person to go upstairs and get the pizza. Based on the “Remedial Chaos Theory” episode of NBC’s Community.

Prologue / Lucas / Will / Max / Mike / Dustin / Eleven / Epilogue: Steve and Roxanne

#navigation #masterlist #steve harrington x reader

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attackfish · 9 months

Note

Could you expand more on the dangerous ladies being mind controlled by the Dai Li?

Continued from: [Link], [Link], [Link], and [Link].

1. Before we go any further, I need to talk about Azula. She's firmly out of commission right now, and too brainwashed for this to be an issue at the moment, but that's going to change, so we need to talk about it. And what we need to talk about is that this experience, while it would be traumatizing for anyone, is practically tailor made to target all of Azula's weak spots and deep seated insecurities. And by this I mean that Azula is deeply deeply afraid of being less than perfect, and of not having complete control. We are introduced to this fear in the very first scene in which she speaks, where she responds to and almost perfect practice form, by saying almost isn't good enough. For her almost perfect is failure, and someone who fails is someone who is worthless. It's all or nothing for Azula, either she is perfect, and has all the control, or she is worthless. This is the fear that ultimately drives her psychotic episode, and mental collapse canon. This is not a fear she is capable of coping with. And now the Dai Li have stripped her of all control, shown that she is beatable, that she is beaten, that she is far from perfect.

2. And worse, Ty Lee escaped and Azula didn't. And Mai still managed to hold something of herself back. Azula didn't. And both Mai and Ty Lee are accustomed to powerlessness, and know how to handle it. They hate it. It's been slowly eating away at them for years, but it's not a shock to the system. The people Azula has used to further her sense of control for years are going to be coping better than her with this. That's just going to make everything so much worse.

3. The Dai Li have long known that some people are easier to brainwash than others, but they have also figured out that some people are more brainwashed than others by the end of the process. Some people hold just a little piece of themselves back, a little core of who they are, underneath the layers of fear and self protection, the shell of who they need to be to survive the Dai Li. And sometimes, someone who was brainwashed, who has spent years a compliant creature of the Dai Li, snaps, sometimes violently. To the Dai Li, such sudden shifts from placid maliability to fierce but hopeless and irrational resistence, is proof that some people are so fundamentally broken that not even the wonder that is brainwashing can fix them. But perhaps you might see things very differently. Surely most of their victims do.

4. Whether these brainwashed people who snap, are usually the ones who keep part of themselves back, or those who can't, is a mystery that the Dai Li have never even considered.

5. Whether the Dai Li view Ty Lee as an incomplete case of brainwashing, a lapse that never should have occurred, or simply somebody who snapped very very quickly, depends on what agent you ask, and probably on what day you ask them.

#avatar the last airbender #dai li #azula #ty lee #atla mai #posts i created #do you want to ask a question it doesn't have to be a question #five headcanons #mai doesn't hate you #circus freak is a compliment #azula needs her own warning #there is no war in ba sing se

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whimsicalpoet44 · 1 year

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Just saw you enneagram and astrology placements. What about mbti? Which placements do you associate with each mbti? Btw what is your mbti if you don't mind asking?

Yes!!

I'm an INFJ. I'm also an enneagram 4.

Meyers-Briggs (MBTI) Types and the Astrology Placements I Associate With Each. (Part 1 of 4)

Re-take personality tests from time to time because as you heal and grow, your results can change. I find the mbti is less likely to change. But I went from an enneagram 6 to a 4 after a few years of introspection.

You'll notice a lot of the categories will have repeated signs. That's because they're similar.

This part contains the Analysts. I'll make the other parts separately. I just don't know when I'll finish it. So keep an eye out for them!

These are my depictions based on my own opinion and experience. If these don't apply to you, that's okay! It's all about interpretation. If you disagree, I'd love to hear why. I'd also love to hear other placements you all associate with each. 😄

Analysts

INTJ - The Architect 📐

Introverted | Intuitive | Thinking | Judging

☀️Sun | Moon | Rising | Venus in Scorpio: They're very methodical and calculated. They can analyze quickly and act on their discernment with ease. They're also quiet because they're always observing.

☀️Virgo Mercury | Moon | Mars: They're great at categorizing emotions and thinking before acting. They can also be a little critical of themselves and others at times. However, this makes them great at acting on situations because they're a good at judging outcomes.

☀️Mercury Conjunct Neptune: Super in tune with their surroundings. They have great intuition and a lot of spiritual gifts, which can assist with discernment. They learn quickly how to handle conflict. (Others might not agree with this one, but I think once they manage their emotions and sensitivity, they can easily organize truth and fact in a situation. Great judges of character.)

☀️Capricorn Venus | Mercury | Mars | Rising: Excellent at making decisions. They aren't quick to act. They balance out all possibilities. They don't rush into commitment without first analyzing the pros/cons. Others view them as cold and detached, even though this is far from the truth.

☀️Aquarius Rising | Uranus: Unique sense of style. Super intellectual. Great judge of character. Quick witted and practical.

☀️Sagittarius Saturn: Honest and direct. They see things through and handle conflict swiftly. Very serious expression of self and always analyzing their morals/belief systems.

☀️Honorable Mentions: Leo Placements. They're quick to point out their observations and learn how to handle conflict quickly. They're direct, and to the point. The reason they're an honorable mention: Leos CAN be introverts, but I associate their persona to be more extroverted. Even if they don't feel like an extrovert, they appear that way to others.

INTP - The Logician 🧠

Introverted | Intuitive | Thinking | Perceiving

☀️8th House Placements: They spend time alone to reflect on things, which is important to an INTP. They're very much 'big picture' individuals. They're intuitive, but also logical. They see the world from a unique perspective. They're quiet, creative, and they're forced into independence from a young age.

☀️Virgo Sun | Moon | Rising: They tend to be observers. They're detail oriented and are used to completing tasks alone because they'd rather do it themselves. Others perceive them as quiet and detached, but they're usually really passionate. This has a big impact on their perception of the world. They can detach from their emotions, yet factor them into the equation if needed as well. They're also over-thinkers, always analyzing something.

☀️Jupiter in the 12th House: They're introspective and often prefer spending quality time with themselves. They have a need to understand how the world works and they spend a lot of time challenging their perception of the world. They're very intelligent.

☀️Aquarius Mercury: They're open minded and intelligent. They are always trying to figure out how to implement their ideas. They're logical and objective, always ensuring they're perceiving the world in a way that benefits everyone. They're always observing and processing information, trying to figure out what to do with it. Aquarius individuals also have a really unique path in life, meaning they're probably okay with being alone when thinking.

☀️Scorpio Midheaven: They're self-motivated and observant. They're forced into changing their perception of the world through transformation. They also usually pursue careers rooted in field that require logic, like the sciences and research.

☀️Gemini in the 12th House: They're quiet and always engaged in learning. They're intuitive and this ability helps them perceive the world as it is. They overthink and spend a lot of time introspecting. They also have a lot of issues communicating with others. They're abstract thinkers and really creative.

ENTJ - The Commander 📣

Extroverted | Intuitive | Thinking | Judging

☀️Leo Placements: This is where I see the Leo Placements shine. They're creative and excited about life. They usually have strong opinions and have a sense of confidence. They're super energetic, so it gives them the ability to see their goals through. They're driven. Most of all - they're natural leaders. But they can also end up stuck in their own ideals, making them critical of others at times.

☀️Aries Sun | Saturn: Hear me out...they might be known for being impulsive (which ENTJ is known for being pragmatic), but they embody all of the traits of ENTJ. This type is known for being impatient. Aries fits that. They're natural leaders, decisive in their actions (at least in the moment), stubborn, and they can be really inspiring to others. They often motivate others to make changes in their lives. They can also deliver harsh truths and be critical of others. With Aries in the Sun and Saturn, one of their lessons is to figure out how to balance these energies to become a calm and confident leader. I feel like Aries gets a lot of hate and people think they're going to explode at any moment. And for some that's true. But most don't live up to that stereotype.

☀️Cancer Mars: They're insanely intuitive and have natural leadership qualities. They're passionate and internalize their emotions, finding it hard to be vulnerable. They're critical of others when the people they love are threatened and are confident once they know what they want.

☀️Libra Sun | Mars | Rising: They can come off to others as extroverted and they're a good judge of character (usually). They're practical, intuitive, and think through the consequences of their actions before they act. They're curious and inspiring. They might not be overtly dominant, but they still have pretty good leadership skills because they care about fairness and equality for all involved. Injustice can bring out the dominant side of them.

☀️Moon Conjunct North Node: They withhold their feelings and can detach from them fairly easily (however, this might become an issue later). They're intuitive, extroverted, and decisive. Great capacity for leadership here.

☀️Uranus in Capricorn: They carve their own paths. They're skilled leaders and can appear extroverted if they need to be. They're emotionally closed off and stubborn at times.

ENTP - The Debater 🏆

Extroverted | Intuitive | Thinking | Perceiving

☀️Aquarius/11th House Placements: They don't conform. Their curiosity wins out and they will ask questions others are afraid to ask. They like being around people (most of the time) and they're skilled in multiple areas. They take untraditional routes in life and they have to get good at defending their choices. They will even question their own choices at times, but reassure themselves it's the right move.

☀️Sagittarius/9th House Placements : Sagittarius is known for being multi-faceted. They're hilarious. They're open-minded, super curious about life and learning and they like to go with the flow (hello mutable sign). They can be argumentative at times. If another person's opinion doesn't make sense to them, they'll question it out of curiosity. Others might misinterpret this as rudeness, and an argument will ensue. However, they also might go looking for an argument as well at times (looking at you Sag Mars 👀). They tend to be blunt, which can be perceived as insensitive. And they're all over the place all of the time. I feel like ENTP is raw and authentic chaotic Sag energy. And I love it so much.

☀️Gemini Rising | Mercury: They love learning. They ask questions and their energy can be perceived as intimidating to others. They enjoy talking to others and they're really witty. Gemini individuals know a little about a lot and they LOVE to debate with others. As a Sag Mercury, I love talking to Gemini Risings/Mercurys. They always have a really interesting perspective on life. Other signs could misunderstand Gemini's intentions though, and it can lead to conflict.

☀️Mars Square Jupiter: Their competitive nature can land them in some sticky situations. They can be embarrassed socially, but they're enthusiasm can be mistaken for aggression...landing them in debates. They likely blame themselves for negative interactions and put a lot of blame on themselves.

#meyers briggs #personality types #analyst #astrology observations #astrology #astro observations

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nazukisser · 1 year

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Inferences on Nazuna Nito's Childhood & Family

Introduction

If there’s something that the energetic realist and oldest member of Ra*bits has tried ever so desperately to change, it’s himself. In the past, there was a time where he held onto the few he clung onto so tightly as they shackled him into a place he didn’t want to be. Nazuna’s childhood isn’t out of this world or absolutely insane, but instead is very realistic, much like his view on the world. He views the world as is, and always has, but he has since learned how to advocate for himself.

There are a few things we’ve been given about his childhood: he was in the church choir (and could sing latin), had a chuunibyou phase in middle school [Chuunibyou Chapter 4], and people were let down by his personality. A number of inferences can be made off of this information, taking into account his personality and the fact that his viewpoint can and has changed throughout the years. Due to this, we will need to look at the possible causes and outcomes of his behavioral and viewpoint changes.

Christian Identity

Enstars is a game that touches upon religion more than (I’ve seen) in other games. Nazuna’s currently not quite a religious person. He rarely mentions his faith, but it’s quite clear that he is a Christian based on the fact that he had participated in the choir as a young child and developed his love for singing there. But what if he had changed his faith? He hasn’t, as proven by his questioning, albeit sparse, of whether he is worthy of praying to (asking favors from) the Lord. [citation needed]

Because of his uncertainty in his worthiness, he doesn’t often mention religion to others nor does he think about it often, as he is occupied by other activities. As he’s busy with idol activities and university, I imagine he does not attend church regularly at the moment, as well as his self-perceived undeservingness to the faith. I assume he has mixed views about his experiences at church and religious activities.

Impact of Choir

Nazuna’s experience in the choir was a major part of his life, in a variety of ways. It cultivated his love for singing, as well as giving him one of his first directions in life. Nazuna has a tendency to be lost without any goal or passion, which would’ve been given to him by his parents. (In his second year at Yumenosaki, he had accepted the offer from Shu to join Valkyrie and after his resignation, he dedicated his efforts to the growth of Ra*bits after joining.) In the case of choir, he likely would have been influenced by either or both of his parents to join, or he could’ve been forced.

But overall, there is one thing joining choir did for him: it gave him a purpose. Nazuna wouldn’t have otherwise put as much effort as he did into refining his voice and gaining his desire to become an idol. I’d imagine that the choir had something different than the rest of the activities he did to attract him to it. If it were under the management of one or both of his parents, it would be more likely that he chose something else to do, as they would all be run the same. Who runs an activity, organization, etc makes a big difference, as well as the people who are there and the activities you’re doing.

One thing Nazuna finds so much happiness in is having the freedom to do the things he wants to do his way. He’s a problem solver, he likes being depended on to figure things out, or at least being able to do it himself. This is shown in the caring leader and big brother figure he presents himself as to his juniors. It’s likely that choir presented him with some of that freedom by allowing him to figure out his own problems concerning where he is compared to where he wants to be in the skills he’d like to acquire, and thus he was attracted to it as much as he was.

“But in choir, you have to be in sync with everyone else.” That’s true, but everyone has a unique voice, and being able to train his voice the way he wants it to sound and being able to be praised for it was everything for him. He was praised for his cute looks and criticized for his behavior, but for singing, he likely received much support and praise, without any criticism alongside it. This empowered him, it gave him the validation to pursue something that would make the people beside him stay with him and not leave him alone, which he feared.

One thing that I would believe to be likely an event that happened would be his parents asking him to quit choir to focus on an education that would get him a job that they wanted him to get- a high paying job he had little interest in. By this point, he would’ve already been known for his singing, and he would have decided to pursue it in the future as an idol. However, when he told them that he wants to continue choir, despite them wanting him to stop, and it ended up turning out alright, he gained the confidence to make decisions for himself.

The reason why I believe that his parents didn’t let him make his own decisions from an early age is that they don’t trust him. They feel they still need to make decisions for him, it doesn’t feel right for them, and it’s likely they don’t know how to let go and trust him to make his own decisions. This lack of confidence can lead to the child not feeling confident in making their own decisions, and this may have been the case. Nazuna was directionless during his first year at Yumenosaki (assumed, as there is no record of anything he did during that year, and things that change him are taken with him every time he changes, which makes the ever-evolving Nazuna), which would have likely been caused by his lack in confidence to make decisions for himself, as his parents have always made the decisions for him.

One way to build confidence in anything is to do something again and again and repeatedly get positive results and be able to celebrate it. For example, if you started to do something you had no experience in, but was able to make progress and was able to celebrate your success in learning what you had learned, that can build morale and build confidence that you can succeed more in the future. Being able to make one decision, quitting choir, would’ve been a start to that, but other decisions being made for him did set him back, as he was so used to it still.

Family Dynamics

There isn’t much stated about Nazuna’s family, other than that he has a father, mother, and a bunny. Before I say anything else, I’d like to stress that I don’t think they’re inherently bad people. I think they want what’s best for Nazuna based on their own wants, and they don’t really understand Nazuna’s point of view and/or properly understand the full effects of their actions over the years. I’ve made them out to be pretty strict and bad people previously, and while it seems like my new statement of “Nazuna’s parents love him more than anything” seems to contradict what I’ve said so far, it’s the reason why they did everything they did.

Nazuna is an only child, so his parents have only one child to perform “child duties”. Child duties are pressures that children may be told they have to do during the course of one’s lifetime, such as: getting married and having children to continue the bloodline, continuing a legacy of any sort (such as going to a specific university, having a certain job, etc.), or have a certain trait the family is known for, as there is only one child to continue that reputation. They cannot have their siblings do it, as sometimes one child fulfilling the duty is enough for some parents, but only children do not have any possibility of these duties going to someone else. Parents who map out their child’s life based on these desires/goals for them leaves little freedom for children to make their own decisions, and while it may greatly increase the chance certain goals may be achieved (commonly: higher incomes, certain connections, etc.) The pressure to fulfill these alone is already enough for some to feel restricted in what they can do in life, as it can basically decide the course of the child’s entire life.

The reason why they created this fixed path for him is so that they could “make sure” (the best they can) that he has things that are important to them, such as being religious, and most likely a high paying job to reduce financial burdens. These often come from good intentions; parents don’t often do that so that they can be proud of their children (although that may be part of it), but they do it so they can make sure that their children have less worries. Only parents have one child to be worried about, so they tend to worry more “per child” than if they were to have more than one child. Even if they don’t mean it, it can make a child feel like a trophy child for their parents to show off, especially when they do well.

They believe that their way is the best way for their one and only beloved child, which makes them stubborn to new ideas and feedback from him. Of course, they would try to listen because they love him, and they will be flexible on the things they believe could be flexible about, such as hobbies and wanting a pet, but for important things, like his future, he felt that he couldn’t decide them for himself. That said, I don’t think the only reason he feels so restricted is his parents; in regards to the future and the major decisions in life, yes. In regards to how he should act, it would likely be caused by his community, the people who surrounded him.

Community Expectations

Like many other people, Nazuna would’ve grown up in a neighborhood with other people around. Being from a religious family, there would’ve been many opportunities for Nazuna to interact with other people, from all ages. This includes elders and children younger than him. One thing is known about their perception and reaction to Nazuna as a child: they saw a cute child but were disenchanted by his nature. Likely, they had expected a well-mannered, sweet child, based on his cute appearance. Instead, they found someone who was highly energetic, straightforward, and somewhat of a pain of an ass to deal with. (In some other words: they wanted him to be well-behaved and mature for his age, but rather they saw a child who acted his age, discovering things and curious by nature.)

As they were “disenchanted” by his behavior, they started to distance themselves from him, their compliments always having a “but…” attached to them. (For example “He’s so cute, but I wish he was a little bit more behaved.”) He soon realized all of the love and affection he had gained with his cute looks would be taken from him by the way he acted, and he made the decision to become the kid they wanted to be, so that he wouldn’t lose that. It was easy to figure it out; it’s not hard to figure out when the adults are happy with a child’s behavior. Thus, he locked himself into this good child figure. Sometimes it can be seen when he gets angry, when he stops thinking and resorts to somewhat violent tactics.

This, combined with his parents’ expectations, set the reserved Nazuna we see before he joined Valkyrie. Because of his parents, he felt he was not able to set his own future, until he had decided to become an idol, though he was never given much guidance on how to do it because they had focused so much on their plans for him, and he had his behavior set on what others had wished he acted like.

tags for: @lisxdumbr @miikagehira @swantosa @analog-heart-beater

notes: these inferences are all my opinion so i think it's cool if you have a different opinion than mine and feel free to add any thoughts

#qian talks #enstars #ensemble stars #nazuna nito #nito nazuna #idk maybe someone in tags wants to read this

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