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#things ill never say
abreathlessword · 1 year
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I’ll never stop feeling like there are more words left in my heart, and that some of them are bound to make you stay. I will pray like never before, I will wait, I will hope.
That one day you will look at me and see me again, not the image in your mind we both wish we could forget. Our love is frozen in this spot of time, tainted and cracking like ice. Don’t stay stuck in the past, keep building towards a future with me. I will fall through the ice and forever be cold and unrevivable if you don’t grab my hand.
- A. F. J.
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awkwardgoddesss · 3 months
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Neurotypicals be like: Just use a planner broooo
Sir, you don't get it. If I got a planner 1 out of 4 things is going to happen.
1. My demand avoidance will kick in and I would rather rip out every single strand of hair on my body one by one than fill out a to-do list.
Or
2. I actually get everything done from my planner, but my imposter syndrome kicks in and since I set those goals for myself even though I accomplished them, they mean nothing and are therefore not worthy of acknowledgement.
Or
3. I will fill out the planner and then forget it exists. So like who is going to remind me to check my planner or use my planner to begin with?
Or
4. The worst of them all, I will end up with a planner filled with things I gotta do, remember it, not get anything done but with the extra guilt of not getting anything done.
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thismylifebitch · 9 months
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what if we could’ve made it past fall?
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creatinganewwlife · 2 months
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I still buy things for you that i think you’d like. I have a little box tucked in between my clothes with so many little things that i get when i am out, not even consciously thinking about you, and then i see something that reminds me of you, and i cannot help but buy it, take it home with me and keep it in that little box of mine. I call it my little box of love. It’s my prized possession.
I miss you, in a desperate, human way.
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likearoseinagraveyard · 8 months
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I heard you got married. I want to ask if you’re happy but I want you to be as badly as I want you not to be, and I don’t like that side of me.
So I won’t ask and you won’t say.
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glkr-xx · 5 months
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How I loved him was how I could have loved you and I wouldn't have ever ended up this damaged.
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rollinwithrory · 2 years
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The thing they don’t tell you about adoption is how you’re always left feeling unwanted. Like there’s always that little piece of you asking why and it kills you a bit inside.
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expens1ve-tvste · 6 months
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i would run to you if i could. it would be so easy. you always came so easily - you used to come so easily to me. almost like second nature and that’s why it’s hard still bc even on my worst nights i have to fight to urge to not run over to u and scream your name from the streets like a fuckin lunatic. especially on my worst nights. like that night my best friend did me dirty, n would have told me “welllll eca quit wildin out you’re almost thirty”if i wasn’t so embarrassing enough i would have held a radio over my shoulder and plead to YOU. I never owned one but i would have pawned one right into my existence, how fucking ridiculous . i hate how my cross street has your face written all over it. you’re right above my favourite fucking bar. you’re fucking there when all the lights in the club turn on, and i’m reminded that sometimes you can’t always block out the chaos that goes on in your mind. and all the mistakes that i’ve made come to light. FUCK it would’ve been easier if you weren’t so kind. when i tell you you’d be proud i’m going to therapy, i don’t want you to be upset to hear i realize therapy never stopped any of that fucking noise that went on in my head, i still see red. the chaos went away when you came around- that’s not the fucking point though. i always fucking make it about me but it’s always been about you and i’m sorry i was a poo
it’s 2 am, sometimes 3 (if i’m lucky) and the lights turn on, then they turn off- and it’s everybody get the fuck out of the bar. i stumble to find my way across all the stupid bars within the “pump” and then i see us dancing that one night- fuck okay again forget it. that’s not the point. somehow i find my way out of it, only to see your lights are still on- and i’m wondering who’s lucky enough to see what lit up ur apartment - knowing damn well it was your smile. i’m pretty sure youre still being silly about pretty well anything you put ur mind to, gay enough to admit you’re still my very best view
I know we had our differences but fuck I wish things happened differently. i’m sorry and you’ll never see this and that’s probably better bc you’re finally moved on and i hope you’re happy now.
I hope your new girlfriend doesn’t only buy you flowers when she fucks up, i hope she buys you them for better reasons and I hope to god you know that’s how it was supposed to be- i hope you have the love you and i always cried about as children thinking it could’ve never happen for us
even tho it’s different now i still wish i could fix it all, but u know i’m still rooting for u
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fredrickthegoat · 1 year
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You set my soul on fire
now I’m left wondering if it has been enlightening, or an act of destruction
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nd-poite · 1 year
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Things I might tell you someday #1
I’m infatuated with you. . .
I’m obsessed with the way you bite your lips and think, with the way you watch the stars and search the skies for other life — and teach me things I never knew. . . I love the way you know so much but say so little — and I know that I talk a lot and think a lot, I deafen every silence but your words are warmer and so much louder than any silly idea I could come up with
I’m fascinated with how much music you know, I thought only I knew that much music — but you know every lyric and every beat, your mind probably plays symphonies — you’ve only been to one concert but being with you is like going to a thousand and I’m jealous
I’m stunned with how kind you are and how honest you’ve been, and how easily I could’ve known you if I hadn’t been so afraid. . . You told me that even broken records make music and I still don’t know what to do with that piece of info. I don’t know when I started expecting the worst from people, but I regret not realizing how amazing you were sooner and not giving you a fairer chance
And that’s why I can’t stop staring at you, admiring you, wondering how to explain what is I feel — especially when I see your body and know I’ll never be able to accurately put it on a canvas and nor am I a good enough photographer to capture the moment either — I just have to sit back and enjoy your beauty as it is, knowing I’ll never have that moment again
My life has been this whirlwind since you came into my world, I’ve been spinning on this go-around wondering when our game of roulette is going to end in flames // everyone can’t stop warning me about the person who’d make a terrible life partner, not knowing I never had plans to keep you. . . For me this predicated love is enough for me, just to have you for a little while, just to know you and hear you and see you — just to kiss you and taste you and smell you on my clothes for a little while — have you put art on my walls and wipe my tears away for just one today — it’s worth it. . . But I can’t play pretend forever. . .
And I know that I’ve let you down and I’ve used you, almost just as much as you’ve used me — and we are both collectively selfish people. . . And sometimes I wish we were actual friends because I know that the uncomfortable truth wears me out — that I’m not in love with you, I’m infatuated with you as I learn to fall back in love with life — and little things like this, longing kisses and cuddles are all I can give (they’re all you can give) to cover my truths and your lies
Thank you
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abreathlessword · 2 years
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My girl—it will happen when you least expect it. Not because you’ve stopped looking, or even if you have. You’ll meet him and you’ll know. You will hang on his every word, but still keep that fire of your own that makes him just as intrigued as you are. That silly spark they talk about in books and movies, you’ll feel it in the pit of your stomach, or when your hands first touch, or maybe even when your eyes first meet, but you’ll feel it, girl. And you’ll know. Because it won’t be forced, it’ll come out of the blue and it will make everything leading up to that moment worth it. Stop waiting, my girl, and start living.
-a.f.j.
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awkwardgoddesss · 1 month
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Are you the "was really good at one subject in school and now I'm a scientist/doctor/academic" neurodivergent or the "was mid in academics and doodled my entire way through school and now I'm an artist" neurodivergent?
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thismylifebitch · 5 months
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could i visit home for the holidays?
- would you let me inside and i’ll bring a pan of peach cobbler for the worries
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iwantthistohurt · 8 months
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thebestdamnthing · 1 year
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Things I’ll Never Say by Avril Lavigne
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