#things heard & seen

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[scrambleseggy]

When people think women aren’t capable of misogyny I have to laugh because misogyny isn’t men just being creepy and weird and rating women on reddit. It’s not just statistics on violence and crime stories, even though that is a big part of it.

It’s also republican moms and mean girl sisters who encourage competition between women as peak femininity. It’s also women who think having friends is an equivalent to a bravo TV show that includes hair pulling and slut-shaming. It’s also women who tell you certain things make you ugly and “look like a man.” Women who make fun of feminine features in men. It’s women who think the best way to deal with a patriarchal system is by trying to befriend it so they can try to benefit off of it by “not being like other girls” — the way people boil feminism down to the proximity of femininity and masculinity on the internet really bothers me. Some of the worst misogynists I’ve known in my life have been the republican women I’ve grown up around.

#it kinda reminds me of terfs whos entire politics rely on things they think makes a woman #and its the most dystopic 1950’s housewife shit youve ever heard #feminism #transandrophobia #last tag bc some things ive seen regarding arguments in it seem a little relevant #it’s something I want people to keep in mind #the whole manosphere shit goes beyond just meathead podcasts dudes #like we should all know this by now???

[brookheimer]

people acting like twitter's new post count is gonna cause a mass exodus to tumblr.... this website's demographic has not changed in 865578 years and it sure as hell won't now. this is the site for people who were weird and unhappy in middle school. everyone on here has either been around since they were weird unhappy 13-year-olds or joined when they were weird unhappy 13-year-olds, left because they thought they were normal for a while, then came crawling back again when they realized deep down they were still weird unhappy 13-year-olds. what does this site possibly have to offer you if you grew up happy well-adjusted and unaware of homestuck

#like have you seen that poll of when people joined tumblr and it's ALLLL early/mid 2010s if not earlier?? #twitter's fuckups have brought some people over but like. not as many as yall think #and thank god for that. i am very happy in my small corner of this website where i am surrounded by people with good taste and good takes #LOL #i'm the second category btw. weird unhappy 13yo --> No Im Normal --> oh ok no i'm not but shhh keep it on the dl (tumblr) this time #instead of running around asking everyone if they've heard of this thing called homestuck and giggling whenever anyone said bucket #...dark times. #but no like it's so funny to me that people think normal people will actually use tumblr. the stigma around it ALONE will drive em away #which like. fair honestly lolll #100 #this time on posts i didn’t expect to get notes #lollll #500 #1000

[hellmandraws]

Not gonna lie, I'm super excited about the upcoming One Piece live action series! It's out Aug 31 on Netflix. I actually think it's gonna be good! 🤞🤞🤞

#reminder that the strike has NOT called for a boycott from viewers! #we want to show that we want more of this show and that Netflix has to pay their writers properly if they want to keep profiting from it #don't forget: the continuation of a popular show is a bargaining chip for the writers #one piece #one piece live action #monkey d. luffy #roronoa zoro #nami #usopp #sanji #when I first heard about the LA years ago I thought they were crazy #manga live actions are never good and OP is basically unfilmable #but when the strawhat cast was revealed I sat up straight and started paying attention #they were all spot on! absolutely unheard of in a live action! #and everything I've seen and heard about it since has just seemed so promising #early reviews are starting to come out and they're all positive #guys I think they did it #I think... Netflix actually made a good live action adaptation?? #and of OP of all thing?!?! #(I won't be able to watch it until Sunday though so I'm gonna have to stay off the internet completely to avoid spoilers! TAT)

[szfiction]

This parallel makes me insane actually (and there is something incredibly Lawlu about it to me)

#One Piece #Monkey D. Luffy #Sanji #Trafalgar Law #Lawlu #something about Luffy saying almost the exact same thing that Corazon said to Law makes me so emotional actually #It's easy to think Corazon and Luffy would get along. they are both kindhearted goofy sweethearts #but it's more than JUST that #it's that deeper thing where they understand and carry the pain of the people they hold dear #And it's the fact that overhearing Corazon say this is pretty much what changed Law's life #To know that he is cared for and seen and someone wants the best for him #And then Law loses him #And then years later he aligns himself with Monkey D Luffy #Someone who has these echoes of Corazon in him #The echoes of the person he held so close to his heart #Like. It's no wonder Law is so compelled and mystified by Luffy in equal measure #I think if Law heard Luffy say this to Sanji he'd go insane #cause I know he's remember everything Cora said that night exactly #and it might tell him why he sought out and believed in Luffy against all odds and logic #(why he cares for him so much too. why Luffy's stubborn insistence on loving him without condition is so familiar) #I don't even know if these tags are making any sense but IM FEELING THINGS OK #donquixote rosinante #Corazon

[starry-bi-sky]

more clone^2 memes because i think they're funny

#dpxdc #dp x dc #dp x dc crossover #dpxdc crossover #dpdc #clone^2 #danny fenton is not the ghost king #so canon to clone^2 and clone damian the portal that ends up transporting damian to amity park is left pr ambiguous #so really how he got there could be one of many things whether it be through divine intervention or clockwork's doing or hell #it could've also been quite literally the 1 in 1 millionth chance that a natural portal opened up beneath him and sent him to amity #and was a happy accident #but the idea that the laz pits or another adjacent such entity heard damian wanting an older brother (he meant og damian but oops never- #specified) and then sends him to the one person who could fulfill that wish and make him happy at the same time. #was really funny to me within the context of the lilo and stitch meme. the meme can also be seen the other way around with danny as lilo #and damian as stitch. but danny being stitch was infinitely funnier and ~technically~ more accurate imo #danny technically IS a nice angel but also. he's a developing menace to society (just ask wes) and he's going to make damian one too #danny being from the midwest means he has a midwestern accent and thats not something the bats know how to handle when they finally meet hi #hey look at that! my meme making skills are steadily improving. im no longer making the same joke six different times in different formats #those first two images i made a few days ago the rest i made in the last thirty minutes in a spur of clone^2 induced inspiration #and procrastination of writing the cfau rewrite of the first post. we are 10k words deep folks and just barely got past the 1st gala reunio #dunking on the giw is a god-given right and danny WILL pass it down to damian

[thatorangedrank]

Little is Alyx 👎🏻

Little is Penny 👎🏻

Little is a reflection of Ruby in Vol.1 and is a physical representation of “healing your inner child” 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

#like seriously Little reminds me more of Ruby than Ruby herself right now #I relate to Ruby so much in just needing to be ok for everyone all the time for things to be stable #when WBY is talking about how they bring her up by saying ‘we count on you’ and ‘you can do it’ and that’s basically what I heard growin up #my therapist once told me that you have to be the friend and caretaker for that little girl who always had to be ok #that she is still inside of my heart and that I’m the only one who can be there for her now #and something about… making sure my inner child feels safe reminds me so much of Ruby’s relationship with Little #also Little’s mannerisms are just … so v.1 Ruby it’s just uncanny #’I want to help even though I may not know how’ #that’s blind Ruby optimism if I’ve ever seen it #rwby #rwby spoilers #rwby9 #rwby volume 9 #rwby ruby rose #rwby v9 #rwby volume 9 spoilers #rwby theory #ruby rose

[rhys-ravenfeather]

Casual reminder that there’s already a ‘dark and gritty’ Scooby Doo series:

So yeah, anyway, if you haven’t watched it already, you should definitely give it a look instead of giving that other show any attention.

#rhys-ravenfeather signing on #scooby doo: mystery incorporated #seriously though--i have NOT heard (or seen) good things about 'velma' #heck just the trailer ALONE comes across as unnecessarily confrontational to me? #to critics and even just casual viewers even TEEN TITANS GO wasn't this brazen right out the gate

[nartml]

Nah, you know what makes my blood boil?

Seeing characters degraded, vilified, and desecrated in the name of ship wars.

No, Aang did not strip Katara of her agency nor did he only accept the "digestible" parts of her, leave my baby alone.

No, Zuko isn't just a selfish colonizer, bro did not have one of the greatest arcs of all time for you to reduce him to that.

No, Katara wasn't just a mother to everyone, for fuck's sake, did we watch the same show?

I can go on and on and fucking on, but all I'm gonna say is I'm fucking tired of y'all's shipping discourse.

It was never that serious, it will never be that serious.

I think that both Zutara and Kataang are great ships in their own right, with their respective pros and cons. I also think it comes down to personal taste.

Of course, people can have differing opinions on characters, regardless of the inclusion of ships or not. But at the very least, stick to your own.

Ship and let ship. Remember when this was fun?

Don't invade spaces that aren't yours to start trouble, and stay appropriate with the tags. Fandom etiquette, it's pretty neat.

Y'all suck the joy out of everything.

#the way i can apply this to half of the ships amd characters i like #ive seen things #ive seen some crazy shit #heard some wild takes #take a chill pill #and sit your asses down #kataang #aang #zuko #atla #shipping wars #shipping discourse #fandom etiquette #this applies to every ship btw it just so happens that i stumbled upon yet another kataang vs zutara ordeal and im fed up #ruining it for the rest of us #i get it and i do think the passion is beautiful and a show of how many emotions and how much love these characters still make us feel #but hot damn enough is enough

[jujoobedoodling]

Haunting.

Phantom of the Opera Spire anyone? Jaina is once again the nerdy skeptic just can't let the ghost rumours go. She finds more than she bargained for - namely, a hot and broody elf named Sylvanas Windrunner.

inspired by this femslash february prompt list

#world of warcraft #sylvaina #sylvanas windrunner #jaina proudmoore #minifemslashfeb2024 #mine #also im hiding this in the tags do not mob me ive literally never seen any adaptation of it ive only heard That One Song #this was an interesting...thing #the mask was inspired of me i must say #jaina: vereesa you never told me it was your fucking sister i thought it was something way worse from the way you described it? #jaina: also you never told me she was still ALIVE #vereesa: where's the fun in that? also you never believed she was even real #jaina: that's not the point. #vereesa: it's a great prank jaina admit it. plus she likes keeping busy with the spire it gives her something to do #jaina: i'll give her something to do. #vereesa: what. #jaina: what.

[dngsicheng]

#so sad seeing his mental health get worse in real time day by day #i understand though #imagine what the things he has seen and heard and been through for almost 4 months now #i understand his anger and frustration #may he live a long life so that he can tell his story to future generations #don't forget palestine #palestine #free palestine #free gaza #gaza #motaz #motaz azaiza #🍉 #ceasefire

[funky-bird]

furries are fucking awesome man reblog this post if you think furries are awesome

#in a discord server a bunch of people have been talking about furries a lot lately and like. #yes I’ve heard of furries before yes I’ve seen furries before #like it’s cool it’s whatever they’re doing they’re thing ok #but I drew that fursona a while back because of it. i just thought it would be fun #and while I don’t consider myself a furry that fursona is the only sona design I’ve ever made hat I’ve actually liked 🥹 #and now me and my friends are just using it as my sona? because I like it!! and it makes me so happy :] #there’s something so magical about fursonas. about just being a silly animal! and I wish they did not get so much hate. #they do not deserve it AT ALL #Idk why I’m typing this I usually don’t make posts other than art or reblogs. maybe it’s just cause I’m tired #but I love furries. they’re cool and I wanted to talk about that. #drawing myself as a cute mousegirl has done something to me and it’s something so beautiful and magical

[911onabc]

i'm curious what did everyone know the 911 actors from before watching 911 tell me in the tags

#i knew peter krause from parenthood #angela bassett from black panther #kenny from when he was on glee and probably other things but like primarly glee #i def knew jennifer love hewitt existed but i didn't know her from anything specific #i had never heard of or seen aisha or oliver in anything #and i hadn't seen ryan in anything but i remember seeing the ads for that jlo movie when i was 15 #and really wanting to see it but i never did lol #911 #911 fox #911 on fox #911 abc #911 on abc

[snouse]

deliberately choosing to read suns eyes turning red as her not even being bothered to do her own jumpscare and honestly 💅💅💅 slay

#fnaf daycare attendant #help wanted 2 #sundrop #moondrop #dca #my art #id in alt text #this is half joking i havent even seen everything for hw2 yet i just witnessed the jumpscare and got posessed fo draw this lmao #them not wanting to get their hands dirty is extremely funny to me in concept #oh to have a personal attack dog sharing the vessel <3 #sososo glad they characterized the jesters even more stupid funny this time around the flavor is immaculate 💕 #just heard that one voice line for the first time that implies the lights turn off when the timer runs out so guess that explains things :) #my point still stands :))

[bucephaly]

It's kinda shocking to me how few people seem to know how prevalent the 'my great grandmother was cherokee' myth is and how it's almost never actually true, especially when it comes with things like 'never signed up' or 'fell off the trail' or 'courthouse burned down destorying the documentation' etc etc.

People just don't even seem to know the history like.. when the Trail happened. My great great great grandfather was 2 years old during Removal in 1838, so peoples 'my great grandmother hid in the mountains!' is so clearly wrong. And we have rolls. From before and after removal, rolls done by cherokee nation and others by the government, rolls that were not stored in one random flammable courthouse. It's not difficult to find the actual evidence of ancestry.

And just.. there are lots of ways those family stories get started. It was a practice during the confederacy to claim cherokee ancestry to show one's family had 'deep roots in the south' that they were there before the cherokee were removed. Many people pretended to be cherokee and applied for the Guion-Miller payout just to try to steal money meant for cherokees - 2/3rds of the applicants were denied for having 0 proof of actual cherokee ancestry. [We even see lawyers advertising signing up for the Miller roll just to try to get free money.] And the myth even started in some families in the cherokee land lotteries, where the land stolen from us was raffled off, including the house and everything that was left behind when the cherokees were removed. We have seen people whose families just take these things stolen from the cherokee family and adopt them into their own family story, saying that they were cherokee themselves.

If you had some family story about being cherokee and you wanna have proof one way or the other, check out this Facebook group run by expert cherokee genealogists that do research for free. Just please read the rules fully and respect the researchers. They run thousands of people's ancestries a year and their average is only around 0.7% of lines they run actually end up having true cherokee ancestry.

#and ive heard even dumber origins of the cherokee family myth #such as an ancestor having a silly sounding name so the descendents just go 'oh she mustve been an indian!!!' #i was one of the few people who had my ancestry done on the facebook and had genuine cherokee ancestry #[though i had found it before it was just really validating to get it double checked and i started finding cousins (:] #like. i was told once when i was a kid by my grandma that my dad had cherokee ancestry and i didnt believe her. its wild that so many peopl #will make it a Fixture of their identity [or even just smth they bring up ever] with Zero proof #at least for cherokees from what ive seen its usually considered really disrespectful to claim to have cherokee ancestry without #actually having the documentation [like ancestors on the rolls] #and no a dna test doesnt count. nor does 'my dad is Clearly not white!' or 'high cheekbones' or old family photos or anything #i had this discussion with someone recently whose dad had been calling himself 3/4 native but didnt know exactly what nation ???? hello? #and its like... sorry but ur dad is like. italian lol. #[and blood quantum is bullshit anyway im tired of the 'im 1/16 cherokee' comments its dumb #cherokee nation does not have a blood quantum requirement. its pointless bringing it up in the discussion of who is or isnt cherokee] #also mandatory disclaimer that im reconnecting. i didnt grow up connected to the culture of even knowing my ancestry #this is all from my looking into this stuff over the past year or so. i cant claim to be an authority over anything regarding this #this is p much all my repeating things ive heard said by people who know a lot more than i do haha #man. and this isnt even starting to get into the fake tribe stuff. the only legit cherokee groups are the 3 federally recognized bands #cherokee nation of oklahoma. united keetoowah band. and the eastern band of cherokee indians. #any others that are state recognized or not at all arent acknowledged as legitimate by any of the legit cherokee groups #anyway. my final message goodb.ye #cherokee #tsalagi

[dinopepitah]

A gay wolfe for you!✨️

#rolfe dewolfe #rock afire explosion #rockafire explosion #rolfe #i saw the fnaf mobie and i wondered if those kinds of animatronics were even made... i havent seen one irl #damn theyre cute!! ;_; sadly i dont have a clue if those things were even heard in my country those years. Dictatorship ahem ahem #THE CHEEKS MAN YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN THE CHEEKS AND THAT ITS AN OLD MAN AND A SUIT THE SIMILARITIES WITH THE SPAM MAN I CANT #will investigate about him later #my art