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autisticlancemcclain · 1 year

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fic rec friday 11

welcome the the eleventh fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics.

1. Video Chats by @tomminowrites

Not long after leaving to join the Blades, Keith stops by the castleship to catch up with Voltron.

The visit was going normally, until the Red paladin lets slip that he's been video calling one of the paladins fairly regularly - unknown to rest of the team.

i LOVE this fic it makes me giggle like no other. i have this in my other collection, which is fics where lance gets teased mercilessly by the team for being a gay loser. this fic makes me laugh literally every time. fics where keith is doing his blade thing but comes back regularly to visit and theyre a family who loves each other my beloved

2. Thinkin’ Bout You by @bleusarcelle & queerklancing

‘That was not my thought,’ Keith thinks, panic and confusion filling his chest, ‘That was not my thought, what the fu –‘

‘Dude,’ the unfamiliar voice cuts him off sharply, but Keith can hear the edge of fear lingering on its tone, ‘Dude, what the fuck –Get out!’

‘It’s my head, you get out! ’

‘No, it’s mine!’

Keith purses his lips and pokes his temple and then his cheek.

‘No, pretty sure it’s my body, my mind, and you’re a weird thing invading it.’

[Or that time Keith had a voice in his head singing and found out he had a quite unique soulmate link.]

early voltron fics my love. remembering fondly the days bleusarcelle and queerklancing dominated the klance tag lmfao. this one is sweet, fun, and it has the trope of all time in it: the phone call where someone sighs wistfully and says ‘i miss you’ and then the other person smiles and goes ‘look behind you, sweetheart’ and theyre THERE. gets me every time fr

3. so tell me darling do you wish we fall in love? by crystalklances/orphan_account

Keith is chosen to represent the Paladins for a diplomatic dinner gala. There's just one problem—he has to bring a spouse. Lucky for him, Lance is ready to play his fake fiancé.

i’ll tell you i was CRUSHED when crystalklances orphaned his account. dude i miss u every day. but thank god all his fics are still available! this one is one of my faves he ever wrote bc it has fake/pretend relationship with good communication somehow. truly art.

4. Like A Prayer by @lancesexual /orphan_account [EXLPLICIT]

"God, I'm so happy with you," Lance whispered.

Something dangerous and soft erupted in Keith's chest, threatening to consume him.

2016 FIC ELITENESS. fuck man. im so serious when i say 2016 immediately means the fic has twenty bonus points. love love love. this is soft and sweet and floundering. i love it when both of them arent sure about anything but each other

5. True Love or Something by @deerstalkerdeathfrisbee

“So that was…” “If you say painless I’m shoving you into another snowdrift.” “Okay, that’s fair. But you got a lollipop!” “That you stole from pediatrics.” “I’m a very good date.”

Lance accidentally crashes into his new neighbor in front of their mailboxes and somehow ends the night with a very attractive (and slightly concussed) date.

ive saved the best for last! i started reading this when i was a young teen (more 2016 love) and it updated steadily for years. this series redefined what love means to me. i will always have the characters in the back of my head, i will always love everything about this series and story and will hold every part of it so dear to my heart. if you have to read one series in the fandom, this one should be a top contender!

that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!

#true love or something is truly something i love #love love love love #vld #voltron #lance #lance mcclain #keith #keith kogane #klance #fic rec #fic rec friday #trans lance #team as family #longpost #pining keith #pining lance #soft klance

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sparksnevadas · 1 year

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Please rant all you like about mumscarian :]

-🍂

okay okay i did pass out yesterday immediately but i have so many thoughts. This is kinda rambly

So you have redscape or mumscar or whatever their ship name is right? Theyre such a strong duo. Theres a really good comraderie there with equal trust and strong skills. Their relationship would be one borne out of complete and utter trust and honesty. One where mumbo and scar are always gushing about the other’s skills and hyping wach other up, and in slower moments, confiding in each other about stuff they worry about and helping lift each other up. Their ideal date within canon would probably be going to an open mic at bdubs cafe and hanging out with friends there. In some ways their relationships is hard for other hermits to notice until scar presses a kiss to mumbos cheek and mumbo doesnt even blush, just smiles.

Scar and grian on the other hand is a lot louder of a relationship, albeit also a struggle. Through the life series and hc, their relationship would grow out of loyalty and care. Theres love there that grian isnt a hundred percent sure where it should go, so he channels it into keeping scar safe, keeping himself safe, and then feeling a bit lost when scar inevitably dies before him. Back on hc, hes more of a trickster, shows affection through teases and pranks and annoying people, especially scar who alwYs gives him a good reaction. Scar always looks at grian fondly, meets his quips as best he can, and also ignores when affections slowly starts to turn to love. Their idea date would probably be flying through new chunks or the void in the end

Grumbo,,, their friendship grows into loud affection. Grian sometimes gives these little moments of almost fanboy “i love you!” so often that mumbo doesnt really know when they turn real. Their relationship is kinda born out of long friendship where grian has always tried letting mumbo take the first move, and then forcing him to take charge somehow (sending him letters, inviting him to architechs, campaigning for mumbo for mayor, etc) so they can spend more time together. Its a slow realization for mumbo that grian might genuinely like him back. Anyways their idea date is probably setting up a prank together where they both die multiple times in the process when grian tries to show off

But look. All three of them in a relationship??? Of course its not instant, depending on how you see it, maybe its a duo that turns into a trio, maybe theyre all edging around each other until they simply cant hold back anymore… but also once it happens, once thwyre together, their relationship is one of reliabilty and sturdiness and an inherent need to keep each other laughing. They balance each other quite a bit. All of those traits from their individual pairs only grow stronger together. Theyre still idiots of course, but theyre also deeply concerned for each others well being. They sleep in different houses if the argument is too strong to resolve without time, they still kiss when theyre annoyed with each other, they help keep grians nest warm when its nesting season and the bird instints need to constantly build or sleep. They love each other yknow? Theyre not perfect but they try their best to keep everyones needs and wants balanced.their ideal date together would be… anywhere. Just hanging out, laughing. Im specifically imagining the three of them mining together at the start of s9. They just love laughing together. I love them

#trafficshipping #hermitshipping #mumscarian #redscape #mumscar #scarian

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leonasimp · 1 year

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❥ 𝐒𝐥𝐞𝐞𝐩𝐲 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐠𝐚𝐳𝐞𝐫𝐬! <𝟑

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬: leona x my oc cuz yes 🤭

𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠: ooc, possible cringe, not proofread

𝐞𝐱𝐭𝐫𝐚: my friend randomly told me this and im in love with leona so ill write it. DONT JUDGE IM WHIPPED!

laying on the roof of savanaclaw was more peaceful then they both thought. the two looked up at the stars peacefully. no words were exchanged, just the comfort of their presences were good enough.

after a long day of class and chaotic things, the two had decided to stargaze. leading them to being tangled in each other’s arms while fondly looking at the stars and each other.

the brunette laid her head on leona’s chest, her eyes barely opened. she didn’t know what time it was, all she knew was that she wanted to stay like this forever. it was all so peaceful.

leona felt the same, although not expressing it as much as the girl in his arms. sleep was engulfing him every second but he wanted to stay up for her..just this once.

“ara.” leona spoke, breaking the silence between the two.

the said girl let out a hum in response, her eyes closed as she moved closer to leona.

“ya tired? cuz im sure as hell am.” leona mumbled, his hand running through the sleepy girl’s hair.

“mhm..” ara answered, staying still as leona sat up.

she was about to get up but stopped once leona’s grip tightened around her. “leo-“

“shh, ill carry you.” he spoke. although sleepy, he stood up with the girl in his arms as he started to make his way down.

ara stayed quiet, her head resting on leona’s shoulder.

she wondered if they could sleep under the stars one night.

but for now, theyre just sleepy stargazers!

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pansy-picnics · 2 years

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idk what to ask i just want to hear you speak harvest moon. how about yuzuki and iluka friendship/relationship how would it go?

OOOO ok so this is actually a dynamic i feel VERY strongly about because these two don’t seem like they would be a good match at ALL but they ARE and let me explain why

ok so iluka. shes puts up a front thats very authoritative, fiery and dominating. she almost always gets what she wants and she doesn’t take bullshit from anyone. this is a persona that she developed in order to look after siluka, who is objectively more spacey and naive and isn’t really able to stand up for herself or fully take care of herself. iluka took on the role of siluka’s spine because she didn’t have one.

now yuzuki is pretty much the opposite, he’s kind to everyone he meets and incredibly conflict avoidant, he will do everything in his power to not offend anyone, and he’s also kind of spacey and lacks a spine. he’s a lot like siluka except….siluka’s kind of a bitch sometimes (affectionate) and yuzuki isn’t LMFAO

yuzuki and the twins are already somewhat familiar with each other since yuzuki goes to the café so often, and they both speak pretty fondly of him. now the thing about yuzuki is that his overcompensatingly kind nature was developed due to trauma and his intense feelings of being a burden on his loved ones, so he tries to “make it up” to his grandparents or friends when hes…literally never done anything wrong AISJSJDSJ

hes kind of naive in some cases and a bit of a pushover (some traits BOTH of iluka’s siblings respectively have) and very sensitive, so i think iluka would take note of that and be a bit easier on him, eventually coming to trust him, lowering her guard around him, and even eventually starting to stick up for him or be his backbone much like what she does for siluka.

and i think they’d get a lot closer the more comfortable they got around each other!! yuzuki is canonically seen to become more playful when his relationship with the protaganist deepens and he starts to tease and joke with you more. i like to think this is something thats true for all of his relationships, when he starts to relax and is more open with someone. and in this case iluka’s very chaotic nature would probably rub off on him a bit too…like theyd fuck around together all the time tbh

like ngl. this is them core

they also both have similar issues with their self worth….they both kind of feel like they’re the burdens of the family and like their loved ones would be better off without them. i think theyd bond a lot over that

all in all. they are besties in my head. and i think its especially funny that LITERALLY no one would expect it ever. komari and hinata see them casually chatting like they’ve known each other for years and theyre like “…..since when did you two know each other”

#story of seasons #bokujou monogatari #bokumono #牧場物語 #story of seasons trio of towns #trio of towns #iluka 3ot #yuzuki 3ot #pansy rambling again #ask #bkmn asks

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selfinsertfanfiction · 3 months

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Night Flight

(a maximum ride self insert fanfiction)

I sighed, dropping the heavy cardigan on the bed - let the cat use it as a bed. he loved laundry and it'd been a long day. if any of us could get joy, we should.

taking a deep breath, i unfurled my wings for the first time in 8 hours. I'd thought school was tough? ha. yet again, adulthood proved itself more difficult than I'd ever imagined in my silly little stories.

feathers that had been bunched up seemed to stretch into the open air if the bedroom. it felt good to fully stretch instead of the simple shoulder rolls I did during the day as a jewelry sales person.

"there you are!"

I turned, smiling as my husband came in from the office, his gaming headphones still askew on his head. "hey" I replied.

gently, he started to massage not just my shoulders, but also the aching, sore joints within my wings. I let myself melt into his touch with a sigh.

"ya know" he mumbled, "it's been a while since you let yourself just fly"

a quick glare over my shoulder only met his honest, open expression. "it's dark" he continued, "and there's plenty of cloud cover".

hard to argue with a logical chemist when he's being logical. and right.

"fine" I said, setting the pajamas I'd pulled out aside. "but just a quick little one"

"a quickie" he smirked.

rolling my eyes, I left before he could see that he'd gotten a laugh out of me. damn my sense of humor.

once on our patio, I took a precautionary look around. no neighbors out. no one but bugs, the odd outside cat and myself.

flapping my wings felt... rusty. I tested a few before letting myself jump off the small balcony. my husband was right, it had been a long time. maybe too long.

within moments, our apartment was below me, and I let myself exhale. this wasn't so hard.

but up in the night air, it's quiet. and my brain is not.

instantly, I was met with a nostalgia of my teenage years. an ache so deep I could taste it. memories played across the stars and I missed people who might not even remember me. my flocks. the oddball groupings I'd found myself in while trying to find a found family.

I'd always thought they'd be forever. that I'd grow old while watching friends faces deepen with age. but life had other plans, it always did. and we went different directions.

I remembered them all so fondly, more strongly here, and let the hurt settle in while I found a lazy speed to float in. soon, it was replaced with gratitude.

losing them to time and distance and adulthood hurt, but I was forever grateful to them and held dear all they'd taught me.

Jamie, who had taught me what a good leader truly looked like. Serenity, who always knew when to laugh. Mya, with her gentleness. Jacob with his zest for life. and always, always, Bella and Izzy. my soul sisters. no matter if theyre story had been a lie or not, our friendship and love had not been.

a few more lazy circles and I found myself back on my patio, looking in at my husband and our cats.

I'd only found them because of the people I loved before. and still loved now. because all those people taught me to see myself, and he helped me love myself.

"more night flights" I promised myself.

WELP

my first self insert maximum ride in LITERAL YEARS.

it's not good. I'm not gonna kid myself. hell, it's not even EDITED.

but it felt nice to return to. and let myself remember the people who were with me on an anciently dead site called "max dan wiz". I still think about them. I still love them. and maybe someday, a night flight will have us bumping into each other again. probably not, but I'll hold out the hope.

this is also my first entry to this blog. I'm not sure how it'll continue. probably lots of little one shots. I hope to improve even. but for now, this was nice.

#maximum ride #max dan wiz #night flight #self insert fan fiction #internet friends #nostalgia #babbling #fanfiction #not good #but who cares?

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finitevoid · 6 months

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Turns put i might not even be able to hetavc because my teacher texted me this morning and was like lesson tomorrow :)? We will see.

Yeah thats right about stefan. Blasé referrals to teenage gun violence…. this is their LIFE. even ike ocassionally hears gunshots in brookline Ok gun violence is just regular to them. Its ok. Stefan can shoot up the school if he wants s. Sorry you cant relate to their lived experience. New lore: stefan shot someone when he was 14 and got away with it and he looks back at this experience fondly

also soren knows hes branded in this he figured it out at like age 13 on tumblr (he knew he was breaking site age rules by gettinga tumblr at 12). nobody really explains why theyre being mean to him they just do it it makes him kind of insane

soren lovessss hetalia yaoi. Almedha caught him drawing portspa yaoi and considered grounding him for the first time. He denies his fudanshi tendencies he will gaslight you about it avrually but do know he likes yaoi. Only toxic yaoi though he doesnt like fluff it makes him unreasonably mad. He doesnt like canon hetalia he only reads darkfics and historical hetalia and has his own detailed versions of the characters that are practically his ocs at that point. This is how he copes unfortunately

Ike is a weeb but for stuff like jjk and naruto. Shounen enjoyer. He and soren watch anime together a lot and surprisingly tend to agree with each on anime related things when they do it together. But they are different creatures on their own

Neither of them are huge on jrpgs because ike finds them boring and where is soren going to get a console. They play smash brawl together on greils (he insists its HIS) wii. Ike has to work and buy his own switch so they can play ultimate. Hes getting there. Greil wont accept money from soren for their switch fund so its all on ike to mow peoples lawns. for greil its about discipline. Ike can get a part time job if he wants but he needs to learn how to hustle. Soren suggests he start selling crack

Okie just let me know. My condolences about the lesso n change

Did stefan kill tje person he shot. Where did he get a gun. is it his parents’? does he bring it to school and hide it in his backpack like ehehe

That’s amazing. is portspa his main pairing. Does he see them as brothers or does he insist it’s not incest. Like he knows it’s toxic thays what he enjoys but is he coping . Does he like any other pairings. Usuk?

does Ike know about sorens yaoi obsession

greil insistijg it’s his wii is so funny actually. Is Ike not allowed to ontain money by traditional means or something. He has to babysit in order to understand labor

soren tries to give money to ike for the switch fund but Ike says no because it would be lying and going against the point of the exercise. Soren says greil is being insane but Ike has that shoujen protagonist look in his eyes and says something about responsibility

#teddie tag

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astrogations · 3 years

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I’m obsessed with this dynamic

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kekisu · 3 years

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it sucks so bad like really enjoying death note but really hating all of its fans except for me and my close friends who also like it

#ritzing #im specifically talking about like lawlight when i say this #lawlight is so important to me i think i wont ever get over it but its like... most of the people who like it are fucking weirdos and it su #it sucks looking up lawlight on here or ao3 and seeing the most disgusting shit UNTAGGED MIND YOU #sure! gay people can fuck! i dont care! awesome! good for them!#but is it too much to ask for content of them just. looking fondly into each others eyes. holding hands. simply kissing #why does everything have to be weird and manipulative and an innuendo #is it too much to ask. just for them to simply be in love in their own beautiful and tragic way. theyre so important #i have a lot more gripes with death note fans outside of lawlight obviously #but since lawlight is the only reason im even still into death note. it. like #i dont know dude im just ranting here #it just grosses me out and upsets me that i cant have more NORMAL people to talk about them with #i hate saying i like lawlight cause people will automatically assume im a freak like no i just really like average enemies to lovers ships!#i just really love how beautifully they fall into place! i love how they mix so well under the horrible circumstances theyre in!#im obsessed with symbolism!!!!!!! thats all

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baroquebucky · 3 years

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comfort

bucky always found comfort in steve, but he’s gone now. who will he turn to for comfort now?

word count: 3.1k

masterlist

a/n: hi bffs !! thank you anon for requesting this <3 just angst and fluff (and endgame steve >:[) !! let me know what you guys think :] (srry for any typos)

“this is bucky!” steve smiled at you happily, you were Steve’s neighbor, always lending him a helping hand when he needed it and giving him emotional support and encouragement that would last him a life time.

“nice to finally meet you! I’ve heard lots ‘bout you” you smiled, sticking your hand out and bucky reluctantly shook it. “why don’t you guys come in for a bit? I’m making some pasta and i put way too much” you grinned, watching as bucky and steve looked at each other, having a whole conversation silently before Steve spoke up again.

“we’d love to” he grinned, pulling bucky inside your apartment with him before you closed the door. Bucky took in your apartment, it was somewhat messy, but it a nice way, a live in sort of way. You had plants all along your windowsill and a basket full on blankets near your couch, books along the shelf with a couple other things and pictures all over the place.

“hope you guys like chicken Alfredo” you smiled, checking the pasta before deciding it was good enough and scooping some out onto three plates

“bucky i have a serious question for you” you spoke as you set the three plates down on the dinner table, smiling at steve as he thanked you.

“oh, okay” bucky mumbled, shifting in his seat and heart racing. You were gonna ask him about his time as the winter soldier weren’t you? You were going to judge him for everything he’d done.

“what animal do you think you can take in a fight?” You spoke seriously, looking at him as you set his plate down.

That’s it? What animal he could fight?

“what?” He asked, confused as to why you were asking him this. Surely this was some test? Maybe it was code for something, if he answered a specific animal then it proved he was a good person.

Steve groaned as you asked the question and you scowled at him, hitting him softly as you passed by him and to the kitchen to get some water for the three on you.

“what animal do you think you could beat if it was just hand to hand combat?” You looked at him, studying his features and quickly taking in the fact that he was in fact the most breathtaking man on earth.

Bucky looked at steve who let out a sigh.

“you should answer now, she asked me that a couple days ago and we talked about it for almost an hour” steve smiled, reminiscing on the way you even made him coffee so he could stay until the end of your discussion.

“uh, i mean, well i guess I’m a super soldier so- i don’t know i don’t wanna fight any of them” he spoke warily, looking at you nervously and watching the way you narrowed your eyes at him before your face softened, breaking into a wide smile and nodding your head proudly.

“James barnes i think you and i are going to get along just fine” you smiled, taking in the way his eyes lit up just a tad at your words.

Steve smiled at the way bucky sat a little straighter, loosening up a bit and warming up to you little by little. He wanted him to have someone to turn to, he wanted him to have you like steve did, someone he knew he could always rely on.

After the whole Blip went down and everything was back to normal bucky found himself lost at times, wandering the streets in seek of comfort. He was left alone in the world with nothing left from his old life.

Steve had only been gone for a couple of days and he already felt horrible. He had no one to turn to, no one to lean on. He was alone.

He tried finding solace in sleep, wishing that his mind would whisk him away to be happy in his dreams. His attempts were fruitless, all he managed to do was toss and turn, his mind racing and never relaxing enough to fully sleep.

The small moments he did manage to sleep he awake in a cold sweat, nightmares plaguing his mind, his memories rushing to him alongside the pain and thoughts that has recently set in after steve left.

Bucky sat on couch of his apartment, it was silent as the sounds of the city were muffled through the walls, rain gently hitting his windows. He so badly wanted to just break down and cry, to have someone tell him everything would be okay, to comfort him and remind him that he wasn’t alone even with steve gone.

Bucky scrolled through his contacts, vision blurred with tears as he searched helplessly for someone he could go to. As he scrolled through his contacts he found you, when had he put it there?

He clicked on your name and sure enough, there was a picture of you smiling brightly with steve, a note written under your contact information.

buck, y/n helped me get through everything, theyre sweet and caring and kind, please talk to them if you ever need anyone i promise you they can help - steve

Bucky let out a shaky breath as he read the note steve had left. When did he even get ahold of his phone? Buckys mind was racing, he wiped his tears and locked his phone. He would be fine, he didn’t need anyone to help him.

As the day progressed bucky felt the pain in his chest growing with each breath, tears threatening to spill out any moment. He was frustrated that the feelings wouldn’t just go away, it was persistent and nagging at him every minute of the day as he tried to push it away.

Maybe if i take a walk it’ll clear my mind, bucky reasoned, throwing on a jacket and heading out, there was only a very light drizzle as he walked aimlessly, trying everything to get his mind off the emptiness he felt in his heart.

Was he not good enough for him to stay? Was everything bucky had done, too much for steve? Why would he leave him so abruptly? After everything he just left him with no hesitation.

Bucky tried to shake away the thoughts but they grew louder and louder, tears stinging at his eyes and he decided he’d had enough.

Bucky stopped in his tracks, taking note of where he was and recalling the path he and steve had taken the first time they visited you, he let his mind wander, knowing there was nothing he could do to stop it.

By the time he reached your apartment he wanted to turn around and leave. Did you even live here still? We’re you even home? It wasn’t a good idea, he should deal with it by himself.

Bucky was about to turn to leave when you opened the door, dressed up with bright red lipstick on. Oh wow you were stunning, bucky thought as he turned around to face you.

“bucky?” You asked, looking at the man before smiling widely, “bucky! oh wow hi!” You grinned, not hesitating to pull him in for a hug and squeezing him tightly. As you pulled away you noticed his red eyes and the frown on his face. Your smile quickly disappeared when you saw the way he tried to hide the tear stains, looking down at his shoes.

“oh james what’s wrong?” You spoke softly, grabbing his wrist gently and pulling him into your apartment, he looked up quickly. It was still the same, it was just as homey as he remembered it.

You led him to the couch, quickly bringing over the basket of blankets and letting him choose whichever one he wanted, smiling as he picked the fuzziest of them all.

“good choice” you softly spoke, grabbing a blanket for yourself and setting it on the couch next to him.

“do you want anything to drink, i have coffee, hot chocolate, water and maybe some apple juice” you smile fondly at the man on your couch and he thought for a second before replying.

“can- do you think i can have a hot chocolate” he spoke softly, “please” the tone of his voice made your heart clench and you wanted to just hold him, but you knew he didn’t need that just yet, so you just nodded and made his hot chocolate as fast as you could, adding whipped cream and marshmallows and placing it on the table in front of him.

“added extra whipped cream for you” you smiled, slipping your heels off and grabbing your phone, “I’m gonna get changed and I’ll be back out in a second, make yourself at home buck” your smile was warm and sincere and he already found the emptiness fading.

“i have to cancel today I’m really sorry” bucky heard, his super hearing picking up on the conversation you were having. “something came up” your voice was calm. “no i cant just ignore it” your tone shifted, leaning towards annoyance as you continued.

“excuse me for caring about someone other than myself!” You spoke dryly, changing out of your dress and into some sweats and an oversized t shirt. “you know what i think, i think it would be better if you deleted my number and forgot about me actually! i think that’d be great” your voice was cold as you hung up, letting out a sigh before smiling slightly, thank god you didn’t have go through with that date.

As you walked out you noticed bucky getting up, heading towards the door.

“leaving so soon? you barely touched your hot chocolate” you frowned, your voice making bucky turn to look at you, his words died on his tongue when he noticed you were changed.

“you have a date” was all he said and you smiled, shaking your head and pulling him back to the couch with you.

“had” you corrected him, “cancelled on ‘em, didn’t really wanna go” you scrunched your face up as you spoke, sipping some of your hot chocolate before looking at bucky softly.

“got better things to do” you stated, watching the way he slowly warmed up to you, moving his body to face you.

“like what?” He whispered, looking down at the blanket in his lap as he let it lightly.

“like make my bestest friend in the whole world feel better” you answered, not missing a beat as you spoke, looking at him.

Bucky swore his heart was going to beat out of his chest. Never in a million years did he think someone he met a total of three times not so long ago could bring him so much warmth, so much comfort. He didn’t bother hiding the blush on his face, he knew you wouldn’t tease him about it, you were more focused on making him feel better.

“what’s eating at you buck?” You prodded him gently, watching his body language closely for any signs of discomfort. He looked at you before focusing on his hot chocolate, picking it up and taking a small sip.

“good hot chocolate” he mumbled, taking another sip and you smiled, nodding your head silently. Bucky set the mug down again, fiddling with his fingers in his lap. “it’s just-” he began, cutting himself off before he could continue.

“he didn’t say goodbye to you, did he?” His eyes were whirlpools of emotions. You gave him a sad smile, shaking your head.

“no, not really” you spoke, “he kind of hinted at what he was gonna do y’know? didn’t wanna say it out loud so we kind of, i guess just didn’t wanna say it” you mumbled, “made it too real” you smiled at him again, not wanting to make his mood any worse.

“don’t you- how are you so okay with it? I mean it’s just- don’t you feel like if you did more he wouldn’t have left?” Bucky asked, desperation in his eyes.

Everything clicked in your mind instantly. Your stomach fell and your heart broke in your chest, Bucky’s sad eyes and slumped shoulders told you everything you had to know. The way he couldn’t even keep eye contact with you for longer than three seconds, how he fumbled with something when he spoke. You wiped the frown of your face before giving him a reassuring smile, scooting closer to him.

“sometimes i do” you nodded, picking at some fuzz on your blanket, “i do find myself wondering if i had given him different advice throughout the time i knew him if he would’ve made a different choice” you spoke softly, bucky looked at you, watching the way your lips poured slightly.

“I’ll think ‘maybe if i had asked him to stay for dinner one more time’ or if i made him more hot chocolate” you chuckled softly, bucky smiled at your words, sadness filling his chest as he realized how hurt you must be.

“you shouldn’t blame yourself y/n, you did your best” he whispered, clearing his throat before continuing, “i mean you brought him so much comfort and helped him through so much, in the end it was his choice and that’s not on you” he finished, hands shaking slightly. Bucky was silent as you nodded.

“listen to yourself buck” you smiled, placing a hand on his, “it’s not your fault, you did your best, you meant so much to him and you always will” you assured him, squeezing his hand in yours. Bucky was quiet as you gave him soft smiles.

“I didn’t mean me-” he began but you shook your head.

“you were his best friend for his whole life, he talked about you all the time, spent years looking for you to get you back” bucky let out a shaky breath. “You were good enough, you are good enough james.”

The firmness in your voice made bucky look up, your eyes were set and serious. Bucky tried to find any trace of lies, but your words were sincere and settled in his bones like a warm fireplace.

“it’s just- i wish-” his voice cracked and his bottom lip quivered, tears stinging his eyes. He was embarrassed, moving to wipe his tear quickly.

You beat him to it, your hand caressing his cheek and softly wiping away at the tears. You moved you hand to the back of his neck and softly pulled him into you, shaking your arms around him as best you could.

Bucky cried into your shoulder, mumbling incoherent sentences as sobs racked his body. You help him tightly, rubbing his back soothingly and whispering to him it would be okay.

“you’re okay, i got you” you whispered, “I’m here let it out sweets, it’s okay.”

Bucky knew he should feel embarrassed for crying like this, in front of you, someone he barely knew. Your words were too comforting to let him and your presence far too warm to even let him consider leaving you at this moment in time.

You didn’t mind one bit that bucky was crying into your favorite t shirt, you held him tighter, giving him all the time he needed to calm down.

By the time Bucky’s cries had softened to soft hiccups he pulled away from you, eyes red and cheeks tear stained. His nose was pink and he sniffled softly, using the back of his hands to run his eyes.

You silently handed him some tissues, softly letting him know where the bathroom is. He smiled at you softly, getting up from the couch and heading to your restroom. You sat in silence as you waited for bucky to come back, sighing softly to yourself. You closed your eyes for a second, blinking away a couple tears and getting snacks from your pantry, putting on your comfort show and switching to the pilot episode.

Bucky washed his face with cold water, smiling at the fact that your bathroom smelled like eucalyptus. His dried his face and washed his hands, letting out a shaky sigh before looking at himself in the mirror, frowning at how broken he looked. He tore his gaze away and turned off the lights, walking out and seeing you sitting on the couch cross legged.

You smiled up at bucky, patting the seat next to you and moving so he could sit. The couch dipped a little as he sat down, grabbing the blanket and bundling it in his lap.

“when I’m upset i watch this show, it always cheers me up” you spoke to him gently, “that is if you aren’t leaving, i don’t wanna hold you hostage or anything” you chuckled and bucky smiled at you, laughing softly.

“no i- do you think i can stay a bit longer?” He asked and you nodded, linking your arms together and pulling each other closer.

“you can stay for however long you want” bucky felt his heart grow in his chest, how could you be so warm and welcoming to him? He didn’t question it for long though, your dazzling smile and sparkling eyes cleared his mind.

“ready?” You smiled and he nodded, watching as you hurried to press play, adjusting the volume and grinning as the show began.

Bucky couldn’t help but steal glances at you, smiling at how you mouthed the lines, offering him snacks if he hadn’t touched them in a while, constantly making sure he was okay.

Relaxation. He finally felt relaxed, his jaw was unclenched and his brows were furrowed, he had a small smile on his face. His muscles were relaxed as the showed played on your tv, your body heat radiating onto Buckys side.

You looked up to comment on something in the show but quickly stopped when you realized bucky had fallen asleep. His eyes were closed and he just looked so soft.

You smiled as you looked at him, moving some pillows quietly so you wouldn’t wake him. You helped him lay down and set the blanket on top of him, telling him to go back to sleep when he stirred slightly. For the first time since steve had left Buckys slept peacefully. He found comfort and assurance with you.

Steve was always looking out for bucky, always saying that he had to pay him back for all those fights bucky saved him from in the 40’s. Steve helped him get out of hydra, helped him get his mind back.

Bucky smiled at you as you pet alpine in your lap, dozing off as you struggled to stay awake before finally giving into sleep. He picked you up swiftly, tucking you into bed like you had done with him nearly a year ago. He kissed your forehead gently before sliding into bed next to you, falling asleep quickly with you by his side.

Now even after he was gone, he was helping him heal. And for that, he was forever grateful.

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes blurb #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes drabble #bucky barnes headcanon #bucky barnes one shot #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky x reader #bucky fanfic #bucky x female reader #bucky x you #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes fanfiction

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actualbird · 3 years

Note

Oh god!

I really love the poly headcanons they are so sweet.... (or don't but that's part of it and i think the tot boys+MC deserve all the love the world has to give).

But, liking it or not, our 4 beloved boys are kinda complicated (that's what makes them perfect). Plus I never thought about how people get in poly relationships. So i was thinking, how do you think they all get into a polyrelationship together?

(I really have no idea of how that would happen)

hi, two anons!! im glad you guys liked my nxx team polycule stuff!! i'll answer these in one go, my "headcanon" (in quotes because i think this kinda turned into a character analysis/minific of sorts HAHA) being what first anon asked, How They Get Together.

heads up, wc of this is 1.9k words long so buckle up for a bit of a read jfsjdfkjbf

because first anon, youre right!!! the boys are stupendously complicated which i love so so much but canon has also shown us clearly that each of the boys' quirks and habits and tendencies causes a lot of (mostly played for laughs) friction. the bickering, the backhanded insults, the "im the best one here" preening contests. theyre all SOOOO RIDICULOUS and it is hilarious but yep! the boys r complex!! and that means this beautiful ship, imo, has a lot of phases to get to the actual romantic relationship bit.

how they get together, in my opinion, starts because of mc.

not in the sense that she matchmakes them all, but like.

phase 1 of the nxx team polycule is this:

through being in love with her (which we all know the boys 100% are), each of the boys come to terms with their own flaws and weaknesses. it's very apparent to me in all the story thus far that these boys are flawed as hell, it's very compelling but even more compelling to me is how all of them also do intense mental gymnastics to Not Confront Those Flaws. like, marius is a dickbag always teasing and toeing the line of insincerity, vyn is a controlling mf who always tries to sway situations to his benefit, artem is so repressed to the point that he has genuine trouble with emotions, luke is a self sacrificial bastard and also a huge hypocrite about how no, actually, hes the only one that should be hiding his pain and being dishonest, no dishonesty from other people!! in the beginning of the story, all the boys have their flaws and seem to have just kinda...not addressed how those flaws are harming them and the people around them.

and then mc rolls around and they all fall in love with her. and she sees those flaws and she doesnt let them slide. she challenges the boys in her own ways to see another side of the situation, to acknowledge what theyre doing. she doesnt want to get rid of flaws, thats impossible and also not cool. she just has this beautiful hope for like, all of humanity, that goodness can prevail with the right work. so when she sees her beloved nxx boys, she believes that for them as well.

which leads to phase 2 of the nxx team polycule:

the boys, more aware of themselves, become more aware of each other.

they werent Unaware of the others of course. it's just that they didnt like...truly connect on a personal level just yet. they saw the other teammembers with their emotional armor and flaws and saw a wall that wasnt worth looking past.

but after mc makes them realize that hey, flaws arent the end of the world actually, it's alright and the person behind them may just be worth it, the boys like. end up understanding the others. A LOT OF THIS BIT IS UNINTENTIONAL, ON THEIR PARTS KJDSBFS. like they stumble into understanding each other by accident, they didnt plan it, but over the course of nxx investigations, it's inevitable that they end up seeing the depths of the others. i delve into this a little bit in my fanfic "filler eps of the lost gold" where the boys are just going thru their actions and then trip over another boy's fears or desires and through that, gain a deeper understanding mutually.

and with understanding, sometimes, comes trust.

phase 3 of the nxx team polycule goes like this:

everybody in this team, whether they like it or not, whether they know it or not, has a heart that wants to give love so desperately.

marius lives in a world full of snakes so he cant have his heart on his sleeve for his own protection. vyn wants to be seen as perfect and the heart is inherently messy so he holds it back. artem for a very very long time was focused on work and success and achievement that he neglected his heart. and luke has been giving love all his life in a sense but in a way thats hidden.

all these tendencies that are brought upon their life circumstances results in this: they want to love honestly but they havent been able to do this

until mc. and all of them want to push back whatever fears or patterns their life has instilled in them because they see her and see somebody so unwaveringly good that all their hearts begin giving love to her to make her happy and to make themselves happy as well.

but heres the thing. the boys dont just see mc. by this point, they have connected and understood and come to trust each other as well, and the consequence of that is that They Can See Each Other Now Too, Truly.

and heres the thing. all of the boys are unwaveringly good as well.

one by one, each of the boys realize that what they feel for the other boys in the team starts to...change. yeah theyre all friends, they pick on each other a lot of the time, but the bedrock of the relationship is solid and strong now. but when marius is with luke, marius sees a light inside of luke so bright that he seems unaware that he gives off. when artem is with vyn, artem sees a goodness inside of vyn that hesitates to make itself obvious and known because vyn is scared of getting hurt thanks to it. all of them see the other and their goodness and, unbidden, their hearts want to give love to each other as well.

and because theyre all a bit stupid in their own way theyre like, huh, weird! wonder why this feeling is so familiar! and yet i cant seem to name it...and then they all independently compare these feeling with the feelings they have for mc, a feeling they do know the name of, and theyre like.

WAIT.

THESE FEELINGS ARE...VERY BASICALLY EXACTLY WHAT I FEEL FOR MC.

which only means one thing: theyve fallen in love with everybody else

marius: //goes to his studio to Think and sees that a bunch of his recent art actually had little crumbs of these feelings already, etched into the brushstrokes and scenes. has an emotional crisis about it

vyn: //records a 1 hour long entry in his audio diary to examine and gain control of his feelings but by the end of the hour all he knows is that he wants to hold these people and be held by them

artem: //quite literally just bluescreens, artem.exe has stopped working, sits at his study and slowly, slowly, thunks his head down onto his desk, valiantly trying to ignore the fast pulse of his heart

luke: //manically vents about it to peanut who, by virtue of being a bird, doesnt get it. just keeps talking at peanut to get a grasp of it all and then lies down on the floor, overwhelmed

mc, sitting in her apartment watching some netflix: ...why do i inexplicably feel as if something very, very important has just happened?

phase 4 of the nxx team polycule is basically:

pining: extreme difficulty level

because pining is already hard when ur pining for one person. what more for an additional 3 more people. and those additional 3 more people are pining back.

and all these boys are SOOOO OBVIOUS with their romantic feelings, in their own special way. the way they show their affection to mc starts to bleed into their interactions with the others and everybody can CLEARLY SEE WHAT IS GOING ON, LOL, but also all the boys are too chickenshit to confront it, because if they confront it, what will even happen??? being in love with each other, all of them, thats going to be such a complicated fucking relationship, holy shit. it's 2030, yeah, being a polyamorous group relationship isnt completely unheard of, but sue them, theyre scared.

but mc (who i forgot to mention already knows of the boys' romantic feelings for her, shes just hasnt made a move yet on any of them because SHES IN LOVE WITH ALL OF THEM AS WELL and shes been trying to figure out how the hell to make that work, she cant bear to choose just one of them, she'd be heartbroken over leaving the rest of them behind) sees that the nxx investigation team is now all pining for each other FULLY and she kinda wants to laugh when she realizes whats going on because like, what are the chances? that this would happen? that they all found each other and their feelings fell into just the right place for nobody to be left behind?

theyre all scared, she can tell. and she is as well, she wont lie.

but shes always had a belief that goodness can prevail with the right work.

and love is one of the greatest goods out there.

phase 5 of the nxx team polycule:

It's Time For Communication, Baby!!!!!

the exact scenes of how this happens is a bit vague to me. it could go two ways: mc going to each of the boys independently to talk about feelings, hers about everybodys and his about everybodys as well. OR they have a fucking meeting about it all together and artem literally schedules it in his google calendar, or something.

either way, they like, actually talk about this. starts casual, maybe over a chill date, maybe over dinner at a nice restaurant, maybe over a walk in the park as the sun is starting to set. but where ever it happens, the end result is the same: a heart is laid out bare and it is taken in gentle, grateful hands.

marius: OKAY, NOW THAT THE FEELINGS ARE OUT OF THE WAY, CAN I PLEASE KISS ONE OR ALL OF YOU, PLEASE, IVE BEEN WANTING TO KISS U GUYS FOR FOREVER

vyn, laughing fondly: has anybody ever told you patience is a virtue? we quite literally just talked it all out.

marius: //needy whining noises

artem, embarrassed: ive...never kissed anybody before

luke, embarrassed but trying to play it Cool: ....same here

mc: kissing is great, you two will love it!

marius: awesome, awesome, so is ANYBODY going to give me a go ahead or WHAT????

phase 6 of the nxx team polycule:

i dont want to say it's happily ever after, once they all get together. thats not really realistic.

they all have their quirks and tendencies and habits. and those will inevitable clash against each other. theyll have their arguments, theyll get upset, theyll sulk and be angry, sometimes. but also...

theyll see each other smile and feel like their love shining so brightly. theyll reach out for another's hand and be held in such a way that makes them think that their heart is in a safe place. theyll love each other and theyll put in the work to continue loving each other. because goodness will prevail.

and they all see each other as the most good people in the world.

so whatever happens, theyll get through it together.

#tears of themis #vyn richter #marius von hagen #tears of themis rosa #artem wing

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95zintheirownworld · 3 years

Text

Taehyung’s Jimin Smile

taehyung has a special jimin smile. i know it, you know it, im pretty sure jimin knows it too.

look at him collecting his special smile in the middle of a performance. and tae trying to stifle it. they’re SO CUTE

this next gif....taehyung.....

no cuz jimin is his BABY...look at his smile

his smile when he saw jimin sneeze...he Adores him...

just vmin exchanging GLANCES brings forth the jimin smile.

on that note. welcome to a small compilation of tae’s jimin smile bcuz im at my wit’s end with vmin they adore each other so much it gives me diabetes

let me start with my fav one cuz tae’s face is hidden by the mask and yet you can See the fondness. and jimin was just. standing there. why

jimin: is mad at tae

tae: *jiminie smile* *heart eyes*

jimin: dancing

tae: *biggest jiminie smile* *heart eyes*

no this was funnier cuz the cameraman actually Zoomed In to tae’s expression. like damn

jimin is just Existing

ok so maybe the next one is explainable. tae’s jimin smile at jimin proposing(?)

all smiles while playing their soulmate song and not being able to win stone paper scissors

their little bubble :(

HES SO FOND OF JIMIN. but also how are the next two pics nearly the exact same ;-;

look at this picture of domesticity

jimin: accidentally loses a point in the game

tae:

no words, no words

this slightly guilty jimin smile of his after the biggest soulmate betrayal in the history of all betrayals? yea no wonder jimin forgave him in five minutes

vmin: bump their heads Really painfully

tae:

tae comforting jimin at the concert :(

you guys jimin was just sitting there having fun and tae spent a Solid thirty seconds just smiling watching him. tae.....my Dude......

next one has no words. why

fetus tae with the jimin smile :(

vmin: Losing at the game rather terribly (as they always do when teamed up)

tae at jimin: heart eyes

the next one...he made a joke Specifically to make jimin laugh...look at Both their smiles....

jimin: giving an interview, being himself

tae:

i dont have Any explanation for the next one.

jimin: exists

tae: let me wrap my arm around you and smile Most fondly

do they know they’re in the middle of a Crowd

bst era tae.....yea enough said...

college bfs? college bfs

TAE IS SO FOND

JUST. THE FONDEST.

tae’s shy jimin smile. what were they even doing here, this was a group photoshoot

he’s so truly happy with jimin u guys

jimin shielding tae from the sun while tae smiles like that. ok

why cant they both just play basketball normally. what is It with the hearteyes and softness

all the time.

never changing

he just. Mentioned jimin. and there’s that smile again

yoongi: poking fun at jimin

tae: jiminie smile

never has anyone been this endeared just taking pictures.

THEIR SMILES IM SO

jimin: scolding tae. telling him not to laugh at him

tae: heart eyes jiminie smile

serenading jiminie with the jiminie smile

tae :((( jimin is just giving an award acceptance speech :(( come ON

vmin: competing against each other

tae: ok jiminie i will let you see everything ive collected *heart eyes

roleplaying with the jiminie smile

bring back the mandakko lives so we can have more heart eyes and fond smiles i beg

just. fondness and love and hearteyes.

“jimin and i don’t fight anymore.” WITH THAT SMILE

they’re literally seated at Opposite Ends and yet

theyre so cute

in another episode of jimin mad at tae and tae being super fond

tae’s jimin smile and jimins fondness together is the only way to end this compilation right.

95z is love <3

#vmin #taehyungs jimin smile

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20cm · 2 years

Text

long letter (varying degrees of vulnerability and embarrassment) to someone(s), but probably mostly to myself, because ive felt absent and like a ghost for so long im not even sure where i should start

the concept of writing this feels incredibly silly for many reasons, including but not limited to the fact that ive already started it twice and felt dumb about how im wording everything. its not a unique experience and i find comfort in knowing that theres connection in how people feel emotions. but im also aware that if i never actually talk about it frankly without deflection or downplaying it that no ones going to know. and maybe some of you dont need to know, or dont want to.

you can stop reading this if you want then, genuinely this is selfishly for me needing to feel understood, because right now im not even sure i understand. this is just my little blog with people who follow me who dont know me, and those who do know me.

this letter is for the latter because im not sure how to say it to individuals and make it sound real, and sincere, and like im not just making up excuses for things maybe no one is looking for explanations for in the first place. but i feel each gap of time without saying Something to someone like a deep personal failure. like its my failure that a gap cannot be bridged because someone reached out and the shell of the person theyre talking to doesnt reach back. i struggle with feeling real, i dont blame anyone for leaving the ball in my court, im just sorry that its still sitting there. its not your fault

im sorry for being gone. both physically (digitally?) and mentally...im probably going to continue to be gone a lot. these periods of mental absence come and go but fact of the matter is that theyre becoming more frequent, or maybe just lasting longer

theyre hard to. work around. get over. which sounds like an excuse but im incapable of giving them at this point. its laughable how much im aware that maybe i dont owe the internet my time, but all my friends are online now, and its become increasingly hard to come to terms with how to balance where this intersects

i dont know how to feel healthily removed when the life i live outside my silly little phone+computer is painfully limited by a hundred factors, most of which i do not control, and the loneliness is suffocating

im also unsure how to not feel like im a whining child about all this. or how to not downplay my own feelings when i wouldn't dream of downplaying anothers, because im aware theres worse issues and also that its ok to struggle.

the feeling like ive failed every friend ive ever made haunts me like nothing else and its something im reminded of daily

knowing that one of the base responsibilities in a relationship with any human being is being present, but i have long periods of time where i cannot do that feels like a base failure at the most deep level. i cant and don't expect people to wait around forever. i will go months without being able to hold any real conversation with someone. i just dont want anyone to ever feel less cared for because of it, i think of everyone fondly

i think its also funny that logically i know friendships and acquaintances dont always last forever and that's okay. people are in each others lives for the times they need them and can keep each other. and you can always come back together if its wanted, but sometimes theres a lifespan and its fleeting, and you need to be okay with leaving people behind, and being left behind yourself

i think im just always used to my friendships having timers on them. when friendships last longer than a year those people become like extensions of my heart. i want everyone im friends with even for short times to feel warm and loved, because i know that life finds ways to bring people together and apart when it whims

i think im used to living like im on a timer in general. i dont expect things to last. im never under any assumption something will stay static. life is change. change is guaranteed. change isn't something to be afraid of

but it does scare me. intensely. i know that sometimes i let things go because the fight feels pointless. i know thats not always conducive to keeping relationships itself. i try anyway. im not sure it matters, but i want people to know that i Try. i feel that tug to Keep and Try so intensely

the problem is when i dont feel real, its hard to try. its hard to feel permanent. its hard to feel like anything matters. i get so used to floating as a defense mechanism that ive somewhat lost the ability to hold onto anything. everything feels like its running through my fingers. i tell myself itll all work out eventually

and it sometimes does. i have many lovely people in my life that are patient with me, and care in their own ways, and it makes me feel incredibly grateful and incredibly unworthy. everyone whos ever been patient with me when i disappear on and off for a few months deserves far better than i can give. im aware its not always about giving, but i feel like that by failing one of the core tenets of Being There most of the time im already asking for too much. i just hope that being there when i can is enough.

its harder to feel like any of these fears and issues are worth talking about when theyve plagued me for years. when ive tried to work on and patch the shortcomings and be Better for those i care about when it feels like i keep getting damaged in ways that set me back and make it harder to get back up

its hard to constantly explain myself as just going "through it" again. another week, month, couple months. especially when i know i could blame a lot of it on the last 2 years but that doesnt feel fair anymore. i know it's also my fault

so im sorry. genuinely and wholeheartedly. i know that i hurt people when im not present, when i stop answering and im barely there. i know its potentially uncomfortable for others. or who just worry. im also aware that theres people who probably havent given this a second thought, because theres also a possibility im making Up people who are mad at me out of my own self-loathing. i have no idea, because i know its also incredibly selfish to think im more than a passing thought when someone sees my name in a contacts list or online, but thats very unfortunately not how the brain works huh. im covering my bases at least

i want people to know im trying, that i care deeply, that im sorry, deeper. its hard to give proof of this. its also time i feel silly for having typed 38 paragraphs to post online like im doing a one on one therapy session with my little keyboard. its cathartic to say it out loud though. i spend too much time trying to be quiet. it feels like a waste if everyones time to put words to an experience that is not new to me over and over.

i am not always a perfect friend despite wanting to be desperately. i cant be there sometimes, and its funny (how many times will i say this) that once again im aware that theres no such thing. and trying is all anyone asks, and people will have plenty of friends who serve different social needs they have

absolutely mental to me that it Somehow feels life or death though. it feels ... dramatic to be so worked up about it, for years and years. or why Right Now is the breaking point in which i voice my very dramatic little fears

i dont know anymore, frankly. im trying to be real. im trying to be present. trying to remember what it feels like to feel looser and happier, instead of tightly wound and stuffed with cotton

i have post traumatic stress disorder, the months of september through february are already incredibly difficult for me. the month of march felt like i got my hopes up for nothing and the month of april feels like trying to come up for air

i feel guilty, lonely, and incredibly pathetic. its sad in hindsight and looking inward im aware its not all my fault, and its also not permanent

change is, as always, the only guarantee in life

but it means for the last half a year ive felt incredibly.....inhuman. a shell of someone. i don't know how to explain this to others without it feeling like an excuse. i dont want others to feel burdened by knowing they might have to sacrifice any comfort by being friends with me. its their choice to, its not like there's a single person on earth that doesnt come with baggage, but i feel guilty nonetheless. its hard to get over that sometimes. it used to be easier. it'll get easier again

i don't know what the point of this was. in genuinely do not expect anyone to have read any of this, im posting it and putting it into the wind.

but it felt like i needed to out it somewhere, remind myself that i always try. late last month i felt like giving up for the first time in a long while. needed to remind myself that i try. thats who i am. i keep moving. change is guaranteed. nothing is static, for better or worse

i am more than my illnesses and disabilities and i am worth patience and care, etcetera. if anyone needs me ill be trying to deal with my manic episode and little hallucinations

sorry if i disappear again. thank you for reading if you did. maybe writing this means ill feel better soon

#i call this one. bipolar maybe ft. ptsd its a banger #uhm. tl;dr if you dont want to read this is i have self-worth issues and insecurities about personal relationships #that i thought i long dealt with years ago but have cropped up because of my relapse . so. hi #im alive and fine etc etc. this is like. long as hell #you genuinely do not need to read this if its too heavy . i needed to get it off my chest. i dont know how much i like the idea of a like #a reminder of these feelings tho so i might delete it when i get the immense regret of putting something so deeply personal online #but don't worry if i get rid of it im just like. on day 3 of an episode

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bluewinnerangel · 2 years

Note

Hi, how are you? I love H and L so much, so this question it’s not meant to throw hate or anything like that. Under which circumstances do you think Daisy posted that picture? Are they still obligated by contract to do some damage control EVERY TIME something big (both in the same city) happends? I can’t find any other explanation but it just seems odd to me given the fact that they ended things with syco and modest a while ago. Sometimes i think there’s still some abusive contract going on and they need to fight legally in order to end it and then being able to come out. If it’s not that maybe i just have to assume that they are doing this shit becouse they willingly want to keep this narrative and that doesn’t seem about right. Finally, I just wanted to tell how much it breaks my heart that the family is that involved. I know is PR 101 but man, to lie to people like that, is sick.

....yk what it's one of those discourse days let's go.

Cut because we don't like it here:

Listen, anything I will say about contracts will be pulled right out of my ass. Same goes for everything surrounding this, same goes for everyone else saying shit surrounding any of this. That said, I think "damage control" is rarely applicable anymore. That idea comes from 1D times where one hella gay hella larry thing would be followed up by some look at him being into women over here! almost immediately after.

This is probably yet another hot take but I think currently, "larry" is such a phenomenon that it doesn't actually matter how much theyre "larrying" or that they're in the same city or whatever, damage control isn't a thing anymore. Not for rumors regarding their relationship at least. Even if they get what we consider hella fucking loud, it's just drowned out by the thick fog of it being a conspiracy theory, and that's in part by the massive smoke of idiotic theories being presented as facts over on other platforms (we got some crazy shit over here [hi] but at least we're not coating it in some sOmEtHiNgS gOnNa HaPpEn how-do-i-get-max-clout-from-this screaming or whatever the fuck is going on most days). In other words I think in a sense, Louis and Harry (yes I'm so so sidetracking) are able to be this loud and be this idiotic with their larrying when they want to be because they can hide behind the dumb theories and just wildfires of misinformation across platforms, not. to. mention. if you somehow as innocent who-tf-is-larry-person get exposed to larry now and you look it up you first hit a it's-a-conspiracy wall, then you run into a wholeass bunch of harry-and-louis-are-uncomfortable-and-have-denied-it barbwire and then you fall into the neon-green grass oh wait its actually toxic waste of "larry proof november 2021 louis at harry's concert confirmed!!!" youtube hell, like, even if they start literally just talking fondly about each other excessively or if even if louis would actually go to harry's concert out in the open or really anything substantial enough to hit the media, even then, there's no need for damage control, because the way the concept of larry has become a phenomenon by now, none of it matters anymore? Like if they get spotted together for real, the media will just be "larry shippers are celebrating, but here are all the links to articles on why its a conspiracy theory and H&L hate it actually here's the most recent holivia sighting look you can buy her shirt here" and that's the "damage control". So no, I don't think it's damage control for anything. I do think they do some deliberate look at me I'm over here! Location dropping kinda content giving all the time, in the sense that the second they're away from each other they will go seeeee I'm not there but that's about it.

...OKAY THATS A LOT OF TEXT FOR NOT ANSWERING YOUR QUESTIONS.

About contracts, yeah probably they're stuck in longer lasting bullshit than we think, and theres a bunch of horrifying examples of artists getting absolutely the fucked over by their contracts and the way they all, all of 1D isn't talking to this day vs the amount of we should talk bro in all of their lyrics yeah they're most likely caught in some serious shit there but speculating about that in detail isn't for me. I just don't understand that world well enough to go there. But in general I don't think managers, PR teams, labels, whoever the fuck involved, are like "you have to post this pic now", "you're not allowed to interact with that person", "you can't say this", "you will do that", like in a literal sense. I think public figures are advised to go in a certain direction with things, and they're heavily warned about possible backlashes and effects their actions will have. Aka they're manipulated and made to believe things to the point where they're doing what they think is best for them even if it's stuff like this. And that they've been in the circus long enough by now to know how it runs, that by maybe by now they're doing some of on their own accord, maybe because that satisfies the most people and they'll get off their backs, maybe because they've experienced first hand what happens when they don't listen to said "advice" (I really really do think thats the case rip), maybe its the lesser of two evils, maybe it's part of a long term plan: maybe they're convinced it's for the best. And maybe it is, you know? Maybe they're that far in(to a narrative), this is actually good. Maybe seeing F and having a bunch of pics/vids with him now is the best option. Maybe slowly dropping these pics like this in the long run will help, maybe because he's ending it and this way they'll have pics to go with the news. I think the day they were seen in the arcade (August 3/4) matches the way he looks in the pic of today (November 22), although it's a different death-and-despair t-shirt, it's both slick back long hair under a cap and clean shaven, a wombocombo that narrows down to when this was taken pretty much to.. well.. then. I think is he did go see F this summer, took a wholeass bunch of pics and videos of them together, and that that footage will slowly start dropping in places that can easily be found and used in any media. I don't think that arcade video was for anyone. And I don't think this insta story is to be used in any media either. I think there will be more coming, maybe instagram posts by other family members, so that there's stuff that can be used once it's relevant. Or it has a purpose, at least.

As for Ls (and H for that matter)s family participating in stunts, I think it's, nice, in a way, so he doesn't have to. That is assuming this narrative still needs to be fed for a purpose that will ultimately benefit him. But I also think what his sisters are seeing in terms of... the influence they're having, the response they are getting, I mean the (small, I hope) percentage of fans that is fan of Louis' whole family as if they're the Kardashians rather than just Louis, are also the fans that believe in F being his kiddo and the ones following tomlinson family fan accounts and those accounts all include F. I think for them, the line's already crossed, the damage is already done, to the public F is part of their family and so what they post will fit that. They just post what they think their audience will want to see. And now that they got a pic of them together, they'll use it like it's nothing, because it makes no difference anymore. This is just it, its what they stuck to since the beginning and it's what they will keep sticking to. I doubt they'll know what Louis is planning if he is up to something, and I doubt they'll protest and be like "are you really ok with this, whats going on?" when presented with the opportunity to go off about the F narrative knowing how much traffic that will get them, you know?

Basically we don't know anything, but I'm sure there are more factors at play we can even imagine. I think jumping to any they want this conclusion because we don't get it is.. too easy. And quite a shortcut to building up resentment towards him/them. I'm just gonna sit back, wait for LT2, figure of what T-shirt he's wearing or some shit in the meantime.

#stunts #discourse

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nextstopparis · 3 years

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We’re all sleeping on the Percival and Elyan shipping potential lol

ok anon i know you sent this a few days ago and i know that im very late and idk if you'll see this but i hope you do BUT. i just want you to know. the second i saw this i screamed out YES so fucking loudly. so fucking loudly.

I ABSOLUTELY ADORE PERCIVAL/ELYAN!!!!! THEY'RE ONE OF MY FAVOURITE SHIPS!!!!!! like god. their interactions were just SO GOOD. like they were so sweet but also definitely had that Banter(TM) aspect to them that i am absolutely obsessed with in ships. not to mention,,, HEIGHT!!! DIFFERENCE!!!!! THEIR HEIGHT DIFFERENCE!!!!!

JUST. WHEN THEY RESCUED THOSE KIDS TOGETHER? THE PEAK OTPISM OF IT ALL!!!!

LOOK AT THIS!!!!!!!!! look at them smiling at each other they are IN LOVE!!!!!!! LOOK AT THE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE!!!! oh my god you literally don't even know i love that second picture so fucking much it makes me so soft. and the fact that they're this soft bUT ITS STILL BANTER?? "couldn't let you have all the glory, could i?" ????????? i just. i really fucking love them, okay?

another favourite of mine. you know what they say, boyfriends who judge people together stay together<3 as they fucking should.

they are DISGUSTING!!! JUST LOOK AT THEM!!! they are in PUBLIC!!! THEYRE FACING HAVING TO FIGHT A LITERAL WAR IN A DAY OR TWO. AND THEY'RE JUST so in love. smiling so fondly at each other. oh my god. you know what. good for them. GOOD FOR THEM!!! sitting around the fire just seems to be Their Thing, you know? (i say after two scenes of them around the fire together bUT STILL)

AND JUST...... THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AS WELL AS THIS -

LIKE!!!!!! this is also one of my favourite moments because it's just so TENDER and intimate, you know. like the way they grab arms but then percival also grabs elyan's shoulder just to hold onto him. the way elyan makes a joke to like lighten the mood because they KNOW everything's going to be okay now. the way percival laughs and its equal parts relieved and fond and such an obvious i missed you. im LOSING. MY MIND.

anyway, best ship<3 i dont take criticism

#anon i absolutely adore you for this ask thank you #YOU HAVE THE ABSOLUTE BEST TASTE #i just love them a lot:(#bbc merlin #percelyan #i think thats the ship name????#or #perelyan #ask

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all-hail-the-witcher · 3 years

Text

rest well my songbird

its @softdarlingjaskier‘s birthday!!! and i have some soft eskier for him!!! a little birdie kings of the bog told me that you like jaskier getting his hands massaged so...without further ado...

ship: eskier :) (eskel x jaskier)

warnings: jaskier overworks his hands and eskel takes care of them. lamberts an ass for 1 second in true lambert fashion

words: 1.6k

editing: ye

genre: somfte

Jaskier flexed his hands and winced as he put down his lute. Winters offered him more down time than on the road, so he could spend the winter months composing to his heart's content, working on the longer ballads that he often neglected while tagging along on the Path.

The only problem with composing and songwriting non stop was that it made his hands ache terribly.

Between plucking at his lute and gripping his quill, his hands would usually start to protest a month or so into winter. But, as all good songwriters did, he pushed through the pain, willing to continue composing no matter what. He had a reputation to uphold and Witchers to help, after all. He couldn't afford to slack off.

Eskel did not share his views.

Well, neither did Vesemir, Geralt, Lambert and Aiden, but Eskel was the most vocal about it, often plucking the quill or lute from his hands after so many hours and demanding that he rest. Right when he was in the middle of a good line too! Jaskier had lost so many good ideas to Eskel’s forced breaks.

This was the first time though that he had chosen to take a break on his own that winter, and Eskel was on him in a second.

“Are you alright?” he asked, concern flowing off of him in waves as he approached Jaskier, who had been sitting the farthest away from the fire. It wasn’t his fault that the fire would dry out his lute!

“Fine,” Jaskier muttered as he struggled to close his bottle of ink. He didn't want Eskel to worry, but he realized perhaps a second too late that Eskel could probably smell the pain coming off of him.

“That’s not true,” Eskel said, seeing through the lie immediately. “Usually I have to force you to take a break.”

He didn't say anything else and Jaskier sighed. Eskel was waiting for him to admit that he was in pain, despite the fact that he already knew.

“My hands,” he whispered, forgetting that he was in a room full of Witchers with enhanced hearing. “They’re stiff, and sore, and cramped. More than usual.” He looked up at a blurry Eskel and it took him a moment to realize that he had been almost crying.

“Yeah no shit they hurt!” Lambert shouted from the couch. “If you keep fucking playing with that damn lute of yours theyre gonna fuckin fall off!”

“Lambert,” Aiden said sternly. “Shut up.”

Jaskier laughed and tried to wipe away his tears with his hands, but winced when his fingers cramped up.

Eskel brushed his hands away and gently wiped away Jaskier’s tears with his thumbs, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead.

“You need to not push yourself so hard, Jaskier,” he whispered, pulling Jaskier’s face against his chest. “You don’t need to spend every single waking second of the winter composing. Winters are supposed to be for relaxing, and you haven't been doing much of that.”

“I’m sorry,” Jaskier muttered into Eskel’s shirt. He longed to bring his hands up to hug Eskel and reassure him that this was fine, it just happened every so often, but his hands hurt too much. He didn't want them to cramp so hard that they ended up stuck in one position. That was never pleasant.

“No,” Eskel said firmly. “Don’t apologize.”

He tugged Jaskier closer to him, resting his chin on top of his head so that Jaskier was engulfed in the arms of his Witcher. Jaskier inhaled Eskel’s scent deeply. He smelled like he always did in the winters: of wood and musk, chamomile and fresh bread. It was Jaskier’s favorite smell in the world. It meant that his love was well rested and taken care of, healthy for once after a long year on the Path.

Eskel pulled away after a moment and tugged at Jaskier’s upper arm, encouraging him to stand.

“Come here,” he said, his eyes bright with what could only be an idea. And who was Jaskier to say no to him?

He followed Eskel over to the nest of furs that they kept in front of the fire, for puppy piles usually. Eskel directed him to sit down in the nest and then with a stern look not to move, he darted out of the room.

“What the hell is that sneaky fucker- mmph” Lambert’s insult was cut off by Aiden kissing him on the mouth, likely to get him to shut up.

Geralt sighed and turned a page in his book, but Vesemir, who was sitting on the other side of the fire knitting, regarded them with a fond look before turning to Jaskier.

“I have a salve that you could put on your hands, it’ll help with the cramping,” he said.

“Oh! That’s very kind but-”

Jaskier was cut off by Eskel running back into the room.

“I already got it, Vesemir,” Eskel said, walking back to the nest.

Vesemir smiled knowingly and went back to his knitting.

“C’mere Jaskier,” Eskel said, sitting behind him and tugging one of the furs across Jaskier’s lap. He carefully rolled up the sleeves of Jaskier’s chemise before opening the little tub of salve. “Lean back, relax, you don't have to do any more composing today, or tomorrow, or this whole week. I’m going to take care of you.”

Jaskier was glad that his back was to Eskel because he could feel his cheeks flushing.

Eskel picked up Jaskier’s right hand delicately in his much larger, sword calloused ones. “Let me know if I’m hurting you at any point, okay?”

Jaskier nodded and watched, mesmerized, as Eskel began to rub out the cramps in his hand. He started with his fingers, beginning with his pinky finger, and rubbing out the tensions in each of the joints. It was almost painful at first, but Jaskier soon adjusted to it and found himself craving more.

Once Eskel had worked his way slowly through Jaskier’s fingers, he moved to his palm, taking it in both of his hands and massaging it slowly in small, but firm circles. Jaskier couldn't help the sigh of pleasure that escaped his lips.

“Yes, that’s it,” Eskel murmured. “Just relax, I’ve got you.”

Jaskier let his head drop back against Eskel’s shoulder as he looked out at the room. Lambert and Aiden were bickering over a game of Gwent, passing a bottle of White Gul back and forth between them. Geralt was pretending to read, but every so often his eyes would flick up to the game and he’d mutter sometimes useful hints to Lambert and Aiden.

Jaskier watched them fondly as Eskel moved to his wrist, giving the tendons there extra attention. From there he moved up Jaskier’s forearm to his elbow, massaging his skin carefully.

Jaskier flexed his hand experimentally and was surprised when he discovered that he had definitely more movement than before. But Eskel covered his hand scoldingly.

“No,” he said. “Don't go undoing all of my hard work.”

“Sorry,” Jaskier murmured. “It just felt so nice and-”

“I’m not done yet,” Eskel said, cutting Jaskier off as he dipped his fingers into the salve.

Eskel warmed the salve first in his hands before rubbing it against Jaskier’s skin. And Meliele’s sweet tits, if the massage had been heavenly, this was absolutely divine. Vesemir had been right, the salve was positively wonderful, seemingly wonderful, drawing out the pain from his hands almost instantly. Jaskier couldn't help the sigh that escaped his lips.

Eskel laughed lightly, rubbing the salve all over Jaskier’s hands and wrists, even going up his arm a little, before reaching for a few small straight planks of wood and a roll of bandages that he must have grabbed while he was getting the salve.

“Ah, ah, ah!” Jaskier protested. “Just what are you doing with that?”

“You don't want the salve getting everywhere,” Eskel explained. “So it’s best to put the bandage on until it soaks into your skin. And the splint will help keep your hands from cramping and getting stuck in an uncomfortable position while they’re bandaged.”

“But what is a musician without his hands!”

“A resting, healing one,” Eskel said, pressing a light kiss to Jaskier’s nose. “I’ll help you with everything, my songbird. I’m here to take care of you.”

Jaskier pouted but held his hand out to Eskel to bandage. “You better mean that.”

“Of course I do,” Eskel said, wrapping Jaskier’s hand and wrist in bandages first before placing the wood underneath it and arranging his fingers over it before wrapping it in even more bandages. The end result was a bit clunky looking and Jaskier wasn’t crazy about the fact that he wasn't going to be able to use his hands at all, but Eskel had promised that he would take care of him and Jaksier knew that he would deliver.

“See?” Eskel said, placing a kiss to the back of Jaskier’s bandaged hand. “All better.”

Jaskier smiled at his lover's efforts before leaning back against Eskel’s soft chest as he got started on his other hand. He watched his careful ministrations through half lidded eyes before the heat from the fire and the warmth from the furs lulled him into a half asleep state. The only thing keeping him awake was Eskel’s gentle massaging of his hand.

But eventually, Eskel finished, tying off the bandage with another kiss before wrapping his arms around Jaskier.

“Are you feeling better?”

“Yes,” Jaskier muttered truthfully. He was tired, but at least his hands didn't ache so fiercely anymore.

Eskel pressed another kiss to his hair and laid back, tugging Jaskier until he was resting his head on his chest, and wrapped a fur around the two of them.

“I’ll wake you in a few hours to take the bandages off,” Eskel murmured into his ear. “But until then, rest well my songbird.”

And Jaskier did. He fell asleep to the gentle roar of the crackling fire, to Lambert and Aiden’s drunken bickering, and to Eskel’s steady heartbeat under his ear.

happyyyestttt of birthdayssss to peterrrrrr

tag list: hmu if you want on or off

@percy-jackson-is-sexy-

@barlowpng

@eminasan

@llamasdumpsterfire

@nonegenderleftpain

@geraltrogerericduhautebellegarde

@geekymagicalpotato

@jaskierswolf

@toss-a-coin-to-your-stan-account

@toss-a-coin-to-your-lesbian

@littleredhotridinghood

@fontegagrilledcheese

@acemoppet

@lookatgeraltmyboi

@gods-oopsie-woopsie

@julek

@funkylittlebard

@dani-dandelino

@officerjennie

@kuripon

@alllthequeenshorses

@mothmanismyuncle

@dapandapod

#the witcher #witcher #witcher fic #witcher fanfic #jaskel #jaskel fic #jaskel fanfic #eskel #jaskier #eskel x jaskier #theyre SOMFT #saph scribbles

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