#theyll literally go and ask if anyone wants to play and when i say i want to all of a sudden theyve gotta go shave their cat

[alphaketoglutaricacid]

shuro notes

upon rereading some of dungeon meshi, I got a better grasp on his role in the story and why hes in the main supporting cast along w kabru (main protag of the suporting cast), namari, and mithrun (main antag of the supp cast) . Contrary to most of the characters disliking eating monsters, he seems to dislike eating, period. In his first appearance he refuses to eat maizurus cooking (with maybe some mermaid eggs sprinkled in..?). His refusal to eat ties into his extreme passivity. He seems to dislike how his father does what he pleases with no regard to how it affects others, and his fear of doing the same seems to play a huge role in how he lets other ppl walk all over him. He ignores his own desires, including his own hunger, because consuming means taking another life. To live means something else has to die, so to desire is to want to take from others. To try to live up to the image of an impassive leader he tries to not participate in this process at all! But bc hes a human being he has to eat, so instead of never taking from others, he starves.

With Falin, I think he realizes there is a way forward where he could be himself and face the ugly realities of what it means to want. To be unabashedly yourself while not hurting everyone in your life. His love comes from a deep place of admiration! I think part of the reason why he's so dead set on saving her is bc he wants to be her equal—she saved him from his nightmares without a second thought, and part of it is to repay her kindness and to be able to reciprocate it. I think he foils nicely w marcille bc he proposes to her (asks her to choose her future) while marcille doesnt want her to move on from the time they were both children. I think this plays a huge part in why marcille hates him, bc its a reminder of how the time will pass and also he aims to take falin away from her. Interestingly, she also became fairly distant and withdrawn after falin left and they both formed their relationship w her bc dirt and bugs r cool. They both are the party members in Laios squad that fly off the handle the most. Socioeconomically, they both seem to be in the least dire straits and kinda prissy abt things as a result. On re-read something else clicked into place.

After his fight w laios that starts w legit grievances and devolves into him hitting all of laios’ insecurities like a game of whack-a-mole, shuro says he’s returning to his home country and after that he would never see any of these ppl again. Even before falin got eaten, he knew he was going to have to leave the party but couldnt bring himself to tell them. The way the convo goes, it seems part of the reason why he proposed to her so suddenly is bc he wants to take a part of his time on the island back home with him—i.e. that hes not ready to say goodbye. That the prospect was taken from him so suddenly is why this is the first thing hes asked for or wanted for himself. Interesting parallels to how marcille is not ready to live the rest of her 1000 year life without her friends now, and how falins death is a catalyst that brings her fear to the surface—that for both of them, theyll live the rest of their lives never seeing the ppl they love from this island again. I think part of the reason he is so nasty to laios in particular is bc his entire worldview falls apart at laios' actions

Both desire wise and literally, Shuro is starving. And like a starving person getting his first meal in a long time, I think he gets a little greedy—when he gives Laios the bell, he says if the party somehow makes it past thistle, to ring it so they can all escape to the East--where he's headed. Likewise marcilles solution is to bring everyone with her to the 1000 year lifespan. Thats surprisingly childish of both of them! Also not a solution to the problem that suits anyone but themselves. Theres so many solutions to this. He could write. He could call. He could communicate view morse code using that bell instead of attempting to blink in morse code to communicate to laios how he doesnt want to be here. Falin voice: I’ll go visit you, okay? He could set foot on the island again. Honestly. This is so embarrassing for him.

But I think it gets at a core theme of the work. Marcille, Laios, and Shuro all say their greatest desire is to save Falin, but once u get down to it, theyre pretty basic-to not be left alone, to be w monsters who u feel a kinship with, to not have to leave. Namari says she left bc of money but later on goes u must never let go of your fear. Kabru says he wants to get to know laios to prevent utaya from happening again but its much simpler-he wants to be his friend. Our base desires are petty, but they are what keep us going day to day, just like how every living being has to hunger and eat to achieve the goals they set out for.

Lets talk abt his relationship w his retainers.

Hein- theyre childhood friends that have drifted apart in adulthood. By the familiar way she talks about him when hes not around, I think she wants to be close to him again. I think the distance between them is probably intentionally imposed by Shuro bc hes afraid theyll turn out like maizuru and his father. She thinks hes unreliable in a way i think u can only rlly get when u know someone for that long. I wonder if some of that I thought wed always end up together and I want him to like me even tho I dont like him back is wanting that closeness in friendship again

Maizuru- Good god whats happening here. she loves him but also treats him like a child even tho hes a 26 year old man. I think its got fun connections to how kabrus adoptive mom treats him like a child, how marcilles not ready to see falin n herself as adults, thistles relationship w degal. Now these are all relationships where differences in lifespan come into play, but w maizuru n shuro i think u see something real banal in why these elves cant let the ppl in their lives go. She coddles him bc she loves him and tells him at the end he doesn't have to eat the dragon if he doesn't want to, but he rebukes her and says he has to eat it to accept his own failures. So like he doesn't need to be coddled he needs ppl in his life to challenge him so he can grow. And at the end he realizes it tastes good--that even tho his journey had so much conflict and in the end he failed to save falin he made friends! He grew as a person! He starts reaching out to his retainers again! He got to harrass the elf cops and give them migraines! Ties a lot into laios speech to marcille that if falin didnt die they wouldn't have met all these ppl and gotten to eat all this food.

Its wild she put that hag curse on him. Poor kid cant even take a shit in peace. Actually the fact that he couldnt even have that time for himself n grew up constantly feeling watched explains a lot. I think the fact his father nonchalently burnt it and then roasted mochi over it without giving him any explaination made him think oh this is just what everyone goes through and im the weird one for being frightened. And it takes him 20 years to find out that no, its not normal to be haunted by a ghost that chases you with a knife. Pretty apt metaphor for how rules have defined his life without him fully understanding why they're in place. I'll give it a crack tho--it seems like the time period his homelands based on the sengoku period bc its a period of heavy civil war where ppl below upsurped the ppl above them. The strict hierarchy is probably an attempt to exercise social control in an extremely precarious situation.

Also side note: kinda impressive he can do magic when he was six. Probs a combination of maizuru being a talented teacher and his own skill. The fire cast… close but no cigar. Also interesting is how the magic he casts seems more elf-y in nature vs maizurus gnomic spirit magic. I wonder if hes his partys black mage- the occupation his party is pointedly missing vs the toudens missing their white mage and kabrus party being well rounded at all points. If so thats hilarious that when the toudens lost their previous mage and everyone was panicking he was like well… im just not gonna say anything #OnBrand. I do wonder if the bell he gives laios is his own magic tho.

Also shuros mother is mad at maizuru for being shuros dads mistress but gives her her children to raise…. Lets unpack this contradiction. Incidentally my tin foil hat theory is Shuros a bastard child. maizuru n his dad have been fucking since 4ever -> one of these children is not legitiment -> probs the one w a strange distance from the rest -> whys shuro succeeding his dad so up in the air when his competitions a 14 and an 8 year old. It's not important tho.

izutsumi + inutade: the fact that he doesnt speak up is his defining moment of moral cowardice. Its tied to his passivity! Hes scared of saying or doing the wrong thing bc hes afraid of hurting others, and he does basically attempt to torch his relationship w laios like it was contaminated w anthrax. Like the first time he tries to be active it went horribly, but his involvement moves the plot forward enormously—with him kabru would not have run into Laios, izutsumi would probably not have been able to run away, he raises the stakes of the journey by indicating they probs cant return to the surface so they have to keep going. And even tho its messy, ugly, and embarassing, he can still pick up the pieces afterwards. Nothing he does is as harmful as his passivity on inutade and izutsumis situations which unequivically, he knows is wrong.

Also w all the references to buying people, I looked it up bc i was like.... like slavery...? it seems to be a reference to retainership as a social caste where people buy your services and as a result you owe the estate your service. You get paid and you have rights, but it seems like you are bound to your station, but depending on the time period japan is supposed to reference, some ppl took on these positions for the sake of social advancement. Regardless, it seems the caste system is also less rigid than stated and ppl can move amongst the positions. There doesn't seem to be an exact cultural equivelent to this, but I think the closest concept is like, being a vassal. I was like if this is slavery this narrative portrays izutsumis time w the nakamotos too ambivenlently and hien going don't you feel any gratefulness for them taking you in makes no sense. But I still think theres something pretty rotten going on here.

Allegedly, as a ninja, you ascend the ranks based on your skill. And yet izutsumi and inutade are at the bottom, and hien, the person that was born into this role, is at the top! Izutsumi and Inutade aren't even considered human in the island of wa--this distinction is given to tall-men only. Theyre both from positions where I feel like the other characters are like they should be grateful they got from one horrible situation to this one thats a system based on merit and skill, but like out of everyone, theyre in the least position of power to say no, to even appreciate what other options there are for them in the world. Like its deeply coercive and wrong. Whats up w shuros father collecting ppl like theyre trophies man. So we can see a system allegedy based on merit is not one at all. Also I feel theres undertones of japanese imperialism with izutsumi being from the equivelent of central asia and having a soul of a child stuffed into her like some kinda of science experiment. Maizurus constantly trying to "civilize" her by teaching her ettiquite such as using your chopsticks. Like the rhetoric of the elves ape pretty directly to imperialistic sentiments, it would not surprise me if theres intentional commentary about japanese imperialism in how izutsumis treated bc japans kinda known in the east for their imperialism... theyve just done it so many times like my parents were like we left our families, our culture, everything we knew behind to go to america.... but we kept our death grudge against japan tho!! #lmfao. Honestly fair. anyways i think theres intentional parallels between how izutsumi is treated as both as a child and a feral animal by maizuru and how the elves treate other races as children that need toys taken away from them. But also how fundementaly, maizurus unsuited to take care of izutsumi bc the tools she has are not suited to izutsumis needs! She has no understanding of izutsumis life. Her hag curse turns from a highly questionable child rearing tactic on shuro to outright a slave collar on izutsumi. Teaching shuro ettiquate and being able to fight gives him the tools to survive in the postion he was born in but is erasing the culture izutsumi grew up in and has been taken away from before she even knew what it meant. Bc she was treated like a circus freak she never got to choose for herself! Tho providing the basic comforts to shuro is a privilage, it's not to izutsumi bc shes never been able to choose what she wants in life. It's why shes set up as shuros narrative foil like so:

This is his pensive look btw its a consistant tic that he lookes like hes glaring when hes deep in thought. Maizurus is both these people's strange mother figure who feeds them in liu of their actual mother. She smothers shuro in love and doesn't let him face actual challenges in life while she intensely disciplines izutsumi. Shuro reacts to this by aquiessing and never making demands of his own while izutsumi constantly refuses to conform. This is probably why he doens't get her.

In the early points of the story, shuro either says leave izutsumi for dead or leave her so she can pursue her freedom. The ambiguity is intentional, because i think in this part of the story we are not supposed to have a good read on him. But it's also because because of his passivity he doesn't do shit for her! So he loses out on having any type of relationship w her even tho they were tormented by the same curse. But crucially he may have learned from this w inutade, who he explicitly aknowledges how her situation is fucked up and her worship of his father is due to an insane power imbalance even tho he has no clue how to talk to her about this. And at the very end of the manga, he gets into an eating contest with her at her prodding as equals. So maybe there's hope he can do better. But I think its important that his relationship w izutsumi is non-existent as a consequence of his passivity despite the things they have in common bc theres no excuse for it. Thier relationship probs deserves its own post.

benichidori - very funny amongst all these complicated relationships these two just straight up dont know each other n r too shy to do so. Is what I was going to say but then I realized benichidori has taken shuros place as hiens closet friend and I wonder if theres any jealousy abt that. But also she shares a lot of traits w shuro and isnt that just interesting:

but even more interesting is her comic:

this is beat for beat shuros conflict w laios.

We only care about one thing: the crushing opinion of everyone in the universe.

I didnt get this on my first read even tho laios was like hes smart but he is incredibly sharp. Hes good at making useful deductions when things dont add up. It rlly reminds u hes trained in espionage.

He keeps kabru on his toes! interesting for such a smooth talker.

He gets kabru to open up about his motivations here and how it affected him and kabru actually shares some of his own feelings on the manner when usually hes holding ppl at arms length. I think him getting a chance to recite this helps prep him to talk to the caneries where notably, hes a lot more clinical about it.

Its nice all three of these ppl can challenge each other and support each other. I think it would be funny if kabru hits em up in the future like do u wanna start some shit for old times sake

able to tell chilchuck was not a child

is afraid of marcille which tbh fantastic call

Everyone else horrified marcille just killed a man but he's like yeah #tracks.

Other things that reminded me hes basically a fixer:

Spends his screentime evading the elf cops.

Refuses to talk to the canaries even under threat of being interegated for 50 years despite threatening laios party multiple times that hes gonna tell on them. instead spends his time going tbh i've never known anything in my life. I'm stupid like that :pensive emoji:

Incredible bit of manipulation on his part-he pretends to be thinking out loud to cast doubt on the canaries judgement to appeal to the ppl in the dungeon that are not motivated by the goodness of their hearts. Reminds me of namaris relatively selfish reasons for leaving the party--needing to get paid, which is a need she was ignoring for far too long and also laios was also not paying proper attn too when namaris in dire straits, and how she says she left the party after the dragon bc she remembered to never forget your fear. That selfishness must also drive you forward. Then he uses that doubt to twist the situation to say all their information could be false so maaaybe the situation is not as dire as they claim and they have other motives (social control). And he pretends hes talking to the caneries but this is directed to everyone else. He and namari pretend to pick a fight so the leader's distracted and everyone else uses this opening to scatter, which causes enough chaos that it breaks the control the elves have. Which is wild bc shuro knows the dungeon is dangerous bc kabru told him about utaya. He also knows laios party can be dangerous w the amount of collateral they cause w the dragon. He puts a lot of ppl in danger that do not need to be even though multiple times he worries about people getting hurt. At his core, tho, I think he wants to see laios and his party again and that selfish desire trumps everything else in this moment. Namari and shuro are so ride or die TBH.

He never shares any of this when not prompted. Except notably at the end he interrupts when ppl think laios might be dead. Which as an aside I think its interesting his biggest contribution to saving falin is not thru his fighting prowess, but through the simple fact he reached out to laios. His compassions his greatest strength. Laios frestrautes him and kabru, and they both punch him and complain that theyll never understand him, but I think they dont have to. Love requires compromise—it requires eating things you really dont want to, you clash and you hurt each other, but what matters most is that you keep reaching out to one another, that you keep on trying to understand each other. Living requires you to hurt and be hurt, to give and take.

Once again stuck in the middle of an insane and ancient beef

low key funny that he remembered the last time he was here and he was like u know what.... ill just sit this one out....

If my son told me he spent the last week pissing off the elf cops, Id be like yeah thats what the nakamotos are all about TBH

Theres pretty juicy stuff abt how laios is interested in shuro because hes exotic like a monster and his own relationship with being othered by ppl and the fact that shuro is constantly referred to as a foreighner even to ppl hes known and has risked his life for for two years + how to laios monsterhood is a type of freedom while being othered is a type of dehumanization for shuro + how hes trying to show some kind of solidarity to shuro but hes microagressing him thru his attemps + how laios just is being explicitly saying the racist beliefs everyone else implicitly holds just like how mithrun says other races are inferior races which horrifies the rest of the elves but its honestly what they believe but I'm tired and need to think abt it a bit more.

Why do shuro and his party from an island primarily composed of humans and other ppl sometimes not classified as humans but have similair lifespan bc of sociopolitical reasons imitate so many interracial dynamics despite being of the same race? It's to show how marcilles wrong about how the inequality between races exists bc of lifespan differences. Her own fears due to fantastical reasons of being a half-elf and unable to relate any of her insecurities to other ppl are not exclusive to her! Tall-men - Tall-men relationships run along the same lines and have the same conflicts. All the things she fears are things that make her human, that other people have also felt.

in conclusion:

think abt the messiest person u know. Its a man

jk its marcille #feminism

#Dungeon meshi spoilers #shuro #toshiro nakamoto

[starsambrosia]

So i stop flooding peoples dash im gonna just make this a group, the tag is #livechatter

Im rambling about my life because i feel like it

mean in all reality they have saved me from a lot of bad people and bad things i just i dunno if i can belive that every single person i meet is some kind of malicous creature or person with bad intentions...its been years and im outgoing i like people but ive had to cut off most people because the gods told me some shit about them that was scary or my divination read something was up

I just dont know but i dont want to risk it...

But like, how many demons can one person come across and how many just so happen to be bad news for me

3 confirmed and funny thing is one of them actually scarred me both physically and astrally /wild/ one was my childhood friend who had a crush on me and also decided to get into a pact with a demon for ...funzies... but i cant recall if she had the bloodline or not because the last one who was actually super chill was following a family tradition

so yeah when the gods say "hey psst beckys a demon" im gonna be like "well golly gee 3 out of 3 demons the gods told me about were demons i wonder if this person is in a pact with a demon

and typically /usually/ me and demons dont get along, they find my energy tasty ig. Like demons are fine they are but like they just want to eat me usually or theyr mad at me on sight :")

But in any case im gonna belive it, its just...really?? I know im a beacon but seriously? Every person i meet is some mischievous or negative entity. I get out here fae are more common but /everyone?/ really? I dunno man i cant just be running into every non human on the planet both online and irl or if theyr normal theyr just the most shit person you can be to an almost cartoonish extent.

/idk man/

But i stare at my pendulum the one i warded clensed banished shit on and used rituals to invoke a gods name and boom its just "yup this ones no good"

Like...OK??? THEN WHO IS??? And theyll set me up with people and it never goes well like it always falls through because the people i click with just arent good enough??? Or they just all want me dead?

Am i the problem? Like its me or its them and theyr gods like idk idk man im lost im so lost, how can nobody be ok how can so many people just want to hurt me on sight am i seriously that pathetic looking?? Or are they playing some kind of protective roll? Thats kind assuming a lot about them

What are the fucking odds theyd just be over protective

Im kinda whirlling right now because i think i figured it out, Apollo always expressed guilt over the whole imprisonment thing even though that was literally my fault for directly disobeying his very clear instructions for some guy, yeah thats an embaressment ill never live down

Im wondering if Apollo felt bad and now hes just being really harsh on anyone who comes near me, i only wonder this because he had been around for a really long time before he helped me escape my home/cult

But like ive asked others too

In the same pantheon

That was responsible for a lot of fucking trauma

Who like most of them have a reason to be harsh on people

I just wonder what would happen if i asked maybe Zeus instead of literally anyone else besides maybe some of the goddesses.

Oh godsssss i think ive just deadass been asking the wrong people because everyone else is bias and angry at people

Jesus christ i knew it was my fault if i had just thought about it for a second and got my head out of the ground i wouldve seen it

But still i could be wrong so i need to go ask Zeus with my pendulum and see whats going on before i go removing anything...im also wondering what other people have to say about this because im honestly so tired of shutting up about my weird ass life

Pendulum with Zeus:

Is the reason i keep getting a no on my friends because everyone else is bias and angry at people

Yes

Will you give me non bias direct answers if i contact you?

Yes

I get so specific with my questions because if it can only say yes no or maybe i want to narrow it down as much as possible, questions are phrased intuitively or auto written but some times intentional, more gently guided though.

So i figured it out by live journaling basically...nice, ok so this is weird...but when is it ever not hhh

Thats sweet honestly, if it weren't so suffocating...i cant belive this this has taken me literally 3 and a half years to figure out and i just had to talk to Lord Zeus??? Hhhhhhh oh my gods

Going to him more often now honestly

I wouldve never guessed that i think i think too lowly of myself if it took 3 and a half years to realize they care enough to be mad at people who caused me like, irreparable damadge hahaaaa

#ambrosia #lore #livechatter

[thefirstknife]

i also wonder how these elitist dudebros are gonna feel when theyre like 10 or 15 years older. like i hope theyre ashamed of the way they acted, but mostly i wonder how theyll feel when their reaction time isnt as good as it used to be, when their eyesight gets a little worse with age. gaming gets harder as you get older and in my experience that seems to be one of the only things that makes abled people realize how inaccessible gaming can be. obviously thats far off from now and hopefully by then we’ll actually have the accessibility tools people are asking for, but it does make me wonder how theyll feel when theyre in someone else’s shoes for once.

Yep, I wonder the same. People always think about disability as something that doesn't affect them, but even if you're perfectly healthy, there is one thing that's inevitable: aging. You will age and you will need accommodations. They also seem to think about "disability" as just some incredibly devastating diseases, but anything as simple as anxiety or bad eyesight is a disability when it comes to gaming. The argument always seems to be dismissive of disabilities because they seem to think that disabled gamers are rare. Which is simply not true.

Got a few more asks so I'll answer them beneath the cut!

This is one of those issues that people don't really think are ableist, but it is. I bet on my life that they say that shit to anyone who is disabled in real life and needs accommodations. I can't fathom how they can't understand that equating any help to "handouts."

And even if they were handouts? So? I know that I earned my loot and titles by playing and proving that I can do it. If someone does the same but with help, how does this affect me? It doesn't! This is even more mind-boggling when it's about an item in a video game.

Yep! They also often say that if those options are in the game for everyone, then people will fake disabilities just to use them and that's yet another ableist argument that people use in real life to deny accommodations to others. Because "someone will fake it." I don't care bro. Literally outside of direct competitions in a tournament, nobody cares if an abled person "fakes it" and gets a gun by turning on an accessibility option. Hell, sometimes you might be too tired to finish an activity and you want to get it done faster and you can turn an option that allows you to do so. I see no issue with this even if you're fully abled.

True! A lot of people who need Divinity the most are also the people who are least likely to get it. It requires you to do a raid which already disqualifies a lot of people who don't have raid groups and can't go to LFG for whatever reason. And even if you've done raids and you can keep doing them, Divinity quest is time consuming and finding a group patient enough to help can be difficult. A lot of these elitists have completely lost (or never had) perspective on how the game plays for average players. Not everyone has a raid group ready to go.

We definitely need more similar weapons and abilities. It would be really nice to be able to choose how to make a truly supportive build that is useful in raids. And yep, agreed, more raid bosses should be like Rhulk where you have to move and using a Well of Radiance and slapping a Div bubble is often not the best way (although it can certainly be done! Options!). I would gladly have cool mechanics for dps and mechanics that require some supportive abilities or provide support.

Yeah, I think more raid modes would be good. I am in favour of Bungie making more hard difficulty options and working with these streamers even in order to make something they would like. Just leave the rest of us alone.

And yeah, if they truly agree that Divinity or Well are an issue, just get a deal and don't run them for the contest. They all seem to agree that Divinity is boring, but no one wants to drop it. Y'all know each other, just go into a group chat and say you're not using it for next raid race or whatever. But as you said, that would require them to agree on what to ban. And it would also require them to understand that if they deliberately refuse using in-game tools and utilities, maybe someone else will win the race. What a terrible fate.

Thanks! I had to stop because I need to do Iron Banner, went from twitter pvp to Destiny pvp.

I do feel that someone has to speak about this. I've seen other people making similar posts in regards to how much this whole things reeks of ableism and ignoring accessibility, but it doesn't gain much traction. And if it does, it gets drowned in ableist comments. Truly one of the worst times in Destiny community.

A shame, given that Bungie is dedicated to accessibility, however slowly it may go.

#destiny 2 #disability #ask #divinity drama

[thoughts-and-all-that]

why are you such a fucking bitch. fuck you with your fucking 'i dont give a fuck that you got rightfully mad that some teenage brat is calling your existence a joke so you called him a brat for, yknow, BEING A BRAT'. why the fuck do i always have to be the bigger person. im sick of being the bigger person.

im on my last strings with this group idefc man. if i get demoted or smthn like this happens one more time. i dont even care ill just leave. what the fuck is one more restart on my pile of dozens. these people are barely close to me anyway. not like theyll fucking care. and itll just end up being one more group of people who hate me in the end. not unusual.

im only really friends with like, one or two of them, but also not really. when was the last time we played a game together, VCd together, any of that? its been forever. i could join the vc anytime but theyre always playing shit idc about and talking about shit idc about. why cant i ever be what i care about. why not ask to play the game they know i love. even just for an hour or two.

i know im always forcing others to prove they care about me without me even telling them thats what im doing but like... they dont really prove it much. theyll hit me up if i go silent and then i come back and the cycle repeats

its always like this. why cant i just find the place where i truly connect with people and everything is just fine. why is it always something.

all i wanna fucking do is play minecraft and talk about whatever dorky kids show/movie im obsessing over this time. why is that so hard.

maybe its me, but like, im literally so fucking chill if people arent being stupid, but they get stupid so much.

at this point im fucking holding back from leaving that server. a year and a half down the drain just like that. its always a year and a half or less. i guess i just cant handle long term relationships.

my only real friend is a fucking stuffed animal. i think if i got one wish in this world, id be selfish and wish she were real. just the way i imagine her and everything. why should anyone else get my wish when all of them disappoint and hurt me time and time again. she would never hurt me.

maybe im just destined to be alone. too bad for that destiny that i desperately grasp onto what little connection i hold to humanity left.

maybe i do need to go to a mental hospital finally. ill give it a week before i make that choice. i need to at least get my new glasses in 6 days anyway.

i just feel my brain deteriorating and i cant do much about that i think.

ill just suffer like always.

i dont care if im being selfish. i think ive earned it after a lifetime of never getting what i want. what i truly want.

cause instead i was born into a family of people i wouldnt otherwise interact with ever, in a town full of people that never cared about me, especially not the way i tried to care about them, in a body thats not mine. in a life thats not mine.

i feel as if i were misplaced at birth. misplaced nonphysically. like i was meant to be somewhere else, somewhere right, and something went wrong. and the universe just never corrected itself. it left me here.

there wasnt a point to this post. im just sick of feeling all these things and having nowhere to say them. i cant let people i know hear me say shit like this. its not like theyd listen anyway.

i wish i wasnt broke so i could get a stupid fucking therapist already. i wish preventing myself from wanting to die and hate myself and hate the world wasnt so unaffordable.

anyway haha mental illness moment woahagagahshhhaoahah so funni wild wowza woooo

#vent #dont ignore me #personal

[kass-storycorner]

Hello!! i stumbled across your works and i absolutely fell inlove with your writing (especially the angsty ones)

Can i jump on the angst train and request a fic with a line that goes "I'm here, you dont have to wait anymore," with childe? Like maybe the reader told childe that theyll wait for him no matter how long it takes (and maybe a sprinkle of argument) but something happened that made the reader be on the brink of death. With or without comfort/happy ending is up to u!!

first of all thank you so much for the request! and it really makes me so happy to hear that you like my writing, especially my angst haha secondly I am so sorry that this took so long, since I saw this ask in my inbox I couldn't stop thinking about it and finished the first part of this pretty quickly - only to be stuck at how to end it (and actually fulfill the request haha). right now i am not really happy with the ending, though I feel like this is the best I can currently do! I really hope you enjoy, please let me know if it was alright haha (also I fear that I didn't really...wrote Childe in-character, I don't know)

Waiting for you

Genre: Angst, Hurt, comfort at the end

Characters: Childe x gn!reader (Childe is referred by is actual name by the reader, but outside of dialog he's called Childe)

Format: bullet points (backstory) + Text (actual fic, answer to the prompt)

Word count: 4324

Content warning: veeeery slight spoiler warning for the Liyue quests, its literally just one sentence and I tried to keep it as ambigious as possible, slight cursing (using the word bitch too, though thats the only instance of using gendered-vocab for the reader, i still wrote them gn!), mention of blood, mild violence, not proof-read ahah when will i ever do that

you can find the fic under the cut, have fun reading!

You and Childe knew each other since you were just little kids – him and his family being neighbours had meant you always ended up playing with him and his siblings, though you both got along the best.

On more than one occasion you both just ran off to somewhere no one could disturb you, your secret hideout, trading stories of great warriors from outside of Snezhnaya you heard the fishermen at the docks talk about.

Most people and children were wary of Childe, he was always the one who wanted to ‘play-fight’, which ended most of the time with the other kid running home, crying. However, you were the exception, always able to beat him or at least have a tie. Your parents, especially your father, hated it when you came back home with bruises on your arm, a bright smile and telling how you beat Childe up that day. He never felt like Childe was someone you should surround yourself with, but he kept quite for your younger years, also thanks to your mother who wasn’t fond of the fighting either but saw how much time with Childe meant to you.

Things however changed after Childe fell into the Abyss.

It was apparent how violent he got after it, even his own family was completely helpless when it came to him. So his father send him off to join the Fatui, which was a very controversial decision in the small town you both called home – most were happy to not have Childe be around anymore, for he picked up more and more fights and became more violent, but even within Snezhnaya the Fatui have a bad reputation, so most people were convinced that he would only become even worse.

Your father was one of those who was happy, but also concerned. Your mother died shortly after Childe fell into the Abyss, so your father forbade you any contact with Childe.

This, however, did not work. After Childe had to leave Morespesok you kept in touch through letters and whenever he was in town you always met up in secret.

The letters you send each other turned sweeter the older you got, changing the feelings for friendship you both felt for each other slowly into a romantic love. Childe always ended his letter with saying that he would return soon and you always with “I’ll be waiting for you Ajax”.

You always looked forward to his letters and so did he for yours. When he came back to Morespesok after every mission he had to do for the Fatui you both would meet up in your secret hideout. This place became your save haven. Conversations, hugs, kisses and even more – everything that wasn’t written in a letter between you two happened there.

Childe was fine with this and so were you. He didn’t want people to know there was someone he loved as much as he loved you, as one of the Harbringers of the Fatui it could endanger you. You on the other hand were fine with it because, even though you had no understanding for why your father forbad you the relationship with Childe, you couldn’t stomach to disappoint him. After all he was your father and you loved him dearly, no matter how much you both might disagree on things.

Still, you longed for something more – with Childe and for your own life. You wanted to travel too; you haven’t had the chance to leave Morespesok past the few neighbouring villages. So, when Childe wrote to you that after his next visit, which would only be a few days long, he was going to Liyue and didn’t knew for how long he had to stay there – you asked him in your reply if you could join him. Him writing that it wasn’t possible and better for you to stay in Morespesok and just wait for him hurt, but you understood. You are fine with waiting for him, you always were.

You were expecting a sad but loving last night with Childe before he had to leave, ending with a bittersweet goodbye. You weren’t expecting what happened instead.

Childe was angry, it was clear to see. The moment he stepped into your secret hideout you knew something was off – how he averted your eyes, how he didn’t return your kiss with a passionate one, like usual. “Ajax”, you purred in a sweet voice, “what’s wrong?”. You tried to take his hand, but he only pulled it away. Ah, that was unusual. He never refused your touch, no matter how angry he was before. “There is nothing wrong, I just was curious if there is something you want to tell me?”, he replied in a bitter tone, not even looking at you. It took you completely off guard; you saw him be angry or sulky before, you two had your fair share of arguments in the past, but somehow this was different. “No, there is nothing except for the fact that I missed you very much,” you told him, but you could feel how you started to become irritated. When you saw him two days ago visiting your family’s shop with Teucer he gave you a warm and loving smile, winking at you when he handed you that piece of paper asking to meet up tonight. What had happened in between that made him act like this? “Tsk, fine,” and with that he was on his way out. You moved quickly in front of him, blocking the way out. “Now wait a moment, would you kindly tell me what is going on here?”. He just quietly looked at you for a few seconds before he shoved you aside. “AJAX!”, you couldn’t hide your irritation and growing anger anymore, burying your fingers in his arm in order to stop him from leaving. “What did I do to make you be angry at me?”. “It doesn’t matter”, Childe replied coldly, while trying to get you to loosen your grip on his arm. “Now let me go and run home to your father and your fiancé, I bet they are already asking where you are right now.” “My what?” you replied with bewilderment. “Childe, is that why you are angry with me? Because you think I am engaged to someone else?”. Honestly, you would find this situation hilarious if it weren’t for the fact that Childe still looked at you with a sour face. “Well, I don’t think you are engaged to someone else; I know you are. Your father was really excited about the whole thing when he told me, he even invited me to your wedding, granted if I could find the time.” As he said this, he noticed how your face was a combination of confusion and anger. And oh yes, were you angry. Angry at your father for telling such blatant lies and at Childe for believing them, confused as to why he would even believe your father in the first place. “Ajax, I-“you let go of his arm, pinching the bridge of your nose and letting out a deep sigh. “I am engaged to no one, never was. I didn’t tell you this, because I didn’t want to upset you or worry you needlessly, but maybe I should’ve done it. My father continuously tries to marry me off whenever he finds anyone, he deems a worthy suitor. I guess he might have found one of your letters, though he never said anything about it, but I can’t explain why he suddenly started to become so interested in my marital status. Every few weeks he brings another person home, tells me I should marry them, for me to turn those poor fools down and tell my father he should stop. Most accept it that I have no interest in them, some stick around for a few weeks until the realise that nothing will come of it, but yeah. Ask anyone, Archons ask your family, it’s already a running joke here.” You expected the atmosphere to become less tense after you explained the whole situation to him, for him to even turn it into a joke and to apologise for his behaviour. Instead, it just grew more tense. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”, his voice still being cold, underneath it you could hear how angry he still was. “Because it wasn’t important, at least not to me. Honestly Ajax, I don’t see what the issue is here. I am not engaged and I do not plan to agree to one unless-“, you stopped yourself right there. ‘Unless it’s you who’s asking’, is what you wanted to say. You could feel how your heart fluttered even just at the thought. Childe, however, did not notice where you were going with your last sentence, too

occupied with his own anger. “Unless what?”. “It doesn’t matter, can’t we just drop the topic and enjoy our first and last night in months with each other without fighting?”, this was your last offer of peace, hoping he would finally calm down. But you knew deep down – Childe never was one to back out of a fight. “No no no, continue, tell me what you wanted to say!”, his voice growing louder and louder with every word. “Ajax, let it be,” you really weren’t in the mood for anything tonight anymore and the least you wanted to do was discuss your wish of a future with him. “No, I won’t. Tell me, because I would love to know. Or don’t, you can also just go and choose one of the various suitors your father picked out for you to fuck, I bet you really enjoy it how they are all standing in line for you,” he spit his words out, full of anger and disgust. This was the final straw for you, it was apparent that Childe choose words that he knew would hurt you with intent and it made you explode. “You know what? I’ve had enough!”, you screamed at him, feeling how tears were pooling in the corner of your eyes. Not out of sadness or because his words hurt, those were tears of pure rage. “You come in here, after I haven’t seen you in weeks, before you leave for an unspecified amount of time and all you have to do is pick a fight? Fine, here have a fight! You are unhappy that I didn’t tell you how my father wants to force me in a marriage I don’t want to be in? Boho, I am so so sorry for you Ajax. Really, I can’t fathom to imagine how much you must struggle with this, but oh well, life must be so hard when you keep travelling around Teyvat. Because I really can’t imagine how life would be outside this place, what it’s like to have anything to do. Have you ever noticed, ever realised how much I hate it? Hate the wating? Because that’s all I do! I wait for your letters, and I wait for you to return. All I ever do I wait, wait, wait. Wait for you to come home yes and wait for you to finally be ready for something, anything more!”, the tears were now streaming down your hot, angry face. Childe just looked at you, waiting for you to end what you had to say. “I am tired of waiting! I am tired of keeping us hidden, yes, I agreed to it too in the beginning, but now? Dammit, Ajax. I don’t want to be left alone here when you go to Liyue, I don’t want to wait if I don’t know for how long I should wait. I just- “it became harder for you to speak, sobs interrupting you every few seconds. “I wish you would let me join you.” Except for your sobs, which you tried to supress, silence fell over the two of you. Childe just stood there in front of you, watching how you tried to stop the tears. “You know I can’t take you with me. It’s… it’s not safe,” he said after a while. You didn’t expect for him to change his mind, however his words didn’t make you feel any better… on the contrary they made you feel even feel worse. “Leave me alone,” was all you could tell him in that moment. You didn’t want to have him near you, you didn’t want to see his stupid face or look at his sad, blue eyes. Right now, you only wanted to be alone. “(Y/N)”, Childe began softly, wanting to take you in his arms but the look you gave him made him stop dead in his tracks. “Please, I need to be alone now”. The atmosphere was heavy, both of you didn’t want to part on bad terms but – right now wasn’t the right moment to make up. “I will leave you alone, but (Y/N)”, he said, looking at you with regret about how he acted just earlier, “please wait for me.” You scoffed at his words. Wait for him, again. “(Y/N)”, you turned away, so you didn’t have to see his face when he spoke your name again. “(Y/N), please. Please promise me that you will wait for me, I’ll come back, I promise you and I will make up for this… and for making you always wait for me. I promise. You make a pinkie promise, you keep it all your life. You break a pinkie promise, I throw you on the ice.” At the mention of the nursery rhyme you had to chuckle a bit. “The cold will kill the pinkie that once betrayed your friend,

the frost will freeze your tongue off, so you never lie again,” you finished it, looking back at him. “Fine, I’ll wait. But leave now.” And with that Childe left you alone, leaving Morespesok for Liyue the next day.

It has been a few months now since Childe came to Liyue and while his endeavours here were more or less successful, what was on his mind most of the days was you and how you both parted. He wanted to kick himself in the arse for how he acted that day, for making you so angry and for making you cry. The worst however is how you haven’t written him a single letter yet and Childe, though he would never admit it because of his pride, was too scared to send you one first. That he should be the first one to send you a letter was something he was aware of but still – he couldn’t find the right words. What should he write? Every time he sat down at his desk, looking at the piece of paper in front of him… he was never able to make it past “Dear (Y/N)”, and even with this he wasn’t sure, maybe “Beloved” would sound better? Childe would’ve even considered asking Zhongli for advice, however after finding out that Childe was just a pawn in his plans – he still considers Zhongli a friend, but before he could ask for advice the feeling of betrayal needs to fade out. And now he got the order to return to Snezhnaya by the end of the next month… he felt so anxious at the thought of seeing you again, not even knowing what happened with you the past months. So in the letter to his family in which he announced is return, Childe asked them, after months of not hearing anything from or about you, how you were. When he held the letter of his family in his hands, he started to feel nervous, it included the answer of your wellbeing. He knew you would keep your promise, but still. What if when not? Reading the contents of the letter, however, made him wish that he had asked sooner. Childe couldn’t stop reading the few lines his family wrote about you over and over again.

You asked about (Y/N) wellbeing in your last letter. Ajax, we wish we could tell you some more pleasant news than this, but we haven't seen or heard anything of (Y/N) for a week now. No one really knows where they might be, the last we know is that they left their home after a fight with their father, but there is nothing more we can tell you.

After reading those few lines, the letter already crumply at the edges from the way he held onto it, Childe decided to immediately make his way back home. In his opinion it didn't matter if he returned sooner than ordered and that was a problem he will face later. For now, he wanted to know what had happened to you, because he couldn't, didn’t want to, believe that you left Morepesok... you promised that you would wait for him. But doubt crept into his heart and his mind - you were so frustrated with waiting, he noticed it before you even said anything that night. However, he kept ignoring it. It wasn't like that Childe didn't also wish for more, to build a home with you, to spend more time with you. The feeling of not being good enough for you, something your father and others in Morepesok made clear to him since your childhood together, and the fear of putting a visible target on your back by being by your side... all of it held him back.

The way back home only took him a few days and when he came close to his village, seeing the once so well-known roofs and chimney of the houses, he took a junction into the woods, making his way to the secret hideout of you two. When he arrived, he noticed how it looked lived in, at first a relive for Childe, until he saw the traces of a fight - and blood on the floor. He was quick to follow the trail of blood, the father he went away from the hideout the more blood was on the ground. Suddenly he could hear a strangers voice in the distance.

"Answer me you stupid bitch!", you felt a hand pulling you up by your hair, but you were already too tired, too beaten up and injured to even respond to that violent pull. All you tried to do was to keep your hands on your stomach, trying to stop the blood from gushing out. You could barely remember what had happened, how you got there. It all started over a week ago, when you father came with another suitor wanting to marry you. Like always you turned him down, saying you had no interest in marriage, this time however he wasn't as understand as the others were. The whole thing ended in you having a huge fight with your father about it, he tried to pressure you even more than usual to take that fella as your husband. It made you sick, you just couldn't stomach being around him anymore. You always wanted to make him happy, always feared of disappointing him. But this? Him asking you to marry a random person? It was something you just couldn't do. So you went away, ran out to the little hideout planning to stay there until Childe came back. You wanted to wait for him - you even got over your stupid pride and sent away a letter for him earlier this morning... and maybe this was your mistake. Carefully you tried not to be noticed by the people in your village, you didn’t want anyone to worry about you, however you also didn’t want to explain your disappearance for the last few days. The man who your father tried you to accept as a fiancé however seemed to have spotted you when you left the post-office. It was already too late when you realised that you were followed - the man made his way into the place that was only meant for you and Childe. After that your memory started to get blurry, how was that even possible it just had happened. He attacked you, you fought back, though the man was just stronger... you ran away, feeling the blood already coming from your stomach. Your body started to become weaker, your legs grew heavier and slower until you fell. Now he was above you, grabbing your hair and screaming. It was hard to even focus on what that man said to you, too tired grew your body and mind. 'I have to stay awake', you thought. It was clear that if you lost consciousness now... well, who knows what would happen then, you only knew it wouldn't be good. You had to wait for Childe, you had to be there when he got home.

There were more than a few things in Childes live he wished he never had to see. Seeing your limp body, blood streaming out of your stomach which you could barley cover with your hand, your hair in the hands of some stranger and your eyes struggling to stay open – yes, Childe wished this was something reserved for his nightmares, not for the reality he had to face now. It didn’t even take second for him to react at that sight, swiftly being next to that man and cutting his hand off with one of his blades, kicking the rest of him away. Childe would have loved to take his time with that man, torture him, make him regret that he was born, but what was more important was to stop your bleeding. Quickly Childe sat down next to you on the ground, using his scarf to stop the bleeding. “Ajax,” he could hear you whisper quietly. “Hey, I’m here, everything is fine, everything is going to be okay.” You desperately tried to keep your eyes open, to look at him. He was a mess, his eyes filled with fear and panic spread across his face. Never had you seen him with such an expression. For only what felt a few seconds you closed your eyes and then – “Hey, (Y/N) hey, open your eyes, talk to me”, you opened them and realised that you were in Childes arms now, his eyes switching from you to what was apparently the way to Morepesok. “Ajax…”, it was so cold. When did it became so cold again? “I waited for you and now you’re here… I waited. Kept my promise.” The last few words came out slurred. “Yes, I'm here, you don’t have to wait anymore. I promise you don’t have to wait for me ever again, just please-“ his breathing was heavy, he ran as fast as he could to the village in the hopes that the healers there could help you, that there was anyone who was able to help you now. “Please, don’t close your eyes, okay?” Before you could even answer him that you will try to keep them open you could already feel yourself slip out of conscious again. All you could say before everything went dark was his name again. “Ajax…”

The first thing you noticed was a warm hand on yours. Even before you opened your eyes you knew which hand it was. “Ajax,” you were a bit shocked at the sound of your own voice. It sounded so weak. You opened your eyes, seeing into those deep blue eyes looking at you. “(Y/N)”, he didn’t sound any better. Only now you started to notice the dark circles under his eyes and how his hair looked even messier than usual. Was he by your side the whole time? “How are you feeling?”. “Better than you apparently”, you joked, weakly grinning at him. He smiled back, rubbing the backside of your hand with his thumb. “I’m glad you’re better,” he replied quietly, looking down at the hand he was holding. “I’m glad you’re here.” At that his smile faded, turning into a sad expression and you already knew what this meant. “Don’t tell me…” “I’m sorry, I wasn’t even supposed to be here just yet and my early departure from Liyue apparently has caused some issues and… well, I was able to stay here until you woke up. The deal was when you wake up or-, well that doesn’t matter now. The deal was that I had to go back and fix the damage I caused once you wake up, which is honestly way more generous than I had anticipated.” You didn’t really understand what he was exactly talking about, you were still tired, but all you knew was that he had to go again. There wasn’t any energy left in your body to hold back the tears that were now falling down your face. Childe cupped your face in his hands, wiping away your tears with his thumb. “Hey, listen,” he said softly. “I promise you won’t have to wait for too long, when you recovered, I will send for you.” At this your ears peaked, looking at Childe with hopeful eyes. “Send for me, you mean-?”. “Yes, this time around I’ll be the one waiting for you to arrive in Liyue and not you’re waiting for me to come home.” At that you threw your arms around his neck wanting to hug him, causing you to hiss in pain. You forgot that you still had a stomach wound. “Careful now”, he laughed a bit at how enthusiastic you were about the news that you forgot your injury. “You promise that I will really join you in Liyue?”, you still couldn’t fully believe that he really was fine with it. “You make a pinkie promise, you keep it all your life. You break a pinkie promise, I throw you on the ice,” you leaned back and held your pinkie up in the air. Childe smiled at you softly, interlocking his pinkie with yours. “The cold will kill the pinkie that once betrayed your friend, the frost will freeze your tongue off, so you never lie again.”

#genshin x reader #tartaglia x reader #childe x reader #ajax x reader #gn!reader #reader fic #genshin impact #genshin fic #fan fiction #angst #angst prompt #bit of comfort #hurt #hurt prompt #writing

[gryphsdeadbones]

hey from one nd person to another the comic where fm gordon says a slur seems kind of in poor taste. ik ur not intentionally making light of it and tht occurring in fm should be criticized but while you dont make it out to be a good thing making jokes about it and calling him a "slurboy" is kind of questionable? it makes it seem more like a plotpoint and angst rather than the creator of fm genuinely fucking up in the past (and having moved on from it)! i think exploring fm coming to terms with being nd is a good idea but this isnt the best way to do it. if you want me to explain my point more lmk if/when u post this and i will! someone already made a post abt it but it was kinda strongly worded and i wanted to approach you more calmly because i genuinely dont want to call you out or start drama or anything ;-;

first off thank you for being civil and patient with me i appreciate this ask a lot- also this got long- im not in a flying rage or anything when i bold or emphasis text, i just needed it also for my own readability and since im not the best at wording- hopefully this hellsite works and my response is under the cut

i would like to know how is it in poor taste when freemind explicitly gets clocked at the very end for saying it. the entire point of the comic was to show that saying the r slur has existed in his source and is bad

im not sure how much more direct i can get, with the disclaimer/warning list growing longer and longer and out there for a huge sign that says “this au can get dark as fuck and these subject matters are treated seriously/not something to mess around with.” Like yes, there are some jokes in the asks and other comics, but that specific comic is not supposed to be “haha thats funny”. it has a serious tone using a rough sketch style bc i was super tired and wanted to vent

was it just the direct reference to it that just made people uncomfortable? because thats 100% understandable, and i made sure i tagged it appropriately (although admittedly, a little bit late since i thought the filter would catch at least the main thing)

i think what some people somehow got from it is “exploring sensitive content = endorsing said content” which! that is not the intent! i absolutely do not want people saying that word! I don’t want people thinking that is any way okay for this character to say

its more of a damned if i do address it, damned if i dont.

if it never comes up, people are gonna assume that ‘oh this character says slurs and is shit, surely the creator or fan-creator MUST be okay with it and woobifies freemind and absolves him of any mistakes’ or something like that. no. this asshole has an arc and i want to do it right. its serious and i think it shouldn’t be shoved under the rug

and people just. dont want to read for context for whatever reason. theyll start watching it and get taken aback by the slur and start blaming me ‘hey you never warned for this’ when very early on i keep mentioning over and over ‘you dont have to watch it if you dont want to! This has slurs and 2000s internet brand humor/style’ You really dont, I’m not forcing you to watch it- Literally all you need to know is either canon half life or hl/vrai. thats it. fm mostly follows hl1 with very slight changes.

so i had to make something that:

1. warns people who arent aware and dont want to go through my asks or about/warning pages (for whatever reason) and just want to see the art

2. also NOT downplay freemind’s canon assholery. listen, i kinda despise writing mean and cruel characters, theyre hard to do, and a lot of people get shit for doing it wrong or people going “character = author”

i’ve also considered leaving the bubbles blank, but then people could fill it with whatever they want, then blame me for being vague. or they’d fill it in with a different kind of slur that freemind has never used, even if he MIGHT be the type to do that. I needed to explicitly mention that it is ableist slur. There are shitty racist and other problematic jokes, but never those kinds of extreme racial slurs to my knowledge.

Although I do see your point that maybe joking about it outside of the serious stuff might not be the best route. The slurboy jokes are getting stale, and I will try a better way to remind people.

The thing that gets to me is that it feels people are more than ready to defend either Ross Scott or Gordon Freeman the fictonal character himself. I don’t??? really care for Ross Scott, so I don’t know if he’s ever brought it up specifically. I’m not really calling him out or cancelling him. Idc for some white man’s feelings, im only bringing the timeframe of That era and reworking it to fit in This current era.

And I hate to break it to people: Gordon Freeman is a blank slate character, you can project whatever the hell you want on him as long as it’s not freakshit illegal garbage. The machinimas (fm, hl/vrai) do have SOME characterization that I want to nail down. It fucking sucks when characters are ooc, and I’m trying not to do that, even if it means sacrificing some comfort. But still mostly staying in my comfort zone if that makes sense

Now about the callout that I do not want to engage with the op directly:

Honestly im very surprised the comic was called out when i just. thought my stuff is relatively tame on exploring the bad shit canon freemind does. ive seen him in fancontent where they really dont hold back and its still played off as ‘kinda funny’ tone.

I really don’t know if people just want any reason to hate me for whatever reason. That’s fine I guess, I can’t please everyone and they dont have to like me.

But like. isn’t it so much easier for the op of that to block me and the post and move on. Why kick up such a fuss. I can see that thinly veiled death threat of a vague. That’s pretty fucked up- Like holy fucking god, you do not have to like my stuff. I’m not holding you at knifepoint to like my stuff. I’ve specifically made two different tags (one general au, one specific au) if anyone wants to blacklist it for their own reasons I do not need to know. I don’t want to know.

You’re allowed to be uncomfortable. You’re allowed to unfollow/blacklist/block.

However you just don’t go ranting about it for something you horribly misinterpreted. If it bothers you so badly, literally just. drop me a message to clarify. thats it. or save yourself the time and block me.

I’ve blocked the op for both our sakes, but if anyone wants to send this post to them, then thats fine. I don’t want anything to do with them.

I don’t want to link the post and blow it up. I just want shit clarified, dropped and we can move the fuck on with our lives. 

If you’re reading this and don’t know what the post is, please don’t bother. I do not want people going after the op with threats, please keep it civil, I’d prefer if you don’t engage with the post at all on my behalf.

Despite this huge wall of text, I do not want this to be a big deal, so please don’t ask me about the details.

_

As for anon, feel free to dm me either on here or. Maybe on discord if you’d still like to suggest or have something more cleared up. I’m still willing to hear any kind of feedback, and i want to thank you again for being reasonable about this

#Anonymous #ask #jdb faq #ask to tag #long post

[smalltragedycuckhold]

* brigette lundy-paine, nonbinary + they/them | you know kirby wormwood, right? they’re twenty five, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, two weeks? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to ring ring by mika like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole balancing acts at perilous heights destined to entertain, jack of all trades master of none, refusal to accept the mortal world as it is thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is december 1st, so they’re a sagittarius, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( james, 21, est, they/them )

hllo welcome 2 my third character i love them a lot theyre a. remake of an older oc of mine so this is fun <3 sdfhk anyways once again i am asking u. pleathe like if u wld like to plot.

ARSON TW

mini playlist.

wizard ;; lucas lex / ring ring ;; mika / crows ;; clues / sunrise sunset ;; bright eyes / la llorona ;; beirut / no children ;; the mountain goats / might be love ;; the pesky snakes / sax in the city ;; let’s eat grandma.

statistics.

full name: kirby wormwood (currently).

nickname(s): magpie.

birthday: december 1st, 1995.

zodiac: sagittarius sun, aries moon, libra ascending.

mbti & temperament: estp & improvisor / sanguine.

label: the hellion.

hometown: abilene, texas.

sexuality: bisexual.

pinterest.

biography.

alright lets get right into it. kirby ws switched at birth. they cld’ve hd a very like. picket fence trampoline in the backyard. 4 columns cos its texas n it feels right. bt instead they were chosen <3 somewhat unintentionally <3 by dorothea n fawley wormwood, two traveling circus workers who emergency stopped in abilene.

n u know what. growing up in st. pierre’s traveling circus ws kinda fkn awesome? like ok. besides the fact tht they were homeschooled fr like evr n there were a sparing amt of children 2 socialize with? it ws p cool idk.

it ws kinda like everybody ws their parent n also not at all bc they were all very casual. bt they grew up learning hw 2 maintain the circus (n also like. normal school thingz bt i dnt think kirby hs ever cared abt school like ever) n whenever they hd a show kirby wld facepaint or handle tickets until they were old enough 2 start learning like. the Real fun things. 

fawley hd a lot of his own weird odd little like superstitions n beliefs n practically raised kirby on them like n they dnt rly <3 make a lot of sense. lots of made up philosophy. very much like. nothing defines u. u cn b anything or anyone. n kirby ws like ok cool. n then developed a god complex.

names didnt rly stick 2 kirby when they were a kid like. nothing satisfied them or felt worthy fr them or simply they just. got tired of a name. this isnt related 2 them being nonbinary BUT it did help ease some of the. pressure of exploring gender identity. theyve only hd one name tht stuck genuinely n tht ws magpie n. thts bc everybody hd their own bird name n it felt very. like community. like a role. usually the names they used during performances bt. anyways KFHDSGLKKHL

theyre Kirby bt answers 2 most. neutral nouns.

honestly. they were also a rascal as a youth. ws like. oh. i learned sleight of hand? cool. time 2 pick pockets. wld throw popcorn into the hair of other kids n b like. omggg what was that ... became a mime fr a year. it ws a rigorous training.

now a master of charades. bt anyways. they traveled pretty much weekly, maybe bimonthly n sometimes just pure monthly. there wsn’t an off season fr them, when the colder months came they’d travel south and when summer rolled in they’d go right back up again. it ws easy to switch personas almost daily n just. never reveal ur true self. totally not saying tht’s what kirby did bt thts what they did. it nvr made them lose sight of themselves it ws more like. acting. tricking ppl fr fun. 

anyways all good things come 2 an end and when kirby ws like. 18. they were like hey ur old enough that we cn trust u with fire. we think. n they started 2 learn fire-throwing n like. they were ok at it bt lessons were painfully slow n kirby ws like. i wld b so good at this if i cld do it all the time. n it ws like. hey kirby, chill. u already know a lot of things.

arson tw // u see where this is going. tents are kind of flammable. kirby ws unsupervised. bad decisions all around. circus is aflame. all the animals n all the circus workers got out fine bt like. st. pierre’s ws efficiently out of business. arson end of tw //

n kirby fkn booked it they just. ran. pure fear. nvr looked back which is like super traitorous of them 2 do bt. sometimes they meet up in secret like. sunglasses n all at a coffee shop. not all of them just like. fawley or someone else. theyre like. ur family u cld burn down a thousand circuses n we’d still love u. n kirby is like yeah i know bt i’ve rly committed to the bit now. n they dnt reunite.

anyways. since then kirby hs just been. a traveler. nvr rly staying anywhere fr super long n driving around in their shitty little van tht’d been used as housing back at st. pierre’s.

they’re in irving n theyve been there fr almost. suspiciously long. compared 2 their average stays. when asked abt what they do or why theyre there theyll just. give a vague answer or spin a long tale tht usually involves a burning circus.

theyre staying at uh. abernathy creek rn bc of course they r they fit in so naturally. welcomed with wide arms. might b soul searching rn might b on the hunt fr their birth parents might b just vibing ... whose to say ..

personality & facts.

has a Big personality tht attracts others fr better or fr worse. either super likeable or the most despicable person on the earth. no in betweens. n honestly tht is a talent in itself

has no off button is constantly. spinning tales or performing a dance or getting kicked out of bars fr whatever nonsense reason. 

honestly they prob think tht nothing bad cn ever happen to them even tho like. bad has literally happened 2 them before? love the optimism here. KLFGDLKFSDHGF

acts a bit like u’ve known them fr ur entire life they r oddly warm in tht way bt they themself r so distant tht its like. oh nice ok ...

both honest n yet dishonest like. yes they will hustle u out of ur money bt they will also tell u their opinion straight up. 

probably smart bt they r just like. prime thembo? flowy pirate shirts n cropped tshirts n pants tht r never tight. dresses like they do still work n live at a circus. 

likes 2 instigate things between others n then stand back n just watch it happen while taking like zero accountability. loves a good small town drama. avid milf hunter.

does not hv any faith in the american healthcare system at all n will straight up refuse 2 go 2 a hospital if they get hurt theyre like. i cn do it myself im like practically a professional. they r not a professional. 

bt does hv like. a thing abt apples. fkn loves them. 

uuuhhh cn play instruments bt all very badly. only knows one (1) song tht isnt made up n its wonderwall by oasis. they play it at parties. they expect fr tomatoes to b thrown at them at any given time.

very nimble. agile. granted its frm. learning circus tricks frm a baby age bt they hv impeccable balance n cn sneak up behind anyone without a single noise. uses this 2 their advantage in order 2 scare ppl. chaotic neutral.

loves having the attention on them i wont fk around here. will go to drastic measures to accomplish receiving it. my other muses r capable of taking things srsly bt kirby just. is not. they do not take a single thing srsly they barely even took. st. pierre’s destruction srsly n they caused it. maybe.

likes being able to just. be unknown so the amt tht ppl know abt them is actually very. little. i dnt think they even tell others their last name. sometimes not even their first. just hs so many aliases n nicknames. i know i didnt list any bt thts simply bc Any cld.

probably acts out to compensate fr the. underlying guilt they hv bt thts okay. i mean it isnt bt.

will probably show up if u call them fr help bt they lose interest in people p quickly n r always moving onto the next shiniest person. bt when they do they give them like. all their attention. if u wrong them in this period they will just. ignore it. bt when theyre bored then its like. u werent even friends at all? very odd.

perhaps it is commitment issues bt <3 ya. thts them. they do not claim favorite colors or movies or. most interests. probably bc theyre very very disconnected frm pop culture i think they learn everything thru twitter n google.

i wld not call them a good person bt i also dnt think theyre like evil horrible nasty awful they just. think abt themself a lot more than they think abt others n also refuses to face consequences ever and also .. anyways.

wanted plots.

part of the bird’s nest ;; honorary bird honorary circus member. u hv to be very well regarded by kirby to earn a bird name bt i feel like tht doesnt feel like a lot considering theyve only been here fr like. two weeks KDGDSHKGK. the catch is tht u cn only refer 2 them as magpie frm then forward. 

hand in unlovable hand ;; theres comfort in being terrible ppl together n it may not last bt it doesnt hv to anyways. its just them n the like. vibes. n knowing tht its smth thts nvr gna b long term. cld b anything ur character just hs to be also a little evil. KHDSGFDS

one jester ... wht abt ... TWO jesters .. ;; hoo boy. ooh man. unstoppable force and immovable object combine forces n just become. the worst of the worst. ultimate jokesters. epic pranksters. absolute clowns. chaotic energy unmatched. always nonsense. 

n also ;; ppl they’ve stolen frm, ppl who hv caught them in that act, ppl who’ve maybe seen them in the circus a very long time ago, Found Family Trope, real family shenanigans, kirby just asking everybody if theyre their dad., mortal enemies if they see each other its an instant duel 2 the death, etc.

#( kirby wormwood. ) about. / sunrise sunset. #irvingintro #arson tw

[we8comic]

i was the anon who sent the eyeroll dream thing and genuinely actually do you have any feelings about like dream and by extension sapnap trying to assert themselves into pop off trio streams

because i’m not gonna lie as much as i love dream and sapnap and yeah the going dark thing was funny, they do have this problem where they show up and get confrontational about not being invited and when they do that shit and put everyone on the spot about “being left out” it’s very weird to me you should just accept they want to have a stream alone right..? i was wondering what you thought about that and whether you think they genuinely feel threatened about being left out

like let george hang out with his other friends maybe i doubt they’d do this if it was quackity and karl with anyone else or even just them alone

also i’m too much of a coward to discuss this on my own main idk if you know who this is but i have a feeling it’s smth you agree with and it’s veryyy nice to see someone calling sapnap and dream out for their occasional annoying and stream ruining behaviour

sorry this is so long!! you also totally don’t have to answer btw lmao i just notice the same frustration sometimes through your liveblogging whenever sapnap and dream crash a stream

anonymous: wait wait to add onto my last ask it was the biggest power move for karl to announce that the sex havers only consists of george karl and quackity and i really felt like that was a hint drop from him, i think jokingly adding that anyone else is “a friend of sex havers” was to lessen the impact but i still enjoy the fact that he asserted (and has been asserting) that their group when they’re together is an exclusive trio

i felt it that time he was like yeah well. we were the original sex havers groupchat and i feel like sapnap and dream kinda wriggled themselves into being included like i hope none of this sounds mean i just really want dream and sapnap to understand it’s okay to not be included in everything

oh MAN do i have feelings 😩 dream and sapnap are almost comically emasculated by any little thing that makes them feel inferior and that includes being excluded from things. and i personally feel they have no right to get angry about being left out and to then show up onto their streams to express that theyre upset in front of an audience of thousands. i say this because the other three ALWAYS mention that they dm'd them and invited them to the activity or otherwise said they had reason to believe dream or sapnap wouldnt be available (and even outside of that, theyre not required to tell the other about every single one of their plans lol)

i think getting confrontational about it on stream in the middle of planned activities is childish. take a look at bad for example, who also isnt a part of the trio but doesnt get confrontational about having been left out. the trio is full of lighthearted people, bad came into the call and they asked him if he wanted to join in the game they were playing and he did and that was it. compare that to dream or sapnap and when they join calls. theyre consistently immediately accusatory. the trio will take it in stride (cus again. an audience of over 100k is watching. its really not the time and place to whine and get mad about feeling left out, those are convos to have in private), theyll throw some facts like "we invited you" "you said you were busy" "we already had this planned for a while" etc., then theyll offer an invitation to join. this invitation is usually met w quite frankly STUPID debate about "well why wasnt i included in the first place" like dude. read the room, youre streamers for a living, talk about these things off stream like an adult. plus they literally already said you could join if you still wanted to, whats the problem, why drag it out for longer than it needs to be. it just stalls the stream and their plans and shifts the lighthearted tone into somethin a little more careful (however briefly it might be, it didnt need to happen)

i LOVE karl for saying that theyre their own group and joking that their attitude is why theyre friends of sex havers. it felt like a lighthearted way to lift the mood again and kinda say "hey, we do our own things sometimes, chill"

i cant speak for whether i think they genuinely feel threatened about being left out cus not only do i not know them personally, theyre also not ccs i focus energy on (thats for quackity and george 😌) i DO think that with all the times theyve brought it up when crashing the trio streams, they should really by this point have talked about it off screen. it feels almost like they use the audience as a safety net to avoid the consequence of intruding/being mean cus whoever theyre talking to has to keep a certain face and therefore cant say certain things (might even hazard a guess that off screen they probably still dont REALLY talk about it)

i dont blame them for wanting to be a part of things their friends are doing but i blame them for the way they express that. it makes the atmosphere tense by making it far too personal for something thats visible to a live public audience.

i know theyre around the same age, but the way dream an sapnap handle conflict on screen IS immature vs the way quackity and karl do. quackity and karl have been entertainers for A WHILE and understand how to stay entertaining and theyre far more aware of their audience and the overall mood and how to handle problems and conflict without things getting too tense. dream and sapnap (sapnap moreso) have a habit of being confrontational and not lightening the mood and instead continuing to be mad, making everyone else in the call responsible for the energy of the stream instead of them themselves dealing with the tenseness theyve caused. it makes things awkward and im always hoping itll end fast and that theyd please for the love of god talk about it off stream

thats worded a little dramatically cus its rarely ever THAT bad, but it would be SO much better if it just didnt happen yknow. if they understood that they dont have to be a part of everything their other friends do AND if they understood that getting mad on stream and stalling their plans and souring the vibe isnt the best way to handle it.

tl;dr: theyre their own group who do their own things and arent required to share their plans w the rest of their friends (and usually they dm in advance anyway asking if they wanna be a part of their plans). dream and sapnap feeling excluded isnt something they should get overly heated about on stream (its an immature way to bring up the issue especially without ever offering a solution). these are problems they should talk about off stream where the trio dont have to be so conscious about their audience and its perception. i love karl and quackity for emphasizing that theyre their own group with their own plans and joking that the way they act is WHY theyre not part of the group. i think they deal w it as well as they can and i think dream and sapnap need to learn just a little more spacial awareness and how to handle conflict

edit: quackity/karl/george should be fully able to have their own stream together without anyone else intruding. dream and sapnap arent their bosses, they dont need to run all their plans by them first. if they want to have streams with just their own established group, they should be able to have that.

#answered #time and time again it shows just how much more experience karl and quackity have w being in front of an audience #and handling things accordingly #and george's age shows cus hes so patient #and it helps that hes not one to take things too personal #and in comparison to dream and sapnap. george seems more constantly aware of the audience #dream and sapnap take things so personally which isnt an inherent problem but they just dont.. deal with it well #anyway! either way they can all handle it :] theyre all good friends #and im sure if shit got really bad theyd be adult enough to hash it out so it didnt get that bad again

[justcallmenikki7]

BTS Reaction To: They’re Only Soft For You (BadBoy!Au)(School!Au)

Summary: your boyfriend who is known as the “bad boy” in your school only is ever soft for you and everyone who witnesses their softness towards you is always shocked by it.

Genre: badboy!au, school!au, Goodgirl!reader

Warnings: none, just fluff

Notes: i’m not as thrilled for Jungkook’s but this idea popped in my head and i wrote this in two hours, so i apologize for my terrible writing and for any grammatical mistakes.

****************************************************

Jin:

You had Jin wrapped around your fingers and everyone in your school, including the teachers and other staff, knew it too. 

Every time you walked down the hall with your boyfriend, who is feared by the student body, stared at you both in shock. That reason is because you’re the complete opposite of him - literally. You’re much nicer than him, more polite, and friendly. 

Truth is, so is Jin, but to the people he likes and who doesn’t irritates him- which includes his family, friends, and most importantly - you. 

So, seeing him act in such a way towards you shocks them. 

Especially now.

“Hey Jinnie? Can you hold my hair back so I can get a drink from the water fountain?” You asked your boyfriend sweetly, glancing up at his tall frame. 

If it was anymore possible, his eyes softened even more at you, nodding his head. “Of course, baby.” Moving your hair so it was pulled back away from your face, making sure there weren’t any stray hairs that would possibly get wet. 

As you were getting a drink, the students around you stared in shock, seeing how Jin was doing something so out of his character. Even though they see something like this every week, they still cannot get use to it. Without you knowing, Jin glared at all of them, the same look that can scare them into thinking that they’ll have to deal with him alone. When he felt you stand up, his death glare was long gone and back was his adoring look for you.

Oblivious to the looks, you stood up on your tiptoes and planted a thankful kiss on your boyfriend’s cheek. “Thank you Jinnie, now, let’s get to the library so we, or I, can study.”

Smirking, Jin wrapped his arms around you shoulders to bring you in close to him. “You know me so well, baby.”

Yoongi:

Min Yoongi hated school dances with a passion. 

The thought of them always made him scowl and roll his eyes, stating that they are stupid and worthless. 

And that is what he is at right now against his will because you begged him to go to it.

He was leaning against the wall, cringing at the crappy songs that were being played on the speakers, watching you dance with your friends. His gaze never left your dancing, only whenever a guy would stare at you for to long so he could give them his death glare. Your sight always made him happy - you made him happy. And what came with that is giving into your puppy dog eyes, being to weak to say no to you.

The upbeat song turned into a slow song, causing you to stop dancing and excitedly make your way towards Yoongi. 

A cheeky grin was on your face which made Yoongi roll his eyes at you in a goofy manner.

“Would you like to have this dance with me, Min Yoongi,” you said in a fake posh tone. 

Wanting to see you smile, he cleared his throat, “I would be honored to have this dance with you, Miss Y/N.” His reply had you giggling which made Yoongi smile down at you.

Yoongi brought you into him, his arms wrapped around your waist tightly, your front pressed against his. Your arms were wrapped around his neck, fingers playing with the ends of his hair. 

“You look beautiful tonight, kitten.” He whispered into your ear, deep voice making your body tingle.

“And you look handsome, Yoongi.” You complimented back, kissing his neck. 

You could see your friends gawking at you and Yoongi out of your peripheral vision, still shocked that you could make the Min Yoongi soft. Your best friend was smiling fondly at you from beside you who was dancing with their date, making you happy that she was happy for you. 

Hoseok

To say that it was a shock that one of the feared BTS boys was dating a girl like you was a shock. You - a book worm, quiet, sweet girl - was dating Jung Hoseok - a rude, scary (according to a lot of people), rough guy. 

Sometimes it was a shock to you also because how in the hell does someone like Hoseok like someone like you? This was something you always thought and have voiced once to your boyfriend, which resulted in him showing (in many ways) on why he does. 

At school people always whispered about how different acts towards you than anybody else. 

Like now-

You were leaning into your boyfriends chest as you sat with him and his friends underneath the big oak tree that was outside by the school. You had a book in your hand, reading your favorite novel, while the other hand was used to put chips in your mouth. Hoseok had his arms wrapped around your waist, chin perched on your shoulder, occasionally pressing kisses along your neck and cheek. 

“Dang it,” you muttered, accidentally staining a page of your book from turning it with your hand that you were using to eat with.

“What’s wrong, baby girl?” Hoseok asked, frowning when he heard your upset voice.

“I accidentally stained one of my pages because I was using this hand to eat with and turn pages.” You told him, frowning. 

“Here, let me feed you while you read so you don’t do that again.” Hoseok offered, handing you a napkin so you can wipe you messy hand with before grabbing the bag of chips you brought. 

Agreeing, you cleaned your hand off before you went back to reading. As Hoseok fed you, every now and then laughing with you whenever he acted as if the chip was a plane, the people who passed by were stunned. They would have never imagined Hoseok to act like how does with you before you two ever got together. Now that you two are together and how acts towards you -soft and kind- they cannot wrap their head around it. 

Namjoon:

Kim Namjoon is a nerd.

No one would ever believe that because of how he acts and who he hangs around with. Also because of him being the leader of the schools bad boy clan. But they began to see his nerdy side in class after you two started dating. 

But they also didn’t believe that Kim Namjoon would go for someone that is the complete opposite of him; which shocked them whenever you and Namjoon began dating.

“But how is it A? Are you sure it is not C?” You questioned, looking at your boyfriend in confusion. 

“Because, babe, of how..” Namjoon began explaining on why it is A rather than C. 

The students who sat beside you and in front of you were stunned to see how Namjoon explained the process and problem to you so nicely and understandingly. Never had they seen Namjoon so nice to someone who wasn’t his friend (he is nice to someone who is nice to him first, but no one ever sees that situation). 

“Oh, okay, that makes sense!” You exclaimed, finally understanding it the problem. “Thank you, Joonie.” You thanked quietly because you knew that he didn’t want anyone to hear your nickname for him.

“You’re welcome, babe. Now, onto the next problem.” Namjoon smiled down at you, love and admiration in his eyes.

And for the rest of the class period, the kids who were sat around you and Namjoon were quiet, listening to your boyfriend explain each problem to you, to scared to ask him for help on the problem.

Jimin:

Jimin was known not to do anything domestic.

He has had pass ‘girlfriends’ in the past - mainly flings. With those flings, he never liked to do anything that involved being a boyfriend. He just acted as if they were another person that didn’t matter to him, but helped him with his needs. 

So, whenever you, the ‘good girl’, someone who never had a relationship, got with Jimin- everyone assumed that you were going to be another fling. They all felt pity for you because you are a nice girl. 

It was a huge shock when you and Jimin were seen doing couply activities- like going to the movies, holding hands in school, and you both dating for almost seven months. Everyone was purely shocked that the Park Jimin is in an actual relationship for more than a week. 

So whenever Jimin was around you, he turned into a huge ball of mush. Every time that they heard Jimin laugh, coo at you, or just act like an actual fluff ball, they were stunned. 

Because what had happen to the Jimin who had a different girl a week?

You.

And Jimin loves it- he loves you. And it is very obvious.

“Happy birthday, baby girl.” Jimin greeted you, kissing you all over your face. 

“Thanks, Jimin!” You giggled at Jimin’s way of greeting you.

“I got you these,” he showed you the flowers. “I hope you like them, I know that you like Daisy’s, but they didn’t have any, so i got you the Sunflowers, which is your second favorite flower.” Jimin explained. It was clear that he was nervous about your reaction to the first part of your present. 

“Jimin, I love them!” You squealed, looking at the flowers, taking them from your boyfriends hands. “They’re perfect, I love you so much!” To show your appreciation, you kissed him on the lips and hugged him tight.

The people that were around were all gawking at how you can make the Park Jimin nervous. A few people were happy to see that Jimin has changed and is happy with someone. 

Taehyung:

Before you met Taehyung, he was wild. As in, he never, ever, listened to anybody and was never controlled. He was always doing something crazy, like pulling a prank on a teacher or student, even graffiti a locker. 

Taehyung was never controlled.

Until you came along.

Long story short, when Taehyung first met you he was head over heels for you. He was so entranced by your beauty, personality, everything about you. So, realizing that he had to probably calm down on his wildness due to knowing how sometimes it bothered you, he quit all of his acts. This surprised everyone because how could someone control the Kim Taehyung?

“Ugh,” you groaned out, bending down to pick up a book that had dropped.

“You okay there, Princess?” A familiar voice asked, causing butterflies to errupt in your stomach and your heart to do flips. You felt a arm wrap around your waist and a kiss be pressed to the side of your head.

“Yes, it’s just that I have to carry so many books and it gets to the point of being too much. I hate having to come back to my locker after every hour, so I try carrying them all at once to avoid being late.” You admitted, trying to balance your books in your arms.

Taehyung frowned down at you before grabbing your books, ignoring your protests. He hates seeing you stress out, so he’ll do anything to prevent that from happening.

“No, I’ll carry your books, Princess.” He stated, cutting you off from your protests. 

At his actions, the people who were around were astonished by his actions. Even though this sometimes happens, everyone always seems to get surprised by it. 

“She is so lucky.” You heard someone whisper, making you blush.

“It’s me that is the lucky one.” Taehyung stated truthfully, leaning down and giving you a kiss on the forehead. 

Jungkook:

Jungkook was a cocky guy. 

He knew he was hot and he knew that him and his friends were feared in their town. He used that to his advantage to get whatever he wanted.

But that all stopped when he met you. 

You had changed Jungkook by keeping him in line when he needed to be put back and had helped keep his short temper under control. 

Sometimes, that temper got tested by how people acted and made snide remarks about him and his friends. 

“What the fuck did you just say?” Jungkook growled out, turning around to face the person who made the remark.

“Jungkook,” you warned in a calm, yet soothing voice. “Don’t listen to them, he is a douche and you shouldn’t waste your energy on someone who is a negative person.” You told him, rubbing his shoulders.

What came a shock to everyone who was expecting a fight was Jungkook agreeing to not fight. They all stared at Jungkook and you as you both walked away from the scene.

Jungkook wrapped his arms around your shoulders, bringing you in close to him. You smiled up at him, happy that you got your boyfriend to avoid a detention or suspension. 

“I love you.” Jungkook promised, leaning down to press a kiss to your head.

“And I love you too.”

#bts reaction #bts imagine #bts badboy au #bts school au #bts maknae line #bts hyung line #seokjin imagine #yoongi imagine #hoseok imagine #namjoon imagine #jimin imagine #taehyung imagine #jungkook imagine #jin imagine #suga imagine #jhope imagine #rm imagine #v imagine #bts x you #bts x reader #bts smut

[fluffyheretic]

I’m so fucking tempted to say “every single question with Kazushuu or Hitoshuu (except for the nsfw ones i guess)” But I don’t want to singlehandedly kill you

ok let’s do it

as a side note sometimes the answer is the same or similar for both ships just bc shuu is uh. the same person. but ofc not always

under cut for lengthhhh

1. Who makes the first move and how?

hitoshuu: normally im gonna say definitely hitori. he probably decides to be direct and just straight up ask. in iwasweetie au specifically tho i want it to be sweetie if only bc i need to make him get over his shit. he also asks “directly” but it actually involves a lot of stuttering and beating around the bush so it ends up not being very direct

shuukazu: im not sure if it would really be one of them specifically, i can see them as the “this kind of just happened” couple. maybe kazuaki is the one after several months whos like “so um… what are we…. lol………..”

2. Who is the most insecure and what makes them feel better?

hitoshuu: shuu, not that hitori is the paragon of confidence but shuus like “wtf hes the ideal young man and im Bastard Supreme but ok i guess”

shuukazu: BOTH LMAO but kazu is more vocal abt it and shuu is the Bottle Up EVERYTHING type

some good ol body positivity cuddle sessions work in both cases

3. Who is the most romantic?

anyone but shuu for obvious “i dont even know what feelings ARE” reasons

4. Who can’t keep their hands to themselves?

again anyone but shuu for obvious “i dont even know what intimacy IS” reasons but specifically hitori is just more confident and kazuaki isnt necessarily confident but is more just. shameless

5. Who says ‘I love you’ first?

not shuu for similar reasons as above. there’s a trend here, you see

6. Who would they ask if they ever had a threesome?

THIS is a CHRISTIAN blog

7. What do they get up to on a night out?

hitoshuu: going to dinner at a place thats nice but not TOO nice. like good comfortable atmosphere and good food but not posh

shuukazu: they probably just wander around, maybe go shopping, kazuaki keeps pointing out stuff he wants and dr iwamine “i dont know what to do with my money bc i dont want for material things” shuu just buys it for him. shuu please stop enabling him. stop it.

8. What do they like in bed?

hitoshuu: cuddling :)

shuukazu: snuggling :)

9. What is the most embarrassing thing they have done in front of each other?

i feel like shuu considers every single new couple-y thing he does to be the new most embarrassing thing he’s done. we’re holding hands? embarrassing. i kissed you? god now THATS embarrassing. you caught me wearing your sweater that you accidentally left at my place? well put me in the fucking ground thats literally the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to anybody. how dare i show sentimentality. despicable

kazuaki is similar in that he’s constantly one-upping himself and getting a NEW most embarrassing thing but his things include stuff like getting caught watching really strange anime and scream-singing pop songs and anime OPs in the shower

hitori probably like tripped on the sidewalk once

10. What two songs, two books and two luxury items do they take to a desert island?

these questions are difficult bc man idk what media exists in 2188 bird japan

11. What do they hide from one another?

in both cases shuus answer is “just about everything” hes terrified of the mortifying ordeal of being known. pretty much everything you learn about him has to be squeezed out

hitori hides how troubled he really is because he wants to seem like the responsible one everyone can depend on so that they dont have to worry about him. he does his best to hide when hes struggling but since shuu has that exact same impulse they pretty quickly start to see through each other, but are also very understanding about it.

kazuaki probably doesnt have as much to hide but he might be shy about portraying how REALLY in love with shuu he is too soon because he doesnt want to scare him away. he also hides the weirder shows and games and stuff that hes into lol

12. What first changes when it starts getting serious?

hitoshuu: i can see them having that kind of relationship where at first its casual and almost competitive in a way, like a “i think youre sexy and the only thing i know to do about it is see what i can do to make you flustered, then act smug when i succeed” thing. but over time when the novelty of that starts to wear off they both kinda realize they just straight up like each other and start being more genuine and soft.

shuukazu: again its a similar thing with shuu where he starts feeling more comfortable with letting himself be a little more genuine and START opening up. kazuaki picks up on this as a good sign and starts to worry less about trying to impress shuu and more just enjoying their time together.

13. When do they realize they should get together?

this is another one that i think is a similar answer in both cases, at least for shuu’s part he has a “dammit. i cant lose him” moment. since hes a person of very few words he tries to communicate “i want us to be serious” via letting down his walls a little bit, which hitori/kazuaki hopefully notice is happening and then are like “oh maybe we can work”

14. When one has a cold, what does the other do?

for shuu and hitori its “responsibly take care of you, bc its what i should do but also secretly i get STRESSED AS FUCK when someone i care about is sick so i gotta make sure youre okay”

for kazuaki its “take care of you, although i dont really know what im doing, also i thought since youre bedridden we could cuddle but its not as enjoyable as i wanted so like I’m Here but also im gonna watch tv okay? ill get u crackers and ginger ale”

15. When they watch a film what do they choose and why? Who gets the final vote?

hitoshuu: shuu’s gonna say he doesn’t care, but hitori also doesn’t really care so eventually he’ll get shuu to admit that he’d like to watch a nature documentary. especially if it’s marine-themed. hitori likes that too so hey there you go

shuukazu: shuu WILL watch the 76th pokemon movie OR ELSE

16. When the zombie apocalypse comes, how do they cope together?

hitoshuu: both are cutthroat bastards that do anything it takes to keep each other safe. their reliance and trust in each other is probably 99% of what keeps them going.

shuukazu: again shuus gonna do literally anything it takes to keep kazuaki safe, but to be real i dont know if kazuaki is making it out of this one. and if he doesnt then shuus not either.

17. When they find a time machine, where do they go?

shuu’s answer is going to be at various points in prehistory to study organisms that are now long-extinct (side note god thats definitely my answer too). his bf is worried abt the dangers but comes with him to make sure he doesn’t get into trouble.

i think hitori might not have anything specific in mind but going to historical sites in their heydays seems like a good choice.

since kazuaki likes literature he’d probably want to see historical stuff related to that, like seeing shakespeare plays when they first came out and meeting his favorite dead authors to ask them questions.

18. When they fight, how do they make up?

hitoshuu: hitori doesn’t like to dance around that kind of thing, after a little time has passed for them to both think about it then he’ll just be direct and say “hey lets talk about that thing that happened” if he feels he was in the wrong then he’ll then follow that up with an apology. i can see hitori being a little grudgy but then quickly getting tired of it and just wanting things to be resolved. shuu hates talking things out because hes bad at it but he knows its best so he’ll just try to explain how he felt at the time but also what he’s considered since then. even if he’s not good at explaining himself, hitori is good at understanding him anyway so they usually work it out pretty quickly.

shuukazu: they can be messier since kazuaki gets really emotional really quickly and sometimes says things he doesnt mean. theyre both bad at dealing with it afterwards though until after a few awkward days, kazuaki cant take it and is like “waaa i dont want us to be fighting anymore 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺” and shuus like “ok.” because yeah he’ll take the easy way out. they could probably improve their communication tbh

19. Where do they go on their first date?

hitoshuu: they probably decide to do something simple and casual to make it less awkward so they just get coffee. shuu feels like, from what he knows, that he should be expecting hitori to make a move on him. hitori doesnt because he wants to be considerate of shuus comfort level, but shuu takes it as a sign of disinterest. luckily shuu realizes hes wrong about that when hitori quickly invites him on Another date where they take a stroll in the park, and thats when hitori goes in for the tactical hand-hold maneuver.

shuukazu: kind of the opposite of hitoshuu in that they dont really declare it officially as a date. kazuaki just asks shuu if he wants to see a movie with him, not really calling it a date but kind of implying it to be one. shuu probably doesnt care about the movie but thinks this might possibly maybe be a date so he should go. kazuaki then uses it as a chance to Put On The Movies, as awkward as that might be, including the classic “stretch with my arms up and then let one down over your shoulders” move. shuu doesnt really know how to indicate his own interest in response but hopes the fact that hes also not complaining in any way gives a hint. despite it not REALLY being an official date at the time, later on theyll look back on it and decide that yeah that was their first date.

20. Where do they go on holiday?

shuu hates taking time off work, but if he must, then he’ll be content as long as theres something scientifically interesting there like a museum or an aquarium.

hitori doesnt really mind where they go, hes just grateful to get to go on holiday at all, so he’ll let shuu pick. and again, that’s going to be somewhere with a natural history museum, probably a very nice one and they’ll both enjoy it.

kazuaki is similar in that he’s just happy to be there but his ideal holiday destination is probably just…. akihabara. so shuu relents and goes there with him occasionally. kazuaki does like to visit aquariums with shuu though! they do both

21. Where do they get nervous about going with one another?

hitoshuu: the cemetery, at least at first when they arent used to being that vulnerable in front of each other

shuukazu: well shuu sure as shit is nervous about going to anime cons with kazu

22. Where does their first kiss happen?

in both cases, definitely at one of their homes, because shuus too much of a wreck to have a moment like that in a public place.

for shuukazu, i picture it that theyre just hanging out at kazuakis place and relaxing, and they end up cuddling a lot, and kazuaki kisses him kind of impulsively. hes then very apologetic about it before shuu manages to assure him that its fine.

hitoshuu, maybe hitori walks shuu home after a date and goes for the classic end of date goodbye kiss, but just on the cheek. then when once again hitori has walked shuu home, shuu wonders if he should expect a real kiss this time, but hitori goes for the cheek again. shuus disappointed and grabs hitoris sleeve before he turns away because he doesnt know how to say he wants more. but hitori takes the hint and kisses him for real this time.

23. Where is their favorite place to be together?

in both cases it’s at home, because shuu finds it much easier to be intimate when they’re in privacy. i think all three of them really appreciate just getting to relax together.

24. Where do they first have sex?

what did i say about this being a christian blog

25. Why do they fight?

usually its because shuu said something a little too tactless. hes not so clueless that he’ll say something really obviously offensive, but sometimes he really doesn’t know what’s too much. but his bf is hopefully understanding of this and corrects him Still Firmly but still with some “but i know you didnt mean it like that, we’re okay” way, because chances are he really didnt.

for hitoshuu specifically, hitori has to be on shuu about eating properly and can sometimes get kind of annoyed about it. shuus kneejerk reaction is to then be offended because hes an adult who can take care of himself. but they calm down and make up when shuu remembers that hitori just worries for him, and hitori remembers that shuu doesnt not eat just to spite him.

for shuukazu, i can see kazuaki’s lack of responsibility and aloofness start to get on shuu’s nerves, and when he brings it up kazuaki thinks he’s just being mean. again, similarly to hitoshuu, they get over it when kazuaki reminds himself that shuu wants him to be able to take care of himself, and shuu reminds himself as well that he can be too abrasive and should work on it.

26. Why do they need to have a serious chat?

hitoshuu: they dont have to right away but over time it would be good for them to be honest abt their respective traumas and the shit theyre dealing with instead of hiding it

shuukazu: similar, shuu should probably get around to being more open abt his shit. they might also want to have a talk abt what a serious relationship is gonna look like for them

27. Why do their friends get annoyed with them?

hitoshuu: i answered this already! but again, its bc theyre so ~responsible~

shuukazu: ppl either see kazuaki being super clingy and think “man hes so overbearing, his poor partner 😒” or see shuu being emotionless and think “man theyre so cold, their poor boyfriend 😒” actually they gotta mind their own damn business

28. Why do they get jealous?

hitoshuu: i feel like hitori actually gets hit on a pretty decent amount. shuu is never happy about it, but the death glares he starts sending usually scare the person off anyway

shuukazu: both of them think the other is too good for them so if anyone looks at them with even a little too much interest the other is immediately like “well i guess this is it”

29. Why do they fall a little bit more in love?

hitoshuu: little moments shuu loves is when hitori asks him how he is, how he slept. when he makes him dinner. hitori loves when shuu looks deep in thought, tucks his hair behind his ear, and he definitely likes to see him get along with nageki, which he does.

shuukazu: shuu loves when kazuakis eyes light up with excitement when he sees something he likes, especially when shuu realizes that hes one of those things too. he also loves kazuakis really nice hugs, especially when shuu just woke up from a nightmare. kazuaki loves how shuu listens to him intently, and asks questions about the things hes interested in, and sometimes rests his hand on him when hes getting tired.

30. Why does it work (or not work) between them?

hitoshuu: both are important figures in each other’s lives, obv shuu helped nageki but also hitori is probably the first person to get even a little close to shuu after ryuuji died. theyre both just pockets of trauma but are doing their best so it would be good for them to support each other and try to heal. theyre both pretty dependable so when the going gets tough they’re each other’s rocks

shuukazu: theyre definitely the “it will never work” couple that ends up working anyway. shuu might think kazuaki is annoying at first but if ryuuji is any indication shuu definitely seems to gravitate towards people who are more chill and even a little silly, and when shuu realizes that kazuaki isnt as dumb as he makes himself seem that helps a lot. for kazuaki shuu definitely has a ~mysterious~ aspect that draws him in initially but when it wears off as he learns more about shuu, instead of the magic being gone he just starts finding him more relatable and endearing so their relationship actually improves.

#hato #hitoshuu #shuukazu #shuu #hitori #kazuaki #kirogaraii #these were really interesting to answer #it made me think a lot abt the ways i think these ships are similar but also different #and how theres always one constant: shuu is a mess #but theyre ALL messes so its ok theyll be messy together <3

[batfam-imagines]

I literally love your batfam writing so much, can I request something? Can batsis (biological daughter of Bruce) be adapted after her mum dies and she's obsessed with makeup and loves it so all the boys think she's shallow and conceited? But she's not? Thank you so much

Makeup

Tim flops on the couch beside his eldest brother, “Did yousee her room? She’s got a one of those makeup mirror things. The one with thelights in the mirror and all the drawers. When I walked by, she was filling thewhole thing up with makeup”

“Are you serious? Who needs that much makeup?”

“I don’t think Steph, Cass, and Babs have that much makeupcombined. I mean I know her mom was a model and all, but she must be stupid shallowand obsessed with her looks”

There’s a soft creak as the door open and both boys glanceup to see the newest member of the Wayne household standing awkwardly in thedoorway. “Hi, Alfred said that you two were in here … he said that you guys wouldn’tmind giving me a bit of a tour. I only know where my room and the kitchen is …”

Dick lets out a put-upon sigh and heaves himself off thecouch, “Yeah, come on, I’ll show you around.”

Y/N glances up at him when they’re passing one of the hugebay windows, “You know, you have beautiful cheekbones, they’d be perfect be forsome highlight. And Tim has some beautiful eyelashes, I have to use falsies ormascara to that kind of length. You know I have -”

“Not everyone needs makeup to feel good about themselves,Y/N”

She freezes for a few seconds before catching up to him, “Iknow. I don’t use makeup because I don’t feel good about myself. I use it becauseit makes me confident, it’s like a mask that helps me take on the world. Ienjoy makeup, I don’t need it, Dick.” Her eyes lock with his, “This familyshould know all about mask, right?”

Dick almost chokes out a disbelieving laugh, that’s definitelysomething he’ll need to bring up to Bruce but for now he’ll ignore it. “So, youhave all that different makeup, and spend all that money just because you likeit?”

“I actually get a lot of my makeup for free. I have a YouTubechannel where I teach people how to put on makeup, so different makeupcompanies will sometimes send me their new pallets or supplies for me to testout and review. Mom taught me to be confident in who I am, to love myself andothers based on who they are as a person. I try to help my followers becomeconfident in themselves while I’m teaching them how to do makeup” The older manjust continues to stare at her, “Maybe you shouldn’t judge people on their outwardappearance and try to get to know them first”

Y/N quickly walks the rest of the way down the hall andstraight into her room while Dick slowly makes his way back toward the livingroom where Tim is still sitting. “So how was it? Was she completely airheaded,or could she actually hold a conversation?”

“She actually seems pretty smart, like she had a reason forhaving so much makeup. I guess she uses it all for her YouTube channel, and tohelp other people gain confidence in themselves”

Tim quickly sits up, “Do you know what her YouTube name is?I want to look her up”

“I don’t know, just search her name, it’ll be her mom’s lastname”

Tim types for a minute, “I found her … holy shit, she hasover 8 million followers”

“You’re kidding me. She was telling the truth? Play one ofher videos”

The two boys play a random video from two months ago. Y/Ntalks about how it doesn’t matter how much makeup someone layers on their faceif they’re ugly on the inside it’ll show. She talks about just being confidentin everything you do and in believing in yourself. The boys end up watchingvideo after video. Watching as she does casual day makeup, or night out makeup.How sometimes her mom or friends will appear in the videos and she’ll do theirmakeup as well as her own and the guest will share their own words of wisdom.The last video the two end up watching is the most recent one Y/N had posted,dated for only a few days after her mother had passed away. It isn’t a makeupvideo at all, it talks about loss and figuring out how live life after losingsomeone so important. Y/N talks about Bruce, how her father who she’s never metintends to take her in and adopt her. Finally, it wraps up by saying that shedoesn’t know when she’ll be able to post again, or even if she’ll be able to answeranyone messages.

“Did we completely misjudge her and act like total assholesto a girl who just lost her only parent up until recently? We’ve both lost ourparents and we were total assholes to her just because we assumed she wasshallow and conceited, when really she just likes makeup and uses it to expressherself”

Dick groans, letting his head fall into his hands, “How dowe make this up to her?”

“Maybe we should follow her advice and actually get to knowher. I think … I think we should treat her like a member of the family insteadof like an outsider. We need to talk to Jason and Damian, you know they’ll cometo the same conclusion we did and yeah, Damian’s gotten a little better overthe years, but he still doesn’t have much a filter.”

“You’re right. I have a great idea. We should have a siblingmovie night, then we call all get to know her at the same time and she can getto know us. She won’t feel so alone here afterwards”

“Perfect! Just us tonight, and maybe next week we can getall the girls over here too?” Dick quickly nods his agreement, “I’m going totell Alfred and see if he can whip up some snacks for us. Can you call Jasonand get Damian?”

“Yeah, I got them. I really hope this works. We might havejust ruined our relationship with Y/N because we judged her over her makeup andnot her personality. We should know better, god we’re so stupid” Dick lets outa soft sigh and pulls out his phone, “Let’s just hope she can forgive us”

A voice clears behind them. Both vigilantes whip around,their eyes wide, having not even heard the door open, “You know, I’d forgiveyou a lot quicker if you’d apologize, that’s typically how these things works”

“Y/N, you scared the crap out of me!” Dick lets out a shakybreath, “I’m sorry … We’re sorry for judging you without getting to know you.We’ve known a lot of models and just kinda assumed that you were like all of them.I didn’t mean to judge you, or insult you”

“I understand. I’m a stranger coming into your guys house.You don’t know me, you guys didn’t even know I existed until recently, so ofcourse you’d assume things about me. That doesn’t make it right though, howeverI’m going to forgive you this time. I want to get to know my new brothers, solet’s put this behind us, okay?”

Tim grins, “Thank you. So we were gonna have a movie nighttonight, the four of us guys and you if you want. A way for all of us to get toknow you and for you to get to know us … if you want”

Y/N grins, “I’d love to, that sounds like fun … but we NEEDto have some kettle corn for the movie and some cookies”

Both guys snort, “I thought you were all into the healthy lifestyleand being the best you can be? That’s what your videos said”

“That’s what some of them said, but then I also say that it’sokay to indulge as long as you do it in moderation. So, I’ll be going to the gymtomorrow, but tonight we can watch movies and eat what we want”

“Sounds like a plan, I’ll call Jay and go talk to Damian”

“I’ll go ask Alfred if he can make cookies, you haven’t hadthe chance to try Alfie’s cookies yet, Y/N. They’re amazing!”

#batfamily #batboys #BatFam #Batfamily Headcanon #batfam headcanons #batfam imagine #batfamily imagines #batfamily imagine #dick grayson #dick grayson imagine #Tim Drake #tim drake imagine #reader insert #sister reader #the boys are assholes to the reader #makeup #request #send me asks #batdad #batboys imagine

[angrylizardjacket]

and then there was light [4] {Roger Taylor}

A/N: 5060 words. part 4? part 4. it’s a bit of a darker one and before you ask, there will be a part 5, you know i wouldn’t end it on a cliffhanger and do you dirty like that.

[part 1] [part 2] [part 3]

The moment Roger steps foot into the meeting about the design of the shows for the upcoming American legs of the ‘Night at the Opera’ world tour, he’s pretty sure he’s already mentally checked out. Freddie’s doing all the talking, to literally no-one’s surprise; the man has big ambitions for his own costumes, and knows the other guys will pipe up about their own needs when they get to meet with just the costume designer. John Reid brings up the technical requirements, Roger’s got the ‘galileo’s from Bohemian Rhapsody playing on repeat in his head as he stares into the middle distance, and it’s Deaky who sits forward.

“We’ve got a pretty solid idea for the lights; Freddie and I have been consulting with a designer in America; she’s freelance, used to work for EMI, she’s reliable.” He assures, and Roger’s thinking ‘hey that sounds familiar’ but Reid seems satisfied and they’re already moving on to the staging and sound equipment needed. 

Roger doesn’t connect the dots at first; it’s been almost four years since that fateful American tour, and they’ve had other tours come and go since, and as far as the others are concerned, they’re pretty sure he hasn’t spared you a thought since arriving home at the end of that tour. But he does, even if he doesn’t mean to.

The tour after you’d quit working for EMI, someone drops a parcan side of stage, and his heart is in his throat when he realises he was waiting to hear you yell ‘okay that one wasn’t my fault’ or something similar. All he hears is a faint apology, and a call from someone to get a broom. The scheduling’s different this time around, he can’t even have a cigarette in an empty theatre without some stagehand buzzing back and forth, or a band member trotting across the stage as they practice. It would be so much easier to lay on the stage if the rest of them were confined to one place while they played, like he was behind the drums. It’d be boring as shit, he would be the first to acknowledge that, but it would mean he would get stepped on less during lunch, and that’s a sacrifice he’s willing to make with the toe of Freddie’s shoe poking at his waist.

Nothing serious had come his way in that time, or rather, he’d never found anyone who could hold his attention for more than a week or two. People became dreadfully boring when all they wanted to do was faun over him and fuck him; not that it wasn’t fun at first, it was always fun at first, but there was a lack of variety, a sinking sensation that these people were more attracted to the idea of him that left a sour aftertaste.

But now he’s here, new company, new album, second leg of the new tour, new chance to sample all different women across this great nation. He’s already a little tipsy from his multiple jack and coke’s on the plane when they land, and he’s passed out on the tour bus before it even gets to the first tour stop. Once in Conneticut, he’s dragged from the bus, and informed that as soon as the tech crew had finished their meeting, they could start loading in their instruments. 

“How long have they been here?” Brian asks the stage hand, and the guy shrugs. 

“A couple of hours; the Floor Tech wanted the drum risers set up before she gave the brief.” He tells them as he lead the band in to the theatre, where most of the crew were milling about on stage. 

“She always did have a flare for the dramatic.” John says with a grin where his eyes were trained on the stage, and Freddie hums in agreement, which only serves to confuse Roger further until he sees an all too familiar figure climbing the drum risers with a clipboard in hand.

“Alright guys, can I have your attention, please?” Even after all these years, the sound of your voice hits Roger square in the chest. “I wanna make this as quick and painless as possible, so after today we can bump in and bump out without any hassles.” You addressed the crowd with an easy confidence from your place at the top of the drum risers, tapping your nails against the back of the clipboard in your hands, wearing the overalls he’d seen you in so many times before.

“You can call me Spotlight; I’m the Head Floor Tech for the tour, as well as lighting designer; those of you on my lighting team, you’ve got a copy of the lighting plan, and I’ll be talking to you about how we’re gonna run it after this. Next time, I’ll get some help from the stage hands to set up the drum risers, I had a few people help me today to get them set up early, but that’s just because I like being tall.” With a sharp grin you pause as a titter of laughter spreads around the group, “stage management team, you’re in charge of making sure side of stage is set up with anything the band needs, and that it’s clear of unnecessary clutter and people, and running cabling for the sound guys; they’ll tell you what they need.”

After a beat, you look around the gathered crowd, and nod firmly, a gesture which a few of them return.

“If you have any questions, remember; find your Light.” You point directly at yourself. “We break for lunch at one, but until then we’ve got a lot to get through; let’s get rockin’.” Grinning brightly, you hop down from the risers into the crowd of crew members, ushering a bunch, each holding a sheet of paper, off to the side, as the others scattered like cockroaches under light.

“What the fuck is she doing here?” Roger finally finds his voice where he’s still standing, a little dumbstruck, alone in the aisle of the theatre where the others had left him behind.

“Didn’t you hear her speech? Spotlight’s our lighting designer.” Freddie calls over his shoulder, eyes wide and innocent, as if he hadn’t set this all up without thinking to mention it to Roger.

“Our what now?” He splutters, jogging a little to catch up to the other band members as they made their way towards the stage. He’s not quite sure what he’s doing, or what will happen when he gets their; the last thing you’d said to him was that you were stupid to think he was above his reputation, while you were in tears, and then it had been three years of nothing. He’s not going to run, at least he’s pretty sure he’s not; he’s self aware enough to know he was in the wrong last time you spoke, that he was an asshole, but he’s not going to be a coward. Not again.

“That was quite the speech.” John waits patiently until the crew who made up the lighting team had dispersed before addressing the familiar face at the centre. You turn, eyes bright and smile brighter, casually making your way towards him and the rest of the band.

“Yeah, I really feel in my element, you know?” It’s with an easy familiarity that you pull John into a hug, giving him a firm squeeze. “Good to finally see you again.” And then you’re hugging Freddie, and then Brian, and you stop short in front of Roger. It’s a stalemate, neither one wanting to be the first to look away, but both unsure of what to do. In the end, you don’t even offer him a handshake, just nod, and you turn back to the others.

“How’s Pippin been?” Freddie asks, and you’re about to answer, but Roger cuts in.

“Hang on, can someone fill me in here? Lovely to see you, by the way, just a little confused as to how you got here.” He says, and you’re lost for words, just blinking rapidly, trying to process the whole situation.

“Did you not tell him I was working with you guys?” Your words come out incredulous as you turn your gaze upon John and Freddie, who seem just as bewildered as you.

“I thought he’d cotton on when I mentioned an American designer who used to work for EMI.” John mused, turning his gaze on Roger, who frowned, thinking back to the initial meeting he’d just mentioned.

“I did,” Brian piped up, before casting a smile at John and Freddie that was just a little bit confused, “though I wasn’t a part of this little setup.” He tried to reassure the drummer.

“In my defense,” Roger started, before his gaze dropped, “I wasn’t paying attention, design isn’t exactly my forte.” He admitted, and you had to shake your head at that, exasperated and already a exhausted.

“Pippin’s good.” You go back to John’s initial question. Pippin isn’t so much a person as it is a touring version of a Broadway musical that had opened a year ago, to great success.

It turns out a written letter of recommendation from both the lead singer, and bass player of Queen goes rather far in the industry. After taking some time for yourself, you call up EMI to beg them not to fire you, however it turns out you needn’t have; both John and Freddie had given glowing reports of your work ethic and skill, and the man on the other end of the line is just eager to know when you were next available. 

The moment you’re on site next, they tell you you’ve been promoted to Floor Tech; they hand you a roll of gaff tape and a drill and a whole new set of responsibilities, heaped onto your usual load. You don’t even remember who had been performing, the tour had only lasted a month, all you know is that they were calling you Spotlight from the moment you’d arrived; apparently it was what Freddie had called you, and John had to clarify.

John is the first to contact you again, through EMI of course, and he becomes something of a comfort when you consider taking your career beyond the company that kept you firmly in the one position on tour. Freddie calls you less often, and never about business; it’s John who gives you the courage to leave EMI, and he’s the one who helps set up as a freelance theatre and event crew member. 

People had been head hunting you from tour to tour, beyond even EMI, some smaller acts even giving you the full Lighting Designer role. They expect you to sit back, let a stage hand or an assistant to take care of it, but every time you watch someone else focus a spot, your fingers itch to be doing it yourself. Dedicated to a fault, Roger had once called you, you think about it every time you climb an unsteady ladder, and think perhaps that he’s right.

The moment Pippin announces it’s tour, and puts out calls for crew, you’re first in line for the job, putting your hat in the ring for lighting, but happy enough to take any crew role. Not that you don’t love working with bands, but there’s a certain finesse that comes with theatre lighting that you can’t get anywhere else in the world. After two years, and the support of both John and Freddie, you find yourself as the assistant Lighting Designer, as well as Head Floor Tech, and once you step foot onto the tour bus, everything else becomes history.

Speaking of history, later in the day, after the rest of the crew have broken for lunch, you’re wedged under the drum risers, running some cables, when you hear someone climb up them, taking a seat at the drums.

“If you play one beat-” You’re cut off by Roger’s yell of surprise, as he’s so startled he almost falls off his chair.

“Holy shit, who is that?” He’s breathing heavily, voice panicked, and for a moment you take pleasure imagining clutching his hand to his chest like a delicate, little grandmother.

“Take a wild stab in the dark,” you mutter, unwedging yourself from beneath the structure, raising an eyebrow as you look at him. Almost immediately he’s frowning, and you’re thrown back to the moment almost three years ago where you’d been here before, looking up at him from behind the drum risers after you’d changed out the light mid-show. Clearing your throat loudly, you break the moment, getting to your feet and making your way to the side of the stage.

“What are you doing here?” He calls, watching idly as you go about counting out fly lines until you get to the one you’d been looking for. You’d gotten here early to go through the fly-line procedure with the Duty Tech for the venue, and now you lowered the LX bar it was attached to with ease after making sure there was no-one in the way. Your focus made something in his chest tighten, and he feels like he’s being taken back in time; you’re beautiful when you work, passionate and skilled, meticulous, that hadn’t changed. Roger has to look away.

“My job,” and you just sound tired when you say it, already securing the meticulously placed lights onto the bar you’d just lowered, going along and fixing them to the metal in a neat line. An uncomfortable silence spreads between you, punctuated only by the scrape of metal against metal, and the rattle of the safety chains.

“What are you doing here?” You don’t even try to hide the snippiness from your voice, not even turning to look at his as the accusatory words hang in the air.

“I’m having a smoke in what I thought was going to be relative peace, it’s something I do, okay?” Voice defensive, you hear the rustle of cardboard and hear the click of a cigarette, your annoyance growing with each passing moment.

“No, it’s what I do. It’s what I did three years ago, you just started showing up. You stole my relative peace.” You snapped, turning to him, a blazing fury in your eyes at his words, before your lip curled in disgust, “And you don’t even do anything with it.” You scoffed, and he went quiet, sulking behind his drum kit. Sensing he wasn’t got to talk back you turn back to your work.

The moment you turn away, he sees the way you heave a sigh, angry tension draining from your shoulders, a little hunched as you concentrated. Your hands shake a little as you fiddle with the safety chains. There’s still that confidence there, the ease with which you moved about the stage, but unlike around other people, when it was just Roger - though he suspected you were pretending he wasn’t there - you just looked... weary.

After that first town, he keeps his distance for a few stops, though the other band members look to keep you company on occasion. But then... he’s there again. Quiet this time, he just watches where you hold yourself like royalty at the top of a rickety ladder, so sure of yourself. He’d forgotten the sight of you in your element, and it hits him like a truck.

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer.” You snap when you chance a glance down and see his awestruck expression looking up at you. The shock comes when he actually looks abashed, averting his gaze, picking up his drumsticks and tapping out a rhythm that you’re pretty sure you recognise.

You’re both too stubborn to give the other one the peace of the theatre at lunch, however, while you’re content with stewing in silence as you worked, Roger, to no-one’s surprise, is not.

“How’ve you been?” He brings himself to ask. You stop where you’re replacing a gel on one of the drum riser lights, taking a long moment to consider your words carefully.

“Busy.” Tired. The subtext comes through loud and clear, despite your short answer, and once you’d finished with the light, you stand, before taking a moment to stretch your back out from behind hunched over.

“Working a lot?” I can tell. He answers after a long pause, almost sympathetic, and you know he’s not really responding to the words you’d said out loud.

“Yeah, non stop.” No subtext, just responding at face value, before your eyes up to the mostly finished rig. Afternoons were for last minute fixes and focusing, there wasn’t much left you could do, unless you were willing to ask for Roger’s help.

“When did your last thing end?” He asks, and you click your tongue as you turn on your heel, burned out gel in your hand, heading for a bin.

“Two days before this one.” You admitted. When you’re met with silence, you turn, and Roger’s frowning at you, almost disbelieving.

“You’re not still sleeping on the tour bus, are you?” He asks, and you roll your eyes before you tell him your accommodation is paid for this time around. You’re the first to leave, for the first time since everything had started, you leave halfway through to actually eat lunch, leaving Roger to himself.

When he’s drunk after the show, leaning against some local pub, with a girl leaning against him, heavy enough that the two of them would have tipped over if it wasn’t for the counter, he can’t get you out of his mind.

“I didn’t ruin her career.” His eyes go wide as the words, with something akin to revelation, escape him, and the girl makes a noise of confusion, her fingers ghosting over his chest, but he can’t even bring himself to enjoy it.

“I didn’t ruin her career!” He announces, excited and pleased in his inebriated state, sitting himself so forcefully on the arm of Freddie’s chair that he spills part of his drink. Freddie makes a noise of confusion, looking up at the blonde, and Roger gesticulates enough to spill more of his drink, ignoring Freddie’s yelp. “Spotlight! She said I’d ruined her career!” 

“When?” Freddie asks, just as John pops out from seemingly nowhere.

“Well you certainly didn’t help it. That was me.” Roger doesn’t care that John’s drunk, the way bassist says it, so serene and matter-of-fact, makes it sting just a little bit worse. His mood instantly flips.

“Can you piss off? Go be her best friend somewhere else.” Roger snapped, and he knew he’d regret being so sharp with John the following morning, but it seemed John himself knew that Roger was in a mood, and obligingly fucked off, seemingly not taking it to heart. “When we broke up, she accused me of ruining her career.” And he realises too late, when Freddie’s eyes go wide with realisation, that he’s said too much.

“Is this where you tell me exactly what went down between you two?” He asked, tapping Roger’s leg with excitement. The blonde, however, stood abruptly, glower on his face.

“No. Fuck off.” 

Roger spends almost fifteen minutes banging on the door of the tour bus before he remembers that you’re not in there, and falls into bed alone, fully clothed.

“The fuck did you say to Freddie last night?” The moment he steps foot onto the stage at lunch, you’re waiting for him, already livid. He’s tempted to turn and walk right back out the door. “Apparently he doesn’t know the real reason that I went home last ti- !” 

“Of course he doesn’t!” Roger snapped back, on the defensive without a moment’s hesitation. “It makes me look like a fucking wanker and he’d kick my ass; he adores you!” And that was enough to shock you into silence, grip loosening on the gaff tape in your hands. “They all do.” He said, and your expression turns unreadable.

“I know.” You finally said, a new, strange quality to your voice, it’s something akin to shock, but not quite, and Roger doesn’t know what to say next. “What about you?” You finally ask, voice a little defensive. It hurts to see you look at him with such a judgemental eye, though he’s well aware he deserves it.

“Doesn’t matter, does it? I could apologise a thousand times and you’d still be pissy.” He huffs, and you cross your arms, cocking your hip.

“At least once would be nice.” You level a cold glare at him and his gaze snaps back at yours, surprised. “You never once apologised, you know that?” And your voice is low, hurt and honest. “Are you even sorry for what happened?”

“It was three years ago-” He sighs, but you cut him off, shifting your weight to your other foot, swallowing thickly.

“So that’s a no. Glad to see where you stand.” And you turn to cross the stage to where you’ve already got the ladder set up, but he makes his way to you in three long strides, making to grab at your upper arm. The moment he does, however, you whirl around, slapping him, hard. “I told you to never fucking touch me; did you think I forgot?” And he sees why you were so eager to leave; there’s tears in your eyes, so close to breaking and streaming down your cheeks, your lip trembling. Something about your voice is so raw, it hurts worse than the slap.

“I am sorry.” And he sounds so fucking sincere, but you just glare at him, unashamed where the tears have begun to track down your cheeks. 

“You had your chance to say sorry; you had your chance to beg for forgiveness, but you told me I could leave; so I did, and so did your fucking opportunity.” But you can’t bring yourself to step back, frozen in place where he’s less than a foot away. Every fibre of your being is betraying you, wanting to be around him, close to him, after what he did.

“I’m sorry what happened between us;” his voice is so level, carefully controlled, you know he’s think hard about what he’s about to admit, “I fucked up, I know that; I’m sorry. It was three years ago but I’m still sorry. I’ve been sorry for a long time now.”

“Since it happened?” You asked, and he didn’t drop your gaze, answering without flinching or hesitation.

“Since I started worrying I’d lose you; I know what I’m like, I knew what I’d end up doing.” He admitted, and the words clearly didn’t have his intended impact as you stumble back, free hand clutching your chest.

“And yet you still-” And quietly, so quietly you’re not even sure he hears it, the words come out as more of a defeated whimper than anything else; “How could you not tell I was in love with you?” 

He’s in shock, and you barge past him, leaving as you can no longer contain your aching heart, and you head to the hotel you were staying at down the road, taking the rest of the lunch break to cry.

When you return, the rest of the crew has filtered in, Roger looks guilty, and Freddie and John look about ready to commit violent homicide, which was unsurprising for Freddie, but there was something comforting about Deaky wearing the expression too. In less than a week, the whole crew knows, and wherever you go, you feel yourself followed by pitying stares, which won’t go away, no matter how hard you throw yourself into your work.

“You’re working yourself into the ground.” Roger tells you a week later, watching the way your arms tremble as you focus a light, and it takes you a moment to blink blearily at him. “Don’t forget the security chain.” He adds, and you scowl, before looking at the light itself, and hurriedly affix the security chain to the rig. You insist that you’re fine, making your way down the ladder to scoop up another parcan, but you almost immediately drop it. 

“I just need some food.” You try to insist, your hands shaking as you leave the light where it is.

You don’t come out after shows, and it’s not gone unnoticed. The rest of the crew think you’re just dedicated, personable for the most part but prone to bouts of standoffishness.

“Oh you should have seen her on our first tour,” Freddie muses to an enraptured crowd at an afterparty, a few crew members listening with a bright-eyed attention, “that woman risked life and limb for our show.” And he sounds so proud when he says it, but something twists uncomfortably in Roger’s gut.

Cracks don’t show around other people, Roger’s noticed; you’re smile’s bright enough and your voice is loud enough that they don’t see the way your hands shake. Or how tired your eyes are. But then there are moments, you stand as if in the eye of the storm, gaff tape and drill in hand, watching as people follow your instructions without question, and you look up to see Roger tweaking his drums, and the two of you share a look. It’s a little indecipherable, he’s concerned and you’re just... tired. He wants to offer to help, but as soon as the moment arrives, it’s passed, and you’re off to the next task.

The air between the two of you has lost it’s angry tension; after saying your peace, after hearing his apology, there’s no fight left. Just a lingering disappointment, a quiet like the moment after a world-weary sigh. You don’t have to pretend around Roger, you both know he’d see through it if you’d tried.

“You should come get a drink after; you look like you need it.” Roger laughs, but there’s no humour in it. Without missing a beat, you decline, you don’t even bother coming up with an excuse. 

“I’m worried about you.” The tour is almost three weeks in, and you’re asleep against the proscenium arch when he walks in. You wake with a start at the sound of his voice, reaching out for the light you’d been fiddling with before you’d passed out. When you look to him with confusion, he repeats himself slowly. “I’m worried about you; are you sleeping okay?” 

“As if that’s any of your business.” You snapped back, and Roger kept quiet. It only takes him a day to figure out that sleep isn’t really a luxury you allowed yourself; you were the last out every night after bump out, sometimes staying until two in the morning, and from what the crew said, you were always the first up, running through check lists, accident reports, and going over anything that needed maintenance. 

When Freddie asks you to come out with them after a gig, you find it difficult to say no, he helped get you this job after all, but you’re there for barely half an hour before Roger sees you slip out the side door, drink untouched.

John asks if you’re okay one afternoon when you drop a stack of gel frames without warning, jumping almost a foot in the air and looking like you’re about to break into tears from shock, but seems content when you explain you’re just tired. Tired doesn’t even begin to cover how overworked you are.

The night you finally decide to relax a little, bump out having been miraculously fast, you’ve got the next day off. The others cheer you on as you down drink after drink, the alcohol hitting you hard and quickly, and the world gets blurry as you find yourself on the dance floor. It’s easy to drink too much, because for the first time in a long time, you’re relaxed, not worrying about the pretty, dickhead blonde who worries about you when he really shouldn’t. 

You’re drunk enough to admit to yourself that part of you likes the attention he’s giving you, it feels like vindication for the heartache you went through all those years ago. Part of it’s not even vindictive, part of you just likes the way he looks at you, the way his smile made your heart beat just a little faster; you call that part a fucking traitor and have another drink.

You don’t remember leaving the bar, but you come back to your body when you’re leaning against a streetlight for support, halfway through telling someone to fuck off.

“Ya’ not my caretaker, Roger,” you sneer, “you don’t need to look after me or whatever this is. Go help groupies home or to hotel or whatever.” You spit, and push off from the light, turning on your heel, almost topple over, and right yourself.

“Light, that’s the wrong way.” He calls, exasperated, and you turn again, this time actually crashing to the ground and grazing your hand on the way, before you get to your feet. He’s come over to try and help you, but you swat him away.

“You don’t get to call me that.” You stalk ahead of him in the direction he had come from, back toward the hotel, and he follows only a few steps behind.

“Fine, Y/N; you’re legless, let me help.” And after a moment of intense eye contact, in which you try to weigh up your options, you begrudgingly loop your arm through his.

“You’re still on my shit-list.” You inform him, and he hums in acknowledgement. “Why are you doing this?” You follow it up with.

“I’m not the asshole who fucked you over three years ago, and I’m not gonna let you get yourself killed for this show.” He said through gritted teeth, and you just smiled, a little dreamily.

“But what a way to go.” And he came to an abrupt stop. It took you a moment to realise, and looking back, you tugged on his arm to keep him moving. He just frowned at you, a little concerned. “Fuck, I didn’t mean it.”

“If I have to fire you to get you to take a break-” He threatened, and you scoffed, expression turning bitter.

“I’ll drop a light on you.”

“You’ll drop a light on me by accident before then anyways!” He crowed, and your expression fell, contemplative. “Just let me help; what do I have to do to make you actually rest? What do I have to do to prove myself?”

#roger taylor #roger taylor imagine #roger taylor x reader #bohemian rhapsody #borhap #bo rhap #borhap imagine #bohemian rhapsody imagine #freddie mercury #john deacon #brian may #and then there was light #ben hardy #ben hardy imagine #the angry lizard writes

[punkscowardschampions]

Ronnie & Joe

Ronnie: where the fuck mckenna Joe: stuck at this thing Ronnie: like i fucking said Ronnie: where Joe: oh Joe: this kid from my course was doing open mic so we all had to show up Ronnie: youve done youre time then yeah Joe: overtime Joe: i wanna be home bad Ronnie: leave Ronnie: whats keeping you there Joe: them Joe: you know how people are Joe: buying me more drinks Ronnie: fuck em Ronnie: down whatever youre on & fuck off Joe: i will Joe: i am Joe: you picked up or am i Ronnie: its on you Ronnie: for the radio silence Joe: come on baby Joe: can't hear myself in here nevermind my phone Ronnie: not your fucking baby Joe: don't be like that Ronnie: i dont only exist when its quiet in your head Ronnie: thank fuck Joe: no one does then Joe: that's the whole point ain't it Ronnie: the point is where the fuck have you been Joe: i told you ron Joe: if i didnt have to i wouldn't be gone from you Ronnie: if you werent a pussy you wouldnt have to do fuck all Ronnie: grow a pair for christs sake Ronnie: baby is fucking right Joe: ive got to go out sometime Joe: if i didn't show to uni i couldn't afford half the shit we cop Ronnie: you aint at classes Ronnie: so unless some bitch off it is paying you to escort i call bullshit Joe: sadly not Joe: see if any of 'em are game maybe Ronnie: with 1 foot out the door Ronnie: you wish Ronnie: no fucking game when youre trying to play fuck all except cello Joe: 💘 for my cello skills Ronnie: youve got groupies Ronnie: go cry to em like Joe: you're sick of me, yeah Ronnie: work it out cunt Joe: we don't need to play games Ronnie: goin from baby to middle fucking aged aint cute Joe: you've got it covered for the both of us Ronnie: fuck you Joe: now I can't call you cute Ronnie: you cant call me old shithead Joe: i weren't idiot Joe: come on Joe: it'll all be good when i get there Ronnie: you come on Ronnie: I could be fucking dead Joe: you aren't Joe: don't say that Ronnie: no thanks to you Ronnie: or fucks given by you Joe: stop it Joe: you're the only person i care about Joe: literally Joe: not even myself Ronnie: & this is how you show it yeah Joe: i'm shit Joe: i know it but i never told you no different Ronnie: get another drink bought for you mckenna Ronnie: drown in it Joe: we got better plans Joe: and methods Ronnie: stop pissing about then Joe: will you be my baby again Ronnie: not that easy Joe: what if i get you something special Ronnie: do it & find out Ronnie: why the fuck would i commit to a yeah for a maybe Joe: 'cos you know i'm gonna Ronnie: your word is for shit Ronnie: i know that Joe: fine Joe: i'll stop talking Ronnie: promises promises baby Joe: 😶 Ronnie: left yet Joe: just me and my two feet Joe: no promises Ronnie: if you aint & youre silent on me to talk to some other bitch you wont be walking anywhere Ronnie: thats a fucking promise like Joe: if you were trying to get me to go faster Joe: why would i wanna talk to anyone else Ronnie: why else go out with those doss cunts Joe: part of it is keeping 'em thinking i'm normal Joe: can't just show up and nod out Ronnie: youre the only 1 with your ma on speed dial Ronnie: who fucking cares Joe: means i don't need to go back don't it Joe: or would you rather i was in dublin every other weekend Joe: i do what i gotta for a reason you know that Ronnie: theres fuck all need to have that many playmates Ronnie: if you planned that it was to piss me off Joe: i wouldn't need to plan that Ronnie: fuck you Joe: and i didn't Joe: they're boring Ronnie: 💔 Joe: i am Joe: i miss you Ronnie: you dont Joe: yeah i fucking do Ronnie: you fucking dont Joe: how do you want me to prove it Joe: tell me Ronnie: i aint spoonfeeding you ever day of your fucking life Ronnie: not that bitch Joe: you want it you ask for it Ronnie: you wanna prove yourself do it Joe: i will Ronnie: 💘 Ronnie: picked a boss day for romance Joe: have i Joe: i'm always romantic Ronnie: dont you know what day it is Joe: oh Joe: lol yeah Joe: i'll get you garage flowers instead Ronnie: fuck off Ronnie: theyll die quicker than you Joe: picky Joe: put the rig to another use after then Joe: 🥀 v classic Ronnie: ill carve it into my arm as you like it so much Ronnie: cheers for the easy design Joe: you could wait 'til I'm there Joe: so mean, baby Ronnie: course you wanna watch Ronnie: putting down the glass like Joe: if you don't know me by now Ronnie: so misunderstood yeah Joe: 💔 Joe: you wish Ronnie: yeah you know me proper well Joe: bollocks Ronnie: keep the sweet talk coming baby Joe: that's not what you like Joe: silence is golden Ronnie: you reckon you know what i like now Joe: yeah Ronnie: took you long enough Joe: you been waiting all your life yeah Ronnie: shut the fuck up Ronnie: puked enough today cheers Joe: see? s'your favourite Joe: can't get enough Ronnie: hating you fuels me Ronnie: aint denying it Joe: you're so welcome Ronnie: got that from your avoidance tactics Joe: i'll turn around then Joe: give you a real reason to live Ronnie: try it Ronnie: ill fucking kill you Joe: have to come find me first Ronnie: yeah & Joe: you threatening me with a good time ain't how this day is supposed to go Joe: know that much Ronnie: itll go however the fuck i say Joe: yeah? Ronnie: you know that much about me mckenna Joe: ain't denying nothing me Ronnie: too busy doing it round your besties Joe: 'cos i don't owe them shit Joe: only you get to know me like that Ronnie: you said you were killing the sweet talk Joe: it ain't its just how it is Joe: you know me Joe: no one else, end of Ronnie: come be with me then Joe: i am Joe: one stop but that'll be worth it Joe: come to mine and stay yeah Joe: don't wanna see the others Ronnie: ill be there before you Ronnie: few streets away Joe: good Joe: i like it when you're there Ronnie: want me to kick the door in so your flatmate girlfriend has a heart attack Joe: go on Joe: if she lives i'll say you forgot your keys Ronnie: ill say its your 💘 day pressie Ronnie: all for you baby Joe: if you're also in a mac, believable Joe: her boyfriend dumped her so she'll definitely be in Ronnie: tonights the night for that 3some Ronnie: hot Joe: only if you kill her first 😏 Ronnie: we need her tears for lube Ronnie: think it through like Joe: we've always got blood, baby Ronnie: keep it up & ill deffo stay Joe: forever Ronnie: ive been waiting all fucking day for you Joe: i'm sorry Joe: i'm making it up to you, alright Ronnie: i mean hurry up Joe: 🚖 it and everything Ronnie: your gf will be thrilled Ronnie: can hear her crying from here like Joe: maybe its the cat Joe: very similar Ronnie: watch your fucking mouth bitch Joe: 😂 Ronnie: 😾 Joe: you're both very cute Ronnie: say that again & well both fuck you up Joe: adorable Ronnie: 🖕 Joe: 👼 you Ronnie: you wish soft cunt Joe: nah Joe: but i'll survive Ronnie: you fucking wont Ronnie: i know you like Ronnie: & what you like Joe: 'cos its you Joe: all you Ronnie: ruined your gfs rom com Ronnie: shes gonna need some of whatever the fuck youre bringing Joe: too bad Joe: its for you Joe: i might have some benzos she can have though Ronnie: 💘 Ronnie: its wild being here when you aint & she is Joe: rude of her to have her drug-fuelled orgies when i ain't in Ronnie: party can really start now i am Ronnie: know shes dying to break the tension Ronnie: 👊💋 Joe: won't make you wait for me on that score, babe Ronnie: like you could Ronnie: bitch is ready to go Joe: you trying to make me jealous of sophie Ronnie: wouldnt use her Ronnie: fuck that Joe: awh Joe: 👼 Ronnie: you trying to say shes hot enough to bait you Ronnie: step your pussy up mckenna Joe: no Joe: i'm saying if you wanted to i would Joe: i'd obviously do anything for and with you Ronnie: we aint taking her virginity Ronnie: youre hard enough fucking work Joe: shut up 😏 Ronnie: make me baby Joe: that's part 2 of the plan Ronnie: you gonna talk me through it or you gonna do it Joe: i know what you like Joe: and how you feel about talking Joe: even if it ain't no empty words bullshit Ronnie: youve still got your tongue Ronnie: means i must wanna hear some shit youve got to say Joe: that means i can tell you all how you won't regret giving sid my tongue as a toy when it can be yours Ronnie: you wont regret leaving those cunts there & coming back to me Ronnie: [pics from his bed like hey it's me] Joe: i already knew that Joe: but keep reminding me whilst i wait for the man Ronnie: you gotta know it harder Joe: you'll know how hard i know it Joe: i'll make you feel it too Ronnie: you can keep you fingers unbroken too like Ronnie: typing that shit while we both wait Joe: don't reckon much to a dealer's idea of foreplay Joe: and i've waited too long for you already Ronnie: youve gotta bring it to em baby Ronnie: junkie law states it aint a real addiction til youve sucked a dick for it Ronnie: romance him Ronnie: [pics again like these will inspire you] Joe: fuck Joe: how 'bout I stay up here on my high horse and enjoy just being addicted to you then Ronnie: how bout you come the fuck home Ronnie: now Joe: yeah Joe: i gotta Joe: i need to see you right now Joe: i got what i really wanted we can top up later Ronnie: ill go out then Ronnie: they plug me faster than theyll do it for you Joe: can't blame 'em Ronnie: yeah you still smell like 🍒 Joe: and they know they ain't getting nothing sucked Ronnie: you could do a toe Ronnie: dont be a pussy Joe: 😂 Joe: i think they'd rather my money Joe: not cute like you Ronnie: fuck you Ronnie: big cal is well into it Joe: tempting Ronnie: hell tell you how pretty you are Joe: just what i need Ronnie: yeah i know Joe: nah you know what i really am Joe: and that's what i want Ronnie: ive got eyes like Joe: me too Joe: even when they're half-shut or pinholed Ronnie: cute Joe: you Ronnie: dont Joe: why Ronnie: cause fucking dont Joe: alright Ronnie: fucks sake Joe: forget it Joe: i'm practically in the door Ronnie: make me

[titsthedamnseason]

I just read your "Julian's birthday" headcanon and you can BET im crying rn and yet two seconds later in your asks for an "Emma's birthday" one. Because in LM it always said how she respected she isn't a Blackthorn, and that they aren't related, but now that she's dating Julian and even before that she's always been family but doesn't expect them to go all out for her birthday and help! im emotional---

okay im here bc we are in late feb - early march aka: any day now could be emma’s bday!! catch me crying in the club okay here we go

julian’s birthday

so her first birthday dating julian was spent on their travel year in mexico

she got to spend it with julian and cristina––her two best friends so she was really living for it

they had a great day and went out for dinner and such

full swing celebration and presents and lowered legal drinking age

she loved every second of it

in the past, she had never really wanted to impose on the blackthorns 

even though they always had parties for her, and got presents, and made a big deal, she was always saying how they didnt have to 

and plus sometimes she got sad that her parents werent around

but once she starts dating julian it’s full swing ahead she is officially allowed to make demands of him and you bet your ass she does

her birthweek is a thing and she lets no one forget it

she also never fails to bring up her half birthday, more as a joke than anything, but julian loves her and so he does actually start giving her half birthday presents and they both kind of want to hate it but at the same time no theyre too in love to really care

anyway her birthday is her favorite excuse for everything 

“dru, please come to the store with me”

“no”

“but my birthday is coming up!”

“it’s in two months!”

dru goes anyway

no one can forget her 21st birthday 

like of course emma had been drinking way before then and it’s not like she hadnt had a few drinks in front of the fam before but this is another story

she makes julian drive her around all day so she can purchase her own alcohol from literally anywhere she can

she proudly and drunkenly whips out her newly acquired mundane id in every bar to prove her age

she buys grocery store wine just because she can

by the time julian gets her back at the institute for her actually party she is so far gone

she is babbling on and on to julian as he is basically just carrying her up the stairs trying not to laugh at her

she looks down to see what she’s wearing and is so pleasantly shocked to find her favorite dress

she keeps asking julian where it’s from and if she can keep it - it’s just stupid shit like that all day

anyway they go through the door to find everyone waiting in the entryway

the blackthorns, cristina, diana, kieran, the carstairs fam, the tmi crew, etc etc

emma immediately lets go of julian, swaying only slightly, and proceeds to hug as many people as she can

“jace! why are you here??”

“it’s your birthday”

“oh yeah! hahahahaha-MAGNUS HI WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE”

“oh hello emma”

clary gives her a birthday crown and she nearly cries

diana is trying to communicate with julian over the huge crowd, because: “it isnt even 6:30 yet are you serious”

julian only shrugs with a smile and tells everyone to go upstairs for dinner

emma is telling a slightly terrified looking jem a story that is somehow louder than every other conversation happening

at one point julian, cristina, and mark are sitting and talking, emma next to julian, playing with the straw in her wineglass, oblivious to the conversation until she hears 

“no one is getting any tonight, emma is way too drunk”

she drops her wineglass

she vows to slow down but she also tells julian to ‘chug chug’ to catch up so theyll be even aswedxcrfv

anyway by the end of the night everyone had so much blackmail on her she never lives it down

but okay moving on

especially in the years immediately after the events of tda emma gets so touched by the blackthorns doing so much for her birthday

because it just showed that all those years it wasnt just for julian’s sake or because she lived with them 

it was because they cared about her and it really shows through how seriously they still take celebrating even when her and julian move out and how as they get older and can buy her things on their own their gifts are really thoughtful and not cheap or anything

emma learns over the years that her favorite way to spend her birthday is just with her closest friends and family and that as long as julian is there she doesnt really mind

she might start to stray away from big parties as she gets older but she never lets up on presents

she will tell you if your gift is bad and will remind you of it forever 

once diego mailed her a scarf that he’d thought was so pretty but emma thought was the ugliest thing she’d ever seen and she just mailed it right back with ‘i live in la. try again’ written on it

diego jokingly gives emma and julian a tablecloth with the same pattern on top of their actual wedding gift and him and julian cant stop laughing but emma is NOT amused 

she straight up burns it on one of the torches and that was that

she also refuses to tolerate joint birthday parties with julian

whenever someone suggests it since their birthdays are so close and everyone is gathered together already she is adamant that they each need their own celebration and julian highkey agrees

they both just want the other to have a special day dedicated to them im not crying u are

also this is more about julian’s but she refuses for anyone to make the new year’s eve celebration double as julian’s party

julian spoils tf out of emma on her birthday

he just cant say no to her about anything on her birthday and he knows it, she knows it, everyone knows it

they say he’s too whipped but he’s just like ‘yeah. and what about it?’

one of emma’s favorite parts of her birthday is julian’s card to her, even more than the presents

he always writes her the sweetest and longest stuff and she always cries

she can only read them in private because it makes her feel so exposed

and one of emma’s favorite presents she’s ever gotten was for her 19th birthday

her first birthday spent in la with the blackthorns since being with julian

they all made her a scrapbook, starting with little infant emma and julian next to each other wrapped in matching blankets

them reaching out to each other at two years old from cribs on opposite sides of the room

five year old emma and julian dancing

and it’s just them growing up together

a singular page dedicated to them as parabatai, with photos from the ceremony, of them showing their matching runes, fighting together(emma just jokingly shakes her head at this page but she’s been crying since page 1 and this doesnt help)

then it’s finally pictures of them after the curse, on their travel year, cuddling together, goofy selfies

and the whole back is blank for them to keep adding and she BAWLS at that

emma cries every year on her birthday, the question just becomes ‘what will it be this year’

everyone places bets of course and sweet emma has no clue

kit wins basically every year and is known as the reigning champion

when emma does find out she doesnt tell anyone and just helps lead kit to further victory

julian makes her paintings every year of stuff to “wrap up her year”

he paints collages referencing the best, worst, funniest etc things that happened and she loves them

#i actually did it in time im proud asdfas #tda birthdays escapade #emma carstairs #blackstairs #tda #julian blackthorn #drunk!emma #a little #the blackthorn family #mine #my writing #tda hc #asks #emmacblackthorn

[pirate-kid2k19-blog]

Opinions on things that might make people mad

Hunt pedos and rapists and murderers, not poor innocent animals, its a lot more fun. And it shouldnt be illegal because in my opinion those people have done things that are punishable by death.

Yall who say meat and dairy industries arent that bad are wild just do some goddamn research before you get mad at me for stating facts 👀

It should be illegal to have weapons anywhere near schools (unless you are a cop and are required to have them, but you should be very careful and guard them to keep them away from students AND TEACHERS at all times). I figured by now people wouldve learned how kids who are gonna shoot up a school or have weapons act before they use them, and those are the people who need to be checked and talked to. Having clear bookbags is not a good option because some people have comfort items theyll get picked on for and people who start their period early get picked on (i know from experience, trust me).

The voting age should be 16. People can form full thoughts by the age of 16. Enough said.

Thenwarning on cigarette boxes shoukd be bigger and more noticeable on the box, and you should be warned before buying them. So many people die from smoking, and 2 people in my house smoke, one of which as already had cancer and refuses to quit, and the other is too fucking stupid to realize he should quit if he doesnt want to end up like the other.

people should not be "cancelled" just because they said something was bad. They should be cancelled if they are a rapist, murderer, pedophile, etc.

ALSO the first one is half joking half not. I believe those people should be sentenced to death by law if and when they are caught but thats not always the case and that pisses me off

Add on number 1:

Hey just a reminder that when animals get harmed or slaughtered they do not understand why it is happening and they did nothing to deserve it but they dont reslize that. So yeah.

Dont be rude to people just because they dont eat like you do. Some people have to be vegan or vegetarian for health issues. And some people cant go vegan or vegetarian for health issues. Not everyone can be one way.

Dont be rude to people because they dont believe what you believe, unless their belief is IN ANY WAY harmful. Everyone has the right to believe what they want.

Add on number 2:

Scene kids and emo kids arent cringey, you guys are all just cowards.

You dont need dysphoria to be trans but taking a random object and somehow calling it a gender is really fucking weird and i have NO FUCKING CLUE how people turned autism into a gender but its disgusting to me im sorry. Though i am open to learn about this some more, so if you want to teach me about this stuff feel free to message me or send me an ask.

Otherkin isnt cringey or a mental disorder, its just people being people.

Shady jeff was only good whenever he sung in hu songs (literally once in scene for dummies and pretty much just background vocals) but everything else about him fucking sucks

NOT AN OPINION LITERALLY A FACT THAT 40 YEAR OLD WHITE SUBURBAN MOMS NAMED KAREN CANT ACCEPT: CHILDREN NEED TO BE VACCINATED!!!

Furries that dont harm anyone and dont fuck animals are not cringey.

Idc if you live in the most redneck area out there: being up at 5am blasting country music from your truck and playing beer pong when you have neighbors that are trying to sleep is extremely disrespectful. Same goes for roommates who play video games real loud at 3am. Its disrespectful to the people who are just trying ro sleep. This ones more so a rant abt my personal life and whats happened since moving to georgia.

WOMEN SHOULD BE ALLOWED ABORTIONS IF:

-having the child will kill them or the child, they cannot financially afford to take car eof the child, they were raped, its an inbred baby (this could give it a deformity that could hinder its life, but if it doesnt get to live to begin with then it wont have to suffer), the mother cannot take care od the child for whatever reason.

WOMEN SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED ABORTIONS IF:

-she just wants to have a kid to abuse it in any way for any reason

TEACHERS SHOUKD DO MORE THAN JUST SEND A KID TO THE OFFICE TO SIT FOR AN HOUR BC THEY HIT A KID EVEN IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. THE ONE WHO THREW THE FIRST PUNCH NEEDS TO BE SENT HOME AND DEALT WITH BY THEIR PARENTS. IF THE KID ACTED IN SELF DEFENSE AND NO ONE NEARBY (WHETHER ITS A TEACHER, THE BUS DRIVER, OR ANOTHER STUDENT) WOULD HELP THEM, THEY SHOULD NOT BE PUNISHED.

I DO NOT CARE IF YOU DISAGREE WITH THE FACT THAT IM VEGAN. I HAVE REASONS WHY I AM, AND YOU HAVE REASONS WHY YOURE NOT. HOWEVER!!! IF YOUR REASONING IS JUST THAT WE WERE "MADE TO EAT MEAT", AND YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING TO AT LEAST TRY AND UNDERSTAND BOTH SIDES OF THE ARGUEMENT, DO YOUR RESEARCH!!

In ANY arguement, understand all sides first! Especially whatever side you take! It makes it s lot easier and keeps you from looking like a fucking idiot when you know what youre talking about and dont just use the same 1-3 points over and over.

Healthy food shouldnt cost so much just because its not junk food. A lot of people buy junk food because they cant afford to eat healthy.

Will add more as time goes on

[julianmakesmydickhard]

uncomfortably deep and personal questions

questions here

————

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

thankfully, me and my mom are super close.... we don’t talk about my dad tho

02: Who’s the last person you said “i love you” too?

man, i tell everyone that i love them. i truly love everyone that shows even the slightest bit of kindness towards me

03: Do you regret anything?

yes,

04: Are you insecure?

oh yea. part of it is my introverted, soft spoken personality, and part of it is just how negatively i see myself oop

05: What is your relationship status?

single, unfortunately lol

06: How do you want to die?

painlessly. the pain that comes with death is what scares me the most i think

07: When did you last eat?

lunch!! i had a bomb ass colombian dish,, man do my people know how cook good food

08: Played any sports?

does show choir count?? aggressive dancing with aggressive singing??

09: Do you bite your nails?

nope

10: When was your last physical fight?

i know i say that i want to slap people sometimes, but i’ve never actually done it

11: Do you like someone?

y’all, im always attracted to someone sksksk

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

yup

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?

yes, but we don’t talk about him

14: Do you miss someone?

oh god yes...

15: Have any pets?

yes!! i have one lil doggie

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

i’m very tired lol. it’s like 11pm which is v late for me since i have 7am classes

17: Ever made out in the bathroom?

nope, bathrooms are gross

18: Are you scared of spiders?

yes, have you seen them??

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

yes, imagine all the things you could change or prevent

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?

honestly, it’s been a while, i don’t really remember

21: What are your plans for this weekend?

i’m gonna go see a play that one of my friends is starring in on saturday and then i’m gonna celebrate my birthday with my doggo on sunday

22: Do you want to have kids? How many?

ahh, this is such a difficult question. i want to give my kids the childhood that i never got. but what happens if by some circumstance, i give them the childhood i had, and negatively impact their life through it?

23: Do you have piercings? How many?

i just have my ears pierced

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

english and art! math and science are my worst. i guess i function best when i’m able to use the creative and imaginative side of me whereas i fail when logic and reason come into play

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?

yes yes yes and yes

26: What are you craving right now?

blueberries

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

no, never

28: Have you ever been cheated on?

yes

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

no. unless something changed in their heart and they, for some reason, felt bad for treating me so badly, and decided to weep, no

30: What’s irritating you right now?

so many things ahhh,, why do i have to be so introverted? why am i so deperate to find love, when it keeps biting me in the butt?.why can’t i make friends as easily as other people?

31: Does somebody love you?

honestly, i don’t think anyone does, maybe only my mother?

32: What is your favourite color?

auburn

33: Do you have trust issues?

oh god i wish i did. i wish i was able to keep people at a distance. i let people in and basically ask them to use my secrets, my insecurities, my whatever, to break me. and then the cycle goes on and on

34: Who/what was your last dream about?

i dreamt about me meeting billie eilish a couple of days ago. it was v nice

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?

i don’t know lol, there’s not a lot of people around to see me cry i guess

36: Do you give out second chances too easily?

yea, it’s not good i know

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?

forgive

38: Is this year the best year of your life?

no, but it’s definitely not the worst, and i’m thankful for that

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?

i don’t remember, but i do know that i was v late to the game

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

god no

51: Favourite food?

colombian food, thai food, japanese food

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

i want to believe this, but sometimes shitty things happen and i’m like wow, there’s literally no benefit or reason to why this happened except to make me feel like shit

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

kissed my doggo goodnight

54: Is cheating ever okay?

if you’re my friend, i’m just gonna say that even if you’ve cheated on someone before, i don’t see you as less of a person or a friend. people make mistakes, and it’s also part of who i am: someone who tried to look past the bad and see the good, ahhh i don’t know how to explain this the right way but i hope you understand my pov. anyways, i’ve been cheated on before and it sucked balls. so no, i don’t think it’s ever ok in a relationship. but i also don’t think that it’s something that should affect your friendship with someone. i think cheating is something that needs to be dealt with among the cheater and the cheated and shouldn’t bleed into your friendship with a random, uninvolved person. but you can totally disagree with me and that’s fine!! everyone is subject to their own opinion based on their own experiences and personalities etc.

55: Are you mean?

i don’t think so!! but then again, i can’t really be the judge of that lol. i try my hardest to be the friend that i’ve always wanted, if that makes sense. i try to be kind, and supportive, and positive, and there for them, etc.

56: How many people have you fist fought?

no one, ive never gotten into a physical fight

57: Do you believe in true love?

it’s not that i believe in true love, it’s that i hope and pray for it. i hope that one day i’ll find it

58: Favourite weather?

cold, cloudy, people walking around in big, fluffy jackets and scarves

59: Do you like the snow?

yes! i saw snow for the first time in my life a couple of weeks ago!

60: Do you wanna get married?

ahhhh,, my parents set a really bad example for good marriage. my parents’ marriage taught me that men can change over time. and that once they’re safe in the bounds of marriage, theyll stop their act, get tired of you, and act like a totally new person. and that... scares me. i don’t want a husband like my dad and i’m so afraid that the same situation will happen to me

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

yes, names like baby, sweetheart, love, honey etc. make my heart weak

62: What makes you happy?

real friends, tight hugs, platonic cuddling, romantic cuddling, acts of service, uplifting words, hand holding, forehead kisses, soft intimacy, need i go on?

63: Would you change your name?

i wold ditch my last name.. can you guess why? i’d love if my middle name became my last name, legally

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

romantically? yea

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

nothing, cuz that kind of stuff doesn’t happen to me

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

no. i try my hardest to only let my friends see the happy side of me. i don’t like burdening them with all the bad emotions i sometimes feel. my complete self would be if i shared ALL of my emotions, the bad as well as the good. but i think it’s better this way, they would most definitely get annoyed after a little bit of time

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

probably my friend tino

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

i don’t remember,, it’s been a long time since i’ve actually talks about truly deep subjects with someone personally,,

69: Do you believe in soulmates?

i want to believe it. i want to believe that i’ll one day find the person of my dreams. the person that fits so perfectly with me and is just so perfect ahhh

70: Is there anyone you would die for?

i don’t know, i’m selfish when it comes to dying. death scares me

#sfw #why do i love oversharing sjsjsjs