#they're people. I'm a person. if i did encounter one I'd want to just let them vibe
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It's just like them, thinks Martyn, miserably, To want to make these things stick.
He's always been an "act first, weasel your way out of any potential consequences later," kind of guy, so immediate, painful and permanent consequences to his recklessness strike him as unfair, unwarranted, and quite possibly a personal attack.
But, well. Here he still is anyway. What's he going to do about it?
His ankle burns where the baby zombie clawed at it. His legs ache from the dripstone, and the dripstone, and, yes, the dripstone again, and also walking off Mumbo's house and perhaps slightly misjudging his landing.
His ear keeps ringing and most of his right side stings from the creeper that decided, quite rudely, to sneak up on him and then blow up directly in his face about half a second before he could raise his shield. And the gravel later on, that he'd seen falling but still not managed to avoid, hadn't helped with any of that either.
He can feel blood dripping down his back in no less then five separate places, along with his arm, his shoulder, and the side of his head—that last one bled a lot and got onto his bandanna which was pretty annoying, actually—all from his many encounters with what he thinks were probably, at a conservative estimate, about a billion skeletons.
He doesn't quite glare up at the Secret Keeper. The healing they'd given him had been too much of a relief for that; his vision had stopped swimming, that head wound had stopped bleeding so much, and it was significantly less painful to walk. But the look he gives them is certainly glare-adjacent.
"You do know injuries aren't supposed to stick around like this, don't you?" he mutters, bitterly. "I know you like twisting stuff, but this is ridiculous. It's unnatural, is what it is!"
Someone snorts behind him.
He turns, and he sees Cleo. Neat, meticulous stitches are visible across their skin. Martyn hasn't met many people with scars before, but she's one of them.
The only new one is what looks, ironically enough, like a zombie bite on their arm, entirely healed over.
"It's really not that hard to deal with if you're just patient," she says.
"Ah," he says. "Well. That's my problem right there, then, isn't it?"
"It certainly looks like it," they say, amused. They're laughing at him again. He can't even be mad, since all in all, he totally deserves it.
"Yeah, alright," he says, a bit indignant just for the sake of what remains of his pride. "No need to rub it in! I hope you realize that if healing just worked normally, I'd be doing really well, actually."
"Hmm. Right, you do tend to throw yourself off of cliffs, and then try and work out how you'll save yourself on the way down, don't you?" She gives him a knowing look. "But look on the bright side—when you do die, you'll get to be perfectly healthy again for... I give it ten seconds. After that, you'll start making decisions."
"Hey, I'll have you know I went to the Nether for ages, and got out without a scratch on me that I didn't have when I arrived!" he retorts.
"Oh, so you can be careful, you just choose not to be?" They raise a judgemental eyebrow.
"Well... I mean." He half-shrugs, then winces. "I mean. Yeah. Yes. You know this about me."
There is a brief pause. She gives him an unreadable look, eyes catching on the blood seeping through his shirt. "...Yeah. I guess I do."
He glances over at the Secret Keeper again, bold and unmoving against the unnaturally darkened sky.
When he looks back, Cleo is still watching him. "You didn't even bandage those, did you?" they ask, with a touch of what most people would think was disdain. "Let alone stitch them up."
"I mean, no? It's not like it'll do anything, is it?" he asks, taken aback. "The good old 'Powers That Be' want us to bleed, and they want us to keep bleeding! Who am I to argue?"
She narrows her eyes as though she doesn't quite understand his point. "I'm not saying that would fix it. I don't think any of us are going to live long enough for that method of healing to work." They shrug. "Would make it hurt less, though."
Now it's his turn to narrow his eyes. "Oh yeah?"
"Yeah," she says. "At least, so I've heard. For me, it's mostly about making sure I don't start physically falling apart, because it's really inconvenient when that does start happening."
He nods in acknowledgement. "Well, maybe I'll give it a go if I have the time." It all sounds a bit far-fetched to him. Much better to spend time working towards completing the next secret task he gets, or persuading people to give him the healing they have to spare, rather than losing hours on something that wouldn't actually help him in the long run.
(Maybe it's an echo, maybe it's just who he is, but Martyn's time is precious, and he is not giving it up for something so monotonous. Who would find that interesting?)
"Alright," they say. "If you're sure. But no one else is going to do it for you, you know."
He snorts. "Cleo," he says. "You're funny." She, of all people, should know he's already well aware of that.
"Right," they say, dryly. "Well, unless you want anything else I think I'm done here."
"Nah, not really." he says, then pauses. Frowns.
As unconvinced as he is, she really didn't have to say that to him. She deserves at least something in return.
"I will say," he says delicately, "if that advice really does help. You should probably keep it to yourself. You know. Death game, and all that."
All at once, their expression turns cold. "I think it's my business what I choose to give up, actually," she snaps.
Martyn's eyes briefly flick over to the Secret Keeper. "I mean..."
"No. I meant what I said." They cross their arms. "It's up to other people what they choose to do with it. But what I give them is up to me." She glances at the Secret Keeper, and then back to him. "No one's ever been able to tell me what I owe, or don't owe, to anyone." They smirk, and give him a piercing look. "You know this about me."
"...Yeah," he says. "I guess I do."
There is a short silence.
"Well!" He claps abruptly. "I won't keep you!"
"No, you won't," she says. "I'd best be off. This might come as a surprise, but I do actually have better things to do than hang out around Grian's creepy rock all day."
"Fair, fair." He chuckles, and raises a hand in farewell as they leave. "See you around."
Once she's out of sight, he goes back to staring at the Secret Keeper.
It's quiet.
"They're doing pretty well this time, huh?" he says. "If she keeps going like this, she probably won't get another happy ending, will she."
The air is very still, here. It's as though the place is trapped in night, even when he can see the sun in the sky.
The Secret Keeper does not answer him.
"I know you, though," he says. "You won't let it be all about being careful. That would be boring."
The thought nags at him that Cleo hasn't sounded as though they'd found any of this boring. Surely there had to be more to it than what she'd said? There had to be.
If there wasn't, then what was the point of all this pain?
He shifts, and his shoulder twinges, and he hisses quietly with frustration.
"Things already stuck," he says, unhappily. "They already stayed. I thought that was obvious."
The rock just stands there.
Judgemental. Impartial. It's impressive how it can manage to be both.
Martyn sighs heavily, and winces, and turns away. He looks towards his extremely small, entirely copied base, and a place where the sky is capable of letting in the light.
He pokes gingerly at his head wound. It's shallow, but painful.
"Maybe just this one," he mutters. "Could repurpose my bandanna. Although I guess I should probably wash it first. That would be smart." He wipes at his face. "If I don't then blood's going to start getting in my eyes. But not in a cool way, just in a way where I'll fall in a ravine by accident or something."
Nobody responds. That's ok. He hasn't exactly endeared himself to anyone, recently.
In a game that's even more about trust than usual, there's a part of him that doesn't mind being a lone wolf, as it were. At least for now. Harder to stab someone in the back if you don't let them get behind you, right?
He can make this work. He'll just have to adapt. He's good at that, usually! He just has to find the angle.
After all, he may not be patient, but he is persistent.
And he suspects being a liar will come in handy, for this one.
#secret life#secret life smp#martyn inthelittlewood#zombiecleo#my writing#i really like just how polar opposite their first episodes were#and how much it says about how they play these games.#and then there's the way that all damage sort of sticks#every heart you lose is a resource you will not get back. not really.
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( > 3<) >🩷 HAI you already know who i am 😓 but can we get another baizhu x gn!ready fluff? -🎀
You never have to worry about healing your injuries or treating your illnesses because Baizhu has the remedies and cures at the ready.
With Baizhu as your partner, his first priority would always be you, even if he's suffering himself.
Which is why you tend to avoid yourself from getting hurt so you can take care of him instead, even ignoring him whenever he would say that he is fine when he is clearly not.
Changsheng is the one who snitches to you about everything that Baizhu has done that is either embarrassing or worrying.
"Your hussband bought you thiss pair of beautiful braceletss, he wanted you and him to wear each one."
"Changsheng, please... that was supposed to be my gift for them for our anniversary."
"(Y/n), come quick, thiss hussband of yourss got hurt after we encountered a ssmall group of hilichurlss."
"I'm alright, dear. I can take care of myself. I am a doctor after all."
"He jusst lied."
"Hush, Changsheng."
Qiqi would always refer to you as her mother, even before you married Baizhu. Considering how you would always be worrying and taking care of her and how she would see you and Baizhu exchanging forehead and cheek kisses to one another. She learned at that time that when two people do that then that means they're married. And since Qiqi saw Baizhu as her father figure, you are now recognized as her mother.
With Baizhu always cooped up at the pharmacy, you would always come and visit him daily to make sure he takes a break to relax and stretch his legs.
Baizhu memorized your daily schedule of whenever you would come to the pharmacy to invite him out to eat lunch. Hence, he would always inform Qiqi to take care of the pharmacy while he spends time with you.
Sometimes when Baizhu is overworking himself and isn't in the mood to sleep, you can easily change his mind by giving him a peck on the lips before leading him towards your shared bed to sleep. It always works and Baizhu isn't even complaining about how effective it is. As long as he gets to be pampered in your affections then he would gladly accept it.
Baizhu would let you braid his hair when he is too busy to do it himself. He also uses it as an excuse to be able to melt into your touch as your fingers glide through the strands of his hair, it always manages to give him butterflies in his stomach.
He would always prefer the meals you cook than those you can buy from a restaurant or when other people cook it when you're not with him. There's just this homely feeling he gets whenever he eats your homecooked meals. Besides, he always likes seeing you cook, it gives him a chance to stand behind you and wrap his arms around your waist.
You don't have to worry about Baizhu liking another person because his heart belongs to you only. He did marry you after all, he courted you for five years straight, he isn't afraid nor scared to tie the knot and put a ring on your finger.
There was this one time that Changsheng informed you about how a customer confessed their feelings to Baizhu at the pharmacy.
"He only sstared straight through them as if they were blocking hiss view. Ha! Can you believe that man? He even showed hiss wedding ring before rejecting them and telling the customer their bill for consulting him."
Baizhu would always be seeking out your affections. He cannot last a day if you weren't able to give him a kiss on the lips.
This man is a tease. He always like seeing your cheeks puffed up in a pout whenever he avoided kissing your lips. You just look so adorable he can't help it.
What he likes even more is seeing your face flushed red. He would whisper either sweet or suggestive things to you and watch as your face would turn as red as a tomato.
Sometimes you both could be seen cuddling on the couch and talk about random topics that would appear in your mind.
"Would you still love me if I turned into a worm?"
"What gave you such thought, dear? Of course I'd still love you, I'd even make a remedy to turn you back... only if Changsheng hasn't eaten you yet."
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reposting my infinite is not weak essay because i got anxious and deleted the last one <3 i've been meaning to do this for months, but i'm not exactly the most functional person and i don't often put myself out there. in the process of rewriting it, i also altered the wording and added a few things, as you might notice if you've seen it before; and if you haven't, then welcome to whatever it is i'm doing here!
this is written with all my love, all my frustration, fueled by years worth of listening to a cycle of minsinformation that left permanent damage in the form of skewed perceptions – based in a false claim and the jokes that came with it – and a hesistance on sega's part to even address him save for a few tossed crumbs over the span of the last half a decade. originally i had an elaborate metaphor here, but there was no need for it and i'll cut right to the chase; there has always been good in infinite's character – but not everyone cares to look for it.
it's been six years since the release of sonic forces. which is insane! it's wild to me! as somebody who's been here since before the game even released, i've seen it all. to commemorate the occassion, when i wrote this originally, i thought that i would talk further about infinite's reception; in particular, the Weak thing. i've discussed it before in brief, and you can read that one here; this time though, i'm going to get more into dissecting the actual problem, and debunking arguments that supposedly prove infinite to be objectively weak and pathetic... when canonically, that isn't the case. i'd actually argue the opposite, but at the very least he isn't lacking strength – his skills are average at worst.
the first reason that i see, the one we're all plenty familiar with and the one i brought up previously, is that infinite is weak because he lost to shadow. once. that's it. do i really have to explain why this is stupid? yeah, he did lose, one time. even against a normal opponent, one defeat in comparison to what we can assume, based on his title, many victories, isn't much of an indicator toward being weak. shadow is also the ultimate lifeform, in case anyone has forgotten that detail, and bear in mind that infinite knows shadow to have just slaughtered his entire team – do you really think he would be at his best in that state?
there's also a fuckton of context clues implying that infinite had issues prior to this encounter, specifically inferiority issues. shadow literally told him, after having wiped his whole team out, to never show his pathetic face again. the face with the, you know. the big scar. the blind eye. (shoutout to the person who pointed this out in the tags in the "first part" of this, by the way! based for that)
this argument is so full of holes that it just drives me kind of bonkers how it can be used to claim infinite is weak and stupid. do i think that the scene is without flaw? of course not. if you want to say that the way they handled his breakdown wasn't the greatest, you can, you have every right to your opinion. but that's just it. we're talking about something else. i get it, the "i am not weak" was a memeable line, but it doesn't actually make him weak. people that reduce his reaction to "just" hating shadow because he got his ass beat, people who call it a "temper tantrum", i ... the context is right there. it was never "just" because shadow beat him up. would people say this about anyone else that shadow happens to beat up? that they're irrefutably weak? no. that's stupid. obviously. so why infinite? because it wasn't a strong enough spectacle. let me illustrate this more with another example;
another reason people say that infinite is weak is because sonic didn't need to go super in order to beat him. and... again, this one, too, falls apart pretty easily. sonic has beaten other characters without going super, and this includes shadow. the difference is the when, the how, the context. it's not that infinite is weak, but it was a weak final boss fight. do you get what i mean?
forces, in general, suffered a lot with this problem. it wasn't a problem that was exclusive to infinite. unfortunately, as the new character, he got the most heat. there was a huge amount of hype for him, so when the spectacle fell short, people were pissed. and i get it. but then that issue became, "infinite bad". that issue became "infinite's weak". it has never been that, though. this is why i personally hate weak jokes – because they're rooted in non-issue and misinfo.
a point i saw made once was that the characterisation of sonic and the rest of the cast are part of what made infinite's character hard to take seriously, and i'd agree! infinite actually fits the setting quite well; he has a mysterious, serious presence. he's harsh, he's edgy, but it's cheesy enough that it works in the typical style of the sonic franchise. the problem is, when the other characters aren't taking things seriously, it throws the whole thing off. we're being told this is a hard-hitting, high stakes plot, but how can we see it that way, when they're all just cracking jokes?
as a side-tangent of sorts, you know what's real funny? infinite's backstory, the one thing people use more than anything else to declare his obvious weakness, quite likely wasn't originally going to exist anyway, and he was instead going to be made by eggman. i say "quite likely" as, as i've stated, i don't like misinformation, and sega will probably never confirm this one-hundred percent, but this is something fans – myself included – have discussed a few times.
first, there's the odd dialogue and enviroment in stage 29. tails states outright, as you go through the fortress, where containment/test tubes line the walls in countless numbers, "so this is where eggman built infinite". the tubes do, in fact, appear to have low-res bodies inside them. this is also something they detailed in an early version of the script. infinite's remark on sonic's "data" also fits in with this idea of him being some form of android. prior to release, there was also a cryptic message that, when decoded, referred to infinite as "the fated son of daedalus"; in other words, icarus, who flew too close to the sun; his father being an inventor! that's really dope foreshadowing.
you can argue that tails and amy's commentary is speculation rather than solid fact and that they're mistaken, it's a possibility i definitely consider here, but given how rushed the dlc and prequel comics feel, the fact that there was a statement that big changes were made late into development... yeah. i'll buy it. i often find myself wondering what people would think of infinite had this been his story, whether they would view him differently. also, speaking of the dlc being rushed, there are actually unused lines for episode shadow implying that you would have fought the jackal squad; they were likely just unable to implement it in time. it's a shame, as it would have added to that spectacle factor i mentioned. but hey, gotta push for that holiday release!
what i find really interesting is that you can look at his character through either lense: the former mercenary turned war criminal, or the creation of our ol' doctor, and he still reads well! his behaviour makes sense in whichever context you choose to apply; what he thought he had to become, versus what he was made to be. it's cool and it makes me a bit insane. a lot of people criticise infinite for his one-dimensionality, but in my opinion, like... it's the point. he's meant to feel hollow. because he's masking; or because he wasn't made for feelings, but rather for destruction.
something that seems ironic is that many people attempt to "fix" him by... putting him into a box and inflating a single trait into his entire character and calling it "better writing". now, here's the disclaimer, okay: i'm all for people having fun and being proud of their work! i don't think that we should police what others can create. this is just about the phenomenon of watering a character down or changing them to fit ships and narratives rather than those characters being what shape the direction the story and their relationships take, things like that; which... i mean, i'm not a cop, you can still do these things even if i don't like them! i'm not saying it isn't allowed, but i think that you're kind of missing the point.
he never needed fixing. his story needed refinement. that's different. it's more about exploring what we've been given, looking below the surface; infinite is not just an evil, ruthless tyrant that deserves death nor a traumatised sadboy to be made good by the power of love and friendship – not to me. his trauma and anger are both part of him, and you cannot – or rather shouldn't – reduce him to one thing or another. it does him a major disservice, i think. there are good things there, things you can dissect, you just have to be willing to look.
in choosing to ignore what made him who he is, disregarding the loss of his squad and blatant insecurity unless it's funny, you're purposely looking at him through a faulty lense. bad writing doesn't mean that the intent isn't there. context is so important, and you can't analyse him or critique him with worth unless these things are acknowledged. it's like if you were eating a cake, avoiding the frosting and complaining it's not sweet enough. the frosting is there, not even being withheld from you. it has always been there. you decided not to eat it. sorry i'm making weird analogies again but hopefully this makes sense.
this has gotten long, wow. the point i want to highlight, overall, is that infinite is not nearly as awful as people make him out to be. it was never about his strength, it was about the limits and shortcomings of the narrative, a problem not exclusive to him yet one that has been pinned on him for so many years. i don't want it to sound like i'm saying he is immune to criticism, or that forces is, even though i've criticised forces during the creation of this post (and don't think that i think forces is terrible, either! it's my favourite game and i have lots of things i like about it as well! i've just been drawing attention to these parts to better explain what i want to convey lol); but i do hate how the wrong thing is being criticised.
this issue has been watered down into "infinite weak" when it's way more broad, way more complex than that, and i cannot stand it. it seems like such a trivial matter, like, oh, fandom is being mean about my favourite guy, but it did actual damage and forever altered people's perception of him. i am pissed about it! i'm mad! i don't care if you don't like infinite (because i can just block you as we will not get along!) but... it's about why people don't like him. they don't have to justify it, they can continue hating him, but it always bothered me that the reason is so often not a real problem. yeah.
okay, i think that's it. thank you for taking the time to read this, and if you made it this far, you're gay
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"that ability to just modify your perspective and step into the context someone else is wrestling with and listen, that's such an upsettingly rare skill for knowledge workers and healthcare workers... if you ask people why they're struggling, you can fix it and build a better process!"
You might be interested to know that when I was in pharmacy school, those patient interviewing skills mentioned by you and clockworkcrow in that reblog chain about provider burnout were taught to us as a set of techniques known as "motivational interviewing." It's not really in the scope of the personal vs systemic interventions that that reblog chain is about, but one of the revelational takeaways that I got from learning them was the idea that the healthcare provider cannot assume that their goals for care line up with the patient's; sometimes, the patient really doesn't care about the treatment or its outcomes because they have different goals of care in mind, and eliciting those goals during interviewing (because a lot of the time people are not at all articulate about what they want out of life) is a kind of ongoing step one.
I'm also curious if you or the MDs in this discussion have ever encountered ambulatory care pharmacists practicing the approaches that clockworkcrow talks about? I ask because listening to patients, identifying patient-specific blocks to care, and addressing them was something we were taught to do in pharmacy school (because our program pushed us toward ambulatory care). But since I didn't go into ambcare after graduating, I'm unsure both how much of an impact it has/how widespread such practices actually are, and whether ambcare practitioners actually, on the whole, put their money where the educators' mouths are. Can ambcare clinics actually make a systemic difference?
Oh! I had no idea they taught y'all those skills, but then I don't actually think I've ever had a conversation with a pharmacist about meds beyond a perfunctory question about whether I know what side effects there are. In general I am not used to pharmacists, doctors, or other medical professionals like psychiatrists taking a lot of time to really listen to me. Some of that is probably that all my main health complaints are things that feel normal to me and some is probably that I am a chronic minimizer--like I said in that discussion, it's a coping method.
I have never heard the term "ambulatory care" -- oh, it's outpatient care. Yeah, okay, let's use a specific physical issue: I can't run for more than about two to three without finding myself unable to breathe. This has been a thing for essentially my entire life, and in middle school we did running with heart monitors, so even apart from the physical experience of not being able to breathe and having to stop and take great heaving breaths of air, I was aware that objectively my heart rate was going up very fast no matter how hard I tried.
(We are talking "run until you start getting black spots in your vision, then walk until you can just barely breathe again, and then run, rinse and repeat. Literally the only kid slower than me was excused entirely from running because one leg was an inch shorter than the other.) No one around me seemed to think there was anything unusual about this or that I was anything besides just physically lazy, so I kind of wrote it off until my mid twenties. I mean, I'd been visibly struggling with extended physical exercise my whole life, and no one had called it remarkable yet, but friends were telling me it wasn't normal to experience those kinds of breathing issues, so...
I presented myself with this complaint to a nurse practitioner who basically told me I was just fat and needed to exercise more. I pushed past this and was grudgingly scheduled for an ecg (normal) and a peak flow test (astoundingly poor). There was no explanation presented for the peak flow except that I was out of shape and needed (guess what?) more exercise. Tried a pulmonologist, who confirmed it was not exercise induced asthma (which I had been sort of hoping, because there are fixes for that) and told me I was basically fine.
I more or less gave up until a dentist idly mentioned that my airway was very, very small and told me that micrognathia was something I should look into: my airways might be occluded. So I went to an ENT, who also immediately tried to tell me I was basically fine but did grudgingly agree to scope my airways... and discovered major blockages from my tongue (insufficient room in my jaw, so it gets shoved backwards over the airway), my nasal turbinates (swollen almost completely shut), and I forget what else. It was incredibly exciting to have a reason.
Okay, I say, what do I do with this? Exercise more? But I want to do that, I just can't breathe. I was aware that there is a surgery to artificially extend the jaw; it involves breaking the jaw and encouraging it to heal while maintaining space between the halves. So I brought this up. He was very dubious about this. I asked for a referral anyway and was referred to a plastic surgeon. The surgeon was perplexed by what I wanted to talk about and had clearly expected me to have come in for a cosmetic procedure like a nose job. Eventually I got too exhausted to follow up further; I've been meaning to resume this thing for like six years now.
Generally, my experience of doctors is that they have been trained to be suspicious of patient accounts that don't fit a very specific narrative, and that they are impatient to get on to the next thing unless you are very proactive about your own care. If you don't have a condition in mind that you can point them at without making them decide you're med seeking, they are quick to tell you that you are just making things up in your head. There are a few exceptions but I cannot underscore enough how rare I have found them to be.
And they will all tell you to exercise and lose weight as a first line of response. Not that I'm bitter.
Now, actually working in healthcare, @scientia-rex or @clockworkcrow might have more relevant commentaries than I do. But my experience in this field has not been, to put it mildly, great. Let's not even talk about my history of psychiatric care.
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jennie - the girl that didn't pass you by
a/n: i wrote this in like a day and i'm happy with how this turned out though i'm still feeling nervous of publishing this. i have two other fics that were supposed to be christmasy office stuff and they're pretty fleshed out but i'm not so proud of them
jennie kim x gender neutral reader
word count: 1,386
all fluff
The sweet and inviting aroma of roasted coffee beans filled the air as you walked in, the brisk wind whirling around as the door closes behind you. You adored this café. This was basically like your second home.
You took a look around, glazing over everything the café had to offer. Christmas classics played quietly from every corner of the building, now instilling it with that child-like wonder you felt was missing. There was some neatly handwritten chalk on the walls of the specials today. A handful of people were present, scattered around the café, all of them kind of just doing their own thing.
And finally, there was that one barista, whom you knew as Jennie according to her nametag, working the register today. You'd always only come here during her shifts. She had a gummy smile, a beauty mark under her left eyebrow which you're sure no one has noticed before, and from what you could tell from your short encounters with her, a great personality to match.
"The usual?" She knows your order by heart. Even if she doesn't know you per se but she knows of you. You nod, as you lug your bag to your usual corner. Sitting down and waiting patiently for your order, you glanced out the window as you looked over all the people passing by, going through the motions of life.
It always seemed too fast for your liking. You always thought if you got caught up with the tide, you'd never be able to stop and inevitably reach the end with a hard crash, so you've decided for yourself to avoid all of that. Tearing your eyes away, you took out one of the books from your bag that you've loved rereading to this day. The Perks of Being a Wallflower. You smiled to yourself as you saw you were nearing the end of the book again, your bookmark stuck between one of the last few pages.
But before you could start turning those pages again, you heard someone clearing their throat and noticed a cup of coffee being placed in front of you in your peripheral vision. When you looked up, it was her. Jennie.
"May I sit?" she asked, with a small smile.
"Of course," you said as you set your book down, returning her smile.
You couldn't help but want to leave the cup there after picking it up and inspecting the foam art. It was too lovely to ruin. It was a simple heart, but you could tell how much work went into it. You set it down once more.
"Not your thing?" She asked with a cute pout apparent on her face.
You shook your head, "No... it's just that I didn't want to ruin the art."
She let out a small laugh as she leaned closer to the table, her eyes wandering around your table. "Well, that's awfully nice of you but you should drink it before it gets cold Y/N."
Your eyebrows arched in confusion, a slight frown appearing on your lips, "How do you know my name?"
She laughed again as she moved her hands all around her body, signaling the outfit, "Did you forget it's a café? If I didn't know your name, that'd be a bigger problem."
Your cheeks turned a soft shade of pink as you felt embarrassed at your sudden lack of common sense, "Right... Anyways... what are you doing here?"
"I'm on break right now and thought I'd say hi to my favorite customer." A sly grin makes its way across her face, all the while you're blushing even harder, eyes downcast. "You're interesting Y/N. I just wanted to get to know you, that's all."
Her eyes make their way to the book you've set down to your left. They widen in surprise. "That's a great book."
You're surprised. Most would say that they've only seen the movie. "You read it?"
She nods plain and simple, "That's my favorite so far." And almost instantaneously, she glances up at you again, the look of curiosity and wonder playfully dancing on your lips. You look like you want to ask her more and she's happy to answer.
Then finally, you have the courage to do so. It goes on for what seems like hours, even if it's mere minutes, while you're getting lost in her words and intricate explanations. Your infatuation with her almost seems to grow into something more in this moment. Your entire sense of being has shifted into something more, and she could clearly see it.
She smiled at your demeanor while rocking her chair back and forth, "Say Y/N... do you want to hang out after I'm off my shift?"
And to say you were surprised was quite an understatement. You mean, you didn't expect her to ask you anything, let alone talk to you. All you did was admire her from a distance. Nothing more, nothing less and you thought she'd be one of those people you pass by in life. The people who make an impression on you and who just never seem to stay but she was just so different.
You just gave her a tight-lipped smile as you reach for your now cold cup much like her warning to finally take a sip, the taste of peppermint and Christmas goodness filling your senses and the sound of her giggling at your foam mustache. "Of course."
And those hours before the end of her shift just seemed to pass you by but you weren't against it for once. As she took hung her apron on the wall and walked out from behind the register, she gave you a small smile while putting on her overcoat. "Shall we?"
"Let's." And then she unexpectedly loops her arm around yours, her eyes wide with awe at the lights that had been hung up for the holidays. The white and red that seemed to gleam ever brighter with every step you took. The snowfall that seemed to make its way to you as small flakes descended upon the two of you, Jennie sticking her tongue out in amusement and catching a few. The few lights that were visible in the surrounding buildings so late at night, you could only imagine what was happening in there.
And although the two of you haven't decided where to go yet, you enjoyed this. The spontaneous and unplanned nature of it. She drags you anywhere and everywhere, somehow making it to the town square. A big evergreen tree planted in the center with all kinds of ornaments hung up, covered in snow. You sit on a bench nearby as you see her running around, enjoying the night sky and the snow that comes along with it but before you know it, you get hit hard by a blast of freezing cold on your face, your vision impaired by a soft, slushy-like substance that drips down.
You wipe it off and your eyes meet hers again. This time there's a mischievous glint in her eyes and a playful smile on her lips as there's another molded ball of ammunition in her now red, cold hands, ready to throw.
Now that you think about it, maybe it was this night that your life seemed to just get a little bit faster. A little bit more exciting as you got hit directly in the face by another wad of snow, hearing a cheer of victory from the other side. She was definitely not just passing you by. "You're done for Jennie!"
Time flies by again in your little snowball fight and the two of you are left flat on the ground next to each other, breaths rising into white puffs to the stars above. "That... that was the most fun I've had in a while." She admits with a chuckle. "We should do this again Y/N. Not just the snowball fight but you know... the whole shebang."
You let out a breathy laugh as you stared up at the night sky, filled with dazzling lights. It was almost like even the stars were all watching this moment between you two. A big grin stretches across your face as you reply, not knowing that life would move even faster with this girl by your side. "I'd love to."
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Hi. How to know if I'm an egg or I'm faking... Because usually in the evening I'm 99% there is more than one person there. And then when I wake up in the morning I think I was faking and I should stop
Faking is something you have to do purposely, so right off the bat, you can't be faking if you're genuinely questioning something. That said, you're probably also scared of just being wrong in general, so let me do my best to give you my thoughts on the matter.
While I don't know exactly what you mean by "in the evening", I have encountered a fair amount of plurals who talk to their headmates more often late in the day, usually shortly before they go to bed or when they're already in bed (especially before they knew they were a system). This could be for a couple different reasons – maybe it's a natural side-effect of winding down and relaxing, maybe being tired means people are more receptive to such ideas or doing things like talking to themselves without judgement; who knows? All I can say for certain is this seems to be a pattern amongst plurals. If this is what you're referring to, then that could be a sign in favor of you being plural.
Another thing I've noticed is that a lot of folks, when they're questioning or are first discovering their systems, often go back-and-forth between being open to the idea and rejecting it (hell, We did the same thing for a few months). Now, obviously, questioning like this doesn't definitely mean you're plural – it's just something I see a lot, and I want to let you know that this is perfectly normal to go through, and you're not alone in this kind of experience. Being unsure doesn't mean you're faking. Being unsure is a part of life; a part of questioning. Could you be wrong? Sure. But that's okay. Even if you're wrong, at the end of the day, you discovered something about yourself, didn't you? You can cross that off the list of things to investigate about who you are.
Something I'd encourage is to take some time to sit with your thoughts on the matter and write them down without self judgement. Don't stress over whether every detail is a sign for or against you being plural, just write what you observe and what you feel about it. What you feel about the possibility of being plural in general, too. Try it both in the evening when you're leaning towards the idea, and in the morning when you're not so sure. Having everything down on paper should help you make sense of it all, even if it doesn't give you all the answers immediately.
There's no surefire way to know if you're plural. But if you're questioning it, there's probably a pretty good chance you are, since most singlets don't seem to question their singlethood even after they're introduced to the concept of plurality.
I hope this helps, anon! Good luck on your questioning journey!
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Avatar of Chaos :
(1) Arrival
Chap 2 ->
Knock knock.
Knock.
Knock knock.
Barbatos stirred in his sleep. He glanced at the clock nearby.
2:22 am.
Who in their right mind would come to him at such hours? Annoyed, he gradually got up, tidying up his attire. As much as a pajama can be tidied really.
The knock continued incessantly. In the same pattern of two at a time. Like someone was deliberately trying to be annoying. He was agitated now as he swung open his door.
"It is not polite to knock on people's door at-"
He stopped as he noticed he was speaking to noone. And that the knocking hadn't stopped. Not on this door? Then where?
He checked his window. Still nothing. Then he heard it get louder. Eyes wide in horrific realisation, he slowly turned to the portal doors.
The portals that spanned across space and time were but one way roads. Noone had ever come from the other side. Not without him knowing about it.
"Who are you? And what could you possibly want at this hour?"
Barbatos approached the door, his hand trembling on the handle. The knocking had finally stopped.
"Why that's so mean of you, Barb. You said your door would always be open for me."
The door was thrown open. Wild rainy winds gushed into his room. Barbatos fell back on his bed, gazing ahead. Papers and curtains blew around, hindering his view.
"I don't think I've seen you look that scared before." You laugh. "It rather suits you. Makes me want to keep you that way."
Barbatos gaped like a fish, struggling to get his words out. "M-MC...why...how did you-"
You let out a laugh. "I'm not just a human anymore, Barbatos. I shed my 'mortal shell' because of you lot! Thank you for that!"
"But you returned home. I saw you...I saw you returning with Mammon and Satan. Did something happen there? In the house of Lamentation?!"
"Oh something did happen many moons ago. You should know. You put me there and watched after all."
Barbatos's felt his throat dry up as you walked over and sat next to him.
"I apologise MC, we all assumed you wouldn't want to talk about since you seemed to forgive us and-"
"Forgiven? Sure. But I have yet to forget it. But I just thought I'd come here and speed up the process. And the easiest way to do that...is to get even."
This is impossible. There can't be two versions of one person in the same timeline for long. Both timelines become highly unstable - if MC stays here then...
"Are you wondering what will happen to your current MC? The one that you brought from the other time?"
Barbatos nodded lightly.
"They're back where they're supposed to be. I rebuilt the timeline you destroyed. And I came back..." You gestured out to the portal, "..straight from my grave. So I'm one of you now!"
You laughed and pointed at your head. There was no joy in it. Barbatos felt his heart grow uneasy.
All of this was unprecedented. Maybe more than anything else - the gold-tipped horns that sat atop your head terrified him to the core.
"Don't you worry. I'm not here to kill. I'm only here to watch. It'll be fun! Haven't things been boring lately? I'll be going now. See you later, Barb!"
You disappeared the same way you appeared. And you closed the door behind you. His room was a scattered mess and so was his heart.
Barbatos dreaded what Diavolo would do if he found out. He'd probably have a breakdown, he secretly harbored a guilt of hurting you over and over and now you were finally here for retribution...as a demon.
He remembered your horns again. No low level demon could have such elaborate and gorgeous horns, no you were a new Avatar. A demon of the highest rank. An Avatar who could command all the others.
You were by far, the most dangerous thing Barbatos had ever encountered.
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You know, usually, I keep my opinions to myself and the people I trust, but I'm annoyed and have been thinking about this since breakfast and all day so fuck it.
I've been writing for a long long time. For my entire living memory of you count the things I imagined without ever actually writing them down. And here's the problem I've encountered with writeblr. It's not one community, it's two, and they don't want anywhere near the same things.
I can't entirely speak for what the community I don't want to be a part of wants, but they're the people who just care about the numbers from the outside looking in. From my perspective, you see it with the people who talk a whole lot about supporting the community, it's not about the quality, it's about how many asks they send or how many people they've reblogged or whatever. And then whether they're actually well intentioned or if it's for attention, I don't know, they do things like see people complaining about not getting interaction and just go "well keep writing!" Or they send more asks.
And that's when they butt heads with the community I tend to vibe with. The community where it's not about how many of anything we get. It's about seeing a genuine interest in what we're doing. So when people say "man it's discouraging that no one seems to care what I post!" The other group at best goes "just keep writing!"
I'm gonna let you all in on a little secret. I used to write fanfic. Used to post it too. But I didn't stop writing it at the same time I stopped posting it. I stopped posting it when people stopped interacting with it. And then I kept writing it for myself. I just stopped putting in the effort to make it legible for other people when other people stopped interacting with it. I may as well not put in the effort of making others able to read something that's only for myself after all. I then shifted to oh my own original fiction because that's what made me happy.
And the obligatory asks section because I know someone will make this about asks somehow, I don't mind if someone has one WBW ask or STS ask that they want to send to multiple people if it's something that actually makes sense for my works or is broad enough you know? What gets my goat is when someone who's sent me asks before, who's been my mutual for months, sends me a copy paste ask introducing themselves to me. Like, yes, I know who you are. Because we've interacted before. I want to feel like a person, not another number in your follower count. Because here's the secret. I will always be writing. It's just about whether I share it or not. And if I were to decide fuck it, I would still share with the friends I've made here. Because I know they care. It's just a matter of whether I would put my heart and soul into making it available to a bigger audience or not. Because all the people who've screamed in my tags, come into my inbox to ask me things, and be social with me? I have them on Discord. There's no reason for me to bother putting it on Tumblr other than the fact that I love to share it. I'd like more people to enjoy what I write. I want to bring the emotions I write to more people. I want people who can connect to my stories to be able to. I don't want numbers. I want real connections. And if you don't connect with my stories? If they're not to your tastes? Then I don't mind you not sending me asks.
Long story short, I'm not a content creator. I don't care about the numbers. I'm a storyteller who wants to tell stories for the same reason ancient humans did. Connections.
#discourse maybe?#I dont know I just got frustrated#I'm tired of people missing the whole famn point
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Heya, I'm from AO3 :] I was wondering if I could request a fic of Barbatos taking care of Asmodeus after a not-so-pleasant night? Perhaps after a savage encounter or a plain terrible night at the club? I had Asmo being injured in mind... If not, thank you for taking the time to read :] I really liked your work!! Have a great day!!
content warnings: physical assault (most of it only implied) dissociation, injury, magical exhaustion
This was fun?? Reading the prompt made me realize I already wrote something similar with them that MIGHT be a Fantastic Three chapter but I'm not 100% sure. Anyway. ENJOY.
Barbatos was not the first person on his list of people to ask for help. In fact, if such a list existed, Barbatos would probably not be on it at all.
Lucifer, maybe. But that's the problem with Lucifer, it never feels like a good enough reason to bother him. The world needs to be ending for Asmodeus to ask him for help, and even then, let's be honest, Lucifer would be too busy to justify such a course of action.
Solomon... yes. Solomon would be on the list. Solomon the Sorcerer, who always bites off more than he can chew. Solomon, who is so, so bright and yet so foolish, almost as though the universe is trying to apply some countermeasures to the grave mistake of allowing him to be born in the first place. But his ambition is what makes this so impossible; he's always got better things to do, more souls to save or to ruin, his choice. If Asmodeus were to call Solomon, would he even pick up?
It was an accident. Asmodeus needs it to be an accident. He's out in the freezing cold, blood running down his cheek. His perfect cheek.
A misunderstanding. That's what it was.
"Fuck off, we don't want Diavolo's lapdogs around."
Asmodeus smiled. He smiled. Because that's what he did.
"You're thinking of Lucifer. I'm just Asmo!"
The demon came closer, face to face, and then his fingers wrapped around Asmodeus' wrist and he realized that he wouldn't be able to pull free, even if he wanted to...
"All the same to me. Diavolo's SPIES, all of ya."
Something akin to panic was making him lightheaded. But Asmodeus only forced out a laugh.
"I'm not a spy, and if I were, do you really think I were that bad at it?" he joked, just for something sharp to puncture his skin, his perfect skin - he remembers thinking how he wasted all that expensive lotion on it in the morning. He remembers thinking that he was never going to be able to show his face again. He remembers thinking...
And then he wasn't thinking at all because they were...
"Asmodeus?"
Barbatos. Perfect, inappropriate, always busy Barbatos. Asmodeus can't tell where he came from, why he's here, why he's paying attention to a pathetic, trembling demon in an alley with a cut on his cheek, but his fingers are gentle when they reach for his elbow.
"Can you look at me? Do you know who I am?"
"Barbatos..." Asmodeus mumbles. It takes some effort to follow the order but Barbatos' green, intense eyes are easy to focus on.
"Good. Can you tell me where we are right now?"
"In front of..." He pauses. No. They're not outside the club anymore. They're...
"That's alright. Take your time."
Asmodeus' eyes flicker to a point past Barbatos. Stairs. Stairs? Doors. So many doors.
"Your room," he forces out.
Barbatos smiles, but as per usual, it's far from honest. "Good. I would like to make sure I haven't missed any further injuries apart from the one on your face but for that I'd have to touch you. Would that be alright?"
Asmodeus shakes his head. "Why are you here?"
The demon tilts his head. There's no disappointment or even impatience on his face. The touch on Asmodeus' elbow disappeared; Barbatos is not touching him anymore. It's a strange feeling, he's helpless without it, untethered to reality.
"Would you prefer for someone else to help you? I can call Lucifer..."
"No!" It breaks out of Asmodeus in a desperate burst; his cheek is stained with blood and tears all at once. Barbatos lifts a gloved hand, eyes digging into his, his movements slow, ready to stop. But Asmodeus doesn't protest, so Barbatos gently wipes his cheek, the glove coming away stained with a light red liquid. Blood and tears.
"You can do it," Asmodeus manages. "But I don't understand why you would help me."
Barbatos moves with the same graze Asmodeus is already used from him. Asmodeus allows him to push him down on a soft surface - his bed, his bed, Asmodeus is in his bed - then he places his hands on Asmodeus' chest and closes his eyes. Magic, warm; a flicker of teal, surreal.
"Ah. That's a relief," Barbatos says. He sounds like he's very far away. "You are in shock but there will be no lasting impacts... of physical nature, at least."
His hand is still resting on his chest. Something else is flowing through Asmodeus' veins now, a soothing energy of sorts.
"I can't give away too much of myself but..." The flow of energy stops and Barbatos' face swims into view again.
Asmodeus feels... great. Invincible. Like he is literally made from magic. The fog in his head disappeared, making room for more clarity. Everything that happened this night feels so far away; like it's nothing but a bad dream. Like it happened to someone else. The pain is nothing but a faint memory that's growing more and more distant. Everything around him has more color, like he's seeing colors his mind couldn't even imagine before. It's like a part of Barbatos complicated, incomprehensible magic is a part of him now.
Barbatos gives him another smile. His face has taken on a more pale, ashy color, but apart from that, he seems fine. Asmodeus is aware of his more sacrificial tendencies but he hopes that Barbatos finally respects his own limitations by now.
"Can I get you something to eat? To drink?" the demon asks.
Asmodeus allows himself to sink a little deeper into what have to be Barbatos' sheets. They smell like him.
"No," he says. "Just... hold me, maybe? Whatever you did, that probably wasn't easy on you."
Barbatos' face twists, if only for a split-second, into a guilty expression; a school boy caught in a lie.
"Ah... it was a calculated sacrifice. But if it's of comfort to you..."
"It is. Come here." Asmodeus pats down on the sheets, and Barbatos chuckles in response. The demon sighs, waves his hand to darken the room around them, and then bends down to remove his own shoes.
"Perhaps I should tell the Young Master..." Barbatos interrupts himself and takes a deep breath. His face looks even more drained, his body small and frail. "Yes, you were right, that was..."
He settles down next to Asmodeus, back pressed against the soft bed sheets, eyes flickering up to the ceiling and the doors around them.
"What did you do?" Asmodeus asks. Except that he knows. Because there's a piece of Barbatos flowing through his veins. "Oh my god. You can't just literally cut off a piece of yourself to make me feel better. You're an idiot. Say it."
"I am an idiot," he echoes back.
"Say that you're never going to do it again."
"I can't-"
"Say it."
"I won't do it again."
"Good." Asmodeus shakes his head. "You're worse than my brothers. Perhaps you are the one that needs to be constantly supervised."
"Why do you think I'm staying with my Young Master?" Barbatos mumbles, already half asleep.
Asmodeus hesitates. He never thought about it that way.
He's not going to get answers out of Barbatos, now or perhaps ever. But the shift in perspective remains - he can hold onto that. He watches the demon, strangely comforted by the body next to him, comforted by Barbatos' essence vibrating in his veins.
Then he sighs and rolls to the side to grab Barbatos' D.D.D. to text Diavolo what his idiot butler did.
#obey me#obey me fanfic#answered request#answered asks#obey me barbatos#obey me asmodeus#hurt/comfort#requests are open!! but I am NOT up to date with obey me
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desperate housewives. season six, episode five.
it is in our nature to judge the people around us.
i think you're a lousy mother.
the monkey's killing the clown!
my laundry is clean, folded and put away.
look! open, closed. open, closed.
you shot me!
i'm a good mom, aren't i?
i understand why you're upset. i'd be on edge, too, if my marriage were having problems.
she asked me a question, i just answered it.
they can't keep a goldfish alive for more than one day. what makes you think they're gonna take better care of geraniums?
why isn't [name] helping you?
you're like a dog with a bone. let it go.
you think you can dangle that axe over my head?
let's have a nice father-son chat about how you're cheating on mom.
if it was no big deal, why didn't you just tell me?
things got a little heated the other day, and i think we both said some things we didn't mean.
it left her with this constant fear that everything could suddenly fall apart, and that's why she needs to control everything.
let him go. i can do the gig alone.
stay out of our lives, or you'll be sorry!
we don't need to use that spatula anymore.
if [name] would like to come to [name]'s birthday party, we'd love to have her.
when i first brought you here, you didn't want to set foot in this room.
you're kind of a wet blanket since you quit smoking.
he just went over my head to you.
you tried to kill me!
what were you doing sneaking around my house?
oh, don't blame me. i wasn't even in the room.
last month, we needed a sitter for [name], but you didn't want to miss oktoberfest.
we're gonna have face painting, and a cotton-candy machine, and a clown.
what did i tell you about sledding down the staircase?
[name] just shot [name]
i told you she was gonna snap. it's always the pretty ones.
a monkey almost killed a clown.
she grew up without her dad. her mom was a drinker. so, she had to be responsible for everyone.
we judge the way strangers dress.
i just fired you, so you can go home.
you're the one with dirty laundry.
sorry, but i'm not comfortable with that.
you'll never know what you've done for my sex life.
more cake for us. beat it.
i haven't been able to sleep.
you said you were seeing a guy. you think maybe he had something to do with it?
i thought you saw me.
just 'cause you like crunching his walnuts doesn't mean i do.
do you like pizza?
for example, if she were to ask me if we were having a bouncy house, i'd have to say, "just the biggest bouncy house you've ever seen!"
i knew i liked that guy the minute he walked in.
if you love me at all, you'll give me a match and an alibi.
you want to destroy her life?
i'm just saying, you shouldn't make snap judgments about people.
please, let me go.
this isn't about winning!
did i say one cross word to you?
i make plenty of decisions around here.
i won't look at you no more, okay?
stop it. stop loving me. i'm not worth it anymore.
i had a very irksome encounter myself today.
getting the picture isn't the problem. it's getting rid of it.
you're right, i'm sorry. this is cruel.
i'm so sorry i'm late.
oh, please, if i were gonna kill you, i wouldn't do it in my own front yard.
i know it wasn't you, [name].
you see i'm having an affair, and you just assume i'm a bad person.
i don't have time to argue.
why would people lie to get out of a kids party?
i'm not checked in, i came here to see you.
[name], when you've needed a favor from me, have i ever let you down?
i followed her home, and it turns out she does have a boyfriend. you.
i didn't tell you because i, crazy me, thought it might upset you.
i flipped her the bird the other day after she cut me off.
you know, if you'd taught your kid how to tuck and roll on impact, we wouldn't even be having this conversation!
since you're using a cell phone, you know what century it is.
it's not what i would've chosen, but it's growing on me.
you're just sneaking off here to do the nasty with your boyfriend.
your disdain was perfectly clear from the look you gave me.
well, what are we supposed to do?
if you have a moment, no rush. would you hang this birdhouse for me?
i think you should clear the air.
i was like you. i wanted fun, excitement.
yes, we make these judgements all the time, never thinking that one day we may be judged ourselves.
your gentleman friend stand you up?
let's talk about it.
why are you calling [name]?
and your point is?
well, if you two are so happy, then where did he just disappear to?
[name]? over there. that tree.
i feel guilty all the time.
if you knew more about my marriage, you'd see me very differently.
i don't have any weed, lady.
you won't let us play on the roof anymore.
if you finish your magazine, there's a bible in the nightstand.
i was so startled, i didn't know what to say. i just let it go.
honey, do that thing where you run into the wall.
i'm sorry. and for what it's worth, it's over.
why would you let them do that?
boy you're everywhere. we should get you a bell.
i know she's going through a rough time, but i have trouble feeling sorry for her.
i have a gun! i've called the police.
these two knuckleheads decided to sled down the staircase.
listen, i've been so worried about you.
we're not doing this anymore.
when did that happen?
you should have whipped out a copy of your best-selling cookbook.
you know nothing about him.
what do you want me to say? that cheating's not a sin when you do it in pearls?
...and i'm trying to make nice with you, as a fellow man, so i guess...
#rp meme#rp prompt#roleplay memes#roleplay prompt#ask meme#ask prompt#sentence starters#rp resources#mymemes.#*
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Chess & Mate
Okay, first of all: This isn't a bad book. I want to preface my review with that, even if 'bad' is a nebulous term. I want to make it clear that at this point, I'm absolving Ali Hazelwood of her sins with Love Hypothesis. While I hated Adam, I loved Jack from Love Theoretically, and I do like Sawyer… to a degree. I think her heroes have evolved slightly since Adam, and now they're kind of at a very acceptable Jack-Sawyer stage.
I'll elaborate on the hero part in a bit. But for now, I also want to make it clear that while I don't love this book anywhere as much as I loved Love Theoretically, I can see a lot of people loving this, and I understand. It really all boils down to personal preference. (Though that… pretty much sums up any kind of book review, so you can ignore this statement, really. But I guess what I'm trying to say is: Love Hypothesis pissed me the fuck off. Its issues were egregious to me. Chess & Mate got on my nerves a bit, but I recognise it was just due to my own weird preferences as a reader.)
Anyway. Spoilers ahead.
Things I liked:
Sawyer. He's very similar to Jack and if that's the kind of hero Ali likes, I ain't complaining. He knows what he wants; he's mostly straightforward with his feelings and is unabashed about them. Neither is he growly or saying "babe" and all that cringe stuff. He's just… calm, same as Jack. It's very attractive. And ALSO. He is a virgin. I so, so love that? Too bad this was YA so the sex scenes were closed-door, because I felt that would have been a fun dynamic to explore in an adult book.
I like that for once, Mallory (the heroine) is the one who sleeps around. It's all very sex-positive and I support that immensely. Also her being bi? I 100% am for it.
I really liked Oz, for most of the book. And Dfne? I think that's how you spell her name. [But I may be wrong and I'm too lazy to check.]
I think all the loose ends were tied up rather conclusively, re: Eaton and Mallory's family.
Now…. The things I did not like. Hoo-boy.
I'm not into the Mary Sue scene. This is my biggest, biggest gripe for this book. Mallory being this good was not to my liking. She was just winning match after match even though she hadn't played in years. She felt unbeatable, and it took a lot of narrative tension out of the story for me. At some point, I was just like: Okay, I get it. You're the best. And Sawyer is also the best. You are both the best, and you two can sit above the plebs in your couple-y thrones. Reading this book felt like I was reading a power fantasy between two people, and while I get that being everyone's cup of tea, it wasn't mine. At some point, it felt like Sawyer was only ever interested in her because she could play as well as (or better than) he did.
I wished Sawyer hadn't been interested in her from the start. It would have been fun to really lean into the 'enemies' angle for a bit and have her slowly climb her way up to face off against him later. But then again, that's asking for a major rewrite, and that's a whole can of worms I'd rather not open.
But speaking of interest, I was conflicted on the insta-love on Sawyer's part. Him showing up at her house early on in the book and eating dinner with her family was really abrupt and it took me aback. They went from almost no interaction save for her beating him at the first match and the encounter at the pool to… this? Or maybe there were more encounters that I can't recall off the top of my head now, but it just felt too soon for me.
Oh gosh. Her family. Her mom was fine, but her sisters, especially Sabrina? I was being driven nuts. When Sabrina called Mallory egotistical, I was like: wtf? Mallory was practically slaving her ass off to support her family and she made so many sacrifices for them. I get that that was the point—Mallory was clinging to martyrdom and refusing to let herself need them and it upset them. But being antagonistic to Mallory was NOT the answer. Her martyrdom stemmed from a place of self-loathing and trauma. I hated how everyone at the end of the book was yelling at Mallory to get her head out of her ass. Maybe this wake-up call works in books/fiction, or maybe it works for some people, but it's not ideal. It's callous and cruel. I approved only of how Mallory's mother handled it: she very calmly talked things out with her.
Mallory had EVERY right to be angry with Sawyer. I hated how everyone, including Eaton, fed this narrative that Mallory was completely in the wrong for her blow-up at him and how everything he did was right for her. If a man I was developing a romantic relationship with was paying for my fellowship/my fucking SALARY all along and omitted telling me (don't give me the bullshit about "you could have just asked"—omission is still lying), I would be furious. This is crucial information that should have been voluntarily shared sooner. Even if he came from a good place, it doesn't make it okay to hide this imbalance of power from me.
I also want to say that the bad guys are cartoonishly bad. Like you know right away who the 'villain' of the book was going to be, and it felt rather juvenile how unapologetically dickish he was. There wasn't a lot of nuance to it, but eh. Whatever.
The PDA between Sawyer and Mallory (her sitting between his thighs and him… biting her earlobe? I… Okay) while they played chess with his friends was… not for me. I had the same complaint with a hauntingly similar scene in Love Theoretically. I get it: this type of thing is just not my cuppa, but Ali loves it.
All in all, while it sounds like I'm complaining a lot, I don't hate this book. I just don't really love it. Or… like it very, very much. But it had its cute moments, so it's, well, not that bad? I think?
- 13 Nov 2023
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TRICKED
send TRICKED for a scene from my muse's past in which they misled, tricked, or lied to someone
“Oh! Didn't expect to see you out here!” The bubbly blonde allows the sight of a celebrity exiting the Reform Club to throw her off her usual strategy for only a moment. Jack can tell the Joy isn't helping with her attempts at staying professional. Anonymity, or at least having the manners to pretend you don't know who someone is, is generally appreciated in these encounters.
“I mean- you looking for a date, mister?” His mask is the only thing that prevents him from grimacing. No. It's seven AM and there are only two things on his mind- primarily, hunger. Food is scarce anymore. He'd been hungry when he entered the club just as curfew hit, and he's famished now that the sun is rising.
Secondary, though, is blood lust; a bubbling rage towards each and every inhabitant in this cursed city. For awhile, the Reform Club had been helping- a healthy outlet for his growing violent urges. It had been easier to stay focused during the day after a night of strangling, and hair pulling, and electrocution on willing parties. But, lately, it hadn't quite been enough. The past few nights, it felt like it was only fanning the flames, teasing him, leaving him more on edge than he'd been the day before.
“Oh,” he laughs cheerfully, feigns being surprised and flustered as though he couldn't tell her intentions at first glance. There's only one reason for someone to be loitering outside when the Reform Club lets out. “I'm afraid not. I've got a busy day ahead of me! I'd best be penciling in a nap.”
She persists despite the polite refusal. “Well, I mean, I'd do it for a discount- half price. Just ‘cause it's you and all.”
The flattery doesn't help. It's shallow. They don't know each other, they've never so much as spoken before, but she thinks they're so familiar just because she watches him on TV every day. How many of her life choices have been based on whatever bullshit he told her to do, based on whatever bullshit his producers told him to do?
She has no idea that they're running out of food entirely, that the people in charge are just going to continue promising that a shipment of supplies is on the way and counting on the fact that everyone is too stoned to question why it's taking so long. She doesn't remember sending the children away. Though she may have been too young to have had any of her own, she's old enough that she could've done something about it. She would've had siblings, neighbors- no one was exempt from what they did.
She doesn't want to know- none of them do. They'd rather be happy and stupid than face the truth of it all. She's clearly uncomfortable with the brief silence, as she continues to fill it with idle rambling.
“Me and my girlfriends, we talk about you sometimes. Wondering why a man like you ain't married. Guess this explains it!” She laughs, gesturing at the building behind them, as though his proclivities have caused his solitude, rather than his solitude has driven him insane.
He could tell her all about why he's currently unmarried; about watching his late wife slowly die of an illness no doctor could seem to do anything about, about watching their daughter die only a few years later, about how he has no interest in ever getting so emotionally attached to another person who could be taken from him. But, he doesn't, because dwelling on the past isn't allowed, because they're all supposed to just keep pushing forward as though nothing ever happened.
He wants to bash her head against the nearby wall. He wants to take it all out on her, to blame her for everything Wellington Wells has done, for the children and for the Joy and for everyone's eagerness to just follow along to their deaths rather than face their own guilt.
In fact… now that he thinks about it, he doubts anyone close to the woman knows where she is or what she's doing. And if they do, well… they'll forget about her just like the children.
“Actually, my dear… Perhaps I do have a little extra time to spare.”
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muse personal questions. First five for Victor. Last five for Yuri.
What is his biggest turn on?
What is his biggest turn off?
Favorite bedroom activity?
Biggest secret?
A skill he wants to improve?```
1 Greatest achievement?
2) Ideal date?
3) His biggest dislike?
4) His favorite outfit?
5) His mot embarrassing story?
Thanks @cawthorntales ! Some of these were challenging, but I'll let the boys explain, since they're answering in their own words...
It's long, so I'm putting it under a cut.
_____
Victor
What is his biggest turn on?
Victor: Uh... okay. I guess I have to assume this is in reference to like, sexual stuff? These are always super awkward, 'cause this is where I have to explain I'm asexual, and half the time people don't even have a clue as to what I'm talking about. I really don't think I have any turn-ons in the way most people mean it. I like people of all genders, so theoretically I could find just about anybody attractive, but nothing about anyone has ever made me go, 'I really want to sleep with that person'.
Honestly, I don't know if I even understand the concept of getting turned on. I mean, sometimes I do feel physically excited or whatever, but there's no consistent thing that triggers it. If I'm in the mood, I'm in the mood. That's pretty much it. And I'm not actually in the mood all that often, so... yeah.
What is his biggest turn off?
Victor: Almost all the typical sexy stuff, almost all the time. I think some part of me always knew I was ace, but it took a couple of intimate encounters with people to really solidify it in my mind. I, uh... did it a couple of times with people before I met Yuri, and everything about it made me feel awful and violated, even though it was always consensual.
But, I guess if you're looking for a specific answer to my biggest turn-off, it's tongues. I'm disgusted by the idea of anyone's tongue touching any part of me, and especially kissing with tongues is just... ugh. The first time a girl did that to me, I nearly passed out. I literally ran out of there and cried in the bathroom, and I couldn't stop brushing my teeth and using mouthwash every single time I went into the bathroom for days after it happened.
Favourite bedroom activity?
Victor: No. Just... no. Seriously, can we not talk about this any more? It's making me super uncomfortable. Anyway, I don't think what Yuri and I like to do in our room is anyone's business.
Let's go with sleeping as my favourite bedroom activity. Now, can we please move on?
Biggest secret?
Victor: Pretty sure I don't have any big secrets, or if I did, I revealed them all in answering your previous questions. My life is kinda boring, to be honest. I don't have some deep, dark past or whatever, and people say I'm like an open book.
A skill he wants to improve?
Victor: Maybe gardening? Yuri's good at gardening, but I think I have sort of a grey thumb. I'm not very good at keeping plants going.
Or... I don't know. If this interview is anything to go by, maybe I should improve my public speaking and question-answering skills.
__________
Yuri
Greatest achievement?
Yuri: I think my greatest achievement so far has been conquering my anxiety around food and eating. I still have work to do on that, but I'm really proud of myself for the progress I've made so far.
Ideal date?
Yuri: Some people might think I'd choose something elaborate and expensive, like attending a symphony concert, having dinner at a fancy restaurant and spending the night in a five-star hotel, and it's true that I'd love to do that, but my ideal date is really much more simple. My favourite dates with Victor are always the ones where we pack a lunch or even just some snacks, and go for a long walk in nature. I like to stop and watch birds or pick flowers along the way. But mostly, I love simply being with Victor and walking along quietly, holding his hand.
His biggest dislike?
Yuri: Where do I even start? That's such a broad question and there are so many things I dislike; loud noises, green vegetables, cheese, going to the doctor, hospitals and doctors in general, being too cold, having to wash the dishes... I could go on. Perhaps my biggest dislike is people who are disloyal, or who pretend to be a friend when they're really not.
His favourite outfit?
Yuri: Pyjamas. Any and all pyjamas are my favourite outfit, and one of the advantages of working remotely is that I could wear pyjamas all day, every day if I wanted to. As much as I enjoy dressing up and looking cute, I'm happiest when I'm cozy and comfortable. My absolute favourite pyjama set is actually my dinosaur onesie. It's made of the softest fleece, and it has no waistband, so even on my high-pain days when I can't tolerate anything touching my belly, I can wear it and still be comfortable.
His mot embarrassing story?
Yuri: I'm sure I have several, but I think the worst one is when I accidently threw up in Victor's bed. We'd only been living together for a couple of months when that happened. I was so sick that I barely knew what was going on, and I think perhaps I'd tried to tell him I was nauseous, but either he didn't understand what I was telling him or I only thought I was speaking aloud. It was absolutely mortifying, and I still get embarrassed whenever I think about it. It's become sort of an inside joke for us at this point, but that doesn't take away from how humiliating it was at the time.
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day 81 of saving for jing yuan rerun: 326 wishes (this is the only jing yuan part of the post)
ok. so. somewhat long very rambly post beware, also spoilers probably
i have not yet completed the companion quest or any other side quests but i have done the main quest
i don't get firefly like i just do not care about her
we met her for 3 hours and i'm supposed to have developed a bond already? and i'm supposed to believe that she's dead? sure she's pretty and all but i just don't get it
i don't know maybe there's subtext i'm missing as a person who is pretty much allergic to romance i just don't understand why i'm supposed to care so much about her "death"
though i will say that sam's fight was pretty good. i liked that.
i also really want to trust aventurine and give him the benefit of the doubt but it seems like he's definitely a major driving force behind everything
why did you have a corpse in your bathtub, aventurine??
i really like aventurine and dr ratio's dynamic with dr ratio being one of the few people who can actually cut through aventurine and aventurine playing up the idiocy and mediocrity
i strongly believe as of right now that the dead people are not going to stay dead and some may even be killed again
i've never played honkai impact 3 but it appears that on the hsr subreddit there are memes of people starting to understand otto now that firefly is dead and i just still don't really get it
did we really manage to build that close of a relationship in those 3 hours of running around? personally i'd argue that i'm closer with black swan even though you were only a part of her contract
going on a different note here but i keep getting distracted whenever they bring up contracts and the fact that aventurine is a merchant
zhongli and liyue just float up from the recesses of my mind and i'm just there going "cOnTrAcT?? liyue reference???" in the middle of important dialogue
anyways image dump incoming
the architects just look like wizards and they just stand there with their arms outstretched
i like sam's boss fight but his animations feel a little off to me? somehow i don't know quite how to explain it and his model also feels a little weird
good music though
also there was the whole thing with robin's voice being off and after welt pointed it out i tried to listen for it and i couldn't tell the difference, but that seems to just be a me thing
the other question with robin is was she sparkle from the start? when you initially entered the dream and landed in a unique pose slightly reminiscent of other media and sunday and robin come up to you and robin helps you adjust to the dream, was she already sparkle then? if so then how did sparkle do that, isn't that like a xipe and fuli exclusive thing?
i've also seen people who play with the english dub talk about how sampo's voice is different now compared to his voice during belobog, though i don't know if that's a result of real life interfering or if it was specifically directed to sound that way by devs
i also don't play in en so i wouldn't know
i also feel like gallagher was not what i expected
he's the head of security and he just let firefly go because she was pretty? i don't know why gallagher would make that decision just based on appearances and i am growing increasingly concerned for the safety of penacony if the head of security can just let people go for looking like they're innocent
or am i just used to living in a part of the world where the police are almost never on your side? maybe elsewhere police do usually give people the benefit of the doubt, and i'm just used to police always being this force you have to be cautious of and the idea that in an encounter with them you need to be careful of the answers you give
anyways that was a plot point i didn't really like but who knows maybe his character will change in the future
i didn't expect that duke inferno would be playable but him dying is still a little sad. but i have seen so much of his relic set recently that it feels like i already have him (and his artifacts absolutely suck i got this really good hand piece with attack %, crit rate, and crit damage as the substats so there's no way it could go wrong right? no it went all into effect hit rate.)
my personal vendetta against duke inferno's artifact set aside, i still feel like firefly shouldn't have been killed this early
i feel like i had no chance to develop any sort of relationship with her and at most we were acquaintances when she died
and also the whole deal with acheron's red text is a little unsettling but i definitely felt safer with her around as she hasn't tried to kill me or use me yet while other characters have
i went into 2.0 thinking i wouldn't like black swan but i've come around to her and honestly she is nice when she doesn't have to be
i don't mind that she only brings you to aventurine to fulfill her part of a contract, though i wish literally all of the characters would explain their actions clearly for a person like me who has no ability to read subtext
and also her exploration mechanic is really nice
i don't like to play dot teams but i'm considering it now, though it will have to wait a while
what i really want is a character that works similar to the quake mechanic in the simulate universe and the captain dunn enemy kind of
like clara but preservation
basically i want a battle cleric but like a dps shielder
this guy might end up replacing gepard if i get him
i wish there was a way to rewatch cutscenes because there is probably so much foreshadowing hidden in the details that i couldn't catch the first time around
can galaxy rangers be emanators of the hunt? i think all the generals of the xianzhou ships are and so is the marshal, but i don't know if the galaxy rangers are also like officially endorsed by lan
they seem to be another group that also travels the path of the hunt but doesn't necessarily have lan's blessing in as much of a direct way as the xianzhou does, like how the luofu generals get lightning lord and stuff
i really hope we get to see more of the other xianzhou ships (i need more jing yuan content)
but personally i don't think acheron is an emanator of the hunt, far more likely to be destruction or finality
also i'm absolutely taking 仙舟旧纪 as canon despite the fact that it is entirely fanmade
it is my canon now
who killed the...
ominous title aside, i get the feeling that robin is more likely to stay dead than firefly
her death feels like something that the plot will revolve around at some point in the future, and it feels oddly fitting
so also fun fact there is a 10 images per post limit. sad
but i think that sums up most of my thoughts on the main quest so far, though there probably is more that i haven't touched on
at any rate, i am looking forward to 2.1 and aventurine's banner. i need to collect all the preservation characters or as many as i can with the welkin and not spending any additional money
there are 22 days left until jing yuan's rerun
#hsr#2.0 spoilers#i am so normal about this guy#jing yuan#i feel like i shouldn't tag him given that this post has literally nothing to do with jing yuan#but the post is part of a jing yuan centric series#so i guess i'm keeping the tag#hsr 2.0#i could tag all the 2.0 characters but i'm too lazy to do that
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"the lycanthrope form within chetney" is certainly a Choice Of Words
y'all what if Lilliana is in the same place as Evandrin?
Sending to Lilliana: "Are you alright? Where are you? Are you— is there— where have you been?" "I'm fine, Imogen. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for how long I've been gone. I'm okay. Are you okay?" (she has a southern accent that's noticeably thicker than Imogen's.) "If I'm being honest, things are hard. You might know that already, though. Where are you? I wanna see you. Can I see you?" "I'm sorry it's hard. I'm sorry for cursing you with this burden. I left because I was a danger. I couldn't stay without knowing what I am. (She casts sending on Imogen.) You can't see me, because you need to stay safe. And the further from me you are, the safer you'll be. Far from me, in this destiny." "This destiny has caught up with me, regardless of where you are physically. It's all happening. I could use your help, and your knowledge." "I love you, Imogen. More than you'll ever know. And that's why you have to run away from me, Imogen. As far as you can. Run." "I'm tired of running, mother."
yo. the way Matt let that just linger for so long before Lilliana cast sending on Imogen? how Laura did that right back to him on that last reply? peak drama.
Imogen always thought Lilliana was telling her to run away from the storm. but her voice was always coming from the farmhouse. so what if she was telling Imogen to run into the storm and away from the farmhouse?
"it's not normally a problem for me, but I guess it... is now." as he gestures to Imogen. what the fuck does that mean? does Chetney think whatever Imogen did caused Ruidus to have more of an influence on him? is he right?
Laudna is so right. Lilliana hasn't seen Imogen in almost two decades. so how would she know that she's exhibiting abilities from being Ruidus-born? sending doesn't tell you who the person is, so how would she know it was Imogen at all, if she hadn't heard her voice in that long?
Orym's gonna snap. walks straight outta that discussion about people turning on each other to go sit on the front of the ship and look at the moon.
"I guess I just expected more... meaning." "Meaning isn't inflicted or pressed upon you, you have to carve it into yourself."
Orym uses the sending stone: "Hey. Yios-bound. Found 'em, their killers. Bigger than we thought. We're all rough, Dorian. Eshteross is dead. Glad you're not here. Wish you were anyway."
Ashton comes up to the deck and sits by him. and holy shit. their entire demeanor just..... changes. they're pacing their sentences and their voice is so low and quiet. "we keep calling you the good one — it feels a little unfair. I know you're not okay, but... I dunno. is this feeling like too much, all of this? // if we survive this, I definitely have some things in my life I'd like to ask your help with... and I hope we're at the point where you'd ask for help if you needed it." Orym is cautious when he takes Ashton's hand. Ash can't make eye contact and keeps looking down but they never face away.
Day 4: No issues. We're deep into the Hellcatch now.
Day 5: No issues.
Day 6: A freak wind storm adds another day of travel. Because the number on the d6 was 1-2, no one was outside when it happened.
Day 7: FCG asks the Changebringer for a sign, and immediately afterwards, a flock of 12 cockatrices attacks the ship.
that's bad. cockatrices petrify people for 24 hours (if they fail two con saves in a row), and they're on an airship thousands of feet in the air
.....is that the first time Ashton said "I would like to rage" instead of "I'm gonna rage"? given that they once said something like "no, I don't want to rage, I'm going to fucking rage," that seems like something
"That's when you realize they weren't attacking the ship, they were fleeing to it." and a fucking CHIMERA climbs up onto the ship.
awww Matt was teaching Ronan about d&d monsters and had him pick his favorite to put into the encounter :)
a rundown on chimeras — they're CE monstrosities with a 3-hit multiattack, and they can substitute one of those attacks with a fire breath weapon if it's available (recharge 5-6).
Laudna's form of dread is a gnarled, not-quite-dead tree. her skin turns to rotting bark, twisting branches grow from her shoulders.
Ashton's possibility rage build specifies that Ashton rolls the 1d4 that allies within range add to an attack or save. also, when a creature makes an attack against an ally within range, they roll 1d4 and subtract it from the roll.
Laudna has gift of the ever-living ones, an eldritch invocation that causes her to regain maximum hit points from any healing source as long as Pate is within 100 feet of her.
Imogen summons a red immaterial spirit that appears through a portal. this is most likely a reskin of summon aberration, which she got as a sorcerous origin spell at 7th level. Matt calls it a "shade," but its abilities are consistent with the Star Spawn aberrant spirit conjured by that spell (namely the aura of whispers). which is certainly a Thing. because star spawn are very connected to elder evils, of which Tharizdun is one, and to cults formed around them.
Day 8: Thunderstorm! The ship needs to ride low to the ground, but they soon arrive at the Gloomed Jungles.
Chetney found another collection of lycanthropes in the northern part of the Savalirwood when he was traveling through. He was out in the woods surviving, having fled Uthodurn, when he came upon another lycanthrope and was infected; he was bitten, then killed the one who bit him, and the folks from that group found Chetney because they were hunting the one he killed. They took him in, but he got cast out for some reason.
He mentioned that one of the leaders of that community was Rudina. I feel like I remember reading that name in the Nine Eyes of Lucien, but I can't remember.
The Gorgynei arrive.
listen. we all know Matt's voices are fucking incredible. but this feels like another level. he's got accents going underneath this guttural growl thing, and he's doing higher and lower voices so they're all distinct, but what gets me is the way he's doing the growl. the were-panther has a high and reedy voice — panthers can't growl, they're one of the only big cats that can't, so they hiss or scream instead. the were-tiger keeps doing this thing where her voice drops into a straight-up chest growl — tigers actually have more threatening roars than lions because of their social structure, and their roars have that characteristic bass rumble.
The Bells Hells were led to Baronak, a "collection of elaborate jungle tree houses and huts, connected by rope bridges and ladders, with two or three dozen people gathering around a small fire pit."
"Ruidus does bring with it a particular itch. It always has. Stronger as its power grows in recent times, but no more than that... it's nothing to worry about, at least not for us. What is different about you?"
....oh. Chetney was a blood hunter before he became a lycanthrope. blood hunters enter into an order at level 3, but they take the Hunter's Bane at level 1.
The Gorgynei have an accord with the Court of the Lambent Path in Yios, who have allowed them to continue living in secrecy in the jungles in exchange for them maintaining the safety of the roads through the jungle.
The Court of the Lambent Path is the governing body of Ashanedoor, and were on the other side of the Apex War, opposed to the Stratos Throne. It is an erudite, primarily orcish society.
There's a statue in the middle of the village of Sahyaadon, Keeper of the Savage Heart. "Semi-humanoid, semi-bestial. An arched back, arms out, with multiple heads — three various bestial heads howling. In one hand, there is a heart resting in its claws. In the other, a growing sapling. It looks fairly old — looking at the weathering, the damage it's sustained, it's probably over 100 years at least." The three heads aren't actually separate heads more than separate jaws and snouts protruding from a singular face.
They are a powerful, ancient spirit of the jungles. They are the protecter of both hunter and prey to maintain the balance of the living jungle. They shun magic that harms the natural order, and has watched over this entire land, this entire region. Some say they have always existed, others that they are a vigilant spirit under Seratani (the Marquesian name for the Wildmother).
"When a person completely loses control of the gift, there's likely no other way to stop them from spreading it. There have been a few cases of outbreaks across Exandria, and the Gorgynei are dedicated to keep it under control... it's when people begin to embrace the beast without proper training that they become dangerous."
The guy with the vegetables has an accent very similar to Yeza's (though a bit thicker), and the orcish leader has an accent very similar to Vandran's.
(I'm just sayin', Matt has the opportunity to do something really fucking funny here by making Fjord's father a lycanthrope)
In the morning, they'll take Chet to a temple of Sahyaadon, where "the spirit might meet with you, and it could excise this itch, or excise you... you will be tempted, you will be challenged, you will be tested. All of you."
There are a handful of true blood hunters in this commune, and all the rest are civilians who carry lycanthropy. They all control it as best they can, and are (presumably willingly, and/or as a condition of living here) chained to the tree in the middle of the village during a full moon.
#critical role#critical role spoilers#critical role campaign 3#critical role c3#note watches c3#critical role liveblog#can you tell I am absolutely not normal about Ashrym?#I love them so so much#something something closed wound and bleeding heart#but you don't know which one's which
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please do also eventually make the post re: arthur/curt we the people need it (when you're ready!)
Wait sorry ignore the ask Ijust sent!! I found the arthur/xurt post, you did already make it. Anyway thanks for sharing your wisdom ok bye
hi anon! sorry, gonna answer these because funnily enough, that other arthur/curt post didn't quite touch on what i'd wanted to ramble about when i mentioned possibly writing something about them in my earlier meta. i'm glad you enjoyed it though!
what i'd actually wanted to discuss was the contrast between how brian and arthur treat curt, which kind of builds off of my two previous posts now. brian put curt's entire self on a pedestal, idolizing him but more specifically the version curt presented himself as onstage, which hadn't been what curt was seeking. at the time, he'd been on his way down thanks to being unmoored management-wise and pushing everything else away to try and get sober. brian helped to keep curt's life afloat for a while, but as i've already covered before, neither curt nor brian were what the other person needed and they couldn't keep up the pretenses for long. with brian came the fame, the sensationalism, the glamour of being a superstar and curt rode that wave but it was all a side effect, really. a side effect that wound up having painful consequences.
arthur also happens to come across curt when he's in freefall- this time emotionally, after he's poured out all his grief onstage while still struggling with the aftermath of brian. unlike brian, though, even if arthur saw curt as a legend before (and after) their encounter, in the moments they're together curt is just another human being to him. sure he's definitely awed at the fact that curt chose him even if just for one night, it's written across his face when he goes up to the roof, but he never actively voices that. arthur doesn't try to suck up or have anything to say about curt's talent or reputation. from everything else about that scene, and the flashback video shots, they could just be two people finding some momentary spark of happiness between them. the setting is unglamorous. it's curt and arthur fucking on a definitely nasty mattress. there's a literal shot of curt pissing off the rooftop in the daylight. but all that means there's no facades, no cameras, just another person who held curt when he needed and in doing so let him take another step forward. and that's all curt had ever really been asking for to begin with.
well anon, i suppose you got another arthur/curt post out of this, haha. thanks for the ask and inadvertently giving me the incentive to actually write this down!
#what am i doing it's 4:26am#velvet goldmine#curt wild#arthur stuart#brian slade#meta#ashton answers#anon
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