#they’re one of those ‘the term pansexual is biphobic’ assholes that I just don’t have the time or energy for | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

m3r1m4r5u333 · 3 years

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((Here, have my angry rant on biphobia within the queer community. This rant could, with little tweaks, be about the discrimination and ignorance of almost any other kind of multisexuality as well. But I struggled to come up with a umbrella term for that while I was writing this, and a shared name for the phobia of them all. So I simplified things. Also, we keep hearing the term 'biphobia' but I feel like many people don't recognize it when it happens, so I thought I'd focus on that.))

Anyway.

I once shared - to a gay guy - my upset about the fact that gay people use bisexuality as a stepping stone on their way out of the closet. He acted all understanding, told me that it sucks that people do that... And TWO DAYS later wanted to share exciting news! He'd told his dad that he's bi! He told me that he'd lied to his dad, and he knows he's not actually bi, but he'd figured he could test the waters that way!

I was stunned. I'd just told him in freaking detail that this is harmful to the bi community because nobody believes that bisexuality is real when eventually every 'bi' person just says they were lying and are actually 100% gay. So I wished that people who KNOW they aren't bi would stop telling people they're bi.

But there we were. He'd just happily shat on me and my people and then expected freaking congratulations for coming out. I acted calm. Told myself it's great that he came out - well sorta came out. Said my congrats. Honestly, what I really wanted to do was tell him to FUCK OFF. That freaking audacity to listen to my grief about how people treat the bi community and think 'hey, I think I'll fuck them over this way too, what a great idea!".

Gay people keep telling us that they want bi people to stop hiding, to be your allies? Then be ours in return! Dicks.

Btw, if you're very gay and gay only, and you're reading this, wish to come out somehow, think that dude's idea was a great one... It isn't the soft landing you think it is.

You'll likely have to come out twice to the same people, first as bi, then as gay. Btw, have fun regaining their trust after admitting to lying, they'll either think you can't be trusted or that you're mentally unstable because your understanding of sexual identity keeps changing - and most likely your family will cling onto the hope that the first announcement - you're bi - was the true one so have fun trying to introduce your same-sex partners to your family. They may just ignore your same-sex partner and keep trying to set you up with that "nice person" to get you into that nice 'straight' relationship because you have that potential, right? You're almost straight, right? They just need to find that right person for you and the problem is solved!

And no. You won't avoid religious rants by saying you're "only" bi, not fully gay. You will still run into people who are disgusted by thoughts of your sex life. People won't leave you be because you're only 'semi-gay'. No, they will still push heterosexuality on you. They will still ramble on about hell fire and your precious soul that needs saving asap.

So bisexuality isn't the stress-free joyride people think it is, most often you just get the traditional same-sex-relationship-phobia alongside with hatred from the gay community.

What hatred from the gay community? Nobody is biphobic, bisexuals have a letter and all! Right?

No. Let me just share some wonderfully ignorant (misquoted) biphobic insights from within the queer community that we keep running into!

1. "Bisexuals are just faking that identity to hide their true pure gayness. Bisexuality doesn't exist. They're still in the closet. They're all just gay like us! I'm gay, and I also pretended to like a different gender for a while! These "bisexuals" will come out FOR REAL any day now. So you're saying you're bi? It's a phase!

No it's NOT a dick move to say that to a bisexual person - it's concern for their mental health because friends look out for each other and it's healthier to REALLY come out. You'll feel so much better - just admit you're not bi already! You're not ready yet? It's okay! Once you get some experience under your belt and really taste that rainbow you can't go back. You'll soon be strictly into dick or pussy like I am. Haha haha!

Sure, it sucks when straight people try to invalidate us gay people by saying that our homosexual identity is a phase... but why would I, a gay person, remember that hurt when there's a chance to pass along the rotten unvalidation apple to someone else! After all, what's greater than to maximize that experience of doubt and disrespect! Let's make sure that this brainless hounding never stops - Some people will try to invalidate your sexuality because they're trying to save your soul and others will try to turn you gay because you need to be gay to really fit in the community, to really support the community, to hate any hint of the heteronormative lifestyle with us. Abracadabra be straight in the name of a god/ abracadabra be gay so that you'll never abandon the queer rights movement! Yeah sounds like a plan, we should just attack whenever the religious nutters wander away to really bombard this bisexual motherfucker with invalidation so that they can never have a moment of peace anywhere. The queer community isn't their safe place, let's remind them of that.

2. "Maybe they aren't bi... Maybe they're straight! Watch out! Bisexuals are just using you for easy sex!! Using you to experiment. Using you to look cool because everyone knows bisexuality is TreNdY. Using you to turn on someone they're actually into. Using you because it makes them feel good to be wanted when they feel nothing for you. Using you for your company until they abandon you and settle in that straight marriage. Using you because they want to avoid an ex and acting 'bi' will make that ex lose interest. U s i n g... y o u.... Can't think of a reason why right now - but there must be a hidden one, everyone knows those flighty bisexuals can't be trusted!"

3. (Basically these" well-meaning" fuckers never mind their business. When a bi/pansexual is in a same-sex relationship people keep trying to warn the same-sex partner that the person they're dating is actually straight and in a same-sex relationship simply for attention, convenient sex, or to experiment, and will eventually leave them for that heterosexual lifestyle.

When a bi person is in a different-sex-relationship people keep telling their partner that the person they're dating is actually gay and using them as a beard/the person they're dating is gay and they're just using their partner for their reproductive organs since they want to be a parent and it'a easier to have kids this way.)

4. Bisexuals CRAVE sex. They're insatiable. They cheat. They're addicted to sex. They're unable to be monogamous. They must have a female partner and male partner to thrive, this is a need they ALL have. They're ALL polyamorous."

5. "Okay, maybe they're not all polyamorous... But they're clearly unable to love or stay interested long-term! Even if they're monogamous they will just randomly get bored of the same genitalia and will break up with you to have fun with a different set."

6. They will INSULT you by really being bi!!!! They will tell you that they're bi, date you, and when the relationship some day ends... They ACTUALLY turn out to be bi by starting a relationship with someone of a different sex!!! How offensive!!! THIS IS AN ATTACK ON YOU AND YOUR GENDER AND YOUR COMMUNITY woop woop ring the fucking alarm! Clearly they picked their new partner just because they wanted to wave a middle finger in your direction! How dare they not be cured of bisexuality by your love/magical private parts! How dare they not consult their ex about who they get to date after the relationship ends!! How dare they abandon the discriminated minority and pick heteronormativity instead! They should always struggle like you do! How dare they undermine the superior mightyness of gay love by entering a different-sex relationship! How dare they forget about gay rights by not picking a partner that makes the gay community visible - the gay community needs their mascots! How dare they insult your gender and attractiveness by falling for someone who does not look like you! How dare they pick someone with different genitalia than you - you're a sex god and your ex should always crave for the same kind of sex they had with you! Obviously they should consider your feelings and choose a partner who doesn't hurt your tender self-esteem like that. Their new partner should actually look like your identical twin so that you know they're properly fucked up about the break-up! This is all about YOU. YOU. YOU. You get to decide who your ex gets to fall for. Their new relationships are your business because you own them even though you aren't even dating anymore. You think this logic is completely sane - but they're the asshole because they moved on from your biphobic ass."

7. They said they're bi and started dating me. This is a same-sex relationship. Obviously this means that they're fully gay now. Or... It means that you should be super paranoid that some day they will embrace their internalized homophobia and break up with you! Even if you've been out to everyone for years, attend pride every year.. Yes, clearly they're super ashamed of their sexuality."

8. "They said they were bi when they dated you, their same-sex partner. Now they're with someone of a different gender. It isn't a same-sex relationship... Which means that they're straight now! Because a dating history of being in relationships with more than one gender is somehow NOT bisexual behavior! How fucked up of them to go back in the closet and pretend to be straight!"

9. "Bisexuals must always choose a same-sex relationship. Anything else is offensive, homophobic and traitorous to the community. They must always choose the harder path. They must struggle. They can't choose a different-sex partner and avoid discrimination - that's selfish! They must suffer like we do even though they could be perfectly happy in a different-sex relationship. They must not use common sense and seek a partner with whom they can have child without needing to resort to adoption or surrogacy.

It's just homophobic to want that easier heteronormative lifestyle!!!! Nevermind that same-sex relationships are illegal in large parts of the world, nevermind that in large parts of the world people with same-sex attraction may end up dead, be executed by their own government, be attacked or end up in prison. Nevermind that in many countries same-sex adoption isn't an option, or surrogacy isn't legal. Nevermind that it likely costs fuckloads even if it's legal. Nevermind all that and everything else. They should just always struggle. It's more romantic to face hardship and date within the gay community - struggling soulmates baby! They must not set their personal needs first, they must not fall for someone who's different gender than them - they are our puppets, they exist to be mascots for the gay rights movement. Any decision to have an easier life will be seen as internalized homophobia and slacking. Fuck heteronormativity! And fuck bisexuals.

No wait - don't. Don't fuck them. Don't date them. They can't be trusted. Stay clear of them! What did you say, 'that's biphobic'? We're NOT biphobic. We HavE MaNy Bi FrIEnDs. BiSeXUaLiTy Is VaLId."

#Biphobia #biphobic #discrimination #bisexuality #pansexuality #heteronormativity #lgbtqa #lgbtqiia+#lgbtq #lgbt discourse

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kornrosen · 5 years

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Hey there I hope you don’t mind me asking this, but about a week ago I was listening to this livestream on Instagram, where they were talking about sexualities etc. And they stated that being bi was as a stepping stone to being either gay or straight. I was a bit disheartened to heat this, but they were like even though sexuality is fluid, bisexuality is a fairly new label and before (in the 70s and 80s) people would often say they were bi in order to hide the fact that they were gay 1/?

BecUse it meant they could hang onto one gender etc. but what i disagreed with was how she was like she worked somewhere, where there were a lot of older lgbt people, and no one identified as bi, her reasoning was that it’s more used as. Stepping stone rather than an actual thing. I don’t really know much about bi history, but it worries me that people are like that, I think it’s quite different from pansexuality and all these other labels because idk it just feels authentic? The world isn’t 1/?

I’m putting this under a cut, because it got really long and personal oops

Black and white, and sure people may think they’re bi first than they realise they’re actually gay/straight but there are still people who will probably be like that forever (bi) -essentially they were saying how it’s kind of a trend now to label yourself all these labels eg pan etc - this person was gay, and has worked with lgbt community but as above doesn’t agree on the label of bi. Im not sure what I want to say but I just wanted to share, because even though I don’t identify as bi 3/?

I’ve been attracted to both genders. I struggle with that, and I’ve become more confident, but knowing that people say those sorts of stuff kind of makes me doubt myself. I’m kind of sick of all these labels and stuff as well at the same time? I’m a bit confused, when did the word bisexuality come about to describe people? Or when was the first person to say themselves they were bi? Also what is straight passing? Does that mean you ‘look’ straight even though you might be bi/gay? 4/4

Okay, so I am suuuper sorry to hear that you had to listen to such dumb shit anon, because Bisexuality is a Thing and has always been a thing. I’m not a historian for these kind of things, but there’s a lot of misinformation by those people to unpack here.

So yes the word bisexual for being attracted to two or more genders only came up during the 20th century and before was used for plants that had both sexual markings and stuff (it still is). I can’t pinpoint the point, where it was first used, but I think 70s isn’t a bad guess. But because the word wasn’t used in that way before doesn’t mean bisexuality doesn’t exist.

There’s studies and think pieces and people trying to prove or disprove our attraction and you should never listen to those, because when non-bi people say stuff like “they don’t believe in it” that’s the same thing as when homosexuality was classified as a mental illness, it’s prejudice against something you don’t understand, because you don’t experience it and there’s no way to really measure it, so you say it doesn’t exist. It’s dumb, it’s biphobic and I just don’t listen to those people.

I’ve seen even progressive gay people (one time on buzzfeed which was weird) say similar things, like they think you will “choose a side”, like I said it comes down to the fact that they do not see the world through the eyes of someone who genuinely is attracted to both genders. I’ve questioned myself a lot and I struggled a lot with my bisexuality too, but in the end I feel what I feel and that is not debatable. Once you’ve been genuinely in love with men and women, to me there’s no discussion, not even internally. I know how it feels to love someone and I’ve felt it for men and women and if people don’t want to believe, fine, they’re assholes.

Maybe when I’m really settled down with someone, my bisexuality won’t really be a topic anymore and I’ll basically live as a lesbian or a hetero and I won’t need the label bisexual more than every few years, but that doesn’t change what I’ve once felt. The term phase is also thrown around a lot when talking about bisexuality. People who barely knew me said it was only a phase when I came to terms with my bisexuality. And that’s fine. I was 16, when I discovered, that’s a weird age, but just because for some people it may be a phase just to try and then they actually do choose a side, doesn’t mean they weren’t truly living as bisexual at the time and that none of them are technically attracted to both genders.

Like you said it’s a bit about this label politics, which I am really not into? Like fine I could say I’m demisexual, because I hate the idea of ONS, I could invent a new word for the exact ratio of attraction I feel for men and women, but that wouldn’t make me personally feel better about my attraction (it does for some people and I’m not here to judge them, really not, I just don’t like the idea that everyone needs the perfect label). I didn’t fall in love with the label bisexual and i don’t feel like it can truly describe all facets of attraction I feel. But for me it doesn’t have to. For me it’s about lived reality. A label is sort of short-hand to explain to people who I am into and not much more. If someone’s interested about anything else, it’s easier to explain than to use a word they don’t know anyway. So I feel I can get with men and women. So I feel bisexual. That’s just not that hard to get.

Then there’s even more biphobic rhethorics about “straight-passing”, because bisexuals in hetero relationships are almost indistinguishable from straight peole (and apparently we only are oppressed when someone mistakes us for a gay person). But a lot of single gay people are too. It’s again just a smaller group of people with other sexualities that don’t understand us, and want to other us. They think we aren’t oppressed enough to be part of the LGBT+ community. And to that I can just say: so what? I don’t care for their opinions. I know what I feel and I know damn well, that I’ve gotten shit for being bisexual not just for being mistaken for a lesbian. Weirdly enough it’s just the bisexual experience to be oppressed by homophobia, biphobia and sometimes still be mistaken for a straight.

The only thing I can actually advise you is, don’t get lost in all the discourse online. Talk to people in real life: bi people, straight people and gay people and you will see, most of them will understand you, even if you choose not to use a specific label, but you totally can too. Go into this life with confidence that no one knows better about this than you, because of course they don’t.

Sending you lots of love ♥

#anon #answers #i feel like a guru haha #i hope you're doing alright anon

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probablynotthatedgy · 6 years

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I'm going to say this once and never again.

This pride month I have seen SO much bullshit. All the "aces aren't lgbt", the "you're not trans enough", all of the biphobic, transphobic, aphobic, etc comments, the apparent erasure of lesbians?? And just all of these stupid little internet wars. In no way am I "defending" aces because I'm not trying to put in my own opinion. Some aces consider themselves LGBT+, while some say they shouldn't be. The word queer is an umbrella term for anyone who differs from cisgender/heterosexual normativity. Maybe aces fit that description, maybe you don't think so. But does that really fucking matter? I think it just shows a lot about someone's character when they go out of their way to invalidate and personally attack people of a certain group. You've got to be kidding me. Who fucking cares?! If a cishet ace says that they're lgbt, well what the fuck am I going to do. If I do get annoyed or bothered by that I'm not going to flip out and scream at aces for saying they're ace. For saying they're lgbt. This is supposed to be a community of acceptance. You don't have to accept aces, just don't fucking go out of your way to say that none of them are lgbt. What I find funny is that DRAG QUEENS are accepted in the lgbtq+ community, but THEY FOR SURE ARE NOT "inherently LGBT". Oh, sorry did you assume their sexuality because they're drag queens/kings when that is a performing art? Wow I mean that is quite uneducated. Just like those who claim there is no ersure of bisexuals. As if there's no biphobic people in the community. Stop kidding yourself. There's so many biphobic and transphobic people in the community, which I don't even need to go into because its obvious and easy to find, this isn't even just one specific thing, I've heard many comments both irl and online. I wanted to talk about the "lack of lesbian representation" ie when Oreo had that ad with pride coloured oreo insides. There were a few flags, but not the lesbian flag. They could have put that in, but they didn't. Some people made attacks online, taking about how it was such bullshit that there was the (oh my god) ACE flag, but not the lesbian flag. 1) okay so, some people have argued in the past that, the lesbian flag, which is also known as the Lipstick Lesbian flag shouldn't be used to represent lesbians. There are 19 flags, and this is a sort of touchy subject as some think that it IS the official lesbian flag or others think that the rainbow flag should be used as it should classify ALL homosexuals, which honestly, I think that a lesbian flag would be better than that bc it isn't fair to group all homosexuals together, as gays and lesbians have their differences. Anywho, attacking other groups because you aren't being represented is incredibly immature and awful. That is not helping ANYONE. PLEASE STOP BEING A CHILD AND STOP STARTING SHIT BETWEEN DIFFERENT LGBT+ PEOPLE. i dont want to hear anyone of the lgbt+ community invalidating non-binary people, genderqueer people, pansexuals, bisexuals, demisexuals, and aces. ACES DONT HAVE TO BE LGBT TO EARN YOUR RESPECT.

like oh I'm sorry I didn't realize that there were specific rules for this community and assholes on twitter ran the community and totally fucking were there for the gay rights movement.

Please do not reply to this with any bullshit attacking me or any group of people. The point of this is that it DOESNT matter if aces are lgbt, if non-binary is real, if pansexuality is a thing, if bisexuality makes sense, if you do or don't understand transgender people. The point IS : respect people regardless of your opinion. Remember that regardless of these labels (and even people who dont use labels), these are each human individuals. You are entitled to an opinion, but don't take away from those who are happy being themselves. You have no right to kill someone's spirit and you are no better than any other human, even if that human identifies with something that you don't.

Celebrate your identity and live alongside others.

❤

#mine #opinion #lgbtq #aphobia #biphobia #transphobia #pride month

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