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#they’re in love and no amount of baiting will convince me otherwise
skaz-wolfman · 1 year
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Halfling Appreciation Post
Literally my first time making an original post, let’s flapping go.
As those of us who love roleplaying games and have a healthy amount of self-respect distance ourselves from Dungbats & Dickbags, (and just so we’re clear, I’ve been a fan of the world’s most popular RPG since I was a kid, so my anger here is not a mild, petty thing, it’s an absolute Balrog of betrayal) I just want to take this moment to make sure we’re appreciating one of my favorite fantasy races.
Muhfuggin’ halflings, yo.
Why are halflings great, besides the fact that Samwise Gamgee is the single greatest supporting man in the history of fantasy adventure? Well I’ll happily tell you. Over the years, I’ve heard woefully misinformed people say “Oh, they’re just skinnier dwarves” or “they’re just gnomes but boring” or “eww, halflings are pedo-bait”. That last one has made me scream obscenities, not gonna lie. But sadly, reductionism is all too easy. So please, lend me a moment of your time to outline what halflings actually are.
1. Halflings Are Friends. This really doesn’t require me to explain it, to be honest. The world’s most comprehensive essay on why halflings are the best friends anyone can have already exists, it’s called The Lord of the Rings. But then, that’s still being reductionist, isn’t it? Everyone in the Fellowship was super friend-shaped, not just the Hobbit Squad. That was kind of a big theme in that whole saga. To flesh this point out a bit, the same way human beings possess an absurd capacity to pack bond with ANYTHING, halflings tend to possess a charitable disposition, generosity of spirit, and natural inclination to help that makes them damn-near optimal buddies. Sure, they might not adopt you on sight like a human, or swear a lifelong oath of friendship like a dwarf, or check in on their favorite human’s descendants every so often like an elf, but once you earn a halfling’s friendship (which still isn’t terribly hard) you have a ride-or-die homie for life. Sure, we all sing Sam’s praises endlessly, but let’s be real, if Sam had been the Ring-bearer Frodo would have been his rock too and you can’t convince me otherwise.
2. Halflings Are Brave. Contrary to what some may think, halflings are not fearless, but they do embody the saying that “courage is not the absence of fear, it is the will to act in spite of fear.” Halflings know fear, of course they do, they average around three feet in height. But when a halfling comes into danger, it’s usually either because they’re in the middle of doing something important, or because danger showed up to threaten their home. Either way, a halfling’s gotta do what a halfling’s gotta do. That doesn’t mean every halfling is a Leeroy Jenkins; most of them aren’t that hot-blooded. But every halfling knows in their bones that fear just isn’t important enough to stop them from helping. A halfling is more afraid of their community or their friends getting hurt than they are of getting hurt themselves.
3. Halflings Have Wonder. Halflings are often compared to children, even called “child-folk” sometimes. Hence why some people seem to think of them as “pedo-bait”. Yuck. They’re just short, people, they aren’t lolis or shotas, they grow sideburns for Pete’s sake. The other big reason halflings are considered childlike, besides their height, is that the have that indelible sense of wonder that us humans often associate with children. Halflings don’t grow tired and jaded, they know the endless potential that comes with each new day, with each new person they meet, and each new place they go. You know that meme where Marge Simpson holds up the potato and says “I just think it’s neat”? That’s a halfling about literally anything. Not everything, they have personal interests of course, but a halfling can find the “neat!” in literally anything. No matter how many people they meet, they’ll still be excited to get to know someone new. No matter how far they travel, a new vista can still take their breath away. No matter how much pain they have to endure, they’ll still be grateful for a new day to find new wonders in their life.
4. Halfling Are Modest. Why are halflings so helpful, brave, and always looking for the new no matter how much they experience, good or bad? Because they don’t think too highly of themselves. That’s not to say that they have low self-esteem or that they lack pride. A halfling knows, without self-deprecating, that they’re only a small part of the world, but they also know, without ego, that the world would be less without them, and that the same is true of most anything in the world. Sure, there are bad things that probably no one would miss, but most things in the world have some value to someone. Most people might be terrified of spiders (yours truly included) but there are also people who think they’re the coolest, and regardless of how you feel about them personally they have a valuable place in the food chain. Halflings never lack for wonder because they aren’t afraid of how vast the world is. Halflings are great friends because nothing they want for themselves is more important than supporting the people they care about. Halflings are courageous because they know there are too many precious people and things in the world to only be worried about saving their own skin, otherwise they wouldn’t have left the comfort of home! Halflings aren’t easily overwhelmed, but they generally know when something isn’t to be taken too lightly, either.
5. Halflings Are Lucky. I know that “lucky” isn’t really a personal quality, but it’s nevertheless an essential part of what makes halflings so Neat™. This is, in fact, the converging point of the halfling traditions of Friendship, Courage, Wonder, and Modesty. As much as I feel burned by the Wizards, they did introduce me to a concept that I really, really like, and I don’t believe in throwing away good ideas just because I’m mad at the people I got them from. That the reason halflings are so lucky is because they’re such wholesome and kind folk, beset by danger on all sides, that in a world where Good is a fundamental force, the universe itself looks out for them every once in a while. And if the very universe appreciates halflings that much, I think we should too. Plus, you kids wanna talk about cryptid characters? What’s more cryptid than a happy-go-looking chubby homebody with a name like Bernie Teakettle who goes out to check their mail, gets swept up into High Adventure, and Mr. Magoos their way through stopping an apocalypse? King shit, that is.
So in summary, much like the potatoes they cherish, halflings are just really neat.
Fuck the kender tho, tbh. All my homies hate the kender.
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farfarawaygirl · 3 years
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Okay, so I saw someone say that Tim was too flustered to complement Lucy on her dress after he blatantly checked her out, but after a rewatch and some thinking this occurred to me:
Tim doesn’t comment on Lucy’s looks, but he sure as hell tells Lucy that her police work is impressive. And, listen, Lucy knows she is hot. Tim knows she’s hot. But the things that set her apart, that makes her impressive and precious to Tim, are her head and her heart. She could be in sweats and he’d still be in awe of her skills. This is so much deeper than lust, or proximity, or even a crush, Tim is in love love, with Lucy. Every time Tim gets deep with Lucy it’s all daft based and very clear. He can’t flirt, but he sure as hell can communicate.
They both believe so fiercely in each other. The fact that they look so good while doing it is just icing on the cake.
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everseeking · 3 years
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hello!! It's your relief story anon!!! i friken love what you wrote!!! may i have another request 🥺 similar to the relief story, Levi's s/o gets into a near death experience right in front of him and he freezes for the first time. everyone's super shocked abt it after the mission and he gets reprimanded just for formalities (erwin n hanji rlly just wanna check up on him personally) but they all understand since he's been through a lot. Levi can't deal with his emotions and he wants to say i love you to his s/o (first time saying it) but he doesn't know how and yes HAHAHAHA
- OMG HI AGAIN ! IM SO HAPPY THAT YOU ENJOYED IT THANK YOU SO MUCH !!!!! thank you again not only for requesting that, but also for requesting again, it’s so awesome when u guys come back and request more :) plus your ideas are always so great. i had a lot of fun writing this, i hope u enjoy <3 (and i got your second message tysm for adding it ! i tried to include as much fluff as possible but my dumb brain always defaults to angst hahaha)
how to say i love you
- levi ackerman x reader
warnings: season 2 and ova spoilers (if you haven’t watched the ova’s yet they’re on youtube but this only references ‘a choice with no regrets’ aka levi’s ova)
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levi has never had...feelings for anyone before.
the romantic kind, of course. he's felt plenty of things towards people on a regular basis—anger. hate. disgust. confusion. annoyance. frustration.
to be fair he has had the occasional friend, or the occasional person who he respected, and others who he flat out wanted to protect. just never anything romantic.
this didn’t bother him, falling in love wasn’t his top priority or anything. his life has been one traumatic experience after the other. there was no time for him to be romantically involved with another, nor was he willing to take the risk of potential heartbreak that would add to his constantly growing list of traumatic events.
when he first met y/n l/n he acknowledged her as nothing more than another member of the survey corps. someone he would work with. someone he would train with. someone who he would give orders to if deemed necessary. someone who would join his team. someone he would slowly become more curious about. someone who would bring him feelings that he couldn't describe in words.
his plans had clearly gone astray.
y/n was supposed to be nothing more than a colleague, but somehow fate had much more in store. the young girl began to appear more and more in his life and before he could even process it, she was already apart of his team.
now that the they were spending almost everyday together, along with the rest of his team, levi had the opportunity to try to solve the mystery that was y/n.
there was something that he felt about her that he couldn't put into words. the way she was determined to save humanity and her friends, the way she poured everything she had into everything she did, the way she was strong in every aspect of the word, the way she got along with the rest of the team, the way she laughed, the way she smiled, the way she spoke, the way she moved, all of it. it all encapsulated him.
what is this emotion ? fascination ? curiosity ? these words weren’t completely right, but they safe enough for him to settle on for now.
yes, that's all. the brat just makes me curious because i don't understand her.
at least, that's what he told himself. but the tingles that remained on his skin from the place where she accidentally brushed up against him or the way his stomach felt after his eyes met hers or the way he noticed himself always wanting to be near her or the way he wanted to protect her more than anything in the world, said otherwise.
whatever message he wanted to send probably definitely was not passed on. when y/n accidentally brushed up against him he snapped back "watch it." when she made eye contact with him, it was more her meeting his eyes and him seemingly glaring back. when he took a few steps towards her to be closer, she felt paranoid, wondering if he was determining whether or not he should scold her for something. when she was on missions and he occasionally had to step in and save her tail, she felt like she was slacking.
truthfully in all these situations levi just resorted back to his true nature. he never meant any harm so clearly he wasn’t the best at expressing his feelings. henceforth, the three word phrase was foreign to him.
after all the many challenges that came with trying to understand each other, the couple finally got together. but despite being together, neither had said the 'L word’ yet. 
to be honest, y/n hadn’t dwelled on it too much. she had learned the best way to survive mentally was to live in the moment. when the time would come, the time would come, however, the thought that time wasn’t a guarantee gnawed at the back of her brain.  she always wondered how levi felt about the matter, but never got around to asking. little did he know he’d once again find out for himself that time wasn’t a guarantee.
just like every other day, y/n awoke to levi placing a kiss on her forehead. he wished nothing more than to let the love of his life sleep late into the morning in their shared bed, safe from the dangers of the world, but there was another mission today in which he needed her by his side.
the plan was to head to the outskirts of wall rose to a forest that was known to be surrounded by titans. hanji convinced erwin to let her try to capture titans in the forest again, as it all but worked on the female titan. erwin agreed, not only because he too believed the survey corps had all the materials necessary to capture titans again, but also because he knew the scouts needed more real time practice in the forest. levi wasn’t happy to hear the commander refer to this as “practice,” since so many lives were guaranteed to be lost in the process, but there was nothing he could do about it.
with everyone’s approval and the preparations complete, they were off. the ride there had been as close to smooth sailing as possible, with erwin successfully rerouting the troops to avoid as many unnecessary collisions with titans as possible and a surprisingly low amount of abnormals in their path. but everyone knew the real problems would be up ahead.
in this area, the titans were mainly surrounding the thick trees in the forest. it wasn’t too far from the forest where they encountered the female titan so the layout of the jungle was fairly similar. a large path ran straight through the trees, leaving the scouts lots of opportunities.
before the forest itself came into view, the hoard otherworldly creatures showed up. the crowd of titans didn’t seem to be too bad, with none surpassing ten meters. a bit of the outer edges of the formation took a hit, but everyone else made it into the woods unscathed.
unlike the last time levi’s squad was in the forest, their objective was not to be the bait. instead, they were to take to the trees and be on clean up duty. it was a little different from their normal clean up duty, as they weren’t doing chores around the castle or cabin—they were eliminating stray titans. the survey corps was only prepared to capture two titans, so any others that entered needed to be exterminated.
they weren’t the only ones with this job, but erwin placed them as the last hoop the titans had to get through before they were captured. any titans that escaped the first few groups were more likely than not going to be challenging, so they needed to be left with the most talented squad.
the eight scouts that made up levi’s squad traveled the path that cut through the forest until they found the four trees in which they were to set up camp. levi and jean were on the first tree, armin and sasha on the one across from them, connie and mikasa on the next, and y/n and eren on the fourth. the formation placed y/n and levi diagonal from each other so they could each defend half of the younger scouts in their squad if necessary, as well as had the team in pairs that weren’t often together for even more practice.
the ground rumbled beneath the group as they looked down to see the first wave of soldiers acting as bait pass through. after some time and a few more waves, including hanji and erwin who were in charge of the traps, everyone passed through and the titans came into sight.
the ground troops had all reported that no abnormals or titans above ten meters made it in so they all relaxed—or relaxed as one can be when they’re facing man-eating giants. levi recognized the last troop passing through and gave his second in command a nod which she returned, letting everyone else know it was show time.
the rumbling of the ground from the horses before was nothing compared to that of the titans. not counting the first two, there were nine titans in all. everyone gave a silent thanks to the squads who had narrowed down the hoard before it arrived to them.
finally, the first two titans ran past the trees levi’s squad was hidden in, chasing the ground troops. with a loud “now !” from levi, the rest of them deployed from their hiding places. thanks to the squad’s impeccable teamwork and countless hours of training in forests closer to home, the remaining seven titans were taken out without a hitch. y/n couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride as she watched her team improve with every mission and it was obvious they all felt the same way. the way they beamed and had to hold back their celebration was as a clear as day.
the team regrouped, with y/n checking the younger members for any life threatening wounds and levi double checking all the titans were taken care of. she had just finished examining sasha when levi came back and announced the next step of today’s plan. everyone was to head forward to meet the other troops and aid in getting the titans back to the walls. although the titans may be secured, there were still infinite possibilities for catastrophes that could happen so they needed all the backup they could get. the young cadets nodded in agreement then followed after levi as he took to the sky, with y/n tailing the rest of the group. if y/n and levi weren’t side by side during missions, this was always the formation everyone fell into. levi led the way, protecting the front of the party, and she acted as the caboose to make sure no one got left behind as well as to protect them from the back.
after a few failed tricks from eren as he tried to show off with his gear and a quick scolding from levi, the rest of the scouts came into view. the mission appeared to be a success. the final two titans were both apprehended, one nailed to the ground and the other bound in the air.
squad levi landed and began to greet everyone but didn’t get very far when hanji’s squeals flooded everyone’s ears.
the scientist was practically bouncing up and down as she came over. “squad levi ! all in one piece, i see. let me show you what we’ve done,” she gushed, ushering all of them towards the titans.
it was no surprise she was so excited. she had been waiting for this day to arrive for ages, but levi still gave a quick “tch,” under his breath out of annoyance which forced y/n to cover her mouth with her palm to stifle a laugh.
the eight, now nine, of them cranned their necks up to see the side of the beast that was hammered into the ground. the sight would’ve been cruel if it were anything other than a titan, but remembering all the pain they’ve brought to each one of them, no one did so much as bat an eye. returning the focus back to hanji, everyone watched as she took a sharp inhale to prepare for her long ramble about how everything worked. lucky for y/n, before hanji could exhale, levi grabbed his partner’s arm and pulled her away.
he pulled her close so he could whisper in her ear, “come on, let’s go find erwin.”
as much as she wanted to argue with him and tell him he was being mean, she really didn’t want to listen to hanji’s spiel that she had heard a million times over. a tiny pang of guilt struck y/n for leaving the other half of the squad behind forced to listen to her, but sometimes everyone has to take one for the team.
she threw a quick wave over her shoulder to the others, then followed levi, who was still holding her arm, as he dragged her through the crowd of other scouts who were just floating around, waiting for orders, until he finally spotted the commander.
the tall man’s eyes fell upon the pair and he drew himself away from whomever he was speaking with to come greet them.
“ah levi, y/n,” erwin began. levi’s expression stayed the same but y/n offered the man a small smile and wave which he returned with a nod. erwin was actually the one who recommended to levi that he should consider y/n to be apart of his squad, so she heavily credited him entirely with starting your relationship with levi (even if levi disagreed every time she told him this). 
levi and erwin fell into formal conversation, discussing the remainder of the mission, which left y/n realizing levi hadn’t really saved her from a talk you’ve heard countless times before, but instead brought her into another one. 
hanji’s rambling would have been more interesting than this she thought to yourself as she began lazily scanned the small sea of scouts scrambling around, looking for a way to entertain yourself until the two men were done talking. one group in particular caught her eyes.
the soldiers seemed to be much more jittery than everyone else. they frantically looked amongst each other and towards the titan that hanji had just finished showing the rest of levi’s squad, and seemed to be contemplating a solution to an unknown issue.
it was clear something was up. 
just as she placed her hand on levi’s shoulder to bring his and erwin’s focus over to the scene, the ground began to shake, which caught their attention for her. 
no one had time to react when dust flew up everywhere, obstructing everyone’s views so they couldn’t see where the loud crashes that followed came from. a strong force slammed into them, throwing them who knows how far into the air. the fear of hitting the ground barely had enough time to settle into y/n before everything went dark.
everyone in the vicinity had been sent flying into the air along, but levi was the first one to be up on his feet again. bringing his arms up to shield his eyes, he decided to stay where he was as the dust cleared so he could assess the situation and move on from there. 
the scene finally came into view; he gathered that the titan had ripped its arm through the nails that secured it to the floor of the woods, then flailed it around in an attempt to grab people. it made a clean sweep in the area that he was previously standing—all that was left were debris and broken wood planks from the compartments that were attached to the other titan’s traps.
a wave of adrenaline passed through his body as he remembered who was with him. he needed to find not only erwin immediately, but also y/n. he reached down to grab the handles of his controller grip but froze instantly upon seeing what had just come into view as more of the dust cleared.
y/n was sprawled out on the ground, ODM gear tossed a few feet away from her body but more importantly, the titan’s hand was hovering mere meters above her.
his pulse almost quickened twicehold, but it felt as though it heart had stopped in his chest. situations like this presented themselves to levi almost everyday of his life, but this was much different. in those, he was almost two steps ahead. he knew that by now he should be wrapping his arms around y/n and pulling her to safety at breakneck speed, or even better, he should’ve shielded her from harm at the very beginning. but right now he couldn’t do so much as move his finger.
levi was completely inert—his arms felt like they being weighed down by a ball and chain, his legs felt like they had grown roots into the ground that planted in him place. his throat ran dry and his stomach felt like it had just done a flip. the rest of him went numb while shock consumed his body, physically and mentally, rendering him entirely helpless.
images of isabel, farlan, petra, oluo, eld, gunther, and countless others all flashed before him, the same running theme echoed in his mind—he wasn’t able to save them. all he had to do was pull back a single index finger. this would launch one of his anchors into the back of the titan’s neck, sending him flying to slice its nape. but he couldn’t do it. the only thing he knew he had the power to do was watch helplessly as his partner would be eaten alive.
the shouts of others flooded his ears as his senses slowly began to return to him, but it didn’t matter. he couldn’t make out a thing. frankly he wished he could so he could break away from the things that occupied his mind now. shame. guilt. humiliation. fear. regret. he took for granted every moment he had ever spent with y/n. every smile she gave him. every time he embraced her. every kiss. every conversation they shared under the stars while everyone else was fast asleep. every opportunity he had but failed to tell her that he—
before he finished his thought someone finally broke through his trance. erwin was the one who was able to crack the surface and bring him back to life. 
the commander was shouting levi’s name, hoping, praying, to wake him up from whatever was going on in his head. levi was still unable feel his body, but he realized he was moving as the ground began to grow smaller. one of erwin’s strong arms hooked around levi’s middle and they were flying away from the chaos below. the commander spared a glance to levi to see the man’s eyes were still trained on y/n.
the feeling returned to levi’s body as he felt the pain of being thrown onto one of the thick tree branches surge through his body. not knowing how else to bring him back from the trance that wasn’t full broken, erwin had tossed off of him levi instead of placing him down gently.
he watched as levi scrambled up and expected him to yell back for throwing him, but the response was much different.
“where is she ??” levi demanded. his eyes may have been on y/n the whole time, but his mind was elsewhere replaying scenes from the past. he had no idea if she had been eaten, or even survived the initial attack. the only think he saw was her body on the ground, unmoving.
“safe,” erwin confirmed. “hanji ran over just in time and got her. but what happened to you ?” no one had ever seen levi freeze up the way he did. others believed it was just fear which made him seem a little more human to them, but erwin knew it was more than that.
throughout the years, erwin watched levi witness the deaths of those closest to him, and even then he was still able to act. but after seeing him go rigid, erwin was more than worried. it was clear levi went into shock, however, shock runs more than skin deep. 
this became even more evident to him as levi remained silent the entire way back to the walls. y/n was still unconscious, so one of the open carts was her escort. guilt continued to wash over levi as he wasn’t able to ride in the cart with her to monitor her closely because he had to ride his horse back. regardless, he stayed as close to the cart as possible and stole as many glances her way as he could.
if he had it his way, he would’ve waited outside the infirmary for y/n when they arrived back home, but hanji and erwin practically dragged him to the mess hall to replenish his energy. this may or may not be skipping the part where levi was questioned about what happened, followed by him being chastised for his actions (or lack there of). levi could bare focus even though it was such a serious conversation. his mind was still a hazy mess. as much as hanji and erwin wanted to talk to levi more about the situtation, they knew it was best for the conversation to end there for the day. levi looked so shaken up that he could barely keep himself standing so the last thing he needed was to be yelled at more. the entire corps also made sure to steer clear of the man. he usually had all his emotions hidden but they were on full display now. it still scared the hell out of them.
but the fear alone wasn’t enough to stop them from whispering to themselves. word carried fast about how captain levi froze up and watched one of his squad mates almost die. the ones who only heard about the story instead of witnessing it couldn’t believe what they were hearing. the captain levi did nothing while one of his own almost became titan food ? 
hearing the whispers in passing, levi didn’t care that they were talking about him, but he was still affected. their words just made reality sink deeper into him. they weren’t the only ones who were unable to believe what happened. he really just watched helplessly as someone almost died. and it wasn’t just someone, it was his other half.
“hey levi ?” hanji voiced, pulling him out of his head. levi didn’t bother looking up from his food that he had been staring at for the past few minutes to face her. the best he could to was give her a side glance as he peered at her from the corner of his eyes and waited for her to finish.
the glare he was sending her way made her blood run cold, but she took the hint and continued. “are you alright ?” she asked in a small voice.
“does it look like i’m alright ?” he growled back, then went back to eating.
“just wanted to ask,” she added with an awkward laugh then turned to erwin who was on the other side of her. for once in her life she knew not to press any harder, but making levi upset wasn’t her intention. she was genuinely worried about him. hanji gave erwin a what do i do now ? look, hoping for some help, but erwin could only shake his head. he cared about levi just as much as she did, but he knew there was nothing either of them could do or say to make levi feel better. the only thing he needed was to see y/n.
at last, levi finished his dinner and excused himself to go find his partner. as his feet carried him at a quick pace across the stone floors of the many hallways in HQ, fear came back to his already grim mind. there was no word on y/n’s condition so he assumed no progress had been made and she was still unconscious. 
needless to say, when he rounded the corner and saw her sitting on the bench right outside the infirmary swiveling her heels and tapping her toes together as if she was bored, shock overcame him once again, this time on a much lower scale. similar to just a few hours ago, he was frozen instantly upon seeing her. it was a much prettier sight this time, but it was still painful to see. the bandage that wrapped around her head peaked out from being any strands of hair that fell in front of her face, other wraps and patches plastered themselves across her arms and legs, and some purple and blue splotches peaked out from behind them. this was only the skin that was exposed. for once in his life levi didn’t want to think about what she looked like when she weren’t wearing any clothes. he made a quick mental note to later place tender kisses on all her bumps and bruises, and took of running towards her.
y/n had been discharged from the infirmary during dinner hours, so the halls has been quite empty as she sat outside alone, falling into boredom. when the first sounds of shoes hitting the ground entered her ears, she got a bit excited, but calmed herself down reminding herself it probably wasn’t him. but when the steps got quicker and louder, she finally let yourself look up to see up to see her partner was the source. there was no point in holding back anyone; her face visibly lit up and a wide smile placed itself on her lips. just like levi, y/n wanted nothing more in the entire world than to see him. 
he run turned to a jog then a complete stop as he halted in front of her. despite being so anxious to see one another, neither were really prepared. they just kinda...stared at each other, neither sure of the right words to say. levi decided to take the initiative. he opened his mouth, hoping something, anything, would come out, but his attempt fell flat. words just weren’t enough. instead, he lifted his arms and placed both hands gently on y/n’s shoulders. she caught on quickly, standing up at the same time as he was pulling her into his arms for a tight embrace.
the pair remained silent in each other’s arms until y/n decided to take initiative this time and finally spoke. “is it true ?” she mumbled against his neck, barely loud enough for him to hear.
as much as he had hoped the gossip would stay in the mess hall, levi knew that inevitably word would spread to her. someone must have told her everything that happened, leaving in every little detail about how levi made no moves to save her life, ending up having to be saved by hanji in the end.
based off his silence, y/n knew levi had a lot on his mind so she continued “did you really freeze up?” 
he didn’t realize it, but he had tensed up at her words. it absolutely pained him to answer, but he couldn’t imagine the pain she were feeling. 
summing up his courage, he began to confirm the worst, but she pulled away before he could get more than a “yes,” out. levi braced himself for the hurt expression that he would be faced with, knowing his heart would break instantly as she realized he truly did failed to protect her, but instead he was met with kind eyes and soft face.
the look on his face had utter disbelief written all over it as her hands went up to cup his face that was now reddening. “are you okay?” y/n asked softly. “im so sorry.”
levi was beyond bewildered. he wanted her to be furious at him. yell at him. pull her soft hands back and strike him as much as she pleased. tell him he failed and that she couldn’t stand the sight of him. he knew he deserved it all and more, but he should’ve known she would never do that. that wasn’t y/n.
he melted into her touch and placing one of his hand over one of hers that remained on his cheek. “i was terrified, y/n.”
y/n finally gave him one of her beautiful smiles and giggled softly. “why were you scared ? i was the one who almost got eaten,” she teased.
y/n’s laughs had quickly subsided after seeing the serious look that had etched itself onto levi’s face. “because you were in danger,” he started.
“i don’t know what id do with myself if i lost you, i...”
“i love you, y/n.”
it was finally y/n’s turn to get a taste of the shock that levi had been experiencing all day. she could’ve sworn her heart skipped a beat at his words, followed by butterfly wings tickling the inside of her tummy, her eyes widening and jaw falling slack. her hands slowly slipped from his face to instead place one of her palms on her chest to make sure her heart was indeed pumping at a regular pace.
levi, on the other hand, was not having a magical experience. y/n’s reaction made him feel as though his feelings weren’t reciprocated despite having been together for so long. he started to get deeper into his head, negative thoughts starting to eat away at him once again, when she finally spoke.
“i love you too, levi,” she breathed out, still too stunned to breathe properly.
levi had had enough of being unable to move for one day. one of his hands grabbed y/n’s waist while the other found its way to the back of her head, as he kissed her roughly, which she eagerly returned. the way he felt her grin against his lips was enough to make all the pain and fear he had experienced that day worth it.
he couldn’t have asked for a better outcome to such a shitty day.
levi had finally learned how to say i love you and he thanked the stars every night following that day that y/n was the one who taught him how.
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gammacousin · 3 years
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Okay. I’m ready to real talk Black Widow. I don’t want to but as an activist there’s an obligation I have to share and educate. I nerd to forget but I suppose it shows the power of this movie if it brings something real into the light.
*Spoiler Warning. Trigger warning for everything.*
There are some things I want to say that could potentially spoil aspect of the Black Widow film. I also would advise you to skip this post if you have a darker past, if you aren’t interested in getting serious, or wish to skim by, I’m sincerely not judging! I come on here to avoid the universe as well. You do you, I totally still love you if you don’t read this and want to move onto something nerdy or more fun. This isn’t the post for you.
It’s taken me a while to process and organize my thoughts. Skip if you don’t want to hear deep, raw stories.
3
2
Okay. Nerd review first.
The level of girl power and any and all glass ceilings… There is SO much left to do. So much that needs to still be addressed. But seeing 3 women run this show: Yelena, Natasha, and Melina was an absolute joy to observe. This isn’t the end of some hard waged war, it’s the beginning and I beg you; Disney/Marvel. Please give us more of this? It’s so important for young girls to see other girls kicking butt and winning. Quick summary of nerd feelings; Losing Nat still burns. Yelena is a boss.
Okay…Real talk.
I have to get a little deeper here now. My personal story absolutely played into how I felt about this film and I wish I saw some trigger warnings about the material covered. Do I know Black Window’s story? Yes. In and out. I can read it, I can write my FF on it. However. Little to no one knows my story and so absolutely no one is to blame for not warning me. I was not expecting to come out this shook.
I’m sharing this because it’s happening now, today. In the real world. I doubt the film makers had this mind over other social issues, but after feeling like it’s irrelevant, that my pain is somehow less than, I’m realizing through my activism it’s not.
I grew up in a cult where women are not relevant. You matter up to a point. You are useful, to a point. If you’re giving 24/7, you’re not giving enough. If you’re not smiling as you’re doing cult stuff, you’re complacent. In addition to why I’m about to share, my house growing up was not a safe space which is a story for another time. So it’s a stack…this janga-ish game that eventually just comes crashing down.
My trigger started moments after the film started the handing over of the kids. When Alexei chooses the job over the welfare of the girls. Alexei put his two “daughters” in danger to save ‘face’. To put the job ahead of two children…it hit home. In the group I’m from, fathers, mothers, grandparents, siblings will absolutely choose the group over blood. You are nothing and you mean nothing if you ‘defect’. If you break a rule. If you complain. If you say ‘no’. If you put in a bad review for a leader, if you have anything bad at all to say about the organization as a whole. You can confide something deep in someone you trust and it absolutely will come back to hurt you.
The title song shook me completely. This collage of video and images of brainwashing, treating these girls like absolute objects is disgusting in itself. But when you’re raised in this other world, there’s a level of brainwashing that is absolutely unmatched. Videos, books, quizzes, 12 hour lectures, weekly meetings.
People are unified to the point where you lose your own identity. There’s a language- a literally language- words you start to misuse. Verbiage only people in the cult use. Kids of any age will watch any rated film. Frequently the themes are about obedience and or cooperation and the consequences if you do not cooperate/obey. Death is a such a common theme that either you become petrified of your own shadow, petrified of breathing wrong, or turn completely numb. In sharing these videos, the goal is to instill this fear that you will never be enough. That you will die- turn into a charred hot dog of a figure if you do not obey 8 white men - the leaders, in New York. That your friends, classmates, neighbors, family will die if they don’t believe what you do. That you’re held accountable if you can’t bring them to your side.
The song for the credits hit me. I cannot listen to it. I have no idea what it was about.
When I watched the film, I couldn’t focus at this point at gosh barely 15 minutes in. I had already checked out. I heard keywords. “Entertainers,” “I feel stupid and contagious…”
In my world, I did not matter. What mattered was, what was presented to the public. To your group. Meeting some checklist of this perfect family at any cost. You’re not an individual, you’re a number. Literally. Your records are documented by men in the back room- your actions, your track record. But ultimately? You’re part of a numeral equation reported to headquarters. And if you’re a woman, you do not have a say in how you look, dress, act or in what you say. You are as the title song says, …“Entertainers”. You smile. You do your job, and you are ‘happy’ about it. Your job is to dedicate x amount of hours cleaning the room you gather in, and in recruitment of other members…
There’s a ‘job’ in the cult called a “pioneer”. Okay. No, we might not have been trained assassins. But you are trained to manipulate emotionally. To prey on the weak. You get books, magazines, movies, speeches, lectures- you rarely get a free Saturday. Oh and the job isn’t paid. So make sure you’re working (part time because full time secular work isn’t acceptable) at a desk job (because college and getting an education is not allowed). Don’t make friends with the people who work with you, they’re out to get you. Back at the club; You answer questions like it’s some schoolastic quiz every week and quote what your reading. It’s a brainwashing tactic. If you say something enough times, you remember it. You start to believe it. You spend hours reading these things, training… Your job is to target people who have lost- and have lost a lot because they’re vulnerable. You learn to go to cemeteries, and literally stalk people who are grieving. Like Val. If you can catch someone when they’re weak, senses are dulled. They’re desperate. And you bait them with this false promise. This idea that all THEY have to do is change all that they are, join you, and they’ll see their dead loved ones again. That they are doomed if they don’t change. Most pioneers draft 2-4 people per lifetime. If you’re a great saleswoman, you can draft more into this horrific world. And I regret the hours I spent lying, torturing people. For some cult that doesn’t give two cents about me.
I 100% believed of I didn’t convince my classmates, neighbors, to join my side they would either turn me in or they would be killed by a divine being. From 2 years old I was supposedly handing out pamphlets. The doom is not a quick painless death, no. You have visuals. You have men getting up to talk in detail about what your ‘friends’ will look like as corpses. Visually descriptive to the point where I still feel a bit numb to it all. That you will have to bury their bodies after the whole divine destruction. That you will have to “clean up” the earth. You are numb- convinced- bullied to the point where you believe this is true.
If you’re hurt as MANY WOMEN AND CHILDREN ARE, and you don’t have two people to testify and say they saw it- it never happened. Abuse is the norm. And if you speak up about it? You’re called a liar. Your friends cut you off. They think you’ll die along with everyone else if you put in a ‘bad review’ or leave. You’re bullied into submission and taught from a young age that you are not in control of your own decisions. You relinquish yourself under the pretense that the men you have such reverence toward are under some divine being’s control.
Your parents hurting you is acceptable. And don’t you dare speak against your father if he’s deeply involved. Don’t even think about approaching if he’s on a phone call. If you’re hit you take it- because you “deserved” it. And you smile. You shove that pain deep down. You hide the bruise, the cut lip, the depression, the bottles of pills you’re swallowing the whatever….You’re screwed if you faint, throw up, pass out, because you’ve missed a meeting. You better be dying for that to happen…
The idea that is portrayed in the movie (IMO) is that you can forgive family who hurts you. I see people forgiving Alexei and what’s her name. Look- that’s great. It’s a fun film. Alexei is funny. Here’s what I saw; it’s a toxic man- nay- father who can’t accept responsibility. He takes pride in what the girls have become- monsters. Not in who they are at their core. He has no idea who they are. And the mom has this photo album…I’m tearing up. She remembers this a certain way, a wishful thought. I’ve confronted my own mother about our past and had an album thrown at me, “We were happy. You were happy.” The fact is I was told the smile. You’re forcing this perception that everything was normal. That it’s okay to go back. (I’m not taking away Yelena’s view that everything was real to her, that’s fine for the sake of the story, and sweet. The moment between her and Alexei..fine. Milena turns and takes their side at the end, great.) The problem with how I saw this, is that’s not how the real world works. I don’t owe my parents forgiveness when I didn’t mean shit to them. When people leave the cult they’re cut off. Treated like they’re dead. I didn’t find these moments cute, I found them horrific. Hugging me, saying he’s proud of me is the toxic sh** my father would pull. Ignoring the holes in the wall, in my skull, the phony impression he gives to the rest of the group. Hugging me…after sweeping everything he did not only to me, but countless others under the rug because the cult…because 8 men in NY will protect him. Legally. Or otherwise.
I don’t need to forgive my parents. If you’ve been mistreated, you don’t owe anyone anything. They can “try” to do the right thing, that doesn’t somehow block out years of mistreatment. Years of trauma. Sheetrock only patches the surface of the broken walls. Wounds heal but some scars stay with you forever. Metaphorically or otherwise.
‘Entertainers’ was a trigger word because if you’re high enough in the ranking system you’re asked to “testify” or share a story. It’s in front of a couple thousand. It’s an “honor”. What it really is, is a three ring circus. You will only see women on the sidelines reading from the cards while only men stand at the main podium. They’re reading what they have told them to say. Stories are manipulated, cut, changed to fit a narrative that better suits the group of a couple thousand members.
Dreykov. I hate this. But I have to go there. I’m neck deep already, might as well. I think the worst part of all of it is that you can’t touch the person who made you this way. Those 6-7-8 leaders are untouchable. It doesn’t matter what you try. What legal entities, ex groups have tried. There’s a term for us and we are considered ‘mentally diseased.’ Members are told to avoid us. And in case you were curious, no, they can’t just break their nose on a table to be free- if only it were that simple. Gosh that got me. I would cut a limb, split my skull open, if it meant I could just cut a chord. It takes years of therapy and I still have nightmares. Urges to just, go. I’m OKAY. But most escapees are not. If you manage to escape with your life and don’t end it because the pressure, guilt, abuse that comes with leaving is too much. (This is sadly the fate of MANY LBGTQ+ members.)
The only hope is either the group eventually runs out of money or they’re taken down legally. Both of which are impossible since many older members will leave all they have to the group rather than to their family. It’s a complex billion dollar publishing company that plays monopoly with people’s investments, homes, and lives.
If you speak up, you’re the liar. So you cannot free your friends, who have turned on you, already cut you off, and discarded you the day you walked out and didn’t come back.
Watching Natasha, and Yelena free their sisters made me think of every woman who is stuck in this cult. For every woman, child, currently being sexually/physically abused and can’t say sh** because they literally believe god will kill them. If I say anything to them, they block me. If I expose what’s happening they will lie in court. That’s what is happening. And it’s not in the news, it’s not talked about. Because you can’t. You’re forced into silence. There’s a block. A literal legal force field that you cannot penetrate. They have their own lawyers. You can’t break into it. You’ll lose every, single, legal battle you try to fight.
Was this a decent movie? Yes. Was I expecting to share this days after release, no. I’ve been forced into silence for so long, told that people have it far worse and that I shouldn’t talk about it. But just today I saw a grown ass couple in an escapee group, talking about how one trigger word sent them into a depressive spiral. Wondering if some god damn lightening will come out of the sky and knock them dead. And we frickin struggle in silence. People will just shrug and go “oh it can’t be that bad,” while my gay best friend can’t catch an effing break. While someone else suffers at home because god wants it that way. Someone else will bury their kid today, maybe not even hold a funeral for them if they were ‘mentally diseased.’
For people like that couple I met today, like me, if you don’t just see a fun film but a darker past or maybe it’s brought up some memories for you, I’d honestly love to chat!!! Message me! I feel like for as painful as this is to hash out not too many people know about what goes on behind a group of smiling, well dressed woman who come knocking on your door. “It’s just a religion.”
I guess I didn’t realize…the criminal aspect of what happened to me. You’re so ingrained to keep quiet. To smile. To ignore, to suppress. I can smile, joke laugh, but visualizing…inadvertently seeing this mirror was so unbelievably uncomfortable. I would always rather help someone else because it takes me out of my head. Live in a bubble where I can call my trauma a ‘fantasy’. What’s real is when someone like me has a bad day? Lol! Look, my husband literally checks his phone to make sure a conversation never touches a couple hundred trigger words that will absolutely send me into the closet with a gallon of ice cream or a bottle of whiskey. I can’t imagine what someone else, what some other traumatized individual goes through. (Maybe that’s why the Bucky stuff makes me all angry She-Hulk too..)
Look, talking people ex members of this group, out of suicide is a daily endeavor to the point where it’s borderline on autopilot. But having this, I suppose, brilliant, piece of cinema turn the camera around left me raw and writhing and angry. Not for me, but for everyone else still stuck. With every year you spend in that cult, add ten more to therapy.
If you feel like me at all, you’re not alone. Not anymore. We were raised to feel alone in the world. That the universe is somehow out to get us and that’s simply not true. You don’t need the people who raised you if they were absolute shit bags. And you DO NOT have to forgive them for keeping you in that environment. Family isn’t family if they’ve hurt you. You owe them nothing. It is healthy to feel your feelings (and you and your feelings are valid. )
Anyways! I hope to be able to talk about more fun Marvel topics soon. But this felt important so thanks for listening. I’m really not hating guys, this is just…it’s heavy. And I beg you to do your research into cults and to help out where you can.
Love and light,
-M
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just-a-glittery-fan · 3 years
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I'm back with the tv show asks 😌 honestly I scrolled past your reblog twice bc I didn't have time to read through it, but I'm here now, and to make up for it, I copied the questions too for you, bestie 💖
7. have you ever been inspired to start a new show based on gifs or memes it has produced?
12. have you ever watched a show just for a specific actor? did you enjoy it?
19. are there any shows on your “to watch” list right now?
23. are you a fan of will-they-won’t-they plots?
30. what’s one show you could probably write a 2,000 word essay on, and what would be your topic?
31. do you use subtitles while watching TV if you can?
39. do you prefer 22 episode seasons, or 13?
42. what’s the longest amount of time you’ve ever watched a show in one sitting?
50. what’s one TV cliche you love?
Bestie you're a literal angel for this😭💖 thank u and let's goooo
7- Girl. GIRL. Pretty sure 60% of what I watch comes from a combo of gifs, pics, and yt vids. Shameless, for example. It also helped with JATP... I mean, I was already convinced I'd watch it but the flood of jatp gifs in september was what got me to stop procrastinating and actually watch it lmao. The same thing happened with shadowhunters: a couple vids and gifs of a badass latina, a couple vids and gifs of a queer couple (one of them being mike??? From glee??) And I was like hell yeah.
12-
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What do you think? Fjsjebfbsbs yes I did. Multiple times. And I have an absolute horror story to tell you. First of all, notice I used the more general version of the meme bc what got me in this mess was wanting to see Avan Jogia's ass. And also the promise of Tyler Posey and Jacob Artist being there. And like both Tyler and Jacob have (separate) sex scenes with Avan, so literally WHAT could go wrong???
Everything. I have never seen anything as bizarre as Now Apocalypse. It was canceled after one season and for once the people in charge of cancelations were correct. I dont even know how to explain this to you... it's bizarre. Avan's character keeps having these visions about aliens huh... doing terrible things to people, but his friends insist this is only because he is literally high as a kite 24/7. Tyler's character might or might be THEE angel Gabriel. There is an unrelated storyline that has the WORST BDSM ETIQUETTE I've seen in my entire life and it's like... played for laughs. It's bad.
Well. Curisiosity killed the cat more like whorishness killed the pussycat or whatever and I feel like I could have got the same satisfaction just from watching their scenes on youtube without having to go through the mental scare😭
But not everything is pain, I did start watching Dynasty for Liz Gillies and Booboo playing a queer character was like 85% of why I got interested in JATP. And well... of course. The GG reboot. These are great, and I really dont regret them💕
19- .......Roswell New Mexico. Maybe 911. And I wonder where I got this idea from? 👀 I also really wanted to start Charmed (yes. Yes, bc I watched that one scene with Charlie Gillispie and Sarah Jeffery. Sue me). And I... *shields away from stones coming from half the spn fandom* I do want to watch Walker eventually. White man's whore and yadda yadaa. I also haven't got around to watch What if yet. Wouldn't say it's on my watchlist but I've been intrigued by one couple on eyewitness👀
But I'm also a huge procrastinator so who knows if I'll watch a single episode from any of these? Certainly not me.
23- Hmmm It depends. Im going to assume we mean cases in which the fact the "they will" will most certainly win in the end. Otherwise is too much for me to take lol. I'm a fan as long as I think it's well executed. And like... it doesn't get ridiculous how long it's taking. Like, I loved how they did it with Sizzy. But I'm starting to get a little pressed over Lucifer/Chloe (im on s3 i think???? Or is it 4?).
30- Thing is: I could write over 2000 words for any show I watch. I'm 100% sure if I was still high school I would have found a way of puttng shameless on like... a paragraph of a real essay. Shows that touch heavy subjects are good for that and it wouldn't be the first time I did something like this lol. But like, if I was to do a whole essay just for funsies, it would HAVE to be spn.
Maybe a good subject would be where destiel stopped being acidental and started being intentional baiting. I could also write essays about Demon Blood Sam, just because. Would LOVE to write an essay about the different kinds of parenting from tfw regarding jack.
31- If I'm watching in english I always have subtitles on, unless they're not available (AKA if im pirating the shit out of something in real time from the usa or on the same day at least). I watch lots of things dubbed too, I prefer it even. Sometimes dubbed AND with subtitles on lmao.
39- 22 EPISODES SEASON MY BELOVED I MISS U💕 Looking directly at gg for having a 13 episodes seasons, with a midseason pause that lasts months😒
42- wait, Im dumb do you mean the most I binge watched without interruption? Not much to be honest. Even when I binge, I take breaks. Can't pay attention for too long, that's one of the reasons I prefer shows to movies. It's not that I don't binge but it's like... a small binge. A controled one😆. So in one sitting, like, 3 episodes of Shameless? Or four of JATP? I can go longer if I alternate shows, but for the same show that's it.
50- I usually ship characters who are either best friends, mortal enemies or a weird mix of the two so there's that😂 Also there's something that like... I KNOW it's a stereotype and that does us no good... I HATE the reasoning behind that... but I cannot deny that I will always be drawn to characters that fit the "spicy latina" stereotype. I guess it's a mix of a sense of connection and resemblance (1000% if an american man made a movie of my life i'd be a spicy latina type of character lmaaaaao) and also. they're fucking hot, what do you want me to do? So yeah. It's bad and yadda yadda, but like... those are also the loves of my life so🤷‍♀️
LOVED LOVED LOVED THIS ONE BESTIE💖💖
Thank you for sending!!!
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ravenforce · 4 years
Text
Manhattan 4
Word Count: 3797
Pairing: Lou Miller x Fem!Reader 
Warning/s: None. Except probably some minor baiting, and tooth-rotting fluff. :)
A/N: Thank you so much for everyone who likes, and follows this story. You guys are amazing. Please leave your reactions, bloody or otherwise, on the comment section. My inbox is open too if you’d like to pop by. Oh, and please note the ff:
1. If there are any grammatical mistakes I’ve still overlooked, I apologize.
2. Also, I’m sorry if this took a while. With the pandemic COVID-19 raging throughout the world, I struggled to stay in the light for a while, and with my city going on full lockdown there was so much unrest. Rest assured, I’m keeping with the strict home quarantine. I hope you guys are too. We can beat this virus if we follow the rules for now. You know the protocol, stay safe. Stay with me.
3. For requests, I haven’t yet to write, I apologize too and again. I just can’t find inspiration to write for some characters right now.
Manhattan Parts: 1 |  2 | 3 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9
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(Photo not mine. Credits to the owner)
***
Saturday - New York, New York
“What is this sorcery?” Charlie said amused as he stood beside Agatha on your open kitchen.
The two assistants were so engrossed in watching Lou interact with you that they didn’t see Debbie and Rose entering the kitchen area from the other side of the apartment. 
“That, children is what you would call love,” Rose whispered dreamily yet still startled the two. Agatha blushed from being caught half gossiping.
Debbie just smiled, watching her best friend laugh so freely with you. Never did she saw Lou act in such a way with her other dalliances. She has strict rules of engagement: don’t call me, I call you; we’re not friends so they can’t be chummy with me especially in public; more importantly, they’re not my girlfriend so they can’t act like one; jealousy is a capital offence; no dates; no sleepover, Debbie recalled. Yet here is her blonde friend violating all her rules for you. 
“Careful using the L-word though,” Debbie mused before sipping her mojito. “Those two can bolt.”
“Better let them figure it out,” Rose whispered before walking away to join the party in your huge industrial living room. Charlie and Agatha nodded as they watch you kick Nine’s ass on Mario Kart, and Lou looking extremely proud of you. 
A few more rounds of continuously losing to you in both Mario Kart and Tekken 7, Nine threw her joycon on the couch. 
“This thing is rigged!” she exclaimed before collapsing on the couch next to you. You rolled your eyes playfully at her. 
“Didn’t think I’d see the day, someone would beat your ass at video games,” Daphne teased.
“You’re good, Y/N’s just simply better,” Lou added fuel to the fire, taking your attention away from Nine’s pouting. It’s not that you weren’t paying attention at her all night as she moves around gracefully, pretending to approve of the curated setup of your apartment like she wasn’t the one to help you put them together.
“Shut up,” Nine grumbled. “Your crush can be seen from outer space.”
That effectively shut the blonde up while the rest started laughing. Lou threw a pillow on Nine’s face, making everyone crack up even more. 
“Alright, children. It’s way past your bedtime,” Debbie said. “Let’s go home.” Everyone groaned but started putting on their shoes and coats before thanking you for dinner and the awesome night.
Agatha and Charlie were already waiting for the lift when everyone filed out on your hallway, except for Lou who stood way too close behind you that you could feel her hips against your ass. You fought hard not to blush as images of what those powerful hips do to you flooded your mind. Lou stretched her hand out for Debbie to take the keys to the company van they used to go to your place. Debbie accepted the keys with her eyebrows cocked. 
“I’m gonna stay and help clean up,” she intentionally husked out behind your ear. 
“Yeah right,” Rose, Tammy, Daphne and Debbie all said at the same time before walking away laughing.
“Clean up my fucking ass,” Nine drunk mumbled before Constance and Amita dragged her away but not without wishing you have a good fuck first. 
***
You nearly kicked the door closed in your haste to turn towards Lou who immediately wrapped her arms around your waist. She slowly walked you back until you’re secured against her body and the door. Your breath hitched when her hand crept down from your waist down to your ass.
“Lou,” you half-whispered, half moaned when she squeezes your backside. “What are you doing?”
“Nothing,” she said while peppering featherlight kisses along your jaw. “Yet.”
It’s becoming increasingly hard to focus as Lou started kissing down your neck. The last straw to your self-control was when she sucked on your pulse point. You groaned before you tugged on her soft blonde hair and pulled her face towards you. It was Lou’s turn to groan when you started kissing her with so much fervour.
She tasted like blueberries and vodka. And right at that moment, you think you could go on forever as long as she never stops kissing you. She’s simply intoxicating and extremely dangerous for your carefully constructed guard. You knew that to stop yourself from falling, you should have put a stop to your affair with the woman the moment you found out that she’s your boss. Yet here you are, still flying closer and closer to the sun.
The desire to feel her hands and her lips again overtake your need for control over all situations. How can you want anything else when Lou’s too good with you. She knew all the buttons to push to make you crave, she knew the right amount of pressure to make you squirm and shake, and she knew how you like to be touched to ensure you come undone screaming her name.
“Lou,” you moaned against her lips. You can already feel the telltale heat coiling on your belly, flow downwards and creating a huge wet patch on your Victoria Secret underwear. You swear you think Lou can smell how ready you are for her by the smirk on her face.
“Yes, love? Use your words,” she said confidently. “What do you need?”
Before you can get one word out though there’s a knock on the door.
“Y/N/N! Open up,” Tony yelled on the other side of the door.
“Fuck,” you whispered before bumping your forehead down on Lou’s shoulder.
You cursed under your breath for forgetting that your apartment is the designated nest for the Avengers in Manhattan since you’re the only one living alone. Maria, Wanda, Carol, and Nat are renting an apartment in Brooklyn while the boys are staying together in the Bronx. It extremely pleased you when your friends informed you a week prior that they all got into various programs in New York as well. Now, not so much. You forgot what a massive cock block they all are.
“I intended to but we have company,” Lou said seductively before completely untangling herself from you to open the door.
***
“Lou?” Thor asked incredulously when he saw who opened the door.
Before Lou can say another word though you decided it was the right time to push away from the door, giving away a hint on what you two were doing before their arrival.
“Hey,” you said overly enthusiastic. “Come on in.”
Lou who had one of her hand on the door, opened it wider so everyone can come through. You had to take a step back to give your friends space, making your ass connect Lou’s front again. You had to bite your lip from making a sound. Lou loved the expression on your face though that she oh so subtly grind her hips against your ass. Thankfully, your friends were more interested in the interior design of your apartment to pay you and Lou any more attention.
When everyone was inside, Lou suddenly stepped away from you and towards the door.
“You’re leaving?” You tried not to sound desperate to have her stay but you don’t expect her to sit around and wait for everyone to leave so she can finish what we started.
“I believe we’ll have to finish this another day,” she said genuinely looking apologetic. She knows that you know how much she wants you but she knows the Avengers are more likely going to spend the whole night with you anyway.
Lou turned to leave but you caught the sleeve of her shirt. You surged forward and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “You better, or else I’ll find someone else to scratch my itch,” you whispered on her ear before you bolted back into your apartment. Leaving Lou staring at your door and grinning like an idiot. At that point, she’s not even going to deny that she has a fucking crush on you.
***
When you got inside, Maria’s waiting for you in the hallway. Everyone was busy setting up everything for your private party in the living room. You immediately tackled your best friend into a bear hug. 
“Easy tiger,” she said giggling while you ignored her and murmured repeatedly how much you missed her. Even though it’s just been a couple of days since you last saw each other. When you pulled away, Maria gave you a funny look. 
“What?”
“Were you and Lou house warming before we arrived?” she asked cheekily.
“No?” Maria cocked an eyebrow at you. Convincing Maria of a lie is close to trying to convince yourself.
“She offered to help clean up,” you tried one more time but it only made Maria laugh out loud. Everyone was informed that you’ll be hosting a dinner for your colleagues from the gallery that’s why they came over late. So it wasn’t technically a lie, still, Maria can see right through you. 
“Right. So how come you have this,” she said before wiping her thumb across your jaw. When she put her finger up for you to see, there was a visible lipstick stain in the exact same shade that Lou’s wearing. You pursed your lips together.
“Next time you try to lie to me, make sure your face isn’t covered in evidence,” Maria teased one more time before dragging you inside your own house.
***
Monday - First Day High
Lou unconsciously frowned when she entered the conference room packed full of everyone except you and Debbie. She was so excited to come to work because she wasn’t able to talk to you the day prior since Thor and Loki decided they wanted to spend time with her before they drive back to the Bronx. Daphne immediately caught her expression.
“Don’t fret my dear, she’s joining us today,” Daphne said with a firm smirk on her face. “It’s her first team meeting after all.”
Lou rolled her eyes before plopping down on her seat on Debbie’s right. Charlie came around to give her a cup of coffee. She accepted it thankfully before engaging Amita and Rose with small talk. A few minutes later, the door opened signalling your arrival back into the room. Lou took a sip of her coffee at the same time you put down the stack of papers on the table giving her a full view of you.
She ungracefully coughed out her coffee, even spraying some of it on the table. You looked at her with concern, while everyone started laughing. She immediately wiped her mouth and the table with some napkins in an attempt to save her dignity. She’s rarely embarrassed since she always carries herself with grace.
So she held her head up high. No one can begrudge her of her reaction especially since none of them warned her - intentionally, she’s sure of it - that you’re dangerously hot in work clothes.
“Thank you, dear,” Lou heard Rose say beside her when you passed to give everyone a copy of the agenda. You smiled at the kind woman.
“You have talent on dressing yourself. Would you mind if I make some pieces for you sometime?” Rose continued, catching you off-guard. You’re literally just wearing a white button-up blouse tucked inside a black knee-high leather pencil skirt, and black heels. You don’t see any reason for a fashion designer like Rose to take an interest in making you some custom made outfits.
“Uhm, thank you, Rose,” you said softly before resuming on your task. Rose giggled excitedly and asked you to come to her office before the day ends so she could take your measurements.
“Oh no, Lou,” Nine sing-songs. Lou looked at the tech-girl with an impassive look on her face.
“Y/N’s gonna hit the runway with Rose dressing her. She’s gonna be popular soon. Are you ready to share her to the world?” Nine continued to tease, making the blonde woman frown. When you arrived behind Nine, you dropped the stack of paper in her head, instead of just handing her a one piece. Everyone giggled except Nine.
“Hey!” she complained.
“Sorry.” The smirk in your face tells her you did it intentionally. Nine grumbled softly about how she used to be your favourite. You just chuckled before looking across the table to Lou and giving her a subtle wink, which totally made her smile and all mushy inside.
***
The two-page agenda took almost all day to go over especially between discussing each point, Nine, Amita and Constance can’t stop interjecting jokes whenever they can. If you have a dollar for every time Debbie sighed or rolled her eyes, you would have collected enough for a whole months rent. Towards the latter part of the meeting, the team started discussing battle plans for the upcoming art week. The gallery is located in the art district, and the competition is tight. They needed something that’ll put the Heist in the art map of New York City.
“Any ideas?” Debbie asked, pinching the bridge of her nose. So far nothing is standing out for her.
You looked around. Everyone was deep in thought, clearly racking their brains for ideas. You raised your hand like you were in class. You feel kinda silly doing so but it caught Debbie’s attention.
“Yes, Y/N?”
“As a new gallery, The Heist isn’t carrying any artist yet, correct?”
“Unfortunately, yes.”
The process of selecting an artist to sign on board with the gallery is tedious. Mostly it was a question of chemistry. The team collectively agreed that they wouldn’t carry an artist whose personality deflects from any of them as it will only create friction in the group. Everyone in the team has a purpose but more importantly when Debbie chose them, she chose them based on how well they would mix and work together and up to date, no one has proved that she chose wrong.
“Maybe it’s time to change that,” you suggested boldly.
There’s a collection of murmurs. “But most of the popular artists in town are already booked with other galleries,” Daphne mentioned.
“Who said about signing known artists?” Daphne frowned.
“We can’t sign nobody’s Y/N,” she answered. You smiled softly at your brunette boss.
“Everyone was a nobody at the start,” you started to explain. “Until someone believed in them. We can be that someone to a nobody. We can be that difference.”
For a few excruciating seconds, your heart hammered in your chest like the first time you presented one of the techs you invented in Stark Industries.
“That’s…” Debbie started. You look her directly in the eyes. “Actually brilliant.”
Everyone turned to Debbie and asked, “Really?”
“Yes. It’s wild but maybe that’s why I like it,” she said to her team then she turned again to you. “Do you have a plan?”
You grinned like an excited puppy. “Well I was thinking, we could find at least two artists’ that uses two different medium,” you explain. “The gallery’s huge enough for a painter and an installation artist.”
“Do you have artists’ in mind?” Tammy asked, starting to get on-board with the plan.
“Maybe.”
“Okay,” Debbie said. “Have your presentation ready before next weeks meeting.”
“Yes ma’am,” you answered smiling. You caught Lou looking extremely proud beside Debbie.
“Great! Now can we have lunch?” Amita asked. “My brain cells are dead.”
Debbie adjourned the meeting as soon as everyone confirmed they know their assignment for the week. You were about to head out when Debbie asked to see you in her office.
***
“I’m going straight to the point,” Debbie said as she fixes her stuff in her table. She sat down after a few seconds and looked at you. “I know you slept with Lou.”
You bit your lip to stop yourself from smiling. “I did.”
“I really don’t care if you do, again but can I count on you to keep being this professional?” she asked. “Since you’ve seen all of my friends, they’re children.”
This time, you didn’t try to stop yourself from smiling. Her concern is definitely warranted. “I promise. I also promise that whatever this is, it won’t affect my work here at the gallery.”
Debbie smiled, somehow she just knows she can trust you. So she let you go without further ado but before you can even open her door, she called for your attention again.
“Oh, Y/N.” You turned your body towards her, one hand clutching the door handle. “I’m assigning you to spearhead the artists’ acquisition for the art week. And whatever happens, please don’t have sex in my office.”
The change of topic in one sentence can almost give you a whiplash had it not been too funny that you started laughing hard.
“I don’t make promises I can’t keep, boss,” you said before pulling the door open to leave. On the way out, you almost bumped into Lou. She gave you a questioning look as you continued to giggle as you keep walking away.
***
Lou was still looking at you when Debbie spoke, “I get why you like her. She’s brilliant.”
“She is,” Lou said almost dreamily. Then she blinked her eyes to look at her best friend who’s looking at her like she knew something she doesn’t. She didn’t probe though, she’s not sure she’s ready to know the answer just yet. “Anyway, everyone left ahead for the restaurant. Are you coming?”
“I am,” Debbie answered before gathering her bag. Lunch at their favourite restaurant every Monday has become their tradition since they all moved to Manhattan and started the gallery. It has become the team’s way to decompress on a #ManicMonday.
While waiting for the lift, Debbie couldn’t help but be annoyed by the incessant ringing of Lou’s phone. 
“Aren’t you gonna get that?” she asked curiously. There are only two reasons why Lou wouldn’t answer her god damn phone. First, she’s avoiding whoever is on the other line, which is always most definitely a girl had sex with. Lastly, she’s in the middle of making passionate, consensual, no-strings-attached sex with someone else. 
“Nope,” Lou answered. “It’s just Therese. She wants to meet tonight.”
“She’s just Therese now?” Debbie questioned. Therese is Lou’s ex-girlfriend who she started bedding again a few months ago, adding her to the roster of women she beds on an occasional basis. “Something happened?”
Lou shrugged in time with the arrival of the elevator. She didn’t answer for a while.
“I’m just suddenly tired of all of it,” she said when they stepped off the elevator at the ground floor.
Debbie wondered for a moment what it meant until she followed Lou’s line of sight. She wasn’t surprised when she saw you eating casually at Agatha and Charlie’s table. Lou can’t stop the small smile on her face thinking Debbie wouldn’t even notice it. Oh, but Debbie did and she understood. Out of everyone in the team, Lou’s the only one who isn’t dating monogamously.
They’ve all played the field when they’re younger until they found someone worth throwing the towel in and committing themselves to. Everyone thinks that she’s looking for magic but that wasn’t the case, she was actually looking for something simple. She just wanted someone that makes her feel home. For a long time, she searched all over the world only to find what she’s looking right under her nose.
Debbie smiled watching the loving look on Lou’s face as she watches you for a heartbeat before walking directly towards the exit. Debbie didn’t mean to look when Lou whipped out her phone and started typing a message for you. 
Plans tonight? I missed you yesterday.
Lou’s phone lighted with a reply while she’s reversing out of the parking lot that she couldn’t stop Debbie from reaching for it and opening her text message. She grumbled and begged and threatened the brunette not to read it but she knew it was futile. 
“Ready to finish what you’ve started,” Debbie read laughing. Lou blushed from her neck to the roots of her hair. 
Yes! See you tonight. Debbie texted on Lou’s behalf. She’s so happy for her best friend, she couldn’t even care that you’re younger or that you’re their employee.
Can’t wait. xx
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enchanted-prose · 4 years
Text
#10 Renegade Niece
i’m treating myself because I liked writing this and I wrote an impossibly long essay :,)
Word count: 5,294
Characters: Roden, Jaron, Ayvar (Original character), Jamie Todd (Original character), Merry (Original character), Nila
Notes: Edited and my goodness I just loved writing this. Also I forgot to put in lines for the last two submissions and I’m so sorry. There is one important vibe that I’m going to discuss; consider how it feels when your pet begins chewing something they’re no supposed to, and when you tell them to stop, they start chewing faster leaving you no choice but to run at them.
Sleep wasn’t something that Roden excelled at. He fell asleep whenever and wherever he did.
And it just so happened that this time, he’d fallen asleep with his head on his desk.
“Rise and shine!” Bellowed an all too familiar voice, successfully bringing a wave of sound into the once silent office.
Startled, Roden lurched backwards, his chair tipping dangerously backwards until it hit the floor, taking him with it. He shut his eyes. “Good morning Jaron.”
“There’s business to discuss, we can’t have you sleeping.”
“I know, Jaron, I know. Give me a moment, I already have a list of things I need to do.”
Although Jaron was standing at the opposite end of the room, Roden could sense his smug grin. Jaron cleared his throat. “I only wake you this early because I have to ask a favor.”
“And that is?” Roden asked, sincerely hoping it had nothing to do with waxing the hair off of his legs. Jaron had proposed that once, and every member of the king’s circle learned the importance of keeping Jaron occupied with trivial matters in addition to his political duties.
Late morning light glowed all around the room. Roden blinked several times as his head began to plant itself in the waking world. Jaron was dressed in his usual plain clothing, lucky him.
Roden wanted to scrub his teeth clean.
He hated it when he slept in his office.
“I, ah, told Mott to take it easy today because of the events from two nights ago. He has a few reports that need to be looked over and signed.”
“How many reports are there?”
It didn’t actually matter, Roden had every intention of doing them anyways
Jaron scoffed, “I don’t know the answer to that.”
“And when do they need to be finished?”
“Tonight, if possible.”
Roden groaned, and dragged himself to his feet, pulling a piece of paper from his forehead. “Alright, consider them done. But I won’t be able to spar today, Jaron, I have too many things to do.”
“It’s not a problem,” Jaron scratched the back of his head. He looked tired. “Feall is convinced that we have a vital playing piece in our custody, the girl who was captured the night he was attacked.”
The details from that night were still fresh in Roden’s mind.
He went over them as often as he could, always trying to find connections. The girl who’d been taken into custody, a member of the Faola, was somebody Roden had met before. She’d been in the Vaults one night when Roden was on patrol, and allegedly she was assisting another member of her gang in saving a trio of children from a horrific fate.
She’d told him her name: Ayvar.
Ayvar with scarlet hair who bent the rules to help other people.
It was hard to believe that somebody who would brave the Vaults would be driven to cut the head off of another human being.
There was something not quite right about the situation.
“I can see smoke coming out of your ears, are you thinking?”
“Shut up, Jaron.”
“Definitely thinking. Be careful, it’s dangerous.”
“Thank you for your concern,” Roden pinched the bridge of his nose for a split second. “Have you received any information about Queen Danika’s representatives?”
Hesitation visibly weighed on Jaron’s every move. He finally nodded. “They’ve been combing through nearby towns, and will be here tomorrow. I suspect that they will want to interview the girl who attacked Feall.”
“I told Amarinda she was allowed to visit Ayvar if she wanted, I think she’d have more progress than a group of investigators.”
“Good move, is it wrong to say I’m curious about the results?”
“So long as nobody is hurt in the process, I think it’s fine to want to know how it all ends,” Roden gestured to the door. “I’m going to check on her if you’d like to come with me.”
“Amarinda? I don’t think she’d like to be-”
“Ayvar, I meant. I’d be responsible if something happened to her.”
Jaron stepped out of Roden’s office, and combed his hand through his unruly hair. “You think she’s innocent?”
“I try to believe everyone isn’t as bad as everyone says until it can be proven true,” Roden shrugged. He rubbed his eyes.
The dungeons in the castle were odd, particularly because they provided a decent amount of space in each cell. Roden had seen all too many dungeons crafted out of caves and tunnels only big enough for a child. The scent of moldy food was a smell Roden would never come to appreciate. Jaron laughed at him when he stepped away from the mangy guard dog.
There was no telling what would happen if the mongrel bit him.
Roden tried not to think about how he’d die, but he certainly didn’t want his cause of death to be because of a nasty, dirty mutt.
Ayvar had been placed in the last cell. She’d braided her flaming hair around her head, likely to keep it out of the dirt. When Roden and Jaron approached, she sat straight up, her hands cradling her knees to her chest.
“Everything been alright?” Roden asked, crossing his arms over his chest.
“I suppose,” Ayvar frowned. “I’d rather not be here.”
“I’d rather that you didn’t attack my friends.” Jaron’s biting tone caused her to flinch.
“You don’t really think I was stupid enough to do that, right?”
“I’ve seen plenty of people doing stupid things.”
Roden nodded in agreement. Just the other day, he’d watched Merry shove herself into a barrel and roll off of a bridge into the Roving River. He’d also seen Jaron almost get away with sledding down the grand staircase in the throne room. However, Mott had been there to save the day.
But that unfortunately didn’t stop Jaron from trying to do it again.
Ayvar scowled, “It. Wasn’t. Me.”
“But you were there,” Roden pointed out.
“I was there because I didn’t think the plan would go through!”
“So you knew there was a plan. Who thought of it, if it wasn’t you?”
“I-,” Ayvar jumped to her feet, fire blazing in her eyes. “It’s probably a false name. Goes by all sorts of nicknames, we started calling her Patches. But the arbitrator is a woman, like me.”
“I hate false names,” Jaron mused.
“Ironic,” Roden noted.
"You have to believe me when I say that I wasn't responsible," Ayvar's voice was rising. "I don't care what anyone else says, it wasn't my fault!"
Her voice echoed through the dungeon, and received a bark of disapproval from the guard hound.
Jaron inhaled, "If what you say is true, then we'll release you, I can promise you that."
"It is true and I'll prove it. If Harlowe won't listen to me, then I'll go to Feall. He and I fought our patched enemy together."
"I do recall you saying your patched enemy was actually your friend, at one point," Roden noted. He was still getting used to having a surname to claim.
"That's not true anymore, otherwise I  wouldn't have been left in here."
"I'm sorry."
"I don't want your pity."
"Then you won't get our company either," Jaron shot back as he walked away from Ayvar's cell.
Roden stared at Ayvar, but left before she could throw any words at him. She went back to sitting in the corner, and said nothing as footsteps rang through the quiet dungeon.
A courtier was waiting for them halfway down the steps, and promptly dragged Jaron away to attend a meeting with King Oberson. Roden seized his chance to return to his chambers and scrub his teeth and face.
He'd almost managed to shave when he heard the clatter of stones from the courtyard.
Through his window, Roden could see a group of pock marked boys, their sizes varying, but their intentions the same: Torment Ayvar by throwing insults and rocks into her cell.
Abandoning the razor, Roden left his chambers, tugged a doublet over his head, and prepared himself for shooing away a gaggle of bored brats.
Too much had happened during the past few weeks. The stone-throwing boys were added to Roden's long long list of things that annoyed him.
One of the boys stood out from the rest, Jamie Todd. He'd thrown the first stone. Roden recognized him. Jamie was among the boys who were desperately hoping to somehow gain a knighthood. Hoping to mean something more.
That wouldn't happen so long as he was throwing stones at a girl in a cell.
Was having a little bit of peace in the courtyard too much to ask?
A loud whoop erupted from the boys, one of the stones had probably found its mark. Jamie waved his arms above his head as he did an odd victory dance. They'd been clever enough to draft up a little song:
When Daftie Ayvie passed away,
Whadya think they done?
Chopped her up a fishin’ bait:
Copper for a ton!
Devils have the guards on patrol who let the stones be-
A newcomer had joined the group. A girl. A head shorter than half of the boys. Much shorter than Jamie Todd, who was almost the size of Mott.
Mangled hair, holes in her chemise's shoulders. Merry had come to pick a bone.
"Fe-fi-fo fum!" Merry jabbed her finger at Jamie. "I smell the stink of a big boy's bum!"
"Hey!" Jamie cried, all of his attention glued to Merry.
Roden should have seen it coming.
Merry jabbed her elbow into Jamie's stomach, and down, down, down he went. The other boys scrambled away as Merry grabbed Jamie by the ears.
"She's going to tear them clean off!"
"Get some help!"
"My ears! Don't! You'll rip them-!
"Can't help it! Your ears are wonderfully handy!" Merry taunted. "They're like mug handles!"
Roden dashed across the courtyard as Merry slammed Jamie's head into the ground, resulting in his howls echoing across the courtyard. She triumphantly demanded an apology for throwing stones at Ayvar, but none came.
"Somebody help me!" Jamie bellowed, moments before Merry cracked her head against his.
"See the lovely stars, Jamie!"
"She's kilt me!"
"You're going to wish you'd been kilt you mangy, slimy, son of a-!"
In Merry's hubris, she'd forgotten about pinning down Jamie's hands. He swung his fist into the side of her head. Although she wobbled, she didn't topple over.
"I see a bit of brains dribbling-!" Smack! "-out of your ear!"
"Get off of me! Help! She's kilt me!"
"Pity your mother didn't cook you longer," Merry snipped, prepping to bash Jamie's head into the cobblestones again.
Roden finally managed to wedge his arms between Merry and Jamie, while Lieutenant Alistair picked up Merry by the waist, and dragged her off of Jamie. Roden nodded his thanks as Merry cursed and kicked and Jaimie wept as he covered his ears. He was convinced that his brain was bleeding out from his nose.
"I'll take care of the kids," Roden noted, motioning to the large fountain in the middle of the courtyard.
"Yes sir!" Alistair boomed as he somehow managed to keep Merry from escaping to beat the other boys as well.
"Stand up," said Roden as he let go of Jaimie. He then instructed him to follow his finger as he moved it back and forth in front of Jamie's eyes.
He wasn't sure how rattled Jamie's  brains were.
"I'm kilt," he wailed. "I'm a member of the undead. I’ll never be a knight now!"
"Not quite, but I hope you've learned something."
"I learned that I hate girls!"
"You'll have a lonely life then, I suppose. Don't throw stones at people worse off than you Jamie, it's not what a knight would do."
Jamie wiped his nose, which had finally stopped bleeding. "I'm- I'm sorry we were- we were just bored."
"Don't apologize to me. You have my permission to be inspected by the castle physician. I'll have my lieutenant escort you."
If he hadn't just been smacked around, Roden was certain Jamie would've fallen to his knees with gratitude. Speaking to the captain of the guard and being around Sir Alistair Derforgall in one day? It was any aspiring soldier's dream.
Roden had been in those shoes once. Idolizing Carthya's heroes.
But you couldn't be a hero and throw stones at prisoners in cells.
Alistair had seated Merry on the edge of the fountain. She crossed her arms. “I’m too angry to give a genuine apology right now, but I do feel bad, so I’m sorry. Give me a few hours before I have to say it to Jamie. I don’t like giving empty apologies.”
“Weren’t you just telling me about being safe while throwing a punch?” Roden asked.
“That’s because I’d- gah, don’t remind me.”
“Aren’t you supposed to be at the Dragon’s Keep?”
“Ayvar is my friend, I came to check on her,” Merry shrugged. “Dawn gave me twenty minutes, but I’ve used up that time in, ah, not very smart ways. Did you forget to shave?”
Roden held completely still as Merry trailed both of her fingers across his stubbled face. “I was in a hurry.”
“I kind of like it.”
“Really?”
“I mean, I just like you, shaved or unshaved.”
“You’re a grisly sight. Best mop you up before you return,” he grinned. Roden then pointed to his left eyebrow, where a long, thin scar started just above his eyebrow and dipped down to the top of his cheekbone. “I’ve had a few head wounds myself.”
A smile tugged at Merry’s mouth, and she visibly tried to fight it with a frown. “I suppose we’ll match.”
“We’ll have to see.”
“There’s no point to life if I don’t have a scar that makes people wonder if I’m secretly a pirate.”
“Are you secretly a pirate?” Roden pulled a spare handkerchief from his doublet pocket, “I suppose it’s my turn to clean you up, would you prefer your own spit or fountain water?”
“I’d prefer your spit, actually.”
“I’m going to pretend like you didn’t say that.”
“Because it makes you uncomfortable?”
“Quite the contrary, I think there’s a better way to exchange spit than-,” Roden cleared his throat. “I take that back. It does make me uncomfortable.”
It seemed that Merry was uncomfortable too. Her face had gone redder than the blood dripping from the cut on her forehead. “I’ll take water. It’s, ah, really warm.”
She was right, the summer morning sun was beating down on the two of them. Roden cupped the unbloodied side of her face as gingerly as he could. He wet the cloth, knelt on the ground in front of her, and forced himself not to grin as he began wiping the blood off of her forehead.
The frown faltered.
“So,” Merry said.
It wasn’t exactly a question, it was more of an invitation. There was no obligation for Roden to say anything if he wanted to. He was allowed to speak about anything that he chose to do. He could talk about the situation with Ayvar. He could talk about how his niece, Nila, wanted to have a picnic for her tenth birthday and that he didn’t know what to get her. He could talk about how he’d begun to see his childhood friend’s death in his dreams.
How he feared that there was something hiding in plain sight.
Something awful.
She was giving him a choice.
And that made him want to tell her everything.
“I have extra reports I need to file tonight,” Roden said as he wet a new portion of his handkerchief. “But I’ve spent too much time in my office. Makes me lonely.”
“Don’t your friends pay attention to you?” Merry arched her unbloodied eyebrow.
He shrugged, “From time to time. They don’t tell me colorful stories about fish hitting my face.”
That made her smile.
“By the way, I never thanked you for the coin you gave me. Where’s it from? I don’t recognize the design.”
“It’s from my home, but it’s not accepted here. Figured I’d give you a trinket. Have you considered getting a pet mountain cat to keep you company?”
“Unfortunately, the royal mountain cat keeper is fresh out of them.”
Merry’s eyes drifted shut, and Roden did his best not to think of the way her body relaxed as he continued supporting her. “Why not come to the Dragon’s Keep? It’s the slowest day of the week, I can help you. I can even promise extra lemon cream tarts.”
“Would I have to share?”
“With me, of course.”
“Promises you’ll make sure it’s a fair share?”
Merry pressed a bruised hand to her heart, “I never lie, Captain Harlowe.”
He hoped she didn’t see his ears beginning to burn. Roden managed to clear away the drying blood on Merry’s face, and ordered the nearest page to get strips of gauze. “I, ah, I’m going to make sure the wound doesn’t bleed through. Is that alright?”
“I only ask that you make me look as much like a plague victim as possible,” Merry was fiddling with her hands.
“I’ll see what I can do.”
To his surprise, when Roden drew away from Merry’s face, she pressed his hand back into place. “No wait, I’m hoping I can siphon away your extreme battle abilities.”
“Not quite sure how true that is.”
“I told you before, I don’t lie.”
“Not quite sure how true that is either.”
Once again, her face flushed bright red. Merry shoved his hand away, “Thanks, ah, uh, thanks for helping me.”
“It’s only fair.” Roden scratched the back of his neck.The page returned with a small roll of gauze. Roden began setting strips of it on the horizontal gash on Merry’s forehead. “You should probably come up with a story about why you look like a plague victim.”
“I’m thinking that I had three eyes at one point, but I tragically lost my third eye while hunting for a golden potato.”
“Not quite what I was expecting, but I’ll take it. Is there more to it?”
“Do you like hearing me talk, Captain?”
“I’ve told you it’s alright to call me by my name,” Roden said, deftly avoiding her question.
She patted the side of his face, “Captain, my friend, at one point I had a third eye, and it helped me see into the ground. I could find all sorts of buried treasure, making me the most valued person in the Eranbole sea. . .”
Words of third eyes and buried treasure fell short on Roden’s ears. As Merry continued weaving her grand story about pirates and sea monsters, his gaze fell on a curious mark on her bare shoulder.
A jagged scar.
As he finished setting the last piece of gauze on Merry’s cut, he found himself brushing his thumb over the scar, wondering where it came from.
Scars carried stories, whether good or bad.
What had Merry done to get a scar on her shoulder? There were others near it, many of them were hiding underneath her printed chemise. Marks of the past. All pale and pink against her skin.
Merry went completely silent, and Roden flinched once he realized what he’d done.
Don’t look, don’t look, don’t look.
Devils have him. Roden looked right at Merry’s crimson face, stared right at those mausoleum grey eyes.
Don’t be the first to look away, don’t be the first to look away-
Suddenly the cobblestones became very interesting.
“I, ah, I’m-,” she stuttered, both of her hands going to tug on her earlobes.
Roden all but jumped to his feet, “I have to go now.”
“I don’t think so, I’m not quite finished with our conversation.”
Roden rubbed the back of his neck, desperate to be away from his mistake.
But he couldn’t bring himself to walk away.
“Treat me like a princess, Roden, please,” Merry said, bouncing back from the awkward moment. She held out her hand, palm down, expectant.
A series of scars were visible on her third and fourth fingers, just below the nails. Roden forced himself not to look too long, and took Merry by the hand, “My apologies, lady.”
In a grand motion, Merry waved her hand across the open air, “No apologies are needed sir knight. You’ll find I am quite spotted all over, and not from freckles.”
“I’m really sorry if-,” He began, but Merry was one step ahead of him.
“No, no, don’t be sorry, it’s really alright. I got that scar as a child. My favorite method of travel was jumping rock to rock, and I missed my target once.”
“I’m sure all toads everywhere envied your skill.”
“Oh they did, trust me, they did. I’d ah, I’d tell you more . . But you’ll have to forgive me for leaving so soon, Dawn’s going to have my head if I’m late.”
He didn’t want to admit that he didn’t like watching her leave. 
----------------------------------------------
Nila sat on his desk, swinging her legs. Her long golden hair had been pinned on her head, and yet despite the obvious effort that had been put into it, several strands had managed to escape. Dirt stains pooled at her elbows.
She was doing a wondrous job holding a stack of papers for Roden.
“I found a cool feather today, but I dropped it in the river,” Nila mused, a slight frown appearing on her rosy face. “It had stripes.”
“A striped feather, you say?” Roden made a face.
“Black and white, I thought it would look cool as a mast for a stick ship, but I got so excited about it, I dropped it.”
“Then I’ll have to help you find another one.”
Nila tapped her boot heel against the desk, “I’m free on every second day of the week, but only in the afternoons. I can fit you into my schedule.”
“You have a schedule now, do you?” He caught himself chuckling. “I would gladly take any available time that I can.”
Everywhere, there were reports hiding. Roden managed to gather all of Mott’s reports, but unfortunately, had managed to lose track of half of his own. He pawed through every drawer he could, every shelf and cabinet.
If it weren’t for Nila keeping track of what had been found and what hadn’t, he would’ve wasted much more time.
How could he let himself get so disorganized?
Roden ran his hands through his hair, “I think that’s all we’re going to find.”
“I can take a turn looking,” Nila offered. She grinned, a pair of dimples making their appearance. “You’ve obviously got something else on your mind.”
“I don’t- I, ah, everything’s under control.”
Although everything didn’t really feel like it was under control. Roden once again ran his hands through his hair, thinking of anything he might’ve missed. Several hours had passed since he’d last seen Merry. It wouldn’t be long before sunset.
“Are you meeting somebody?” Asked Nila, her boot beating out a new rhythm. “Are you going on patrol again?”
“No, no,” Roden said, walking from his desk to the door. “I mean, yes, I’m going to be with a friend of mine. No patrolling for me though, that’s tomorrow night.”
“That’s interesting. Much more interesting than my evening, anyway.”
“I thought you had a busy schedule, sounds pretty exciting to me.”
“Being busy doesn’t mean I’m having fun. Where are you going?”
“Sounds like you’re planning on trying to come with me. . .”
Nila frowned as deeply as she could. “I’m just asking!”
As he paced back and forth, Roden smiled. He was walking to the beat of Nila’s boot hitting the desk. That drew a grin out of her once he mentioned it to her.
He loved being with Nila. She was charming and bursting with life, and made his day a little bit brighter. In time, he saw her as more of a little sister than a niece.
There were many things Roden would always regret.
Things like never knowing his dead brother; Nila’s father.
Too many opportunities had been lost, and Roden was determined not to lose any more precious moments. He’d been cheated out of years and years of memories.
It was time to make new ones.
But he wasn’t sure if taking a ten year old girl to a tavern was one of them.
“Please, please, please, please, please take me with you,” Nila begged. “I don’t want to have to take tea with Lady Orlaine’s whatever they are.”
“Lady Orlaine’s wards?” Roden offered.
“Yes! Them! They’re mean to me, dreadfully boring too. I call them the Greys. Because they make everything grey around them, get it?”
Roden took the numerous papers from Nila and shoved them into a satchel. He’d have to depend on Merry for ink, he didn’t trust himself not to spill any as he walked across Drylliad.
He wouldn’t be able to know if the Dragon’s Keep was truly empty until he got there, and he’d rather not risk taking Nila to a place not quite appropriate for a child.
She took the rejection well, however, Roden wished he’d been able to bring her with him.
The regret was even worse the moment Roden stepped into the Dragon's Keep, only to find that it was as empty as Merry claimed it was.
Aside from the old man strumming a lute in the corner, the only sound was a ghost of a conversation from the back.
Dawn was behind the counter, her grey streaked hair piled into a bun on top of her head.
Another barmaid was sitting in the corner beside a young man. No sign of Merry.
"Captain! It's nice to see you!" Dawn called, waving her cloth in greeting.
"It's nice to be here," Roden countered with a smile.
She turned around, and retrieved a large tankard, "Are you looking for a drink?"
"Oh! No, no, I'm looking for a person, actually. It's Merry, actually, she wanted to talk."
"I'm sure she did, I'm sure she did. Merry! It's rude to keep a guest waiting!"
The conversation grew louder, louder, louder, until finally, Merry came strutting out. She’d changed her chemise, this one was green and hid her scarred shoulder. A patterned scarf rested neatly over her hair and behind her ears.
She pointed at the mass of gauze on her head, “Still in one piece!”
“I’m not surprised, you can hold your own,” Roden grinned. Now comfortable, he set his paper filled satchel on the wooden countertop, and perched on a tall stool.
“You should see her fight a door, it’s quite frightening,” teased Dawn.
“They are the bane of my existence.” Merry stared hard at the front door, and shook her fist at it before bursting into a series of snickers.
“A truly noble quest.”
Merry snatched a used tankard, and began scrubbing at the insides. Her smile faltered, “How’s Jamie Todd?”
“He’s alright, just a little concerned that he was caught throwing stones at a person.”
“Good, that’s good. You sure he’s fine?”
“Saw him myself a few hours ago,” Roden said. He retrieved a few reports, and set them on the counter. “Do you have-?”
“Ink? Right here,” Merry reached below the counter. “And we have a variety of writing tools to choose from too.”
“Don’t use the quill!” Dawn ordered from the other end of the bar. The door opened and closed. “Take care of that guest!”
The glass Merry had been scrubbing at clinked against the counter. Her brows screwed together, “I’ll take care of it.”
“What are you-,” Roden began, but Merry snapped her fingers near his face. He brushed her hands away, “I know, I know, I need to get my work done.”
“I’ll check back in on you in a moment, have that other guest to see,” Merry leaned over the bar, and smoothed her hand over Roden’s head.
He glared at the first report waiting to be finished. Check the details. Signature here, signature there. Next report. Check the details. Signature here, signature there, and so on and so forth. He caught a few snippets from Merry’s conversation with the new guest.
Something about lemon cream tarts.
Saints, he really wanted one of-
No! He had to do a report first!
Report first, tart later!
Merry set a hand on his shoulder, “Your handwriting.”
“I know, I know, it’s messy,” Roden shrugged.
“I was going to say that I like it, sir knight.”
Oh.
She disappeared behind the bar, reappearing moments later with a lemon cream tart in each hand. Roden received his first, much to his delight, and technically, he did manage to finish two reports.
He deserved a tart.
“-I completely understand! Court life is horrifically boring,” Merry said, her voice barely audible above the lute strings.
“I’m glad somebody gets it!” Chirped the guest, their voice oddly familiar.
But not familiar enough to draw his attention away from his blasted reports.
The lemon cream tart made it easier to bear.
Snippets of the conversation still drifted into Roden’s atmosphere. Merry laughed, “And is there anything else I can get you?”
“No thank you, but I do appreciate that you asked me,” came the reply.
And then Merry’s hand was back on his shoulder, asking him if there was anything she could do to help. Unless she was good at forgery, there wasn’t much she could do.
Roden scribbled through report after report, firmly aware that Merry was watching his every move.
He managed to finish the tart just as he finished his first pile of reports.
“And onto the next one,” Roden mumbled.
“Ah, ah, ah, take a tiny break, Captain,” Merry chided. She set her hands on Roden’s, “One stack is worth a victory celebration.”
“Do I get another tart?”
“Possibly, unless you’d prefer a pie.”
Pies were good, when baked properly.
Merry’s hands were cool on his palms.
Cool on his battle torn hands.
They fit too well in his own. A little too nicely. It was impossible to timidly turn his palms up, impossible not to hold Merry’s rough fingers.
He supposed he preferred that to a tart.
And a pie.
“Why are you holding hands with him?” Asked the other guest from right behind Roden.
He jumped, his eyes flying to the voice’s owner.
Only to find Nila with a little bit of lemon cream still on her top lip.
“Oh, uh, because-,” Merry stuttered, however, Roden had a better prepared retort.
“What are you doing here?”
Nila shrugged, “I was bored, so I followed you.”
“And you saw her come in, but didn’t tell me?” Roden asked, turning his attention to Merry.
She made a face, and clasped her hands behind her back. “I only did what I was told.”
“I wanted to surprise you, mostly so I could prove that it’s perfectly acceptable for me to go with you to things,” Nila pointed out. She clambered onto the stool beside Roden. “And I’m very helpful. I can read through your reports. All you’d have to do is sign.”
“Doesn’t mean you’d understand what’s going on,” noted Roden.
“That’s not important, all that matters is that everything is spelled correctly.”
Merry nodded, “She does have a point.”
A smile spread across his face, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t be rid of it, but he did manage to contain it to a slight smirk.
He handed a stack of papers to Nila.
Every so often, Roden glanced up to make sure Merry was still near, and watched as she cleaned tankard after tankard.
She beamed at him each time she caught him looking.
And all he could think about was the way her cool hands felt when they rested on his own.
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lovedsammy · 4 years
Text
show me hope again; jack hurt/comfort [commission for wickedwithwings]
This was a commission for @wickedwithwings. The request was for a jack hurt/comfort with Sam & Jack and/or Sam, Jack & Cas, so I tried to do all of those. The premise was Jack gets sent back to Earth from the Empty, Chuck senses it and captures Jack, convincing him that no one wants Jack back and he isn’t loved anymore. Sam and Cas find him, and convince him otherwise.
If we’re going off somewhat canon events, this could take place after 15.08, lol. 
--------
Jack remembers dying.
He remembers being blinded -- literally and figuratively -- by pain, screaming so loudly that even in death, he could feel the rawness of his throat. And then there’d been nothing, almost like he’d fallen into an endless, dreamless sleep. Every single concept of existence ceased to be. The process of death was simple. Like a candle, the flame of life burned for only a short period. And then it was snuffed out, sometimes before the wick even burned dry. Death had no regard for time or how long someone’s flame should burn. It just took. Awareness comes back to him almost instantly, or what he thinks is instantly. He opens his eyes anew, his vision intact once more, and he finds that he’s engulfed in blackness, in pure nothing. He’s in the Empty, he realizes with a start. This was the place where creatures like him, with no humanity or a soul, went when they died. This was where Castiel had been, before Jack had awoken him. 
He glimpses a figure emerging from the shadows, and the boy sits up, squinting. He somehow recognizes it, the entity; it’s the host for the Empty. Jack feels his body, or what he perceives as his body, tensing up, and suddenly wishes he’d never awoken at all. He stares up at the faceless being with trepidation, waiting, for what he knows will be unimaginable torture. He’d defied it, and so had Cas, back in Heaven. There was no way it was going to let him remain awake without some kind of revenge. But The Empty just stands before him, using a finger to draw a smile on its nonexistent features. It calms Jack, although he knows it shouldn’t. 
But maybe… maybe there was a chance that it meant him no harm. Cas’s deal -- was it considered null now, with his death? Cas, who had offered himself up for Jack instead, for Jack’s life to be spared, only for it to be taken by God. What did that amount to now?
“What’s happening?” Jack asks, not really expecting an answer, but to his surprise, he gets one. 
“Yeah, about that,” A cool voice sounds from behind him, and he turns confused eyes onto a woman, dressed all in black with a large scythe in her hand. Billie. Death herself. He knew of her from Sam and Dean, knew that she had power in the Empty, which was probably how he was awake now. But why? Why was he awake? “We should talk,” Billie says, and Jack can only stare at her numbly. 
“Talk about… about what?”
Billie regards him carefully. “Fortunately for you, your story is not over yet, young Nephilim. God may have prematurely sent you here, but I have the power to send you back.” She approaches, and kneels down in front of him. Jack’s apprehension fades when she smiles at him. It’s not exactly a friendly smile, but it’s warm enough that it lowers all of his barriers. He has nothing to fear from her. “I have a job for you. A job that only you can do. How would you like to save the world that your Grandfather has so desperately doomed?”
At Jack’s perplexed expression, she raises two fingers and presses them against the boy’s forehead. And Jack sees. He sees himself, writhing on the ground with light streaming from his eyes as they’re burned out of his skull. He sees Cas trying and failing to heal the damage. He sees Sam, gun in hand, yelling at Chuck. He sees Sam pulls the trigger, the bullet becoming a double-edged sword that lodges into both Sam and Chuck’s shoulders, creating mirroring wounds. He sees the scope of Chuck’s anger, feels his wrath, and watches as their almighty creator ushers in what he calls, ‘the end.’ He sees the released souls from Hell inhabit the bodies of the dead, watches his fathers as they try to fight them off. He watches the planet die, little by little. He sees the end of everything.
Billie pulls back at Jack’s fearful shout, watching the boy expectantly. Once he gets a hold of himself, Jack looks at her, really looks at her. She looks sad, he thinks. She doesn’t like what God has done. It went against Death’s very rule. What was happening now… wasn’t how things were supposed to be.  
And Jack knows, suddenly, what he has to do. He nods. 
“I want to save it. I want to save them.”
Sam, Cas, and even Dean… they were everything to him. He couldn’t bear to see them suffer. 
“I was hoping you’d say that,” Billie says. Jack thinks he sees fondness in her expression. “Good luck. Tell the Winchesters I’ll be seeing them soon.”
It feels like a warning, as much as it is a message. Before Jack can ask her what she means, fingers meet his forehead again, and everything goes black.
-
Jack breathes his first third gasp of life -- how many times would he experience that? Dying, just to be born again? -- and his eyes snap open again. It’s a cloudless day, is the first thing he notices. He’s staring up at a blue sky. Then his other senses kick in. His nostrils fill with the strong scent of earth., and he inhales it in, the smell making his nose itch, but not minding it. Allergies be damned. He lets himself absorb the feeling of the grass beneath him, damp from the morning mildew. He listens to the sounds, the rustling of the leaves and the rush of water from the river. He enjoys the gentle breeze wind swiping his hair. The sun is warm on his face. He loves this world, this amazing world that he never was supposed to be a part of in the first place, but had been born into. He loves humanity, with and without its flaws. He loves Sam, and Dean, and Castiel. 
His family. 
His family, that had included Mary, too. 
His heart gives a painful clench when he thinks of her, and it feels different than the last time he was alive, when he’d had no soul. Had Billie somehow restored it? Or had he managed to live with it, as Cas had told him he would, and learned to love even without it? He didn’t know. It didn’t matter now, not really. The state of his soul was the least of his concerns.  
Jack carefully rises to his feet, assessing himself. He’s wearing the same clothes that he’d died in. One of the laces of his shoes is untied. His jacket and jeans have grass stains. He reaches up to touch his face and feels unblemished skin. Satisfied, he looks at his surroundings. He’s in the middle of a field in an area that he doesn’t recognize. He hopes he’s somewhere in Lebanon. Billie wouldn’t have sent him back too far from home, would she? Jack reaches down to tie his shoes, and sets off. The first order of business was to find out where he’d ended up. And then he’d go find his family. 
If they even want you back after what you did, his mind reminds him, and he swallows down that anxiety. Dean hadn’t gone through with killing him. Sam and tried to stop him, and had even shot God to try and save him. And Cas…. Cas had loved him unconditionally, no matter what. Of course they’d want him back. 
“Yeah, I don’t know about that,” A voice remarks, and it’s one that he’s regrettably burned into his memory. Jack jumps, turning wild-eyed and afraid to find Chuck -- God -- leaning against a tree, hands in his pockets as he watches the Nephilim with a smirk. Was this some sick joke? Had he come back just to die again? “Oh, don’t worry, I’m not going to kill you. Again. Not yet,” Chuck says, slowly approaching the boy. Despite himself, Jack backs up. “You’re too weak to fight me right now, and I could always use you as some incentive against the Winchesters and Castiel. You could be helpful to me. Well, your powers, anyway.” 
“I’ll never help you,” Jack snarls. He tries to reach inward, to try and sense his powers. They’re there, but it’s as Chuck said -- they’re drained. It would take time to power back up. Right now, he’s practically as useless as he was when he was human. Jack bites his lip, unsure of what to do. He could fight in the way that Bobby trained him to, all raised fists and well-aimed kicks. But his puny human body wouldn’t stand a chance against God himself. Still, he has to do something. As Chuck continues toward him, he wrestles with his fight or flight response. Flight wins out, and he makes a beeline for the trees.
Chuck sighs, loud and exasperated. “Jack. Really? Come on. I created everything. There’s nowhere that you can go that I’ll never be able to find you. All you’re doing is prolonging things. You’re just going to wear yourself out.”
Jack ignores him, running as fast as he can towards the highway. Maybe he could hitchhike. Sam always said that was dangerous, but if it got him home, to them, then maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. He needed to get away from Chuck. Chuck, who he can still hear as loud as if he were directly next to him, despite the distance that there should be between them. 
“I mean, are Sam and Dean going to even want to see you? You killed their Mom.” 
He knows that Chuck is just goading him, trying to break him down. And Jack, unfortunately, rises to the bait. “You made me!” He snaps. “The voice, the sound I heard that day, when Mary was talking to me! That was you!” 
“Yeah, but it was your hands that killed her, Jack. Your powers. It was still you, too, even if I was guiding your hand. Not that it matters anymore, though. What happened to Mary Winchester is over. Her sons and their angel are the only ones who matter now. Well, and you. Especially you.” 
Jack’s lungs wheeze from how fast he’s running, but he can’t slow down. He’s close, so very close to the highway, thinks he can even see it now, and recognizes it as he edges closer. He’s been on this highway countless times before, had driven down it with Dean. He was only about ten minutes from the Bunker.
If only he could -- 
There’s a stab of pain as he trips over something, and Jack shouts as he tries to catch himself, falling on his hands. He groans, and forces himself to sit up. There’s a hole in his jeans at the bottom of the pants leg, and a steady flow of blood from where the jagged piece of rock had cut into him. It doesn’t look that deep, but it would slow him down.  
Jack whimpers as he tries to get up and fails, vision swimming, feeling every bit like the helpless kid he is. “Cas,” He calls out. He doesn’t know if his angel father can hear him. “Castiel…. Sam, please.”
He can’t move. All he can do is lie there and hope and pray that someone, somewhere, can help him. That Cas can hear him, that Sam will --
“Ohhh… kid, that looks like it hurts.” 
Jack raises his head to see Chuck leaning over him. “Hello again, Grandson. It’s about time we actually spent some quality time together, don’t you think?” 
-
The days are long and miserable. 
Honestly, Jack begins to consider that being dead may be less of a torture than this. Chuck doesn’t even have to hurt him physically. It’s the mental pain that God inflicts the most, and enjoys. He makes Jack remember Mary’s death, over and over. The countless other people that Jack’s hurt or killed since he was born. He makes Jack remember his mom. 
Chuck shows him things, too. 
Sam and Dean, locking him in the Malach box. Dean, with his gun trained on him, ready to execute him. Both of them, calling Jack a monster. Castiel, agreeing, turning away when Jack begs him for help while the brothers torture him. 
Jack knows it’s not real. God is like Michael in how he tortures him. It hadn’t been real, then, either. But this time, God has Jack’s insecurities and regrets to use against him, his doubts and fears. And he uses them. He breaks Jack over and over until the boy cries and begs to die. And then, eventually, Jack stops crying. He becomes numb, feeling almost hollow. Not soulless -- he’s quite certain that he’s not soulless anymore, if he’d honestly ever been -- but hollow in the way that only pure torture can make you. 
Jack had seen it in Sam, when Sam was around Lucifer. He’s only now really understanding the depths of the fear Sam had toward his father, and why. Jack wishes he could tell Sam he understands, and that he’s sorry.
In the beginning, when Jack’s resolve was still stronger, he’d fought against Chuck’s mind games as much as he could. Chuck would play a game where he’d ask Jack where he’d go if he ever got free. Jack would tell him. And when Chuck would say that Jack didn’t belong somewhere, Jack had another answer lined up. 
And on and on it went, until there were no answers left. 
“Sam and Dean won’t want you, Jack. You killed their Mom.” 
“Cas --”
“If Cas cared, he’d be here. He can hear you pray, remember? He just isn’t listening.” 
“Heaven.” 
“You think anyone would let you upstairs? Come on, kid. Yeah, you made new angels, but I’m back. You think for a second they’d take you over me if I told them not to?” 
“Hell, then.” 
“The demons? They want Lucifer, they wouldn’t want you. Even if you’re his son, they know your affiliation with the Winchesters. Why would they want the boy who rejected his father and chose humans? Face it, there’s no one out there waiting for you, Jack. I’m all you’ve got.”
After a while, he’d started to believe it.
“Why don’t you just kill me?” He asks Chuck one day when the man comes down to visit him in his cage from whatever establishment he has upstairs. A bar or something, Jack recalls Chuck telling him once. Even God needed breaks.
Chuck just laughs around his glass of tequila. “Where’s the fun in that? Billie would just keep sending you back, and then we’d have to start all over. At least this way I know you’re not going anywhere. You’re contained, and no one’s the wiser.”
But it makes Jack realize the true reason why he’s doing this. Chuck is afraid of him. He’s afraid of Jack’s powers. And Jack could tell that Chuck was getting weaker by the day, while he was growing stronger. Contained, but stronger. His power was on par with that of God. The thought makes him nauseous instead of confident. Because if God could do what he’d done to the world, then what damage could Jack do?
I wouldn’t, he tells himself. I wouldn’t do what he’s done.
He’s unsure if he believes it.
He falls asleep at night dreaming of Sam, of his kind smile and gentle hands. 
He prays to Castiel every day.
And every day, he thinks he breaks a little more. Because Chuck was right. If Castiel or Sam or even Dean… if any of them truly cared, they would’ve been here by now. Cas would have answered his prayers. Which meant that he didn’t want to hear him. And Sam…. Sam would never come find him, not after what he’d done, not after he’d taken Sam’s mother from him. Sam, who never got to really know his mom, who had lost her as a baby like he’d had his. 
Sam had more reason to hate him than anyone. 
Jack curls in on himself, and falls into a restless slumber.
Even if he got out, Chuck was right. There was no one and nothing to go back to. 
He wasn’t wanted anywhere. 
-
With his powers failing, it takes Castiel a little while to pinpoint the source of the cry being directed to him for well over a month. And when he does, it hits him like a freight train. He and Sam are researching in the Bunker when Cas feels it again, stronger than before. It’s like knives in his head, the intensity of the misery, and Cas gives a pained shout, grimacing. 
“Cas?” Sam asks worriedly, the books forgotten. “You all right? What’s wrong?”
“It’s Jack,” Cas answers after a beat. “Sam… Jack’s alive.” 
The hope that enters Sam’s eyes is something that Castiel never wants to see taken from him again. It’d happened far too much already. 
“What?” Sam asks, breathless. “Are you sure? Cas…” 
“He’s calling for help,” Cas confirms, getting to his feet. He’s able to hone in on Jack’s presence now, can feel his state of being. “He’s been crying out for me, for us. He’s showing me… Chuck. Chuck has him. There’s enochian sigils and other forms of warding on the cage he’s in, I… he needs help.” 
Sam leaps to his feet without hesitation. He hasn’t looked this alive in months. “Then let’s go get him, Cas. Let’s get him and bring him home.” 
--
Jack is awoken, at some point, by a commotion upstairs. He opens an eye, squinting, focusing. Chuck usually had his fair share of parties and things happening -- it was a bar, after all. He listens for the familiar shriek of girls, the game machines blaring, the loud music… but none of it ever comes. It’s silent except for loud thudding, and hushed voices. This isn’t Chuck. Something’s different.  
“Hello?” He calls out, heart pounding in his throat. “Is someone there?” He moves around a little, managing what he can in his little cage. It clunks every time he remanuvers.
He waits. 
More talking. 
“Hello?” He repeats, trying to make his voice louder. 
He tries to see up the stairs to where the light from the room is coming from behind the door, but from the angle he’s at, he can’t see who it is. He’s still too far away. Luckily, whoever it was up there seemed to know there was someone downstairs, and open the door, hurriedly descending the staircase, flashlight in hand. Cops, then. 
Jack doesn’t understand why they’re here, of all places. From what he knew, there wasn’t any illegal activity taking place. Chuck would want to keep the establishment under the authorities’ radar, lest the Winchesters discovered it. Jack had honestly thought there was no chance of rescue, that no one at all would be coming for him. Maybe they still weren’t, but the possibility of freedom has Jack reworking things. He would take anything. 
He didn’t know where he would go, or who could possibly ever want him. But he’d give anything to be out of this cage, and out of Chuck’s grasp. Anything for the days of torture to be over. 
“Hello?” A voice calls. “Is someone down here?” 
Jack knows that voice. He knows it, because it’s the first voice he’d ever heard. 
“Sam?” He croaks, mouth dry. Was he just imagining things? Was this just another of Chuck’s mind games, making him see what he so desperately craved? But then Sam is standing in front of him. Even with the limited light, he can see how pale Sam is, see the absolute shock on his face. 
“Jack?” Sam gasps. “Jack, you’re alive, you’re…. Oh my God. Cas! Cas, get down here! I’ve got him!” 
Sam pushes himself down to his knees, and reaches out to the boy immediately, still locked in the cage. He engulfs Jack’s small hand with his much larger one. The sensation of the touch takes Jack aback, and he shakes his head. Was this really happening?
 “I don’t believe it,” Sam says wetly. “You’re really here… I need to get you…” Sam looks around for something he can use to pry the cage open. He settles for a crowbar, prying and shoving at the lock. It comes undone after a long moment, and Sam wrenches the door open, pulling Jack out and into his arms. He cradles the boy close to him, his large frame trembling.
He is soft and warm in the way that Jack remembers, and not even his dreams had been able to replicate the safe feeling he associated with the man.  
“Sam,” Jack realizes. This isn’t a trick, isn’t some form of distorted reality that Chuck had cooked up. This was real. Choking, tears running down his face, Jack clings to Sam with everything he has. He lets himself relax for the first time in weeks against Sam’s body. Sam was here. Sam was really here, and he was free, and…
“Sam --” 
Cas.
Jack and Sam pull apart at his arrival, and Jack raises his head to meet Castiel’s eyes. “Cas,” He sniffles.
“Jack…” 
The angel looks thunderstruck, like he’s seconds away from falling over. Instead, he surges forward and envelops both Sam and Jack to him in a tight embrace. His fingers card through Jack’s hair, and the boy closes his eyes in pure relief. Somehow, he was still wanted. He was still loved. His fathers had come for him. Chuck had been wrong.
“It’s all right now, Jack,” Cas says. “You’re safe. We’re going to take you home.” 
But Jack shakes his head. “I can’t. Dean. He’s going to kill me, he's ...”
“No, he isn’t going to kill you, Jack,” Sam promises, hugging the boy close. “He’s missed you, too. I won’t let anything happen to you ever again. Neither will Cas. None of us will. I promise. I know this is late, but… I love you too, Jack. I love you so much, and I’m so sorry I failed you.” 
“I’m sorry, too,” Jack cries, his tears coating Sam’s neck. “I’m sorry about Mary. I’m sorry for all of it.”
Sam and Cas shush him, whispering nothing but comfort and assurance, holding him close. 
They stay huddled on the floor for a long, long time.
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roddy plays fire emblem: three houses - prologue
all I know about this game I learned from twitter. I don’t know much of anything about this game. but I’ll tell you what I know about the characters anyway.
I’m only doing characters who I can distinctly recall off the top of my head. I’m not looking up anyone’s names because there are so many characters in this game.
Byleth - the player character. a teacher at this academy, despite not being much older than the oldest students here. game devs are cowards who couldn’t believe that lady Byleth could be Big Sexy in proper armor and instead they gave her fuckin....thigh-highs and lace and a titty window and a belly-button window ma’am your organs are there, you can’t expose that. my disdain for impractical lady armor is outweighed by my desire to play as the girl whenever possible, so like, I’ll play Lady Byleth, but I just won’t be happy about it. 
Jeralt - Byleth’s dad? I think it’s Jeralt? There’s some other guy who looks a lot like the guy who I think is Byleth’s dad so I can’t actually tell you if I got the name right. he’s a mercenary. I don’t know why he and his kid are hired at a fuckin....church academy? but they are. he raised Byleth basically as a feral child and he doesn’t even know how old they are? even though his wife died in childbirth and I think he talks about how long ago that was? or something? there’s something about him not knowing how old his own kid is. Dad what the hell.
Rhea - the lady pope of The Church, but not a cool ladypope like Leliana Dragon Age. I saw someone compare her outfit/hair to Ghetsis from Pokemon and I sent that meme to Wolf and Liam asking if they could confirm or deny and they told me that’s an insult to her but Ghetsis is slime of the earth so relatively, we still don’t know. I don’t trust her because I don’t trust quasi-historical-inspired-setting fantasy church leaders, except for Leliana/Vivienne/Cassandra.
Seteth - green hair? all the church people have green hair are they related? is it magic? I think it’s magic, Byleth’s hair is sometimes green. he’s like the Hot Dad but since he’s not your dad you can romance him. I don’t know if I trust his goatee but one of my friends retweets a lot of art of him and I trust her so maybe I trust him? he’s on thin ice.
Flayan? Flayn? Flyann? I’m calling her Flan like the custard but I know there’s a Y in there somewhere right? - more green hair, so a church person I guess. I have no idea how old she is because this is anime and she could be anywhere from 12 to an ancient dragon person because I know this series has some of those. maybe Seteth’s daughter?? I get that vibe??
Sothis - the ancient dragon person who looks like a 12 year old girl. more green hair. I couldn’t tell her and Flan apart for a while.
BLACK EAGLES
why aren’t they the Red Eagles? they’re red. the other two are blue and yellow. who named these guys. what the fuck.
Edelgard - every time I see the pokemon Eldegoss in SwSh I think of her. leader of the BE. controversial. very controversial. doesn’t like the Church. I can handle this, I romanced Anders in my first playthrough of DA2 which was my first time playing any Dragon Age game, controversial and Church-hating is like.... sometimes you just gotta blow up a fantasy church, you know? I get it. even if I don’t end up agreeing with her, like, I get it, I guess. she didn’t always have white hair but something happened. there sure is a lot of magic hair color shit in this game. I think Dmitri is her stepbrother.
Hubert - Edelgard’s right-hand man. vampire jokes for days. I’m gonna cut myself on that edge....the edge of his cheekbones they are Sharp. I don’t buy that this guy is a teenager. I don’t know whether he’s actually tall or people just play that up because it’s funny to draw him Tall and Looming behind Edelgard.
Ferdinand von Aegir - I AM FERDINAND VON AEGIR!!!!!!!!
Dorothea - she’s the opera singer one, right? if I got the name wrong, I’m talking about the pretty opera singer one with the hat that’s kinda like a beret. she’s my favorite because I’m gay and she’s very pretty and looks very sweet. she’s like the only one of the Eagles who’s a commoner I think? I don’t know why she’s here but okay. I like her. I would like to kiss her.
GOLDEN DEER
Claude - that’s not his real name. leader of the GD. he’s an archer and he has a big fuckoff dragon wyvern. his mother is from whatever country this game is set in but his dad isn’t and lots of people are rude and racist to him for it. he seems kinda chill but also suspicious of everyone which honestly I get it. also he might poison people? I trust him and I’m sure he has good reason to do it. I support him.
Hilda - Claude’s right-hand lady. pink hair anime girl with a giant fuckoff axe. I thought I knew more about her than that but nope that’s all I’ve got. has an older brother.
Lorenz - purple haired anime boy. look at his post-timeskip haircut this boy is Gay and there’s nothing anyone can tell me that would change my mind. needs to be smacked with some good ol’ Character Development to grow past being a pretentious noble prick but he’s pretty cool once that happens. one of the artists I follow who turned overnight into a FE3H twitter for like six months is a big Lorenz stan so I think I could be biased toward him already but that’s just How It Be when you’re coming into this via osmosis.
BLUE LIONS
Dmitri - leader of the Blue Lions but everyone calls him a boar. gets absolutely hammered by Bad Times in the timeskip and comes back with an eyepatch and absolutely feral and unhinged. murdered a bunch of people? Dimi You Can’t Just Go Around Murdering People. 30-50 feral hogs in a big fuzzy mantle. very unfortunate that he’s being forced to do Leader Shit and just wasn’t allowed to be chill and relax and get to work through his issues instead of getting more of them and going feral.
Dedue - you cannot convince me that this man is not a 30-year-old father of two. how is he a student. get out of here. you’re wrong and you’re lying. who did these character designs. I think out of almost everyone here, he is the guy who Does Not Deserve All Of This but fate has been a dick to him. everyone he loves got murdered by I think Dmitri’s countrymen but now Dedue is Dmitri’s right-hand-man which I do not understand. He deserves better both in-game and also from the writers because they just kind of write him out post-timeskip I hear. just free this man from whatever the fuck is going on in his life and the game. I still don’t believe you that he’s of any age to be a student.
Sylvain - the redhead. childhood friends with Dmitri and someone else but I don’t remember who. The Horny Guy. may just automatically be recruited by Lady Byleth to their class, betraying his country and his oldest friends because he saw a belly-button window. just y’know. sometimes it be like that. 
FELIX - he’s the other childhood friend. I don’t know shit about him.
OTHER STUDENTS WHOSE NAMES I CAN RECALL BUT I DON’T KNOW WHERE THEY ARE AND IT DOESN’T MATTER BECAUSE YOU CAN RECRUIT ALMOST EVERYONE TO ANYWHERE ELSE
Caspar (artist?), Linhardt, Bernadetta (Bernie, my brain keeps just swapping her and Dorothea around because they both have these long regal names but I don’t think they’re actually anything at all alike), Petra, Leonie, Marianne,
ASHEN WOLVES
they’re not really a house they’re just a bunch of people who live in the fucking basement and I think it’s the church’s fault.
Yuri - the other purple-haired anime boy. got kicked out of war crimes academy somehow. declared himself the leader of the basement people and they were just like “hey sure cool I guess”. 
Someone who’s a friend of I think Hilda’s older brother - not even a student or someone who needs to be living in the basement, he’s just down here for tax fraud? debt evasion? again, it be like that.
THE PLOT
matchmaking simulator. Byleth plays matchmaker for all of their students by setting them up into the most healthy friendships/relationships that are as ambiguously gay as the COWARDS writing this game will allow. I know there are a few, but it’s mostly a few Byleth romances, so. that.
also Byleth makes the other professors’ jobs easier by poaching all their students so that they only have to teach like two people while Byleth has everyone in their class. recruit the students by giving them gifts and having tea with them. eat lunch like five times a day trying to hang out with everyone. go fishing. go fishing some more. the game limits your amount of bait per month because otherwise this will be a fishing simulator. I know this specifically because I asked Wolf and Liam if I could just fish infinitely forever and they told me no. I was upset. the day that the game starts is 4/20. I know this because Wolf made a meme about it and that’s what started our long conversation about the game that established nothing.
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immediately after everyone graduates, Byleth goes into a fucking coma for five years and wakes up and the five-year reunion is interrupted by a war between the three houses. -rimshot- also there might be some greater threat called the Flame Emperor or some shit but I know fuckall about that. mostly I just know everyone’s despair as they are forced to kill their friends who they didn’t manage to recruit.
I’ve never played a Fire Emblem before and I’ve never known what a tactic is in any RPG I’ve ever played. this is going to be fantastic.
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nebucat · 4 years
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i’m very empathetic. i know i am
i’m able to easily imagine another’s perspective and how i would feel if i were in their position, and if i don’t right away then i try my best to do so
the issue was that i could see their perspective, i could understand where they were coming from, but i knew their perspective was skewed by insecurities and that they were too wrapped up in it and stubborn to think critically or have faith in me.
i didn’t... want to validate those insecurities, or i guess i didn’t want to reinforce that sort of thinking. i wanted to help them out of it! but i guess i just... didn’t know how. i didn’t know how to reassure them besides explaining my perspective. i didn’t want to just dismiss how they were feeling! i payed far more attention than they realized. to the point that i immediately understood the problem and felt how they were feeling because i’ve been there before. in some ways, i still am. feeling replaceable or insecure. and i know thats just what it is. i know insecurity obscures our vision. and it made me uncomfortable because the fact i knew it wasn’t true. the accusations of ‘ignoring’ them or losing interest in our writings was not true. but i didn’t know how else to tell them that.
especially because i shrink so much under accusations. my knee-jerk reflex is to accept fault for something as a fawner. the number of times i rolled over for them didn’t help my mental state because i genuinely did let myself be convinced of the things they were telling me. that i ignore them. that i’m dismissive. that i’m inconsiderate. and i am trying to unlearn all of that shit that got ingrained in my head. and it didnt... help either? that they would guilt trip me when i did try to share my perspective, only reinforcing the insecurities.
it was never... enough. i was never enough. i could never make them happy and there was always something i was getting criticized for. no matter what i did, now matter how hard i tried, i was ALWAYS doing something wrong. and they would rub it in my face with their cruel, vindictive comments.
‘if only you payed more attention’
‘you don’t want to disappoint your cool new friends’
‘you’d rather disappoint me than them’
‘you want to stop being as important to each other? fine. i’ll start giving you as equal amount of attention as i do everyone else. you want me to give you reassurance for things i’m not even aware of? ok. i’ll start showering you in those meaningless compliments everyone else throws around in this rpc’ 
‘it’s hard to care about setting off your anxiety when you clearly don’t care about setting off mine’
and i... i wanted to move IN with this person. i wanted a relationship with them!!! i genuinely saw a future with them. because i thought they were changing. i thought they cared. i thought they loved me back.... i wanted to be with them so badly and yet this person was so cruel to me. i was so naive to believe that was what real love looked like.
i don’t even want to think about what could have happened if i stayed. if i continued down that path with them. if i actually did move in with them. i was already so isolated from everyone in our community with them. but i would have been even more isolated if i moved in with them and i would have had no way to escape. thinking about it makes me so nauseous and freaked out.
im so fucking glad i left. i’m so thankful for the friends who helped me get out before it was too late. that week before shit hit the fan, i was such a fucking wreck. i was starving myself because trying to eat made me throw up, having anxiety induced nightmares and was crying literally every single day multiple times, pacing up and down the street at night trying to talk myself down and reason with myself, sleeping all the time because i’d rather be unconscious than awake. i wanted to die. i really wanted to fucking die. it was like highschool all over again. and seeing them groom another person and treat them the same way they treated me when WE first met... seeing how much they praised that person and flattered them and gave them so much positive attention, yet knowing how abusive and neglectful they’d been to me...
i was convinced i was a broken person. i remember saying that to myself, “i’m broken. i’m so broken” as i cried and cried and cried. they didn’t make me feel loved or safe. they made me feel broken.
and thats what narcissistic abuse is. they’ll appeal to you with sweet talk and praise and attention, shower you in compliments and make you feel like the most special person in the world. and once they have their hooks in you, they’ll slowly break you down and groom you into tolerating the abuse. the guilt trips. the manipulation and gaslights. they’ll provoke you to get you to fight with them so they can pick apart everything you say and poke holes in you in order to garner control over you. they’ll humiliate and use hostile humor to tease you in public spaces in order to keep you off balance and install shame inside you.
they do this because they need their narcissistic supply. it doesnt matter if its positive validation or negative validation, they do this because theyre deeply insecure to the core and have to depend on external validation in order to feel anything. and because they’re living in their own delusional reality, they think this is NORMAL and OKAY and that they aren’t wrong for acting like this. a narcissist can never be wrong and will NEVER hold them self accountable for their actions without dragging others down with them.
even the last MESSAGE this person sent me just goes to show they literally are incapable of holding themself accountable for anything. they’ll only apologize to convince you to give them another chance. and thats what that note was--- an attempt to convince me otherwise. but their actions speak louder than the sweet talk and sob stories. and i knew this for certain when i confronted them after calling the police for the suicide baiting. they denied it was a manipulation tactic and had the gall to shame ME for getting worried about them! LMAO. “i’m sorry YOU felt that way” “i’m sorry YOU felt pressured”. not a single apology for literally trying to manipulate me. not a single apology for being the one to use their suicidal idealization to keep me tethered for so long. because narcissists can’t hold themself accountable and will find any reason not to.
i used to have narcissistic behaviors. sometimes i still catch myself falling into old toxic patterns. but i KNOW i’m not narcissistic. i have empathy, i AM considerate and kind, i TAKE accountability for my actions without using self deprecation or excuses, and nothing good and nice i tell people is fake or forced. i have so much love in my heart for people and i’m proud of myself for how far i’ve come and how hard i work to grow and better myself.
so i guess there is one thing i can thank them for. for getting me to fall in love and realize how much i truly have to give. i’m going to invest that love in the people who actually love and respect me, and respect my feelings. and continue working on myself for the benefit of my and those around me.
and who knows, maybe one day i’ll find someone as funny and charming who’ll treat me better. someone i can share as much of myself with as i did with them, who wont take me for granted. until then, i just want to learn to be content with myself.
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jellydishes · 4 years
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in which arla lavellan wishes to shank the entire winter palace
“Is that supposed to be the inquisitor?” A nearby courtier said in that outrageous accent that made the trade tongue even more difficult to understand. They weren’t making even the slightest attempt at keeping quiet, and Arla glanced over in time to see a feminine looking person in a cumbersome looking gown look down their masked nose at him.
“An elf savage?” Said the gowned human’s companion, with an equally obvious lack of concern about being overheard. “Maker forbid!”
Arla could feel Josephine’s eyes boring into his neck, and made a very deliberate show of baring his teeth in a smile that any dalish would have recognized as anything but friendly. “Your god doesn’t seem to forbid very much, does he?” He said, quite loudly. The courtiers stiffened, and clearly were attempting not to act like they were paying him any mind whatsoever by looking away, but he could read body language as well as any hunter. They were almost quivering as they waited for what he would say next, and Arla did hate to disappoint. “Murder, for one.”
“Inquisitor Lavellan!” Josephine hissed at his side, reaching out a hand that hovered by his elbow without quite touching him. “I heavily suggest that we retire inside, instead of provo-“
“Have you heard of the events in your alienage here in Halamshiral?” Arla pressed on without so much as glancing in her direction. His tone was easy, and you could be forgiven for thinking he was asking an idle question, were it not for the way his eyes bored into those two courtiers. “I wouldn’t be surprised if you had not, even if your empress hadn’t butchered every inhabitant inside. You humans don’t seem to enjoy reminders that you are responsible for the current circumstances of an entire race, do you? Especially you Orlesians.” Beside him, he could almost feel Josephine’s entire facial expression freeze into stiff lines in an attempt to remain polite, and he came very close to laughing. “Wouldn’t want you to get your silky smooth hands even more dirty.”
“The empress was well within her rights to quell a rebellion-” someone behind Arla began stiffly. He could just about imagine the sneer he might just see before it disappeared under some ridiculous mask or other, mouth twisted as the presumptuousness of an elf, of all things. ‘Things,’ being the key word, one he had heard again and again since stepping across Orlais’ thrice cursed border.
“A rebellion that did not exist,” Arla corrected in as steady a tone as his mounting anger permitted. He turned, and yes, the human was every bit as exhausting to behold as he expected. Silks and cotton stolen from one nation or another they'd conquered. This whole country was gluttonous, feasting on the bodies of a hundred cultures while they still lived and making the conquered thank them for the privilege of being eaten alive. He hated it. Hated every second he had to spend here, and was in no mood to pretend otherwise -if he ever was to start with- and this pompous shemlen was as good a target for his disdain as any. “Tell me, and do be honest... if your empress told you that your dearest betrothed was organizing a coup from your bedroom, which sword would you prefer to stab them with that night?”
There was a flurry of shocked exclamations from all around him, followed almost immediately by Josephine and Leliana seizing him firmly on either side. They made a show of delicacy, of course, tucking one arm through his and securing it with a demurely placed hand, but he was nowhere near foolish enough to mistake it for anything but what it was: a restraint. “Oh dear,” he said mildly, peering between them. “Was it something I said?”
“Inquisitor Lavellan,” Leliana said in a similar tone that in no way disguised the tension in her smile, “why must we deprive the court of your sunny presence? I'm quite sure the courtyard cannot contain your… enthusiasm.”
Arla returned that smile, and allowed himself to bodily walked up the winding stairs that led inside the palace. “Oh, you are quite right, as usual. Whatever would I do without your council?”
“Start a war, maybe?” Josephine muttered. Her fingers tapped a nervous rhythm on the leather bracers he had downright refused to remove for the occasion. He'd given in to a carefully calculated amount, allowing Josephine to exchange his usual hunting leathers for something he assumed was slightly more respectable in what Orlesians considered polite society. That did not mean that he hadn't hidden seven knives on his person, however, and he knew she knew this. It reflected in her fingers. “Or five. Do you know how many insults you have given just now? Both to the court and to the empress? And believe me when I say that those words will be carried to her ears before we even cross the threshold.”
Arla spared her an unimpressed look before shifting his gaze to the ballroom. “Do I tell you how to dance through your little games, Montilyet?”
“Yes, you do! All the time! You're doing it right now!”
“Allow me to rephrase,” he allowed, though he did not look away from the dancers below. He did have to admit that there was a certain grace to it, the same way that he would admit to the beauty of a poisonous serpent’s scales. “You know what you intend to accomplish, and so do I.”
“What could you possibly hope to accomplish by insulting everyone within earshot? Need I remind you of the very atrocity you made sure to bring to everyone's lips tonight?”
“Hardly. If it helps, consider it the first move in a long game. Hopefully not as long as all that, however,” he grunted, crossing his elbows on the railing that overlooked the dance floor. “If I have my way, this farce will be over and done with before the dessert course.”
“Not before I get my hands on some of those hors d'oeuvres,” said The Iron Bull from behind him. Arla had almost forgotten he was there, in between the women’s attempts to make sure he didn't make every Orlesian spontaneously combust in a racist fury. The big man could certainly move quietly when he wanted to. Arla admired that. “Nobody can make tiramisu quite like an Orlesian chef when they're staring down the horns of a really swanky party.”
“I'll take your word for it.” Arla couldn't help a chuckle, rusty as it was. He wasn't used to laughing much, these days, and it always sounded like it was torn out of him.
“It has rum in it, boss.”
“Oh?” Arla’s ears twitched curiously despite his every attempt to keep them still. “All right, maybe there's a few things worth salvaging in this cessheap.”
“There you go,” Bull said with a smile that made his eyes crinkle, “always looking on the bright side of things.” Putting word to deed, Bull immediately wandered off towards the servants and their trays, leaving Arla in the gentle, loving hands of Leliana and Josephine. Behind him, he could hear Cullen and Cassandra whispering amongst themselves before it was muffled beneath a much closer chuckle.
“Having fun yet, inquisitor?”
Arla craned his gaze down and to the side towards where Varric had copied his own posture, and snorted. “Somehow, I think my definition of ‘fun’ would be unwelcome in these halls.”
“Come on, don't even try to convince me that the Dalish don't know how to have a good time. I've met one, remember? And she knew how to cut several rugs, along with more than a few things the owners of those rugs would probably have preferred she didn't,” he added. Arla cast an amused look at Varric as he rambled his way to a stop. Something about the artistic temperament either made one exceptionally terse, or even more talkative. He certainly didn't mind. It was why he'd invited Varric along, in fact. Somewhere among that desperate need to fill the silence were the occasional gems of wisdom.
“Believe me, there are a lot more things I would rather be doing right now than dancing,” Arla said as he turned back to watch a blonde figure with a curiously elvhen cut to their hair cut their way through the dancers like a pike through bait fish. “I wager that one there does, as well,” he said, gesturing with his head.
“The Grand Duchess Florianne de Chalons,” Cassandra said from behind Arla. He very nearly rolled his eyes. Must every member of the inquisition insist on speaking where he couldn't see them? This wasn't a fireside game of whisper-down-the-path. “She is one to be watched, inquisitor, among others. There are schemes upon schemes lurking in that head, as with many in this room. Many would be pleased to walk upon your corpse to rise ahead. Time alone will tell how soon she would do so.”
Arla followed Florianne’s progress through the crowd. She wove a circuitous route, to be sure, but was just as plainly making her gradual way towards him. “And here I thought I had found an Orlesian whose head was not so large as their gown.”
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farfarawaygirl · 3 years
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Leave it to Tim to ask Lucy to dance across a crowded outdoor space, simply because he misses her, and she is there, looking all kinds of beautiful. And did Tim mention he misses her? Because he does. In an annoyingly persistent way. He misses her perfume, and her laugh, and her tendency to overshare, and seeing her in that dress at this wedding just makes him brave.
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ghoultyrant · 7 years
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FoZ Notes 18
Alright, we finally are having the plot start moving. Kinda. In any event a decent amount of stuff I felt like making notes of is happening.
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Saito literally glowing after him and Louise affirm their love. Neither of them notices. [You know, I’d forgotten about this because it doesn’t come back]
Fouquet giving money to Romalian orphans out of kindness. This is apparently just a thing with her. Oh, excuse me, to Albionese orphans in Romalia. So she's got loyalty to her country, I guess?
Also, Wardes is back. Apparently him and Fouquet have been hanging out in Romalia for... some reason... since Albion lost the war. He's been reading some secret Romalian book detailing historical events involving people revolting against Church power etc, among other books he's been reading in this period. Apparently Fouquet stole it for him.
Wardes mother was a researcher at the same facility Eleanore works at. She researched history (I guess she was an archeologist?) and 'earth history' (??), eventually went crazy, sexist commentary ensued because the author STILL cannot make up his goddamn mind. It's heavily hinted that the Wind Stone Catastrophe I've been spoiled on is her Go Mad From The Revelation moment, which she for some reason decided to not tell anyone about. Wardes is now trying to follow in her footsteps. Why? Because he semi-accidentally killed her when he was twelve by giving her a shove at the top of some stairs, so he's felt guilty ever since.
So. The fuck does that have to do with his original plot of wanting to become God-King of Halkeginia? [No, the story makes no attempt to explain what his original storyline was about]
Romalia knew Wardes and Fouquet were here the whole time, did nothing until just now because Reasons.
Josette has never felt happiness in her entire life. It takes her a bit to recognize it when she first experiences it. She's fully aware Julio is just using her, but loves him such that she's fine with that, which would be creepysweet except she's like the fifth such character at this point, so really it's just plain creepy. Especially since they're all women.
I am getting REAL damn tired of Romalia knowing everything everywhere all the time EXCEPT when they fail to know a thing that it would actually be plausible for them to guess at. (eg Joseph being the Gallion Void mage) The story almost never makes the slightest effort to justify it. It's ridiculous.
More generally, Julio is a goddamn Sue of the highest order. More so than Saito! That's nuts!
Isabella has a knife that talks. Unclear if it's a knife-person or just a knife-radio. Later narrative implies it's a radioknife.
Tabitha saying she isn't foolish enough to help a religious fanatic -to the Pope. Gutsy.
The Pope replacing Tabitha with Josette is intended as a plot to bait out Saito and company because of fucking course.
Guiche views stealthy action as un-noble. No wonder he's so shit at his attempts to court a zillion women without them knowing about each other.
Oh hey now WE are using 'Skillnir' to fool enemies. Skillnir apparently require blood from the person you're wanting them to imitate... which raises the question of how Romalia got a sample of Saito's blood without him knowing. This is a dumb plotpoint.
Kirche will fucking murder you if you kill Tabitha. No hesitation. That's pretty darn close, emotionally! It’s more emotion than she’s shown for, say, Colbert, who I’ve utterly failed to mention her having the hots for after his ridiculous non-death because it’s an idiot plotline.
Saito is fucking baffled by someone having seemingly changed their face with magic. Don't think too hard about how Louise told him about the bastard-hiding place with its face-changing magic, you know, last volume. That was a whole volume ago, how dare you expect the author to remember things from so far back!
Abruptly, we're told Earth Stones are a thing and are necessary for golem production. Okay, cool. Fuck you, you horrific piece of shit, this is either some of the worst planning I have ever seen or some of the most blatant, disrespectful retconning I have ever seen. We should've been hearing about this in Volume Fucking One. Volume Two at the latest, where we were introduced to Wind Stones. We should not be hearing this nonsense in VOLUME EIGHTEEN.
Abruptly we hear that the Pope, when traveling, has to stop and bless people, thank people, etc etc. Why has this never cropped up before, then?
Chikasui -the girl of face-changing and Isabella's right-hand woman as far as I can tell- showing up as a man. Is she a shaspeshifter?
You know, I only just realized the "Mountain of the Fire Dragon" is actually something we heard about back in Volume One. Holy Continuity, Batman!
Really annoyed that Tabitha being pulled from the Pope's carriage doesn't cause Vittorio's men to second-guess their loyalties. Their outrage seems to be over, essentially, casting aspersions upon a man who should be beyond reproach, and then the aspersion turns out to be true. They ought to be horrified and/or outraged to discover that Vittorio has abused the trust that everyone puts into him, NOT blithely, angrily fighting for him like nothing has changed. [Reader note: Saito and company accuse the Pope of kidnapping Tabitha, basically, the Paladins are all “His Holiness would NEVER and how dare you claim otherwise!” and then out comes Tabitha and they don’t acknowledge how this contradicts their belief in the man]
Also getting tired of Vittorio and Julio insisting people should trust them, as they totally have a good reason for it honest! Nope, don't care. Behave in a manner not worthy of mistrust before you demand trust, assholes.
I'd be thrilled to see Saito calling Julio on his manipulative womanizing bullshit if he wasn't a massive goddamn hypocrite. Also because it devolving into a fist fight while Tabitha, Kirche, and Louise stand by and watch is idiotic nonsense. Earthquake interrupt! Vittorio makes a comment that implies this is the Wind Stone Catastrophe. Specifically, Fire Dragon Mountain takes off. Julio claims this Wind Stone issue is why they need to retake the holy land... which explains fucking nothing.
Ugh.
Ridiculous claims that half the landmass of Halkeginia will rise up and this will cause a land war. Guys? You remember Albion? That place people live on right now? I know you do, because you're mentioning it in this conversation. In fact, this will INCREASE the amount of land available to Halkeginia! There will definitely be chaos and death, but you're all wrong ANYWAY.
Oh and we learn Brimir made a device that's in the holy land that requires four Void Mages to activate and which will somehow fix this. Dude. It's been 6000+ years. Even shaving it down to 5000 since Halkeginian years are shorter than Earth years, that's way the fuck too long. It's probably rust and dust, or at least buried. This should be obvious to everyone. Yes, I know, there’s those stupid preservation spells, but the plot itself seems to have entirely forgotten about them.
Why did all this stupid shit happen? Because! In true Shonen style, Julio wanted to fight Saito! Okay, so? What, Vittorio obligingly did a bunch of pointless bullshit to accommodate his familiar secretly being hijacked by an Entity? This is not an explanation that makes any kind of sense.
Of fucking course there's a spell for turning a wand's tip into a whip. And of course Eleanore knows it. As an aside, Malicorne is a masochist. It looked that way for several volumes, but A: I thought he was nobody important, a temporary character and B: it was ambiguous. Nope, he likes being whipped. sigh
Aaaand Louise saying she's "not a child anymore" seems to be taken by everyone as a shocking admission that she's had sex. Oh god she's had sex with Saito. I need brain bleach.
Naturally, Tristain digging into the Wind Stone issue causes them to agree to participate in the Crusade. This is stupid. The stupidity is unending. I'm having trouble making myself keep reading in the face of the biggest, most world-building-est plot twist of the series being such a crock of shit on every level.
Luctiana gets Ali to accept this mission he hates by virtue of refusing to marry him if he denies her the "greatest adventure" she can imagine. Because she wants to come along too, you see. Bidashal Just As Planned this, pretends innocence when Ali calls him on it. [Wait, did I mention Luctiana and Ali before? I don’t remember that being in my previous notes, did I lose the original notes or is this misplaced? In any event they’re both Elves. Luctiana has a fascination with ‘barbarians’, which is her entire character aside from being pedobait, while Ali has basically no character at all]
Oh fuck no. No, don't have Louise throw away her noble title to be with Saito. This is heinous bullshit. (Okay, it doesn't actually happen, but that Louise would consider it worth it horrifies me regardless)
Something I ought to have mentioned back on Volume One: magic lamps. Thing is? They've never been explained. Who makes them? Why are they in noble houses/institutions, but nowhere else? What powers them, given that magic is chant-based? They're just... present, and questionable worldbuilding.
Elves murdering bandits. Ali purports to dislike killing, but none of the Elves seem upset at the gruesome deaths they're inflicting. Wow, what pacifists. I am very convinced.
End volume 18.
------------------------- In which we finally learn about the Wind Stone Catastrophe and learn that Romalia's Crusade is not just fanatical religiousness. Oh and we finally see a bit of Elf culture/lands.
Alternative summary: Stupid Nonsense Pileup. Like a thirty-car pileup, but of stupid nonsense.
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farfarawaygirl · 3 years
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Some of the many reasons Lucy keeps talking about personal stuff:
Tim is her friend
Tim keeps offering his opinion
Tim tells her personal stuff too
Lucy trusts Tim’s judgement both professionally and personally
She likes talking things through - especially with Tim
Tim doesn’t just say what she wants to hear, he challenges her and holds her accountable, and Lucy really likes that
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farfarawaygirl · 3 years
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Tim: I’m the only cute puppy in your life
Also Tim: adopts her dog directly following this conversation because he knows it’s important to Lucy
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farfarawaygirl · 3 years
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What’s amazing to me, especially if they weren’t writing towards chenford from the start, is the set up of this episode.
Lucy is at the bar with Armstrong, Nolan and Jackson, and they’re discussing her love life. Armstrong literally tells her to not date a civilian. Tim is clearly skeptic of Caleb from the jump, but that has more to do with Lucy then the man. She ends the episode in moral peril - because she accepted a date with a civilian.
The following episode we watch Tim dig her out of the earth, and perform CPR while their team looks on. He stays the night at her hospital beside, and anticipates her needs in the episodes to come. The ring - c’mon, she left a ring so Tim would her, somehow he spots the ring, and then he knows! She’s there, she’s fighting, they can save her. When he gives the ring back to her? I died.
The writers basically pointed to a Chenford endgame with those words and actions...
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