#they’re demonstrating that they don’t care enough about me to learn about adhd

[whistlesanbells]

Community Headcanons

Just a random list of headcanons I have, organized by character (feat. A lot of Britta x Annie)

Jeff

I saw someone mention that Jeff might have an ED, and given what we see with his relationship with food, and how he is willing to go as far as to hurt himself to be the best at something (in this case be the best looking) it makes a lot of sense.

A lot of people headcanon Jeff as bi but honestly I just take him as cishet. He has many many issues but I don’t think sexuality is one of them, because half his personality is his attraction to every woman that breathes lmao

Exudes top energy but really the minute someone else tops him, he gets insecure for a bit but ends up really liking it.

Britta

Raging bisexual. I feel like she’s known for a long time, but never told the group because it would just be another thing for them to poke fun of about her.

In the same vein, I believe Britta’s parents were very homophobic, and that’s why she cut ties. I think she came out to them at a younger age and it was messy. It would make sense that she would refuse to tell the group why she didn’t get along with her parents: because she wasn’t ready to come out to the group yet. Instead it gets framed as her just rebelling for no reason.

We hear almost nothing about Britta’s past, except for a few offhand comments about a dinosaur-related trauma. Britta is incredibly quick to deny talking about her past, which led me to believe that she has some kind of trauma. Personally, I believe she was r*ped in her childhood, which would explain her extra effort to comfort troy when he lied about it. It would also explain why she is so fervently for women’s rights, especially when it has to do with bodily autonomy.

Dyslexic!Britta makes so much sense to me, because her parents were likely unsupportive, so she didn’t get much help or accommodations in school at a young age. This probably led to her habit of going out of her way to do poorly in a class so it looks like she’s just not trying, so she doesn’t have to face the reality that she never developed good study habits and she would have a lot of trouble in school even if she tried. Even though she doesn’t do well in school, she’s really smart, she’s just not great at articulating her points :))

She was a tomboy in elementary school before it was considered socially acceptable, and she was bullied ruthlessly for it. In her true, “stick it to the man” fashion, she never grew out of it.

Britta is terrified of Annie finding out that she won’t do well in school even if she DOES try, because she’s afraid Annie will lose respect for her.

Annie was the only one in the group she came out to, because she trusted her to keep a secret and not to judge. Annie asks her a LOT of questions, but Britta puts up with it.

Acts like a top, is really a bottom.

She has a crush on Annie from 21st century romanticism on, but never expresses it because she doesn’t want to make Annie uncomfortable.

Troy

Gay lmao

I definitely feel like he had a crush on abed around end of season 3/ beginning of season 4, but it was unreciprocated.

Troy has an inherent sensitivity that makes him the heart of the show, but it took a while for him to feel comfortable with that. I feel like he had a lot of parental pressure to be perfectly straight and masculine, since he was raised under a strict religion.

Troy never wanted to be an athlete. I believe he wasn’t allowed to explore his interests because he demonstrated talent for sports at a young age, and that’s what he was pressured to do for the rest of his life.

Troy doesn’t always understand how Abed functions, but he is always accepting, supportive and understanding. Instead of trying to understand how his brain works, he memorized the patterns of what bothers him and what doesn’t, and uses that to help his friend in the best way he can. It’s super sweet :))

Abed

Aro/ace Abed rights!! I haven’t seen this one as much, but I really like it. I genuinely don’t think abed has much interest in relationships, which has absolutely nothing to do with being neurodivergent. I think he feels pressure from the group to date, because that’s what they think is “normal.”

I LOVE Annie and Abed’s friendship but I definitely don’t ship them. Sure, they kissed once, but she was attracted to Han Solo, not abed. Annie was attracted to dean when he was actually like Jeff too, but she DEFINITELY wasn’t attracted to dean lmao. Instead, I think they’re both really close because they’re both neurodivergent, and Annie understands him more than anyone else in the group, albeit not entirely. They also have a special handshake you can see at the end of season one :)

This isn’t a headcanon but it’s *technically* never stated in the show but Abed definitely has autism. l DO headcanon that Annie has his safe foods written down in a list because she’s the only one who knows how to cook in the apartment, and she knows it’s important to him.

Abed has all of his friends’ likes and dislikes memorized and written down, as well as their birthdays, as a result of psychoanalyzing them. He gives the best birthday gifts and never forgets.

Definitely was the ACB (creds to film theory on that one)

Shirley

I don’t have a lot of theories for Shirley, because we see a lot of her personal story in canon. However, I do believe that she wasn’t always such a devout Christian. I think she was raised with Christian ideals, but it wasn’t central to her personality until Andre cheated on her. After she went though a dark period of (likely) alcoholism, I like to think that’s when she turned to Christianity, and it gave her hope. She loves it so much because it genuinely did save her from a bad time in her life.

I think she is a big part of the reason why Troy, Abed, Britta, and Annie are afraid to come out to the group. They assume she would never see them in the same light, when truth be told, she would love them all the same. I think she would be uncomfortable at first, but either she would come to the realization or britta would convince her that it is inherently Christian to love everyone, no matter what. Her motherly instincts take precedence over her Christian ideals.

Shirley views Annie as the daughter she never had, but is very careful not to tell her for fear of hurting her feelings. She very much enjoys helping her navigate college and seeing her mature. She also loves all their girl talk since this is the aspect of parenting that she doesn’t get with three boys. In the same vein, she loved teaching Britta how to have friends who are girls, and she likes to think she played a part in raising her.

Pierce

I don’t like pierce enough to psychoanalyze him lmao

Annie (saddle up, this is gonna be long)

Lesbiannie, obviously. Annie’s romantic tendancies SCREAM compulsive heterosexuality. Annie’s relationships with men are always schoolgirl crushes, and she even admits to abed that she never really liked Jeff, she just liked the idea that he was available and willing to love her. It also makes sense that she can’t stand the idea of not being perfect in every way, including heterosexual (because she confirms that her parents are bigoted and that’s likely what she was taught). I think she would have a lot of internalized homophobia, and she would be very insecure about her sexuality, seeing how she acted during the STD fair.

I would love to think Annie also had her first ever real, I like this person for themselves and not just because they’re attainable crush on Britta. She always looked up to her because she was so cool and far less uptight than she was, but as they grew closer, she saw her in a different light. I ship them hardcore lmao.

Annie has ADHD!! I could talk for hours about this, mostly because I have very similar struggles to Annie’s canon character arc (minus the drugs lmao) and it’s mostly due to my adhd. Long story short, she was likely raised undiagnosed until she discovered it herself, which led to trying adderall and overdoing it because she was unsupervised. She was likely very insecure about her ADHD, which led her to overcompensating academically. Because she masked so much in academic settings, it’s likely she didn’t have much of a social life because that’s where her symptoms presented themselves more.

In addition being friends with abed has made her far more comfortable unmasking. If you watch her in studies in modern movement you can see her stimming (flapping her hands, rocking back and forth and swinging her arms) way more than usual. She normally fidgets by fiddling with her fingers by her waist and pulling her elbows tight to her sides in a position suspiciously similar to raptor arms. Not only is this a common and discreet way to fidget, it is easily passed off as good posture. This makes sense, as it is Annie’s trademark resting position.

Annie reads YA books and a LOT of fanfiction for fun. The group expects her to be more well versed in classic literature, but the girl just loves her some vampires. It’s where she learned a LOT of her....dnd tricks ;).

Top energy that Jeff never let her use DEFINITELY comes out with Britta.

She helps Britta study and teaches her all the study habits she had to learn, and Britta’s grades improve a little bit!!

Switched to pantsuits because of britta, I like to think she had some influence on that.

Lost interest in Jeff after Basic Sandwich

Knew that Abed was the ACB the whole time, she definitely had it figured out in that binder lmao

Anyways enjoy, just figured I’d write this down somewhere haha

#annie edison #jeff winger #britta perry #annie x britta #troy and abed #abed nadir #community #community tv #troy barnes #lesbian annie #theyre just so cute together okay #neurodivergent #annie and abed #theyre buds

[bubblegumchaos]

TW: Violence, dark humor, all that jazz. Go no further, angry shit, yadda.

So, yanno...i'm just gonna yell into the void about something.

When i was very young, I read a lot of encyclopedias. Most of my knowledge of the world was attributable to the Encyclopedia Britannica, which my mother kept because well, a home should have a nice, impressive looking set of books. Along with a bunch of other old books that just...really weren't the best choice for a regressive anti-technology apocalyptic fundamentalist cult, but then, as we used to joke, my mother doesn't have to make sense, she just has to make decisions.

So, I eventually started plumbing the depths to try and figure out "what the hell is wrong with my family."

While i didn't get an answer about my family in general, I did note that i seemed to be oddly suited to the definition of "psychopath," minus the whole "being a problem for society at large" thing. Asocial, low empathy, lack of guilt, inability to plan cohesively, difficulty conceptualizing consequences, near total lack of emotions except curiosity and rage, both of which are carefully stifled, aggressive tendencies...frankly, I look at my younger siblings and i can definitely assure anyone that asks that had I not been raised quite far away from society, or if I'd stayed in the cult, I would most definitely have been a problem for society.

But psychopaths are *monsters,* you see. They're so, so bad, you see. Everyone assured me, at great length, that I couldn't be that, no, no sirree. I was too nice. Too kind. I didn't punch people nearly often enough (largely because I don't like being punched outside of sex, and I like to be in charge of where I'm being punched, and even that mostly cause I'm kinda badly out together physically, but that's aside the point.)

I wasn't *hate-able.* My empathy was too high.

On that last note, I have spoken elsewhere and i believe here regarding my empathy. My empathy is specifically a learned skill picked up by reading Edgar Allen Poe's Auguste Dupin stories. Dupin explains his near preternatural ability to get inside people's heads by his learned skill of micro-mimicking body and facial language and then analyzing what he feels when he copies someone else. Works absolute wonders, particularly as up to that point (i was 8-9), I was using the classical technique of provoking and hurting people around me to experimentally figure out how other people worked. Admittedly, it's somewhat like recording a speech and listening to it at the lwvel of a whisper in a crowded room, but then mimicry is far less likely to get you punched, and see previous for my feelings on getting punched.

But now i had, for all intent, a system to demonstrate empathy. Thanks to my mother's abuse, I had a complete paranoid delusion aping guilt. I could check plans past others, and once I got my hands on Google at 14, I had the capacity to directly look up what the general, societal consequences of most actions were and model behaviors that achieved my ends. I further had 18 years of direct training in mind control and manipulation, thanks to my cult.

You may notice that what you just read sounds like the origin story of a serial killer. Ape people around them to avoid detection, paranoia making them scrupulous enough to not get caught, and careful study of laws to find the lines, plus a hyper manipulative persona.

Roll with me here. This continues forward.

So, i'm out and about, 2, 5, 6 years free of my cult. I have married a self avowed psychopath who actually HAS been diagnosed with antisocial disorder thanks to a teenage habit of theft and punching people. He is fairly sure I am not one, since I perform guilt and empathy fantastically, by rote at this point. I literally have days that my face hurts from faking emotions for too long, i am slowly developing agoraphobia because there are far too many people to mimic in a retail job, and my guilt subroutine is just a voice chanting in my head, "they're coming to get you, don't fuck up" 24/7 to the point that i am developing hallucinations, but yeah. It's definitely not psychopathy. At this point, that's just ASPD, and i'm just too darn social. Never that. I'm no monster, you see. I'm "nice."

About this point, I have learned to use mind control techniques to help people, carefully applying them with direct permission to help people open up and discuss problems. My near preternatural ability to get into people's heads, my ability to find information, and my absolute lack of fucks about morals (thus making me wildly nonjudgemental), makes me the go-to confidant for many of my friends. This neatly surrounds me with people that can smooth my life out, but you can't tell people you're friends with them cause the world is made of grey paste and you're deathly bored 24/7 and being allowed to pick through people's minds and help them optimize is the closest you get to not wanting to shoot yourself or others. Or that you carefully maintain contact with people so you can check and make sure you're not doing anything jail worthy. Or that a large group to mimic lets you blend in easier, and finding one that also is transgressive, but socially permissable (thanks, kink) blows off some steam.

Of course, people that don't know me find me deeply off-putting, as I am at this point rapidly learning to turn off the mimicry when not immediately interacting with people. This results in me appearing utterly emotionless, but as soon as people talk to me, bing, back on. I had also joined the kink subculture, giving my hedonistic and transgressive sides an outlet.

I'd also gone to the trouble of getting a multifaceted degree. Ostensibly, my degree is "multimedia journalism." If you aren't aware, this means I have a degree in research, interpersonal communication, public speaking, written communication, mass communication, some psychology, critical thinking, media creation and analysis. In short, I have the literal perfect degree for figuring out, communicating with, and functionally understanding people, as well as a vastly enhanced ability to locate obscure information.

Fast forward again. Three mental breakdowns, four years of therapy, poking at my gender, figuring out a lot of mental health problems, and a rotating series of diagnoses, life is...slowly improving. I've left a toxic marriage (toxic on both sides), moved to a completely new place, started over. I have sort of resigned myself to focusing on my (admittedly annoyingly complex and wide ranging) physical disabilities.

And it comes up, in talking to my partner, that his adoptive mother displayed (she's dead) quite a few signs of ASPD. And he asks curiously if there's any connection between ADHD, autism, and ASPD, mainly cause the "personality disorder" part. PD's can, with long or early exposure, sometimes be passed on, you see.

Guess what's being studied, right now? Not a connection between ASPD and ADHD. A connection between psychopathy and ADHD. Wait, but I thought psychopathy wasn't a thing, says I? I thought there was only ASPD, now?

Ah, but for you see, the DSM is a load of horseshit. And i have heard that from multiple communities with different relations to it, and from multiple therapists, psychiatrists, professors...as a general rule, when the people who use it, the people it's used on, and the people who teach it all agree that a document is manure, I get a touch distrustful. I get more so when current studies use umbrella terms disavowed by a document known for being reductivist and that has been noted as having a great number of entries that were manipulated deliberately to make them as narrow and unusable as possible.

So anyway.

Turns out that while no, ADHD and Autism don't make you a psychopath, there's a distinct overlap. Empathy issues are a possiblity in all three, though both ADHD and autism can create *hyper*empathy. Inability to navigate social constructs is another point of overlap.

But really, it's the serotonin deficiency that hurls it across the line for me. And the genetic factors. Can psychopathy result from environment? Yeah, seems so. But there does seem to be a genetic and neurochemical component. Which is...curious for a disorder presented as purely a traumatic abreaction that creates dangerous amorals.

I then looked it up. And wouldn't you know, psychopathy is only pathologized as ASPD/APD, and DPD? The former is the sort of psychopathy that is characterized by violent amd criminal antisocial behavior, and the other an inability to understand and perform social mores at all. But this is the DSM, so these are of course diagnosed by problems caused for others as a first line.

Violation of societal norms, lack of emotions other than rage, aggression...it's almost like the same people that named a serotonin and function deficiency Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder to enshrine the disorder only by those aspects that make neurotypical people uncomfortable rather than seeking to help the neurodivergent person, the same people that invented torturous behavioral correction therapies to "fix" the neurodivergent person? Those strike me as people that might possibly have looked a serotonin deficiency that causes rage, limited emotions, impulsivity, difficulty conceptualizing consequence, and potentially a hell of a lot of other fun side shit and decided to call that "Doesn't get along with others well" disorder.

What really kicks it in the teeth for me, however, is that psychopathy used to mean more than "a social pariah." You see, Theodore Millon, the guy that wrote the book on personality disorders, noted between 5 and 10 subtypes. Do you know what they are?

Nomadic

(including schizoid and avoidant features)

Drifters; roamers, vagrants; adventurer, itinerant vagabonds, tramps, wanderers; they typically adapt easily in difficult situations, shrewd and impulsive. Mood centers in doom and invincibility

Malevolent

(including sadistic and paranoid features)

Belligerent, mordant, rancorous, vicious, sadistic, malignant, brutal, resentful; anticipates betrayal and punishment; desires revenge; truculent, callous, fearless; guiltless; many dangerous criminals, including serial killers.

Covetous

(including negativistic features) Rapacious, begrudging, discontentedly yearning; hostile and domineering; envious, avaricious; pleasures more in taking than in having.

Risk-taking

(including histrionic features) Dauntless, venturesome, intrepid, bold, audacious, daring; reckless, foolhardy, heedless; unfazed by hazard; pursues perilous ventures.

Reputation-defending 

(including narcissistic features) Needs to be thought of as infallible, unbreakable, indomitable, formidable, inviolable; intransigent when status is questioned; overreactive to slights.

(It should be noted: the features listed above are simply what each presentation is most likely to display if disordered. A reputation-defender may not display narcissm, a risk taker may not be histrionic. A malevolent [what a terribly judgy name...] could be negativistic, or avoidant, or histrionic. And so on.)

Now, ya may be going, "wait, hold up, narcissism is on there! We still have that! Schizoid is on there, we have that! Sadism, paranoia, we got all those things!"

Flash quiz: do you know what a personality disorder is? It's a series of learned behaviors that require moderation and unlearning.

Why yes, they did spin multiple neurotypes off into diagnoses that require behavioral therapy to "fix." Why on earth would you think they wouldn't? They're still trying to use reparative therapy on auties. Hell, near as I can figure, histrionic got spun into Borderline Personality disorder. You know what the therapy for that is? DBT, aka, "it IS your fault and you SHOULD feel bad."

Beyond knowing there used to be different flavors, did you know that there is about a millionty scare articles about how psychopaths are everywhere? Guess why.

What do you get when someone has an absolute need to see what's on the other side of the hill and no real fucks to give about how you get there? You get scientists, explorers, people utterly driven to find out. Think about how many of our science and exploration heros are noted as deeply weird and off-kilter. We have whole stereotypes about this. There are books and articles devoted to the transgressive personas and behaviors of famous scientists and explorers.

What do you get when someone is belligerent, paranoid, truculent, violent, fearless? Snipers. Literally. The army has openly stated they like psychopaths quite a lot. Someone that can look at a map of human lives and commit calculus with the phrase "acceptable losses" makes a damn fine general, wouldn't you say? Hunters, too. Make a good king? Or bounty hunter. Or, if we're going to be honest, a martial artist. Hell, think of all the ways our society accepts violence in real terms and symbolically. Management. Video gamer. Espionage. Actuary. Pest control. There are THOUSANDS of of societal uses for people like this.

Covetous? Well, banks are openly quite loving towards psychopaths. CEOs are indicated here. Businessmen. Fandoms with collection as a function have any number of anecdotes of individuals who have an intense drive to get more. "Focused on the chase, rather than the victory, to the exclusion of all else" is considered a positive, laudable personality trait. To put it in other terms, "can't stop, won't stop, never done." Sports players, yes? Football, rugby, hockey...

Risk takers are the real standouts, in terms of societal love. Doctors. Firemen. EMT's. Skydivers. Extreme sports players. Equipment testers. The list goes on. Society loves risk taking psychopaths. Hell, look at the diagnostic criterion up there: it's mostly traits with high positive connotations.

Reputation defending? Politics. Law. Advertising. Acting. Writing. Religion. Leadership of any kind.

I'm not talking out my ass here. All those fields have been noted as friendly towards, attractive to, and having a high representation of people who fit the behavioral model of psychopath.

But only if they're useful. Like literally every other non-normative neurotype.

Society loves ADHD and autistic people when they're displaying savant abilities or when they can mask well enough to use their sensory and cognitive differences to societal ends.

And if they're a problem for people around them, that's treated. The underlying difficulties? The societal structures that punish and harm them? The pain of adapting their entire neurobiome to do all the work of interfacing with different neurotypes while being driven to harness anything useful and discard the rest of their brain? No, we don't treat that. That's just the price of doing business. "Pull yourself up and don't be a problem."

And here's the problem, in plain terms: psychopaths who learn to cope, to mask, to adapt like I did are never diagnosed. I have spent most of my life fairly concerned about the fact that I seem not to have emotions or compunction, that i am always consciously working to figure out and connect to people around me on the most basic level, that I am constantly working to keep an active model of social norms going at all times. And I don't mean "shake hands, eye contact." I mean I have the same mental conversation regarding "don't shoot that person" and "use a turn signal." All prosocial behaviors, all social behaviors period, are a struggle to understand.

The funny thing is, it also makes antisocial behaviors difficult. Shooting someone seems remarkably inconvenient in many cases. Regardless of whether I care about getting caught or not, shooting somone will interrupt my day.

Not shooting them also seems remarkably inconvenient in many cases. Yes, it'd be a pain in the ass to shoot them, but then again, if I do it correctly, I only have to do it once.

But again, "correctly" is a wildly unfixed variable, and the whole question won't come up if I always ensure I fail the "do i currently have a firearm" step. And I don't. Ever.

That's how my brain works. Y'all go on about moral and ethical and legal reasons. That's an exhausting conscious mental conversation to have every other day, so my shortcut is:

"Should I shoot them? Oh, right, I don't have a gun. Guess not. Should I get one? No, cause I might shoot someone, and that'd be a pain in the ass. Welp, no shooting people."

And so it goes. I don't understand any social norms. Good or bad. I have all the problematic issues still, mind you. Environmental factors. I mimic and I was raised in an apocalypse cult in Oklahoma. I spend a lot of brain space sorting between prosocial behaviors and the violent antisocial behaviors I was taught were prosocial.

Because, you see, I can't really understand the prosocial behaviors, but I can see they work. And antisocial behaviors don't, really. Have i impulsively pocketed something? Couple times. Even got away with. Can't steal a house, though. And theft gets boring, for me.

Ok, except piracy. I may quite enjoy piracy.

Cooperation with a larger whole can and does yield benefits. Forcing myself to sit through mind numbing gratification delays does seem to yield results that are beneficial, though I really try to keep that one to a minimum. I refuse to be bored if I can help it. Making nice talky sounds gets me shit faster than making angry talky sounds.

Possibly this is a result if being raised manipulative. No idea. Kinda don't care.

Point is, I'm one of the psychopaths that, while not immediately useful, is also not actively a problem. So no-one will listen when i talk about everything being gray and cold and exhaustingly complicated because people make no sense and almost all my emotions are dialed so far down it's a joke i lack the ability to laugh about.

No one has believed me that the one emotion I have in spades is rage and that i have to literally consciously work out from first principles why violence is a bad option as my sole method of controlling that, my ONLY EMOTION OF ANY STRENGTH, which I cannot allow myself to feel for any length of time because I start losing sight of that consequence model and I worry i'll make a mistake I can't unmake. Or that it took me two decades to learn not to smash things I need when someone looks at me funny. Or just smash them.

Or that i have to keep my hands in my pockets and chant "don't steal" in my head some days. That I wear tight clothing with shallow pockets to make stealing harder so that, like guns, I simply can't do it easily and therefore short circuit my behaviors.

People are more than happy to hurl me at any problem that requires a lack of emotion, but if I dare to be less than appropriately emotional on a date? At a wedding? Funeral? If I make an error and don't diagnose it myself and perform contrition appropriately, regardless of if I knew there was a social or personal rule there? Well, I'm fired/broken up with/punished/evicted.

But I am not actively a problem for society. So none of those things are worth diagnosing. Or helping in any way.

And those that are useful? Are often fed utter horseshit and encouraged to break society. Bankers creating recessions. Generals commanding useless wars. Cops. Doctors that uphold a broken system. Politicians that pursue a broken society.

I know, I can see, that ASPD people catch a shit ton of shit cause they get blamed for "useful" psychopaths mistakes, and none of the benefits when said same psychopaths are lionized. Looking back at what it was, and what it is now, pathologically speaking, it makes perfect fucking sense for the asshats that designed a diagnosis to only include the people they don't like as the "sick" ones, and label the "good" ones as "heroes." Makes a nice distinction there between people we want to demonize and people we want to lionize for having the exact same chemical imbalance, and neatly creates a fall group when any of the "heroes" trip up. Silence those who can't cope, elevate those that can, treat neither effectively, and if an elevated one stops coping, we can just "realize" they were "sick" all along, and oh, yeah, those sick people are so bad, you guys, nothing like those heroes at allllllll.

I am...so tired of this society bullshit.

So anyway, I'm a psychopath. Paranoid, some schizoid. So whatever grains of salt you feel like taking, grab 'em, I guess. I'd mostly like for people like me to stop being weaponized, lionized, or punished for having a different neurotype. I'd like to be able to talk to a doctor about that and for there to be some options beyond "stop that," "get locked up," "have you considered the army" (yes, a doctor actually asked me that as a teenager) or "you seem fine, tho."

And if you resonate with this, well...I'm 32, never been arrested, mostly managed to avoid terrible shit, and I've got a life, couple partners, and I'm surviving, so like. You can do this. Lotta people wanna tell you you can't have this or that cause "you're not bad, tho." They're stupid. Y'ain't evil, just different. Don't let them get to you.

And (this is a joke) if you decide to shoot someone, do it once, correctly. Saves time.

#actuallymentallyill #vent #tw violence

[heysawbones]

Congratulations, Me; You’re Slow

Surprise, me! You’re literally slow. As in, your processing speed - the rate at which your brain takes in stimuli and makes sense of it - is below average. Quantitatively. The average is 100. Yours is 94. 

Three years ago, I was given a cognitive battery. I’ve had an unusually high number of these in my life. Most people will never have even one. I’ve had four; one to assess for the Gifted and Talented program in kindergarten, one to reassess for the same when I changed school districts, one to assess for ADHD, and yet another, the latest, to assess for the same, as the prior records were lost. ADHD runs in my family, but I seem to have been one of those kids who compensated really, really well. Was I organized? Not even a little. Lose things? Constantly. I procrastinated like a motherfucker, too, but it was usually easy to make up the work in class before it was due. I would drive hard to complete the GT project-based assignments at the last minute, and always did fine. Better than fine, even. Sure, I used to obsessively braid yarn or draw in class, but nobody had any reason to suspect I would have issues with things like maintaining attention or executive function later on. If they did, I never heard about it. Even today, it’s not obvious; people associate a certain flightiness with ADHD and that isn’t me. People associate a lot of things with ADHD that aren’t me. This has been so much of an issue, in fact, that despite meeting diagnostic criteria over and over, as admitted by clinicians, people have been hesitant to give me the diagnosis. The argument deployed tends to be: you have all the symptoms, but you also have chronic depression, which has the same symptoms, so we’ll just go with that one. The underlying rationale, the unspoken answer to “why can’t it be both? they often co-occur” seems to be: you are too articulate and self-aware to have ADHD. It boils down to you’re too smart to be slow. 

This is unfair to me, and demonstrably untrue, besides. I recognized this long ago. I am the one who has to figure out some way to compensate for the symptoms. Yes, the symptoms of depression and ADHD overlap (especially if you are depressed for a long time), but the treatment of those symptoms is not the same. I have been in treatment for depression for over ten years. Am I better than I was? Unquestionably so. 

Do I function at a level sustainable for an adult not on disability? Can I get places on time? Can I catch a plane without showing up 14 hours early, lest I show up 14 hours late, or at the wrong airport entirely, instead? Do I remember things people told me yesterday? Can I go to Target without the possibility of getting caught up in a weird cognitive trap where I want bananas, but am too guilty to buy them unless I do the rest of my grocery shopping, which I don’t have the mental energy for? Do I remember enough of my meds when I go on trips? Can I stop persistently putting things in places that make no sense, and then having no idea that I’ve done it 15 seconds later? Can I manage an adult’s schedule? Can I remember to pay bills on time? Can I remember what I’ve spent money on in the last week? Can I remember what I ate this morning? Can I hold down a job that is, honestly, below my abilities in many ways?

The answer is, of course, sometimes yes. Distressingly frequently, it is no. Where travel is concerned, it is always no, and somehow, I have managed to show up at the wrong airport entirely more than once. 

Yes, I recognize that these are problems all people have, to some degree, at some time in their lives. If people are willing to act on the belief that I am too smart to be slow, why is it that when I account for my concerns and attempt to articulate the impact they have on my life, I am suddenly not self-aware anymore, and am only overreacting to what obviously MUST be the same degree of these problems that other reasonable adults experience? Why am I credible in other areas, but not this one? If I am so smart, why is it assumed that I’ve failed to account for my own emotional bias when gauging the difficulty I am experiencing? Why is it more satisfying to assume that I am not trying hard enough, then it is to accept that a smart, self-aware person may, in fact, have some kind of Brain Problem that, really, there is no logical contraindication to, and much evidence, for? When I do the responsible thing and insistently pursue all reasonable options to address my mental and neurological health, with the goal of being a functional contributor to society, why is this so persistently reduced to a fetish specifically for an ADHD diagnosis? I’m smart when it’s convenient for others, but not when it comes to the ability to draw cause and effect relationships from my own behavior, and make comparisons between those and the behavior of others? If I got treatment that worked, I wouldn’t care what the diagnosis was. Come the fuck on. I’m tired of this.

-----

Anyway. I sat down with the results of that three-year-old cognitive battery. I’ve read the summary before; it’s peppered with lines like

“There is also considerable other evidence in this testing consistent with a diagnosis of ADHD”

“In my experience, some individuals who are very bright are able to compensate for some of their disability”

“this distribution of index scores is very typical of individuals with ADHD”

“Many of the behaviors she describes are certainly typical of individuals who suffer from ADHD. Unfortunately, the coexisting history of chronic major depression and PTSD make that differential diagnosis based on history alone difficult” 

When I first read that last year, I was shocked because the therapist who requested the cognitive battery, only expressed surprise that I was “very smart” and said that my “scores were fine.” When I later confronted him after having read the summary myself, he merely admitted that some of my scores were “lower than others”. He never entertained the possibility that I had ADHD, which in an of itself, wouldn’t have been a problem if he’d been willing to just try the treatments for it, since clearly the two industrial-strength doses of antidepressants I was already on, were not cutting it. Alas, he was not, and it wasn’t until after he retired that the issue was addressed again.

Surprisingly, I was not the person who addressed it. When my therapist-MD retired, I needed at least a primary care provider to manage my medications. Since the appointment was for psych med management, I had to fill out a bunch of related intake forms - you likely know the kind. While looking them over, my new doctor peered up at me and asked, “Has anybody ever suggested that you might have ADHD?” I was taken aback by the question and wasn’t sure where to start. Them? Asking me? if I have ADHD? She asked me? 

I told her that I’d had two full cognitive batteries done, and that both of them concluded roughly the same thing: yes, all the symptoms are there, no, we do not know if it’s ADHD because there’s too much background noise from other psych issues. Without skipping a beat, she said the most amazing thing to me: 

Well, whatever it is, you have the symptoms, so let’s treat them.

God. Why didn’t someone say that years ago? Diagnoses are human constructs; we use them to group symptoms that tend to occur together, when they’re thought to have the same causes. Depression and ADHD have many (but not all) of the same symptoms, but the overlap doesn’t qualify as a diagnosis because the causes are assumed to be different. I think we often forget that diagnoses are containers for commonalities that we use to make talking about medicine easier, not necessarily biological phenomena unto themselves. If you remember that they are containers - a sort of conceptual shorthand - then it follows that if one treatment for a set of symptoms isn’t solving the problem, you ought to try a different treatment often used for the same symptoms, even if the minutiae of diagnosis means you aren’t sure you can apply the diagnosis typically associated with that second treatment*.

I am now on Vyvanse. Does it magically solve my problems? No. Does it help? Yes. I am in a much better position to actually address the bad habits and coping mechanisms someone like me builds up over the years. The notable insomnia should wear off over time, and besides, as a person with an existing sleep disorder, having fucked up sleep isn’t new. It’s a price I’m willing to pay.

-----

Anyway. So I sat down with the results of that three-year-old cognitive battery, because I had to dig them up for my new therapist. Instead of reading the summary, I dug into the raw numbers: the related tests are the Weschler Adult Intelligence Scale IV (WAIS-IV), and the Weschler Memory Scale III (WMS-III). I couldn’t find sufficient guidance on interpreting the WMS-III, so I’ll stick with the WAIS-IV scores:

At first inspection, these scores do look “fine”. Anything within 10 points of 100 in either direction qualifies as “average”, even if 100 is “the average”. But on further reading, both in the summary and out: 

-Examination of these results reveals considerable significant variability between various functional capacities, with VCI of 141 a full 3 standard deviations above PSI of 94.** Problems with both working memory and processing speed impacted her overall IQ considerably, bringing her Full Scale IQ down to 120 (from 133). 

-A significant difference among subtest scores can suggest a problem in the particular skill being tested; this might underlie a learning disability. A significant difference among standard Index Scores might also indicate a learning disability, ADHD

-when I see a difference in IQ scores such that the verbal and nonverbal scores are far superior to the processing speed score, I try to discern what could be causing the discrepancy.

-LD diagnoses are also reliant on score discrepancies. On the WAIS, a gifted individual with ADHD may look like this.

Verbal comprehension - 132

Perceptual Reasoning - 129

Processing Speed - 97

Working memory - 101

Absolute scores aren’t the only diagnostic tool. Relative scores are also important. For example, average scores across the board wouldn’t be indicative of a working memory or processing speed issue, whereas great discrepancies between those parameters and others, is - even if the working memory and processing speed scores themselves are the same in both examples. What I’m saying is, it’s right there. It’s in the numbers. There’s no wiggle room. My old therapist saw these numbers, and not only did he choose not to act on the information, he pointedly refused to do so. If he hadn’t retired, I’d look into suing for malpractice. It’s in the god damn numbers, my dude. I don’t care what you want to call it, the deficit is right. there.

What did I ever do to him? Did he just... not believe ADHD is real? More to the point, did he think I somehow, without knowing the ins and outs of the WAIS-IV, faked the deficits or something? Really, guy, what the hell?

-----

Do I feel bad about being slow? Honestly, no. I might have if I found this out 10 years ago, or in circumstances wherein that reality didn’t perfectly explain aspects of my experience that other people have been prone to downplay, or dismiss entirely. Instead, it’s the closest I can get to scientific verification that I’m not just losing my shit over nothing over here; that something has, in fact, gone awry, and may always have been awry. I couldn’t compensate forever (though the ways I’ve done it are many, and in retrospect, interesting) and now I’m on the other end of it, trying to rebuild. I am, as I like to say, building an exoskeleton - something that will hold me up when my brain insists on faceplanting. I’m just grateful there’s someone out there who isn’t too caught up in the semantic navel-gazing of diagnosis, to help.

*There are obvious exceptions here, such as when the two diagnoses have causes whose treatment is contraindicated in the other diagnosis. This is not the case with depression and ADHD.

** You see that Percentile Rank of 34? That means I performed better than 34 percent of people my age, at least according to the test sample. That’s. Not great.

#blah blah blah #twice exceptional #ADHD #depression #mental health

[skycript1]

Five Methods You Usually Takes This Summer Season To Help You Boost Your Kid's Attention And Actions Without Medicine

A Summer Household Guideline To Help Get Your Child All set to Achieve School From Day One!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cG4WXPO5aggSummer time SystemPreparing for school next calendar year begins this summer months. This trip break is an ideal time to help you your son or daughter with interest and habits challenges. In only a few months, you may begin to find and deal with the underlying triggers of the most common focus and habits issues I obtain in my observe rather than utilizing prescription drugs to address the signs. This technique has assisted Many kids I've treated at my Centre. The goal of this post is to provide you with the information which will get started you in the future that can help your child reach college and in life.Medicines Deal with UP SYMPTOMSIt might surprise you to learn that medication hardly ever overcome nearly anything. Medicine can go over up indications whilst your body heals itself and that's often how it works. I am not declaring that all prescription drugs are lousy Which we shouldn't use medicine, but I do Assume it is vital for the public to know that a doctor's schooling emphasizes, Virtually exclusively, using medications. From time to time this use is acceptable, but it's normally crucial to understand the bounds and pitfalls of using medication. I acquired the difficult way. I went to medical college with the age of 39 to save lots of my daughter right after Medical professionals manufactured her ill with psychiatric medicine for bladder bacterial infections.Interest Deficit Hyperactivity Problem (ADHD) is formally a psychiatric label. When kids are diagnosed with ADHD, They may be deemed to possess a psychiatric ailment. The indicators and symptoms of ADHD stated during the Psychiatric Diagnostic and Statistical Handbook (DSM IV) are completely subjective. ADHD cannot be analyzed with an goal technique for instance a blood exam.A Suitable TO DRUG Free of charge TrainingMom and dad should have the right to determine if they want their boy or girl drugged or not. Here's the details:1. There isn't any aim strategy to diagnose ADHD.two. The medicines utilized to "handle" ADHD can cause heart difficulties and worsening behaviors.three. The drugs usually do not help each of the indications.four. There won't be any long term studies on the safety or efficacy with the prescription drugs.5. Lots of the medications utilized haven't been examined on little ones.On this page I'll discuss how that will help determine the most common underlying overall health and educational results in in the ADHD indicators I discover in my follow and explore the non drug strategies and strategies I have found to generally be simplest in dealing with them.Dilemma A person: Reduced BLOOD SUGARLow blood sugar in fact can manifest from consuming too much sugar. When an individual has small blood sugar, their entire body releases adrenaline to raise the blood sugar back to normal. This adrenaline can then result in variations in habits, concentration and concentrate. Yes, sugar does affect actions. Sugar influences children even more then it does Grown upsEven though the child is sitting down comfortably from the classroom, wanting to concentrate, an adrenaline launch may have a profound result. Research have demonstrated that In the event your heart is thrashing rapid, You can't concentrate or emphasis. The child could become agitated. Any tiny point can now bring about the kid to act angrily or simply aggressively. This kind of actions is not acutely aware. The child doesn't elect to act that way. It's a physiological response.The next way to possess a very low blood sugar is to not take in usually enough or to eat carbohydrates rather than proteins. Proteins are meats, eggs, cheese, and nuts. To safeguard a baby from aquiring a small blood sugar reaction, I've them take away all sugar and artificial sweeteners and start a diet feeding on Repeated protein to aid hold the blood sugar stabilized. In my apply I do an intensive analysis of the kid's diet regime.Technique: Take into account taking away all sugar and artificial sweeteners from your son or daughter's diet program and include Recurrent modest protein snacks.Trouble TWO: DIETTake into account that Maybe ADHD won't essentially stand for Focus Deficit Hyperactivity Dysfunction but genuinely implies A Demand for a Nutritious Diet program. Quite a few kid's weight loss plans are shameful. Sweetened cereals are still the preferred breakfast item. The FDA's bare minimum nutritional prerequisites are determined by the amount of nutrients required to avoid health conditions which include rickets, scurvy and pellagra. They don't consider the fashionable day issues and signs that may be attributable to nutritional deficiencies. In traditional drugs, these deficiencies are handled with medications to go over up the indications. Most medical professionals are not in search of nutritional deficiencies as the underlying reason behind health conditions.Seeking the underlying reason for a difficulty will generally bring about a nutritional Alternative since nourishment affects just about every way the human body performs. Your body are unable to operate appropriately with no appropriate nutrients. It truly is primary biochemistry taught in health care university that particular nutrients are necessary within our physique to create the biochemical procedures function effectively. You won't experience Unwell without having these nutrients, but you may not basically be very well possibly. The body need to compensate and do the job more durable if you don't get the nutrients your body demands to take care of health and fitness.You'll find virtually many content within the professional medical literature demonstrating a correlation concerning specified nutritional deficiencies and many different health issues, from coronary heart assaults to cancer. Nutritional deficiencies also can affect how we come to feel, act and Believe.Regardless if we eat much more nutritious foods, I usually do not believe that we can get adequate on the nutrients we'd like from our eating plans. Don't just are most foods laden with sugar and artificial ingredients, several have chemicals included to lengthen their shelf lifestyle. Animals are fed antibiotics, hormones and also other chemical compounds ahead of They may be slaughtered and fruits and greens are sprayed with pesticides although They can be developing. Every one of these factors can have an effect on the caliber of the foods we consume and include harmful toxins to our biological systems.In light weight of the various troubles and worries While using the American diet regime, I think that supplementing nutrients will help for making our youngsters much healthier, and, as I've seen in my practice, the health supplements can make a major big difference in how they feel and act. That's why I recommend supplements for all my sufferers. I've experienced kids in my apply do almost nothing greater than choose supplements and strengthen drastically.Tactic: Use natural foods whenever probable. Discover what deficiencies your child may need and talk to your son or daughter's healthcare Skilled for nutritional nutritional supplements tips.PROBLEM A few: Allergic reactions AND SENSITIVITIESAllergy symptoms do affect how we predict, really feel and act. Conventional allergists have instructed me and several of my individuals this is not so. They were taught that allergic reactions never impact habits or learning. The healthcare literature states usually. The report claims the "coincidence of your pollen season, Using the timing of examinations, discriminates unfairly towards kids suffering from allergy symptoms. It further more asserts that Unless of course the children's allergy symptoms might be proficiently taken care of, they should not be envisioned to take care of the identical fee of Finding out as their typical friends Which It could be truthful and/or wise to postpone examinations right up until the pollen season has handed."Needless to say, the suggestions from this report are certainly not getting carried out in educational institutions. Instead, these children are being put on amphetamine like drugs for example Ritalin and Adderall for what could be an undiagnosed and untreated allergy. I see this continuously in my apply. I find that young children who are on these medicine or whose parents are already pressured to put their little one on a single of these medicines even have allergies that brought about the learning and habits indications.The primary food response I find in my patients with actions and Mastering problems is from cow's milk. Quite a few of such children will enhance to some degree when milk is faraway from their diet regime. Milk isn't the only supply of calcium. We can easily attain calcium from many various sources together with salmon, broccoli, calcium fortified fruit juices, soy and rice milk, and supplementation.Strategy: Contemplate discovering and eradicating or managing at all offending foods.PROBLEM 4: CHEMICAL SENSITIVITIESMany chemical fragrances are made out of petroleum chemicals. We spray these substances while in the air, warmth them up within our electrical retailers, and use them to our bodies by means of soaps, creams and perfumes. Can you imagine visiting the fuel station, squeezing the nozzle, filling your cupped hand with gasoline and splashing it throughout One's body or spraying it in your home? That is certainly what you could be accomplishing if you use some of these solutions. No surprise our youngsters do not sense well. Individuals with bronchial asthma can start wheezing when they're exposed to fragrances. I generally recommend that my individuals never dress in or use fragrances. Regardless of whether it will not bother them, it could result in a serious health dilemma for somebody with asthma or other respiratory troubles. These fragrances might also bring about head aches which can undoubtedly Use a detrimental have an impact on on how your son or daughter learns in class.SmokeI will not see a baby at my Centre if a father or mother smokes. The mother or father need to hardly ever smoke in any on the air Place the child employs, even when the kid just isn't during the House at enough time. Meaning by no means smoke in the vehicle if the kid is at any time a passenger in that auto and under no circumstances smoke in your house. This also suggests to under no circumstances allow anybody else to smoke in Individuals Areas or all around your son or daughter. I can't emphasize this ample. Smoke is an extremely major toxin and it results in as several wellbeing pitfalls for the non smoker as for the smoker. This was correct for one particular mom who smoked. When I allergy tested her child for tobacco smoke, his actions improved radically. That mom in no way picked up An additional cigarette just after looking at what A serious negative outcome it had on her Kid's behavior. Smoking cigarettes outside isn't the respond to possibly. New scientific tests have discovered which the harmful substances from using tobacco outdoors remain within the hair, pores and skin and apparel and in the event the smoker enters the home, the results on Those people in the home are Pretty much as extreme as if the person was cigarette smoking in the house.There are numerous chemicals within our environment with new kinds currently being extra all the time. We are only commencing to comprehend the influence these chemical compounds have on our surroundings and on our bodies. I see health problems ensuing from chemical exposure day to day. These are generally not the acute exposures that send out people for the emergency room however the Long term ones that result in a multitude of baffling signs for example habits and Understanding challenges, problems, tiredness, muscle mass and joint agony and various Continual challenges.Technique: Look at clear away all chemical compounds from your home. Go green for your son or daughter.Trouble FIVE: Finding out DissimilaritiesIt is often assumed that each one learners from the age of 5 or 6 have completed the event of abilities wanted to achieve success at school. Nonetheless this skill development is not computerized and would not occur magically by a specific age. Some learners are not organized for learning within a structured classroom condition and this can have an effect on their full educational Professions. Many programs can be found that can help small children acquire Visible and auditory Understanding competencies. "Vision Therapy" is obtainable as a result of developmental optometrists and auditory processing programs increase a chance to hear. Sensory Integration functions to bolster the sensory capabilities. I've produced a house software dependant on these proven developmental things to do which might be accomplished in your own home.Solution: Assist you little one acquire Studying skills essential in school.That can assist you make a decision if your child has Discovering dissimilarities which might be aided by 1 of these courses, critique the subsequent checklist:Learning Complications ChecklistA "Indeed" Solution to any of these concerns may possibly suggest that a toddler has Studying variances and may need aid to retrain their auditory, Visible and sensory motor capabilities.My little one has problems remembering left from right. Y or NMy youngster won't know how the Instructions of North and South on a map relate to the world. Y or NMy baby just isn't incredibly coordinated or superior at sports activities. Y or NMy boy or girl has issue throwing a ball into an intended receptacle, for instance a basketball into the goal or perhaps a paper wad in the garbage can. Y or NMy little one has difficulty jumping rope. Y or NMy child would not seem to hear me Once i get in touch with, but his/her hearing is ok. Y or NMy child seems to wiggle and move all the time which is not able to sit nonetheless. Y or NMy baby touches all the things of desire. Y or NMy child seems to get confused when asked to adhere to straightforward Instructions. Y or NMy boy or girl has difficulty with handwriting. Y or NMy child is forgetful, unorganized and at times bewildered over what is anticipated of him/her. Y or NMy kid has problems remembering more than one verbal request at a time. Y or NMy baby describes points making use of "tactile" words, like, "That does not experience fantastic." and"You hurt my feelings." Y or NMy kid is delicate about how matters sense complains that clothes is just too scratchy,or stiff and hurts. Y or NMy child has trouble understanding cause and impact doesn't feel to be familiar with simple repercussions to unique actions. Y or NOther Useful Learning Guidelines:Tactile learners can maintain a thing though studyingListen to classical songs with earphones even though researchingMake a Check out listing to remind the scholar of all classes/research/textbooks to acquire houseIf handwriting is erratic test for handwriting alterations before and right after taking in certain foods.Keep blood sugar amounts even offer protein snacks and/or foods each and every two hrs.Observe right and leftFind successes outside the class area, tunes, artwork, acting etcetera.Locate a thing your child does well and enable it to be Portion of the very first impression Along with the teacher. Read the full article

[sassypotatoe1]

Now that I'm thinking of malicious compliance.

(Malicious compliance is the behaviour of intentionally inflicting harm by strictly following the orders of a superior knowing that compliance with the orders will not have the intended result. The term usually implies the following of an order in such a way that ignores the order's intent but follows it to the letter.) for reference so I can be sure I'm using the term correctly.

When I was in primary school, in 1st grade I think, I was doing homework, and this bitch yelled at me for writing messy (like bitch I just learned how to write two months ago, I'm left handed, have ADHD and the way I'm holding my pen is the correct way for right handed people not lefties because I can't fucking see what I'm writing that way but I wasn't taught differently and I had no idea how to correct it and instead of patiently helping me write neater you're yelling at me two minutes after I started doing homework because my letters are slightly wobbly, fuck you) so I fucking took a ruler, and drew every single letter and number individually with a ruler so it looked perfect, but it was taking ages. I didn't have friends, preferred being inside and messing around with drawing and writing instruments, hyperfocused and I was fueled by spite and anger. I had a lot of energy and a lot of time, and if you want neat writing, you'll either have to teach me how to write neatly with my left hand, or wait for me until I wrote all 6 sentences and did all 20 sums using a ruler to make sure the strokes are straight. She yelled at me for wasting time so I told her "well do you want me to write neat or write fast?" And she told me to just do it at home and wrote a note to my parents in my book saying I was giving her attitude and refusing to do my homework. Get home, parents read note and ask me why I refuse to do homework. I tell them I was doing it but she yelled at me for not writing neat enough so I tried using a ruler to make it neater and then she yelled at me for not working fast enough and then told me to do it at home. They were understandably miffed, and told my Occupational therapist (who was treating me for some of my motor skills I was developing too slowly because ADHD) to look at my writing and try to work out a way for me to write so I can see what I'm writing. She tried teaching me the right way, but my second grade teacher finally told me how to hold my pen and to turn my book and to write smaller and that solved the problem. My writing is some of the neatest I have seen to date now.

When I was in 6th grade, I fell behind on homework because of a tour I took in the middle of a term, and trying to catch up fast enough to my teachers' taste gave me so much anxiety that I started to detest homework. From then on out, I memorized which teachers checked homework, what homework they check and how often, and what standards they have for homework and only did the homework that got checked, and only put any semblance of effort into the homework that had to demonstrate critical thinking and creativity. The rest I either didn't do, or copied from friends before class. As far as teachers were concerned, I was doing the homework well enough. They knew I wasn't actually trying, but since my homework was done, they couldn't really punish me, and in 12 years of school, only 3 teachers actually cared about why I don't do homework, but I have been lying to so many people about so many things in order to save my ass from punishment for things I genuinely struggled with that every attempt they made to help was met with me going "I don't know why I'm like this, I'll do better" and then never doing better.

In high school, the district athletics meet was a huge deal, and if you didn't do athletics (disgraceful), you had to at least support at the meet, because there was also a prize for the school with the most spirit and discipline. If you didn't do either, you were marked absent, even though it's not an actual school day since all of the schools in the district are spending the whole day at the meet, and treated like shit by teachers because you "didn't have any school pride or spirit and didn't participate in anything so you must be a lazy person that doesn't care about anything but yourself". I generally actually enjoyed supporting at those meets, and I was pumped every year to yell my lungs out so we can win the spirit cup, even though I'm a singer and yelling my lungs out is pretty taboo. In 9th grade, however, my grandpa died from cancer, and he was my idol, so it was really hard on me. I was planning on going to the meet so I spent every day at the practice period where we learned cheers and dances so we'll be in sinc on the bleachers. My grandpa died a week before the meet, and 4 days before I found out that his funeral was on the day of the meet. I went to the practice period because I still wanted to at least have fun and feel like I'm going. I'm halfway up the bleachers when the teacher running the whole thing says "anyone here not going to the meet, sit next to the bleachers for the rest of the period, and I hope you know how pathetic it is that you're not supporting your school". Now, right next to the bleachers, where she wanted us to sit, is in the sun, in the middle of summer, with 30° Celsius heat. Now you bet I'm already pissed at this bitch for calling us pathetic, and being a bitch about kids not going to the meet even though a lot of them want to but likely can't, like me, so I'm like fuck her. Ilsit next to the bleachers, but I'm going waay to the back and sitting in the shade of the trees. I'm doing what she said, just not the way she wanted me to. Sorry for you bitch, I'm only complying as much as is needed to not get me in trouble.

In my first year of university, I had to meet a required reading speed for a literature module that I HAD to take. Now the reading centre that tests reading speed and "trains" students to read faster functions independently from the university, but on campus, and they're paid commission based on how many students that don't meet reading requirements they help on top of their salaries. Therefore, their programs have been rigged to reduce the reading speed of some profiles from what it actually is, so that less students seem to reach the requirements and they therefore have to "help" more students and get more commission. I was one of these unlucky fuckers. Me. The fastest reader and writer on my grade all throughout school. The girl that read 6 full sized novels a week in sixth grade. 100 pages in 2 hours. I calculated my actual reading speed, shit was 70 words per minute more than the program said it was, and definitely met the requirements. I had to do the course though, or I'll fail the literature module, so I did. Sort of. I got in, memorized the article with the eye test (which showed you a sentence at a time according to your last recorded reading speed) by reading the sentence THREE TIMES in the time it's shown. Then I clicked through the speed reading article. Literally, I spent probably a second and a half on the actual article page, before answering the comprehension and memory test, which I always got 90-100% for btw. Still, it said I was reading too slow. I clicked through the page which means that I technically "read" 500-700 words in a second, but the bitch said I read 345 in a minute. The requirement is 450 a minute. And the attendants notice. Oh boy do they notice. So when I get there every appointment, you can FEEL their annoyance at seeing my face. Eventually I click through the article in 0.34 seconds and get 100% on the comprehension and the system says I have 446 words per minute. 4 words short. And the attendant that usually "assists" me says it's fine. You can go. I'll sign you out.

I have tons of stories like this, and I wish I could say I was chill enough through every situation to be considered cool and suave, but I was a seething, sarcastic mess every time, and baby, you know people could tell. I may not have the freedom to actively challenge the system, but you bet your ass I'm following the rules just well enough to piss people off without getting in trouble.

[easyweight101]

Ion Z Review: Don’t Buy Before You Read This!

What is it?

Ion Z is a supplement used to improve focus, concentration and mental energy. This product claims to boost brain function by stimulating blood flow to the brain.

Ion Z is made with a blend of nootropic ingredients, which the makers behind this product claim boosts the natural production of neurotransmitters in the brain. Ion Z additionally aims to reduce anxiety and stress, and improves mood.

In reviewing a range of supplements, we’ve learned that Memotenz really works best to deliver positive effects on the memory, an increased capacity for information and better overall cognition. For all the details on how Memotenz works, click the link provided here.

Do You Know the Best Brain Enhancement Supplements of 2017?

Ion Z Ingredients and Side Effects

There’s no official label to be found for Ion Z. We were able to find a list some previous consumers had posted, but we’re not sure if here are additional ingredients in this blend, or if this is all there is. Here’s a quick look at what you can expect to find in this product:

Glutamine Caffeine Vinpocetine Huperzine A

Glutamine: An amino acid found naturally in the body, glutamine is produced in the muscles and is distributed to the other systems by the blood. Glutamine is critical to a number of functions, and may help reduce symptoms of ADHD.

Vinpocetine: A chemical made to mimic the effects of a plant known as Vinca minor, vinpocetine is used to prevent and treat damage from stroke, enhancing memory and promoting greater blood flow to the brain. It’s also used to prevent age-related memory loss and cognitive decline.

Side effects associated with taking vinpocetine may include headache, dizziness, flushing, nausea and a disrupted sleep cycle.

Huperzine A: A chemical extracted from a plant known as Chinese club moss, this ingredient is thought to reduce symptoms associated with the aging brain, like memory loss and impaired cognitive function. Huperzine A is also thought to have an effect on Alzheimer’s patients. In healthy adults, it may also boost mental energy and improve learning capacity.

Side effects may include a decrease in appetite, vomiting, diarrhea, nausea, increased sweating and a rise in blood pressure, restlessness, twitching muscles and an inability to control urination.

Caffeine: A chemical found in coffee, chocolate, tea and soft drinks, caffeine is used primarily to help users stay awake and energized. It may also help improve focus in people with ADHD, and treat severe headaches.

Side effects associated with caffeine may include nausea, vomiting, restlessness, anxiety, agitation, trouble sleeping, chest pain, increased heart rate, nervousness and irregular heartbeats.

Click here for a look at the risks and the benefits of nootropics supplements.

EDITOR’S TIP: Combine this product with a proven brain enhancement supplement such as Memotenz for better results.

Ion Z Quality of Ingredients

Unfortunately, we don’t have a whole lot of information about Ion Z or the formula used to make this product. There are a lot of sites that mention this product, and the ingredients, but there are none that have posted an official label.

In looking at the list of ingredients we do have, it’s clear that this product relies on caffeine to deliver the energy and mental alertness it promises. While we’re aware many people use caffeine safely on a regular basis, we don’t know if the amount included in this supplement is equal to a cup of coffee or much more. In high doses, caffeine produces a range of side effects. If users don’t know how much they’re getting, it can be hard to account for their daily intake. Huperzine and vinpocetine also come with some nasty potential side effects, and user should consider taking this product carefully.

Learn more about the types of brain pills you should be aware of.

The Price and Quality of Ion Z

Ion Z is hard to find for sale anywhere online. There is an Amazon account set up for this product, but the listing states that this product is currently out of stock.

There are a few sites promoting a free trial bottle of this product, but nowhere does it mention the price. We’re not sure how much this costs, or the likelihood of getting a free bottle if you input your information into one of these sites—most of which advertise Ion Z as a “Limitless Pill” or under the heading “scam or legit.”

Based on this information, or really, lack thereof, it’s probably a better idea to use a product that makes it easy for customers to make a purchase.

Click this link for an examination of the supplements that most effectively keep your brain in shape.

Business of Ion Z

Ion Z appears to be made by a company that is also known as Ion Z, but we’re not sure who is the real force behind this mysterious brand.

As we mentioned above, there’s no official website dedicated to this website, but there are a few that appear to be the kind of traps that aim to catch people in an ongoing billing cycle after they’ve signed up for a free trial of the product.

This product is listed on Amazon, but is currently out of stock, though the reviews are still prominently displayed. The brand name on the listing is Ion Z, but there’s no information about the company that makes this product.

In general, it’s difficult for us to recommend a product made by a company that so clearly wants to avoid any interaction with consumers, or provide information to potential buyers.

It’s possible that this product has been discontinued, but we haven’t seen anything on the web mentioning this.

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Customer Opinions of Ion Z

The reviews for Ion Z showcased a range of user experiences. Some people felt as though this was a placebo without any real benefits, while there were a few reviews suggesting it had some benefits. Here’s a look at what we found:

“I don’t like that this has caffeine, I bought this product because I was hoping for an increase in energy without relying on all the coffee and what not.”

“Ugh, I used this crap for over a month, and I may as well be taking a sugar pill. This does not improve memory or productivity. I won’t buy this again.”

“Admittedly, I ordered this after I watched the movie, Limitless. I felt like it helped me achieve some clarity and I’ve been able to get a bit more done each day.”

 “I couldn’t tell if this did anything for me at all. I think I’ll just stick to my trusty old gingko biloba.”

There are enough people who experienced no effect from taking this product. It seems as though this product was featured on Amazon only a couple months ago, yet it’s all of a sudden very difficult to find. It’s unclear if the product has been discontinued, and if so, we’re not sure if it was due to bad reviews, lack of marketing or something else.

Based on the reviews we looked at, it’s clear there are better products out there for improving brain function, many of which are much easier to find available for purchase.

Take care of your brain, learn which vitamins and supplements will keep you sharp into old age.

Conclusion – Does Ion Z Work?

After looking at reviews and attempting to learn more about the people behind Ion Z, we don’t really have a clear sense of whether or not this is a good product. There were some good reviews, sure, but there was also a large selection of bad reviews.

First of all, we don’t actually know what’s in this product, we think the contents consist of glutamine, caffeine, huperzine A and vinpocetine, but it’s unclear if this is accurate or up-to-date. All these ingredients have the potential to impact focus and brain function, but we don’t know how much of each is included in a single dose. We also don’t know if there’s a significant amount of caffeine in the formula, which could make users jittery, nervous or worse, if they have a sensitivity or simply take too much.

Aside from our lack of information about the formula, we hardly have any information about who makes this product.

We don’t know what their business practices are like or if they offer a good customer service experience.

Based on all this information we laid out, there’s not enough evidence suggesting that this product is a good choice for people looking for a brain boosting supplement. There’s plenty of options out there offering greater transparency, customer service and a documented track record demonstrating product efficacy.

After reviewing many supplements claiming to improve brain health, we’ve found Memotenz is best for improving overall brain function, increasing ability to recall information, and work more efficiently. Made from glutamine, bacopa monnieri, gingko biloba and St. John’s Wort, this product offers the most value to users looking to keep their minds in great shape.

The people who make Memotenz regularly subject the supplement to rigorous testing to guarantee the benefits are as advertised. Read more information about Memotenz and its positive effects by clicking here.

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