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#they’re a motherfucking monster but I love them
slices-of-naranja · 3 months
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I desperately need to organize my thoughts but if I don’t get this out now I will forget it, so take some vague circular incoherent ramblings about Jason motherfucking Grace.
Jason Grace has this weird kind bluntness about him that I desperately need to study. He’s so normal in a fucked up way. Almost regular. Almost an Average Kid. Brutally honest and kind and pragmatic. He wakes up on a bus with no memory, holding hands with a girl, and he’s immediately like “What the fuck. Who are you people. Where am I. Who am I?” Doesn’t even try to play along to figure out what’s happening.
One of the first things he says to Leo is “You’re weird.” Just “You’re weird.”
Jason is judgy as fuck!! Like!! Such a judgmental motherfucker!!! “If Leo is his best friend, then his life is seriously messed up.” Like!!! What the fuck!!! Be nicer to the man you fall madly in love with!!!
He sees Mean Kid (monster) Dylan and immediately goes “fuck that dude.” (“Jason hated him instantly.”) He even mentally makes fun of the guy’s outfit!!! And he roasts the shit out of Dylan’s fucking shiny ass teeth!! He sees two girls being mean to Piper and he literally, despite not knowing where he is or why he’s there, tries to fight them!! And Leo is the only thing holding him back from immediately throwing hands!!
Mr. “I can’t even take Leo out for burgers bc he’ll set the restaurant on fire.” After the 1 (one) time Leo gets too excited and bursts into flame. (Leo not being able to control his powers as a consequence of finally starting to use them after years of repression is something i WILL be talking about another time)
Jason is a judgy, brutally honest bitch. Like, he’s kind and good natured and strong. But years of being raised by wolves, strict deadly Romans, and being praetor have made him a little bit harsh. Rough around the edges. Just a bit off. This is the dude who was like “hm. Yeah I know Nico’s ur boy but… world is ending. So.” He’s been raised to be pragmatic. Make snap judgements. Be harsh. Be deadly. Like, reading his PoV is so different from the fandom characterization.
Jason is wittier, snappier, and wayyy more regular teenage boyish than I thought. He just has that Roman Demigod Edge to him… the part of him that was trained to scream “MONSTERS! MIST! MAGIC! DANGER!!!” even when he had no memory. I need to study this boy so badly. He’s fucking fascinating.
Bc for all his judgement, he grows so quickly attached to people. Like, it doesn’t take long for him to be fiercely loyal to Piper and Leo and Camp Halfblood. I think that’s because they accepted and loved an imperfect him, and while Expectations were still there, expectations he’s been haunted by his whole life, they’re lesser. Bc Piper and Leo don’t know shit fuck about the mythical world. And the rest of the seven are just as strong and capable as Jason, so he has no need to lead. I don’t know. Jason Grace drives me crazy. Marching to his destiny like a good little soldier. No other options for a son of Jupiter. Have to be strongest, have to be praetor, have to lead a legion-
He loves Nico like a best friend. He adores and admires Leo’s wit and talent and smarts, something that is mentioned a lot in his POV. (While also pointing out Leo’s bullshit.) He envies and admires Percy’s strength. He loves Piper’s brashness and heart. He loves them all. I don’t know. He’s quick to judge but he’s even quicker to change his mind. I forgot where I was going with this. Jason Grace has always been a hero at heart and a soldier since age 4 and I think that’s why some people think he’s boring. He’s trained to be serious and stuff. We don’t get to see him goof around very much, except for with Leo, and Leo does most of the goofs. And I would love to know who Jason Grace, judgmental pragmatic kindhearted bitch, would be if he just got to be a regular teenager.
And I think that’s why he loved camp Halfblood. It gave him half a chance at being half normal. What’s one more big three kid? There’s no strict orders or rules to follow or shape him there. But unfortunately, Jason, hero at heart, soldier since age 4, trained to be selfless, trained to give everything up for the greater good, was never going to get a happy ending. Never get a chance at what Percy Jackson found. Being a demigod kills people. And Jason was one from birth, to his very core.
I think part of him would be relieved, at that. Knowing that Percy Jackson, hero with a happy ending, is someone he will never be. Never overcome or surpass. Yeah, it’s the exact reason they’re rivals, too similar to not be compared, yeah it hurts his pride and goes against everything he was raised to be, and yeah he’s had a few silent breakdowns over it, but there’s relief in knowing he’d never win. Being in Percy’s shadow at Camp Halfblood means he can be out of the spotlight. Die a hero’s death while knowing there is no other option. There’s peace in that.
Anyway New Rome represents heteronormativity and Camp Halfblood is Jason figuring out he’s gay. I will not take criticism.
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modawg · 10 months
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i literally had this percabeth (day)dream the other day and i gotta just get it out there
basically the context is percy got like kidnapped sometime during hoo and basically pulls a grover where he’s the bride to some monster/enemy and they’re trying to get there before the wedding bc it’s like binding or smth idk they just HAVE to get there and interrupt the wedding or smth bad’s gonna happen
edit: the idea was that he’d like be forced to be with this monster or enemy thing like maybe it’s a ritual and the monster wants to marry a child of the big 3 for the power it would give them yada yada
the like priest or whatever turns over and is like “ok does anyone object to this marriage” and BOOM obv the seven and annabeth bust down the door and annabeths like screaming “ME I OBJECT!! I OBJECT”
the enemy’s like “who are you to stop this marriage bitch idk you” and she gives some long ass speech abt knowing percy for what feels like her whole life and how he’s helped make her a better person and helped her reconnect with her dad while everyone’s just standing there AGAPE at this long ass love confession
at the end she’s like “that’s why i object, i object and instead i would like to make my own proposal. percy will you marry me” JAWS ON THE MOTHERFUCKING FLOORRRR
there’s like dead silence and maybe the officiant or the enemy’s like “you have no right to do that you have no ring blah blah” so annabeth yanks off her necklace beads falling to the ground and she pulls off her fathers wedding ring drops down to one knee and asks again “seaweed brain, say yes”
percy’s in TEARS
then idk how but he gets down there and obv they get married and live happily ever after the binding spell working on them instead or smth but yk long live percabeth
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eoieopda · 19 days
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svt as attorneys
this was partly inspired by this tiktok. i’m a trial attorney irl and wanted to chime in with my personal headcanons based on the kind of counsel i frequently deal with. for legal reasons, this is a joke.
seungcheol & jihoon — watch out for these two. they’re going to be unassuming & agreeable during pre-trial hearings, and they may even give off the impression that they’re each just a lil fella 🤏🏻 in a big courtroom, but when trial comes around? x-games mode. seriously, who the fuck is that monster, and where has he been until now? even if you win, you’re gonna stumble out of the courthouse with 1% of your life force left.
jeonghan & minghao — the most infuriating thing about them is that they don’t put on much of a case at all?? they just?? gaslight their way through it?? they manage to grab hold of a single, relatively insignificant thread, and they pull and pull and pull until your immaculately structured argument completely unravels. with just a crumb of effort, they have manipulated the jury and ruined your life. rip, diva. it was a good run.
joshua & mingyu — they reek of “big law”. they both come from some giant, (inter)national firm (probably founded by a family member), and you know what? they don’t even really practice your specific area of law. it doesn’t matter. they’re well-dressed, extremely charming, and the jury doesn’t care that they’re talking circular nonsense because their eyes are so sparkly. and because their retainers/fees a) are astronomical and b) aren’t contingent, their only real goal is to make the judge fall in love with them. they succeed. in fact, they’re going golfing together next weekend 😔
junhui — sorry to this man, but he’s either asleep at the counsel table, or he’s secretly playing fruit ninja on his phone underneath said table (people still play this in the year of our lord, 2024??). he doesn’t do a thing during trial itself but will come out with the most aggressive and dramatic closing arguments you’ve ever heard before dipping out without another word. you never see him again, and you’re not even sure if he’s actually real.
soonyoung & seokmin — they’re the type to walk into the attorney conference room outside the courtroom and ask you what the case is about/who their client is. they’ve each absolutely slipped up and called the judge/magistrate “your majesty”. they have no idea what’s going on, and for some reason, you can’t even be mad at them for their incompetence? because they’re just so likable as people? do not hire these men. if you have hired one of these men, fire him immediately, and ask him to get your case file out of his base model kia rio (where he’s kept it & forgotten about it) and give it back to you, expeditiously.
wonwoo & vernon — these big-brained motherfuckers have no pulse. they’re absolutely unflappable. they never raise their voice, never react with more than a nod or a thoughtful “aaah”. they’re silent killers, though; and they’ll blow your shit up without emoting once. their reactions to getting an acquittal or preventing a multi-million dollar award in damages? “wow 😐”
seungkwan & chan — the “true believers”, 100%. they’re junior attorneys with a lot to prove. unlike most attorneys who argue their client’s position, these two fully, personally assume it. even if their client is batshit insane, they’re completely on board; they both can and will die on this hill. (ex: “your honor, the meth lab in my client’s house was created and operated by the unnamed man who lives in his truck in the woods out back. my client had no idea it was in his kitchen. look deeply into his eyes, past the glassiness, and see his innocence!”). they’ll each argue and argue and argue until they walk out hoarse, and when they lose (not due to lack of ability but because their overzealousness scares the jury), they’ll probably cry in their car in the parking lot 😕
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joyswonderland1108 · 1 year
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Please take time to read this
Hello, i’m ranting again but ffs Army are infuriating i simply cannot.. I’m making this post for my queer people but also for my non-queer people but who support the LGBTQ community. Again sometimes i’m really bad with words, i really don’t know how to put shit out there correctly but please bear with me. 
So i’ve been on tiktok and that lovely girlie’s video popped up on my fyp (the same girlie i posted yesterday), basically the caption on the video was “Me watching homophobic “armys” throwing a fit bc queer armys find comfort in Jimin’s queercoded lyrics”, me being me i checked the comments and i come across shit like this 
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The way people are so very against any of BTS members being anything but straight and like to throw the “don’t assume” stupid comment, that “they never came out” “they never said it themselves” yada yada, bitch do you even know what queer coded means? Do you know what a code means to begin with? 
People seem to forget that these men are in an environment that doesn’t allow them to just “come out” they can’t just fucking shout to the world that they’re fucking gay Patricia! 
 It’s the fact that Jimin has been dropping hints here and there to HOPEFULLY people can understand, can get the fucking message, but people are still out there wanting him to just say it as it is, they don’t understand the effort it take to fucking come out in a homophobic country in a God forsaken industry with entitled fans who can’t accept idols being non-hetero. 
It’s like people are trying their best to break Jimin’s effort in trying to “set himself free” as he fucking just said from all this bullshit, from holding back, from “HIDING” bitch he literally said that wtf do you think he’s hiding from? The monster under his bed? The muffin man in his closet? Wake the fuck up! You’re stanning a man but refuse to understand him, refuse to give him a chance to express himself without having to put himself in a tough position.
I remember sharing before this one video from a tiktoker who made a joke about how queer celebrities deal with dating questions when they didn’t necessarily come out or weren’t intending to but still were trying to drop hints :
(Matt Taylor)
It is already hard enough for queer people to be accepted in this society and people keep on making it harder for them. People saying that your own personal interpretation shouldn’t be imposed on what Jimin means, if y’all keep on acting this way when the fuck are we ever going to understand him? Are we always going to put his efforts in vain? That man simply CANNOT COME OUT and you know what? He doesn’t HAVE to either, why tf do people think he will just trust such an entitled fandom to come out to them? 
Bitches be really quick to deny the fact that they’re simply homophobic but Jan, could you please enlighten me on why tf do you get so fucking defensive whenever anyone mentions the possibility of any of these men being queer? Them assholes aren’t even ready to accept that Yoongi, the man who ACTUALLY said it, is queer let alone making effort to understand Jimin. 
I won’t say this enough, i will obviously not repeat it enough but THIS is why Yoongi said that FANS, MOTHERFUCKING FANS will understand not Army cause y’all only hold the fandom’s name nothing more. So fucking entitled and want everything handed to them on a silver plate. Now the narrative is that queer people aren’t “supposed to look a certain way” aka members who look “manly” are surely not queer. Yesterday again i came across a tiktok of a dude doing a prank to his BOYFRIEND, here’s what they look like : 
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Now don’t bullshit me on “this is not what i mean when i say manly” cause i know perfectly that this is the exact image some people picture in their head for how men looking like that can’t be gay. You want Jimin to feel comfortable enough to come live often, to share things with us, to see him perform, bla bla bla but how tf can he be comfortable with your sick asses when he can’t even be given a chance to be understood, to not put him under the projector? 
People assume that you just gotta tell the world about your sexuality and that’s it, easy peasy lemon squeezy, such a happy world and everybody will be accepting yey
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You don’t know the struggle of fighting to let yourself known to others without being put in a risky situation as a common person let alone as a celebrity in a very unforgiving industry, people tend to forget that it can be career threatening, so just for your own comfort you’ll have these men risking everything just so you can have that verbal validation? 
I’m going back to the term “Queer coded” It’s called that way because there are “CODES” used by a person to hint to their sexuality and if your illiterate asses could spare 5 mins to google what that means y’all would’ve been 10 times smarter. 
If you can’t support Jimin, or any member really, the right way, please see yourself out these 7 men really don’t need no more of these people as part of this fandom, it’s already hard with straight up haters and now they have to deal with supposed “fans” who can’t do shit correctly. 
So please for my queer people, let's do our best to support and let our boy know that we understand we get it and we are sending him all of our love and for people who support the community and still understood Jimin and are supporting as well, thank you, thank you so much for being amazing, thank You.
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Solar Monsters Pt. 4 Epilogue (Old)
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(artwork is not mine) Once the Solar Opposites hide, the effects began to wear off as Terry, Jesse and Yumyulack started to transform back to normal.
Terry: breathing in and out as he turns back to normal with the cat device destroyed and fall off of his face Oh my God. It worked, the goddamn device is off my face! I finally got it off! Yes! No more fucking hairball! suddenly spits out a hairball Aw fucking sick.
Jesse: turns back to normal once her wings disappeared Yay! The pain in my back is more! gasp once she notices her dress is half torn and cover it Holy fuck!
Yumyulack: sighs once the steroids disappeared Well, I am sure am gonna miss those muscles. But at least I’m back to normal.
Terry: I’m so proud you two hugs the Replicants as they smiled
Giant Pupa: burps and turns back to normal
Terry: Hooray! We can hug the Pupa now!
Terry and the Replicants hug Pupa as the latter smiled. Suddenly, they noticed a worn out Korvo trying to turn back. Then, they realized they need to put on clothes.
Terry: Oh shit! Kids! We have to put on fully clothes! Quick!
After getting into their fixed clothes, Terry then notices Korvo finally beginning to transform back as Terry and the Replicants runs up to him with Terry carries Korvo’s clothes.
Jesse: touches Korvo’s arm with her hand for comfort Easy there Korvo.
Yumyulack: You’re gonna be just fine.
Ogre Korvo: breathing in and out calmly as he finally turned back to normal
Terry: Oh my God. Korvo. helps Korvo put his clothes on while the Replicants and Pupa look on worriedly It’ll be okay honey.
Korvo: finally back to normal as he breaths in and out It’s over. It’s finally fucking over. We did it fam. starts to feel faint as Terry catches him with the help from the kids The nightmare is finally fucking over.
Jesse: Group hug time guys. I love you guys.
Yumyulack: I love you guys too. But that’s just between us as a family.
Pupa: I love you guys. And I love Baby Shark!
Solar Opposites: D’aww.
Korvo: I love you all. Even though I hate to admit it.
Terry: Aw and I love you honey and you too kids. Come here.
The Solar Opposites gets in a tearful group hug as the sun rises while shedding tears of joy. Korvo and Terry shares a kiss while continuing to hug their children. Suddenly…
Angry Mob: Get the monsters! Yeah!
Principal Cooke: Wait, huh?
The angry mob stops and to their surprise and total shock, what stood the ogre alien, werecat alien, hulk alien, giant baby alien and demoness alien are now the family of five aliens hugging each other.
Kevin: Hey, what happened to the monsters?
Principal Cooke: They’re gone….. WE’RE SAVED! Mob: Yeah! Hooray! Fuck those monsters! Woo-hoo! They’re gone! We’re free! Yay! Fuck yeah!
Jesse: Huh? notices the mob What the fuck guys?
Mob: stops cheering Huh?
Jesse: Guys, those mysterious monsters saved us from Simone, who is now a fucking dead corpse of a woman. But, those monsters are misunderstood. These kinds of beasts have been tormented by a bunch of corrupted motherfuckers who were using it out of revenge. We shouldn’t misjudge monsters for what they are, we should just praise them for they are and try to learn to love them and-
Principal Cooke: Oh my God… what have we done… they’re just poor victims of an evil corrupted force who are trying to live normal lives until someone fucking turned them into ones!
Randall: What kind of people are we?!
The mob starts crying while Korvo and Terry comforts them.
Terry: It’s okay everybody. Those damn heroes are in a much better place now. Whenever they are.
Korvo: Hell yeah. Whoever those fucking monsters are, we’ll always remember them, as heroes.
The mob had a moment of silence while Korvo, Terry and Yumyulack smiled at Jesse.
Terry: That’s our sweet girl.
Korvo: We’re so proud of you and your brothers.
Yumyulack: Awesome speech sis.
Miss Frankie then came in a huff, now furious as she stomps towards the Solar Opposites.
Miss Frankie: WHAT? THE?! FFFFFUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKK?!
Pupa: screams as he hides behind Korvo and Terry while Jesse picks him up
Yumyulack: Uh, you alright Miss Frankie?
Miss Frankie: No! I’m not fucking alright! You fucking aliens ruined everything! I was supposed to teach you guys a fucking lesson!
Principal Cooke: What?!
Mob: What?! Huh?!
Korvo: Uh, what the fuck are you talking about?
Miss Frankie: I was the one who did this to you guys! I was the crook who turned you into monsters, just to teach you guys a thing are too for fucking up our lives the Solar Opposites and Angry Mob gasp in horror I fucking hate you aliens so much! Ugh! To think?! The lies I told! The stuff I took to frame you two! points at Terry and Korvo
Principal: Uh, you’re scaring us man.
Miss Frankie: I even framed you with the stupid BBQ rib pig thing!
Miss Frankie gasp and covers her mouth as she notices the shock and horror from the Solars and the humans. The mob then summon their weapons along with the Solars as they surrounded her.
Miss Frankie: Uh, I was kidding? nervous laughing
The Solars look at each other, clearly disgusted by Frankie turning them into a giant savage beasts and framing them two seasons ago with the whole Peter the Pig thing. So, they got the perfect idea.
Three hours later, Miss Frankie is seen strapped in a rope on a chair while wearing a prisoner outfit with her goons.
Miss Frankie: Uh, what the fuck is happening?
Solar Opposites: showing up with the nets with the fire ants as a punishment PAYBACK FRANKIE!
The family put the nets on Frankie and her goons’ hands as they scream in pain with the crowd jeering at her for what she has done to them, their beloved town and the Solar Opposites.
Principal Cooke: crying while eating a carton of ice cream Why Frankie?
Jesse: There there Principal Cooke comforts Cooke things will be okay.
Miss Frankie: screeches in pain I’LL GET YOU FOR THIS, YOU FUCKING GODAMN ALIEN MONSTERS!
Terry and Korvo gave each other a toast while laughing slyly with a wine glass they drink. Later…
Terry: I am so glad things are back to normal, is on his bed at nighttime with Korvo now we don’t have to be under house arrest anymore now that we got the evidence to the police.
Korvo: clipping his nails while sighing Thank God, that’s fucking over. Things are finally back to normal. The Replicants and Pupa are fast asleep like little baby angels, you and I finally got rid of those awful devices and now we can finally relax. suddenly accidentally clipped the top his toe and roars like his ogre form
Terry: gasp and hugs Korvo It’s okay Korvy. I’m here, your Life-Terry’s got you.
Korvo: finally calming down Sorry Terry, don’t know what got into me.
Terry: It’s okay. Right now, we just need some sleep. kisses Korvo on the forehead affectionately Goodnight honey.
Korvo: Goodnight.
The two adults head to sleep while snuggling towards each other affectionately despite the ruined blanket covers shown from Terry’s werecat form’s teeth and claws and fur too as the credits role.
The End
Note: I hope you all enjoyed this fandom, and I promise you. For those of you who are monster tfs fans and/or Solar Opposites fans, feel free to draw each scene you choose from this 10-chapter event I made this week. Send me some love and no mean comments. And don’t worry, there will be monster transformations from other cartoon franchises soon. See you later! Kudos! 💖
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kogetaikid · 3 months
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(TW: Guns)
Yee-haw motherfuckers, I drew Clover!
(Sorry is the color scheme is a bit off, I drew them with pencils and crayons and used a pen for outlining 🥲)
I was going to draw clovers in their eyes, but decided to scrap that.
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Pretty glad I drew them tho. I’ve been scared to draw Undertale characters again for a while because I always thought they looked weird when I drew them in my art style and I thought that people would start criticizing me. (even tho Clover’s technically from an AU, yet everyone’s saying they’re canon and I’m just going with them cuz I love Clover)
WARNING: UNDERTALE YELLOW SPOILERS
I’ve finally gotten past the Dalv fight, and now I’m in Snowdin, trying to get past the first fucking room cuz of some lost monster couple in which the husband won’t admit they’re lost and I bet they’re marriage is set for failure. Okay hope u enjoyed the art :)
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shankschewtoy · 1 year
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Spooky
a/n - happy Halloween :D this is just some modern hcs of how op characters deal with the spooky stuff lol-
Warnings ⚠️ - I bully kid, g/n reader, modern au
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Yamato
- he promises, absolutely promises he’ll protect you if you guys go to a haunted house
- He’s like a little excited puppy when he sees all the decorations, and it’s so adorable how he points out how cool they are 🥺
- Really skiddish 😭
- Hides behind you when a knife pops out of nowhere
- He’s so tall that when something jumps out, he jumps up, hitting his head on the ceiling
- Those things that pop out often hit him in the face on accident, poor boy’s too tall
- he will need to hold your hand the entire time, or else he might get too scared
- HE WANTS TO CARVE PUMPKINS WITH YOU
- DO IT OR DIE
- he’ll buy those huge ones and get all the supplies, he loves anything that he can do with you :)
- He’ll decorate the house with cobwebs, put a fog machine outside, and he’ll answer the door for trick or treaters
- OR- you guys can go trick or treating :D
- He’s totally up for dressing up if you want to :0
- (I dressed up in a full Yamato getup today lmao)
- if he dresses up as a ghost or smth like that, kids’ll be so scared since he’s so tall lmao
- professional haunted house worker
- But then he feels bad for scaring kids afterwards 🥺
- “Y/n- am I scary-???”
- god I’m gonna cry
- PLEASE TELL HIM HES NOT SCARY
- “Yama- you’re not scary… You’re adorable.”
- *yamato’s heart just got 10x bigger*
- 100% Halloween can be his fav holiday, or his least favorite lmao
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Kid
- that one guy in the neighborhood that has a mechanical dragon or some shit on the front lawn that’s fully operational
- if kids take more than one candy from the bowl, he’ll know, and chase them down lmao
- “THE SIGN SAYS ONLY ONE YOU MOTHERFUCKER-“
- “Kid. Language.” Spray him with a spray bottle please
- yes he’s yelling at a 7 year old child
- loves candy, and will eat whatever you don’t like
- pssst he secretly saves the ones you like from the candy bowl so you can eat them later
- he’s actually a sweet boy :)
- when you two watch horror movies, and something jumps out, he’s like frozen to his seat, duct taped to the couch
- He was so spooked that he couldn’t fucking move
- He doesn’t make a sound, but he’s so scared it’s almost sad
- You have to hold his hand and then he gets all grumpy
- “I’m not scared!”
- “Kid- you’re gonna break my hand-“
- he’s visibly shaking when the movie ends
- Can’t fall asleep without literally holding you close to him and making sure every single window and door is locked 💀
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Law
- he hates horror movies just because of the fact that they’re not accurate
- “Being stabbed in the bicep won’t cause that much bleeding for someone who didn’t-“
- “Law. It’s a movie.”
- if you get scared of horror movies, or haunted houses, he’s your man lmao
- This man cannot be spooked by anything 😭
- Knife in front of him? Meh. Some rando with gore makeup jumps out at him? Eh.
- he actually enjoys decorating with you, and he’ll help you if you ask!!
- He’s not that festive, but he loves to see you get all excited for a holiday, makes his heart beat for you even more 💜
- ok those pumpkin spice latte things are the bane of his existence
- He literally can’t get a coffee without gagging bec of the pumpkin spice thingy
- He thinks they’re more disgusting than drinking liquid medicine 💀
- at this point just make him a coffee yourself please, he might puke someday
- if you dress up for Halloween, all you have to do for him is to just slap on his doctor’s coat and some glasses and that’s it
- boom. Low effort costume
- He hates dressing up but he’ll do it to make you happy, anything for his precious y/n
- He’ll cuddle you if you’re scared about monsters 🥺
- AND AND AND- he’ll check under the bed and stuff, don’t you worry
- Man’s got it under control
- and if you get sick from eating too much candy, he knows exactly what to do 👍
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a/n - happy Halloween guys :D what did you guys dress up as?? I dressed up as my boy yams ✨😭
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comfymoth · 7 months
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Do you have any plans for spreen and missa's family? Because my personal headcanons keep bleeding into my thoughts about the au and I don't remember if you've said anything about it except that the brothers were born werewolves lol. My headcanon is generally that they're on negative terms with their parents, based on jokes spreen has made in the past (mostly rubius saying "look spreen, we found dad" when they saw a bear and spreen going "DAD YOU MOTHERFUCKER" and shooting it and also him jokingly saying "friends, don't fight, it reminds me of my childhood")
honestly, for monster au specifically i’ve been imagining that spreen and missa’s home life was pretty average. maybe a liiiittle dysfunctional, but not horrifically— missa remembers a good childhood! his parents spent plenty of time with him, they got along, really no big issues there. his dad got a new job and went back back to working full time when he was about eight or so, but by then he was a big kid and well established in school, so it didn’t really effect him!
only thing is. well. the plan was no more kids. their dad wouldn’t have accepted that new position otherwise. but spreen is a complete surprise, and so his experience growing up is very different from missa’s— now dad isn’t home all the time, sometimes he’s working on full moons, mom is stressed about it, a couple arguments are overheard… and spreen, being soso small, takes it hard. he takes it worse when missa fucking lets it slip that he was an accident! his parents absolutely still loved him, and they did their best, you know, they did try. but baby spreen couldn’t process ‘they’re trying’, he just wanted his dad There and he Wasn’t and he never really got past that. and now that he’s in his early 20’s, developmentally at the age where people really take stock of their childhoods and put their parents on trial… well he is NOT close to forgiving them any time soon.
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trulytiredhermit · 1 year
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A very annoyed reader who gets the opportunity to tell the Links their frustrating moments.
[ Warning : Cursing ]
Reader : "Well i remember one fucking time where the radio played my favorite fucking song, and then, my goddamn bitch of a friend, respectively ofcourse, just keep trying to talk to me for fucks sake and i couldn't fucking enjoy the damn song."
[ and then one minute later ]
Reader : "And then! And then, one day i was laying on my bed so fucking peacefully, i had laid on a very comfortable spot and then i remembered i forgot something -- i mean really."
*Honestly me.
I curse like a sailor, enough to make one blush.
Like I’ll just stub my toe or smack my arm and the turret of all known curses just unleashes from my mouth whilst I hobble on one foot.*
Wind absolutely LOVES IT.
Listen, look at me, okay Wind swears. You can’t change my mind.
Wind says fuck, guys.
He learned quite a lot of swear words from traveling around with Tetra and the pirates.
However, while traveling with the Chain he can’t get away with swearing anymore.
Not with Time, Twilight, and Sky staring him down every time he even THINKS about swearing.
So when Reader comes around and is just swearing to the high heavens above, he is so happy. It’s just like being back at home with Tetra and the rest of the pirates!
For some other members of the Chain I don’t think they’d really care a whole lot about Reader cursing up a storm.
With how Hyrule’s world is I think the people there threw a whole lotta of stuff to the wind about proper etiquette and whatnot.
It’s like an apocalyptic wasteland, people don’t care if other people swear.
Although Hyrule himself doesn’t swear a whole lot. Sometimes a curse or two will slip but otherwise he doesn’t really use them a lot.
Four, with how calm and cool he is, also is probably one of the ones who doesn’t care a whole lot about Reader swearing. Just as long as they don’t do it around kids or when first meeting newer people.
Working in the forge, I’m certain he’s sworn a bit when he’s burned his hands or what he’s working on isn’t coming out quite right.
Warriors I feel is neither for nor against it? I don’t really know. For one I feel like since he’s literally been in the army and a captain in his world commanding troops he’s heard quite a bit of swearing.
But I feel like he himself doesn’t swear, I don’t think he would like it a lot. Perhaps due to his higher up position maybe and wanting to appear respectable to others.
However, he isn’t about to scold Reader on their swearing habits. But he is probably like Four in the aspect that he’d rather Reader not do it around children or newer people.
Legend swears too. He’s swearing a long with Reader, you can’t tell me otherwise. He’s been through a lot, he can swear damnit!
Legend and Reader are swapping around swear words like they’re playing cards okay.
(Ravio on the other hand, doesn’t swear).
Like him and Reader are out on the battle field (Reader snuck their way out okay, the guys got overwhelmed or something and Reader busted in like a hero) just swearing to kingdom come.
————————————————————————
(Heavy Swearing in this part)
A Chuchu jumps at Reader:
Reader: BITCH YOU THOUGHT!
Reader, swings their club and knocks the chuchu away: Batter UP, Motherfucker!
Reader, now noticing the chuchu jelly staining their new clothes: oh of fucking COURSE!! YOU SON OF A FUCK , JUST COULDN’T DIE PEACEFULLY COULD YOU!! WELL FUCKIN JOKES ON YOU BITCH CAUSE YOU’RE DEAD!
Legend, taking notice of Reader: what the FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?!?
Reader, hitting another monster: SAVING YOUR ASS APPARENTLY!
Legend, also fighting monsters: You should be back at camp! We’re fine on our ow-GODDAMNIT! I AM TRYING TO HAVE AN ARGUMENT HERE!!
Legend, hits away a chuchu: FUCK’S SAKE! I JUST CLEANED THESE BOOTS!
Reader: Those motherfuckers, just be getting their jelly on EVERYTHING! Damn sore losers that’s, what they are.
————————————————————————
Now for Wild. Wild is like Wind and Hyrule. He lost his memories and that means he also lost proper etiquette and manners.
However, before meeting Reader, I don’t he swore a whole lot. Simply put I don’t think he remembered swears a lot whilst traveling to save his Hyrule.
Now when in the Chain and being around Reader, Wild’s learning a whole lot of swears.
And boy oh boy does he use them.
Cause Wild gets it.
He’s taken a harsh hit and tumble or two which rightfully deserve a good swear. That or he’s meet the occasional rude person (cause let’s be real, they’re were quite a few people in BOTW I was cursing at for treating my boy the way they did).
Now we’re getting into the members of the Chain who don’t like Reader swearing.
Aka Time, Twilight, and Sky.
Just for Twilight and Sky, something about their communities being very close knit brings me to the belief that swearing (especially heavy swearing) is kinda frowned upon. Especially if it’s around kids, and given that Skyloft is quite small and Orodon has quite a few kids in it, swearing is just frowned upon in general.
As for Time, he used to live with the Kokiri who were eternally kids. Growing up with them he never learned swear words.
Or the Great Deku tree just heavily drilled it into Times and the Kokiri’s heads that swearing was a big no-no.
So Time just doesn’t like swearing.
So when they hear Reader swear they aren’t going to always scold them about it (sometimes they will if it was a particularly harsh swear) but they have started a punishment system.
Just, y’know how people have those swear jars?
Yeah it’s like that but with affection.
If they catch Reader swearing, Reader has to give them affection to make up for it (a hug, a kiss, spending quality time with them). And it’s ONLY if the CATCH Reader in the act (the other members of the Chain won’t rat Reader out lol).
However
They are the ONLY ones who can scold and make comments about Reader and their swearing habit.
Anyone else comments on it and the Chain aren’t happy.
They know what’s best for their dear darling, not some random pompous merchant who got offended cause Reader tripped and a curse slipped out.
They especially get mad of Reader’s been trying to work on their swearing habit.
Because their precious darling has been working so hard on trying not to swear around them as much. So what if they had a little slip up, they tripped all of a sudden and habits are hard to break.
It’s not their fault.
And it’s certainly not the merchants place to judge their darling on anything that they do.
They should just sit there and be thankful they were even graced with Reader’s divine presence in the first place.
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anxious-art-block · 2 years
Text
LU Headcanon’s Part 1: ‘Cause I’m Bored 
Warning: Most of this first part will be Twi centric, because I love him-
To start; Southern/Country Twi “Y’all!” “Aw, bless your heart.” “Goodness Gracious!” “I’ll see ya then if the creek don’t rise.” [Probably meeting Legend for the first time] “Well, aren't you precious?” “Quit bein’ ugly to one another!” “Wild’s back there throwin’ a hissy fit.” “Well, someone’s a bit big for his britches.” “She was just as pretty as a magnolia in May…”
!!Ambidextrous Twi!!
It was agreed upon in the discord that Twi, can indeed, growl in his Hylian form
That motherfucker YOLKED
Twi has yet to fully tell anyone except Four about Midna and the Twili Realm [He felt that he was able to tell Four about it after hearing about Shadow, and how according to Four, the feelings they felt when Shadow died are very similar to those Twi feels about Midna]
It’s canon that he’s an animal whisperer so I’m gonna assume the group has to constantly tell him to put the cute animal he picks up down cause no Twi we can’t take the squirrel with us
Refers to himself as BI-Lingual [he speaks like 3 languages and surprise! He’s bi]
Ok that’s enough Twi for now onto the rest of em’
Time is like, the walking definition of “The Brains and the Brawn’s”
We know he canonically has children, given that Twi is his descendant, ya wanna know my probably very cliche HC for his kid’s name?
Navi
Anytime he cries he calls his tears “Liquid Pride”
Time will crack his knuckles a lot when anxious or irritated 
PRETTY BOI WARRIORS 
Transman Wars! And his very supportive troops!
Most of the soldiers in the games have probably known each other for a long time, which means some of them may have known Warriors since he was a kid- and therefore before he started transitioning 
But there were no supportive people in the world, and they only ever saw him as a man. They would help him bind and scold him when he would during training [It’s bad to bind while exercising unless you have a binder that’s properly sized, but they probably had to use bandages or wraps to bind in LoZ, so it probably wasn’t a good idea to bind much while he was in the military] and when he came out AFTER joining the military to the rest of the knights, they were just as supportive and kind
And the few who weren’t were promptly removed murdered by Artemis 
The gang is also super supportive! Wild will also scold him if he binds for too long and improperly since he can hurt himself
Castle Town’s Most Eligible Bachelor
“I’ll have you that cross stitching is an excellent form of stress relief!” *Stitiching Legend is a wanker in pink*
Wars is def a great motivational speaker, I mean he’s a captain for a reason
!!A Wild Child!!
They/Them ready to cause mayhem
They have a very scratchy and rough voice, since for a while they couldn’t use it, since it went over 100 years without being used, so there will often be a lot of clearing their throat or coughing in between words or sentences
They and Prince Sidon of the Zora’s Domain totally aren’t secretly courting or anything what are u talking about they’re just gAL PALS-
Srsly tho everyone in the group knows. They can somehow hide it from most, if not all of the Domain, but they can’t hide it from these idiots
MtF Wild!
What’s a map?
“I seduced a man for some boots.”
Broke™
Wears dresses for formal events, with Flora and them matching a lot
Their favourite place to be is the Korok Forest. No monsters can get in, it’s not hauntingly silent, but there’s also not excessive or mindless chatter from others, it’s just peaceful. They’ll ask the Great Deku Tree to tell them stories about before the calamity, and long before that. If they could, they’d stay there forever.
Ok I’m done… for now ;]
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Text
I prayed my mind be good to me
Karl takes a bracing breath. “Don’t freak out, but you’re not…in the world anymore. You’re just to the left of it. In between it and…something else.”
The road seems to narrow. The trees press closer.
“Consider it the world’s worst, never-ending roadtrip. A waystation filled with nothing but waystations. And as soon as you stop to rest, that’s when it gets you, so you can’t stop. You can't rest. You can’t ever stop running.”
And Quackity hears the voice of a dead man. Are you just going to run again?
(On a roadtrip to see his brother for the first time in four years, Quackity gets lost in the space between spaces. Luckily he’s got his boyfriend riding shotgun, and also this cute gas station attendant, who knows much less and much more than he should.)
[Written for @pinchhitsfromthevoid, for a prompt by @coleopterad! I so enjoyed writing this, and though I regret that it wrote itself out of the sweet comedy I had intended and into a loving, fast-paced roadtdrip horror, I hope it meets the prompt in terms of relationship dynamics and ending. I do love me a healthy, deeply in love couple fighting the world and it’s very literal horrors. Enjoy!]
[Alternatively read on ao3.]
:
chapter one.
:
Quackity wants to run again.
Unfortunately they’re low on gas, so he can’t. Quackity would say he’s something of a roadtrip aficionado: his whole adolescence was founded on them, fifteen years old with no plan but entertaining Tubbo in the passenger seat. And as something of a roadtrip aficionado, he has the authority to say that nothing is creepier than an abandoned gas station at 3 AM in the middle of nowhere. Not that he’d ever get himself in that situation. Couldn’t be him.
Obviously this is Sapnap’s fault. If it’s not then Quackity is going to spin it that way. He should be knocked out in the passenger seat, snoozing right through any shady ass o'clock pitstops, but that’s not an option when Sapnap has this misguided habit of driving straight through Quackity’s shifts to let him sleep. Chivalrous motherfucker. Which leaves Quackity no choice but to reverse uno him and drive through his shifts while he’s sprawled out across the backseat, snoring like a busted muffler. The uneven rocking as they pull into the station does nothing to wake him.
It really is in the middle of nowhere. There isn’t a single light on the road, no moon, no stars. Just some podunk regional gas station he’s never heard of tucked away in the relentless wall of trees, on a backroad off the highway.
Quackity intends to get his gas and peel out of there, but the station has a matchbox convenience store attached, and he needs caffeine in his bloodstream more than he needs air. He parks in one of the three spaces and considers dragging Sapnap inside with him. It would be hilariously easy to reach back, open the door and watch him tumble out. Sapnap’s cheek is mashed against the faux leather and his hair is static-clinging to the glass. He’s drooling into the cup holder. Quackity loves him so much he could be sick with it.
He creeps out as quietly as he can, like a sucker, and as soon as the door shuts the oppressive silence of the night closes around him. The goosebumps he’d managed to ward off with Sapnap’s snoring sweep up the back of his neck. He doesn’t like the trees here. Is that a weird thing to think? The elbow joints of their branches are too sharp and too many.
The convenience store is tiny and buzzing with white-noise fluorescents, casting the same greenish-yellow glow that all gas stations have at 3 AM. The cashier isn’t behind the counter, but he can hear shuffling in a back room.
The coffee machine doesn’t work. Figures. He drifts to the humming refrigerators instead, grabbing a six-pack of Monster and turning to the chip aisle. Barbecue for him, Flamin’ Hot Cheetos for Sapnap. He pauses. Tubbo likes salt and vinegar. He grabs one, thinks about it, then grabs another and brings it all to the counter.
The cashier is still moving around in the backroom. Quackity waits a minute, then raps his knuckles on the fake wood. “Hey, man, a little help out here?”
The shuffling stops.
A minute passes in silence. No one emerges. Quackity starts to wish he woke Sapnap up after all.
He knocks on the counter again. “Yo?”
The lights go out.
It can’t take more than one full second, but when they come back on, Quackity’s lungs are too tight to draw full breath.
Yeah, no. Fuck this.
He digs out a twenty from his pocket, drops it onto the counter, and blows right out of there without looking back. Fresh air doesn’t bring the relief it should. The too-many-jointed trees are pressing in tight and close. Maybe he’ll only fill up the tank halfway, just enough to get them out of here. Hell, maybe they don’t need gas at all, and the fumes they’re running on will last until the next, less haunted gas station. He books it to the little lot, eager to get back to Sapnap and his comforting lawn mower snores.
There’s a man by the car, watching Sapnap sleep.
“Hey!” Quackity barks, fear alchemizing to fury in his throat. The man jumps a full foot in the air. He catches sight of Quackity, and a smile lights up his face.
“Hi,” he says, in a voice so warm it takes the legs of Quackity’s anger right out from under him. He bulls his way between the guy and the car anyway, ripping his mouth into a snarl. He wishes fiercely that he weren’t cradling four bags of chips and a box of energy drinks to his chest. That definitely undercuts some of the viciousness he’s going for, but the scar should make up for it.
The guy pedals back, hands thrown up. “Hi, hey, howdy. Didn’t mean to scare you. I was just checking that he was, y’know, breathing.”
Like that’s a completely non-batshit thing to say. “That’s creepy as fuck, man.”
His smile drops. “Word? Sorry. In my defense, no one comes here. When I saw the car and the body in the backseat I for real thought your boy ODed or something.”
“Well, he didn’t.” A snore vibrates through the door to attest to this. Fucker can sleep through anything.
“I can hear that,” the guy says. He shoves his hands in his pockets, flaps his lips. “So you want some gas?”
Quackity eyes him. “You’re the attendant?”
“Ayup. Karl, at your service. Why, do I not look like one?”
Quackity’s not sure what he looks like. Out of place, mostly. He’s young, tall and willowy, with cuffed jeans and an eyesore of a windbreaker. Also he’s like, probably the single most lovely person Quackity’s ever seen, and that’s with his hot as hell boyfriend passed out right behind him. All honey brown curls and delicate bone structure and big brown eyes bordering on gold. What is Quackity supposed to do with that? The uncanniness of meeting someone so ethereally pretty in this situation is almost creepier than meeting an axe murderer, which would at least be on brand.
Instead of answering, he asks, “Where were you when I pulled in?”
“Bathroom.” He forks his thumb, and indeed, on the other side of the lot is a rickety old outhouse. It stands alone against the treeline, nearly consumed.
“Looks haunted as shit.”
Karl giggles—honest to god giggles, which wasn’t a sound Quackity thought people really made. It’s entirely disarming, and to Quackity’s horror, he starts to relax. As peculiar and misplaced as he is, it’s impossible to clock this guy as a threat. Quackity may be small but he’s scrappy, and Sapnap is built like a brick shithouse. By comparison, Karl looks about as threatening as a wet noodle. A painfully beautiful wet noodle in an awful windbreaker, but a wet noodle all the same.
“It really is,” Karl says. “Zero out of ten, would not recommend. But the shop bathroom is worse, if you can believe that.”
“I do, actually.” With the adrenaline slowly leaking from his pores, Quackity suddenly feels dumb for getting so freaked out by the convenience store, and the trees, and the general rancid vibes of this place. It’s just a creepy 3 AM gas station, just like every other creepy 3 AM gas station. “I think you’ve got an animal in there, by the way.”
For just a second, Karl’s easy expression flickers. It bounces back gamely, with a grin and a long-suffering sigh. “Of course there is. I literally cannot tell you how much this place sucks, dude. Come on, let me fill you up so you can get the heck out of here.”
“That’s what she said,” Quackity says, purely on instinct, and immediately wants to die. But Karl only giggles again.
He pulls the car up to the nearest pump, Karl jogging after him. Quackity leans his head out the window to watch as Karl inserts the nozzle and the numbers rack up.
“I hope you didn’t pay for those,” Karl says. “The snacks, I mean.”
Quackity snorts. “Why?”
“Uh, because this place is the worst? I swear I already said that.”
“You did. You’re never gonna get repeat customers like this.”
“Good. You should get as far away as possible. Better yet, take me with you.”
He’s still smiling, but there’s a note of earnestness that pulls at Quackity’s sympathy. “Why don’t you quit?”
Karl shrugs. “Would if I could, but I can’t, so I won’t. Y’know?”
Quackity does know. He glances away. “Well, I did pay for the snacks, like an idiot.”
“Yeah, that was pretty dumb,” Karl says, grinning at Quackity’s scowl. “Gas is on the house, then. Call it pretty privilege.”
And he winks. It is the cheesiest wink Quackity has ever seen in his life.
“Dude,” he guffaws, “my boyfriend is literally right there.”
“Hey, he’s invited too. Handsome fella, even if he snores like a jet engine.”
“Dude.”
Karl folds his arms over the roof and leans his cheek on them. He looks soft and sweet. Quackity wishes Sapnap were awake to see him, he’d be in love already. “Sorry. I flirt when I’m nervous.”
Bizarrely enough, Quackity totally gets that. He’s exactly the same way, or he was, until it was trained out of him. “I make you nervous?”
“You in a pretty kind of way. This whole place in a freaky Twilight Zone kind of way.”
As if on cue, the lights in the convenience store go out. Quackity expects them to turn on immediately like last time. One long beat, then two. The lights flicker back on, and Quackity’s tongue is sour, palms sweaty.
His throat clicks when he peels it open. “Does that happen a lot?”
Karl doesn’t answer. His entire demeanor has changed: muscles tense, throat flexing, face alert. He scans the trees with golden eyes. Were his eyes always golden?
Are the trees closer?
“Hey,” Quackity says, “Where’d the outhouse go?”
Karl turns back to him. “Okay, I’ve really loved playing normal with you, but it turns out we have like, no time. You’re lost, right?”
“What?” Quackity stares at him. “No, I’m not.”
“No, you are. You really really are. Do you remember how you got here?”
Karl is back to freaking him out. Worse: Quackity can’t answer the question. Karl nods like he expected that.
“But you remember where you’re going. That’s the most important thing, that’ll get you out. Some ground rules: don’t go in the woods. Don’t split up. Don’t lose your car, because if you do, you’re boned. Avoid reflections, and windows. Your car windows are probably fine, but—you get what I mean.”
“I really fucking don’t,” Quackity says. The hair has risen on his arms, his neck. Something falls over in the convenience store but he doesn’t see what. Karl pushes on.
“You can take the highway or the backroads, but they both have their dangers. You cannot stop on the highway, and you can’t look away from the road, not for anything. Okay? You can pull over on the backroads if you need to, but make it fast. Don’t stop at any of the motels or bed-and-breakfasts. If you don’t believe me, just read the signs. Your brain will try not to, but if you focus, you’ll see. Avoid large bodies of water. What else, what else—”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“Oh, don’t hit the deer.”
“I wasn’t planning on hitting any deer, you freak—”
The meter dings. All the lights in the station go out.
They come back on after a moment of palpable darkness. The parking lot is gone. The trees are right on top of them.
“What the hell,” Quackity whispers. “What the fuck.”
“Shit,” Karl agrees. “Turn the car on, you’ve gotta go.”
Quackity does, and is almost surprised that the engine turns over. Karl scrambles to pull out the nozzle and shut the gas tank. He pats the roof twice, but Quackity doesn’t drive off. He doesn’t do anything. His heart is pounding in his throat as he stares at Karl, unsure what he’s waiting for. Karl’s urgency softens, just a little.
“I’ll be okay, baby. Go on. All you have to do is drive straight on ‘til morning. Like Peter Pan, right?” He smiles, like they’re sharing a secret. “Tubbo wants to see you, Quackity. He does. Keep that in mind and keep driving, and you’ll be alright. You’ll see me soon, I promise.”
Tubbo.
Quackity’s first impulse, as always, is to run. He follows it.
The car screeches out of the gas station, front wheels bouncing hard on the road just as the lights go out behind him. Sapnap knocks his head on the window and snorts himself awake.
“Ow, the fuck,” he slurs.
Quackity wants to yell at him, or maybe just scream, but his lungs are tight like closed fists in his chest. He reaches back and whacks Sapnap’s leg a couple times instead.
“Ow, the fuck! What’d I do?”
In the rearview, at a distance, the lights of the gas station come back on. The trees stand solitary and watchful. Karl is gone. The big neon sign is last, reversed in the mirror and flickering to life: THE INBETWEEN.
:
Quackity really can’t remember how he got here.
He remembers texting Tubbo to finalize their plans because he was too chickenshit to call. He remembers joking with Sapnap about roadtrip playlists and Cracker Barrel breaks and giant-ball-of-string detours. He remembers Sapnap tossing and catching the keys as he slid into the driver’s seat, and he remembers standing on the passenger side, unable to open the door for reasons he couldn’t fathom, until Sapnap had to climb back out and pull him into his arms. He tucked his beard-scratchy chin to the crown of Quackity’s head and rocked them back and forth for one silent, patient minute until Quackity could shudder out a breath and force himself into the car.
The first leg of the trip was sweet and fun for how utterly average it was. They sang along to painfully classic road music. Sapnap rolled down all the windows to belt the incorrect lyrics to Born to Run, Life is a Highway, and Sweet Home Alabama while Quackity booed beside him. They were still far enough west that the air whistling through the car was more refreshing than cold. They switched playlists and talked about their various roadtrip rituals. Sapnap playing those cheesy highway games as a kid with his dads and his brother, I Spy and Punch Buggy and the License Plate Game. Quackity and Tubbo, fifteen and eleven, workshopping and refining what they would come to call the Sacred Laws of Road-Tripping. Pull over for every tourist trap you see, always buy snacks at gas stations and postcards at rest stops. If shotgun shouts left turn, you turn left, no questions asked. It was a good way to get lost, which was usually the point. Tubbo bouncing in the passenger seat, distractible, excitable, small for his age. The green shirt he liked that Quackity grew out of, flopping over his wrists and always buttoned up wrong.
He and Sapnap stopped for gas, sharing a pack of jerky and a ring pop that they took turns slurping obscenely in each other’s faces. At lunchtime they pulled into a glittery highway rest stop with mediocre food and wolfed down McDonalds and Cinnabon, and shortly after getting back on the highway they got off again to visit a tiny museum dedicated to a mid-century actress neither of them had ever heard of. It came with a library-turned-theater, playing the same twenty minute biography on loop, where they whispered and made out like teenagers.
Quackity drove until dinner, and when they switched back they kept talking, conversation turning vulnerable and secret the way it does in the small, sleepless hours of the night. He never talked to me like this, Quackity said at one point. I think he tried once, but that was after the scar, and I just left the room. Is that fucked up of me?
Sapnap said no, and he took Quackity’s hand over the console, and drove one-handed for the rest of the night.
Slowly, almost too slow to feel, the landscape changed. The warm weather turned frigid, and Quackity’s beloved red horizons folded in on him, cold and northeast mountainous. Trees rose up on either side, dense and dark and evergreen.
The next morning they had breakfast at a diner, brushing their teeth in the bathroom and nodding off over their pancakes until a waitress had to shake them awake. Embarrassed but refreshed, they hit the road again.
Gas, then lunch. Another recently-renovated rest stop, with workers who were not paid enough to care. A brief stalemate when Sapnap wanted to eat outside at one of the picnic tables while Quackity argued that they should not freeze their balls off. He was surprised, as always, when Sapnap relented, suggesting instead that they take a walk along the tiny hiking trail after their meal. Quackity agreed, and Sapnap beamed at him like he’d delivered him the sun in his hands. Compromise. Who knew.
The trail really was tiny. More of a beaten footpath, looping once with zero incline and in view of the highway the whole time. Sapnap preened in the sunlight like a photosynthesizing plant. They held hands while they strolled, and when Sapnap noticed Quackity’s criminally poor circulation, he stuffed their interlocked fingers into one of his coat pockets. It was so cliche and dumb that Quackity had no choice but to kiss him about it.
They looped again and Quackity decided he was cold enough to shimmy back into Sapnap’s chest. Sapnap opened and closed his jacket around him, while Quackity zipped it up. “Like a turducken,” he said.
“You’re the duck, I’m the turkey,” Sapnap said. “We need a third. Who’s the chicken?”
They waddled through another loop. Quackity took in the sparse trees, the meager trail. “Tubbo and I did something like this on one of our roadtrips.”
“I mean, I kinda hope not. That would be weird.”
“What? Not the turducken thing, dumbass, the hiking trail. It was a way shittier rest stop and a way better trail, like in an actual park. You could wander off and get lost and everything. We made a fort out of sticks, it was awesome.”
“Sounds fun.” Sapnap pressed a kiss into his beanie. “Wanna make a fort?”
“Nah. We should get back on the road. Branches here are too small, anyway.”
Quackity climbed into the driver’s seat. By that point Sapnap was talking through jaw-cracking yawns; he’d taken extra shifts at the repair shop to make up for the days off he was taking for this trip and had barely napped at all the first day. Dinner at Cracker Barrel, one of the few in the state, where they bought each other knick-knacks from the giftshop. Cute duck salt shakers for Quackity. An ugly gnome and mushroom snowglobe for Sapnap. He bemoaned that it reminded him of George, while Quackity batted his lashes and pretended that wasn’t exactly what he was going for. As a last minute impulse-buy he grabbed a spoon rest shaped like a bee for Tubbo. He’ll love it, Sapnap assured him, but Quackity couldn’t help but feel stupid. He doesn’t even know if Tubbo likes bees anymore. What’s he going to use it for, his collection of novelty spoons that he has in real life? He’s seventeen, not a grandma.
They were supposed to switch drivers again, but instead Quackity ushered Sapnap into the backseat, promising to wake him for his next shift. He conked out before the opening of Quackity’s true crime podcast finished. Quackity drove until midnight, and then kept driving because he knew Sapnap would drive through the night if Quackity let him.
And then he was pulling into an abandoned gas station at 3 AM. He doesn’t remember which exit. He doesn’t remember taking an exit at all. He doesn’t even remember what state they’re in.
“You were supposed to wake me,” Sapnap grumbles for the third time.
It’s been twenty minutes since the gas station and they haven’t seen anyone else on the road. Quackity still hasn’t found the onramp back to the highway. And that’s—that’s fine, whatever, except he keeps expecting to roll into civilization and they just—don’t. It’s just trees and trees and more fucking trees. No lights but their headlights, bleaching the branches into ghoulish, groping things. It feels like they’re pressing in tighter and closer but that might just be paranoia.
“Where are the askers, Sapnap? Where are they? I don’t see any on this spooky ass road.”
The adrenaline is finally starting to fade, leaving him in that horrible midway point between painfully alert and more painfully exhausted. His spine aches. His knuckles on the wheel ache. His eyes ache and his teeth ache. Sapnap touches his shoulder and he jumps so hard it jerks every wire-taut muscle in his body.
Sapnap huffs. “You keep saying I’m going to drive through your shift, but I only did that once, and I said I was sorry. You’re literally doing that right now.”
The argument is too logical to refute, so Quackity doesn’t. “GPS?”
Sapnap obediently checks his phone. “Still nothing. We’re way out in the boondocks.”
Quackity suppresses the urge to smack the wheel. He’s not sure why he doesn’t want to let Sapnap drive, which just makes the aimless frustration needle deeper. It might be that he doesn’t want to pull over after Karl’s warnings, or that Sapnap wasn’t awake to hear the warnings himself. Except Quackity has already told himself and Sapnap that it was all just some fucked up prank his sleep-deprived brain was too willing to indulge. Karl was real, because Quackity wouldn’t hallucinate a wholeass person, no matter how strange or fine. The flickering lights were real, probably. The encroaching trees were not.
Quackity hasn’t told him about how Karl knew his name. He hasn’t told him about how he knew Tubbo’s.
In a turn of good luck, finally, the trees give way. No lights still, or houses, or moon or stars, but marshland unspools on either side. It’s cold and damp in that northern way that seeps into the clothes and beneath the skin, but it’s not the woods, so he’ll take it.
“Tell me more about how hot this guy was,” Sapnap says, a peace offering.
“Oh my god, total smokeshow. Ten out of ten, easy. But not in a model way? Like, his ass was flat as a pancake and his fashion sense was worse than yours—”
“Hey—”
“But he was still a ten. It made the whole thing so much creepier.” He shakes his head. “He was totally your type.”
“You’re my type,” says Sapnap, with complete sincerity.
“Cute.” A yawn cracks through his smirk. He glances back at Sapnap in the mirror. He’s frowning, brow knit with concern, and Quackity’s shoulders pull taut. “I’m not crazy.”
“Never said you were, darlin’.” Sapnap’s hand on his shoulder again, kneading and warm. “The whole thing sounds like you fell asleep at the wheel, but if you say evil trees were trying to eat you and the hot gas station attendant, I believe you. Weirder shit has happened.”
“Has it?”
He feels Sapnap’s shrug. “Probably. My dad’s in some cult that thinks an egg is going to hatch and take over the world or something, what the fuck do I know. You saw something weird in a gas station in the middle of nowhere, just like everyone who’s ever stopped at a gas station in the middle of nowhere. You’re a tired, stubborn dumbass, but you’re not crazy.”
Tension unspools from Quackity’s body, painfully slow. Sapnap massages down his bicep and up to his neck. Digs firmly into the vertebrae and the hinge of his jaw. A sigh stutters out of him. He eases on the gas, just a little.
“Now is not the time or place, you degenerate,” he mutters.
“Mind out of the gutter, Big Q.” Sapnap chuckles. “I’m not trying to seduce you, I’m trying to remind you that you need to sleep.”
“Risky move while I’m driving.”
“I live life on the edge, sue me.”
Quackity indulges the rough thumb smoothing circles into the top knob of his spine for a moment more, and then he reaches up. Knits their fingers together, brushes a kiss to the side of Sapnap’s thumb. Lets go, deliberate.
Sapnap sighs, pulling his hand back. “We don’t have to switch if you don’t want to. But you need to sleep. This isn’t healthy, Q.”
“Yeah? And how do you suggest I sleep without switching?”
“We could stop there, smartass.”
Sapnap’s arm in his peripheral, pointing, but Quackity sees it. A neon dot cresting the horizon. He slows the car to a crawl.
Karl said not to stop at motels. Karl was full of shit, because he has to be full of shit.
Karl knew Quackity’s name. He knew Tubbo’s name.
“We don’t have to,” Sapnap says, reading his silence. “But if we don’t, we have to switch.”
“And if I say no?”
“I’m not gonna force you, love,” Sapnap says. Immediately guilt pierces through the bubbling dread, because yeah. That’s exactly what Quackity was testing, wasn’t he?
“Buuut,” Sapnap continues. “I will start singing 99 Bottles to keep you awake.”
Quackity groans. “Fuck you, you won’t. I’m calling your bluff, you won’t get past 90.”
“Bet. 99 bottles of pop on the wall—”
“Pop? Are you five?”
“It was Bad’s favorite and he doesn’t swear. 99 bottles of pop, you take one down, pass it around, 98 bottles of pop on the wall.”
“Just say beer, you son of a bitch.”
“98 bottles of pop on the wall, 98 bottles of pop, you take one down, pass it around, 97 bottles of pop on the wall. You fucked with the wrong man, Q, I grew up on this song and I am immune. 97 bottles of pop—”
“Fine, fine! You win, you sociopath.” But he’s laughing, and in the mirror Sapnap’s smile is flushed and pleased.
The big sign reads MOTEL MIZU in some derivative Mesoamerican stylization. The main building is designed to look like a flat-topped, stair-faced pyramid, elevated on stilts. It’s exactly the kind of kitschy, gimmicky hole in the wall you stumble upon in the middle of nowhere.
“Does this feel kind of racist to you?” Sapnap asks, peering out the window.
“Maybe. Exploitative, for damn sure.” Nevertheless he has to admit it looks inviting.
“They could give us directions, tell us where we are,” Sapnap says. “Or at least let me use the bathroom. I’ve had to piss since I woke up.”
The main building’s lights are on. Some of the rooms are lit up too, but others are vacant, waiting for guests.
Vacant.
Quackity blinks. Looks back up at the sign, and the smaller lettering beneath it. He assumed it just advertised the vacancy. Quackity forces his eyes to focus. It’s harder than it should be. Sapnap opens the door.
In glowing cursive letters:
Come on in! Nobody leaves here!
Quackity’s stomach opens up.
“Oh no. No no no, fuck this.” He turns in his seat. “Sapnap! Get in the car!”
Sapnap jerks to a stop, halfway out the door. “What?”
“Get in the fucking car, I am not playing, get in now.”
Sapnap gets in, eyes wide. Quackity throws the car back in drive.
“Fuck this fuck this fuck this.”
He guns it. Sapnap tosses violently in the back seat. “Ow! Jesus christ, Quackity, what the dick!”
“Put your seatbelt on.”
“We were supposed to switch—”
“Put your fucking seatbelt on.”
Sapnap puts his seatbelt on. Quackity doesn’t let up on the gas until the motel is well behind them. The marshland dries up. The trees close in once more.
:
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chriscdcase95 · 1 year
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My thoughts on “Teen Wolf: The Movie”.
So I watched the new Teen Wolf movie. Ultimately. I'm giving it a six out of ten. While there was more I liked about the movie than disliked, I had quite a few  gripes.  
I didn't see it as horrendous as a lot of fans say it is, but there are a few valid critiques I've seen. Maybe I'm just easy to please.
I think some of the issues could have been fixed if there wasn't such a big time skip; like instead of fifteen years, five years. Maybe instead of raising a teenager, Derek would be raising a toddler. Though I don't think we'd get the same kind of story for Eli that way, especially for this generations teen wolf. 
Spoilers below.
1. So I got into Teen Wolf back in high school, and I remember being a die hard Scallison stan back then too. I'm not as big of a Scallison as I was back then, but I am glad to see them be endgame, if it wasn't for one small thing.
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My main question is if Allison aged a bit after her resurrection ? Like is she still considered a teenager or is she considered a young adult now ? I feel like this is a nitpick, but some In-Universe clarification would be nice! Feels like something the writers overlooked.  
Then again, werewolves are slow to age in the show's lore, so I guess you can apply "Vampire Rules" to these kind of romances. Maybe I'm overthinking it. I mean the show used to tease Parrish and Lydia, in season four; back when she was a teenager, and he was in his 20's. As if over half the fandom wasn’t shipping Sterek.
Actually, while I was working on this post, I read that Allison was eighteen when she died, so that's...better I guess.
2. Speaking of Parrish, his and Malia's relationship...I'm okay with it, more so than Scott and Malia. I mean they didn't do much with either pairing. Maybe that's the Malira shipper in me talking.
With Scalia, it felt like they just slapped them together because Scott needed a love interest for the final season. You could make the argument that a lot has happened over fifteen years that we didn't see.
With Malia and Parish, it feels like there's a whole ass story we didn't see, but y'know, show, don't tell. 
3. While I'm on that, the movie leaves a lot open ended, that it felt like it was setting up a follow up. This is were most of my problems come from. I was thinking maybe it would tie into Wolf Pack, but I've been hearing that the show isn't meant to be a direct spinoff (or even the same universe) as Teen Wolf. 
One thing I'd like an explanation of is Eli's mother, which again feels like they're saving for a follow up. Speaking of Eli, he became an instant favorite of mine, and someone I wouldn't mind seeing again.
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Also, the cursing and nudity in this movie, I'm not saying it's out of place, and far from being prudish. I like that they’re being more risqué, but I’m also glad they didn't go too overboard with it. Still,  “Darkness, you motherfucker” absolutely killed me!
Another gripe I had was that Kira didn't return. Like this is a story where kitsune are front and center, and one of the antagonists is a monster her mother helped bring into the world. 
You’re seriously telling me she’s not up for another round ?
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We're introduced to a new Kitsune, Hikari, who I have nothing against, but it really feels like Kira could have (should have) filled her spot. Especially since Hikari didn't have a proper introduction for a new player. "Oh, Liam has a new girlfriend who's a kitsune ? Welcome to the team I guess."
4. The villains...here's where I have more of an issue. So the Nogitsune makes a comeback. Which is fine; I saw that coming as far back as the trailers. 
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But the movie's other Big Bad is Adrian Harris, with no explanation for his survival. I mean sure, a slashed throat/strangulation is an injury you can survive, but the chances are often slim.
I could have easily bought this Big Bad Duumvirate, if there wasn't something that stuck out; Stiles wasn't there. 
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I can accept that Stiles isn't part of the story. I can accept Stydia splitting up (albeit begrudgingly). But Stiles was the Nogitsune’s primary tormenting victim, and the one Harris had the most beef with. You telling me he wasn't on their radar ?!
You're telling me that even if Harris survived or came back, the first thing he wouldn't do was try to access the speed force and pull some Eobard Thawne buffoonery on Stiles ? 
Get out of town!
Anyways, the Nogitsune was a serviceable villain, but I feel like Harris could have been replaced with another past antagonist. Say Tamara Monroe, considering she was the series cliffhanger villain, and as of this movie her arc's unresolved. They probably wouldn't have been able to pull any kind of twist with her, but she at least would fit more. 
Hell, even Theo Raeken would have been more fitting; the guy such has a proud history of subverting whatever redeeming qualities thrown his way, I still have a hard time buying his “redemption” at the end of the series. Actually, it wasn't even a redemption, it was just the one genuine Pet the Dog moment the guy actually had.
Anyways, Harris probably would have been a better fit in a story that had Stiles in it.
5. Not gonna lie, Derek's death was something sorta I saw coming.
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What I mean is, I certainly saw someone in the main cast was gonna die. That's like an unspoken rule in “Next Generation” sequels. But I thought it would be someone else. If not Derek, it would be one of the parents.
Who'd I'd probably have die instead would be Chris Argent. I mean if you're gonna bring back his daughter, you'd think one consequence would be that Chris would die in her place.
Derek's death, I'm more mixed on, but ultimately accept. I would have preferred if Chris was the one with the heroic sacrifice. I still think it would be a more fitting end than Derek’s.
I heard some complaints that Scott and Allison pretty much adopted Eli, but I didn't see it that way. When Scott and Eli interacted, I got more of an uncle/nephew vibe than any father/son thing. 
The way I see it, Eli just has a large support system following his father's death; a support system that just now includes Scott and Alison. And let's be honest, there's no way and hell Derek is gonna let Peter raise him.
I've been told this was intended to be the start of a trilogy, so if we get sequels, hopefully they'll fill us in on what we missed.
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notstilinski · 8 months
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A Cosmology of Monsters Starters !
Taken from the 2019 novel by Shaun Hamill, A Cosmology of Monsters! Some of these have already been edited. You can change them however you see fit!
“There is no such thing as happy endings. There are only good stopping places.”
“If we speed, I can have you home by ten thirty.”
“Just practice being in love and wait it out.”
“Who cares what they want? What do you want?”
“No, let’s do it. How often do I get a chance to live out a true-life nightmare?”
“My mother’s going to hate you.”
“They’re a good person. It’s not their fault they’re this way.”
“I’m not like them. I’m not sick that way.”
“It’s seen me. It has my scent.”
“(Name). It’s okay. Everything’s fine. You were just startled.”
“I love you until the end of time, and whatever comes after that.”
“Is that why you lost your mind and started screaming and hitting people?”
“I can make up whatever I want and you’ll build it?”
“Why don’t you love them anymore?”
“Nothing. I don’t want a single thing from you.”
“Why do you want me to die?”
“Don’t you /ever/ lay a hand on any of us again. Or I will kill you myself. Do you understand?”
“I had to break both their legs with a shovel so they’d stay put.”
“I’m having a rough day. Can you, this once, stop pressing my buttons and get on my team?”
“Don’t ever let me hear you talk about (Name) that way again.”
“Don’t blame them, it was my idea.”
“If I were a boy, I’d want to date you.”
“Look. Look what we did for you.”
“Who knows, maybe you’ll even remember me next time.”
“I missed you so much. I was so worried.”
“You lucky, stupid motherfucker. They like you.”
“So this is the monster’s lair. I have to be honest, I’m a little disappointed.”
“You know, I didn’t realize how lonely I was until I wasn’t anymore.”
“I understand you’re worried about your friend, but trust me, it will be fine.”
“Your feelings were hurt so you went out and did something stupid.”
“I love you. And I would never hurt you.”
“What, and just abandon my whole life?”
“The voices don’t speak to me anymore. I’m doing my best to move on.”
“Did you see anything—/strange/ that night?”
“You don’t have to leave. We can spend time together and /not/ have sex?”
“You’ll be nice, right? You’re a nice person?”
“There’s a man born to be a dad.”
“They’re your friends, (Name). You don’t have to give me their resumes.”
“They gave me up to a stranger?”
“I am. And as your partner, I have a request.”
“It’s good to see you. Although the circumstances suck.”
“Everything is fine here. We are normal and happy, goddammit.”
“Why didn’t you want me to come home with you?”
“I wish I was brave like you.”
“It’s medicine. I know it smells funny, but you have to drink it all, okay?”
“And what about you? Who will make you forget?”
“The marriage. My family. Will they still be happy after tonight?”
“You son of a bitch. You motherfucker.”
“Life makes monsters of everyone, but it’s always possible to come back.”
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ariannafraserwrites · 8 months
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Read the first two chapters of Deconstructed - An Arranged Marriage Mafia Romance!
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You wanna read them? I’d love your input!!
When I went hunting a monster in the Black Forest of Germany, I discovered someone far more challenging than just the lunatic with an unusual diet. There was a girl, chained in his basement. When I tried to rescue her, she nailed me in the back of the head and escaped, leaving me with one hell of a migraine and really pissed off. Letting her get away? That's on me. She's the angriest girl I've ever met. She likes to run. Well, I like to chase. Aren't we a match made in hell? Because when I catch her, I'm keeping her. Deconstructed - An Arranged Marriage Mafia Romance contains dark themes and is for 18+ readers only.
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Prologue
Cora…
It’s been three weeks.
I think.
I scratch a mark on the stone wall by the horrible little toilet in the corner every day. I don’t want him to see the marks, so it seems like the right place. He is fastidious - and there’s an irony - and would rather switch to a vegan diet than get near anything related to bodily functions.
He comes to see me every day. I think it’s every day though I can’t prove it. There are no windows in here, just stone walls, a stone floor, and the mattress in the corner opposite the toilet and sink. The single light bulb above me always stays on, a thing I’ve come to see as a privilege since I spent the first few days in the pitch black until He made me promise to behave.
I hear footsteps down the hall outside my metal door, and I steel myself, He’s coming.
The evil bastard.
The fucking troll. 
Bringing fresh clothes and a little food and water, He smiles as if greeting me is the highlight of his day.
“Hallo kleines, little one,” He says fondly.
“Hello, Herr Schmidt,” I reply through my teeth, gritting them against the waterfall of obscenities that want to pour from me.
He smiles down at me fondly, just out of reach of the length of the chain attached to the floor and the manacle on my ankle. He made that mistake just once, coming within reach and the thick scabs down His left cheek and neck are still healing.
“And how did you sleep, kleines?”
“Quite well, thank you.” I almost gag as I say the words.
“Good, good!” He says warmly, “Because I have a surprise for you later. Why don’t you tidy up?” He chuckles at my expression and leaves, the steel door clicking shut behind him.
My legs are water and I fall to my knees, wrapping my arms around my midsection, pressing my forehead to the rough stone.
I will get out of here.
I will kill Him.
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Chapter One
Dario…
“Soaring Eagle, are you in position?”
There was a click in my earpiece and an exhausted sigh. “Really, Dario?”
I chuckle, checking my ammo clip. “Stealth mission, brother. Refer to me as Big Daddy D.”
“I am not calling you Big Daddy D,” Yuri Morozov snarled.
“You just did,” I said gleefully. “Is your team in position?”
“Yes,” Yuri hissed, “west and south points. Also, I’m going to beat the shit out of you when this mission is finished.”
Shrugging, I said, “If it’s not to the death, it doesn’t count.”
“And you wonder why no one ever wanted to spar with you at the Ares Academy,” he said. “Perimeter alarm disabled.”
“Syncing time and coordinates…” I murmur, checking my digital readout. 
Looking up at the six men with me, I remind them, “Extraction. Do everything you can to keep the target alive. He could be an invaluable source of information. The fucker’s not the only cannibal on the dark web, he can lead us to countless more, along with crucial information on where he’s sourcing these women.”
Cracking my neck, I look at the impenetrable forest around us. It’s midnight, and the trees soar up so high, they’re blotting out any light from the moon. 
“You’re going to want to shoot this motherfucker in the gut when you see what’s inside.” Nodding to our newest team member, who is sweaty but determined, “Casey, you’ve got Carlos and Mikhal with you. Pull every scrap of data you can before we detonate the charges.”
“Why don’t we take this freak, but leave his little cannibal palace for the German Federal Intelligence Service?” Casey asks, “Schmidt needs to be exposed for the sick fuck he is.”
I chuckle mirthlessly. “Because a member of his fucked-up flesh eaters club is in the F.I.S. We just don’t know who. They’re more likely to find out about us if we leave anything behind.”
He nods rapidly. “Gotcha. Sound logic. Agreed.”
Putting my hand on his shoulder, I ask, “Can you do this?”
Casey snorts. “I’ve got your two best guys covering me. I’m wearing a badass tactical suit that makes me look like a ninja. Yeah. I got this. Really,” he insists when I raise my eyebrow, “I look fucking great in this tach suit.”
Yuri swore this guy was the best…
“On my mark,” I raise my hand, watching the digital readout. “Three… two… one…”
Clenching my raised hand into a fist, I fight back the tidal wave of adrenaline.
“Go!”
***
Left to my own devices, I would have blown the front of this motherfucker’s mansion clean off the foundations and swept through, shooting anyone who wasn’t his captive. My older brother Giovanni, the Don of the Toscano Mafia and the most boring asshole alive, insisted on the stealth approach.
“Schmidt’s notorious for booby-trapping the hell out of the forest for a 1,600-meter circumference of the house,” he’d warned me. “And once you get in, there’s a dozen failsafe options guaranteed to kill everyone he’s holding hostage. Take the time to plan this out.”
Smug bastard. 
However, he was right. We took much longer than I wanted to, mapping the area to make a safe approach - this asshole had landmines and deadfalls seeded everywhere around his estate - but we’re finally here. Three trucks drop us off at the far perimeter wall and head for the pickup point by the main gate. 
Between the Morozov Bratva and the Toscano Famiglia, we have twenty men here. Schmidt is not getting past us.
Racing quietly through the brush, I circle my hand over my head, spreading my men out around the house. This hellhole is in the middle of one of the most magnificent forests in the world, but there’s not a scrap of vegetation around it for several meters; just sterile concrete with pressure pads to alert him of anyone approaching. It is a black steel and glass monstrosity, three stories with a tower that soars nearly above the trees. Casey’s disabled the exterior surveillance cameras and we have exactly five minutes to get from the cover of the brush into the house before we’re spotted.
The dark glass surrounding the house actually gives it a closed-in, paranoid appearance, as if Schmidt is constantly watching for intruders in every direction. 
I had seen him once at an auction to purchase young women. He has pale blue eyes, so pale they look like weak, skimmed milk. 
Maybe I’ll start his questioning by plucking one of them right out of his skull, I think, grinning in a way that makes one of my own men flinch as he looks at me.
My team is going down to the lower level of the building, as Yuri’s men move upward, scaling the walls to enter through the roof. There’s a helicopter perched there, and I watch Yuri’s lieutenant wire an explosive charge to the engine.
There’s a faint click in my ear as Yuri murmurs, “There are three guards patrolling the roof and upper floor.”
“The intel shows he usually keeps ten here,” I said. “I’m sending my second team in to the garage to disable his cars. We took down two guards on the perimeter, with your three, there’s at least five unaccounted for. I’m heading into the basement now.”
“Good luck,” Yuri said grimly. I picked the lower level because we know any captives Schmidt keeps will likely be there.
“Remember,” I murmur into my team’s earpieces, “kill the guards quietly. If there are captives, we don’t want them screaming and alerting anyone. Our team’s job is to get them out safely. That is your first priority.” 
Looking over my shoulder, I see their grim determination. We may be from the Famiglia, but there are far more evil fucks in this world than us. Most of these men have wives and children of their own, it’s too easy seeing the faces of the people we love when encountering the victims of monsters like Schmidt.
The massive steel door leading to the lower level is blast-proof, fireproof, and opened by a biometric scanner. Casey steps up and pulls up a handheld device. He’s created an AI version of Schmidt, with a perfect voice, fingerprint, and cornea match. He flashes me a grin when the indicator switches from red to green.
I pat him on the cheek and nod to his backup. “Keep him safe.”
They head up the stairs while I stare down the long hallway. The bright overhead fixtures send light reflecting off white enamel walls, floor, and ceiling and it’s almost blinding. There’s a lingering scent of hospital-level antiseptic and a feel of almost grotesque sterility. Ten doors stretch down the hall, five on each side.
“How many girls do you think Schmidt’s got here?” Lorenzo, my second, looks at me, his mouth tight with disgust.
I put my hand on his shoulder and shove him out of sight as two of Schmidt’s guards come clattering down the stairs. 
“You think he would share,” one grumbles, “it’s not like he’s fucking them.”
Whatever his partner’s answer might have been is cut off as I end them both with a quick bullet. Looking up, I see the amber light blinking on the security camera. Good. Casey’s inserted a video loop, it will take fifteen minutes or so for anyone monitoring the security feed to spot the anomaly.
His next step is remotely disabling the biometric locks on each door. I take one side of the hall, and Lorenzo takes the other while our other men guard the stairs and entryway.
The first two rooms are empty, both grey stone rooms fashioned to look like a dungeon, right down to the chains bolted into the floors. The next door opens and Lorenzo’s breath leaves him in a sigh. “We’ve got one, but she must be gone. These injuries… there’s no way. I’ll check her vitals to be sure.”
Rooms four, five, and six are empty. Room seven is not.
“Ah, cazzo, fuck!” I hiss. “Edoardo, get in here! I think this one’s still alive.” He’s our medic, the horror on his face makes my heart clench as he pushes past me, kneeling by the mattress, picking up her limp hand to search for a pulse.
Rooms eight and nine hold the lifeless remains of this monster’s games, the stench of death not quite covered by the aggressive antiseptic smell from the hall. I’m at the last door in the nauseatingly white hallway and about to open the door when gunfire sprays down the stairs.
We all take cover, and I dive through door number ten. 
“Sorry brother, you’ve got eight guards charging down to the basement,” Yuri’s voice crackles in my ear.
“Yeah, thanks for letting me know,” I snarl, shooting one of the new men wielding an AR-15, and then the one behind him. “Where did these fuckers come from?”
“Through the front gate,” he said grimly. “We must have missed one of the pressure sensors during the approach.”
“Get Schmidt and go,” I said. “Pull the charge off his helicopter and fly him out. You’ve got your pilot with you, yes?”
Yuri snorted, “Don’t waste your time getting noble on me now. We came in together, we leave together. Can you take out those eight?”
“Oh, yeah,” I assure him. 
My men are barricaded in the doorways, shooting back at the newcomers as I shout into my headset, “Cover your ears!” 
Whistling, I pull a flashbang grenade from my belt and hurl it down the hallway. The resulting shockwave of noise and light shorts out my earpiece, and I’m a little disappointed I can’t hear the screams of Schmidt’s men as my team mows them down.
As the gunfire dies down, I turn to sweep the room, rifle up and I see her.
Painfully thin, her ankle horribly bruised from her shackle, and enormous green eyes. Too wide, like a spooked horse.
I clicked on my headset again. “We have a survivor!”
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unsleepingtales · 2 months
Text
Mall Madness! Holy fucking shit that was absolute madness. This episode started off pretty comprehensible and then became Not That.
The set looks so good!!
There’s no after bit. Ominous.
Look at their haaaaats
Cloaca mini is iconic
Cassandra mini Cassandra mini Cassandra miniiiii
THACO BELL
All the store names are incredible. Thank you for the battle set tour.
Oh my god this got intense quickly
Horrifying! I am so uncomfortable :)
Hold MONSTER??
What does that mean though Brennan. No spoilers but what does that mean.
Ooh editing!
This is heartbreaking actually
It’s not zeitgeist this is just a Beardsley Bit.
(It’s my favorite Beardsley Bit)
BRENNAN.
The other shoe has not yet dropped?? Bro??
Oh does time act all weird in the synod
Kinetic Jaunt <3
What are you Doing
Oh my GOD Lou
👀 you wanna jump on a table.
‘Does she need scratchies?’ ‘Ooh, you don’t got cats.’ (As a cat owner I felt this in my very soul)
I love arcane trickster mechanics so much
Is he FLOSSING
The amount of just. Pained groans. Coming out of the players this episode.
Why are they attacking them???
So mature I love them
Banged out that first level spell 😏
That’s fucking gross.
That’s horrifying!
You thought he was just doing it for shits and giggles
Allyyyyy
The dome art is great. Love bloodbath and beyond behind Brennan
I love that they’re trying to protect Cassandra
Silvery barbs baby!
(I love silvery barbs I used it a few sessions ago to stop someone ripping off our barbarian’s arm and I hadn’t told the dm that I took it in our last level up so the look on his face was delightful)
“This ancient mall” as if this is not an incredibly new development
Emily what are you about to do
Conor Counterspell <3
WHY
Awww
I need Cassandra to be okay. Please.
Fig loves an intern
This is so bad
ZERO INITIATIVE???
Oh my FUCKING god that post was righttt
Gorgug Thistlespring you genius I love you <3
Ooh the red energy is moving on the dome background love that
Gorgug!!!
Kristen. Kristen.
Also Ally I get where you’re coming from I really do but you’re level ten. There are so many opportunities to raise your dex between levels one and ten. This is a bit. I LOVE AND RESPECT THE BIT.
NAT FUCKING TWENTY THATS BEARDSLEY BLESSED MOTHERFUCKER
Minus three to dex, also in real life
Ooooh okay okay
We honor nat 20s on this show!!!
The character ability is I Read The Handbook
Are they what now
Oop
Forty one damage each?!
Goddamn
Hello??
What????
Brennan fully broke Emily with that. This is like Murph with the yorbies.
YEAH I JUST SAID THAT!!
What the FUCK Brennan
WHAT
What the fuck 😭😭
This is insanity
Girly said I think I need to go to the hospital 😭
Body or mind!!!
I’m losing my shit oh my god
The pride armor?? That Gilear took?
Oh nooooo
You did that sheet babe
Love the little field notes notebook <3
She’s so buff and still has no idea how to attack
Ok so these things are sentient
This is sick as fuck. Siobhan you’re the coolest person ever.
Look at Zac’s dice bag! It says Gorgug Thistlespring on it!
Rip Conor counterspell you were a real one
Oh god oh fuck
Oh nooo
Like she’s about to pounce!!
Zac and Siobhan are cat owners they know
Aaaaaaaaaaa
Oh my god
Horrifying. Horrifying!!
I love Fabian sooooo much
WHAT
Oh noooooooooo
Oh SHIT
We’ve had the box of doom out so many times this session
They’re already down why do you need to attack them????
NOT BEARDSLEY SINGING THE CLOWN MUSIC
Bardic Shrimpspiration 🥲
Oh my god that is so many dice
Clap if you believe in fairies
Yeah the statistics on that weren’t great.
Brennan said skanking in the most pensive voice
“I’m done talking to you” gorgug is excellent
Oof. That right there is what we call an oof.
(Listen the drawback to dating people with good music taste is sometimes you want to still listen to their playlists after you break up. It’s fine.)
I love it when gorgug tries to reason with unreasonable people
How many different Cassandra minis??
Anger is so powerful and it can be so destructive or helpful depending on so many awful factors aaaaaa
Beardsley has gotten good at d&d it’s incredible
I love this show so much
Oh my GOD
Now is the time for a Beardsley roll
FUCK
FUCKKKKK
Girlieeeeeeeeeeeee
Oh my god
The hands and the face that Ally does-
Big money no gilears big money no gilears
Oh my GOD
Babe he has given you so many rolls this is just fucking cursed
The cat brothers meme with Conor and Colin Counterspell
NINTH LEVEL CIRCLE OF DEATH
I am so stressed
What? For what? You did this for what???
WHAT???
Gross???
Are they gonna fucking. Redo this battle. And throw the party.
Hey hi hello what the fuck
Oh my GOD FUCK OFF FUCK ALL THE WAY OFF
I will break you in a way that none who loved you will recognize the ruin I have wrought. Brennan. Brennan stop.
Did Adaine lose her job :(
Has YES! been haunting Cassandra??
Where did Emily get a blanket from
Jesus.
Ohhh it was derisive
What an insane thing. We’re so back. And also what the actual fuck.
The slow zoom on Ally 😭
Fig and the Hangman <3
Murph is so committed to the goblin hisses <3
It wasn’t weird that I did that!!
The thousand yard stare
GSA STRONG
Does the hangman have a radio
I’m sobbing what the fuck is happening
NAT FUCKING TWENTY
Where was that when they were trying to save the god
Through fucking gritted teeth ‘I love my friends. I love my friends.’
What the fuck is going on
‘Religious awe’ wild way to put that Brennan
What the FUCK man
He’s too buttery!
Sooooo much property damage
Kristen is so goddamn traumatized and everyone is having a weird time.
So next week looks fun. I have no idea what thoughts are in my head right now. Gonna need to rewatch that tomorrow and see if I can pull some coherence from it. Most of it seemed to make some kind of sense at the time.
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Solar Opposites: The Ultra Opposites: Ophelia’s Last Attack Pt. 2 (for @avaveevo )
The rest of the Ultra Opposites made it to the castle until suddenly, the guards surrounded them.
Terry/Solar Flare: Oh shit! noticing the color patterns Shoot, they’re in color sync! What do we do now!
???: I know how!
Suddenly, Sherbet, now with a violet colored super hero outfit with a rainbow heart on for the chest part, leaps up from behind and changes colors to distract the guards.
Sherbet/Violet: Here! Let the rainbow remind you of something painful!
The guards got distracted and gets kicked and punched by Sherbet as they fell unconscious.
Terry/Solar Flare: Uh, who is that?
AISHA: We’ll explain later! Right now, you and the new recruits go kick the rest of the guards’ asses. The rest of the Ultra Opposites and I will help Legendary Super Shlorpian, Psylock and Electra deal with Ophelia and help get Korvo’s powers back!
Terry/Solar Flare: Thanks guys! Here, let Solar Flare show you guys the way of stopping motherfucking bad guys!
Solar Flare then transforms back into his Mundane form and throws fireballs at the guards as Jaime, Darcy and Sherbet join in the fight. Meanwhile, back with Ophelia, she laughs evilly as Korvo wipes his tears and decided to fight for Terry’s life as he gets back up.
Korvo/The Legendary Super Shlorpian: You…you…you…YOU KILLED HIM! YOU KILLED THE ONLY SHLORPIAN I EVER LOVED!!!
Ophelia: Too bad.
Korvo/The Legendary Super Shlorpian: Stealing my power was one thing but THIS?! YOU’LL PAY FOR THIS YOU MONSTER!
Battle Song Plays:
youtube
Despite losing his powers, Korvo continues fighting for Terry’s life. He got his sword and reflects it Ophelia’s green ice breath as he kept going.
Yumyulack/Psylock: Korvo! Be careful!
Jesse/Electra: Don’t let her hurt you!
Janiz flies up and sees Korvo in trouble as she gasp. She growls and quickly flies over to help her brother. Meanwhile, Kevin helps everyone get to safety.
Kevin: Hurry people! Get to safety!
Once the citizens made it back to the shelter safety. Kevin sees lighting coming from Ophelia’s lair and decided to go help his new teammates. Kevin ran off until his wife called him.
Kevin’s Wife: Kevin?! We are you going!
Kevin: The Ultra Opposites need my help! I have to go help them!
Kevin’s Wife: What?! Are you crazy?!
Kevin: Trust me honey! It’s time I do a responsible mature thing in my life! I have to go help my friends!
Kevin’s wife smile and kiss Kevin on the cheek.
Kevin’s Wife: Don’t die on me, you sweet idiotic dummy!
Kevin: I won’t honey.
Kevin runs off to Ophelia’s lair as Kevin’s wife and kids get to safety. Back with the rest of the Ultra Opposites, the heroes race up to the lair.
Montez/The Master: Taste psychic, motherfuckers!
Master uses his psychic powers to blast the guards away. Cherie then uses her martial arts skills and karate chop the guards. Shadow Lady uses her weaponry and shocks the guards with a spike sword. Super Cooke uses his laser eyes to shoot the guards. They then made it to the lair as they are overjoyed but two muscular guards appear.
Nova/Lady Roseus: Don’t worry, I got this! Gift!
Lady Roseus uses her gift powers and shows the guards their deepest desires, which allows her to knock them out as they scream.
Cherie/Agent Red: Nice job Lady Roseus! Let’s head in!
Once they enter, they see Korvo fighting Ophelia but despite her being powerful, Korvo kept on fighting.
Korvo: This is really out of control Ophelia?! What is your problem with me?!
Ophelia shoots an orb at him.
Ophelia: Your family is what stands between me and my plans to conquer all the planets!
Ophelia fires her ice breath at Korvo, who ducks.
Ophelia: How about you, Korvo? Wouldn't you give up your life for your sweet Terry’s happiness?
Korvo: Do you really think that this is what my family want? To discover that their husband/father has fucking lost his powers a goddamn psycho supervillain, willing to let innocent people pay the price for his madness
Ophelia: You would do the same thing!
Korvo: Never! Unlike you, I have made my peace with it. I’m not living in the past. I have my whole life ahead of him! You'd know this if you ever took an interest in me. But in reality, your people means nothing to you anymore! You've locked everyone in your wrath. Locked them in your Alliance Rings! Locked them into a life that allows you to hide behind him in order to justify your madness!
Ophelia: snarls I sure it was the right thing!
Ophelia grabs Korvo by the throat, but then Janiz shows up.
Korvo: Janiz?
Jesse/Electra: No way! You can turn into a Super Shlorpian too?! Awesome!
Yumyulack: Plus you look great in pink!
Super Shlorpian Janiz: Let Korvo go, Ophelia.
Ophelia: You DARE to order ME?!
Super Shlorpian Janiz: I said LET! HIM! GO!
Janiz uses her ice breath to fire at Ophelia. The two female super Shlorpians continue to fight. Korvo, looking at his sister, thinks about his memories with Terry, his eyes starts glowing, which causes some the energy from Ophelia to exit from her headband.
Ophelia: What?! No it can’t be!
Yumyulack/Psylock and Jesse/Electra knock out the guards and jump up to help Korvo. The rest of the human Ultra Opposites made it and are shock by what is happening.
Ophelia: He’s still connected to his powers. But, that’s impossible.
Montez/The Master: What’s going on?!
Principal Cooke/Super Cooke: I don’t know! Maybe it’s a Shlorpian thing!
Korvo regains his super suit as his body starts glowing.
Miss Frankie/Shadow Lady: This is so not a Shlorpian thing!
Korvo/Legendary Super Shlorpian: Give him back. Give...him...BACK!!!
Legendary Super Shlorpian leaps up as he flies up and directs his fist towards Ophelia!
Ophelia: Where did he gets punch by Korvo Go!
Korvo punches Ophelia and then leaps up. The rest of the human Ultra Opposites are amazed by Korvo fighting Ophelia, even with his most of his powers not regain most of his powers. Korvo kept on fighting Ophelia, until she knocked him to the ground.
Ophelia: Any last words, Super Shlorpian?
Korvo: sees the crystal on Ophelia’s forehead and sees his chance Eat this! Bitch!
Korvo smashes the crystal and Ophelia screams as it helps Korvo absorbs his powers back into him.
Yumyulack/Psylock: gasp
Jesse/Electra: Did it work?!
Korvo transforms back into his super hero form and then into his Super Shlorpian form as he roars and flies up in joy.
Korvo/Legendary Super Shlorpian: tears of joy Yes! It worked! God, it feels so good to be me again!
Suddenly…
Terry/Solar Flare: having transformed back with his super suit on runs up to his sweet hubby with Pupa, Firey, Miss Darcia and Violet Korvo! Korvo!
Korvo/Legendary Super Shlorpian: Terry? hugs Terry You’re alive! Oh thank goodness!
Psylock, Electra and Pupa walks up to their dads and hugs them with Lady Super Shlorpian as Dark Matter, Shadow Lady, Super Cooke, Agent Red, The Master, Lady Roseus, Ultra Man, Firey, Miss Darcina and Violet smiles at them.
Terry/Solar Flare: Jaime and Darcy caught me just in time! Did you get your powers back?!
Korvo/Legendary Super Shlorpian: Jaime? Darcy?
The rest of the Ultra Opposites look and sees now Jaime, Darcy and Sherbet the new Ultra Opposites.
Jaime/Firey: Hey!
Korvo/Legendary Super Shlorpian: Damn. You guys too?! Wait, what are your names?!
Darcy/Miss Darcina: Well, since I have the power of muscle growth, I’m thinking, MISS DARCINA!
Jaime: And since I have powers of fire, I think Firey.
The others look at Firey in awkward silence while exchanging weird awkward looks at him.
Miss Frankie/Shadow Lady: Really? I honestly feel bad. You deserve a better name than that.
Jaime/Firey: Eh? Well, to be honest, I couldn’t come up with any other name so, I decided Firey would be the best choice.
Daryl/Dark Matter: Damn.
Jesse/Electra: Wait, points to Sherbet who this girl?
Cherie/Agent Red: Sherbet?
Sherbet/Violet: Call me Violet! Because, I can change colors at full will!
Ultra Opposites: Ooh!
Korvo/Legendary Super Shlorpian: Why is your superhero name Violet anyway?
Sherbet/Violet: Because Lady Roseus was already taken.
Nova/Lady Roseau giggles amusingly.
Yumyulack/Psylock: notices Ophelia gone Oh no! Ophelia escaped!
Ultra Opposites: Gasp
Janiz/Lady Super Shlorpian: Oh shit! She is gonna try to take Korvo’s powers again!
Sherbet/Violet: Oh no! What the fuck do we do now?!
Terry/Solar Flare: We go stop her! Now!
Korvo/Legendary Super Shlorpian: Solar Flare’s right! We don’t have fucking times for this now!
AISHA: Fuck yeah! Let’s do this!
Korvo/Legendary Super Shlorpian: Ultra Opposites, let’s go kick that motherfucking Empress’ ass!
The Ultra Opposites cheered as they fly up to go stop Ophelia! Ophelia made it up the rooftop.
Ophelia: This isn’t over! Time to-
Suddenly, her headband gets knocked out of her head as it falls to the ground and shatters into pieces.
Ophelia: No!
Terry/Solar Flare: It’s over Ophelia! Turn everyone you turn into foot soldiers back to the way they really are!
Ophelia turns and gasp in horror upon seeing more of the Ultra Opposites and Solar Flare alive!
Ophelia: What?! No no! You’re alive?! But how?! And there are more of you?!
Daryl/Dark Matter: Fuck yeah bitch!
Terry/Solar Flare: Hell yeah! Now we’re gonna end this once and for all!
Opehlia: To think I actually killed you!
Terry/Solar Flare: Just nearly though!
Solar Flare, transforms back into his Mundane form as he roars, throws his fire balls at Ophelia, which burns her right hand. Legendary Super Shlorpian and Lady Super Shlorpian combines their powers to use their ice breath on Ophelia. Ophelia slips and Psylock, Dark Matter and The Master use their psychic powers to brain wave attack Ophelia as she screams. Electra growls and uses her electric wrecking ball to fling Ophelia towards Shadow Lady and Agent Red who uses their martial skills to high kick Ophelia towards Super Cooke who uses his laser eyes to shock Ophelia.
Ophelia: God damn it!
Korvo/Legendary Super Shlorpian: Now Firey!
Firey uses his flame blast to stop Ophelia who tries to use her sphere, but then gets punched by Miss Darcina. Violet switches into light green and high kicks Ophelia. Randall uses his super strength to throw a brick wall at Ophelia who dodges it, but then gets hit by a fire breath by Kevin, now with his own super suit.
Kevin/Super Kevin: Looks like you ran into Super Kevin!
Terry/Solar Flare: Kevin! No way!
Principal Cooke/Super Cooke: Nice suit pal! But, a little help?!
Super Kevin uses his fire breath as Ophelia screams.
Yumyulack/Psylock: Thanks Super Kev.
Kevin/Super Kevin: No problem neighbors.
Ophelia then falls towards Lady Roseus, who gives the villainess a death stare.
Ophelia: Oh, it’s you! What are you going to do?!
Terry/Solar Flare: Nova! Now!
Nova/Lady Roseus: Got it! Gift!
Jesse/Electra: What does it do?
Korvo/The Legendary Super Shlorpian: It shows the person’s greatest desire.
Lady Roseus uses her gift and shows Ophelia’s desire which has distracted while Psylock uses his mind reading powers to read her mind and figures out how to stop her.
Nova/Lady Roseus: Now!
Psylock finished using mind reading powers and the Ultra Opposites group huddle.
Yumyulack/Psylock: Guys! I found out her weakness! We need combine all of our powers to stop her once and for all.
Terry/Solar Flare: You sure about that?! What if it doesn’t work?!
Korvo/Legendary Super Shlorpian: Psylock’s right! It’s our only chance! Let’s do this!
The heroes form a circle around Ophelia as they start charging up their powers and their bodies starts glowing.
Ophelia: You think you pathetic Ultra Opposites can stop me?!
Terry/Solar Flare: Not when there’s one of us! But, we all can!
The Ultra Opposites combine their powers that created a huge beam that shoots at Ophelia as the heroes’ eyes light up.
Ophelia: No. No. No. NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
The evil empress screams as the beam shatters her to pieces. The whole background goes white which fades towards three months later at the Solar Opposites’ house. Terry, in his human form, was laying on the ground until Korvo, in his human form, kisses him on the lips. The two husbands smile at each other while their children, newfound family friends and family were hanging out. Then, the news came on.
Human Yumyulack: Hey guys! It’s starting!
News Reporter: on tv Good morning GeenasDavisVille! We are today with Dr. Janiz, talking about a new highway rail.
Human Janiz: Thank you sir. Ever since the Ultra Opposites have defeated the dark empress Ophelia. We now have a stable environment where no even can get by. But there are some new threats out there. But wherever they are, the Ultra Opposites will never leave us! They’ll always be there for us when danger comes!
Later, Korvo and Terry were enjoying the sunset at the park while sitting on the bench.
Human Terry: Well Korvo, now that Ophelia is gone, we’ll have worry of you losing your powers.
Human Korvo: At first I never wanted them. Because, I was scared about hurting people. That I was a monster. But I was wrong. Those powers really are amazing. I got full control and I’m not afraid of that anymore. And it was thanks to the Shlorpian I fell in love with.
Human Korvo and Human Terry: I love you.
The two husbands blush and shared a kiss while Yumyulack, Jesse and the Pupa smile. Two weeks later, the four Ultra Opposites are on the rooftop of a tall building as they look done at the city.
Terry/Solar Flare: Nothing like a beautiful day to kick ass.
The rest of the Ultra Opposites meet up as they smile at their friends and after Terry transforms into his Mundane form and Korvo and Janiz transforms into their super Shlorpian forms, the newly formed super heroes spring into action with an awesome sci-fi background.
The End
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