To be an Undertaker from Wooden Overcoats. Theme song and song from episode 10 from Dark Ages. Cabaret Night at the Cosmic Lounge from Stellar Firma. Musical episode of The Bright Sessions. Theme song and all the other songs from Roguemaker. The song at the end of the episode ten of Trice Forgotten. Theme song and songs sang by whole crew from The Strange Case of Starship Iris.
Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
Not to be an unbearable plot tease, but I'm editing/rewriting a chapter from Hunger Pangs book 2, and while I adore all of my characters equally, Vlad and Ursula getting to know each other properly might actually be some of my favorite moments.
His realization that he can pester Ursula to tell him more about random historical events as they actually happened, not how they are portrayed in history books, is so, so sweet. He's like an excited labrador who just found a dinosaur bone.
Ursula's very much not used to this kind of attention.
She's used to people only being interested in her power. And here's a werewolf who couldn't give less of a fuck about exploiting her magic for his own gain, and a vampire who wants to ask her what textile production was like circa the fall of the Ecrecian Empire.
One thing I cannot talk about enough wrt Oda's storytelling is how he loves to introduce a quirk or a character as a joke or as some small little device and then says "haha! Turns out that there is a whole backstory here!!!!"
Like Genzo and his little pinwheel. At first it's introduced as haha look at this new character with a little goofy quirk in his design like Oda loves to make!!!! And look, Luffy used inspiration from the pinwheel for one of his attacks against Arlong!!! Isn't that a fun way to integrate this quirky little character design into the story!!!!
And then Oda drags you into a backstory and hits you with this:
And it happens again with that funny little frog who tries to sumo wrestle the train (because it took two of the most important people in his life away from him and he wants to be strong enough that it never happens again) and it happens again with a sidekick antagonist who can't stop getting engaged and lending people money (because she can't allow herself to be useless and abandoned ever again) and I'm sure there are other examples I can't think of bc I'm tired but!!!!!! It itches that little storytelling part of my brain every time and I think it's so masterful and I think it's so cool and someday I want to write something like that and yeah. Good night.
some observations from going down a rabbit hole of japanese language xigbar yesterday
(apologies for the youtube watermarks. i got this clip from this video.)
[Video ID: a fifteen-second clip from a cutscene from kingdom hearts 3D: dream drop distance, with japanese audio and english-language visuals. it's the scene where xigbar tells sora that he's not going to wake up. end ID.]
keep in mind that this clip is just the japanese audio being played over the visuals from the english language release. the subtitles aren't a direct or literal translation of the words being spoken; they correspond to the localized dialogue that the english voice actors wouldve been given
hōchū ōtsuka (xigbar's japanese va) and james patrick stewart (his english va) give, to my ears, pretty similar vocal performances. this is the case for pretty much all of the characters ive seen so far in my xigbar-centric explorations (roxas's vas sound nearly IDENTICAL). the notable exception being xemnas, whose japanese va straight up sounds like he's trying to talk without moving his mouth
in the english dub cutscenes, the character animations often feel...floaty? disconnected? like, because they're not synced up to what the characters are saying and how, their gestures frequently seem random and unmotivated. in retrospect it's obvious that this issue wouldnt be present in the original language because that's the dialogue they would've been animated around in the first place!
now that im actually watching the character animation with the dialogue it was actually done for, i appreciate it a lot more. its so expressive. smiles.
at the end of xigbar's speech here you may notice him saying the phrase "tte hanashi." this is his japanese catchphrase! it means something along the lines of "so they say", "or so I've heard", et cetera. i love "as if" im a big fan of "as if" but i also love the idea of xigbar consistently undermining the information he gives and emphasizing how often he eavesdrops and spies on people.
he says "tte hanashi" very very often. multiple times in most of his scenes that ive seen so far. way more often than the english dub says "as if"
he doesn't say it normal like im pretty sure that's not how you say it in normal speech. like sometimes he does say it normal, but he always draws it out at least a little and often really draws it out, emphasizing it with some kind of gesture, like he does in the clip
seriously if there's a moment in the games where xigbar says something while doing a cunty little gesture he is probably saying "tte hanashi" in the japanese version
the wine red hair, the smile, the little dimple at the corner of his lips, his teeth. he is so attractive down to his very last detail oh my god i am in awe.
I'm still trying to make the Izzy-hug photo manip (unsuccessfully), but I thought I could share the source material because I love it:
That moment from Cucumber (Izzy Con smiling and getting a hug, back-rub included) was the one thing that comforted me through the post-s1 hiatus when I was so worried about Izzy's future (and for a good reason, unfortunately).
this is sort of pathetic, but when you were younger, you were sort of puzzled by the cartoon representations of fathers: how a kid would be outside with a mitt, waiting to play catch.
it's not that your father never played catch with you, but you also didn't like when he did. something about a hard ball coming quickly towards your face doesn't seem exciting. not that you'd ever say you don't trust him. you trust him, right?
it's not like he never tried to teach you anything. or never tried to parent. on rare days, a strange person would walk in your father's skin. bright, happy, magnificent. this version of your father was so cheerful and charismatic that you would do anything to keep him. and this is the version of your father that would laugh and gently coax you try again. this is the version of your father that would break down the small elements of a problem and point them out so you have an easier time with them.
as a kid, those days happened more often. but somewhere around 11, you started being too much of a person, and he was often cross about it. when he'd try to sit you down to learn something, you spent the whole time with your shoulders around your ears, nervous, uncertain. terrified because you didn't immediately understand how to navigate something. worried you will run out of his goodwill and then you will have the Other Father back, and you will have ruined a good day for your entire family. something about you being visibly afraid - it just made him angry. he would accuse you of not wanting to learn and storm away.
on tv, it's not like there's a lot of versions of men-who-are-mostly-fathers. they can be good dads, but usually their stories are not told in the household. so it's normal that your father is there, but he's never around. you know he was in the house, somewhere, it's just not that you guys ever... "hung out". he just seemed to get kind of bored of you, annoyed you weren't made in his perfect image. frustrated with how much energy it took to raise a kid. over time, you kind of adopt a bittersweet band around your throat - he knows nothing about me. he says at least i never abandoned my family.
and it's technically - technically - true. he was there for you. sometimes he even made an effort and made it to the big moments; the graduations and the dance recitals. he grins and tells everyone that he taught you. it almost erases the days in between, where he complains because you need a ride to school. the weeks that go by where he doesn't actually ever speak to you. the times you say i am struggling and he says figure it out on your own. i can't help you.
and that's fine! that's all fine. you can call him if you are having a problem with your car. or if you need a ride to the hospital. he loves playing hero, he just doesn't like the actual work that comes with being a father. and you've kind of made your peace with that; because you had to, because you don't want to live your life like he does; the whole world at a managed distance, a little rotating and controlled orb he can witness and take credit for but never truly love.
as an adult, you are rewatching some dumb cartoon - and again, the child standing in the rain, with a mitt, waiting for their father to come play catch. as an adult, there's this strange creeping dread - this little thing? this little thing, and their dad can't even show up for that? oh god, holyshit, it's not about the mitt, is it. oh god, holyshit, your father spent most of your life leaving you hanging.