#they look SO COOL all framed up
Hello! just wanted to say, I got my link to the PDF of your Miserable Month and it looks fantastic! I'm so glad I got the preorder, there are definitely illos I missed and they are all so wonderful! Thanks for making them available this way!
Thank you! I have been hoarding this ask for weeks because it brings me such joy to read - this little zine project has consumed so much of my life these past few months, and there’s definitely been moments I’ve wanted to walk away from it completely, BUT! I DIDN’T! And I am so so so proud of how everything has turned out!
Also - as of today all of the preorders are officially on their way! (Technically they have been for a fortnight, but I called in some help with posting to take the edge off of shipping rates between Australia and the US, and that leg of the shipping took a hot minute)
Everyone that ordered a copy should have received an email through Etsy with their tracking number by now, and they should be arriving within the next week or so! I am so excited for people to finally be getting their copies, and I am so so thankful for everyone that supported this project!
Once all the zines arrive at their new homes I’ll be listing my leftover copies on my Etsy store, so if anyone wanted one but missed out on the preorder window keep an eye out for that :)
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"There will come a poet, whose weapon is her word..."
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i had,, the strangest gender-adjacent feelings today
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you wrote tags about someone saying you have piano playing hands and it's barely relevant but I have to add this -- when someone tells me I have piano playing hands and should learn piano, I dislocate my thumbs and tell them I tried but this keeps happening. It's surprisingly difficult to play when your thumbs dislocate every time you try to play an octave.... It has only just occurred to me that this would be vaguely terrifying for the other people involved.
This is so funny. I love the implication that this is something you do regularly. I do feel compelled to say something like "please keep your hands in place tho"
(We need a tag like /s or /j but for when I say something extremely hypocritical. I've got doublejointed thumbs, and i used to bend them backwards to freak out other kids on the playground. I remember I moved to a different elementary school for a while before we decided it wasn't a good fit for me and moved me back, and during that time I had a blast with my little flexibility party tricks because no one there had seen them before. I spent a whole lunch period lingering outside the bathrooms because it was a high traffic area, and any time someone came by I'd be like "hey, look at this". Don't get me wrong, I was fully aware that this was vaguely terrifying. I had about the wickedest grin an otherwise chipper 7-year-old can get, and i lived for the horrified expressions. The best, though, was when someone would shuddet and then immediately call all their friends over to see.
That said, my thumbs don't outright dislocate so I can actually play the piano, and did take lessons around that time as well, but I didn't really enjoy practicing - it felt like extra honework - and my parents didn't push it. I think I could learn now, with more of a sense of how to set milestones for myself, but the problem now is that I have too strong of a sense that I can learn something by muscle memory instead of going about it the hard way. I haven't practiced it for about a year now but there was a nore recent time when I could play Scott Joplin's The Entertainer through because my dad joked that I should learn it, and I found a video tutorial and sat down repeating it slowly 'til I could play it at full speed.
Anyways, my problem joints that did dislocate have been taken care of so now I'm just left with the slightly funky thumbs, plus my elbows and shoulders - I can touch my elbows together behind my back with fairly minimal effort)
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i've never seen an episode of rick & morty in my life but every time i see a screenshot or a gifset or a clipped scene somewhere i have to wonder why ~edgy adult cartoons~ are so intent on having the ugliest fucking art style you have ever seen
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Last night I had a dream where there were these dudes who were like....fairy god mothers or something? Like some kinda guardian angel or like, magical girl mascot mentor creature (in the sense of that's the story role they took, they looked like normal humans lol) and they all had their specific assigned person (in the dream all the humans assigned to these people were girls for some reason which is why i make the magical girl mascot mentor comparison lol) and they had like, subtle magical powers? wasnt super bombastic, their abilities, but they could conjure a thing or two, they're main job was basically protect their person and try to cheer them up, that kinda thing
So like the main character of the dream was the new guy, he was like a brand new fairy godmother and his character was sorta the very low energy and stoic type with a grumpy looking face, so both he and his peers were kinda worried he would struggle actually making his assigned person happy so he vowed to himself that he was gonna really put his all into this and like try to front like a super outgoing person
So he meets his person and she's the daughter of a super rich family in a big mansion with lots of maids and everything and her parents are super busy with business or rich people things or whatever so she's usually pretty alone, shes very quiet and like, the archetype of the Perfect Non-confrontational Smart And Pleasant Daughter so the fairy godmother guy really struggles with her at first cause he just can't figure out what to do for her, every time he asks if there's anything she'd like him to do like make her a cool outfit or give her a present shes just like I don't need anything and smiles and leaves so he starts trying out anything like throwing her a party with all the maids or giving her flashy presents and he tries to be super fun and outgoing but she doesn't seem particularly interested in any of it, just kinda smiles and walks away every time, it isn't until later when
Wait hold up here's an aside but in the dream the fairy god mothers looked like really average humans like just some guy in a t shirt and jeans but they're not human and they don't really need to eat and at night they sleep super weird so like lots of people in this girls town have their own fairy godmother and every night they all go to a lake in the middle of the town and like, take shitty lil rowboats into the middle and like hibernate there the whole night...
Anyway one night when the girls fairy godmother was going off to the lake to sleep when he noticed how late the girl's parents pulled into her mansions driveway and he was like damn they're never home when she's awake huh... The next day is the girls birthday and Mr fairy godmother realizes that her parents probably won't be there to celebrate it for her so he hatches a plan to set up a birthday party for her before she wakes up, so he works on that but he's doing it all by himself this time, no help from the maids or even his fellow fairy godmothers, so he basically ended up with a bunch of the dinkiest homemade decorations and an ugly (but delicious) cake that he decorated himself (it just said "birthday :) " in messy letters lol) and he basically works the whole night on it so when it's finally day and the girl comes down and sees the dorky lil party he set up he's too tired to put on a high energy front so he's just kinda sleepy and stoic and is like "happy birthday zzzzzz" and the girl hugs him and cries a lil bit of happy tears cause it turns out all this girl wanted was a friend who was honest with himself so she could be honest with him too so she wouldn't have to put on the perfect daughter front anymore and now he's being honest even if it's dorky so she finally opens up to him hzgdbsjs it was very cute and sappy
Don't read the bottom half of this dream if you want it to stay cute tho cause my subconscious decided that the next part should be inexplicably dark for some reason qwq
Anyway the fairy godmother and his girl have a lot more fun and they becomes very cute friends and it's very sweet and then one night on the lake when he's tryna sleep he noticed one other fairy godmother who's boat is usually next to him isn't around so he goes looking for his sleep neighbor when he finds him on the edge of the lake covered in blood (not his own, also I don't know if the fairy god mothers have blood) next to a pile of bodies of a whole bunch of fairy godmother's assigned people (I don't know if his girl was in there too or if she was still fine oof) and the (absolutely horrified) main character godmother is like bruh why and the other fairy godmother was like "there's a flaw in our programming" and then I woke up at that point and I was like whadda hell was that last bit and then I got up and ate a waffle
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today is one of those days where i hate everything that comes with freelancing
i got my septum pierced today! i love it, my parents hate it, i feel badass and it only hurt a bit. i’m one step closer to the badass person i see for myself. step next: permanently dye my hair, I think. but I’m going to wait until I know my next year plan. so in the meantime, i’m going to keep getting tattoos, and dressing in ways that make me feel good, and projecting confidence that i only sometimes feel.
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Undertale characters are already so cool and funky and although aus are cool and all it loses it's spark when people only focus on sans (he's a cool character i get it but so is literally all the other main characters). here's a bunch of stuff i wrote down about them characters because idk there's so much that can be explored with the base game instead of jumping to aus
sans: a character who very clearly just wants to vibe and no way shape or form wants to be in the spotlight or the main character. casually threatens the player to show that he's more than meets the eye but also does not want to fight but is capable of doing so. has weird powers and apparently pranking people across time and space is the norm for him (according to papyrus). absolute troll. likes astronomy and science stuff. his right eye glows light blue and yellow for a few frames in very specific moments during the fight (the beginning, when he slams you into the walls during the last attack but eventually it stops glowing even when he's still slamming the soul around, and when he teleports you to the middle when you try to go to the fight button when he's still awake.) has a key to a lab with a machine which could also belong to papyrus ( twitter post suggests two people tried to fix that machine the two people could either be sans and papyrus or sans and alphys) what's the machine for? most popular headcanon is time machine presumably connected to gaster
Papyrus: an enigma, literally nothing about his past is revealed. Has weird powers that he uses so casually. barely fazed by dying and continues to believe the human. he does not kill the human and will always end the battle once the human gets to 1 hp, flat out gives the choice for the human to skip the fight after a few tries. barely sleeps, has nightmares. hates hotland, indifferent to echo flowers, online friends with alphys, knows things that did not happen yet (mettaton having eyes, the phone turning into a jetpack). why does he never take off his gloves this detail is forgotten by so many people. CHECK in the genocide route his description is "Forgettable" that could mean multiple things and none of them are good. his stats change in other routes unlike other people who have stat changes that happen because of specific scenarios: undyne's stats are different during the hangout fight, asgore's stats lower after smelling toriel's pie. Has connections to the River person, Flowey, and the Annoying Dog (pretty peculiar people). Keeps secrets, like he's MUCH better at keeping secrets then Sans. also a troll but isn't as big of a troll as sans. appears to be naive and is much more mysterious than sans and also more subtle at being mysterious. presumably also can use gaster blasters
Asgore: the king of the underground with a tragic life and carries the hopes of his subjects and the guilt from all the people he's hurt. Shows signs of knowing about resets (talking after being killed the player tells him that he's killed them and he nods sadly in response). wait that'd be really sad if he could remember previous timelines because then he'd know that he dies in every outcome except for true pacifist. most definitely did not want to kill those children but had to for monsterkind, he probably wasn't even the one to kill most of the fallen children because their stuff is in places where they presumably died. Took a long time to get a new royal scentist after Gaster was lost to his creation. Tries to get back on good terms with Toriel. he's old as friiickkk. he's horrible at naming things i find that really funny that he mashed his name and toriel's name to get asriel. first person besides alphys to meet flowey, dude i will die with the headcanon that asgore named flowey. HIS TRIDENT CAN BREAK THE MERCY BUTTON MAYBE EVEN THE OTHER BUTTONS
Undyne: The captain of the royal guard. She's missing an eye with no canon explanation. She was trained by the king of the underground and looks up to Gerson aka "The Hammer of Justice". Met Alphys at the dump and watches anime with her. Intimidating at first but she can be a really goofy person or very threatening. Tried to get Papyrus into cooking instead of wanting to join the royal guard because she knows he's against killing and he'll probably die when facing a human even though she knows he's tough. Plays piano. cheats death, basically does the impossible it's no big deal
Alphys: The Royal scientist after Gaster. Created a body for Mettaton, lied and claimed she made a robot with a soul (which alphys never revealed to anyone, the player only finds this out by getting the mystery key and the lab entries in the true lab). Experimented with DT and human souls. Knows that souls can't be artificially created. Knows about alternate realities and probably also studied timeline shenanigans (maybe sans and alphys studied that stuff together, maybe even more than just timeline shenanigans since sans is hinted to bring dog food for the amalgamates). Created Flowey. LITERALLY MANIPULATES THE GAME CODE TO TROLL THE PLAYER
Mettaton: ok how often did he forget that he's supposed to be playing as a robot with an artificial soul. like come on he had to slip up at least once. does he continue with that facade on the surface???? like i thought alphys wanted to be honest and she just never said mettaton is just a ghost?? also need me more ghost family interactions that's always fun. ALSO HIS ENDING COME ONNN THERE'S SO MUCH POTENTIAL THERE WHY ISN'T THERE MORE FICS ON IT IN FACT THERE SHOULD BE MORE FICS ON THE NEUTRAL ENDINGS IN GENERAL like i've already read some fanfics that touch on his ending and they're SO COOL but also mEssed and sad
ok im getting sleepy and this post is getting long so this next one's gonna be short
Gaster: probably actually broke people's ps4s when they typed in his name because the code to simulate a crash on a computer actually crashes the game on the console and causes a fatal error. dude gaster what the heck
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Hello there! Just stopping by with a little note to say how much I enjoy your beautiful artworks for all your different characters! They are so lovely and detailed! I can hardly pick a favourite- there are so many! I am beyond excited to see your upcoming Medieval works - I love that type of setting! ( could I be wrong or have you done some illustrations of that type before, for a story with Steve and Bucky, that is no longer avaiable on ao3? it was wonderful- if not, sorry, my mistake! )
Thank you so much for your kind words about my art and for taking the time to contact me! 💓
I am beyond excited to see your upcoming Medieval works
Thank you so much for your enthusiasm! For the people who don't know what the anon is talking about, I launched a poll on Twitter asking what people wanted to see next. They had the choice between more baseball cards like these ones or these ones and an Avengers Medieval AU. They chose the later at more than 80%.
Honestly, I'm excited too! I look like this SpongeBob meme at the moment, I'm in the starting blocks...
...but that's how I start before burning out and complaining to everybody that I'm fed up.
Anyway, I already started to work on this project. I drew the frame/background and I know very very roughly where I'm going when it comes to the aesthetic. It will be a bit more heroic fantasy than 100% medieval but don't worry, practically everybody will sport a cool armor.
However, at the moment, I don't know how many characters I'm going to draw. The original 6 + Sam and Bucky, that's a given, but there are also other characters I love a lot and would like to see featured like Dr Strange. Anyway, it's going to be a lot of work because I see myself adding characters and characters...See you in October, I guess! xD
could I be wrong or have you done some illustrations of that type before, for a story with Steve and Bucky, that is no longer available on ao3?
You are wrong! xD I'm pretty sure you are talking about the great artworks done by Maichan for The Scottish Prince (You can find the drawings HERE and HERE). She did an amazing job and even if I love absolutely everything she produces, these illustrations have a special place in my heart 💓
Hope you'll enjoy the final product! Don't expect to see the final result before...months! Have a great day ^^
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a captain’s daydream
There was a sticky despondency that lingered before dawn. It clung to the windows and slunk to the grass in slow, erratic breaths, leaving footprints that traced the silhouettes of shapeless figures in the rising sun. I rose, too. On hackles I crawled out of the bed to the gossamer curtains to meet the grey morning.
A hiss escaped my clenched teeth as I realized I lacked warmth. Looking down, my nail beds gleamed back an aching blue against the black ribbons of still-night. Nevertheless, the windowpane slid up towards the ceiling, and the wind invited itself to a dance with the drapery.
And I waited.
Like clockwork, I heard the familiar shifting of gears, the hum of slick tires slapping lightly against damp pavement, an abrupt stop and the kiss of shoes in my lawn.
“You’re early.” He called up, amusement knotting his arms within concealed sleeves.
“You’re late.” I countered, “The sun’s already up.” My voice was swallowed by the dewed world, sounding distant.
“The sun doesn’t come ‘up.’ That implies direction with Earth at the center.” A shooting star graced his lips, and his weight shifted away from the parked bike.
I shook my head. “Are you coming up?”
“It’s your turn to come down.”
It was too early for an argument. So down I went, objecting the whole way.
“What does the sun do, if not rise?” I asked, the coolness of the grass feeling its way into my bones so that I stood before him, chilled.
“It’s far more abstract than that.” Abstract, indeed. The fractals of the monotone skies seemed to race through his hair. He was already sunrise, as far as I was concerned. “It’s more of a feeling.”
I laughed at his severe expression and echoed, “Sunrise is a feeling?”
Grey skies, grey eyes as steel as the alloy in the bike frame, swept into mine. I held my breath.
My limbs started towards him first, but he beat me to the midway point, stopping behind an invisible line to wait for my arrival. “6:27” He muttered, tapping his forearm to the tick of a clock.
“Now?” I lifted an eyebrow, watching as he bared his pale wrist so I could see for myself. Of course, he was being ridiculous. There was no watch, only the rivers of his veins that pumped an endless stream of caffeine to his brain. “I think you need a new one.” I joked, referring to the missing peacekeeper. Then I pulled out my phone and revealed to him the real time. 6:29. “Two minutes off.”
“Mm. We still have 60 seconds.” His fingers found mine, which were exploring the blue-green webs under his skin .
“Oh? What ever shall we do with all this time?”
He brought my palm to meet his cheek, eyelids fluttering. “Don’t tease,” he said softly.
“I’ll do as I please.” I stood on my toes in a mock challenge. “You let me do as much, anyways.”
His lips met my fingertips and I shivered, which only made him laugh into my open hand. “This is true, though I really couldn’t stop you if I tried.”
“Damn straight,” was his echo.
The alarm on my phone rang out suddenly between us, for the whole troposphere to hear.
Swiftly, he turned us so we faced East. The position left his back against the aurora.
I made a face. “What are you doing? You bike all the way here in the wet and cold, and you aren’t going to even look at the sun?”
Instead of answer, he let out a sigh that raced down the cupid's bow of my smile and brushed against the line of my jaw. In that infinity, I found it beyond impossible to match his gaze.
"Hey," he whispered.
"Hi," was my breathless reply.
Then he bowed down to steal what air was left in my lungs, one hand at the nape of my neck, tangling his fingers in my hair, the other framing my face gently.
He pulled away all too soon, and I smoldered under his glance.
“Good morning,” he drawled, lips still inches away from mine. “Now shut off that damn alarm.”
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you win | loki laufeyson
pairing: Loki Laufeyson x Female!Reader
summary: loki & the reader go back & forth with one another, players in a never ending game.
word count: i have no idea, not too long i guess
setting: asgard, pre thor 1
warning(s): shit writing, probably typos & inconsistencies in the plot :)
author’s note: hey babes soooo normally i’m super excited when i post my work, but this one was a flop for me. i didn’t even make a header image for it because i was that meh about it. i was super hyped for it in my head, but it didn’t translate well into writing like i had hoped. this is heavily inspired by my fav fictional couple (han & leia) so if you’re familiar with them that’ll def stand out. the only reason i’m posting this is because i’ve worked so hard to try & make something in the past three days & i don’t want my time to completely go to waste, so here it is!
It had started off innocent enough. Loki had grown up in the palace with you and there was rarely a time you weren’t together. When you were younger you’d spend all day playing with one another, wandering the gardens, and making messes along the way.
You missed the simplicity that went along with your innocence. Now that you both were older, things had shifted. A gentle touch would linger a second too long, a simple glance turned into a longing gaze, and certain words had a new weight to them.
When he’d return from long conquests you’d hold him extra tight and wish to never let go. He’d greet you with the same affection, picking you up and spinning you around in his arms before embracing. It was the perfect system and it worked for years, but now it wasn’t so satisfactory.
The tension had started to thicken when Odin hosted a ball in honor of the two princes. You’d been thrilled and couldn’t wait for it and had assumed Loki would’ve asked you. He never did. So you went with a friend of yours named Philip, a wealthy prince from a neighboring kingdom. It didn’t last.
Loki had cut in when you were dancing and made a proposition of his own.
“He’s using you, you know.” He whispered, spinning your frame into his.
“Who’s to say I’m not using him?” You challenged, spinning out and back to your first position.
Loki smirked, “And what’s your gain from it?”
“This.” You responded simply.
Realizing the play you made, Loki looked over at the poor prince, waiting patiently for you on the sidelines.
“Mm, what a pity. What do you say we go over and break the news to your prince charming?”
“What news?” You asked.
“That you’ll be spending the rest of the evening in my company.”
You shook your head and laughed, “I’m afraid you’re mistaken. He asked me to go with him after all, and I’m not kind to lead someone on.”
Loki frowned, “Then what are we doing?”
You shrugged, looking over his shoulder to smile at Philip, “You’re the one who asked for a dance, I’m just as confused as you are.”
Loki clenched his jaw and he spoke lowly, “I know better than that. You know exactly what you’re doing and you’re being shameless in it.”
“Oh?” You feigned innocence.
“I’m done playing your game, now please, forget that fool and spend the rest of the night with me. Like you wanted in the first place.” Loki remarked.
“So you acknowledge it?” You asked.
“My mistake, yes.” He sighed. “You’ve made your point now, you’ve won this round. Is it not enough?”
“No.” You responded, your tone firm.
The music started to slow down, marking the end of the song, and Loki dipped you slowly before you parted.
“So that’s it?” He asked bitterly.
“Yes, but you did wonderfully. I don’t think I’ve seen Philip this riled up before.” You mused, glancing at the prince once more.
You looked back at him before kissing his cheek lightly, your lips searing his cool skin, “Goodnight, Loki.”
With that, you were off to see Philip and Loki was left alone on the dance floor, knowing he had only himself to blame. The last thing he saw was you whispering something in Philip’s ear before the two of you left together, closer than ever, a mischievous gleam in your eyes.
That was only one of the many matches between you two. Sometimes you’d win, sometimes Loki would win. Most of the time, you both lost.
This was one of those times.
Thor, Loki, Lady Sif, and the Warriors Three had returned from a long mission. They’d been gone for three weeks and everyone looked wrecked when they arrived on the Bifrost, Loki the most so.
You didn’t even get a chance to see him before he was escorted to his room followed by nurses. What you could see of him was bruised and bloody. So for the past few hours you’d been outside his chambers, waiting for news from the nurses. Right as you were starting to drift off, the head nurse informed you that Loki had requested to see you.
Relief washed over you and you immediately entered the room, taking in his disheveled appearance. He was laying down on his bed, hair a mess and cuts still decorating his face. His eyes were closed and he seemed to be in pain. You slowly approached his side and took his hand in yours, squeezing it gently.
His face twisted in pain and he let out a light groan, you immediately stepped back, fearing you hurt him and considered calling for the nurse. Before you could react further, he opened his eyes and his lips curled into a lazy smile when he gazed up at you.
“Did I get you?” He asked, his voice rough.
You gasped and swatted at his hand, “Loki, that’s not funny!”
He chuckled at your reaction, but it turned into a slight cough at the end, it was obvious he wasn’t well. You offered him some water from a table, but he shook his head and gestured for you to sit.
He sighed before sitting up and facing you fully, “To make a long and fairly embarrassing story short, I walked straight into a trap and lost almost all of my strength. I’m not allowed to use magic until I’ve fully healed, hence the still present injuries.”
You nodded in understanding and patted his leg, “Well all that matters is that you’re okay.”
Loki smiled, but didn’t meet your eyes, and instead focused on his fingers. “Right.”
You knew where this was going. His self deprecating nature, even when he was wounded, stayed strong.
“Loki, you’re going to kill yourself one day. You’ve gotta stop doing these sort of things, you have nothing to prove. You’re already an incredible man.”
“God, not man.” He corrected you, “And because of that I have everything to prove.”
You sighed and reached for his hand, “I only wish you could see yourself the way I do.”
Loki scoffed, “A weak and wounded man laying on a cot?”
“A strong and, quiet frankly, stupid friend, that I happen to care for very much.” You told him, standing up.
Loki frowned as you moved about, gathering water and a rag.
“What are you doing?” He asked.
“Helping you.” You told him simply, leaving no room for argument.
You started to dab the cloth on his cheekbone and he flinched slightly, looking away from you.
“You don’t have to do this you know.”
You continued to clean up his wounds and pushed a strand of his hair back, his body melting into your touch. Once you finished his face you had one last spot, a deep cut along his neck.
“This one might hurt.” You told him.
“That’s fine, just get it over with.”
You nodded, “Can you move your head a bit to the left for me?”
He did as he was told and moved his head to give you better access to the wound, wincing slightly.
“Sorry.” You whispered.
You were as gentle as possible when pressing the cloth down on the cut and stroked his hair lightly as he hissed in pain. His jaw was clenched and you could tell he was trying his best to ignore the sensation.
When you were done you stroked his face lightly and tousled his hair, “See, it wasn’t that bad.”
A simple ‘thank you’ was all he could muster.
“I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”
Just as you were going to the door, he took hold of your hand and squeezed it lightly, mirroring your action from earlier, and spoke barely above a whisper, “Stay. Please.”
You looked back at him and knew you couldn’t refuse. He gestured for you to crawl into bed next to him and you did just that. Loki held your hand to his chest and fell asleep in that position, his breathing steady.
When you woke up Loki was nowhere to be found and his side of the bed was cold, telling you he’d been gone for a bit. You rushed out of his room, still adorning your clothes from yesterday, and asked the nearest servant where he went.
Loki was preparing to leave on yet another “conquest” despite his state. He’d left the room early in hopes of avoiding your protests, but that was out of the picture now. He’d even hoped to leave before you found out, but with you storming towards him in the grand hall he realized how poor in taste his decisions were.
Your pace doubled when the raven haired man started to walk the other way when you called out to him.
“Loki, I mean it! Stop!”
He continued to walk, but was limping slightly. It didn’t take long for you to catch up with him. You grabbed his hand and pulled him towards you, ignoring the palace staff walking around you two.
“To what do I owe the pleasure?” He asked, sending you a phony smile.
“Save the act for someone else.” You shot back, tired of his game. “What are you thinking? Going back with the suicide squadron after nearly being killed yesterday? Please tell me you’re kidding.”
Loki took in what you said, “I wasn’t nearly killed, just taken aback.” He explained, “And why does it bother you so much what I do?”
“Because I don’t want you dead!” You exclaimed, “What do you not understand about this?”
Loki tsked and shook his head, “No there’s something else. You know it, I know it, every bloody person in this palace knows it.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You argued.
“Then why are you following me?” Loki retorted.
“Don’t you make me say it, this is hardly the time or place.” You told him, shoving his hand out of your grasp.
“No, no (Y/n). I want to, I need to hear you say it.” He replied, grin wide.
You couldn’t believe him.
“If this is how you’re going to act, I don’t care anymore. Go ahead and leave, I’ll make sure the funeral is as gaudy as you are.” You seethed, walking away from him.
It was his turn to follow you now.
“Now wait just a minute!” He shouted, moving past servants as you continued your fast pace.
“Afraid I was gonna leave without giving you a goodbye kiss?”
You stopped and turned around, gaze cold, “If you say one more arrogant thing I’m going to take you to that death trap myself!”
Loki was taken aback by your anger and stood there in shock, realizing this wasn’t just another one of your fights. Before he could say anything else you had stormed off and for once, he didn’t follow you.
It seems like you’d both lost this round.
That was a few hours ago. Since then, you’d been keeping yourself busy in the library returning books you borrowed and trying to keep your mind off of your latest fight with Loki. You were only halfway through the stack of books when you felt a presence behind you. His.
“I knew I’d find you here.” Loki said softly.
“So you decided to stay.”
“Leaving like this didn’t feel right.” He confessed.
“Mm, have you come to apologize?” You replied, not bothering to look at the god behind you.
“Then you’re wasting my time.” You deadpanned.
“Shouldn’t you apologize first? You were the one who got so upset anyways.” He said, frustration building in his voice.
You turned around to look at him for the first time, “Because of your stupidity.”
Loki chuckled slightly and ran a hand through his hair, “I set myself up for that one, didn’t I?”
“Yes.” You said, your still voice hostile.
“Oh, come on (Y/n). Don’t be upset, I didn’t do this to make you upset. You know I care for you.” He pleaded.
“That’s just the problem! You care more about others and what they think than you do yourself.”
Loki stayed silent.
“Do you know how worried I get when you go away? Because I know you won’t hesitate to disregard your own safety simply to prove yourself.” You told him, your voice bitter.
He started to argue, but you stopped him. “All I’m asking is that you be careful. We need you here, Loki.”
“We need? Or you need?” He quipped.
You hesitated, not sure if you were ready to give in, but then spoke quietly.
“So you acknowledge it?”
You knew that phrase was gonna come back to you.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You insisted, focusing again on the books.
He hummed slightly before taking them from your hands, “Yes you do.”
You tried to snatch the books back, but he dodged your movement and held them close to his chest, “Let me help you.”
Loki focused on shelving the books, his lean form brushing against yours occasionally.
“You know, you make it so difficult sometimes.” You sighed.
“I know, I know. I really do. You take it so well.” He commented, finishing up with your task.
“I dare say sometimes you even enjoy it.” He added cheekily.
You rolled your eyes and dusted your hands off, determined to ignore his antics.
He noticed your action and gently grabbed your hand, starting to massage it.
“What are you doing?” You asked.
You frowned at his explanation and stared down at your hand in his, unsure of what to do.
“You know I’m capable of that, right?” He asked, his hands still working on yours.
You pursed your lips, “Occasionally, yes. When you’re not busy being a trickster or a scoundrel or whatever you call yourself.”
He cocked his head at your words, a playful smile gracing his face, “Scoundrel? I like the sound of that.”
“No, no, I take it back.”
He shook his head, “No taking it back, you think I’m a scoundrel. How very poetic of you.”
You gave him an unimpressed stare as he continued.
“The scoundrel and the fair maiden? That can be the title of your story.” Loki teased.
You sighed, “You’re a fool.”
“And you’re unable to resist me.” He moved closer to you, bringing your hand to his mouth and pressing a soft kiss to it.
He frowned, starting to massage your other hand, “Stop what?”
“Stop that.” You repeated, gesturing to your hands. “My hands are dirty, they’ve been in dusty books all morning.” You explained.
“My hands are dirty too, what are you afraid of?” Loki retorted.
“Afraid?” You scoffed, pulling your hands away from his, “I’m not afraid.”
He reached out for your hands again, his thumb lightly brushing against your palm, “You are though. Anytime we get to this place, you turn the other way.”
“You’re imagining things.” You insisted.
”And you’re afraid.” Loki said, his voice softer. “You’re afraid because you don’t have anyone like me in your life, a scoundrel as you so eloquently put it, and you’re not in control.”
“Well, what can I say? I happen to like nice men.” You retorted.
“Oh, now we both know that’s not true.”
Loki shifted closer to you, his face mere inches from yours. His eyes flickered from yours to your lips, asking a silent question. You looked up at him and for once couldn’t find anything to argue about. It was just you and Loki. No external forces to interrupt, no pride or games getting in the way, just two individuals waiting for the other to make their move.
Despite your best judgement screaming at you to walk away, you gave in and closed the space between you, meeting his lips with a soft kiss. Loki reciprocated, cupping your face gently and kissing you once more. It was everything you wouldn’t expect from him, tender and full of feeling. It was like this was what had been needed missing along, allowing closure.
You both pulled apart and met each other’s gaze, both hungry for more, but unsure whether to give in. His eyes scanned yours for any signs of regret and you parted your lips slightly, unsure of what to say. But as you looked back at Loki, his face flush and pupils blown, you knew there was no point in denying it now.
“Okay, you win.”
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Hello how are you doing?❤️❤️ May I please request ASL headcanons for their partner having a higher bounty than them? Thanks😘🌸
Heya~! Sorry for the delay love! I'm going to do my best to get all these asks out as soon as I can! 😊💖
But this ask sounds pretty cool! So thanks for the ask, love!!
Portgas D. Ace
He’s already worried about you being wanted by the World Government, but now they want you more than him?! He never expected or wanted you to risk your life for him, but now your life was more at risk, and for what?!
He will probably lecture you on the importance of watching your surroundings and not going alone somewhere. Will also suggest you take someone trusted with you wherever you go, whether it’s him, Marco, Izo or even Thatch. He doesn’t care, you are taking someone-!
Will not tell random people your bounty, due to not wanting them to come after you, and suggests you do the same. He knows you can protect yourself, but he isn’t taking any risks of losing someone else!
Will rip up any wanted sign he sees of yours, can’t have a bounty if there is no sign- (*enters thinking meme here*)
He’s probably the chillest out of the three-
He’s proud that the World Government is annoyed with you, actually! To him, it shows just how strong and amazing you are! Might actually frame it, if you let him-
Still, he wants you to be cautious of others around you! He knows you are an easy target now to bounty hunters or people wanting to get on the World Government's good side. That doesn’t mean you would get your butt kicked or anything, you have a high bounty for a reason-! He knows though, that people will try to underestimate you and come after you anyway, God forbid one of them actually manage to scratch you.
He does also hope the attention dies down, not out of jealousy or anything, just so he can relax knowing the marines are after someone else and not you.
He’s happy and proud of the fighter you have become, so he will always encourage you, he still worries, but this man respects your dedication and meaning for your fighting spirit!
Monkey D. Luffy
(I low-key wrote his first lol-)
Boy is ANGRY! Why are you so much cooler than him?! What did you do that he didn’t?! And what does he need to do to boost his up?!
Will pout the entire time, is not excited about being out bountied (that’s not a word, but it is now-!). Will challenge you to little events throughout the day just to see if he can win. He is very childish in nature, so he has a competitive streak that cannot be beat!
Eventually, he will accept that your bounty is higher than his, and he will slowly begin to look up to you as a pirate he wants to be! Will happily tell others how much your bounty is, much to your embarrassment/annoyance.
Still feels the need to protect you! You could have the highest bounty in the world, and the boy will still see you as someone precious who needs his help! But, he will also accept your help too happily! It’s nice having another strong friend on his team, especially someone as cool as you!
Before he knows it, he already forgot your bounty price and is going back to his giddy, cheerful self. If you ever feel the need to annoy/get back at the rubber man, just remind him who the marines really want- 😉
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The Oracle had set up camp across the shop again. Gaudy, purple banners with her poorly photoshopped smug face plastered all over advertised her services.
The Oracle sees all! Past, present and future revealed!
Need to communicate with a long lost loved one? The Oracle can help you!
Is it TRUE LOVE? Find out if he is truly The One here!
Janice sneered at the claims, the batty old witch couldn't afford a place inside the carnival and had instead settled for a corner that just so happened to be one of the main footpaths to the carnival.
"£5 for a palm-reading, £11 for tarot cards and £19 to communicate with spirits. She's gone completely mad!"
Steve paused his calculations of their profits, glancing at the stall and then at the darkening grey sky above. "Not mad enough to stay in that any longer, I hope."
"Wouldn't put it past her,"Janice snorted.
"She's harmless. You antagonize her too much."
The wind howled, rattling the frames of their display windows. Janice frowned. "Did you close the shutters at the back?"
"Shit, I didn't. I'll be right back."
Rolling her eyes, Janice got up to switch on the main lights. With the room bathed in a cool sterile light, she checked that everything was properly locked. Steve may be good with numbers but his memory was questionable at best.
Till. Cabinets. Display. Windows. Door-
She blinked. Was there-? Cautiously, she approached the door, slowly turning the handle (unlocked, damn it, Steve!) and opening it just a fraction of an inch.
"I'm so sorry about this-"
Janice nearly slammed the door on the woman's face from shock. The Oracle lady!
"We're closed," she interrupted cagily. She had no respect for scammers. "Sorry."
The woman shuffled her feet, long bony fingers tightening around the drenched scarf wrapped around her shoulders. Water dripped from her long dark curls onto her freckled cheek.
"Janice? Is everything alright?" Steve poked his face over her shoulder. His eyes trailed from the opened door to the shivering woman. "I swear to god-"
A moment later, the Oracle had settled right into their little shop, gleefully sipping the jasmine tea Steve had poured out for her. Janice shot him a dirty look from behind the counter.
"My family have always been blessed with The Gift," she explained to Steve. "Before this, it was my father and before that his aunt. Unfortunately, I have never met her, but-"
"Why don't you show us your powers, then?"
The Oracle paused. For a moment, Janice wondered if she had pushed too far, but then she smiled and shook her head. "You are too much of a skeptic, my dear. The fates will not like you. But, perhaps I can demonstrate it on your friend."
She snapped her fingers. Suddenly, the lights flickered and went out. Did lightning strike their shop? Janice wondered.
Snap. The table the Oracle was sitting at lit up from the glow of a circle of candles. Under the dancing flames, her worn scarf looked as though it were woven from golden threads, her bangles glimmered and sparkled despite looking scratched and dull mere moments ago.
"You can be our witness, Ms. Janice."
The Oracle clasped Steve's hand, who had fallen into a reverent silence. He appeared to be completely enthralled with her act. She ran a finger along the lines of his palm, her eyes fluttering.
"The sea is calm. Your ship sails smoothly on course to its destination. Mars is looking over you, a gentle guider and protector. However, the shadow of Jupiter looms over the horizon, his envy casts an ugly glow over the evening sky. His wrath will come."
Steve gasped. "What does that mean?"
Janice raised an eyebrow. "I don't think that's how palm-reading works, Madame Oracle."
Releasing Steve's hand, the Oracle barely spares Janice a glance. "I am but a mere messenger of the visions granted to me. Though I fear that may not help to convince our companion."
The lights of the candles were snuffed out. Slowly, the fluorescent lights overhead flickered back on.
And the Oracle was gone.
Steven Universe Rewatch: Homeworld Bound
I’m conflicted on this episode.
They only had one episode to address all of Homeworld society and the Diamonds. Of course it ends up artificial and contrived. There’s no time, so Steven has to get through as much as he can in ten minutes. You can’t blame them for being rushed.
On the other hand, they only spend one episode on Homeworld and the Diamonds. The episode’s structure is artificial and contrived. Steven goes through the episode like someone on a conveyor belt. By the time we’re talking to Blue, we already know he’s going to be sent to White.
I get that they had to do it this way, but it could have been much more organic if they had more time.
Despite the structure, it still has a lot of good stuff going on.
Blue Diamond’s song is a highlight of Future.
Jasper as a Steven loyalist is another idea they don’t really explore.
This beginning is hard to watch. The gems are really hurting and afraid.
This justification makes sense. Steven is convincing himself that his problem is about being a Diamond, not an emotional problem.
I thought of titling a Jasper based fanfic this, only to find that, of course, this title has already been used.
Representative Democracy has come to Homeworld. Sorry, Marxists. The Zircons we’ve seen don’t seem like great candidates. At least they’re not electing Diamonds.
They’re doing guided tours of the throne room. It’s a cool symbol of the fall of the imperial system. Spinel is somehow obscured by that Topaz; It’s pretty impossible. She wasn’t even on the tour, she’s just standing there blankly.
I wonder what Spinel thinks of Steven? They’re not romantic, let’s make that clear. Are they like, siblings? Human familial relationships don’t have direct analogues for gems, unless you force it.
I like Yellow Diamond working in a workshop. This could be a fun job for her in a human AU. Mechanic or watchmaker, that sort of thing.
Those stairs seem like a poorly executed afterthought.
“It’s me, the least interesting gem design in the series! I’m just a person, but grey/blue!”
She’s committed to undoing all the harm she’s done. It’s a commitment that will take eons, I’d think.
I like the gem reunion in the background. You could take it as a couple reuniting, or as a gem joyfully welcoming another gem back into the universe. They could be like an official welcoming person.
When we think of immortal beings, we forget that they could be doing useful work, not just sulking around all day. Yellow is looking forward to her labors, because she knows it will make the world better.
I love when Diamonds are put in the shot with “regular” size people, they have to do interesting work with camera angles, posing, and framing.
No easy solutions in this episode.
“My time in this episode is over, you only have six minutes to see the other Diamonds and have your breakdown, go go go!”
“My Little Reason Why” kicks butt. I’m not good with genres, so I can’t place this in history, but I love that the show explores all these different styles of music.
Old joke structure, but I still like it.
They don’t explicitly say it, but I’m sure part of Steven’s frustration is seeing White totally at peace, when he’s suffering so much.
KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT
White’s tone sounds like a mom just forced to do something her kid enjoys. She’s more glad it’s over.
It’s like he’s afraid... of himself! I get it!
Yikes yikes yikes. I don’t even know what to say about this. It’s so painful and raw. He hates himself, he hates White, he’s full of fear and pain.
There’s a lot of ambiguity here. Who is White, who is Steven, and what is Steven trying to do? The image is of Steven manipulating White’s body, but Steven voices both characters. When he says “Stop it! I don’t like this!” is that White speaking in Steven’s voice, or is it Steven not realizing that he’s both the manipulator and the manipulated?
The “puppet” is actually Steven’s body, so he’s only hurting himself.
It’s clear that Steven wants to hurt White, but I don’t think it’s interesting to argue over whether he wants to shatter her or not. He’s not acting rationally anyway.
Oh yeah. That’ll do it. The PTSD.
I love that White is terrified. Seeing a character who is normally at peace be so off balance reinforces just how wrong things are. She had no idea that Steven was suffering like this.
The soundtrack makes no accommodation for Spinel’s singing. Instead of making the scene more pleasant, the song just adds “noise”. It reinforces the stress and discomfort. Steven can’t process “good” things right now because he’s too stressed out.
One last princess moment. It doesn’t have any deeper meaning, as far as I know, since he doesn’t really match the Cinderella story at all.
Steven, we want to help you, but our heads are so weird!
Like I said at the top, this is a very artificial episode, (Spinel -> Yellow -> Blue -> White) but it’s still got enough good content to be worth it.
airhorn sounds in your ear as you try to sleep
ITS FIC TIME, CHILDREN
His father’s first reaction is, predictably, nervous. They’re sitting in the living room as a family, all sort of hanging out, but doing their own thing. Hoarders is passively playing, Lydia is tucked under the couch with a book and flashlight, Emily is in the corner with her laptop, and BJ and Charles are each sitting on opposite ends of the couch, going through their phones.
He gets a very sweet text from Adam, showing that the other teen has put the photo Lydia took of them in a frame, and he grins, and holds the device to his chest, feeling giddy and flustered.
His dad notices.
“What’s got you in such a good mood?” Charles smiles, and BJ figures this is as good a time as any. “I got a text from my boyfriend.”
Charles stares. From her chair in the corner, Emily’s typing slows, and then stops, as her brain catches up with that sentence.
His phone pings again, and he looks back down at a message from Barbara, then back to his parents. “And my girlfriend.”
Emily closes her computer. Her smile is enormous. “Shut up.”
“No, seriously!” he grins back at his mother, and then notes the color Charles is going.
“Adam and Barbara?” Emily asks, knowingly, and he nods. “We made it official yesterday. I took em to th’ Smallpox Hospital.”
“Awww! That’s so romantic!”
“You’re dating?” Charles finally finds words.
“Unclench your everything, dad, jeezus.”
“It’s just… do you think that’s a good idea?”
“I think it’s a great idea,” BJ says, a little defensive. “What, I’m not allowed to date? M’too weird for it?”
“That’s not what I meant, BJ,” Charles frowns. But he can tell it kind of is.
“Charles, honey, he’s sixteen. He’s going to date,” Emily says softly, and Charles looks back at her. “But two people at once? And they’re-”
“They’re what, Chuck?”
“Humans. They’re human, BJ.”
“Holy shit, they are? Here I thought they were just really crappy demons.”
“I just don’t know if you’ve thought this through. Wouldn’t you be happier dating another demon?”
“I don’t know any other demons, dad,” he growls, temper flaring. “Unless you want me to date Sam, an’ look like a total creep, since he’s stuck at like, ten.”
“Stop it, BJ.”
“You stop it! Just be happy for me!”
“I am.. Happy. For you.”
BJ sits back, crosses his arms, and scowls. “Got a funny way of showin’ it.”
His father stands, and takes to pacing. Christ.
“We should lay out ground rules.”
“Me an’ Adam an’ Barb did that already.”
“No, I mean, house rules,” Charles says, rubbing at his beard. “Things you’re allowed to do, and not. Oh, god, first things first, I’m going to get you a box of condoms.”
Betelgeuse feels himself flush, and then Lydia finally pipes up, sticking her head out from under the couch. “Gross.”
“You’re seriously blowin’ this out of proportion. We’ve barely held hands!”
“I was a teenager. I remember how things escalate. The last thing we need is someone pregnant. Especially with whatever a human and a demon would make.”
“Th’ anti-Christ, maybe,” he says, unhelpfully, and he sees the way his dad’s expression twists into further worry. “It was a joke! Oh my god!”
His mother, bless her, swoops in, just then. “BJ’s just told us good news,” she says, standing, and putting a hand on Charles’ arm, which stops his pacing. “I need you to reassess how you’re making him feel, right now.”
Charles looks from his wife to his son. BJ rubs at his nose, embarrassed and upset, and probably purple, and he sees his father make a choice.
“BJ, I’m sorry,” Charles comes over, hesitantly reaches down, and Betelgeuse responds by throwing his arms around his dad. Chuck rubs his back. “Tell me about them,” he says, “and I promise to be cool. As cool as I can be, at least.”
That’s at least something. He can tell his dad is still worried, but he does listen, as Betelgeuse describes his two partners. “We spend a lotta time together,” he tells his father. “An’ they’re both goody two shoes. Seriously, they’re borin’, nice people.”
“Tell us how you met them, BJ,” Emily smiles.
He regales them with the story of Barbara and the flower, and then Adam in the library, and by the time he’s done, he’s back to feeling green, all smiles and excitement and stimming hands.
It feels really, really good to not be alone.
Monday comes a day too soon, and he sort of misses the atmosphere of the library, because at lunch, he’s forced to pick up trash, with Honeywell watching him intently from a bench. The only consolation prize to this is the vice principal’s time is also being wasted. He doesn’t miss how a few kids walk by and intentionally throw things at his feet for him to pick up. They don’t get away with it, though, because either they trip and find their shoelaces are mysteriously tied together, or for those unlucky ones without laces, they’ll find a snake in their lockers. The miserable part is, Adam and Barbara aren’t allowed to hang out with him while he’s working. They’d tried, and were told in no uncertain terms to leave him alone, leave him to his task, or they’d be sent to the other side of the campus to do the same thing.
A little bit of punishment, he understands. But he draws the line at threatening Sexy and Babs.
He’s absolutely plotting exactly how he’s going to ruin the overbearing adult’s day when he feels a strange sensation in his chest, like a slight tug. He pauses. It’s not a pain, not really, more like a pull away from himself, which doesn’t make any sense, but that’s what it is. He has to assume it’s another demon thing.
He glances at his watcher, who seems engrossed in paperwork.
Man, if only this guy would fuck off, he could be enjoying lunch with his friends- The pull away from himself is stronger, this time. He concentrates on it, and then remembers how physical the summoning of clones is, requiring a motion like he’s tossing something, and he gives that a try, this time, gently lobbing nothing at a student passing by. The kid looks surprised, and then goes rigid, and he thinks maybe he’s killed someone for the first time, but then the teen straightens up, and stands, stiff, facing him, and BJ feels mentally split, between two bodies. He raises his right hand. The student mirrors the action, eyes wide, confused. He lowers it, then kicks his leg out to the side, and again, he’s copied. Not copied.. Followed? The other student is like a marionette, and his mind is the strings, or something close to that.
“Possession,” he grins, wickedly, and then he pulls himself back all to one body, and the kid falls on his ass, confused, and scrambles away.
Oh, he is so going to use this new power for evil.
“BJ Deetz! I don’t see this quad getting any cleaner!” Honeywell has looked up from his paperwork to find Betelgeuse standing there, grinning to himself, and the teen responds by spinning around, and throwing nothing at the overbearing authority figure.
Honeywell also goes rigid, and BJ lifts his hands, directing the VP to stand, and the hapless adult does so.
“Looks clean enough to me,” he mouths, and hears that sentence come out of Honeywell’s lips. “Clean enough to eat offa!”
With a swiping motion, he forces the man to knock his own hardly touched lunch to the ground, and then BJ crouches low, and the adult follows, shoving his face into what was clearly leftovers from some night’s dinner, and coming back up with a mouthful of noodles and dirt.
The big man’s eyes are wide. He’s scared, confused. It’s thrilling. With a hand motion, BJ forces the breather’s face back into the mess of food and dirt, and doesn’t let him up until the muffled cries become truly panicked.
Possession out in public might be a bit too noticeable, though, because there’s a gathering group of kids watching what the teacher is doing, their phones out, taking video, and he doesn’t need them connecting his own strange movements back to Honeywell’s. He makes a final hand motion, releasing the adult, and shoves his hands in his pockets, just in time for Adam and Barbara to appear as faces in the crowd. Honeywell, freed, sits up, coughing and sputtering, and looking horrified.
“What the heck happened?” Adam asks, and BJ shrugs. “He started throwin’ a fit, outta no where,” he lies, but he feels the vice principal watching him, staring up from the dirt, where he’s still sat, dazed. He gives the adult a grin. “Totally fuckin’ weird.”
The rest of his lunch period is freed up, suddenly, as Honeywell goes to clean himself off in the men’s room.
This fun new ability requires further testing, but not right now, now when Adam and Barbara are around. Soon, though. Very soon.
“I’m really bummed we can’t be in the library anymore. I tried to pop in to grab something this morning and the librarian chased me out.” Adam looks genuinely sad, at that, which startles BJ out of his downright vicious thoughts. “By the way,” Adam adds, “They put up the casting sheet today. Want to guess who got that dentist part?”
Barbara is grinning wide.
“Me?” he croaks. A few other kids tried for it.. He didn’t think he’d get picked, honestly, thought that maybe someone more likable, or more friendly, would be chosen over him, but Barbara squishes his cheeks in her hands. “You!” she cheers, and he blushes. “You’re going to be amazing! But that means,” she tells him, suddenly serious, “-that you have to actually try.”
He nods, as much as he can, her hands still on either side of his face. “Effort,” he grunts. “Got it.”
She leans forward and kisses the tip of his nose.
He scrambles to throw his hood over his head, and cinches it closed, knowing for a fact he’s gone pink from the tips of his hair down to the roots.
“BJ?” Barbara giggles, as he peers out at her from his hood. “Should I not do that?”
“NO! No, no, I, uh, just.. Warn a guy, next time.”
He hadn’t thought through the logistics of this, clearly, because he can’t be scrambling away from them every time one of them kisses him, just because his stupid hair won’t behave itself. God, he’s going to have to start wearing a beanie, or something, until he can get this color thing under control. Annoyingly, his dad was right. He really hadn’t given this much thought, beyond, Adam and Barbara pretty, wanna kiss them. Now he’s got to work out the logistics of how he’s going to actually achieve that goal, without basically, for lack of a better word, outing himself. He doesn’t want to think that something like what happened with Kevin could happen again, but he hadn’t really seen that situation coming, and it had ended about as poorly as a budding romance can, with parental murder. So yeah, he’s not exactly confident he can trust them with this secret. Better to keep it to himself, play his cards close to the chest, not let them all the way in. That’s safest for all of them.
Good plan, BJ, he thinks to himself, watching Barbara dust wood shavings out of Adam’s hair, a leftover byproduct of his shop class. No one gets hurt. No one has to know anything. He can keep playing human with his cute new partners for as long as they’ll let him.
Stretching before him, suddenly, he foresees a lifetime, several lifetimes actually, given the span of existence for a demon, lifetimes full of deceit and lies and partners who age without him, and it all makes him very tired, and sad. This is going to be how it is, he realizes. He’s going to pretend and mimic and do his best to fit himself into a template that he wasn’t made for, and he’s presumably going to be doing it forever, maybe until the minute the last human takes their last breath, because playing human is as close as he can get.
It's easier to play pretend, throw a glamour on and act along, than to be himself and risk the pain and rejection, or the truth that maybe his worth is tied into what he can do, not who he is. It all leaves him dizzy, this sudden moment of unwanted clarity. He pushes it down, far down at it can go, to somewhere deep in his chest, and tries to come back to this moment, right now, because his boyfriend is looking at him.
“You going to stay in that hood all day, shy guy?” Adam smiles, and BJ peels the hood back, and runs a hand through the mop of green mess that passes for his hair, and smiles, like he didn’t just have a mini existential crisis in the middle of a Monday afternoon.
“What do you guys do for lunch when you’re not being wooed by an errant library assistant?” Betelgeuse forces an extra bit of pep that he doesn’t feel into his voice, and Barbara brightens. “You can come meet my friends!” She says, and he lets her lead him by the hand, across the quad, a corpse playing pretend at being alive, holding hands with the living.
They find Barbara’s friends at the lunch tables. He’s never sat over here, never really had reason to be over here at all, actually, because each table is always claimed by a friend group, and he’s never felt welcome enough to try and squeeze in with any of them. But he sort of has a group now, he supposes. If three can be a crowd, it can be a group. He does feel eyes on him as he’s directed on where to sit by Barbara, other kids at other tables watching him, maybe confused on how he’s ingratiated himself enough to actually have a place to sit.
Barbara arranges where they sit, seemingly very intentionally, with herself between Betelgeuse and Adam, and Allison and Blair on the other side of the table, and they begin eating. The air is a little tense. He picks at his lunch, leftovers Charles packed for him. It smells amazing, but he doesn’t want to scarf it all down, not when he’s feeling watched, the way he is. And he is being watched, very intently so, by Barbara’s friends, who are apparently also Adam’s friends. Everyone but him seems to know so many other people. It’s almost insane, like, how do they keep them all straight? He’s only vaguely aware of which one of these similar white girls is Blair, because he’s spoken to her, at least once. Allison might as well be a balloon with a face painted on it.
“So,” Blair puts down her fork. She’s eating a dry salad with little chunks of chicken in it, low carb, low cal. He’d be worried for her health if he gave a shit.
“So,” he copies her instinctively, tilting her head the same way she does, holding his hands in front of himself in a mirror of her own movements. Barbara catches what he’s doing, and gives his arm a gentle pinch.
“Is this for real?” Blair isn’t asking him, she’s looking between Adam and Barbara, who are both looking a little surprised at the sudden question. “What do you mean?” Adam asks, unsure, and Blair gestures between the three of them. “This whole.. This! When Barbara said she suddenly had two boyfriends, I had to check my calendar, make sure it wasn’t April Fool’s. And then it turns out to be you and..” Her eyes fall back on Betelgeuse. “Him. You, Adam, I get. You and Barbara together, that makes sense. But, like, BJ?”
“Sure, if you’re offerin’,” he says, and Blair makes a face.
Go on over to Ao3 to read the rest!! There's more waiting for your hungry eyes over there
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