#they hate to see an autistic king thriving

[ohwell-itsme-but-danganronpa]

DRS: Izuru Kamukura

going to watch Izuru's now, autistic boyfriend Monday

not really surprised if he has that type of fans (in universe), I love the concept of ultimates being celebs tbh, also the fact that he saved her from falling, looking from the lense of: sparing her the embarrassment is a thing worth bothering to him

so true, king

the way he doesn't let Leon change the subject and calls out the avoidance I could kiss him, strong Kokichi telling off his class for "hiding behind the word trust" vibes, also kudos to Chihiro for facing the accusations head on, admitting to personal failings and working not to-

-repeat them. Such an amazing lesson, if only- haha, if only there was (I am spiraling about v3 don't mind me, Kokichi could really thrive in any other class)

Togami's interaction is interesting too, is he upset that Izuru didn't have to earn his talent? He says it in a way that implies that he's better for having worked to earn his status, but still

and it's this comment that makes Izuru consider Togami's scouting offer, because to him "Not that you'd understand" means he could maybe experience something new

Kinda interested in seeing more of how Himiko is in this game, she was talking way more like an entertainer than somebody convinced they are a mage here. Like a professional trying to be inspiring?

Sayaka: *blushing* I didn't expect you to compliment me Izuru: You're saying that it's not like me to compliment people? You think I couldn't truly mean it? Is that it? Like, dude, you're scaring the hoes.

okay, so Sonia gets some big sister-ly instinct around him, Komaeda is DTF (and mr. benefits of conversation are neglible but I stayed and conversed with Komaeda anyway might be too), it's once again (after Togami's event) implied that he has time until graduation to start doing-

- something with himself and the way it's said is like he's not going to have a choice? Hope's Peak is letting him do whatever as long as he's a student and then what?

way to ruin the moment

rely on Gonta to find something positive even in Izuru's indifference, he doesn't have likes or dislikes for bugs, great, he doesn't hate any bug which is rare

Kirumi being an experienced gamer because of a past employer isn't what I expected but ok

Gundham basically said "Why do you not have a pet when you very well could have, you heartless bastard?" The only thing notable about the festival is that Maki played along with his improv and was smiling

Kaede: you don't use that power for anything bad Izuru: just because I don't have a reason rn Kaede: *playing with hair* haha yeah, if you find one tell me about it she's a freak

those two

Kuzuryu solidifying my concerns saying he could help him escape HPA and that it feels like he's in shackles there, like *what are they going to do to him once he graduates??*

I feel like we we're held at an arms length, a distance he likes to keep with everyone, so the details of the whole shady deal with HPA were left out, but he ended up catching "a glimpse of something unpredictable" and it was enough for him to write a song and find his hope so

that's cool I guess, Kaede and Ibuki were happy at least, and I am wondering if it's really the only time he caved in to a request, technically he did fight some of the beasts after ignoring Togami asking about this

First posted on December 27, 2021 (twitter) Detailed notes below:

"This is gonna be boring" Ok.

1st event: Mahiru & Mikan

saved Mikan from falling, "It's nothing"

he has obsessive fans?

sparing Mikan the embarrassment of falling is worth bothering to him

almost nobody outside the academy is aware of his existence

2nd event: (With Swimsuits)

Kaede & Mukuro try to scold him for diving the whole day

it doesn't work

he likes the quiet

3rd event: Chihiro & Leon

trust no one, "Friendship is one hell of a drug"

doesn't let Leon change the subject or go easy on Chihiro

Chihiro admits to personal failings and works not to repeat them

4th event: Togami

obliterating the beasts on the islands isn't worth the effort

Togami wants to scout him

he had to work for his talent and Izuru didn't

apparently Taka, the Moral Compass, is on Izuru's ass about effort, lol

if he doesn't find the motivation in himself by the end of this trip, he'll work for Togami

5th event: Himiko

she can claim to be a mage, but she's a real entertainer

also calling him out for never trying to make people happy

6th event: Sayaka

"It's not like you to work toward a goal, or because you want to better yourself... But quietly keeping things in order... that definitely fits my image of you"

"I have no goals"

Potential of Talent:

-No matter what happens, I am hope. (Sonia)

"predeterminated fate"

"you could talk to me" (a bit of an older sister instinct)

-My potential is infinite. (Komaeda)

DTF, possibly both of them, considering Mr. "benefits of conversation are neglible" stayed

-If I were to stray from my expected course... (Leon)

it's not like he could pursue something that isn't his talent the way Leon can

his only other option is to slack off (and only until he graduates)

7th event: Komaeda & Hoshi

what do you mean "from what you know about Ryoma it can be tough for him to be surrounded by strangers"? ref to prison ig

Hoshi: excited to be in a movie theater; Komaeda: excited to watch a movie with friends; Izuru: eh.

8th event: Monokuma

"Nothing matters to you. It's all predeterminated harmony anyway" ref. to hope/despair balance

9th event: Gonta

he told Gonta about a good spot for finding bugs and what bugs he found

Izuru: idc; Gonta: great, you don't hate bugs, I will befriend you so hard

10th event: Kirumi & Chiaki

he's been playing with Chiaki as a duo for a while, but they want Kirumi to help with a quest bc system rewards bigger teams

Kirumi has experience with all types of games bc of a previous employer

11th event: Hiyoko

proof she doesn't act like that for reactions, she's just rude

12th event: Gundham

Gundham: Why do you not have a pet when you could, you heartless bastard? basically

Summer Festival: (performing Monotaro, the show is nearing its climax)

-I'll let Monotaro slay me, and exit the stage. (Peko)

-I'll work with Demon A who seems quite agile. (he's demon D, A is Maki) she plays along, smiling

-Demon B is just watching - I'll drag him out. (Komaeda)

Campfire:

-What do you need, Kaede?

"I'm guessing you already know", "I wanna see your smile"

is being so nice that it looks like she's hitting on you her default?

-I'm accustomed to spending time without goals. (Gundham)

"Your barrier is impressive"

-The Decision to leave one's home behind... (Kuzuryu)

"I could help you escape from HPA"

to use me? Nah, do whatever you want

"it feels like you're in shackles"

My Future: Ibuki & Kaede

once again, all he wanted was some quiet, alas no luck

he has criticism about their show earlier that day, but when asked how he personally felt, he says "I completed a song" like it's normal that he just pulled a song out of his ass in a moment of inspiration

"I caught a glimpse of something unpredictable"

he caved!

This is the last one I had done on Twitter, so the format will change after this, no more going over the same things twice.

#izuru kamukura #danganronpa #summer camp events

[gods-no-longer-tread-here]

no see I'm from the old guard of queer kids who were so uninterested in queer media because it all seemed to revolve around Being Queer In The Real World with all the subsequent realistic dangers, instead of killing monsters and being knights/mages and having any kind of power to fight back (I'm autistic, I didn't know how to read subtext as a kid, everything that I knew was explicitly gay was about how awful it was to be gay ((cough The Birdcage cough)), so I did what I saw older queers doing on the internet and "forced" queerness on "normal" stories (headcanoned men kissing into the most Violently Homophobic media I could find because I was 12 and hurting)

and even I, king of shoehorning gay tenderness into media that was actually just misogynistic and bigoted, could not find a lick of Sexual Tension between Ed and Xenk in D&D: Honor Among Thieves.

like. Xenk is a Harper, the people Ed turned away from. Xenk is a Thay, the people Ed blames second for killing his wife (he blames himself first). Xenk is a paladin who had learned from his trauma and bettered himself, letting go of the things he can't change, seizing everything good he can, helping because it's the right thing to do. Ed is still deeply wounded, clinging to the past, hoping that if he just tries the same thing again enough times, everything will work out. Xenk is what Ed could've been if he'd been able to work through his guilt instead of shoving it aside to focus on living and raising his daughter.

Xenk is what Ed knows he could be, and Ed hates that. He acknowledges that Xenk is intelligent, powerful, skilled, and good--and also that he could be all those things, if he tried hard enough. He wants to be those things. An example of what he could be, what his wife and daughter deserved, is alive and thriving, and it makes him furious.

and on Xenk's end, he sees a man who is being eaten alive by guilt and self-loathing but it still trying, who snaps at him for seemingly no reason, who doesn't trust him--but is good, and loves his daughter and friends, and wants to do the right thing. And because he's a fuckin paladin who has devoted himself to kindness and optimism, he's genuinely delighted that this pathetic wet moggy of a man is making an effort. Sure, Ed's rude and snarky and an ass, but he's trying, so it's okay. Xenk has faith that he can heal.

it's not a budding romance, it's not sexual tension, it's a bitter little boy snarling at a grown man for not being bitter anymore, and the grown man wanting to hug the boy and tell him it gets better, but knowing that won't help right now.

anyway if a sequel happens and Xenk doesn't get to congratulate Ed on keeping his oath I will be sad.

#D&D: Honor Among Thieves #fandom wank is good for the soul but I hope no one takes this personally I really do

[kil9]

.

#also not to be like a conspiracy theorist but #the sheer amt of times taem is like ''yeah really weird i experience this weird specific thing'' [lists entire autism diagnostic criteria] #''huh.. weird. anyway !!!'' #like. hm #hey hey do u think ppl get sooooo defensive when we (autistics) speculate abt him being autistic #bc hes a big hot sexy man but ppl infantilize autistics by default so it makes them uncomfortable ???? #smth to think abt #like obv hes more than that but that is definitely his image at least in the online spaces where this is talked abt #so for ppl to hear ''sexy gay club music man has 5yo boy child disorder'' they get wildly uncomfortable #like i could list all the times hes flat out said the stuff abt himself #actually i have & it surpassed the text character limit #they hate to see an autistic king thriving #i kno its just speculation not fact but uh. its really weird for ppl to be like #their entire counter arugment is ''its just not realistic for an autistic adult to have a career and talk !!!'' like ok we get it u hate us

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

why does jean warn up to mc so quickly? ikevamp makes it clear that jean is a pretty reserved person and doesn't open up or let people in easily but he seems to let mc in quite quickly and it confuses me quite a bit.

Oh boy, where to begin with this one.

Well, I have a lot of Feelings^TM about this, but I'll try to be concise. Essentially, I think Jeanne doesn't recover in the other routes--or the general storyline--largely because he's just a lot to unpack narratively speaking. And without some pretty direct intervention, he has a hard time healing. MC’s direct intervention was meaningful because it was focused, consistent, and adapted to Jeanne’s specific needs. She also doesn’t make light of his experiences which is key; she fully understands that she can’t fathom what he’s been through. There is a very weighty respect and acknowledgement, a seriousness with which she treats his wounds that’s important.

It’s easy to make this a “why is MC nOt LiKe ThE oThEr GiRlS” but honestly that’s just not the sense I get when I look at all the information available to us. 

That being said, I also just feel like every person's recovery from traumatic events doesn't really look the same? I mean Leonardo’s cptsd isn’t going to operate the same way Jeanne’s wartime/Inquisition cptsd is going to operate. Some people require very individualized healing, others will often require a large scale group effort to lift them up.

Typically people don't ever just get over what happened to them and never worry about it again, either. It's usually a process of coping; the hope is that with time you find healthy ways to deal with grief and move forward. Therapists aren't magicians, they just help people process painful experiences/thoughts. It's honestly up to individuals to find meaningful ways to implement these tactics. 

Tl; dr: My contention is that Jeanne doesn’t open up or choose to stay alive because MC magically heals him, rather his recovery is a convergence of many people’s efforts and hopes that he stays alive. Gilles (he insists that Jeanne must live, asks him to promise), MC (affirms and bolsters that promise), Comte (makes a second life and recovery possible)--and in no small measure Mozart and Napoleon--all make an active effort to buoy him. As people often say, it takes a village to raise a child.

While Jeanne seems to respond most powerfully to MC’s attempts, it feels more like a product of chemistry/compatibility than it does a random cop out. There is no insinuation that only romantic love can heal; after all, MC gets close to him without any romantic intentions at first. They’re just good friends? It’s more that their feelings simply moved in a different direction after a point, which doesn’t necessarily happen all the time. Jeanne is also incredibly moved by Mozart’s love for him as a friend, Comte’s love for him as a father, and even Gilles’ love as a comrade to an extent. If anything, without their input Jeanne’s capacity for romantic love would be questionable at best.

Now, because I can never for the life of me stop analyzing, I have a more large scale outline of my thoughts below. Spoilers for Jeanne’s route:

If we look at Jeanne's life history, he has pretty specific trauma. Most of the harm he endured was a direct result of human rights violations after the war itself. He didn't enjoy fighting and killing people, but he's also very much a man that sees the reality of his position: it's either kill or be killed. His entire goal was to defeat the enemy as efficiently as possible in the hopes of ending conflict, and with his enormous resolve turns the tide. He had no innate interest in inflicting harm, or lack of control when engaging. He isn't pathological about it, and doesn’t dehumanize the other side. He was more "this was an act of necessity, but those are still human beings." So as far as I can tell he has a very strong moral compass and sense of duty, he doesn't show much delusion/confusion in that regard. (Also evident in his conversations with the young orphan boy.) Furthermore, he has been shown to have a sense of humor--cracking jokes with Gilles and boosting morale for his fellow soldiers.

His childhood abandonment is significant (he left his home because he was "not an adequate farmhand and they had no ability to feed all their children") but I don't know if I would consider it a huge trauma point for him. It seems as though he deemed it an act of necessity--not spite. It was simply the way of things, and he couldn't help his wiry constitution. You'd be surprised how common that was once upon a time, tbh... While it's certainly not right or fair, it does appear that in his perception it was the choice he made and he moved on after he became a soldier. Just focusing on what he could do, rather than everything he lacked. For people in his position, they often feel it is useless to linger on what should have been. There’s no time to linger or doubt, life hangs in the balance.

That leaves us with his time under the Inquisition, just before he was slated to be burned alive. I think this is the keystone trauma point for him, because there are a lot of moving parts to his powerlessness here. The first part is that his entire life's mission--ending the war so that people would no longer have to die and/or starve as a result of senseless violence--was just sabotaged. All those years of doing things he never wanted to do (wartime violence) and being forced to leave his family to ensure they didn't all starve, all of it treated like some kind of joke. Like he didn't sacrifice years of his life and sanity to protect a people who were happy to call him a monster and watch him burn alive. The second part is the overt gaslighting and rewriting of Jeanne's personal history (and overall French public perception) for the sake of the King's political agenda. To call him a treasonous danger to the country when he was once lauded a hero. The third portion is the actual physical helplessness of being arrested, starved, and continuously maimed for no reason beyond pure malice. While it's never right to do that to any human being, this was done to a man who prided himself on his stalwart moral code. To abuse and torture him for something egregious that he would never do (at the risk of death) is just another slap in the face to everything he is and believes in.

I just feel like the context clarifies why that period of time would be the tipping point. His entire moral code and life’s work is being called into question and swept aside, as well as his agency? He believes very powerfully in a sense of right vs wrong, what's fair and what isn't fair. Somebody else deciding that for him--and deciding in a way that is openly unfair/incorrect--further makes him lose himself and his sense of reality. A person in that situation begins to doubt if they are good or bad. His belief in god all the more pressing; if he was a good person, why would fate bring him so much suffering? Honorable soldier or not, his blade has drawn so much blood...

People often reference his stilted social skills (and I am of the belief that he is on the autistic spectrum) as a reason why he is so "people-adverse" but tbh? I don't agree. His memories before the onset of this trauma reveal that he was actually a very warm person, and that people were more than willing to fight under his banner. He had friends, and he had comrades--his country loved him. He was the picture of well-meaning civic duty. Just because he doesn’t integrate smoothly into larger social groups or adapt well to socially shifting circumstances, doesn’t mean he just hates people lmao. When people give him the space to exist within his comfort zone and don’t take advantage of him, he thrives. Compounded by that, we also have his actions in the present to further prove what is true and what isn't.

While he is stern with the orphan boy (I'm sorry I can't remember his name, damn it) there is no malice or cruelty in what he has to say. He doesn't punish the kid or do anything out of line. It may not be fair in terms of the adult level of discretion he asks of him, but the kid also didn't have a lot of options realistically speaking lmao. Same thing with MC, she and the orphan boy are nearly identical in how Jeanne treats them. He's a little rough, but the route reveals that his intentions are just a reflection of what he's been through. He truly believes that if a person isn't strong, they won't survive--because his entire life was a series of trying to be strong/reliable because nobody else would. There was nobody to protect him, and nobody to care for him went things went south. It was him and his sword against the world, and even his exceptional skill as a fighter did not protect him from the Inquisition's arbitrary torture. He has lived in a world where good acts can become absolutely meaningless, where following rules and helping people still gets you slaughtered. That's going to take a considerable toll on his mental health: where do you find the will to go on when the next second of your life could mean the devastation of everything that matters to you?

Spoilers: you don't. Or if you do, every minute of the day is a fight to stay alive. That is the point at which we meet Jeanne. Caught in the hellish whirlpool of wanting more, wanting better--but being terrified of the cost. The cost of hoping, only for his entire world to go up in flames again. It's not a small thing, in my view.

If you have any doubts as to whether or not that is the case, I direct you to literally every singular instance in which Jeanne's emotional sensibility goes visibly dark/south. When do these instances happen? When it rains, for one. And when Shakespeare deliberately starts pressing on his sensitivities: about the soldiers he was forced to kill, about the nation that spurned him, how he's truly "wicked" at heart and doesn't deserve to be happy--seconds before flames erupt for the festival. Does that really sound coincidental? I mean lmao. The rain is a painful reminder, but MC transforms that memory into something a little lighter with her bet. He has nothing to lose in her game, all she does is ask for time with him or offers him something if she loses. There's a playfulness there, a restoration of agency and ease that's invaluable to his recovery.

As for Shakespeare's deliberate retraumatization...I can't even begin to explain how damaging that event was. Shakespeare is undermining Jeanne's agency in that he--not unlike the corrupt monarch of Jeanne's era--is twisting Jeanne's beliefs to work against him. He knows full well that Jeanne doesn't feel like he deserves somebody so bright and understanding (we need to remember it's not really a luxury he's had much in life, especially after the war ended). He knows Jeanne has a tendency to impose that strict moral code on himself even more than he does on others. To reaffirm his every worst fear and lurking terror only throws Jeanne into a vicious downspiral. Jeanne doesn't reject MC out of disgust or hate. He rejects her because he literally cannot handle the concept of trying to be happy again, or of burdening her with his constant struggle to move on while he’s in the middle of a bad episode. He knows he won’t be able to stop reliving the past, that every second of his life and breath will be colored by his gruesome memories. He's trying as hard as he can to keep the intrusive thoughts quiet, to move on. But I'm not going to lie to any of you, that is incredibly difficult to do alone.

The next obvious question is, well why can't the other men help him? This isn't to say that they can't--we see how much solace Jeanne finds in Napoleon and Mozart. Even Isaac is gentle with the veteran. But there are limits to how much they can do. Napoleon is struggling with his own wartime trauma, and it's not identical to Jeanne's. Plus there’s a distinct difference in their sensibilities? Napoleon is the type to habitually seek comfort in helping others when he can't help himself, he's not as in tune with answering his own personal feelings and regulating them. (I mean just look at his new ES: he knows what he wants, but it takes a nudge from Isaac for him to go through with it.) He’s very communally reliant in ways Jeanne isn’t; Jeanne is a very private person, and typically prefers one on one from what I can tell.

Mozart is the definition of repression, and if you look at their interactions it's usually Jeanne that's smoothing over Mozart's rough edges. Mozart says as much himself: that he feels like a rotten friend because he knew Jeanne was struggling with a lot of intense trauma, but he didn't know how to unravel it without hurting him in the process. Mozart calls it personal cowardice, but honestly I just feel like they both had too much going on to be able to help each other effectively. (And Jeanne expresses this sentiment too? This idea that he's not angry with Mozart? He knows they're both carrying a lot, he's just touched Mozart cares about him in return.)

Okay, briefly unrelated, but like. Am I the only one that wheezes uncontrollably when Mozart is like "?????? Idk what it is about MC...I don't want her to be scared of me..." in his own main story in the baths. And Jeanne. IS TRYING SO HARD. NOT TO SPILL THE BEANS ABOUT HIM O B V I O U S L Y BEING IN LOVE. THE HILARITY I CAN'T DO THIS. Jeanne was like "yeah....yeah that's rough buddy.......[screams internally, give your boy time Jeanne he's fragile]"

Honestly? That's the thing about Jeanne too--he has incredible self-awareness and hyperarousal-related (I mean the PTSD kind, get your head out of the gutter) awareness to the people around him. He's very, very conscious of the fact that he is surrounded by geniuses when he can't even write his own name. Just because he has the fortitude not to lash out with his insecurities, doesn't mean he never feels stupid or inferior. And it doesn't help when there are people in the mansion who call him--a fucking war veteran from 500 YEARS AGO--nAiVe. He's not naive lmao. He just doesn't know how the world works so many years later, and it's a ridiculously steep learning curve? Leonardo and Comte are nearly 500 years old, but they lived throughout every hour of that time in a linear fashion. It is a big deal to be moved from 1430 to 1890 in the span of a second asynchronously, and then be expected to function without a hitch??? Given the circumstances he adapts well.

That atmosphere--this constant impatience with what he doesn’t understand, his inability to be caught up to speed quickly--is going to hinder his recovery lmao. He feels like a burden most of the time, and agency and freedom are crucial.

Another thing that occurs to me about the mansion's arrangement is that there is a power dynamic, just as any space with people in it has some level of hierarchy (unless you live with miraculously chill people). Jeanne is acutely aware that Comte is the most powerful being in that space, and he is not only hatefully angry at him--but likely afraid too. We have to remember that the biggest betrayal he witnessed in his life was at the hands of a monarch; it was the aristocracy that turned on him and erased the truth. Comte is openly a child that resulted from both that era and that type of lineage, I don't really blame Jeanne for being wary. He intimately knows how willing rich people are to throw normal folks under the bus to suit their ambitions/whims. Comte, while not deliberately threatening, also seems to be painfully aware of this impression he gives off. His "chad persona" as I've mentioned allows him to navigate his life in secret by necessity, but it’s actively damaging to his son. He can't reveal the truth because of Vlad's betrayal, and he's openly unsettled by what it could mean to be honest. Will they wonder about Vlad and find themselves ensnared under his mind control as Charles and Shakespeare are? Will Comte himself be subjected to the mortifying ordeal of being known only to lose them?? That's a risk he isn't willing to take--and that leaves him in a double bind.

What is it that they say, the truth will set you free? This is where MC and Comte come into enormous play when it comes to Jeanne's recovery. One thing to keep in mind is that most of the people in the mansion have their own traumas they're trying to carry, and I feel like a lot of them are unsure how to approach Jeanne. Or if they do, he's very guarded. It takes a lot of consistent effort to get through to him. What does MC do when Jeanne unleashes his harsh worldview on her? She's understandably frightened, but Jeanne isn't malicious (so she chases him around). In fact, he openly avoids and runs away from her--well aware that what he's done is wrong. If anything, he did it on purpose, bringing us right back to Shakespeare's verbal undoing; why does Jeanne attack her in the first place?

LMAO. He attacks her because she essentially says "oh thanks for helping me!" "I am not nice. Watch yourself." "But you seem like a nice guy to me?" "REEEEEE" Does the pattern become a little clearer? When people think kindly of him, his instinct is to shatter that illusion with an impulsive reprehensible act. When people think poorly of him or lash out, what does he do? When that orphan boy starts yelling and screaming, Jeanne is nothing but calm. He explains the situation, and offers the kid a choice, perfectly happy to be the bearer of bad news. This operates on many levels I’m sure, but I have a feeling it has something to do with him being hailed a saint and a war hero only to be tortured and branded a monstrosity (and he probably thinks being a vampire is doubly monstrous). He’s more comfortable being hated because he feels it’s what he deserves in a lot of ways.

Jeanne has a lot of internalized self-hatred because of what he's done, and because of how much harm was inflicted on him outside of his control (he's Catholic and he was tortured, come on this writes itself). If I'm honest, I think that's actually the greater part of why he hates Comte lmao. Comte refuses the very concept of being cruel no matter how much Jeanne lashes out. Sure he lectures him and scolds him, but he never actively limits what's important to him or controls or harms him. Comte fully realizes the tragedy of how Jeanne's life was used by a nation in dire straits, and knows he needs time and acceptance to heal. No matter how dismal or unhappy, Comte doesn't stop--he fully believes Jeanne should have time in his life where he can really live for himself for once. But therein lies the issue, Jeanne doesn't know how to live for himself.

Which brings me to how MC and Comte "heal" Jeanne. I feel like they give him the space he needs to recover, and that's what results in his gentled temperament and happiness. Remember that so much of his main story is MC endlessly chasing after Jeanne. No amounts of his hissing or running or threatening stops her. Even if his refusals are empty of real dislike, they're enough to deter most people. Not MC. She's able to see through to the depths of who he is, and doesn't just use him for her own ends? She actively seeks to teach him (to read and write) to help him settle better in this era, she actively tries to ease his distaste for rain with a well-meaning bet, and she never gives up on him. (Actions mean so much more to him than words in general too, tbh...). Love is more easily defined by work and effort than it is by attraction.

When he has his episode at the festival, sure she's rattled; but that's because she truly believed that he didn't want to be around her anymore. When she notices he really doesn’t want to be followed, she stops like any normal person would. It’s only when she reads his notebook and sees the truth for herself (that he’s given up despite having the same feelings for her) that her determination is rekindled. She doesn't approach him fearfully, doesn't treat him like he's made of glass either. She just wants him as he is--accepts and loves him as he is. Scarred, bloody, exhausted, abrasive, terrified. She doesn't define him by how easy he is to love. That is a huge issue with traumatized people lmao. Because of their maturity, people always just assume they don't need help, or they rely on them to an extent that isn't sustainable. The second they reveal need or that they struggle, people walk away or victim blame them because it’s easier than taking them seriously.

While MC's attempts may be a little more obvious (cherishing his lily field, wearing the hair pin he gave her, careful about his gruesome injury, really listens when he talks about the horrors of his life and accepts that he experienced a level of agony/terror she can never understand, tries to express her feelings no matter his evasion) I think it's also important to consider Comte's large scale effort. I don't say this to undermine MC, I say it because Jeanne's life was defined by a complete lack of security. He left his parents to make their lives easier, he lived in a war that meant life or death any second, and his country's leader branded him a traitor which lead to his endless torture and public execution. Jeanne does not know a life in which safety is the norm. Point blank. He does not understanding going outside and not expecting the worst anymore.

Comte not only understands that level of despair, but treats it with dignity and respect. He fully accepts being hated if it means Jeanne can use that hatred to live on and find a way to heal. And most importantly, when Jeanne begins to move forward with MC and Mozart's help, Comte never once holds it against Jeanne when the truth is revealed. He's not angry, this isn't about reprisal or reparations or revenge. It's just love.

Jeanne doesn't really have a concept of this? His entire life was mostly transactional, defined by strength and efficiency. Nobody gives a damn about your feelings. You either hurl yourself at the problem or die. Nobody is going to help you or carry you or save you. While he may have had a little more support while he was in the military from his fellow soldiers, that support system was ripped away from him during the Inquisition.

One very common sentiment regarding elongated imprisonment and torture is that survival occurs in pairs. It is an undeniable fact that people need others to survive. It is the nature of who we are. Individualism has never proven to be successful, or if it is, its dividends are astronomically minimal when compared to people working together.

What does it mean to be the most reliable, steady person in the room? Usually it just means you don't know how to ask for help when you are no longer capable of maintaining that stance. Napoleon is guilty of it. Leonardo, Comte, and Jeanne all are too. It's part of why MC and Comte's capacity to see what he needs and provide as much as they can is such a big deal. That sort of consistent support (without a constant necessity to beg for help) allows Jeanne to be able to re-integrate into his new reality and find joy. Even if his nightmares and memories never go away, they are now being actively overrun by positive experiences. That's the thing about recovery, really--it tends to be more about drowning out the negative as much as possible and coming to terms with it, than it is about forgetting or never feeling it again. It’s about softening the sharp edges of pain like sea glass.

So is MC magical and randomly got Jeanne to open up? Nah, I don't think so. I think it was a series of persistence and real acceptance of who he is that made him warm up. People really seem to underestimate how deeply affecting understanding is, but that's how damage is undone. Jeanne can't really linger on the idea of his own monstrousness, his unworthiness, a lifetime of misery, when the person in front of him actively listens and cares about him. Makes him laugh and smile and lose himself in warmth for the first time.

If I'm honest, I feel like people also just...underestimate the level of traumatic resurgence that's perpetuated and inflicted by society’s standards in general lmao. This rhetorical structure in which good and bad exist in moral extremes, this idea that people should be able to recover and never experience relapses or periods of sensitivity. The refusal to radically listen to people and their problems, and make active attempts--not matter how small--to mend/ease those hurt feelings. Granted there will always be people in the world who do not want to improve, but I feel like most people want to. It's hopelessness, silence, and stigmatization that remain the true enemies of traumatized/mentally ill people everywhere. And among that population are always war veterans...

#ikevamp #ikemen vampire #ikevamp jean #ikevamp jeanne #ikevamp meta #ikevamp saint germain #ikevamp comte #sorry i have a lot of feelings about this topic kjahsflkjhsjkghfd #but yes! #i think mc being able to help him was more about her sensibility and the mental fortitude/space to be able to care about him as he needed #i don't think it's necessarily that she's SpEcIaL #trauma is a sensitive subject--especially considering he's a war veteran #but i also think it's simple and complex at the same time #simple in the sense that people really do just need consistent support and love to be able to care for themselves again #complex in the sense that support can come in so many permutations and some of them are very delicate and multi-faceted #and thus must be handled with extreme caution in some regards #anywho not that i'm any kind of expert this is just what i understand and see #also in case it wasn't clear i love him and cry every day (look away comte it's my whoring hours) #though i hope this helps??? i went off harder than anticipated lakjhglkj #thank you for the ask!!! <3333 #asks #rambles #not incorrect quotes

[scullydubois]

thoughts on Chinga (5x10)

Written by Stephen King and Chris Carter Directed by Kim Manners

I usually don’t get scared of episodes, but it’s 12:30am and this creepy doll thing is not gonna go well

*hits play on episode anyway*

That woman’s glasses...I need to get on her level

Haha yeah not here for this

They’re all gouging their eyes out...I beg of you, stop!!

I’m burning any remaining American Girl dolls I have

Oh bitch!! Serving looks are we, ma’am?

Dafuq is Mulder doing whilst on the phone

BITCH Stephen King (and he who must not be named) wrote this episode!! We’re thriving!

Mulder that’s very...loud

Also why the fuck is he “vacationing” in the office, is he okay

Worlds Deadliest Swarm...if you say so

“Scully? Marry me.” We’ve reached galaxy brain!

WHY do they keep using the name Melissa

I know Melissa Scully was a certified witch and all, but they need more original names...let her rest in peace!!!!

“Let’s have fun!” Absolutely the fuck not

The daughter, Polly, is autistic apparently

The mother is widowed

Why the fuck is the sheriff trying to get the mom to be interested in him...that’s creepy, sir

They charge for extra cherries?

Oh fuck

Is Mulder gonna come rolling up anytime soon

Witchcraft! Witchcraft! Witchcraft!

Great vacation, isn’t it Scully?

Can the doll fuck off

STOP playing the Hokey Pokey, STOP playing the Hokey Pokey, STOP!!

Oh my I hate this

Scully? Dana Scully? Taking a relaxing bath? It’s what she deserves.

Ignoring that phone call I see

She really dried her hair before heading to the crime scene huh

What kind of comedy king

He’s really losing it huh...he’s at a total loss of stability

Is Scully shifting into Mulder mode? Finally?

Ye, I’m out

This poor poor mother..among other things, her daughter is obsessed with the Hokey Pokey

She just wants to play!!

This is like War of the Coprophages, but with Scully on the case and Mulder doing weird things while on the phone

Jesus Christ child

Hammering away

Oh fuckkk

Damn this is intense

Jesus

Ooo good choice

Scully’s like, ‘burn little bitch, burn!’

Every bit of what just happened is iconic

Get the fuck away from me!!

Consensus: This episode was creepy in a perfect way, and I loved the comedic bits. The only thing I could have asked for is a bit more Mulder.

4.5 out of 5 stars

#the x files #txf #season 5 #chinga #5x10 #4.5 stars #stephen king #chris carter #kim manners #gillian anderson #dana scully #david duchovny #fox mulder #thoughts on

[writings-of-a-narwhal]

Tell me about the lovelies in broken thrones!

i have many of them!!

there’s the Braddocks, one of the main families in the wip! Adair is the king of Issera, a horrible and abusive king. Ianthe is Adair’s wife and a very sweet woman who was forced into the marriage. 

Amary Braddock is the eldest of the children. her twin brother died when she was sixteen and she became a drunken mess soon after. known as the ‘Bloodhound of Feria’, she has been working to track down all those who were involved with her twin’s murder. her hands are soaked in blood and she keeps a sash with lines for every life she has taken. she feels responsible for her younger sisters and wants to protect them. the shortest of her siblings, but a force to be reckoned with. she has her father’s anger and she isn’t sure how she feels about it. 

Eira Braddock is the middle daughter. she’s autistic. her days are spent bee keeping, collecting shiny rocks, tinkering with clocks, doing other little crafts, occasionally wandering the gardens with Rosar, or she goes to the library in town to spend time with her best friend crush Lumi and her cat Leaf!! she’s a sweet girl, but she worries. she hates the violence that Amary is involved in, she actually hates violence in general and wants to make peace for the land. her plan as princess is to make things peaceful for everyone!

Rosar Braddock is the youngest daughter. blind and kind, she’s an absolute sweetheart. she spends her days in the gardens, wandering around, trying to avoid her father’s wrath. in the beginning, she was his favorite, but when it was discovered that she was blind, she fell all the way to the bottom and became his punching bag. according to him, she can never do anything right. however, she stays kind. it’s her worst nightmare to become cruel and angry like him. she’s a Seer and there’s an ancient voice in her head that is her only friend besides Finlos and her sisters.

other Ferians!!

Finlos is a knight of the royal guard and Rosar’s best friend. he has a smile that can kill and a past that almost killed him. he’s been through pain, suffering, and a broken heart. still, he’s the captain of the royal guard and he stays strong for his soldiers and for Rosar. he doesn’t speak of his past, but it’s not uncommon to see him in town when he isn’t on duty, passing out money and food to the poor and needy. 

Barrow Reeves is Amary’s fiance, legally and according to the king. he’s a marquess and information dealer. a kind young man who feels like he’s transparent to all. he falls in love with just about everyone he comes across. his left eye is brown the right is blue.

Marigold Reeves is Barrow’s younger sister and a spitfire. she works with him in the information dealing. a silvertongue and bright and bubbly young woman. she fell in love with Amary when they were kids. they shared a kiss, once, and then years later got her heart broken.

Lumi Rosewood is a librarian and the daughter of librarians. her best friends are her pet cat Leaf (who is the size of a lynx but acts like a housecat) and Princess Eira. she works in the library most of the time, but also takes care of the garden outside their home, and paints things she loves. she has nature magic!!

The Keeper resides in the Dark Forests of Feria and guards them and the creatures within them. a shadow creature who was once human but had that form ripped away from him at a young age but still takes the appearance of a boy with shaggy hair and soft brown eyes. 

Cintu is the leader of the Shadow Wolves in the Dark Forests. he took the Keeper in as his own pup and raised him as best he could. he’s six feet tall at the shoulder and is a shadowy figure with glowing yellow eyes. a good leader and dad. 

now for the Isserans!!

Jayah is the former queen of Issera. she has an insatiable need for power and will do anything to attain it, even if it means killing her son, which is definitely on her list of things to do. even though she grew up in a good home with good parents, she came out cruel and greedy. 

Athum is the king of Issera. a man who regrets the decisions he made when he was a teenager and in his early twenties, but he doesn’t know of any other way he would’ve done things. he killed his father and overthrew his mother from the throne and banished her. he wants the fighting to end once and for all and for his people to thrive. he’s waiting for the Dragonheart, the one of legends, to come help him and his people finish this war and suffering. he has chronic pain.

Jeris is a retainer of the king and a father figure to Athum. he worked for the royal family as a horse trainer before Athum was born and took the young king in and helped him through the initial revolt against the former queen and has been at his side ever since. he has nature magic and a scar over his left eye. he was married once and has a daughter, Rialzi, who is a spitfire and holds down the fort at home with the horses.

Erihhn is a retainer of the king. he was a retainer of Athum’s father as well, but sided with Athum during the revolt. he’s a grumpy old man with a form of nature magic. he’s a very secretive man and refuses to let anyone get to know him. he has only one goal, to get back to his former position and do what he loves, but he won’t tell anyone what he used to do. grandpa-aged

Culraes is the youngest retainer of the king! he’s a brash young man who started his training at eight years old after his parents died and he lost his arm. he is after the woman who is the cause of his loss, Jayah, and he has no intention of stopping. when training, he pushes himself until he collapses. doesn’t know how to express his emotions properly.

Warin is Culraes’ adoptive father. Warin has the highest position in the desert oasis city of Aligran. he finds the wounded kids and takes them in, shows them how to use their anger to complete their goals. he definitely takes the law into his hands when needed. he’s never been married but he loves all his adoptive children more than he loves himself. fell in love with Jeris when they were teens.

Jayi is Culraes’ older adoptive sister. she’s a dragonborne and Culraes’ number one competitor. she is in charge of most of Warin’s soldiers and she commands them well. she always makes sure her soldiers are fed and tries to keep them from wasting their lives. she cut out her own eye when she was a child. she also got in a fist fight with a dragon when she was a teen.

Sazai is another adoptive child of Warin’s and she’s younger than Jayi and Culraes by a couple years. she has the appearance of a soft girl, always wearing pink and eating sweets (and anything else she can get her hands on), and she terrorizes her siblings by teasing them. however, if you present even the slightest threat to her siblings, she will rip your heart out. also, she’s the go-to torturer for Athum’s side of the war.

Tasiriti is the youngest of Warin’s adoptive children. she’s just a child (13/14) and she’s been in the midst of war before. except, she doesn’t fight. she’s a healer, but she doesn’t have the nature magic that healers usually has. she has dark magic that helps her sneak around, and she uses it when she goes out at night to heal those who need it. her hands always shake when she goes to the battlefield, but she does it because she has to heal her friends. 

Lei-ya is the eldest of Warin’s adoptive children and the first one he took in. she isn’t angry, not like the three siblings in the middle, but she’s determined. she makes the plans for her siblings when they go out to battle, she can’t let them die because something wasn’t well thought out. she goes over everything multiple times before it’s allowed to be used.

then!! two dragons!!

Avei is the mother of all dragons, a grand dragon who loves humans, in fact, she has designated that the one who will take her power into them will be a human called the Dragonheart. she will make sure the land is saved from evil, no matter what.

Taedhe is the dragon Jayah makes a deal with. with poison breath and attitude he wants nothing more than to eat people, but he’s been hunted before and doesn’t wish to be hunted again, so he’s waiting for his time.

some ships:

Eira/Lumi, The Dragons (Rosar/Jayi), Desert Rose (Athum/Rosar), A/C (Amary/Culraes), Finlos/Barrow, Marigold/Amary (when they were younger)

#Broken Thrones #also i tried to use a 'read more' but it's not working...sorry!!