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#they had some awful and negative energy directed at me
donnerpartyofone · 3 months
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My therapist fights me every time I use judgmental language about myself like, say, "There's something wrong with me" or "That was bad," and I understand that she's trying to get me to a place of self-acceptance or something, but come on man, there has to be a limit. If I'm consistently having problems that I want to get a handle on because they're hurting me, it's accurate to say something's wrong, my life isn't going to become "right" just because you take a word away from me. For just one example I was trying to explain this problem I used to have with magical thinking that was definitely bad and wrong, like it made me delusional, and the delusions muddled my thinking and decision-making, and my energy was routed away from making proactive changes in my real life because I was constantly wishing and ruminating and perceiving Signs from the Universe that were both not real and also leading me in harmful directions, and I wound up long-term vulnerable to some pretty awful people and some of what happened while they had a hold on me is so embarrassing that I can't even bring myself to talk about it ever (or anyway the one time I told somebody about it, I lost that friend). And part of what I was trying to say is that I'm proud of myself for having a tough confrontation with myself, getting clarity, and taking my life in a better direction. But regardless, at every turn my therapist goes "But why is that BAD? Why do you have to say that's WRONG?" in this sad little voice and I'm like BITCH it's wrong because I say it is! Because bad-for-me stuff happened and it stopped happening when I stopped doing the behavior! Because I'm telling you my values and how I learned to live up to them! And you training me to never use a "negative" word for any of my past experiences is not going to automatically make everything positive, it's just going to DRIVE ME INSANE.
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Request from my deactivated tumblr account.
"Hello! can I request a scenario where Leona is jealous/annoyed because his gn!crush is spending more time with Ruggie instead of him? maybe he thought they like Ruggie but in reality, they're asking Ruggie to help them confess to Leona. you can make it slight angst if you want but fluff ending please I need serotonin 😔"
Leona gets jealous over your close relationship with Ruggie, little did he know you were only getting so close to Ruggie in order to get advice on how to confess to Leona
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The door creaked open, “You were away for an awfully long time.”, said Leona in a sharp tone when Ruggie entered Leona’s dorm room. “Yeah, I know. I had...stuff to do.”, “Stuff, huh?” Leona turned in the opposite direction of where Ruggie was standing and didn’t acknowledge his presents anymore. This has been going on for a few days now, Ruggie has been meeting you a lot, seeming to have become more friendly towards you all of a sudden. Leona didn’t like that, but he was too prideful to actually say anything to you or Ruggie.
As Ruggie left Leona’s room after cleaning, as usual, he stood up. He needed to get some fresh air and he couldn’t sleep since the thought of you and Ruggie actually dating started to creep up into his mind which made him agitated.
With this negative energy, he walked towards the botanical garden. And there you were, seemingly taking a night stroll. Your eyes met and Leona’s expression immediately turns into anger. YOU were not the one he wished to see right now.
He could see how confused you were about his hostility and it made him madder, how could you be so oblivious, shouldn’t you know what you did? But before he could confront you, you stepped closer and asked if something happened as you felt he is upset and taking a night stroll isn’t a habit he has ever taken on. You speaking so softly, he couldn’t help but calm down a bit. He decides to confront you about his fears “You are spending your time an awful lot with Ruggie, you have feelings for him or something?”. He tried to sound apathetic but you could hear the strain in his voice. Obviously, you denied this, telling him there was something important you needed help with, and only Ruggie could help you with that. Leona immediately gets suspicious, that you would not tell him what that was and only Ruggie would be able to do it. His anger has subsided due to you confirming that nothing is going on between you two but he still is irritated. “How come you can’t tell me? You’re being so vague, usually you always talk my ear off.”, he remarks. “Why do you want to know? You are being angry for no reason!”, you defend, getting agitated by his probing. “Are you being jealous?”, you finally ask, making him stop in his tracks. Was this what he was feeling? But him? Being jealous? Of Ruggie of all people?. A few moments passed before he snapped at you, “Why would I be jealous? I just don’t like secrets, but sure, keep things from me, scheme behind my back as much as you like!”, huffing he stared at you. Finally being done with his bullshit, you yell at him “Because I love you, you dumbass! I wanted Ruggie to help me confess to you and make sure I wouldn’t confess in a way that would make you feel uncomfortable and also make sure you may have some feelings for me too because I would hate to burden you with feelings you don’t reciprocate! I’m sorry for being so “selfish” and not telling you that I am about to confess my feelings for you!”, you angrily stomp off and left him there alone, in the middle of the night. You were so uncharacteristically angry, he immediately knew he fucked up BAD. Feeling like he should cool his head off and think about what you said, he decided not to pursue you.
He didn’t sleep at all, he couldn’t get it out of his head that the person he liked, liked him back and he was being so mean to you and even thought you loved Ruggie or had some big plan set in motion with Ruggie to embarrass him. But when class came around, sleep overcame him and so he was able to get a clear head after school to talk to you.
Standing behind your door, he gulped, he is nervous about confronting you after last nights disaster but he knocked twice and announces that he is here to talk to you. You reluctantly let him in and ask him if this is about last night. “Yes, it is. Look, I-... I am sorry, I was being a dickhead and just thought about my own feelings and lashed out at you for things I spun together in my head, I apologize for not controlling my own feelings better. I thought a lot about what you said... and I, Uhm...”, he pauses and a very light blush graces his cheeks. “I think... No, I KNOW I feel the same towards you, I like you... a lot. And you may be right about me having been jealous, that was why I felt so irritated and was being angry at you for no real reason. But when it comes to you, I...no, there is no excuse for my behavior. Anyway, I just wanted you to know how I feel about you and if you forgive me, maybe we could... you know, go on a date?”, he asks. Seeing him actually being vulnerable and give you an honest apology, you decide to accept his apology and feelings, feeling happy about him liking you back. “Then...we’ll set up a date later and go out together soon.”, you say. He stands up, now having his grin back. He gives you a short kiss that makes you wish it would last longer and then flick your nose while bearing his smug grin, “I know you’re busy, but don’t let me wait too long!”, he announces before he leaves the room with his tail wagging.
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glouchyouchy · 5 months
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Just here to share a fanfic I made...
I distinctly remember, as a guy in his mid-20s struggling with so many issues with myself, family, and relationships in general, nearly 10 years ago and being initially dismissive of Star Wars animated shows and how I regarded them as nothing more than cheap filler for the movies. Then I stumbled across Star Wars Rebels.
The irony of this situation I'm in right now doesn't escape me in the slightest. After being largely focused for the past half-decade on my career, post-graduate studies, now with starting to raise a family, I can't believe I'm in a position where I've actually HAD to WRITE something just to expend in a positive way all the renewed energy I have for these characters - for the pairing of two of them in particular - that have only grown since the announcement of the Ahsoka series.
Now I'm sharing this on a Tumblr page I just created, just for this purpose ( I'm smiling as I'm writing this ). It's incomplete, though I'm fully committed at the moment to finishing it ( though seeing how people could manage to throw so much negativity towards others these past recents weeks is really depressing - the world is big enough for everyone to get along with each others' natures, wants, interests, whatever you want to call it ). Some details MAY still change, depending on the narrative requirements of the story as it develops. An aweful lot of it I've drawn from my own, actual, personal experiences as well as others'. Always, I've tried to approach the things I've written - and will continue to write as I continue this work ( a daunting task for me, especially when I passed the 10,000-word mark and I was barely even into the plot ) - in a way that would make sense, as if the characters were actual people with the same nuances and struggles we in the real world have and go through.
To whoever it is who decides to invest the time and effort to read this, first of all I'm sorry in advance for the quality - I'm a first-time writer of a narrative work ( though I've written articles for magazines and books but for more academic or technical purposes ). Just know that all I've written is from the heart.
You've been warned. Enjoy ( or dislike, or whatever ) :
ttps://www.fanfiction.net/s/14290361/1/The-Mandalorian-and-the-Jedi
NOTE : just add a lower-case letter h in front. :) When I tried to make it a direct link, it didn't work ( Yes, I am NOT good with computers and the internet. Just setting up these accounts in fanfiction.net and here on Tumblr was an absolute nightmare ).
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positivlyfocused · 5 months
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A Great Result Made My Client Do Something Awesome
What I do is not therapy. Which is why I can guarantee my results. When those results happen, clients are surprised. At first.
But then they come to expect the extraordinary. Even so, some results still blow clients away. Which is why, this week, a client gave me a $100 tip. The money isn’t important. What is, is the gesture shows how remarkable the Positively Focused practice is.
This client came to the session distraught. Her younger brother confided in her something scary: He was contemplating suicide. 
Like any human who isn’t a Positively Focused client, my client worried about her brother taking his life. The problem with doing that, however, is two-fold. One, the emotion “worry” tells us we’re using our creative energy to create a reality we won’t like when it comes. That impending reality includes versions of people in our lives. Including siblings and other family members. Two, “worry” can align us with another person’s negative intentions, thereby making it more likely the person will go that negative direction.
We’re more powerful than we know
Most people struggle believing we create our reality. Fewer still believe we create the people we meet. And yet, that’s what’s happening. We actually have far more influence on others than we think. That’s why I tell clients to think the best thoughts about everyone they care about. 
I did the same with this client. In thinking empowering thoughts about her sibling, she would offer strong influence on not only her brother’s thoughts, but his behavior too. She could actually change his trajectory, I told her, assuming he wanted that.
Indeed, many confiding in others about suicidal ideation do so as a cry for help. They want to take a different trajectory, in other words. So there was a great chance my client could benefit her brother.
It didn’t take long her to find more empowering thoughts within her. Feeling better, she could also come up with words she felt could positively influence her brother. I assured her those words would be influencing. But only if she could maintain seeing her brother in an empowered state. It’s not the words that would do it, I told her. How she’s being will speak more powerfully than anything coming out of her mouth. She got this.
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^^Our happiness depends on no external situation. (Photo by Jacqueline Munguía on Unsplash)
The Charmed Life emerges from the practice
Of course, suicide isn’t as bad as we make it. For many really struggling with their created reality, it’s often the best way to get relief from intense awful experience.
We’re all powerful creators. But since most of us don’t know this, we tend to create realities of intense negativity. In such circumstances, suicide can be the logical best choice.
Once that choice happens, though, nothing bad comes to the person taking their life. They receive support in nonphysical, then they get to try life again. They get a do-over in other words. 
So for the person taking their life, taking their life isn’t a big deal. It’s much bigger a deal for “survivors” though, which is another story. 
Thinking empowering thoughts about her brother moved my client into a very positive place. From there she had a great conversation with her mother. Together they amplified each other’s positive thoughts about the relative in question.
My client then felt so good after this, she gifted me the tip. It was a total surprise. She said she went from feeling a dreadful powerlessness all the way to feeling empowered and not worried about her brother.
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^^My client tips me for helping her feel awesome.
Of course, this is something every client experiences in their Positively Focused practice on one subject or another. It is, in fact the purpose of the practice. It’s about learning to improve our moods. Which equals improving our vibration.
When that happens, our lives improve too. So much so, they become the Charmed Life I write about in this blog.
Healing another: it’s no miracle
We constantly create versions of everyone we meet. Everything in physical reality reflects our inner state. People are no exception. It is how the Universe shows up: as a reflection of “god’s” inner state. And we all are gods.
Of course, the person we focus on is a god also. So they’re creating a version of themselves too. As a result, everyone exists as multiple versions of themselves. Those others elicit from us, and the one we create ourselves. The versions others create of us can influence our own self-creation. Especially when the image they are creating aligns with something essential about us. Or when we allow that other person to influence us.
This is how Jesus healed people. He saw everyone as their divine self only. That’s the essential aspect of us all. As a result of his powerful focus, dis-ease withered in his attention. His attention literally caused those people’s self concept to collapse into his high vibration version of those people.
Maybe you think this is crazy talk. If so, then I encourage you to create evidence that will convince you that you do create versions of people you interact with. We’re all doing it. Most of us just aren’t aware that we’re doing it.
Becoming aware that we’re god in human form isn’t hard. But most people benefit from a little help in the process. That’s why I’m here. The benefit of this awareness is literally boundless.
Perhaps you’re ready to live your boundless life. What I call the Charmed Life. Contact me. Let’s get started.
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myimaginarywonderland · 9 months
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This is going to be negative but here we go:
Genuinely hated everything about this race. Have barely ever said this about FE but this race actually had me angry and just complelty uninterested in anything that was happening.
Horrible camera perspective, weird graphics and just a general sense of no idea what was going on because of a poor broadcast.
Nico's genuinely fucking terrifying accident being just brushed off. The unnecessary long safety car period that should have been a red flag. Complete chaos because somehow cars just overtook each other but we weren't told why. It took years to get to even a decision to do something about a fucking car on track.
Once again the fucking awful thing of this stupid lead switch. I hate it this season because that just ruins any fun in having someone lead knowing that's just going to be passed around until like the last 3 laps. It is not some fun unpredictable factor because it just is such an uncessary thing. It makes basically anything before the last 3 laps uninteresting because there isn't a battle and there isn't even watching someone lead. There's just constant annoying switching that makes you think something happened when it actually was just another switch. This applies to other positions as well. 90% of the time it's just this stupid passing around where you can't even enjoy a driver making up positions because you know they will drop back soon.
Genuinely just chaos in the worst way. No idea how anyone got where they are because nothing was shown, no idea of what happened to anyone because there were no mentions. Hell, the only reason I even knew about Nico's accident was because of my commentator (Daniel) talking about safety. No sense of overtaking, no idea who was supposed to end up were. Not unpredictable just straight up confusion in the worst way possible.
The race direction giving penalty to Nico? But never showing one for Sascha?
Seeing cars drop without any acknowledgment why?
The race was rushed without genuinely any feel as a race. I did not realise how many laps were added, when it was supposed to end until we were mentioned to be on the last lap just shows there's something seriously wrong.
If you showed this to me before I was a fan I would probably not have looked into the sport. As someone watching a broadcast you are supposed to have a sense of the race which I rarely had at any race this season fully but this was by far the worst ever. Genuinely did not feel like I was watching a race because the coverage did not even try to give me a feel for it.
The entire track and new Gen are just annoying to watch for a fan. The overtaking would be cool maybe if it were actually for positions which it rarely is. It's mostly just this stupid switch tactic to preserve energy which is not entertaining to watch.
Nothing not even seeing one of my liked/faves drivers do well made this race in any way enjoyable.
This was a train wreck in the worst way and I genuinely hope we don't return or if we do changes are made because this was a fucking shit show.
It hurts to say but this season has truly just not been enjoyable many times to me. This by far being a fucking low point.
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aurynne · 1 year
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As a proshipper I wanna say I don’t approve of the hate comments you’re getting telling you to off yourself or anything like that. That’s unacceptable and we’re supposed to be better than that. Like, I have my criticisms of your post and all, like I don’t agree with you on some of it, but if anyone is gonna skip making points to send that shit, or they’re gonna try to say them buried in a sea of insults and aggression directed at someone who hasn’t shown us the same, then you’re just gonna turn people against us. A major reason I’m proship is cause proshippers at least advocate for tagging things and making it easier to avoid content you don’t like while letting it exist but antis would keep shoving it in my face and demanding I vocally condemn it and when I tried to set boundaries saying I didn’t want to talk about it or see it they accused me of supporting child rape. If antagonizing someone with an energy level they didn’t bring to the table was enough to push people towards proship, don’t you think it’s enough to push someone away from it? But anyway, yeah, the hate you’re getting isn’t okay and I’m sorry you’re dealing with that. I don’t know if you’d even want to hear my thoughts on your post even before this, but like, I especially get it if you don’t want to after this.
thank you truly, i really appreciate this ask because i agree that i don’t think it’s ever okay to say those things regardless of who they’re to. i was actually just telling a friend about this that i used to think it was alright to only say those awful things to people like convicted pedos and rapists but as a Christian i realized that i really need to stop that mentality and do my best to love and have empathy for all, and after working on it, now i do. so i don’t condone telling anyone to hurt themselves, get raped, etc. no matter who they are let alone a proshipper. with that being said i also don’t like seeing antis say the same to those that they disagree. it’s just as bad.
another reason i appreciate this is because it’s discussion. i’m totally open to discussion and debate; that’s why i made the post. i just don’t have anything to say to the people yelling weird stuff at me lol. so thank you for being calm and wanting to have a sound discussion. it’s always appreciated and i’m definitely open to that. don’t feel bad about wanting to interact on my post with disagreement either. it’s a public post for anyone to speak their mind on so whether it’s pro or anti just go for it as long as it’s not overtly rude but i’m sure it wouldn’t be given the tone of your ask. :)
that is 100% true about negativity just discrediting your side of the argument. this is another reason why i don’t see why people fight so crazily with the purpose of changing minds. it’ll only keep people set in their ways.
i’m sorry you had a bad experience with antis. everyone loves to make assumptions unfortunately. if you had people making assumptions about you being a pedo just because you’re not actively saying loli/shota is bad then that’s not okay and i’m sorry that happened. people have also made plenty of assumptions about me for being anti about how i’m apparently cis, straight, neurotypical, and/or not traumatized in any way lmao.
here’s a more detailed explanation about my relation to being anti proship that you or others might find insightful:
i definitely appreciate when things are tagged
it’s mostly the lolicon/shotacon stuff i find disturbing
age gaps don’t really bother me if they’re legal
incest ships/shippers do make me uncomfortable however i see lolicons and shotacons as more of a threat to others
i have trauma of my own just like many people do which does influence why i’m anti however most people think if you’re “quirky” or “traumatized” then you cannot be anti lol
i don’t think anyone should force others to be activists in any way if they don’t want to be, like how you had people forcing you to vocally stand up against these things
i only have issues with the people themselves that support it, think it’s totally fine in every way, or even helpful
i don’t think all proshipping media should be banned. the only exception to this is loli or shota hentai
i don’t like when people assume that creators condone the things going on in their media just because they wrote about it
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miloucomehome · 1 year
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man is finding a place to work in my own department ever difficult.
i'm a little frazzled from my typography class earlier this afternoon -- had to stick around until one of the last two people there finished because he had my self-healing board and a board my prof lent him that she wanted me to take with me and give her tomorrow at visual communications class. Only ate a few moments ago, so waiting for everything to kick in so I'll have some energy.
I was working in a faculty's little workspace they had opened but someone came to close it since it apparently has closing hours (nooo). I'm too tired to look for any other spots in the entirety of this 10 storey building so I just went down a floor to the department office's floor and I'm just sitting on a bench trying to get something started. once I calm down, I might move to the computer lab until 10pm.
The issue (and it's my fault, of course) is that I have to print out my designs for these cards and then place somewhere where people interact enough to record (see: photograph) what I observed. I should've pushed myself to go out Sunday while the weather was good, but I didn't get out until much later in the day and I had other things due. I'm also getting mixed directions from this prof -- there seems to be a huge insistence on going outdoors but there's quite a few people doing indoor stuff (but I've been stopped a few times from doing indoor anything, do I don't even get it. I'm making little cards with words/phrases of encouragement that I'm hoping people will pick up. The project has sociological elements to it that I know the best spot (one of) would be indoors on a campus where students are more likely to interact with some scraps of paper or be curious about what they say before resuming their work. outdoors presents a few interesting factors, but less chance of interaction I think.)
(While I think it would go against my good conscience, and my old ethics as a former sociology student, I have half a mind to print these, place them, do some observations and "make up" results in the name of being able to have something to present tomorrow and when it comes to photographing people interacting with my stuff, state that I was not comfortable taking photos of people from a distance without their consent.)*
*I mean, I probably would do it, but the guilt would weigh on me really badly. I don't need any ore reasons to hate myself more ^^;
** That said, I think some people jokingly mentioned how they were going to get family and friends to pretend to be strangers and have them genuinely interact with their thing.
I feel like such a mess right now that I have half a mind to drop my other two classes and give up. or even drop culture and img. I also think I'm letting the culture-img's weird comments get to me when they shouldn't have because it's been having such an awful effect on my workflow -- I don't just design and evaluate, I filter my ideas before they have a chance to even develop because I'm worried they might be "too commercial" now. This final project has been a pain to take from drafts in figma and create in illustrator because I'm just afraid to flop now (which sucks because I worked hard to overcome this a few years ago).
I suppose my main issue is being crit'd "harshly" but not told how I could improve--and I'm not looking for the 5-step plan (that'd be nice though), I just want to be told "This doesn't work, but how about using warmer hues and gradients" "it feels too commercial. what you should perhaps focus on is ___" or something.
I'm sorry I'm such a ball of stress and negativity right now. I think the fact that some of my profs interact with me happily after giving directionless crit feels so weird that I have no idea how to process everything.
Here's hoping I can get things done.
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trash-gobby · 1 year
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Since I did a really bad job of explaining myself last time I asked about something, I'm gonna try and be as clear as possible.
First I want to preface that I'm not baiting with any of my posts. They may be dumb obvious questions on occasion, but they are genuine. I wouldn't go out of my way to call out a specific person by name or be super rude about them because I don't think that's worth my energy no matter how awful they are.
If I make a joke post I will preface that in the tags as well so people who aren't sure will know that I'm not being serious, since parsing tone from text is not easy.
With that out of the way. I'm gonna move on to my question and scenario that lead to me asking about this.
So my question is: why do some people playing survivor literally decide they are gonna actively lead the killer to the team? Like why do they turn it into a 2 v. 3 scenario where they are not accidentally, but purposely throwing the game and taking us down with them?
Here is the scenario that made me ask this if your looking for clarification.
My friends and I were in a three-person SWF (gonna refer to these friends as Zarina and Mikaela for simplicity since they were playing those characters in game) just playing the game like normal. We aren't toxic, we don't purposely go out of the way to do anything negative to either the killer or the other player we're working with.
So we've had a couple of really normal and successful games against a bunch of different killers. We even got to meme with a killer and some randos before one of our friends since they joined both as Ash Williams so we both switched. We basically reacted the Spiderman pointing meme a bunch and got completely stomped by the killer who was also playing seriously while memeing.
After that we got into the three person game and loaded into a match against a Huntress. She was fine, not great but not bad either. Our non-SWF teammate was a Claudette who looked pretty competent.
So we're playing the first part of the match normally, getting gens done, chased, basic stuff. Then it all went to shit.
I'm on one side of the map with huntress chasing me when suddenly she breaks off. Fine, that happens when your in chase for a bit and then I hear over the call a little bit later that the Claudette has been downed is hooked. Fine, again, I can go for the save now since I'd just about 80% done with a gen.
I finished the gen since I had a little time and the Huntress wasn't camping or anything and it was Claudette's first hook. So I head in her direction (again she's pretty close so there is no way she's going to second phase). Then she makes an attempt to get off the hook. This was the first sign something wasn't right but I didn't think much of it. Got her off hook and then the Huntress was coming back our way.
She runs off I run off and Huntress chases me which is fine since I want to practice being chased cause loops are still kind of hard for me.
Then she breaks off again, and I hear over the call that the Claudette is repeatedly fast vaulting over a pallet that she dropped near Mikaela on the map (which for those uninformed makes a loud ass noise for the killer from their perspective in the game).
Basically Claudette decided to lead the Huntress to my friend who was doing a gen, who had literally done nothing to her negative in the match. She gets my friend Mikaela hooked, and they have the perk Kindred so they see that Claudette has run off to the corner of the map to use Self-Care.
Dick move to do this once right? That's not the end of it. My other friend Zarina saves Mikaela and we get back on track... Until.
I'm working on a gen when Mikaela shows up to help. We are nearly done the gen so I give them a heal since Zarina is being chased and the gen is 90% complete. Then I see out of the corner of my eye that Claudette is back and is medium vaulting on a jungle gym next to us, basically bringing Huntress back to both of us who are not doing anything wrong. We are literally working on a gen and she HAS NOT done anything the entire game at this point (keep in mind that gens have been getting done in the background of this by my friends when I wasn't with them.)
So obviously, we commit to the gen and get it done as fast as possible so we can get the heck out of dodge before this Claudette gets us killed.
Huntress shows up and chases all of us, like a normal person would. She downs the Claudette and also at some point hooks Mikaela again. She slugged Claudette so Mikaela and I basically just leave her there because we're worried she's gonna keep bringing the killer to us.
We work on gens and Zarina, who is a way nicer person then this Claudette deserves at this point, decides to heal her because they feel bad for just leaving her on the floor. Keep in mind that she also has been purposefully missing healing skill-checks near us earlier in the game, which also alert the killer if they are nearby, and running off to Self-Care or hide when the killer is nearby).
So Claudette is up and proceeds to bring the killer to Mikaela AGAIN (and I must preface again that Mikaela has done nothing wrong and has only been playing the game normally. Claudette should be mad at me if anyone, since I took two seconds longer then she wanted unhooking her to get the gen done earlier in the match). We're I'm working on the final gen and Mikaela gets downed and hooked for the final time because of this Claudette.
THEN, and only THEN does she come out of whatever bush she was hiding in and helps me finish the last gen, heals me, and goes to the exit gate with me.
Zarina, Claudette and myself escape from what would have been a much shorter game that would have had a four-person escape if SOMEONE hadn't decided to bring the killer directly to us for literally no reason.
We her perks are Left Behind, Self-Care (obviously) and two other self-serving perks, and she was most likely going to do this to all of us so she can get hatch.
Why do people play like this? Like wtf. We hadn't been toxic to her or the killer, so I just don't get what players like this get out of the game.
Let me know if there are any points y'all want clarified for this story and my question. I hope it's clearer then my last post 😅
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I shall always regret the day I said to my then gf, sure, invite them over.
It was the worse decision I EVER made. I let a monster into the house and into my life.
I didn't believe that I could personally let someone into my life - let alone love - someone who didn't have any meaningful redeeming qualities. It's a challenging concept because I just don't see people that way by nature. But experience, and the knowledge that she's more or less proud of being a malicious narcissist and general POS is.. special, in my experience. (And I was raised by a fairly dangerous narcissist as a matter of fact.)
I want peace. I want to be left alone.
I've informed people about what you've been doing.
It's one thing to occasionally banter by post with your fake blogs about the occasional sentiment, or engage in semi ridiculous mutual negging - since apparently you really like to bring it there; I mean, how dare I not want you?
I hoped to never say such awful things ever to anyone I cared about, hell, I don't say them to strangers. It's the very definition of language meant to rip and tear, like WMD with letters. It might be a reflex for you; it is not for me.
I do what I must do. Nothing less and nothing more, even when it makes me wince.
I get that that is not something you can feel about your behavior; I understand your mental world to some extent - probably more than most. I've studied you as you have me during the course of this 'game' you like to play for a long, long time now. The game has lasted somewhat longer than our direct presence in each other's lives. But that was lived during one the most intense moments in modern human history when the presence of a human and the bond of friendship was like a literal lifeline, it was 'everything'. It made for very intense bonding.
(I recall you calling me 'everything' - that along with 'favorite person', 'best friend', and 'soulmate', along with a whole host of nonsense.)
If someone had told me then what you would do and how you would do it, that the whole thing would amount to exactly nothing - other than to be an absolute scourge on my life - I would have argued. I would not have budged about defending you to anyone. And I didn't. I was still arguing with my ex and one of your former friends along the lines of, 'no, that's ridiculous. she may be xyz but she is NOT that' less than 2 months ago.
And damn. Were they ever 100 percent right.
Once I'm talking to my ex again, I'm going to tell her that she was right about the stuff that even I was skeptical about.
I'll probably recount the facts for my own sanity and posterity here - at some point, now that I've reconstructed some of what was going on even while we were together and just before. I remember an extensive amount; remembering details is my thing. There were some explanations that didn't make sense, and some trends that didn't make sense. I wish all of this was entirely in terms of your ex, but I'm thinking there was more going on there than just that.
(But not soon. I honestly don't have the mental energy.)
And the blogs: You've had those for years and years even though you lied about not being on Tumblr much when we first talked about it and began following each other.
You've even pretended to benother people and interacted with me as such - even by DM - long before I was aware you had other blogs or how many, before I saw the masks, the fake personas there. I only worked out who those early fake profiles were after reviewing the list of people I was following in the last 48 hours.
( I used to gaslight myself about the other blogs all the time; I figured I was the paranoid one and reading into things. It's so predictable now that at least one of my friends can tell it's you at a glance because she's seen enough of them.)
Who knew, right?
And you're proud of it. I don't have words for that.
We've been in cycles of love, hate, and who knows what for a long time now; you're like my own shadow in some ways, not quite silent and always watching. Always there.
It's been 2 YEARS of that, of being in each other's lives in some way and living next to each other. 2 YEARS. It has taken so much of my life and energy. What a fucking waste.
I'll never get that time back.
I don't care what you do. I don't want you. The more vicious you are, the more repulsive you are to me. (And you always find ways to outdo yourself, to find another low.)
I don't care about your existence in the upper class heterosexual world and how many wondrous advantages that offers to someone focused on status and money. You probably belong there.
I don't want you over here. You couldn't pull it off if you tried now anyway.
Stay out of my life and we'll be good to go. Talking would only ever happen now if you contacted me directly outside of social media, in public and with witnesses. I believed you last night bcs it's hard to remember or believe that people would keep pushing the envelope of vicious behavior like that. It's just something that is hard to really to wrap my head around - still.
I also supect others are involved in this - possibly. If that is so, you'd better hope never to give them reason to turn on you. Anyone involved doesn't even know me and even then, 90% of people would find the shit you get up to where I'm concerned to be stomach turning. Folks wouldn't even think to pull this kind of shit if I were, in fact, a crazy ex making up stories; regular people have limits about certain things, a squeamishness about intentionally attempting to torment people. (Emphasis on 'attempting'.) So if you have a willing participant, just know that could very well get turned on you someday and is quite likely to happen - as it's strong evidence of Dark Triad personality characteristics.
It's amazing to me that you people don't get that somehow.
I'm gonna wrap this up now - your piece of things anyway. Anything else I post today is probably not going to be about you.
Leave me alone. Leave me alone. Stop trying to trick me. Stop embarrassing yourself. Leave me alone.
I don't care about the rest. I don't want you. I don't respect you. I don't want to be your friend. Go live your life over there and leave me to mine.
Say what you gotta say like a grownup, or get out of my face on Tumblr hiding like a child behind a computer. I will be perfectly fine if you say nothing at all and frankly, it would make things more peaceful.
Hope this is clear.
Go away.
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scented-morker · 2 years
Text
Mine
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Sypnosis. By the time you’re old enough to move away from your parents, you have one large unresolved question that sticks out above the rest. “Why do we bother with love if it never lasts?”. That is, until you meet Jay, the cute student at your uni who also happens to be your server every time you go to your favorite cafe.
Pairing. Uni!barista! Jay x uni reader,neuroscience and therapeutic science majors (not specified which is which), appearances by roommates Joy and Sunghoon
Warnings. Reader has a 👎 homelife, mentions of parents fighting and basically not being in love, maybe suggestive? (Mentions of joy having company), a (1) curse word, a rushed argument, sunghoon makes a joke about running you and jay over with his car 😁
Wc. 4095
A/n. SWIFTING SERIES UPDATE!! This has been sitting in my drafts for a while and I just loved the beginning so much I was scared to finish it and ruin it 😭 hopefully I didn’t bc I’m actually in love with this fic (also I think I’m hilarious in it so compliment me pls 😗)
Taglist. @chuubear @naebyols @enhypenova @ifyourereadingthisitstookate @snowflake-jkhoon @en-ternity (these are the ones I could find, if you asked and aren’t here lmk bc you might have changed users since it’s been an eternity)
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It's easy to remember the day you left for university. Paying more for a dorm room was worth it to get away from the constant arguing of your parents.
A very good choice you decided, when they started fighting right before you left. It was about something dumb like the groceries, and you didn't even get a proper goodbye from either of them, eventually just yelling "okay bye" and going. Neither of them even looked in your direction.
So to say you might have a negative outlook on love, would be pretty accurate, possibly even an understatement.
You remember meeting your roommate for the first time, a girl named Joy. She was all about love, and you found yourself watching way more romcoms than you'd like to during your weekly movie night.
Yours and Joy's relationship just worked. She liked going to parties, bringing boys (sometimes girls) home, and you liked studying , actually showing up to your classes, and sleep.
That was how you found yourself walking into Chamber 5 cafe for the first time, you'd gone out to grab an energy drink to continue studying and when you came back Joy had come home and she was definitely not alone.
You let out a groan, sneaking in just long enough to grab your computer and textbook before making a run for it. The main room of the girls dorm proved to be an awful place to actually study, if your essay wasn't on who's toxic relationship was struggling this week, you weren't going to get anything done.
And that's how you found yourself wandering off of campus, computer and textbook tucked under your arm, searching on your phone for the nearest place to study. Chamber 5 cafe came up, only three minutes away, and the pictures on Google showcased muted pastels and tables with outlets. Perfect studying atmosphere.
This belief proved true, when you walked in there were about five other students there for what appeared to be the same reason as you were, their eyes scanning over laptops or papers while they lethargically sipped on coffees.
A content smile appeared on your face despite the events that had lead you to the place, and a two person table in the back corner called out your name as you entered further into the shop, ready to get some work done.
Feeling something off, your eyes glance up from the textbook page in front of you, and you almost jump out of your seat at the appearance of a boy in front of you. He appeared to be around your age, and his blonde hair fell into his eyes when he laughed at your reaction.
"Sorry about that, I didn't mean to scare you"
"It's okay, I wasn't paying attention" you reassured.
He looks down at the short notepad in his hand, eyes finding your textbook instead.
"Woah are you in Mr.Kim's intro to the brain class?"
You look up in surprise at how he recognized the course from one page of the textbook.
"Uh, yeah, have you taken it?"
"Yeah, last semester, it was great"
You look at him in mock disgust, "when does the great start? Because if I have to look at this brain one more time I might cry."
He laughs at your frustration, reassuring you that it would get better once you get past the first few weeks.
"Now, can I get you something to drink?"
You look up at the menu, realizing you hadn't even thought about it.
"Oh, um, do you have any recommendations?"
"Hmmm," he takes the seat across from you, "well let's see, are you a sweet or a bitter person?"
"I mean, I consider myself pretty bitter, but if we're talking about coffee.."
His laughter fills the room and you feel a proud smile on your face, something about being the cause of the sound filled you with excitement.
"Alright so one sweeter than you coffee, I will be back"
You smile as he heads back towards the counter, and you try to refocus on your textbook, but after rereading the same paragraph for the third time you realize that it's not working out.
You huff as you shut the textbook, reminding yourself that the cerebral cortex will still be there tonight. Instead you send a quick update to your roommate, asking her for a confirmation text when it's safe to enter the dorm again.
Shortly after the boy is back, this time with a coffee in his hand. You find yourself smiling as he holds it out to you, and you quickly read the tag on his shirt while you take it from him .
"Thank you, Jay"
"You're welcome, uh, you aren't wearing a name tag"
You let out a laugh at his statement, jokingly ripping a piece of notebook paper and writing your name on it, holding it up to your shirt while he laughs.
"Sorry, I forgot to put it on this morning"
He lets his laughter die out before speaking again.
"How forgetful of you, y/n"
You laugh again and he sits in the same spot as before, keeping an eye on you as you take a sip of the drink he made you.
"Oooo!! This is really good!"
He smiles, glad you like it, before looking down to see your textbook shut.
"Hey I thought we were studying?"
You scrunch up your face and push the book off to the side as far as possible without it falling off of the table.
"Honestly I did too, but my brain decided it didn't want to. So instead I want to talk to you"
His heart jumps a little in his chest, appreciative of your interest in him, and it's small, but his heart is already making room for you as you question him about himself.
Jay's glad the cafe was slow that day, as it meant he was able to talk to you as much as he wanted without being a bad worker. You made sure to pause the conversation whenever a new customer came in or someone needed a refill, thankfully, the cafe was full of college students who really didn't care if the cute barista was talking to someone as long as they got their caffeine fix.
When you reached a lull in the conversation, you looked around the room, empty tables staring back at you.
"Hey Jay?"
"Yeah?"
"When does the cafe close?"
He looks down at his watch, "8:30 pm", and then double takes when his brain registers 9:34 flashing on his wrist.
"Oh shit"
You laugh as he rushes to clock out, and you pack up your things before making your way to the counter.
"You don't have to wait for me, I have to empty and clean out all of these machines"
"Well can I help?"
Normally he would say no, no one but employees was allowed behind the counter, but it was late and he wanted to get it done as soon as possible. Plus, spending extra time with you was a nicer alternative than watching you walk out of the cafe.
"Sure, here just fill these with water and this cleaning liquid and then turn the machine on, I'm gonna work on those"
"Yes sir" you give a mock salute and he laughs as you get to work.
Between the two of you it only took about 20 minutes to get everything cleaned and ready for the next day, but Jay insisted on walking you back to your dorm since it was late.
You check your texts for a message from Joy, and sigh in relief when you see the "you're good to come back" text, quickly explaining it to Jay while he laughs at your misfortune.
"Yeah I get that, I live in an apartment off of campus and my roommate Sunghoon is the same way"
You smile as you approach the dorm building, glad someone else had to deal with it as well.
"Well thank you for walking me"
"Of course"
You say your goodbyes, but neither of you move to leave yet. You make quick eye contact, giggling awkwardly as you finally enter the building.
Joy interrogates you when you get home, and you tell her about your new friend while she questions the legitimacy of his friend status.
"Come on girl you literally described him as attractive"
"Yes because it's a fact. Someone can be attractive without me being attracted to them"
She stared at you in confusion for a moment before rolling her eyes.
"Whatever he's hot, and that was flirting. You should let me text him for you, get you a date or something"
Your eyes widen and you realize.
"Don't tell me you didn't get his number"
You give a shoulder shrug and she lets out a groan, mumbling one more "you're useless" before she heads off to bed.
You cringe at yourself when you realize how dumb you were, but decide you can just go back to the cafe another day and get it.
However that day ends up being much farther off than you thought once your professors started drowning you in work. You barely left your room, let alone the campus.
Jay was slowly losing the extra excitement that came with each shift, his constant thought of you coming back so he could finally ask for your number like he had stupidly forgotten to do the first time.
Thankfully for the both of you, your professor had lightened up on the work as the big test came up, coincidentally the same one you had been studying for when you met Jay (a thought that definitely didn't keep distracting you because your stupid brain kept thinking back to the blond haired boy instead of the material).
You trudged off of campus, your brain feeling like goo after finally handing in your test on different parts of the brain and their functions. One thing was certain, and it's that your frontal lobe was not performing it's thinking function correctly.
In fact, no part of your brain was thinking as you wandered through the busy university streets, yet somehow you ended up at a familiar cafe.
The scent of coffee was welcomed into your clouded head, and you went straight to the counter to get your caffeine fix, only stopping when you came face to face with the certain blond that had been running laps in your head for the last week.
"Y/n!"
"Jay! Oh my gosh hey"
"You look like you could use a coffee"
"That obvious?" He laughed, but you were joking around, and quickly ordered the drink you had been thinking of since your testing sheet was placed in front of you.
You waited for your drink at the counter, quickly flashing him a smile when he handed it to you, and took a seat at the table closest to where he was working while he made an Americano for another customer.
He came over to your seat after the other student had their drink safely in their hand.
The caffeine was starting to work its magic in your system, and Jay noticed the way your eyes seemed more attentive when he sat down next to you.
"So what's up with the walking zombie-ness?"
"Mr.Kim's brain test was today, and let me just say, my frontal lobe is severely slacking off"
He laughed again, and you continued talking until you got a call from Joy, something about needing you to come home immediately.
"I'm so sorry Jay, I have to go, that was my roommate"
"Oh yeah of course, let me just check you out"
You were glad he quickly turned around to swipe your card through the register so that he couldn't see the wide eyed face you made in misunderstanding.
He handed you his copy of the receipt so that you could sign, but was quickly whisked away as another customer rang the service bell and Jay had to go get their order.
When he finally handed them their frappuccino, there was no sign of you in the cafe and he let out a sigh as he made his way back to the table to collect your receipt. Stupid, stupid Jay, he had gotten so excited talking to you that he had once again neglected to ask for your number.
'I seemed to have forgotten last time, text me whenever :D ~ y/n'
He stared down at the writing on the receipt, a large smile making an appearance on his face. Quickly typing the numbers from under your note into his phone, he debated whether or not to text you.
He eventually settled for a 'hey, this is Jay! Nice move with the receipt thing. Hope your roommate is okay :)'
He tried to muffle his excited giggle when you texted back almost immediately.
'She's completely fine, I'm not sure how her burning boxed Mac and cheese is an emergency, but here we are. And thank you, I though I was quite slick'
You texted for the rest of the night, and continued for the next day, which turned into a week, which turned into a month, which turned into two, and so on.
Joy continued to tease you about the boy's status in your life as your relationship continued, his contact name 'my favorite boy' not helping your defense much.
You knew you were lying to her about your feelings, but honestly you didn't feel bad because you were also lying to yourself about them.
"I'm going out with Jay tonight, if you bring someone home just text me"
"Ooooo you know, I wasn't planning on going out tonight, but if it means you spend the night with," she puts finger quotes up with her next words, "your favorite boy, I just might."
You rolled your eyes, quickly slinging your bag over your shoulder and leaving as she sent you a wink.
When you exited the dorm building, Jay was already waiting for you, leaning against his car and pretending not to notice all the other girls staring at him.
A pang of jealousy shot through you, and you made sure to greet Jay with a smile and a quick hug, clearly letting everyone around know he was there for you. He pretended not to notice, but a smirk was visible on his face as it rested on your shoulder.
He opened the door for you to get in, and wouldn't tell you where you were going until you pulled into a parking lot, a large body of water taking up the majority of the landscape in front of you.
Jay opened the door for you once again, leading you to a spot near the water where a picnic had been set up. There were small flowers in a vase in the center, and fake candles lined the perimeter of the blanket.
Something in your brain perked up at the setup, a little too romantic for the friend hangouts you've been enjoying the last few months.
"This is beautiful"
You missed the way his eyes sparkled as he watched you take it all in, a sight that would definitely be confirming your suspicions.
You pretended not to notice the way Jay seemed to fidget in his spot as you ate, or the way he kept playing with the rings on his fingers while he talked.
You found yourself closer to the water once you were done eating, and the blanket provided much welcomed warmth as you sat together watching the water.
Jay's arms stretched out as he yawned, and only once one of them settled on your shoulders did you realize what he was doing.
His eyes stayed glued to your face for a reaction, not missing the way you tensed up when you realized what had happened.
"How do you feel about love?"
You looked at him, confused with the sudden question.
Upon seeing your face he quickly explained.
"It's just, you've never talked about boys to me, you never want to watch romance movies, and the only time I've heard you talk about relationships is when you're complaining about other people's"
"I don't know, I guess I'm just not interested in it. Movies are unrealistic, and most of the relationships in uni are toxic anyway. After everything I've seen and been around, I just don't think it's worth it"
"Do you think it's real?"
You contemplated the question, did you think love was real?
"I think the world would be a very sad place if love wasn't real. However, I'm not sure romantic love really lasts"
"What about your parents? They're in love"
Jay had met your parents one day when you needed to go back home for a cousins birthday party. You had specifically brought him because you knew your parents would be on their best behavior if there was a guest.
"If that's love than I don't want it"
His eyebrows furrowed, and a frown was prominent on his face while he listened to your extremely pessimistic view of love.
"What do you mean?"
"My parents have been fighting since practically the day I was born. My dad disappeared for a while but as soon as he came back they were at it again. I truly don't think my parents are in love. Maybe they were, but now they're just married because they don't want to get a divorce. I don't think that's love"
You were facing each other now, and you weren't sure why you were spilling out your childhood trauma and messed up life details to Jay. You had never told anyone before, and yet you didn't even think twice about it before you started talking.
For the first time you wanted someone to know. You wanted them to know why you were the way you were. You wanted them to understand you, so that maybe they wouldn't leave.
"Oh y/n, I'm so sorry"
You didn't want pity, you always hated the feeling of someone pitying you, but this felt different. He wasn't pitying your life, he was genuinely sorry that you hadn't been shown the way love was supposed to be.
"It's fine, just how life works out"
"But it's not! Love is real, and I know you aren't a fan of it, but if you give me the chance, I will show you," you hadn't rejected his advance, but it was clear you were in no position to reciprocate his feelings. "Just give me the chance to show you what love is supposed to be like"
Maybe it was the warmth in your body from his arm around your shoulders, or maybe it was the way the stars seemed to reflect off the water and into his eyes, but you found yourself leaning closer to the boy.
"Okay"
That night you spent way too long together contemplating other random  ideas about life, and it turned out Jay's brain was a little messed up too. Although you decided by the end of the night that maybe everyone's brain was. Maybe there's nobody who isn't a little messed up.
You almost fell asleep on Jay's shoulder halfway through a conversation about multiple lives, and you might have fallen if it weren't for his arm that was still around your shoulder.
He carried you back out to his car even though you assured you could walk and were just a little tired. He didn't believe you though, and that night he gave up his bed so that you could sleep comfortably after Joy had carried out her master plan that left you with him overnight.
You remember the way he left a glass of water next to the bed and reassured you to just wake him up if you needed anything.
Maybe love isn't so bad
The next few months were better than anything you'd experienced before. Jay helped you study, brought you takeout after bad days, and you spent even more nights together out on drives, just talking. He had made the joke multiple times that maybe you two should have majored in philosophy instead of being neuroscience and therapeutic science students.
Within three months there's a drawer in Jay's dresser dedicated to your clothes, and you leaving the apartment in the early morning had become a common sight for his roommate. You no longer denied Joy's teasing, and you found yourself believing that maybe love could be real and lasting, because as much as you hated to admit it, you didn't want Jay to ever leave you or stop being with you.
"So, I've been looking at apartments near the school," Jay cautiously brought up to you one day after lunch together at your favorite spot.
"Oh? Are you and Sunghoon thinking about moving?"
You were laying on the couch together and you felt him shift uncomfortably behind you.
"No, I was thinking more of you and me moving in together."
You sit up quickly when the words leave his mouth, head snapping to look at him in shock.
"Before you start making excuses, Sunghoon already found a new roomate! Some guy named Jake in one of his classes is looking for a place, and you and I both know Joy has plenty of options."
His hands are reaching for you, and it isn't until he reaches them that you realize you've stood up, putting distance between the two of you.
"Jay they aren't excuses, you have to think of things before you make decisions this big!"
"Okay well I thought of them, they're solved it doesn't matter what I call them."
"And you didn't consider, I don't know asking me about it?"
"We'll we already practically live together, I thought you would be fine with it."
"You can't just make decisions like this without talking to me about them!! Thinking I'd be fine with it is not the same as making sure I'm fine with it."
By now the two of you were yelling, and without even realizing it your body was backing towards the door and away from Jay. It was your first real argument, and something in it was triggering that old fight or flight response from your childhood.
"Are you not fine with it?" His words were bitter and you felt like all of the love he'd shown you over the last few months were gone.
You'd finally done it. You'd pushed him too far. Your stupid fear of commitment had finally brought the end you knew was coming.
And at that moment, flight won.
By the time you finish moving you're in the parking lot in front of Jay's apartment and the sobs are wracking through your body while you repeat the last few minutes in your mind.
The yelling, the hurt look in his eyes, the last words he'd said to you.
You hear footsteps and you can tell it's him. You want to laugh, how you can even recognize his footfalls against pavement.
He sits down next to you and his aura still gives away his anger.
"Yn"
You brace yourself for his next words, already knowing what they're going to be.
'I can't do this, you weren’t worth this much work.’
What you actually hear sounds foreign to your ears.
"I'm sorry."
He stares at the way you turn to him in shock, and he finds himself wondering if anyone had ever apologized to you.
"You don't want to leave me?"
"No! What? Of course not!"
He's confused and you're confused, and you're both still angry, but somehow you find yourself in his arms.
His hands attach to your head, pulling it into his chest and both of you take deep breaths.
"I'm sorry too. And,” he looks down when you pause, a deep breath inflating your body, “I love you."
Jay doesn’t think he’s ever moved faster than he did at that moment, readjusting so that he could stare into your eyes, and he wasn’t sure if it was the tears or if your eyes just seemed brighter than they used to.
"Did you just say what I think you did?"
He'd never heard you say those words to anyone, and he knew about your doubt.
"I thought you thought love didn't exist."
You blush now, a little embarrassed at your bold statement in the heat of the moment, and you avoid his eyes as you try to explain yourself.
“I don’t know it’s just, I feel like you’ve proven to me that it does. And I mean maybe I’m right and it won’t last, but I hope not because I don’t ever want to be without you. I think I was just scared to admit it because things had always been so good it seemed too good to be true. But I’ve never had anyone apologize to me after a fight, and I’ve never had anyone-” you contemplate your next word carefully and his heart breaks a little when you finally find the right one. “Stay.”
There’s tears running down both of your faces, and you find yourself attempting to kiss all the tears away from skin while he smiles like lovesick puppy.
"What are you two idiots doing?"
You’re broken from your moment by Sunghoon in his car, his path to the parking lot blocked by your hugging bodies.
"Actually I don't even want to know. You’re lucky I actually stopped instead of just running you over like I thought about before I realized it was you guys.”
You're all laughing when Jay sticks his middle finger up at his roommate, but he scoops you up off the pavement anyways, carrying you bridal style back to the apartment while Sunghoon continues his complaining, yelling something along the lines of “should’ve just kept going.”
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etherrreal · 3 years
Text
“the things you do for charity”
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Pairing: kenma x gn!reader Genre: fluff Summary: kenma's always been a private person, but it was getting increasingly harder to keep his partner off his streams while you live together; so, he decided to join his two loves together for a 24-hour charity stream extravaganza. Word Count: 3,408 Warnings: some swearing, i suppose there are some spoilers from the manga about adult kenma's job? A/N: i'd give my left tit to play some minecraft or mario kart with kenma tbh -Luna
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Kenma's career as a popular streamer was one of the many facets of him that shocked you when you’d started dating two years ago. The two of you had first met in an Animal Crossing discord for your city meant for trading and making friends.
After you had gone over to his island to adopt Raymond from him, he let you keep all of your Nook Mile Tickets with the stipulation that you kept in contact with him to "give him updates" about how the cat villager was doing in his new home. His dorky way of trying to flirt with you was what made you pursue him in the first place, and somehow it had led to a very fulfilling relationship.
It was revealed early on that he was a streamer, but he never expanded on it regarding the actual numbers. Curiosity got the best of you one night, and you decided to google him. Besides also learning that he was a YouTuber, you found yourself in awe at the numbers he managed to accumulate across all of his social media.
And if that wasn’t enough, he was also apparently the CEO of his own business.
Once you moved in together around the one-year mark of your relationship, you got to properly witness the amount of work put into streaming and maintaining a social media presence. This also meant that you got to read the wild comments that were left on all of his platforms–and see the occasional surprise nude picture whenever he opened up his DMs around you.
Because of this, Kenma sat you down to have a conversation about your potential appearance on his social media. You both decided by the end of it that his audience would get to know that he was in a committed relationship, but you agreed it would be best to not show your face or reveal any identifying information of yours.
It had been a year since having that conversation, and you’d both stuck to the agreement closely. The most his audience had ever seen of you was your hand whenever you refilled his water bottle for him.
Of course, it was hard sometimes, especially when you had to remain extra quiet around the house and refrain from yelling out a 'baaaabe' whenever you needed something from him, but since he had his own soundproof office, it lessened the room for any accidental error.
Overall, you were content with never showing your face to his audience for the rest of his career. You knew how nasty the internet could get because of their parasocial relationships with influencers and streamers alike, especially when they discovered those influencers and streamers had a partner who wasn't them, even if they knew they never had a chance. You weren't sure your skin was thick enough to deal with rabid angry stans.
Which is why it was so shocking when Kenma decided one day to nix the agreement.
You were in your shared bedroom answering some emails when he came in. He was dressed in a baggy hoodie, sweats, and tied-up hair; his typical look for a stream.
After some time, you noticed that he was still standing in the doorway, not saying anything. When you glanced up at him, you found him awkwardly toying with the strands of hair that had fallen out of his bun, looking down at the ground like he was just waiting for you to notice him.
"Is there something you need, baby?" you asked. "You're just standing there all adorably shy."
"Yeah, so, um, I'm going to be doing a 24-hour stream this weekend to raise money for charity."
"Oh, really? Cool! I guess that means I'll be going to bed alone that night," you joked.
"Yeah, I guess. Um..." He started before scrunching up his face like he was uncomfortable with what he planned to say next.
"What is it? Do you need me to stock up on snacks and energy drinks? Just send me a list. I can pick  them up tomorrow."
"No, that's not it. I was thinking of making a stretch goal be you coming on stream so we can play Minecraft or Mario Kart or something...I mean, I totally understand if you don't feel comfortable. I could always replace it with something else. I know they've been wanting to see me dye my hair a bright color and dress up like an e-boy, so--"
"Really!?" you nearly yelled.
"What? That they want me to dress like an e-boy? Yeah, Kuroo said it would–"
"No, I mean..." You tried to fight the confused expression that was growing on your face, but your squinted eyes gave you away. "You really want me on your stream? Like face and all?"
"....Yeah, I really want to be able to share this with you. But don't feel like you have to do it just to make me happy."
It was a large ask when looking at the full picture. Kenma had his fair share of fans and "stans" who lacked boundaries, as seen from a select few who visited your home several times this year, or the handful that found you on social media already just from seeing a glimpse of your college ring on the hand wrapped around Kenma's water bottle.
There could be a chance you could receive direct hate on your social media just because you were a person who dated a popular streamer. You would then be in the public eye with little privacy and have a magnifying glass on all of your actions and words. Anything you did would then reflect on Kenma.
What if you messed something up and then Kenma lost viewers? Would they try to cancel you or him for it?
You backed away from all the negative thoughts before you could spiral and looked at the metaphorical 'pro' column.
If you agreed to appear on his stream, you would no longer have to sneak around your house in fear of being heard or showing up in his face cam. You both wouldn't have to feel guilty playing games off-camera with each other because you knew Kenma could be streaming it instead.
And who knew? Maybe his fans would like you. You had to admit, it would be a nice ego boost knowing that you were accepted by so many people.
And, most importantly: you could physically ask him in person what he wanted for dinner instead of texting him and waiting an hour for a break so he could respond, while you sat in the next room, starving, stuck in an endless cycle of wondering whether you should make a snack or if you should just hold off for dinner.
Maybe this was a good idea.
"Okay,” you decided, “I'll do it."
"Oh... alright. Cool." Kenma was trying his hardest not to show how excited he was that you agreed. When he saw the contemplative look on your face, he was sure you would decide that it'd just be too much work and say no. But hearing you agree made him giddier than he would ever admit to.
Despite the cool and collected façade he thought he was putting on, you saw the smile that threatened to break through and the red tips of his ears. You wondered if he felt the same weight being lifted off his shoulders as you did, knowing that, after this weekend, you'd both be finally out as an official couple to the world.
And, of course, the nausea of having to do all of it live in front of thousands of people. No biggie.
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Saturday afternoon came and at 12pm sharp, Kenma began his grueling 24-hour charity stream. The bar had an overall goal of $150,000, and it began filling up at a constant pace right from the start. Donations ranging from $5 to $500 were flowing in rapidly, and you were trying your best not to feel nervous.
You both agreed that if he reached $50,000 within 5 hours, you would join him for an hour or two of Minecraft later that night. Part of you hoped that the donations would slow down and plateau for a bit, but when you saw Kuroo had donated $1000, specifically with the message that he hoped to see you on stream soon, you realized that it was a pipe dream.
So, you had to be your own hype person for now, to get prepared to show your face to thousands of people and not disappoint Kenma.
Whether it was the promise of your face reveal or the people who genuinely adored charity, it took only four hours for Kenma to break $50,000.
When he saw the number update live on stream, the viewers witnessed the most amount of expression Kenma had ever shown: eyes wide as saucers, mouth slightly agape, body frozen. You could see the gears struggling inside his head struggling to turn and comprehend what they all managed to do so early on in the stream.
"Thanks so much, everyone, for being so generous today... I guess this means we'll be having my partner on later tonight," he announced. You watched his chat explode with excitement, his special emotes flying in the chat.
You picked up your phone to shoot Kenma a quick text.
[you]:: hope you're ready to put our minecraft beds together in front of thousands of people 😏
Unsurprisingly, he left you on read. But dating him for this long meant you weren't even a little bit afraid of double or triple texting.
[you]:: maybe we can kiss under the light of an exploding creeper 😫
[you]:: or have a romantic walk through our rainbow sheep while a phantom looms overhead 🥰
It was after the third text when you finally saw him pick up his phone to text you back. You eagerly awaited his response, only to cackle when you read it.
[my sugar daddy]:: im going to replace you with hinata as my partner if you dont stop
Instead of annoying him any further, you set your phone to charge on your nightstand and went into the bathroom to get ready for the stream later.
Once you emerged, you picked up your phone to check the percentage and noticed a text from Kenma stating that he'd have you on at 8pm. You decided to spend the time until then cooking up some dinner for the both of you.
It seemed like time flew by because by the time you were done eating your food, it was 7:45pm. Only fifteen more minutes before you were live in front of all of Kenma's supporters. You refilled your water bottle and sat on the couch, staring at the blank T.V. as you practically dissociated from reality until Kenma came out of his office to retrieve you.
You noticed that he looked just as nervous as you did, despite his face not showing it the way yours did. His shoulders were up to his ears with tension, and his hoodie drawstring was pulled almost all the way through due to him fiddling with it.
He turned briefly to you after he brought you into his office, gesturing to make sure you knew to wait until he gave you the cue. He sat down, unmuted himself, and took down the 'away' screen he had for his audience.
This was it. Everything was going to change in literally ten seconds.
"Well, everyone...please welcome my partner, (Y/N)."
You walked cautiously around his large gaming chair and sat next to him in your modest desk chair that he had rolled into the room for the occasion.
Okay, you thought to yourself, now don't fuck this up.
"Hi, everyone."
Nailed it.
There was a painful moment of silence before the stream finally caught up, and you both heaved a sigh of relief when you saw nothing but declarations of excitement. Amongst the 'AHHHs' and spam of emotes were sweet comments about your appearance and how cute you two looked as a couple. You peeked over at Kenma and saw the ghost of a smile on his lips, elated to know that he was just as relieved as you were.
"Okay, let's start with the gameplay while we answer some questions," he said.
The questions and gameplay started out mild; when did you both start dating, how did you meet, who asked the other out first. They even asked a few simple questions about you specifically, like your favorite anime and your star sign. And while you did see a few bans in the chat after some inappropriate questions –no, you will not tell them the color of your underwear– most were easy and simple enough to answer.
Then they started to get a bit spicier.
"Bokutoslefttit donated $69.69 and asked, 'what is your main pet peeve with Kenma?'" he read, muttering a 'wow' under his breath at the username.
"Ooh, how can I be polite when exposing you?" you pondered while beating a cow to death with your sword. "It's probably how loud he gets whenever he's playing games with his good headphones on."
"I don't get loud," he defended.
"Oh yeah, you do. I've had to come in here several times to tell you to shut up like I'm your mother. I did it literally two days ago when you were playing with Lev."
"... Next question."
You rolled your eyes at his lack of comment but glanced over at the chat to pull up a new question. You stifled a laugh when you read, "Girlboss420 asked 'who has a fatter ass, Kuroo or (Y/N)?'"
"I'm not answering that."
"Come oooon, this is a Q&A. Can't have the Q’s without the A’s."
"Nope."
You were about to start reprimanding him for implying that Kuroo's ass was fatter than yours when you noticed he ran past you with a group of pillagers following closely behind. You turned to head into the house but when you opened the door, you noticed it was blocked off by obsidian.
"You are the absolute worst!" you exclaimed.
You made a break for it, sprinting past the shooting pillagers and around to the front of the house. You made it inside with only 2 hearts to spare. You turned, in real life, to Kenma to see him tight-lipped to avoid smiling about his betrayal.
"I'm moving my bed downstairs for the rest of the stream."
You both carried on with the stream without another incident, turning to the chat every now and again to answer some questions. Kenma even apologized to you by bringing home a horse that was named "I'm sorry."
It was about an hour and a half after you sat down when Kenma decided that he needed a bathroom break. Your heart fell to your ass when you realized that you'd be all alone to entertain his chat. You considered saying that you needed to pee as well, if it meant not having the spotlight on you.
Instead, when he got up to pee, you smiled and asked him to bring you back a snack and a refill. Oh, how the turns have tabled.
In the meantime, you decided to scroll through the chat and some of the donations to pick out another question to answer since Kenma was gone. You were initially looking for a funny or vulgar comment when you saw one that had a completely different vibe.
"Kermithateblog donated $25.00 and asked, 'what's your favorite part about being with Kenma?' Wow, that's a really sweet question. Let me think for a moment."
You paused to reflect on your relationship with Kenma over the two years you’d been together. You'd had your fair share of highs and lows like any other couple, but, in the end, you both learned how to work things out so you were both equally as happy in the relationship.
"So, as you guys know, he's a busy boy with streaming, creating content for YouTube, and also being a CEO of his own company, which all takes up the majority of his time," you began. "But when he finally can shut off his screens and crawls into bed late at night, I know that he's 100% there with me at that moment. He is able to give me his undivided attention and make me feel like his love for me comes above his love for gaming."
You gave a pause, trying not to get too emotional. You rarely got the chance to gush about Kenma because you knew how much he hated having attention on him, so if this was going to be your only opportunity to do so for a while, then you were going to take it.
"What y'all don't know is that he is the biggest baby when it comes to cuddling," you laughed. "He is absolutely the little spoon most of the time, and he loves when I stroke his hair and love on him all night. In a weird way, it makes me feel special and loved knowing that he trusts me enough to be vulnerable with me. I cherish the amount of time we have together because of that."
What you didn't know was that he had come back from refilling your water bottle rather quickly and stood outside the doorway to hear your speech. His heart almost burst when he heard your tender words describing how he made you feel. He knew that you rarely got to hear how much those quiet moments at night meant to him because he was guarded with his feelings.
Which is why he started into the room on a mission.
You smiled as soon as you saw him. "Welcome back, babe, we were just talking about--"
He approached you swiftly and leaned down to press a gentle kiss on your forehead. You hardly even got to bask in the moment before he was pulling away, setting down your water bottle as he sat back down with his controller in hand like he didn't just expose to his audience how much of a softy he really was.
It was in that moment when you realized how glad you were that you’d decided to appear on stream because you'd be able to look back at that clip over and over again to relive the intimate moment.
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Noon on Sunday came at last. Kenma would finally be free from the prison of his office. Not to mention he could finally get off his ass and stretch.
Between your official appearance on stream and the sign-off, you popped in a few more times to say hello to the chat when you brought him some snacks and drinks. You stayed up through most of the night, although you accidentally napped for a few hours during the dead of night which gave you a little boost in energy.
In the end, the stream was a monumental success. Kenma had even managed to blow past his goal of $150k and make it to over $200k, which meant that he'd be getting the full e-body makeover for his next week of streams.
By the time Kenma came into your bedroom after freshening up and having a small snack, you were already dead asleep with your laptop propped open to show his now offline stream.
He tip-toed around the bed quietly, closed your laptop, pulled the covers up and over your curled-up body, and slipped in himself. As he settled, he felt you shift and grab at his worn t-shirt, opening your eyes slightly just to confirm that it's him.
He pulled you against his chest tightly, his body finally able to relax. He was sure it wouldn't be too long before he completely fell out.
"That was more fun than I thought it'd be," he heard you utter quietly.
"I'm glad you enjoyed yourself." His fingers gently danced across your shoulder blades as you mushed your face into his clean shirt. "I can't believe we raised so much today so quickly."
"I'm so proud of you, baby. You worked so hard on this."
"I also donated $2000 anonymously to speed up the process," he mumbled sheepishly, pressing a gentle kiss on the crown of your head in hopes to lessen the blow of his secret.
It was quiet for a moment, and he wondered if he’d genuinely pissed you off before he felt the vibrations from your laugh against his chest.
"...I can't wait to ruin your hair, e-boy."
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Written by: Luna
433 notes · View notes
dreamrecorder · 3 years
Text
Three - Family in the Inn
Zhongli witnesses the love Xiao deserves.
Two
A bit heavy at the end- i teared up at some point ksks ill add the cut thingy when get my laptop
Starting from the earliest memory your mind can remember, you've already heard stories of the god that ruled over your home land. From your mother, your father, from the merchants and adventurers resting within the inn. You often heard how the Geo Archon would always fly above the lands, overseeing the safety of Liyue- in the form of a great and majestic serpentine dragon. To protect the land, the Archon will not hesitate to strike down his foes with his spears made of stone! Spears that were huge as mountains and can shake the very core of the earth! A fierce god he is, but to his people, the Archon is just and kind. For he has guided Liyue for a thousand years even before Liyue was founded.
Those stories always left you in awe, your mind conjuring up imaginations of a mighty dragon soaring up high in the sky!
~
"Bai, I can't sleep…" You whined loudly to your black cat with gold eyes and a white diamond spot on its forehead. But alas, the cat can't understand you, simply giving you a somewhat dismissive meow. You puted at its direction. It was always like this if your brother wasn't able to tuck you to bed. Without his voice lulling you to sleep, right now you're vibrating energy.
"I wanna play…" You mumbled but then an idea popped up. With some effort, you hopped off your bed and went to the door. A bit of a struggle because of your height, but you manage to reach the doorknob and get out of your bedroom to the lobby. Bai was following close by.
With quiet footsteps, you went to the balcony and called in a whisper of excited glee-
"Thousand Winds?"
Just by those two words alone, the breeze picked up and your ears were then filled by the joyful voices of the wind. To emphasize that happiness, you were carefully lifted up from the ground and twirled you a bit, leaving you in a fit of giggles.
When the wind calmed down, they asked, The Little Wind calls! What is it do you want little kin?
"I wanna play!"
And play they did without a care for the world. Usually these wind spirits were careful when their brother Demon Wind is around- but with him gone for now, these spirits have different ideas. Little Wind do you want to fly like us?
You didn't even miss a second to say yes. After all, you've always dreamed of flying! Just like the stories you heard about your Archon flying up high in the sky!
!!!
"If I can fly, I might get to see Rex Lapis! Please please pleaaaase Thousand Winds, I wanna fly!"
The wind spirits cheered in delight, their whispers growing louder by the second. The breeze grew stronger and stronger around you and soon enough you were lifted off the ground as anemogranas surrounded you. You'll get to fly! How exciting!
At that age, you were unaware of the dangers that lie ahead- all too buried in that naivety and innocence that children possess. 
Rather than flying- it was more like gliding. Of course the wind spirits had some sense not to put you in harm's way! Flying requires some force to make you go higher- as for gliding, a gentle breeze simply does the trick.
It was a slow descent and you were amazed all throughout! You could see the entire Dihua Marsh along the ruins that littered around! You were amazed how the stars and the moon seemed brighter and closer now that you're up in the sky! The feeling of the rushing wind on your skin! It was cold but you didn't care! 
Every now and then, the spirits would suddenly nudge you up higher, rewarding them with your joyous scream and laughter. 
You landed softly at the concrete ground, near a statue. Curious, you noted that the statue was of a man sitting on a throne. This was the first time you've seen this statue but you could feel something from it. Geo? And the statue's hooded eyes, you felt like you were being watched through them.
This, Little Wind, is the statue of the Geo Archon.
The wind whispered with respect but you- you were puzzled.
"I thought the Geo Archon is a dragon? Can he turn into a human, like me?"
You could hear the wind laugh gently, the breeze ruffling your hair. Suddenly, the wind sounded older, wiser. A story for another time, little one. It's about time you went back home.
Again you whined, but the spirits promised you flight and that's all what you needed to be convinced. The spirits and the anemogranas alike were about to lift you- but a voice stopped your tracks.
"Yo kid! You seem lost!" The voice was heavy and gruff.
You turned around to the voice's direction and you were greeted by a burly man who wore a staw hat and some kind of black cloth wrapped around his neck.
"I'm not lost, sir." You replied politely, slowly taking a step back. You noticed how the air stilled. Tense. But of course, the man is not convinced. Seeing how he kept walking to you, you were starting to become scared, but you remembered the words from your brother, Always keep calm-
"Are ya sure, kid? We're kinda in the middle of nowhere. No houses and all that. How 'bout I help you get home?" The man offered cheerily. The forced kind with another sure step towards you. But that was what doomed him, the winds were quick to blow him away and you were surprised!
It wasn't a big distance, and the man was quick to recover. Instead of a cheery smile on his face, it was of anger and that was when you became really scared. "You!" He barked as he walked to you again with equally angry steps. "You're coming with me brat!"
If you find yourself in danger- don't hesitate to call my na-
"That's enough." A man's voice spoke- clear and commanding. The man stood next to you as he landed a reassuring hand on your shoulder. It was brief moment, but he also made sure to give you a quick gentle smile your way. You… you trusted this man with amber eyes.
"Who the hell are you?! I've got no business with you!"
"And you also have no business with this child for I am her guardian." The man replied smoothly as he simply stood his ground with you, despite the other now seemingly ready for a fight. Feeling the anger, you tightly clung onto the newcomer's coat and hid behind him. On his back, you were met by a Geo Vision.
"Like I'd believe you! Just swooping in and play hero huh rich guy!"
The Geo user sighed, and the next thing you knew, the man summoned a spear out of thin air! "I have no intentions of fighting you. But I promise you- You will suffer the wrath of the rock should you choose to continue this behavior."
His voice was light, but you noticed the silent message under his tone. The would-be kidnapper shivered at the amber gaze and decided, that it was wise to back off- Not without leaving a few curses that is. 
"He's gone now." The man spoke gently as hebturned around to look at you. Oh how his heart softened, seeing your frightened look and teary eyes.
"You're safe, I promise you. My name is Zhongli." 
Zhongli? You heard this name somehwere, but you couldn't pin point where or when… still a bit shaken up from whay happened. Remember, Little Wind. Zhongli was mentioned in passing a few times by your brother. Perhaps this is the very same Zhongli your brother speak of…
"Umm…" Your voice squeaked, "Do you.. do you know my brother?"
At that question, Zhongli confirmed that you are the rumored little sibling of Xiao. It would have been delightful to meet you on different circumstances, but he was glad nonetheless to save you from the previous situation.
"May I know the name of your brother, little miss/sir?"
"His name is Xiao." You replied and Zhongli noticed a bit of happiness in your voice.
"I do know you brother, quite the stern one, too. And he will be stern with you if he learns what happened here and you going out during the night. Does he know that you're out right now?"
With that question, you finally realized the gravity of the situation. You left during the dead of the night- without permission whatsoever! Oh no, I'm in big trouble… What if you made them worry? You were so far away from home! All these thoughts made you start tearing up again and Zhongli was quick to notice. He was about to speak up and console the little one when a gush of air stopped him. And that very same gush of air made you tear up some more and clutched on Zhongli's coat.
"Name, where have you been?" Xiao's voice was calm- but he's not the perfect brother nor human. There was something in his tone that suggested he was clearly not pleased about the situation. You could feel his gaze boring onto your back.
With a bit of coaxing from Zhongli, you faced you brother. "I-I'm s-sorry, gēgē…" Your voice cracked as tears started to blur your eyes. But your brother was not yet done.
"Name, do you have any idea how worried our mother was when she found out you were out of bed and could not find you anywhere in the inn?"
The thought of your mother searching all over you made you tears form more. "I- I do."
"Do you really?" 
It was a sharp question without even missing a bit, and that was the starting point for you and for him. Even Xiao winced at his own words, he swore he'll have to make it up to you later- but for now you had to understand. He remembered the panicked face your mother wore with tears threatening to fall. He remembered her panicked voice when she called for him. He remembered the worry he felt and the dip in his stomach when she said you were missing.
"I-I'm so sorry, gēgē. I-I was just p-playing. I d-didn't want you and mama t-to worry…" You couldn't meet his eyes.
Worry?
"Just. Playing? Name, you left home in the middle of the night- when dangers are high- just to play! Name, you could have gotten hurt! We were not just worried, Name- we were scared that something might have happened to you!" 
Every word he spoke- his voice rose higher- not being able to contain the pits of his negative thoughts. Every word- it was like a stab to his heart. But he had to be firm.
"I will ask you again, Name. Do you really understand what you did and their consequences?"
And thay was the breaking point and the night was filled by you whimpers, your wales, and your aplogies. Your shoulders began to shake and tears flowed freely and lungs struggling for breath. "I-I'm sorry, gēgē- I-I shouldn't h-have left h-home! Pleas-se d-dont stay m-mad at me… I p-promise i-it-t won't happen aga-ain- I-I'm s-sorry p-please don't h-hat-te m-me.
You kept going with your rambles and your tears. And for every whimper you released, Xiao was close to breaking too. The brother lost count many times you've repeated your mantras- but he decided- I can't do this anymore. Not with you crying breathless. He'll talk to you about this when everything's calm- his emotions and yours.
With swift steps and sure movements, Xiao pulled you into a hug and your cries grew louder. "Just don't do that ever again, okay.." He said gently but voice cracking, leaving a kiss on your forehead as you nodded readily. Once your cries have calmed down, Xiao carried you to his arms followed hy him wiping away your tears.
"Name."
"Y-yes?"
Your eyes met, and the anger was no longer there, but instead worry and love.
"I love you."
You could feel his genuinity. The words brought a smile to your face, albeit small. "I love you, too, gēgē."
Xiao smiled and left another kiss on your nose. "Sleep now. You had a long night and way past your bed time."
You didn't even protest, you were out like a light bulb as you comfortably laid you head on his shoulder and closed your eyes- not missing the golden dragon floating behind the man who saved you.
~
The walk home was silent. A teleport would be quicker, but Xiao didn't want to disturb your sleep. It was an awkward walk to say the least. Him carrying his sibling, along with the last of his tears stinging his red eyes, all while his master accompanied them home.
But Zhongli- Zhongli was amused. Amused with the blooming dynamic siblinghood between you and Xiao. But he decided to hold his tongue. He knew Xiao was still wrapping his head around what had transpired. Still he does leave a praise to reassure Xiao that everything will be fine.
"You're the best brother your little sibling could ever ask for, Xiao. Remember that."
A/N: Welp ksks lots of loose ends if you squint ksks- like example the tone of the wind spirits, the cat and such
Taglist: @hanniejji @suckerforgenshinboys @arson-frog-art @anime-read-write-repeat @kryzi @riiasekai @sweetstrawberrybabe
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allywritesforfun · 3 years
Text
{Confessions} Karl Jacobs x Reader
summary: your favorite director came out with a new movie so Karl invites you over to watch it with him
pronouns: not mentioned
word count: 1910
masterlist
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You and Karl have been pretty good friends ever since you moved into the neighborhood. He was one of the first people to welcome you in. You moved from your hometown to find more excitement in your life, and boy did Karl give you the excitement you always wished for.
At first, it was simple gestures of friendship. You baked cookies one day for yourself and had some left over that you packaged up and gave to Karl. You even took the risk of adding your phone number to the basket. To your surprise, he actually called that night to thank you.
Those calls became weekly, to daily, to no calls at all. Instead, you simply went over to his house. You two did easy little things, your favorite was making “neighbor bracelets” which Karl renamed as best friend bracelets. Both of you still wore yours today.
You’ve built a very good relationship with Karl, you both trusted each other with your lives. Both of you had the other's spare key just in case. The neighborhood wasn't sketchy, but life is life and the two of you were prepared to drop everything to help each other out.
Tonight was a special night. You and Karl were super excited about a new movie coming out of Netflix. Karl knew how much you loved the director, so he invited you over. You were ecstatic.
You offered to bring pizza since Karl provided the drinks. After you picked up the pizza, you headed straight to his house. You parked behind his car and welcomed yourself in, you two basically lived together at this point.
“Karl!” You called, “I have the pizza! Where we watching this?”
You heard a voice from downstairs, “I set up the basement to look like a screening room!”
You chuckled to yourself, that was such a Karl thing to do. Karl always went all out on everything he did. That was one thing you admire about him: he always lived his life to the fullest.
You stopped at the kitchen first to drop off your keys and your shoes and picked up some extra napkins, you weren’t the neatest eater.
You made your way carefully down the stairs, step by step. You had a history of being a bit clumsy and may or may not have dropped pasta down the stairs before.
You turned the corner to the right and stopped immediately. The room was beautiful, with an even more beautiful sight in the middle.
Karl really did surprise you this time. When he said he made it look like a ‘screening room’ you thought maybe some aisle lights and very original signs, but no.
The room was completely transformed. Everywhere you looked, you found something new. The first thing you noticed was the amazing set up around the couch. Karl moved the couch to the middle of the room in front of the projector. Above the couch draped satin sheets that made the set up look like it was from a fairy tale. At first you didn't notice the fairy lights spread out on top of the sheet, but it made the perfect touch. Next was a line of squishmallows leading up to the couch. You even laughed at the little outfits Karl put on them to make them look like workers. You followed where the little workers directed, which lead you straight to Karl.
“Surprise!” He jumped, arms wide open.
You set the pizza down on the coffee table in front of the couch. You took another look around and noticed the abundance of blankets that Karl had laid over to the couch to look really cute and really comfortable.
“Karl,” You covered your mouth in awe, “It's just a movie, you didn't need to do all of this!”
He grabbed your sweatshirt and pulled in for a hug, “But I wanted to! You were so excited for this movie and if it ends up being trash then I wanted to make sure there was at least something good about it!”
You put your arms over Karl’s shoulders and leaned into the hug. You always felt safe in his hugs. His hugs were unmatched. They always drained all of the negative energy out and replaced them with safe and secure vibes.
Karl waddled you two over to the couch and he gently set you down. He stayed up and grabbed the remote while you got the pizza ready.
“This was so sweet of you to do,” You told him. “Thank you very much. I think this might be one of my favorite nights with you.”
“That’s good to know, I’ll make sure I do this more often,” Karl laughed, causing you to blush.
You enjoyed every day with Karl and treasured your friendship to the point when you weren't aware of your own feelings for him. You wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of your life with him, but you wouldn't let yourself think in a romantic way. You feared losing due to unlevel feelings. Karl knew so many people around, so why would he pick the new person in town?
You buried your feelings so far down that you blamed your blushing on going down the stairs and getting overheated from it… because that makes total sense. Karl sat down next to you, about a forearm's length away.
“What type of pizza did you get?” Karl asked.
“I wasn't too sure on what I wanted myself, so I got half pepperoni and half sausage,” You answered.
“Oh good! I was feeling both today too, in sync aren't we?” Karl questioned.
You shook your head, “No, you’re obviously way ahead of me!” You made gestures around the room, “I would've never thought of something this beautiful!”
“Not as beautiful as you,” Karl said under his breath.
You heard it loud and clear. Karl gave you these compliments every once and while. But again, you pushed it off to the side and rationalized it by saying that he says it to everyone. You weren’t special or some sort of exception. What you didn't know was that you were the only one that Karl called beautiful. All of his other friends he called ‘pretty’, beautiful was just for you.
Karl started the movie and the opening seemed off. This wasn't the typical comedy that the director normally did, this was a horror movie. You shifted around in your seat.
“Are you alright?” Karl asked.
You nodded, “Yeah, I just assumed it would be a comedy.” It's not that you hated horror, you in fact enjoyed the storyline of most of them over any other category. It was the jump scares and suspense that you hated.
“Did you not watch the trailer? It was pretty obvious by the dark mysterious basement that it was a horror thriller.”
“No I didn't,” You admitted. “It's alright though. I'm sure the director made it one of the better movies.” “Oh my gosh,” Karl turned and made eye contact with you, “You’re scared aren't you?”
You almost forgot to reply by the eye contact. Karl had the best eyes that you’ve seen. They were so vibrant and you always got lost in them, no matter how hard you tried not to, “Pffft. Me? Scared? Nope, never. It's just a fictional movie that happens to have events that could very well happen tonight or at any point in someone’s life.”
“What the honk?” Karl asked. “You are scared! I can already see it in your eyes and movement that you're scared. Here,” He offered his hand, “Take my hand and you can squeeze it when you get scared.”
You gladly took his hand and refocused your attention back on the movie. It was off to an alright start. You could already tell who was going to die and what character would be your favorite. You didn't jump until a door loudly shut in the movie. You slightly yelped and squeezed Karl’s hand.
He laughed and squeezed back, “That made you scared? You’re in for a long movie.”
You shook your head, “It was a loud noise! How did you not jump?”
“I wasn't really paying attention I guess,” Karl admitted. “Your hand is just so soft and I was trying to think about what lotion you use.”
“Oh, I think I put some Bath and Body Works on them before I left. I took a shower and they got pretty dried out.” You were obviously very unaware of Karl trying to flirt with you. This became a regular thing. It was surprising how much Karl was into you. You accidentally rejected him almost every day, yet he never let up.
The movie progressed and got scarier with every scene. The plot really developed and you loved it. You were so caught up in the movie that you didn't even realize that you were laying down in Karl’s arms.
“Are you okay with this?” Karl whispered into your ear.
You didn't realize that he had his hand on your waist, resting on some exposed skin, you nodded back at him, “Yeah, of course.”
You saw Karl’s cheek turn to a dark red hue despite the darkness of the room. You smiled to yourself and leaned more into him, with the excuse, of course, that you thought there was going to be a jump scare.
Karl’s free hand danced his way around to meet yours, which he nonchalantly took. It was a perfect moment for the two of you, even though neither of you knew about your feelings for each other. This was your first time cuddling with him. You absolutely loved it. You loved the fact that you didn't even have to ask, it kinda just naturally happened.
The movie ended and you two stayed in the same position for a while. You talked about the movie which eventually led to telling stories. You let Karl do most of the talking, you enjoyed watching his eyes light up when he told you about his childhood. The only time Karl’s hand left yours was to either fix his hair, or give you head pats.
Both of you ran out of things to say and laid there in comfortable silence. Karl moved his hand up and rubbed your arm for a while, which made you pretty sleepy. You yawned and snuggled into Karl more than you already were.
You felt him lean down and kiss the top of your head, “Y-You know I really like you right?” He asked.
You nodded, “Yeah I would hope so, I’m here like almost every day.”
“No, I mean like- god this sounds childish but I like you, like you,” He confessed. “Like I invite you over all the time and want to hang out as much as I can because you bring me so much happiness and joy. Like, I’m falling really hard for you and I don't think that you picked up on it.”
You sat up in his arms and stared at him, “You’re joking right? Because you’re the only person that I’ve wanted to be with since I moved, but I didn’t think that I had a chance because you’re so sweet and kind, and you know all of these people so I just kind of ignored my feelings because I didn't want to lose what we already have.”
Karl cupped your cheek with his hand, “y/n, you’re the only one that's had a chance.”
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tokoyamisstuff · 3 years
Text
Tender Ch. 1 - Loki x Mute! Reader
Summary: Even though Loki doesn’t understand why the new member of the Avengers should be kind to him of all people, he doesn’t want you to stop either.
Warnings: Loki being depressed, the Avengers being kinda mean, mentions of Torture and Death
Words: ~2100
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[Story Masterlist] [All of my Works]
All eyes were on him again.
As soon as Loki would step inside, the previously lively room would fall completely silent. Well, it’s not like he wasn’t used to being the involuntary kill-joy...
Usually, the God of Mischief craved attention, may it be positive or negative - most of the time being the latter. But lately, after months of having all those distrustful and hostile glares piercing holes into him, he’d rather wish for the ground to swallow him whole.
“Umm, so...I gotta go.” Natasha was the first one to flee the unpleasant atmosphere, not even putting the energy into mutter anything else than a cheap excuse on her way out. Clint wordlessly followed her close after, but not without shooting the Odinson one last, spiteful look.
Loki on the other hand was picking on his hands, a nervous habit he had inherited from his mother. As much as he tried to avoid meeting their eyes, the tensioned aura they were emitting making him feel close to breaking down completely - but he would never give them the satisfaction to witness this, he swore to himself.
And yet: Maybe he should just leave. Disappear, forever.
Although he’d never admit, Loki had grown very tired of his life following this stirr path, unable to diverge into a new direction. Everything he did would ultimately bring death and destruction upon mankind, inflicting fear in the hearts of all people.
His whole existence was based on being condemned to fail - just for others to reach their ‘glorius purpose’.
“Great” Tony scoffed. “Now they’re gone. Well done, prince of nothing.” Steve cut his friend off, clearing his throat very exaggeratedly.
The god still hadn’t moved from the doorframe of the conference room, while all others were already sitting on the oval-shaped table. He didn’t got what all that fuss was about. If Steve didn’t insist him to attend this emergency meeting, he’d just have gone about his usual business and avoided everyone as good as he could.
“C’mon, brother” Thor sighed, well knowing that if his brother was to stay in the team, it would ultimatively drive a wedge between them. All that pressure in the air was straining for everyone, including himself. 
Tony on the other hand was pretty chill about everything, aside of being passive-aggressive. This was probably due to their similar coping styles.
Even though his near-death-experience back when he stopped the Chitauri was still eating on his mental health, he’d prefer glossing over it with stupid jokes and overly confident behaviour. “No sassy remark today, Reindeer Games?”
Stark was leaning back in his chair, arms crossed as he rose an eyebrow on the god, who only muttered a hoarse “No...not today.”
Yeah, it was kind of his style to break the unsettling silence through puny comments or self-glorifying speeches, to distract from his own insecurity.
But right now, he was just so damn tired.
Of this planet and it’s people, as well as the humiliating circumstances he had to dwell in. The fact that he was a prisoner at the Stark Tower, amongst his worst enemies. Being forced by his brother to keep up this meaningless act, as if he’d ever be seen as a team member or ally - when in reality, he was but a slave to the people he once ought to reign.
Just like back on Asgard: Never one of them, never belonging. No way to break free - for his true self was something to be loathed.
However, first and foremost the one thing he was especially tired of was himself, for he couldn’t get out of his own skin. Not only could he never be considered a hero, let alone be redeemed.
After all the atrocities he had commited due to Thanos’ torture and the tesseract’s influence,  now that he woke up from that naive dream of power stilling the emptiness in his dark heart, there was nothing left for him - other than to be haunted by his crimes until the mercy of death would overcome him.
“Well” Steve began, slamming his palms on the desk to attract everyone’s attention. “As you all know, we are welcoming a new team member today.”
“They all know?” Of course they wouldn’t let him in on such sensitive information. Not that he minded either way - one Avenger more or less, it didn’t matter how many people hated him in here.
“Please, come on in.”
Loki cleared the entrance when he heared Tony’s words, turning around in anticipation of another dull creature like the Hulk to torment him - but his calm demeanour dropped completely at this unusual sight:
“Y-You?!”
That was simply not possible! The last time he had seen you was almost a year ago, and you were on the brink of death at that!
“For everyone that doesn’t know yet: Her name is Y/N Y/L/N. She is one of the victims HYDRA experimented on, and they succeeded in forming an artificial mutant.”
Steve went on and on explaining about your powers, but Loki’s head had already turned on autopilot, the only thing he could concentrate on being how the hell you of all people ended up here.
All these months, he was desperately trying to get any information about you, all of his hints ultimately leading him to dead ends - and in the end, tragically believing in your imminent death.
The memories were still painfully vivid in his mind: It was his first mission together with the Avengers, at a HYDRA hideout with most likely no civil survivors.
Actually, he had planned to make his escape right when the others engaged in a fight, wandering the hallways of what resembled a torture chamber rather than a laboratory.
On the walls were several instructions, about a serum that might cause a human to mutate if they were exposed to unbearable stress - pain being the most effective method, apparently.
Yet instead of finding anything useful for his personal gain, he found you: A  beautiful woman, yet emaciated and lying in a puddle of her own blood. At first he thought you to be dead just like the others - but as soon as your faint whimpers drang to his ears, he burst the cell you were trapped in open, rushing to your side immediately.
“Shh...” the god scooped you up from the cold stone floor, wrapping his cloak around your broken body. “Everything is alright now. Your savior is here.”
Loki gasped as he felt your hand stroking his cheekbone, even through all your pain and weakness wanting to bid your hero this due respect.
“Hel...you humans are such fragile creatures...” Loki muttered under his breath, cursing his own lack of talent when it came to casting healing spells. “Hang in there, look at me!”
Your eyes were teary and bloodshot, yet not less fit to bring across a message no words ever could: Incredible gratitude, and admiration.
He could tell you were close to passing out when your hand left his face, falling limp to the side. But he held you firmly in his arms, not once stopping to utter sweet words of encouragement as he made his way to the ship, leading you into safety.
“Your world in the balance, and you bargain for one man?”
Those were the words he once directed at Black Widow - but only now he understood her attempts.
Saving one person could never make up for all the lives he had destroyed - and yet he knew that for you, it would mean the world none the less.
In one way or another, with your life at his mercy, he began to finally grasp the preciousness of life, and doing everything in one’s might to protect it.
“Reindeer Games” Tony tapped on his shoulders, making Loki wake from his pondering. “I’d appreciate if you didn’t scare her away on the first day already.”
Oh.
Just now he was noticing his own grim expression, having towered over your much smaller form this whole time with furrowed brows.
“My apologies” was his firm response, but you only shook your head, trying to tell him it was not a big deal.
So this was what you looked like when you’re not imprisoned, he realized when he took in your physique.
Much to his pleasure, all of your wounds had seemingly healed, and you finally gained some much needed weight. Like this, you looked so much more healthier - and most definetly even more bewitching than he remembered you.
If people had let him know, would he have visited your sickbed, aiding you towards health again? Who knows...
Yet somehow, he dwelled in the thought of you being able to lead a happy life now that you were free - which made your decision to seek out the Avengers in wish for more battles even harder for him to accept.
“You are incredibly strong, Lady Y/N” Loki spoke firmly, everyone else rolling their eyes at his usual exaggeration - but you knew he meant every word. “Be sure of my eternal respect.” 
The God of Lies’ eyes widened in excitement when you directed a warm smile at him, knowing for sure that this one was genuine. It wasn’t like those fake smirks the other Avengers gave him out of politeness, or the mocking laughs when they were making fun of or excluding him.
No - that one was just pure affection. And it left him in awe.
“Thank you for saving me back then” you signed, just for Loki shooting you a puzzled look.
“What, I thought the all-tongue knows every language?” Tony yelled, as inconsiderate as always. Thor was quick to explain on his brother’s stead, him still being deeply invested with you. “Every spoken one, yes. ASL is not one of our fortes.”
Usually, Loki had always been a quick thinker. But right now he was to bewildered by your appearance that thinking straight was out of the question.  
What language were they speaking of? And why have you not been saying anything up until now? Maybe his presence was making you uncomfortable, after all? Should he leave on your behalf?
To make it easier for him to understand, you rolled down your turtleneck, revealing the unsighty scar that covered your whole throat.
There were not many people bold enough to come close to the God of Mischief without warning, yet suddenly you simply took his hand and slowly led it to your neck.
How could you be so naive and offer someone like him such a vital spot?! He’ll never get the human philosophy...
And yet, the flabbergasted god hesistantly let his hand run over the scar, while you opened your mouth to no avail - for 11 months already, no tone would leave your vocal cords.
“I’m incredibly sorry...” Loki whispered with a sorrowful tone, while the others just stared in disbelief. “If only I was able to heal this wound back then...”
What a puny god he was...and an even more pathetic wanna-be-hero at that...
He would try to take a few steps back, but you took a hold of his hand, squeezing it with both of yours, that cheerful smile not faltering in the slightest.
“Please, don’t be sad. I’m only alive thanks to you!” Bucky, whose cousin was mute as well, translated what you were signing for Loki. His tone sounded quite irritated, not fitting those meaningful words. “I only wanted to join the Avengers because I want to be just like you. You’re my idol!”
Those words touched him deeply, igniting a flame inside of him he thought long to be defunct. Was it hope?
Of course it was not nearly enough to pull him out of that deep, dark hole he felt trapped in for as long as he could remember - yet somehow, he now felt that it was not impossible to escape.
While the others were cringing at your declaration, making jokes about ‘choosing wrong idols’ or would plainly not believe Loki to have a positive effect on anyone, the two of you would just stare at each other in silent admiration.
Shyly, you signed yet another word for him - and this time, Loki would know what you mean from pure intuition. 
He smiled.
For the first time in what felt like forever, Loki was able to smile again, just thanks to your heartwarming welcome. And he was still blissfully unaware about what effect you could have on him, if he was brave enough to let you close.
One thing was sure: You literally had him wrapped around his finger from the very start.
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arvinsescape · 3 years
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Fight the good fight
Summary: You’re doing an interview for an upcoming movie and get treated with less respect than your male co-stars and they aren’t having it.
W/C: 1.9K
Warnings: Mentions of stress eating and struggles with food.
A/N: Please note that i have in no way intended for this to come across in a negative way in terms of weight. I have struggled personally with stress eating and i understand the unhealthy relationship that you have with food in the end and that is what i am talking about. I think everyone is beautiful, no matter what size or shape you may be, it’s what’s on the inside that counts!
You’d been in the spotlight for a long time. You’d started your acting career at the age of seven and had a really successful career. You were 23 now and had naturally moved into more adult themed films. You’d been really lucky to be cast alongside Tom Holland and Timothée Chalamet in an upcoming thriller. You were playing Holland’s love interest who ends up getting stalked by Chalamet’s character. You were really lucky that you got on so well with the two, the theme of the film could be quite difficult, and it was good to be able to have a laugh with your co-stars afterwards. During filming you’d developed a special relationship with Tom, you’d had to do a lot of scenes together that required the two of you to spend a lot of time with each other and getting to know each other inside and out. You’d gotten closer and naturally a real-life love relationship happened.
You were doing press with your co-stars and you’d been in interviews all day. To say you were tired would be putting it lightly. The day hadn’t gone so bad, some interviews better than others. You’d gathered this as soon as you turned 18, the questions shifted from being about the film to being about you and tended to be quite sexist in nature. You’d learned to deal with it over the years and some interviewers weren’t so bad, you’d not put up with it too much today. You were hoping that this final interview would run smoothly, and you could get into bed, cuddle up with Tom and sleep the night away.
“I can’t wait for this last interview; I love my job, but press can be so tiring!” Timothée said as he stretched his arms over his head and yawned. You were all sat in position, waiting for the interview to start, you were situated in the middle of them.
“Yeah, I can’t wait to get back to my hotel room.” You agreed.
“Do you guys wanna borrow some of my energy, I have loads spare.” Tom laughed; he was always the more energised of the three of you. This pulled a laugh from both of you as the interviewer started. He seemed nice enough, but you’d been sat there almost five minutes before he actually addressed you.
“So Y/N? How did you find getting to play alongside Tom Holland and Timothée Chalamet?” Here we go. Although you didn’t mind answering questions like this and they were quite tame in comparison to some questions, it was more the fact that at this point both Tom and Timothée had been asked more direct questions about their parts in the film and you hadn’t. You hoped this wasn’t going to go in the direction you thought it was.
“Yeah, it was amazing! They are both lovely guys, it was an honour.” You answered in a polite manner. Maybe you were tired and read too much into the question.
“So did you diet for the film Y/N?”
“Not really.” You laughed, not entirely sure were this was going.
“Did you work out at all?” Again, where was this going?
“Not really. Not more than I usually do.”
“Well I just thought maybe you had been doing. Your legs looked great!” Here we go. You cleared your throat before you answered.
“Is that what you took away from watching it?” You teased, trying to keep the interview light-hearted.
“Well no. But it certainly was a standout feature of yours.” The interviewer laughed. Tom and Timothée didn’t, they knew how much questions like this annoyed you and it made them feel uncomfortable. You were here to promote a movie.
“I’ll remember that for my next film. When the director says he’ll pay a load of money for a dialect coach, I’ll just tell them not to bother. People will be more interested in my legs than my acting!” You answered in a jokey manner, this pulled a laugh from your two male co-stars.
“No no! I mean your acting was amazing Y/N, don’t get me wrong! But I feel like a good body deserves a compliment, that’s all!” The interviewer tried to joke, this made you uncomfortable.
“Timothée your acting was amazing but maybe you should have worked out more with me, your arms looked smaller than mine.” Tom joked as he too tried to shift the attention away from talks of your body. Timothée quickly catching on as he feigned upset before laughing and flexing his arm.
“You wish Tom, you wish.”
The interview continued on and whilst you got no direct questions about your acting or your role the attention wasn’t on you or your body. Until it was.
“So Y/N? You’re 23 now, right? Have you thought about having a family?” You groaned at the question.
“Yeah, I want a family but when the time feels right.”
“Of course! You wouldn’t want to prematurely end your career I suppose?”
“Why would that end my career. Loads of actors have children and carry on acting.” You fired back. You really hated this question because you could guarantee that if either of the boys were asked this question, it would not be followed up with insinuations that it would be career ending.
“Well not many women.”
“If you believe that, I’ll assume you’ve not done much research.” You shot back. You were visibly annoyed now, which didn’t go unnoticed by the males either side of you.
“I don’t think Y/N has to answer that! She answered your question about a family so maybe we should leave it at that, yeah? It’s Y/N’s life and I think she should be left to live it as she wants.” Timothée defended you. The interviewer shrugged but left it at that. Tom had tensed slightly at the exchange but ultimately kept quiet. That wouldn’t last long as the interviewer brought up his next question.
“Y/N? You have had a struggle with food I’ve read?” The question threw you off guard, yes, you’d recently been open about your battle with stress eating and your unhealthy relationship with food, but you weren’t prepared for the question. Usually you were prepared beforehand, and the interviewer would tell you if they were bringing it up, it was sort of a requirement of yours. You glanced at your manager off screen who looked as shocked as you felt.
“I’m sorry I don’t understand the question. It’s not relevant to the film that I’m here promoting.” You answered carefully.
“No, no of course but you seem to be doing better now than you were a few years ago.” He pushed. Tom tensed further, he knew about your past struggles, and how much talking about it unprepared upset you. “There was a period of time where you were quite big.”
“Erm. I’m really sorry but do you have any questions about the film? I’m not comfortable talking about this.” You shuffled uncomfortably in your seat, Tom’s hand shot out to your thigh in comfort, he knew you were getting anxious.
“I was just wondering if you had a problem with that part of your life. You know being bigger?”
“Listen. It’s not that at all. I have no issue with people’s weight, if that’s where you’re trying to go. I’ve talked about this and I absolutely believe that people should be whatever size makes them happy, we are all beautiful just as we are, and I genuinely believe that. What I talked about is the dangers and struggles I had with food. Yes, I was bigger, but my issue was not with my weight, it was with my unhealthy relationship with food and what I was doing to myself through that.” You answered, you felt frustrated, uncomfortable and you were beyond tired now, just wanting to get out of the interview. You took a deep breath before you spoke. “Look, can we just move away from this?” You pleaded.
The interviewer threw his hands up in defence. “Alright, alright. I was just asking.”
“You weren’t, though were you?” Tom’s voice startled all of you. “You were trying to make it sound like she has an issue with bigger people, which as she has spoken about extensively, she doesn’t. You were pushing her into answering a question she didn’t want to answer. You brought her weight up for no plausible reason, I think it’s you who has the problem with bigger people, if I’m being honest. So what she was bigger? She looked as beautiful then as she does now, as all women do. It’s because of people like you that women struggle with body image and it’s not fair, it has to stop.” Tom ranted as his face went red, he was annoyed you could tell that much. Your heart soared that he was defending not just you, but all women.
“You have been consistently rude to her. I don’t think I’ve heard a single question directed at her that was to do with the film. I hate that men like you think it’s okay to ask women these sorts of questions. You commented on her diet and working out as well as her intentions for a family and if it would harm her career. Why? I’ll tell you why. It’s because she’s a woman and you think it’s okay, you seem to think that she doesn’t deserve the respect of being asked the same questions that men do. It’s not right and it needs to stop, she has worked just as hard as us to make sure this film is as good as it can be and she deserves the respect, as all women do.” He finished as he grabbed your hand, stood up and left the interview. You in tow, completely in awe of him.
“Yeah man. Do better.” Timothée said as he followed, leaving the interviewer shocked and humiliated.
Tom took you backstage. He dropped your hand and took a deep breath before turning around to face you.
“I’m sorry I jumped in like that. It’s not that I don’t think you can handle it, I’m just so sick of men like him. I know that you can handle people like that, but you shouldn’t have to and that was the point I was trying to make I guess.” He sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose.
“It’s alright. I’m happy you did. Thank you. it’s nice to know that women don’t have to fight this fight alone and yes, I could’ve handled it but in a way I’m glad it annoys you as much as it does me. I think it will be important for the younger women in your fan base to know that you stick up for women and hold them equal to men. It’s an important message.” You said as you hugged him and kissed his chest. “Thank you, I appreciate it.”
“It just makes me sad that you have to put up with this kind of thing.”
“I know. But hopefully we can make a change. We need to keep fighting the good fight.”
You stayed like that for a while before pulling apart and making your way back to your hotel room. It’d been a long day, but you were glad you had your co-stars there to defend you. Glad to finally be snuggled up in bed with Tom.
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chainofclovers · 3 years
Text
Ted Lasso 2x7 Thoughts
“Headspace” is a very apt name for this episode, in which we learned almost no new information about the characters in Ted Lasso but learned a great deal about the way many characters’ brains work.
Most of the episodes this season have been so full of new information (if you wanna know something about how my brain works, the critique that early s2 episodes lack conflict does not compute), so full of dramatic irony (Sam and Rebecca don’t realize they’re messaging each other on Bantr! Rebecca’s voicemail to Ted doesn’t actually indicate that she spent a significant portion of time panicking and looking for him!), and misunderstandings that it was really nice to spend a bit over thirty minutes on an episode with very easily mappable plotlines.
Ted and Sharon and Therapy
Ordinarily in my little recaps I talk about the characters as real people making their own decisions, because every character on this show feels very real. But I have to take a minute to just, like, celebrate the acting in these scenes. Sarah Niles and Jason Sudeikis brought the perfect energy to each of their three scenes in Dr. Sharon’s office.
The drinking bird toy! The way he switches from nodding along with it to shaking his head no while the bird continues to shake its head yes, just like Ted shook his head no while saying yes, they should hire a sports psychologist! The way he finally stills the bird in the final therapy scene in the episode...but performatively throws the tissue box.
(Someone is going to need those tissues, Ted. It might be you.)
I also LOVE that this is the first time we see Sharon in an extended scene that takes place in a session. We’ve seen her rapport with the players, we’ve seen the results, and we’ve seen the things she does to make someone feel comfortable at the start of a session, and that’s all the information WE need to know to feel confident in her excellence as a psychologist. But because Ted hasn’t been able to fully appreciate those things, it’s so fitting that his sessions are a time for us to learn more about Sharon’s approach along with him.
It’s just...such good acting. The way she tells him he doesn’t need to worry. The kind of charming (but not performatively charming, just...charming) smile on his face when he claims he knows he doesn’t need to worry. And the way his voice changes a little as the conversations progress—deeper, less controlled, with some very genuine Midwestern “ma’am”s.
Sam and Rebecca and Awkwardness
Sam and Rebecca were so awkward when talking to each other in the hallway! If I had been in that hallway I would have been physically unable to stop myself from doing something even more awkward and diverting to make it stop. (I say this as someone who is neither disgusted by or delighted by the direction of the Bantr storyline. This is a good story about two good people who are in very different places in their lives existing in both a manufactured connection and the real, and very different, connection they have when they aren’t glued to their phones. This story is supposed to be awkward and uncomfortable.)
I did like the parallels of their friends sort of urging them on/coaching them through the inherent panic of the three dots that appear and disappear—a source of panic whether you’re the one creating the dots on the other screen or watching them and feeling at their mercy.
I like that in this episode both Ted and Rebecca are loudly broadcasting “I AM NOT IN THE RIGHT HEADSPACE FOR A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP”—Ted with his rueful awareness that Michelle would be upset if she heard him still referring to her as his wife, Rebecca with her insistence that relationships are doomed and awful even though she’s talking to two people (Keeley and Higgins) in committed relationships.
Roy and Keeley and Space
This plot was a really wonderful...counterpoint? complement? to the places both Ted and Rebecca are in as Ted starts to come to terms with the fact that he’s going to have to deal with his past and the losses he’s suffered (including the loss of his marriage) and as Rebecca questions whether she’s really going to embark on the next phase of a relationship with someone whose identity she does not know.
Because Ted and Rebecca are stuck apart, it was great to see Keeley struggle with needing space from Roy without worrying for a second about whether or not this challenge was a threat to their relationship. (Keeley and Roy aren’t used to long haul relationships, so they both see it as a threat, but the audience doesn’t have to.)
There was so much going on in that boot room. I love the coexisting realities there—Rebecca and Keeley and Higgins treating the boot room as their personal room for secret smoking, but as the crowd grows all these other unspoken dynamics emerge (it’s been two days since the panic attack and this is the first time we see Ted and Rebecca in the same room and there’s no evidence that they’ve talked about what happened with the panic attack or Rebecca’s parents or any of the big stuff).
Everything about Keeley’s plotline this episode reminded me of how Ted and Keeley are so similar (and, to a lesser extent, Rebecca and Roy are so similar). Rebecca and Roy both tend to write things off (Rebecca is so certain any relationship she has will be doomed, but it’s just because of how hurt she already is; Roy wanted to convince himself he was happier as a pundit than as a coach, but it’s just because he was scared of how much he wanted to be back on on the pitch), only able to deal with things when a safe person like Ted or Keeley sort of startles growth out of them. (We talk a lot about how Rebecca should be in therapy, but Roy should too.) And Ted and Keeley! Everything’s great, everything’s sunny, but look at how Keeley stands on her couch and screams in sadness and anger when she blows up at Roy and he leaves.
This time, things work out between Roy and Keeley because he figures out what Keeley was trying to communicate and respects what she needs, but in the future she’s going to have to figure out how to articulate herself more clearly. (And so will Ted...not only in therapy with Sharon, but as everything with the other coaches and the team and Will and basically everyone in his life come to light.)
Nate and Beard and Twitter-Insecurity-Rage
Ahhhhhhhhh.
This plotline made me feel almost as nervous for Ted (the things he doesn’t know) and Beard (the things he knows) as it did for Nate and Colin and Will and everyone.
At first I was really bothered by the repetition of Nate checking Twitter. We know! He’s on Twitter a lot now that he’s semi-famous! He’s obsessed! But then it occurred to me that it’s extremely perfect that Nate checking Twitter becomes this silent refrain building him up or tearing him down based on the latest 280-character compliment or take-down. Because this is how the internet works! You get obsessed with something on it and then check it a million times per day until you feel sick. It could be a dating app, or a trending story, or almost anything. If you check it often enough, the internet won’t even have anything truly new for you...it just feels like it does. So the repetition of Nate scrolling Twitter wasn’t meant to deliver us new information, but rather to mimic the old information coming through again and again.
I feel so deeply for Nate, who’s brilliant about football but unfit to coach because the power dynamics of coaching are a totally foreign concept to someone like him, who relies entirely on external inputs to take his actions. Ted and Beard and Roy all go and learn things and bring them back to the pitch, but none of them have had the capacity to teach Nate how to do this. Even Nate’s private thoughts, which he wrote down during s1, only come to light when Ted prompts him. And when your external inputs are coming from social media and an unappreciative father and a hyper-awareness of insult after years spent on the receiving end of bullying...it’s very dangerous. Maybe even literally physically dangerous.
I also feel so deeply for everyone who interacts with Nate right now, particularly Will.
Some Bonus but Never Extraneous Trent Crimm
Trent in the pub made me NERVOUS. Seeing him in this new place where Ted goes to wind down, almost coaching Ted through lying to him about having had food poisoning?! When they both clearly know that isn’t what happened?!?
It felt very fitting that this uncomfortable yet kind-of-mercifully-executed lie takes place towards the end of an episode full of such positive and negative growth for the characters. Such movement. It felt all wrong (in a good way), like covering something new and smooth and precious with spackle because maybe you actually wanna paint something else after all even though it won’t serve you in the long run to do it. To paraphrase Dr. Sharon, the truth will set you free but first it will piss you off, and Ted’s conversation with Trent is a reminder of all the layers there are to cut through on the way to the truth.
If Apple TV could simply release 2x8 - 2x12 this week, I would bargain with something crazy and miserable like giving up caffeine until October 8, the air date for the season finale. I continue to love this season and to feel the serenity of watching excellent actors execute on excellent scripts...but we’re getting to the point where the momentum’s built up and is heading to ever-scarier places, and I neeeeeeeeeed to knoooooooow.
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