#they exist as other ppl's ideas of you and so who you are your legacy and memory it is not the same for everyone and you will never match

[petitmimosa]

Sending you some virtual hugs. I feel you.

I read your post about Yuzu and his fans and I have that feeling for a long time. I really love Yuzu's skating but the constant downputting of other skaters is annoying as hell. Also constantly bringing up old stuff when Yuzu competed and hold it against skaters in current judging is completely nonsense. Now is now. I hate the victim card ppl play for Yuzu all the time even when he's not affected by any kind of scoring nonsense anymore.

I actually haven't seen the current debates, but I have seen enough and been attacked enough over the years to have an idea. I stopped following a lot of accounts a few years ago - before Beijing even - which lead me to missing information about Yuzu but it made me more at peace myself. I just follow those Fanyus who don't engage in hatred towards other skaters.

I know Yuzu is not at fault for his fans behavior and I feel very sad that their behavior tainted my love for Yuzu. 😭

Answer this as you like as private answer or not or also not answer it at all. I don't mind just here to tell you that you should do whatever feels best for you.

Hiii!

Thank you very much for taking the time to message me.

It's pretty much always the same, how dare they mention quad revolution without saying Yuzu was the one who launched it? (when even Yuzu himself in 2015 said he was inspired by Boyang bringing the 4lz to be stronger...). How dare they give a skater 9 in PCS when Yuzu had more artistry? .....What does that even mean?

It's the constant need to bring a skater down and compare them to Yuzu that I can't take anymore. It's even doing Yuzu a disservice because Fanyus don't have the greatest reputation out there and they're just digging and digging their already very deep grave.

I actually enjoyed Angers, scores aside because that'll never improve, and you can't even be happy for skaters without being reminded that YUZU DID IT WAY BETTER. What's the point? They believe ISU will erase his legacy by dictating what commentators say when they're actually the ones tarnishing it by bringing so much anger and pettiness into the mix.

They even went after Mark Henretty who's the most dedicated one we've had EVER because they weren't happy with a small thing he said last season.

So yeah, I'm at a point where I'd rather not know what Yuzu is doing (even here on Tumblr because it'll remind me that fstwi exists) than have to deal with their bitterness. The man is HAPPY, this need to avenge him is mute. They're on a crusade against the void and I wonder sometimes whether they'll it go at some point or will just continue because not getting what they want out of it will simply make their anger stronger.

"I feel very sad that their behavior tainted my love for Yuzu. 😭" this hit very hard because I'm fighting it like crazy, have been for the past year actually. When before it was anxious anticipation and nerves but joy, now I'm just dragging my feet.

And I think just maybe, having solid Yuzu material once a year doesn't help either, whether it's the fans trying to sty positive in this sea of negativity, or even them because they don't hve much to turn to. Don't get me wrong, GIFT and RE_PRAY are incredible and time consuming but once you've watched it 30 times then what? You go back to Chopin and Seimei and H&L... and you compare the skaters still active to these performances. The wheel never stops turning.

I'm rambling, sorryyy.

#petitmimosask

[eldritch-araneae]

you know if windblade was in earthspark ( we haven't seen her yet tho hopefully she shows up later on ) what would she be like in your interpretation?

That's very interesting question! I also hope she will show up even tho the hope is tiny ahahah.

Ofc I can't really guess anything that didn't appear or was implied in canon yet, but I have ideas which how I would write her if I was writing Earthspark~

Ideas and spoilers under the cut!

I would hope she would be friends with Bee at least, because Cyberverse already have us this relationship and they had such great chemistry before they both got sidelined in S2 and on. Especially when one Earthspark's focus are emotions.

So I'm gonna assume that Windblade is kinda similar to her Cyberverse and a bit of IDW counterparts and she has telepathy.

So if we'll take a scenario when they aren't friends yet, I could imagine them bonding over the sense of loneliness bc of their positions.

Bumblebee is lonely because he's a spy and scout, plus he's struggles with sense of belonging (which why he always seek approval from higher ups but his interaction with Elita-1 in EP3 implies they just don't understand what "being a hero" means to him) and he was made fun of before ( also implied in EP3).

Windblade is lonely because of her position as Cityspeaker which means she will be placed onto unreachable pedestal (which was implied in Cyberverse I believe). Yes, people will respect her and look up to her, but forming personal relationships will be hard.

And if we take to account that Bumblebee is youngest among legacy bots, there is a big chance he might not even what who Cityspeaker is. He probably would just acting around her like with any other person and this make her relieved and relaxed and and that how their friendship would form.

If we will take a scenario where they know each other, this could go into few different directions.

Ofc one where they just know each other and that it, kinda sad bc I want to what Cyberverse did, but better and deeper.

Another one they are friends but this gonna involve a lot of drama!

You know how GHOST is shady and and Optimus does anything to keep Bumblebee away from them. Logically he probably does it to have a spy outside of GHOST influence ( and probably same goes to Wheeljack) and then EP10 also implies that another reason Op wants Bee to stay hidden is to form a real human-cybertronian alliance with him in charge.

But what if there is a third reason? What if GHOST have Windblade who is kept in stasis because they know about telepathy and want to use her in their plans, and potentially they can use Bumblebee as leverage against her?

Which also adds more to Optimus' turmoil because he knows, but there is nothing he can do about it.

(Side Note: the more I'm thinking about the whole GHOST situation, the more I realize that some ppl in fandom just don't get the full scope of this.

Many just immediately side with Megatron without looking into nuance of the situation, mostly bc IDW kinda messed up (tho maybe it started earlier? TFA had seeds for it, and whatever was happening in Bayverse too) with faction characterization. Now a lot of fans see Megatron is revolutionary and deceptions were oppressed by government, while Autobots represent this government... I personally have TON of issues with this entire idea ( esp when SG exist) and that's the main reason why I didn't read comics, but I wont got into this here, esp considering how controversial my opinion is.

Anyway, looking at grand scope of thing you can see the difference between two leaders.

Megatron cares for his people, while his care about humans and Earth only extends to Dot and her family and that's it. Nothing stops him from starting the shit again and probably the only reason what stops him is Dot. Which btw I like a lot and wanna see where this go ahahah.

While Optimus does not only cares about his people, but humans and Earth too and this is why he ended in this situation in first place! He doesn't want a destruction of another sentient species and that why he grabs any opportunity to avoid it even if it mean he has to work with shady ppl that will probably backstab him.

Which btw, Dot understood very well in EP5 and she found a common ground with Optimus here, but some ppl choose to ignore it ofc.

This is why its important to him that Bee ( and probably Wheeljack?) stay out of GHOST eyes, bc his own hands are fucking tied.

Meanwhile rough Decepticons are causing shit simply bc they don't care about humans. Because if Autobots can stay hidden, they could do that too and I'm pretty sure Megatron would supply them with energon just like Optimus supply his bots ( bc cmon I don't think Bee could go a least 15 years without taking energon ahah).

But because there is a huge rift between cons and Megatron this not gonna happen. Tho I wonder if there are cons that followed Megatron into this? Maybe even cons with GHOST badges? This would be interesting to see~ Maybe there is Thundercracker out there, hiding like Bee and writing movie scripts? And something tells me we will more cassettes in wild too.

The only thing is unclear to me is why would Op destroy the ground bridge? Because this clashes with what I said above? Was is a poor panicky decision? Or there is more to is and things, again, isn't that simple as everyone thinks? Like maybe Megatron was the one who destroyed it and Op took the blame because humans would be nicer to him? Time will tell.)

Okay I got really distracted, but I wanted to talk about this as well, so I apologies.

Anyway, another idea that Windblade might show up later by Malto's door just like Arcee did and maybe she would stay and teach terrans as well since she's a flier and Twitch as also a flier and sword user!

And they fact I think Windblade could teach terrans some combat, because Bee's is more focused on scouting stuff and maybe shooting, while Windy could teach them melee combat ~

And maybe she help Bee to open up more and lower his defenses? Maybe! That's all ideas a have for now))

#tfe spoilers #transformers earthspark spoilers #earthspark spoilers #sorry for distraction dbfgf #i just get peeved sometimes when ppl demanding complex and grey stories but end up sticking to black and white thinking anyway fgfghg

[arblwriteslives]

We are reminded our true heart's desire is to create a Mall of Hope. One that encompasses an 18+ space that allows people to safely, wholesomely explore the desires of games and other niche interests like crafting, libraries, bookstores, etc all built into one space. We say 18+ for a number of reasons here and a lot of that being we want to provide a space for adults to explore the wonders they developed in childhood in a place that allows them to do so without so much negative judgment from others. No gatekeeping passions allowed. There. Set up a code of ethics and clear guideline for an open giant mall space that allows people to flit between shop to shop and creative space in an entirely accessible indoor temp controlled space that is built for EVERYONE. Entirely queer and marginalized space focused. A real safe space. An actual physical brick and mortar community for people to come to and escape the horrors of the outside world and get lost in found community that allows them to truly exist. And we mean truly exist in healthy manners. There are boundaries, rules, guidelines All such things must be followed at all times and this has to be strictly enforced. It would not be easy because this vision requires the opposite of what we know. We do not wish to be so hard and rule oriented to not allow for authentic mistakes. But there needs to be rules to prevent any and all trolling. You can game there, build there, craft, play, buy, sell, etc if we have to get capitalist about it. But this community is built to be more an anarchic microcosm with structure to prevent real harm and minimize it. Pain happens it is impossible to avoid but that doesn't mean it has to be the ONLY thing and your response to it is what matters here. We want to build real, wholesome, physical communities and have online ones linked to them. We know what it means to know love and care now and we want to foster that for all we can starting with us and spiraling outward from there and letting the ripples of life allow us to reclaim that love truly and wholly. Too often ppl end up burned, hurt, jaded by life. We want to create spaces offline irl, and online that allow ppl to reclaim those lost things...Life is an authentic game to us that we play. We're finally starting to understand the rules needed to get what we want from it. So we want to pass on emulative spaces that recreate these rules and structures for others the world over. Queer spaces, BIMPOC Spaces, Disabled Spaces and all the marginalized intersections in between to create worldwide communities that allow people to meet and authentically be them with ppl they can truly feel alive, safe, and themselves with. Yes this is a grand idea. We are prone to grandeur and flights of fancy. But one legacy we want to leave upon this world it is "Hope".

Creating spaces authentically for people to hope is what we want. Those are the spaces we want to create. Hideaways irl that give safety for all who need that space.

#queer #found family #queer pride #trans pride #nonbinary pride #pride #safe space #personal rant #childhood dreams #lifelong dreams #business #hope #future plans #solarpunk #creating real hope for the future in this dystopian hellscape #irl dreams

[shanastoryteller]

not to bring up the wei qing discourse again, but i was reading your yiling wei au again and i thought of an explanation that better fits both canon and chinese naming traditions, and i'm pretty sure no one brought it up during the discourse itself. iirc you cited madam jin as a reason to change wq's name, but the thing is that when you use furen (madam), you're supposed to attach your husband's name, which means that madam yu is actually the odd one out skdhskf. an argument could be made for how it symbolises the fraught tension between yzy and jfm, but yeah.

however, your name still stays the same. so madam jin's name would have stayed the same. she just would've been referred to as jin-furen. you can see this with jyl, who's referred to as jin-xiao-furen (young madam jin). also, i'm pretty sure cultivators keep their name regardless of their sect (see: su she and luo qingyang). it's just that most of the disciples we see are clan (familial) disciples, not sect (outer) disciples, which is why their family name is the same as the sect name.

so what i initially thought, upon reading your au, was that wq changed her name to emphasise her declaration of loyalty to wwx. family names in chinese culture is incredibly important, and to change your family name is to essentially turn your back on your ancestors. so what i read was wq turning her back on the wen legacy and declaring her loyalty to wwx in a way no one can refute. even marriage can be written off as political, but the changing of a family name hits a lot harder and more irrevocably.

her marriage to wwx, then, would've been inferred from her position in the entourage and her proximity to him.

btw, if you're comfortable with it, could you publish this publicly so more ppl are aware of this? it's okay if you're not skdjjs but i know a lot of cql fans don't have a lot of knowledge of chinese customs and stuff so yeah this might be helpful

hi! it’s nice of you to point all this out, but it was where i was going to begin with

my point with madam jin wasn’t that she changed her name after she got married because she got married. i’ve written people getting married in the untamed universe before i made that tumblr fic, and i didn’t have them change their name, because i was aware that that isn’t really a thing in chinese culture. and tbh i find character name changes to be a little jarring as a reader, so i avoid them when i can. 

my point with madame jin - and at the time i thought she had a jin last name that she used outside of the madame title but i’m pretty sure that’s incorrect - and others is that in canon it seems like people are running around with clan family names without actually being part of the main family. this could just be because of messiness of the drama or because i’m just bad at keeping track of everyone’s names

so how i handled this in lynchpin was i had it being a thing where people take on the clan name while they’re apart of the clan. except for the jiang, who are little rebels. 

so it would be like, for example: 

birth name: wei ying; courtesy name: wuxian; clan name; jiang wuixan

so like, anyone could refer to any disciple in gold “young master jin” without knowing their real name. and people could either use their clan name or not, but most would as a sign of status and allegiance, but doing so wouldn’t be giving up their name

I UNDERSTAND THIS IS NOT CANON

the point is that i thought it would be interesting and a fun and useful convention to throw into fic. even though it’s not historically accurate, i think that that’s fine because there’s no historically accurate way to address large governing clans of magic knights because those didn’t exist

so when wei wuxian clarifies wen qing’s name is now wei qing, it’s to show he’s gone against the jiang practices he grew up with and in his clan people use a clan name. 

it’s significant for the wen especially, because there’s a reveal in that universe (that, in all fairness, i never got to because after everyone got so upset about it i really didn’t feel like getting into) that they give up their birth name wen to only go by wei. 

i’d had this scene that i really liked where someone claims all the wen have to be killed and wei wuxian was just like “what wen? there are no wen here. there are only wei.” but again, this whole thing caused so much drama that i just wasn’t interested in getting into it again 

even though i didn’t go into that, when we see wen ning later in the fic, he’s going by wei ning 

it was never about wen qing getting married. that’s why she’s introduced first as madame wei - to show that’s she’s married to wei wuxian, the clan leader of the wei - and then wei wuxian gives her name as wei qing. they’re signifying different things. if the point had just been to show they’re married and her name is wei now, he wouldn’t have clarified her name in front of everyone, since people obviously already know who she is 

jiang yanli is in the same fic, married to jin zixuan, and i don’t refer to her as jin yanli. it wasn’t a marriage thing

did i expect that everyone who read my tiny tumblr fic would have also read my 100k monster fic and know i was bringing in similar ideas? 

of course not. 

but i also hadn’t expected everyone to jump down my throat about changing her name because she got married when i at no point ever claimed that was why she changed her name, nor had i had literally any other married character change their name

i thought i could just do what i usually do and go on to fill in worldbuilding and reveal in other installments so i didn’t feel the need to go into a deep dive of my motivations from page one

anyway

thank you for the information. i like the idea because it’s similar to the idea i already had. great minds think alike. 

#this also comes up in rotten work #asks #ruiconteur

[tonyglowheart]

This entire thing is a rant, feel free to ignore it, but I saw your post about how destiel fans can’t win in this context, and yeah. So have some rambles.

I’ve been thinking about the fact we (current spn/destiel fans) can’t win all night... I’ve seen so many people talking about how homophobic it is - and while I would very much like to argue, as every point I’ve seen made by a non-spn fan has been wrong so far, if I did everyone inside the fandom would agree and everyone outside would either call me straight or pity me for believing it’s okay.

(Cas wasn’t even sent to hell lmao. He was sent to angel death (the empty), a place he has escaped in the past. Other points, like that meta about spn has been predicting exactly this for months, that Dean ended up sobbing on the floor because he was so upset, like that death means next to nothing on spn, like that there is two episodes left, etc etc. you feel me right? I just don’t want to post wank to other spn blogs atm, we’re getting enough frustration as it is, no need to add to it.

It’s also worth pointing out that the bar is very, very low. Spn is a prominent TV show - not a Netflix show, or indie, or whatever - and it just said “main character in gay love saved the world”. [insert gif of ghostfacers dude saying that gay love can pierce through the veil of death and save the day here]

I just saw someone saying that spn having Naomi try to brainwash Cas out of loving dean makes spn homophobic (it is a conversion therapy parallel). My first response to that is that Naomi was the villain lmao? I guess we can’t write villains doing anything homophobic because having villains do homophobic things makes, uh - checks notes - villains look homophobic, and clearly we can’t have that.

There certainly are legitimate things to criticise spn about, but this isn’t it lol.

Also now some people are unironically trying to cancel Jensen because “his acting was homophobic, and so he’s clearly homophobic”, nevermind that he’s an actor and his character struggles with understanding his emotions (which I think he played excellently, myself. That scene had a very Dean delayed emotional response), nevermind the support he’s given to us queers in the past. Like. Idek man.

We would have been laughed at if we got no destiel, too.

It would have been worse, had the writers pulled a dumbledore. At this point I also trust the writers not to pull a GoT - they have explicitly criticised that ending in spn’s canon.

Spn’s writers did that by making the main villain of this season, Chuck / God, say GoT had a good ending. To reiterate a previous point I had: villains do bad things because they’re bad. And the bad things they do make them bad. For the people out there not still following, if someone does something in a story and it makes them a villain, that is explicitly telling you the story (and probably the writers) thinks that thing is bad. In this case, Chuck likes to write things for him, and we the audience have been shown and told that is bad.

Apparently thinking a gay confession is good in 2020 makes me straight. Seems unlikely, but whatever. Sorry for the length, I guess I went overboard, I’ve been holding it in lol. Anyway, DESTIEL IS CANON 💚💙 hope you have a good night

Helloo supernatural anon I hope you are living your best life right now. Yeah I’m like..... skeptical and leery myself but having lived through some absolute garbage discourse that is general purity wank, as well as the C/QL greater fandom here and on Twitter I find myself... much more wanting to question the “general wisdom” of things esp in terms of negativity, bc a lot of the time I find.... it’s wrong? Like so wrong. Or at least presents such an incomplete picture of the whole situation and also presents it in such a removed context that words that have meaning and are operationalized in a certain way for a reason, no longer have meaningful usage.

Anyway I don’t... know too much about the specifics of Spn but someone I follow is into it and talks a lot about the Gnostic stuff and that all was very fascinating to me, and I also have been grappling a lot with cultural Christianity bc of cmedia and the way ppl just *clenches fist* unthinkingly or uncritically slap some Christian norms on it and call it a day 😩 help I’m Tired. My thing here being... I actually got tired of the uncritical “superhell”s at some pt bc I am, in fact, incredibly exhausted with cultural Christianity, and because it does seem like, even possibly(?) without the Gnostic stuff it’s different from a “hell” or other Protestant-derived afterlife concept, and also yeah that it wasn’t seeded out of nowhere, it was set up to happen, which then... lends credence to the idea that whatever the current era of Spn is doing, the current showrunners are doing it with purpose.

And idk I just... refuse to believe the concept that ALL of the fans of Spn - esp the ones who have been following it still, or got back into it and are following it currently, are acting under delusion or are fooling themselves into liking it or thinking it’s good or whatever. I personally find that kinda infantilizing and patronizing and playing into issues of dismissing things women and/or other marginalized identities like.

Plus I find the concept that (from what I think I’ve been seeing Spn fans say) that the current era of the show is quite actively grappling with itself, its past, its legacy. to be very interesting and compelling; it hearkens back to like an old lore kind of feeling, of a thing that has grown into a nigh undefeatable monster and realizing that, also realizing that the only way to defeat itself is through grappling with its own nature and transforming and transmuting itself into something else. I personally find that more plausible and compelling than “Supernatural has been actively and continuously queerbaiting for 15 homophobic homophobic years., so right now we’re all very sorry for you because this maybe is no longer queerbaiting but it’s still homophobic and it can never be anything different ever.” I’ve been sort of tangentially aware of Spn thru the years and didn’t we agree, around the time of that in-universe play about Spn and with the lil Destiel shoutout, that Spn has come a ways as far as coming to terms with its fandom and working to treat its fans better? Why the sudden regression into “oh no, Supernatural is and forever will be homophobic and a hate crime”? 🤔 

The rest under a cut bc the ask is already long and then my rambling will get longer-

But yeah I mean..... I get that the legacy of Supernatural has been certifiably Rough, but I think people also forget how different of a time 2005 was? Hell, how different of a time 2015 was, even, prior to, say, Obergefell v. Hodges. Now I’m not saying that to blanket-excuse Supernatural, but like, you look at mainstream shows from the era and... there’s a lot of shit lmao. The fact that Supernatural has existed this long seems to me like.... maybe we CAN look at how it’s developed through the years vs just insisting it is what it was 15, 10, hell, 5 years ago. Especially since, to my knowledge, there’s been showrunner changes? Which seems to me like it would... affect things? I mean honestly, I remember back when I got into Spn for a hot second because of Castiel, I remember watching panel, Q&A, etc vids thru the years, and like... I thought we agreed that... it was the fans who were going a bit far pushing the shipping question like literally ALL the time to the actors, who are not in control of the show and.... like at the time.... that could have had personal implications for them? And yes homophobia bad, and people can still be allies despite that, but again like.... I do feel like - from what I’ve seen - that these guys were NOT ready to deal with a lot of that but they’ve (okay Jensen I’m talking about Jensen here) genuinely grown and learned? Also how many years ago was the essay autograph thing that people keep trotting out, like what year was it in and what year of spn was it, and what were the prevailing opinions on LGBT issues and bisexuality then.

I’ve been seeing some murmurings of identity politicsing surrounding ppl who enjoy Supernatural, and I’m sorry that that’s happening to you, it really fucking sucks and it’s also the dumbest way to “make” or “win” an argument because it shouldn’t ever be a final determiner, just factors to consider when considering what life experiences might have informed someone else’s PoV and views as well as maybe how you can better communicate with them. Instead of it being a “weapon” or “tool” to either dismiss someone or de facto validate an argument.

Also yeah I get it that you don’t want to send discourse to spn blogs bc I imagine you guys ARE actively grappling with all the bs rn and it’s a lot. Even just from like, the stuff I see around, I’m like tired of it. I’m genuinely having more fun with ppl who are having a good time with Supernatural than the ppl who are hating on it, even in this sort of backhanded “oh we’re not clowning YOU we’re clowning the writers and showrunners who think you should be satisfied with this,” when... yeah? the people who HAVE been watching the show and therefore... know what’s up.. DO seem to be? And all this based on *fake gasp* context. And that’s where the backhandedness becomes kind of poisonous to me, because it implies that it IS bad, and that you SHOULDN’T be satisfied, but poor little you are but don’t worry, we’re not making fun of YOU for liking garbage, you’re just the hapless victim who is consuming the garbage bc... idk, whatever reasons ppl are coming up with ig.

idk man it’s 2020. Fandom isn’t activism, performative or otherwise, it’s okay to let people enjoy things even if you think they’re “objectively” bad, and like... I don’t know if people can call something bad when they’re not even working with the whole context and instead are dealing with rumor and reputation. 

#supernatural cw #I tag this for ppl who I know want nothing to do with spn rn and are blacklisting and so it doesn't end up in main tag #Anonymous #asks answered #long post

[oldcoyote]

do you ever realise you have absolutely no idea how most women are able to achieve and maintain the look or presence they have but you’re too afraid to ask questions and look like you’re stupid/an infant who has no worldly experience at all bc everybody else seems to be already doing these things you still don’t know how to do?

like how the fuck do people keep their eyebrows nice all the time?? i know people who have perfect lines every day but i have to grow that shit out for a month before i can get it threaded again and between appointments my forehead slowly turns into a hedge and i have to stop going out of the house. i tried using eyebrow powder or liner and the minute it’s applied i have full sharpie brow no matter how light the colour i chose was, bc my eyebrows are so dark already, it looks super harsh and ugly

and how the hell do y’all manage to always do your hair so well? i’ve spent decades trying different hairstyles but every single way i get it cut or style it it’s always so deeply unflattering. when i use product, it doesn’t do what it’s meant to, and even when i leave it 100% natural it looks really terrible and makes my face look worse (which is not an easy feat)

oh and why is it when other ppl wear makeup it looks seamless and blended and nobody notices, but if i put on even the barest bit of makeup i go from trashbear to bozo the clown? i look immediately overdone, no matter how little i applied, and everybody notices. that, or i look incredibly unnatural and weird and i have nfi what i’m getting wrong

it’s the same with clothes - no matter the cut, shape, colour, nothing flatters, nothing sits right, it either exacerbates the genetic betrayal that is my legacy or hides it under a tent. there is no good look, just a big pendulum swinging between ‘yikes’ and ‘conceal’. and i’m told, just wear clothes that suit your figure!!! bitch! they don’t exist!!!

i know a lot of advice on all of these kinds of things is to try different styles/methods and experiment but i’ve been doing that for 20 years with no improvement and i s2g you guys are literally magic users i have no idea how women are just so so *hand waves* perfect

#tbd #WOMEN ARE GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO BE LIKE ONE ONE DAY

[idk-my-aesthetic]

past, present, future

aka mal, evie, and carlos on magic, their parents, and the isle

this is actually a repost of this bc freaking tumblr deleted all my text when i tried to change on tag on the og post so i had to delete it bc it started glitching. sigh. 

*jay is getting his own fic which is why he’s not in this, more info below

***comment on the mal part i use a weird combo of the live action remake maleficent and the og one. Its like maleficent was still queen of the moors but she was actually evil and not all sympathetic like she is in the live action movies…. 

TW!!- obvious discussion of child abuse in semi-graphic detail for the majority of the fic, and a breif s*lf h*rm refrence. It's only a sentence or two long, a general ref/description ig, basically has to do w/ evie freaking out if ppl think she is ugly/a failure bc of her mom’s abuse. 

=========================================================================================

To Mal, magic was her blood. It was her history, her lineage. She was a fae, birthed to continue her mother’s legacy. Created to reclaim the throne her mother lost in her madness and cruelty, to conquer their lost land, to live up to the expectations put upon her at birth. Her magic was but an extension of that, her birthright, everything she was supposed to be, everything she would one day become. 

Using it was both terrifying, and liberating. She was evil, something she’d known for years, but she feared becoming like her mother. A fear she had admitted only once, whispered to three others in the dead of night. 

There was a difference in their evil. Her mother’s was unnecessary, powered by delusions of grandeur, random cruelty brought about for her own amusement. Mal saw her own evil as practical, an armor she would use to protect herself, and later her crew. She would use it to get them food, make enemies too afraid to attack them, keep them all as well and alive as she could. She could use her evil, and the fear it caused, to get whatever she wanted, whatever they needed. It gave her power.  

Evil was power. 

Power was safety. 

(Though, could you truly call a child seeking protection evil?)

She knew she would one day have to complete the tasks her mother set out for her, but she refused to do them like the woman herself would. She refused to turn to unneeded cruelty, to hurt those she cared for. She would reclaim their homeland on her own terms. 

She would be her own kind of evil, different from her mother’s, even if they used the same magic, read the same spellbook, had the same blood. She would burn her mother's legacy and build her own, build herself from the ashes and leave her mother behind as nothing more than a faded memory, forgotten in her daughter’s shadow. And she would rise from the beaten depths of the Isle, bringing those most important with her, and give them the lives they deserved. 

(That was her dream, fueled by Carlos’s invention and their new ability to steal magic from the barrier. To free them all, and give a better life to those she loved. It would come true, one day soon, different than she ever expected. Though she was right that she would reclaim her birthright on her own terms, those terms have nothing to do with the evil she now thinks she is.)

(She will learn she was never truly evil to begin with. She will make her magic truly her own, completely untainted by her mother’s wishes. She will reclaim the lost moors, and she will fill it with the love and light her mother destroyed, those she loves by her side.) 

-=+=-

To Evie, magic was a tool. She had no real feelings to it, like how a writer feels no fondness for pens, nor a painter for brushes. She used alchemy books to mix beauty products for her mother, keeping the old woman preoccupied with something else, allowing Evie precious moments of freedom from her mother’s “love”. The word was so mutated in the queen’s mind, as if her unending barrage of insults was the same as Mal’s soft smile, Carlos’s beautiful rambling, Jay’s protective arms. 

The best use for her magic was concocting healing brews, things she could give to her gang to save them even a bit of pain. A cream to clear the bruises on Carlos's chest, small packets for Jay to trade so he need not steal while injured, a bite of apple to save Mal’s life. Things to protect the three most important people in her life. 

(Though, she had a hidden use for these healing salves too. A secret mix to hide scars, to blend discolorations in with the rest of her skin. She used it only when she truly needed, the others would easily tell if every scar she once had disappeared. But, if she ended up bleeding in the middle of the night, scratching at her skin and sobbing because her mother was right she was so ugly and useless and worthless, and said scratches disappeared before morning, well, no one would ever need to know they ever existed.

Because, truly, what right did she have to complain? What gave her the right cry and sob because her mother said something cruel? The others had parents who beat them till they bled, how could her mother’s words ever compare? Even if her mother screamed until her voice was raw, even if she repeated that Evie was ugly and worthless until the girl could do nothing but believe it herself, even if she forced her to avoid even the small amounts of food they could scrounge up, weakinging her to the point of fainting, possibly death if the others hadn't shoved food in her hands and forced her to eat, as if hurting herself would make her more beautiful. 

Even if the Evil Queen, known for her own effortless beauty and even more effortless cruelty, hammered that lesson into the child’s head. That beauty is pain and the only way to have worth is to hurt and you must hurt to be loved, and if you are not in pain you are not beautiful you are not trying hard enough you are failing and they will all leave and you will be left with nothing but pain and your own ugliness.) 

So, Evie was thankful for her magic, thankful she could heal those she loved, and hide things that would hurt them. Thankful she could keep her mother’s suspicion away, when the old woman’s view shifted from seeing Evie as an extension of herself to seeing her daughter as a competitor, someone who was out to betray her and take her place. A gift could appease the woman, at least for a bit, reminding her that the child before her had hair too light, skin too dark, lips too pale to be the girl the queen despised. Not that the queen wouldn't try to change that, pushing the child to look more beautiful than the girl who bested her, then punishing the child for being more beautiful than herself. 

Her mother’s erraticy gave Evie some odd mix of both hatred and jealousy for her half sister. Her mother wanted her to be more beautiful than Snow White, going as far as to try and even bleach her daughter’s skin, forcing Evie to be the subject of dozens of ill advised experiments to make the girl “beautiful”. Evie hated her sister for the standard she set, for leaving her on the Isle, for their mother’s obsession. But she was desperately jealous of her, desperately wanted to be just as beautiful, partly so her mother would leave her be, but more so she would never lose the love she held so dear. 

She feared that more than all, more than death itself, losing those she loved. 

She’d heard tales of true love since birth, heard the idea scoffed at and hated. Told it was something for Aradon royalty, something she would never have, should never want. And yet, despite all that, despite the evil in her, the evil surrounding them, she had it. Had it with three incredible people she loved more than anything. But she knew she wasn't as beautiful as the princess in auradon, knew she wasn't as good as them. What if she lost it? What if the most important people in her life left, because she wasn't beautiful enough to be worthy of their love? 

(One day, she will learn that beauty is not worth. One day she will learn her three-turned-four lovers would never leave her, least of all over something so meaningless. She will learn that she is beautiful because she is kind, and that those who love her do so for her mind not her body. And she will learn that she need not live to please them, that they will always exist as pillars of support in her life, but she will be able to go and become her own person, do what she wishes without worrying if what she wants would make them dislike her, make them want to leave. She will be able to grow and heal with them, work with them to build a life for themselves and a safe world for the other children like them. One day she will speak with her sister, using the cup bought just for her, something she will have done a thousand times before. And she won’t be cured, the memories of her mother’s voice will always haunt her, but she will have people who love her back home, and wedding rings comfortably heavy on her fingers, and kids to pick up later from school, and the knowledge that the lost children of the Isle are free, and the memories will be pushed away with ease. 

One day she will use her magic to help her heal, not hide her pain. 

That future may be far away, too far for her to see where she is now, trapped on the Isle, believing lies about love and herself. But it exists, and it’s waiting for her.) 

-=+=-

To Carlos, his magic was inconsequential. As far as he was concerned, it didn’t exist. The only evidence of it was a flash of pain, quick, white hot burning in his chest when he pulled pure magic from his device on accident. And when he blinked the stars from his eyes, when he managed to pull breath into his lungs again, when he finally quelled the panic rising in his chest, he forced himself to ignore what had just happened. He made himself believe that the pain, the sudden surge of power, the overcoming sense of dread, was some kind of fluke, some byproduct of the barrier. Pure mortals must not handle magic well, he decided, and let the memory fade to the back of his mind. 

Because it was easier. It was easier to let himself believe that he had no magic, to deny the obvious in front of him. It was easier to ignore the instinctual feeling that this magic was his, that there was something darker about it, darker than the magic of the barrier or Mal’s spells. 

It was easier, because to accept it would be to face it. And to face it would mean he would have to use this magic, this magic that felt so instinctually wrong, yet so much his.

The magic felt evil, and even on this Isle of the forgotten, where evil was revealed in, evil was celebrated, he feared becoming evil himself. Because to him, there was very little true evil on the isle. The evil belonged to the adults, the ones banished for their actions. Jafar, Maleficent, the Evil Queen. His mother. 

The other children may see themselves as cruel and evil, but he saw the truth. They were neutral, survivors in this abandoned wasteland. Born with evil inside them, and countering it with enough good to turn their black hearts gray. Protecting each other, caring for others, helping in the backhanded way you only understood if you grew up in a world where kindness brought pain. 

And yet, despite the fact that any impartial party would tell you they were all the same, he saw himself as different from the rest. He could see the good they did, see them balance the scales to keep themselves from falling into evil. But no matter what he did, it never felt like enough. He felt as if he was teetering on the edge of a cliff, held up by nothing more than a fraying rope. And if he accepted this magic, it would slice straight through, sending him to his doom. 

(He was too close to see the good he did. His mother’s screaming of how he was so horrid to her, how he brought her so much pain, how much she wished he was a good son confused him. He saw himself as bad, and saw that as an easy descent into evil, an easy descent into becoming those who had hurt him and those he loved.) 

(He didn’t want to be evil, evil like Maleficent who would snap Mal’s bones with cold eyes. Evil like Jafar who’d beat Jay for bringing one to few things home. Evil like the Queen, who’d lie and scream and dim the brightness of Evie’s smile. Evil like his mother, who would hurt and hurt and hurt and never stop as long as it got her what she wanted, never feel remorse for the pain she brought.)

So he did with his magic what he did with his other problems, forget. Forcing them to the back of his mind, focusing on the immediate, focusing on surviving day to day. And you can’t blame him, not really. On the Isle every day is about making sure you live to your next, and that you can bring a handful of others with you. 

And it may not have been his fault, but in doing so, in pushing aside the pain it brought and forcing himself to forget, he created more problems for himself. Because his magic would not go away, same with how pretending his mother didn’t exist didn’t simply make her disappear. 

(One day, he will be forced to face this magic, to accept it as part of himself. It will bring him pain he doesn't deserve, but he will overcome it, four others by his side. He will realize that the evil he felt was nothing more than a reflection of his own fears, that he could never truly become evil. Because he didn’t want to be, won’t want to be, will never find joy in causing others pain. The things that will make him happy are bright days and small animals and unconventional dates and the laughter of children trying chocolate for the first time. 

He will realize he could never be evil, never turn into those who hurt him. Never become his mother. And he will face his other problems, the ones so buried he hadn't thought of them in years, and he will overcome those too.) 

-=+=-

im trash so i didn’t bother putting the italics in. it takes 20 minutes im sorry....

edit: i wnet back and added them uwu 

jay’s getting his own fic which is basically one of these^^ but longer w/ fully written scenes lol. and uhhhh idr what i put in my a/n before but this is related to my other works/part of a series so please check out my ao3 ily  https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blue_Pluto

edit: so i felt like i needed to give more info ig?? i gave carlos magic bc im using it as a metaphor in my d1/d2/d3 rewrites, which uhhh part of are posted but not really the magic parts yet.... trust me for rn lol,,,, ty for reading!!! 

#descendants #my writing #evie descendants #mal descendants #carlos descendants #carlos de vil #mal daughter of maleficent #evie daughter of the evil queen

[robertogreco]

Varsity Blues and the Destructive Myth of Meritocracy

In the wake of the “Varsity Blues” college admissions scandal that made news on March 12, 2019, I wrote (mildly edited here with more character space and one grammatical correction):

It’s not just a matter of who “should“ get in or not and graduate from where or not. “Elite” educations aren’t really cultivating better critical thinkers — otherwise the graduates would’ve dismantled them by now rather than flashing degrees to lift themselves and justify their advantages.

We need to give up on the notion of “earn” and “deserve,” and make sure our collective resources and wealth are spread (redistributed) evenly, that everyone is taken care of, and that we don’t wreck the planet (reverse the wrecking).

Then I found many other great reminders about the lie of meritocracy and its assistance in building inequality and maintaining the system. I have collected them here.

★

Dana Goldstein:

When rich and famous people allegedly buy their children admission to elite colleges, you have to wonder what terrible fate they believe will befall their incredibly privileged offspring if they don't attend such schools.

What drives the anxiety? Fears of downward mobility? Name brand obsession? Has the education gospel anxiety traveled this far up the economic ladder? Paging @tressiemcphd!

Tressie McMillan Cottom responds:

Yes, I like Shamus Khan and Mitchell Stevens here. It is hard to completely process if it isn't your culture but there is no such thing as "enough" for elite status groups. Their anxiety feels as real to them as the objectively more real risk of failure feels to poor families

★

Jessica Valenti:

What I don't really get about this college scheme is that these kids were gonna be FINE and RICH no matter what. Who cares if they got into some college?

My only explanation - somewhat supported by the totally bananas court document - is that the parents wanted their kids (who were unaware of the fraud) to feel smart. That's some next level shit

Tressie McMillan Cottom responds:

Again, it's hard to explain but the social reproduction of privilege requires this kind of anxiety.

Nadirah Farah Foley adds:

yes — and this is where Khan's distinction between privilege and entitlement is so crucial. an elite degree legitimates advantage as earned rather than inherited, which is essential for status under the meritocratic logics & ideals that dominate US society.

★

Nana Kwame:

So you mean rich people cheat the system to get their kids in.. in an institution that artificially creates a perception of scarcity regarding a resource that is not scare in order to drive extraordinary costs up which in turn perpetuates mass inequality at all levels of society?

★

Antonio García Martínez:

What's funniest about the college bribery scandal is that the privileged, unbright scions of celebrity wealth felt they needed the imprimatur of prestige schools to justify their rank in life, to bolster the charade. A false meritocratic standard is worse than no standard at all.

It's worth recalling that the word 'meritocracy' was coined as a satirical slur in a dystopic novel by a sociologist. Bizarrely, it was ingested by the culture as a universal good that it would be offensive to even question. link to Wikipedia page for meritocracy

★

Nadirah Farah Foley:

I also hate to see us reinforce the idea that the metrics/standards by which we determine deservingness of access to a high-quality education are objectively good/right measures of "merit." and there's a LOT of that implicitly going on in statements about this scandal.

★

Clint Smith:

The very idea of our society, higher-ed or otherwise, being a "meritocracy" is something that was made up to justify & reify existing social hierarchies. It's not real. What's real is how wealth & race combine to give ppl things that they tell themselves they inherently deserve.

★

Nadirah Farah Foley:

there's so many angles to this admissions scandal, but I just keep coming back to the fact that stuff like this probably wouldn't happen if we didn't have a super stratified & unequal system in which attending an elite school comes with such outsized material & symbolic benefits.

that, and we might not have such a stratified system of education if we weren't so wedded to the idea that meritocracy is a good system for meting out just inequalities, and education is the way to administer that system.

it doesn't have to be like this, though.

★

Shamus Khan:

My worry is that it will recede into a discussion about "merit" where we basically say, "oh... we just need to get back to a 'true' meritocracy and then it's all good" rather than asking ourselves what kinds of communities we want to create and what our social responsibilies are.

Nadirah Farah Foley responds:

this. so much of the discourse today is reinforcing the idea that the process is basically about merit except when it's corrupted via bribery or nepotism. the question of what a "true meritocracy" would look like — and whether that's even desirable — is an essential one, imo.

the question of what a "true meritocracy" looks like requires digging into what merit means; the question of whether it's desirable calls for interrogating whether just inequality can exist, or whether inequality in & of itself is unjust/to be avoided. those are tough questions.

★

Anand Giridharadas:

They were the kind of liberals who want to change the world as long as that doesn't mean their world having to change. Much of what appears to be reform in our time is in fact the defense of stasis. These are in fact conservatives who fly stealth under the shield of liberalism.

★

Chanda Prescod-Weinstein:

The problem at these schools isn’t these singular bribes. The problem is the tax-free donations they get which literally cut the tax base for public universities. The problem is the large number of legacies they admit who think they got there through hard work.

★

Reclaim UC:

Has anyone done a study about how increased access to higher education has coincided with dramatically worsening economic inequality in the United States? I.e “access” doesn’t mean what it once meant during the postwar boom.

★

Hoodqueer:

your kid's "spot" doesn't exist. admission to elite american universities is a highly strategic, profit-driven affair. the university gets something out of every student it admits. if it's not money, it's reputation,"diversity," or free labor. your kid's "spot" doesn't exist.

★

Hari Ziyad

Plot twist: the “legitimate” criteria for acceptance into elite schools are all white supremacist bullshit too. SAT scores. Grades. Extra curriculars. None of them make a person smart or special. They all show you’re willing to play their game tho, which is all you need to do.

My hope was that “legacy” was an obvious enough example, but it’s important to mention because all of these things are connected. You can’t have “elite” schools without being rigged for the elite, in big and small ways.

And you can’t have POC complaining about how they were assumed to be accepted into elite schools because of affirmative action without reinforcing this bullshit either. If you did not get accepted due to aff action you did it by perfecting their rules.

★

David J. Leonard:

Derrick Bell made it all too clear in 2002: “We live in a system that espouses merit, equality, and a level playing field, but exalts those with wealth, power, and celebrity, however gained.”

★

Tyler Reinhard (posted previously):

Ivy diplomas are luxury goods, not qualifications. If they had any real value — some educational secret sauce —they would scale it. Instead they do the opposite by offering something “exclusive”, just like every other luxury brand.

Update: 13 March 2019 (same day as post): I have added many more below and will likely continue to do so.

★

Anand Giridharadas (See the full interview here.):

In this college scandal, we haven't heard much from the kids themselves.

But I found a glimpse of how they processed their inflated scores in the indictment.

And it offers a vital lesson: rigging things doesn't make the beneficiaries insecure, but rather unduly self-confident. [video embedded]

★

Talila Lewis:

So many thoughts on #CollegeAdmissionsScandal / #CollegeCheatingScandal.

The true injustice is that with all the cause célèbre, we're missing a prime opportunity to name & address that the US "education" system has since time immemorial been at least racist, classist & ableist.

★

Nadirah Farah Foley:

or, counterpoint: maybe college admissions is a meritocracy! but maybe meritocracy is bad —a system that legitimates inequality and rewards privilege while mischaracterizing it as "ability" and "talent"meritocracy killjoy added,

★

Tamara K. Nopper

So if everybody worked as hard as many who are sharing their stories, all without the extreme wealth and connections and lying we would still have a problem. Cuz people shouldn’t have to be working so damn hard and the stakes shouldn’t be so onerous to gain access to higher ed.

★

Nadirah Farah Foley:

I keep hearing people say bribery is different from donating a building because “bribery is a crime,” but I think it’s important we not lose sight of the fact that legality and morality don’t always overlap. something not being a “crime” doesn’t make it okay.

I’m not saying bribery isn’t a particularly extreme manifestation of leveraging wealth to gain access, but if the only reason you draw the line at bribery is because it happens to be designated a crime...I think it’s worth interrogating why.

★

Eric Levitz:

The real scandal isn’t all the unethical shit rich parents will do to keep their failsons and faildaughters from tumbling down the socioeconomic ladder — it’s that we use adolescents’ test scores to ration economic security in the first place. [link to “All College Admissions Are a Pay-to-Play Scandal”]

★

Nadirah Farah Foley:

I always find "X is not a meritocracy" takes interesting, because they seem to imply that something else is, or could be, a meritocracy. I really wonder about that, though.

★

Anand Giridharadas:

The college bribery scam is not a college bribery scam. It is a master class in how America — governed by a cheater, ruled by rule breakers, managed by a class that confuses its privilege for merit — functions. [with link to “The College Bribery Scam Reveals How Rich People Use 'Charity' to Cheat: Anand Giridharadas explains how alleged payoffs to test takers and athletic coaches are part of a larger ecosystem of elite hypocrisy.”]

★

Anand Giridharadas:

America is being revealed right now as it hasn't been in my lifetime.

Jamil Smith responds:

This, for me, is pretty much the only way that the Trump presidency has been useful—at least in terms of its influence on our politics and culture. The nation’s institutional faults, holes, and past errors are being laid bare in a particularly conspicuous way.

★

John Keogh responding to one of Nadirah Farah Foley’s remarks above:

I find it telling that most people who preach most ardently about the virtues of meritocracy take it as a given they’ll be the ones to win.

Take away that certainty and they find meritocracy a whole lot less attractive.

Nadirah Farah Foley responds:

something that’s surprised me is finding out that while the winners in a meritocratic system may believe in meritocracy more strongly, even those disadvantaged under such a system cling pretty tightly to meritocratic ideals.

@L1vY responds:

We all internalize it because it's the only way to imagine we might end up having some control over it. Socio-economic victim-blaming works like every other type of victim-blaming.

#college admissions #meritocracy #inequality #elitism #capitalism #us #colleges #universities #society #wealth #education #schooling #schooliness #testing #sats #sorting

[misterbitches]

Most ppl porbably know this if u have been following me for a while bc i’m a prettentious hIDEOUS anarchist BITCH and i never shut up about it but i’m a filmmaker (and artiste i paint and illustrate...poorly) I hate awards shows, i hate the self-congratulatory BS rthe rich pplkin a room or ppl who want to be rich or gain social capital. No matter their color or gender etc it’s bullshit. Definition of insanity is watching this shit over and over and expecting a different outcome. It’s truly a wonderrful feeling to be acknowledged and if awards show didnt determine some bullshit (literally « good opportunities » it depends on who. What happened to lupita n’yongo?)

I have some sad news: 1 - i think other races are realizing that, much like the black counterparts they obsess over because we are just that fuckin’ fascinating, but they are fads. You are a fad ni the machine that isw bullshit Culturalism and multiculturalism as progress. Do not rest on the rich people, believe in your fucking self and do what you need. Bong Joon Ho existed befor ean dafter that win (i kidna want to go into this more but no) and barry jenkins pre-moonlight made a film that was extremely well-received and featured (shock) a black cast and good actors and was about gentrification. He took a break from filmmaking and focused on advertising IIRC for THIRTEEN YEARS. SO THEY EXIST. As for black filmmakers and arrtists we are alsways. Here. Leads me to 2; you exist and you should not be stolen from

2 - i startefd doing more research on blackface and minstrelsy digital blackface as well. And blackness is a commodity as we know butt here’s just constant fucking theft. I learned about the few succesful times balckface was incorporated (by black people ofc) and just yea. It was eye-opening. I didn’t know the oscars were happening and then i got the notif about boseman before bed and it was pointless.

I think he should have been out of the runnin at least for a bit. They knew what they were doing because the academy didn’t vote for him. I can’t remember correctly but if I have vague knowledge the movie wasn’t received super well (like, say, a fences) so maybe it makes sense. But this man died at 43 and was working through COLON CANCER (my father had the same thing, same stage, but he’s here at 62. It’s just shitty. It’s fucking shitty) and you want to evaluate his work? In this stupid fucking paradigm after this hell year? After the hell year for black people specifically (spoiler: THIS IS OUR CONSTANT) and what I find dumbfounding about this is this is capitalism. This is hollywood. This is the mainstream (refer to #1) because there has to be winners and losers. This is a hot take so maybe we dont’ need to judge posthumously—at least not in an instant way when someone passes but released a work—at least maybe not an award. Critiquing and talking about their work (like jonghyun’s album poet|artist) is different then hyoing up a construction and saying to a man who is by the way um como se dice DEAD!!!! DEAD! HELLO! And saying « lol u lost the most important awards show ‘ever’ according 2 us also ur dead also this doesnt matter and oh btw here’s an nft of this DEAD BLACK MAN’S FACE in your goodie bags! » like what is this garbage

Technology has made it so removal of ownership is an even better form of stealing. An even better way for minstrelsy to prevail on non-blackness. When black minstrelsy has existed (IE black people using that pain and stereotype as subversion, as laughs, because the trauma of being seen as an object is endless. So we have to figure out what pain you put upon us and how we can proceed) and we are innovators, creators, foundations. FIlmmaking relies on black exploitation and erasure, most art does, and we are not people until we can be commodities. We aren’t real because blackness is an expression not a state of being, not trauma and pain, not joy and immense beauty.

The thing is that (most) AI, NFTs, techno advancement (space ex lmao) isn’t about absorption, sharing, and innovating. Deepfakes all of that shit too. It facilitates THEFT. Tik Tok is born out of black theft and like most bad things that evolve black pain evolves to greater pain, particularly in america, so now black people are having their work removed or livelihoods copied (btw if ur not black u will nevr be, u will never understand our structure of feeling and who we are. I know it pains you but build a bridge and get the fuck over it. You can’t be a nigga and eschew the nigger) it seeps into regular popular culture. The fact that an NFT of nirvana’s last shoot is being sold is fucking everyhting Nirvana is against. Basquiat would probably hate that (if he could wrap his 1980s brain around the concept. I hate it. I hate it because none of it is to help artists or to go further. You don’t have to recreate a Nirvana song via AI because this time has passed. The band members wouldn’t even want that.

We can’t bottle time and memories and remove the fucking context from them. It’sd scary. And so much of this is just relying on black exploitation and theft of immense black labor. Our freedom is intrinsic to world freedom and yuo can see as things evolve how (particularly in the US but also our likeness as culture and cutural exploits) and eventually, maybe, you will be erased like us. But the thing is: we know this, we live it, we keep going. Can other people handle that? I am not so sure, though I hope they will. One last thing as more and more people try and become progressive or whatever I really just wish they understood blackness as a real root to liberation. Ending Israeli Apartheid is a big one as well; we are not free until Palestinians are free but if they get free then we have to attack the (non black) « arab » psyche of superiority. However, Palestinians have an afffinity with black people in the diaspora because of the genocidal tendencies in the US and because of SA apartheid.

I’m going to stop here but none of these things above are intersted in sharing more art and stuff. The OSCARS were cvreated to bust unions and keep black people out. Celebrities who are radical got their lives destroyed. And now we have very little legacy of people doing what they enjoy because they enjoy it and being able to speak up. It’s less of a necessity when you can just get in the room and chill. The idea is to get people realizing they dont WANT to be in the room.

Lastly: my thoughts on representation are complex. I do not believe the representation of asians is going to go as far as people think and I absolutely do not believe that it is because of the anti-asian hate and sinophobia that is borne out of this time. Hollywood has no interest in being progressive and what little we get it’s being pushed onthe inside. Even for streaming companies outside of TV—status quou is imminent. Media is propaganda and true amazing artists can convey it. But it’s more about money and fame as capital atp which is always the direction it was going.

Artists deserve happiness, ownership, and a life. They should want to say things that matter, nothing is apolitical, and we should strive to make good shit. Strive to reduce waste on sets. Strive to see people as fucking human. Art is a ridiculous stupid bougie rat-race but here I am.

#a thot

[lecherouswritings]

I gotta dump these alterations here excuse me!!! I guess if anyone doesn’t want spoilers to my stories lol

Had some ideas I didn’t wanna forget so I’m gonna dump them here for further development when the day comes someday. The hunters! There’s that burly trapper dude, the sharpshooter dude, and the manipulative lady. I think I want her to deal with poisons and stuff? One hunter is killed in Georgia, Rat has a snap-second reaction and kills this guy on the spot without realizing it’s like a hunter. Peter recognizes him, bursts out laughing when Rat kills him ?? hmm Can’t decide which hunter bites it first. The sharpshooter is really cute and all the girls fawn over him and it makes Peter mad because he’s a gross weirdo and doesn’t like competition. Sharpshooter loves birds, his sister and him keep birds and Peter loves birds too. Loves them. The village declines because Grandfather has a CHANGE OF HEART and decides human sacrifices are OUT and love is IN and that makes Peter SO ANGERY... it makes Hito angry too!!!!! THE LAND IS CURSED THAT’S WHY PPL THINK THEY’RE SEEING WOLVES BUT THEY   ARE   NOT   WOLVES  LOL the founders aka 3 lil piggies, man with house of hay stacks, man who built house of wood, and Grandfather with his stone home, all 3 are destroyed, other two men are killed, leaving Grandfather and the residents of the land AKA HITOTIANS!!! GASP!!!! and he’s like EEHGHH PLS DON’T KILL ME I JUST WANNA START A NEW LIFE OUT HERE ALSO MY TEETH FUCKING SUCK I DIDN’T TAKE CARE OF THEM so Hito is like Ok worship me I’m God however the fuck you wanna interpret that, kill ppl for me and I’ll make everything good and he’s like gimme wolf teeth and we have a deal and she’s like OK DEAL. THAT’S WHY THE TOWN THRIVES, and he leaves town to bring in outsiders and claims THESE SINNERS WERE TRYNA HURT US and will often pick up minorities because he’s racist and gross and given the time period and area there was a lot of hostility between shitty white assholes and Mexicans/Native peoples, hey I’m not defending Grandfather here racists exist. Hito doesn’t care racist or not, as long as ppl die that’s all that matters and if he wants to do it under the guise of Jesus or whatever the fuck fine, just do the Ritual I Asked You To Do and we’re good, and he’s like yeah cool. Then he asks for MORE, I want a SON :(((( and Hito’s like ok, go fuck someone and have a son but I swear to Me you’re gonna have to up your killing game I hate the idea of letting you make more people like that’s the opposite of my teachings you dumb shit ?! THE WOLF is a manifest of the cursed Hitotian land, that since the ppl perceive the monsters as wolves that Hito is like cool, this Proto Rat creature that’s being projected, so there’s this malicious spirit that’s lingering because Grandfather is SLACKING in his murders, so the crops are failing and people are getting sick and Peter is becoming host to this Wolf thing and Grandfather is NOT A FAN OF THAT, decides it’s SATAN and we gotta DRIVE SATAN OUT, not realizing it’s his own stupid ass fault for ignoring Hito’s wishes. After he has a son he wants to like retire and start preaching love and shit. Peter had prophetic dreams of Rat and helping Rat and THAT’S SCARY NO I WANNA BE A LITTLE KID I LIKE BIRD SONGS AND STICKS ALKGHAKJGH just kidding I’ve been tied to a bed most of my life I don’t know what I like. God I guess, Grandfather tells me how much God loves me and love is supposed to be good, good good, when Peter is good Grandfather takes him on walks so GOD BLESS. But after a while he gets to move about the room and seeing people outside his toothed window and he gets Angry. Shouts HI GRANDPA from his bed tied up because he can hear the front door slam shut. Grandpa will go untie him if he’s been good and read some bible to him or feed him or tell him how his day went CENSORED VERSION LOL because the boy is............ Not right............. all that Wolf stuff growing up MY HORRIBLE SON.....but he’s gonna carry on his legacy. HAVE A SON, SON. So Grandfather is the way he is because he made a deal with Hito ( GOD ) and the Wolf ( Proto-Rat ) tries to influence him but he’s TOO STUPID so the demon goes roaming around causing havok mindless energy no where to go. A lot of Hitotian demons target kids because they don’t have any defenses and are naive. So the town does descend into some madness because Grandfather quits. I have a scene where Sharpshooter’s sister kills her sons because she had sex with Grandfather and therefore committed a Sin and punished herself by killing her kids, and then killed the birds she kept and was shoving them inside herself and screaming gibberish about how they were going to remove the sin from her, and Peter and some of the villagers are there and I think I was thinking Peter would allow Sharpshooter to kill her instead of himself as like a familial courtesy out of respect. Peter’s more upset about the birds :( and maybe some sick pleasure in seeing Sharpshooter upset having to kill his sister like idk. Taking pride in someone else’s misery. Hito keeps Grandfather alive because that’s punishment death would be the easy way out!!! Live and suffer!! I’m gonna do away with the toxic chemicals thing because Hito can just mutate people as punishment and I like that better. If Rat kills the handsome guy then ... That leave gruff trapper dude who would be more well equipped to deal with Rat in the last arc, but... I’m thinking Peter gains trust from Grandfather by getting Sharpshooter on his side like “I let you take your sister’s life, I didn’t rob you of that, I’m a man of my word and you can testify” sort of shit. Yeah, so let’s have the gruff trapper be the GA victim and the sharpshooter be in the village at the end. The lady hunter tho isn’t having any of Peter’s shit and they have a confrontation and Amy helps and yea they help each other. I like the idea of Peter covering her with a rifle as she goes out into the wild to find Rat, then Peter had to go after Amy because she gets her leg caught in a bear trap and has to get her outta there and is like Well I’m already here might as well look for Rat before Sharpshooter finds him fuuck he tells Amy to go back and hide but she sneakily trails by the time Peter finds Rat, Rat’s stuck in a hole!!! A trap!!! He can’t get out he’s all rotted and gross!!!! and he’s YOWLING!!! HELP!!! :( Sharpshooter is there, and he’s like OH PETER JUST IN TIME :))) LET’S KILL THIS THING and Amy’s watching from the thicket. Peter has some crazy ass vision and is like hhHH and shoots Sharpshooter’s kneecaps out and ties him to a tree with his own rope. Rat’s saying some gibberish and Peter’s like oh no the wolf is so hungry hungry boy feed wolf feed wolf the hunter munch munch that was a tasty leg Thank You.... Hey Friend, can you help me out of here? SO YES Peter reaches down and pulls Rat out but IT’S SYMBOLISM FOR WHEN HE WAS A KID AND REACHED OUT TO RAT AND “LET HIM IN” SO RAT GETS OUT AND IS LIKE YESSSSSBITCH the 2nd rain of blood happens and he tells Peter to run back to the village. Amy follows behind him. I HAVEN’T DECIDED HOW RYAN, JESS, AND KYLE GET OUT OF THEIR TORTUROUS PREDICAMENT YET BUT I WILL BECAUSE THEY’RE THERE and they all reunite and RAT DESCENDS ONTO THE VILLAGE AND KILLS EVERYBODY LOL, theres all these Hitotian demons that just DECIMATE EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING. Ryan is SO MAD at Peter because this is ALL HIS FAULT, and Amy already had this fight with Peter but they reconciled and teamed up but RYAN IS NOT FORGIVING and GOUGES PETER’S EYES OUT SO HE CAN’T SEE HIS GOD ( THIS IS SO SAD.meme ) and it’s the real first time since his reign as tyrant of the village when he was younger just FLIP THE FUCK OUT because Rat’s going through his final stages of metamorphosis and everyone can witness it but Peter slkdgjslkgh RYAN!!!!!! I think the castration of Rat happens just before the villagers capture them ??? SPEAKING OF CASTRATION that was really big with Peter, lots of sterilizing and castrating because THE ROOT OF PEOPLE’S SINS ARE THEIR DESIRES so I love that he has this knack for cutting genitals and Rat’s like I NEED A CUT BRO and he’s like oh Yeah I know this song and dance hold my beer. I think tho.... Peter has to kill his Grandfather, maybe after he returns to the village? I can’t decide if it’s a YES I FINALLY GET TO KILL YOU or a I LOVE YOU AFTER ALL BUT I HAVE TO DO THIS :(((( I can’t decide. I’LL FIGURE THIS OUT LATER. Also what if Grandfather was creeping on Eunice and so when Peter had a thing with her, he had Hito’s demons go kill her off in the woods??? hmm... idk how I feel about that.... or Rat’s wolf entity would ?? Yeah he would lol just to fuck with Peter, fuck you for having nice things you dumb bitch COME WORSHIP ME IN A FEW DECADES NERD!!! If I think of anything else I’ll make another dump post but there’s SO MUCH and also I gotta sleep but this is what I got in the last few days.

#long post

[yakumtsaki]

Take your hands off me, I don't belong to you, you see, and take a look at my face for the last time, I never knew you, you never knew me, say hello.. ♪

WAVE GOODBYE. 

WHADDUP PPL. Much like Ronroneo, we’re back from the dead and ready for a whole new generation of Union fuckery. We’re also officially.. drumroll.. MIDDLE CLASS. Our shiny new house is based on this one by frottana-sims​, which I downloaded but dumbassly forgot to install, and since loading the game takes a hot half-hour I opted for this poor recreation instead. We start the extreme home makeover with an incredible budget of..

...Yea, I see the value of getting 6 pets to the top of their careers now. Included in this insane sum is the 20k+ that Wyatt and Jojo brought with them moving in, and at first I’m worried that we’re way too rich for only generation 2. Well, careful what you wish for, cause here’s our post-remodeling budget:

LMAO. It’s as if not a day has passed since Vic started this legacy with a dream in her heart and crap to her name. Let’s check out the new digs!

Everything was purple.. his pills.. his hands.. his foyer. 

As eagle-eyed readers may observe, both the hall and the living room were designed with nothing else in mind but whether they matched our cat paintings. Per legacy rules I use as little cc as possible, which isn’t that hard since I feel this bizarre, angular and hugely impractical couch really encapsulates Jojo’s essence. Like if he was a servant in Beauty and the Beast this would be his furniture form.

Apparently the only things I deemed important enough to capture were the cat portraits, so it looks like my Komeization is finally complete! Here’s some floorplan shots tho so you don’t get disoriented in our labyrinth-like mansion. Please note our amazing pink-blue-purple kitchen! Barbie’s Dreamhouse who??

And here’s the second floor, which also illustrates the exact point I ran out of money. Honestly looking back I don’t understand how the fuck this place cost 70k?? Like nothing is particularly expensive except the amazing vintage batmobile which was around 30-40k and some of the paintings? But I guess all the small things add up in the end + I’m super bad with money..

..and I’m not the only one. Jojo GET A FUCKING GRIP and A JOB. Literally no comment @ your cat wants, you inherited the jaw, wasn’t that enough??? ANYWAY. I know the question on everyone’s mind is how is Wyatt going to fit in with the Unions.. and all I have to say about that..

..is LOL. Truly the perfect career for when your mother-in-law is a criminal mastermind and your husband is a serial killer! I mean the jokes practically write themselves. At least he doesn’t want 10 kids or any shit like that, cause I’ve seen hell and it was the result of mixing Jojo/Wyatt genes in cas.

On top of gifting us with his future-probably-fug children, Wyatt also gives us the gift of our first ever kitchen fire when he decides to make dinner with 1 cooking point. His generosity really knows no bounds.

It’s all fun and games now but Wyatt deadass almost died in the inferno and was about to take poor, stupid Komei with him, who of course ran to the fire even though he was in the yard. Meanwhile Victoria was safely watching tv and didn’t move while Jojo..

..was doing this in the next room. Two types of sims I guess!

-So Wyatt, you’ve been here for almost an hour now, burned down our kitchen and I still don’t see any grandchildren. I thought you were a family sim!

-Haha oh mom, you’re hilarious! Ignore her, Wyatt, let’s enjoy your delicious pasta.. It was definitely worth almost dying for.

-Your mama is right, mon cheri, not only do you have an obligatión to your famille but I rolled the want to have a bébé the second we graduated!

-Well it’s still gonna be there when we aren’t broke, Wyatt, god!

-But.. bébés, mon cheri! Tons of bébés I can have but never interact with, in typical famille sim fashión!

-UGH thanks a lot for opening this gate, mom. If only you had found your love of children when I was living on cat food.

-Well it’s different when they are your children, everyone knows that.

-THAT’S NOT WHY PEOPLE SAY THAT MOM

-Honestly, Jojό, I’m prouder of taking down your répugnant suitόrs than I am of graduating with honors!

-Aww Wyatt <3

-And if I have to souffrir through a childless existence to be with mon amour, so be it (:

-Aw- wait what?!

-Really, c’est bien, Jojό, marriage is all about compromise, nό? I mean, not that I would know since we’re not even married yet!

-Wyatt we’ve been here for 3 hours.

-My point précisément.. C’est bien though!

-Can’t believe I’m saying this but I really regret murdering Ti-Ning. 

That makes two of us, Jo. Honestly even Francis would be better than this. Family sim spouse??? Tf was I thinking. 

Ah, some things never change <3 It’s a new day and someone very special passes by our lot..

UGH NO not you asshole, once again delivering bills at the worst possible time.

-Miss me bitch?? Lolol

ONE OF THESE DAYS DAGMAR. ONE OF THESE DAYS ISTG

No, it’s mismatched beard townie, whose regular outfit is simply iconic, and he’s waving at me! What a sweetheart! TAKE SOME NOTES DAGMAR YOU FROZEN-FACED FREAK

-Umm he’s actually waving at me, moron.

-WRONG, he’s waving at me!

Ok it literally doesn’t matter who he’s waving at. 

-Well c’est moi. 

OK WHATEVER WYATT GOD. Just go off to work in a position you’re criminally unqualified for and try not to die ok??

-Why would I mourir?

Hm let’s see, maybe because you’re a ‘SWAT Team Leader’ straight out of college with a shocking lack of skill points?? Jfc college degrees in this game are so fucking op it’s legit making me resentful of my sims.

In other news, major dicks Sophie and Victor have started constantly beating each other up and the only thing surprising about this development is that it took this long. Honestly these fights are peak #TeamNoOne. Please note Alegra who continues to give 0 fucks @ the bloodshed. What a gal <3

Burning with religious fervor, fundamentalist nutjob Sophie emerges victorious!

-I WALK WITH GOD BITCH

Tears. Literal tears. Victor is the most unbelievable creature I have ever played.

-The rampant violence in this house is a violation of human rights! I AM OUTTA HERE

Literally still cannot believe this happened, like the sheer NERVE is killing me. Victor has started every fight he’s ever been in for an astounding total of 40-50 fights, and as you all know he almost always wins. Like this one was what? The fourth one he lost?? AND YET HE RUNS AWAY LIKE HE’S THE VICTIM I HATE/LOVE HIM SO MUCH

Meanwhile this happens which, of course. Leave it to me to finally get a chance card right for the only sim who doesn’t even deserve the job he currently has.

..Police Chief Wyatt reporting for duty! And crime increased 80% overnight. 

In actual good and not lawsuit-waiting-to happen news, Wyatt brought Amanda, Vic’s only friend/lesbian crush with him! Amanda has the distinct honor of being literally the only non-Union non-Jojo person Vic has ever genuinely liked and hasn’t had an affair with. YET THAT IS.

Man, these are some fat fucking flies. I’m talking 10 plagues of Egypt teas. 

-I KNOW, where the fuck is Komei, what are we paying him for?

-I’m over here honey, talking to my least favorite son for the second time in my life, since apparently he’s sticking around.

-Yes, thanks for requesting a recount of the heir vote, dad. I will remember it when I decide where to scatter your ashes. 

-I TOLD YOU I WANT THEM MIXED WITH THE CAT LITTER 

Ugh Komei, please stop trying to bond with your son and do something productive instead-

-like finally convincing Neo to bang Sophie. She has refused 3 TIMES because there’s a rule I have to earn kittens by suffering. I mean Alegra refusing to procreate with Victor made sense, it was Victor, wtf is Sophie’s excuse? Waiting for marriage?

ABOUT TIME

YAS. CAT GEN 3 ON THE WAY. Human gen 3 will have to wait till I’m in the mood to deal with screaming infants aka it might take a while.

The science career FINALLY SHOWS UP after 5 fucking days, jfc. Love how Wyatt’s dumb ass started as a swat team LEADER but Jojo who has half the skills maxed starts as a science teacher. Also love the idea of Jojo as a teacher in general, I mean just imagine having him teach you science in high school. I would literally drop out.

Jojo returns from work, brings this rando with him and doesn’t get promoted. We can’t all be Wyatt I guess! We’re not completely broke anymore tho so..

It is time.

Gunther, Melody and Max Flexor on one side..

Craig, Brit Brit, Ti-Ning and Daniel on the other. What a bunch of assholes, Craig obviously excluded. Remember him? I invited him because he and Jojo are still semi-friends thinking he wouldn’t show up and yet here he is! What a good guy. 

-It’s at moments like this, watching your high school boyfriend get married.. that you really get to thinking..

Awww.

-..there but for the grace of god go I.

Less awww. You’re not wrong tho, definitely dodged a sociopathic bullet..

..not everyone is that lucky. WE GET IT WYATT YOU’RE CRAZY AND IN LOVE

-Mon bien adoré, I vow to aimer and honόr you and not cheat on you again or at least be more discrete about it <3

-And I vow not to kill you and feed you to the cats for as long as we both shall live <3 

Ah, true love, you guys. 

Too bad half our guests are inside dancing-

-OR HAVING COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE AND UNTIMELY THOUGHTS. TI-NING SERIOUSLY GO TO HELL. I WAS ROOTING FOR YOU WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU HOW DARE YOU

Well at least Vic is excited which is more than I can say for Gunther who is literally LOOKING THE OTHER WAY. 

Time to cut the cake with the sky as our only witness, since everyone has taken a plate from the buffet and fucked off inside. Seriously WORST GUESTS EVER 

Not one to be outdone by his guests’ questionable behavior, Wyatt takes the time to remind us who he really is. 

-And n'est-ce pas forget it!

Despite all the obvious problems, like one of the grooms literally going to sleep, our party score is ‘good time’ which is a truly rare and exciting occurrence. With less than a minute left I’m feeling pretty confident that nothing can ruin this wedding!

Weirdly no one has touched the champagne even though sims in general are obsessed with it?? My best guess is everyone is at a loss for words at having to toast this union and who can blame them tbh. Thankfully Daniel steps up and I find it super sweet because I’ve forgotten that he and Wyatt are mortal enemies and it’s only by chance they haven’t beaten each other up on this instance like they have countless times before.

-Let’s all raise a glass to my beloved brother, Jojo, who generously woke up to attend his own wedding reception! Just one of many examples of his fine, giving character. Too bad he’s committing his life to a complete waste of space adulterous loser like Wyatt, who I’m not even convinced is really french, since his ability to speak and understand english fluctuates according to convenience. Man, I promised myself I wouldn’t cry, but this choice in spouse is just too tragic. Oh well! To Jojo!

NOICE, still a good time. SO CLOSE

AND YET SO FAR. Goddammit do you two mind killing each other on your own time and not literally 10 seconds before our wedding ends??

-DIE WHORE, THIS WILL TEACH YOU TO STEAL MY MAN

-THAT’S MY LINE SLUTBAG

-HA! ZUMBA, BITCH

-Wow, so glad I woke up for this, really got my bloodlust going! 

Indeed a roaring success if there ever was one. I mean how can this night possibly get any better?

.............of course.

Oh nice, I remembered to install an alarm for once! I’m also desperately trying to wake up Wyatt thinking that he’s fucking CHIEF OF POLICE so he might prove useful in this situation..

..especially since we get this cop of a completely untrustworthy Bieber hairstyle. Talk about striking fear in the heart.

Sadly it turns out that Wyatt could not give less of a shit that we’re getting robbed and picks this moment to head for wedding buffet leftovers-

-while Bieber cop prevails! This robber is awesomely named Russ Bear btw and I wish that was my name, sounds like a slavic medieval folkore hero. But I digress. Please prepare yourselves because our first robbery is about to take a dark turn.

-Ehh, you get at a certain level on la force, you just become desensitized to la criminalité..

-Oh don’t worry Wyatt, I totally understand.. I mean I’ve robbed so many houses in my time, I hardly blink anymore..

-So it looks like you and I are not so different after all.. ;)

.............

.....................

............................why. why has the universe chosen me for the greatest suffering the world has ever known. i try and i try but incestuous relationships just keep sprawling like mythical strangler vines. i bet this wouldn’t happen to someone named Russ Bear. fml

#ts2 #gen 2

[mikanrulz]

Gundam ibo s02e19 exposition time: death flag abounds

That face above is my fav face in the entire ep. Behold the return of his smile, however fleeting it is.

I never thought I will ever say this, but here it is: FREE TEKKADAN 2K17

The latest two eps pretty much established that they had nothing to do with the conflict at hand despite being the protagonist

Like… how did that even happen? That a protagonist group’s storyline got sidelined somehow? Maybe ‘sidelined’ is not the right word. Just that, despite hogging the screentime, their storyline just seems abysmal and *small* in the grand scheme of things compared to that of the future big bad final boss (McGillis) and possibly anti-hero (the jury’s still out on this) Arianrhod.

This is totally the one game where the protags are too busy with the side quests they totally neglected the main story, only to be surprised when the game ends bcs despite being the winner they’re only loosely connected to the main story and don’t actually understand a thing.

Idk

I know I’d like to tell Mika and Tekkadan to just maybe go home, eat chocolate, and take a warm bath, since they don’t actually deserve all these headaches.

See what you make me say mcgillis???

No use for me commenting on this, since this ep makes it clear Orga totally regrets their arrangement w/ McGillis big time.

Mika’s uncaring attitude tho. I wonder if he really doesn’t care, or he just really has *yet* to care. I mean, he did have a weird, suspicious look in ep 5 as Orga and Mc shook hand. So it could be this time, he deems it unworthy of his attention since so far McGillis hasn’t *actively* betrayed them – even if Mc did miscalculate and may cost them their members.

The biggest shock of the ep is probably how McGillis gets called out.

I mean, I’m so used to the show treating McGillis’ soddy plan or whatever as the cleverest and cunning thing ever, so when the show actually acknowledges that McGillis’ plan is stupid, I’m kinda speechless.

And it worries me a great deal, bcs so far imo Arianrhod’s standing is still unclear. Are they the anti-hero? The antagonist? They’re certainly not the protag, despite Gae’s existence.

I’m afraid that the show decides to show McGillis as incompetent now of all time bcs they’re trying to shift the big bad final boss role to Rustal. The logic being ha ha ha look McGillis is too silly to be the final boss, so have Rustal instead, who is consistently being showed as ‘cunning’ and ‘ruthless’, even if he thinks the best of his subordinates and actually values their lives or whatever.

…I’m reaching. Probably.

Rustal is actually more likeable and has more human values than McGillis, and I do think it makes him a more formidable foe than McGillis. McGillis is just…. so distant, and like, two dimensional? It’s hard to relate to McGillis.

I’m. just. so confused???

This particular scene is weird. His face’s framing is weird. His words’ phrasing is weird. Like…. He does it for his own sake, out of his own idea. So why is he acting like he’s been sacrificed? Like he’s been forced to do it against his will, like he’s not the actual mastermind and the sole culprit?

Are we supposed to sympathize with him here? Despite the fact his ‘suffering’ is actually of his own making, by his own hand, and not done by other ppl?

I’m so confused bcs were it any other character in this particular scene with that particular framing and light, I know I’d probably give them the benefit of the doubt and maybe try to reconsider their position or whatever.

But it’s McGillis???????? Like??? WHY IS HE ACTING SO MARTYRED?????

I’M SO DISGUSTED AND ENRAGED YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

Was his past in the ep before supposed to give him leeway or something? Because I think not. No matter the motive, a murder is still a murder.

He totally thinks the world revolves around him, doesn’t he.

“Minor incidents.”

You say that to the father of the guy you killed, of course the father gonna maul you. The fact McGillis thinks getting Bael would absolve him of all sins is just. Unbelievable?????

When Rustal remarked how McGillis seemed childish, I never thought he actually really meant that. I thought he was just trying to say McGillis lacked experience or something. But then this ep proves that McGillis’ way of thinking is similar to that of a child.

You can’t say he’s ignorant, bcs he actually knows things and is willing to learn. It’s just the way he absorbs the info that’s probably rather skewed.

Like, instead of changing his world or fit his perspective to the facts at hand, he actually twists the facts so they fit his own perspective. It’s made even worse by the fact that he thinks he’s the only right one and that he’s above reproach.

This guy is dangerous not bcs he’s smart or cunning. He’s dangerous bcs he does what he does without knowing the real consequences, *how* it would affect the ppl involved and the lasting damage on them.

Yeaaaah, not gonna comment on this one, since I think I already ranted often enough about how inappropriate this is. But the animation here is actually quite nice? At least compared to Gae’s scenes in this ep??? Like I’m so jealous Mc gets all the nice animation like wae

Isurugi the third wheel tho. The difference between Isurugi’s reaction here to his reaction to Orga, is it bcs Almiria is just a child and therefore *totally* harmless?

Or is it out of consideration to not intrude on a couple/husband and wife’s moment?

(I’m a bit confused, I thought their status is still just ‘engaged’ but this ep Rustal says they ‘married’?????)

Also, Iok oh Iok lol

So it’s confirmed his only use is just to stand there and look pretty? XD

Rustal basically saying your men follow you bcs they respect your father and his legacy/history and I’m just.

*coughs*

Iok darling he just says you have no value on your own, it’s all your family name, and is that the real reason for your tears?

I can’t decide whether to laugh at him or be sad about him here :’)

Gaelio gets complimented twice on his look this ep like what is this sudden interest in his appearance

Kidding. Please compliment him more. I’m always interested in him so of course I’ll like anybody who shows interest in him :p

It amuses me though, both Rustal and Julieta essentially compliment him, but they do it in such opposite way.

Rustal: “You face looks more valiant than before.” He’s saying Gae’s more rugged now, more heroic like maybe, certainly not as delicate-looking anymore.

Julieta: “Your face is more handsome than I'd imagined.” 1) she actually cares what he looks like 2) she puts actual effort to try to imagine what he looks like 3) she thinks he has a more hardened face instead 4) she’s basically saying Gae looks more delicate than how she imagined him to be.

Be still my heart *___*

During S1, several times Ein had dialogues where he questioned whether what he did was the right thing, most notably in ep9 and especially in ep25.

Considering Mika stabbed him to death, you can say from the narrative that Ein was in the wrong, bcs the right one would always win in the end.

So during this scene, at first I thought maybe Gae only saying that to Julieta in response to Ein; He tells Julieta the thing that Ein needed and wanted to hear most, but never get the chance to: He gives her a validation.

But maybe that’s not quite right nor quite enough to be a reason since it implies he only sees Julieta as Ein’s substitute.

Considering during the latter part of S1 Gae himself was not quite in the right frame of mind, since he was full of guilt and doubts himself, I think he probably needed that validation the most.

I kinda thought Rustal probably gave him his validation, but considering how Rustal actually let Julieta and Iok to try to figure themselves out, maybe that’s not quite right.

WARNING: this is gonna sound sappy af, but we do have a two year period, so probably Gae and Ein kinda found their validation in each other or something – since they’re alone quite a lot and Gae actually looks ‘calm’ and ‘collected’ the first he appeared as Vidar, no longer lost or even looking to Rustal for guidance.

So that validation Gae tells Julieta? That’s pure her and her effort; he sees her and notices her dedication and her lost look and he tells her the thing she needs to hear. He could only say this *because* he himself had gone through the same thing, and he wouldn’t tell her *that* if he doesn’t think she deserves to hear it.

He’s not trying to give her a lip service.

Notice he doesn’t actually tell her whether what she does morally right or wrong; just that, as long as you do what you believe in for the sake of the person that you believe in, you’re in the right.

oh hey look first time I included a cap of Shino in my ep review :p

Speaking of death flags, everybody probably gets it this ep, but I’m kinda betting on Shino since he has more focused-screentime this ep than any other Tekkadan members (excepting Orga/Mika).

But who knows who’s gonna really bite it :p

#tekketsu no orphans #what do i tag this again #speaking of bauduin siblings gae and almiria actually look really similar when they cry #genetic is amazing #gundam ibo

[somedaypast-thesunset]

So the girl he was heavily involved with for years even tho his best friend was in a thing with her and they were the last ppl to see him alive before he killed himself has now also killed herself.

First of all - all my jokes are fucking tasteless now I feel like I wished bad shit upon him and got what I wanted. That's super low and tasteless and shameful to myself. Like even if other ppl don't know it's gross if you do and like I get why I did it as well - I cope through tasteless humor. It's passive aggressive. It's not me at my best moments even though I think it's funny as fuck.

Secondly OMG I don't have the tools to cope with this. This has been a point in our relationship since the very beginning. I and many other girls put up with his attachment to this girl who actually wasn't super interested in him and introduced the idea of polygamy to him. She was known to be a bit of a rat and like.. Not well liked by anyone but him, in all seriousness. Like if I died i think ppl would say nice things - this could be like a shrug your shoulders thing for many people. I never met her. I put up with him telling me he always loved her and he would be with her again with his other wives and like you knew he was deeply into her but again, she showed little interest back.

The thing is me and her share a ton of similarities and could've gone the same as eachother if life's journeys handed us different opportunities. She had a neglectful home life. Her parents seemed disattached and overall uninterested in her because they were themselves drug addicts and alcoholics. I believe her mother married a new man and she seemed exposed to sex early, early on. She began drinking at 13 and her parents were quite cool and lenient which seemed to lead her obviously to partying and heavy drugs and casual sex. She was not well off nor were her parents and several times he told me she suffered from eating disorders and self harm, she seemed to potentially have prostituted herself at times and was inappropriately sexual in public to a point it made multiple people uncomfortable.

He sometimes told me we needed to meet because we'd get along. Many times I felt like perhaps because we shared alot of traumas and then deal with people like him.

I'm not saying he's the reason because he's not at all. If I died, he wouldn't be the reason. But people like him are people we encountered everyday. And she obviously suffered more ridicule than I did.

He said, "she was a flight attendant and had this and this going for her I don't understand"

You don't understand depression then. And people like you are people who depressed people encounter every fucking day. They are constantly expected to overcome and put on a show like becoming a flight attendant as a full blown drug addict. There a problem and it's a problem if you believed she was functional because she wasn't because she's dead.

Of course, I've spent days lamenting life. I shared with him my non existent will to live. I cried and he told me to get a job. You know, like her. She was a partial example of getting over your shit. But she wasn't at all. She was a hardcore drug addict. He ignored my cries for help, he mocked my depression, belittled my traumas and told me it was all such a burden on HIS life.

And then she dies.

Where do we go now?

And I feel selfish for at all making the death of a poor young drug addicted woman about myself in any way at all especially not knowing her. It's not my place to be involved at all in her death, I think not even in this mental capacity. She deserves the respect of not having randoms feel bullshit -esoecially selfish bullshit - on her death. At least. Like just let the person be now -especially now. I felt this about my mother. Here was a sick person. They were not well. No matter how much you wanted or perceived them to be they weren't well. And when you carry it for so long that's a dramatic burden on your being. Let their souls fucking rest. No more analyzing

But here I am. A moral piece of shit. Making it about myself.

How can I not? My first thought is wow I can't die. Not right now. Like I struggle every single day not wanting to die because I wake up and immediately I'm like fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. For a week the first thing I ingest in my body is smoke and I can't not fucking do it. Today it took me several SEVERAL hours to get out of bed. I accomplished showering. I responded to two messages of importance. I ate only because a friend bought me dinner. I have just sat. And I'm not even anxious about the fact I'm staring at a fucking wall for several hours. I'm almost content because why am I fucking here at all. Why does this world exist? Why is my life this way-? I know it's my journey but holy fuck is this journey extremely tragic. Not even like to me like even around me the tragedy which I've heard and seen is so enormous I can't even comprehend how people are convincing themselves this is all okay?

But now to make this choice among this tragedy - the legacy I leave is mostly hurt. It would've been painful before but to knowingly do something like that after this is so vicious and terrible. I would need years away from him before I did not lay huge guilt on him. And like no one deserves such levels of grief in this world because I know this pain and it's always painful when someone does but taking your own life is serious. I've never thought it wasn't. It creates immense issues for the people alive. My dad didn't even kill himself and I deal with issues but someone who does this so randomly and selfishly - really unbearable pain. You have to really deeply consider what you're doing and your personal pain has to be so fucking large that it's worth dispersing among others permanently while you disappear. And I totally get why people do it. And maybe she didn't kill herself. Maybe she overdosed and died accidentally. But is it an accident to be a drug addict? To lie to yourself your functioning when you drown in a bathtub?

He was overwhelmed with the options he had in front of him now. He "can't even come home". He doesn't want to go through the remembrance. We briefly agreed that we still wanted to talk to eachother. He told me he loved me and thanked me for taking his call.

I had nothing for him. Perhaps it dawned on him that he just created a situation I had no part of but now was dealing with gracefully and respectfully and in consideration to his feelings. But would still create an emotional impact on someone still struggling, regardless.

Because the whole fucking thing is so complex I have no idea how to handle this. I am almost actually worried that it will be a wake up call for him and he will change in a direction I might have "wanted" previously but obv under these circumstances... I don't know. Like someone had to die for that to happen and that doesn't make me feel good.

Maybe he never comes back. Maybe this is it now and he permanently moves to be away from all the memories.

Maybe he goes back on drugs. Goes to her funeral, gets caught up, does drugs and dies too.

It's hard, you know? Life is sick. I love this person. I want to be with this person long term. We are both so traumatized and under the radar so long that our separate bitterness turned towards each other and we both brought entire semi trucks full of baggage into this. I love him though. I have never loved someone like I've loved him. I never chose him out of desperation. He truly demonstrated a real care in his messed-up ways. Not like he carved my name in his arm but like struggling under huge anxiety and depression to demonstrate love to them and that was and is really hard to do especially consistently. He tried. He took me places I've never been just to show me. The love he has had for me is not something anyone else has ever had. No one else wanted to show me the world because they wanted me to see. I know the exact moment I fell deeply in love with him and we lived sometimes I romantic dream. If you cherry pick our best moments, it's beautiful. The fact two super fucked up ppl, a former drug addict and a mentally unwell person created beautiful moments is a feat on its own. These are times where both of us had to find a reason to live to give to one another something. They are deeply empowering moments of the pureness of life on this planet and I've never connected with anyone else that way but I still had like a deep first love with my Oshawa ex. I do love him. I still do. I won't stop but I'm not in love. And I will probably overcome this and create a new never before seen world with someone else and it won't belittle the unique beauty I shared with them.

I don't want to cut ties with him. It really hurts my soul to not be in contact with him regularly. It's not an obsession or compulsion - it really hurts because I love him.

But I also can't deal with this. It hurts that I legitimately have to continue to move forward in life and it's like obvious "the best thing to do" is "keep trying" for his sake so he's not dealing with it even though I really need love and support right now.

And now it's like a huge volatile gamble. Let's state the obvious. Will he attempt a solid relationship now that he's lost her? The one other person who might have had a sliver of affection towards him this way. I can't think about that in order to really be healthy. I can't invest because I hope this changes him. It's kind of rude.

Here's the totally crazy mystical out of my mind delusional theory:

I keep thinking that like a thing happened on the island. And maybe it's like I never felt these things before because I was disconnected and once I took the step to connect in like a spiritual way that perhaps things like began to attach themselves to me and accompany me on my journey and I think that maybe they affect things in life but you have to be actively open to what they're affecting. Like I felt I needed to sit at the aboriginal day thing and hear an elder speak and it wasn't like he gave me info but he like.. He gave me something deeper. And these native things keep coming up over and over and I don't feel more attuned I feel like its presenting itself to me and I'm choosing how to act and perceive. And I don't think they're angry with me or my life. I think they're trying to help me. And I guess in this fucked up way I feel like this was slightly on them. And like I think spiritually things are ambiguous - is it evil to do this? Did I attract evil things that did an evil thing? I think it's their existence and I think they don't have total control. Like they can't magically give you a phone call with all the things you wanted because so many things have to take place in other people's lives for that to work. I don't believe if any of this is remotely a thing that they would've killed her. Like went out and targeted her specifically to benefit my life. But I think for a brief moment in time, they flew through everyone's lives and reset the story. I think they can't decide who dies. Maybe not even when. But I think they can influence the journey of someone else and without malicious intent create brief moments in time with all their might and power in all the quantum physics that may solely only benefit the life of one person. "benefit" because if it's true I think it's a stark reminder that you're not always going to get what you wish for the way you wished for it. Perhaps "the only way" this would've worked is if she died and considering her life choices it's not unlikely it would've happened anyways, they just maybe rearranged the timeline. And I guess if true it's important to acknowledge that they may have taken time from someone else to give to me because of how deeply I wanted it without concern for others. That's an important power in this spiritual world to have and no guarantee. Like they just created a scenario, they didn't create the result. Whatever an individual chooses is up to them and it's not if we didn't get together they died in vein but that instead of focusing so much on what I want I should deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeply consider how much I want it and would I want someone else to literally die for it.

Maybe it "works out" (it doesn't, she's dead). Maybe he realizes that he fucked up with her and he has a chance to redeem himself still with me. Maybe he begins to see my true struggles. Maybe he decides life is too short and unpredictable to "wait for the farm" because people will literally die before it happens. Maybe he comes home and decides finally that we can live together (not right away). That we need each other.

How can it happen wrapped in her death? Plagued by her memories. Is it real? Is it just fear?

I'm still bitter. I can't turn it off. I said nothing, really. I don't know what to say. It's better in my experience to say nothing when everything you have is shit.

I guess now it's to wish for him to come home but I should specify alive. And not on drugs. Not insane. It's sad he's alone right now. It's sad he made that choice.

He's honestly been my reason to be alive for the past two years. He made life bareable. I don't know what to do with anything without him because my will to live is gone.

I guess I'm a selfish terrible person.