#they didn't have to do that to my heart | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

inkskinned · 2 years

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fucking hate it when the stuff everybody says "actually works" does actually work.

hate exercising and realizing i've let go of a lot of anxiety and anger because i've overturned my fight-or-flight response.

hate eating right and eating enough and eating 3 times a day and realizing i'm less anxious and i have more energy

hate journaling in my stupid notebook with my stupid bic ballpoint and realizing that i've actually started healing about something once i'm able to externalize it

hate forgiving myself hate complimenting myself more often hate treating myself with kindness hate taking a gratitude inventory hate having patience hate talking to myself gently

hate turning my little face up to the sun and taking deep breaths and looking at nature and grounding myself and realizing that i feel less burdened and more hopeful, more actually-here, that i am able to see the good sides of myself more clearly, that i am able to see not only how far i have to grow - but also how much growth i have already done & how much of my life i truly fill with light and laughter and love

horrible horrible horrible. hate it but i'm gonna do it tho

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 2 months

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Happy Valentine's Day! (and this blog's first post anniversary!)

#poorly drawn mdzs #better drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #Woah...it's been a whole *year* since I took the leap and uploaded my 'first attempt' art.#It's outdated now but it holds a special place in my heart for the fact it started all of this off.#Calling this 'poorly-drawn' was always about accepting that my art was going to be imperfect and messy - and doing it anyways!#There has been a staggering number of times I have drawn something I almost didn't upload because I didn't think it was 'good enough'#only for someone to say they liked it - or that it made them laugh. And it has helped me realize -#-The worst critic for my work has always been myself. If I listened to it all the time...well we would not be here now B'*)#And now that I have dabbled in other fandoms I can truly see how lucky was to start out with the MXTX fans.#The supportive messages and tags have truly been a guiding force toward my artistic and self improvement.#I really can't describe how grateful I am.#Thank you for seeing something worth rooting for when I was just figuring things out.#Thank you for being sweeter than the candy I have strategically hidden in the nooks and crannies of this house.#But watch out! If you forget to find them we will get ants.#I remembered to not hide chocolate in the bed this year. Yes I know it melted last time. Yes it did stain. I'm still sorry.#Thank you for loving me regardless <3 Even if it looked like I shit the bed real bad.

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firestorm09890 · 28 days

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Penny stardewvalley makes me so sad because she's SO sensitive to, like, basically everything you tell her (telling her that you can't stand children while two children are nearby is a pretty lousy move but -1500 friendship?? being a jerk to other characters' faces typically loses you about 50 points, and if you choose the option labeled "creepy" and ask Leah for a kiss in her 2 heart event she physically hits you and kicks you out of her house but that's only -100 friendship…) and so if you want to befriend her it's a whole lot of lying and tiptoeing around her feelings (2 hearts: George was right but saying that makes her feel bad. 6 hearts: her food sucks but even if you try to be polite about it she feels like a failure; only a bald-faced lie pleases her. 8 hearts: saying you don't want to be tied down with a family loses you a little bit of friendship and she's only happy if you say you want kids) and I can't help but think she's a product of her environment. She lives in a trailer with only her mother, who gets drunk every night and has something of a temper. Penny's like a skittish rescue animal who won’t even come out from hiding under something unless you leave her lots of treats

#stardew valley #penny sdv #I didn't mention the SECOND opportunity to lose 1500 friendship with her #because I think if you go out of your way to date her and then tell her that you don't like her that way then you deserve it #but yeah she's super volatile #i was upset for a little bit after reading that one post saying the ‘right’ answer in the 2 heart event is ableist #like nooooo not my favorite farming game :(#except that in the context of several other things in the game it becomes clear that winning someone over #does not always mean doing the right thing #looking directly at how the easiest way to befriend shane and pam is by enabling their alcoholism #which is framed as a harmful thing even if the characters themselves like it #you have to lie to befriend other characters too like with sam dropping his egg #and you can lose a little friendship based on preferences like sebastian asking about what books you like #though to be fair if i saw someone who could potentially be cool and i found out that what they like was stuff im not into id also #lose interest a little #anyway those are all examples spread around on different characters #penny's got it all at once #me post

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messmagu · 10 months

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Happy last day of pride month!!

Old art but still valid

#happy pride 🌈#my art #always in love with them #they have a special place in my heart #this art is a couple years old but between commissions and stuff i didn't have time to do a new piece #despite having it in the work #one piece #luffy #zoro #nami #fanart #magu arts

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royalarchivist · 5 months

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Bad: Make a chainsaw.

Bagi: [Laughing, sounding incredulous] A chainsaw? Yes!!!

Bad: Yeah, because chainsaws are broken.

Bagi: Yeah, I'll traumatize my brother. I think it's a nice idea. [...] Yeah, yesterday he killed me screaming, "Hey, little sis!" Now I have something to get my revenge.

Fit: I can't believe you two are siblings, though. That's crazy.

Bagi: Yeah, it's a long story, I think we should talk about that when we are back to the island.

Fit: Yeah, yeah yeah yeah, for sure.

Bagi: Yeah, a lot happened. But I think he's adopted.

Fit: Oh, you think?

Bagi: Yeah, he's too aggressive to be my brother.

Pac: [Looking down at his legs] ...Yeah, too much aggressive.

#Pactw #QSMP #Bagi #FitMC #Purgatory #Blue team #November 14 2023 #Hey. Hey Pac #You did NOT have to rip my heart out like that king #Didn't even notice this until someone pointed it out to me #I'm doing work while listening to streams but the second I heard about this I opened the VOD at the speed of light #Pac #Fit #For the love of god please let Cellbit and Pac talk about the Cell thing #especially after that chat message Cellbit sent to him #I'm never gonna recover from that #''I missed you queridinho''#''Please don't do this to me''#I'm going insane

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mwagneto · 8 months

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i truly am losing my mind tho coz like i literally spent weeks/years waiting to see if ofmd/gomens was bait and they're NOT. and they're both getting explicitly romantic promos and little hearts in the posters and the mcs kissing on screen coz they're canonically in looove it's all so. ohhmy fucking god

#EVERYBODY WANTED TO KNOW WHAT I'D DO IF I DIDN'T WIN GUESS WE'LL NEVER KNOW !!!!!!!!#obviously it's way more insane w g.omens but they both make me saurr emotional like dude holy fffuck....#it's the heart shaped posters for me. like i legit need to take my brain out and squeeze it dude im sooo <333 #ofmd #our flag means death #gomens #good omens #slowly slowly healing from the absolute devastation of bbc sh s4 ... you guys have #no idea how much damage that ending did to me like i was literally inconsolable. it was so.#and now i just get to have these?? FOR FREE?? 😭😭😭

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feelsforsterek · 1 year

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↳ TRUE ALPHA DEREK HALE SUPREMACY!!

#derek hale #teen wolf #teen wolf spoilers #tyler hoechlin #alpha of my heart #teen wolf movie #teen wolf the movie #teenwolfedit #hoechlinedit #gifs #he didn't die y'all #emissary stiles stilinski healed him right away but they had to fake his death so dumb heaux in beacon hills would mind their business #they took their son with them and are now living happily ever after #canon who #an alpha that sexy simply cannot die like those are facts #also so many people have come back from the dead in this show at this point like... get a grip #do y'all think he was sent to superhell for being gay

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cr1mson5returns · 8 months

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Sort of obsessing over the concept of Tim, having been acknowledged canonically as a talented photographer, using these skills for morally gray reasons. This kid doesn't intend to use his fists to win every battle, or even most battles, actually. He's well-connected, fits into unconventional hiding spaces due to being lean and slender and 5'6", and he has a very nice camera. So really, Senator, it's a shame you thought you'd get away with so much. Think of what the Times could do with this evidence. High-definition doesn't lie. So you'll vote to expand funding for public education and Medicaid in the state, is that correct? Of course, you're an upstanding politician, after all. Couldn't have all this getting in the way of your career.

#tim strikes me as the type who doesn't see himself as being on the same moral high ground as batman or superman or anyone else #and probably never really had that illusion to begin with #he didn't have like a moral attachment to the batfamily crusade #he did it to save his childhood hero because batman the symbol and the person mattered more than standing by and trusting anyone else #no one else was gonna pick up this mess so tim had to do it #tim has no qualms about burning bridges either #if you aren't useful to him or vice versa it's over #this was business and he's devoted to his own cause #which is assuring that batman is functional enough to mean something to people #who cares what happens to tim drake?? he's inconsequential #tim drake #red robin #batfamily #cr1mson's thoughts #morally gray tim drake has my heart

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cerise-on-top · 2 months

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hi! how would Valeria and Kate react if their wife’s got hurt because of their work, both of them working highly jobs and it ended up catching up to their s/o. hoe you are doing well and drink plenty of water! thank you!

-🍒

Hello! Both of them would be absolutely distraught, but would go about it in different ways!

Valeria’s and Laswell’s Wife Gets Hurt Because of their Job

Valeria: Whoever hurt you will wind up tortured and eventually, once she thinks they’ve had enough of their miserable life, will wind up dead. Naturally, the first thing she does is check up on you, see if you’re alright and well, that’s her priority. You’re the love of her life, there’s no one else in this world she wants to see do well. You’ll be admitted to the best hospital nearby and will only get the finest treatment. Once you’re stabilized, that’s when the hunt begins. Whoever hurt you won’t get too far since that bastard’s life will be on the line. Regardless of where they might be hiding, Valeria will find them and show them that death is actually a kind of mercy. She has pretty much everything at her disposal, everything money can buy, this sucker won’t know what hit them. If it’s revenge they want, then revenge they’ll get. Valeria promises you that their head will be on a silver plate. She’s not very good with words when it comes to comforting someone, but she will have that person killed in the most cruel ways she can imagine. In fact, she’ll take the pleasure of torturing them upon herself. Once she’s done, she’ll take some days off, which is surprising since she usually can’t afford that at all. You’ll be under her direct care for those days. Anything you want you’ll get. Afterwards there will be a slight shift in her demeanor, Valeria becomes more protective over you. Sometimes she might even assign some trusted people of hers to watch over you since she can’t afford something like that happening again. While she can’t always take some days off, she’ll try to be closer to you anyway. Always texting you, finding excuses to come home for a day maybe. She just really needs to make sure you’re okay, she wouldn’t know what to do with herself if you died.

Laswell: Laswell will try to be a bit more diplomatic about it at first, trying to coax whoever hurt you out of hiding. This person will be held accountable for their crimes against her world. Naturally, she rescues you first, gets you to the nearest hospital and won’t leave your side until you’re stable again. If it takes you a while to wake up again, she’ll leave to find the fucker and make sure they swim with the fishes. She has a pretty large, efficient network and will find out who it was fairly easily. Once she knows who they are, she won’t hesitate to find out all their past crimes as well, if they hurt you then they must have done some other awful things as well. Once that phase is over, she’ll go to their home herself and have them arrested, put in the worst prison imaginable where the inmates are treated especially badly. She won’t kill them, but she wouldn’t be surprised if they wind up dead anyway. Laswell usually isn’t an evil person, but she does hope that person dies during their time. Their sentence will be as long as possible so there’s no chance of them ever seeing the sunlight again either. Once all of this is over, she, too, would take some days off to spend with you. You’re a priority above all else, so Laswell will want to be there for you, no matter the cost. While she usually isn’t, depending on how severely you got hurt she might become a bit overbearing, a bit overprotective. That overprotectiveness will last for a few months, afterwards she’ll try to give you some space again. However, she’ll always be keeping a closer eye on you, always texting or calling you every once in a while to make sure you��re okay. If she needs to, she’ll put you under her protection officially, but the situation needs to be dire for that to happen. Either way, she’ll be keeping you safe.

#cod #cod x reader #valeria garza #valeria garza x reader #kate laswell #kate laswell x reader #fem!reader #I hit over 100k words in my document last night which is so so much #I've written so much for Call of Duty in such a short time it's unbelievable. granted there's one fic I never posted but still #I don't intend to stop now either though it's fun. I'll probably be into cod for a while still anyway so there's that too #besides Valeria and Laswell have me in a chokehold. Farah does too I love them #every time someone requests them I'm very happy. I didn't expect the girls to be this popular though in all honesty #not complaining! it's nice to get to imagine kissing girls. it makes my gay little heart sing #I actually had some art of Valeria and an OC of mine commissioned not too long ago #every time I look at it I giggle and kick my legs a bit #I want her to fluster the everloving hell out of me until I can't speak anymore and am complete mush for her #I know I've mentioned it before but I love women who could absolutely just kill me. and who absolutely would do it as well #cod has some good women. made me realise that older women are also pretty epic #I think I'd melt into a puddle if Laswell ever called me her girl or her wife

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shepards-folly · 3 months

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shout out to the fellas who can’t help but assume everyone is mad at them if they even sound slightly upset (it’s me i’m the fellas)

#shep arts #chonnys charming chaos compendium #chonny jash #cj mind #cj heart #cj soul #posts from the queue #havent drawn in a bit so we’re easing into it with stupid shit lol #sorry i disappeared for forever btw I was hit by art block pretty hard :/#they’re all still plain greys btw i just used some color overlays so heart and mind would stand out from eachother since there’s no shading #any other differences from old art of them is just uh becuz i literally cannot have one set design for any character ever #anyway i thought itd be fun to distinguish what they were saying in more ways then just color so yeahh #mind is all caps. heart is all lowercase. and uh soul is normal except his e’s are always capitalized #thought itd be funny to do that cause it looks like trident :]c #i would've taken it one step further and made Soul's e's look like -E but then my friend reminded me that feferi existed...#didn't want to steal from her typing quirk lol + i would totally forget to make em -E so i settled for just making em capitalized

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be-right-bach · 1 year

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can't believe an anime called buddy daddies did not end up being, in fact, just a silly little comedy of two hitmen raising a child together but instead an actual heartwarming, well written show about (re)learning to love and to be loved, about how the meaning of family goes way beyond blood and no matter how unconventional it may be, it's still as perfect and valid because it's yours and you wouldn't trade it for anything else

#it was a silly little comedy #but it was also More than that #and if i CRY #at first i was like haha buddy daddies as a joke but bro i dont think it's a joke anymore #i feel so normal about this anime (no i dont) (it altered my brain chemistry in ways i cannot explain)#yes i do have complaints about certain ~ things ~ of the ending like almost everyone else BUT #that doesn't take away the fact it was a surprisingly well written anime given the topic they chose to work with #like i had no faith At All the first time i read the synopsis lmao but here we are #buddy daddies #miri unasaka #rei suwa #kurusu kazuki #misaki unasaka #kugi kyutaro #edit: if u saw me write heart wrenching instead of heartwarming no u didn't #gonna use my english is not my first language card

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inkskinned · 9 months

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so one of the things that's so horrifying about birth control is that you have to, like, navigate this incredibly personal choice about your body and yet also face the epitome of misogyny. like, someone in the comments will say it wasn't that bad for me, and you'll be utterly silenced. like, everyone treats birth control like something that's super dirty. like, you have no fucking information or control over this thing because certain powerful people find it icky.

first it was the oral contraceptives. you went on those young, mostly for reasons unrelated to birth control - even your dermatologist suggested them to control your acne. the list of side effects was longer than your arm, and you just stared at it, horrified.

it made you so mentally ill, but you just heard that this was adulthood. that, yes, there are of course side effects, what did you expect. one day you looked up yasmin makes me depressed because surely this was far too intense, and you discovered that over 12,000 lawsuits had been successfully filed against the brand. it remains commonly prescribed on the open market. you switched brands a few times before oral contraceptives stopped being in any way effective. your doctor just, like, shrugged and said you could try a different brand again.

and the thing is that you're a feminist. you know from your own experience that birth control can be lifesaving, and that even when used for birth control - it is necessary healthcare. you have seen it save so many people from such bad situations, yourself included. it is critical that any person has access to birth control, and you would never suggest that we just get rid of all of it.

you were a little skeeved out by the implant (heard too many bad stories about it) and figured - okay, iud. it was some of the worst pain you've ever fucking experienced, and you did it with a small number of tylenol in your system (3), like you were getting your bikini line waxed instead of something practically sewn into your body.

and what's wild is that because sometimes it isn't a painful insertion process, it is vanishingly rare to find a doctor that will actually numb the area. while your doctor was talking to you about which brand to choose, you were thinking about the other ways you've been injured in your life. you thought about how you had a suspicious mole frozen off - something so small and easy - and how they'd numbed a huge area. you thought about when you broke your wrist and didn't actually notice, because you'd thought it was a sprain.

your understanding of pain is that how the human body responds to injury doesn't always relate to the actual pain tolerance of the person - it's more about how lucky that person is physically. maybe they broke it in a perfect way. maybe they happened to get hurt in a place without a lot of nerve endings. some people can handle a broken femur but crumble under a sore tooth. there's no true way to predict how "much" something actually hurts.

in no other situation would it be appropriate for doctors to ignore pain. just because someone can break their wrist and not feel it doesn't mean no one should receive pain meds for a broken wrist. it just means that particular person was lucky about it. it should not define treatment.

in the comments of videos about IUDs, literally thousands of people report agony. blinding, nauseating, soul-crushing agony. they say things like i had 2 kids and this was the worst thing i ever experienced or i literally have a tattoo on my ribs and it felt like a tickle. this thing almost killed me or would rather run into traffic than ever feel that again.

so it's either true that every single person who reports severe pain is exaggerating. or it's true that it's far more likely you will experience pain, rather than "just a pinch." and yet - there's nothing fucking been done about it. it kind of feels like a shrug is layered on top of everything - since technically it's elective, isn't it kind of your fault for agreeing to select it? stop being fearmongering. stop being defensive.

you fucking needed yours. you are almost weirdly protective of it. yours was so important for your physical and mental health. it helped you off hormonal birth control and even started helping some of your symptoms. it still fucking hurt for no fucking reason.

once while recovering from surgery, they offered you like 15 days of vicodin. you only took 2 of them. you've been offered oxy for tonsillitis. you turned down opioids while recovering from your wisdom tooth extraction. everything else has the option. you fucking drove yourself home after it, shocked and quietly weeping, feeling like something very bad had just happened. the nurse that held your hand during the experience looked down at you, tears in her eyes, and said - i know. this is cruelty in action.

and it's fucked up because the conversation is never just "hey, so the way we are doing this is fucking barbaric and doctors should be required to offer serious pain meds" - it's usually something around the lines of "well, it didn't kill you, did it?"

you just found out that removing that little bitch will hurt just as bad. a little pinch like how oral contraceptives have "some" serious symptoms. like your life and pain are expendable or not really important. like maybe we are all hysterical about it?

hysteria comes from the latin word for uterus, which is great!

you stand here at a crossroads. like - this thing is so important. did they really have to make it so fucking dangerous. and why is it that if you make a complaint, you're told - i didn't even want you to have this in the first place. we're told be careful what you wish for. we're told that it's our fault for wanting something so illict; we could simply choose not to need medication. that maybe if we don't like the scraps, we should get ready to starve.

we have been saying for so long - "i'm not asking you to remove the option, i'm asking you to reconsider the risk." this entire time we hear: well, this is what you wanted, isn't it?

#where's the word woman in this u might wonder if u suck #good news i am nonbinary and have a uterus so that is something that can happen #im also gender fluid tho which means im immune to certain psychic damage bc if u call me a woman i'll be like <3 okay <3 #writeblr #the tightrope of ''ppl need access to this''#and like also #''what the fuck is going on over there'' is like. so difficult as an activist #i was <3 punctured <3 during mine #and almost bled out on the table :) they didn't have anyone standing by bc it's ''just a little insertion''#so i started crashing and i vaguely remember apologizing for the fuss as i heard my heart rate monitor start going <3 tachycardic <3 #she wasn't even a bad doctor tbh #ps btw the reason i even HAD a heart monitor is that i have a genuine heart condition and they knew GOING IN that there was a chance #i'd crash on the table #like my heart just likes to do fun little tricks and <3 stop working <3 (i do not want to discuss the specifics ty i am okay im ontop of it #and they were like 'oh u will be fine' and then she did do a puncture thru my uterus . pop!#and im sitting there dizzy and feeling my heartrate start to drop bc it feels almost. beautiful. like. the whole ground just #woosh! out from under you. and shit is like grey's anatomy. i'm looking up at her grey eyes #she's old she wears this nice shawl she's like got Cool Lesbian vibes and people are sprinting into the room #from other parts of the clinic unrelated to me. while the monitor is like a little aria singing #and shes like hey youre okay stay awake stay with me something went wrong we have to keep trying #and i remember thinking - i was trying to think of nice things. i have so many beautiful places that now overlap #with this terrible memory #i became dimly aware that there was too much on her wrists and hands. like #that was too many liters #and then when they had finished all this. i packed up and drove myself home #i have had (bad thing) happen to me. and the same feeling happened after #that numb almost lamblike bleating. you cry without noise. like. ur body is so shocked and ur mind so empty #you just stare at the road and everything everything is happening behind glass and static and you are standing so far away from it #while you hold ur hands at 10 and 2. and something in ur brain is SCREAMING at you - IT WAS BAD AND IT SHOULDNT HAVE HAPPENED #and ur just watching the alarms in your body going off and youre thinking. a little pinch! ha. i think i just lost something important.

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 1 year

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Feeling Fruity

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#Poorly drawn MDZS #MDZS #wei wuxian #lan wangji #jiang cheng #Almost didn't upload this one tbh but it does make for good narrative flow so...#Two handsome men out of a group of three? You have evoked the primadonna girl that slumbers in the hearts of all teen boys #wwx really said 'I think LZ's the kind of handsome fellow to be able to get free fruit' and 'JC could *never*'#wwx's efforts to befriend lwj with fruit might not have worked on him #but full disclosure; *I* could have my friendship bought with fruit #My god. I would do anything for someone if they handed me a nice mandarin orange #wwx's flirting is *so* interesting b/c it really is just flirting to flirt (and maybe charm his way into getting free stuff)#His Ideal date is that he just hangs out and flirts with a cute girl with absolutely no intentions to do anything past that #Shout out to the aro and/or ace people out there who like to flirt! We exist!#Poor poor lwj...you have fallen for someone who is not gonna see you that way for a long time

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butterflysonnets · 3 months

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yes i'm rooting for m*leven breakup because byler is neat but mostly? i'm rooting for m*leven breakup for the sake of el and mike.

to me, their romance was always a puppy love born out of a combination of social pressures, naïve curiosity, and a lack of true understanding regarding intimacy and romantic love and what it really is. it was real in that they do truly, deeply care about each other and they are close friends, maybe even shared an attraction, but a maturing romance is so much more than that. they've grown up and out of being boyfriend/girlfriend, and that's okay! i think television/film needs to show more often that most of us don't have definite "soulmates" or first childhood loves that we spend our whole lives with. it doesn't mean these relationships meant nothing and didn't impact us, it just means they've run their course and that something else is in the cards, and this is part of life!

i've always felt el was at her best and most confident self when broken up with mike, discovering who she was and what she liked alongside another girl her age instead of just relying on mike for mentorship on how to live in the real world. she deserves more of an opportunity to find herself, her autonomy, and her independence, and to love who she is, and she's made it clear she's felt insecure in the relationship with mike because she isn't being loved and understood the way she wants, needs, and deserves from someone who is her partner.

also, it's okay if mike doesn't love her in "the way he should". he is not obligated to love her romantically and stay in a relationship with her just because she's a girl, because she "needed someone", or because he cares about her a lot. he shouldn't be pressured into a romance if it's not truly coming from his heart. he deserves freedom to find out and honour who he is, too, instead of just staying in his non-functional first relationship — one he got into as a child, essentially — and defining himself that way because it's what's expected when a boy and a girl are close. he loves her in some way, yes, but it's okay if he doesn't feel comfortable or secure being her boyfriend anymore, for whatever reason that is. he's felt insecure too, and that's valid and it matters.

they are their own people and are steadily growing and changing every day. they need time to figure out who those people are, and it's become clear (at least in my opinion) that those people aren't meant to be a couple at this stage.

they deserve freedom. they deserve to grow up and be authentic to themselves and not feel like they need to lie for the sake of a relationship. they deserve to move on from this version of their relationship that isn't making them happy and rekindle the best part of their bond: their strong, beautiful friendship. they don't have to be a couple if it doesn't make them stronger and better and happier people.

i think it would be healthy and wonderful for a show, especially one consumed frequently by young adults, to show a relationship starting, progressing, and ending on good terms in this way. sometimes things don't work out, and that is okay.