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sohannabarberaesque · 1 year

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Breathed there an essay contest with as unlikely a prize as an opportunity to take diving lessons with the Peter Potamus Travelling SCUBA Par-tay?

(Well, maybe not that unlikely.)

Yet still, the entries couldn't have been more hilariously unpredictable, and with postmarks from all over the place. Not to mention quite a few from small towns and other "culturally-deprived environments" in which the entrant's remarks expressed a desire to flee such cultural banality, if but for awhile.

And yet how many such turned out being from what turned out being abusive or otherwise dysfunctional homes (let alone circus or freak show families) in especially conservative communities in which the victimised was often advised to ignore or otherwise look the other way in the hope that the Wee Still Voice of Conscience would compel the tormenter(s) to stop and realise what had happened?

Which was almost enough for the promoters and the judges (Peter Potamus "himself" doubtless among them) to essentially suspend the contest and not award prizes as advertised for "lack of quality entries" until one particular entry from a small-time Iowa community in obvious decline (and duly noted in the same) took the judges by sheer surprise. Coming as it did from a 14-year-old boy by name of Niedermeyr, and making clear an inherent desire to spare himself (if but for awhile) the ennui of despair so endemic, especially with foster parents such as his of the belief that "we were better off before you, and we'd be better off without you."

Which, at any rate, would be chosen as the winner, even if the foster parents themselves feared the loss of their Dear and Lovely One for awhile ... not to mention the Magic Balloon of Peter Potamus picking up Niedermeyr within hours of the school going on summer break and transporting him to as unlikely a dive spot as Iowa's Very Own Lake Okoboji to have him pick up the basics of such an interesting sport he may have only seen on TV previously. Or, for that matter, actually being able to spend time in Iowa's favourite resort spot, unlikely to even exist in the Tall Corn State to begin with.

And for as amazingly crystalline a lake as 'Boji, as Iowans of all nations so refer, Niedermeyr somehow felt a little more relaxed when you consider just how the Travelling SCUBA Par-tay took a relaxed approach to diving instruction, particularly when it's someone as probably never experienced diving before, let alone killed an afternoon at the local swimming pool in town on occasion thanks to such foster parents looking for cheap and cheerful ways to keep the boy happy and busy ere the parents get distracted.

As for his favourite dive companion all along, Niedermeyr admitted it had to be Mildew Wolf; "his way of using droll wit and humour was enough to break the ice and make me see how much better life could be, even beyond diving" was how Niedermeyr explained it in a follow-on letter explaining how things went.

But not before the foster parents suddenly took ill in the boy's absence and were unable to handle much of anything, with Niedermeyr subsequently referred to another foster home.

*************

@warnerbrosentertainment @thylordshipofbutts @nighttimehound @cottoncandy-wannabe @joey-gatorman @thebigdingle @jellystone-enjoyer @tallcharlie @screamingtoosoftly @theweekenddigest @themineralyoucrave @warnerbros-blog1

#hanna barbera #fanfic friday #peter potamus #essay contest #juvenalia #diving experience #foster home #in foster care #abusive home #discover diving #hannabarberaforever

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muffledcries · 3 years

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Jahmil French (July 29, 1991 – March 1, 2021)

We worked together on Soundtrack, and every single time you entered the room we all felt it get brighter. You were shiny, magnetic and so so kind. RIP and fly with the angels Jah. – JENNA DEWAN Really hate that this is real. @JahmilFrench you will be missed my friend. Thank you for your talents that pushed me, your energy that kept our little family on @soundtracknetflix glued together. I’m happy I was able to get to know you. Our work together def made an impact on me & You and your Mom felt like family back home. Today and everyday we will remember you and continue to be inspired to live and be great for you. Rest In Peace Jah. – CHRISTINA MILLIAN Honestly been at a loss for words since I heard the news. This doesn’t feel real. Jahmil, was one of the most talented actors I’ve ever worked with. One of the funniest kindest people I ever met. The life of the party, every room he would walk into he would always be dancing and making people laugh and smile. Too many good memories. Thank you Jahmil. Rest In Peace King. – AJ SAUDIN Heartbroken over the loss of our friend Jahmil French. We started on Degrassi the same year and I’ll never forget the day I met him. Jahmil was so full of energy and absolute joy to be around. The video on the last slide is how I always think of him, always dancing. He was such a special person and I’m so grateful for the memories we made. I still can’t believe it. Gone way too soon. He will be so missed by us all. – ANNIE CLARK My heart is so heavy.. Truly one of a kind. Rest In Peace. – CRISTINE PROSPERI I’m sick with the news of Jahmil’s passing. He performed Dave with such sensitivity and thoughtfulness and could make me laugh so easily. It was a pleasure to work with him and he will be missed. This is a real loss. Rest In Peace. – STEFAN BROGREN Jahmil had such talent and charisma that it would have been intimidating were he not also a real gentleman. He would show up to my house-parties with a crew of dancers and they would elevate the mood immediately. When life got messy he would handle himself with grace and levity. He was precocious. And his love for music (and dance) was contagious. He showed me Section 80 by Kendrick Lamar, made me appreciate Drake’s Houston sound… Wish I’d gotten the chance to catch up with him one more time, hear where his mind/dreams were at. – SAM EARLE Jahmil, your talents and energy will never be forgotten. One of the best smiles with the most beautiful soul. Jahmil, you will always be such a bright light in this world. – SARAH FISHER This one really hurts. Jahmil French was a truly kind soul and one of the most talented actors around. He inspired me with his confidence and support from the first day we met and will continue to do so forever. Thank you for everything you gave to this world through both your art and your humanity. Rest In Peace my friend. – CRAIG ARNOLD Much love to the entire Degrassi family on this difficult day. It was a complete honour to write for and work with Jahmil, an incredible actor and talent gone way too soon. – RAMONA BARCKERT An extraordinary talent and a bright light on and off screen. Rest in peace, Jahmil. – MICHAEL GRASSI So sad to hear about the passing of Degrassi cast-member Jahmil French. An endlessly talented & charming performer who was always fun to write for. Last time I saw him, he was nominated for a CSA for his work in the movie Boost and I was certain he was only getting started. RIP. – MATT HUETHER Jahmil was always such a kind person. My heart is heavy for him and his family. Thanks for all the good memories Jahmil, you really had an impact. I’ll cherish all the fun we had dancing at basement parties all those years ago. Still in shock. Jahmil will be missed. He was an integral part of the Degrassi family and certainly a huge part of my degrassi days. He always wanted to make people laugh and smile, a true joy to be around. Rest in Peace. – CHLOE ROSE Rest easy, my friend. Your talent, kindness and shining bright light will never be forgotten. – JESSICA TYLER Wanted to pay my respects to an incredibly kind, funny, and talented individual; Jahmil French. One of the first people I met on Degrassi, he immediately made me feel welcome. He disarmed you with a smile and his confidence and energy was infectious. You’ll be missed, brother. – DYLAN EVERETT Jahmil was one of the most gifted and effortless performers I’ve ever met. His vibrant personality lit up the room. Rest easy my friend. – MUNRO CHAMBERS I am heartbroken to hear about the loss of Jahmil. Jahmil was an extraordinary talent and a bright light on and off the screen. He was a joy to work with on Degrassi: The Next Generation. He brought an authenticity and burst of life to every scene he was in and infused his character ‘Dave’ with an airy lightness. Off screen Jahmil would always make me smile. He will be deeply missed. – LINDA SCHUYLER My heart goes out to the entire Degrassi community., but particularly of course to those who were closest with Jahmil. We have lost one of our own. Jahmil was kind, intelligent, extremely talented, and just a wonderful person. He was also of course an incredible dancer, and since I am the exact opposite we had a running joke that I had taught him all his dance moves. When I would completely ineptly do the Moonwalk, Jahmil would cheer me on, while everyone else would beg me to stop! RIP Jahmil French, your soul and presence are sorely missed. – STEPHEN STOHN A sad day for the Degrassi family. With a heavy heart I thank you for all the times you made me laugh, taught me dance moves, and gave me confidence as Adam. Thinking of all the memories we shared on and off of set. - JORDAN TODOSEY Thinking of Jahmil French & the entire Degrassi family today click here for the full post - LYLE LETTAU This one hurts me deeply. When I found out yesterday I refused to believe it! I wouldn’t except it and to be honest I still don’t quite believe it’s real. I love you and the energy between us was always genuine. Working with you was always a blast and you were always the coolest man in the room. Till we meet again my friend. – CORY LEE Terribly sad to hear about Jahmil’s passing. Whether I was his scene partner, or just a viewer, I was in awe of his sheer talent. A room was brighter because he was in it. A true performer, a great guy and a huge loss. #RestInPeace – JUSTIN KELLY I’m so shocked and saddened to hear this news about Jahmil. Jahmil was and is such a kind, fun loving, hilarious, full of life, hard working and professional person. He was my first real scene partner on a series I got to be a series regular on. I remember the day my agent sent me the casting for Degrassi. It said I would be playing Dave Turners love interest. So the first thing I did was pull up the good ol IMDB machine and find out who Jahmil French was. The same day as my audition a few mere hours later I got the call that the role was mine (pretty rare in this industry) I went in to do my fitting and thats when I met Jahmil, Spencer and AJ for the first time as they played an iconic trio on the show. They were all super friendly and nice to me and made me feel very welcomed to be joining the cast. I was nervous and 15 at the time. Jahmil was the integral glue that held the circle together and its would lead to an amazing friendship that I got to have with Spencer. I had only been slated to do 3 episodes on the show but I believe it was the on screen chemistry Jahmil and I had that lead me to stick around for longer. Jahmil always had a smile on his face. I would come in at 5am for our call to do prep and be so tired, but there he was hanging out in the green room dancing so full of energy and life. Jahmil LOVED dancing and he was really good at it too. And I’d ask him “How do you even have this much energy this early LOL” and he’d just laugh and smile. Any time we went down to block he’d be word perfect on his lines, hit every mark and bring such an amazing professionalism to the set it was mesmerizing to watch. He played every scene with a new beat that always kept it interesting and fresh. Jahmil was and still is such a kind hearted dedicated person who eventually really went on to flourish in his career and he will be deeply missed. Heaven really gained a new angel today, Rest In Peace and say hey to all the other pals up there. Spencer and I will pour one out for you - ALEXX BENOIT Rest in peace my guy. An amazingly talented actor who had such a presence on and off screen. – DEMETRIUS JOYETTE Jahmil was such a wonderful person to be around. so funny, so charismatic, so talented. and my god he loved his work. I’m devasted. Sending my love to his friends and family. In a year full of grief, it’s hard to comprehend how there can be room for more. And yet. Jahmil French was an incredible person, so full of talent and passion for his work. He lit up a room with his energy and dance moves. An easy smile and a natural charisma. He will be so missed. My heart is broken. I feel strange, announcing these things I wish I had told him more often. Reached out more often. The regret is acute. He deserved his flowers when he was here. I hope he knew how much love & admiration there was for him in this world. – AISLINN PAUL One of the most talented, kind hearted, funny spirits I’ve had the pleasure of building a friendship with. Jahmil is an icon. My love for him runs deep. Jahmil you will always hold such a special place in my heart. Thank you for being one of the most talented, compassionate, kindest, funniest friends I have. You were so loved. I’ll miss our dance offs. #Bhandurner forever. Jah literally won the title of most competitive goofball. What joy he brought to my life and to so many. So grateful for memories and deep convos with you, beautiful angel. Blessed that we got to be part of a big dysfunctional family together. Thank you for sharing your gift with the world. I just hope you knew how loved you were. I learnt so much working with this talented dedicated soul. Please send a prayer for his soul to go directly toward the light. – MELINDA SHANKAR Such a beautiful soul & a light to everyone around him. Rest in Paradise Jahmil. – JOELLE FARROW This moment will live in my mind forever. A beautiful soul, thank you for the years of memories and laughter. You’re a light my brother and I’m so happy we got to experience this crazy life together. I’ll always remember you dancing down the halls of the green room. Rest In Peace. – LUKE BILYK I’m devasted. My man, I swear I was just thinking about you not even a few days ago when I was making my new demo reel, watching all the old Degrassi episodes. So talented. So unbelievably wise beyond your years. You made one of the best times of my life even better. I’m so crushed. I should have called you. I dont deserve to miss you as much as I do now. I would always say my favourite actor on the show was Mr. Jahmil French. I would always watch his parts when going thru Degrassi material to either study my tech or to cut demos or whatever else. Not 4 days ago was I daydreaming about making some kind of new production with all of those talented people. My hearts broken. – DANIEL KELLY Jahmil was always the brightest light in the room. Smiling, dancing and making all of us laugh till we cried. Rest In Peace you beautiful soul. You will be missed… - ALICIA JOSIPOVIC This is absolutely heartbreaking. While I never worked directly with Jahmil on Degrassi, our paths did cross a few times. All you needed was 5 minutes with him to realize what a beautiful, talented, bright soul he was. My sincerest condolences to his family and loved onces. Rest In Peace Jahmil French. – ANA GOLJA Shocked & saddened to hear of Jahmil’s passing. Loss of such a talented and bright soul. Rest in Power cuz, I’ll pour one out for you, am so wishing this was a dream. – JAJUBE MANDIELA I join thousands of people around the world thinking about Jahmil today. A beautiful, joyful person to be on set with, truly intimidating on the dance floor, an all-around wonderful person to have known, gone just way, way too soon. Sending love to everyone who loved him. Jahmil, I hope you feel it too. – CHARLOTTE ARNOLD I didn’t know Jahmil very well, but in the few times we met, he was so explosively kind, charismatic and truly interested and invested in every interaction. I immediately felt accepted and got a sense of the deep compassion that so many others had expressed was within him. The impression I had always stuck with me and from all I have heard he was such a beautiful and loving person, the special kind that makes everything a little lighter. Thank you to everyone who has been sharing stories of their time with him. Sending love to Jahmil and all of you. – ERIC OSBORNE Jahmil was such a special human. A long-time acting student of mine, & my mentee. He was fearless and brilliant in his pursuit, and I’m so sad we won’t get to see more of his gift. I’m so grateful to have crossed paths with him, and I wish him eternal peace. – SALVATORE ANTONIO So sad to hear of Jahmil’s passing. He was so kind and so funny. I’m glad I had the chance to know him. You will be missed. Rest in Power Jahmil. Gone too soon. Will never be forgotten. – TAYSHA FULLER Even though I only worked with Jahmil for a little while he made a truly lasting impression. I remember when I first came back to set as Tori and I was incredibly nervous those first few weeks, but Jahmil was so welcoming and treated me and the other new cast members like we’d been a part of the cast the whole time. If he gave you a compliment or even said something as simple as “it’s so good to see you” you knew he genuinely meant it. It seems like a small thing but it’s hard to find that kind of authentic honesty in most people. He was an incredibly talented actor and always such a positive energy on set, and I’ll remember him for all those vibrant moments. Rest In Peace. – ALEXA STEELE This smile. This spark. This spirit. Jah I am missing you from this earthly plane we all love you. – MEGAN FERGUSON there never seems to be enough time… I don’t know if words can describe someone like Jah. He really was too special for this world. A true artist to his soul. I was lucky to call him my friend. Rest in Peace and Power Angel. you will be so dearly missed. – PAUL JAMES I guess I thought if I refrained from making a post, it would ease some of the pain.. but the more hours that pass, the more it sets in heavier. JAH. Mi familia. My brother. I am crushed. I have believed in you since the moment we met, and it makes me smile to know the feeling was 100% reciprocated. The purest soul. Always himself no matter WHERE he went. It takes courage to be that way you know? To have that strength. From Antigone to degrassi, to LA to NY you had EVERYTHING in you to shine. All the power, all the talent, all the intelligence the drive, the fearlessness. Your smile made me smile. Sweeterman jah, I miss you so much already. – SHANICE BANTON Dance on, old friend -through the clouds. I will see you on the other side. click here for the full post – SHANNON KOOK

#jahmil french #this took me forever but i wanted to make it pretty #he will be forever missed #:(#edit*#degrassi #idk why the scroll box isn’t showing up sigh I apologize for it being so long #dave turner

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kevinbirthday · 4 years

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Critically analyzing The All For The Game series

While this may seem like a hit piece on the books I will say that I absolutely adore the books beyond even my own comprehension. I own multiple pieces of fan merch of characters created by Nora and this series got me through incredibly tough times. I enjoy being critical of the media I enjoy so this is in no way meant to hate on Nora or drive you away from reading the books. The series will forever have a special place in my heart I am just a cynical person lol.

The all for the game series really is amazing, though there is subpar writing and glaring plot holes at times. Nora took lots of ideas I’ve never really seen in any other YA novel and ran with them, hell she even had a queer couple that didn’t exist solely for queer bait. I just feel like Nora had lots of ideas and there were so many concepts and half-baked notions of what should happen that not all of them were executed correctly.

I also think her putting out the extra content that contradicts the books multiple times was a poor choice. Yes, it’s great to get questions answered about things but I think if you have to constantly go back in and explain why something happend or when, then you should have spent more time on the books development. I have strong opinions when it comes to the extra content. Part of me believes it shouldn’t exist past answering a few questions about the books, not 300 paragraphs of random reiterations of the storyline and extra side stories that contradict canon.

I think a lot of the series was based on contrived plot points and driven by too many plot devices to make the story seem like a linear progression to me. The readers of this should also read the books on their own and form their own opinions on the book. Nora doesn’t alway do things incorrectly and I will never claim she’s a terrible writer on the basis that she self published the entire series. The books were never professionally polished and I think that is part of what gives this series so much charm. Suspension of belief is needed to read this series and it does inspire feelings of “What the actual hell. Did that just happen?!” Which honestly just shows the creativity of the series and proves that you can write a book full of morally grey characters and it be successful. As stated earlier I give Nora props for never making the main characters queer relationship be the entire focus of their exsistance. She did drop the ball on that when writing Nicky Hemmick’s character.

I also believe that while Nora was amazingly creative with this series, she created a whole new sport and badass characters for Pete’s sake that’s talent. I also Nora didn’t handle many things correctly or with the tact needed to pull certain things off.

Andrew and his whole meds situation paints medication and mental illness in an extremely poor light. I think she just wanted to throw something in to cover all her bases instead of researching pills. I agree it’s not far fetched to say that Andreil never say I love you in terms of vocalizing the words to each other because of the fact that they have their own private version of the words.

What I do find extremely far fetched is that Andrew never ‘heals’. Andrew Minyard goes to therapy even after the mandatory sessions are finished. Andrew agreed to go to joint therapy sessions with his brother to work their issues out! Tell me this man is not healing. Andrew will never not have bipolar disorder because it’s not something to be cured and he most definitely has C-PTSD after all he’s gone through. Those things can’t be cured but they can be managed by having a support system, going to therapy, and talking though issues within your family system. What is Andrew Minyard doing? Exactly that. He’s managing his symptoms which is part of healing, sure he’ll never be ‘normal’ but he’s healing as a person. The mindset that someone will never heal bc of their csa and mental health issues are ‘too bad’ is literally the worst mindset to have and is so damaging!

I also understand that you have to call on some suspension of belief when it comes to Andrew’s sentencing after he protected Nicky during the fight at Eden’s, but the only case I’ve ever personally seen someone be forced to take mind altering medication after a fight and not be sent to a psych ward was in the case of a combative schizophrenic and hurt someone and the person they attacked pressed charges. I find the whole Andrew on medication ordeal both infuriating and incredibly confusing.

Another confusing thing to me is the entire characterizaton of Nicky Hemmick. Can we all agree that it was incredibly uncomfortable? He was written as an extremely stereotypical gay man with rapey ‘undertones’. Who am I kidding with undertones he shoved drugs down Neil’s throat with his tounge and can’t take no as an answer. This being said, I do love Nicky’s character. I just don’t think that someone who was subjected to conversion therapy no matter if they had some to help them work through their internalized homophobia, would act so flamboyantly during the 2000’s. There were still commercials about not calling people gay as a insult, Paris Hilton had to tell people to use the word stupid instead. He was also one of the only explicitly stated characters as being a person of color and while I’d never say that Nora had racist intent behind that writing him as an extremely predatory gay man always rubbed me in an uncomfortable way.

At least he had some semblance of a back story though, due to Mr. Unreliable Narrator Neil Josten it felt like some characters were there just to prove that character’s besides the monsters, a few of the upperclassmen, and riko existed. Riko’s villain status seemed like it was something to make more of an immediate threat to Neil than Nathan. We had to have some reason for Kevin to be with the foxes and to go to a team so ranked down other than just Wymack being his father. What was Riko really there for other than to tell Neil that the Moriyama’s think he’s their property and then get shot in the head? I also think his death was just to wrap things up neatly and provide closure to the reader that all the ‘bad guys’ are gone. Evermore mostly served to further Neil and Andrew’s relationship and to provide extra drama. Nathan was too out of site out of mind to provide any suspense or drama for the readers. Riko was more of a plot device than a character in my personal opinion. We also only have the bare bones of almost all of the upperclassmen’s back stories. All we really know about the upperclassmen is that Dan used to be a stripper and her stage name was Hennessy, Matt’s dad sucked and he was an addict in the past and Andrew was the reason he went to rehab, Renee was in a gang and is a reborn Christian, Allison had an ed and was disowned and who cares about Seth because he was just killed to bring the foxes together. Was the team so dysfunctional Nora had to kill a man to get them to work together? I feel like his death could have been avoided and was completely meaningless. I enjoyed the the books but at times it was a complete information overload and I can’t even imagine how Neil felt in the situation when I as a reader will never had to deal with that firsthand.

#aftg #all for the game #tfc #andrew minyard #the foxhole court #neil josten #andreil #aaron minyard #palmetto state foxes #aftg analysis #aftg textpost #aftg shitpost #all for the game hc

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talesofphantombandits · 4 years

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Zero to Six.

Part one? I think. I mean I’ll see how this one goes first so please let me know if you like it etc.

Am sorry if this is absolutely terrible I’ve not wrote in a while 😂 but I really wanted to get this out of my head before someone had the same story idea.

Warnings: some mild swearing, also probably spoilers if you’ve not seen the movie yet.

I also don’t know how to do the whole, read under cut / read more thing so sorry for those who want to skip over this.

Also gif credit to Mrbenhardys 💙

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Zero was the first person to be found by One after his “death”

She was a hacker so was imployed to hack into security systems, get information and plan out missions. She was the only one who would be totally invisible, always moving but never being seen. The only person from the team she’d met was One, but she’d quickly formed a love hate relationship over coms with Four.

But one dangerous mission was going to take the whole team on field if it was going to be successful, was zero about to meet Four and the rest of the messed up family for the first time?

“You’re stalling.”

“Am not stalling! Am just working myself up to it.” I could hear the heavy pants coming down the coms.

“You always say that, and you’re always stalling.”

Four had been doing this most of his life and yet was still fearful every time.

“Darling, don’t test me.”

“Whatever monkey boy just be ready to go when Six gets his ass in gear.” I heard the mumbles over the coms, he was mocking me.

"I swear to god four you're a pain in my ass."

"And I take pleasure in it every time sweetheart." I could practically feel the smirk he was probably radiating.

"Go for four." Suddenly Ones voice cut through the coms.

“We need you.”

Go time.

I’ve been working with these guys for a while now but I was more on the surveillance side, I’d never actually met any of them apart from one obviously when he’d recruited me. But ever since Four had joined we’d started this teasing or as the others called ‘flirting’ over coms. The others mostly got annoyed by us but sometimes they called it adorable, teased how good we’d be together.

But even if I did want that it would never happen. I was never going to meet them.

We sort of felt like a very dysfunctional family apart from I was the odd one out. They'd all eat together once in a while and went to the airplane graveyard for meetings. They sometimes all left their coms on so I could be involved in the conversation as well but I still felt like a huge hole in the team.

“Of course you need me, am here.” Now bickering from the others ensured.

I just kept an eye on the cameras that I could pick up six on, the bright green car was definitely a statement.

There was too many cars for six to follow the plan and ended up speeding the wrong way.

“Shit.” I heard Four exclaim.

“Am coming down.”

“Good boy.” I praised.

“Shut up, I was always going to do it.” You could tell he’d started running as his speech was coming out in huffs.

I’d only seen what Four could do on some drone footage I’d took but every time it made me cringe but also it really impressed me.

He was amazing at climbing and parkour, I was just always incredibly worried that one day he would miss and fall. (which was how he ended up here but am glad I didn’t know that yet)

“Right over you.” He said in a strained voice.

“Look for the flying monkey above you guys.”

“Zero, that’s not helping us.” One said in a sing song voice.

Seen as I was kind of invisible they had decided that zero would be my number out of the six of us.

“Wrong way!”

I cringed at how loud he’d screamed into the coms.

“Come back I’ve got an idea.”

“Well that’s a first.” I said typing into my computer trying to find the next CCTV camera that would capture the green car passing by.

“I swear to god zero if we ever meet.”

“What Four, you’d buy me a drink? How sweet of you.” I said chuckling to myself.

“No I’d run you into the ground you little shit.”

“You’d have to catch me first monkey boy.”

“Round the corner!.” I could hear a car screech in the background.

“You two do remember that we’re on a mission right?” Six said. “With you two flirting over coms, and these idiots fighting in the car. Am finding it very hard to concentrate on driving!.”

“We’re not flirting!” Me and Four both said together.

“That’s it Six keep coming towards me.”

I finally found the right camera just in time to see a car being impaled by about 5 metal tubes.

“Shit.”

“This is so stressful.” I just huffed at Fours remark.

“YOU THINK YOUR STRESSED, AM TRYING TO DRIVE AND NOT KILL ANYONE AND I HAVE AN EYE ON MY LEG.” Six all but screamed down the coms.

“You okay there Six?” I said.

“DO I SOUND OKAY ZERO?”

“Sorry just asking.” I got back to hacking into the next camera.

“You’ve got to loose that chopper.” Four said.

“Already on it.” Six informed.

“Three, Six needs an Uber.” One informed our hitman.

“Way ahead of you papi.” Three laughed.

A chase and lots of gunfire ensued until Six found an appropriate place to kick the chopper off their heels but that didn’t mean that the ground chase didn’t stop. Unfortunately I could no longer follow them inside the building. So all I could do was sit back and listen to the arguing, tyres screeching and the spray of bullets hitting what I assumed was the car.

“We lost the chopper.” One finally announced.

“Excellent now shake the rest off and get to Three safe.” I finally hacked into a camera near the building and saw the green car speeding past with two more black vans chasing it.

“Am coming to ya.” What was Four up to.

I heard an explosion and check the camera to see a car in flames and Four looking proud of himself standing on a wall.

“We have a super hero on the squad.” Six said impressed.

“I wouldn’t exactly call him a superhero.” I snorted.

“Then what would you call me darling?” Four said calmly.

“A vein asshole that thinks too highly of himself?”

“Oow meow, really know how to knock a man down Zero.” Four said feigning hurt.

“Guys can we cut the fighting until after the mission? We’re nearly there.” One said sounding tired.

“Yes boss.” I said getting back to hacking my way through cameras.

“Guys coms on talk to me, what’s happening. Y’all are being way to quiet.” I said getting worried.

“Six is dead, were at the van.” This time it was Two who spoke.

“What.” I said in disbelief.

“We’re turning coms off for a while Zero, good work today.” One said before the line cut out.

I hadn’t known Six for long but from the few times we’d spoken I knew he was a brilliant guy who was an amazingly skilled driver.

That’s when it got real.

Chapter Two

#ben hardy #ben hardy fanfic #ben hardy fanfiction #four #6 underground #6 underground four #billy #6 underground billy #ben hardy four #four fic #four fanfiction #billy fanfiction #6 underground fanfic

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rasoir-national · 4 years

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@ghostplantss

Garcin & Ines & Estelle were such an odd and amazingly dysfunctional relationship!!! i love it so much i'm so curious what you think of them? aaa how did the mosquito tablet thingies taste! i'm so curious! i'm so glad you're ok they sound a bit poisonous pls pls do tell abt the 5 other stories you were choosing between only if you'd like?

Ok the Garcin & Ines & Estelle relationship holds a very strange place for me. See, when it comes to lgbt matters, I had what I refer to an education by omission : there was no doubt we were taught general values of diversity and tolerance, but we weren’t actually taught anything about lgbt matters. No joke, I realized it was possible not to be straight in high school, not because I rejected the idea, but because... no one had bothered explaining to me that this was a possibility. So, in the rare occasions in the meantime that I came in contact with lgbt narratives... My brain sort of registered it without actually registering it. Like, this was the thing that other people were. Not me.

Anyway, pretty much since birth my mother has had the habit of reciting classic theater plays to us. She has an amazing memory and she grew up listening to vinyl recordings of them by the Comédie-Française, so she knows most of Molière, Racine or Marivaux by heart. So some of those classics plays I was familiar with before I could even read. In that spirit, she recited No Exit to us when I must have been something like 8. And the relationship, both the lesbian aspect with Ines and the polyamorous aspect, stuck with me in a way I didn’t have the words to explain. And perhaps even more remarkably, it was all incidental. The play itself has nothing to do with homosexuality or polyamory, it’s a philosophical study of human relationships as a whole. Part of the relationships used as a subject just happened to not be straight. And “not straight” ? It wasn’t evil. The characters in the play, if you don’t know [spoiler warning] are in hell. They are demonstrably bad people. They tell you stories about themselves making it pretty clear they are supposed to be considered “bad”. But their sexuality is not part of that. Ines being a wlw has nothing to do with her being a “bad person”. The play does not treat her attraction to Estelle any different than Estelle’s attraction to Garcin. If anything, Ines actually comes off better than the other two characters. She’s certainly a badass, she’s smart, she’s controlled and she’s iron-willed. Furthermore, while the subject of the play is definitely people’s ability and willingness to torture each other, it doesn’t say for sure that these three people won’t manage to get better or to develop a positive, healthy relationship. It is kind of open-ended. Everyone says The Good Place is Kant fanfiction, but let’s be real : its basis is 100% taken from No Exit.

Anyway, No Exit is for me among those special stories every queer person has : queer stories they heard before they were given the tools to understand them properly or understand why they identified with them so much. You just were fascinated by them for a reason you couldn’t yet explain, before, 15 years later, it all came to make sense.

The mosquito killer thingie must not have tasted anything other than chemicals, although to be honest I really don’t remember, this was a story told to me by my mom. And yes, it’s definitely not a good idea to eat one of those, I guess I didn’t get to eat enough for it to be noticeably nocive for me. Plus, as I’m about to demonstrate, I have... a strong stomach, let’s say.

Putting this under there exceptionnally, because fair warning, some of those are pretty gross.

A non-exhaustive list of weird stuff I’ve eaten :

Out of competition aka eaten because of frenchness : escargots, veal thymus, beaf testicles, veal liver, fish ovum, pork instestine...

And now the real weird stuff :

- Paper. A whole lot of paper. My family is kind of paranoid about throwing away documents with identifying information on them (name, adress, banking info...) and so we were always told to tear them into teeny tiny bits and throw them in different trash cans of the house as kids. But that wasn’t enough for my anxious ass : what if someone was trying to piece it all together ? So I found my own solution : I’d eat it. Not the whole page, obviously, just the part with sensitive information on it. And... that’s about it. There’s not much gastronomical value to paper.

- Hair. A whole lot of hair. I’ve already explained I suffer from trichotillomania, so that’s all I’m going to say about this.

- Lice. Look, long story short, someone in elementary, school dared me to do it. It crunchy.

- Uncooked stuff. On top of the million of other things, I have a binging disorder. It’s mostly under control, but it tends to focus on eating stuff real quick without cooking them. I’m not going to make a dissertation on it here, just point out the funny aspect of it : I tend to eat raw pasta, raw rice, raw lentils (cronch), and to drink vinegar from the bottle. Surprise, all of this is extremely not good for digestion.

- Toad blood : LOOK I CAN EXPLAIN. No actually I can’t explain, I can provide context but that won’t do anything to actually explain it. So we were on holidays in Switzerland in this amazing isolated cabin with a huge garden, and there were quite a bit of toads toading around. So my sister and I did the only logical thing, we selected a god toad and started worshipping it, carrying it around the property on a stick to make other toads bow to it. At some point, an completely by accident, I hurt a toad with the end of the stick and it started bleeding. I took the little guy in my hands and so got blood on it. Which I promptly licked off. Did you know toad blood is blue ? See, royalty.

#personal stuff #this went from serious lit post to extremely gross real quick

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nadziejastar · 4 years

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It's sort of amazing the difference between the fan interpretation of RAX and how they interact in canon. In Days they're super dysfunctional, border on being toxic, and their friendship was unsustainable from the start even if they didn't realize it. In fanon they're a picture perfect family who can never be torn apart. And the KH3 went with the fan interpretation instead of acknowledging any of their issues.

I totally agree. I think the reason is that the fandom tends to be very young. It’s a big reason why Akuroku became so popular, IMO. Young teens tend to misinterpret unhealthy obsession (like Axel’s) as romance and true love. And the Sea-Salt Trio’s dysfunction also was also overlooked in a similar manner.

I gotta be honest. I feel pretty uncomfortable with the general interpretation of the Sea-Salt Trio in this fandom. It’s just so bizarre to me how Roxas and Xion’s friendship with Axel was put on such a pedestal and how his relationship with Isa was pretty much ignored by almost everyone. It’s just…amazingly unrealistic if you think about it. I think it’s a testament to how young the fans are, in general.

Axel’s relationships truly aggravate me, because he was written a LOT differently than Sora or other simplistic characters. I know that the target demographic for Kingdom Hearts is pretty young. And in the end, I think Axel’s character was a victim of that. Nomura tried to write him very authentically at first.

But his characterization was dumbed down to fit in with a largely tween/teen audience and their preferences. I don’t say that to be disparaging to younger fans or anything. But, had KH3 not been a Disney property, and had it been targeted to a slightly older audience, I think Axel and his relationships would have been handled a LOT differently.

I definitely think the Sea-Salt Trio was VERY misunderstood by the fandom. Axel has known Saïx for at least 10 years. Probably more. Even before their backstory was explained, you could tell they have been through hell together in the organization, without anyone else to trust besides each other. Axel was willing to do all of his dirty work.

Then Axel meets Roxas and Xion. Two kids who—let’s be honest—are about on the level of your average fifth grader. Not a bad thing. They’re just very naive and childlike and he obviously can’t be 100% himself around them. Do people really think Axel is gonna replace his best friend so easily with two kids he’s known for less than a year? Apparently, yes. Let’s look how absurd it is.

Day 75

Inseparable

The Genie we met in Agrabah said he and his friend Al are "inseparable." Axel told us best friends can be inseparable even if they're not always together, but it sounded like he wasn't too sure about it himself. I thought Axel knew everything. Oh well...

At this point, Axel spent quite a while at Castle Oblivion. He hasn’t even gotten to know Roxas that well, and he’s only known Xion for a few days. It’s totally realistic that he’d say he doesn’t have a best friend. He sounds like he knows what it’s like to have a best friend, though. He just doesn’t have one anymore.

Day 96

Roxas: I just…want these days to last forever. Hanging out, the ice cream, the sunsets…

Axel: Nothing lasts forever, man. Least of all for a bunch of Nobodies. But you know, we’ll still have each other…even if things change and we can’t do this anymore.

Roxas: Yeah?

Axel: As long as we remember each other, we’ll never be apart. Got it memorized?

Roxas: Ha ha, wow, Axel. That sounded ridiculous.

Axel: What? I thought it was pretty deep.

Not even two weeks later, he’s acting all touchy-feely about the time they spend hanging out together. Roxas and Xion make fun of him because even they know they’re not really that close, lol. They hardly know each other at this point. If you read between the lines, you could tell that he was thinking about Saïx here, too.

Friends

Author: Axel

I feel like I’ve been spending more time talking to Roxas and Xion lately than my old friend, Saïx. This has to have been what it was like, friendship.

But if that wasn’t obvious enough, the report clears up all doubt. He WAS thinking about Saïx. The message I got was: Lea and Isa had a very close relationship as humans. They were the ones who were really inseparable.

Axel misses that and, the more he remembers it, is desperate to fill the void. Every time he mentions “best friends,” it relates back to this. But this concept went “whoosh” over 90% of the fandom’s head. It baffles me. I really just don’t get it. Again, I have to think it’s due to the fact that this series skews really young.

Day 118

You Changed, Not Me

Author: Axel

Talking to Roxas and Xion always brings back memories of my human life, back when I was a kid. It’s a weird sensation. I ought to be able to share all this with Saïx, but I just don’t feel like it anymore. It’s strange, but I’m content with just missing what’s gone. I’m not the one who changed. You did.

Anyways. Three weeks later. Axel is very hung up on the past. He sounds like a heartbroken lover (because that’s exactly what he is, if you ask me). The reason Axel spends so much time with Roxas and Xion is because Isa changed.

Day 150

Too Precious to Lose

Axel and I talked for a while about the things we can’t bear to lose. Axel thinks that for Nobodies, it’s our pasts, because that’s all we have to remember the pain of losing something. I don’t remember my past, but the idea of losing the present–Axel or Xion–scares me.

A month later. Axel comes back from Castle Oblivion yet again, and he’s even more nostalgic for the past than last time. I bet Axel’s time at C.O was gonna be featured as a blank period in BBSV2. But whatever. He couldn’t bear the thought of losing his memories of the past.

The reason Axel treasured his memories so much was because it’s all he had left after losing something. OBVIOUSLY it’s because of his relationship with Isa. I mean, duh. It implies a pretty special connection between Axel/Lea and Saïx/Isa for him to feel that way, especially considering how mean Saïx is to him.

I’m not trying to trash Axel’s feelings for Roxas and Xion, either, or make them out to be unimportant. They were important to him, for sure. But they absolutely did not reach Isa’s level of importance to him. No fucking way. Not. Even. Close. Especially not on Day 150. By the end of the story, Axel couldn’t bear to lose Roxas and Xion because they were all he had to fill the void of Isa.

That’s not to say that he didn’t care about them as friends, or that he was just using them. It just means that I don’t think Axel really would want to be “inseparable” with Roxas and Xion once he was mentally and emotionally healthy. He’d want to be friends with them, of course, but not hang out every day like Hayner, Pence, and Olette. He’s not on the same level as Roxas and Xion. And that’s fine.

Terra: Protect the things that matter… Right. My friends matter to me, too. So, I still have things that I have to protect.

To use a comparison, Riku was very important to Terra. I LOVED the connection between them. Other than Lea and Isa, one of the things I was most excited to see in KH3 was Riku and Terra reuniting (yeah…). They had a very special bond. Riku helped comfort Terra when he was down. But. Riku was NOT as important to Terra as Aqua and Ven were. Even if Terra had spent a whole year with Riku, he still wouldn’t be as important to Terra as Aqua and Ven.

Roxas and Xion being portrayed as the most important people to Axel is as ridiculous to me as Riku being portrayed as the most important person to Terra. It would be weird if 99% of the fanart out there depicted Riku as Terra’s best friend and Terra’s reunion with Riku got more spotlight in KH3 than his reunion with Ven and Aqua.

That’s how I feel about the Sea-Salt Trio. I really liked it for what it was in Days. A complex, morally grey friendship between an emotionally damaged adult and two innocent kids. But I really don’t like the overly saccharine, cutesy, cuddly, one-dimensional fandom version of it, where Axel is treated like he’s on the same level as the two teens. It’s a testament to how young the fandom is that people really thought Lea would be “meh” about reuniting with his childhood best friend who’s been possessed for 10 years, and be waaaay more excited about getting to eat ice cream with two teens every day once again.

Day 172

What’s Love?

On my mission at Beast’s Castle, Xaldin told me about "love” and the special power it has over people. I tried to ask Axel about it, but his explanation didn’t make any sense to me. Every time I ask him about this kind of thing, he tells me I need a heart to understand. It’s like he’s dodging the questions.

Axel tolerates severe emotional abuse from his possessed best friend because he loved him back when he was normal. He copes by with his extremely shitty life by living entirely in the past, through his memories. Hanging out with two kids helps him remember his old life, back when he was happy. God, he was such a fascinating character. Such wasted potential.

Day 193

Best Friends

Xion's awake now. The three of us were gonna go get some ice cream after our mission, but she passed out again, so we had to take her home. I talked with Axel in her room until she woke up. He said the three of us were best friends—inseparable.

Axel said he had no best friend on Day 75. Now it’s Day 193. That’s only 119 days. That’s less than four months!! He gets in a fight with Saïx, who, once again, says he’s changed. A very sore topic for Axel. Then immediately afterwards, he says these two kids are his best friends.

If I was gonna compare it to real life: Let’s say Lea and Isa were two normal high school kids who were kidnapped and raised in a gang. Axel is a 25/26 year-old former gang member. He’s got blood on his hands. He’s a good person deep down, but he’s seen a lot of shit. Then he meets these two fifth graders. This adult gang member, with tear-drop tats and everything, suddenly starts calling these two fifth graders his best friends. He wants to spend all of his time eatig ice cream and playing Minecraft with them.

If this was real life, would anyone say how cute it is that they are best friends? Two kids who he had to teach the concept of “best friends” to? NO! No, they’d say that’s unhealthy and weird and that the guy needs therapy. Because it IS unhealthy and weird. Perhaps it easier to see that as an adult. Perhaps it’s easier to see it in a romanticized way when you’re young.

The Sea-Salt Trio was, in a way, Axel forcing the label of “best friends” on two kids in an attempt to cope with the heartbreak of his loss of innocence. It did have genuine cuteness and sweetness. Of course it did. Axel was not a predator or anything. Roxas and Xion loved him. Axel loved them. But…it wasn’t as cutesy and wholesome as people make it out to be. At least not from Axel’s end. It wasn’t JUST a cute wholesome trio.

That’s what made it so good. It was complex and grey. Axel never went against the organization, even though he could have if he really wanted to. It got to the point where he nearly killed both Roxas and Xion, just because he couldn’t bring himself to go against the organization. And the reason he couldn’t go against the organization was because of Saïx. Yes. Axel came thiiiiis close to killing both Roxas and Xion for a sociopath who treated him like shit. Their friendship was very dysfunctional and had a lot of kinks to work out.

Again, I’m not trying to denigrate the bond Axel had with Roxas and Xion. It was still genuine and sweet, in a sad and messed up way. I can still appreciate the cuteness of it.

But I hated the Sea-Salt reunion in KH3. Because it only focused on the most one-dimensional, saccharine and cutesy portrayal of them possible. They didn’t have to talk about anything. It was just instant hugging and ice cream, now they’re best friends forever. Everything played up to the max to manipulate people’s emotions. None of their issues were worked out and they had no better understanding of each other than they did at the end of Days. Honestly, even though Roxas and Xion got the red carpet treatment compared to Isa, the resolution to their trio was just as pathetic as Isa/Lea’s duo.

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demi360flip · 4 years

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Why I’m here

I’ve had a pretty difficult life, I think. Nobody on this earth even knows how bad it’s been. It’s been a bit of a rollercoaster; there have been times where it’s been bad that I didn’t want to continue living. There have been other times where things have improved and I’ve held (seemingly false) hope that things would be better. Or that I actually had a shot at a normal life, only to have that dream crushed time and time again.

In the last year, my life has been turned upside down. Now, it wasn’t all roses and unicorns before this year, but it’s hard to remember a time where I’ve felt so lost. Even after my older brother killed someone and was sent to prison for vehicular manslaughter shaming our family in a whole new way. During the last 365 days, I’ve been challenged by God in many ways. I lost gymnastics and those wonderful children that looked up to me and needed me. I lost EMS and the aspect of helping people. I lost the fire department. I lost every friend I’ve ever had. I started again in a new city, in a new state, in a new home. I was finally away from it all, which left me in a bizarre mixed state of ecstasy for escaping and complete panic for leaving.

During the last 365 days, I jumped into one of the most cutthroat programs in the country, where missing even one multiple choice question on a test could mean the end of your dreams. I found myself redlining in a stressed state of mind, desperately counting every single point I missed, paralyzed in stress on my couch crying before exam grades came out. Only to have 8 people texting me asking me what I got so they could compare themselves to me. I had to study for all hours of the day, all while balancing eating (even though I was so strung out on Adderall that I had no appetite), taking care of my dog (who got little attention in my new lifestyle), taking care of an entire house and paying all the bills alone for the first time (with money from a staggering medical school loan that will cripple me for years to come), and maintain a long distance relationship (that I KNEW I didn’t have time for, but absolutely couldn’t live without).

During the last 365 days, my older brother was released from state prison. It didn’t come easy either, in the months leading up to the parole meeting and subsequent release from a 4 year hell-on-Earth, he AND my mother would both call me every single day crying and talking about whether or not he will be released. It took so much of my time and energy that I already didn’t have. It was exhausting. I would get off of the phone with one, after talking them down from crying, and the next would call. My grades suffered. On top of that, I was having to discover how I would have a relationship again with a brother that I so despised for ruining my life and family. He was the cause of my mother’s drinking. In my eyes, Dennis was the cause of every pain I’ve ever felt in my life. Now, he would call me begging for his forgiveness, crying to me about how proud he was of me for “holding it down” after his mistakes and taking care of the family in his wake of destruction. Little did he know, I was struggling to breathe. Now, I had to face rebuilding some sort of relationship with him. Was I supposed to be forgiving? Was I supposed to hold onto this pain and anger at him? Was I supposed to be there to support him and be there for him like all of the counselors said I needed to? Was I supposed to tread carefully? There was a difficult level of awkwardness there that couldn’t be denied. Do I give him the benefit of the doubt that he would come out and do right for the first time in his life? Or do I honor the pattern of destruction that he’s caused my whole life? I didn’t know whether to believe him or not- did he REALLY change?

During the last 365 days, I lost a mentor and important person in my life to cancer. Irv Isenberg was the reason I was here. He was the reason why I did EMS. He lit the fire in me to help and teach others. He was the reason why I was able to get into LECOM’s program from hell. He was the best man I had ever known. And he was a line-of-duty death from 9-11-2001. He’s battled the cancer from the warzone that was NYC on 9-11 for many years. But this was finally the end and the rapid decline. It comes out of nowhere, you know? One day, it’s just a thing that everyone knows about *oh, Irv had cancer*, but he’s still going on calls, shooting, smiling, working, and you kind of just forget about it. I’m going to coffee with him, texting him, everything is moving on like usual. Then it creeps in a little more- he’s facebooking sarcastic, funny posts about his experiences at Roswell Park, you know he’s going through chemo and radiation, and he comes around a little less. But he and I were still getting our Tim Horton’s coffee every time I was home. We would sit there and talk about school and what I needed to do next, who I needed to get in contact with, and the next connections I had to make. Everything was still fine. Then suddenly, I don’t see him anymore. He knows that I cry when I hear his voice hoarse from radiation, so he lies to me and texts me instead. He tells me he’s at the dog park, when I know that he’s at Roswell for treatment. He and I don’t get coffee anymore. Instead, we just text back and forth and he tells me “When you’re Doctor Demi, that’ll be all the thanks I need”. There were whispers around the fire department, about how he stopped working, and “isn’t doing well”. Soto calls me to tell me that he needs platelets. He stops answering my texts, or Lisa answers them instead for him. I rushed home on an exam week to donate platelets, which was far worse than I expected. I was sick during and after extraction. They said I was too skinny and that’s why. I had lost 20 lbs from the stress and Adderall. But I had the blood type they needed and I wasn’t leaving there without donation. Then about a week later, he died. I got the call. I came home on an exam week again for the wake. Danny had amazingly rapidly organized the most beautiful wake, procession, and funeral that I’ve ever even heard of. When I walked into the wake, there were pictures of Irv and I in the slideshow and on the picture boards. It was surreal. Chris and Julie Kaplewicz pulled me in line with them. I said, “I’m not really sure where I belong”, as I’m no longer a FF, I wasn’t with TCA, and I wasn’t family. “You belong right here with us”. We proceeded slowly through the line to the closed casket with his helmet on it. There were 2 of our FF’s on the sides of his casket holding axes- it was Brad and MJ. When they saw me, they kept their eyes up, but tears rolled down both of their faces. I cried. I kissed his helmet. Lisa hugged me and said, “Oh honey, he loved you so much. I’m going to keep in touch with you”. My heart was in pieces. He wouldn’t make it to see me get my white coat, which would be entirely his doing in my mind.

During the last 365 days, for the first time in my whole life, I got my mom sober. The reign of alcoholism and physical and emotional abuse to our family was finally exiled by my brave actions. I thought I’d never see the day. Well, this is one of those “seemingly false hope” instances I had mentioned earlier. I don’t know exactly how long after this victory that she relapsed, but my little brother (who is more like a child to me, as I’ve effectively raised him in the face of two absent and inadequate parents) called me crying saying that he found booze hidden in her room. From another state away, I had to comfort this teenager who revealed to me that he has been struggling with the same depression and self-loathing that I had continuously battled since my prepubescent years, which I spent cutting myself and running away from home. The thought of Mikey feeling any of the feelings that I struggled with due to our dysfunctional abusive family brought me to my knees. After all, I had dedicated my whole existence to lessening the weight of it all on him and shielding him from as much as I could. I thought, “I can save him from this hell and give him a shot at a normal life”. This was wishful thinking. Especially after leaving my entire life in Buffalo behind, to try to chase my dreams that I have had on hold for so long due to my fucked up family arrangement. In doing so, I also left behind everyone and everything that held me up. I didn’t realize that my skin was made of paper and my bones were broken and made of glass, until I moved away and left behind everyone and everything else that held me up. I found that I could not stand on my own two feet. And boy, did I crumble. I had always thought that I was so STRONG. This incredible superhero that could withstand a lifetime of abuse and dysfunction and no support and no love, and STILL have the strength to protect another younger brother from it. I looked in the mirror and knew. I was a failure. I was disgusted. I finally could see it- I wasn’t strong. I was weak and dependent on the love, support, and distraction of others to hold myself up on my own two feet. It was a difficult realization that I was nothing without my friends, my boyfriend, his family (who replaced mine, but wasn’t TRULY mine), and my job that I loved. I saw myself. Ugly. Weak.

Now, I don’t want this to be some sort of pity party. Of course, I’ve done some pretty badass things in my life. I’m physically healthy, which is more than some people can say, and I’m fortunate to have the means of following my dreams. I’ve met some incredible people in this lifetime- many of which have changed my life and kept me going when I didn’t have the inner strength to do so. One of those people was Gage Greiner. And I lost him, too.

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taeguboi · 6 years

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MOVING ON PART 2: Jungkook x Reader angst

After a few requests to continue my MOVING ON Jungkook angst, it’s finally here! It doesn’t quite explain everything you askers requested but I can promise that I will be writing beyond a part 2!

'Tonight is the night to make a fresh start’.

You repeat this phrase in your mind until it becomes convincing to you. Your reason for this repetition is partly to block out those flashbacks that keep wanting to come to you and partly because those thoughts are working; you should have exited the shower room about 5 minutes ago but instead you’ve held back to stare into a foggy mirror.

[Flashback - yours]

It was a Friday night and a night out was well overdue. University was over and everyone had mutually agreed about their fears of losing touch, so it was decided that yourself, Jungkook, Taehyung and Jimin would meet up, even if only for a few drinks.

The work day had proven long and daunting for Jungkook by the sounds of things over the phone, so you understood when he said he wasn’t really feeling up for coming out, or at least he didn’t want to come out straight away before a well deserved nap.

Yes, it was a great shame that a night out for four turned into three, but it was always relaxing to be around your friends Jimin and Taehyung; people who you certainly would never have met or interacted with from the uni if it wasn’t for your wonderful fiance Jungkook. In fact, you all became friends at an amazingly fast rate, having gone out all together for the first time just a week after your bumping in with Jungkook in your earlier days at the university.

But life was great. You were getting by just fine as part of your new little family you had began to build with Jungkook having recently bought your first pet together. It was still possible to live out the nice little luxuries of life such as drinking out and it was mostly possible to have those quiet nights in that yourself and Jungkook had always appreciated after those long period of social and study based lifestyles through your final educational years. It was great having someone to live for and do life with.

“I just wish he was here right now” you sighed, having a sip from your prosecco glass.

“You know he’s only doing all of this hard work because he loves you, don’t you y/n?” Jimin asked, seeming to feel the need to accentuate what he knew Jungkook’s motives were for not being around tonight.

“Of course!” you exclaimed, the tiniest bit offended that Jimin might be implying that you were oblivious to Jungkook’s kind and hardworking nature. “I think it just takes some getting used to sometimes, when we’re apart in the evenings” you nervously chuckled, knowing how attached you were probably seeming to be.

“Ah, seriously y/n! It ain’t the end of the world!” Taehyung joked. “Are we not enough fun for you anymore?”

“Probably not because neither of us fuck her or take her out on dates” Jimin jested in response, clearly working off from Taehyung’s energy.

“Guys!” you exclaimed. “That’s not just it!” you argued. “There’s way more to what we have than just fucking and eating… Well, it’s a good portion of it, but…”

“Yeah yeah we get it, our friend is better than us” Jimin dramatically sighed, continuing with the light nature of conversation.

“I didn’t say that… unless there’s nothing more to you than eating and fucking, huh Chim?” you joked, finally taking the conversation less seriously.

“Ah… I know he’s doing all of this for us, but… I’m just worried he’s going to let that consume him and not have any fun with it…” you sighed.

“Eh, I wouldn’t worry about it too much y/n.” Jimin tried to reassure you. “Anytime soon, you guys can be that one couple that hosts classy dinner parties for us instead, huh?”

[End of flashback]

“What was I thinking? I shouldn’t’ve come back Jimin... “ Jungkook moans, rolling his head in his hands and aggressively ruffling his hair as the two boys still stand in the cold dark rain.

“Surely something inside of you must have wanted to come back after all these years though, right?” Jimin replies, trying his best to convince Jungkook that this isn’t the worst idea in the world.

“But look, we’ve clearly got this down at the wrong time… a really fucking wrong time!... Why did I think your stupid idea was so great anyway? I… UGH!”

Jungkook just cannot help but begin to release all of his pent up anger and frustration about the recent events of the evening, but he soon calms down a little, because he knows.

He knows that this was all his fault.

“Dude, seriously, you were telling me how much you missed home, and how much you missed me and Tae… how you missed y/n…”

“I know!... I know what I said… but coming back here has made me realize.” sighs Jungkook. “This isn’t really my home anyway, is it? This is just the town I lived my student days in. It’s not my home, Busan is… I’m going back.”

“What?! No!”

“What’s the point?... And WHY did I think she’d just forgive me like that? Let alone talk to me? She was hardly gonna just come running into my arms, was she?? I’m deluded! I’ve been deluded about this whole fucking idea!”

Jimin watches Jungkook furiously and restlessly pace the town center and it just irritates the elder, so he swiftly goes over to his younger friend to stop him in his tracks, taking a firm hold of the leather collar of Jungkook’s jacket, pulling the two in face to face.

“Look man, pull yourself together and fucking fight for what you claim you want back so badly.”

You know you need to stop crying. But you just can’t help but let a tear escape every now and then even as you’re managing to calm your nerves. As if moving on from your past hasn’t been hard enough… this reminder of it just takes you loads of steps backwards in your healing from your dysfunctional relationship with Jungkook.

[Flashback]

It was a beautiful day and Jungkook had taken you to a beautiful field to compliment the mood of the day. The sun was scorching - a great excuse to wear your new favourite dress. Every flower you took a look at seemed perfect - all in bloom and not a single one dying. Life was perfect - and you had the perfect boyfriend to go with it… okay, he was the reason your life felt perfect.

Running up some, what then seemed random, hill, you felt short of breath as Jungkook made you follow him to a solitary tree he had spotted in the distance.

“Come on honey!” he shouted from a distance, quite ahead of you.

“I can’t do this!” you panted.

He raced back down the hill making you wonder where he got the energy from. It was afternoon and you knew he had already been to the gym that morning for an extended work out… how did he do it?

He took your hand to encourage you to make the journey

“Yes you can do this! Now come on!”

Jungkook practically dragged you up that hill, forcing your littler legs to catch up with him so he didn’t tear your arm off. Your chest was hurting and your legs were weak… but there was something in the idea of reaching that peak.

Before you knew it, you were at the top. You guessed you were a bit silly for complaining about this so much in your head for the past, probably only, a minute or two… and the trek was definitely worth it.

“City view” he panted. “I’ve been wanting to do this forever”

You took a seat to rest next to Jungkook’s feet and following suit, he parked himself on the grass beneath that tree also. You distinctly remember the shade of green that the leaves were. You remember how the air smelled. The buildings you could see. The time of day. Everything. You knew this was going to be a special moment; what isn’t great about looking over the city on a beautiful day with the man you love?... How could this get any better?

“Oh wait, I bought something we can sit on” he informed you, taking off his backpack and out of it came a blanket. “Stand up again” he he chuckled nervously as he unfolded the blanket and threw it to open out on the grass. “Nice… Have a seat m’lady” he jested, taking a bow before you as you sat down giggling.

“Why thank you, my good sir”

He sat down next you and sighed contentedly “Great… now I can do what I’ve been wanting to do forever.”

“It is a brilliant view Jungkookie… thank you for taking me up here. I love it” you smiled at him, taking a hold of his hand.

“I… I didn’t just come here for the city view… I mean, of course I’ve always loved the idea of looking over at the world around me with someone that means so much to me, but…”

There was a short silence but it was still enough time to leave you in suspense. Where was he going with this?

“But…?”

“Well, we’ve been dating for quite some time, right?...”

“Only dating? Only quite some time?” you laugh. “If by ‘quite some time’ you mean 3 years and by ‘dating’ you mean being absolutely dedicated to you and not even thinking about anyone else in my life after all the time and emotion we’ve shared, then… Yeah I guess we have been dating for quite some time…” you smirked at him,

“See? Quite some time, yeah?... Well… I’ve been thinking very thoroughly about this, and you’ve always made me so happy… Well, I want to spend more than just ‘quite some time’ feeling this way… say, a lifetime?”

It confused you to see Jungkook standing up again so soon as he reached into his pocket for something so you just figured that something was making him feel uncomfortable as you then saw him making his way back down… but not completely. A wave of something rushed over you as you registered that he wasn’t sitting back down… he was… on one knee??

“I’m sorry it’s not in a box or anything, but… I’m confident that you won’t need one…”

“Oh my goodness… Jungkook…” you uttered, jaw dropped as he revealed what was in his hand.

“Y/n… This… this is right. Us. Together. I want it to be that way, always… Will you me?” he grinned.

You trembled with anticipation and delight. “Yes! Yes! YES!” you exclaimed, getting back up to hug him at his level, then both standing up to embrace each other and embrace that moment.

“I promise to give you the future you deserve, y/n”.

[end of flashback]

‘Why do I keep thinking about the good times now?’

[Flashback - Jungkook’s]

It really was the happiest day of Jungkook’s life, when he took your right hand and held it in his to speak the most meaningful words he was ever going to say in his life.

“I, Jungkook Jeon, take you y/n, y/l/n to be my wife.”

The tears were welling in his eyes from the happiness.

“To have and to hold. From this day forward.”

It was even a perfect day for the weather. The sunlight shone onto your radiant face so beautifully. The smile on your face only extended the grin on his.

“For better for worse. For richer, for poorer. In sickness and in health. To love and to cherish.”

He couldn’t believe that this was finally happening; tying the knot with his perfect woman. Getting to be the perfect man for her. Everything was going so well with nary an argument and if there had been one, it was those small little things that get resolved in the same conversation as the arguing. Other than the tedious work he forced himself into, his life really was going rather well; smoothly. Almost perfectly.

“Till death us do part.”

*knock-knock-knock-knock-knock!*

Jungkook bangs persistently on the door he’s arrived to, shaking with nerves, frustration, his entire energy.

No answer.

*knock-knock-knock-knock-knock!*

Taehyung peeps from behind his living room curtain to see who would be knocking at this time of night… and why so loudly?

“Oh fucking hell”

*knock-knock-knock-knock-knock!*

“I know you’re in there!” shouts Jungkook.

Taehyung runs to the door to answer in order to avoid any more disturbance for the neighbours.

“What the fuck are you doing here Kook?” Taehyung asks with gritted teeth.

“Wow, we haven’t seen each other in 2 years and that’s how you’re gonna greet me?” huffs the estranged man.

“Not quite sure why you’d be expecting a greeting from me after…”

“After what? Taking y/n away from me?... I…”

All you can hear after that is a pause from Jungkook and you’re shaking in the shower room. It didn’t even cross your mind that Jungkook might have tried to follow you or interrogate the guy that Jimin was trying to prevent you having a closer relationship with.

‘Take y/n away from me?’ you scoff internally. ‘Is he deluded? All Tae ever did for me was help me through a rough time… I can’t help it if...’

You hear a thud and it can’t be anything other than that restless pig losing his temper - you guess some people really don’t change. And that’s all it takes for you to think back to another negative time involving Jungkook

[Flashback]

There was that one night in which everything escalated so quickly that it is hard to forget. You and your husband plus Jimin and Taehyung were at your house for a jolly night in of drinking and chatting. The topic that had arisen was of the friendship the three boys sat with you had.

Somewhat tipsy, Jungkook was just telling you how lovely his friends are, clearly having forgotten that they had been your friends too for the best of 5 years.

“These guys here are my bros! The bond we have is sacred… We trust each other. We help each other with problems. We keep secrets.”

“Oh yeah, like the one where you made me promise not to tell y/n about that night when I walked in on you and that chick…”

You shouted your husband’s name in horror as you watched him pin your friend up against the wall by his throat, sort of forgetting for now what had come out of Taehyung’s mouth - you’d see to that issue later.

“Jungkook! What the fuck are you doing?!”

“I am SICK of this fucking bullshit!” he shouted into Taehyung’s face.

“Jungkook what the heck dude?!” Jimin questioned also.

“I KNOW what I saw!” Taehyung drunkenly slurred into Jungkook’s angry face.

“What you saw? Taehyung! What did you see??” you begged of him.

Silence.

Jungkook’s frustration had intensified. You were pretty sure your friend could see that as he took a deep breath in and sighed.

“It’s… nothing” he said. “It was just a misunderstanding, and dude, you know I knew it was, seriously…”

The grip around Taehyung’s collar loosened as Jungkook put him down… you felt so shaky as you looked at Jimin with uncertainty. He could see your bottom lip quiver and the water to your eyes. He watched your every move as you began to collapse onto the sofa then having your head into your knees trying not to have a breakdown there and then.

“Y/n…?” asked Jimin with huge concern. “Are you…”

“Right, that’s it, guys, go home” insisted Jungkook.

“But we..”

“I SAID GET OUT!” yelled your husband, his tone not calming you down one bit. But it was enough to get Jimin and Taehyung to leave your house.

“Y/n, what Taehyung just said… was a big stupid misunderstanding! It was one night when we were clubbing together and some lass had taken a nasty fall and I seemed to be the most sober person around to…”

“To what? Jungkook, I don’t know what to think right now, but you had BETTER truthfully end that sentence with ‘help her’!”

“Exactly! To help her! She had a nasty cut on the knee and the moment Taehyung had walked in was the moment I was rubbing a plaster over her knee… Y/n, I SWEAR that nothing happened!”

And you believed him.

[End flashback]

‘I tried so hard with you Kook.’

*******

Part 03

#bts #jungkook #bts angst #jungkook angst #jungkook imagine #jungkook scenario #bts jungkook #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #jungkook fiction #bts fiction

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sakuya123draws · 5 years

Note

for the end of year meme: 1, 8, 10, 14, 20 !! Please and thank you!

OH MAH GOD IT’S LATE!!! (I am so sorry @nalufever I finally got around to answering asks and I’m starting with the most recent ones!! It’s appropriate as they are for the “End of the year” meme I reblogged!)

Anyways, without further ado, let’s answer these lovely questions~! >w

1. First things first, did you have a good year?

A: Well, I guess that is the first thing to ask when jumping from one year to the other! ^_^ If I’m being honest the year started out really bad. Lots of family problems, stress from college and my horrible relationship was weighing me down and draining me of my energy. I never want to blame anything on anyone, but I was in a dysfunctional relationship with someone and I finally got out of it around April. It’s a long story, but I don’t feel like dwelling on that stuff. I’m stronger now! (I mean I “hope” so ^ ^;) I was happy that I got in the honours roll for my first year which gave me entry to showing my artwork to judges at the college I got to! It was an amazing experience and I made some cool friends along the way! It’s a small class, but we’re like a family. :D As for my actual family, I lost my grandma…She was an inspiration to me and even today I will always show my appreciation for my grandparents! Other than that, my family had gotten better and we can finally understand each other a bit more when it comes to communication which is always a plus!! :3 Even on here with Tumblr being who it is, I still have lots of friends that didn’t leave and I’m happy to see they are better from last year! In short, (cause you can see THIS is a paragraph xD) I think the year was wishy-washy! It was all over the place, but it made up for it at the end to be called “good”. ^v^

8. Which fashion trends did you hate?

(I thought of him when I thought of the word fashion xD Don’t kill me, I LOVE Max

A: Even though my mom is a lady who lives by fashion, I can’t say I know the styles of 2018! ;w; I looked up a source (well you know Vogue and all that jazz :/) to base my opinion on. I only think this would be easier if I could say what I “loved”, but it’s a hate one so gotta be mean xD lol. I mean I never “hate” anything, so I’m gonna give it a shot.

One thing I don’t like about fashion trends if I’m being frank is that it’s usually clothes on the runway. Many styles I see based on Vogue’s source are styles I can’t see the everyday person wearing. Personally, I wouldn’t wear half of those designs outside. That’s just me. My sense of style is a hybrid of my mom’s fashion she wears/sells, 80′s-90′s fashions and cutesy outfits. (that I think I’d look bad in ;w;) I’m gonna give a small bullet point list. (I know I always say small xD)

Arty Impressions - This was the first one on the article I read. From what I can gather it’s fashion with famous works printed on it. (Artworks, for example, Andy Warhol’s, screenprints) I mean I can see the connection, but for me wearing something with a reproduced art piece is hard for me to personally wear. LIke it has to be done like how T-shirts have a design in the middle or small embellishments on it to make me wear it. The example I saw is fun and creative, but for me, I couldn’t see myself liking/wearing those pieces. It depends. 5/10? I guess xD

Plastic/see-through material - This honestly has been a reoccurring style that I have seen. It’s become more prominent now according to last year’s trends. I can’t stand the “see-through” look. I don’t know what it is, but it’s just too awkward to wear outside. LIke people will defend that you can wear what you want, but for ME and ME Only, I can’t wear those kinds of stuff. I would feel very scared/concerned with how I look. (Even to myself) If you don’t know what I am referring to, I mean like that umbrella looking material. (I’ve added the source in the paragraph above for this question! ^_^)

Geometric/Flannel Print - I can never see myself liking the flannel scene. For pyjamas, no problem! To wear outside, I can’t bring myself to do that. You can see me in an old sweater, but flannel I don’t think any of my friends have seen me in that xD I just can’t say it’s aesthetically pleasing to me. I have a problem liking this style. Maybe I will when I get older, but as I’m young and creative I see myself wearing clothes for the young generation! :P (my mom says that anyways xD lol) The clothes that make you feel like partying, even though you don’t go outside like me xD lol

As much as I love talking about fashion, I think I would bore everyone with my opinions. xD (You’re definitely not here for these are you? xD If so, thank you)

10. What song sums up this year for you?

A: I don’t have a definite answer, but I went through a lot of things. Many times I wanted to be in a dream world…Like to escape everything. All the pain and depression. I still feel that way, but in 2018 it was WAY worse. This song I originally heard in Silent Hill: Downpour (A GAME I LOVE ;w;) was a song I thought of when I see this question. I think it’s a great song! sad, but I’d recommend it. The singer’s voice is lovely. It invokes so many emotions in me ;w; (I’ll give a youtube link)

Ed Harcourt - From Every Sphere

14. Favorite new TV show?

(I HAD to make it this guy >w

WARNING: HUGE ANSWER BELOW!

A: Well, as you may know, I don’t watch many shows anymore. I mostly play video games, but for the sake of this amazing question, I’ll say what anime(s) I did enjoy last year! I don’t think I’ve ever loved an anime as much as I love Gintama. It’s really funny because I originally “disliked” Gintama. It was a naive thing for the young me to have said at the time. I judged the show so harshly after seeing anime (IMO) being shat on with the usual themes and scenes I ALWAYS see. I began to give up on anime as a whole. My story starts when I was pissed at my brother telling me, “Gintama is amazing Tash, trust me you’ll regret hating it.” I answered with my normal response of, “ sure Ja, you ALWAYS say that. How will this be any different?” Maybe I shouldn’t have said that…Well, it’s too late now for present-day me. My brother showed me all the “humorous” parts first. (I honestly felt like he tricked me, but the show really starts that way xD) Anyways, we eventually watched a few episodes and I told him I didn’t understand the humour. (it’s honestly hard to get into if you’re not open-minded or don’t understand the comedy Sorachi uses) Until he decided to hit me with his ace, “The Shinsengumi Crisis Arc”. All I can say is, a different side of me was born. I started to see what a show could truly offer if it was done right, the way I wanted to see it. It’s hard to explain, but without Gintama’s sad/inspirational/happy/stupid/clever story writing/arcs I don’t think I would have ever gotten through 2018. I haven’t finished the episodes as of its recent update, but I really learned a lot from the show. I want to give a HUGE shoutout to Sorachi for writing this masterpiece and I would 10000% recommend it to ANYONE! It’s a show that changed my views on people’s situations and lives. I think all the arcs are amazingly written and so far I don’t think I’ll ever get bored of it! It really got me in the feels. I can honestly say that if you can’t feel after seeing an arc in Gintama, you haven’t felt. It’s that amazing! (Then AGAIN, it’s an opinion not everyone will sadly share xD) Also, I am really enjoying Bleach! I’m sad at how it ended in terms of what things happened and I honestly hope Kubo will be ok. I loved his episodes and the earliest ones really touched my heart like Gintama. He’s also really great at making me cry every episode! :P

(GOD SORRY FOR THE ESSAY AND STUPID STORY LINES xD I’m sorry I can’t add a RM for this b/c then everything under can’t be seen like the other answers ;w;)

20. Did you develop a new obsession?

Well…YES! Many obsessions!! The real question is which is the one that I obsess over the most? Well I’ll put some bullet points to hopefully make it smaller xD

First of all, I don’t want to say it but I’ve taken a “liking” (what an understatement lol) to Gin Ichimaru from Bleach~! >////

I think everyone knows, but I have an obsession with cute/pink/pretty stuff. (Can it be called that?) I just LOVE pastel colours or pinks/blues/purples. Those kinds of soft colours you see in Hello Kitty toys or Fairy Kei/Kawaii merch (if I’m correct xD) I just have a HUGE soft spot for childhood stuff! I literally still act like a kid xD lol I don’t think I’ll be growing up anytime soon haha xD lol I just love to collect them! :)

Vaporwave I guess has become a new obsession and old art styles of the past! I just can’t stop being in awe at those marble statues! The curvature and bodies are so magnificent! >w

So many different art styles that are brought to this world! :D This is the truth! I absolutely love most styles I see on here and whenever I encounter them! >w

Other than that, I don’t think I have any other obsessions I know about :P Sorry, I’m super boring xD That’s the art student life lol (only me guys xD dw)

THANK YOU SO SO MUCH FOR MESSAGING ME AND SENDING THIS AMAZING ASK YOU AWESOME PERSON!!! @nalufever I am so happy to have gotten something from you and I hope you’ve had a great Christmas and Happy New Year, friend!! I hope you stay happy and healthy this year!! All the best to you! Thank so much once again for taking the time :)

If anyone else is interested, you can send me something as well~!

Take care from me and Happy New Years everyone!!!

Saku~!

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flameintheblacknight · 6 years

Note

RVB AU where Flowers doesn't die of an asprin overdose.

OH! OH, NOW THIS–THIS IS INTERESTING!

Okay so, let’s start with the obvious thing: Flowers doesn’t die. There is no need to send anyone in. There remains an eternal stalemate at Blood Gulch, the Alpha AI lives about his days very tired and angry, surrounded by assholes.

The Blood Gulch Crew never forms, it never has a need to form, because things remain calm and boring at Blood Gulch.

Now, let’s talk about the effects this could have on the rest of the universe.

Namely, let’s talk about Tex, York, South, North, and all their respective AIs. Because in a world without a group of idiots to clean up their messes long after they’ve been made, the Freelancers are going to have to start taking responsibility for their actions.

So, let’s say that Tex and York run into each other again, and come to an agreement: Tex gets their help in getting rid of Omega permanently, and York and Delta never have to hear from her again. This has some complications, namely: Omega can fucking hear everything Tex is thinking, because… sharing a mind. So they lose Omega.

It becomes a long streak of trying to track down Omega for a while, until they run into North, South, and Theta. They all almost kill each other, then another deal is struck: Help track down Omega, South gets to keep Omega if she really wants an AI that bad, and everyone goes their fucking separate ways. Yay.

So, while on the hunt for Omega, Theta and Delta get genuine bonding time while everyone else is fucking tense around each other 101% of the time. It’s amazingly awkward.

Things proceed like that for a while until Tex and North get captured and held prisoner by a group of mercenaries who had had Omega, and Tex had gotten so close to fucking getting that AI–but nope. Victory was pulled just out from under her like it was a rug, and now she and North were locked up.

So it forces York and Delta and South to work together and South ends up venting about everything to Delta around half-way through the rescue attempt and Delta just sighs and tells South that she’s really not bad at destroying things. She just needs to remember that life isn’t just a competition, and her brother, overprotective he may be, does care about her. York just tries to ignore all of that while he lockpicks.

And North and Theta and Tex have a long talk while in their jail cell, where Tex admits the full truth of what she learned from CT’s dog tags and North and Theta both learn just how truly fucked up Project Freelancer was–is. Theta also adopts Tex as his older sister.

So the parties meet back up, awkward discussions are had in-between kicking mercenary ass.

When the ordeal ends, North and South both admit they were never at their best during Project Freelancer, and both agree to try and talk to each other more.

Theta asks if he can have some time in South’s head. Since, you know, South’s his sister too.

South agrees.

Theta ends up hopping from Dakota to Dakota a lot. He likes them both.

South teaches him swear words, North disapproves.

They continue the hunt for Omega, kind of unsure where they all stand with each other now. Because, well, they’ve become something different from what they were in Project Freelancer.

They’d started becoming something like a family. An awkward, dysfunctional family, but living through a bunch of battles and saving each other from death helps with that a lot.

At some point, they run into Wyoming and Gamma, who were both working on trying to stop the war, as well as tracking down an old friend from their days in Freelancer.

The duo aren’t seen again, but years later, a letter comes to the newfound Freelancer household on Chorus from Butch and Reginald Flowers, showing a bunch of blue-armored people in an unknown room smiling and waving at a camera. (You can see some people in warmer color shades being grumpy in the background.)

So it continues on like that until one day, they get a surprise visit from a dying former freelancer (like, maybe Georgia) who manages to get out a few words before he dies:

“The Meta… fuck the Meta. Where the fuck did it even get that scary purple AI… ugh. Hurk-blegh…”

Indeed, while the Freelancer&AI family has been traveling around, the Meta has been alive and kicking. And it’s gotten a good deal of AI on its side. Including Omega.

So now the objectives shift into figuring out what the fuck the Meta is. Because they were all there, they all saw Maine–well, the Meta now, tear Carolina’s AIs out, saw it kill Carolina. What did the Meta want with AI anyways?

Delta figures out the answer: “The Meta wants to be a fully smart and metastable AI.”

But what goes into making an AI metastable? None of them have a good answer for that, because, well, do you see any metastable AI? No? Me neither.

They continue their hunt for info on the Meta until it brings them face to face with Recovery One–Agent Washington.

He’s his usual S6 crabby self.

None of the others are quite sure what to make of this new Wash, this hardened and changed Wash. They have to wonder just screwed up his mind has been since Epsilon was in his head.

They force themselves to work together to bring down the Meta. They also make a decision, one to get Epsilon and show his memories to the court so that the Director can be tried and held accountable for all the shit he has done to so many.

They go to the AI Storage Facility and save Epsilon, and realize just in time that the Meta has been following them. Following them for a while.

So they split up. South and Wash stay behind to distract the Meta and hopefully end the lives of the AI it’s taken, North, Theta, York, and Delta get away from this place with the Epsilon unit, and Tex follows behind to make sure no one tries to attack them.

By now, Tex has become very careful in what she lets herself do. If it’s something that doesn’t matter to her or she’s doing for fun, she’s learned that she can win, easily. If it’s something important, however, she’s figured out that she will always lose, just as she thinks she’s won. So, in plans like these, she stays behind and lets other people do the important stuff.

Wash sets off the EMP. The AIs the Meta was using to run its enhancements all die. Wash, South, and the Meta all get arrested with the rest of almost all the known Freelancer personnel.

York and Delta are quick to break South and Wash out of prison.

Everyone regroups at an abandoned post in a place called “Valhalla”, before quickly agreeing that they, as a group, need to keep moving around for their personal safeties.

The Meta breaks out of prison. They don’t learn about this until they nearly die by its hands on a cold mountain. They manage to defeat it, to everyone’s surprise.

They leave the area soon after, not intending to be found by anyone.

But found they are.

Carolina finds them.

And there’s a lot of yelling, a lot of arguing, and a lot of just… freaking out in general.

York and Carolina talk while Delta goes offline. York admits he’s had his bad moments and Carolina admits she’s had hers. They work things out.

Delta starts hopping into Carolina’s head after York’s prompting.

It goes horribly, and Tex sighs in the background, wondering why they can’t just get Delta a robot body because the space needed between them all is obvious.

Tex and Carolina talk while watching a sun rise over water. Carolina admits her perspective. Tex admits hers. They admit they don’t know each other. They decide they’d like to learn.

They track down the Director. Turns out he had gotten his hands on the Epsilon unit.

So, now they had to fight an army of Tex. That sucked.

They buy Carolina and Tex enough time to get to where the Director is.

The two chew him out. Tex almost– almost shoots him, but Carolina stops her.

Carolina’s pistol gets left behind in a quiet moment.

The odd family of 6 Freelancers and 2 AI leaves in a hurry while the facility shuts down.

The group watches the sun set as they hear from their comms the universe freak out over everything that Project Freelancer had done.

In time, they would crash-land on a planet, they would be its heroes who settled into a happy, stable civilian life.

But at that moment? They were fragments and pieces Project Freelancer had left behind. But they are more than that.

They are each others’ family.

Now has a part two: https://anya5544.tumblr.com/post/171660340170/i-love-the-flowers-survives-au-are-you-willing-to

#red vs blue #rvb #rvb au #tex (rvb)#agent york #agent north dakota #agent south dakota #delta (rvb)#theta (rvb)#agent washington #agent carolina

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holyfluck · 2 years

Text

12/15/21

I ate a little over 7mg of Adderall yesterday to kickstart my work I’ve been anxiously avoiding. I’m cautious with the drug, of course. I don’t need a dependence. But on occasion, it is rather lovely to flip my inhibition switch off mindlessly with a pill. I’ve interestingly not been an addictive type. I’ve often been able to casually consume as I please, deciding to withdraw with ease. I wonder what that says about me.

I’m beginning to design furniture. I have several rough designs that I could take to producing. It’s quite scary. I’m frightened by the idea of failing. Furniture productions cost money, which I now amazingly have a fair bit of. But I grew up in a home where money was always a concern. It was a source of stress and discontent. Never having enough, always needing more. Much of my family’s dysfunction stemmed from poor money management. We were not poor, by any means. We had a mansion of a home and many fancy cars dotting our oversized driveway. But an extra surprise $100 spent on the power bill was cause for emotional chaos. Money was tight. Now that I have it, the little girl in me wants to hold onto it, for dear life, I’ll add. Spending on my designs and trusting that their cost will successfully return to me feels like gambling with a lethal collateral. I’m sure my fears will ease up in time. I do want to successfully design and sustain my life in that way, I think. It’ll take some risk to my nest egg, but I often grow tired of the comfort of safety anyway.

#money #adderall #design #scarcity mindset #growth #anxiety #diary #journal

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lynseylou · 6 years

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Backdoor Pilot “The Originals”

Because The Originals recently debuted their series finale, I thought I would share my rather lengthy recaps of the first six episodes of the series that I did a year ago. I was so pumped about the show I made my own Wordpress website and everything. Now I have these lonely recaps with nowhere to put them but here! Enjoy if you want.

In regular backdoor pilot fashion, this The Vampire Diaries episode begins with very forced exposition explaining why we as viewers are leaving/escaping the wonderfully supernatural Mystic Falls and entering, what appears to be, an even more sadistic and cutthroat, New Orleans.

“Welcome to the dark side of New Orleans,” says the random tour guide with rad facial hair, “a supernatural playground where the living are easily lost and the dead stick around to play.” Spooky.

But what exactly are we doing here? Klaus Mikaelson recieved a tip from everyone’s favorite doppelgänger, Katherine, that a witch with the name of Jane Anne Deveroaux is conspiring against him. Conspiring? Very vague. Could it be a trap set by Katherine and this Jane Anne Deveroaux? Let’s keep watching to find out!

While Klaus is making his rounds of murderous threats, Rebekah and Elijah are arguing back in Mystic Falls. As per usual, Elijah wants to help Klaus, like the loyal brother that he is, and Rebekah wants Klaus to go to hell.

“Where are you going?” Says the particularly pouty Rebekah Mikaelson.

“To find out who’s making a move against are brother, and then… I’ll either stop them, or I’ll help them. Depending on my mood.” Oh, Elijah! You crack me up when you’re indecisive about when its appropiate to murder.

However, through the collective perspectives of Hayley Marshall, a sassy werewolf girl in search of her family, and Sophie and Jane Anne Deveroaux, we find out Hayley is pregnant.

Holy cow! Remember a few episodes back when Klaus and Hayley have a super steamy one-night stand while amongst bonding over their perpetual loneliness and sorrow? I do!

But how could this be? Well, being that Klaus is both vampire and werewolf, the original hybrid, he can in fact procreate. If you weren’t on the edge of your seat already, you are now.

But back to Klaus. During his interrogation of a French Quarter witch, Klaus finds out that a vampire in charge, Marcel, won’t let the witches practice magic. Klaus finds Marcel singing his little vampire heart out at a bar. My first impression of Marcel? Hot. Second? Exudes confidence.

Klaus and Marcel approach with caution, and you don’t know if they’re going to kill each other. But they don’t! It turns out, Klaus and Marcel are old friends, in fact, Klaus sired Marcel. We also learn that the Mikaelson’s helped build New Orleans but were run out of town for some reason. So the plot thickens!

What exactly is the deal with Marcel? “Well we can tell you!” Says The Originals writers from beyond our TV’s. Marcel has quite a little vampire community. He has night-walkers, vampires who thrive under Marcel’s rule, and the inner circle, which are those who get to bask in the sunlight with the help of mystical daylight rings. It’s as if Marcel has complete control over the supernatural in New Orleans, and Klaus is jealous. However, Klaus focuses on the task at hand and asks Marcel what he knows about Jane Anne Deveraoux. What coincidence! Marcel is scheduled to hold a weird criminal trial in the middle of the street accusing Jane Anne of practicing magic.

But unlike an actual court of law, Jane Anne is publicly executed.

“Was that convincing? I studied law back in the fifties.” Oh Marcel, you can do anything you set your mind to.

Rats! Klaus didn’t get to talk to her before Marcel cut her throat open. But there is still hope! Klaus tracks down the sister, Sophie, where she works at a bar called Rousseau’s. Unfortunately, Sophie is to scared to speak due to the night-walkers that are following Klaus. Damn it Marcel! You foil everything! Fed up, Klaus threatens the night-walkers and lavishly orders them some scotch and hands the bartender a $100 bill (which will be important later).

Meanwhile, Elijah vamps through an alleyway and demands that Sophie Deveraoux tell him what the hell is going on. Of course, he articulates this request in a more respectful and Elijah-like fashion. He also kills a couple night-walkers while doing it, but that’s neither here or there.

Marcel is throwing a rave in his house/mansion and Klaus crashes, giving off murderous glances while searching the wild party for Marcel. Marcel calms Klaus down and shows Klaus to a balcony overlooking the city. We quickly learn that Marcel is smart and calculating, could he be another Klaus?

“Mmmm, new blood.” Marcel, don’t do it.

“Bartender. Walking alone at night. She’s either brave or dumb.” Klaus don’t encourage him.

“Brave, I let her live, dumb, she’s dessert.” Marcel, don’t eat the nice bartender.

Marcel quickly vamps off to go flirt or drink the bartender from Rousseau’s, while Elijah vamps in to inform Klaus of what he has found out.

Elijah takes Klaus to a creepy cemetery where Sophie Deveraoux reveals she has been holding Hayley captive for leverage over Klaus.

But why would should I care? Wonders Klaus, looking back and forth between Hayley and Elijah.

Because she’s pregnant the and carrying your baby Klaus.

Well, shit.

DENIAL, DENIAL, DENIAL, DENIAL!

Sophie Deveraoux reveals her evil plan. Jane Anne sacrificed herself in order to confirm the pregnancy, because the witches need help taking Marcel down. They need big bad Klaus Mikaelson. What better way to achieve that then by linking Klaus’s baby mama to Sophie, so that if any harm comes to her, the same harm happens to Hayley and the baby.

DENIAL, DENIAL, DENIAL, DENIAL!

Elijah is rather disappointed in his brother’s behavior, and expresses this child to be their best chance. At happiness. At a home. At family. However, Klaus doesn’t feel the same.

Klaus crashes, once again, Marcel’s rave and picks a fight with him. Seriously guys, just put in on the table and measure already.

“Now look at you! Master of your domain, prince of the city.” Klaus, could you have made a more obvious set up towards Marcel’s big monologue?

“Hey man, I get it. 300 years ago you helped build a backwater penal colony into something. You started it, but then you left. Actually, you ran from it. I saw it through. Look around. Vampires rule this city now. We don’t have to live in the shadows like rats. The locals know their place, they look the other way. I got rid of the werewolves. I even found a way to shut down the witches. The blood never stops flowing, and the party never ends! You want to pass on through? You want to stay awhile? Great. What’s mine is yours, but it is mine. My home, my family, my rules.” By the way, throughout this episode, every time Marcel says “rules” take a shot.

“And if someone breaks those rules?”

“They die. Mercy is for the weak, you taught me that, too. And I’m not prince of the quarter, friend. I’M THE KING!”

Well that does it. Klaus inflicts his fatal werewolf bite on one of Marcel’s inner circle, Thierry, and makes his grand exit.

Next commences the wonderful New Orleans nightlife montage. As Klaus is enjoying the festivities, he spots the brave bartender, she’s looking at a painter while he’s painting, and he approaches her. Her name tag says Camille, but she rejects that name because of the notion that its made for a grandma. We can call her Cami.

“And what do you suppose his story is?” Ask’s Klaus.

“He’s… angry. Dark. Doesn’t feel safe, and doesn’t know what to do about it. He wishes he can control his demons, instead of having his demons control him. He’s lost. Alone.” Hmmm… does this painters emotional state remind you of anyone else?

Cami apologizes for being an overzealous psych major, but Klaus reassures her, and whooshes away.

Klaus and Elijah meet up and Klaus admits that he wants what Marcel has. But Klaus? What are you going to do about the baby sized elephant in the room? To which he concludes, “every king needs a heir.” Not the most heartwarming, but we’ll take it, and so will Elijah.

Klaus now has a plan being put into action. Klaus gives Marcel his blood, which will heal Thierry, in order to get close to Marcel again. And it works. Now that Klaus is feeling all powerful again, he gives the lovely Caroline Forbes a call. But of course she never calls back. Ouch.

Rebekah doesn’t want to go to New Orleans, despite Elijah’s protests. She’s still upset apparently. Also it looks like the end of Elijah and Katherine. So sad.

And that was the amazingly epic backdoor pilot of The Originals!

Onto Power Rankings! Who are the top 5 characters that “slayed” this episode?

#5 goes to… SUPERNATURAL BABY!

Your heart beats strong, young one.

#4 goes to… Sophie Deveraoux!

Getting Klaus and Elijah Mikaelson into an alliance is no easy task.

#3 goes to… Elijah Mikaelson!

Kicking butt and taking names.

#2 goes to… Marcel Gerard!

Smooth talking, karaoke singing, king of New Orleans.

#1 goes to… Klaus Mikaelson!

You glorious bastard and all of your dysfunction.

To the characters that didn’t make it on this list, maybe next time.

Do you agree with my power rankings? What was your favorite part? Enlighten me in the comments!

#backdoor pilot #the originals #recap #the originals recap #the originals tv show

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herheroics · 6 years

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this was supposed to be a reply for @timekeepxr in a meme, but I ended up playing sara and ava and it got long so it turned into a drabble instead. a drabbled based on this meme. Send ▲ to pull my muse into your muse’s lap! Send ▼ for my muse to sit in your muse’s lap of their own accord! and she sent the one for sara to sit on ava’s lap, so here it is.

one of the things the leggy blonde disliked most about her new job as the director of the time bureau was the paperwork, there was just so much more than what she had before, and, because of it, she wasn’t able to spend as much time with sara as she had liked ( which was ironic considering they were both in control of time itself so to speak ) but sara, oh the captain of her heart, had turned one quarter into a study nook with a bed for the blonde, so she had her own space on the ship, for her to keep her own bits and pieces, whether it be files or clothes, either way, she had her own space.

letting out a sigh, ava crossed one leg over the other, her jeans making a smoothing noise as they crossed, that was the other good thing about having her own quarters, she didn’t have to always wear her suit, she could change clothes whenever she wanted, that was where she found herself currently, jeans with an off the shoulder jumper on, in her quarters, it was nice and refreshing, but there was still one thing missing, or rather one person. hearing the door open, ava couldn’t help but smile to herself, of course, speak of the devil, why wasn’t she surprised?

sara didn’t speak, but instead, walked across the room until she came into the view of her girlfriend, placing herself on the lap she knew far too well. “you should have a break you know, you’ve been doing paperwork for hours.” sara remarked as she ran her fingers through loose blonde locks. letting out a sigh, ava placed her pen down and placed her head on sara’s shoulder as she wrapped her arms around the other’s waist “yeah I know..maybe I’ll go and get a snack or a drink or something..I just have to return to it though.”

smiling lightly, sara leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to the blonde’s head before sliding off of ava’s lap, taking the blonde’s hand with her “come on, I’ll have Gideon make you popcorn just the way you like it.” ava can’t help the chuckle that leaves her mouth, this was true, she had a soft spot for popcorn. with sara holding her hand, the captain lead the director in the direction of the kitchen, but ava kept her head down, leaning into sara’s side, needing the connection. her head soon shot up quickly when hearing one word come from the kitchen “Surprise!.”

looking up, ava caught all of the legends, except mick, with goofy smiles on their faces with party hats on their heads. upon further inspection, there was a congratulatory banner with balloons and other decorations along with food surrounding the kitchen. with her brow furrowing, ava looked at them then back at sara who held up her hands in defence. “hey, don’t look at me, I didn’t do this.”

it was then, that second captain, more so the captain of the kids spoke “sara had nothing to do with this it was something we.” amaya spoke as she indicated to herself and the rest of the legends “wanted to do for you.” nodding in agreement, zari let amaya speak before she chose to butt in “yes exactly, you’ve been there for us, even when we didn’t want you to be, and you also cleaned up after us, which also thanks for doing, but we wanted to do something nice for you.”

“when sara had told us that director bennett had died along with other time bureau agents and how you had watched them die, we didn’t know what to do, because yes we have lost a friend, a dear friend of whom we called family, but we aren’t you.” ray spoke, looking around at the legends before casting a dry smile in the directors direction. there was a brief pause for a moment as nate nodded his head, but then silence. amaya frowned at nate before nudging him “oh right that’s me! then sara told us that, because as the next highest ranking member of the time bureau, you are, now, by default, the director of the time bureau and we wanted to do something.”

“and there’s beer hot pants.”mick spoke with a nod, indicating his bottle in the blonde’s direction before tossing it back with a gruff. whilst processing what they were saying, she noticed amaya give sara two hats, what were they saying?

“What they’re trying to say Director Sharpe is that although it isn’t the most ideal promotion, they wanted to throw you a surprise party to say congratulations on the promotion, it it’s the events of the promotion you were wanting but you do work your butt off and did deserve it.” the AI finished up for the legends, taking pity on the taller blonde as she could see she was trying to process everything, being half tired from paperwork didn’t work either.

feeling something being placed on her head, ava chuckled as she felt sara place a party hat on her head, before placing it on her own. looking around at the team before her, ava smiled, a true smile only reserved for those that she cared about because, it was clear, they seemed to care about her. “I don’t know what to say, except thank you. the food looks amazing, thank you Gideon, and you guys did a great job on the decorations and Mick? I hope you’ve got more beer because be prepared to be drank under the table.” Mick grinned in Ava’s direction with a nod, he’d be losing that smile later tonight because she really would be drinking him under the table.

looking around at her girlfriend interacting with her family, sara smiled, this was the perfect time “Gideon, can you take a photo of us in our dorky hats please?” the blonde asked, gideon’s of course captain came quickly and the team got into position. sara on one side of ava, amaya came over to ava’s other side, quick to start talking animatedly with the taller blonde, soon followed by zari who came to amaya’s side as well, joining in on the talks as nate and ray made their way to sara’s side, where mick knelt down in front of the team with the honorary member with him, the beer. as she looked at her team, sara can’t help smile, she was glad they were getting along with ava, it was clear, once amaya and zari got over ava’s bitchiness, they did have a lot in common with her, ray was still somewhat scared of her but they did get along amazingly, she really was grateful for the family she had.

“okay, on the count of three, say legends. one, two, three.”

“Legends.” and with that, sara had the first photo of her big, dysfunctional family, one that she wouldn’t change for anything.

#legends of tomorrow #sara lance #ava sharpe #avalance #zari tomaz #amaya jiwe #nate heywood #ray palmer #mick #via writes #omg #longer than i expected #legends spoilers #spoilers

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anotherenglishstudent · 6 years

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April Round Up

“Her laughter sounded like April showers, like whispered secrets, like glass wind-chimes.”

This month has been a weird one. I came home from uni at the very start of the month and celebrated Easter with my family, then promptly organised a whole bunch of things to do to fill out my four (yes, four) weeks off. It’s been great; I saw friends, did a little overtime, got two essays done, visited my boyfriend, visited my sister’s uni, played some mini-golf. It’s been a really good month in terms of productivity and enjoyment, and my mental health is at a real high recently; I talked myself out of my stress by time-tabling things and realising just how much I can get done when I really concentrate, and since picking up running again I’ve found more energy and motivation to get on with a whole range of things. Now the end of the month has arrived, and all I’m doing is comparing the past with the future. I’ve had four great weeks, and now all I have to look forward to is three rubbish weeks of revision - which I’ve never been good at. I’m basically being a bit mopey, so before I get too down about it, I’m reminding myself of the small things: I’ll see my friends now I’ve returned to Leicester, I can blog, and go running, and share a slow morning with my housemates, and even slower evenings cooking with my boyfriend. This time of year always sucks for those still in education, but that doesn’t mean you’ve got nothing to look forward to.

April Successes…

Work. Not a change of job, but a change of focus at work has made me so much happier. It’s still not a thrilling job, but learning something new and mixing it up a little is really refreshing. Plus changing my shift means I get a bit more time to myself which is always a win.

Met my boyfriend’s family for the first time this month! Personally, wouldn’t have said I did amazingly - was very shy and quiet - but I am really happy that I did it. Was lovely to meet them, so counting it as a success.

Focused really hard on my uni assignments this month and have been ahead of things, meaning I’ve felt so much less stressed lately. That’s probably a combination of things, but definitely proud of myself for getting the work done and sticking to the schedule I set myself.

April Faves...

Book/s: Rochester, Selected Poems So April hasn’t really been a month for books. Everything I’ve been reading has been with the express purpose of preparing me for an exam. Hence my book choice this month. That being said, I don’t want you to dismiss this as a ‘too literary for me’ book or ‘another poetry book I won’t understand’. Granted, Rochester was writing in the 1600s meaning things aren’t always super easy to understand, but he is also surprisingly crude, lewd, and - dare I say it - funny. His poetry came as a shock to me when I first read it, but I fell in love. People from the seventeenth century talk about sex? Who knew. So even if you’re not gonna read all of his work, give him a google and see if you can relate to The Imperfect Enjoyment.

Music: Staying at Tamara’s, George Ezra I’ve got Rhi to thank for this one! She put one of his songs (‘Shotgun’) in our group chat and though I’m usually slow on the uptake when people tell me to listen to songs, she never lets me down. So I stuck it on, could tell instantly why she loved it, and then went ahead and listened to the rest of the album. And haven’t stopped since. It’s easy-listening, and optimistic, and I’ve had it on whilst I’ve been completing my assignments over easter. I’d especially recommend ‘Pretty Shining People’.

TV: Ordeal by Innocence This was a 3 part BBC adaptation of Agatha Christie’s novel of the same name. I hated it at first, I won’t lie. Each character is vile in their own way, and I saw no redeeming features in the Argyll family, but my parents were watching it and my boyfriend was messaging me about it as he watched it, so I figured I’d stick around so I’d have some idea about what was going on. Though I maintain that the family is...well, dysfunctional, to put it mildly, they were an intriguing lot and I soon found myself eager to watch the next episode. Short, snappy, full of plot twists, it ended up being a really interesting murder mystery. Though I hated every character, I needed to know who had done it, and by sticking around for that I got a flood of other information which actually made it enjoyable. So worth the watch.

May Plans...

Number 1 priority in May is also why I’ve been so quiet lately: university. It’s reached the end of the year which means assignments and exams. I’m not too stressed about things (impressive, for me), but it definitely needs to be my focus. I only have the one exam but I’d really like to be prepared for it since I never do very well at exams.

I want to set a schedule to this whole blog thing. Not sure how at the moment, but want to set something up so I have structure. Something to make it easier to keep things going even when I feel less inspired to write.

Picked up running again recently so this is more of a keeping it going than anything else. A minimum of once a week is the aim!

#blog #blogger #blog post #april #personal #life #rochester #poetry #george ezra #staying at tamara's #ordeal by innocence #agatha christie

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im-a-monster-fucking-princess · 6 years

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Four Weddings and a Funeral - Chapter 3: The Granger-McLaggen Wedding

Maybe I’ll hit 10,000 words for this - also maybe you’d like to read it @littlemulattokitten @ninjafairy86 @nerysdax @weirdhunterangel @hollowg1rl @riverwriter @viskers

Weddings are never about the bride and groom,

weddings are public platforms for dysfunctional families.

–Lisa Kleypas

One month later

Tom woke to an empty bed and lay there enjoying the sound of his housemates making breakfast and pottering about on the first Saturday in a while that they hadn't had a wedding to attend.

Eventually, he dragged himself from the bed and into the kitchen where Theo, Blaise and Astoria were sitting eating bacon sandwiches. He winked at Astoria when she passed him a fresh cup of tea, and absentmindedly flicked through the paper as his friends continued their conversations. It wasn't until he saw another wedding invitation out of the corner of his eye that he interrupted them.

"Fucking hell!" He muttered picking it up and sliding it open, "who is it this time?"

No-one spoke and when Tom saw the names on the envelope he understood why. He swallowed down the lump in his throat, gulped down his tea and nodded, to himself more than anyone.

"Right then. I've got to go meet Harry, suppose I might as well take this list with me and see if I can get anything from it" he joked, hoping his attitude would break the ice that had suddenly appeared between them, and stood from the table.

Hermione was jetlagged. And being dragged around London by her future mother in law was doing nothing to improve the mood she found herself in, especially since the woman wouldn't stop going on and on about trivial things regarding the wedding. Hermione honestly believed the woman believed it was her own wedding, rather than her sons.

When she saw that the woman was beginning to tire, she pounced and let her know that she was feeling tired too and couldn't help but smirk as the older woman drove off in a taxi and left Hermione too it.

Entering Harrods, and making her way straight to the wedding registry, to find out if anyone had more money than sense and had actually purchased anything Cormac had put on the 'bloody list' as she'd come to refer to it.

She stopped short though when she saw Tom poking about the various wedding gifts and couldn't resist sneaking up behind him and poking him.

"Hi"

He spun around so quickly, a furious look on his face, until he saw it was her.

"Why are you always appearing behind me?" He smirked. Hermione shrugged and avoided his gaze.

"Did you get anything?" His smile fell and Hermione instantly felt bad about bringing it up, "Not that you have to. God knows this isn't anything I want" she snorted, meeting his gaze.

He shook his head and Hermione knew he was thinking about leaving her to it.

"Do you have anywhere to be or can I steal you for a few hours?" He opened his mouth, then closed it and frowned before shaking his head.

"I'm supposed to meet Harry, but I can be late, it's fine."

Hermione grinned at him and dragged him away from the ridiculously overpriced crystal.

Tom had never been wedding dress shopping before – one would have to be getting married to even consider stepping into a dress shop, but he found himself enjoying himself as he watched Hermione try on dozens and dozens of dresses.

When she finally stepped out in what turned out to be the one, he felt his mouth go dry and his stomach roll, the intense feeling of jealousy bubbling up from deep within him. He grit his teeth and clenched his fists as he stood to meet her and stood with her at arm's length – any closer was asking for trouble.

"You look beautiful."

The smile she gave him momentarily detracted from the fact it wouldn't be him she'd be walking down the aisle towards.

Tom could see Harry across the street waiting for him and felt terrible. He skidded to a halt in front of him when he eventually managed to weave his way through the traffic, and narrowly avoided splashing him with puddle water.

"I'm sorry" he gasped out, leaning over in an attempt to catch his breath.

"It's fine-"

"It's not-"

"-Hermione text me" "- I should have. Wait what?"

Harry snorted at his best mate and turned into the tuxedo shop, holding the door open for Tom.

"Yes. Amazingly she knows how to use a phone. I didn't know you enjoyed wedding dress shopping Tom" he teased.

Tom blanched and frowned, "It's not like that."

Harry snorted, again, "She's getting married in two weeks. I bloody well hope it's not like that."

Two weeks later

Tom, Draco, Harry and Ginny had bundled up into Draco's range rover and let him drive them to Scotland for the wedding, Astoria, Blaise, Theo and Daphne in the other car.

Cormac McLaggen, it turned out had gone to Hogwarts with them all, and according to Harry had been a right git then and hadn't changed much. He'd even divulged that Hermione hadn't been impressed by him back then, Tom hadn't revealed his own bitter thoughts about how something had obviously changed for her to be marrying him now.

He was also apparently heir to some obnoxiously large Scottish estate; his Grandfather having built up their family estate to the point where they were practically Scotland's version of 'Royalty'. Tom liked to think he knew Hermione well enough to know she wasn't with the man for any of his supposed fancy titles.

He didn't go immediately up to his room when they eventually arrived, instead heading straight for the bar and purchasing the best bottle of scotch he could. He snorted when the bartender let him know that it was on the house since he was attending the wedding and apparently Cormac had insisted.

Theo, Draco and Harry all attempted to pull him away from the bar, but he dismissed them all and encouraged them to enjoy themselves – he didn't want to depress any of them with his sour mood.

He wasn't sure what time it was when Hermione joined him on the couch and poured herself a glass of scotch, only that he was now onto his second bottle of complimentary liquor.

"I don't want you to marry him" he murmured quietly into his glass. He could feel Hermione looking at him and let her pull him down until his head was resting in her lap, her hands smoothing over his hair.

She didn't say anything though and Tom closed his eyes and let her hands attempt to soothe him. Her voice startled him when she eventually spoke.

"I love him."

"I love you", Tom scoffed, his eyes opening in mild horror to find her own shocked ones peering down at him. He sat up and stood from the couch, immediately swaying and batting her hand away when she offered to help him. "I should get some sleep."

He could see her nodding from his periphery, since he didn't dare look at her - alcohol had utterly fucked him over.

"I can't believe you're wearing a kilt" Draco muttered, straightening his tie even though it was sitting perfectly – he only stopped when Astoria whacked him hard in the arm and Tom had to bite back a smirk.

“Why not? We're in Scotland, at a wedding, a kilt seemed like a perfectly decent piece of attire" Blaise huffed, "Theo said it looked good."

Tom had to stifle a snicker when Harry leaned over and reminded them all that Theo just wanted to continue getting laid on a regular basis.

They all stood when the procession music began, but Tom didn't look at Hermione. He kept his gaze firmly on the hair of the woman standing in front of him and bit his tongue when the minister asked if anyone had a reason they shouldn't be married. 'Yes' Tom wanted to shout out, consequences be damned, 'I'm in love with her'. But Hermione had made her choice and it wasn't him.

He pretended not to notice how Harry clutched his shoulder a little tighter in that moment, probably eternally grateful that one best friend hadn't ruined the other's wedding.

“Now don't get me wrong" Blaise said, as he poured a glass of champagne for his friends, "over the years I've been immensely proud of the fact that between the lot of us there's never been a wedding ring, but recently, it's become somewhat of a concern" he said sitting down beside Theo. "At some point I'd like to go to the wedding of someone I love."

Harry snorted and Tom rolled his eyes but Draco sighed dramatically and looked across the table to his friend, "Don't blame me. I've asked almost everyone if they wanted to marry me at some point."

Astoria drained her glass and smirked, "You've never asked me?"

Draco looked at her, startled, "Really? God Astoria I'm sorry" he drawled sarcastically, reaching a hand across the table to her, "Would you?"

"Not for all the Malfoy money in the world" she snorted, flicking his hand away.

"Hello Tom"

"Jesus Bella, you scared the heart out of me" Tom gasped, as he stepped away from the wall he'd been leaning against to see Bellatrix leaning against the doorframe beside it.

She merely giggled and Tom started to sweat, "You're cheerful."

Bellatrix shrugged, "It's a wedding. And I have a new boyfriend." Tom tried not to let the shock or the simultaneous relief he felt at her words show on his face.

"Oh?"

"Yeah" she replied, licking her lips and pointing over to the other side of the room where Rodulphus Lestrange was standing. Tom nodded.

"Good for you."

"Hmmmm. You look good. You should call me and we'll go for coffee sometime" she murmured, stepping up to him and fixing his tie – Tom gulped.

"You have a boyfriend" he pointedly reminded her.

"As a friend Tom. As a friend" she grinned.

"You really like her, don't you?" Ginny mumbled quietly from behind Tom as she watched him watch Hermione and Cormac's first dance.

Tom nodded and took a drink. "It's strange. It's finally happened and she's married someone else" he sighed, turning to look at Ginny when he felt her step back.

"What about you Gin? You followed Blaise's advice and found a future husband?"

Ginny snorted and lit a fag, ignoring Tom's pointed look, "no need. Been in love with the same bloke for ages."

Tom's eyebrows reached his hair, "Seriously?" He chuckled, "Who?"

Ginny laughed and took a long drag, "You Tom."

Tom couldn't say anything and followed her into the room she'd just moments ago exited, "It's always been you Tom. For years now" she smiled at him, blinking furiously to stop any tears from falling. She shook her head when he attempted to come closer, "It doesn't matter" she whispered.

Tom scoffed and pulled her into a fierce hug, "It's a terrible feeling Gin. I'm sorry."

She sobbed then pulled back from him, wiping her eyes, "Stop looking at me like that. I'm fine. I'll survive" she admonished.

Tom nodded mutely and let her lead him back to the party.

"You look terrible Blaise" Harry muttered, finally dragging himself away from Astoria's sister Daphne long enough to have a drink.

Blaise stood, swaying slightly as he did, "I feel it."

"Blaise?" Tom muttered, standing to help his friend in the same moment that he collapsed into the table and began convulsing.

"BLAISE!" Several shouts went up just as the bride and groom entered the room.

"Get a doctor" Theo shouted, forcing his way between the crowd that had gathered and kneeling beside his boyfriend, "Blaise he murmured quietly, holding the man's arms against his chest and tipping his head to the side so he didn't choke on his own vomit.

Tom wrapped his arm around Astoria as she stared, in abject horror at the convulsing body of one of her closest friends.

When he went still, the entire wedding party was surrounding him and the only noise that could be heard was Theo, sobbing his broken heart out.

[Ao3]

[FFN]

#tomione #tomioneday2017 #trhg #hermione x tom #hermione granger #tom riddle #chapter 3 #four weddings and a funeral #muggle au #hp

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