“Home Again”: Ben Hardy Imagine: PS Reader: Military Reader
Ben Hardy Imagine
Ben Hardy x Reader
Reader: PS Reader, Military Reader
(A/N: So this request is near and dear to my heart because my brother's in the army...and also currently deployed. So it's little ping in my dark little heart. Hope you enjoy!)
Imagine being on leave and surprising Ben...
The army was pretty much all you'd ever known.
Well, that's a lie.
It's what you'd known for quite some time but it was familiar to you anyway.
You had family who served and it seemed a natural fit for you.
You never realized how much you'd actually love it until you got into it.
You loved your country.
Regardless of who was
'running' it- you loved your country and the people in it.
And you loved being a soldier.
You'd served one term overseas and put more time in than you cared to admit on your home soil.
That's really how you met Ben.
Ben.
Just the thought of his name could make you sigh.
He was an actor- a damn good one- but more importantly he was the best person you knew.
And given your line of work- you'd met plenty of really good people.
But Ben- Ben was special.
You met during some down time for you.
Well, it was less down time and more just inactive.
You'd been back from your most recent deployment for about a year and a half and while your mother's construction business was good work- and you had a degree to get a job elsewhere....something just wasn't right.
And a buddy of yours knew this.
Suggested you run security for an upcoming movie his aunt was attatched to.
You landed the job easily and with good reason.
Your unit was fucking sharp and you kept a tight ship.
Security was an easy one for you.
Did people think you were a bitch at first?
Yes, of course, because you weren't there to make friends.
You were there to keep everyone safe.
There was a reason your unit called you Stonewall.
You had nerves of steel and didn't give a fuck about pleasantries when it was time to get down to business.
Did Joe Mazzello make it his personal mission to befriend you?
Of fucking course he did.
Why?
Because the film you ran security on was Bohemian Rhapsody and that lanky bastard followed you around as much as possible.
You'd handed his ass to him on more than one occasion.
And it was there that you met Ben.
Such a sweet guy.
All blond hair and lovely light eyes and those impossibly beautiful lips of his.
Damn him for being so attractive.
And he was fucking sweet too which made it all the more worse.
If he'd just been an asshole you could've brushed him off.
You tried to more than once actually and his face flushed and he just kind moved away.
You felt awful and tracked him down...in like two seconds, lol.
You apologized and the two of you pretty much because inseperable since.
You were so close because no one had ever understood your schedule more than him and the same applied for him.
You both had to be away for long periods with sometimes unreasonable hours.
It was crazy.
But you actually wanted to be together and that was what mattered.
For Ben....the hardest thing was your latest deployment.
He tried so hard to keep it together as you stood in that airport together.
The reality is...no one knows if your moments together will be your last but with military....
Well, it's just a lot more real.
He cried so hard.
You didn't want to leave him.
He apologized and you kissed him so hard his knees locked up on him and he nearly fell.
Leaving him to get on that plane was the hardest thing you'd ever done before.
It was harder than leaving your family the first time.
It was harder than being in Iraq on the phone with your brother as his wife had their first baby.
It was the worst.
But nothing, not all the bad feelings, could even come close to feeling of love and adoration you had for him now.
Now, you stood just out of sight as he sat in a chair facing an interviewer.
She was a nice, young lady who was a part of the plan and was so patient with the whole ordeal.
She asked a few questions before she brought up the subject of a girlfiend.
"So, I gotta ask about your girlfiend." she said. "We've seen pictures of your occasionally and you two are just so adorable!"
You could barely contain your smile as you watched him figit and the tips of his ears go red.
"Yes, she's amazing." he said. "Love of my life."
"And she's in the military right?" she asked.
"Yeah." he said. "One of the strongest people I know. I mean, I can't really talk about her job much you know. That's all private. You know how it is."
She nodded, "Of course. I hear that she's deployed right now. I'm sure that's tough. I know a lot of significant others of military members can sympathize."
"Yeah." he said running a hand over his face. "It's probably one of the most difficult things I've ever had to go through but I love her more than anything. And she's so strong and brave and - she's just so smart. I have no doubt in her ability to do anything. I mean, I worry, of course but she's honestly like a real life superhero."
"Oh! That's high praise coming from an Xmen!" she teased and he laughed warming your heart.
"I'll never live this down." he laughed and shook his head.
"Oh, not proud of your xmen days?" she asked.
"No, no." he said. "I am. And very grateful for the opportunity. I just don't want to be forever remembered as the shirtless guy."
She nodded, "Well, I have one last question for you and then I promise I'll let you be."
Ben just nodded.
"If your girlfriend were here right now, what would you say to her?" she asked.
Ben blowed a sigh from between his lips.
"Oh, man. I- well, I'd say a lot. I always do. Poor girl probably thinks I never shut up when we get those chats together. I'd tell her a I love her, I suppose. She knows that though. Actually, no- I'd tell her that I know she took my tshirt with her and that's she's a liar." he laughed.
"I damn well did not!" you defended and snatched the small curtain back before you could get ahold of yourself. "Joseph Mazzello took it for Cardy B!"
You watched as he tensed and then slowly turned around.
His eyes zoned in on you and you watched them water for a second.
"Babe?" he asked, softly.
"It was supposed to be more romantic than this." You offered with a small smile. "But you accused me of theft."
He bolted from the chair and snatched you into his arms.
He was already crying at this point and naturally- so were you.
That man had you fucking whipped sometimes.
The interviewer called for the cameras to be turned off to give you a bit of privacy and you sent her a thank you while she went to finish up in the other room.
" What? When? Why?" Ben rambled.
"When? I got off the plane this morning and drove straight here." You said. "And why? We're home baby. For a while. Possibly...for good."
He damn near crushed you in a hug.
And then he glared at you with a look that could've melted your soul.
"Why the hell didn't you tell me?" he pressed.
"To be fair, I wasn't able to say anything until I was back on home soil." you said with a shrug. "And seeing as how that was the case- I figured...I could do a little surprise. I knew you were working. I may have called your publicist."
He rolled his eyes.
"He helped me set everything up." you said. "Which reminds me, I need to take him out to lunch because he pulls off an unholy feat in like six hours. Where is he?"
You turned to leave but Ben trapped you in his arms with a laugh.
"Baby, I haven't seen you in eleven months. Do you honestly think I'll be releasing even one moment to anyone for like- at least a month?"
"Now, Benjamin." you scolded him.
"Whatever." he said pulling your lips to his. "I'll suffer the consequences, Captain."
"Drop and give me five." you teased.
"How about five orgasms, how about that?" he teased biting your ear.
"Ben!" you laughed as he wound you up in his arms again.
Whether you were New York or Japan or even France...home was in his arms.
And it was damn sure good to be home.
Heeeey, smoochies. Excuse me why I go cry and be emotional because personal reasons. Waaaaahhhh!!!!!
Hello darlings! Hope you enjoyed this little piece and have a wonderfully awesome day!
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Love, Kenny
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MY BTS WISH LIST FOR 2019
BTS achieved so much in 2017 and that much more in 2018, even achievements that ARMY didn’t think was even on the cards (UN Speech anyone?). So, with that in mind, the question begs itself: What can BTS and ARMY achieve in 2019?
This is my wish list but it isn’t necessarily what I hope they accomplish but also rather what I hope happens. Keep in mind, this is my opinion based on my experience and thoughts related to everything BTS. I have no doubt that some things you won’t agree with. Just know that nothing is meant with any ill-intentions. Anyway…
1. I wish that BTS achieves longevity with a Korean song on the Billboard charts. Whether or not it hits #1 is irrelevant to me. Top 10 is definitely possible but let’s be realistic here. Without the massive radio airplay that continues to elude them for various reasons, for the time being, #1 is not in the cards. But that’s okay.
2. This is partly tied to the first wish. I wish that Big Hit reads that US Music Market right for once, and BTS’ past achievements and realize that:
A – Hip Hop and Rap are killing it right now on the charts, and
B – To date, regardless of how high the single got, Mic Drop Remix, for all intents and purposes, is BTS’ biggest hit in the US. Yes, FAKE LOVE might have charted at #10 while Mic Drop mustered #28, but it stayed on the chart and on radio for a far shorter time than Mic Drop did.
This is not to say that Mic Drop is a better song (I love Fake Love), but as far as the US goes, it shows that they respond to the Hip-Hop side of BTS better. And isn’t it just lovely that Hip Hop is really where BTS is rooted at the end of the day? So it isn’t like they will be taken out of their comfort zone should they put out a more Hip Hop vibe of a song.
Hell, it doesn’t even have to be the title track of the album. Mic Drop wasn’t. But please Big Hit, if it’s air play BTS needs to go past that hurdle of free falling then produce a Hip Hop track. It’s not like it isn’t your niche genre anyway.
PS. Ddaeng would have KILLED!!!
3. I wish for ARMYs to realize that as far as collabs go, not all BTS members will be suited to a collab every time. We need to realize that even 7 people on a song is a lot. Add other artists to the mix and it becomes a situation of everyone competing for adequate time on a 4-minute song. And some solo enthusiasts already have a problem with line distributions with a purely BTS song. So, whether all 7 are on a song or, in the case of Waste It on Me, only 3/7, the fact remains that it is still BTS. And the song deserves ALL ARMYs’ support. The only excuse anyone should have to not support one of their collabs is if they just don’t like the song. Never should “But *insert Bangtan member name* isn’t in it” or “It isn’t OT7 so I won’t bother” be a reason. If it is, then those ‘ARMYs’ should look in the mirror when trying to place blame if the song doesn’t do well and re-evaluate whether they should even call themselves a BTS fan in the first place.
To me, calling oneself OT7 doesn’t mean we want everything BTS is involved in to be all of them and no one gets left behind. Realistically, that is impossible if you want them all to grow as artists. To me, OT7 means supporting ALL 7 in whatever they choose to do, whether it’s together or alone. It should not matter if it is a solo song or just a Rap Line or Vocal Line song or a collab just between Jungkook and Justin Bieber. Once a member of BTS is involved, we should pay as much love to the project as we would something that involves all of them.
PS. Ddaeng...a Rap Line song, would have KILLED!!!
PPS. The Truth Untold...a Vocal Line song, would have killed too.
Which brings me to my next wish…
4. I wish for BTS members to learn that they have so much potential to also shine by themselves on a project if they choose to. And no, this doesn’t mean I want them to go solo. Just typing that feels wrong. What I mean is that I wish for them to have the confidence to release more songs of their own. It can be a single song or cover on SoundCloud. It doesn’t have to be an album or a mixtape. It can even be a collaboration. Something, anything. Because I truly believe they ALL individually have the potential to make a mark on the US music scene.
5. Now this one will definitely be controversial but just know that it comes from a place with absolute love and longing. I wish that Big Hit focus more on developing those boys’ vocals more than they have done in the past. Hear me out! I love…LOVE…the vocal line’s voices. Jungkook’s voice remains one of my favourites in K-Pop. They are one of, if not the only group where the vocal line has such unique and different timbres from each other. But I feel like BH isn’t capitalizing on that uniqueness and helping the boys to harness their devastatingly full potential, especially with Taehyung and Jimin (and I am Jimin biased). It really gets to me sometimes. And it isn’t a situation of them needing much work either. Just a little more control.
Taehyung has a deep, jazzy, sultry, heart-breaking quality to his voice that I have not yet heard in any vocalist in K-Pop, showing that he is truly unique in that sense. Not to mention, he has one of the most insane vocal ranges as well. His voice to me might even be unique on this side of the world, a side that celebrates an artist with a unique tone. So who wouldn’t want to use THAT weapon of a voice. Come on, BH!
And Jimin…*sigh*…to say that his voice might be what one might hear as they enter heaven is not a stretch to the imagination. When I hear him sing, the first word that pops into my head is ‘angelic’. He too, like Tae, has such a unique voice. But sometimes I feel as if Jimin doesn’t truly know how to use what he has been blessed with. I feel it for him when his voice cracks or he goes off-pitch, especially knowing that he will beat himself up for it. But it shouldn’t be happening as often as it does. With his potential to hit the highest of high notes and with the sweetest of timbres, BH isn’t doing as much as they should with his vocal training. Again, come on BH!
6. I wish that BH will stop underestimating just how truly popular BTS is, and give them the concert venues that ARMYs know they can sell out. While there is a possibility of them doing stadiums alone next year during a trip back to the US, they should know that they could have done that this year and they would have gotten the same results. And don’t even start on Latin and South America. I am not from there but even I am rooting for them to get a leg next year, especially Brazil. Brazil…a country I hope BH realizes can definitely fill at least a 60,000 capacity stadium for BTS.
7. I wish for a nomination for BTS that is not socially or vote driven. Is it such a stretch to believe that they have done enough this year to warrant at least a Best Duo/Group nomination at the BBMAs next year? For the second year in a row, they have ended the year as the 2nd best Group according to Billboard. Doesn’t that deserve acknowledgment in the form of a nomination?
8. I wish, for once, that their own country’s media start actually acknowledging their achievements, stop downplaying them and realize that it isn’t easily achievable. Alas, I know if any, this is the wish that is a pipe dream because mediaplay is a thing.
Oh. And sometimes, a BTS achievement is just that...a BTS achievement. NOT an achievement for the whole K-Pop industry.
9. And finally (as long as I don’t think of any more), I simply wish for the boys to continue as they have so far, to be 7 truly beautiful human beings whose humility and respect always leave an impression on anyone they encounter.
A day or two off won’t hurt either.
So here’s wishing for an even more successful 2019 for everyone!
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Release the Outcome
Yesterday, I applied for a full-time job working for the library system of the city that I live in (my other job is one city over). I probably won’t hear back from them until after August 2nd, because that is when the posting comes down. This works perfectly for me, though, because I really do not want to leave my current position until the new people are more settled. It could be a long shot; I applied to library jobs in my city before and have never been selected for an interview. I also know that I limit my opportunities by only applying for jobs in one section (out of 6) of the city, but my only other economically reasonable option is also applying at the downtown branch and I cannot see my anxiety-ridden self making that drive daily.
My main goal right now is to just keep pursuing opportunities while remaining detached from the outcome. I am tentatively looking into more volunteer opportunities, but nothing is jumping out at me. Sometimes, I think about the types of volunteer positions that would look better on a resume, or help to give me “marketable skills or “build identity capital” but my boyfriend scolded me about that and encouraged me to just volunteer for whatever I care about, regardless of whether it will benefit me in the workplace. He is right. I have been so caught up in the hustle culture (albeit more focused on academics) that I have started to lose sight of what is important. We need to be able to strike a balance between working to survive and achieve things we genuinely want and being work-obsessed.
I realize that in my position, even as a neurodivergent and marginalized person, I hold incredible privilege. Friends and family have helped support me financially, and although it will be going away in a few years (or very soon, depending on my income), I receive assistance from the government in the form of my SSDI. It is both temporary and not nearly enough by itself to survive on in a city like this, but it provides something to fall back on, and has enabled me to work part-time while pursuing my education.
As far as education goes, I know that my original goal to complete my COREs (gaining my Associate in the Arts in the process) can still be completed next year, but I am going to just observe myself and how I am feeling. It is likely that I will be working full-time by then, and if that happens, goodbye SSDI. That is ultimately the goal—and there would be a way to restart benefits if I fell into a rough patch—but that would mean keeping a decent job would take even higher priority than before. I was a part-time—sometimes full-time—student before and a part-time worker, but then I would be a full-time worker and part-time student. My disability does not allow me to go to both work and attend school full-time; many healthy people can’t even manage that, and it is not recommended by instructors.
Ultimately, though, these plans are very tentative. I have really been reevaluating what I want and why I want it. I have always loved writing. To me, turning what I loved into a career seemed like a no-brainer, but now, I can see that I always hesitated. I took a detour and went to school for music instead of just getting an Associate in the Arts (with the goal of transferring to a university to get my BA in English). Do you know what studying music for four years did for my passion for learning about and creating music? It utterly killed it. I had all the knowledge, but now I had no drive to create. I am only now starting to record little demos and play with concepts over a year later.
I can see now that I have been afraid of getting similarly burned out on writing. Yes, there is some element of being afraid that I am not a good enough writer to make a career in editing, publishing, and writing. Those fears are rather faint and distant; I am mostly confident in my writing ability. What I am seeing now, is that we live in a society that encourages us to monetize our passions, and that might not be healthy. On Adventures in Roommating, Meghan Tonjes and Keith Battista talked about being careful about making the thing you love into the thing you depend on to survive. I used to be perplexed about my youngest sister’s decision not to pursue culinary arts as a career, even though she loved it so much, but I can see that maybe she had a lot more wisdom than I do. Maybe we should hold our passions a little more sacred to ourselves. Maybe 2+ years of reading boring 1800s literature and churning out essay after soulless essay for picky English teachers just so I can have an English degree is not what I need to be doing. It doesn’t mean that I’ve “given up on my dreams”. Capitalism will extract value from you in any way that it can, but you can say, “No, this is mine.”
So many amazing writers majored in things other than English. So many English majors started off in other fields. Po Bronson, author of What Should I Do with My Life?, was told by teachers that his writing was so poor that he would never succeed as a writer. His proficiencies were in math and science. My own English teacher— one of the best teachers I have ever had—started off as a pharmacy tech.
My “back-up” plan if I was not able to succeed in writing, editing, publishing, or journalism, was to go to school and get my Master’s in Library Science. Working in libraries is a happy medium for me. It is not my absolute favorite thing to do, but I like it enough that I would not mind working in or around libraries for the foreseeable future. Some people say that the library field is shrinking, but that is not the whole truth; libraries are evolving, and the people that work in them are needing to be more flexible and to have greater variety in their skillset. Being a school librarian also means being adept with media; a reference librarian might also assist with writing grants, ordering books, or budgeting. Jobs are largely becoming more automated, but people who work in libraries are often required to supervise these systems and make sure that everything is working smoothly.
Maybe that “back-up plan” would be a lot better as a “main plan.” There are plenty of library jobs that just require a Bachelor’s. There is great flexibility in what my Bachelor’s degree can be, so now I have to be like “what would complement my Master’s the most, but still be a ton of fun?” I might as well enjoy whatever I am studying, and to be honest, I do not always enjoy English classes. If you have a great teacher, the hard work always feels worthwhile, but a persnickety, nit-picking teacher can turn the experience into a living hell. I do not want to see my love for writing turn into hatred. Yes, it would be great to ��be a writer”, but I already am. I do not need a degree to confer that title on to me. I would also just love to explore writing conventions on my own, take independent classes, and continue blogging. I want to network with other writers and see if we can spark off some new ideas.
I could even just be undeclared for a while (AUDIBLE GASP) and just see what speaks to me. I could go to a smaller school that is closer to me. Once the time comes, I can move where I want to move without feeling under pressure to move closer to campus. I can take my sweet time with classes. In fact, if I get a good enough job, they may just pay for me to get my Master’s and that would be lovely.
You can have it all and still be miserable; I think we millennials, who are wrought with anxiety, student debt, and underemployment understand that more than others. We have been fed this lie about working hard and “making it”, and we are utterly disenchanted with the status quo. We are always questioning our identities. We ask ourselves “Is this it?” and we are always looking for meaning and purpose in our lives.
My 20s are almost at a close, so my “quarter-life crisis” is going to need to wrap up soon. If I learned anything from my 20s, it is that so much can change, and that a lot of the things you worry about now will be non-issues down the line. Relationships of all types come and go and people and situations evolve and shift. In fact, you probably experience the most changes in your life in your 20s, and you are laying the foundation for who you will be down the line. Your brain is not even fully developed out of adolescence until you are 25. So, while you are considered an adult in the eyes of the law, there is a reason why you still engaged in a lot of childish bullshit in your early twenties. Not to mention that if you have a mental illness or experienced trauma as a child, you can become “developmentally arrested” (I don’t have a good specific source on this one sorry, but look up “arrested development psychology” and there will be lots of interesting articles.).
Look, growing up, or as we say, “adulting”, is very difficult. As more of us are staying home and/or still financially dependent on our parents or other family members, it is hard to truly feel like we own our own lives. Ultimately, though, we never know how things will change. We just need to keep exploring new opportunities. Don Estell said, “If it doesn’t work, try something different.” It may feel like you have tried everything, but the only other alternative is to give up. Don’t do that. Don’t relentlessly pursue achievement at the expense of your mental health, but do not lose hope. Take a break, dust yourself off, then get back out there.
You will find a way, I promise.
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