#they better not hurt them

[saulwexler]

how to explain to non-americans that the better call saul ads aren’t exaggerated for comedic effect they are super normie

#better call saul #[name rhyme] did someone hurt you? I’ll kill them. I’ll make them suffer. i’ll burn the world down until we are the last 2 in it #local lawyer tag

[midnight-coffee94]

No single line has ever wrecked me as hard as this one from the Good Place and I think about it constantly

#the good place #i'm binge watching it again and it just takes me out so hard #i get lost in the sauce thinking about this quote #the idea that those who hurt you are capable of being better people and then seeing them change and grow just hits me right between the rib #who am i kidding it stabs me like the senators stabbed Caesar #anyway #icy does a tag ramble

[spiderversegf]

one important thing that Must be understood about interpersonal relationships is that you have to stop interacting with people who love you like they’re one slip-up away from leaving you. you have to trust that the ppl you love mean what they say. you have to believe that when they say “this hurt my feelings,” that they’re also saying, “can you please love me this other way next time?” and you have to wrap your head around the fact that even if you don’t understand Why someone loves you, you can accept that that they do. true, honest, & open love does not function like hp in a video game !!!!!!

#🍜 #wish i could remember this more. trying to rmr that when ppl are honest w ways they are hurt it’s bc they love me enough to be honest ab it #i am not perfect. but i can do my best to love people well and to apologize when i mess up #i do not have to punish myself! i can apologize and do better in the future #the love i feel increases when people tell me how to love them. the love i feel increases when people tell me how to love them. the love i- #sueñito tag

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[chloesimaginationthings]

The parallel between Cassidy's agony tears and Cassie's smudged makeup kills me, kills me dead. KILLS ME DEAD /pos

I’M SO GLAD someone picked up on that detail

#ask reply #you get it anon #you understand what I cook #I wanted them to really parallel each other so that was intentional #same hair ties too I sob #UGHH it hurts I’m in pain over my own art #please protect these gals at all costs #they deserved better the whole world even 💜💜

[inkskinned]

she says he won't let her get a dog, which is fine, because they're in an apartment, and that's the kind of thing people say about their partners. he won't let me get a dog. and you're at a dinner party and you tilt your head a little to the side just like that dog he won't let her get, because is this the thing that's going to upset you? you don't know every corner of their relationship, she could be joking, they could have had so many healthy conversations about the dog, right, and maybe she's not letting herself get the dog because of money and time and whatever. but, like, she did say let

and she wants to move away from his hometown and he wants to stay and then he tells you with a wink and a conspiratorial stage whisper don't worry i'll convince her and she laughs about it - so clearly this is something they laugh about. but you do just stand there and stare at him like what the fuck, man. you can't say what you want to say which is why do you get the final say on everything because they're both obviously aware of the other person's stance on this and have obviously had private conversations about it and what are you going to do about it except make a scene and then he'll be mad at you and call you one of those bitches behind your back and she'll cut you off, which is a loss that doesn't feel worth it just because he makes you a little skeeved out every 3rd comment

and they both agree he just isn't the type to get flowers which is fine because everyone shows love differently, and are you really gonna judge someone based on their sense of individual relationship responsibility? maybe he's constantly cleaning her car and writing her poems and making her furniture or something. maybe she doesn't even like flowers and this is perfect, actually. and no you couldn't date him, obviously, ew; but like, she tells you she's happy. you almost send her a tiktok that says don't be 25 and the cool girl that doesn't need anything, you'll hate not getting flowers at 30, but that's like, starting drama & you shouldn't start drama needlessly.

and you're a little older than her but not so much older you can pull the whole trust me on this one babe thing and besides that wouldn't have worked anyway (when does it ever) and besides you have trauma so you and your therapist both agree that you're always looking for a problem even when there isn't one. and you tell yourself that just because you see them for 15 minutes every month does not mean you can identify every single red flag based on a single shitty half-joking(?) comment

and besides, what are you going to do? she says i actually wanted another stand mixer but thankfully he stops me when i'm about to spend too much money and you're standing there like are you okay? is this normal? is this just something people say? and again - what are you going to do?

to your therapist you try to language it - it's not, like, any of my business. but sometimes, doesn't it feel like - you should do something. there's got to be something, right? you've tried dropping little hints but they sail right through and you've tried having a single serious conversation and she got upset because why does it matter to you, yes it's different but we're happy, it doesn't need to make sense to you and you're like. really unwilling to push a boundary about it anymore; because the truth is that you know logically it shouldn't matter to you, as long as both parties are happy.

and besides, you've been wrong before. it's just... like, every time you see them both, something else happens, some kind of shiver down your spine like do you even hear each other when you talk. it's their strange, bickering orbit. just the way he's on his phone through dinner or watching sports instead of helping in the kitchen or, fuck, another one of these little throwaway comments he makes about we'll see about that, babe. she laughs when he calls her passions stupid shit and meanwhile she gets him tickets to see the knicks and he tells you well at least she's smart about something and still! it's none of your business.

you say get the dog anyway and she laughs. like, this is is you being funny. and not you saying - no really. get the dog. get the dog and get out of here. pack up and start running.

#this btw is not including toxic friendships this is legit just something ive experienced MANY times now #writeblr #you ever have a friend in one of those relationships where ur like #u don't HATE their partner explicitly #but ur like. what the fuck y'all #like the weird part of being an adult is that you can't be like . CERTAIN their relationship is toxic #and also if u move too fast or push too hard u can hurt someone who is already in a scary situation so you just are like #frozen there. laughing awkwardly. saying ''haha..... yeah..... couldn't be me....'' #and like u can't tell - is this banter or does he actually think like. he's better than her. #all you can do is be there for your friend and hope they wake up to it #or ... that it really IS good #and it's just odd to you #tbh btw id rather have my friends feel safe coming to me if they have a concern about my relationship #like yes it's not ur business but it also IS bc im making u hang out with them and also ur my friend #it's a weird thing to experience as an adult bc it is such a blurry line and when u spend time #around couples that aren't like ACTUALLY ur friends but instead ''extended friend circle'' ur like #.... i don't know y'all well enough and he just called you a cow. and ur okay with that . and i don't know how to respond. #so ur like :) okay. um. go to couple's counselling i think #but also you are NOT supposed to pass judgement so it's like.... this weird limbo of feeling like you SHOULD say something #but knowing you CANNOT #idk that there's a way to resolve it!!!!!!!! it's probably a different approach person to person #edited my tags bc tumblr's new system fucked em up #PS EDIT: btw i should have said: #the pronouns in this can work in any and every direction. every gender and every sexuality and every #type of relationship tbh. even non-romantic relationships where ur like ''what do u mean ur bff calls u stupid''

[terristre]

wait no i wanna come back to ex-housewarden cater. i have new ideas

#i know these characters better now i can hurt them in better & funnier ways #hes like a sopping wet dog. to me #doodle tag #twst

[tubbytarchia]

Somewhere in the woods, a moth tires of seeking light

#gempearl #shinyduo #shiny duo #not meant to be shipping propaganda for the poll but I mean... feel free to take it as such!! #the solitary plants feel out of place and maybe the color gradients could be better but its fineeeeeee. Not my proudest background... #also haha get it. Moth tires of seeking light. There's light all around her but its symbolic you guys #vaguely inspired by an estonian song. Some of the lyrics: #Luck pat her little girl’s head and repeated that beautiful is everything that there is #The girl then smiled and that was enough for her heart to understand where the sun lay #one of my favorite songs ever. Very beautiful and Id love to make an animatic or smth for it but the lyrics get a bit too specific :( #Shame that its in estonian and probably offputting to a lot of people too but.... õnn ja arm by mari pokinen....... #hermitshipping #commission #centaur cuddles tee hee <3 #horses etc cant actually twist their bodies that much without it hurting them I think. But please suspend your disbelief for me pleasee #tubby art

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

i saw them in the cookbook pages and Immediately thought of this meme:

#barnaby: this is so nice. just me and my buddy whipping up a tasty treat #wally: *having six simultaneous crises* #anyway. huh? #this was a pain to scribble and i Dont Know Why #i had to redraw barnaby's face literally five times #but im trying to Expand my skillset by attempting more backgrounds #or background adjacent things... Props! #im very proud of the counter & flower vase off to the side! #and uh. Filters! those as well. i wanted to make this look somewhat like its aged... #scribble garnish #welcome home #welcome home puppet show #man. these two. squeezes them #halloween update made me love them all the more #name a better pair of best friendsssss you canttttttt #they are Top Tier and i hope they get torn apart one way or another #you see i live for the drama the pain the agony the devastation #i see my favorites and i want them to Hurt. #anyway thinking about them baking together melts my stony heart #theyre bonding 🥺 #oh man why is that emoji So Fucking Detailed on my laptop. its scaring me. kill it kill it kill it

[turtleblogatlast]

Mentioned this before but as much as I adore the medic Leo headcanon, my favorite type of it is when it’s basically just Leo knowing the most surface level of stuff and carrying around a super basic first-aid kit in his pack. So he knows how to use gauze, and he’s got a ton of Jupiter Jim branded bandaids, and if you really needed it then he can hit you up with some ibuprofen but other than that? Nothing.

But. I love the idea that that changes post-invasion.

They’re pretty sturdy, all of them, so they can take more than one beating and really only need a bandaid for the fun of it. But the invasion hit harder than ice packs and “lots of rest” would help with, and I can bet that a post being beaten to a pulp Leo would have a lot of time on his hands to reflect and, maybe, learn a thing or two as he waits to get better.

It’s nothing excessive, not at first, but he watches veterinary videos, and live surgeries, and other videos in that same realm (because the books are, uh, a bit too jargon-y for him) multiple times over. Just so he knows. Just in case he needs to know.

In his pack, there’s a first-aid kit. With the use of a mini portal for extra space, the kit has grown to include everything from scalpels to butterfly stitches to sutures to even fiberglass patches.

And obviously the Jupiter Jim brand bandaids stay too.

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt headcanons #medic leo #I especially like the idea that his want to learn more medical stuff is also pushed by him actually wanting to be a better hero too #like if they gotta rescue squishy humans then it’s probably good for them to know how to do basic care just in case! #Leo’s portals would come in clutch for easy access to necessary medical tools #I doubt Leo would be AMAZING at it especially not so young and inexperienced and without proper teaching #but idk I like the idea that the bro who wields the only weapon specially made for killing is the one who is the medic #it’s interesting to me! #and tbh I bet all the bros learn basic first aid too #April DEFINITELY knows it #splinter absolutely knows #but yeah I just really like the hc that Leo holds the bandaids and that’s about as much medical knowledge he’s got and LATER he learns more #like the idea that little Leo desperate to figure out how to contribute wanted to be a medic but then he came to the realization #that he and his family were all WAY TOO STURDY and never really got hurt 💀 #most of the time his bandaids went to Mikey who wasn’t ever hurt he just likes colorful stickers and at that point that’s all bandaids were

[raepliica]

protecting each other

#trigun #cw blood #nicholas d. wolfwood #vash the stampede #vashwood #my art #hurt/comfort #i needed to draw them covered in blood #nothing more romantic than going ape shit when your buddy is injured<3 #and then lovingly tending to his wounds and staying by his side to comfort him<3<3 #they both would blame themselves sm for letting the other be wounded #ww wouldnt try to argue with vash that its no use for him to feel guilty and would just be there until his mood is better #while vash would try to understate his pain to try and reassure ww but he would totally see through his bs #THEY NEED TO COMMUNICATE PROPERLY IT MAKES ME GO CRAZY #vashwood nose nuzzle heals my soul #raepliica_art

[anna-scribbles]

“He was— He was my ‘buttercup’,” she sobbed out, and his hand gripped her far shoulder, “And I— I never even— I never got to tell him how much he m-meant to me— not even th-the stupid sun thing—”

“Oh… Marinette…” he whispered, his nose brushing against her hair, “The sun thing wasn’t stupid.”

this scene from chapter 6 of drowning (in plain sight) by @buggachat has PLAGUED me since i read it i am deeply unwell

#my art #ml #ml fic rec #miraculous ladybug #ladynoir #ladybug #chat noir #is it monday yet. is it monday yet. #ugh this fic makes me SICK #it hurts so much i’m sooo unwell #buggachat just. creates scenarios which wrench all my guts in such a specific way #thank you for your service queen. i’m doing so bad #would really really really like for things to get better soon #or keep making them suffer. i will absolutely be reading either way #also i colored this in sort of a different way than usual and it was fun #okay goodnight.

[teaboot]

(I'm a security guard.)

#There is an overwhelming number of traumatized people who work in security #So many of us have histories of abuse #Or other things #And I wonder so often #I'm good at my job #But am I attracted to power? #I like helping people #I don't like hurting people #Or picking on anyone #But it's hard to know what the right answers are sometimes #Part of my job is working with police #Even if I disagree with them #I tell myself it's better that I'm the guard here #And not someone malicious #Or cruel #But how much am I really changing? #And am I using my power correctly #Or will I become the unreasonable authority that made me the scared person I am #Is it already too late? #What if the calls I'm unsure of are the warning signs #Maybe I'm already too late #Maybe my sense of morality and justice is eroding #To fit the hole I've placed myself in #Maybe I'm not chipping at the walls fast enough #Maybe I'm being reshaped #Just being here #Maybe my conflict of conscience is the internal monologue of a sympathetic villain #Maybe I'm the bad guy

[sysig]

Chewtoy (Patreon)

#Doodles #Handplates #UT #Fellplates #Gaster #Papyrus #Sans #Squeeze him - he makes a squeaky toy noise #Everyone needs to bite Gaster! He doesn't yield like flesh so it probably doesn't even hurt right? Yeahhhh he'll be fiiiine #There is something very funny to me about him just sitting there and taking it tho lol - feeds into his martyr play ♪ #As if I don't already have a favourite martyr hmmm don't worry about it lol #What was he even doing why is he just letting 2-P bite him lol #Socialization? That's not a good thing to just let him do! He's still got a young mind! Boundaries are important #He does offer a way out - hehe ♫ - but he doesn't enforce it! You're setting them up for failure #Hehehehe #The bone gift was fun to doodle hehe ♪ He leaves it with him and it goes completely untouched while his arm is covered in teeth-marks pfft #Even with Papyrus a bit more unruly I still like to imagine he acts mean in largely harmless ways haha #Like yeah he's being naughty and biting when he knows better and offered other options - Gaster. Gentle enforcement - but he's not Hurting #He's not using his entire bite force - probably lol or he's just got weak little baby bites (though those can be quite painful!) #Sans on the other hand would absolutely go 100% full power - and still only do 1HP lol what an unfortunate design quirk for him #If only he had a jaw he could open! He'd bite the heck outta Gaster! Alas #I do like to imagine Fellplates!Sans has just fast-tracked to classic's conclusion of ''You suck and I hate you. Die'' about Gaster lol #Even the possibility of not being mean to him is so alien! What do you /mean/ not hurt you?? Do you know who you're talking to?? #He'll find another way to mess with him in good time haha

[burrowingdweller]

Gaster's blasters progress 2020->2023 🤭

#i love gaster's blasters i should draw them more #also i like the fact that I'm like eh meh it's gonna be a simple sketch well a bit of lighting won't hurt... here #and than like i compare it to older one and wtf #like yeah maybe just maybe i am much better in sketching now #sans #human!sans #undertale

[carlyraejepsans]

i unironically block and avoid anyone who interacts with callout posts btw. unless the post contains information about genuine real harm to real people in unequivocal terms, with solid proof and context that cannot be chalked up to misrepresented friendship drama, i go scorched earth on the notes. the amount of potential harassment and harm they can and HAVE caused in the past, especially to minority groups, trans women in particular, is beyond anything that can ever justify their existence. they're a petty, childish—frequently wrong!—thoughtless and cruel way to "spread awareness". grow up.

#so yeah. 99.9% of the time if someone finds out i randomly blocked them it's because of this #every. single. time. i was ever pushed to the point of publically and openly calling out someone's behavior i ended up regretting it #even as i remained 100% in the right. because despite the other person's actions being wrong i found context to their behavior #either because they were hurt before or they had been stalked or they were much younger than i had anticipated #and the issue could've been resolved a hundred times better if we had just dealt with it in private. eye to eye. without making a spectacle #and without causing unnecessary harm and stress to each other