#they almost died so many times

[tricos-here]

I'm normal about her I promise (lie)

#half of these are like months old but we're not going to talk about that <3 #gw2 #guild wars 2 #almost died so many times trying to get reference screenshots of the balthazar priests #but also bless korn for the concept art pics 🙏 #ok bye <should've been in bed forever ago #nikita adeoye #my art

[lolottes]

Danny walked the streets of Gotham

he was hungry.

His steps were slow and I was still in pain, but under his abdominal bandages his wounds were much better.

but he was hungry.

he did not know since when he was in town.

he was hungry.

He didn't know what time it was, but an alarm sounded.

He was hungry.

but it wasn't the noise that woke him up, no, there was… a smell? no, it wasn't caught by his nose, but it made him salivate.

he was hungry.

His gums itched while his teeth took on a ghostly shape despite his human body.

he was hungry.

The smell, for lack of a better term, led him to the center of noise and bright light.

he was hungry.

as he mingled with a tense crowd he began to "see" his target even with his eyes closed. good thing because he was hungry. and his eyes must have glowed in response behind his eyelids.

he was so hungry.

the crowd seemed more than willing to let him pass as he approached his target's voice, it was so loud, it must have been speaking into a megaphone or microphone.

he was hungry, but not for long…

jokers: hoooo, we have a brave volunteer~

His food came down from its perch, probably the roof of a car. it was moving towards him, holding something out with confidence

jokers handing a microphone to Danny: a few words from our volunteer?

Danny: …I'm hungry…

His food seemed destabilized, but he continued to move closer, finally opening his eyes, seeing the reflection of their light in those of his food who had a little reflex of unnecessary recoil. One last big step and he was almost chest to chest.

The crowd didn't really know what they were looking at, the child stretched out his arm towards the jokers chest then when he pulled him back with some gently luminous light in his hands, the jokers collapsed to the ground like a puppet whose string have been cut off. Even before the jokers had finished falling, the child put the light in his mouth and a cracking sound echoed through the shocking crowd.

Danny sighed in relief, not satisfaction because it was one of the worst things he had ever eaten. But he feels SO MUCH BETTER now!

he wasn't hungry anymore

… For now

#dpxdc #dcxdp #dc x dp #dp x dc #dp x dc crossover #dc x dp crossover #danny fenton #joker #ghost/ecto hunger #hurt danny #feral danny #survival instinct #Danny in need of ecto: healing burns his reserves much faster than he can produce them on his own and he has not finished healing #brain fog because of starvation and pain #jokers is getting too close from where danny was resting #the jokers died and came back so many times that he had a core / proto core #danny crunched him in a daze #an altered state of thought #technically the jokers is not dead his body is (almost) in perfect condition #danny did this in front of witnesses but he citizens have no idea what was happening #the thugs saw the child have dazzling eyes then bite something with non-human teeth weird then the light in his eyes went #yes danny could have attacked jason if he had entered danny's sphere of perception #even if jason would have immediately moved away rather than approaching with confidence like the joker in front of this child with a strang #for the moment Danny has eaten enough in any case #he is going to return to his hiding place to “hybernate” and heal #danny is still not fully awake he is acting like a sleepwalker #my #prompt #my prompts

[solradguy]

I'm so grateful that the only GG fans that care about the light novels are the ones that can be normal about things because Lightning the Argent goes from the rawest scenes of carnage imaginable to Ky Kiske doing something mildly religious like offering a short, silent, prayer for someone that got mangled to death by WMD dragons, and I just know that, in the wrong hands, those brief religious moments would generate the most annoying goddamn memes you could ever imagine

#textpost #I have a mountain of beef with catholicism specifically and am negative percent religious #But the punchline to so many Ky jokes is just “ha ha catholic” like come onnnnn get creative #Religion on its own isn't bad. Look instead at how an individual interacts with it and judge from there #Untapped potential in how Ky's consistently depicted praying to Mary/an unspecified female saint for example #Actually... How come I've never seen anyone analyze that aspect of his belief? #His parents died when he was pretty young (iirc) so their influence couldn't've been too much of a contributing factor in that #Maybe he was closer to his mom in the brief time he had with his parent(s)? #Almost all of the Holy Order knights/members they've ever shown have been male too #So I wonder if maybe it's more like the calm/uncombative protective presence of a sacred woman is comforting to him? #It's definitely a stark contrast to the types of things he's generally exposed to in his daily life in any case #Another interesting contrast is how much Sol DOESN'T like religion #He's got some sarcastic lines about God and stuff even pre-Gearification. Wonder what the story with that is... #Anyway Ky only expressing his religion in private moments is interesting to me too #I can't think of an instance where he ever forced it on someone else or tried to explain something as happening just because God willed it #He's smart and logical and yet he still has this spiritual component... #Man is his character is complex. Studying this blond kid under a microscope...

[blondephenobarbitol]

I don't know if I should drop the context for this or if it's better without

#but team starkid has almost died so many times that now there's a LOT of potential for memes like this #like the fact that Hatchetfield got to exist is because Jeff Blim wrote a play about Jack Bauer in less than 24 hours #starkid #team starkid #mamd #me and my dick #butterfly effect #domino effect #joey richter

[watchersfavorite]

“Arthur lester would be an avatar of the eye” no. Look at me. This guy is so marked by the Desolation it’s not even funny

#malevolent podcast #malevolent #arthur lester #tma #im also accepting the end just bc hes so surrounded by death and has almost died so many times

[esleep]

the whole "cats choose their owners" thing is really funny to me because ivy very much did NOT choose me. she was a slightly dim-witted and very rambunctious feral kitten, and that combination led to her getting herself stuck inside an old chipmunk nest halfway down the steep bank of the creek by my parents' house. from there she proceeded to scream her head off until both my mom and i came out to see what on earth was making all that racket, then we excavated her out of that hole like a sad little potato. she was grateful for the rescue, but definitely NOT grateful for the ensuing flea baths and conversion to indoor cat life at my apartment, which she reminds me of regularly. ivy i'm sorry for saving you from an early death due to predation/disease/cars, but can you stop biting me every day of my life please

#even every other day would be an improvement. #i do in fact take her out for leashed walks regularly when the weather is tolerable but it hasn't been possible for months and she's FED UP #however. i say all this but she routinely climbs into my lap for naps & greets me at the door purring & headbutting every time i come home #so clearly she's not that unhappy. her tolerance for regular cat-owner shenanigans however is essentially non-existent. #after 6 years though i can read her like a book. i know exactly how many head smooches i can get in before she gets too annoyed #and exactly how long she wants to be held when i come home before she wants to be put down #and exactly what she means when she 'gently' chews on my ankles ('play with me now or i'll bite harder') #but strangers on the other hand? guests in my home? my beloved human friends? they do not speak her language. #and the margin for error with her is razor thin. if you don't listen immediately when she says 'stop touching me' she will go from lovey #to SCRATCHING YOU BITING YOU HISSING HISSING HISSING almost immediately. #i have tried everything to convince her that's unnecessary but i think she is just SO sensitive she can't handle it #but i still love her so much. i understand her and she understands me. idk WHAT i'm gonna do when she eventually dies i'm gonna be a wreck. #in a lot of ways we are SUPER similar. i also lash out when i'm overstimulated & i also have a much lower threshold for that #than most people. #i get it.

[designernishiki]

just a thought but like. if akiyama, who’s established as being a bizarrely talented investigator in y5, suspected kiryu’s death to have been faked (or at least “fishy” in his own words) basically on the fucking Spot, i feel like it just makes sense that majima would’ve been just as quick, if not quicker to see where shit wasn’t adding up and become skeptical that the whole thing was a coverup. reason being, in y5 he put shit together and figured out the grand scheme going on so damn early most people didn’t even suspect yet that there was any scheme going on. he then faked his own death well enough to get it in the papers and had masterminded himself all the way to the final boss (with some help of course) before things backfired on him. so he’s got some crazy good skills when it comes to reading people, figuring out their intentions, putting puzzle pieces together, etc– way better than he wants people knowing, generally– and he knows the hallmark signs of a faked death because he’s literally done it before. all that on top of knowing kiryu like the back of his hand and knowing damn well how hard this man is to kill, and how prone to running away from shit for the sake of the safety of people he cares about (for better or for worse) he is. he could absolutely put together that, if given the opportunity by some faction or powerful individual, kiryu would sacrifice his identity and status as a legit living person for the assured safety of others, or for yakuza tensions to diminish, or maybe even as an act of self-flagellation.

tldr: I think the reasons majima didn’t go rogue/apeshit after kiryu’s alleged death are that A) for once he has saejima around to reign him in and make it feel less like Everything has been lost, B) I think he’s legitimately known pretty much all along that kiryu didn’t die that day; nor would he believe it unless he saw it with his own eye.

#however. I also think it would clash with his tendency to be way more cynical and nihilistic than his persona makes him seem #like I do think he’d be pretty fucking sure in his gut And with his logic that kiryu wasn’t dead #but there’d be a pesky depressive part of him that’d scold him for being too idealistic or hopeful in a world that’s so fond of #torturing him. he doesn’t think himself Lucky to say the least. but if he held out hope for saejima while he was on death row for literally #years and saejima did make it back to him in one piece eventually– he’d have some ammo to reason with himself if that makes sense #that + I feel like saejima upon hearing him spiral into supposedly ‘realistic’ nihilism would Strongly reassure him #via reminding him that HE made it back to majima in the end. and that saejima himself knows from experience what a faked death feels like #and how holding onto hope Can in fact be fruitful in the end. overall a bad time for majima after kiryu’s fake death obviously but #he’d be surprisingly stable with all that going for him. makes me think he and saejima would really be the ones keeping daigo from falling #apart. considering he doesn’t have basis for the kind of hope they’re capable of having. almost everyone important to daigo dies eventually #his dad. mine right in front of him. now kiryu. boy must have abandonment issues off the damn charts. #I also like to think he hung around shinada a bit after that incident to just have Something good and pure in his life occasionally. but #he’d be cautious and occasional about it out of fear that he’d ruin shinada’s life or cause him trouble #anyway. many thoughts about all this. they didn’t dive nearly enough into the old guard characters’ reactions to kiryu’s ‘death’ so. yeah #rambling #y6 #majima #kazumaji

[marcobodtlives]

“Distress.” Attack on Titan, OVA #3

#I was gonna title this ‘remember that time Jean almost died’ #then I realised that just… the entire show #is Jean (and everyone else) almost dying #too many applicable moments #so I narrowed it down 😅 #yes I am quite certainly DISTRESSED #feel free to reblog! #tw guns #tw violence #my gifs #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #jean kirschtein #or if you wanna be funky: #jean kirstein

[hexenjagd]

𝟐-𝟓 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐍 𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐈𝐋𝐘 𝐁𝐄 𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐅𝐈𝐄𝐃 𝐁𝐘

𝐂𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐒 - —001. Ash gray-- the remains of a bonfire the hint of divination, made from wood or bone. —002. Black-- like the open night skies or the ink marked upon her skin or used to sketch and composes spells and recipes on parchment. —003. Silver-- many things. The kiss of first frost, the light of phantasmal candle trees, the pale flicker of ghostflame, or the glint her silvern gaze. —004. Sage green-- the expanse of wild foliage that dot the lands between. —005. Wedgewood-blue (or gray-blue if you will)-- the likeness of hazy winter skies, medicinal powders and glint stones.

𝐒𝐂𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐒 - —001. Wild flowers, freshly harvested or long dried. —002. The thickness of wood smoke of a lit fire, or the churning of ash--concoctions in the night hours. —003. The heady scent of mossy soil, earthy and wooden, an inkling of death. —004. Dried herbs by the fire side. Warming, earthy.

𝐅𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐎𝐍 - —001. The prisoners garb; aged, formally tattered and mended time and again. Now purged of filth, the age still shows. With a careful hand she carefully readjusted it to sit appropriately at her shoulders and waist. —002. Loosely fitted tunics that hang wide at the throat or tied tight to the neck that clings limply to her frame, lightly tucked into breeches. —003. Tarnished armor, the silvery gleam stained with age, forgotten with time-- the metal cut specific to her shape. —004. Layered hooded cloak, with tufts of feather plumage sat about the shoulders, partially worn with time-- stark black in color and embroidered on the interior hem with pale thread. Along the interior hem, careful and meticulous design of hidden spell work; a phrase that cannot be deciphered. It is a rather weighty garment that can conceal armor if she saw fit. —005. Ornamental silken robes that hold close to the shape and curve, off-cream in color and singed, bedecked in symbols and meanings that hold no place in the lands between.

𝐎𝐁𝐉𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐒 - —001. A modest hand sickle: used to collect herbs and tinder —002. A round: flat type of winnowing basket; weaved from various plant fibers. A multitude of uses. —003. Bone char: constructed from personal recipe formed through the years that she makes active use of with every harvest. —004. Ornate lantern: pale-silvery hand-lantern. A lantern of fantastical design that she snatched from a stray noble encampment. —005. Hair braid rope: a lengthy cord of woven hair rich black in color and quite durable-- the use is unclear.

𝐁𝐎𝐃𝐘 𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐔𝐀𝐆𝐄 - —001. A slow cant of the head; an act of inquiry or preformed out of amusement. —002. An extended arm and open hand, palm offered to those willing to reach back or when she is beckoning. —003. Shoulders hung lax, head raised and arms part as if in calling. Offering her embrace; a promise of rest. —004. A narrowed gaze, the faintest crease in her brow, a stare unbroken-- if a gaze could cut it would. —005. A smile settled upon lush lips that conveys a deep warmth, a gentleness unexpected of her by those who may not know.

𝐀𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐒 - —001. The space between the sacred and the profane; of knowledge and blindness, the line between heretical and divine; and to be idolized and damned. A body as sacrificial altar, vessel of worship, and final resting place. —002. A many headed beast in human shape; the siren-- the hunter--the serpent-- the wanderer-- the witch-- the heretic-- the healer-- the beast. To be as legend of many names, faces, and alleged forms but for very few to ever know a true face and name. To harm; to heal. The uttering of many voices converged into one. —003. Death and resurrection as rebirth, a cycle. To not die when one should have. A vacant space between life and death. —004. The vastness of long abandoned battle fields, over grown with lush flowers tangled through the remains. A place no longer occupied by the struggles of long-gone soldiers who come to rest within her embrace. A place that is little more than a silent graveyard. She wanders these lands, eternal and inevitable. —005. Bejeweled dead, the weighing of the heart, sun bleached bones, tufts of feathers, flowers and singed herbs bound in cloth, cremation pyres, wrapped urns coveted close-- funerary rite and ceremonies from a bygone era. Something old, something ancient, something forgotten. A cacophony of unquiet spirits follow close.

SONGS- —001. Do You Believe In Witchcraft? - The Green Knight OST —002. The Witch's Garden (prelude) - Abandoned toys —003. A Fairytale About Slavery - Miranda Sex Garden —004. Andras Sodom - Lustmord —005. Alfadhirhaiti - Heilung

Tagged by: No one, this time. Just moving it over from the old blog Tagging: @necrophcge @izar-tarazed @renatvvs (Cillian) @illholy @rotten-pest @creatrix-mea (athena) @luckyberet @sihilkaah @wolfbrawn and @prismaiden @casketdweller @wolfofwinchester @knife-edged-dreams @sunpraised @goldenfists @spellbladerogier @miserycorde @bcwblade @despairforme @fulgurantfirstborn @oathloathed and anyone else who would like to.

#Merriment and maybe misery || prompts & memes; #Alot of fun much to consider #I focused on people I know haven't been tagged to do this yet since moving it over-- if I tagged you before though I am sorry #In many ways she is supposed to reflect and give off a few different things; a funerary rite; a forgotten pantheon; a Odin-Hekate figure #The encroaching end or the one you meet in between and one that she may not be aware of to the fullest extent #Someone you may ask; 'who are you?' To which she'll answer; 'No one of consequence.' Because that line between then and now is vast #What she is; what she was; all that she will ever be will be confined in that moment despite her nature #Part of that is because she isn't supposed to be something grasped in full in every way because of a disconnect #she stands between the distant past and the current; between worlds and the transitional eras of the lands that call to her and reject her #as not everything is supposed to be 1000% understood this time; but it's also not supposed to be so unclear you're left with nothing at all #An old story can have many paths; many retellings and many branching endings or even new beginnings-- all hardly or half remembered #A purged era in many ways; forgotten heroes; villains; and gods #And she remembers what she can-- maybe not as much as those who have come before but much died with her #In many ways very few will ever see her beyond the frame and what that means varies between those who have that opportunity #No matter where they stand #hence the overall vibe of things I have picked and the running themes and what they mean for a story I know thoroughly #oh look a tag essay-- that I myself moved over because apparently I couldn't create a post; yeah it's somethin #also I added the SONGS section so... if you wanna do it then do it #facts; i almost gave her a tibia mariner horn-- I may still do that if I can make sense of the why #in anycase... we have fun here

[headphonemouse]

Ch. 427

Shin Yoosung pulling out premature grey hair on my head tackled the boy immediately.

I can't believe I forgot about kdj's premature grey hairs. Post epilogue dokjoong bald4bald

#leon rereads orv #orv spoilers #did he always have the grey hairs or was that the result of. of you know. i dont think i can even list it all #the last time he died was when he went to the demon realm soooo hes gotten electrocuted a couple times‚ fought several hard battles #almost died many times‚ uhh most recently there was the bfndnsnx #i was gonna say the battle with the apocalypse dragon and defending against its tail flick but like thats not even the most recent thing #the most recent thing was being bullied by the outer gods in N'Gai's Forest #which was more stressful enduring the torment of outer gods or being surrounded by small yjhs because only one of those things made #him pass out #do you think subconsiously he felt it was safe to pass out in front of the kkomas because theyre all yjh? because on several occasions he's #struggled really hard and succeeded in not losing consciousness because he felt he was in great danger #like he sorta knew he got kidnapped by the number 1 outer god but in that situation since cjsjfndmw #what am i saying #'he recognized yjh so he felt safe to let the shock of the situation take away his consciousness' how can you be comfortable enough #to pass out #makes no sense #still though...

[lottieurl]

sic transit gloria mundi / burial

#i have SERIOUS thoughts on this but also. a little funny ok tai just finally manages to adjust her view of van #and sort of sway in her own beliefs #and van is like so anyway. atheism 2! gif #anyways. #SOMETHING was out there with us vs i just figured it meant SOMETHING #the juxtaposition of her talking about something supernatural vs her own purpose as a person #and how thats THE SAME FUCKING THING #grasping at something to believe in. a higher power that can save them. save her #losing it because its all just too much. losing it as an adult with a scary diagnosis #her reaction to lottie in modern timeline to me RIGHT NOW feels like. being terrified of hope #i almost died so many times i almost stopped believing i even can die and i put all my faith in you #and now my own body turned malignant and i need to be cynical i need to be REALISTIC #because to hope and to have faith can bring such a crashing disappointment #idk what im saying anymore its 3am anyways . van . vantai also. if you even care #yellowjackets blogging #van #van x taissa

[snixx]

the 39 clues girlies are having a field day in the notes of a post I made months ago and all I can do is gaze upon them fondly as I remember the most passionate late lover of my life

#they want to revive the fandom 🥹 #oh the stories i could tell #jesus my t39c hyperfixation was definitely a Time. i don't think I've had a more intense hyperfixation ever #i can STILL name all the clues off the top of my head. five years later #i feel like a grandma #i don't get as sad over it or as excited every time i see a sign of someone wanting to revive the fandom as i used to but #your first love never dies and all #throwback to that time i tried to organise an internet clue hunt!!! we should totally do that on tumblr it could be so fun #i had so many ideas damn #the 39 clues #girlblogging.pdf #holy shit wait it's more like 7 years now. not five #broooooo #almost 8 tbh #i miss the site i miss the ffn forums i miss the books being in stores... #i miss the gc that made me get a tumblr in the firstplace #oof #i do not play about this series when i say i am INSUFFERABLE about it #i literally used to think about it 24/7 for years not exaggerating #i had to relate everything to it i still do #i was fully convinced i was an undercover lucian agent #who am I kidding i still do #i don't have one notebook without all the clues listed in them from some time i was bored in class

[derpinette]

i hated airpods & phones with those big fugly cameras in the back when they were announced as a concept & i hate them even more each time i see that hideousness in person

#i remember when i was 11 ( sorry for being a zoomer ) getting into an argument with an online acquaintance #over airpods because i thought they were retarded but she thought they were cool as if bluetooth ear pieces were a new invention #remember how the world used to make fun of them not even that many years prior. she was like nooobut you can hide them for cheating #& against thievery ( OK the only fair point I GUESS ) but they are just so ugly to me & stupid not practical too easily lost & damaged #especially with that pricetag like they could have made something COOL or Kawaii but of course sleek Nothing design is “in” #still after a decade now ♯MAKEITSTOP #honestly only like bluetooth for file sharing when necessary anything else is devilwork #as for the new giant multiple cameras design i mean use your eyes has there ever been an uglier decision #even if i had money i could never own a touch screen phone without a middle button & a normal camera lense in the back #like just looking at them makes me angry BUT mostly apple products i think android ones are less hives inducing #but TBH i have no headphone jack so... on my old broken phone i did but not this one -_- where are my principles...... #well i will wear this one down until it dies i already have a cracked arse screen so until it breaks i will downgrade #also remember how cute silicone phone cases were in the early to mid 2010s ♯BringThatBack #honestly can you even i think phones today are just too damn big Not mine Doe 🦌 mine is almost perfectly sized for my hands (iphone7) #at least people have more charms than ever in my city at least i see people with cute lanyards & zoomer style JesusBeaters so great ^_^ #sorry for complaining all the time but also if you are not here for my Kvetching then what else could you be here for... #*jumps into a well from shame*

[possumkingluca]

I DM'd for the first time on saturday and who decided that it was reasonable for one of the starting quests of dragon of icespire peak to have the party possibly fight a manticore um i mean the party lived because tasha's hideous laughter is a spell that exists and i'm cursed to forever roll dogshit on wisdom saves i think (though it was probably a blessing in this situation) but what the fuck why would you have a possibly level 1 party encounter a CR 3 enemy hello

wizards of the coast is so good at balancing (<- lying)

#i was so scared for them #got traumatic flashbacks to when my strixhaven party had to fight a giant scorpion and we almost died #and that was at level 3 #we were missing a party member but still we were level 3 and saw god #they tried reasoning with it but it wasn't going well but y'know #they were fine #they pelted it with many arrows and many crossbow bolts #also the group rolled 10s for damage like 5 times in a row which is astonishing #the fight wasn't really a challenge but it did scare the ever living hell out of them so i think it meant it was effective #i wasn't planning on having us do all of that but we speedran all the session 0 stuff #like in a little less than an hour #so i was just like “soo do we wanna end it here or do we wanna start exploring the town” #and i thought they'd explore a bit and then pick a quest for next session but nope #speedrun #dnd #dungeons and dragons #d&d #dungeons & dragons

[astrxealis]

dear gods i adore horror tbh but i am way too sensitive to it

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #idk how to describe 'sensitive' rn i'm dying in the head i should be asleep but Man!!!!! #i search up tons of horror stuff for funsies. movies uhh creepypastas stories real life events etc. fun! #BUT it freaks me out wayyy too much. bcs i really don't deal well w Those feelings of paranoia. #my imagination too good i was scared at night going to sleep bcs i'd imagine what to do if an intruder came in from the bedroom door #or bathroom door and think of how i'd escape Death......... #Did Not Help my area before was kinda yk. chillax. chillax meaning grassy tree-sy backyard overgrown trees #old-ish in a filipino chill neighborhood that isn't very fancy ?????? idk. #and the fact one time my dad almost died and someone standing close to him Did die so. haha. traumatized from that. #I WASN'T THERE..... but i rmbr my dad coming home and the news absolutely terrified me. anyway! #wow... rambling on tumblr at 3 and a half am... Nostalgic. #anyway yeah i love love love horror stuff but i am !!! so bad w them !!! like jesus christ i adore resident evil and bloodborne #is my whole bloodline. or something. but i can't even watch my twin kill 1 zombie in a re game Demo (she can't do it either) #and i can only make it to killing the first monster in bloodborne and explore a tiny bit where there are still no enemies. god. #AAAGGGGHHHhhhh ... and the first point of horror in omori then i stop playing for months...... even tho i rlly wna play more :(( #2024 ........ cmon... i will try to overcome my fears more. #i've improved somewhat at least! ...from when i was younger. like. man. i could never stay in night-time in games ever. #ffxv? nah i always have to travel at morning. only when i got strong enough that daemons were nothing to me did i stop #getting scared. ouuughhh... and i always try to be stealthy in games........... for many reasons ofc but 1. Scared #okay i shut up now. apollo rambles of tonight: done and over!

[iwoulddieforienzo]

Something that makes reading TOA so devastating is how fucking much Apollo feels about Everything. There’s so MUCH. Like I don’t even know how to describe it to you if you haven’t read the books yourself. He has so many complicated thoughts and emotions about just about everything and he cares about everything so much and there is just SO MUCH going on in his head. And yet none of it ever reaches his mouth!!

He almost never says what he’s feeling. What little comes out of his mouth about his thoughts barely even scratches the surface of what he actually means. Like he’ll be having a long ass monologue about how incredible someone is, showing a deep understanding of them as a person and empathizing with them so hard you’d almost think it’s projection but it’s not he’s legitimately just mind melding with this random person he met like a week ago and he’s thinking the softest, kindest thoughts about them like he knows they’re fucking incredible - and what comes out of his mouth is just like, “you’re a wonderful friend :)” AND ITS LIKE. THERES SO MUCH MORE UNDER THE SURFACE. the sheer admiration and adoration he has for everyone around him……… UGHHH!!! But he never VOICES ANY OF IT!!!!!! He never tells anyone about what Zeus did to him……. He never tells anyone except the reader about his realization that Zeus is abusive…. He never even tells commodus about how much he adored him, not then and not now… he refuses to tell anyone when he’s in pain or tries to justify the things he does when he actually had Decent Reasons for why he did something… I’m. I’M. AUGH. AHHHHH

HE DOESN’T EVEN TELL US ALL OF HIS THOUGHTS IS THE THING. THERES EVEN MORE THAT HE IS NOT TELLING US!!!!! THE FUCKING OCEAN OF FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS HE HAS ABOUT EVERYTHING IS THE CLIFF NOTES VERSION. I AM IN DISTRESS.

And YET…. Even what slips out of his mouth is so fucking devastating it is SO devastating. He’s so fucking kind and gentle with Harley and Meg and and other younger Demis and his kids… he’ll act like an obstinate idiot and then turn around say something that drags the core of the person he’s talking to into the light like nail on the fucking HEAD like he reached into their soul and gave them the words to express something that they were struggling to say aloud or that they didn’t even realize about themself. Around the 2nd book he starts putting voice to some of his feelings and thoughts about others and even that tiny fucking sliver is overwhelming to the people he’s talking to bc he’s SO. AUGHHHH

#this is why ‘reading the TOA books’ fics fucking slap btw. because as embarrassing as his thoughts can be #so many of them are just incoherent screaming about how he loves everyone around him. devastating #like imagine helping out ur loser deadbeat dad who you don’t really know much about bc he’s flighty and hard to read #and finding out ‘wow he cares about us a lot more than I thought’ #bc he literally almost dies to save you/your siblings and keeps following you all around everywhere #but he’s still like. your weirdo absentee dad. u don’t know hardly anything new about him other than an apparent suicidal streak #and then u find out that the whole time he was whining about chicken nuggets or whatever he was internally sobbing abt how much he loves u #and every time u were nearby he was going ‘MY BEAUTIFUL PERFECT BABY… JUST AS INCREDIBLE AS THEIR MORTAL PARENT!!!! BEAUTIFUL LIKE THE SUN! #HOW DID I EVEN MAKE SUCH A BEAUTIFUL PERFECT BABY. UNREAL. THEY CANT BE MINE!? BUT THEY ARE!!! LOOK AT THEMMM!!?!!! IM SO PROUD…… #my beautiful perfect angels… all of their parents best traits and none of our worst…. I am Barely restraining myself from sobbing #i would give u the WORLD if my father wouldn’t kill me for it :(‘ #and it’s like. wow. okay dad. um. would have been nice to know that when we were all dying in The War #Please Hug Me Though. #imagine being a Random Ass Demigod who didn’t go on a big special quest or something like you are literally just Some Guy #and finding out that this weirdo loser god u gave a sandwhich to or something thinks you are so fucking cool #your own parent doesn’t know ur name but Apollo knows u on sight and read ur soul within the 2 seconds yall talked and he thinks you rock #how are you supposed to respond to that. #snack time #toa #longpost