#across the stars (a wank wars story)
SUMMARY: Across the Stars dramatizes the story of the real life Skywalker clan, and fans of the show have built a legion of fractured followers across social media. Ben Solo goes by @mynameiskyloren, and his dealings with Rey, aka his rival fandom leader @jakkujunkrat, bring more than his true identity to light.
NOTES: This is the Star Wars social media fic that absolutely no one asked for. At best I can call this romantic crack with a dose of seriousness, and at worst the result of my brain weasels. Either way, it’s somewhat of an ode to tumblr and its crazy. If this isn’t a dumpster fire, please let me know! (PS my awesome husband helped me brainstorm for this, the evil genius.)
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a long time ago in a fandom far, far away...
WANK
WARS
EPISODE VIII
ACROSS THE STARS
It is a period of civil war. Fans of popular historical holodrama ACROSS THE STARS squee over the Skywalker family legacy. The show’s three arcs, Republic, Rebellion, and Resistance, have earned critical acclaim and a legion of followers. In the wait between Seasons 7 and 8, WANK WARS fueled by boredom have gripped the fandom as they never have before.
The FIRST ORDER disparages AtS for its failure to dramatize the real Skywalkers' lives with historical accuracy after Season 3. @thesupremeleader, a BNF known only as Snoke, instigates drama whenever the fandom threatens to settle down.
But @mynameiskyloren, Snoke’s loyal devotee, is keeping his true identity hidden from the fandom. It’s only a matter of time before his dealings with @jakkujunkrat draw him away from the First Order, and he makes enemies of his former friends...
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15 days before the Season 8 premiere
jakkujunkrat
Look @mynameiskyloren I really don’t care about the historical accuracy of seasons 4-7. Most of us are here to have fun, to write fic and make art and shitpost about our favorite characters. You and your anti brigade need to get off your high tauntauns and face facts: Across the Stars prioritizes good storytelling over everything else. If you can’t accept that maybe you should move your ass along to another fandom instead of harassing the people who are here to celebrate something we love. I mean, this is a holodrama. Don’t you have anything better to do than fight over a piece of fiction???
#ats #wank wars #first order bs #fuck you very much
mynameiskyloren
You’re a hypocrite @jakkujunkrat. You’re arguing over a holodrama too, so you must not have anything better to do either.
And in case you haven’t noticed, this isn’t just fiction. These are real people’s lives being portrayed for mass consumption. Seasons 1-3 dealt in facts, and it still managed to draw all of us in, so don’t feed me that shit line that following real events doesn’t make for a good story.
Just be honest: you’re here to ship Han and Leia, and you don’t care what their marriage is like irl as long as you get their perfect love story in AtS. Maybe YOU should gtfo and find somewhere else to fangirl.
Or you know, just stick to scavenging, since that’s probably all you’re good at.
#ats #hanleia shippers are the worst #and jakkujunkrat is their queen #fuck you too sweetheart
fn-1337
Calm down, mynameisasshole. Dragging Rey’s real life into a fandom fight is a dick move. Especially since your privileged ass probably doesn’t know the first thing about the kind of hard work Rey does every day. So sit down and shut up.
#wank wars #first order bs #leave my friend alone
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14 days before the Season 8 premiere
jakkujunkrat
unpopular opinion: Yav Korren is a good-looking man and a great actor, but he is not as hot as the real Ben Solo.
#ben solo #my husband #apologies to yav #but otherwise sorrynotsorry #all these candids of ben cropping up on my dash are fucking me up #han and leia made the best looking son #they have good genes
starfleet-ace
lmao someone is thirsty. that’s an unpopular opinion for a reason, rey. you know i love you, but we’re gonna have to agree to disagree on that one. back me up @fn-1337
#yav korren is almost as hot as my boyfriend
fn-1337
Sorry baby, no can do. I’m with Rey on this one.
#<3 #ily poe
jakkujunkrat
Ben Solo is boyfriend goals. Fight me.
#we appreciate ben solo in this house #don’t come on my lawn and disparage my man #ben solo
themaidofstarkiller
Sorry @jakkujunkrat, it’s gross enough to ship real people, but openly talking about a 19-year-old celebrity child like he’s a piece of meat takes it to the next level. You’re really something else. Am I right, or am I right @therealhux @mynameiskyloren
#RPF is the stuff of nightmares #creeping on a real kid is even worse
therealhux
100% correct, Phasma. I couldn’t agree more.
mynameiskyloren
I hate to ever support @jakkujunkrat, but I don’t think it’s fair to criticize her just for having a celebrity crush. Who the hell doesn’t?
And she’s right about Ben Solo. Definitely better looking than Yav Korren.
jakkujunkrat
@themaidofstarkiller I’m 18, which I have plastered across the top of my blog. You stalk me too much not to already know that, so you can stfu with pulling Ben Solo’s age like it’s a receipt.
and kylo… did you just defend me??
#is the sky falling?
mynameiskyloren
Don’t get used to it, junkrat.
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13 days before the Season 8 premiere
thesupremeleader
Just a reminder to the First Order that I have a zero tolerance policy for talking to Resistance fans.
I’m not going to call you out, but you know who you are.
#stay away from the resistance #if you want to keep your place on the right side of this fandom
therealhux
There’s no accounting for taste these days.
#not that I would expect better from the fan in question #he has so much trouble following the rules #like a toddler
mynameiskyloren
@therealhux if you have something to say to me, go ahead and say it.
#vagueposts are for cowards
therealhux
I just did. Or did you miss it with that goldfish attention span of yours?
#don’t see you calling thesupremeleader a coward
mynameiskyloren
Fuck you.
therealhux
So eloquent.
thesupremeleader
I don’t think you have room to further alienate your allies right now, Kylo. You’re on thin ice.
#get it together
mynameiskyloren
sorry @thesupremeleader
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PRIVATE MESSAGES
jakkujunkrat: finn, are you seeing this?
fn-1337: you mean mynameisasshole taking heat from the first order BNFs? yeah i’m seeing it, and it tastes like sweet sweet comeuppance.
jakkujunkrat: i know i shouldn’t, but i feel kind of bad for him. he’s getting roasted by snoke and hux just for being nice to me. do you think i should say something?
fn-1337: rey. are you kidding me? this is the guy who’s been giving you hell for *four* years. remember that time he left a nasty review on your post-canon fic? he called it what… “repetitive and trite”?
jakkujunkrat: okay. good point. he can fend for himself.
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12 days before the Season 8 premiere
jakkujunkrat
This is the worst selfie in the world, but here you go. My sunburned face in all its glory.
#it me #forgive me for dirtying your dash with this
themaidofstarkiller
You should change your handle to jakkuleatherface. Or buy some sunscreen.
#she’s going to look 50 when she’s 30 #jakkujunkrat
therealhux
No wonder you’re single @jakkujunkrat
#I knew that someone that bitchy couldn’t be pretty
fn-1337
Don’t listen to a word these shitheads are saying, Rey. You’re beautiful.
#say one more word and i will drag you guys to hell and back
starfleet-ace
hux: i don’t think your pasty ginger ass gets to talk about anyone else’s looks
phasma: you’re as pretty on the outside as you are on the inside. which is to say ugly af
rey: you’re stunning, and they’re just jealous.
#you guys are really reaching here
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PRIVATE MESSAGES
fn-1337: Rey? You okay?
jakkujunkrat: yeah. i’m fine. just don’t really wanna talk right now.
fn-1337: all right, peanut. let me know if you need me. i’m here all night.
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JAKKUJUNKRAT INBOX - ask me whatever as long as it’s nice
Anonymous
Hey. I’m really sorry to see all the hate you’re getting about your selfie. I hope this isn’t creepy coming from anon, but… I just want you to know that you’re really pretty, and those guys are being assholes. It’s got nothing to do with the way you look. They’d say the same thing to any Resistance fan.
jakkujunkrat
Thanks, nonny. I really needed to hear that.
And thank you @starfleet-ace and @fn-1337 for being awesome. You guys are the best friends a girl could ask for.
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11 days before the Season 8 premiere
jakkujunkrat
I need to take a break from fandom for a little while. Real life is catching up with me, and the rig I’ve put together to even get a slow shitty connection to the holonet is breaking down. I need to put my scavenger hat on and do some maintenance.
See you guys in a few days.
#it’s just a brief hiatus #i promise i’m not ghosting #personal
fn-1337
Take care, peanut. <3
#best friend #see you soon rey
therealhux
Maybe with the queen gone the peasants will settle down.
bee-bee-ate
I have a finger to point at you @therealhux. Here is a clue: it is not the index or the pinky, or the ring or the thumb. It’s the one you put up when you don’t give a fuck. :D
#choke bitch
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10 days before the Season 8 premiere
fn-1337
Look, all I’m saying is that old!Han and old!Leia’s actors absolutely killed it in Season 7, and I can’t wait to see what they do in Season 8.
#my dash is flooded with promo photos of my OTP #and all I want to do is write HanLeia #ONLY TEN MORE DAYS
mynameiskyloren
Newsflash: your OTP is separated irl. Kills the romance a little doesn’t it?
If Season 8 is full of the same used romantic tropes that 4-7 was full of idk if I’m even going to stick around for it.
#god i hate this fandom #fuck the resistance
fn-1337
I’ve never prayed harder for used romantic tropes in my life.
#mynameisasshole strikes again #and for the record i only ship HanLeia in AtS #not irl #wank wars #first order bs
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9 days before the Season 8 premiere
JAKKUJUNKRAT INBOX - ask me anything mean and you’ll be blocked
Anonymous
Hi. I know you said you were going to be gone for a little while, but I was just wondering if there’s an ETA on when you might be back? The fandom is pretty boring without you, junkrat.
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PRIVATE MESSAGING
jakkujunkrat: ...did you send me that anon?
mynameiskyloren: no. if i have something to say to you i’ll say it to your face
jakkujunkrat: come off it, kylo. nobody calls me just “junkrat” but you. i’m “rey” to everybody in the resistance, and first order idiots would never send me anything that nice.
jakkujunkrat: kylo? you there?
mynameiskyloren: i’m here
jakkujunkrat: well. you sent it, right?
mynameiskyloren: yeah i did. but i can explain
jakkujunkrat: explain being decent to me? yeah that’s gonna require a fucking thesis.
jakkujunkrat: you’ve done nothing but harass me since i got involved in this fandom
mynameiskyloren: give me a break, rey
jakkujunkrat: i’m not giving you anything
mynameiskyloren: fine then there’s no point in having this conversation
jakkujunkrat: just be honest. why’d you send me that ask?
mynameiskyloren: because you seem all right. i still disagree with you about pretty much everything AtS related but… i don’t know. i’m starting to think that’s not a good enough reason to give you hell
mynameiskyloren: i think if i’d met you irl we could have gotten along. you have to admit that we keep up with each other pretty well.
mynameiskyloren: rey? say something
jakkujunkrat: i have to go
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8 days before the Season 8 premiere
therealhux
Attention, all First Order fans: one of our own has been fraternizing with the resistance. And what’s more, he’s been stringing us along from day one.
@mynameiskyloren has lied about his age, where he lives, and who he is. He also has a relationship with the Across the Stars cast and their real life counterparts, which he’s been hiding for seven years.
Kylo Ren is actually Ben Solo, and if you don’t believe me I’ve got receipts and all of his personal information below the cut.
[Read More]
#payback is a bitch #mynameisalie
themaidofstarkiller
Hux. Is this some kind of joke??
starfleet-ace
@therealhux did you seriously just doxx one of your own??? wow you’re a piece of shit
fn-1337
Why isn’t anyone commenting on the fact that one of the biggest antis in this fandom is BEN FUCKING SOLO?!! ACTUAL SON OF THE REAL HAN AND LEIA!
#holy shit #it explains a lot at least #oh god i’ve been shipping his parents’ characters
fn-1337
@jakkujunkrat REEEEYYYYYYY
bee-bee-ate
This is gross. Real life identities should be protected, not revealed. Shame on you @therealhux
a-new-rose
Wow. This is crazy. I just got to this fandom and it’s kind of exploding…
#this guy can’t really be ben solo tho right?
thesupremeleader
I don’t think it needs to be said, but if anyone hasn’t put it together yet: mynameiskyloren is no longer welcome in this fandom.
#that’s what you get for lying
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PRIVATE MESSAGES
jakkujunkrat: kylo? is it true?
sorry, this blog does not exist
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7 days before the Season 8 premiere
mynameisbensolo
Hi everyone. This is the former mynameiskyloren here. There’s been a lot of stuff said about me in the last twenty-four hours, and I want to clear it up.
1) @therealhux did doxx me, which is low even for him.
2) I was talking to someone from the resistance, and the reason why is that I’m coming to see the damage that anti behavior can cause. I’ll make a more detailed post on that later, but in short, it’s going to involve a lot of apologizing.
3) In case you hadn’t guessed from my new handle: yes, I am Ben Solo.
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PRIVATE MESSAGES
starfleet-ace: REY where are you?? finn is flipping out and i can’t handle a fanboy meltdown this big on my own
starfleet-ace: Rey?
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JAKKUJUNKRAT ACTIVITY FEED
mynameisbensolo is following you
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JAKKUJUNKRAT INBOX - don’t ask me anything about ben solo
Anonymous
HOLY HELL!! mynameiskyloren is Ben Solo?!! pls tell me what you think about all of this Rey
Anonymous
ok i can see that u don’t want to be asked about ben solo, buuuut… you know we’re all dying to hear from you, right? i mean, you made that post about ben solo being hot, and then he turns out to be kylo!! come on Rey, throw us a bone here!
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PRIVATE MESSAGES
fn-1337: rey, i know this has gotta be pretty weird, but i’m starting to get worried about you. can you please come online long enough to let me know you’re all right?
jakkujunkrat: hey finn. i’m sorry for disappearing. this is all just… a lot.
fn-1337: yeah, i guess it would be.
fn-1337: can i ask you a question?
jakkujunkrat: always
fn-1337: are you the one he was talking to?
jakkujunkrat: yep. and he followed me this morning. idk what to do, finn.
fn-1337: you don’t have to do anything. you don’t owe him shit just because he decided to finally act like a human being. not after the way he’s treated all of us.
jakkujunkrat: i know that. really, i do.
fn-1337: then what’s the problem?
jakkujunkrat: the problem is that i think i was starting to like him. and now he’s… he’s ben solo. how am i supposed to talk to ben solo?
fn-1337: he’s just a person, peanut. an asshole, but a person.
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6 days before the Season 8 premiere
jakkujunkrat
Guys. I know you’re interested in what I think about the Kylo Ren / Ben Solo thing, but I would really appreciate it if you’d stop sending me messages about it. I’ve turned off anon for now. All of you have a nice day.
#sorry #this is getting to be a bit much
therealhux
So are you guys running off into the sunset together yet?
#you don’t have anyone fooled
jakkujunkrat
It looks like you can’t read: I’m not talking about Ben.
#your name should be therealilliterate
themaidofstarkiller
Our resident pathological liar certainly has the money to fly to Jakku. You two fucking yet?
#jakkuleatherface
this post has been deleted
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PRIVATE MESSAGES
mynameisbensolo: Rey? I understand if you don’t want to talk to me, but if you can, let me know
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5 days before the Season 8 premiere
fn-1337
It seems like this fandom has forgotten why we’re really here. Season 8 starts in FIVE DAYS, so can we please forget about doxxing drama and focus on the fun?
#damn #ats #ats season 8 #FIVE DAYS in case i didn’t say it loud enough for the people in the back
bee-bee-ate
I am with you @fn-1337!
a-new-rose
Am I the only one that thinks @bee-bee-ate is some kind of resistance bot?
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starfleet-ace
in entirely unrelated news, is anyone else sick of Snoke’s stupidly detailed metas with a list of citations longer than his arm? we really don’t care how many degrees you have, man. it’s just a holodrama and you’re treating fandom like a history test you have to pass.
thesupremeleader
I think it’s safe to say that you wouldn’t know much about passing history tests @starfleet-ace.
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FN-1337 INBOX - don’t bother with hate
bee-bee-ate
Are you going to roast Snoke for calling your boyfriend stupid?
fn-1337
You bet your ass I am.
#bring it you supreme idiot #i’m about to rip you apart
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4 days before the Season 8 premiere
PRIVATE MESSAGES
jakkujunkrat: Ben? I’m here
mynameisbensolo: Damn. It’s really nice to be called by my real name lol
jakkujunkrat: lol I guess so
mynameisbenolo: Rey, I know it probably doesn’t mean much, but I’m sorry for everything I did to you. I hurt you and I bothered the hell out of you, and if I could take it back I would.
jakkujunkrat: It’s not okay, but I believe you. And I guess I can see now why you were so sensitive about the show. It must be weird to see yourself represented on screen like that.
mynameisbensolo: lol yeah. Especially when the popular opinion is that Yav Korren is a lot better looking than me :/
jakkujunkrat: Well. Not to me. But I guess you know that.
jakkujunkrat: this is so embarrassing.
mynameisbensolo: i saw that you deleted everything you had tagged with my name
jakkujunkrat: what, you went looking through it? That’s not narcissistic at all.
mynameisbensolo: better than tagging a stranger #my husband
jakkujunkrat: i don’t know why i thought i could talk to you. i don’t care who you are, you’re still awful
mynameisbensolo: wait i’m sorry rey don’t go
mynameisbensolo: please
jakkujunkrat: why shouldn’t i?
mynameisbensolo: i wasn’t trying to be mean
jakkujunkrat: and yet
mynameisbensolo: Stop it. Stop acting like you don’t feel this too.
jakkujunkrat: i don’t know what you’re talking about.
mynameisbensolo: Then I’ll be more explicit. I like you. I think you’re gorgeous and funny and smart, and I’ve wanted to kiss you for awhile. Long before I had any idea what you looked like.
mynameisbensolo: Still don’t know what I’m talking about, sweetheart?
jakkujunkrat: i can’t do this right now. i have to work if I want to eat. Literally.
mynameisbensolo: please don’t disappear again
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3 days before the Season 8 premiere
fn-1337
If one more person sends @jakkujunkrat another message or hijacks her posts with questions about Ben Solo I will personally escort them to the nearest burn unit.
#not kidding #not even a little bit #leave my friend alone #sologate
starfleet-ace
get these thugs, finn.
bee-bee-ate
I support this action.
#protect our scavenger queen
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PRIVATE MESSAGES
jakkujunkrat: all right. let’s talk.
mynameisbensolo: I’m really glad you said that. Because… okay don’t be mad. Please.
jakkujunkrat: ...why would I be mad?
mynameisbensolo: I’m kind of. Here.
jakkujunkrat: what do you mean “here”?
mynameisbensolo: as in, on Jakku. I’m at Niima Outpost right now. I’ve tried getting directions from about ten different people but they either don’t speak Basic or have no idea where you live.
jakkujunkrat: you’ve got to be joking. are you joking?
mynameisbensolo: Depends on how angry you’ll be if I say “no”
jakkujunkrat: You have to leave. Right now.
mynameisbensolo: Oh. Okay.
mynameisbensolo: I’m really sorry, Rey I don’t know what I was thinking. I just knew you were here, and I wanted to have a chance to talk to you in person. But if you want me to go, I’ll go.
jakkujunkrat: then get out of here
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mynameisbensolo
Please forgive me.
#do not reblog
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2 days before the Season 8 premiere
therealhux
All I’m going to say is that you got what was coming to you.
#no i don’t regret doxxing him #stop asking
themaidofstarkiller
^^^
#lol #revenge is delicious
mitakahere
Do you think they’re broken up? Or were they ever together?
#forgive him rey!! #i don’t know what he did #but pls forgive him
fn-1337
Full offense @mitakahere but this is none of your business.
#leave my friend alone #i’m getting really tired of tagging that
themaidofstarkiller
Resistance morons aren’t welcome on this thread @fn-1337
Get the hell off Hux’s post.
#they’re just everywhere aren’t they? #but finn is the worst
bee-bee-ate
@themaidofstarkiller you have a bad dye job and a worse attitude. Perhaps you should consider a personality recalibration.
#i could help with that! :D
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PRIVATE MESSAGES
jakkujunkrat: Ben?
mynameisbensolo: yes?
jakkujunkrat: where are you?
mynameisbensolo: on Hosnian Prime. Why?
jakkujunkrat: please come back to Jakku
mynameisbensolo: really? You’re not messing with me, are you?
jakkujunkrat: really. I’ve never had a visitor before, and you surprised me by just showing up unannounced. which wasn’t all right by the way.
mynameisbensolo: I know. I won’t do it again.
jakkujunkrat: stop messaging me and get on a ship.
mynameisbensolo: as you wish, sweetheart.
—
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1 day before the Season 8 premiere
starfleet-ace
okay i think that no matter where you stand in this fandom, we can all agree that tomorrow is gonna be awesome. we’ve been waiting a year for this! don’t let us down, Rian!
fn-1337
You can say that again, love.
#ONE DAY #ONE MORE DAY #THAT’S IT #23 HOURS AND 14 MINUTES TO BE EXACT
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PRIVATE MESSAGES
fn-1337: Rey??? Where r u? I need someone to celebrate with.
jakkujunkrat: sorry finn, i’m busy.
fn-1337: what are you doing that makes you too busy to cheer with me?!
jakkujunkrat: ...you wouldn’t believe me if i told you. catch you later!
fn-1337: oh come on, you can’t do this to me
fn-1337: REYYYY
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Season 8 premiere of Across the Stars
—
fn-1337
DID YOU SEE THAT? @starfleet-ace?!
#i’m fucking dying #this is the most amazing day of my life #well except for when poe agreed to go out with me #STILL #it’s great #ats season 8 #ats
starfleet-ace
yeah i saw it! best season premiere ever.
#love you finn
therealhux
I can’t believe we can agree on something.
#this is a novel experience #ats season 8 #if they keep this up the show might actually become worthwhile again
bee-bee-ate
The astromech droid is my favorite character.
#so relatable
mitakahere
Where the hell is Rey?! @jakkujunkrat
#come back our scavenger queen #we miss you
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MYNAMEISBENSOLO INBOX
Anonymous
Did it really happen like this? Please you have to tell us!!
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PRIVATE MESSAGES
mynameisbensolo: are you seeing this?
jakkujunkrat: of course :)
jakkujunkrat: watching Yav is pretty weird now that i’ve met you
mynameisbensolo: still think i’m the better looking one now that you’ve seen me up close?
jakkujunkrat: you know i do. at least i really hope so after last night.
mynameisbensolo: are you doing okay? you seemed upset afterward
jakkujunkrat: i’m fine
mynameisbensolo: Rey. I think we’re a little past lying to each other at this point. What’s wrong?
mynameisbensolo: was I bad?
jakkujunkrat: no! no. please don’t think that. it was wonderful, Ben, really. you were wonderful.
mynameisbensolo: so were you. and i really hope it wasn’t the last time i see you. i’d like to come back. Or bring you to Hosnian Prime with me.
jakkujunkrat: I can’t. I can’t leave. That’s why I was upset. My family left me here, and I’m waiting for them to come back for me and I can’t leave. I want to but I can’t and I probably sound really stupid right now but I’ve been waiting all my life and I don’t want it to be for nothing.
mynameisbensolo: it’s all right. You don’t have to go anywhere you’re not ready to go, sweetheart.
mynameisbensolo: And I can wait. If that’s something you want.
jakkujunkrat: It’s not easy. Waiting.
mynameisbensolo: That’s okay. You’re worth it.
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