cause i love to love, to love, to love you
↬ in which you have him all lovesick and smiles
includes; dazai, chūya, atsushi, fyodor
notes; i am gonna pretend i didn’t disappear for 2-3 months. this has been in my drafts for so long :( i tried to clean it up as much as i could but it’s really old jfjdks
DAZAI
dazai appears happy. present tense.
his typical inquiries for double suicides came to lessen to conscious degree, substituting in drinking sake together when the sun cowers, nothing but a string of nonsensical chatter proceeding each sip.
he was sticky like that: unannounced visits, impromptu phone calls, sudden changes in his schedule to accommodate yours. in any case, he isn’t one to shy from stooping as low as whining if it rewards him with your familiar face.
( his windpipes splinter before he could mutter it out loud, but the solitude that’s wedged deep in his bones for so long felt lighter when you were near. he questions how long such benevolence would last before becoming sullied by his hand… ).
…and yet all things considered, it hasn’t deterred him from courting you nonetheless. at times he can’t help but think he’s taken a bite of his own medicine when he’s the one skipping around like a helpless maiden.
and yet again in spite of it all, his brazenness remains perpetually untouched as ever. he entertains different approaches if only to coax out a new reaction from you and he’s not bashful in the slightest. so much so, he remains unruffled even under the scrutiny of your coworkers.
. . .
“ this is highly unprofessional.”
“ don’t be so mean, bella. don’t you know how much i missed you?”
your eyes flit down to the man currently using your lap as a headrest, the rest of his body stretching over the expanse of the couch. he was shameless, that much was certain, but his ability to remain unperturbed whilst in his lovey dovey state was impressive. you cocked a brow, sighing.
“ osamu.” his lips visually twitched at the call of his name; it’s a word warm on your tongue but leaves the hairs on his nape at your mercy anyway. " you saw me fifteen minutes ago—”
“ twenty.” he corrected, cheeky (and quite frankly, you wouldn’t be surprised if he pulled that number out his ass). “ but it was the longest twenty minutes of my life.”
he was unrepentant as ever, experimentally positioning his head to rest on the plush on your thighs. by muscle memory, he began to absently draw shapes wherever he could reach, a crude rendition of stars decorating over the bend of your knee.
he smiles innocently when you squint at him, the gleam in his eyes unwavering. “ only a couple more minutes and i would have been yours,” you mutter out, your voice not as sturdy as you hoped. “ at home.”
dazai almost turns pouty at that. almost. “ but my love, i’ve missed you like crazy. twenty minutes is too long, how can i possibly manage?” the words come out through a breathy exhale and you watch as his lashes kiss his cheeks when he flutters them closed. “ all i could think about is you. and now i have you right here.” he hopes his words carry as much truth as the way his heart does, scurrying away the cold that's mocked him for so long. “ can’t we just stay like this a little longer? pretty please?”
resigned to your fate, you could only clamor your palms over your features— if only to salvage your waning dignity from your coworkers.
unfortunate though… that in doing so you miss the blissful smile curling on his lips as he peeks at you from below. and atsushi notes(after throughly grimacing, not expecting him to be so blunt), it reaches his eyes too.
CHŪYA
" chūya-"
" you can't flirt with me. i have a partner."
terse, stubborn and slurred. if the groggy voice wasn’t enough to confirm your suspicions, the shit-face look belonging to your boyfriend did. he was drunk. wasted if you were to speak bluntly.
in truth, it really doesn’t come off as much of a surprise; his ability to hold his liquor was nothing to brag of (despite what he may profusely argue) and you’re half-convinced he’s already forgotten his own name.
still, you don’t loosen your grip on his sleeve even under the figurative holes he’s burned with his stare. “ chūya. i am your partner.”
“you—! wha-!” his voice erupts into a sudden warble, eyes akin to saucers. " you… you are??"
he takes what’s left of his thinning rationality to study you proper; the style of your hair, your clothing, the smell of perfume/cologne, the familiar quirk of your lips—
oh, he thinks as you push back the loose bangs veiling his face. he doesn’t make any attempts to move, feet stalled and eyes blinking, evidently stunned.
you decide to press on. “ do i look familiar now…?” the lilit of your voice grazes against his ear, plucking out a faint memory tucked somewhere in the crevice of his fuzzy head.
oh. he thinks twice, the stern look bruising his face thawing.
without realizing it, he squares his shoulders in any attempt to remedy his current disheveled appearance, slumped posture pulled taut in— what he hopes— was a more put together frame. conversely, he wobbles on his feet when you continue to eat away at the distance, the ghost of your touch pushing pinpricks into his skin.
“ you’re- you’re really all mine…?” he cringes as soon as it leaves his mouth, coming off eager and hopeful. something like a laugh escapes you and he can’t tell if that’s what made his stomach turn or the alcohol. perhaps both.
“ that’s what i’ve been trying to tell you. you’re so stubborn when you’re drunk.” you punctuate the words with a kiss to his cheek, now warm with revelation. chūya, exhausting the last bits of his energy, shrinks beneath it, a gloved hand clutching his reddened face defensively.
“ why haven’t i made you my spouse yet?” he remarks it so suddenly, you nearly choke on air. he can’t even comprehend what you say thereafter or register the look beginning to contort your features, nothing but liquid courage keeping him afloat.
but- well, if there’s anything the haze trotting his head and his thinning cognition could agree on, it’s that your ring finger appears a little too barren for his liking.
( but not for much longer, he hopes )
ATSUSHI
the sudden change in atsushi’s behavior was a notable observation within the ADA, many of whom watched as the weretiger became stupefied by a face belonging to you. it wasn’t long before concluding it was all the result of a crush; the culprit of which being atsushi himself who played his hand poorly at discretion.
the lovesick chatter would leave his mouth without much rationality, waxing of "[name] this" or "[name] that," and effectively becoming on the receiving end of his praises. it was almost a routine of sorts, occupied by stutters, belated responses and his fidgety footfalls. by the end of it, he fruitlessly attempts to steady his rabbiting heart— if only to stop his blush from staining beyond his cheeks.
even now as he silhouettes by the agency door, the rattle of rain is deafened by the rush of blood to his ears. he anxiously worries the handle of the umbrella in his palms, bouncing from one sole of his feet to the other. should he just ask you? maybe he should wait… now that he thinks about it would be more appropriate to just leav—
“ damn it.” he perks at your sound of displeasure, his heart spiking. “ so much for leaving in a hurry…” you stiffen, realizing you have nothing but a coat protect you from the weather. the flimsy jacket you hurriedly plucked from your wardrobe only added flavor to your disappointment.
atsushi doesn’t miss the opportunity; his feet carries him to you before the unpleasant voice lurking deep in his subconscious bullies him otherwise. “ we can share,” he gestures to his own, silently praying his voice was leveled. it wobbles anyway and by now his knuckles are sheen white as a product of his nerves.
with the organ jumping around in his chest, he almost doesn’t register your ‘thank you,’ only that his fingers were quickly undoing the straps of the umbrella before you could change your mind ( he impulsively bought it earlier that day— his previous pair worned out and far too tiny for two people. but when you thank him with a kind smile, hands slightly brushing with each step, he argues it was the best 800 yen he’s ever spent ).
… that said, a more appropriate question is how you managed to remain naive to all his pining for so long— he’s become despairingly obvious against his own good and yet he can’t find it in himself to change himself, a perpetual lovesick look copy and pasted whenever you entered his proximity.
the same can't be said to everyone else however and he wasn’t particularly pleased when he caught wind of the bets exchanged among his treacherous colleagues. he fears it's only a matter of time before one of them blabs their tongue to you. at this rate, perhaps one of them should.
. . .
" y'know atsushi," ranpo once said, offering his companion a gleaming simper. " you reallllyyy talk about [name] a lot."
"oh.”
his heart flutters, eyes slowly blinking.
" yeah,” he smiles. “ i guess i do.”
FYODOR
" you've been awfully quiet, my dear." fyodor’s voice was just loud enough over the sound of clashing cutlery, fixing you a gaze of genuine interest. " is the meal not to your liking?"
you feel your lips twist into a frown. for being attentive, he (for once) falsely saunters pass the source of your displeasure, failing to recognize the extent of your internal woes. " no- no-" you fidget with your fingers, ignoring the way your propped elbows skidded against the table. the behaviour doesn't go unnoticed by the former, who takes it upon himself to hook his index fingers with yours. “ there’s something i’ve been meaning to ask of you. a… request of sorts.”
“ what is it? i’ll have it shipped to you by the end of the week,” he offers generously though it quickly fades into a confused hum when you shake your head at the proposition.
" it isn’t something you can buy…” you drop your gaze from him to the scantly poked portions of cuisine on your plate. fearing he may misinterpret your words and assume it to be unattainable - perhaps gifting you something ludicrous as a piece of land - you amended quickly. " it’s not what you assume to be either.”
at that, he bums questioningly. “ then what displeases you, my darling?” he provides a faint squeeze to your hand, igniting something warm and paradoxical to his thin layer of frigid skin. “ what can i offer to rid you that frown?”
" just your company.”
" my company?"
" yes." perplexed, he cocks his head; an invitation. willing an inhale to your lungs, you took a moment to gather possession of your words. “ these days you've been rather occupied. i was hoping for perhaps… if we may spend some time together?"
fyodor appears vaguely surprised by that, something unfamiliar fortifying around him. requesting his time felt like a hefty expenditure just in itself and it wasn’t too far fetched to assume he’ll disregard it in favor of some plot embellishing deep within his brain. but a swift refusal never comes.
“ i see,” he finally says after a brief pause. his voice was so soft you wondered if it was meant for you to hear.
it's grows quiet before he speaks again, the fingers curled around your hand withdrawing but not before providing the tips a delicate squeeze. " i can arrange some time tomorrow for you,” he proffers. “ will that satisfy your request, myshka?"
hardly anything can catch fyodor off guard, but something had to be said in the way you brightened at the suggestion, a deep curve coasting over your lips. how pleasant you are.
" yes," you hastily replied, dipping your head slightly. " more than perfect. thank you."
the way your lineaments crossed into a smile was always enduring to observe — exasperated, but one he wouldn’t mind seeing tomorrow knowing he was the cause for such elation.
( idly, he wonders what he can do to see it again ).
A/N !
i’ve been meaning to post this for months but it’s so old & i never quite (and still kinda don’t) liked it :(( fyodor’s is bit ooc jfjdkskla
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say a nazi walks into a bar (i'm not setting up a punchline). if you let that nazi buy a drink and hang out, soon you'll have a dozen nazis hanging out in your bar, and your bar will become a nazi bar.
the vampterview fandom is incredibly small: the number of 'active' fans —people creating and sharing fanworks or generally just posting and talking about the show, as opposed to watching without engaging— across tumblr/twitter/ao3 can't be much more than a couple hundred, the ao3 tag for iwtv 2022 has barely just broken 2k (and, in over a decade and a half, the vampire chronicles tag struggled to make 2k, with about a third of those works posted only after the show premiered), the most popular twitter accounts hardly reach 5k followers. yet i've seen bigotry in this space on par with the peak of the teen wolf or star wars sequels fandoms —fandoms with ~100k fanworks and over on ao3, with thousands of active fans across social media, with 'big name fans' with tens of thousands of followers; behemoths compared to iwtv.
fandom racism is nothing new, but this fandom is something else.
smarter people than me have already pointed to the primary reason for the particularly egregious bigotry in this space: anne rice herself. her work is ridden with racism, misogyny, homophobia and abuse apologia; her personal politics were just as nefarious as her writing; and she personally attacked anyone who dared criticize her, and encouraged her fans to do the same. it's no wonder that she spawned a fanbase as rotten as she was.
in the decades before the show, any criticism of the prevalent racism, misogyny, homophobia, abuse apologia and eroticization of pedophilia in the vampire chronicles was met with either dismissal or hostility; and that is still very often the case a year and a half after the premiere.
from the moment the show was announced there was the usual racist backlash, including old-school vc fans review-bombing the show across platforms and posting all kinds of hate speech on social media. looking up iwtv on either tumblr or twitter would take you to a barrage of racism. back then, there was a small and loud minority of people who were excited, and any expression of such eagerness was likely to bring with it at least a few trolls in your mentions/comments/reblogs hating on the casting of louis and claudia.
(a few of the show's early detractors have "rebranded" and, after saying shit like "the show only made louis black to appeal to the woke mob" and ranting about "disrespecting the source material" for ages, decided to start seeking clout with new show fans by presenting themselves as old book fandom scholars and whatnot.)
when the show finally aired, and for weeks (if not months) afterwards, fans posting fanfiction based on the show using the vampire chronicles tag on ao3 had their comments flooded with slurs and all kinds of violent harassment —though nobody ever batted an eye when people used the book tag for movie fanfiction, despite the several crucial differences between the source and both movies, and the fact that both movies have been historically reviled as bad adaptations.
many people who tried to "come into" the fandom while the show was airing saw the state of the tags and were discouraged from the very beginning, and many of those who actually tried to engage were met with such abuse that they promptly stopped posting about iwtv, or even deleted their accounts altogether. fans have been harassed out of the fandom for nothing more than calling the domestic abuse in the show what it is, for acknowledging the themes that the show itself is setting up regarding racist and patriarchal violence, or simply for being black. black people who are just watching the show and decide to share their thoughts are met with a barrage of condescension and insults; and every other day fans are getting racist and transphobic hate speech in their inboxes, or in their twitter mentions.
but when self-proclaimed 'fandom spokespeople' decide to speak up about "fandom drama" it's to falsely accuse black fans of harassment or bullying, to defend bigots' right to completely unchallenged speech and a platform, or to publish 'block lists' made up of mostly black people, sending further harassment their way. this blatantly racist targeting of fellow fans is allowed, but anyone attempting to criticize actual bigotry is labelled as an 'anti' and a bully. it has long become evident that 'anti-antis' are 'anti' critical thinking, 'anti' anti-racism, and overwhelmingly anti-black, and nowhere is it as blatant as in this fandom.
now the argument is being made that this is "about shipping", about people being "anti lestat" or "anti loustat", about an entirely made up subset of fans who are (supposedly) convinced that armand is the hero come to save louis from lestat. mind you, nobody who has read the books is under any illusion about what kind of character armand is, we are all aware of what armand has done/will do, and we know that he's, at best, a different kind of evil, but just as evil as lestat. we know that the show is headed towards a loustat 'endgame', we know that sam has talked at length about how much lestat will have to endure in future seasons in order to be 'redeemed', and the loser who was pretending to be a naive loumand shipper has long come forward to admit to being a troll; but people love to misrepresent the discussion as if it were an issue of shipping, and not a conversation about racism.
but make no mistake, it is about racism, and that's been the case from day one.
the rabid defense of lestat's name and honor and the frantic rewriting of canon to cast him in a better light can't be separated from the racism that runs rampant in this fandom. the vilification of claudia, louis and armand can't either. the fandom has consistently villainized brown and black characters to lionize a white man —hell, quite a few people have suggested that miss lily was probably a thief, or using louis for her own ends, of any other number of reasons why she apparently 'deserved' to be murdered by lestat (as if johns, and particularly sex tourists like him, needed any excuse to inflict violence on black sex workers).
not unrelated, the tendency to frame show!louis as macho, violent, dominant and sexually aggressive —when nothing in the show indicates that and, on the contrary, he explicitly tells us that the masculine bravado which we see dissolve through the first three episodes and disappear completely in the fourth was only a facade he put on because of the society he lived in— is another trend that can't be looked at without taking into account racist bias, particularly the "mandingo" stereotype; and that also needs to be examined taking the source material and its reception into account: rice herself (gender essentialism aside) called louis "the woman" in the relationship, and there was never any real dispute among book fans that lestat was the dominant partner and the "patriarch" in the relationship. as the older fanfiction on ao3 will easily prove, show louis is interpreted in a completely different way —simply because of his race.
from the moment the show was announced and especially once it aired, there were all kinds of claims that it made louis rougher, less gentle, less emotional, less sophisticated, etc. (blatantly untrue and patently racist interpretation of this iteration of the character).
likewise, criticism of claudia's casting pretended to be about age —ignoring the practicalities that made it impossible for claudia to be a toddler in the show— but the adultification of black girls was always wrapped all around it, with claims that bailey looked too adult and too grown, or that a fourteen year old black girl could move freely through the jim crow south. and from the minute that claudia was recast there were people saying that delainey looked older, less innocent, scarier, less likable, uglier, more monstrous, that she could never replace bailey and her claudia won't be as sympathetic, none of which can be separated from the fact that delainey is a darker skinned black girl.
and some people saw the possibility that rashid was armand coming before the reveal, and more than a few were already racist about it (i remember a particularly ugly post, from a person excited by the possibility that the white teenage armand from the books could be posing as rashid through a body thief style swap, as if the way david's whole thing goes down in the books wasn't bad enough) but of course that the racism (and islamophobia!) escalated tenfold once this was confirmed. the "armand is mind-controlling louis" and "he's the real big bad" and "armand is so much worse than lestat" takes are still everywhere today.
i want to mention two particularly rancid takes regarding armand, specifically islamophobic. on the one hand i have seen a myriad of people say that armand is not really muslim, many hoping that he's specifically still catholic orthodox. on the other, and in this case a singular example, i saw a fic, comments full of praise, in which armand's book backstory (in which he is kidnapped for no particular reason other than being in the path of slavers, by characters who are arab but never explicitly singled out as muslim) was altered so that he was specifically kidnapped by muslims who killed his father for painting the prophet muhammad (which wasn't even actually taboo when armand was alive, you can easily check that in wikipedia).
a common (racist!) take i still see regularly is that the show lessened the source material by addressing racism explicitly, as if the books weren't ripe with antiblackness and orientalism —the difference being, of course, that in the books white supremacy is the uncontested foundation of the whole narrative, while the show actually tackles racism and other oppressive structures as something to be discussed and problematized.
likewise, the abuse that the novels portray mostly uncritically, and often doing blatant apologetics (again, inseparable from anne rice's own personal politics) is directly addressed, in a much more nuanced and more respectful manner, by amc's adaptation, but many fans either dismiss this treatment as "ruining" the books, or pull up the "justice for j0hnny d€pp" playbook to excuse lestat's violence and frame louis and claudia as equally and even more culpable.
the argument that the show "made up" the abuse or fundamentally "changed" lestat's book character by featuring domestic violence and implied sexual assault (the bite at the end of e5) is ludicrous —plenty of people have provided text examples of lestat's violence in the books, including the implied assault of louis in his turning, his turning claudia to hold louis hostage, his threats to claudia's physical wellbeing, his physical fights with louis, his physical violence against nicki, his implied assault (the nonconsensual turning) of david and his literal rape of a woman when he's in a human body in tobt. the fact that this abuse apologia and denial has been allowed to run unchecked for the five decades since iwtv came out is simply insane to me.
after episode three, people were basically calling louis frigid and saying he should have put out if he didn't want to get cheated on (on top of calling a gay black man in louisiana during jim crow privileged, dismissing the racism he experienced, and even blaming him for the riots at the end of the episode).
after episode five, i saw people saying that louis's "emotional withholding" or his fighting back meant that the relationship was "mutual abuse" or that the abuse was somehow deserved, and the arguments got even worse when it came to claudia. a popular lestat fan account was literally on twitter talking about how they'd cheer when she died because of her ploy to kill lestat (which is, mind you, the last resort of an abuse victim literally being held captive by her abuser). people have said that claudia was "no angel" (literal quote), and even that she orchestrated the domestic violence, manipulating lestat into attacking them. hell, one of these self-proclaimed fandom authorities was out there saying claudia and louis "don't act like abuse victims" and, later, that the 'rough sex' at the beginning of e6 amounted to louis 'raping' (they literally used the word 'rape') lestat. to this day people are insisting that louis (and claudia in her diaries) are both liars who made up or distorted the whole thing, and that next seasons will "reveal the whole truth" or "tell the real story", excited to see the narrative prove that louis and claudia were "just as bad" —and excited, in their own words, to see "that crowd", "those people", "that subset", etc. "humbled" and "put in their place".
likewise, people discussing louis's inability to give meaningful consent during the later sex scene in e6, when he textually says that he was dissociating at the time, have been labelled as 'antis'. any discussion of the canon domestic abuse narrative that the show is setting up —even from people who actively ship loustat!— is immediately and aggressively shut down.
and not only is any kind of critical analysis of loustat's canon relationship met with aggression, but positive engagement with loumand is equally derided. on twitter spaces, any attempt to talk about loumand's romance is immediately derailed to talk about loustat or devil's minion instead. on posts about louis and armand's relationship there's always tags, reblogs and comments about how armand is actually more concerned with daniel, or louis is actually thinking about lestat, or how their sex life has no spice. the "loumand bed death" takes abound and their prevalence isn't accidental —counterpart to the brown man as controlling and violent prejudice that motivates much of armand's vilification, the desexualization of asian men is a long racist stereotype and the incapacity to imagine a romantic or sexual relationship between two nonwhite characters also comes from what's fundamentally an inability to decenter whiteness. besides villainizing armand to recenter lestat, the overwhelming tendency to sideline louis in his own story for a hypothetical daniel/armand relationship speaks to the same mindset.
(obligatory disclaimer that saying that a fandom-wide trend plays into, and is likely motivated by racist prejudice or stereotypes doesn't necessarily equal saying that every singular person who, for example, doesn't ship loumand, is being willingly and maliciously racist. but, at the same time, unconscious bias is real and if you don't ever stop to wonder if you might be falling into it, you will never break out of it.)
on that note, the amount of racist fanfiction in the tag is actually crazy. some of the most blatant examples include a fic equating louis bottoming for lestat to slavery, a literal rape porn fic in which louis and claudia are systematically tortured and raped by armand, and a fic which had louis referring to a black person as a gorilla. not to mention several inmate/prison guard fics, which i'm genuinely baffled to see posted completely unchallenged. other trends, like the aforementioned "armand is mind controlling louis" fics, are arguably more "subtly" racist, and for that reason all the more pervasive.
meanwhile, in fanart, louis is drawn as taller, bulkier and darker than he actually is, especially when paired with lestat, but also with armand.
on the other hand, armand is drawn slimmer, smaller and lighter, which necessarily has to be interpreted in light of emasculating stereotypes about asian men, as well as the pedophilia and grooming apologia in the vampire chronicles themselves.
particularly egregious examples of this later trend are a few fanfictions where daniel is still an elder man while armand is a teenager, especially a few in which show!daniel is paired with book!armand. likewise, there's plenty of fanart where lestat is drawn with sam reid's face, but paired with a white louis, white claudia or white armand. in another specially disgusting example, a popular fanartist drew "armand" with the clothes that assad was wearing in the trailers, but the face of a light-skinned arab man, and several big fandom accounts jumped to defend this blatant whitewashing (ignoring, or not minding, that this same artist regularly draws erotic and explicit art of marius/armand in which armand looks not like the seventeen years old he's meant to be in the books, but a twelve years old child).
artists who draw marius/armand erotica get shared far and wide, by some of the 'biggest' accounts too, and of course that, if you take issue with the rampant pedophilia apologia, you'll be labelled an 'anti' and told that you should leave the fandom altogether, that you don't have the range for anne rice's work, or that you should go read young adult romances instead. about a year ago, when the end racism in the otw campaign was going on, fans who discussed the need for a stronger ao3 policy against racist harassment were told that if they wanted a fandom space without racism, they should 'make their own'.
perhaps most concerning, some of these marius/armand shippers are little more than children themselves. it's truly disheartening to see anne rice's pedophilia propaganda so effectively take root on teenagers, and i can only hope that these young people will come out of the other side unscathed and eventually figure out that what they were being sold was nothing but grooming apologia.
because sure, fiction isn't reality, and i'll be the first to tell you everybody needs to read a fucked up book every once in a while, but at some point we gotta acknowledge the double standard. representation is so very important when it comes to white gay men, but racebent characters are 'appealing to the woke mob'. anne rice's 'gay vampires' changed so many gay kids' lives, but her pedophilia apologia is completely harmless. please, pick one!
the last couple days have proven (as if it needed proving) that these rotten ideologies don't exist in isolation, that there's not even a degree of separation between online bigotry and 'real life'. these 'big' accounts are now rallying around fans who believe in 'reverse racism' and 'anti white racism', who think that affirmative action is 'the only real' racism, who consider that being called racist is 'a slur'. the loudest voices in the space will happily tell you that it's a worse offense to dislike lestat or be indifferent about sam reid than it is to spout blatant abuse apologia or be overtly anti-black.
at some point we all gotta realize that it's not just ignorance or complacency that allow these people to remain in our fandom, it's that many people are more than content hanging out with racists. and the racists in question are not just being allowed to hang out, they're welcomed with open arms. their hate speech is defended and amplified, while any detractor is swiftly demonized; you have nothing short of white supremacist rhetoric being posted to the fandom's main tags, and in the comments everyone clapping.
call this an attempt to balance out the discourse on the fandom tags, if anything.
sure, i try to 'curate my own space'. i use the block button liberally. i add these losers' usernames to my list of filtered words to make sure i am never extending their platform, not even to the few people who follow this account. but still, i'm not happy to sit at the bar with nazis. i don't want to be rubbing elbows with abuse apologists, i don't want to hang out with white supremacists, and i don't want to share a space with people who think that kind of bullshit is acceptable.
i said, some months ago, that i believe there's value to transformative fandom. i still do, and a few dozen racist cunts certainly won't change that.
i have seen quite a few fan communities —the scott mccall defense squad, iris west's candycanes, finn stans under the hashtag #rebelfinn, raven reyes fans, sambucky shippers— coalesce around antiracist ideas and foster wonderful spaces, and i'm hopeful that the same thing can happen here.
i love the show and i have seen the creative potential in the fandom and i hope that, just like that first flood of loudest and most overt hate speech was eventually drowned out by the sheer number of new fans, this discourse will be crowded out as well and make way for smarter conversations. but we gotta start somewhere —at the very least, we gotta kick the guy who hates 'critical race theory' out of the bar, and all of their pals.
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Trainer Bakugou who you're a little terrified of the first day you're paired with him. when asking for a trainer at the gym, you had expected the friendly redhead who always looked so sweet and encouraging and cut as hell. you weren't expecting his grumpy looking blond counterpart, who was all glares and shouts for his clients to keep pushing themselves.
you were hesitant at first, before you quickly realized that it was all a ruse, for the most part. he pushed those who needed that extra encouragement, but was more lenient to people like you who simply wanted a professionals guidance. so, after a few weeks, you liked him for the most part, and his looks damn sure made it easier to cozy up to the big guy.
the only issue you've been having with Bakugou though are the...coregasms, as you've seen them been named on social media, that you keep experiencing. the first time, you weren't sure what it was, why your stomach and pelvis kept tightening up. you couldn't have...climaxed, or anything. you hadn't even been touched!
but, as the weeks go by, and the workouts get more strenuous, they've become harder and harder to subside and ignore, and so had Bakugou's commands to keep going when you suddenly stopped. you can only lie and say its cramps so many times before he realizes that something is up.
you're midway through a good morning, when that familiar feeling starts tightening in the pit of your gut. you clench your eyes shut, shaking your head a little, as if you could ward off the impending feeling. bakugou notices though, frowning at your almost pained expression in the mirror, walking up behind you to stop you as you pull yourself back up. his hands are on your waist, and as you come up, you feel his bulge glide over the curve of your ass, and something in you snaps.
you gasp, buckling over, one hand on your knee as the other reaches back for bakugou's hand to keep you up as your thighs shake. you can feel yourself spasming, clenching and unclenching around nothing, secretly wishing you had something that could fill you up, something that you felt throb against you as bakugou leaned over your form.
"Another coregasm, huh?" he asks you lowly, his lips brushing your ear as you bite your bottom lip to hold back your moan. your eyes buck open though, when his words sink in, head tipping back to look at him in the mirror, only to find his gaze already on you.
"You knew every time?" you ask quietly, panting now that its finally starting to pass over you. but bakugou doesn't let you up from this position, especially since the area you're in seems to be desolate for now.
"It's hard to ignore how pretty you look when you cum, sweetheart." Bakugou seals his words with a firm press to your ass, his cock rubbing the seam, and you can practically feel the heat and veins of it through your thin bottoms. you groan under your breath, getting lost in the feeling of him grinding against you, when he suddenly speaks again.
"You still feel it?" he asks, voice low as he looks at you through his lashes. you nod, biting at your bottom lip as you meet the steady rock of his hips, watching how he smiles before slotting his lips against your ear.
"Want me to help make it go away?" and he does, in the employee locker room after hours. he makes it go away, and rebuild, and go away again and again until you're hoarse and your legs are weaker than they typically are on leg day. bakugou helps the ache go away, but not for that sweet redheaded coworker of his, whose fists have fucked his cock the entire time of watching bakugou rail you over the locker room bench again and again.
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