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#these aren't really route specific but it's also 5 am and i have to be up in 3 hours
justatinycollector · 6 months
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Thank you for the tag, @wyrd-syster!
1. How many works do you have on AO3?
Five! I'm a newbie.
2. What’s your total AO3 word count?
A humble 35,362.
3. What fandoms do you write for?
I've only uploaded for The Rings of Power. A very, very, VERY long time ago, I started one crossover work between two other fandoms.
4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
#1: "swimming in the shallows"
#2: "if you're gonna play the game, you've got to learn to play it right"
#3: "crimson headache, aching blush"
#4: "exit light, enter night"
#5: "we could just kiss, like real people do"
5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
Try as I might, I can't seem to stop replying to virtually every comment I receive. It's a problem. I just...get so flattered that I want to thank people for spending any second of time reading words I strung together.
6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
Angstiest? That's a tough call, considering the route my stories usually take. I'll say "exit light, enter night" because that one is by far the darkest.
7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
I haven't written much with what you'd call a happy ending so far - my uploaded works tend to be on the darker side. But I'd say the happiest one would be "if you're gonna play the game, you've got to learn to play it right".
8. Do you get hate on fics?
I've been fortunate enough to not receive any hateful comments on my work so far.
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
Yes! Not well, but yes. I usually write it with some darker elements thrown in. My beloved @thecoziestbean has told me that my smut perpetually leaves her in the following state:
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10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?
My one and only (unfinished) crossover from LONG ago was a crossover. I am far too embarrassed to reveal what both fandoms were but...it was bad.
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
I have not. I think the AUs I write are either so specific that it's hard to lift detail or so general that I can't claim the details within them.
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
I have not!
13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?
No, but I have plans to co-write one with the lovely @bad-surprise.
14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?
Oh this is TOUGH. Not including Haladriel because it seems like a copout. I...really loved Dean/Lisa from Supernatural. Me and my doomed ships, I suppose.
15. What’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?
"crimson headache, aching blush" is one that I get so excited about but can't seem to nail down. The other one would be the musician AU that will most likely never see the light of day in full, though I have posted it in some promptfills on Twitter.
16. What are your writing strengths?
Sometimes, when I hone in on the right details, I can make those details come to life in a fairly compelling way. I also have been told that I can create an atmosphere of dread fairly well.
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
There are so many I could name. I cannot, for the life of me, keep a concept alive for more than one chapter, so I've confined myself to one-shots. I linger too much on the wrong details frequently. My paragraphs aren't long enough; I separate my dialogue and supporting sentences too much. I reuse phrases and details and motifs like my work is my recycling bin. My dialogue is...boring? I think my work is fairly bland. I could go on.
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?
Speaking just for my own writing, I'm not fluent in any other languages and therefore don't feel comfortable writing in a language other than English. In other works, I very much enjoy seeing other languages represented. I just don't feel that I currently have the ability to use other languages well in my own work. I hope that changes soon!
19. First fandom you wrote for?
Okay, OKAY. I'll reveal ONE of the above fandoms. It was the Jumper fandom (originally a novel written by Stephen Gould, adapted into a 2008 film starring Hayden Christensen). You won't catch me dead revealing the other one, though.
20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?
It's a tie between "swimming in the shallows" and "exit light, enter night". "swimming" is my first fic, and by far my best. Nothing I write ever seems to top it. It sings in all the right spots and just...works. "exit light" is not loved widely, but it is loved deeply, especially by me. I am so proud of it, of the ways that the translation from the original video game to a Haladriel AU worked so well and of the few, small details I was able to add that make it mine.
tagging @alicuntisms @bad-surprise @thecoziestbean @formerlyir @mostlydriedmango @sawdustandstardust @pursuitseternal and anyone else who wants to play! Please, understand how much I love reading these from every single author.
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night-market-if · 7 months
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Hi! first of all i want to tell you how much i love this story, the characters and the world building are amazing. Yours was actually the first IF I read again and again, it’s also the reason i have an account on kickstarter just because i really wanted to support you and your magical world.
on a more personal note, i would like to thank you for a certain scene in chapter 5 (?). I was on Milo’s route and while the entire scene of the festival and the lake are written beautifully, unfortunately they were a trigger for me. i remember thinking “oh, i know where this is going” and it really brought out bad memories. so when i found the option to just play in the lake and nothing else and then we had the conversation about consent I actually cried with tears of relief. it’s almost been a year since i read that scene, but i always wanted to thank you for not having let me feel guilty for my “unorthodox” decision. that’s one of the thing that made me realize how good of a person (and mother) you are <3
i think i still have things to say, but for now i really wanted to let you know how happy and grateful i felt for that little choice. in that moment i really felt as if you were talking to me through milo’s character
Good luck on your second book, i’m really looking forward to it ❤️
I think on that route Milo says something to the effect that if someone doesn't want to be around you because you don't want to sleep with them, they aren't worth being around. Especially in a place like the Night Market where sexual stigmas are far less than they are in our reality. Milo would completely be with an individual that didn't want to have a sexual side to their relationship. Because if MC and him aren't doing that, they are most likely off having a ton of fun. I wanted to showcase that with that scene specifically. I know things can get iffy with Milo but people being comfortable in that regard is extremely important to him.
This is also something I try to teach my kiddos, since you brought up about me being a mother. Someone's personal choices are their personal choices. We respect them. We never belittle them for it. And at the end of the day, if someone is more concerned with sex than who you are as a person? That's not going to bode well in life. All about balancing and figuring out yourself.
I'm glad that scene spoke to you and I am really happy I could provide that!
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steamberrystudio · 2 years
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Hi! Ok so, I've never said/messaged anything before because I'm more of a lurker, so I'm sorry for not saying anything before now, but! I just want to start by saying I love your writing! Proof, on Steam I have 134+ hours for Changeling and 137+ hours for Gilded Shadows, and those numbers are only gonna grow because I come back to replay all the time (plus we haven't even gotten to Reuben and Yuu yet!). They're like, legit some of my fave games. Anyways, I do have a question/ask other than just showering you in praise. Sorry in advance for the wall of words but I am literally incapable of not typing a book no matter what it is. And that's paired with the fact that I've been wondering about this for a long time now and am dying to know now that Quill's route has been released. So without further rambling, my question is this: How does Neo Human/biosynth biology work as far as having children and just… reproducing and growth in general? I guess? Ok, like, I remember Quill said that they mature super quick where they're fully mature in like 5 years, and he also mentioned having parents and and sister. How does this work? Are biosynths "built" fully grown (and the parents are just the ones who built them? Or maybe where they got the bio DNA from or something?), or can they get pregnant/get others pregnant? If they can get pregnant, does the baby gestate for the same amount of time as "normal" humans, and then they give birth the same too? And once they're born, are they small like "normal" humans and then just rapidly grow into adulthood in like 5 years? Both mentally and physically? So something like looking and thinking like a infant/toddler when 1 or 2, like a child when 2 or 3, like an adolescent when 3 or 4, then a fully mature adult by 5? How does that work if they have a lot of sythetic parts? Like, their bones are zisiltan right? Can the non-biological components grow as they age like the bio parts can? Speaking of age, do they keep aging once they hit maturity? Can they grow old and die like "normal" humans? Can they get "upgrades" to keep themselves going longer, or do their bio parts force them to eventually expire like "normal" humans? If they do age, is it at the same rate as "normal" humans? On top of all that, if they can reproduce like "normal" humans, can they do so only with other biosynths or can they with a "normal" human? If so, how would that work? Would the child be half and half, or more one than the other? How does any of this work?? Ok. So I'm sorry for the question vomit up there, but I just have a lot of thoughts and feelings about this and am hyperfixating on the unknown details a bit, especially after Quill's route, and am just dying to know how that would all work, especially when imagining Quill's past, and his and Morgan's potential futures. I'm sorry if any of this made you uncomfortable or was inappropriate, or is just something you don't want to answer. If so, I understand. Just know that I love your writing! I get so invested and it makes me so curious to know everything about the beautiful worlds you create! <3
Some of the answers to your questions are undefined intentionally (I just didn't want to) but I'll answer what I did make up my mind on. One thing I decided early on is that it's really not comparable to the human experience because humans and Neo Humans aren't the same species.
When you look at something like a puppy and a fawn - puppies are helpless little sausages for weeks while fawns can stand and move around on their own in less than hour. They're just not comparable in terms of development. You'd never be able to understand a fawn's development in terms of a puppy's development. You have to look at it like its own thing.
It's kind of the same scenario. In many cases, there is not a 1:1 comparison between human children and Neo Human children because they're totally separate things.
To get to specific questions.
- Neo humans do not and cannot reproduce sexually, no. They do, indeed, have to be engineered. They have no mechanism for sexual reproduction and fertility. That said, they can "have offspring" with a normal human since genetically, their organic parts are human.
- I ultimately decided that Neos probably use a generic construct for the first few years of their life before being transferred into a permanent body. This gives time for their permanent bodies to be fully constructed. But means that the children probably are smaller than adults (for convenience) but are also kind of…all the same in appearance.
- They do get biological information from the parents' bio-parts which are used for the child's bio-parts (the only gene editing they do is for fatal genetic anomalies. They don't do any other gene editing/fixing) and are able to engineer the physical body by extrapolating the physical features of the parents into a child. So Quill, for example, does share DNA with his parents and there is a family resemblance.
Quill and Morgan could have a child together (you never asked but I felt like that's what you were getting at). They would be engineered like a typical NH child using Quill and Morgan's DNA as well as their physical appearances.
- Neo Human children are pretty self-sufficient incredibly fast. And because their brains develop quickly, they have no equivalent of infancy or, really even being a toddler. They grow and learn in a completely unique way that isn't really comparable directly to human childhood.
- Regarding ageing: One thing that I can't remember if I've ever stated openly is that humans on Arcalis naturally live much longer than our current life span. It's normally about 150 Earth years (so in Arcalian years, getting up into the 200s is really common even without medical intervention). Their "prime" is much longer, though they hit maturity at the same pace. So they essentially become an adult at the same pace we do but then stay in their "prime" for a much longer period.
An example I use is Keres who, I think, is 50 earth years. I actually made him look older in the game than he should because I didn't want to have to explain the age thing. But he's actually considered quite young still and would probably not look that much older than Caissa. He should probably look like someone in his early 30s (no grey hair for sure). But, I did make him look older to not confuse people.  If you think about life stages, Keres is only 1/3 of the way through, not middle aged like you'd assume.
So the reason I bring this up is because when we start talking about ageing - even for Neo Humans - in the first place you have to understand that everyone is reaching their geriatric stage much later than what you would think. And then, yes, there are medical interventions that can absolutely keep people alive even longer. But brains are organic and that is where the consciousness resides. You can only prolong life for as long as the brain can last; you can't just replace that with an upgrade like you can a heart or something like that.
So I don't have a set life span for Arcalians in general. Neo Humans probably live a little longer than most humans because their physical bodies are already mostly cybernetic. And due to restrictions most humans can't add enough cybernetics to prolong their lives that much. But it's not a situation where Neo Humans are basically immortal. I don't know how much longer their life expectancy is. Maybe a few decades but probably not as much as you'd expect - and humans could definitely live as long without the restrictions to use of extreme cybernetics.
Anyway, I hope that answers all your questions - I didn't touch on everything you asked but mostly because some answers are implied by other answers while some questions become moot for the same reasons.
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transjarlaxle · 7 months
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same questions i did for kaine but for WHOEVER YOU WANT :D !! general > 1, 2, 3, 9. story specific > 2, 7, 8, 10, 11, 12. romance > 1, 5, 6, 7, 9, 10, 11
wahahsjshh i am going to answer these for Etienne thank you so much <3
Etienne, tiefling ranger, worm-free brain but still with so many issues. god bless
from these <3
General
1.Where can your Tav be recruited?  Are they first encountered on the Nautiloid, or in the Nautiloid crash region? Or are they not recruitable until a later act?
etienne is found in the emerald grove, trying desperately to maintain the peace between the tieflings and the druids. he's been working as a guide for travelers in the region for a few years, and fell in with the tieflings a few weeks before. he started working with halsin alongside his illithid research when they made it to the grove, and honestly he's part of the reason the tieflings hadn't left yet - he's committed to the issue, and halsin's safe return. he's recruitable alongside halsin after he's rescued and the tieflings move on!
2. Do the other companions have special comments or reactions upon recruiting your Tav?
astarion likely has something to say about how reliable a ranger is going to be on their journey, especially one of his size - hells, his arms are the size of his head.
3. Does your Tav have any comments or advice when you recruit other companions?
not necessarily, given how late he's recruited - he might mention that halsin speaks highly of jaheira, if she's recruited.
9. Does your Tav have any escalating conflicts with one of the other companions, like Lae’zel and Shadowheart’s knife-fight?
stealing content from his ot4 sandbox situation - he doesn't take kindly to astarion feeding from the player, especially if he's romanced, and he will start shit over it, but he can be talked down eventually.
Story Specific
2. How do they advise the player character on Raphael?
"I'm sure you don't need reminding, but it bears repeating - never trust a devil. You'll never draw a winning hand with this one."
7. What can they be found doing at the tiefling/goblin party?
He's standing nearby Halsin, watching over the tieflings. He's a little attached.
8. Do they have comments on who the Player Character chooses to spend the night with? 
He doesn't aside from a very genuine reminder to get some actual rest - they've a long journey ahead, and should remain focused.
10. How do they react if the PC licks the dead spider in the Gauntlet of Shar?
"If you start feeling sick, don't come crying to me. Foolish."
11. What do they say if the PC tries to force them to go up on stage with Dribbles the Clown?
"You can't possibly be serious. You are, aren't you? Unbelievable."
12. Is it possible for your Tav to be kidnapped and replaced by Orin?  How is Orin's deception revealed?  How do they react to the PC rescuing them in the Temple of Bhaal?
i think he wouldn't be a kidnapping victim :thinking: no matter which way i spin it it just doesn't make sense in my head, especially since halsin is an option.
Romance
1.Is your Tav a romanceable character?  Are there any specific requirements to romancing them?
he is! he's less gated than halsin, the more sort of in-depth half of that particular situation
5. Does the romance have different branching paths, or just one route to take?
etienne only exists as one side of the etienne/halsin coin in my head, so the different paths are really just in that sense - it's possible to romance etienne without also romancing halsin, and vice versa, but it's also possible to romance both, together.
6. How do they react to the player character breaking up with them, or choosing another character over them?
"Oh - have I done something?...I see. Well, I can't say I'm not disappointed. But, you know, wherever the winds carry you."
if it's for someone else: "If you want to explore other relationships, you know I have no desire to keep you all to myself." if the player is adamant: "Fine, then. I hope they treasure you."
7. What questions can Zethino ask the PC about Tav in the Love Test? 
If Etienne were an animal what would he be? (A: a mountain lion)
How does Etienne want to be remembered? (A: for his ability to keep others safe)
What is Etienne's greatest desire? (A: to move on from his shadowed past)
9. How do they react if the PC has sex with Mizora? The Emperor?  Haarlep?
He likely has no reaction to the emperor, since he's wormless, and wouldn't know unless the player told him, and he wouldn't mind. he disapproves of mizora and haarlep just by virtue of them being devils, and only wants to make sure the player is okay, and doesn't regret it.
10. Will they join in with the PC and the Drow Twins, or no?
he surely will :) he's a little trepidatious, at first, but gets into it quickly, especially if halsin is there.
11. What are Tav’s plans for the future?  Do they propose to the PC, or is marriage not something they’re interested in?
he will not propose, and he cannot be proposed to - he makes it clear that, no matter if he regains his memories or not, he is committed to what he sees as his duty - to act as a guide for those who need it, and he will not settle down in any sense of the word. he expresses a hope that the player will stay with him, at least for a time, but will understand if they choose not to.
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Weekly Update for 3 April, 2023
Hello, everyone! Welcome to the first weekly update of April!
Mind Games: Trepidation
So, where are we with MG:T?
As of earlier this week, I fully finished fleshing out Scene 1/4 of Chapter 6! I'm also on the very last choice of Scene 2 and it'll be finished, but it is a rather varied section as it changes depending on a choice you made earlier in the chapter, so it might take me a hot second to finish it off. Very exciting, however!
I'm also half-way done with Scene 3's roughdraft, and then all we'll have left is Scene 4, but Scene 4 is an alternate POV so there likely won't be any choices to write, just some variations, if any. We have only a little left to get through, so I'm very hopeful that Chapter 6 is still on track to be released this month!
Chapter 6 is also sitting at a little over 10,000 words! My goal is to hit at least 12,000, but I do feel this will be a shorter chapter, which is totally fine! There's quite a bit I want to go back later and add to, but for now, I am happy with how things have gone so far. Super happy, actually, as almost all the choices I've written so far will have impact as the series progresses, either from you guys setting up more customization or by what you choose to reveal... or keep hidden. And some other interesting things, hehe.
But, overall, I am very satisfied with how Chapter 6 is progressing, and it will all be released as one major update (might also add some other stuff to update along with it, maybe more achievements, other stuff tbd). We will be following the same update pattern as last time: Patreon, Discord, public. I'm really excited to get it out to y'all, as the friend I drop snippets to and discuss stuff with to brainstorm has been STOKED the entire time we've talked!!
Now, as a fair warning, progress this coming week is very likely to be slow. As I posted on here before, my mom has only been home a few days after a 16-day stay in the hospital as she developed gangrene near her broken hip, and she has a lot of care we have to give her. I'll be going this week to finish my training on how to change her bandages (I actually know how to do it, there's just one specific part I'm not so good with, so her wound care nurse is gonna make sure I have that down pat), as I will have to do so on the weekends and any day her home health nurse or wound care nurse are unavailable. Quite a bit of pressure!
And, I also know most of you guys are aware The Wayhaven Chronicles by the amazing @seraphinitegames (just in case you aren't) has its third book releasing this week, and I am gonna be very honest, I'm gonna be absorbing it through my very eyeballs LOL. I am going to be diving in whole-heartedly to enjoy Mason's route and possibly A's or Nate's.
I've also really been in the mood to play games lately, so I'm planning to take time out to indulge a little bit, as I took a good... 5? 6? months or more away from gaming much outside of recording, and given I have Fatal Frame 4 and the OG Resident Evil 4 to lets play... WELL, I am definitely considering dropping loads of time into both and just relax when I can this week!
Alright, I'll see you guys next Monday!
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kimjihyun-archive · 3 years
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If the MC was like, 16½ or smth, how do you think each route will go? 🤔
for starters, there's absolutely no way they'd ever see a romance with any of the characters ever. being so young when they first meet everyone definitely changes the dynamic of the mc's relationships with the characters and romance would be out of the picture. 
zen definitely takes on the same role he does with yoosung. he's 100% older brother material and that's something that comes out rather quickly. he knows what it's like to be young and all alone and he does his best to make sure that none of the younger members have to feel the same way, especially the mc. his past is a rough one and he’d hate to watch the people he’s close with fall into the same situations because they didn’t have a support system. 
yoosung wouldn’t change all that much, but he’d definitely grow a little more mature with time. for a long time, he’s the baby of the rfa. he casts his responsibilities aside a lot and he tends to feel super lost in his future, but seeing the mc handle what occurs in the apartment so well at such a young age really bends him into shape. he’s an adult now; he needs to learn to handle things like an adult. 
jaehee is terribly cautious with the mc. she’s already really hesitant with her trust at the beginning of the normal story, but the party being coordinated by a kid? it seems a little out there. she, of course, is always kind though, quick to make sure the mc always has what they need whenever they need it. trouble with an email? ask jaehee. not sure if a suggested guest is really a good idea? run it by her. she wants things to go as smoothly as possible and when she sees how hard they’re working it definitely all clicks into place. 
jumin shares a lot of the same ideas as jaehee, but he also seems to care significantly less. it doesn’t matter how old the mc is, as long as the party is being organized in the best way it possibly can be, he doesn’t really care. i will say though, he’s definitely big on making sure they’re always safe and healthy. he hates to admit it, but jumin cares deeply about the people around him, and when he sees that they haven’t eaten all day or the hacker is becoming a bigger threat than anyone thought, he’s the first to jump into action. 
saeyoung would never be more stressed in his entire life. he’s definitely freaked out by the idea that the mc could be in danger (especially because of him), so he works himself half to death. he still hides behind his little 707 personality, but it’s really clear that he wants to make sure the mc is safe in whatever way possible. in a way, seeing a kid go through so much is something that really really resonates with him because of his childhood, so he feels a terrible need to help them.  
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tourettesbabe · 2 years
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hi ! hope youre well :)
so, im 20, and i started developing tics when i was 18 (i fit all the diagnostic criteria for tourette's, except that my tics developed once i was 18 instead of before). i spoke to my psychiatrist about it but he didn't suggest anything along the lines of a diagnosis, just said it might be my medication (we tried changing that and it wasnt it), and then kind of left it at "tics are strange, let's see what happens"
ive been kind of nervous of asking him for an actual diagnosis because it seems like he doesn't know a huge amount about tics, and i don't really feel like i need an official diagnosis (unless it's necessary for accommodations but i havent even started looking into those yet).
basically, i wanted to ask if you think it's okay for me to say i have tourette's? i do genuinely think i have tourette's, i've seen studies talking about how the DSM-5 might be outdated and adult-onset tourette's is a thing, but also it's just easier to say i have tourette's to people than try and explain that i have tics but i don't know exactly what it is and i don't have a diagnosis.
also slightly unrelated, but i haven't told a lot of people because my tics are often not noticeable (especially if i suppress them), and i feel really anxious telling anyone who's known me for a while bc im worried they'll think im faking since they havent seen me tic before.. if you have any advice on that its much appreciated
sorry this was so long- completely understandable if you don't have energy or can't respond! <3
Hey Nonnie! First of all, I'm honored that you'd message me for advice. Thank you for being so sweet as well -- I am doing well, thank you. Now, I'm definitely not an expert, but I can give you my two cents!
While it is true that the official DSM-5 diagnosis for Tourette's requires the person to have been ticcing since before the age of 18, you're also right in saying there is some discourse about whether or not that is completely accurate. Adult-onset tic disorders are a thing, and they can happen for a variety of reasons. IMO, if you fit all the other criteria like you said, it's probably Tourette's. It's also the most well-known tic disorder, so many people will understand what it means (though they may also have some inaccurate ideas about swearing and the like.)
I will say that there are many kinds of tic disorders, and many reasons why tics could be happening. If you're sure you have Tourette's, then I'd say it's fine to say that. But if you're not, I'd just stick with telling people you have a tic disorder. If they ask questions about the diagnosis, just tell them it's currently unspecified. What's most important is that you have tics, not the label.
You know yourself better than anyone else, including your doctor, your family, your friends, etc. So, although an official diagnosis can be useful, don't feel bad about labeling it for yourself. Even if it turns out to be something else, if the label is serving a purpose for you now, or if it helps others to understand you, then I don't see a problem with it.
Getting a diagnosis can be intimidating, but if it's important to you then you need to be confident! Like I said, you know yourself better than anyone else. You need to advocate for yourself and be persistent. If your psychiatrist doesn't know much about tics, ask him if he can find out some more information to help you out, or even present him with your own findings! But, again, if you don't need accommodations and it's not affecting you too much, you may not need an official diagnosis. It's your life, and your tics.
If you do go on the diagnosis route and he isn't giving you the answers/help you need, never be afraid to seek out a second opinion! There are specialists who are trained specifically to diagnose tic disorders, which may be more helpful to you. That's how I got diagnosed when I was young.
As for telling people, in my personal experience I've found it usually goes pretty well. My tics aren't very noticeable either, so when I do tell a friend they usually say they never would have known, but nobody has ever accused me of lying or anything like that. In fact, most of the time they are interested in learning more and want to ask me questions about my tics and experiences, which I am always excited to do.
I don't know your family, so I'll try to cover my bases here... If you have the kind of parent or sibling who might try to say that they know you too well to not have noticed, try and remind them that the tics are subtle and that you may have been suppressing them. Tics can be very easy to miss when someone isn't looking for them, even when they seem obvious to you. Also tell them that it's a very recent thing (and if they question the possibility/legitimacy of that, definitely pull out the receipts lol -- articles, webpages, anything you need to). It could also go just the same as I said with friends. If anyone is particularly uptight about it, don't tolerate it. You are not faking, and anyone who thinks you are needs to get educated.
Also know that you don't NEED to tell people if you don't want to. Even your closest friend or family member is not entitled to your personal medical information if you are not comfortable with sharing it. And, if it's subtle enough that they haven't noticed yet, then they may not notice unless you bring it up. It's up to you who to tell and who not to tell.
Now, I don't know if this has been your mindset in any way, but I definitely would not recommend suppressing tics in order to avoid questions from those close to you. Your comfort is more important than theirs here!!! Ticcing is a natural thing and it is happening for a reason, listen to your body and let it do what it needs to do. I honestly would recommend never suppressing at all, but I understand that it can feel embarrassing or like everyone is looking at you, especially in public. However, in my experience, people don't really notice (even after they know about the tics if they are subtle). I want to remind you though that there is nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about in ticcing.
I hope this helped you, if you have any more questions or need clarification on anything feel free to send another anon or DM my way. I've linked some extra resources below that might help. Good luck on your journey, I know you can do it!!! :)
Resources:
CDC's Page on Tourette's
CDC's Page on Diagnosing Tic Disorders
Tourette Association: What Is Tourette
Tourette Association: Diagnosis
NCBI's Article on Adult-onset Tic Disorders
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agentfrostbite · 3 years
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It's Saturday and I'm in the mood, so let's talk about Elijah Kamski
Specifically about how he treats his Chloes. Obviously this is an opinion, and everyone is entitled to theirs, but as I read Chlonnor ship fics (they are adorable and I am unrepentant), I notice that a lot of them have Chloe becoming a deviant after Connor chooses not to shoot her. I don't have a problem with this, per se, but I have noticed several things in game that makes me think she's already a deviant.
1. The other two Chloes are already deviant
It's a small detail that tends to get overlooked because you're busy focusing on meeting Elijah and "OMG, Amanda's dead??" and later whether or not Connor actually shot Chloe. But these two girls right here?
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They're talking. They're chatting with each other. I know that doesn't sound like much, but look back on the rest of the game thus far. Androids that aren't deviant don't converse with other androids because there's no reason they should. They have a job, and unless they're being addressed by a human, that job doesn't involve talking. You know who does converse? Deviants. Additionally, they're just lounging in the pool, and I guess that Kamski could have ordered them in there because he doesn't like swimming alone/likes to swim with his Chloes/some other potentially creepier thing, but it feels a little too natural for that.
2. Kamski pushes Connor toward his own decision
Looking back on the scene, it's clear that Kamski is trying to force Connor into making the choice of whether or not to shoot Chloe, against Connor's will. He directly pits Connor's programming against his collected software instabilities to see which is stronger. Yes, he is a scientist, first and foremost, so he's gathering data through his test, but I think he's strongly leaning towards - and pushing Connor towards - a pro-deviant standpoint.
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His dialogue throughout the scene puts longer, more emotional, emphatic language on the idea of deviancy and the free will of androids - specifically of Connor. He pushes Connor to attempt an answer outside his programming ("Well, that's what you're programmed to say... but you...what do you really want?") and he places special emphasis on Connor's individuality ("Decide who you are. An obedient machine... Or a living being endowed with free will...") in the critical moment just before Connor decides whether or not to shoot.
That, combined with the fact that the two Chloes in the pool are conversing - and at this point, watching the scene, one notably with a concerned/uncertain look as she turns back around - tells me that Kamski is supportive of the idea of deviants.
3. Kamski closes off and expresses almost negative emotion if Connor does choose to shoot Chloe
If Connor decides that his mission is more important than Chloe and shoots, Kamski's attitude makes a definite shift. Where earlier he was toying with Hank and Connor, giving cryptic answers and sidestepping the main issue they were there to discuss, after Chloe is shot, he switches to straight answers and short replies.
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Additionally, this post by @omentrash​ highlights Kamski's obviously upset expression when Connor chooses to shoot Chloe. Call it what you like, but to me, this says he absolutely did not want Connor to fire.
4. No matter what route you choose, Kamski tells Connor about the emergency exit
In any situation where Connor ends up in a place of partial or total deviancy, Amanda resumes control of his program and traps him in the white-out blizzard Zen Garden. In this case, the only way for Connor to escape is to use the emergency exit. But he only knows about it because Kamski goes out of his way to inform Connor of it (and we'll get to the ramifications of Kamski knowing about Connor having it later).
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Obviously in the deviant best ending, Connor uses this to avoid shooting Markus and the surviving Jericrew in the back, and most of the time, this ending was preceded by Connor deciding not to shoot Chloe. So yes, it makes sense that Kamski would inform him about a way out, should something like what Amanda does happen to him. But he also tells Connor about it if Connor does shoot Chloe, which lets us know that Kamski is hoping that perhaps Connor will deviate somewhere later down the line. He didn't do it here, but he might when faced with the same situation at a future time. Kamski is looking out for Connor, even though Connor isn't a deviant yet, because Kamski has hope that he might become one.
5. Deviants are capable of acting like normal androids
I include this one to illustrate that just because Chloe appears to be a perfect hostess here
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and shows no emotion when faced with life or death doesn't mean that she's not a deviant. We know that deviants can, when necessary, act like normal androids. Markus and North do it at Stratford. (Specifically pointing out the part where a human opens the bathroom door, and Markus snaps to attention at the side, like a good little obedient Android janitor.)
Kamski is the Man of the Century. He revolutionized life for everyone across the planet by successfully creating a robotic assistant species that walks, talks, and looks roughly human, while doing everything a human can do with far more efficiency. Of course he gets house calls. And if his androids are deviants - and at the very least, the two in the pool are, so why wouldn't his first android be one as well? - and people come calling, they'd need to act like proper androids. Chloe, especially, since she greets people at the door and is the poster child.
And you'll notice, even in her interview, she acts more human than most androids do. She stammers, she smiles, she's clearly nervous. She shifts back and forth, readjusting in her seat like a human would. Sure, she needed to do these things to pass the Turing Test, but there's a deeper feel to it than just good programming. I think she was leaning heavily toward deviancy at that point. Not there yet, but close. That was years before we see her at Kamski's house in the game. She must be a deviant by now.
6. Kamski left an emergency exit in Connor's program, meaning that he had some hand in Connor's creation
So Kamski leaves emergency exits in all his programs; I think we've beaten the dead horse enough at this point, but I gotta do it one more time because why would Connor have his program? Base code, sure. Okay, we can make that argument that every android has the same base code as the original program. But we can also make the argument - and it has stronger evidence - that Kamski himself had a huge hand in developing the RK series. Proof? Markus.
Markus was a gift from Kamski to Carl; we know this from Connor's scan of Markus at Stratford Tower. We also know that Markus was a unique prototype, since his police file not only states this but also doesn't have a picture of him. No photo at all. Just a blank face, and "Unknown series" and a DESTROYED.
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If Markus was one of a small handful, then they'd have a photo of another. They certainly wouldn't have a "Unknown Series" on the file. This makes me think that Kamski made Markus on his own and then gifted him to Carl. I suspect this means that he still has connections at CyberLife, which he used to get the parts for Markus. By giving Markus to Carl, knowing that Carl would cause him to deviate, he set up the seed of the revolution. Now why would Kamski do that, unless he was pro-deviant?
Summary
CyberLife decides to create an android detective/negotiator with the most cutting edge technology and coding the world has ever seen. This model would hunt down deviants and bring them back, if possible, for analysis so CyberLife could lock down the problem and eliminate it with a software patch. It's a delicate operation; after all, Connor starts with his toes on the line of deviancy. Presumably, when he goes to rescue Emma from Daniel, it's his first mission, and already, he's struggling with software instabilities. To think like a deviant, you have to be as unpredictable as possible. That means that he's right on the edge, and he remains on that edge for most of the game, depending on what the player decides to do with him.
So CyberLife need some assistance getting the code ironed out to ensure their Deviant Hunter doesn't become a deviant himself (until the time is right), so they turn to the man who first invented androids and has already technically worked on the RK series: Kamski. They ask - or perhaps Kamski himself offers - and Kamski works on the code. Not all of it, not even the majority, just the few bits and pieces where their almost-deviant and anti-deviant codes clash. All of his work is surely checked - secretly, of course; no need to make him think they don't trust him - so there's really only one thing he can add to Connor's program: the emergency exit. And that's why Connor is his program, why CyberLife would allow the exit to remain, why Kamski points it out, no matter what you choose.
And Kamski would do none of this - it doesn’t make sense for him to do any of this - unless he's secretly cheering on the revolution from the sidelines.
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rolling-sea · 5 years
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Home Protection Magic: A Method For The Low-Spoons Spellcaster
After a rough couple months of mental health, all my wards and shields kinda... fell by the wayside. Since I've been putting them back up, I thought I'd offer a general explanation of how I do it.
Basically, I use a form of sympathetic magic to reduce the toll my wards take on me. Otherwise it has to be an obnoxiously complex multi day process. Since this works just as well, I don't see the point in putting myself through that.
So clearly it comes in handy if you have limited energy reserves, but it's also useful if you have issues visualizing. I've included another method to make this work specifically for folks with visualization issues.
Supplies
All you need is a few writing utensils in assorted colors and some paper, or an image editing program. It doesn't need to be a fancy one, you can literally do this in Paint if that's what you've got.
The Prep Work
For the sake of convenience (and also not publicly posting my actual house on the internet like a dingus) I'm gonna be using a random Sims 3 lot for this post. Say hi to our demo house:
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We've got the house, so now we're gonna map the place!
If your place is on its own lot, include the whole lot. I like to do this from a top down view so if I'm struggling I can go to Google Earth and get a reference.
But since I'm using the Sims for this demonstration I'm gonna just... shift the camera angle.
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So, from here you're going to mark off the property line, walls of the house, trees, gardens, paths, frences, decks, etc. Whatever you think is relevant.
It doesn't have to be perfect or 100 percent straight, just enough you can tell what's going on.
This is what I ended up with for the demo house:
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So yeah, clearly it doesn't have to be perfect, just close enough you have everything of importance covered.
This is a lot sloppier than I'd normally do it since it was like 5 AM and I wanted my bed, but it would still work because I don't really do a ton with plants so the missing tree and chunk of garden aren't a big deal to me.
(That said, be smarter than me when you're doing this for realsies. Don't do it for real when you're about to drop from exhaustion.)
So, now you set up your external protections.
For this exercise I picked a fire based ward for the property line to incinerate malicious magic and deter anybody nasty, a ward filler that was inspired by Apollo and made up of golden arrows that will sap the strength of malicious magic and cause extreme discomfort to people with less than honorable intentions who got through the first ward, a fog based ward to slow/delay any intruders and to hold any magic that gets through the rest of it till it dissipates, and a sanitization ward at the front porch and the back deck because I'm an empath and don't like taking residual crud from outside into my house.
You can set these up in a few ways, but I'll be including one with visualization and one without so this doesn't get any longer than it already is.
The Procedure: Visualization Edition
Drag your finger along the lines of the diagram and visualize the ward going up on that part of your property. While you do, focus on what you want your ward to look like, how it feels, what you want it to do, how strong you want it to be, where you want it how you want it to react to an attempted breach, etc. That's it!
It's still going to take energy, but the drain on your resources should be a lot smaller.
The Procedure: Not Visualizing Edition
So, this is a little more complicated but not too much so. You might want to make a few copies of your diagram (or take a couple pictures on your phone. Just in general replicate it a couple of times.) just in case, because you're gonna draw your wards.
Grab some pens/pencils/markers in colors that correspond to your wards (or pick colors in your graphics program if you're going the tech magic route)- elemental affinity, purpose, both, up to you.
Using my example wards, I ended up with this:
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Since you're not visualizing, focus on the intent as effectively as you can while you're drawing, because you're gonna speak (or think!) those suckers into existence.
Describe what you want it to look like, what you'd want it to do, how strong you want it to be, where you want it how you want it to react to an attempted breach, etc. All the same things you'd be visualizing if you were going that route.
If you're confident in your art skills, you can save a bit of energy by not focusing as much on what you want it to look like and drawing a direct representation of your ward instead. (I'm not fantastic, so I'm sitting there adding stuff like "this red line is a wall of fire taller than the house" into my description. Still works!)
This is a little less energy efficient than the visualization method in my experience but it's still heaps better than doing it all on a large scale.
So that's the process! It's the same deal inside your place, except instead of rocks, trees, and decks you'll be marking windows, doors, and furniture.
Feel free to modify the method here however you see fit, and if you do I'd love to hear about it!
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tamiddyinyourcity · 4 years
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7:32pm.
Ass is getting fat as hell. Obnoxiously so... Dreams do come true.
Monday, April 20th of 2020.
I feel bad. But, better than I did earlier, since after a nice hot shower, scrubbing all the muck from around my eyes and anywhere else that a normal human being would scrub in a shower, my skin is hyper soft, and smells like shea butter, oatmeal, and is soft as FUCK from olive oil and general moisture.
It's a shame that my vibrator comes in the mail later tonight, and here I am, accidentally having a matching cute bra and panties set on, softened and oiled up, with no one to show it off to.
Plus my ASS IS FAT, if it wasnt already made clear to yall. Damn, nonstop steak and brown rice pays off.... And the occasional snack sized cookies. Aye.
Organized my closet by color and style, organized my shoes, moved an entire dresser by myself.....
Despite waking up at 8am and only stopping my ovulation-fueled-fap session at 3pm, I still have thing to be proud for. Nice clean room, and much more.
7:46pm.
IT CAAAAAME, IT CAME IT CAME IT CAAAAAME AND NOW IM GONNA CUMMMM ....
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Whoohoo, I have to resist my urge to rip it out the box right away.
Ovulation is no joke after 2 to 3 months of quarantine... Not only is it the longest I've gone without sex for so long now, but its always hard as hell. Since wow, any other time, I can hit up a hot dude online and flirt, or if desperate, visit Marco, (strictly condoms since I do not need emo 5 foot 4 sized children in my bloodline all since i temporarily wanted some manlet chode,) but oooooooh noooooooo, a goddamned COUGH that can kill ANYONE is out on the loose.... And, thus, annihilating my clit and thinking about any sexual encounter ever, with my body heat on high, and really really really needing satisfaction.......
Is my route thus far.
My other stuff from the website doesn't arrive for another week or two. So the HyperRealisticDongDongDongDongDong (why cant i ever call them by their normal names) isn't until May.
I like to acknowledge the fact that I would have never purchased a sex toy in my life, if not for the fact that men aren't easy to get during quara-- actually that's a lie, they are really easy. They're easier to catch than the disease, and think wiping their ass is gay, what makes you think I'd wanna fuck a man who is KNOWINGLY still out and about right now????
Marco did intrigue me heavily with the offer of food, dick, a movie, and my toes sucked.... (He's a good fuckbuddy, since I don't have any real respect for him, for so many many many reasons, but he still will come clutch with food and dick every blue moon or four weeks.)
But no, I wasn't gonna risk someone coughing on a public transportation bus, or a train, or another train, or a doorhandle, or just without covering their mouth..... Horny or not, I didn't need extra problems.
And of course me and Rowan have solidified our friendship ending, which is a little sad. He is a really nice guy, but also a jackass, and a dumbass, so I hope to stop feeling so bad eventually.
Ironic that the start of our fun online FWB thing, which was specifically to help keep me distracted and comfortable, started with me agreeing mainly since I had on matching underwear that I felt like showing off. (Then he sent me an unprompted dick pic, luckily i was not super repulsed, then a little bit of fun had ensued.)
And now, about a month later (almost exactly I think,) here I am, with the vibrator he bought with me, matching bra and panties, and ovulating like a motherfucker, without the convenience of a friendly guy willing to help me bust a nut, or him, and resolve my dilemma.
It wouldn't be hard to find one, but its hard to find an attractive and tolerable one.
Ah well. At least Rowan was good while it lasted. Things were getting too tense, and I helped nail the coffin on the dwindling friendship, with lack of accurate communication or resolution happening, by some of the last cruel things I'd said to him.
He wasn't hurt by many of my comments, outside of the patchy beard statement. (Telling a man that he's gonna keep being cheated on or ghosted by his shitty behavior doesn't shock a self aware man, but pointing out his poorly growing facial hair, thats definitely the last straw. /s)
Not much to say other than, "Thanks for that cool nut video and the small instances of joy", and then moving on. We probably could've resolved things by talking, but I had no idea how to bring any of it up.
.....
I'll just say, I did genuinely like the guy, and anyone who thinks otherwise would be a fool. But what would benefit from a situation where I am getting attached, and they're absolutely not on the same level whatsoever?
That's why I left my ex so suddenly, for fucks sake. I don't enjoy situations that will never work for my benefit.
Might leave Rowan one last message. Didn't want things to go this route, but fuck it, nigga was irritating me and vice versa.
It was running its course.
I hope he and his patchy beard fuck themselves.
......
Not sure how I feel. Not exactly regret or guilt, moreso "Shame this didn't simply get told by one person or another sooner their perspective, especially since leading me on set me up for some huge disappointments and mild resentment that showed obviously during the end talk."
I'm gonna use the vibrator, have a nut, and use my tears as lube. Jk. Maybe. Maybe not. Im not sure.
8:26pm. Someone is singing happy birthday outside my window. Niggas cant social distance, i see.......
But, cute.
Gonna go.... do something. Peace yalls. Talk later.
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mxmearcstapa · 4 years
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Naked Madlions Update #1!
Welcome all to the exciting adventure that is the Naked Madlions, my Maddening playthrough of Blue Lions without New Game+! (All updates are going to be tagged with #Molly's Madlions) As a warning, I've played all 4 routes and as this is a playthrough, it gets pretty spoiler-heavy. I might, and have in previous posts, talk about plot elements, comparisons, and other details.
Basically, spoiler warning for potentially all of FE3H, but most specifically Blue Lions.
With that out of the way, here's how it's going!
Prologue:
GUYS I FAILED THE FUCKING PROLOGUE AHAHAHA. We stole Claude and Edelgards' weapons and shoved them behind a wall to keep them out of danger. I put Dimitri in a bush and said, "yeah, he's sufficiently tanky, he can--" and then he took one hit, and he was okay, and then he took the second hit, and then he wasn't okay. And I thought, "oh, I'll Divine Pul--oh...right." Anyay, I've now seen what the Game Over screen looks like.
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With more liberal healing and less aggressive tactics, we succeeded. :P
Mock Battle:
Battle requires Byleth and Dimitri, and I took Dedue, Mercedes, and Ingrid for other slots. Dedue has a swell personal ability which makes him excellent at taking physical hits. Mercie I took because she was the only one who could heal. Ingrid I was really on the fence about, as my past experiences with her have not been the best, but I picked her for her Res, which came really in handy this battle. I made sure to stock up on as many weapons as I could, and I equipped everyone with 2 vulneraries. It did take several restarts to find the right combination of actions, and I admit that Mercedes went down, but because this is like, one of two battles that aren't permadeath, I just left her down. She was out of heals anyway, and we were close to winning. Her survival is, of course, more important to me moving forward. Even so, it took 26 turns (and several swears) to complete three mock battle. Bleh.
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"HEY, KOSTAS, REMEMBER US?":
Oh, my Divine Pulses! *cries in joy* oh...there's...only 3 of them. Okay. Cool. I'm used to like...10, but this...this is fine.
This is a tough fight to start out with, because most of these dumb babies are still level 1. No one got to 5 from the practice battle because, like a dingus, I split my exp a little more evenly before thinking about what might happen next. Plus, those Poison Touch Archers are AGGRESSIVE. All the Swordbois have Pass, so we had to watch our backs to make sure no one was sneaking behind us to stab the squishier ones. Most of the battle, we kept to the initial bridge and let the enemies come to us. The bridge gives a nice choke point to control enemy movement. Much to my own surprise, we kept everyone alive and didn't need to use any Divine Pulses (oh me of little faith). As long as you're mindful of archer range, it's workable.
DP Used: 0
Mutiny in the Mist:
CATHERINE IS AN EXP THIEF. WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?
*ahem*
Fog...sucks. About half the army had torches ready, and we only lost of one of our allied soldiers (because he ran himself through an enemy weapon. I cannot help you, sir), so not too bad! About midway through the map, I used a Pulse to pull Sylvain back up (STOP. MISSING.). At this point, Ingrid and Sylvain had learned their basic Reason magic, but their Magic skills are craaaaaaap. Sylvain I know will grow better, and Ingrid we're mostly expecting to crit, but it's a weird progression. I've never gone for straight Magic Ingrid before. When not using magic, she's been proccing her Crest fervently in the hopes that I will reconsider and have her focus on the Lance. *laughs in distance*
At the very least, having Annette, Mercedes, and Dimitri all healing was a boon. Dedue actually crit Lonato to low health, which blew away a lot of his difficulty.
This map is also funny, because I forgot I don't have access to adjutants in the very beginning, so we have to court Ferdinand the old-fashioned way. :P HE SHALL JOIN US YET. If nothing else, his weapon and vulneraries both get restored after each battle, which means "resources I don't have to worry about." As long as he's not stealing exp getting KOs, we're all happy.
DP Used: 1
Gimme My Sword!:
So I was nervous about this because I know there's a lot of mages here, and the Lions aren't super Res-blessed as a whole. But they were okay! I did split the party--Dimitri, Byleth, Dedue, Ashe, Annette, and Ferdie to the left, and Sylvain, Felix, Ingrid, and Mercedes to the right. With Ingrid's Res, Felix's Crest-laced bow shots, Sylvain's raw strength, and Mercie's healing/Res/magic, the right side was only in deep trouble at one point. I was afraid I'd need to reset entirely, but Felix just straight dodged a lethal hit, and they pushed forward. Plus, Ingrid and Sylvain both knew Heal, which was helpful.
Meanwhile, Left Team slowly fed Annette axe kills, and Dimitri and Ashe dispatched the reinforcements. The kids are shaping up well!
DP Used: 1
Closing Thoughts:
it's, uh, it's tough. It's a completely different set of resources to work with. Having 3 Divine Pulses instead of 10 really changes how careful I am: if there's an issue, I am closer to restarting the battle than being able to rewind, which is more time spent. I knew I wouldn't start with a lot of activity points, but I had forgotten how desolately you begin. Mostly I have using my AP for faculty training and cooking for the stat boosts. My truest love, fishing, returns to me as I attempt to raise my professor level. But because I'm not dining with students, they often have low motivation, which prohibits me from training as intensely. With the battle time being longer overall, it's not as prohibitive towards weapons, but magic has limited uses, so if I'm not pumping that in lessons, they learn it much more slowly. AND, even though we're getting weapon exp, it's at the cost of the weapons themselves, and this army is NOT made of money. So striving to find a balance is something of an issue, but I think I'm getting it.
Roster Progression (Post Tomb-Raiding):
Byleth: 10, Mercenary
Dimitri: 11, Priest
Dedue: 8, Soldier
Ashe: 8, Fighter
Felix: 10, Archer
Annette: 8, Monk
Sylvain: 8, Monk
Mercedes: 8, Monk
Ingrid: 9, Monk
Current Professor Level: C
Time Stamp: 14:45
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books--andt · 7 years
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The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah Review
Hey Bookies! This review is ***Spoiler FREE***
So I don't want to give too much away because I truly think one should go into The Nightingale with a blank canvas (besides knowing your basic WWII history). What I will say is that this book is a historical fiction novel about the life of two sisters and their different experiences during WWII. Throughout the book there are a couple of chapters that flash forward to the years preceding the war, and they're told from the perspective of one of the sisters- but the reader doesn't know which sister it is.
The Nightingale is a tragically beautiful, heart wrenching story that I implore anyone and everyone to read. It shares the truths of what happened in the war, and although these specific stories aren't based on real people, it isn't hard to imagine that similar events could have happened. I for one am really getting more interested in historical fiction books set during WWII. My mind just simply can't fathom that atrocities like these actually happened. It's eye opening, and terrifying and tragic. But it is important to read and to learn about so that history cannot repeat itself. We need to love each other, support each other, and care for each other.
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