#theres something fucking wrong with me im always going to be broken and wrong!!!!!

[antiwhores]

Leaving - Bakugou x reader

———

Part 2

Bakugou lashes out at you and its your last straw. So you leave.

Heavy angst, no comfort cause we die like real niggas, domestic abuse (verbal/emotional), depression, fighting, disappointment,

Wrote this because I’m barely surviving rn 💀 i cannot relapse until Christmas and im fucking DYING !!! Anyway if yall want a part 2 lmk 😈

You’re depressed, so depressed that you can barely get out of bed to pee. Maybe you’re depressed because of the relationship, you cant tell. Maybe its the fact that you starve yourself every time he yells at you as a habit. Or maybe its the fact he doesn’t spend his days off with you anymore. He just goes out drinking with his friends or does whatever the fuck he does. Or maybe its the fact he doesn’t fucking care.

He only says mean things to you now.

“What the fuck? Why’re you so sad? You do nothing all day. You just sit in this house that I pay for. You’re not constantly almost dying, working hard.” He says this to you after he finds you crying in the guest room. You stay silent, its a battle that you dont have the energy to fight anymore.

The next day you go searching for a job. You confine in a friend and she gives you a job at her bookstore. She says that theres too locations you can work at. Apparently, she’ll be moving out of state to the next one soon and she invited you. She knew how horrible you felt. She was giving you an escape.

The next day you make dinner for Katsuki. You both sit down at the nearly abandoned dining table. It was refreshing for a few minutes, even though he didn’t involve himself in any of your conversation. You were just happy he wasn’t yelling at you.

You decide to drop the bomb after 5 minutes of eating. You could hardly contain your excitement when you asked him “Guess what?” He showed hardly any interest in you but some was better than none.

He looked up at you, signaling for you to speak. You beamed at him as you announced your new job. You immediately started to ramble about how cool it’ll be to get out and how excited you were.

You looked up at him and immediately stopped talking. He looked angry, his lip curled upwards and his brows furrowed.

You looked at him with confusion evident on your face. “What’s wrong?” You honestly didn’t expect this reaction. You were just stuck. Why was he angry when you’re finally doing something good?

“Do you think I’m just not capable of providing? I offer you money all the fucking time but you want a job? I give you enough and you dont use it unless its for food. What’s wrong with my money?”

His grip on the chopsticks folded them. You couldn’t even cry yet, you were just shocked. “I thought you’d like it? You always complain about me ‘freeloading’ off of you and how you pay all the bills. I could start paying too!”

You flinched as he slammed his fists against the table. “I don’t need your stupid fucking 9-5 money! Im the number 6 hero! You’re probably not even doing this for the rent. What do you want?”

No, no, no. This was not how this was supposed to go. He was supposed to be happy. And then you could be happy too. He would have asked you about your job and smiled and praised you. What is happening?

He jerked himself out of his seat and stomped over to you. You scooted yourself back away from him in the chair he grabbed it and held you still.

He pulled out his wallet and rummaged through it. “What? Do you want some of those stupid books? Some decorations for this house? A necklace?” You stared at him with wide eyes at he pulled out a wad of cash and shoved it into your chest.

“There, ya happy now? Still want that job?” He crossed his arms, waiting for you to respond.

He treated you as if you were a slut, a gold digger. You were with him before he was rich. How could he even think that? You were done.

You looked down at the floor as tears flooded your eyelids. “Do you think I’m only here for your money?” It was a question you knew you had to ask. You would be left curious and broken for the rest of your life if you didn’t know now.

“You know, I’m starting to think so.”

That was your last straw. You couldn’t do this anymore.

The giggles came out before the sobs. Tears streamed down your cheeks yet you still laughed. “The hell are you laughing for?!” Its like he was upset that you weren’t already screaming at him.

You looked up at him, meeting his eyes for the first time in what felt like years.

“Do you know how hard you are to love?”

He paused, opening and closing his mouth.

You slid off your ring and set it on the table. Then you gathered the money through blurry eyes. The sobs started to fill in when you shoved the money into his chest just as he had done to you. You watch his fall to the floor.

“I try and try my best. I get a job, I make you dinner, I give you everything I have.” You reach up to take off the necklace that had his initials carved into. “I defend you, I make enemies for you, I sacrificed friendships and family relationships just to please you. But its never enough.” You set the necklace down and go to the bracelet he gave you. “I never asked for any of this expensive shit. The only thing I asked for was your love.” You set the bracelet down with your resolve.

He’s staring at you now with a look of surprise. You meet his eyes again with a look he hasn’t seen directed at him ever. “I’m done, Bakugou. Im done.”

You dont even notice when you start to gather your charger and car keys. You dont hear anything he has to say. You don’t hear the pleas for you to just listen and calm down. You dont hear the insults he says when he calls you overdramatic. And you definitely don’t hear the apology, cause it never came.

You walked towards the door, “I’m gonna pick up the rest my stuff tomorrow.” He grabs your wrist just before you touch the doorknob. “Please y/n, just sit down for one fucking second. We can talk about this!” You yank yourself out of him hands, “Touch me again and I’ll scream.”

You knew he couldn’t afford anything else on his record, especially domestic abuse. He had to just watch as you walked away. And you fucking loved it.

#bakugou headcanons #bakugou x reader #mha x reader #bakugou angst #bakugou imagine #bakugou katsuki #katsuki x reader #bakugou katsuki x reader #katsuki bakugou x reader

[boxheadpaint]

no amount of medication will make me not start clawing my own head from the persistent vacuum-like hum outside. can make a diary post though.

took monitor off today, the skin under one patch was totally fine but the skin under the other seems to have had a less good time. that left patch was the itchier of the two, but i wonder what the exact difference was. can take a normal shower again though so im just not gonna worry about it. need to build up the resilience again to block out the heart palpitations too. i want nothibg more than to lay down and curl in until my chest doesnt feel so tight against the beating.

small things have gotten under my skin lately, mostly having to do with my surface computer. its always been a fickle beast to use, but lately its just seemed more like a chore. the back panel that i could use to prop it up has broken off, and my brain still thinks something is wrong with the pen cursor position no matter how many times i calibrate it. this mostly affects how i draw in ms paint, which is immensely frustrating and confusing.

i wish i wasnt so tired. theres things i want to do, genuinely i want to clean the living room or store things away or talk to my friends but i am just so so so exhausted physically and it doesnt go away no matter what i do or how much sleep i get. i keep having upsetting thoughts and struggling against thinking about them and how i affect others. i have Barely drawn the past... idk, few? two weeks? i drew something yesterday for the absol stream and i scribbled in my sketchbook but they were barely anything and still took great effort to just Not Fuck It Up.

i dont want to avoid it but i dont want to talk about it either. all i want is to feel at Least alright again. but instead i feel like a damn boulder, or a bunch of brittle sticks. id like to think that actually yes an extended depressive episode can be brought on by allergies and if i took a benadryl id suddenly feel like myself again. And probably also fall asleep but thats allergy meds for you.

4/9/2024, Well Watever

#diary

[autisticbokutoenthusiast]

do u have any bokuto timeskip headcanons friend? :>

yes! some of the ones i consider to be foundational to my timeskip bokuto lore since im sleepy:

to preface i am a bokuto lesbian moms believer and i think he is really close with them and continues to rely on them for help navigating his life forever. you will have to pry the way they baby him from me in a fight to the death

he and atsumu are like, the word isnt inverses but theres something about them to me that is the same but different idk, anyway i think theyre friendship is super important to both of them, like theres unspoken understanding between the two of them. soulmateism but for teammates turned friends. one of them has a problem or is experiancing overload the other one already knows and is on it kinda thing. is it realistic? no but i dont care. i think tho, from an outsiders perspective theyre just friendly, or just spend a lot of time together because theyre teammates almost the exact same age, but iykyk.

bokuto to me is someone who can be friends with anyone, but not anyone will be friends with him. i think if you can kick it with someone without prejudice you can kick it with him cause he has a very open heart but not everyone can handle its strength. he is however very genuine with his affection so most people at least get along with him over time if not at first

he is considered a bit of a risk when traveling because of his tendency to wander around paying attention to small details instead of important markers and gets lost

i also think bokuto and aran are best friends because bokuto is practical enough to ease aran's anxiety and aran doesn't hold strangeness against you

i think him and ushijima are work nemesis for a period. why? maybe bokuto retains some of his friendly competition for ushijima from high school and it rubs him the wrong way, maybe bokuto misinterperets ushijima's demeanor as dismissive of him in a way people who dont like him are, who knows, all i know is they one day both decide theyre over it and become ride or die acquaintences like they dont hang out but if you give one of them shit the other with triple homo spike pass you to an early grave

i think bokuto, if he gets upset on the court, is probably gonna get upset at himself, or the lights being a little brighter than he anticipated, or he didn't give the pose he wanted when people took pics on the way in or whatever- when his teammates start yelling at the other team/ref or kicking at the net, hes the one to calmly redirect them to focusing on the next play. all of this to say that if you see him pissed.... its a match for the history books.... im talking turkiye v brazil vnl 2023 vibes- fucking crazy

the little acrobatic tricks he does at the beginning of the jackadlers match is part of my personality. you (furudate) can force me to accept he graduated from university, but you (furudate) will never make me believe he didnt at least try to go to clown school.

he is one of those volleyball players that has your regularly scheduled match/ sponsorship/ travel/ occacional fancams posts but also whatever his current interest is is super obvious because his feed will be broken up by a million posts about cacti or a type of australian spider or a deep dive into every type of cloud or the color blue or something

hes the type of player who gets interviewed midmatch and after throroughly complimenting everyone on court he recounts every point like it has been the highlight of his life- the interviewer is always extremly confused and unsure of how to cut him off

hes also one of the life of the party players- gets a service ace and does a lil victory lap or does tiktok dances from the bench when the camera is on him

also this is slightly less related but bokuto's moms have taken akaashi as one of their own and bokuto gets really upset if they all hangout without him and dont send a selfie of their time together.

i think at somepoint aran explains to him kita's definition of confidence and after that he is better at not shutting down midmatch- he tries to anticipate things he cant anticipate and focus on the parts of the game that remain conistant- but it continues to be hard for him in day to day life- in fact id say that the older he gets the harder time he has

he and kuroo text everday- about everything and nothing- but they continue to be besties

i mean this seriously i think he can dabble in drag as a treat

i think he has to balance being himself and being loved for it and being aware of the ways people negatively perceive him...

everyone assumes he is a pr teams worst nightmare but actually that honor goes to sakusa, but bokuto will help him with it

im too sleepy now but thank you for asking!!

#haikyuu #bokuto koutarou

[heartsoulspiritelite]

MJF x Adam Cole

summary-

Soulmates were a weird thing, Max didn't even think they existed

For the longest time Max was convinced he'd never meet his. Nobody liked him, Nobody trusted him and he just felt like nobody liked or understood him. That was until he was partnered with the person who changed his life forever.

Adam Cole.

Soulmates

Soulmates were a weird thing. Max didn't think they even existed- i mean it was a stupid term with a stupid meaning.

For the longest time Max was convinced he'd never meet his soulmate. Nobody liked him, Nobody trusted him and he just felt like nobody understood him. That was until he was partnered with the person who changed his life forever.

Adam Cole.

When Cole and Friedman became the tag team 'Better than you Bay Bay' Max became the happiest he has been in a long time. He knew Adam wasn't very fond of him obviously in the beginning. But now things feel different its been awhile and they've been working together quite a bit. Max thinks Adam actually likes him now and that thought warms his heart in a weird way.

Max was sitting in his locker room sitting on the bench scrolling through his phone until the door infront of burts open with a disheveled and heart-broken Adam walking in.

"Max what did i do wrong?, why do i keep screwing things up!" Adam asks teary eyed

"Buddy whats wrong what happened?"  Max questioned going into protective mode

"Britt fucking left me Max" He explains frusterated

MJF watches Adam slide down the wall by the door until he was sitting on the floor staring at Max desperately.

"W-what?" Says in a state shock

"I know, i dont know what the hell i did wrong! She never seemed upset with me i don't what happened.. Max im a good person aren't i? Why are Britt and Roddy mad at me?" He whines shoving his face into the palm of his hands.

"Im so sorry, You are a fucking amazing person, you've helped me so much man and honestly i think that might be the problem.. Im sorry, you know they don't like me. i never mean't to cause all of this"

Adam's head snaps up at this

"Max if you 're implying that i stop hanging out with you, that aint gonna happen no matter how hard you try" He states

"Why not you never liked me before why can't it go back to that?"

Adam stands up and walks over to Max until he is stood infront of him

"You know i never believed all the things people said about you. I always knew deep down you were actually a good person."

Max just stares at him a little confused

"I was just mad because i wanted your damn title. I wanted to prove to people that i was still something." He continues while staring Max in the eyes with a serious look on his face

"I know we lost the championship match and i know we're going to fight at All In but i dont care. We are going to continue being friends no matter what you or anybody else says. You snuck into my heart max i cant just let you go" He finishes

Adam looks away and sighs while Max blushes trying to hide a smile. Nobody has ever cared this much for him before so its weird, hes not used to it but it makes him feel warm inside.

"Adam you know you're my bestfriend right. But you can't sacrifice your friends and girlfriend who you knew longer than you knew me just so we can still be friends, i wont let you" He says sadly standing up about to leave the room

All of this was very out of character for MJF.

"Max please, I dont need them alright. I need you, I need you so bad" He pleads following Maxwell

This was also pretty out of character for Adam Cole Bay Bay.

Max freezes and turns around slowly. Theres no way?!..

"You need what?.." He asks unsure

"You." he states teary eyed

"Its always been you. i tried to stop it but i couldn't , i tried so hard Ma-" He gets cut off by Max's lips on his.

Adam's arms immediately go to Max's neck while Max deepens the kiss, wrapping his arms around Adam's back.

Max taps adam waists twice to tell him to jump.

So he does and wraps his legs around Max's waist while smiling into the kiss.

Max lightly breaks apart the kiss. "You dont know how long i've wanted his" He pants catching his breath

Adam reconnects their lips grabbing on to Max's short curly hair while Max runs his hands in Adams hair.

"you're coming back to the hotel with me and we're going to take a nice shower talk this out alright, i dont want to rush anything. Im not messing anything up" He informs the man in his arms.

Adam nods putting his head onto max's shoulder and gives him little kisses.

"Okay" he whispers

You know what.

Maybe soulmates do exist.

~Cross-posted on Wattpad & Ao3~

#adam cole #mjf aew #better than you bay bay #aew imagine #oneshots #dynamite200

[lvxybby]

It kills me to love you (kai anderson x reader) Angst. (it'll get better <3) PART 2

i sat there on the bench. i became full of stress once i hung up on kai. i did way to much and i know ill get punished for it. will he beat me? scream and yell at me? lock me in a closet? i dont know. i really cant deal with him anymore. i want the things he promised me. he promised to keep me safe, educate me, stay LOYAL to me if im loyal to him, WHICH IS ALL I HAVE BEEN! he has promised me so much! and EVERY SINGLE ONE IS BROKEN! i cant take it! i wont! im tired of him calling me weak and a slut for crying over something or dressing a certain way. i have been taking all his bullshit for so long, and he doesnt expect me to feel bad? sometimes i really miss the old kai. the sweet quiet fun kai. the one who would braid my hair and kiss my cheek when im sad. i miss him coming over and talking to me about his parents. he wont tell me anything because hes so eaten up with paranoia. and vince? he doesnt help one bit. his brother is a mess and all he does is supply kai with adderall! i sat there on that bench or hours just thinking. it grew darker and darker and soon it was 10:30. i held my things close to my body. i didnt want to go back. i couldnt go back. soon i saw the familiar grey toyota pull up onto the side of the curb. kai along with meadow got out. dear lord help me. her "very real blonde" hair was over her shoulders and down her back. i sat patiently and waited. kai walked over to me and slapped me so hard i thought i would pass out. "what the fuck!" he shouted. i stayed quiet. "seriously what the fuck" meadow said "oh shut your fucking mouth you cunt!" i snapped back at her "you have no reason to be in this? why the hell are you even here?!" i continued. kai hit me once more. "you have no right to talk to her like that after what you've done" he growled. "kai i dont want to be around you! thats why i left! all you care about anymore is yourself and meadow! YOU always call me weak and a slut and a attention seeker! ALL those names and you dont expect me to get upset! I DONT WANT TO BE AROUND YOU!" i cried out "what happened to the loyalty? you promised loyalty to go both ways and ive been by your side, helping you dispose of YOUR doings! i do my task no matter how i feel! i always do what you want me to and you dont do anything else for me!" i yelled at him. he snatched my arm and dragged me to his car. i fought back, digging my nails into his skin. i clawed and dug them into his arm but it didnt stop him. meadow followed us. he opened the door and threw me into the back. i hit my head hard on the other side. i quivered as kai got into the front seat, meadow following. he put on his seatbelt and began to drive back to his house. was this it? is this all he would do? no. theres no way. i quietly let tears flow down my face. i rubbed the spot where i hit my head. it felt warm. i moved my hand to find blood smeared onto it. i covered my mouth as i cried a bit more. he stopped right in front of his house and got out. he came over by me and opened the door and began to drag me out by my hair. the asphalt scratched and cut my calves, leaving my legs bleeding. i tried to force his hand away from my hair but he never let go. he pulled me inside and slammed his door "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU" he screamed. "YOU DONT TALK ABOUT THAT ANYWHERE ELSE BUT HERE" he continued. i cried more. he dragged me down to the basement and threw me down onto the hard cold floor. my head was bleeding so much by now. i cried out in pain from the sudden force. i was in so much pain. everything hurt, so badly. "kai please" i cried. i couldnt even stand up i hurt so bad. "no im not done with you" he whispered close to me. "kai all i did was leave the house for a few hours cause i was upset! i never wanted this to happen! i left cause i couldnt take it anymore! i have done so much for you for 2 years! 2! but meadow kills a guy and it so perfect! Ive done so much shit for you! to make YOU happy to make YOU comfortable I HAVE DONE SO MUCH BUT YOU DONT CARE! SO WHY DO YOU WANT ME AROUND!?" I yelled back at him. he sat there quiet for a minute.

#kai anderson #kai anderson x reader #american horror story kai anderson #american horror story

[moondoposting]

We know Marc developed DID when he was around 8 (I believe that's how old he is in the flashbacks as a child). But I do really want to know when he was officially diagnosed. Like did Elias take him to see a psychologist as a child like in the comics where he was diagnosed or did he find out later? I really want to know how long he's known he has DID

ok disclaimer from post-writing me. i kind of typed a lot more than i thought i would. it is very stream of consciousness oh my god. also i do not have DID so any information comes from my own personal research and is not reflective of every experience. i will HAPPILY be corrected if anything ive said is harmful/incorrect. also if any of my timeline stuff is wrong!

oh my god when i say i was literally just having this exact thought anon PLEASE get out of my head

because ok

like you said, comics, we already know. but mcu, we dont get aaaaany indicators of when he found out iirc i think partially as a result of marvel's refusal to name it in the show but w/e

and its really setting me on an interesting path of thinking about marc going through most of his life like we see steven in episode 1. just kind of living his life, but with occasional blackouts that leave him somewhere he doesn't recognise having done something he doesn't remember. maybe even rationalising it to himself as a sleeping disorder like steven does.

like, the closest i could think of him finding out would be around 10 probs, if his dad takes him to a psychologist like in the comics (which side note, was so fucking well integrated and didnt feel stupid or forced literally marvel you could have just done this) or latest? honestly after his mom's death? like that event perpetuates a lot of things. and maybe the fact that he finds himself blacking out more and more prompts him to seek a diagnosis (even if he wasnt looking for a did diagnosis specifically).

mmm but then who was steven calling. i always assumed marc set up a number to call.

but then theres also khonshu saying his mind is broken or w/e and marc doesnt give an indication of either "wtf how did you know" or "wtf what are you talking about". and then theres marc saying he made the deal to "save us". but that might have been an after the fact realisation.

HONESTLY MAYBE HE ONLY FINDS OUT CAUSE KHONSHU IS MESSING AROUND IN THERE. khonshu finds this funny british guy bouncing around in his head and hes like "omg marc check this out" and marc has a whole existential crisis about it. so when khonshu finds ANOTHER guy in there hes like "yk im just gonna. keep quiet about this one" and silently feeds him snacks on the side.

cause he also doesnt mention getting booted from the army for a botched psych eval iirc!!! cant lie in an evaluation if you dont know what you have. maybe getting kicked out for the dissociative fugue state incident is what motivates him to get a diagnosis. maybe its mandated after the event. idk enough about military protocol to speak on that.

all is to say marc is definitely aware To Some Degree of what is going on with him, he just probably doesnt have a name for it. which is like. fine. diagnosis is helpful but its not the be all and end all of experience.

i think in any of these scenarios, at least when he was younger it was a lot easier to understand as an "imaginary friends" situation and maybe that faded as he grew up maybe it didnt IDK.

ok so tldr

situations where he would have gotten some kind of diagnosis that would be the most interest story-wise IMO

young, around 8-10 - follows the comics completely, has him spend most of his early life some degree of institutionalised (would explain his mental association with mental hospitals)

post military discharge - pretty big point in his backstory, would work to really solidify the shame he feels around his mental illness (being very public and on record and all that) and would make sense as there would probably be some kind of investigation into the incident that would lead to a diagnosis

post-steven's reappearance - would be the culmination of a Lot of things happening in his life to the point that even stubborn marc spector can't cope and seeks out help. would explain why layla didnt know as i personally believe he cuts contact with her after his mom's shiva. does bring into question a lot of the more solid aspects of steven's life tho, like the phone calls.

crack versions that make me laugh

khonshu just drops the bomb on marc one day and it fucks him up so severely that he never brings it up again

#i wasnt kidding when i said you sent this Exactly as i was having these thoughts #this is literally what all of my writing docs look like #im literally just gonna copy paste all of this into my draft doc lol #asks #marc spector #moon knight #NOT PROOF READ SORRY

[ben10ocfanfic]

Tale of 10 chapter 6

1. The group of boys Continued to ride. Jesse Took a very deep breath. He looked at the scene around him and took note of the damages to the rv. Admittedly it wasnt as bad as it could be considering what happened.

2. It still didnt make Dj feel any better apon seeing one of his oldest freinds looking so distraught. This RV was Jesses home. He worked since he was 15 for this truck. He almost dropped out junior year to keep his job.

3. Dj walked over to his old freind."If theres anything i can do please tell me jess." Jesse just smiled." I love this thing. But thats all it is brother just a thing. Id rather lose it then you guys."

4. In silent agreement Rick an josè nodded there heads."yeah an besides we can always help fix it." José said cheerfully. Jesse raised a brow."you know how to replace a dashboard broken windshelid an numrous holes along the back?"

5. Jose chuckled nervously "well we can always watch you do it." Jess rolled his eyes." Thats what I thought now lets figure this out" jess pointed at Dj.

6. Two hours later. Progress had been slow. Rick had been trying to focus on how Djs biology worked. Honestly he had no clue." My best guess is you're currently some sort of alien. "

7. Everyone sorta just looked at him confused."how did you come up with that one Sherlock?" José asked sarcastically. Rick sighed." Well, those robot things seemed to come from space. An im guessing they were after you since I dont see any other reason to attack."

8.while not satifyed the boys accepted it as jesse started tapping hard on the hourglass symbol." Jess you good dude?"Dj asked. Jess didnt awnser right away but spoke after a minute or two."I think you should be able to push this down but it looks stuck."

9. Dj nodded before thinking for a moment. He then started repeatedly smacking the symbol. After a few minutes a red flash blinded everyone before everyone saw the form of Dj.

10. Dj looked down observing his body. Everything seemed normal even his cloths were back untill he look as his wrist. There on his wrist was a green an black watch. The frimliar hour glass symbol was also present. However parts of the watch looked damaged.

11. The hourglass symbol had a noticeable crack although its was faint an didn't distort the symbol. Some parts looked to have exposed wiring. As if the covering had been removed. But most noticble part was that something was effecting the skin around Djs arm. Little, thick, green, square ,like lines. It almost looked like a tattoo of some sort.

12. It made Dj feel uncomfortable. He immediately reach for it. Attempting to rip it off him. He struggled for a minute before his face went pale. Rick then noticed djs face as jose an jesse inspected the rest of djs body for any injuries. "Hey buddy uh whats wrong?" Rick asked as Dj stared at him.

13. Jose an Jesse were now concerned as well. "Hola hermano ¿estás bien? Estamos preocupados por ti. ...Te ves pálido" José questioned. Jesse shook his freind slightly trying to get him to react.

14. Finally he spoke. "Its stuck." The boys all go quiet. "Its fused to MY FUCKING SKIN!!!!" Dj started to scream while waving his arm wildly while the boys try to calm him.

15. After nearly an hour of panicked screaming the boys gather around Dj. At this point the boys had been trying to remove the watch using various tools most of witch were broken. The boys were now trying something new

16."Guys this is a bad idea." Said Dj as jose attached jummper cables to the watch. Rick an Jesse looked back at there freind an shrugged. "Its fine our plan is solid" Rick then chimed in. "Its this or the hacksaw.". Dj gulped. "Hey dont worry man I got only one arm an im fine."

17. " I still don't like this I dont care what happens to me but what if you guys get hurt trying to hack this thing.!" Jesse just laughed. "Dont worry besides were not hacking anything were gonna use ricks laptop to create a electrical feedback loop. Witch will hopefully cause a system overload loop to shut down whats restraining you."

18. Dj an jose give him a blank stare. Rick sighs an face palm. "Doctor redneck here is trying to fry the watch." The two nod. "Yeah frying the alien watch still sounds like a bad idea. I just don't want my best freinds getting vaporized. " dj said before he sighed." But I can't really stop you from helping."

19."Dam right now lets fry some bacon!" Yelled jesse as he started. The computer humed to life along with the watch. Jose and ruck kept a hand around each clamp incase the needed to stop.

20. Dj tryed his best to stay calm. Jose smiled "see essay were good nothing can go wrong." Rick jesse an dj gave him a stink eye as the watcu started to glow. "You just had to say it." Said dj. Jesses panicked an started to press the keys quickly. "Shit! Get thoses off him! Now!"

21. without hesitation the boys started to pull hard but soon found the clamps were stuck."Guys forget me run!" Jose pulled harded the vain in his arm showing. " HELL NO. Were brothers amigo! We wont leave you behind!"

22. Rick strained as well pulling with both hands. "It will be a cold day in hell before we abadon- whats happing to our hands?" In response José looked down at his hand an noticed it was turning a dark green while ricks were turning black.

23. They looked to jesse who held up two unnaturally white hands before a green light took over there vision. A Shockwave of green energy erupted from the watch an knocked them unconscious.

24. Meanwhile far off in space on the planet Galvin prime.

25.A small 3 inch gray alien in green robes tinkered away. He have a smirk on his face as the small machine came to life. It looked like a mechanical spider. "Theses new drones should make repairs easier. Of course this is only a prototype."

26.As the alien admired his work another alien rushed in yelling nonsense as he tryed to get the others attention. This alien wore a lab coat with large oversized googles.

27. The first alien sighed. "Darwin please I know taking the role as my new assistant has gotten you nervous but I cant understand you. Witch is saying something as I know over 12000 different languages. At least breathe"

28. The alien took a deep breathe. "My apologies first thinker asmuth. But its happened. The omnitrix is back online. An I think it done something to earth."

29. Dawrin handed a tablet to asmuth. The first thinker sighed." It seems the past is catching up with us. It looks like someone tryed overloading the omnitrix but only cuased it to release a wave of dna across the planet. This is very bad. I must seek audience with the guardians of Oa an gain permission to one again return to earth.

30. Darwin gulped. "First thinker they banned you from returning after the incident. " asmuth chuckled "its only an incident if i did something on accident. Whatever the case earth is in grave danger. I only hope the new guardian is as worthy as Tennyson. May his gods watch over him. Because i doubt were the only ones who took notice."

#ben 10 #comedy #fanfic #drama #asmuth #ocs

[mrbabyrican]

Dear @bakedwithbecky

happy 3 month anniversary to us. i am incredibly happy to have u in my life. to still call u my girl means so much to me. btw this is part two of three today. u have become the most important person in my life. i care about u, how u feel and how u think so much. u are my number one priority. all i kno is u. my life forever revolves around u. i will always be there for u no matter what. thro thicc and thin u will always have me. i made u a promise to never leave u... and im keeping it. we will always be in each others lives and always have one another. we will find a way to see each other. it doesnt matter if its me going to u or u going to me. life found a way to have us meet and i will find a way to have us meet in person. i want u to kno that i only want u. there is no one else i want. my heart my mind and my soul only wants u. u have single handedly lifted me up, put me back together and mended my broken heart. i am forever grateful to u and for u. weve been together for 3 months now and it feels like ive known u for 3 years. when life does things theres always a reason. and life bringing us together was no mistake. it was done on purpose. i have never been happier to have someone in my life. not only are u permantly in my life but i have u in my corner ready to fuck up a motherfucker but i also have the most amazing women in my life right by my side. i am happy to call u my girl. ur my baby for all time always. and i want u to know that while things are a bit different at the moment in my eyes and in my heart nothing has changed between us. i still love u with everything i have. our souls are still entangled. our hearts still yearn for one another. the way we love each other is the definition of tru love. i will fight for u, us and our love. i will not let anyone tell us we cant be together. i will fight to have u in my life. and i will fight to be in urs. i want u thats badly and i want us that badly. i found u and i refuse to let u go. i will fight for the one i love. i will fight for my future with u. i will fight for my soulmate. in such a short time u have made me a better person. i am who i am today all bc of u baby. the same way Dom is with Letty i am with u baby. i may not be perfect but with u i try my best. its one of my many jobs for u. and i do all my jobs for u with 200% love behind them. i love that u need me. i love that u want me. i love feeling needed and wanted especially by my girl. that just means im doing something right. i never want to do wrong by u. u deserve the best. u deserve all the love and care in the world. u deserve someone that will drop anything and everything for u. and i want to be that person for u baby. i want to be the person that u have been dreaming of. the person that has been pulled straight out of ur dreams and brought right in front of u. i want to be ur dream man. Stephanie Marin, i love u till my very last breath. nothing, and no one will ever stop me from loving u. for all time always i will love u and we will have each other. in this lifetime and the next lifetimes u are mine. happy 3 months baby heres to many many more. love beasty daddy

#love #anniversary

[butchwere]

I think I'm asexual even when it comes to myself and it really depresses me because I don't want to be... I want to have nasty sex with my girlfriend. But then I just don't, and when I do it doesn't feel like much. I think I'm broken in that area truly and can't accept it

Aw hunny. Im no expert in asexuality but I DO know that all of these things are true and can exist at the same time:

1. Asexuals are not broken. People are allowed to not desire or need sex. Our culture is sex-obsessed and its fucked up that sexuality is forced on and expected of us.

2. Sexuality is more of a spectrum and sexual interest can vary person to person and be fluid and change for YOU many ways in a lifetime

3. I hear you saying you WANT to have nasty sex, that can be explored. Level of interest in sex and kink isnt “fixed” and its natural to need to explore to find what you like. (Do you want nasty sex for you or to make your partner happy? No wrong answers here just something to consider)

4. There are so many ways to engage in sex and maybe you’re needing a change of role, environment, different stimulation, foreplay etc.

5. Medications (and so many other factors omg) can impact libido and arousal.

All in all…If you want to explore sex and sensuality, you can and should! It doesn’t always go perfectly, theres times when it doesnt feel right or magical. The goal is to be kind to yourself and curious. And its ok if you decide you’d rather fuckin NOT❤️

#anonymous #tell me what youre thinking about #asexuality

[creativebrainrot]

I lived.

ive been through so much shit in this house and finally, i can trust and know, that theres an end. That in the very first week of November my new life can begin. the one i thought id always have from the time i was young. when i was a kid i thought id grow up to become educated, go to college, move out around 22-25 and have a Normal Life. i never did. instead i got to wonder why all the media i saw told me that fathers would do anything for their kids- especially "their little girls" which at the time, i was. i had to wonder why after any little convo with my father i wanted to cry in the shower- why so many times i DID cry in the shower afterwards. I didnt question all the times I cried myself to sleep. all the times i had to fight off thoughts of self hate and "i wish i was dead" "id be better off dead, no one would miss me," I was a child. I didnt think anything was wrong until i did question why id never heard anyone else talk about that, about wanting to cry after every conversation you had with your father. I knew i never felt like he loved me, like he wanted me. I knew he felt like an estranged neighbor that i lived with for some reason, instead of feeling like my father. I never trusted him. i never felt at home in this house. I never had friends in real life. the one kid my age i did meet, moved away a few months later. the other kids were not my age, and troubled, and connected to my abusive father's friends. so i was isolated and homeschooled.

my dad would take me to the park routinely incase i did ever get the chance to make friends there but it never happened.

homeschooling was also my dads idea and i do think it was the better choice for me personally because of where we live (i would've likely been bullied to no end and that plus the at home abuse wouldve broken me i think.) but it did enable my father to isolate me further. he isolated my dad too. the social anxiety just last year i felt about saying ANYTHING, the way i was trained to hyperanalyze EVERYTHING that i said, the FEAR and ANXIETY i felt whenever i thought of a way my words could be twisted into something malicious, the ways my words could be twisted into something i wasnt saying. my dad and i both felt like that for YEARS. we've always lived in the middle of fucking no where. i cant walk to a mall. i cant walk to the grocery store. we have no public transport. its so christian out here that early on my dad (who is perceived as a middle aged housewife here) wouldve been told to stay with my father or somewhat ostracized for divorcing him- even without being involved in any church congregation here. the social pressure, the physical isolation, the mental abuse that ruined our selfconfidence, the second guessing ourselves, all of it.

If I told you of one single incident you would think a single prick of a needle's point had driven me mad.

Because to describe the sheer amount of needle pinpricks before that is hard to describe, difficult to convey the gravity of every little pinprick over the two decades i had to live with my father and his abuse.

he got worse right before he left, in my dad's eyes, but- and this may be stupid of me, i didnt feel like that. he was always pathetic, to me. He was stupid and impulsive but he was dangerous and he is the only person that ever made me feel Bleak. Truly, genuinely, sincerely bleak. for the first few months of 2019, i felt nothing. i was numb. resigned. i believed there was no good ending, that this house and that abuse was all i would ever know. there was no use fighting or feeling. it would change nothing.

to some extent i still havent truly realized deep down that im, free. im free now. im an adult now. no one will ever make me powerless again. i wont fall for any of this abuse in the future. i have friends now. i once believed i was truly unlovable and that no one would bat an eye if i disappeared. that i was not worth noting. i still struggle with thoughts of being "replaceable." but now, i know people who care. i have independence now. once im out of this shithole state my dad and i can seek trans health care- fuck, we can HAVE HEALTHCARE at all.

I don't miss my father. I hate that i still love him, somehow. he was the only one who ever made me want to kill myself. he was always the sole reason for the mountains of distress i felt. Im glad he never got to know I was queer.

what kept me going for so long was my childhood cat and music, and my dad. I lost my childhood cat BK this year, and it still hurts. But in my heart shes still here, somehow. I want to find a kitten with her sweet little eyes, when we're settled into the new living situation. BTS's music in particular always made me feel better, I still listen to them.

this house was a fixer-upper in the first place. it became a money sink over the years of neglect. my father promised to fix so many things but instead he trashed the place. i have never slept in a bedroom I loved. i have never had a real dresser. i havent had a furnished dining room since i was 7 or so. i havent been able to stay lucid in this house because its just so trashed already that apathy is a must or else i get more depressed. i try, i really do try to clean when i can. but this house is beyond repair for myself and my dad at this point. even if we wanted to fix it we cant. we have no money for all the tlc it needs at this point. moving is the only option.

I miss caring. I miss caring about my surroundings. Caring about myself. Caring about my dad. I miss feeling each day. We were doing so well before the car broke down.

deep in my heart I wish i could ask my father "why" but I know that no answer would satisfy me. Nothing can explain "why," that I haven't already known by now, yet my heart yearns with that question anyway. "Why?"

and now we're only a week away from knowing the life we had always wanted and dreamed of. we tasted that life just a few months ago, for a year or two and it was lovely. It can only get better from here. I spent ages hanging on to a THREAD of hope. for my dad. I never wanted him to be the one to find the aftermath, i couldnt do that to him. and deep down i wanted, so desperately, for it to get better. Im so glad I hung on long enough to be rewarded. it was hard. I had to fight to see tomorrow, to not give up, to not abandon hope. It was so fucking hard, and I dont regret a second of it.

The list of my and my dad's abuse at the hands of my father when he was living with us, and still alive, is long. But the list of our progress, our hopes and our plans, our dreams, our triumphs, is so much longer.

I lived. I lived to see a new dawn and finally know the life child me always thought we would end up having. We're free, and im so happy, finally.

#open journal #open journalling #rotthoughts #creativelyrottedmind #personal #parental abuse #abuse #suicide mention #tw suicide

[summercurial]

extremely long emotional bullshit under the cut. woops

i used to get really bent out of shape about how i have depression but im not like....nothing *happened* to me! i mean, my childhood wasnt amazing or anything, i was lonely and angry, but its not like i was like...traumatized, yknow? and that felt like it made it worse, like i didnt have...an excuse? idk. like it was just me sucking in some sort of inherent way, that because id never been broken i couldnt be "healed", yknow? i could be...improved, but thats a different act! fixing a broken feature and adding a new one are fundamentally different acts

anyway i mostly got over that by 1) acknowledging that even tho my parents were by no means abusive, their specific neuroticism scarred me in ways that are like, real and significant (when i noticed myself flinching when i heard yelled voices from another room, when i realized that i grew up with this terror of my mom exploding because even though 95% of the time she was way nicer than most moms, her outbursts were totally random so i couldnt predict them so i was always scared of them, i felt...relieved! like...oh, something i can point to, some cause!) and 2) recognizing that i probably have genetic/natal/developmental predispositions to depression and anxiety, it doesnt need to be "caused" by anything thats psychoanalytic bullshit, my brain can jsut be...built wrong, and probably is, and thats probably the truth and i sort of have to deal with that. anyway

so my point is that i got over the need to have a cause for depression and stuff but my recent uh...development? acknowledgement? of my weird sex leanings, i mean i was always a sub but it wasnt really real til the past couple years yknow? and the stuff i used to watch/read was like, idk less real? less grounded? yknow, silly abstract fantasy dungeon stuff. cuz i hadnt done much stuff irl, yknow. anyway so now i have this urge to have a cause for that. especially cuz im reading serious weakness, and its like...everybodys got all these causes yknow, its part of a coherent character, you ask "why are they this way" but like why am i this way, idk! im... i mean i guess these days i have some cause to point to. the consent violation, and the longer list of boundary violation. but idk, thats a bummer of a reason cuz i sort of did that to myself. i mean like it wasnt my fault, or whatever, theres a moral responsibility, to not hurt people, but i did yknow. i got myself into stupid risky situations, repeatedly, and then the result of getting yourself into stupid risky situations, as a person who has trouble saying no when something unpleasant is done to you, happened.

so idk, i have Trauma or whatever now, but its trauma i indirectly caused, so like. that sucks

fuck writing this post made me really emotional. or like, i dont really feel emotional but i can feel myself tearing up. man i gotta finish serious weakness, get this out of my system. i dont go to therapy anymore. so. i guess thats why im posting this

ANYWAY uh. i think thats part of why i like "pain sluts are natures candy" so much, the idea of being valued for being the weird messed up thing i sort of turned myself into

[chilope]

i have a really hard time grappling with like. hmm. idk. im bad at talking to people, and communicating, and staying in touch, and this is a problem that ive had for as long as i can remember.

i moved a lot when i was a kid, and was generally just bad at making friends to begin with, so i didnt really maintain relationships at all past maybe a few months. the first time i kept in touch with a friend who i was no longer going to school with was the summer between fifth and sixth grade, when i moved back in with my biological father. my friend katie and i would talk on the phone every couple weeks and i recall really struggling with that. i never had anything to say, so i always just kind of hoped she would talk the whole time. eventually we did stop talking altogether and i feel like thats almost entirely on me. i remember my dad complaining as well about how little i talked on the phone when he wasnt able to see us.

i really dont understand how other people do it! its hard to decide if theres something wrong with me or if this is a behavior that i have that i could condition myself out of with enough work or what.

there was a period of time when i was trying really really really hard to keep in touch with my adopted parents on a regular basis, but even when i did call and talk to them and i didnt have anything to say. how do people ever know what to say? where do the words come from? and it felt so bad to call someone and just yeah uh huh the whole time that i stopped doing it. and text doesnt make it any better! anyone who has ever tried to be friends with me for more than 2 minutes knows that sometimes i just fucking. cant talk. ive got nothing. and its so frustrating to have nothing to say to someone that you actually like and want to talk to. is my brain broken? am i stupid? am i just an asshole?

but its so hard to pick apart, and i can never tell if its a normal thing or not. idk how to fix it. i feel like it is perhaps my single greatest flaw, but im not sure im in a position to make that call accurately. its certainly the thing that has historically pissed people off the most about me.

any its not even something that i can wrap my head around enough to change! like, that image thats like "i wish i wasnt like this" "then dont be" "it isnt that simple" "it really, really is" like i cannot even conceptualize the alternative - i dont understand what is so different about me? what do people say to each other? how do they talk? is everyone else having an entirely different experience of life behind my back somehow? i dont get it! where do the words come from! why are mine different from everyone elses!!!! like what does it even mean to be good at talking? what does it mean to have a conversation? i just *dont get it* and its so fucking infuriating like. why is the shape of this so hard to define. what could possibly be making this so difficult. what the fuck.

[mercuryferns]

Not to “vent” on main, but i want to speak about pride and autism for a bit

I’m currently in a weird place in my life where im trying to accept many aspects of my identity that i considered ugly for a long long time. one of those being my autism, which i was diagnosed with a little earlier on this year. having that diagnosis fundamentally changed how i viewed myself in ways i struggle to describe to you. i had a brief phase where in desperation to dissociate myself from the stigmatized perception of autistic people that had unconsciously polluted my brain, i swore to use terms like “aspie” and “high functioning” “level one” as if allistic society seeing me as not human but in a slightly more appealing way (that being that instead of being seen as a four year old incapable of original thought i would be a weird carbon copy of albert einstein destined to cure cancer) would somehow make my life easier.

it doesnt, all it does is reinforce the same pseudo scientific eugenic hierarchy of what a clever worthy person is and what a broken unintelligible undeserving one is. realizing that was tough, because i grew up coping with my autistic traits by being whatever people wanted. i was like cheap air dried clay where the more i tried to mould myself into something i wasnt the more i started to crack, smooth over it meticulously with spit and desperation. im still in this spot of fragmented identity, in a liminal space between what i always wished i could be and the disappointing reality of what i actually am.

is it disappointing? is it only disappointing because i’m who i was taught was wrong?

i got what is known as an “unofficial” diagnosis. in other words, we went to a psychiatrist, did an evaluation, and was told hey yeah you’re right. this was because my mother wanted me to be diagnosed with asbergers, which is no longer recognized. i know she meant well. she didnt want me to feel like i was carrying a label too heavy for me. but theres a major part of me - especially after finding out exactly why the label “asbergers” exists - which is in violent opposition to it.

and. upon finding validation in the online autistic community i discovered just how unfounded my shame is. Being autistic is beautiful in so many ways. it makes me so sad that i would ever dismiss it as a part of me. I dont know how i managed to evade diagnosis for so long.

(when i look back on my childhood, i find it riddled with memories of rooms with yoga balls and swings; middle aged ladies with pixie cuts and the same lipstick spending hours trying to teach me how to write the letter C; pulled out of class “where am i going?“ “i think you need to calm down” “i am calm”; my father eyeing my ankles and calling “flat feet” as a reminder to let my heels touch the cold grainy tiles of our stoep, drawing faces on my erasers and sobbing for days when a girl threw penelope in the bin of the afrikaans class; reciting “just think about something else just think about something else just think about something else just-“ while attempting to get myself to eat egg and toast that was too toasted and anything with more than two identifiable textures; seeing someone in my spot in my spot in my spot in my spot in my spot thats my spot thats my spot thats my spot feeling something boil in my stomach; what are you doing i dont like it i dont understand are friends supposed to do this to me?)

Yeah. I have to study for my history exam now. But the point is that im autistic. And thats not only okay thats fucking awesome. Its a huge part of my life and if your idea of normal is what has caused me so much pain and dissociation throughout the years then deal with it when i actually embrace my own brain.

allistics who are cool, this is not intended to shit on you. just some thoughts ive had lately.

#i speak #ableism tw #tw #autism #asbergers #ugh #asd #neurodiversity #autistic #disability #i have mixed feelings about using the phrase disabled to describe myself #i feel like i havent really like #struggled to the extent that i can call myself that #but heck #learning disabilities #vent #identity #I was technically diagnosed first when I was 9 #but my mother decided I didn’t need to know that lmao

[mydemonsdrivealimo]

TeLL mE aBouT YoUr deMiRo BryCe FiC

LMAO thank you asdfghjk this one made me laugh

here are a few from the list that work for it/i want to answer about it :)

F: Is there a song or a playlist to associate with So I'll Just Paint it Chrome?

The title is literally ripped from The Shining by The Neighbourhood, so that's one of the biggest ones. yes it's definitely for the vibes, but as far as lyrics go ive managed to make a bit of a connection

the lines, "You've got a heart of gold//And mine is always broken//So I'll just paint it chrome" is what im referring to (obviously). less so the first line, but the second two are definitely something i can see resonating with bryce. i highlighted how his past relationships (romantic) felt forced, and that he felt it was fucked up that he was only interested in romance after a substantial period of just hook-ups and friendship. societally, both of those things are seen as generally negative, played off as commitment issues, or a problem with the person (hence the broken line), when in actuality there was nothing wrong, but he felt like he had to put on this sort of facade to hide that that's how he felt (which is where the whole paint it chrome thing comes in)

P:  Where did you find the most inspiration for your story So I'll Just Paint It Chrome?

the inspiration came from a lack of aro/acespec representation, especially in the choices community. i am new, so dont take everything i say at 100%, but i havent seen many headcanons about charaters being anywhere on the spectrum (specifically in the open heart fandom). i know choices is trying to sell sex appeal, especially with their new stories, and romance plots are what get the most attention, but theres no reason that should hinder aro/ace rep

as someone who is on the aro and ace spectrums, i love being able to hc characters as aro/ace and bryce was definitely at the top of my list. he very clearly didn't have an interest in a full romantic relationship anywhere near the beginning, and i mean fuck his entire romance plot was so demiro once you actually think about it (i wont get into it we'll be here forever)(if youd like me to please ask tho). ive seen plenty of complaints that the romance plots took too long in open heart, but, in that context, bryce being demiro makes a lot of sense

#ty #<3 #this might have been sarcastic but im answering it anyway so #open heart #bryce lahela #asks answers

[fleetsonourgecentral]

hiya! i love ur writing sm, and this ship lol. if ur up for a writing prompt, i was wondering if u could do something with either scourge or sonic getting badly injured and the other having to do some emergency patching up before they can get to like. someone who actually knows how to fix it. (i think theres something similar to this in trip trip fall in love but what can i say im a sucker for characters getting injured and their unprepared partner has to frantically try to keep them Okay until real help arrives.) only if you want to of course, and if u dont feel free to ignore this lol! have a lovely day :D

Hi!!! I'm so glad you like my writing! Sorry this took so long to get to djgdjgdjg I've been kicking my own ass trying to make myself finish writing this chapter for this fic I haven't updated in *checks watch* 8 months now! I am always up for writing prompts even if I take forever to get to them haha haha

~~~

Missions were something Scourge was slowly but surely growing used to. They'd started out as only an occasional event for him when the Freedom Fighters had no one else to spare, but somehow they became a regular occurrence the longer he stayed with the Freedom Fighters without fucking them over. They usually only sent him on ones with a high chance for a fight, since he "wasn't subtle enough to do anything more complicated than that" in Sonic's words, but honestly, he preferred that. Wrecking shit was something he knew like the back of his hand, and so much more entertaining than lounging around the base looking for something to do.

Somehow missions for the Freedom Fighters became one of his second favourite things to do in this dimension. Right after bothering Sonic and his friends, of course. They became familiar to him, and were quickly growing to be a comfort.

So he didn't expect his latest mission to be any different than the others. Fuck up a few robots, vandalize Robotnik's property, compete with Sonic over who destroyed the most stuff. And for the most part, that was exactly how the mission went. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Until the fight was over, that is.

Scourge stood amongst the wreckage of robots, running a hand through his quills to dislodge anything that might have gotten caught in there. He glanced around for Sonic, grinning when he spotted him a few feet away, and jogged over to him, opening his mouth to yell out his score and compare it with Sonic's.

As he got closer, though, he slowed down, mouth closing and brow furrowing. Something wasn't right. Sonic was crouched down, almost hunched over himself, still surrounded by broken robots. His ear twitched when Scourge got closer, but he made no move to stand up or even turn to look at him.

"I know I've beat you this time," Scourge said, more to test the waters than an actual desire to boast. "Forty three."

"Good for you," Sonic spat. He still didn't straighten.

Well shit, that probably wasn't good.

"The fuck's up with you?" Scourge asked, coming to a stop in front of Sonic, folding his arms as he stared down at him. "What, you that pissed over my score?"

Sonic ignored him, and okay, something was definitely wrong if he wasn't rising to the bait. Frowning, Scourge crouched down to get a better look at him.

Sonic was clutching his left arm close to his chest. His jaw was clenched and his brow pinched, and when Scourge tried to pull his hand away so he could get a look at his arm, he flinched away.

"Get off, I'm fine."

"Yeah, that's why you're still sat here holding your arm like I'm gonna rip it right out of your socket."

Sonic lifted his head just enough to glare at him. With a stubborn set to his jaw he gingerly rose to his feet, wincing when his arm jostled.

"Happy? Let's go."

"What's wrong with your arm first?"

"Nothing. Let's just go."

"Prove it. Show me your arm."

"What are you, a cop?"

"No, I just don't want Amy to skin us both alive if we get back and you did something stupid like hide an injury. So show me so at least one of us can get out of that alive."

"There's nothing you can do anyway."

"Don't care. Show me."

Sonic wrinkled his nose, and for a moment Scourge thought he'd just run off and drag Scourge down with him when they inevitably faced Amy's wrath, but then he dropped the hand cradling his arm and let Scourge get a good look at it.

And oh, ouch. Sonic's arm was bent harshly in a place it definitely wasn't supposed to be bent. No skin was broken, thankfully, but it was already turning a nasty shade of purple.

"See? Nothing you can do," Sonic bit out. "Let's just go. The sooner we get back, the sooner I can go see a doctor. Move it."

Scourge didn't. He just kept staring at the broken arm, discomfort churning his stomach. It wasn't that he was squeamish - he'd seen and caused plenty of broken bones after all - but seeing it on Sonic just looked... wrong. Sonic had an unreal amount of luck, and got out of most fights virtually unscathed. Scourge had been stuck in this dimension for a few months now, but this was the first time he'd seen Sonic with a serious injury, and it didn't sit well with him.

Nor did the pained grimace on his face, although knife to his throat Scourge couldn't put into words why it bothered him.

"Scourge."

"Hold still," Scourge said, "I'm gonna set it."

"Oh no, you're not fucking coming near it. No way do you know how to set a broken bone, and I'm not letting you fuck up my arm even more just so you can play nurse."

"I've set plenty of broken bones!" Mostly his own, since finding a trustworthy doctor in Moebius was about as likely as backflipping off the top of a tall building and landing feet first without snapping any bones, but still. Experience was experience, and his arms were no worse for wear from it, even if his ankles were a bit fucked.

"No. Fuck off. I'll let you amputate it before I let you set it."

"I'm not that bad!"

"No."

Scourge opened his mouth to argue further, but the glare Sonic sent his way was so vicious it promised he would bite Scourge's hand clean off if he tried.

"Fine," he huffed, shrugging off his jacket. "Come here then."

"Scourge-"

"I'm not gonna fucking set it you fucking baby. I'm just gonna put it in a sling."

Sonic eyed Scourge, then the jacket in his hands, like either of them would strangle him at the first opportunity presented. But he winced when he jostled his arm a little, and very, very reluctantly, nodded.

Scourge tied the sleeves of his jacket around the back of Sonic's neck as tight as he could. Sonic's quills kept instinctively flexing, and despite Scourge's best efforts to avoid them, they still pricked his hands.

"Watch it," Scourge hissed.

"You tell me how much control you have when someone's about to fuck with your broken arm," Sonic hissed back.

Rolling his eyes. Scourge double checked the sleeves were tightly tied and allowed the jacket to hang at just the right height, then helped Sonic ease his arm into the jacket to support it. Sonic hissed again, in pain this time, face scrunching up even further as his arm was jostled and jerked until it was settled.

"There," Scourge said, stepping back to admire his handiwork. "You were a little bitch over nothing."

"Fucking sorry for not wanting someone with no medical degree to fuck with my arm." The words were harsh, but there was no heat in his tone, so Scourge figured that was as close as he was going to get to a 'thank you.' "Now let's get out of here before more of Robotnik's minions show up."

"Sure."

They didn't race back like they normally did. There was no point, not with Sonic's arm broken; running would just dislodge the makeshift sling and jostle the arm even further, so just this once, it was better to take it slow, which Sonic definitely didn't look happy about. But hey, he was lucky enough Scourge was around to give him a makeshift sling, so he couldn't sulk too much.

"... Forty four."

"Eh?"

"That's how many robots I got."

"You're shitting me."

"Why are you still surprised? You know I'm better than you."

"The hell you are-"

"Then why do you keep losing?"

"'Cause you're fucking cheating somehow, I just know it."

"Unlike you, I don't need to cheat to win."

"I don't cheat to win!"

"My bad, you're right. That would require you actually winning."

"I can take that jacket back at any time."

"Do it, coward."

Scourge didn't. Told himself it just wasn't worth the nagging and whining he'd get when they got back to base, especially since Sonic would definitely rat him out. It definitely wasn't because he cared about Sonic's stupid broken arm that much.

And if the jacket sleeves began to loosen halfway home and Scourge retied them without a word, neither of them would say anything about it to anyone.

#sonic the hedgehog #scourge the hedgehog #fleetway sonic #stc sonic #fleet!sonourge #asks #fanfic #again i am SO SORRY this took so long to do #i told myself i wouldn't get to write anything else until i finished my chapter #realised very quickly that this would just lead to nothing getting done #did not finish the chapter btw it's still sitting there staring at me #but these two were more important #this isn't really frantically taking care of someone until help arrives since neither of them are frantic but i hope you enjoy anyway anon! #ooo new info on scourge's weak ankles that i definitely already knew and totally didn't just come up with while writing #i don't only form headcanons when i write fic what do you mean haha

[prince-tulip]

Im so sorry for what I've done...im trying to be a better person, its just hard when all I want to do is fix everything ive ever broken. Trying to grow and understand these horrible illnesses, impairments or injuries, whatever life may throw at me. Its a journey im trying to bring to an end..i want a beautiful life..

The bitterness is something i still struggle with, maybe it plays into my life, more than i wanna admit, the guilt and shame i feel in those situations alone makes me want to die. The unrelenting feeling of emptiness topped with a conflicting sense of invalidation. God, it is so ugly to feel..disgusting completely. I am disgusted with myself. I have a need for filling roles for people that i feel obligated to fill, its about that shame. Its about not knowing how to let go what needs to be let go because you dont understand what letting go is. Its about not giving into nostalgia. Not seeking validation in something that can no longer give you that, not falling in to bad habits or abusing drugs, abusing alchohol, abusing, sex, porn, anger, depression, hate, impulsiveness, just things that hurt you..im trying to be clean..im trying to break free..theres a big picture im trying to paint, im focused on me and trying to just be good to others.

I can be alone, i can be who i need to be right now to find who i will be later. Im strong and steadfast. I love you, all of you, anyone who ever was there or will be. Past, present and future. Im coming to terms, one day.

The pain was real, its real. The realization of my wrongs are real, the achingly painful emptiness is real. I need to feel it and face it. Face the realization. The realization that i mirror othed people. That i don't give people boundaries or myself.

The realization of it all...how was i so detached, so careless...i can blame it on all i can but it doesn't mean i didn't do anything..doesn't take away from the false reality i was living in, that i didn't understand that it literally tore me apart, changed me to hurt loved ones, its as if i wanted to get to a point to where i was so crazy and so fucked up. Split personality, split reality, split fucking brain, filled with contradictions and fears, making any kind of decision is aweful, it makes me change as a person, like i will die or the worst possible event will happen, it is unrelenting. Theres so many ways that i didnt know how to function without living in destruction. Was it my bpd? Was it my autism? Was it my anxiety? Was it the cognitive distortion? Or was it whatever defense mechanisms i made up in my head?...why wasn't i a better person to people i truly love? Or am i just not a capable of living normally with normal relationships?

Im in deep pain and i can only try to be a better person from here..thats all i can do, there's not much time left. I could die tomorrow. Which i act scared in that regard but i also have always had a weird feeling of relief in the thought of dying instantly, anywhere or anyway, whatever time or place.

Selfish, i know. Its too easy right? If i always thought about how i deserve nothing but punishment then why would i wish to die? For that would just bring peace.

My brain almost undoubtedly would go "oh thank goodness now i don't have to make that phone call now" and laugh with a hint of irony. Nervous in way of course as well. For why shouldn't i be? For if there was a heaven or hell, I do not in the slightest know where i would go. Probably somewhere in between if i had to guess.

#self healing #living with bpd #bpd thoughts #cognitive distortions #autistic burnout #mental health #bi polar #literature #im so so so sorry #im fucking exhausted #insecurities