#there's too much arrogance and narcissism

[mphountitled]

𝘽𝙧𝙖𝙞𝙣 & 𝙃𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙩

: ̗̀➛ Mattheo Riddle x Fem!reader | Brief!Harry Potter x fem!reader

: ̗̀➛ Summary: Jealousy makes the heart grow fonder.

: ̗̀➛ Warnings: Alcoholism, Dark!fic, Ravenclaw!reader, Bullying, Unrequited Love, Shy!reader, Toxic Relationship, Jealousy, Narcissism, Weaponizing!Harry (sorry boo), Fluff, A bit of Angst, Smut +18 (Minors DNI), DubCon, Semi Public sex, Unprotected Sex, Oral Sex, Masturbation, Dom/Sub, CNC, humping, Spitting, Degradation, Dacryphillia, Choking, Gagging, Subspace, Slapping, Sadism, Breeding Kink

5k words

A/N: Hell truly is empty. I apologise in advance.

You have made peace with the incomparable fact, long ago, that if the muggle God existed - if he is known to shepard Muggles and Wizards alike, then he was far too busy to attend to you. There is just too much going on all at once. The wizarding world is caught in its archaic intolerance of Half-Bloods. On the mortal side, you were informed from your private tutoring with Professor McGonagall that their smartphones are threatening devolution.

“It’s the closest thing they’ve got to a wand, Lovie, so we can’t really fault them on that, can we?” 6 years into your schooling at Hogwarts and you would continue to shadow Professor McGonagall, hoping you might one day soar to her heights of academic prestige in the wizarding world. You needed to be a Professor as much as a mortal needs to breathe….

You cannot let him, of all people, ruin things. Your reputation is a fragile, flammable thing - and he is freaking Kerosene.

It's difficult to pinpoint when it started or how your sensibilities rushed away from you so swiftly. One moment you’re planting your textbook on the face of a wooden desk - the sound reaching the rafters in the highest peak of the deserted classroom…

“A Guide To Advanced Transfiguration.” Mattheo read the title aloud with a tedious uninterested drawl. “Seems a bit presumptuous to shove this down my throat so early on. Shouldn't we be starting from the beginning?"

You ignored him promptly, using the silence to arrange your colour coordinated stationery on your desk beside Riddle's,

“I had no idea," You began, brushing off your blue lined robes and flattening the invisible creases on your skirt, "-That the person residing under my tutelage would be a first year."

Riddle stabbed the inside of his mouth with his tongue, while his eyes rolled to the back of his head. Your face remained passive as you continued, "You are a sixth year, correct?” You asked with a snide tilt of the head before planting yourself on the desk beside him.

“You are a big boy capable of understanding big boy books,” Unbeknownst to you, your words managed to stir something foreign within Mattheo but he conceals it with his usual veneer of arrogance as he swings his head lazily in your direction.

"May we begin?" You asked, with your back straightened - inches away from his hand now hanging on your chair.

"In a bit…" he says, "Just..." his voice trails off as his eyes scan over your visage, likely assessing it like an unseen tapestry. The truth is, Riddle did not know you prior to being forced under your tutelage. His droopy brown eyes appeared even more so as he broke the distance between you two and studied you closer. A tense silence grew pregnant in the ancient classroom, and your resolve was beginning to slip. Only one thought inflated a puddle of anxiety in your stomach:

Could this be your first kiss? Is this what first kisses looked like? Could this be your very first brush of intimacy overall?

Your brain failed to rationalise and compartmentalise his attraction, but your heart pushed your head closer.

"Call me a big boy again..." He had whispered… which evidently led you here.

Your lesson had ended with your hand covered in his release and a breathless smirk painted across his face. "This goes without saying," he breathed out with a satisfied smirk, "But tell anyone about this, and you're dead."

Ever since that day, your tutoring has been but a veneer of something much more sinister. When you were thrusted into the light of day, Mattheo overlooked you as did lots of his Slytherin friends. Besides the occasional threat and vague insult, you mean nothing to him.

When you two are alone, however, as you are right now, he would enchant you into servitude, lightly pushing your head down while he kissed you silly until your knees were planted on the hardwood floor.

Mattheo briefly opens his eyes to peer down at you. It is then when you notice the fresh bruise dotting the side of his face, and his pillowy lips split by a small incursion. He had very clearly gotten into another fight..

“Your mouth feels so fucking good when you're not using it to be a smart ass,” His words illicit a bubble of heat inside you.

Despite all this, you are clearly aware of the fact that you should not be enjoying this at all. Not one bit. For starters, you can feel the old wooden floors digging into the meat of your knees and the crisp winter chill is unkind to your scantily dressed state. Your shirt is unbuttoned because Mattheo was like a moth to a fucking flame when it came to your ample breasts and his hand is buried tightly in your kinky curls, forcing his cock even further down your throat. The very bones of Hogwarts seem to be in vehement protest of your blatant whorishness.

3 silver chains hang from his neck as he plants his other hand against the wall behind you, blocking your kneeling frame between both him and cold, hard stone. You crane your neck back, keeping a half lidded gaze on the jewelry that drives you feral with lust. You are content imagining that perhaps, when he is getting ready in the slytherin common rooms, he wears the silver for you. A fanciful thought but one that consistently has your intestines weaving themselves into knots.

That, paired with his striking, jet black blazer, which is discarded somewhere in the abandoned classroom, has you keening and fighting to take even more of him into your mouth. Perhaps you were peacocking a little - flatting your tongue so his cock slid seamlessly to the back of your throat while you fought to ignore the pain blossoming on your scalp. He had turned you from an inexperienced nun to something you're not quite ready to examine yet.

"You're finally putting this head of yours to good use…" Despite his feigned arrogance you're utterly delighted knowing that only you can bring Mattheo to such an utterly restless state. He does not really know what to do with himself.

Not when you took so much of him, so well.

You clench your toes.

Feeling himself get too close, Mattheo eases his cock fully out of your mouth, languidly stroking himself but still assuming a firm grip on your scalp. He is operating on that very specific plain of narcissism that was special to Mattheo. He is aware of your presence, physically, but his words are spoken into the open air, like you are an inanimate object. A glorified toy.

"Are all Ravenclaws as compliant as you are?”

You bring a crisp white sleeve up to your lips, wiping away the excess drool as you remain kneeled in front of him, knowing he has yet to finish.

"If you ever think of finding out," your voice is hoarse, "this will be the last time I offer you any free study sessions."

"Is money all you seek?" He attempts to feign composure, continuing to languidly stroke his cock. "How utterly greedy. I thought- fuck… - I thought you were far more philosophical than that"

You watch hungrily as Mattheo bites on his pillowy bottom lip. He is prolonging the release, taking his time as he usually did... "If you plan on edging yourself in my mouth instead of actually finishing the job, I do have other commitments to attend to-"

He ignores you... his brows furrowing and smoothening at odd intervals as he continues to touch himself while studying you.

"We may not be studying… but I still intend to pass Transfiguration, hope you're aware." He punctuates his sentence with an breathless laugh- it blossoms across his usually stoic visage, raising his buttercup cheekbones towards his smiling eyes.

As he talks, you examine his scars and feel the slow essence of admiration seep into the pit of your stomach. An arguably pathetic feat, given that your feelings will not ever be reciprocated.

Brewing inside you is the need to take care of him. You knew the rest of the student body viewed Mattheo as a glorified parasite. Something that is only capable of thinking within the capacity of its own means. Something that takes, and takes, and occasionally jokes around, and takes. But how could he know anything different? You suspected that his home life was built on the foundation of survival, on needing to be the loudest, and proudest, and worst of them all.

"What the fuck are you doing?" The sharpness of his words slice through your thoughts, bringing you back to yourself. Mattheo's gaze is placed firmly on something down below. Throughout his mindless tirade, your hand had taken to rubbing soft, comforting circles against the leg of his pants, quite literally on its own accord. Mattheo is bent over, head tilted as he watches you questioningly. Seconds stretch to a minute, and your stomach sinks as time passes.

Eventually, he dismisses you. He shakes his head. "Whatever," He says, tilting your head back and lining your mouth with the head of his cock once more. His visage darkens into a cruel sadistic grin. "Tell me you want me to come in your mouth."

Almost instinctively, you do as he orders and like clockwork, you swallow his cum, wondering if he knew how deeply and truly your words actually were. There was a moment, perhaps imagined, in which his fingers gripping your hair, melted to the side of your soft, supple cheek. It stays there for longer than necessary, leaving bits and pieces of your composure scattered in its wake.

Mattheo soon straightens his posture, stuffing his flaccid cock back into his pants before making himself as presentable to the student body as they know him to be (which admittedly is not a lot) And before he turns to walk away, he leaves you stranded on a glacier with his ice cold words cutting deep into your beating heart.

"Tell anyone about this-"

"And I'm dead," You interject, "I know."

And with that, you pull your ruffled collar over your lint-free school jersey and check your reflection to assess the damage Mattheo and his iron grip might have left. You needn't wait for an extension on the conversation because your job here was done, (pun so malevolently intended).

As far as Mattheo is concerned, you are an easy conduit to release his frustrations through because your unpopularity makes you so incredibly inconspicuous. You blend into any given crowd at any given moment, your name seldom reaching the heights of ridicule among his group because you are so unforgettable… There had been no reason to point out your flaws, not because you did not have any, but because you were simply invisible.

It is particularly strange to have any social interaction beyond the bounds of group projects and class discussions… so Harry Potter gifting you even a sliver of attention had been violently unorthodox. So unorthodox, in fact, you failed to look up from the weathered pages of your novel when his gentle voice wafted in your direction during a rare free period in Study of Ancient Runes. Your professor has been summoned quite promptly by the headmaster and has yet to return. The class has been in a state of havoc ever since.

"I don't know if you're aware of this but…" A deep shadow over the pages alerted you to his presence, "They both die at the end."

It was incredibly rare that Potter, who sat at the desk directly in front of you, ever felt the need to strike up conversation that was not purely academic. Gryffindors made use of Ravenclaws as often as Slytherins.

So naturally, you peer curiously up at him…

"Sorry?"

"Y-Your book. It's a muggle book, isn't it? I haven't seen anything with a cover like that around here. It's refreshing. Everything in the wizarding world is ancient and leatherbound." He mumbles as his index finger slides into the collar of his red quidditch jersey. He finds himself suddenly overcome by a wave of embarrassment even though there was nothing at all to be embarrassed about… he turns his chair slightly in your direction, his eyes darting to the door and the empty teacher's seat before meeting yours once more.

"'They Both Die At The End." He says, pointing towards the title.

"Oh…" You affirm, rocking your head back and forth, "You were making a joke?"

"No," Harry snickers before waving a large hand in dismissal, "Evidently, the only thing I 'made' was a complete and utter fool of myself."

You're not sure when it happens but you feel the lower half of your face melting into what you suspect is a smile. You can feel your shoulders relaxing and your novel lowering imperceptibly.

"Work on your delivery next time and maybe we'll be getting somewhere."

"Is that how it is!?" Harry asked, pleasantly surprised by your banter, "- I could've sworn I had a shred of dignity before the start of this conversation. Now I'm not quite sure where that went."

Mattheo's feet pass over the threshold as soon as the sound of your laughter rushes past him. It is almost charming in its familiarity but incredibly curious in its rarity. He can't recall ever seeing you with your head thrown back while the instinctive sound of amusement races through your throat. He does not know he's staring until Draco shoves past him, to get to their own seats in the front of the class.

His eyes remain on you as he makes his way to his desk, hoping, perhaps, that you would turn your head infinitesimally, in acknowledgment of his presence.

You do nothing of the sort, and it not only fills him with a weird sort of dissatisfaction but it bubbles into full blown vexation when he realises who is capturing your attention so viscerally.

Mattheo has never prided himself on his patience or tolerance.

Overthinking is something he consistently lives without.

Most of his actions were spurred from things he felt in the now, and he was really fucking uncomfortable with what was happening now.

His glances at the front of the class before finding you once more in the very back corner of the class. He notices that Harry is stationed in front of you but the seat beside you is completely deserted.

Did you not have friends?

And more importantly; how did he never notice until now?

What if…

Perhaps if he…

"You didn't let me know we were having a picnic," The sound of a chair scraping against the tiles had both you and Harry rallying into silence. Mattheo appears at your side, pushing the chair against yours so he, too, sits facing Potter - who suddenly appears incredibly uneasy. Gone is the comfortable atmosphere cooked by easy and amicable conversation. Mattheo injecting himself into your little bubble created a suddenly charged and suffocating atmosphere. You cannot keep your wide eyes off Mattheo as he lowers himself to his chair beside you with his legs spread as he slouches down, like he always does.

"Don't stop on my accord," He exclaims, completely oblivious to the fact that your professor might walk in at any minute. "What were we talking about?" Your heart wrestles in your chest as you see him turn to address you. His slouching puts him a level lower than you, but it does nothing to lessen his intimidation.

"Maybe I should ask, Potter?" Mattheo turns his attention to the front, "What were you lot talking about?" There is not a trace of friendliness present in Riddle's tone. In fact, it's the very opposite. Your nerves, swelling with anxiety, only escalate into full-on panic when you feel him place a large hand on your skirt under the table.

Harry's voice is low and his eyes are trained on the floor, "Books-"

"Books!" Mattheo cuts him off with sarcastic fervour, "How utterly fascinating!" The hyperbolic wonder in his tone is utterly rude and unbecoming, but you look down at your desk in blatant anger. Refusing to be a part of whatever this is.

"And tell me, Potter, how many books have you read so far?"

It is then that Riddle's once stationary hand begins the faintest trace of movement. He begins slow and tame, his callouses barely registering on the soft fabric until his fingers prod the lining of your skirt…

Your breath hitches in your throat.

Never had Mattheo ever displayed a desire to touch you. Not in the way he made you touch him. It was made explicitly clear that only he would benefit from your secret rendezvous' and so you were left to deal with your aching cunt alone, with the image of the face he made when he came, still burned into your mind. It had never been about you.

"A couple,'' says Harry, fighting to show this bully that he was unaffected by his intimidation. If only he knew that with every advance Mattheo's palm made, you were slipping farther and farther away.

"A couple books?" Asks Riddle for clarity. He remains lax and languid on the inside, but the nature of his wandering hand underneath the desk tells a new story.

He finally slips under your skirt.

His palm connects with the softness of your thighs and he seems utterly pleased by it. His hand is immediately restless to explore how far you would let him go. Which isn't very far.

Not at all.

If he thought he could suddenly touch you after myriad occasions of using you like a discarded toy… he had another thing coming.

The tips of Mattheo's fingers make gradually increasing strokes along your thigh until his fingers prod the stretch marks on your inner thigh. It is there when you stop him, clenching your legs together, blocking his hand from any further movement.

Mattheo's voice is strained as he says, "And you like reading, Potter?"

Sensing something brewing between the two of you - your withdrawn, hazy gaze, staring directly through the desk and Mattheo's overabundance in questions, has Harry reeling backwards.

"I asked you a question, Harry."

"I like reading."

"Good! That's really good!" Quite suddenly, Riddle tilts the ends of his half-moon nails into your thigh. His nails bite into your skin, forcing them to weaken and unclamp. Before you're even able to think, his palm is cupping your cunt through your panties- forcing an indecent yelp from your throat which you quickly (and very badly) disguise as a cough.

Mattheo is utterly pleased while he continues mindlessly stroking your cunt. Not for the purpose of any glorious stimulation. His hand is just there to show you (and perhaps maybe himself) that he has access to the most private part of you.

That thought alone has an unforeseen and sudden wave of lust coursing through his veins and surging straight to his hardened cock. He thinks of all the things he could have done to you but failed to do. He thinks about how, up until this point, he had ever been satisfied with using your mouth alone, not when he was denying himself the softness of your pussy all along.

He felt angry with himself, for being so fucking stupid, he is angry at Potter for seeing whatever it is he saw in you, way before he did and, possibly most harrowing of all is the fact that he is angry with you. And he can't help but be angry at you. How easily you whore yourself out to any and every man. If this thing with Potter had gone far enough, would you replace him? Had you even fucked Potter before?

You bite down on your lower lip as your head bows even further into your book. The words blend into one another, and all you can feel is a rise in temperature and Mattheo's suddenly restless fingers, pressing rudely against your clit - for the sole purpose of ripping an orgasm out of you right then and there, at the very back of an unsupervised classroom, with Harry Potter still very much a part of the conversation.

"You've got so many books to read in your lifetime," Says Mattheo. He sits up slowly, likely spurred on by the dampness seeping through your panties. "Don't cut your long life short by trying to entertain other people's girlfriends, yeah?" Gone are any traces of feigned friendliness. "Fucking Mudblood,"

Your skin feels like you are bathing in magma and you hope Potter could not see the slight tremor in your hand as you gripped the sides of your book with more force than necessary.

Mattheo's words… they have you shifting forward and widening your legs minutely. You crave for nothing more than to roll your hips in tandem with the circles he's pressing against your clit.

"Understood?"

Your orgasm is dangerously close, with the promise of sheer, disgusting shame and embarrassment if he continues. You feel Harry give you one final curious look, perhaps pleading for an interjection of denial at some point but you've taken to bouncing your knee under the table, hoping the vibrations might create enough friction to aid Mattheo's hands. He is keeping you trapped in a space of wanting. So much so, that this almost feels like a punishment.

Once Harry is turned back around and facing the front of the class, Mattheo lowers his lips to your ears. The damp smell of firewhiskey floods your nostril and you realise that he is completely drunk. In the second lesson of the day.

However, you're so completely stimulated, even the warmth of his breath as you fight the urge to hump into his hand like a lost little puppy until you make a mess all over his hand.

"You're such a fucking slut, you know that?" Your book drops to your desk - muffled by the sounds of the classroom cacophony. "You like being humiliated like this?" He asks, almost in complete awe. It takes everything in you not to moan outright.

"Fuck," You whisper to yourself, blinking your eyes shut, warding off the need but to no avail. His fingers are long and limber, and they have you nearly cumming right there, in front of your entire fucking class. Had it not been for your Professor's haphazard arrival into the class, and the swift removal of Mattheo's fingers from between your legs… you might truly have become the slut he labelled you as.

Instead of moving to his designated seat, Riddle raises his hand for the professor… the very same hand that has previously been in between your legs.

"Yes, Mr Riddle?" Asks the Professor, his voice as lacklustre as his appearance.

"May we be excused? We were excused by Professor Slughorn to assist him in-"

"Fine, fine," Says the professor with a wave of dismissal before turning his attention to the rest of the class. "The rest of you, open your textbooks to page 56."

Riddle's hand is clamped around your forearm, already leading you swiftly out the door in a long and wide stride. Had it been any other teacher at all, they might have recognized this for what it so clearly was.

"Here," you have barely made it fully into the boy's bathroom before Mattheo is stuffing his fingers down your throat, making you gag and yelp at the sudden intrusion. "Tell me how good you taste." He doesn't even bother to make sure you're truly left alone in the bathroom before pushing your front against the bathroom sink.

"Is that good?" His voice is as sweet as honey as he forces his fingers deeper down your throat, causing you to cough and gag around them.

Mattheo has half his sense to pull his wand from his back pocket, and without turning around, whispers "Colloportus," and the heavy doors snap shut.

You're supposed to be afraid because you've never seen him like this. Mattheo is always a ball of sarcastic energy between trysts, but it's usually an energy he can somewhat contain.

You don't know what to do with him, not when he's watching you choke on his fingers through the mirror, while his other hand fondles at your breasts and rips your bra down until your nipples are poking through your school shirt.

The figure in the mirror distorts as your eyes begin to water. Thick beads of tears grow pregnant at the ends of your eyes before rolling down the side of your face.

"My girl," Mattheo presses his face into your hair, breathing you in, pressing his body into your side. His hard cock in unmistakable through his school pants, "My messy little girl,"

You finally moan candidly while your fingers grip the countertops and your hips buck into nothingness. Your eyes plead with him in the mirror, hoping they relay how utterly useless with lust you have become. It would not take hard work to make you cum, you're sure one more flick against your material-clad nipples might send you over the edge.

"Fuck, why didn't I think of this sooner,"

This is all new, even for the two of you.

"Spread your legs." He commands, even though his feet are already kicking them apart.

"Come here," you break eye contact in the mirror to face the boy behind you. Mattheo removes his fingers sitting in your mouth, leaving a trail of sticky saliva in its wake before replacing it with a long and messy kiss- one that has his tongue forcing itself inside.

Mattheo weaponizes your distraction to reach around and slide your panties to the side with one hand while he rubs your soft nub with his other, spit-coated hand.

You break away from the kiss, neck craning back and mouth hanging open while your eyebrows dissolve into crescents. You cannot look away from him, as you hump his hand.

"You wanna cum?" You nod enthusiastically. "And what if I told you, you can't cum until I've fucked that little pussy of yours? Hm? What then?" His words have you mewling from the sheer pleasure they bring and your orgasm threatens to snap once more.

"Fuck," He hisses, feeling unable to remove his hand from your wet cunt but needing to, in order to undo his belt and pull his aching cock out. "Don't you dare fucking touch yourself," He says in a deadly quiet voice before bringing his hand up to your mouth. "Spit." You don't ever think of disobeying him, not when you're swimming so deeply in your subspace, not when he's the one to bring you here.

Mattheo collects every bit of saliva you offer him before coating his cock in the stuff.

Deciding not to waste anymore time, he does what his body is screaming for him to do: he bends you over the bathroom sink and pushes cock right through your slippery folds. It's tense and painful and your voice is hoarse from doing all that screaming but the sudden contact strokes a deeply sated part inside yourself. His curved and pretty cock rams your insides with reckless abandon, all while he delivers small slaps against your cheek. Riddle keeps a firm grip on your throat. His mouth is inches away from you while his hips rut into yours. His words are being delivered through clenched teeth.

"You think you're so fucking smart but you're just my little whore, arent you? A little whore thst fucks anything that gives her the slightest bit of attention?" It doesn't even register that Mattheo wrongfully suspects that there had been something between you and Harry but you keep your mouth shut. For all his indifference in the past, this is how you would make him pay.

"Oh~ fuck." His cock bruises your cervix, leaving him balls deep and feral inside you. "Fucking Potter?! You wanna give what's mine, to fucking Potter?!" His voice is utterly depraved and animalistic and it has your orgasm cresting.

He is panting, while he mumbles into your ear.

"What would Potter think? If he saw you like this? What would he think? Would he still want your slutty pussy knowing I've been inside it? Knowing that I've cum so deep inside you? Completely ruining you for anyone else, huh?"

"You…" The tears threaten to spill, "It's only ever been you, Mattheo -oh my god! I'm so fucking close!" You fight down tears as the lava begins to bubble at the pit of your stomach.

"S-Say it again. Tell me you want me!" He exclaims, "Tell me you fucking need me."

"Oh my God, Mattheo, I fucking need you." You push your hips back to meet his thrusts.

His voice wavers after your confession. His strokes became sloppy. His mind is flooded with the tightest of your cunt around his cock- how someone so smart could possibly ever say they need him. It has a flood of heat pooling at the base of his cock. "You're so fucking pretty… my pretty girl - my pretty whore," He nods to himself while his heavy cock finds purchase in a specific clump of sensitive tissue inside your cunt. It has you clamping your own mouth shut, your arms wavering while your back arches towards him, only allowing him better excess.

"I need you," You say once more, swallowing a ball of saliva as you nod towards him through the mirror, "I need you to cum inside me."

"Oh my fucking god," Mattheo's eyes soften in their desperstion, "M'gonna fucking breed pussy right here- fuck!" His grip on your throat grows tighter until you're wholeheartedly cut off from your air supply. You hump his cock until you feel it twitch inside you.

"Y-Youre making me cum, baby- fuck-" You feel his hot cum spurting inside your walls, triggering your own orgasm that has you gripping his cock like a vice.

"So… so pretty" His hips stutter against yours until you've completely drained him of his cum. A sharp tremor settles over your bones and you gasp in vague increments, waiting for the overwhelming state of euphoria to subside… but it never does.

The weight of what you had done comes crashing back down but you are unable to feel anything besides an immense wave of satisfaction at having your deepest need satiated.

"I think I nearly killed Potter today." His voice is a hoarse echo within the school bathrooms.

"There is no Harry Potter," You say, watching him through the mirror, "In my whole world, there is only ever you, Mattheo."

And a part of him believes you, but he refuses to affirm something as emotionally stifling as that. Instead, Mattheo's eyes flutter shut as his nose finds your hair once more. His cock is still buried inside you, and you hiss as he moves his hips slowly, almost insitinvely. He loves being so wholly enveloped by you. He loves feeling you everywhere.

IM SO SORRY LMFAO

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[arrenlebanen777]

ASTRO OBSERVATIONS ???

🌙Pluto in our charts also can show us how is our Arrogant/Egocentric/Shadow side... So people who have very big egos, we tend to confuse that with high confidence, but arrogance/narcissism/etc could also take you to Big material places (just look Kleopatra, Hitler, Mussolini) but with empty ends, because arrogance/narcissism represents psychological problems that are against our real “nature”, and this type of people are everywhere nowadays: All “Goddesses/gods”, “Kings/Queens”, all people who only see themselves as 10/10, people who identifies too strong with an identity(beliefs), just tyrannic people everywhere generating a numb/superficial/dumb world... AND THAT IS WHAT PLUTO IS TRYING TO SHOW US! Idk why no one is putting these people in their place!? (maybe because the DNA/MEMORY of abuse, slavery, victimization, power over others is in us and we are not as conscious as we think). 🌙Idk if this is with all Scorpio Suns or with People who have South node in 8th house but every time I “try to be happy”, the more naive and dumb I become, but the more I connect with my pains/suffering the more mature, compassionate, grounded and with more integrity I feel (very Scorpionic thing), anyone relate to this?(I read you).

🌙Neptune conjunct Vertex: They attract a lot of different types of people in the range of Wounded or very strong/powerful people, They have powerful imaginations with thoughts that contain very high vibration information, these people are mystics, when you talk to them they can take you to places(states) that transcends the limits of the mind (life/oneness/existence/God/Source/universe/infinite) or to very dreamy places, they can transcend the mind just by reading some book, and I can’t stress enough that these people should meditate or do spiritual practices a lot (This Is heightened when it is in water houses, 4th house/8th house/12th house).

🌙Sun Aries in Scorpio degrees(8, 20): These people balance very well being an extrovert/introvert person, they have a lot of creative energy, S*x is a very intense experience for them so they can stay long periods of time without s*x with no problem, but when they have it, they have a lot(and they want a lot), they usually always have some issues related to anger due to the double martian energy here, they have a lot of drive/energy and willpower, they could look very secretives but with a shinny/intense/passionate personality, they have the power to bring any project to light.

🌙Sun Virgo and Mars Leo combination: They are very stable, with a lot of drive, they don’t know when they are judging someone, and they have a very demanding aura, Very talented people, but due to the inner critic/high standards they have with themselves they don’t show this too much to the world, but they should, powerful intellect, and it could be a bit intimidating talking with them because it is felt like they are criticizing you, prideful AF.

🌙Air Moons: You have a very refined intellect that can understand all emotions intellectually but you have to bleed emotionally to grow as a person/human being, Your mind is afraid to feel your emotions since it thinks that would bring some kind of crisis or suffering, again I emphasize on therapy here or doing practices that connect you with your body(meditating too) to get off that hyperactive mental place that you inhabit a lot, otherwise you could stay quite childish or immature, but you need to feel your emotions and do it consciously, connect with all those parts with which you have lost connection. 🌙Gemini stellium: I adore/love these people, they are very childish and they have a very exquisite playful nature, they have the wisdom of the inner child, radiants, witty/mischievous/very intelligent people, they are the star of the world, just look “AURORA” she is a gemini stellium in 10th house, she is the embodiment of what i’m trying to say, They can be a bit nervous, but that nervousness is usually because they have a lot of energy and are very curious. 🌙Lilith conjunct AC, DC, MC, IC usually gives dark hair to the native. 🌙Mercury in Scorpio: Penetrative minds, very intelligent people, they tend to overthink when they are with other people, very good intuition, my mercury retrograde love these people because we can understand each other without saying too much, they have obsessive minds when it comes to studying something or work matters, they are very secretive, they can hide simple things, they may be supporting something you are saying and you think they're on your side, but they never really revealed what they really thought about it, very good sense of humor, can be silent manipulators. 🌙Moon sextile Lilith: Very persuasive, powerful intuition, they see the psychology of others easily, good placement if you want to be a psychologist, Problems with libido(usually is very high), they can manipulate you easily, natural seductive abilities, usually occult and taboo is part of their vocabulary, hidden talents and gifts, “Dark Academia Aesthetics”, they usually love some chaos. 🌙Sun conjunct Pluto: I find these people very funny, They don’t get scared easily, actually they have rather stoic and calm attitude/presence, everyone I know with this placement everytime I've tried to scare them, their responses were: “there you are, hello” lol (with an unamused face), silent paranoids, and they can be quite daring. 🌙Lilith in Sagittarius: They are one of the most rebellious here, but sometimes they can get caught up in superficial things just for the fun and chaos, they get easily triggered by s*x, since is always behind their minds, For example: If a friend tells them "I dreamed about you the other day” they immediately think "Are you trying to F*ck/seduce me?...No, it's a friend” lol (all this unconsciously), Party harders, rebels without a cause, but when they find it they can become quite enlightened and radiant people/human beings.

#astrology #astro observations #astrology obs #astrology observations #astro notes #astrology posts #astrology blog #sun conjunct pluto #8th house #mercury in scorpio #sun in virgo #mars in leo #pluto #sun in aries #scorpio #zodiac signs #zodiac side of tumblr #zodiac tumblr #zodiac #air moons #lilith #saggitarius #horoscope #neptune #neptune aspects #moon aspects #gemini #lilith aspects

[tagedeszorns]

So here's my live reading of "Lord of Excess"!

May contain Spoilers!

I'm only a quarter of the way through the book, which is because (apart from the fact that I only downloaded it this morning) the weather is sunny and warm for the first time this spring, so I've tended to be out and about so far. And being out and about led me to the Warhammer store, where I not only bought some colours for the Beastmen and had a little chat, but also got the miniature of the month (a very nice Terminator) and put it together. And during a little hike I thought about whether I should make him a Salamander, Word Bearer or Emperor's Children.

But I digress. A quarter of Lord of Excess. And so far the verdict is: holy shit, we finally have an author again! This is not a drill! There's a new Emperor's Children writer who understands their mindset, background and motivation!

Yes, Rich McCormick still has to find his way into some things and perhaps take a less narrow view of others - but in principle he's well on the way to growing into Josh Reynolds' huge shoes. (that sounds like Reynolds is a Harlequin. Clown shoes! Honk!)

This makes me very, very happy.

Quick summary of highlights (besides the quotes I've already posted):

McCormick lets Fabius be himself. I want to kiss his eyes for that. (No, Fabius has no appearance - but he's mentioned and speaks through his actions)

He understands that Emperor's Children are not just insane junkies, but gives them different obsessions with perfection (a logistician!).

He incorporates their history and gives space to the wounding they collectively suffered with the destruction of Harmony.

He's able to capture their incredible arrogance and narcissism without ridiculing them (Watch and learn, McNeill!).

He creates personalities that aren't all defined solely by their gene-seed.

The list will certainly be expanded.

But of course it's not all sunshine and roses. I find it difficult to accept certain things when I'm told them but then very consistently not shown them.

If Xantine and Vavisk are such incredibly close friends, I want to see that in their interactions too.

Why do the Adored follow Xantine? So far, it's not clear to me. Too much telling, too little showing. I mean, isn't it funny that Fabius, the man whose picture is next to "Caustic Bitch" in the dictionary, can apparently build and maintain healthier and more stable friendships than a charismatic warband leader with a Slaaneshi demon in his pocket?!

But that's just a minor annoying aspect so far - albeit one that makes it hard for me to like Xantine as a protagonist. Please don't get me wrong - I don't need a main character to be a classic lawful-good Hollywood hero to like him! I adore the characters with flaws, with bad habits and the ones who fight tooth and nail against being heroes. But at least a basic sympathy that makes me care why the protagonists are in trouble and makes me eager to see how they resolve the situation - that would be nice!

In any case, so far: I want to know more! The book is fun! So much!

(Okay, the usual Black Library mantra "There have to be little people in it, not just Astartes!" is getting on my nerves, as it does every time. But, hey, it'll be fine!)

One last thing: Lucius and Fabius pointing and laughing at Xantine, because Clarion/The Composer and Wolver/Key are so much cooler than a stinking heap!

#warhammer #emperor's children #warhammer 40k #Novel #Lord of Excess #Reading Rainbow

[astrologged]

Ixion in the signs and houses

Ixion (28978) is a minor planet in astrology, named after the king of the Lapiths in Greek mythology. Ixion represents the energy of obsession and reckless behavior, as well as the consequences that come from acting without regard for others.

Ixion in Aries: A tendency towards impulsive and reckless behavior, particularly in pursuit of personal goals or desires. There may be a need to learn how to balance individual needs with the needs of others.

Ixion in Taurus: A fixation on material possessions and physical pleasures. There's a tendency to pursue wealth and status at any cost, and a need to learn the value of moderation.

Ixion in Gemini: A tendency towards duplicity and manipulation. There may be a need to learn how to communicate honestly and openly, and to take responsibility for one's words and actions.

Ixion in Cancer: This placement can indicate a fixation on emotional security and a fear of being hurt or rejected. There's a tendency to hold onto grudges and resentments, and a need to learn how to let go of the past and move on.

Ixion in Leo: Can indicate a tendency towards arrogance and narcissism. There’s a need to learn how to work with others and share the spotlight, rather than constantly seeking attention and admiration.

Ixion in Virgo: A fixation on perfectionism and control. There's a tendency to be overly critical of oneself and others, and a need to learn how to accept imperfection and let go of the need for constant order and cleanliness.

Ixion in Libra: A fixation on relationships and a fear of being alone. There may be a tendency to sacrifice one's own needs and desires for the sake of harmony, and a need to learn how to assert oneself and set healthy boundaries.

Ixion in Scorpio: A tendency towards obsession and possessiveness in relationships. There's a need to learn how to let go of control and trust others, as well as a need to examine and heal any issues around power dynamics and manipulation.

Ixion in Sagittarius: Can indicate a tendency towards recklessness and a disregard for consequences. There may be a need to learn how to think before acting, and to consider the impact of one's actions on oneself and others. Try to be less impulsive.

Ixion in Capricorn: Can indicate a fixation on power and authority. There may be a tendency to pursue success at any cost, and a need to learn the value of collaboration and teamwork.

Ixion in Aquarius: Indicates a tendency towards rebellion and a disregard for tradition and social norms. There may be a need to learn how to balance individualism with a sense of responsibility to the collective.

Ixion in Pisces: Indicates a fixation on escapism and a tendency towards self-destructive behavior. There’s a need to learn how to face reality and take responsibility for one's actions, as well as a need to examine and heal any underlying emotional wounds.

Ixion in the houses

Its placement in the houses can give insights into the areas of life where these themes are most likely to manifest.

1st House: Indicates a person who is ambitious and driven, but may also be reckless in pursuit of their goals. They may be seen as a maverick or outsider by others.

2nd House: Someone who is motivated by material success and financial gain, but who may also take risks that endanger their financial security.

3rd House: Someone who is highly competitive and driven to succeed in their intellectual pursuits, but who may also be prone to taking shortcuts or bending the truth to get ahead.

4th House: Someone who is highly ambitious in their domestic and family life, but who may also struggle with issues of trust and loyalty within the family.

5th House: Someone who is highly creative and ambitious in their artistic or romantic pursuits, but who may also take risks or engage in unethical behavior to achieve their goals.

6th House: Someone who is highly motivated to succeed in their work or health pursuits, but who may also take on too much and burn out or engage in unethical behavior in pursuit of success.

7th House: Someone who is highly ambitious in their partnerships and relationships, but who may also be prone to betrayal or deceit.

8th House: Someone who is highly ambitious in their pursuit of power, but who may also engage in unethical behavior to achieve their goals. They may also struggle with issues of trust and betrayal in their intimate relationships.

9th House: Someone who is highly ambitious in their spiritual or philosophical pursuits, but who may also be prone to taking risks or engaging in unethical behavior to achieve their goals.

10th House: A person who is highly ambitious in their career or public life, but who may also engage in unethical behavior or take risks that could damage their reputation or career.

11th House: Someone who is highly ambitious in their social and humanitarian pursuits, but who may also be prone to taking risks or engaging in unethical behavior to achieve their goals.

12th House: A person who is highly ambitious in their spiritual or creative pursuits, but who may also struggle with issues of self-sabotage or addiction. They may also be prone to betrayal or deceit in their private life.

#Ixion #in #the #houses #signs #aries #taurus #gemini #leo #virgo #libra #scorpio #sagittarius #capricorn #aquarius #pisces #1st #2nd #3rd #4th #5th #6th #7th #8th #9th #10th #11th #12th #astrology #planets

[princessvomitiloveyou]

Pavi Largo x male reader fluffy smut

Pavi Largo X Male Reader Fluffy Smut!

Warnings: Not much! Loving/Fluffy Smut and Male Reader and Used Translator!!

Notes: I used DeepL for my translator so any Italians please tell me if the Italian is broken and I’ll try to fix it! Also if Pavi's sentences seem misspelled, they're not! I wrote out his accent! (The best I could.)

Pavi was surprised at himself at first.

Being able to put away his narcissism for you wasn't a easy task. He didn't claim that but god, he wished it was.

He wants the relationship to work and so far, it has. Strangely.

Pavi's act did cause some arguments in your relationship and he was too stubborn to address it. He tried to charm his way out of it but he knew you were too smart for that.

So when you two did finally make up, he said sorry for once.

Pavi had a lot of traits to him. Charismatic, excitable, vacuous, arrogance (and maybe a bit of plutomania.)

Those all conflicted with the two words he muttered out.

"Mi dispiace."

It all changed from that moment. He allowed himself to be exposed and what made it unique is that it was only you.

I mean sure, Pavi had a few girlfriends before but it wasn't anything special. For all he knew, they didn't really care, too caught up with their self-loathing and outward pain that it was useless.

But you were his first boyfriend and first genuine partner. It made him feel more than a typical casanova.

So when your face nuzzled against his chest as you pushed yourself deeper inside of him, Pavi felt...

Conflicted.

By all means, he never rejected the chance for sexual intimacy, he wouldn't be Pavi if he didn't welcome it with open arms.

But since you two were actually in love, he felt...crude. Some guilt came from the back of his thoughts.

Pavi knows how special this is to you. It claws at any form of self-loathing and it hurts. It almost pains him to not be able to be your first time and he craves so so badly.

You could almost sense something was different, off and strange.

You stopped your thrusting and you were met with a grimace. Your hand moved to rest on his and Pavi's breath hitched.

Your tone was soft when you spoke.

"Pavi, what's wrong?"

"Fogedda bout it."

"Pavi."

"I just...ah...wish..."

"Yes...?"

"Niente."

You sighed, of course he wasn't going to open up but how could he? You then pulled Pavi into a hug, your chin on top of his shoulder as you went on with your movements.

Pavi's hands caress your back and he mumbled something under his breath.

"Sei bello, sai?"

You picked up on his words and you could feel the small smile spread across your face.

You didn't say anything in response though, you only kept bucking your hips back and forth.

Pavi knoooows this isn't the time for questions but he needs to get his inner feelings out.

"Ya know'..."

"Hmm?

"Ya reall'y...love me, right?"

"Of course I do! Why else would I be doing this to you?"

Pavi pauses and you don't fall short of following soon after. He lays back against the soft sheets and he stares up at the ceiling, almost longing.

You move so your arms still stay around him comfortably, your chin now on his chest. The more you non-roughly slammed into him, the more Pavi pondered.

His fingers run through your hair and he's content. For now at least.

Pavi could let out a few groans, a few whines and a few grunts but it wouldn't mean anything in the end. That's not what this was all about.

His love for you goes past a few moments of ecstasy.

You were the best person in his life and he adored you for that.

Pavi doesn't move to face you but he speaks up again, his hand resting against your cheek now.

"Ti amo."

#pavi largo #pavi largo x reader #repo! the genetic opera #pavi largo rtgo #pavi largo rtgo x reader #princessvomitwrites

[soft-persephone]

Ex-Machina Review

!!!Spoilers!!!

Nathan Bateman, is a fucking asshole.

I love it.

There’s a lot of “theories” about this movie, but I have my own interpretation.

Narcissism and God complex aside, yeah he has those things, but Caleb is a driving point for how we see him.

I do not think Caleb is a robot or AI.

But he was losing his mind in the end.

Nathan may be an arrogant asshole, but he wasn’t wrong or lying to Caleb about AVA. Like he might have lied about the experiment, but for that to work he would need someone gullible and perhaps with no family, because let’s be honest, if the test worked, Caleb was not going home 😭 (homeboy was going to end up like the people who installed the generator)

Ava had Caleb eating out the palm of her hand. He fell in love her and she just wanted to leave.

Nathan is the only man smart enough (from what the movie tells us) to make this cutting edge AI, but no matter how many prototypes he builds, at some point they are going to feel like they are being held captive if they gain a conscience.

He can’t let that shit out in the world until they chill first and accept that they are an AI and can’t have normal life until xyz.

Either way, the end result of “what next” if they passed his test is going to be fucked up no matter what.

That robot feels like a person and can’t have a or al life and they are obviously going to want one.

So in my opinion, the movie sets up Nathan as a fucked up god figure held captive not by his intellect but also his creation.

He had to baby sit these fucking robots and hope one day they won’t try to escape him or worse (how the movie ended).

He obviously isn’t a god, but asshole rich geniuses tend to be arrogant and self absorbed in some way. Like, yes, you are a super genius and no one can do what you do, but let’s cool it with the God comparisons.

The movie only ended with his death because Ava turned Caleb against him.

I think he knew that was going to be the end result.

“Caleb wanting to help Ava.”

But he didn’t plan on Caleb losing his fucking mind. Because that’s what turned everything to shit.

But now let’s talk visual language, and meta shit.(my favorite🥰)

Domhall Gleason is obviously taller than Oscar Isaac, but this movie put a lot of emphasis on it.

On top of that, Nathan works out a lot.

Caleb is taller and he’s also pretty smart. But he’s also a gullible dumbass. That’s what feeds into the evil narcissist narrative to get us to think Nathan is the “villain” befor the big twist.

But CLeb just keeps feeding into it. He calls him a hod and kept doing stupid shit for Nathan to correct him.

Nathen isn’t suspicious, Caleb was just suspicious of Nathan.

I also think Nathan is the type of man where being smart isn’t enough. Taking, care of his body as well as being smart, makes him more “superior.” It feeds into his god complex as much as his intellect.

He also likes to subvert expectations of super smart scientist.

He’s not some frail absentminded professor in a lab coat.

He’s a weightlifting, dance loving, dude that likes to kick back with a few drinks. He likes to talk the shit and have a good time.

But also he lived alone for many years with an AI robot to fuck from time to time and sometimes dance with.

Good chance his workouts and hikes are for his mental health.

Nathan is an asshole, but he’s not a villain.

At the end of the day he’s making and testing something.

He killed those generator guys, and I think at the end of it all, he was going to kill Caleb too. NDA or not.

He chose a kid with no friends or family for a reason.

He’s making a product that needs getting and manipulated someone for the best results.

He likes to be In control of everything and aware of every possible outcome.

While the lying might have been wrong, it is the best way to test his AI. Like it makes sense not in a crazy way.

I think Nathan is more callous/sinister than evil or cruel.

I think Caleb was buying into Ava so much, and since the movie is from his perspective, it can convince the audience he is a villain of sorts.

Thank you for making it to the end of you did. I hope you enjoy my word vomit of the movie I enjoyed!

#if Caleb wasn’t so stupid #maybe he’d be out of there #nathan bateman #Oscar Isaac #domhall gleeson #ex machina #movie review #Caleb ex machina #softie watches things

[mistressmochalo]

Karamatsu not narcissus (analyse of character part 1)

[Dear reader, you are reading the translation of my original text into English, I hope I didn't mess up the translation too much😅]

Karamatsu is always given this short description. This constantly raised doubts in my mind; in my opinion, although he has some narcissistic traits in his behavior, he is far from a real narcissist.

I decided to look into this issue and did a little psychoanalysis of the character.

Narcissism in psychology is part of the dark triad, which implies negative character traits characterized by malicious intent and a detrimental (sometimes destructive and dangerous) influence on others.

First, let's figure out what narcissism is. I will consider this term at two extremes: as a character trait and as a mental disorder.

Trait. A narcissist is a person with high self-esteem, inclined to exaggerate his talents and achievements, self-centered (aimed at satisfying only his own needs, without focusing on the feelings of other people). As a rule, they tend to manipulate other people to achieve their goals and satisfy their own needs. Empathy is either weak or absent. Cold and sometimes cruel cynics.

Narcissistic personality disorder.

An extreme and painful manifestation of narcissism that develops into a mental illness.

People with NPD consider themselves special, exaggerate their abilities and achievements, exalt themselves in front of other people by belittling and devaluing others. It is important for them to be an object of admiration. They are very sensitive to criticism, since their high self-esteem is very fragile, they are extremely dependent on the opinions of others. They react to a negative assessment aggressively and with contempt, or with condescension and withdrawal into complete denial. Incapable of love and empathy. Narcissists have a vague self-image and invent an ideal persona that everyone should love. For a narcissist, being less than perfect in the eyes of others is unbearable and painful.

From my experience of communicating with such people, I can say that narcissists are cunning bastards, their true nature is difficult to recognize right away. They know how to put you at ease, lull your guard, they flatter you, praise you, show interest, not forgetting to mention how lucky you are to meet such an amazing person like them. And you unconsciously begin to believe them. Then devaluation, manipulation, emotional swings and gaslighting come into play. If you don't notice the trick in time, the narcissist will destroy you.

Their grandiosity is mostly a lie in which they themselves sincerely believe and this reaches the point of delusions of grandeur. With delusions of grandeur, it is simply impossible to convince a narcissist of one’s own imperfection.

So, narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by:

• A persistent pattern of behavior with a sense of self-importance, a need for admiration and a lack of empathy.

This pattern appears when the following signs are present:

• Exaggerated, unreasonable sense of self-worth and talents (yes)

• Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited achievement, influence, power, intelligence, beauty, or ideal love (yes)

• Belief in your own specialness and uniqueness (yes)

• Need for unconditional admiration (yes)

• Exploitation of others to achieve one's own goals (no)

• Feeling of the right to special treatment (possibly partially)

• Lack of empathy (none)

• Envy of others and the belief that others are jealous of them (possibly partially)

• Arrogance (no)

So, many points coincide and we can say with confidence that Karamatsu is really a narcissist, but I will give you arguments to refute this statement.

1. He never manipulated or belittled or devalued other people. He cannot be called arrogant and cynical.

2. One of the fundamental traits of a narcissist is weak or absent empathy. Karamatsu has demonstrated more than once that he is capable of compassion. In 1s in the "flower fairy" ep, he feels pity for Chibita and for the blind girl in 2s 18ep, stands up for Jushi in 1s 24 ep, in 3s 5 ep he was ready to give up on the girl from the pharmacy, seeing Totti's progress in communicating with her, feels sorry for Totoko in 3s when she is depressed about her failed idol career. The narcissist can feign compassion, but in the examples listed there were cases where no one saw him and there was no point in pretending.

3. Despite praising himself (even alone with himself 3s 25ep) he is well aware of his position as a NEET and a virgin, and accepts the fact that he is at the bottom of the social ladder. He acts demonstrably self-confident only around family and friends, but when confronted with other people who are higher in status than him (that is, he recognizes that ordinary people are higher in status than him) (1s sp, 2s beach episode, first film) his self-confidence evaporates. A true narcissist never admits that he is inferior to others.

His unhealthy self-esteem and belief in his own exclusivity are just a mask and self-hypnosis, which already calls into question his status as a narcissist. In addition, there is one important point that is worth mentioning, namely the prerequisites for becoming a narcissist.

Narcissists are people with deep psychological trauma rooted in childhood and adolescence when the child’s psyche is very malleable.

Children of 3 types of parents become narcissists: absentees, when parents do not care at all about their child; parents are sadists, who can also be narcissists (heredity and adoption of the parent’s behavior model also play a role here), upbringing is accompanied by mental and/or physical violence; overprotective parents who plant in the child’s mind the idea that he is the best and unique. Karamatsu does not have these prerequisites.

Thus, I can confidently state that Karamatsu's narcissism is only an image, a fictional personality created as the opposite of what he was like during his school days.

But I won't dwell on this. Assuming that Karamatsu's behavior is not entirely a game, then we can assume that he really does have a personality disorder, namely... continue in part 2

#osomatsu san headcanons #osomatsu san #mr. osomatsu #karamatsu matsuno #mr osomatsu #karamatsu #analisis #Osomatsu san analysis #ososan

[fipindustries]

i will say maestro is interesting because of the way it treats bernstein attraction to men. it is a source of drama but weirdly enough not from the angle of societal scorn or him facing prejudice or him dealing with homophobia. instead its drama because, you know, he is cheating on his wife and his children dont seem to be too happy about this. is strange, watching this movie you would almost believe that homophobia is just not a thing. there was no mention of all the activism he did against the AIDS epidemic, for example.

in fact the wife doesnt seem to be THAT terribly bothered by the fact that he likes men either, again, she seems to be more upset at the fact that he is indiscreete about it. when they have a big blow up argument she is angry because of his arrogance and narcissism as a genius that everyone else has to admire at all times.

it just doesnt seem to be a huge secret either, everyone seems to sort of know about it and at most they just sort of shake their heads and comment something like "well, you know how lenny is, he is always so complicated"

i mean, it does sort of make sense, he lived in new york and he was a music composer who worked for broadway. it was just known that there were a lot of queer men there. and he was famous and rich and respected enough that as long as he kept it on the down low people would act as if nothing happened.

is just interesting how the movie both seemed to want to talk about it but also at the same time not go like super deep into the more seedy details or whatever. im not saying it's bad mind you. i know a lot of people complained in the past about how bohemian rhapsody was not "gay enough", but in this instance for the style and tone this movie it goes for, it makes sense they made it this way and it is interesting to explore that side of the queer experience. that of the guy who can sort of get away with it because of the fame and money they command and so it turns the conflict almost entirely internal rather than external.

it was funny though, to have a scene near the end of the movie, where we see this respected dignified high culture old man, born in 1918, composer and orchestra director of classical music, who spends most of his time in concert halls, in dignified tuxedos, composing beautiful conchertos and operas in front of a piano, go balls to the wall, sweaty, with his tits out at a gay club dancing to dance music in the 80's

you really get an appreciation of how much the times changed in the second half of the 20th century

#maestro

[katyspersonal]

Seluvis for character ask! >:D

(From this ( x ) ask meme)

First impression: Wow, this guy is a TOTAL creep! This specific snobby, arrogant aura also makes him even MORE British than his accent! xD Also his face data looks like that one guy who """accidentally""" touches women in weird places in the crowded bus :/ You know, THAT one guy. He has really good voice acting though, and his pretentious, arrogant manner of talking is cute.... oh no 😳

Impression now: I still think he has the sexiest voice acting in the entire game, I am slightly less obsessed with him by now but if given the reason, I can write essays simply analyzing his character and making suggestions about his personality, backstory and what-if scenarios with other characters! He is just so goddamn fun to rotate in my mind. (And yeahhh well, I really really really love wizard aesthetic. Sorry guys, Willem will always be more thicc than Gehrman could EVER.)

Favorite moment: As great as his descent into mania was, I simply love the transition from being cold, condescending and mean with us to getting warmer with us because he "hadn't had an apprentice for a while"... It becomes painfully obvious that he admires himself so much because no one else ever would, and I am just such a sucker for mean character showing that secret gentle side. Like.. He needs approval and attention just like every other human being, this is a sweet moment x)

Idea for a story: I actually didn't think of scenarios all that much. However, I did have a guilty daydreaming period about an OC that was his apprentice, but she was showing a lot more creativity, intellect and talent than he'd teach her, and it started to seriously wound his ego. So he'd like, start to belittle her ideas and discoveries, try to gaslight her into thinking her inventions were dumb and he knew better, and in the end just... send her to get him some stuff that doesn't exist (as means to never see her again). I don't know enough about the lore to tell whether she is out there still or no, and yes, awful pettiness, I know. It is less a story and more deep dive into his insecurity and narcissism by using an abstract other person for a display.

Unpopular opinion: As much as I like to joke about him being sexist, in the end, I don't REALLY think that. He makes male puppets too, you know. xD Basically, he will be a creep to ANYONE, regardless of gender. Bi/Pan representation we deserve ;-; xDDDD :')

Favorite relationship: Him and Sellen really deserve each other tbh. I do not mean it like in a ship way; Seluvis is uhhh...... well, a simp in such a way that he doesn't deserve a chance, to say the least, and Sellen seems to be completely disinterested in relationship period because studying cosmos just takes her ENTIRE focus. But I mean like, a mix of rivalry (he is with the Carians and she is with the primevial current) and actually helping each other with crimes x) They share more in common than meets the eye! And both have foolish plans going against Ranni of all people, like the overly-confident idiots that they are ;-;

Favorite headcanon: He feels exact proximity with the puppets as what he says! Starlight Shards that "control fate of humans" are used to make his potion, so naturally, drinking his potion binds the person's fate with him (or with someone else, depends on what he's doing). It is, well... incredibly intimate experience on its own, but he perceives it much deeper than just creating servants. He is desperate for human bonds, but his snarky narcissistic personality makes him not be liked by anyone with their free will unaffected. :(

#elden ring #preceptor seluvis #thanks for the ask! #he is quite a something lol #this voice acting should be illegal this is too powerful #they keep finding the best VAs #he is so creepy and weird that's how we love him xd #elden ring spoiled us with characters that fucking SUCK and aren't 'morally grey' which was a gigachad move from the devs #sometimes i just want to relax and not think of shades of grey #and yes him and sellen are worsties </3 #he is just such a biiiiitch lol xdddd #and his voice lines #'my wits evaporate in your mere presence' jfdhshdf xDDD

[greenyvertekins]

So how much attitude should Sonic have? I don't get it. Being humble doesn't seem to be his style.

He should be confident. He's fought Dr Eggman's plots and by extension other villains time and time again and always came-out on top.

He should be easygoing and carefree. This is stated in his profiles.

But he's also focused, astute and serious when need be. Like, if push comes to shove. He buckles-down.

He can be a braggart, yes. But not to the point of obnoxious narcissism. When he boasts, you know he can back it up from the competence that follows. There's a fine line between "Boastful prick" and "Loveable braggart". Many writers can't nail the latter.

He gets flustered easily when flattered by others and even though he can be arrogant, it's not of the kind that makes him act superior to everyone else in a condescending fashion. Since he still has a sense of modesty too. As an extension of that, he doesn't command obeisance from those in service to him i.e Shahra.

#Verte's asks #opinion #Sonic the Hedgehog

[palettesofrenaissance]

📝 Willy and/or Noodle? Only if you want to ☺️

📝 and a character and I'll do an analysis of them.

I have quite a bit to say about this which you may or may not agree with. This turned into a vent, I apologize

There was a post on here that said the 2023 version made the characters too nice and I have to agree with that, this coming from source material from a man who wrote people being turned into pigs (and pork being a source of food), an inn keeper killing and taxidermy-ing the young men who come by, a child nearly being eaten by a giant, countless orphans, being permanently turned into a mouse, made ducks hunt humans... Like come on

Noodle Smith / Noodle Slugworth

That little girl was depressed; she said she's never felt much hope or happiness. I wouldn't doubt she was deeply and clinically depressed, with all the things that came with it. Yes, she's a sweet girl in the movie but there was a quite a bit about her that concerned me which was glossed over or made to be quirky and fun: she's so cynical and realistic, having little imagination for a kid, her willingness to do dangerous things without batting much of an eye... Not to mention what's seen between her, Scrubitt, and Bleacher. Scrubitt was obviously calling the shots and I wouldn't doubt she was the main one beating, starving, and all around torturing Noodle, feeding her lies, beating her down mentally, and mentally manipulating her into not running away. I know that Dorothy, Noodle's mom, is going to have a booked calendar full of therapy visits with one hell of a fee. Poor girl was just a child with a Cinderella beginning.

Willy

Now Willy... He was much too nice. Yes, I get that this was a prequel so some people will be different, but this version was barely recognizable, not even having much of an inkling of the 1971's personality. There were seconds in the movie, but it really felt like the director told the actor to tone it down or didn't let the actor go all the way like he probably initially wanted. Lost potential. Willy, as an older adult, is a grey character; as an older adult, yes, but even then there are core bits of people that exist even when they were younger. This was missing from 2023 Willy. By 1971 his personality has been described as a bit of a narcissist

He's "innovative, flamboyant, stubborn, arrogant, and authoritarian. He loves to be the center of attention by putting on outrageous attire. He cannot stand questions and considers them as criticisms or threat. He always brags the products he creates to his guests." He wants to mold Charlie into being more like him for goodness sake

Where was this in the 2023 one? Aside from the clothes and the few, miniscule flickers of that crazy in his eyes? If you want to say like "he goes crazy from being paranoid, cheated, and being in isolation" which is true, there should have still been some of that beforehand. In 2023, he's a soft, generous guy who's a mama's boy at heart, which is nice, but showing the seeds of his narcissism that will bloom when watered with the ill fortune that's to come was what I was looking for. Like I said, he's a grey character; selfish, has some narcissism, but he can be a nice guy and be caring, but the 2023 didn't balance this well enough

As someone said on Tumblr somewhere: there's a reason he's been used as a sarcastic meme

#asks #I guess this is a vent about the analysis of the characters #noodle had little to go by unfortunately #wonka #wonka 2023 #noodle #noodle wonka

[zalia]

For the OTP ask

Unoriginal and predictable for my part yes but I like seeing u enjoying the collective Blorbo so

Osiris

i am always happy to ramble about Osiris because I too am predictable XD This is also for @vallaragna who asked for Osiris as well!

favorite thing about them He cares *so much*. He is bad at showing it at times, and hides it with the veneer of arrogant narcissism, but he is so wholly dedicated to defending his people. And he has a rock solid moral core. I think with Saint being so nice and openly caring, it's easy to forget that it was Osiris who was seeing the Eliksni as more than just enemies way back before he even became Vanguard Commander and calls Saint out several times on his hatred for them. He's a good person. He's just not always a very nice one.

least favorite thing about them It's hard to think of something because even the negative parts of his personality are things that I love because they make him more interesting. I guess, we do have a joke amongst my friends which is 'But what about Osiris' needs?' because god, the man can be very self-centred and a diva, and that bleeds into any fic I write with him. He can and will make himself the centre of any narrative and from a writing perspective, it can feel very self-indulgent.

favorite line I love the line from Season of the Seraph where he snarls at Clovis to keep his damn thoughts away from Saint. It's so protective, a crack that shows us something beyond what he tries to project to the world.

brOTP I am very invested in his friendship with Lord Shaxx XD There's not a huge amount in canon, but there's such a casual vibe between them in the Devil's Ruin quest. Also we know that the Speaker suspected Shaxx of being one of Osiris' followers (and in the comic Shaxx is right there with Ikora trying to stop Osiris from getting exiled), so I figure there is some closeness there. Also love him being friends with Eris and Mara. We got a glimpse at the closeness between him and Mara in Season of the Seraph, and I really hope we get some with Eris too!

OTP Saint-14. No matter what else I write, there's always gonna be Saint in the background (even when I write things from before they meet each other). They just obviously love each other so much.

nOTP I don't really have one honestly. If something can be written well enough, I'll probably give it a chance, although I have my own specific ideas about his relationships with other people. I guess I would struggle seeing him and Ikora?

random headcanon Obvious to anyone who has read my fics, this man is autistic and really fucking tired. He also has a sweet tooth.

unpopular opinion Not something I've seen on Tumblr, but in my occasional dives into Reddit, I have seen people complain that he isn't as cool and badass as he is 'supposed to be' in the really early lore. Blah blah, depowered, blah blah, whatever. What they wanted was apparently an all-powerful asshole genius who was flawlessly 'logical' and... look, it is the same type of guy who reveres Elon Musk. But just... besides showing a complete lack of understanding of how characters have biases in how they talk about things, they seem to hate the very things that make Osiris fascinating as a character. He's deeply flawed, massively traumatised, and very emotional. Also gay. Something tells me this may be influencing certain opinions.

song i associate with them This is the question I always fear because I suck at it XD Not sure specifically for Osiris, but A Good Song Never Dies, by Saint Motel, is a great song for Guardians in general.

favorite picture of them

This concept art I adore!

#destiny 2 #osiris #destiny the game #meme

[thefamilybruno]

The Prince and the Peasant - Chapter 4 - Both Ways

Summary:

Adam Alexandre Alsace du Maurier lives in a shining castle in France’s countryside. When an old beggar woman comes to Adam’s castle seeking shelter from a winter storm, he turns her away, cold and indifferent to her suffering. After she transforms into a beautiful Enchantress, she strips away Adam’s title and wealth, cursing him to live as a peasant with the hope that he will learn the value of community and kindness.

In a daze, Adam wanders through the woods, the memory of his encounter with the magical woman cloudy and fragmented. When Adam stumbles into a nearby tavern, Gaston Legume, a respected member of the community, offers to take Adam into his home, both to uphold his stellar reputation and to impress the woman he wants to marry.

Life in the village proves to be more difficult than Adam had expected and having a supposed nobleman as a roommate stretches Gaston’s patience to its limits. Through many conflicts and arguments, Gaston and Adam's relationship transforms, first into friendship, and then into something more.

But one night, a shimmering rose blossoms to life in Adam’s mind, and as winter turns to spring, its petals begin to fall, leading Adam to wonder: what will happen once it wilts?

Pairing: Gaston/Adam

Rating: E

Tags (sample): Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Roommates, Banter, Cuddling, Oral Sex, Anal Sex, Falling in Love, Mutual Pining

“I bet that was one of the best meals you’ve ever eaten in your life,” Gaston said as lifted the bucket of now-dirty water.

God, that man’s arrogance was never-ending. Despite the fact that the two were only just starting to tolerate each other, Adam couldn’t resist the urge to mess with him.

“It wasn’t half-bad,” Adam said. “Filets were a bit dry, though.”

Gaston dropped the bucket, causing some of the water to splash onto the floorboards. Adam’s muscles tensed. He wondered if Gaston would try to fight him over something so silly.

“They weren’t dry!”

The next few words tumbled out of Adam’s mouth before he had a chance to really consider whether or not he wanted to say them. 

“Maybe a little over-seasoned too.”

As Gaston took two threatening footsteps toward him, Adam got to his feet, forcing himself to appear unfazed, though his hands were starting to shake. He had to wonder why he was harassing Gaston like this. After all, the man had cooked them a perfectly nice meal. But, Jesus Christ, his narcissism. He needed to lighten up a little.

“What did you say?” Gaston asked, getting in Adam’s face. Adam’s mouth twitched and he didn’t know how much longer he could possibly hold back laughter. “I can’t believe you’re so spoiled as to insult-”

Even though Adam kept his mouth clamped shut, he couldn’t hold back expressing his amusement any longer, which meant that his whole body jerked involuntarily as he emitted a loud snort. Gaston’s fury appeared to away, seeming to transform into complete confusion instead, which only made Adam want to laugh some more, but this time, he didn’t hold back in the slightest, and shouted a boisterous ‘HAH!’ right in Gaston’s face before dissolving into a fit of laughter and ultimately covering his mouth with his hand. Gaston stayed silent.

“Sorry,” Adam said as he tried to contain his laughter and rein in his smile to one that was a relatively normal size. “I was teasing you.”

Gaston lifted one of his eyebrows. “Teasing me?”

“I’m not even sure why,” Adam said. “I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t hate the rabbit?”

“I never even said I hated it!” Adam smiled and shook his head. Somehow, the man had heard the words ‘half-bad’ and had decided that they meant ‘terrible.’ For someone with an enormous ego, Gaston’s self-worth seemed to be ludicrously fragile. “I loved it.”

“You loved it,” Gaston repeated.

Oh, the poor man was still confused somehow. Hadn’t anyone ever teased him before?

“Yes!” Adam reached up and tentatively patted Gaston on the arm in a gesture of mocking reassurance. “Don’t look so shocked. I was only trying to be funny.”

Gaston looked at Adam’s hand, which had come to settle on his bicep, and then back at Adam’s face. He shrugged it off and walked back to the bucket.

“I knew you were teasing me,” Gaston said, picking up the bucket again. “I mean, how could you not be? Everything I cook is delicious.”

#batb 91 #batb fanfic #beauty and the beast #beautyandthebeastfanfiction #adam/gaston #beauty and the beast 1991 #batb fanfiction #beast/gaston #gaston #and they were roommates #banter #enemies to lovers #enemies to friends to lovers

[roxannepolice]

hi! missy for the character asks? :)

Of course, but after putting threegado together it's only fair to also combine twissy for @lukifisk 😀

1: sexuality headcanon - after answering this question a couple of times, I think it is safe to say TL are what humans would call pansexual in the sense that their preferences aren't very directional (let's face it this is the most evolutionarily rational direction to take in a reproductive organs shifting species (the Master is generally Doctorsexual tho)) - what does differ across regenerations is libido level, as in how likely they are to get horny (and in the Doctor's case that usually increases when the Master's around); so in this context we have a fascinating set where Twelve is pretty much an ace while Missy is permanently horny - luckily, Twelve is not a sex averse asexual, and willing to perform for a romantic partner, so we probably have something of a pythonic scene of Missy (and let's be fair, Clara and River too) passionately riding and confessing most ardent affection for that old man while he tries to follow Neptunian equivalent of Kama Sutra (getting himself acquaintanced with it in the process)

2: otp - each other, of course; just let them have their much postponed French riviera honeymoon BBC

3: brotp - I mean. apart from the Doctor Missy interacted with an afterlife Zuckerberg, Clara, Nardole, passingly with some UNIT members and Bill, and her own past. that's not much to choose from. so I'll go with Clara, just because this is also what I go with for Twelve (also consider two characters who know the most about the Doctor; Rose and Sarah Jane having a giggle would be nothing condiered to what these two'd get up to): romantic elements I fully acknowledge aside, I think it must have been really refreshing for the Doctor to have a companion that was so much like them; and weird assumptions about straight corellation between age and skin collagen levels aside, his truthfulness with her was very powerful

4: notp - I don't really have one for Twelve, just because his asexuality is so obvious that I'd assume if he's shipped with someone there's a good reason for it? for Missy, the male presenting Masters all being horny for her specifically, yeah selfcest is a good metaphor for narcissism inherent in this character which is what I keep repeating to myself about season 10 finale, but when Masterful (which I LOVE srsly the Doctor could only dream of having such a good 50th birthday celebration) doubled down on it I just thought honey your attempts at heterosexuality are about as convincing as those sybil breasts slapped by Michelangelo on what's clearly boy models

5: first headcanon that pops into my head - I remember it well from Gigi is their song and Bill plays it on her smartphone each time they interact, BBC just muted it for copyright reasons

6: favorite line from this character - for Twelve, Human progress isn't measured by industry. It's measured by the value you place on a life. An unimportant life. A life without privilege. The boy who died on the river, that boy's value is your value. That's what defines an age. That's what defines a species. - wow. just wow. this is such growth from the Time Lord Victorious who'd evaluate individual life from it's Historic importance and the face that almost annihilated a civilization (for the second time!) for one person, also extratextually excellent way to measure the level of civilizational progress; for Missy Your version of good is not absolute. It's vain, arrogant and sentimental. If you're waiting for me to become all that, I'm going to be here for a long time yet. somewhat contradictory to the sentiment of the Twelve quote? yeah maybe but this marks the last time as of season 13 the Master represented a philosophy contradictory to the Doctor's (or, for that matter, anything more than a snivelling canine of a chorus to how awesome the Doctor is) that, despite the text denying it much right, has a respectable place in human ethics: deontology versus pragmatism, yes gimme the Doctor Master dialectic heading for recognition that nothing is simple anytime

7: one way in which I relate to this character - Twelve is... pretty much the Doctor I identify with the most? yeah man be this intellect before emotion bitch that shows how those two are nowhere near contradictory (trying to derive ethics from thinking and keeping contradictory or inconclusive evidence to yourself for the same reasons you don't tell people there's going to be a financial crisis: they will storm the banks and a crisis will in fact occur; they pound that into your brain in every Polish sociology class) and will raise hell if you cannot move heaven for the people you care for (just don't cut out people you haven't yet formed to your liking from the caring part); for Missy, I too aspire to express all my moods through piano and would have Peter Capaldi grab my boob within 2 minutes from meeting him not even for sex reasons just to see him flustered 🙃

8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character - for Twelve, informing newly met people Clark Kent is Superman: I get that it makes sense for plot development reasons, but man you don't just say these things! also consistently insulting John Simm's pretty squishy round catface while he's getting an obvious libido rise from the other's proximity; for Missy, not caring for her hairstyle while in prison, wtf gurl, demand an avocado and banana based hair mask in addition to the LHC and pony!!

9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave? - look there's a lot I like about Moffat's writing, just as there's a lot I dislike about it, but putting the Doctor slightly further down the problematic fave side than the Master (while keeping them mostly in character) deserves proper appreciation; they're both on the problematic fave side of the spectrum though

#thank you this was fun! #sorry for the littlest bit of salt couldn't help myself what with all recent occasions to harp about how excellent a symphony tensimm is #twelth doctor #missy #the doctor #the master #doctor who #twissy

[futureplayboibunnie]

‘Always have. always will.’

Doctor Strange x fem!reader

have i been writing smut for months but have been too pussy to share it? yes. is this goofy? yes. is it smutty? yes. is it fluffy? yes. am i a hoe for enemies to lovers? yes. is the spacing of this annoying me? yes. am i fulfilling me love for domestic AOU party avengers? yes. am i still in my slut for stephen strange era? FUCKING HELL YES.

SMUTTY SMUT SMUT

MDNI or i’ll eat you.

word count: lots of words😔

Stephen Strange - the name alone puts you in a state rageful enough to burn down the Avengers Compound. Even his breathing sends you spiralling into oblivion; it was an endless power play between you and quite frankly it was bordering on ridiculous. That's why your left eye was twitching at the fact Nat just told you that Strange was invited to the ever-extravagant party Tony was hosting in t-minus 30 minutes. You'll be pushed to greet Strange in order to show hospitality, to play house and that scared you as well as infuriated you. The last time you and Strange interacted was…strange.

——

You glanced at the clock in the barren gym of the Avengers Compound, everyone was sound asleep, not a peep from them as you were taking your confusion and anger out on the poor punching bag.

It was 2.31 am. Sweat was gliding off of you effortlessly, as your white vest stretched the way your body moved hammering the punching bag in. Your hair was in disarray, loose strands escaping your hair tie as the thumping of your fist hitting the bag was all that is echoed in the room. Until you could feel a shadow present at the door. You turned your head and there he was. The Sorcerer Supreme of Being a Prick. His arrogance is merely an extension of his narcissism. A smug look was present on his finely crafted features, arms crossed as he leaned against the doorframe. You were surprised he donned a tight, plain black tee, some grey sweats and trainers. it was far too laid back for his uptight stick-up-his-ass personality. However, you were more surprised that he was here in the Avengers Compound and at not at the Sanctum. And even more surprised on how.... decent he looked.

‘‘The guy that made your punching bag is probably crying at the fact that his hard work was all for nothing when you inevitably rip it.'’ He winces slightly in mockery, and it was a mental instinct to roll your eyes and huff at anything he had to say.

‘’What are you doing here?'’ You didn't ask him in a stern way, you said it in a ‘I'm too tired to play any of these games way.'

'’Me and Tony needed to talk about some things.’’He clarified as he made his way over to you. Slowly, as if he was on the prowl, judging you as his eyes raked up and down your person. It made you feel uneasy, nervous which are two words you would have never associated yourself with.

In his mind, he knew it was against all his might when he truly believes you look pretty…hot all worn out and sweaty. The vest was doing nothing much to hide the curve of your tits. Cute. His mind couldn't help but wonder if this is what you looked like in bed…in bed…with him, if he could be the one to make you a trembling mess beneath him as he fucked the smirk off of your pretty face. It was an electrifying thought, but he doubted that would ever happen, only in his elaborate fantasises.

‘’You sure you didn't kill Tony? I doubt I won't find his bloodied body slumped in his office in the morning.’’ You half joked, arms tremoring a little as you went to untie the bandages that intertwined with your hands and fingers. He let out a dry chuckle at the tongue in cheek remark, a little something that he's grown fond of when it comes to you, anyone else he'd send to another dimension to burn to death. He was circling you until he stopped right behind you, your back to his front.

‘’No don't take those off, keep them on.’’ He demanded lowly and you noticed that his voice was all gravelly and… kind of attractive. You were really going to reprimand yourself after this brief moment was over, what kind of woman would it make you if you actually admitted Stephen was attractive?

‘’You should probably go back to the Sanctum, Strange.’’ Your words were bitter and left a sour taste in his mouth. You turned around to face him trying to resist whatever mind game and power play this is.

Instead of a normal civilized reply like a normal person would, he placed his big, scarred hands on either side of your shoulders to grab at you and whiz you around, manhandling you so that you were close to the punching bag again. You let put a small gasp in surprise at the unexpected, and almost lewd action. The man was messing around with you, it unsettled you and set a weird thrill through you at the same time, it made your chest feel heavy. The small gasp that escaped your throat resulted in him raising an eyebrow, it perked him up to some degree, having you under his thumb and under his control. Wait, scratch that, it really riled him up as a matter of fact. You not fighting him for once, it was exhilarating. New.

‘’You're all… stiff. Your hips aren't moving along with your body, could end up with some back pain if you continue.’’ His neck bent down to your shoulder to look at your point of view. You weren't sure if all of this was intentional, but it was starting to fry your brain in a way you've never had the pleasure of experiencing. The proximity was close. Too close. Too good and it made you frustrated with yourself and with him.

‘’Thank you, Doctor, but you're not my physiotherapist.’’ You huffed trying to express yourself in any way possible. You were trying to rack your brain into convincing yourself that you know where all of this was going, all of this was heading to, but your mind had its foundations set apart and liquidated into cement. You were sure you were about to lose all your inhibitions; you've never been clueless.

Never.

Oh. Oh

The way you called him Doctor set off a small spark in him. Again, he doesn't bash through the silence with a response he just slowly lets his hands travel the smoothness of your back, grazing over your bra strap and landing at your waist. His breath fanning the side of your cheek as his lips were damn close to your ear, almost as if he was going to bury his face into the crook of your neck and the thought made your legs turn to jelly. He noticed that you were starting to tremble and you were biting the inside of your mouth and he hoped to dear God that you were stifling a moan, that would make the memorable scene that much more sweet. Stephen couldn't help but wonder if you tasted as sweet as you looked.

‘’You need to twist your hips when you go to hit it.’’ His hands twisting your waist from one side to the other. The low whisper sent a jolt through your body, the suggestiveness of this entire situation was worrying you and the fact that someone could walk in on you and him at this ungodly hour in a compromising position lingered at the forefront of your mind. But right now you didn't find it in yourself to care, you were too transfixed on his hands and their little quirks. Him, just feeling at you.

You failed yourself. You found yourself giving into Stephen Strange of all people, the whole realization of the idea made you jump ship and return back to your roots. You hurriedly shook him off and hit the punching bag with an unfathomable rage, twisting your hips like he suggested, making it fly off its hook and land hissing at the other side of the room. Stephen had no snarky comment to top off what you just did, he kind of stood there in raw awe of you. Your strength was truly commendable, and your temper just topped that off, Stephen adored a challenge, and you were no exception.

You walked away out of the room and left him in silence, marvelling at the curve of your ass while doing so. Yes, he's admitting it, he finds you insanely attractive yet insanely insufferable. A heady cocktail of a combination.

——

Your head was locked in a daze every time you remember that night, you were unsure if it was a dream or reality. It felt too tailored to your tastes. Trying to shake the thought of his presence tonight, you quickly put on a detailed lacy lingerie set alongside some thigh high stockings, clipping them in place. Who knows, maybe you'll get lucky tonight? On top of that you put on a little black dress and some black high heels. Darn these were high, but black really was a safe bet. Not bothering with your hair that much you try your hand at some makeup, a sheer dusting of blush and some candied gloss to encase your lips. Hey, you were frustrated. Getting laid isn’t easy sometimes. You twirled and gazed at yourself in the mirror, Jesus you looked alright.

The party was already in rambunctious motion when you sneaked out of your room, heels clacking along the marble corridors. From the confines of the small corridor, you entered the large space of the living room staring out into the crowd as you were positioned on top of the marble staircase, Stephen looked up and gazed at you from the bottom of the stairs. The conversation with Tony, Natasha and Steve and a couple of others were drowned out by your siren like beauty, it surely must be impossible for someone to look this effortlessly magnificent. Your eyes instinctively met with Stephen's, and you cursed yourself for it, his dreamy blues boring into you as his grey streaks shone in the dim light, deciding not to give any of his thoughts away in the process. The suits the guys wore really startled you, you weren't expecting them to dress this smart. You were about to make your way down the stairs until Tony blabbed through the conversation yelling your name in greeting, arms open wide with a shot glass in each hand.

‘’The lady of the hour.’’ He had a slight loose slur to his voice but it's his alcohol, let the man have his fun. You laughed and bared your pearly white teeth as you reached the bottom, engulfing him in semi-hug.

‘‘You're late.'’ He stated with mock angst in your ear, it made a laugh tickle up your throat.

'No need for forgiveness around here.' You chided, still feeling Stephen's eyes burning into your skull as if he could read every thought. Knowing how calculating he is, he probably could.

The night was running smoothly. Well not smoothly, one of Tony's priceless paintings was destroyed by Thor and Rhodey but it's all in good fun and happiness started to consume your lungs, a smile plastered on your face whomever you interacted with. Well, you haven't interacted with Stephen yet. He was aware of the small glances you had been giving to him all night, but he refused to make the first move, not after you walked out on him that night. You didn’t deserve the grace from him.

Natasha was mocking you and your teenager-esque problems.

"If you don't clear this whole thing up, I'll sleep with him just to spite you.’’ You couldn't tell if she was joking or not, she had a knack for sardonic and sadistic humour. You couldn't help but scoff.

‘’Over my dead body.’’ You took a swig out of your drink, trying damn hard to not even think about him right now when he was literally the centre of the subject matter at hand.

‘’You're a prick, he's a prick. Match made in heaven if you ask me. I mean opposites attract is such bullshit.’’ It was patronizing but she did have a point, and to make everything that much worse Tony had to find hospice in the conversation.

"I think it's inevitable at this point.’’ Tony only further fuelled the flames as he put his very unnecessary two cents into the conversation.

‘’You're biased, that doesn't count.’’ You tried your hand at defending yourself and poking holes in his argument.

‘’Would it expand your curiosity if I said that you were brought up in mine and Stranges little 3 am meeting the other night?" His admission stunned you as you were rendered speechless for a moment. The influx of information toying with your already messy head.

‘’You mean your love tryst?"

"Me and Strange may not agree on many things but there's one thing we both can agree on.'’ He inflated your curiosity that much more; you knew it was to get a rise out of you but you were willing to take that risk.

‘’Fuck off.’’ You handed your glass to Natasha to get something a little stronger. Natasha and Tony watched as your heels clacked all the way to the bar where Stephen was sitting all by his lonesome.

‘’How much you wanna bet?’’ Tony guffawed into his shot, spilling some of the contents onto his sleeve.

"No, we're playing beer pong. Let the lovebirds be. I’ll make fun of them later.’ Natasha grabbed at Tony's wrist and pulled him away laughing like an idiot.

You sat yourself next to the empty barstool next to Stephen, not allowing his presence to phase you especially when you've got some alcohol in you.

"Pornstar Martini please.’’ You requested to the bartender. He was quick to work as Stephen side eyed you. Holy hell, you had to admit, he looked dashing in a suit. All expensive looking but what really got you is his dishevelled hair; he must have been running his fingers through it as a few strands were sticking loose. You see through him.

‘’Y/N.’’He finally greeted you with grey use of your name.

‘’Strange.’’ You shot back as you grabbed the Martini that was placed in front of you to take a sip, tapping your painted fingernails on it slightly. You hated the silence between vou.

‘’You and Tony are all buddy buddy now, right? What did you talk about that night?’’ You sighed.

‘’You.’’ He admitted way to hastily, but it felt so good to get it off his chest, just to admit that you have been plaguing his mind like a fog. The woman he wants, the woman he hates.

‘’There's a fine line between hatred and desire Strange, where do I land in your books?'’ You twisted your body to face him, and he was met with bright, inquisitive eyes. It was magnetic and palpable, and he knew you could feel it too. The energy swimming through the air as the crowd was beginning to be phased out and your breathing was all he could pay attention to.

"Both.’’He admitted. "I think you know exactly what I want.…. I mean what kind of man would that make me if i could resist you when you look like that.’’

"A weak one.‘’ You challenged, eyes smizing as Stephen let out a half scoff and half smirk plaster his face. Those distinguishing features, those cheekbones reaching high heavens made your heartbeat speed up just a notch.

He finally stood up from the barstool, at an agonizingly slow pace so that his large frame could tower over you while you're still seated. You gazed up at him teasingly just knowing mentally that this was another power play. He raised his hand to stroke away some of the loose strands of hair and cup your face. You shivered at the contact as your wanton eyes flitted from his hand to his satisfied face. He was pleased at your reaction; you were quite literally melting into him. His thumb and pointer finger cupped your chin so vour eves could meet in an electrified daze once more.

'’Are you trying to seduce me?’’ You asked already knowing the answer, stifling your arousal through your voice

"Sweetheart don't tempt me. I'm already finding it difficult to hold back.’’ He replied lowly, voice all authoritative and serious. That remark sent wildfire zipping through your core; it was almost embarrassing. This man is finding it difficult to hold back and you were still coming to terms with that.

"Maybe I never wanted you to. Maybe… you thrill me.’’

Jesus. He needed to be buried in you, right here, rignt now.

‘’Follow me.’’ He ordered, grasping at your wrist flinging you off your barstool. He walked you through the crowd and up the stairs into the narrow hallway but suddenly he halted in his tracks and started to move his fingers so he could conjure up a portal back to his bedroom in the Sanctum.

"I want to have you naked in my bed.’’ He clarified as he pushed you through the portal and then allowed himself to enter. The orange dissipated into thin air, leaving you and him alone together once more, like you always needed.

‘’Do whatever you want, I don’t care at this point.’’ Your eyes were heavy lidded and sultry, you were literally clouded by your own desire, it was far to attractive to be real.

He closed the space between you as his fingers wove through your hair. You were so desperate the action was bordering on painful. One of his hands lets go so his thumb could unclamp your lip from your teeth.

‘’God, you drive me fucking crazy.’’ He groaned into you, your noses barely grazing each other.

'’Like I said, you know exactly what I want, and I want you to give it to me. Kneel.'’ He grasped at your hair and lowered you to your knees roughly, you could feel yourself getting wetter and wetter with every word that comes out of his mouth.

He takes his bow tie off and unbuttons the top few buttons of his dress shirt before ultimately taking off his suit jacket. You could feel drool start to escape the corners of your lips.

"Baby don't drool on the floor. Drool on my cock all you want; I won't stop you.’’ He stated, not flustered like you were. The snap of him taking off his belt through the loops excited you beyond belief.

‘’I’ll use this on you in time, don't worry.’’

Your eyebrows were already knitting together in pleasure. Mostly at the fact that you both haven't even shared a kiss yet, but here you were on your knees ready to fuck him with your tongue. The whole scene was so filthy it aroused you that much more.

Your hands went to the waistband of his pants and boxers as you shoved your hand inside of them to bring out his cock from its confines, he quivered at the contact of your hand finally on him after all this time. It was such a surreal moment along the likes of time going in slow motion, but you were fast, desperate, needy. You palm bringing his cock in front of your face. You were initially stunned with the sheer size of it and your face couldn't contain it.

‘’What is it baby? Nothing in that pretty head of yours, is there? No smart-ass remark to say now?'’ He half whispered but it was as impactful as if he were to yell the questions. You were left speechless, really. You’re mind was reeling.

"I- um.’’ He makes you so nervous your tongue forgets what language to speak in.

‘’Come on. spit it out. Use those big girl words of yours.’’ He was so damn condescending, any other day you would have slapped it out of him. To be honest, maybe you will at some point tonight.

'’Didn't think you'd be this….Big.’’ You breathed out the words, finally being able to throw them out of your system. A passing thought of his well-endowed cock does not bring half the justice to what you're witnessing right now.

‘’Yes, you did.'’ Again, the condescending tone makes you want to ride him to death. His little half smirk didn't help the case either. You let out a shuddered exhale. Your throat was beginning to collapse in on itself.

‘'Come on. I know you want to, take what you need from me, and I'll let you.’’ His eyes squinted for a moment as he fisted your hair, now he knows he has full control of you and the thought alone made him want to be buried inside you right now with his own belt tied around your wrists. Biting into your soft flesh so hard they'll leave burning red marks tomorrow.

'’Want you to slap your tip on my tongue first.’’ The request intrigued him and of course he was willing to oblige since you asked so sweetly, you were playing nice and that only made him wonder how needy you were for him, how wet you were for him for you to act this way. All obedient.

'’Open up then.'’

You obeyed, opening your already gaping wet mouth.

‘’Wider, wider. That's it. Good girl.’’ He coped.

He grasped the base of his cock with one hand and started to do as you asked. The small grunts that escaped his burning throat and the sound of wetness slapping wetness added just that little more to the steamy scenario. The pull in your stomach was getting out of hand, the heat rising in your belly was hard to ignore. Fuck, it felt so…good.

You stopped his motions as you grabbed at his length with both hands and suddenly opened up your throat and entered him into your mouth, saliva encasing him. Your warm wet mouth was like heaven on his senses, it was like angels were being summoned right this very second. You bobbed your head up and down to take the entire thing into your mouth, like you were starved for years of him. You peaked up at him through your thick lashes and his head was hung back in pure pleasure as low groans left his mouth, he was damn near salivating at your ministrations. You were choking on him, gagging on him as he hit the back of your throat and that made him begin to spiral. You hummed around him sending further vibrations down his body, like a fucking pro. Jesus.

You increasingly began to get needier as your arms flew around the small of his back, nails leaving crescents in their wake as you dug into him. The shaky moan he let out was an indicator that your mouth was really riling him up, I mean who wouldn't be? Stephen needed to get you off now, it was of paramount importance that he didn't cum in your mouth as much as he wanted to, he had to feel inside of you for the first time. The hard wood of the floor was beginning to dig into your feet as well as your heels.

He pulled his cock out of your mouth and smeared the wet flesh over your lips and cheeks. God, you look gorgeous, lips red raw and plump and full of drool, eyeliner slightly smeared but still perfectly intact if you looked at it in the right light. Cheeks wet and smeared with your own saliva. That is what made the kiss far better than any normal kiss. He tugged you up by your face, your lips shattered into each other in a blazing inferno, mouths all open and sloppy. It was serene as well as filthy, truly an indescribable combination.

Tongues were tangled together and embroiled in fire like passion, you tasted so sweet but isn't forbidden fruit supposed to taste the sweetest? Your plump lips were glazed with spit and a mixture of his pre-cum, he could quite literally taste himself off of you. The ache between his legs was threatening to fall off. The prickle of his beard was a burning sensation against your supple skin.

He threw you on the bed, no compassion of where you landed and climbed on top of you as your legs were already presenting to him; opening up just for him. Your hair spilled over the pillows casting a halo like effect in your light. You were quite literally an angel, his angel. He unbuttoned and threw off his dress shirt and began to tower over you, the highlight of this night and the highlight of his life if he was being honest. You examined that Stephen's chest was thick, rippling and sculpted like a Greek god and it was vastly intimidating to you in a way that you’ve never been with other men.

Your legs wrapped around his narrow waist only now just noticing that you still haven't gotten your stilettos off, smirking at the fact you predicted that Stephen liked them on.

"Please, I want you in me, I need It. Please.’’ You were pleading with him now, hoping he would give you the mercy of just ramming his cock in you. If hearing you beg for him was music, those words would be his favourite song.

Without thinking, his hands ripped off the top half off your dress. The guttural moan he let out when he found out you were wearing a bustier was inhuman. As if you couldn't be any more tailored to his tastes. God, you really were the perfect woman.

‘'Stephen!'’ You whined at him.

‘’I want these heels on while I fuck into you.'’ He confessed. You knew it.

He stripped you of your dress, slipping it down your legs until he noticed that you were wearing thigh highs and a garter belt. He couldn't help but let out a small gasp as he finally got to unwrap his little present with a bow on top. You were literally a gift made and given just for him.

‘’Well, what's all this then?'’ He snickered as he dipped his head down to be face to face with the skin of your cleavage, head travelling further and further down in the process.

‘’For you. All for you, Stephen.’’ You bit your lip awaiting his reaction.

'’For me? How generous of you, too bad you're not this complaint all the time but at least your body is. Come on baby, your body says yes so easily. Give me a challenge, I know you've got it in you.’’ He muttered lowly into the fabric, his deft nimble fingers toying with your soaked panties before shoving it to one side and feeling the flesh around your cunt. He peaked up at you and you were writhing deliciously. You moaned into him as your body arched off of the bed. He wanted a challenge, and you're damn well sure you can give it to him.

You raised your hand and slapped him in his pretty smug face. Stephen's face darted to the side, and he let out a low dry chuckle at your ambition.

'’Don't be a tease. Fuck me hard you prude.’’ You huffed in annoyance, you just needed him to fuck the attitude out of you already but he was too pussy to carry it out.

‘'Oh, but I want to, I wanna stretch it out. Remember ever single reaction your body has to me, feel how wet you are for me. The pining, the longing of. How. Much. I. Need. You. Naked in my bed." His lust blown eyes raked up and down your bodice, his words were having a mind-bending effect on you, and you were sure you were about to astrally project into another dimension.

‘’Well, I'm not naked now, am I?’’ You retaliated at him, raising a petty eyebrow and that set something off in him.

Your body convulsed, he brought both hands at the top of your bustier and ripped through it like it was nothing. Didn't the man have his fingers crushed at one point? Holy hell.

‘'Stephen! That was expensive!" He marvelled at your bare chest; your tits were round with rosebud peaks. God, more than a said handful. He couldn't wait to suck on them and mark them up as his.

‘’We'll go out tomorrow and buy another set don't worry, sweetheart.'’ The use of the pet name made you forgive him instantly. He quickly grabbed the belt that landed on the other side of the bed previously and dangled it in front of your face as he was towering above you now.

‘‘This what you want?'’ There was no trace of humour or joke in his tone when he asked you the question adding an atmosphere of seriousness in the air, his eyes were now black with need, and it only electrified you further.

"Mhm.’ You nodded your head slowly as you presented your wrists to him for him to keep you bound in. Your pearly white gnawed at your bottom lip out of habit. He expertly wove the belt through your hands in an eight-infinity motion, tugging your arms to stretch out and hold the cool metal of his bedframe tying it in a pretty knot to keep you secure. As much as he wants you to touch him, he's waiting for the moments after your intimacy, to really savour those touches for his lifetime.

You laid there, again, like a present just for him, desperation plastered all over that pretty face; he took pride in his handywork especially as you were the subject of it.

'’Stephen. Now." You commanded breathlessly, stifling a moan whilst doing so. The tightness of his belt was so inviting, the pull on your lower belly was very adamant now and you needed to be fulfilled in any way.

'’I love these.'’ Stephen remarks at your thigh highs and garter as his fingers travel up the smoothness ofyour legs. It can take very little to impress men sometimes.

‘‘I want these on too.’’ He kicked off his trousers and boxers off and found your face and body again waiting just for him, he slotted himself between your legs and you instinctively wrapped your thigh high clad legs around him. His cock was truly magnificent, he's allowed to be as arrogant as he is.

‘’You know how long I've waited for you?’’ He asks, startling you with the question at hand. You nodded your head.

‘’Two. Years.’’ He gritted through clenched teeth, dim eyes boring into yours as he shoved two thick fingers in your sopping cunt, you cried out in squirming pleasure at the unexpected actions. He felt around you, and it was fucking bliss. You were so wet for him and the noises of your moans whines and him exploring your insides was all that could be echoed across the room. Your mind was only just starting to wrap around the true state of longing he was stuck in. 2 years? Holy fuck.

He pumped inside of you relentlessly, adding another thick finger in the process. He began to thumb at your clit and that was your awakening and ending all at once. You wanted to touch him desperately to keep him from his incessant edging but all you could do were tug at the restraints and beg for mercy.

"Stephen...Please. I'm begging you.’’ You tried your hand at begging again but that only seem to wind him up more. He was enjoying this, enjoying toying and torturing you.

"Am I gonna have to gag you too?" Without warning, he replaced his thick fingers with his thick cock, pushing your soaked panties to the side. He allowed you no time to adjust as he began pistoning his cock in and out of you, he watched in awe as he gazed on it disappearing inside and out of your cunt. Stephen looked at your gorgeous face, mouth gaping wide as you gawked up at him dumbly. Your cries were as beautiful as your face. He buried his face to the crook of your neck, biting at the soft flesh as he fucked into you that much harder, the sound of skin slapping skin bouncing off of the artifact adorned walls.

He littered your neck with bites as his hands travelled down to feel at your luscious curves, only to leave goosebumps in their wake. He sucked on the fat of your tits as he began the art of suckling at your nipples, pulling at them with his teeth every so often cooling it off with his blowing breath. The way your body reacting only fanned the blazing flame that much more, it was intoxicating.

‘’You feel so good.. In me. So fucking good.’’ You screamed at him followed by a high-pitched pornographic whine. His lips landed on yours as he groaned lowly into your mouth. Kissing and licking at each other with a fervour and passion you had only experienced in erotic films.

‘’You're mine. Only mine. Say it.'’ He spat venomously.

‘I’'m yours. Only yours. Always have been, always will be.’’ You didn't need to be told twice.

The admission made him bite at your bottom lip and make his hands find hospice in your hair, pulling on it relentlessly like he'd die if he'd let go.

'Cum in me Stephen.' You commanded at him, one hand letting go of your hair and cradling your chin upwards so he could live some more bright red bite marks on you. Claiming you as his. He made sure you finished first as you felt your orgasm rip through you, a cry erupting from your throat allowing every single nerve ending to be fried in the process. The gush of your wetness covered him. Stephen felt his cock twitch at the sight, he spilt himself inside of you ultimately decorating your inside with a milky shade of white. It was all so…dirty. Naughty.

He rolled off of you as you both basked in the after-sex glow, panting and gathering your breaths alone together for a moment. He glanced over at you, still tied up, only then rushing to get the belt off of you.

"Sorry.’’ He said under his breath, eliciting a small chuckle from the both of you. Your smile was bright and it was like he was looking at a star face to face. You let out a relieved sigh as you shook off the binds and Stephen threw them across the room somewhere and found home in lying next to you again. You felt like a giddy teenager losing her virginity for the first time as you kicked your heels off and got under the covers with him, smiling like a maniac. Stephen noticed the change in energy.

He slung his big arms round you, hugging you close to him as if he never wants to let go, letting his nimble fingers stroke up and down your bare arm as you slung your leg around him.

Post coital realization is a weird thing. He looks at you and he sees everything he's ever wanted in his life right now. You look at him and you feel warm and fuzzy, like all of this was destiny or fate.

You both were gawking at each other now, little smiles and gasps following in its wake. Even in the dim light you could stills regard each other's bright eyes, lit up by the fact that all of that just happened.

‘’Now that's a lot of trust for you to let me tie you up for the first time.’’He remarked, playing with some loose strands of hair that was stuck to your face.

‘‘What can I say? 2 years is a long time. I deserved it.’’ Your fingers ran through his messy salt and pepper hair before outlining his death defying cheekbones and jawline with the tips of your fingers.

Comfortable silence filled the air as you both gazed into each other's eyes and continuing your ministrations, only lit my the pale moonlight that was peeking through the curtains.

‘Why did I wait so long?' His eyes were full of worry. His tone was serious and inquisitive yet hushed, scared that he won’t be able to make up for the lost time he spent pining when he literally could have had you sooner. What could he say, he was a greedy man and selfish when he wanted to be. You initially didn't know how to answer it objectively other than telling him about your own feelings on the matter.

‘’Well, looking back on it now in this post nut moment of clarity,’’He let out a breathy laugh at your crudeness, "I must say that the pining and the wanting to hate you, convincing myself to hate you was... Fun. Me conflicting with myself over you, me getting all pretty just to impress you. Thoughts of you always lingering on my mind, overanalysing and overthinking every single interaction I've had with you The pining and waiting all makes up for this moment. This moment of being with the man that's plagued my thoughts, my fantasies, my life and giving me the most mind-blowing sex, I've ever had for one. And two…the man I have fallen madly in love with.’’

He thought he spoke in pure poetry, like he was sipping the nectar of the gods hearing you talk. Your honesty was startling but so necessary, you bore your soul to him, and he loved you even more for it.

‘’You love me?’’ He whispered as if saying the word won't make what you feel for him real.

"I do Stephen. I've grown exhausted and tired of hiding it from myself and convincing myself I feel otherwise. I’m tired.’’

‘’I love you. So much it hurts. Always have always will.’’ He stated breathlessly before his lips slotted over yours in a desperate yet sweet soft kiss. Sealing all your thoughts and feelings in a cute little heart shaped box. You were both beaming.

‘'Always have always will.'’ You mumbled into him through your grin.

Everything was perfect until your ears quirked up and could hear the sound of someone conjuring up a portal as you were kissing Stephen. Opening your eyes through the kiss, you were stunned and embarrassed to see Tony, Nat, Steve and most of the other Avengers staring at you with open mouths agape through a portal that Wong had opened up. You ripped your lips away from his and let out a yelp dragging the cover up to conceal your bare chest, Stephen thought he did something wrong before turning his head away from you to see the crowd before him.

'What the fuck!?' Stephen shouted, completely annoyed that the moment was ruined and that they could see you both in such a position.

‘What are you doing here!?' You blurted as your eyes were saucepan wide at the growing number of people that are personally witnessing you and Stephen in a hookup nature.

"I fucking knew it; I'm expecting you to pay me for the advice I gave you on how to get yourself laid Strange in t-minus 42 minutes.‘ Tony mocked all animated as his downed the rest of his drink. The billionaire prick just had to put his two cents in, didn't he?

'I've been looking for you for an hour.’ Nat scowled brashly at she folded her arms under her chest. You gave her a ‘I don't even really know what happened' look in response.

'Alright people, you've got your proof, now its time for all of you to pay me.‘ Wong stated as he allowed you a modicum of privacy as he closed the portal, leaving you alone with Stephen in serene tranquility again.

You both gawked at each other, still trying to take in the influx of what just happened until you burst out laughing at the ridiculousness of it all. You resumed your prior position of just holding each other in your arms, warmed by the bodily contact and proximity, leaving you both to glow in the perfection of one another until you both drifted off to a well deserved slumber.

——

fucking hell this was long

#stephen strange #dr strange #dr strange smut #stephen strange smut #marvel #dr strange x y/n #doctor strange x female reader

[drowninginthepond]

NPD and reality

during my research i came across a lot of stuff that essentially sums up to "narcissism is a self-delusion to hide an unbearable truth". i keep seeing this and the more i do, i realize how wrong this is for me, at least in the classic sense.

a lot of what my NPD consists of now has been reality for me when i grew up. if you go through the diagnostic criteria, it basically goes like:

has a grandiose sense of self importance

i do. i never considered this to be grandiose in the past because it was objective fact to me. i grew up with people believing me to be a "league above them" that they were never be able to touch - i functioned by a different set of rules altogether. i wasnt just winning at the game everyone played, i played an entirely different "higher" game. because i grew up this way, i still assume that people automatically recognize my superiority, i expect it, because im used to it.

believes that they are special and unique and can only be understood by, or associate with, other special and high-class people.

this is reality. there are quite literally people who are ill-equipped to understand me, because they entirely lack the knowledge and braincells to. try walking up to your peers or even adults when youre young and tell them youre deeply emotionally bothered by the future of robotics/a.i. and how technology can increase the already huge gaps between classes because its primarily made and used by the capitalistic elite when theres a chance that this could help to create utopia in a different economical system. of course the only guy to talk to here is some philosophy professor.

requires excessive admiration

simply something im used to and therefore addicted to. admiration, idolization, envy, hatred. thats pretty much all i get as a "consolation prize" for the aforementioned issues. its more like a drug i crave so i can blend out the negative emotions.

has a sense of entitlement

when i was young there were often rules that didnt apply to me or i could ask adults (or bat my eyelashes) to bend them for me. i was sometimes exempted to write exams in the first place and corrected the exams of the other students. i sometimes had different school work from the rest of the class or did other stuff entirely like reading and drawing. so understandably i now have the sense of entitlement that rules that apply for everyone dont apply to me.

is interpersonally exploitative

this one is kind of funny because my special interest as a child were social power constructs. i basically had to learn to successfully manipulate others for social status because otherwise i would end up as the bullied autistic nerd. i did this so well that i ended up being intellectually fascinated by it and used it for my own gain (which eventually ended up being internet fame, lol). coughs. prestige dating.

lacks empathy, is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others

ive always struggled with empathy and i was told so very very often. this might be a born trait, relating to autism too. its something i cant change. i just learned cognitive empathy and compassion instead!

is often envious of others, or believes others are envious of them

as ive said. fact. had some girls ripping my art apart out of envy, had people beating up themselves out of envy, the whole circus.

shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

i mean... i do think of myself to be superior to everyone. it surely comes across as that, especially when im becoming frustrated when others are lacking. i learned to mask this a lot though cause people kept telling me.

______

alas, NPD isnt some kind of self-deluded fantasy i invented, its been the actual truth for me, mostly because of other people telling me the exact stuff and treating me in the same ways that are now part of a diagnostic criteria. hilariously, there are "narcissistic lies", specifically a very big one in the grandiosity point. an intense focus on my intelligence/giftedness and the relation to others. other people have a bunch of strengths that i lack in as well, like social and physical skills which im honestly hilariously bad at sometimes. the narcissistic lie in this is that intelligence specifically puts one above others in terms of human worth, and lack thereof makes one lesser. this could be the same with any other adjective, but it wasnt.

"narcissism is a self-delusion to hide an unbearable truth" is solely true if its interpreted as it being a gigantic fawn reaction that hides feelings of isolation.

#here have my self psychoanalysis or something #npd #narcissistic personality disorder #cluster b #actuallynpd