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#there's so much more here too and im trying to work it into a gifset somehow but i dont know how to FIT it
its-hyperfixation · 2 years
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Guess that I know what I already knew I was better with you, and I miss you now
for my beloved @bellamyblakru in honour of getting employed !! congratulations my love, im so proud of u and everything that u do.
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anya-chalotra · 1 year
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i finally secured a new job and started this past week, but it’s part-time compared to the full-time hours i was doing before, and while some income is obviously miles and heaps better than no income, it still feels very much like trying to regain footing on a slippery slope. my first full paycheck isn’t until the end of the month—which makes money way too tight to be comfortable, with so many expenses and so little breathing room. there’s rent for both the rest of this month (my landlady has been kind enough to accept it in weekly payments for the time being and that’s the only reason i’ve been able to afford it) and next month to worry about, not to mention the $100+ that just went to a few different bills. and with the random snows we’ve been getting in the middle of 70-degree weeks, i’m worried about rideshares for the days i can’t bike to and from work.
so i’m going to be offering commission work for just a bit longer on the side in the hopes of making some much-needed extra money. all prices and info are covered in the graphic, but just in case:
ICON PACKS STARTING AT $3 icons above were commissioned by the lovely joey (@nikolaislanstovs) and becca (@helloinej) + you can find some more examples of what i can make here
LAYOUTS/ICONS AND GIF HEADERS STARTING AT $6 here are two example headers that were commissioned by emily (@genyazafin) and makilah (@yennefer) + both my desktop and mobile headers were made by me as well
GIFSETS STARTING AT $10 here is a set i did for jagoda (@ughmerlin) + you can find more of my work here [limited to fandoms unless footage/scene packs can be provided, but anything within my scope of knowledge is welcome]
if you are interested in commissioning something, you can message me here or through tumblr’s IM system. OR if anyone is feeling generous or wants to help without going the commission route, here’s my ko-fi and my paypal. any reblogs would of course be a huge help as well. ♡
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the-holy-ghosted · 6 months
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how would you like to respond to this ask with absolutely as much as you can possibly say about the terror. it does not need to be comprehensible. just say things until you can no longer say things. let it all out. or let some of it out and let the rest of it spill over into the tags of reblogged gifsets, i have no qualms with either. this is entirely to give you another avenue with which to go as feral as you would like. have fun!!
hey anon quite frankly i would love to start talking incessently about the terror and also im gonna kiss you on the lips for asking me to
one thing ive been thinking about a lot after rewatching the whole season maybe. three or four times now (i am not mentally sound) is just how much the theme throughout the show is Being Something You Are Not. and its such a gradual realization cause you start with one character but the more you think about it you realize how that theme affects everybody and everything about the show.
i read something in an analysis post written by somebody MUCH more eloquent than me about Silna and Crozier and the parallel of them being thrust into a responsibility they didn't want. Silna was forced into a role that she knew she could not handle and it fails on her! multiple times! despite having NOTHING to do with everything going wrong shes been shoved into everyone's field of vision as The One Responsible INCLUDING by her own community. and by all means she does try to fill those shoes but even Tuunbaq has a say and it doesn't want her. and by the time she tries again its already too late.
and Crozier's situation wasn't identical but it's very similar in the sense that he did not want to be here and do this. being the only one not volunteered, but *asked* to go on this expedition, having already not been what Sophia wanted but doing as she asks anyways. good grief the man is in the middle of writing his resignation letter to sir john when he gets mauled. and now hes got no choice and that ALSO fails on him and gets people hurt and eventually its too late for him to make anything better.
but once you notice it with somebody else its like oh! that's right! EVERYBODY is doing this. sir john wasn't anybody's choice to lead the expedition and in fact he is actively detrimental to everybody's safety with his choices. Fitzjames is not half the man he says he is and has actively been lying To Everybody about about who he is an his accomplishments Forever. Goodsir is NOT a doctor and despite how happy it seems to make him to be considered as such he knows its not true and all of that scientific knowledge ends up killing SO many people. Hickey thinks hes hot shit and thinks he can gain control of everybody else AND Tuunbaq and yet he can hardly even do his own dirty work and gets other people's hands dirty before he does it himself.
i mean if you think about it too even the landscape isn't what it seems. they all think its a conquerable land and then they get there and realize its not. and because of this, they assume that must mean there's no way to survive out there. except there IS. there IS wonder. it IS beautiful. life CAN thrive out there and it HAS they are just so hazardous and invasive to the environment that they don't get to see it!!! they don't see the wonder and they are trekking to their deaths amongst a COMPLETE lie. this isn't, like, News to anybody else who's watched the show i just noticed how it all connects everybody and it blew my mind a little bit
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demadogs · 2 years
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I know, i know 😭 (30% anon here). It's not that i think the idea is absurd at all, like you listed so many good things!! I'm just trying to actively lower my own expectations because i'm the type who gets really invested and then consequently really disappointed (though i guess since this is tumblr most of us are that type lmao). I'm just used to shows not following through with subtext, and i'm not only talking about gay subtext, but all different kinds of plots. I hear you though, trust me!
Since i'm already in your inbox, i have a question: have you been around for a while? What's the history of the byler ship? Was it always popular? Did people always think there might be a serious chance or was it more of a crackship? Were there any popular theories that came true or that were completely false? Since i'm super new to the show myself i'm curious!
yeah i totally get it. my brain is just not wired to be able to have lower expectations for something that his this much evidence for. im either 100% confident in something in a show or i have absolutely no idea whats gonna happen lmao.
i only started being active in this fandom a few months ago but ive shipped byler and followed lots of byler blogs for years. people started shipping byler after s2 came out. i didnt see anything about it during s1 because they literally had two scenes together and there was almost nothing really to work with. but when i watched s2 when it first came out i distinctly remember thinking “….is anybody else seeing this?? am i crazy orrr?” and then i went on here and found a small fandom of people who shipped them too so i was like “ok cool nice”. at this point it was mostly gifsets of their scenes together and maybe some edits and we hadnt established whether we were gonna spell it byeler or byler yet lmao. then i found @kaypeace21 and she was the first person i saw ever actually analyze it and really start to believe that everything might be intentional.
before i followed her, i never even considered that they might actually go through with byler. i think that was the case for most people during s2. i shipped it in the same way i currently ship ronance and steveddie. i thought they were cute and had good chemistry but i never believed it would go anywhere because of mlvn and also just the doubt that an insanely popular 80s scifi show would put their main characters in a gay relationship. i still loved reading kaypeace’s analyses but i wasnt convinced yet. then s3 came out and that changed everything for me and a lot of other people.
i watched s3 the day it came out hoping for some crumbs of byler but again, not at all expecting anything evident of them actually going through with it. it was kinda just in the back of my mind bc i love this show mostly for the supernatural plot. but during their fight scene when mike said “its not my fault you dont like girls” i was shocked. that convinced me that at least will would have a crush on mike but i still wasnt sure about mike until that painfully awkward kiss on the last episode. it wasnt until a few months later i rewatched that season and went back to kaypeace and found SO many things that i missed!! mike not letting el touch him when they kissed, the drastic tone and aesthetic difference between the break up and the byler fight, the frame of mike perfectly in a closet when they kissed!! i was completely sold then and so were a lot of people. i also think it was around this time that finn liked some byler art that had the quote “im not gonna fall in love” on it so that made a lot of people like 👀.
then everything the cast and duffers have said leading up to volume one only increased my confidence. i went into volume one completely expecting more obvious queer coding and i was right to. i was already overly confident but the biggest thing from volume one that made me more confident wasnt even a byler scene, it was mike and el’s fight. im glad they had her explicitly call him out for not saying he loves her. they kinda had to spell it out for the general audience. that was a really good scene and the fact that they played eulogy over it!!!?? insane. i lost my mind when i watched that episode a second time and realized that. that is 10000% intentional and the only explanation could be that that fight was the death of their relationship.
anywho yeah ive shipped them almost since the beginning and its been so fun slowly realizing that theyre actually going to do this and watching it build up and seeing the general audience start to catch on. it added a whole other layer to a show that already would have been my favorite either way just because of the plot alone.
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wrestlezon · 1 year
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(hell yeah. heres a whole post blogging about my blog. i hope you like introspective words. if not... then definitely dont click that readmore)
I posted 3,572 times in 2022
That's 3,572 more posts than 2021!
(well... a respectable amount... for this being the first year of Blog Existing)
370 posts created (10%)
3,202 posts reblogged (90%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
pepsitwist
dogcollarpunk
hoodyhoo
allelitewrestlings
(3 people with the best tastes on the site and a fantastic sourced aew content blog. hell yea ofc these were my most reblogged blogs)
I tagged 3,533 of my posts in 2022
Only 1% of my posts had no tags
(oh no. where are they. where are these 40 untagged posts?? how could i leave them BARREN... NO... THEYRE LOST... OUT IN THE COLD...)
#chuck taylor - 576 posts
#orange cassidy - 570 posts
#cm punk - 500 posts
#fanart - 406 posts
#p - 291 posts
#trent beretta - 229 posts
#talkzon - 221 posts
#mjf - 220 posts
#jon moxley - 201 posts
#eddie kingston - 198 posts
(ah yes my top 3 favorite wrestlers. chuck, orange, cm punk. of course. LMAO. funnily enough the pipeline for me was in that exact reverse order... punk vs eddie got me watching the show, then i saw an orange match and was like hey thats fun and cool, then i was like hold up... whos that weird-cute guy who hangs out with him sometimes... and now here i am. with incurable chuck taylor brain worms.)
(ok. actually the story is a bit more ironic than that but if i get too openly genuine on here i'll break out in hives sooooo moving on)
Longest Tag: 140 characters
#excalibur said something last friday along the lines of ''hes not willing to team up with danhausen yet'' which made me laugh out loud. ''ye
(my tag got cut off... i think this is before xkit rewritten added the ''tag too long'' alert for the quicktags thing. i dont even remember what the rest of it was supposed to be... this was on a gifset of the hook birthday chips incident)
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
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thank you aew broadcast team for the instant replay alternate angle on wardlow's very cool pin
295 notes - Posted July 13, 2022
(...i liked wardlow better when he was a vaguely amoral henchman guy but i can appreciate A Very Cool Pin)
#4
"One word to describe me? GAY"
295 notes - Posted October 17, 2022
(the people need to know. they need to know max caster is an entertaining and somewhat unhinged weirdo)
#3
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listen. look. i need you to understand. look at this.
SLOUCHED. HANDS BEHIND HIS BACK. HEAD BENT DOWN. cm punk spends most of his promo at this point AVOIDING EYE CONTACT. he never even holds the goddamn mic!!! punk is posturing SO hard to appear as a small harmless creature. so much smaller than hangman.
which he factually ISNT. i mean, look at how he looks when he stands up straight, when he isn't trying to put on an appearance.
See the full post
325 notes - Posted May 26, 2022
(oh noooo lmaoooo not my overly excited cm punk theory-effortpost... embarrassing...... even more embarrassing in hindsight... u_u "wow theyre doing such a good job of working together to tell this fictional story of conflict and antagonism! such acting! such subtlety! wait. what. no. are you guys mad for real. what the")
#2
See the full post
389 notes - Posted June 4, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
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how im feeling about that upcoming dog collar match
752 notes - Posted March 5, 2022
(honestly the most shocking part of this was seeing people out in the wild think this was where the sickos meme came from? which doesnt even make sense chronologically?? sickos has been around forever!!! and the original comic is so good. i am not deserving of kartoonist kelly's onion comic clout i am just a wrestle blog)
(also. i have to say. getting into wrestling right as the cmjf feud started was such a mistake... it set the bar too high... wrestling is not normally Like That... ;~;)
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
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juiceofmoons · 2 years
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hi dear, im here to be unhinged for the ask game ଘ(੭ˊᵕˋ)੭ ੈ♡‧₊˚ cactus, mahonia, sage, edelweiss, palm tree, taro & chamomille
i'm sorry for bombarding u heh ;;;;
hii lix <3 that's okay! I love asks 😊
cactus ⇢ something you’re currently learning (about)?
currently, I am still learning about gifing, just working out different colouring styles at the moment but I want to get into other gif related stuff too like gfx because it seems so cool! I am trying to do more gifsets now and not just mbs to practice 😊
mahonia ⇢ what place, thing, activity inspires you most and how do you express yourself when it does?
I am constantly inspired by nature especially flowers,, it is now spring for me and I love getting up early in the morning and going for walks because the lighting is so nice and its v peaceful. I think this shows in my mbs because I love soft/comfort vibes and always include sunsets/sunrises and flowers 🌼
sage -> answered here <3
edelweiss ⇢ how’d you think of your url/username? what’s it associated with to you?
hehe well it is a little weird,, so one of my favourite characters is moonjo from strangers from hell mainly because it is lee dong-wook <3 essentially I went moonjo -> moonju -> moonjuice (I wanted this url so bad) -> juiceofmoons 🧃🌙 lmao and I thought it looked cute so used it as my skz blog before I became a cc,, I would like it to be skz related but i'm attached to it now <3
palm tree ⇢ answered here <3
taro ⇢ if someone called you right now to catch up, what’re the things you’d tell them about?
this is an interesting question,, if one of my mutuals did I'd just be screaming how much I love them but also let them know I wont be cc'ing for a month because I'm going away </3
chamomile ⇢ what kind of things do you like receiving as gifts?
I am much a 'it's the thought that counts' kind of person, receiving any gift makes me so happy because they took time out of their day to get/make it and they thought of meee <3 I just melt lmao
ask game
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lolexjpg · 2 months
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dts s2 e4-6
e4: -sorry seb's "says who?" at the start of episode (in response to ferrari telling him what to do) GAGGED sets the tone for the episode PERFECTLY -mattia talks about monza the way indy drivers talk abt the 500 lmao -the whole "there is no #1 driver" bit makes me think hey r there parallels to be drawn between sebchal here and alonso/hamilton in 2007? just thinkin about it -before i get to far i want to share some thoughts: when i first watched this episode with NO prior knowledge it was rly hard to follow. after i heard about the specifics of the ferrari engine controversy (cheating), for the second watch i remember this episode suddenly clicking for me! this episode would've benefitted so much from a will buxton monologue explaining the juicy details for a newish viewer. i understand that there might have been pressure from ferrari to not include those details but it is such a shame, to have such a core piece of information missing and viewers have to try to piece together the narrative without it :/ -HI LAURA WINTER -very much get the impression that seb is like the family member who notices the generational trauma and going hey maybe we should change things to stop that and gets exiled from the family instead :) those sure are the vibes -HI CHARLOTTE -im sorry the back to back "seb has a lack of confidence with the car. and charles' car is not performing" like theyre the same car but you're gonna frame it like its seb's fault but not charles's? mattia choke -at the part where they're explaining the engine controversy--i still stand by wishing they explained it better and EARLIER because i think its much needed context for the first half of the episode too -at the end of the day all i need to know is that seb clearly thought that what ferrari did was wrong, and thats all i need to know if he says so then i believe it!! -the way netflix is trying to tease like ~oh imagine all the different teams he could go to! who wouldnt want him~ is so cheeky but also i NEED to know what this was like live when yall didnt know where he was going i'm JEALOUS i wish i got to be there for it all to unfold -double ferrari dnf at monza must've been crazy to watch live too lmao -seb zigzagging through all the photographers on his bicycle. love him -seb announcing his new seat the same weekend as ferrari's 1000th is crazy ex girlfriend levels of unhinged (pos). like posting ultrasound pics the same day as your ex's wedding type of shit. no one does it like him -sorry im incapable of watching ferrari episodes without writing an essay. hope you enjoyed
ep5: -the great daniel/cyril divorce -i cant remember who said it or where i saw it but when i first got into f1 properly someone talked about how Different things might've been if there hadn't been covid--since the season was delayed, the contract was signed before reneault could have any races with daniel that year--so daniel could only make that decision based off 2019 races -the jump clearly did not work out for him but alpine also went to shit too. but if cyril hadn't left who knows. i think all of daniel's choices make sense honestly!!!! he just got very unlucky -anyway their dynamic is insane and they deserve soooo many more fic than they have!! -"it's probably a bit like being dumped by a girlfriend, but she hasn't moved out of the house yet." christian did eat with this one. unfortunately -i love cyril but him being the one to actually complain about the pink mercedes feels very..... my wife is divorcing me so i'm gonna sue my neighbors over the property line -"i hate those fucking pink cars" oh i need to gif that. i'll be watching and i'll just KNOW like yeah that needs to be in the next gifset -i cant believe i havent mentioned it yet renault colors are the BEST daniel has ever looked i miss having yellow n black on the grid. maybe thats why alpine went to shit they gave up the best color combo they could have
e7: -pierre redemption episode!!! i think this is one of the best episodes ever tbh. very cathartic movie plotline really ticks all the boxes -HI PATRICK -ok but the fact that dts NEVER covered alex's podiums w red bull after milking the shit out of his missed podiums is a hate crime to me personally -onboards going through eau rouge are scary af. -filled with rage at how christian horner chews up new drivers and spits them up (even though its all so predictable at this point. no one will ever live up to the golden boy) -i remember seeing people complain that the williams family leaving wasn't given focus in dts, if anyone has any fun video essays about that i'd love to watch! -i do take issue with will buxton saying "red bull can't admit they made a mistake (with alex)" i think red bull made a mistake with promoting ANYONE too early and expecting too much from them, but not in a pierre v alex way. neither of them were given enough time or support by red bull to flourish. and they lowkey admitted that recently lmao -but it /is/ cathartic to know that red bull have tried to get alex back since then and he doesn't need his toxic ex in his life anymore no thanks ✌️ -i just know i'll LOVE watching this race in full -they set up the suspense so well for the end of the race -and it really is. if carlos had won this race with mclaren, his first win, how different would the trajectory of his career been -ANYWAY theres something that just always gets me about men holding all their emotions in right until they cross the finish line and they finally allow themselves to feel the emotions. (recent example that made me SOB was theo when he won f2) i also love how much it clearly meant to the alphatauri guys in the garage. last time that happened was with seb for torro rosso yeah? so its clearly so so special
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flamingothing · 4 months
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cache! i am! going to comic con this weekend!! i’m actually kind of genuinely excited for it which is cool! i did go last year but left after less than hour cause i got too panicky, which sucks since tickets were not cheap haha. if you’ve ever gone to comic con before or just any convention in general do you have any tips? unfortunately tips i search online for managing in these types of things never really work for me </3. sorry for the personal ramble, but it’s cool that you made that gifset you mentioned! i haven’t been online much for more than a few minutes so i haven’t checked it out yet, but i’ll see if i can find it on your stimblog after this! hope you have a good day!!
-🦭
heyy that sounds pretty fun!! i haven't been to a convention since. 2015? 2016? and it wasn't comiccon so there's a chance it was probably a smaller thing, but! i think my best advice would probably be just keep an eye on your "outs", your exits and whatnot. and don't wait till you're full blown freaking out to find an out, if you start to notice tensions building, go ahead and try and leave to calm down before heading back in :0
if you Do end up in a full blown panic attack, going back in might seem like a huge task since panic attacks are well. exhausting. so if you can avoid ever getting to that stage then that would be probably helpful 👍 i don't have much more because i was pretty fine at mine askfhakfjakfja sorry but i hope it goes much better this time!!! you should let me know how it goes :•)
and also the gifset wouldn't be on that blog actually '^_^ i also make kpop gifs semi often and the one i'm talking abt is here! the group it's for actually has a concept for their music videos and albums where each is a king of a different kingdom, so each gif draws from their kingdom & the phrases are the phrases paired with them in the albums :•)) this is a really short explanation cuz idk how much you'd actually wanna hear but agfklahflshfa. im proud of it because i've never made gifs with those types of effects before so i'm glad it came together well :3
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hoshiyoshis · 2 years
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Hey, its gonna be okay. There are lots of moments in life where our pasions just arent as intense as before or even disapear for a little while, but that doesnt mean you should feel bad/angered with your self over it. Try to give this a breake, focus on other things even if it is only a week or two, because the more you drawn onto this feeling the harder its gonna be on you.
Also, you dont need to apologise to people for following you, you are doing you best🌸💖
ive kinda left this one in my inbox all day bc i dont know what to really say to it, ig? like. obviously i want to start with the fact that i appreciate u took time out of ur day to say something nice to someone whos struggling bc it genuinely means a lot to me that u did that!!
idk take some ramblings of a struggling artist or w/e u wanna call me. 'depressed bitch' also works lmao
i guess i just... always feel like i'm not doing enough as a creator. like as a fan idc abt making content, but i like making things. i think just... stuff comes back around like darl+ing did, or like HOT did, and i just kinda watch everyone else make pretty much every single thing ever and i sit there and im like... well, what do i do? what can i do? everyone's always going to make things better than me to begin with.
it's not like drawing or writing where i'm the only person who can create a thing that way. its taking the exact same content as other people do and just... doing it, but always doing it worse because other people have done this enough times that it looks easy to them even though i know its not. some people probably have their stuff automated so that they can churn content out quickly.
i guess i'll always feel like... not good enough. and i think that's always where my passion dies out. and if i'm honest, i think i notice it the most in caratblr out of anything else. it always feels weirdly competitive. gif the mv first. make your sets for the new gose episode and get them posted as fast as you can but also make them look good. there's a new fancam? there will be gifsets already uploaded before you even view the first few seconds of it.
and it's not that i would ever ask another creator to slow down because if they're genuinely enjoying making their content then go for it? have fun? i just wish people consumed content better. if you aren't a "big name" then you aren't going to get notes. sometimes it feels like if you aren't a part of closed network that you aren't going to get anything either. or maybe people just... don't want to reblog things.
i don't know. i just notice it the most in caratblr compared to the other groups i made gifs for. i think that's honestly why i really prefer making content for groups like treasure or golcha? its just... more comfortable. i don't feel like i'm constantly competing with other people to produce something for them.
i make a gifset of hyunsuk and i feel at home with getting reblogs from my mutuals and seeing people be nice in the notes. i make that skz + red set and i see some ppl being super nice and calling it pretty/stunning or pointing out the way felix looks in one of the gifs.
which isnt to say caratblr isnt nice. i think abt the sweet tags i get usually from my mutuals, sometimes from ppl outside that circle, too. but idk, i just notice an imbalance more of reblogs to likes more often there. i compare myself to other creators who get hundreds of notes which is probably my own damn fault for comparing so much.
and i think that just... genuinely impacts my enjoyment of things. sometimes im like "oh maybe it'll be fun to gif the new mv haha" or something and then i remember oh, right, im not talented enough for that. other people are going to do it and do it better every single time so why should i try?
also lmao its just hard to be on tumblr in general when stuff like this happens. logic says "take a break for a few days" but i just... i dont want to. i like being here. i like interacting with my mutuals. i just know i'm going to sit there and feel fucking awful though if i try to scroll through my dash. and if i take a break for too long, then it feels like im falling even further behind. i already have to take a fucking extra semester to finish my schooling, i feel even more pathetic falling behind in a hobby that i actually like.
its stupid. sometimes i feel like i don't deserve to be here and to be a fan if i let so much stupid shit like that bother me. i know i don't have to create content to be a fan, but i just... i like doing it. its just hard to not lose all motivation again and wonder why i even bother being here and listening when i can't give them my all in return.
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appleciders · 3 years
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rachel and leah and the water...i’m shortcircuiting
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spaceskam · 2 years
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we’re connected by the sun
here is my fic for @rnmbb ! and the ao3 link is here
very very special thanks to @im-the-punk-who and @manesalex who created art for this piece and @malexlove4 who did a wonderful job as my beta! (links to gifsets here: im-the-punk-who 1, im-the-punk-who 2, manesalex )
“Alright. Have a safe trip.”
“I will. Thanks.”
Alex ended the call with a sigh, his employer's name blinking off his screen a few seconds later. His eyes drifted out the window to the world passing by. He couldn’t actually remember which city or state he was in anymore. Everything was a massive blur. All he knew was that this break he was taking was more than needed. The simple fact of him being on a train at all was a relief.
A small duffle bag that only held a few pairs of clothes, his computer and hard drive, chargers, and a toothbrush was between his feet. He didn’t need much else, not when he didn’t know what his plan was. Alex had traveled a lot for work, being all over the US with little left to see, and nothing had quite felt like a good fit. He was hoping that a non-work venture could possibly lead him somewhere he wanted to go. Somewhere he didn’t feel like such an ugly duckling.
Though, he was beginning to think he was running out of places.
Alex rested his head back, still watching the world rush. Trees and streets and cars. Everything and nothing all at once. At one point in his life, this had been fun and exciting. He craved that feeling again more than anything.
Perhaps he thought too soon, though, because there was a loud thud, and then the train jolted and started to skid to a stop, the lights flickering before they went out. The other people in the train car murmured their confusion, faint swear words making their way into the air. It was definitely something more exciting than the average train ride. 
“Fuck me,” Alex breathed. Of course, it would stop. Why wouldn’t it?
It was dark outside and had been relatively dark in the train car before, but now it was pitch black, and he could hardly see his hands in front of him. Alex took a slow, controlled breath. He was never a fan of the dark.
A few breaths in, a body fell into the empty seat beside him with a begrudging sigh. Alex looked in its direction, focusing as hard as he could to make his eyes adjust to the darkness. Slowly, the faint moon in the sky came to his aid, and he could make out curly hair and eyes that were looking right at him.
“Sorry,” the man said, a voice that Alex knew down to his core, “Couldn’t see shit, and I didn’t wanna get lost trying to get back to my seat.”
Alex started breathing deeply for a completely different reason.
“That’s fine,” he said, “It’s an empty seat.”
A smooth smile slid onto that face he hadn’t seen in far too long, features more evened out and chiseled than he remembered, all lit up by the moonlight that rushed in to help him see. That face. That voice. That smile. That man.
But, whether it be because of the lighting or because of the obvious, there didn’t seem to be any recognition on his part.
“You sure?”
And Alex didn’t want to make it weird.
“Uh.” Alex cleared his throat. “I’m Alex. And, uh, I don’t mind the company.”
“Michael,” he said, the full confirmation making Alex feel like the wind had been knocked out of him, “And that’s nice to hear. Me neither.”
Michael Guerin.
//
One, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four.
Michael opened his eyes slowly, still breathing in and out at four counts each to make sure he didn’t throw a massive tantrum and lose his entire mind. His hands were shoved deep into his pockets, and his nails were digging into his palm. The pain of it helped a little bit.
Alex pulled bags out of the bed of his truck, his biceps flexing against his shirt as he lifted it. It was something so familiar, something that used to make Michael giddy with attraction, but now it just made his throat feel tight and his eyes burn. It was unfair how something so innocent and warm now felt cruel.
“You really doing this, Manes?” Michael asked, watching him hoist the bigger duffle bag over his shoulder. The veins in his forearm popped out to add to the cruelty.
“Going to college?” Alex scoffed, “Yeah, Guerin. I am.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
And it wasn’t. Part of him always knew Alex was going to college, that seemed like a given. Alex was smart and had a whole life ahead of him. Maybe Alex hadn’t talked about it and never really gave Michael a fair warning about when and where, but he couldn’t say it was a full surprise. Michael had been offered a line of scholarships he waited too long to take, and Alex was smarter than that. He knew, logically, at the end of the summer that things would change.
He just didn’t expect it to go like this.
Michael held out his hand, and Alex reluctantly handed over his other bag. His face was even, unbothered, but two and a half months studying Alex like he was going to be taking an AP final on him had resulted in Michael knowing he was just doing that to not betray his own emotions. It was better this way, Michael told himself, because if Alex had been visibly upset, Michael wouldn’t have been able to hold it together.
It was strange. He wasn’t used to feeling so out of place speaking to Alex. It had always been natural from their very first encounter, but now the conversation wasn’t as easy. He didn’t know what was the right or wrong thing to say. He didn’t even know if him saying the right or wrong thing had got him here in the first place.
It didn’t matter. Alex was leaving. Michael wasn’t. End of story.
The two of them walked into the train station in relative silence, navigating the weirdly busy area until they got his ticket and got to Alex’s platform. And then they waited for the train to come as if it was just that simple to separate.
Except Michael couldn't stop staring at him.
“I don’t have a phone,” Michael said, a last-ditch effort at trying to get Alex to show that he wanted to keep him, “So you can’t call me.”
“I wasn’t going to try.”
Michael breathed in his words a verbal gut punch. His throat tightened more, and his eyebrows pulled together, his body trying its damnedest not to cry over this. He knew Alex was just being like this because he had to. Because this‒they‒weren’t supposed to happen. Alex’s plans were made before Michael, they wouldn’t change with him here. Alex made that very clear.
“Alex…” Michael said because he couldn’t help himself. Alex was right there. How could he?
“Michael,” Alex said evenly, “This isn’t about you.”
Michael breathed and nodded once. He could accept that, he thought. And even if he felt like he couldn’t, he didn’t really have a choice. He had to accept it no matter what.
“Yeah. I know.”
Michael stared at him, and Alex stared back. Neither of them turned away or broke eye contact. It was agonizing, honestly, but Michael watched him and tried to memorize every part of his face. He already had it memorized, honestly. A little extra couldn’t hurt.
However, that spell was broken when he felt that prickliness at the back of his neck, and he couldn’t help but look around to make sure no one was staring. Michael wasn’t quite sure he cared. No one was looking. Still, when he looked back at Alex, he’d been looking around too. No one was giving them the time of day, and it still felt like a thousand eyes were on them.
And perhaps that’s why they’d ended up here in the first place.
The train pulled up, and Michael swallowed, his heart jumping in his throat. This was it. All these days spent attached at the hip had led up to this. The moment where Alex leaves. The moment where it’s over. 
People started to board the train.
Michael didn’t want to regret this, didn’t want to have any negative feelings around helping Alex. But also, he hated that he did this to himself. Why’d he come here? Why’d he bring him? Why did he think this was a good fucking idea?
Alex gave a curt nod‒a nod like they hadn’t spent just three nights ago pressed together and shared breaths‒and turned to walk towards the train. It wasn’t fair. They didn’t know each other long enough, and yet Michael felt like he was losing someone he loved.
Ah. He loved him. Great.
Alex took a breath that raised his shoulders and went to take a step, went to leave forever. But then he turned around again, and before Michael could ask what was wrong, he was kissing him.
They’d never kissed in public before, never even a peck. And this was more than that. This was Alex’s hand on the back of his neck and his other on his chest. This was Alex’s soft lips parts and kissing deeper. This was tasting salty tears in the mix and trying to pretend they weren’t there.“I just… needed a reminder of what to look for,” Alex whispered into his mouth just seconds before he pulled away for good, quickly heading to the train before Michael could offer a reply.
Michael stood there, his chest aching and his eyes burning as he searched the windows for any sign of Alex just one last time. He apparently sat on the other side of the train, though, because Michael never saw him.
It was awful. He could still taste him. He reached up to touch his lips.
“I love you too, Alex.”
//
“I think if you told me a decade ago, I’d basically be a fucking marketing rep. I’d cry.”
Alex’s cheeks hurt as he continued to smile, watching Michael in the darkness. It was more than he’d smiled in months. Small talk was boring, but somehow Michael made it interesting as they talked about what they did for a living.
“I can’t honestly picture you doing marketing, no offense.”
“Okay, well, it’s not really marketing. I go around to different companies, sit in on business meetings, and show them how to do their jobs. I’ve spoken at a couple of conferences here and there,” Michael said. Alex didn’t mean to, but he knew he was beaming with pride. His Michael all grown up and successful. “Look, my job title doesn’t say marketing rep, so I refuse to call myself that.”
“Fair enough,” Alex laughed, “I guess that just means you’re really good at your job.”
Michael shrugged, licking his lips. “I guess. I don’t know, I went to school for robotics, so I don’t really know how I ended up here.”
“You did, really? Robotics?” Alex asked, perhaps sounding a little too eager. The Michael he remembered would’ve preferred to do literally anything except go to school. He had no plans to. But he still went. He still blossomed just like Alex knew he could.
That felt so nice.
“It was kinda out of spite, really. I wanted to prove I wasn’t just a deadbeat, so I was originally just going to a tech school. One of the professors that taught night classes there saw potential in me, I guess. Started challenging me. He’s the reason I took that step to enroll in a full-blown university and get a master’s degree, and he helped me every step of the way. I still talk to him. It really just takes one person to change your life, you know?” Michael explained. 
Alex nodded, warmth spreading through him. That’s all he ever wanted for Michael, for someone to actually see him and go out of their way to help him. It was something he wasn’t ever able to do for him, and none of the teachers in high school were either.
“Yeah, I totally believe that. Just one teacher to make you think you’re worth it,” Alex agreed, “That’s great. And traveling for work really isn’t that bad, honestly. It’s the best part of my job. It helps it not feel like it’s a big rut even though it totally is.”
“Aw, come on, you’re not in a rut, are you?” Michael asked. He was basically fully facing him, turned sideways in his seat to give him all of his attention. Alex was basking in it. Some little part of him was giddy that he was able to garner Michael’s attention like this twice without Michael even knowing that it’s him. 
“Feels like it.”
“Well, what do you do? I’ve been too busy talking about myself this whole time,” Michael said. He was so different. Alex barely knew what to do with it.
He wanted it anyway.
“Not too much different from you, I guess,” Alex said, “I work for a cybersecurity software developer, and I go around and basically play IT all around the country for businesses. Install our software, show them how to work it.”
“How have we never met before?” Michael asked, tilting his head. Alex bit the inside of his cheek, wondering if he should make a joke about knowing him biblically.
“Guess fate wanted to wait until a train was going to shut down,” Alex said. Michael snorted, his knee knocking into Alex’s. It felt so good.
“Guess so,” Michael said, “So when you go on your business trips, how many people do you have to lie to and say you’re married, so they leave you alone?”
A smile broke out on Alex’s face, “I try to just avoid talking at all unless it’s work-related. No drinks or anything.”
“Ah, shit, I guess I gotta try that. You know how hard it is to say no to a drink, though?” Michael asked. Alex shrugged, still smiling at him. He wished the lights were still on, wished he could see his face in the light. He wanted desperately to see all the features the darkness hid--all the parts of him that showed that he was grown now and not the 18-year-old boy he left at the train station.
Alex sure as hell was no longer that 18-year-old boy that left him.
“It’s a necessary burden,” Alex sympathized. Michael huffed a laugh.
“So, where are you headed to or coming back from now?” he asked. Alex’s mood slowly dropped to the fucking floor all over again.
“Uh,” Alex sighed, “Nowhere. I’m… on a break. Trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. Thinking about requesting a transfer.”
“A transfer? Would that really matter since you’d basically just be doing the same thing, traveling either way?” Michael pointed out.
Alex took a deep breath as he looked at him, really looking at the honesty written all over his face. Michael had always worn his heart on his sleeve, his emotions on his face. Alex had never ever been able to read it fluently, always second-guessing himself. Now it was no different.
“I’m thinking about quitting altogether and becoming my own boss,” Alex said, “I don’t hate the traveling or the workload. I hate feeling like I don’t belong.”
“Ah, yeah, I get that. Always feel like you’re one step away from getting fired even though you know you’re good at your job. Or like everyone around you only pretends to tolerate you. It sucks,” Michael said. Alex watched him, thought about how they were when they were younger. How Alex had always felt this way and found refuge in Michael. He couldn’t imagine Michael feeling that way too. He was so likable. “But, you know, it’s not true. People do like you. It’s all in your head.”
“Does it matter if I don’t feel like it?” Alex responded.
Michael smiled that small secret one that went straight to Alex’s gut. It was so reminiscent of laying in the bed of his truck in the middle of nowhere, naked and sweaty and whispering about the future. 
“You’re not wrong,” Michael said, “What kind of work would you do on your own?” 
“I don’t know. I have some ideas, but none of them are fully formed. I don’t have the time to,” Alex said honestly, “Kinda why I’m taking a break. Maybe something will make sense.”
“Yeah, I think you can do it. You look like the kinda guy who can pull that off,” Michael said, leaving no room to mistake the way he looked him up and down even in the darkness. Alex found himself letting out a soft laugh somehow.
“Well, thanks for being supportive,” Alex said, teasing and hoping that was the right thing to say. Michael smiled.
“No problem. You’re a smart guy. You could probably do anything. I’ll even put in a good word for you wherever I go.”
Alex licked his lips, nodding his head at the sincerity in Michael’s voice. It was probably a lacking response, but his heart was in his throat, and he couldn’t get over this. He and Michael hadn’t had much time together when they were young, fighting the inevitable clock that hung over their heads.
The blind support had him nauseous with familiarity.
//
Alex was quiet.
Michael supposed it wasn’t too unusual. Alex went through phases. Sometimes he was sad and quiet. Michael just had to find some way to cheer him up.
“Hey,” Michael whispered, reaching over to press a kiss to the back of his shoulder. He was warm to kiss as always. Michael liked the idea of kissing him forever, wherever he was allowed to kiss. “You feeling okay?”
Alex hummed in response, not a yes or a no. Warm, though. Michael kissed his shoulder again and rubbed his hand over his shoulder.
“Let's do something fun then,” Michael whispered, kissing the back of his neck. His hand slid down to his chest, his thumb grazing his nipple. Alex shrugged his shoulder, though, so Michael moved his hand back to neutral ground. “We can do anything you want. We can go TP Homophobic Nick’s house. Graffiti Racist Kevin’s. Be delinquent like we’re supposed to.”
“You’re not a delinquent,” Alex murmured, which was something better than silence.
“Okay then. We can, like, go skinny dipping in the Evans’ pool. They won’t know. Family vacation thing. Or, I don’t know, we don’t have to leave. I’ll let you paint my nails or something. Anything you want to do,” Michael suggested, dragging his nose behind Alex’s ear. He was soft to touch everywhere.
Alex didn’t respond, still curled up in on himself. It was hard to even gauge exactly what exactly was causing this. As much as Michael adored Alex, he did have a laundry list of things that could’ve put him in such a mood, including just waking up feeling bad. And Michael understood even if it made him feel useless.
To try his best at making it feel normal for Alex’s sake and his own, Michael kept up the light touching. He stroked his shoulders and down his arms and kissed the back of his head. He kept it chaste and without presumption, just wanting to make sure Alex knew this didn’t change his feelings about him. That, at the very least, felt important. Especially more so than his own feelings.
“How late can you stay out tonight? Or, like, is it possible you can get away with staying out all night?” Michael asked softly after a while, the silence itching at him when he had so much pent-up energy. He liked laying with Alex, but sometimes he needed to do something to get the energy out, even if it was just talking. He barely expected Alex to answer. “Because I’ve been crashing in the Evans’ pool house while they’re gone, and you’re welcome to join me. I kinda wanna love the idea of, like, playing house with you. We can share the bed and brush our teeth together. I can make you dinner, breakf—”
“I’m going to college in Massachusetts. We need to break up,” Alex said, monotone. End of sentence. No arguments.
Michael stopped breathing, freezing with his hands still on Alex’s body and still curled around him. His ears were ringing, and his brain scrambled to piece together what the hell he was talking about. Breaking up. College. Breaking up. Massachusetts. Breaking up.
“Are you serious?” Michael whispered, still wrapped around him because what. 
“Yeah, I am.”
Michael finally pulled away, quickly sitting up and scrambling to get to the other side of the truck as he tried to wrap his head around this. They were so good. Things between them were so fucking good. Why now? Why?
“Alex,” Michael said, watching him sit up slowly like there was a weight strapped to his back. He looked defeated and detached. He didn’t want to do this anymore than Michael didn’t. “You don’t want this.”
“I want to go to college. I want to experience getting away from this place without being tied to it,” Alex said stubbornly, eyes avoiding Michael completely. 
“I don’t want to be here either. I’m not tying you here,” Michael argued. Alex was silent. “Unless it’s me you don’t want to be tied to.”
“That’s not it, and you know it,” Alex sighed, seemingly too tired to even have this conversation despite the fact that he was the one that started this shit in the first place, “But it can’t work when I’m halfway across the country.”
“Why not?” Michael asked.
Alex took a deep breath, “You know why. This wasn’t ever going to last anyway.”
“Said fucking who?”
“Michael,” Alex said, tilting his head back, “Stop making this difficult.”
“Sorry if I’m a little upset, I’m being broken up pretty fucking spontaneously,” Michael scoffed, clenching and unclenching his fists in a failed attempt to regulate himself, “Did you just decide to do this, like, twenty minutes ago? Because you seemed totally fine when I picked you up this morning.”
“I didn’t know what I was going to do,” Alex admitted, drawing his legs up to his chest, “But I got a letter in the mail about orientation last night, and it kinda became clear that I had to make a choice when it came to us. And... and when I saw you this morning, I wanted to think we could pull it off.”
“Because we can.”
“But then I realized how hard it would be to be away from you,” Alex said, finally looking up at him and meeting his eyes, “Sometimes I want to be so close to you that even when you’re literally holding me, it doesn’t feel close enough. And I know you. You need that level of affection too. I think it would be bad for us both if we tried. It’s best if we just… quit cold turkey.”
Michael let out a breathy laugh in disbelief.
“So basically, we can’t be together because I want you too bad?” Michael asked, “Do you not understand how completely ridiculous that sounds?”
They were silent for a long stretch of time, the wind the only thing making noise around them. A chill went down Michael’s spine, but he didn’t know if it was the fault of the wind or if it was because he was used to having Alex’s body heat pressed up against him.
“Can you take me home?” Alex asked.
Michael nodded, hopping out of the truck and wiping his eyes just to make sure. He wasn’t crying. Somehow that in itself wasn’t even a surprise.
They both got into the cab of the truck in silence, neither of them crying as they came to terms with what was just decided.
-
Alex laughed.
He couldn’t even remember the last time he laughed, much less this hard, but something about Michael’s presence had him laughing at anything that could even be mistaken for funny. It helped that Michael seemed to be reacting the same way, giggly and happy. The sound of it was intoxicating in and of itself.
“And so, so, like, uh... Fuck, sorry,” Michael said, laughing and shaking his head like he was 18 and stumbling over his words because he got excited. Alex’s heart was thudding in his chest. It was unreal. “So basically, my sister calls me up, and she’s, like, sweet-talking me immediately, which is always a bad sign. She’s all ‘I need a maid of honor’ this and ‘if only I had someone to throw me a bachelorette party. And, look, I love her, but I’ll never get why she called me instead of our literal brother who is down the street, not across the country 85% of the year.” 
“Means she trusts you, which is a good thing,” Alex said, still smiling so wide his cheeks hurt. Michael was talking about Isobel and Max Evans, though that took Alex an embarrassing amount of time into the conversation to figure out. They were super close when they were in high school, and that clearly hadn’t changed.
Alex was happy for him.
“I mean, I appreciate it, but I should not have been the person because it was easily the most stressful thing I’ve ever done,” Michael scoffed, laughter still in his throat, “Anyway--fuck, I’m ruining this entire story.”
“No, you’re not, go on,” Alex prodded, nudging him with his elbow. Maybe he shouldn’t have touched him when they were supposed to be strangers.
He didn’t regret it one bit.
“Okay, okay,” Michael said, smiling as he nudged him right back. This was so much better than work. “Anyway, I obviously agreed because I hate myself and love her. She legit has me planning this thing with her over video chat half the time because I travel so much for work, and I’m spending my free time calling venues and shit. Anyway, time comes for her bachelorette party, and I plan something nice and modest because we’re adults, and I also know her, and she likes to pretend she’s classy even though she still steals my clothes.”
“And, let me guess, it did not go that way,” Alex said. Michael tilted his head, his eyebrows raising just a little bit, and he was apparently a lot closer than Alex realized.
“How’d you know?” Michael said. A rush went through Alex, old memories of laying in the bed of his truck and talking close and teasing before kissing until he couldn’t breathe flushing through him. Chills covered his skin.
“Lucky guess.”
“Yeah, very,” Michael said, eyes searching Alex’s face for a moment before he slipped back into his story, “And, anyway, we go to this restaurant, and it was nice, and she got expensive wine, and afterward she was like ‘what next?’ and silly me thought a nice dinner was enough. I was wrong. So, after that, she took over her own bachelorette party, and next thing I knew, we were at a strip club.”
“Oh no,” Alex said, huffing a laugh at the idea of Max Evans in a strip club. Michael, he could see, especially this version of him who was all refined and grown. Even Isobel seemed to make sense. But Max Evans seemed like he would be miserable.
“Not even a club with male strippers--honestly, that would’ve been less awkward than her dragging her brothers into a club where we had to buy her dances with topless women,” Michael said. Alex folded his lips in, holding back a smile. “I have never been so uncomfortable in my life.”
“You honestly think it would’ve been better with a male stripper?” Alex asked. Michael scoffed.
“Yeah, because at least then I could laugh at Max!”  
“Jesus,” Alex huffed, not really able to imagine the Isobel Evans from high school being a slightly unhinged big sister. But the way Michael spoke made it believable anyway.
“I know! And Max texts me after like ‘so that was weird, right’ like yes it was weird, what the fuck,” Michael said.
“Yeah, my brothers are like that too. I swear it’s like sharing a conversation with two toddlers and a brick wall sometimes,” Alex said. Michael nodded, licking his lips. There was too much smiling happening between them. It was overwhelming. “I don’t really have any fun stories to share.”
“I’m sure you do,” Michael insisted, nudging his knee into Alex’s thigh. He didn’t pull away. “Come on. Where’s the place you’ve been the most tempted to move to in all your traveling?”
“Um,” Alex breathed, eyes flicking to where they were touching and then back to his face, “I honestly don’t know. Once I went to this really, really small town in Arkansas that was right off a mountain, and I would go hiking in my downtime while I was there. And there was a lot of downtime. The internet connection was so shitty that there were multiple days where I had to quit altogether. That was fun.”
“So, you like hiking?” Michael asked, almost like it was important information that he was taking specific note of. Alex breathed in, his heart thudding in his chest at the attention.
“I like… exploring, I guess. I found this cave when I was up there, it was probably dangerous to even go in there, but I did anyway.”
“Ooh, a daredevil.”
“Shut up,” Alex laughed. Michael pressed his knee into his thigh with a little bit of force before letting up, making Alex lightheaded in the process. “But, I don’t know, it was nice to go somewhere quiet again. And I pretty much went the whole trip without seeing anyone I wasn’t there to work with. It was seriously a vacant town which should’ve been isolating, but honestly, it was freeing. Not for forever, but for a moment.”
“You should go back there, then. To clear your head,” Michael suggested. Alex thought about it and nodded, staring at him as he did so.
Somehow, the conversation lapsed into a moment of silence, no laughter, just quiet between them. The longer his eyes adjusted to the darkness, the more Alex was faced with just how gorgeous this man had become. And their legs were touching. How could he not stare?
“Sorry for the delay.” 
Michael’s head snapped towards the voice at the front of the train car. Alex had to put a little more effort into taking his eyes off him, but he eventually saw the man with the flashlight that was speaking. 
“The area we’re going through had a widespread power outage, and we’re having some issues with our backup batteries,” the man said, “But we should have everything up and running sooner rather than later.”
“Ten bucks says that it was user error,” Michael whispered, leaning to reach Alex’s ear like they were teenagers again. Chills covered Alex’s skin at the familiarity of it all, but he managed to keep his composure. Somehow.
“No comment,” Alex responded. There was no missing the smile that took over Michael’s face.
The flashlight guy made his trek through the train car to get to the next one, and there was a moment of silence. Too long. Long enough that Michael nearly choked on his own laughter, turning his head towards Alex.
“Sorry,” he said, “Got too quiet.”
“You’re good,” Alex said, laughing with him. He was close and warm, and he could feel the way Michael’s body shook when he laughed. Alex wanted more.
For the first time in a long time, Alex didn’t care if they were being the loudest in the room.
-
“Alex. Aleeex.”
Michael watched for any sign of awareness in Alex’s face, but he still seemed dead asleep. It was the first time they’d ever shared a bed, and as much as Michael completely understood Alex’s desire to sleep, he was too excited to sleep. He wanted to talk to Alex and to really make the most of their time in this hotel room where they didn’t have to stress about anything.
Carefully, Michael bit the shell of Alex’s ear, flicking his tongue against his earring just because he knew it would annoy him. Alex always found it gross and would laugh through his lecture about how piercings have dead skin build-up no matter how often you clean them. Michael didn’t really care as long as it was Alex’s dead skin build-up. Despite that, Alex still didn’t react. 
“Since when have you ever slept this hard? Are you faking it?” he asked softly. Alex didn’t seem to be. 
Michael blew into his ear for extra measure.
Alex flinched at that, his hand going up to cover his ear as he groaned. Michael grinned, albeit selfishly, and tugged him closer, so his back was flush against him. Alex made another noise, this one not out of annoyance. Michael was in love with him.
“Hey,” Michael whispered, kissing the back of his neck before leaning over him a bit to kiss his cheek and then his lips. Alex reciprocated, slow and lethargic, before blowing in Michael’s face like he was a cat that got too close to his food. Michael snorted and settled back behind him.
“Go to sleep.”
“No, you wake up,” Michael said. Alex shook his head and turned his face into the pillows.
Michael found that he was smiling nonetheless and rested his face on the back of Alex’s neck, his hand gliding up and down his body. He was so warm and comfortable. It was a little wild to think how just earlier that day, Alex had been too nervous to hold his hand even though they weren’t in Roswell, and now they were here, laying with each other without shame or hesitation or fear. It was still a work in progress, but this made up for every setback.
“I want to spend time with you,” Michael murmured, breathing him in.
“We have two whole more days,” Alex said in response.
“Exactly, only two more days. Why should we spend any of it sleeping?”
Alex didn’t dignify that with a response, which he couldn’t actually argue with.
The thing is, all of their peers were on a senior trip right now. Alex had saved up for it and had money to go, and that’s exactly where his dad thought he was, but instead, they were here. Away from Roswell and together. It hadn’t even been that long since this--them--had begun, and yet it still felt like love. 
Excruciatingly like love. Suffocatingly like love. He didn’t want to leave this bed or this town. He didn’t want to feel like sleep was wasting time. He wanted to just exist near him forever and cuddle close. He wanted to get to the point where they could hold hands, and Alex wouldn’t pull away. Michael couldn’t wait for all the little milestones they’d get to have together. He really did just want to speedrun them just so the excitement wouldn’t feel so overwhelming.
“Hey,” Michael said, kissing the side of his neck and still running his hands over his body.
“Please, go to sleep. I’ll literally pay you to go to sleep.”
Michael huffed a laugh and shuffled closer to say. “Hey,” he said again, “I love you.”
Alex’s body tensed up for a moment, and somehow, Michael didn’t even feel nervous. That’s just how good it was with Alex. He could throw himself face first in it, and he trusted that Alex wouldn’t let him down. Whether that meant he said it back, or he didn’t, it didn’t matter. It just mattered that he heard him.
Alex shifted, turning to face him with his sleepy face still in full force. Michael reached out and touched his red-tinted cheek. He wanted to touch that cheek forever.
“You mean it?” Alex asked. Michael nodded without hesitation. It was probably a little too soon--they’d only been dating for a little over a month--but it felt right nonetheless. “Okay. I love you too.”
“Do you mean it?” Michael said, more teasing than actually asking as he tugged Alex impossibly closer. A wide smile broke out onto Alex’s face as he nodded, reaching up for a kiss. “We should just move here.”
“Let’s do it,” Alex agreed. 
“We can get a house. I’ll mow the lawn, and you can sit all pretty on the porch drinking mimosas while watching me.”
“Perfect plan. I’ll get some dumb job out here, like some office job, and work my way up to manager.”
“Why not do something fun like working in the library or giving guitar lessons?” 
“You think I’m good enough to give guitar lessons?”
“I think you’re good enough to do literally anything. You’re Alex.”
Alex smiled, and his eyes drifted closed for a second. There was just an air of serenity around him that wasn’t really present any time before that he could think of. It was new and refreshing, and Michael wanted to hang onto it as long as he could.
“Okay,” Alex said, opening his eyes again, “For real. Let’s get out of Roswell and do something different.”
“Yeah,” Michael said, “Let’s do it.”
Michael couldn’t really tell if Alex was completely serious or not, but he knew he was. As much as he loved Isobel and Max and Sanders, he could always go back to visit. He couldn’t see a future where he stayed in Roswell, though. Especially not a future that involved keeping Alex. And even if this one conversation specifically wasn’t serious, Michael was sure that Alex was serious, no matter how scary the whole thing really was. But he knew Alex, and he trusted him.
They were going to get out, and it was going to be together. This was the end of all the bad bullshit that the world had given them.
At least they knew they wouldn’t hurt each other.
//
“Not to press, but are you seeing anyone?”
Alex scanned Michael’s face. There was something mischievous about it, like he knew exactly what the answer was, and he was asking on purpose. Alex huffed a laugh and licked his lips, shaking his head.
“No,” he said, “Are you?”
“I was at one point,” Michael said. It admittedly caught Alex off guard and made him feel a little stupid. He hadn’t really been waiting for Michael to show up like this, and he hadn’t wanted Michael to do that either, but he could list the amount of people who had lasted more than a single messy one-night stand on one hand. The idea that Michael had gone as far as seeing someone felt like Alex had missed something. “Hard to keep a boyfriend when you travel a lot. Causes a lot of trust issues.”
“Boyfriend?” Alex asked involuntarily. Thankfully, it went along with the game they were playing.
“I’m bisexual,” Michael said, staring at Alex so directly that even the darkness didn’t affect the impact.
Alex’s body started to feel warm. He had a label for it. It shouldn’t feel so strange or exciting that he had a label for it, but--he had a word for it. Openly. Out loud. No confusion or “I thought I was straight, and I’ve only been with girls, but I’m insanely attracted to you specifically.” Bisexual.
“Oh yeah?” Alex breathed. 
“Yeah,” Michael said, and he said it like he knew exactly what Alex was feeling, “I’m kinda like ‘it’s my business and no one else’s, but I’m not gonna hide it’ about it, but my ex put a pride flag on my balcony and, well, I can’t take it down. Not when it’s pissed off all of my neighbors. They can’t win. How lame would that be.”
Michael had a place. He had neighbors. If his looks and the big kid job weren’t enough to prove that this was different from before, then that was. They were adults now.
Alex kicked his bag, drawing attention to it as he grabbed the strap to show the pride pin on it. Michael smiled so bright that Alex didn’t understand how it didn’t immediately solve the power outage.
“It’s a twisted kind of joy when they see it after they’ve decided they like you. Funnier when it’s in a professional setting, and they can’t say anything,” Alex told him. 
Michael Guerin had always been an expressive person and now was no different. But the way he looked at him, the way his eyes lit up, the way he looked like everything just made sense for the first time in a long time, was a look that was so old and so new at the same time. It made it really clear that whatever he was feeling towards him wasn’t just nostalgia or a “what if” fantasy. This was real
“See, you get me,” Michael said.
Alex really did.
//
There was something so suffocating about the first date when you know that it’s a date.
Michael had spent more time with Alex than he’d spent with basically anyone else, considering they’d spent nearly every waking hour together since the day they met. They’d kissed. He was his boyfriend, but it was nerve-wracking to know that they were going on a for real date. This was the real deal. This is what he’d been waiting for.
“Hi,” Michael said as Alex walked up. 
“Hi,” he said back. His hands were shoved in the pockets of his jeans, and his hair was laying flat on his forehead, clearly the aftermath of a rushed shower at the Ortecho residence on the way here from work. He still looked ridiculously incredible.
“You look nice,” Michael said quietly. Alex rolled his eyes, but his cheeks turned an undeniable shade of pink. Michael considered reaching out for his hand, but he decided against it the moment they both simultaneously looked around to make sure no one was really paying attention to them.
It was stupid, honestly. He saw groups of guys coming to see movies with their friends. Groups of girls. Couples of all ages. Children. They didn’t stand out. They were just two guys. No one would think anything, and if they did, they probably wouldn’t say anything.
But there was always that probably.
“Let’s go inside,” Alex said, gesturing inside, and Michael didn’t hesitate to follow suit.
They got their tickets and skipped the popcorn stand, instead choosing to head for the theatre. They were one of the first ones in there, and they chose to sit in the back right, hoping that would give them some semblance of privacy.
Michael didn’t know what to say or how to make small talk. His head was reeling on what to do to make sure this date wasn’t a complete failure. This was their first date. It just had to be good. If only he knew what to say and how to act without pushing too far or being too weird.
“Can I be honest?” Michael said, “I haven’t been to a theater to see a movie since, like, middle school when Max and Isobel’s mom would take us.”
“Really? Liz, Maria, and I go all the time. We’ll have to go more,” Alex said, brushing his hair off his forehead, “And I’ll have to take you to the drive-in one day.”
“Is that a promise?”
“Absolutely.”
People filtered into the theater, but there weren’t that many by the end of it. No one sat near them, and Michael let himself relax more as the theater darkened and the trailers began. This was going well. This would be a good first date.
And then Alex put his foot on top of Michael’s.
Neither of them moved as the movie started up, the weight of his foot suffocating in a way that made Michael lightheaded. They were touching in public. And maybe it wasn’t the most obvious thing in the world, but it was something that someone could not only see but something that anyone who did see would know that it wasn’t just guys being pals. That didn’t feel like a platonic touch.
Nothing with Alex felt platonic.
Michael had been on dates with girls before, usually as dates for fancy events as a statement piece or as an excuse just to end up hooking up, but none of them felt like it did with Alex. He couldn’t think of any other person who had him feeling so excited and dizzy with something as small as his foot touching his in a theatre. Alex was something else entirely. Being with Alex was like flinging himself into the sun without hesitation or repercussion. It was addictive. In the beginning, he’d considered the fact that it felt so new and exciting because Alex was a guy. Now, he was more sure than ever that it was because Alex was Alex. 
Michael still wasn’t really sure what that meant for him. He didn’t know if that meant he was gay now or if Alex was just so fucking perfect that he excelled past the need for sexuality and gender roles. It was hard to tell.
There were big explosions happening on screen, loud noises shaking the theatre. He didn’t really know what they were seeing, only that it was an action film, and that seemed like the least likely thing that two guys on a date would go see. Still, as it got louder, Alex slipped his fingers into a hole in Michael’s jeans. Michael swallowed and looked over at Alex, but he was pretending to pay attention to the movie even as his finger moved up and down the small patch of Michael’s skin.
It was moments like that that really affirmed to Michael that it didn’t matter what he was. He could figure that out later.
Right now, he was fine with it just being about Alex.
//
“Can I ask something a little personal?”
“Have we not been doing that?”
“Okay, fine, I mean something serious,” Michael corrected. Both of them were laying their heads back on the headrests, facing each other and unable to not smile. Alex was more than a little convinced that if someone paid any attention to them, they’d think they were in love.
Alex wasn’t so sure they’d be wrong.
“You can ask me anything,” Alex said honestly. He had no intention of moving, no intention of taking his eyes off of him. Too many times when they were younger, he hadn’t watched Michael long enough, always too scared someone would notice and think something. He decided he no longer cared.
“What do you really want?” Michael asked, voice low and in that tone that hit Alex in his chest. The eye contact made it hit so much harder. For a moment, Alex considered channeling teenage Michael Guerin and saying ‘you’. “You’re clearly not happy in your current job if you want to work for yourself or at least get out. What do you want to do?”
Alex opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to find the right words for what to say. He hadn’t ever really had someone ask him something like that before. And even then, the last time someone had asked him something so open and blatant, it had been Michael himself. 
“Software developer,” Alex said, though he could hear how unsure his own voice sounded, “I have ideas.” 
Alex searched Michael’s eyes, craving that loud, undeniable recognition and that maybe even remembered some of his stupid ideas. He knew Michael knew who he was--or, at least, he was pretty sure--but he wanted to see it loudly. The longer he stared into his eyes, the more he thought he saw some sort of pride, but he still wasn’t sure if that was it.
“What kind of ideas?” Michael asked. In his own way, it almost felt rhetorical.
“Cybersecurity.”
“You’d be so much better than John McAfee.”
“Oh, thanks,” Alex laughed, nudging Michael until he let out a few giggles as well.
“You’re so welcome.”
It took a couple seconds before their laughter died down, still staring at each other. Alex wondered what it would be like to share a bed with him now. Would it be like this, laying and staring at each other and just being so fucking infatuated that they stayed up late into the night talking? Would they be able to keep their hands off each other? Would it be a blissful mix of both?
“You know, I always kinda wanted a partner who could come with me on business trips. Everywhere would feel like a vacation. Spend my days working, spend my nights taking long walks on the beach or making snow angels or just watching movies with my person,” Michael said. 
“Are you trying to imply something?” Alex asked. If his eyes drifted to Michael’s lips, he could always say it was because he was waiting for a response.
There was a long pause, long enough that Alex both felt stupid for asking and excited for a response. It was crazy the things that Michael Guerin did to his brain.
“I don’t like to imply anything,” Michael said softly, “I like to be straightforward.”
Alex took a deep breath. He was more sure than ever that Michael knew exactly who he was. He didn’t call him on it. Not yet.
“Yeah,” Alex agreed, “That sounds like the dream.”
//
Okay. Maybe they were spending more than the normal amount of time together.
Michael, admittedly, couldn’t help it. He knew objectively that he was spending an obnoxious amount of time with Alex, but he never got bored of it, and Alex never called him out on it either. He was sort of waiting for the moment that Alex told him to go away, but he never did. Alex was kind of addictive, and the idea that Alex felt the same way about him was, well, even more addictive.
Even now, Michael was being annoying. Anyone else would’ve said something long before they got to the point where they were sharing an old bean bag while Michael watched him play his brother’s hand-me-down PSP. But Alex said nothing. Sometimes he considered that maybe Alex was too nice to say anything, but then he’d lean closer to Michael, and it didn’t seem like this was crossing any boundaries.
At one point, they’d been taking turns playing, but Michael realized at least a few hangouts ago that he was more than content watching Alex play. Today, though, he wasn’t even watching him play. He was just watching him. He was staring at Alex’s face, at the way his eyebrows pulled together when he focused, the way he smiled when he got excited, the way he bit his lip when he had to do the same thing over and over and couldn’t figure out how to win it. More importantly, he watched the way Alex leaned closer and closer and closer with each passing minute. They could blame it on the bean bag.
Michael, however, was too far gone to even deny it anymore. Alex was attractive in a way that scared the shit out of him. The kind of way that had him staring at the side of his face for hours like a weirdo. This wasn’t what friends did. Or, at least, never something he did with any of his friends before.
It didn’t take much thinking to realize how much time they’ve been spending together, how much they’ve talked and also been able to not talk without awkward silences, and how much they’ve been physically getting closer. It was enough to make lines blur in Michael’s head. Or, maybe more than just in Michael’s head.
“Alex,” Michael said impulsively and because he had no self-respect. Alex looked at him and didn’t even bother trying to come to a stopping point in his game first. It was stupid, but Michael’s heart was slamming in his chest anyway. 
“Yeah?” Alex asked, a little hoarse from how little he’d been speaking. They hadn’t done much talking since Michael showed up. They sort of were just enjoying each other’s company like they had been for days. Michael didn’t want to stop enjoying his company.
Some part of him wanted to enjoy him a little bit more, even.
“Nothing.” 
Alex gave a confused little smile, tilting his head in a way that Michael had far too many feelings about.
“You sure?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay.”
Alex went back to his game. Michael swallowed and tried to focus on it as well. But then he slowly but surely became very aware of every point they were touching at. Their thighs were pressed together, their hips, their torsos. Alex’s head was all but resting on his shoulder. He could smell his shampoo.
“Alex,” he said again.
“Yes?” Alex said, laughter in his voice as he looked at him. He wasn’t annoyed. He looked happy. How the hell was Michael supposed to breathe when he looked happy? Or when he looked like anything. When he existed. 
“Nothing,” Michael said again. Alex huffed a laugh.
“Do you want to play or something? You can have your turns back,” he offered, going to hand him the PSP. Michael shook his head, pushing it back to him.
“No, seriously, all yours.”
“Okay, but what’s up? You can’t just say my name twice and then nothing,” Alex said. Michael breathed and kept his eyes on Alex, which may or may not have been a bad idea because then he really had to be aware of how attractive Alex is.
“Alex,” he said again. Alex scoffed, but it was playful.
“What? Spit it out. I can’t read your mind.”
Michael swallowed, his eyes drifting down to his lips and struggling to look away. “I kinda wish you could.”
Alex’s smile started to fade, which most definitely wasn’t his intention. “Why? Are… am I being annoying? Just tell me if I am.”
“No,” Michael said, shaking his head as he shifted closer. There really wasn’t much space to do so, and that was enough to make his thoughts clearer. “I just… I don’t…”
“Just say it,” Alex urged. 
But he didn’t know what to say. So he just leaned forward, and he really expected Alex to move as far back as possible, so he moved slowly to give him time to either do that or push him or anything. 
Instead, Alex met him halfway.
It was a life-changing moment when their lips met. Everything in Michael’s brain clicked and opened up. He grabbed Alex’s face, and Alex grabbed him back. The PSP slipped on the ground. 
Michael pulled away just enough to look at his eyes.
“Sorry,” Alex whispered, but he didn’t let go.
“I did it,” Michael said back. Alex finally smiled again.
“Yeah,” he said, “You did. On purpose?”
“On so much purpose.”
“Cool. Me too.”
“Can I do it on purpose again?”
“Absolutely.”
Alex pulled him back in as he laid back into the bean bag, and Michael followed suit, both of them sinking in. It was the best idea he’d had since speaking to Alex in the first place.
He never wanted to stop.
// 
Alex felt a little stupid for being upset when it became clear that they were close to getting the train up and running again.
He didn’t want to leave this place or Michael. It’d been over a decade away from him, and somehow, for the first time in all of his moving around, he finally felt like this is what he’d been searching for. In just this one hour of conversation, he didn’t feel as lost. It felt like he’d found his person. Like he found home. It didn’t make sense how, when he was younger, he’d managed to convince himself that the only way to thrive was to get away. Not only from Roswell but from the person who had already made him feel like he was thriving.
“Michael,” Alex said, saying his name out loud like it meant something for the first time in too many years, “You know it’s me, right?”
Michael looked at him, and it was a look Alex hadn’t seen in a decade. Endlessly fond. He wasn’t angry at him, clearly hadn’t been in a while despite the way things ended. All that time apart seemed to make it clear exactly what they were missing.
“Yeah. I know. I knew the moment you stepped on the train. Fate just gave me ample time to make sure I saw you again,�� he said. Alex swallowed and tried not to show just how much he just wanted to cling onto him and this moment.
“I’m sorry,” Alex started instead, “For pushing you away like you were another part of Roswell, I needed to escape. I fucked up. I missed you. I wanted to find you again, but I was way too embarrassed to try.”
“I’m sorry for letting you go, for letting myself become a part of that fucking town as if I was just another statistic,” Michael scoffed, “I think we both knew I was more than that, but I was too fucking stupid to see it at the time. I missed you too.”
Alex smiled and reached for his hand. Michael accepted it, their fingers locking together.
Michael missed him too.
//
“Happy graduation day to me.”
Michael continued grumbling under his breath as he crawled beneath the bleachers. It was hot, and he was sweating, and he could barely focus with all the commotion going on above his head, but Isobel lost her earring, and it was probably worth more money than he could imagine, so he said he’d go get it. He hadn’t realized that going to get it would mean spending a solid fifteen minutes on his hands and knees in damp grass.
And he definitely didn’t realize it was going to lead to him fully running into someone while on his hands and knees.
Michael looked up to the person he hit, more than a little embarrassed. He was usually good at keeping his composure and not letting anything get to him, but he was already on edge, and this was just the icing on the shit cake. It didn’t help when he realized the person above him was probably the hottest guy he’d ever seen. Not that he ranked the guys he’d seen on a hotness scale or anything. 
This guy was genuinely gorgeous, though, hair perfectly styled and outfit perfectly pristine. He looked unimpressed and bored at best, and Michael felt like now was time for awkward laughter. Thankfully, he managed to not do that and further embarrass himself.
“What are you doing?” the guy asked, and honestly, it was unfair that his voice sounded so nice on top of his looks.
“Looking for an earring,” Michael admitted, feeling too pathetic to come up with a cooler lie. The guy put his phone into his pocket.
“What does it look like?”
Somehow, for the next 15 minutes, Michael ended up having the help of, again, the hottest guy in school as they searched for Isobel’s earring. It was a little weird, honestly. He can’t imagine anyone else just dropping everything to help him look for an earring that wasn’t even his.
“So, how long have you gone to Roswell? Because I’ve literally never seen you before,” Michael said.
“I can say the same thing about you,” the guy said, “I’ve been going here all my life.”
“Really? I’ve been going here since I was 11. That’s so weird we’ve never seen each other,” Michael said, peeking over at him. The guy was focusing on the ground, and Michael noticed that he had his own pair of earrings in his ears. Something about it made Michael’s stomach tense. “My friend is Isobel Evans, though. I’m sure you’ve heard of her.”
The guy huffed a laugh, “Yeah, I have. Her brother is basically in love with my friend Liz.”
Michael scoffed, “You’re friends with Liz? Literally, how the hell have I never seen you.”
“I don’t know. The universe probably had a reason,” he said, “Maybe we’re meant to be arch-nemesis, and we had to have a neutral beginning.”
Michael grinned, “Maybe so.”
The more they talked as they looked for the earring, the more Michael felt drawn to him. He felt robbed that they had never met before. Something about him just drew Michael in. They just clicked. He knew it.
“Oh, shit, hey,” the guy said, standing up and wiping his hands on his pants. Michael looked up and grinned as the guy held out the little earring that Isobel had lost. 
“Thank you,” Michael said, accepting the earring. The guy’s hand touched his, and it was cold. Something about it made Michael’s brain malfunction apparently because instead of just letting his hand go away like a normal person, he shook it.
The guy laughed and helped pull him up to his feet. Michael felt hot, and he blamed it on how much he’d been crawling around.
“Alex,” Alex said.
“Michael,” Michael said.
“Cool,” Alex said, “You got anything to do this summer?”
“No.”
“Me neither.”
It took a whole three seconds of silence before Michael realized his hand was very much still in Alex’s from when he helped him up. He didn’t really want to let go for some reason, but he pulled his hand away as casually as possible.
“So, like, wanna hang out? You seem cool,” Alex said. Micahel almost had to laugh at that. There was no way any of this encounter had made him seem cool, but he didn’t want to say no.
Every bone in his body refused to entertain saying no.
“Yes.”
//
The lights come back on.
The train starts back up.
They’re moving, headed for a stop, and all Alex could feel was absolute dread. He didn’t know when Michael was planning on getting off the train, and he isn’t sure how much time they have together. Somehow things went from infinite to finite so quickly, and he felt a little sick about it. Alex needed to do something.
Michael looked even better in the light.
It was surreal and a little jarring how good he looked in the light. All the features the darkness hid were clear now, and he was so, so clearly the same man who he’d been thinking about for a decade. He didn’t want to lose him again.
The entire time the lights had been out, they’d been talking about what they wanted. Going places, doing things, finding their person, letting him go just felt counterproductive to it all.
Alex squeezed the hand that was laced with his before readjusting it so he could give him a firm handshake. Michael’s face broke out into a smile of pure childish excitement as he went along with it.
“When are you getting off this train?” Alex asked, straightforward.
“Two stops.”
“You got anything to do?” 
“No. You wanna get off with me?”
“Yes.”
They both breathed a little harder than necessary, and they didn’t let go. It felt good to say yes. To do something because he wanted to. It felt good to see him smile and to know maybe they were getting a second chance. And even if this all went to shit, it didn’t matter. Only now mattered.
This is the beginning, a real one where they both get a say. They can both be on the same page and make sense of it this time. They had all the time in the world.
“Nice to meet you.”
“Nice to meet you too.”
Alex couldn’t wait to get to know him again.
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klinejack · 3 years
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COLOR PO/RN WITH THE “COLORIZE” TOOL - a brief tutorial
I was asked by several people about my technique for coloring the pride flag gifsets I made for spn pride week, like this one:
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so i gave in and made a quick thing that i hope works for some of you looking to try! it’s kinda fun and not too complicated, so here are the steps (screenshots and explanations below the cut):
TO KNOW BEFORE YOU START: - you’ll need photoshop and an editable file of the scene you want to gif - i’m using photoshop cs5 extended (because i hate change and im right)
STEP 1: - choose a clip where things are barely moving (make sure its enough frames or that you can slow it down realistically enough so things are fairly still **this is really important for the last step, otherwise you’ll have to start over if the movement is too distinct) - sharpen and convert your frames to timeline mode in your usual manner
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STEP 2: - apply your regular basic coloring layers or psd in your usual manner
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STEP 3: - add a hue/saturation layer
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STEP 4: - click on “colorize” - adjust the hue setting as close as you can get to the color you want the background to be, and use the saturation/lightness bars if you need/want to (i put my little example there in the corner to match the colors as i go)
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STEP 5: - add selective color or color balance layers on top to get even closer to the hue you want. here i adjusted the red and magenta levels to make it pinker.
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STEP 6: - make more adjustments to the hue/saturation layer to get that color right
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here’s what my layers look like so far:
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NOW THE HARD PART this is why you choose a scene with no movement. now all we have to do is erase the color where it doesn’t belong.
STEP 7: - once the color is to your liking, click on the hue layer’s square so that it’s hilighted (right side of below screenshot), and open your eraser tool (left side)
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STEP 8: - erase the parts of the gif where you don’t want that color (you’ll see the layer turning black where you erased it)
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if you accidentally erase too much, you can always get it back using the brush tool:
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AND THAT’S IT! here’s your final result (this is the original gif not the screenshot i used for this tutorial hence the different expression):
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hope this made sense :)
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batfamtv · 3 years
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me after writing smut: is this who i am? is this who i represent? lmao i've never written smut until trese, i guess the thirst was too much, let me know how y'all like it! thank you so much for all your support, ily <3
(ノ´ з `)ノ
kambal x reader; established relationship
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gif by @rasputinaillyanna (see their original gifsets here!)
sfw
the three idiots
seriously, alexandra feels like she keeps aging 20+ years whenever you three are together and goofing around
this is one of the reasons why you’re not allowed on the field with them, they’d get absolutely nothing done
that, and the twins simply wont put you in danger under any circumstances
alexandra also treats you like a sister (in law) and wants you safe, but can only do so much to keep you out of their lives since you still find ways to help them out
absolutely rowdy when you’re with basilio, you and him practically have a lot of inside jokes and a secret language
people would give you both weird looks when you’re out in public, just because you’re both so damn loud
with crispin you’re more mature (but not a lot), he does these grand gestures like taking you out on expensive dates, takes instagram/pinterest style pics of you
basilio also takes pics of you, but those are some of the most unflattering ones that he sends to your groupchat as memes
the ppl who arent familiar with your relationship with the twins are almost often confused when they see you with just the one twin: they’d think “huh i saw this couple a week ago, but i could have sworn the boyfriend had much shorter hair, it couldn’t have grown that long in a week, right?”
when you do go out with the twins, they flank you and you almost get squished in between them, so sometimes you have to push them both to the sides so that you would have space to move around
the three of you like to just chill at the mall sometimes, go window shopping and then eat samgyup/mang inasal later on
other times when you manage to drag alexandra with you, people would assume that you guys are on a double date, and alexandra has the ugliest/most disgusted look on her face as she corrects them “these are my brothers” “im gay”
in your groupchat (just you and the twins) crispin is the sweet, doting one who would text you “have you eaten?” “want us to pick something up for you on the way home?” while basilio sends you memes and selfies of the twins
they send you videos and pics of pets they meet “today we met brownie and blackie”
with regards to living arrangements, the twins have separate rooms (basilio’s is the messy one, smells weird)
when you moved in, alexandra offered you your own room, and most of the time that’s where the boys stay anyway
the bed is much larger than theirs because it needs to accommodate all three of you
you three try to cook meals for ate alexandra, but it almost always turns out disastrous - mostly when basilio insists on helping
so you always make him run errands (“can you go pick up some more garlic and magic sarap”) while you and crispin man the stoves
you braid basilio’s hair while crispin tunes his guitar!!
and you spend a couple of hours listening to crispin play the guitar, basilio’s head now resting on your lap
crispin’s movie taste are like *film* and *poetic cinema* while basilio might enjoy movies that are so bad they’re good, but you three are all suckers for superhero ensemble movies and horror movies
the boys become really annoying when watching filipino horror movies because they like to point out mistakes in the film “aswangs dont do that” “why would you go there all alone are you stupid???”
“please boys i just wanna watch the movie”
a huge cuddle pile
both boys run hot, so during cold nights (that never happen, bc you live in the philippines) you’re all warm and toasty between them
both light sleepers! they were pretty heavy sleepers when they were kids/teenagers, but the occupational hazard of their jobs require them to be ready at a moment’s notice
they still, however, snore quite loudly
crispin doesn’t ever tend to move positions when sleeping, he wakes up in the same position he fell asleep in
basilio rotates around the bed like hands of a clock
most often falls off the bed, but clumsily climbs back up and cuddles you
really really simpy when it comes to you, though most of the time it’s just you three sharing one brain cell (it’s with you, mostly), they can be quite romantic and cheesy if they want to
crispin probably has his brother as just “Basilio” on his phone, and “Y/N ❤️" for you
basilio has “my love ❤️😍😘💘 ” for you and crispin’s number isn’t even registered lol
nsfw under the cut
nsfw
threesome? threesome
boys barely do anything separately and usually just have a Single Thought in both their heads, so if one is horny, the other one is 69% (lol) horny as well
you realize that crispin doesn’t like to be teased at work, but basilio enjoys it so much
you find this out when you’re alone and horny, so you send a pic of you touching yourself to the boys in your groupchat
crispin sees it first, but doesn’t say anything?? he honest to god just left you on read
meanwhile basilio also sees your pic not too long after and you quickly get a “what the fuck” as a reply from him
like 10 mins later he sends you a pic of him in what looks like a washroom and his cock is straining in his pants
he texts you “had to find a washroom so fucking fast so that ate alex and the police captain doesn’t see me so fucking hard in my pants” and “wanna eat you pussy babe”
crispin does text you when the three are on their way home, not mentioning the picture you sent “we’re on our way home”
and at first you thought he is mad at you bc he didn’t bring the nude up?? does he not want you anymore :(
but the moment they arrive crispin all but sprints to your shared bedroom and sees you there, in your underwear
holds your cheeks in one hand, “what the fuck was that baby, hmm? what did you send us?”
you try to ask if he’s mad bc you sent him a nude, ask him if there’s anything wrong, but he just lets your face go as he takes his suit off, basilio finds his way to your room, locks it, and gives you a kiss
basilio whispers “missed you baby” against your mouth before moving away to undress
crispin, now fully naked in front of you, makes you suck his cock, which is hard and twitching, its tip leaking with precum, he makes you place both his hands on your head, “do you know how surprised i was when i saw a text from you and it’s a picture of you touching your cunt? hmm?” he sighs as he sees you looking up at him, eyes watering as you struggle to take all of his cock down your throat “i had to stop myself from getting hard in front of everyone, baby, basilio couldn’t even do that”
basilio huffs but the boys reposition you so you’re in bed and on your back, crispin kneeling to your side, his cock still throbbing in your mouth, basilio positions himself between your thighs, moaning when he sees how wet you are
basilio removes your panties before rushing to sniff your cunt, groaning in delight--you’re sure his eyes roll to the back of his head before he dives into your cunt
you moan into crispin’s cock and he grunts, shoving more of his cock into your mouth, now moving faster, “i really wanna cum down your throat baby, would you let me?”
you nod and he pushes his cock all the way into your mouth, your nose practically touching his groin and pubes
you gag, for a moment panicked as you try to breathe in, while crispin just eyes you, his cock growing ever harder when he looks at your face wet with tears and drool, he grabs your hair, softly at first, to make sure you’re okay, and when you nod crispin groans as he sets up his pace, groaning as he feels his orgasm building
basilio, meanwhile, is licking and sucking your clit with three fingers knuckles deep in your cunt, and when he starts to feel you spasming, a telltale sign that your orgasm is approaching, he pulls his mouth and fingers out and quickly replacing them with his fat cock
immediately, you and basilio both groan, your eyes roll to the back of your head as you feel yourself so full of cock
basilio curses under his breath before taking your legs and resting them against his shoulders “fuck, y/n, im sorry i’m not gonna last long” “your pussy got me so fucking hard you tasted so good baby, you know how much i love your little pussy, right?”
crispin groans at this before he pulls his cock out of your mouth, leaning down to kiss you, he then moves down your neck and your tits, making sure he marks your chest
basilio whimpers and thrusts three more times before releasing a long groan, his cum exploding deep in your pussy “fuck baby you feel so good” he manages to pull out and you see his cock wet with his cum and your juices before settling beside you, panting harshly
you barely had the type to recuperate before crispin flips you on your stomach, making sure your face is resting on the pillows before he thrusts into you with a grunt
“fuck, still a tight little pussy after basilio rammed your cunt, huh?”
your eyes rolling, you couldnt do much other than hold onto the sheets and basilio’s hand, moaning loudly when you feel crispin’s fingers on your clit
“can you take one more, y/n? can your pussy take one more load?”
speechless, you nod, trying to grind your ass against crispin’s hips, but his hands on your hips hold you firm
he grunts approvingly, “good baby, take it deep in your pussy okay? and cum on my cock, baby, i wanna feel it”
you cum on his cock, almost violently, and twins groan at the sound of your moaning, and the sight of you spasming and shaking on crispin’s cock
a couple of deep thrusts later, crispin also cums deep into your pussy, his cum now mixed with basilio’s
crispin moves to get a washcloth to clean the three of you up, before all three of you collapse in bed, huddled together, basilio with his arms wrapped from behind--already falling asleep, you rest your head against crispin’s arm
“so, no more nudes when you’re at work?”
crispin laughs softly before pressing a kiss on your forehead, “unless your cunt is ready to take two cocks at once, no nudes when we’re at work”
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bellamyblakru · 2 years
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a very beginner’s guide to gif making (ashley’s version)
(ill be using one of my favorite merthur smiles in this example from 4x01 when they are alone together with the dorocha)
for @its-hyperfixation​ and @mykingdomcomeundone !! sorry its taken me so long to do this sigh this was my first free night lately 😭😭
download free ad blocker (i use uBlock Origin). pls dont skip this step, it protects you and your computer from the bad ads!!
go to a completely “free website” aka illegal lol. i use yes.movies because that is what im used to, but you can use whatever one you prefer. 
go to merlin bbc, click the episode you want, and record. on my “not as cool HP computer”, i have to click the windows flag button and the key “g” to record my screen, but your computer might have a button for it already to just go right to recording. if you are not sure, google your computer type and how to screen record (its fast to learn!!)
THE SHORTER THE SCENE THE BETTER! tumblr only takes up to 10mb gifs, so normally thats up to 3.5 second scenes if you color them too. however, if you are doing black and white, you can get away with longer scenes (this is what i did for my very first gifset actually LOL they were eight seconds long dude)
go to this website to convert to gif: https://ezgif.com/video-to-gif
chose the file of the video where asked, upload, then where it says: Frame rate (FPS) select 33 (max 10 seconds) for a better quality gif, and convert
WOO your first gif!! this process isnt done, but im proud you got this far!! 🥰
now, go to resize. this is important since tumblr gifs are usually up to 540 width and 330 height (these are my normal go-to proportions). lately, ive been liking the more square looks, so 540:340 or 540:440 works too! if your gif has too many movements, a square look might not be the best choice. (if you are doing two side by side gifs i recommend 268:230, and if you are doing three side by side 177:177 works best (learned from maria my beloved)). you dont need to change anything else here. (if your gif is over 10mb for some reason, you can optimize -> lossy gif and go in small units to not ruin the quality too much). 
now, i like to make my gifs a bit slower to make it more like a slow moment in time. press speed if you wanna do this and explore different settings!! i like to do 80% usually, but here i did 70%. here is what we have so far:
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not too bad!! but as you can see, this scene is rather dark and gloomy and their smiles deserves something better in my opinion, so OFF TO PHOTOPEA WE GO (free photoshop my beloved)
10.  now we are at https://www.photopea.com/ and click file and open up our bad boy. DONT BE INTIMIDATED!! there are so, so many choices, but it is solely up to your preference and desired look. i like my gifs bright and saturated, but you might not, and thats okay!! you can fuck with all of these things over time (i do still LOL)
11. THE BASICS: go to layer -> new adjustment layer -> color balance. you do this layer first if you are going to use it at all. you’ll soon find that merlin has a very yellow early seasons and an extremely blue later seasons (it drives me crazy), so here is where you just mess with them til you get a baseline look you like. i start with shadows and go up from there (i dont change too intense ever. i go up or down like 6/7 the most on blue or red at any gif tbh). for this gif im working on, i want it to look less blue, so ill focus on the blue mostly.
12. now, remember all of these steps are optional and this is just the order i go, but that is not the only way. do what you feel makes the gif to your liking!! i then go to selective color (i like doing the contrast with the black coloring option here more than the choice later, but it up to you). i mostly make most of the colors darker here so the lightening later looks a bit cleaner.
13. next for me is the hue/saturation layer. i normally try to avoid using this, but it may be needed if you want to make the gif a bit less red or smth like that. if i want one particular to be really saturated, ill do that here at this level. its good to put this third tho if you are gonna use it.
14. vibrance layer time!! i love this bitch. i go ham with it fnesfljesfk i like my stuff really saturated (like “i went up 45″ hard). i dont usually use the actually vibrance option on top since i read in a post by the incredible maria that it makes gifs more grainy (btw @arthurpendragonns taught me like so much. her gifs are TOP TIER and literally take my breath away every time. so fucking talented man. the goddess of gifmaking, if you will).
15. then i click brightness/contrast and THROW THAT BRIGHTNESS UPPPP. here i just went up to 126 LOL. (this is where my comment about the selective color comes up. you can do contrast here, but i think it looks better if you increase the black in the black selective color option. again, up to you)
16. CURVES LAYER MY BELOVED. i literally just fuck with the curve on RGB until i like it lolol
17. im going back to the hue/saturation to make the blue pop more since it is so much in the background!! and then just fuck with them all to get something you like!! this gif is making me upset so i redid it rn lnrelkjfrmf 
18. ADD TEXT IF YOU WANT!! we can do blending two gifs together and fun text stuff next time if you want in another list (lmk!! ill do anything if u want it).
19. woo! she done now. onto the next gif to start this over, or one and done! ive never done this kind of tutorial before, in the past ive just went live on my discord and some people have sat in to watch the process, so let me know if you wanna join my server to do this, too, if you are more of a watch learner than reading!!
20: the final product (not my best work frdiusnr im sorry ive been writing this up for like three hours LOL)
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bvlnoriyas · 2 years
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bvlnoriyas 12 moments of 2021!
I was tagged by @seonghwaminho and @merry-kwanmas (thank youuuuuuu for tagging me <3) to post my favorite or most popular post from each month this year. but! ive only been here for like 6 months so imma change it up and just do 12 moments regardless of month :)
one: seonghwa answer (ode to joy) edit! this is the first thing i made and posted on this account. it was inspired by answer and the kingdom stage and i was trying really hard to get my design brain back after school really burnt me out
two: poster set! this is what i was really really proud of. i made this one day and i felt like i was Back, ya know? it felt really nice to be so proud of something i made again
three: color palette edits! i used to make fun of people who made these back in the day bc silly 15 year old me thought i was Better and Above doing something so simple but i decided to bring them back as a meme and something i enjoyed and you guys really liked them 🥺 and it honestly inspired me to branch out and just do more once i kinda got really back into making things
four: album cover birthday edits! i got this idea randomly for yeosang and while they arent exactly my favorite, i do really like that i *kinda* got the song vibe down. i changed things up for jongho on tho so here are yeosang, san, mingi
five: i taught myself how to make gifs! i'm still learning but im really happy with how things are going and im having a lot of fun. linked is my first gifset that i posted
six: halateez! i made this in like an hour before work one day idk where the inspiration came from but im very happy with how it turned out :)
seven: song graphics! i loveeeee my not too late one and all of the ones i made for fever p3 and beyond but idk what on EARTH possessed me to go past fever p3 and make a graphic for each song in their discography but here we are. you can see all of the ones ive done already here!
eight: spotify gif bday edits! now that i know how to gif i was like how can i do More for these bday edits and so i decided to do this :) i love how you can *kinda* see my improvement as each bday goes on. jongho, hongjoong, wooyoung
nine: cat!hwa doodle set! this is my first set to reach 1k notes and im really proud 🥺 i think the doodles are really cute and i was shocked by the response. you can also see my boo!woo and vamp!yeo doodles here :)
ten: this freaking turbulence edit. i dont know what happened to me this day but how the heck am i going to top this? i have a while before i make the song graphic for it but ???? how ???? i would just count it but the caption doesnt match >:(
eleven: whatever i do with my gifs lmao. i have an inability to just let things Be and so i just started playing with my gifs and adding things to give it ✨concept✨ bc if there's one thing design school did to me, it was drive me to make everything conceptual and now i am broken
twelve: woo content! uwu. literally my last like 5 gifsets are just of him from the various behind things that have been released. i even tried coloring a stage for this man 😭 it's bad folks. brainrot is real
if u made it through my trip down memory lane thank you <3. i appreciate all of the interactions ive gotten out of running this blog for the last few months and im hoping my motivation to make things doesn't die out anytime soon bc im having too much fun 🥺
im tagging @sanshine @holy-yeosang @songmingki @jonghohoho @ortali @answerland @97choi @wooyeosang and anyone else who may want to do it <3
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mistress-light · 3 years
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hello! im new to making gifs and such and i was wondering how you make yours? theyre very beautiful! ♡ also any tips would be lovely! ♡ have a good day/night ! ♡
Hi! First of all, thank you so much for your kind words!
One of the biggest and most important tip I can give you is to use your own footage as much as possible. Record it yourself, don't download video's unless you have no other choice. Compressing is your biggest enemy (at least mine is haha). Other than that, knowing Tumblr's gif dimensions is a big plus too (unless dumplr decides to change it *cough*). For full width, use: 540 px, for a side-by-side gifset, you should use 268 px (your gifsets will turn blurry if you use other dimensions).
Here is a link to a rather old tutorial I once wrote, but it's still a rather good basis for you to start with.
Last tip I can give you, is practice, practice, practice. The more you do it, the better you get. Try to experiment with colors (selective color is really neat!).
Here is also a archive of great gif resources (not all links work anymore though).
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