Visit Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
#there's not much to go off of here I feel
damselindigress · 24 days ago
Text
Hoping the luck I didn’t have this week went to one of y’all and that maybe you had a spectacular week :D
#my teacher doesn’t give exact deadlines#and I was missing a couple things I needed for a project that I was planning to finish that night#and she’s like “haha PROJECT TIME” and I just blurted out “I DONT HAVE ALL THE PAGES#in front of my peers#I almost cried and I think the mortification of realizing how much dignity I just gave up so easily took a few years off my life#but a lot of other people bombed it too because if one thing is off#you get no points... and she’s like “you had all year!” and I’m like yes but ma’am I also have 6-7 other classes with a ton of stuff#but enough people failed that she made it so we could come in today and fix it. thing is she sent that out online and I didn’t see it#until after hours. so#I’ve made the decision to go into dignity debt and message this woman#practically begging her to take this project from me. because I don’t exactly need the points but half credit is better than no credit#and I’d rather not have extra stress when I know I’m probably going to fail an exam in another class.#plus there’s been stuff outside of classes that are stressing me out#and idk. really hoping Lady Luck is out here on y’all’s side this next week. she can’t help us all lol#anyway.#I took the class as an elective because I was actually enjoying learning about the topic#but now I’m just not. Really feeling into it. I wanted to learn and enjoy the class :/#anyway sorry for the really long tags and the oversharing. some good stuff has happening too#so even though things don’t feel Good right now#there are still things that spark joy. gotta keep moving like a river. I ain’t gonna stop for no jagged rock#im gonna roll right over it. is the sleepiness coming through over this?#probably. im gonna sleep#have happy days y’all
1 note · View note
burialrite · a month ago
Text
for the millionth time in my life i am questioning if i have osdd
#YOU WOULD THINK ID FIGURE IT OUT BUT IF I HAVE FRAGMENTS OR ALTERS THEY SURE ARE SOME DODGY MFS#like. I've been struggling with this since at least my sophomore year of high school#and the intense dissociative issues have come and gone but there's always been a baseline for it#i experience periods of distinct dissociation and depersonalization in patterns that can sometimes be recognized as an alter#i am so terrified of encroaching on this community space bc i am terrified im faking this but i havent. told anyone.#this is basically me telling everyone but it's not bc im a coward about it#i just wish i had a name for what happens when i go nonverbal and feel dave hovering at the back or hear jake talking to me its overwhelmin#i feel names and memories pop into my head that arent recognizable to me#and i dream increasingly about the same world and the same people and see friends ive never met there but i know and love them#i worry that its nothing. i worry that this is just me seeking attention and that im just wrong about it and dont know myself or my feeling#maybe thats true but i so strongly want to understand what may be happening its worth it to ask i guess#btw disclaimer this is just a vent the emotions/sentiments i express here are only directed toward myself#i would be so much more certain about this if the events were closer together#but i think i spend so much time masking that it's ingrained into my outward persona now and i couldnt relax if i wanted to#which makes it a lot harder to relax enough to think about it and feel out the dissociation instead of shutting myself down#anyway dave has been around for a long time along with marie#i started hearing marty's name repeated in my head maybe 4 months ago? it took me til last week to hear it correctly tho#jake said hi a few nights ago#again this is so candid i am probably going to delete this#i just wanted to get it off my chest#mumblings#another small note i only experience mild dissociative amnesia which leads me to believe it's not full DID#especially bc i didnt experience repeated consistent trauma until around 8-10 yrs old which makes it much less likely#ok bye for real
1 note · View note
wujuhour · 2 months ago
Text
another thing that bothers me about shippuden is that sakura is supposed to have gotten more skilled over the years (emphasis on “supposed”) and dodging is one of the areas she should excel at (emphasis on “should”), but k*shimoto keeps writing in these moments where something’s clearly coming at sakura and she’s not dodging, so she gets knocked out and it’s so clearly his very, very lazy way of giving some reason for her not to be involved in the fight. it’s so irritating and doesn’t hold up at all. either she’s a good dodger or she’s not. come up with better reasons why she sits out of a fight if that’s how badly you don’t want her lending a hand.
1 note · View note
iliveinprocrasti-nationn · 2 months ago
Text
anyone who told you about any “grieving process” and gave any descriptors or explanation of how it goes was lying to you. what the fuck is this
#the later it gets the more im reminded and it’s horrible#people please stop asking me how im doing asmr#currently it’s that this feels real at night only#and that when im talking to most people i hate when it’s acknowledged but also it’s worse when it’s not#and jokes are easiest for me and don’t freak me out most of the time#but they also make people concerned and i don’t want them to be worried about me#is it denial or bargaining when you’re crying that maybe if you just keep your dad’s clothes in his closet and dont open the closet doors#and dont take the clothes out or wash them then they’ll still smell like him#everyone smells different and my dad’s was different than mine or my sibling or my mums#yeah um. im Kinda holding on by a thread here#i just want a hug i think#i want to cuddle with my mum but she’s always doing stuff and now it’s paperwork and legal things#i also want people to just stop coming over. my friends are doing this better than grown fucking adults#my teachers are being great but also fuck there’s so much work and im behind enough but i haven’t even gotten enough time to process this#other than quick bursts. half the time i’m trying to take stress off of my mum as well#i keep stopping myself from crying too because i hate crying but i know that’s just gonna make things worse#usually when i feel like this I’d go to my dad but I can’t really do that now can i#my sibling also gets to have a special schedule and gets to go into school an hour later and im just doing everything as i was before which#im a little frustrated about. people keep telling me i can do certain things and then don’t let me and make me do the normal thing#thank goodness im a good actor /j#i just hate this#vent tw#rant tw#death tw#grieving tw#mourning tw#cursing tw
3 notes · View notes
ardentlyadmire · 2 months ago
Text
.
#ahem not to only come on here to share negative thoughts etc rip but. i need to let it out somewhere?#anyways that's the negativity cw#i just. when you text a friend directly it's like they HAVE to respond u know? and no one is doing good rn and it fucking sucks#anyways it's sunny and nice out and everything but apparently the novelty of that has already worn off again and i just feel Bad#bc there's no point??? they called me back abt a job i applied for but i saw on the website they want you for at least a year and i don't#want to commit to that when it's not something i want to grow in + when i might wanna go back to uni in sept yknow?#but for more side-job-y jobs they don't want 1) 23 yo's and 2) anyone bc everyone is applying for those rn#anyways 2.0 . i promised to skype call with the guy that asked my number once 5 years ago? fdjhdfjh if anyone remembers that my respect#that was when i was studying psychology and idk we went on one date and it was alright and suddenly he messaged me again#on facebook dfjhfjh and i mean why not but i AM anxious + it always feels different with men for some reason??#idk i feel like part of me is like why would you date a man when women exist? which is not the thing of uuugh men suck#just that i've always connected much more strongly with women i think? and i don't know if i could ever get to that level of#connection and understanding with a man#anywaysssssss just a chat it'll be fine#the other thing is how i WANT to work out and do some stuff to just take care of my body but i can't make myself lately at all#bc of prev mentioned Pointlessness#i imagine we're all feeling that bc this has been going on for too long and we expected the vaccine would speed things up for the better#and it doesn't even seem like it is#this is getting so long im sorry but also it's so nice to let it out#i should also change the way i am with twitter btw like it makes me anxious and feel as if im not doing it right (aka army twitter ofc)#and that just makes me feel more stupid and lonely even if it's rly nice to make new friends on there#a n y w a y s#im so so so tired idk what to do anymore im just sad and exhausted and i need more hobbies bc u can't rely on a hyperfixation and u shouldn'#but it's the only thing that doesn't take as much energy yknow?#ok that's all if you're still reading that's??? really touching and ily <3
7 notes · View notes
worstloki · 3 months ago
how comfortable do you think ace loki would be with platonic affection? like forehead kisses, hugs, and cuddling?
Okay so hear me out on this, but between the torture and general touch starvation I’m thinking he’d already be sensitive to any touch not in a combat scenario/as a precursor to pain. But he’s also good at adapting and wouldn’t react violently so as long as no one does something unawares he’d love it, even crave platonic affection, but you’d have to not startle him or wait till he initiates because he could panic.
108 notes · View notes
mrtheinsatiable · 3 months ago
Text
.
#just a diabetes rant as per usual#i know i could have it so much worse ok i still just need to vent a little#like i am so greatful that my mody is mody 2 and can finally be controlled through diet (which well can get a little rough when i forget to#eat but i'm working on that) but it's just like#it's invisible most of the time#i can feel like such absolute shit on the inside if i eat too much or zone into something for too long or just forget to eat for no reason#and there's times like today where my dad cooks dinner and doesn't make anything vegetarian so i have to cook#which is fine! except he never announces when he'll be making something i can't eat! and so if i try to plan my food schedule properly the#kitchen is being used entirely by whatever he's doing and my sugar is low and i feel bad but he's 30 min into cooking a 50 min meal and#there's just no way he can stop now so i have to get a weird snack thing like 30 min before i'll be eating dinner#and i know i know i could have worse problems but i just /feel/ horrible when my sugar dips like this and i get confused and emotional and#anxious when it happens and there are moments like tonight where i can't even combat it bc i didn't know dinner wouldn't be vegetarian!#and then i have to go cook my own meal after a blood sugar dip that usually leaves me tired and super unmotivated to do that#i've tried to communicate about wanting a semi-solid dinner schedule just so i can generally know when i'll need to cook for myself each#night so things like this don't happen but no one here tries or listens ://///#and when they do make a schedule they rarely follow it and not for any understandable purpose they just don't stick to it#if u read thank you#also don't fucking comment on my health or anything you don't fucking know me or my medical history or the specifics of my condition and#i just don't want to fucking hear it from some stranger rn <33 so @ anyone who likes to give unsolicited medical/food advice#(and i know y'all are out there bc i've been dealing with u for six years since my diagnosis) kindly fuck off
3 notes · View notes
raeathnos · 4 months ago
Text
.
#I feel like I’ve been stuck in burn out for forever#i can’t even describe the level of exhausted I am anymore#I feel like no matter how much sleep I get I’m still tired#and it always seems that no matter how tired I am that I can’t fall asleep when it’s time for bed#or if I do sleep it’s only briefly and then I lie in bed awake for hours#I feel like my diets gone to shit#I’m trying to eat healthy but there’s only so much I can do with how poor I am#my parents only want to buy junk food#it’s carbs or sugar here#I can’t tell you what I’d do for some well seasoned veggies or a tiny bit of steak#they’re not good cooks- everything is dry or bland#no money to buy what I want and I’m too tired after work to cook anyways#my back is barely healing- I have another doctors appointment tomorrow and I bet they’re going to tell me more physical therapy#I don’t think it’s helping but it’s workers comp so no one cares#I feel like I’m drawing in to myself#I feel so fragile in the state I’m in- one negative thing and I feel like I’m going to shatter#which is rough around here- I’m only ever put down anymore I feel like#don’t want to go to work don’t want to be home can’t sleep#all I want to do is run off into the forest where is calm and quiet and I can rest and hear myself think#I’m so overwhelmed and I don’t know how to deal with it#I’m halfway to my savings goal and it’s hasn’t quite been a year yet#maybe by next year this time I’ll be there and things will be looking up#right now I’m just very tired and very lost#maybe it will fade when springs melts it all away
0 notes
arsonforcharlie · 4 months ago
Text
listen champs i know i have the right to talk about my problems but........ like what if i don’t tho
#my family is pretty good on the whole!#but boy howdy have i realized over the past decade or so that how shit i feel after the holidays#correlates directly with how much christmas shit i had to do#my ideal christmas is like one small dinner and maybe a tibb's eve thing#but otherwise just doing whatever i want to do#and my whole family does the Multi Week Obligation Of Dinners Every Night#Every Song Played This Month Has To Be Festive#the entire Christmas Season thing#and it poisons the traditions i do like#because i'm too exhausted to enjoy them#and when i do go home there's no way to say 'yeah i am in town but i don't want to go'#so in a post-covid future where i can travel freely#i would rather stay here for christmas and then travel back to see family some other time of year#when flights are cheaper and everyone at work isn't fighting for the same four days off#maybe see the relatives i choose and actually dedicate time to them#instead of them being stuck in the kitchen taking care of making the evening happen#while i make awkward conversation with my grandma's husband's son's wife#who i have not thought about since i saw her two years ago and i can ensure the feeling is mutual#like i am not even rolling up like 'i don't celebrate christmas' as much as 'i would like to celebrate christmas LESS'#(this feeling has only strengthened since so many of the people who mean so much to me do not live Back Home)#and i know it is foolish to complain about this especially since i do have an easy out#i can just go home when i want to go home#and if i need to spin it as not being able to get the time off#but still jeez may i just Rest
17 notes · View notes
astrolanguini · 5 months ago
Text
parents just left to go pick my brother up from school so we are free for the weekend again which is cool but not rly cuz i’m Stressed
0 notes
peacockhermit · 8 months ago
Text
Hey god it's me Duke. So what's the verdict on inter-(human-like in sentience)-spirit-species romance
#I feel so weird nowadays about dating human souls#Yes I'm living a human life but I feel less and less human as the weeks tick in#I guess the enthusiastic consent rule is a good one to go off but like....#Can an unawakened or just human soul enthusiastically consent to anything if they don't understand what the other side is getting from it??#I guess they can consent to the experience but#Like im very out of touch but I know what's coming. I am Very sure given how much more sensitive to energy I've gotten that I'm going to#Keep getting more and more attuned to that side of thing#Things. And that's a very different experience to humans because..... I've experienced that#There's so much here. I know it sounds like I've just been talking about sex but......... Being in a relationship as a human or as someone#Having a human experience.... And you can't read allllllll the things on your partner that they're reading off you#You have barely a clue about the workings of the world compared to them#You don't see what they do it's..... One sided#Now. As a spirit detached from humanity I honestly don't think I could date a human it's..... Like dating a 20y/o. Nothing exactly wrong#With it explicitly maybe since I'm 24. Idk I'm...... Pretty much aromantic I don't understand these things so maybe its not but its not smth#I'd be comfortable with..... Because this body is 24 mostly and that's already too much of a difference for me but actually also bc idk how#old I am. Given I have light wrinkles around my eyes in my body..... As much as I'm still waking up and have lived ages like 19-24 wait I'm#Fuckin 23. I forgot. Either way. Even tho I've only lived those ages it's still..........#Anyway. Its complicated. It's like that. But those who are more spiritually in tune? What's the verdict on that#Bc we're here to live human lives right?#And that's lumping in all uhhhhhhhhhh more awakened spirits together I haven't even started getting into different spiritual races#ramblings //#Thoughts //
1 note · View note
sysig · 8 months ago
Text
I have to take a lot of breaks while reading ‘cause I just get overwhelmed with love
#Gosh gee wonder what I'm reading lol#Anyway hello! Been a bit since I made an update post :3c Feelin' it rn I'm online when I said I wouldn't be so what better time#I've really been trying to keep to my schedule but rules are meant to be broken! I've never been particularly stringent on them anyhow#Honestly I break the ''offline'' rule much much more than the ''online'' one - I skip full days when I know I want to be doing something :P#Yesterday's day off was quite pleasant tho I caught up on some drama and got continually blindsided IRL lol#We're not moving as it turns out - not yet anyway - so false alarm I guess lol#I also chipped away at bit more at the TGWDLM/Vargas crossover fic so that's neat#Still writing here and there I realized I hit on an interesting idea with my cellphone idea so that got reinvigorated#Reading really is a whole other level tho there's almost a panicky kind of excitement I get lol#I reread the first chapter of You Can't Live Like This - again - also listened to the song the title is from and!!#The nostalgia vibes for a song I had never heard before were /so/ strong I'm definitely gonna have to listen to it again#Lately my brain's latched onto Leave Me Alone by I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME lol what a fun name#Anyway - rereading - and I still remember how I literally had to Exit The Fanfiction at certain points to calm down lol#Feel 👏 in' 👏 it! 👏#It's fascinating and fun to be so moved heh ♪ I've been reading other things here and there and laughing and crying and all the rest but lik#It's not the same ♪ It's really cool to know where to go for that unique experience
9 notes · View notes
fletcher-renn · 10 months ago
Text
Being me is like *socialises for a few hours then has to go sit in the dark by myself listening to classical music quietly*
#*socially distant socialising of course#i went to my friend’s house but i was careful not to get close to anyone and wash my hands a lot#anyway yeah. as much as i love them i just feel drained now#got home & i was like ‘i can’t even sit in the same room my mom is in’#i’m in my room with the blackout curtains closed eating chocolate buttons and listening to gentle piano concertos#i brought my knitting and my kindle with me but like honestly i might just lie here and try to leave my body instead#reading rush starts today 🙃 and i haven’t read anything except from the four chapters i read at 3am bc i didn’t want to go back to sleep#after my sleep paralysis episode 🙃🙃🙃#it’s fine though. i mean first off it literally doesn’t matter if i complete the readathon or not#nothing matters#second of all most of the books i picked out are really short#quick run-through: annie on my mind is the book i’m currently reading for the cover that matches your birthstone prompt#book set on another continent can be less than zero#book entirely outside your house could be fight club#(those two are pretty interchangeable; whichever is shorter will be the one i read outside)#the book i touched first on my shelf was war of the worlds#the book that’s in a genre i’ve always wanted to read will be poetry; probably selected poems of constantine cavafy#i read a collection that featured some of his poems and i’m love him#and then there’s another prompt that’s so broad idk what to do with it but hopefully i’ll have caught up enough by then#that i can read anything#i really want to win the reading rush. if it wasn’t obvious#7 books in 7 days is absolutely wild but it’d put a nice dent in my tbr in a short space of time#i just. i want to at least try#personal
0 notes
sluttyten · a year ago
Bea im really glad you agree w/ me bc when i talk to my irls abt this whole "fat kun" (ive even heard them say it to haechan) shtick, they say im reaching. But the thing is these boys are public figures and i honestly dont think they believe fat people are lesser, im sure they dont! But jokes like these are def harmful, and its rare to find someone who isnt fat acknowledge the harmful effects of fatphobia on the mental health of youth and people on general. Woke queen bea! Im glad u understand
Yes I totally get what you’re saying! Jokes about weight are so harmful. Like everyone has at least one comment someone said to them years ago on any aspect of their appearance that still haunts them and affects the way that they look at themselves. And I’m sure for people who have heard time and again jokes or purposefully harmful jabs about their weight experience a high level of discomfort in their physical appearance like dysmorphia which negatively impacts how they see themselves vs. how they actually look, and it’s awful.
My best friend growing up frequently had her dad tell her that she was fat. He ridiculed her for it and ended up bribing her to lose weight, which in the end probably was best for her, but I think he went about it in an entirely incorrect way. And also she was a kid and would have lost that weight when she started to grow out of her baby fat. I hated the way that he talked to her about her weight. I hate the way my grandma shits on her sister and brother-in-law for their weight and the way she talks to my cousin about hers. My other cousin has dealt with ED sort of, not that my grandma probably knows about that either. I’ve just paid attention over the years to the way that weight is such a factor in how people are viewed and how negatively it can impact a person’s view of themselves and their mental health as they tear themselves apart in an effort to please the rest of the world.
But anyone who needs this listen!! Be fat and happy! Who cares what other people think of you! I promise you that you’re beautiful no matter your weight!
15 notes · View notes