#there's an uncertainty technically but also you Know. but also you don't. but what if.

[lovelytsunoda]

one of the boys // charles leclerc

summary: she's worked for ferrari for four years now. four years that only let her feelings for their number one driver grow stronger and stronger, until she wishes that charles leclerc would stop seeing her as just one of the boys, and start seeing her the way that she sees him

pairing: charles leclerc x mechanic! reader

warnings: ferrari fuckups, sexual tension, sad charles, actually charles goes through a whole range of emotions, matchmaker seb, mentions of workplace harassment, set in the 2022 season when charles won australia, sexual innuendos and references.

she sat on the halo, her feet resting against the seat as she leaned over the engine compartment, her boiler suit tied off around her waist and her hair pinned to the back of her head as the bahrain sun beat down.

ferrari had bottled it again. which meant double-duty for the pit crew to fix it for jeddah.

the radio hummed softly in the background as she cursed, losing her grip on the ratchet. when the engine fried itself, it had also made the parts a lot harder to take apart.

"fucking hell." she groaned, resting her head against the cool, red body of the car. "vasseur was supposed to fix this."

"what are you still doing here? you should have left at least an hour ago?"

the movement in the garage, as well as the voice breaking the almost-silence was enough to get her to look up, heart hammering against her ribcage.

the same annoyingly alert reaction that she'd had to his presence for the last two years.

"charles. what are you doing here?"

"hiding." the driver smiled sadly. the balaclava lines had faded fomr his face, but she could still see the sweat in his hair, the scent of the race mingling with his team-sponsored cologne. "you know how it is after a weekend like this."

"yeah, i do." she could feel the blush creeping onto her face, and she subtly pinched herself to try and make it go down. charles leclerc couldn't give her butterflies, it wasn't right. technically speaking, he was her superior.

but that didn't change how much she cared about him, how much she longed to feel the monegasque's lips against hers

"you should not be working. come out with the rest of us, we're getting drinks and commiserating. did i use that word right?"

it was hard for y/n not to smile at charles' attempt to learn the english language. he had a fantastic grip on the language, but when he tried to use larger words to sound cooler, it was usually followed up with uncertainty, all adding to what she liked to call his 'boston terrier energy'.

"yeah, you got that one right." she chuckled, dismounting the car, pain rocketing through the nerves in her feet as she hit the ground too hard. "that's a beauty of a car. such a shame that the scuderia doesn't know how to treat it properly."

standing next to charles, she was all too aware that she was wearing nothing but a sports bra on the top half of her body, and she wondered if she could pull her boiler suit back on without charles noticing.

charles snorted. "try driving that thing."

she patted him on the shoulder, a sad smile on her face. "give me ten minutes to go put some proper clothes on, and then we'll go out somewhere. drinks are on me, god knows you deserve it."

______

"seb, i don't know what to do!" y/n groaned, face against the tabeltop as the german man laughed.

sebastian vettel had been the closest thing she had to a father when she was on the road with the scuderia. in all fairness, the job with ferrari hadn't even been what she went to school for. she had picked engineering at college because it was what everybody else was doing, and she'd stumbled upon this job by accident with the promise of travel. when she was starting to regret everything, it had been sebastian who had convinced her to stay.

"ugh, this is so not funny!" she shouted, throwing her arms in the air and wincing as her knuckle banged against the shop window. they were in a quaint little café in fiji ahead of the australian grand prix, and y/n was in need of some serious advice.

but to get advice from seb, you needed to bribe him with coffee first. hence why they were in the rustic cafe, every bare surface covered in plants that sebastian had spent ages talking to the manager about.

sebastian vettel was a nerd. in a good way, of course.

"you're a lovely young woman, y/n. you have a nice figure."

"does hanna know you're out here complimenting younger women?" she joked, taking a sip from her strawberry lemonade.

sebastian laughed, shaking his head. "you need to let everybody else see that side of you, y/n. let your hair down, wear a nice pair of jeans for once instead of that boiler suit. let the world see the lovely girl that we all know is there."

"i'm going to miss you when you retire."

"i know, kiddo. listen, we're all going out after the race, to have drinks and whatever. go out with hanna, buy yourself a nice new dress on my credit card, and then come out for drinks with us. i guarantee that one look at you will whip charles into shape. you're a catch, y/n. i think that charles would be lucky to have someone like you in his life."

"i'm already a part of his life. as a work friend. and i'm accepted that i'm not likely to be anything more."

seb raised an eybrow. "doesn't sound like it."

in another bar, on another part of the small island of fiji, carlos and charles were having a very similar conversation.

"carlos, i can't make a move! technically, i'm higher ranking at ferrari than she is. there's a power imbalance, what if she feels like she can't say no? it's a harassment case waiting to happen!" charles whined, a pint glass clutched in his hands.

carlos shook his head, an annoyed sigh escaping the back of his throat. "you're an idiot, hermano. she's in love with you! you think you're the only person who sees her staring at you in the garage?

"forgive me if that's not something i want to be wrong about. i could be staking our careers on your little hunch."

groaning, carlos buried his head in his hands. getting through to his teammate was a hopeless and futile affair. once charles leclerc was set in his ways about something, there was no changing his mind.

"what about the party in australia? ask her to dance, buy her a drink? you're not getting any younger, charles. you need to get back out there and start dating again."

______

as f1 descended on albert park, the glitz and glamour taking over melbourne, y/n y/l/n and hanna vettel were standing in a small, glitzy boutique, armed with hanna's husband's credit card. the young ferrari mechanic was standing in front of a floor-length mirror, her hair falling around her shoulders.

"hanna, i don't know how i feel about this." she inhaled, staring at her reflection and the ferrari red dress that hugged her figure. "i love it, honestly, i do, i just cringe at the thought of ever wearing it outside of the house. especially if i;m in front of charles!"

hanns sighed, brushing her fingers through the younger girl's hair. "have a little bit of faith in yourself, darling. you look stunning, this dress shows off all your best physical attributes, and charles already knows your best qualities."

"yeah, because who else is going to sing nineties stoner rock songs in the car on the way to the track with me?" y/n laughed, remembering singing ‘teenage dirtbag’ with charles on their way to the track in jeddah, a carpool with some of the other mechanics. charles barely knew the words, but then again, y/n got them wrong a lot as well. “yeah, okay. lets do this fucking thing.”

hanna grinned. “that’s our girl!”

hours later, she was regretting her decision, standing in front of the club in her baggy leather jacket, shaky knees knocking together as she stood outside the front door in her heels and that tiny little dress, voices and laughter wafting through the walls as the inside hummed with the rarity of a ferrari victory. she nervously tapped her fingers against the side of her purse as a group of haas mechanics crossed the parking lot, wolf whistling at her before she flipped them both the bird.

“are you coming inside, or are you just going to stand there and freeze your balls off?”

“oh, if only I had balls to freeze. and this is bloody australia, its not even that cold.” y/n chuckled to herself, turning to look at jessica hawkins, one of the aston martin young drivers. “I need someone to remind me that I dont look stupid in this goddamn dress that hanna vettel picked out for me.”

jessica cocked an eyebrow, looking the mechanic up and down. “babes, you look hot! who are you trying to impress?”

“charles.” y/n mumbled, her face flushing pink before she cleared her throat. “its stupid, isn’t it?”

the other young woman shook her head. “not at all.” she grinned, linking her arm through y/n’s. “come on, lets go get you your man!”

the inside of the club was crowded, yet closed to the public as f1, f2, and the w series descended on the establishment. all of the f3 drivers were too young to legally drink, and had made their displeasure quite clear as they were herded away to an italian restaurant instead of the club.

"drinks for the lovely ladies?" abbie eaton chortled, bringing tequila shots over to where the mechanic and jessica were standing. "cheers on three, yeah?"

jessica sounded off with the countdown, the three women tapping the tiny glasses against each other before throwing back the burning alcoholic drink.

"if i'm going to do this," y/n began, raising her voice to be heard over the drake song that was playing. "i'm doing it right!" she took off her jacket, throwing it over a chair before she made her way over to the dj booth, her ballet flats sticking to the floor.

after a whispered conversation (and a monetary bribe), wheatus' 2000 hit 'teenage dirtbag' began to play over the speakers as y/n and jessica took to the floor, champagne flutes in hand as they began to dance.

from across the way, under the deep blue lights, charles leclerc was in a trance as he watched the way she moved, laughing and giggling as she sang along, finally getting each word right. adn charles would be lying if he said he didn't love the way her legs looked in that short little dress, how full her breasts looked in the red fabric that cradled them.

"is he still being a pussy?" pierre gasly groaned. "come on, man! you won the fucking race, and that's still not giving you the confidence you need to tell her you have a crush on her?"

"i'd rather not embarrass myself too much, thank you pierre." charles grumbled, taking another sip of his fruity mixed drink.

"he won't even drink proper alcohol." carlos commented. "i think she broke him."

pierre shook his head. "i will not stand for this, i am not letting it go on any longer. ilies!" he shouted, waving over his best friend- save for charles of course- and social media manager. "we need you to do something for us, for charles."

ilies nadri nodded. "it's about that girl he keeps talking about, isn't it?"

"exactly. so here's what you're going to do."

back on the dancefloor, y/n was beginning to forget that charles was watching, laughing and singing with jessica as the dj began to play 'toxic' by britney spears, at a drunken lando norris' request.

"looks like you've got an admirier. and it's not charles." nerea marti pointed out, nudging her head in the direction of ilies nadri, who was beginning to make his way over to the girls.

"well, if charles isn't interested." jessica shrugged, calpping her on the shoulders. "you look too pretty tonight to go home alone if you don't want to, and it looks like there's a good looking bloke who wants to join ya."

moments blurred as nadri took y/n's hand, pressing a kiss to her knuckles and making her laugh with a french come-on, and before she knew it they were dancing to britney.

and she had forgotten about him, about the reason she wore that red dress in the first place.

but charles never forgot about her, his eyes boring into the back of ilies' head as he watched them dancing to a christina aguilera song. his grip was steadily tightening on his glass, and carlos looked over at him with a concerned glance.

"are you sure that getting her to dance with ilies was the smartest idea?" carlos whispered under his breath, raising his eyebrow at pierre. "he's going to break the fucking glass."

"or, he'll get jealous and go over there." pierre reasoned.

"how the fuck do you have a girlfriend, gasly?"

but pierre's reasoning must have been rooted in proof, for charles put down his glass and tromped over to the dance floor, his eyes a certain shade of jealous as he prepared himself to finally make a move.

he didn't speak, sweeping over the dancefloor to grab y/n's arm and pull her away from ilies and away from the dancefloor and it's illuminated vinyl flooring.

"charles, what is wrong with you?" y/n shouted, tispy on her feet and buzzing from alcohol as she tried to ignore the way her chest tightened and her heart skipped a beat at charles' possessiveness.

"i'm in love with you." he blurted out, desperation in his voice. "and i'm tired of hiding how i feel. i don't care how it looks to the outside, or to mattia, but i want to be with you. you were never just one of the boys to me, y/n. you were just you. and i like who i am with you. i want to be able to be that person for you, all the time."

"charles." she said softly, heart softening before starting and stopping again in an erratic beating pattern that would have worried her if she could have heard the beating over the refrain of charles' confessions playing on loop in her mind, louder and louder each time. "just kiss me."

and that's what charles did, an *nsync song playing in the background as he mashed his lips to hers, backing her up against the wall as she giggled, wrapping a slender, bare leg around his own, arms looped haphazardly around his neck and over his shoulders.

"charles, your phone isn't in your front pocket, right?" she panted.

charles looked confused, resting his forehead against hers. "no, i always put it in my back pocket."

"fuck." y/n all but moaned, arousal pooling in her own thighs as she thought about what was in between charles'. "that means that it's your rock-hard cock that's pressing against me right now, and that's so fucking hot."

grinning to himself, charles pressed up against her even more. "whay don't you join me at my hotel, and i'll show you just how fucking hard you make me."

"is that a threat or an invitation?"

"it's whatever you want it to be, mon cher."

"kiss me one more time, and you've got a deal."

#charles leclerc #charles leclerc x reader #formula one x reader #formula 1 imagine #lovelytsunodas katy perry series #charles leclerc x y/n #scuderia ferrari #Spotify

[aircd]

If you're open to it, could I please have more cheerleader x reader? I love it so much.

For sure.!!👍

Warnings: threats, gaslighting/manipulating, mentions of blood, sexual content, technically somnophilia, threatening messages, stalking.

!yandere cheerleader!: who's never really been fond of you having any friends, especially now that she's confessed her undying love to you; if and when you started to talk to anyone or even sit at lunch with someone you have had more than one conversation with, she makes sure to get rid of them as quick and easy as possible. It could be paying them off, beating them up, or simply threatening to murder them and their entire family, she made sure you had no one to talk to except her. Despite the bullying, you began to feel very lonely and were desperate to talk to anyone- even her. just how she likes it.

!yandere cheerleader!: her weekly "checkups" on you have become more frequent due to her paranoia. She's also expected more from you now that you're her girlfriend and all; even if you never agreed to it. She called you over to have a "chat" with you about some things regarding your duties to her. She sat you down as if she was having an intervention, "Listen, we've been dating for two weeks and you haven't even let me touch you in anyway!! Your behavior is not okay and I wont stand for It, I'm going to have to take things into my own hands. Now, get on the bed." she demanded before she proceeded to rip any clothes you had on below the waist off and ate you out until your toes curled, she insisted on doing this ATLEAST once a week.

!yandere cheerleader!: "sleepovers" have now been at your house instead of hers. She now shows up unannounced and sneaks in through your window. recently she had woken you up straddled on top of you in her uniform, "shh.. wouldn't want them to hear you?" she said as she pulled your underwear off and lifted her skirt up; she started grinding herself on you and pushed your head down with a pom pom in her hand, she could make as much noise as she wanted but you couldn't?

!yandere cheerleader!: once she saw you hugging a friend "a little too long" and pushed you up against a locker holding a blade to your neck, "I thought we had agreed we were exclusive?! who was that..?" "an old friend!? I don't believe you.." she said as she pushed you away and stomped away. you didn't see her again that day until you walked into the girls bathroom last period and saw her washing blood off her hands. You tried talking to your friend the next day and she completely ignored you. "What did you do?!" you demanded an answer from her, "I took care of it." she said as she hugged you excitedly, "Now, I have to go to practice!!"

!yandere cheerleader!: who still bullies you despite confessing to you dramatically in the woods, the only difference is she winks at you when yelling some type of homophobic slur or shoving you into a wall and apologizes later. "I'm soooo sorry! you know how they are! if you ever tell anyone though I will have to take care of them, and you don't want that do you~?"

!yandere cheerleader!: who forces you to go to the games and gets mad if you take your eyes off her even for a second, and texts you threatening messages, "Why won't you look at me?! Do you like someone else??? you don't want me to have to take care of you too, do you?" She proceeds to play it off the next day when she's cooled down. "Oh! I didn't mean that!! I would never hurt yoouu! you're too cute silly!" she says before kissing you on the cheek.

!yandere cheerleader!: who leaves notes in your locker and stalks you from behind to see your reactions, you've become used to the uncertainty of either being terrified for your life or someone else's, "heyy I hope you have a great day!! you still love me right?? :( I saw that girl from science class smile at you, I don't have anything to worry about, right? I'll keep an eye on her. ;)"

#nsft wlw #wlw #wlw concepts #yandere wlw #lesbian #lesbian smut #lesbian yandere #lesbian romance #thoughts? #cheerleader bully #lesbian cheerleader #yandere woman #yandere cheerleader

[h-c-u]

Uncertainty

Summary: You're a 3rd driver for the Mercedes team, in a secret relationship with the team principal and you fill in for Lewis during the race. The car malfunctions, you completely lose control over the steering and can't avoid crashing. And it's bad. 

Pairing: Toto Wolff x fem!driver!reader

W/C: 6.1k

Rating: M. Car crash, talk about injuries and surgeries.

TWs: Car crash, near death injuries

A/N: I swear to gods, my mood when it comes to writing changes so quickly -,- It's dark, sad, and heavy. Also - like 90% of the fic is happening when the reader is in surgery, but the idea just dug it's claws into my brain and didn't want to let go.

Masterlist | List of tags

- Bono, something's wrong with the steering, there is a slight delay in response, and I'm unable to predict how much I should correct. - you were honestly getting scared. You didn't want to lose the 5th position, especially this late in the race. You knew yourself well enough that you could get at least 3rd before the end, but not with a car that behaved like that. 

- I'm running the diagnostic now to see if we'll be able to do something about it remo... FUCK. CRASH. Be careful. - you instantly felt cold, but it wasn't your first time in a dangerous situation. When Bono told you about the crash, you hadn't seen it just yet, because it was hidden behind a turn, and as soon as you turned...

- Breaks are not working. And I completely lost control over the steering. - everything was happening in slow motion, and you couldn't do anything. There was no fancy "eject" button like in a James Bond movie; you were able to just watch and brace for impact. - Bono. I'm going to crash into them. Don't let me die. - you whispered, tears very slowly gathering in your eyes under the helmet. 

You didn't say another word. You didn't swear, you didn't scream. You knew what was about to happen and somehow you managed to remain calm. You just fastened the straps holding you to the seat even more and held your arms close to your chest. 

You heard people screaming over the comms, familiar voices full of panic and desperation but the one voice you were hoping to hear... wasn't there. So whatever others were saying didn't matter. 

And then you were flying. The nose of your car wedged under someone else, and it sent you into a barrel on the track. You closed your eyes, not to get nauseous, but it was a small comfort, especially when the car turned to its side and continued to barrel toward the wall. How you were able to stay conscious for so long - you weren't sure, but then suddenly... there was nothing. 

- TOTO, NO! YOU CAN'T GO THERE! THERE IS PROTOCOL!

- FUCK PROTOCOL!!! - he was trying his best to get from Bono's and Ricardo's strong arms, but they held him steady and didn't let him run out of the garage.

- Medics and the crew are already at the scene. She will be in the ambulance before you get to that part of the track. - James stepped in front of the man, blocking his way, and put his hand on his boss's chest stopping him from moving any further. No one ever saw Toto this distressed. Sure, he could get angry, but this... This was different. - Calm down and think. 

- I... I can't. - his shoulders slumped and even though he wasn't trashing and trying to get out anymore, his thoughts were galloping at the speed of light, running through every possible scenario. - I just can't... - Bono and Ric loosened their grip on his body and exchanged a worried look with the technical director. - I don't know what to do... - he admitted, his voice completely broken. 

- We're gonna get to the hospital and we'll go from there. - James realized it was his turn to think about everything, and even though he didn't completely understand why Toto reacted this way - he wanted to help in whatever way he could. All of the people in the garage were shaken up, but this... This was new. Toto was oozing fear and desperation from everywhere. His posture, his voice, the frantic look in his eyes... - Toto. - the technical director wasn't sure if his words even reached his friend, but Wolff finally nodded slowly. - Yeah...? - he made sure. 

- Yeah. Hospital. Let's go. - he whispered eventually. He was in no condition to drive, so he let his friend do that. He didn't take his eyes from the view behind the window once, even though he was seeing none of what they were passing. He dug his nails into his knees, bit his lower lip until he drew blood, and tried his best not to break down completely. Not before he knew if you were dead or alive. 

When they arrived at the hospital, Toto didn't even wait for James to park properly, he was out of the car as soon as they reached the entrance. He run into the emergency room and quickly located the admission desk, but before he said anything, he took one last, deep breath. 

- Hello, my name is Toto Wolff. I'm the emergency contact for Y/n Y/l/n. I would like to know in what condition she's in. - his voice was surprisingly calm. Even in such a state, he knew that whatever happened wasn't the nurses' fault and he didn't want to take out whatever he felt on them. 

- I have to confirm your identity first. Can I see your ID? - the old nurse asked, but she was already typing something on the keyboard. Toto frantically patted his pockets in search of a wallet, momentarily mortified, because he got afraid that he left it in his bag, in the garage, but James came to his rescue with said wallet. He quickly fished out his ID and presented it to the nurse. 

- She was admitted about 10 minutes ago and is being prepped for the surgery. She already had a head CT, but there are no results yet. There is also no information about planned procedures. - she explained with a soft tone, even though the news she was sharing wasn't exactly... good. 

- What does it mean...? - Toto asked, fearing the worst. 

- It means there was a head injury and she's unconscious. They don't know exactly what's wrong, but it's serious enough for emergency surgery with neuro, orthopedic and cardiothoracic surgeons. - she added, quieter. Sure, she could have omitted a few facts, but something told her that it would have the opposite effect on the man in front of her. 

- Her... Her heart...? - if he weren’t holding the high counter in front of the admission desk, he would have slumped to the floor. 

- Or lungs. - she clarified. - I'm sorry I can't give you better news... But she's in the best hands in the country. I will ask one of our interns to take you to a waiting room... - she waved at one of the young men, who was currently filling out papers, and quickly told him what to do. - And sir... - she added, just when they were about to leave the area. - It will be a long surgery, but the longer the wait, the better. It means that she's still fighting. - that was the first thing that gave him hope... You were still alive. Still fighting. And you weren't the type of person who easily gave up. 

Toto Wolff was not a religious man. He honestly couldn't remember when was the last time he visited any place of worship, but now... Now he was going through every prayer he knew. He begged every god, every angel, every demon, every saint he could think of, not to let you die, and if that's necessary - to take him instead. Logically he knew that wasn't possible, but he was willing to try everything, no matter how stupid it seemed at the moment.

James left his side only once, to get some shitty coffee from the machine, but it was left untouched in between Toto's feet. He didn't know what to say, what to do... Other people came and went. The pit crew, engineers, other team principals, drivers... A few stayed. Mostly other drivers, and from the closer circle - James, Bono, George... And Lewis - without even saying a word was on a video call with Bono, feeling extremely guilty. 

- Did... - George finally broke the silence. - Did anyone call her family? - he asked, and Toto just clenched his fists. 

- She doesn't have one. - he whispered eventually. - She's an only child and went no-contact with her parents just as she started racing. - he added and the others looked at him trying to hide the surprise. - She will kill anyone who’ll let them know about anything even remotely connected to her life. So as far as things go... she doesn't have a family. - he ended in a harsher tone than he intended and almost immediately sighed. 

He was still in the clothes he was wearing during the race... The track pass was tucked in the pocket on his chest, and the headphones were still around his neck, but he didn't even notice them, and no one in the room dared to say a word. 

Just as three hours passed since they arrived, a young-looking woman called out your last name, and the four men immediately stood up, three with hope, one in fear, because it was much too quick for the surgery to end. 

- Hello, my name is Alex and I'm one of the residents helping with your... - she stuttered for a second, realizing she didn't know the relationship between her patient and the men in the waiting room. - With Y/n's surgery. We were able to stop the bleeding in her brain and remove all the debris lodged there without major issues. The head of neurosurgery is currently reversing all four of the aneurysms, but compared to what we already did - it's the easiest thing. - she started explaining and everyone except Toto sighed with relief. 

- What else...? - he asked, afraid of the further news. - Please tell us everything, no matter how small or ugly. I need to know... - he pleaded, and James put his hand on his boss’s shoulder. There was some hesitation on the young doctor’s face, but eventually, she continued. 

- Eight of her ribs are broken... Two of them were lodged in her right lung and the cardiothoracic surgeon was able to remove one and is working on the second. One pierced her kidney, but due to the positioning... The lungs take priority. Her spinal cord is intact, but three of the lumbar vertebrae are fractured and we will have to realign them later. Her right femur is broken in six places, left in two and our head of ortho is currently working on that. Both of her tibias and feet are by some miracle intact. All the bones in her shoulders, arms, forearms, wrists, and hands are also free of any injuries. She didn't sustain any burns or lacerations because of the suit, which will help during her recovery. - with every word the relief disappeared more and more from the men's faces, and Toto's lips became almost invisible. 

- Her heart...? - he asked eventually. 

- Intact and strong. She's not on any assistance during the surgery, although we're ready for that if the need arises. She's a fighter. - the young doctor added with a gentle smile. 

- You've mentioned her recovery... Does that mean...? - he was afraid to finish the question, especially when he saw Alex's face drop just a little.

- I... I shouldn't have said that. I can't promise you any type of outcome, especially with such severe injuries. - her voice softened. - We know what's wrong. We know how to fix it. And we will do our best to do so. Three of the best surgeons in the country are currently working together to keep her alive, so objectively - the chances of success are high. But I can't promise you that everything will be perfect. – Toto nodded, acknowledging the situation. 

- Thank you for taking the time to explain everything to us. - he whispered, suddenly feeling weak in the knees. - Would it be too much if I asked for an update after every major stage? Doesn't matter if good or bad... I just need to know... - George was the one to notice how shaky Toto truly was, so he helped him sit down, so the man wouldn't fall over. 

- It wouldn't be too much at all. I was planning to do so anyway... But it... - she started, but Wolff cut her off.

- It's gonna be a long surgery, I was told. I will be here. - his voice was stronger than his body, and the young doctor gave him one last smile before she turned around and went back to the operating block. 

None of the men knew what to say, so they just sat in silence, trying to process what has happened. 

There was a moment when George started quietly sobbing, and without even thinking, Toto put his arm around him and pulled him into a hug, trying to give him the comfort he so desperately needed himself. But the only person who could give it to him was currently lying cut open on the operating table. 

- George, you officially got second place with 18 points... - James eventually broke the silence, but none of them were able to say after how long, because time had become something immeasurable. - Congratulations... - he added, but that was the last thing on young driver's mind. Few other drivers in the waiting room took out their phones to check the results, but in the end - there were more important things than that. 

- Holly shit. - someone whispered and almost immediately added. - Y/n crashed after the red flag. She got 5th. With the fastest lap. - all heads turned to Carlos, who was sitting on the floor. Even Toto couldn't believe what he just heard. He knew you were good, damn... He believed in you since day one, that's why he was so quick to sign you. And now... Now Y/n Y/l/n was officially the first woman since 1975 who scored points in F1, which was a historical achievement. 

- She got 11 points... - James confirmed after checking his email once again. And then there was silence again. There should be a celebration, all of them knew that. And even though someone will contest that, because technically you wouldn't be able to finish the race if it were resumed, and your team would fight tooth and nail for that not to be taken away... But for now, in the official FIA statement, you finished in 5th place. 

There were some murmurs and whispers, but none of it mattered to Toto more than you actually living, so when he saw the familiar face of a young doctor again, he almost jumped from his seat. 

- Hello again... - she smiled, which he took as a good sign. - The orthopedic surgeon finished working on her legs and we were able to close them. There was no additional damage to the thigh muscles, so we didn't have to take any part of them, which means that she will be able to regain a full range of movements, in time of course. The neurosurgeon just finished reversing the aneurysms, and the new head CT didn't show any additional injuries, so we will be able to slowly close her skull as well. We were also able to remove the other rib from her lung, and the head of cardio is currently working on repairing her right lung, but we don't know for sure if it is viable, which means... - she stopped for a moment, not sure how the man in front of her would react to such news. 

- That there is a chance you will have to remove it. But she could live with just one lung, right? - he made sure.

- With some restrictions, but yes. 

- Then in the end it doesn't matter. How about her kidney and spine? - he asked, eager to know more. 

- The kidney is being worked on as we speak, but the spine... - she stopped for a moment, trying to find the best words to explain the situation to someone unfamiliar with medical jargon. - The best way to get to the lumbar vertebrae would be from the back, which would require a change of position. And since the injuries on the front of her body are so extensive, the new position might be dangerous for her, so there will be benefits to closing her up, letting the body rest and regenerate for a few days, and proceeding with second surgery later in a week. 

- Wouldn't leaving it as it is, be dangerous as well? I mean - is there a chance of the fragments moving and injuring her spinal cord?

- That's exactly why we haven't decided on the best course of action just yet. We still have to finish working on her kidney, lung, and ribs, while the neurosurgeon assesses which option would be the safest and does more scans to see if going from the front would be possible. It's unconventional, but it has been successfully done. - she explained and Toto nodded. 

- Thank you for explaining that to me... - she just smiled gently and walked away. 

It was the first time he looked at the clock, and it was almost midnight, but he didn't feel that at all. Time was weird, because he felt like the crash had happened just a few seconds ago, and at the same time as if centuries passed since he saw your car barreling down the track. And then he heard an unfamiliar voice calling out your name. He instantly turned around in that direction and saw a medical responder in full gear. She repeated your name once again and Toto finally put his hand up. 

She quickly came closer and sat in front of him.

- Good evening, sir... I was one of the first responders to the crash, and I was responsible for intubating Y/n. - she started explaining, and Toto was too exhausted to ask what it was about, or even to introduce himself. - But before I did that... She was awake for just a moment. And she asked me to pass the message, the problem is... I don't know to whom. - it was like he caught a second wind because he instantly focused on the woman in front of him. 

- What did she say...? - he asked, leaning forward. He knew everyone was listening, but he didn't care. 

- She said... "Why didn't I say it back... Please tell him that I love him." - Toto blinked a few times as if the words had trouble reaching him, but when they finally did... He started to laugh like a maniac, and everyone looked at him in worry that he actually snapped or went crazy.

Earlier today, when you were both just waking up with the first rays of sunshine peeking over the horizon, he said those three magic words for the first time... Three words, eight letters... He didn't expect anything in return, because he knew how hard expressing any emotions came to you, but it was important to him to assure you that he, indeed, loved you and wasn't planning to go anywhere. He also knew that you loved him, because you had your own way of showing that to him... 

So, to hear that when you were convinced you were dying, the last thought in your mind was telling him something he already knew for a while was... a bit absurd. But then it hit him... You did that because you thought that he didn't know you loved him. And your possible last thought was letting him know that you weren't in it just for fun, that you were serious about your relationship. And that made him freeze. 

- Sir...? - the lady in front of him reached to touch him but stopped last second. 

- I'm sorry... I know who that message was for... Thank you for passing it on. - he gave her a weak smile, and she just nodded. - And thank you for what you did for her... It means a lot to me. - he added quieter, and just like that, she was gone. 

The atmosphere in the waiting room was still extremely tense, but that didn't stop a few of the drivers from dozing off. Someone even ordered pizzas, but Toto didn't move... He didn't eat, didn't drink, didn't say anything... He was a shell of himself while his heart was being cut open, stabbed, prodded, and stitched back up on the operating table just a few meters away. 

And while at first people were brushing it off as a team principal caring for his driver, the few closest to him realized that there was more. Finally, Bono had enough and sat right next to him.

- How long...? - he whispered quietly enough that no one else was able to hear. 

- I don't know what... - Toto immediately wanted to deny everything and play stupid, but one look from his friend and he folded. - 5 months... - he said, barely any sound leaving his lips. 

- And the thing the paramedic said...? - he asked, but only got a nod in reply. - Shiiiiiiit... - this time Toto looked at him confused. - I lost the betting pool.

- What? 

- We have... Well, now had... A betting pool because we noticed that you were much happier for quite some time. The most popular option was antidepressants, and I bet on that, not gonna lie. - Toto just blinked a few times, still trying to process what was being said. - There was also a winning streak, therapy, someone you hated dying, that you got laid, but Lewis was the only one that bet on a new relationship. I mean - there were a few more people who bet on the relationship, but Lewis nailed the 5 months. - Toto still couldn't believe what he was hearing, but somehow, the absurdity of the situation helped him relax just a little.

- You make bets... about my private life? - he was genuinely curious if it was the first time. 

- Well... Yeah. Because you're all mysterious and shit. It's easy to make up some crazy stories just for fun. - Bono just shrugged. - None of us suspected that you and her... I mean, in public, you were equally close with... - he stopped and pointed with his chin in the direction of the familiar face in blue scrubs. 

- We were able to save the lung and a kidney. All ribs are secured in their places. - Toto sighed with relief for the first time since he saw the car tumbling on the tracks. - The head of neuro managed to find a way to repair the vertebrae from the front, but it will be a long procedure. The angle he has to go in from is very unusual and taxing, but we will be able to do everything today. Her vitals are stable, her heart is strong... She's doing well, sir. We still don't know the extent of her brain injury, which will have to wait till she wakes up, but we are optimistic that she will. - she smiled softly and gently squeezed his arm. 

- Thank you... - and with that, she was gone again, and Toto looked around the waiting room... It was almost 3 AM, and the surgery started... around 10 hours ago. And yet the whole younger generation of drivers was here, most of them still in gear... Some were on the uncomfortable chairs, some quietly talking, and few even fell asleep on the floor. Even though you were all competitors, and you weren't even a full-seat driver yet, they still respected you and your skills a lot. - Guys, I think you should go back to your hotels and get some sleep... Or just rest... I'll let you know in the morning how the surgery went. - few heads turned in his direction, but no one moved. Lando finally broke the silence. 

- With all due respect sir, she wouldn't leave any of us... - Toto couldn't help but feel... pride. Not just for you, but for them. Just 10 years ago this type of situation wouldn't be possible... After the crash, maybe one or two drivers, who were the closest to the injured one, would be in the hospital, but never for this long... And never this many... They were good kids, and it meant that the times were changing. 

- I can't disagree with that... - he smiled. - Thank you all. - he added and sat right back. Now, that most of your injuries were under control, he let himself think of anything else, and that turned out to be those boys behind him. He quickly wrote a few messages to the other team principals, letting them know where most of their drivers were and asking them to arrange at least a change of clothes, because the majority of them still had sensors under their gear, and that must have been uncomfortable. He also took time to bring every single one of them a cup of that awfully sweet hot chocolate and spent a few minutes talking with them one on one about whatever they needed to get off their chests. And next to being worried about you, most of them were scared... 

It took a while, but he finally came back to his original chair and for the first time - leaned back in it and stretched, but that wasn't near enough for him to release all the tension collected in his body. But now... Now he allowed himself to hope. 

The next time he saw Alex, she was with another doctor, and it was already getting bright outside. All of the drivers - now in regular clothing - were sleeping on each other in different combinations, and only George was awake beside himself. 

- The operation was a success... - she started, and Toto felt as if someone finally took the weight of the whole world from his shoulders, the relief of it forcing tears out of his eyes. - She's already stitched up, and soon we will move her to a recovery room, where you will be able to see her - for the first few hours, just through the glass and then in person. - you lived. That's all that mattered. - She will be in a medically induced coma for at least a few days to prevent her brain from swelling more. We will continue monitoring her, and based on the results we will decide when will be the best time to wake her up. - the young doctor explained and when she looked over the waiting room, she added. - She... She's stable, but she doesn't look well... - the tone of her voice was enough to convey what she really wanted to say. 

- They won't take no for an answer... They will want to see her. - he quietly said. - They look young, well, they are young... It's hard to explain, but they need to see her. They need to see for themselves that she's alive... - Alex looked at the older doctor who gave silent permission. - Thank you for all you did... For saving her...

- I can take you to see her now, but the rest... Groups of 3 the most. - Toto nodded and another sigh of relief escaped his chest. He still couldn't believe what happened. When he saw the crash, he was mentally preparing for the funeral, but now... Now you were alive. Still extremely injured and with months if not years of therapy in front of you, but you were alive. Fuck everything else. 

- Can you give me a minute...? I'd like to tell them myself. - he explained and after getting a quiet “sure”, he went first to Bono and James, who were sleeping in the chairs next to each other, and very quickly explained what he just heard. After that, he went around the room and quietly told everyone else. Some of the younger ones immediately started crying from relief, and he couldn't blame them, because he did the exact same, so he just pulled them into a wordless hug until they calmed down. It definitely took more than a minute, and he felt a bit bad for keeping the young doctor awake, but when he took a quick look in her direction, she smiled at him, letting him know that he can take as long as he needs. This was definitely an unusual situation. 

But eventually, everyone was up to speed, and the atmosphere in the room relaxed a bit. There were even a few awkward laughs, but Toto wasn't there to hear them. He was walking a couple of steps behind the young doctor who was kind enough to update him over the last fifteen hours, and he tried to mentally prepare himself for what he was about to see. You were alive. That's all that mattered. 

It wouldn't be the first time he saw someone after the crash, hell - he was in one himself. Albeit not such a serious one... He was around the track long enough to know that even the nonlethal injuries weren't pretty, he saw what could happen to drivers who either weren't careful, skillful, or lucky enough. But you were definitely careful and skillful enough. But today, well... yesterday. You didn't have enough luck. A mechanical failure. Two of the things that had so many fail-safes, he wasn't sure he could count that high. But somehow all of them failed... He knew there would be an investigation, but that didn't matter. Because you were alive. 

So, when he finally saw you through the thick glass... He broke. He had to hold himself on the metal barrier in front of the window just not to fall over, and the young doctor put his arm under his, trying to assist him until he'd be able to stand straight. You looked so small connected to all the heavy machinery in the room. A thick tube down your throat, a bag of full blood connected to the IV port in your arm, all the cables coming from under the bandages on your chest... The draining tubes coming from under the bandages on your thighs... Your face was swollen, with bruises in multiple places, and your head was shaved and covered in bandages. He couldn't help but laugh at that one detail... You wanted to shave your head for ages but never found the right moment with all the press and photoshoots. 

And your hands... Somehow, they didn't fit the picture... They were pristine, not counting the IVs... No bruises, no bandages, no anything... Your long fingers looked exactly the same as they did this morning when you intertwined them with his, just as he was about to tell you he loves you.

- I'm sorry, it's just... - he started, but he couldn't finish, so he just rested his forehead on the cold glass in front of him, trying so hard not to let tears into his eyes.

- It can be a lot, seeing a loved one like this... I understand... 

- She's alive... - he failed. He tried to convince himself that it was enough, but seeing you like that... So small, so... weak. It hit him. He wouldn't be able to live without seeing you wildly dance on the roof of one of the many hotels you stayed in during the racing season... Without hearing your broken singing from under the shower in the morning... Without your contagious laughter at something stupid, he said... He needed you more than he needed to breathe, and it scared him. 

He wiped the tears with the back of his hand, straighten his posture, and did his best to compose himself. Not for himself, but for the people who were about to see you like that. You lived... and for now that had to be enough. 

He didn't leave your room since he was allowed to enter it for the first time... Sitting at your bed, holding your hand, putting on the music he knew you'd like, reading aloud... And with every passing day, you started looking... stronger. The color started returning to your skin, and the bruising and swelling on your face slowly started healing. The drivers kept visiting you, and when they had to leave to prepare for the next race - they kept sending you gifts. 

Lewis stayed the longest after he finally got well enough to leave his room... He spent the entire day at your side, holding your hand, apologizing profusely, and praying... And after he didn't have any more tears left in him, he started telling you stories he knew you'd love. He was also the one to bring that perfume you bought in Egypt and which you absolutely adored; he put a drop of it behind your ears and on your wrists and left the bottle on the nightstand. 

George was the one to take it the hardest... Even though he tried his best not to show it when he was visiting, Toto knew. He knew how close the two of you were, and all the crazy adventures you shared. You were like siblings on crack and the things you could get into when let out of the bullpen... He honestly couldn't believe that you haven't been arrested yet for some of the stuff you pulled... That's why the last time he visited before leaving the UK, Toto suggested talking to a therapist and George agreed.

It took more than the few days Alex mentioned after the surgery, but the decision to wake you up was finally made a bit over two weeks after the crash. And he felt like a babe in the woods the whole morning; happy that the medication will be out of your system, but afraid of what would happen if you didn't wake up.

Alex was the one who sat with the both of you in the room, watching your vitals like a hawk, and as soon as she saw any change, she explained to Toto what exactly it meant. Around noon, she made the decision to stop intubating you, because it looked like your brain took over that function. She of course was ready with a new tube, just in case, but it ended up not being necessary; even though one of your lungs wasn't fully healed, enough oxygen was getting to your brain. 

Around noon he started to get antsy, but Alex quickly calmed him down and explained again that it might take even a few days because there is no way to tell how your brain would react. It didn't help much, but having someone to answer his every question was a godsend because he wasn't able to think about worst-case scenarios when there was a professional who said otherwise. 

He wasn't able to eat, but he didn't care... He didn't want to miss the moment when you woke up. But the day ended and nothing changed. In the evening one of the other residents took over for Alex, but Toto still didn't move and didn't let go of your hand. Not even when he rested his head on the bed next to your legs for just a moment. But the moment became a bit longer when he closed his eyes...

A familiar sensation woke him up... Long, cold fingers running through his hair, and he couldn't help but smile, at first - not realizing what it meant. But then it hit him. His eyes shot open, and he immediately sat up. 

Your beautiful eyes were open and full of tears, while your hand found his, and squeezed it tightly. 

- You're awake... - he whispered the obvious... - She's awake! Get a doctor here! - he shouted when he realized you two were alone in the room.

You tried to say something, but the words stuck in your throat due to pain.

- Shhh... Don't say anything just yet... You were intubated and the doctors said it might take some time for it to heal... - he said, without even noticing he started crying, but you decided to ignore him; your determination was much stronger than a little bit of pain. Well, ok... More than a little bit. 

- I... - you started, but the rest of the sentence didn't want to come out...

- I love you... And I know you love me too... I have known it for a while now. You never had to say it... I knew... - he said, brought your hand to his lips, and started pressing soft kisses to the back of it. You extended your finger to wipe one of the tears from his cheek, and his other hand quickly followed, wiping the rest. You looked around the room and noticed all the flowers, the teddy bears, the toys... There was even a... Tamagotchi...? And a brand-new Nintendo Switch...? 

You looked back at Toto with a question painted on your face. 

- The other drivers brought most of this stuff... They still keep sending things even though... - you nudged your head forward, urging him to continue. - Even though they had to leave for the next race. The accident was over two weeks ago, I'll explain everything later, I promise... But now the doctors will have to run some tests, ok...? - you nodded in response and shifted your gaze to the doctors that came into the room just a moment ago. They started simple, asking you to follow the light with your eyes and look in certain directions. And you did whatever they asked, not letting go of Toto's hand. 

You were scared and in pain... But somehow you knew everything will be all right, because despite everything - you weren't alone. And that was certain. 

A/N 2: Please don’t feel obligated/pressured to reblog, because I write mostly for myself. A comment would be appreciated though :) Love, G.

#my writing #Toto Wolff fanfiction #Toto Wolff x reader #🖤

[dykeomania]

𝒎𝒊𝒂'𝒔 𝒔𝒎𝒖𝒕 𝒃𝒍𝒖𝒓𝒃𝒔: parenthood (3).

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: parenthood means stress, and endurance, and exhaustion, and learning curves, and ... sometimes, really, really, really good sex?

𝐚/𝐧: this is my Parenthood (Thought) Piece because i understand that i am mentally 30 but i llloooooooooooveeee a good domesticity concept i eat that shit up nnomnomnonmonmnom. i needed to talk about early parenthood with ellie and i needed to talk about some of the ... Alternate Consequences ... of early parenting .. if you will. this was fun. this was also composed between the hours of like, 2-4am. i think it's pretty literate, and kind of alright. you may have a fun time reading it. if you don't, sorry i'll venmo you a dollar. not ssssure if i really have anything else to say, honestly. proofread (at a very early hour, mind you) but i always make mistakes, i'll always edit over time.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: i understand these tags are like super weird and i always preface my fics like "fuck around and find out," but just to be clear, this fic does not sexualize children in any way. any way. just to really make that clear. mentions of you and ellie being engaged. joel's technically alive. mentions of children. parental uncertainty. stress. a little bit of sub bottom!ellie. we're dipping our toes in. also dom top!ellie. mentions of oral (both receiving), mentions of vaginal penetration (reader receiving). both ellie and the reader being milfs / ellie thinking its really hot how you are a good mom (there are still so many things in this category that i could've hit that im probably not even thinking of, so if y'all like this and wanna talk about them, Please talk to me) i write in past tense for literally all of it and this is just a me thing, but that's not really my style, so things may be .. off. or maybe it's just me. maybe i'm tripping. we'll see. it's like, 4am. so.

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 4.1k, just about (i did too much).

.   .   .   .

you both lived on the farm. it was a quiet, proud little life that you lead. a picturesque actualization of all of the little thoughts and dreams that you and ellie have had about living together, about having a family. though, parenthood was new, and difficult. there were some nights that the baby wouldn't stop crying, and both of you would take turns feeling like shit -- one usually at a grander magnitude than the other --  because neither of you would know what to do. what, am i like, a bad mom? does he hate me? you spent time convincing each other that that is simply not the case, and that this was all part of the process. that you were both new, and learning, and that it's okay.

if you knew nothing else, whether that be due to not having experienced parenthood before or the delirium accompanying the heavy set bags and dark circled ruminating under both of your eyes, then you did know that there were a few things for certain: he will suck his thumb. his cries will turn to wails which will turn to sniffles, which will turn to sighs. he will get tired. he will roll over, and coo, and will go to sleep.... eventually.

granted, while this mentality in general made things easier throughout the early days of raising your newborn son, there was still no doubt that it was.. exhausting. in every way. parenting was a constant learning curve, and it took tolls on both of you in different ways. for ellie, she'd get quiet. snippy, even, and gain a little bit too much audacity at times. a snarky remark or demonstration of blatant impatience towards something minuscule, but still hurtful. her frustration would always point toward some deeper issue that she often struggled met with annoyance first, and words second. one of the first things that ellie learned while parenting was that she was really bad at communicating. she'd find herself throughout the first three, maybe even six months, constantly finding ways to say sorry.. even without saying really having said it. like, slipping into bed when after you'd finally went to sleep, and pressing kisses to your temple. or making sure the dishrack was completely empty, so you'd have one less thing to work about. albeit she struggled to verbally explain that while she understood you were too, she was just.. a little tired.

maybe it was the sleep deprivation, or her willingness to take up most of the tasks that required attention in areas other than just the inside of the home. which.. you did have to admit, were a little bit more intense than cleaning and washing dishes. no one asked her to do all of that. she took it upon herself to do extraneous tasks, like fix the fucking roof, during the peak of summer. and you'd always offer to help, truly. but it was always no, i've got it. you've got other stuff to do. you just go play with him, and i'll be in to take over in a little, okay?

you would, at times, have to sit her down and remind her to take it slow. that the roof isn't really bothering either of you, right now, and it won't until .. october, probably. that it's okay to swap out, if need be. she can do dishes, cook if she wants (burn down the house, if she wants), clean up while you go fix the wiring of the fence, tend to the horses, whatever the fuck she feels the need to do, on top of having to do already.

you would have to remind her, that she just can't do everything all at once. and that's okay. but that's also neither of your faults.

both you and parenthood alike would teach her to .. slow down, take it easy, and to talk.

ellie would have to teach you something similar, believe it or not. your back hurt. your tits wouldn't stop fucking leaking, and ever since you gave birth, you wouldn't stop getting these aching migraines that made your ears ring. you quite literally found yourself bending over backwards, trying to do everything all at once all of the time (sound familiar?), because you knew that it was as much of your job as it was ellie's. you can change the diapers, you can pump the breastmilk, you can clean the house, you can stop him from crying, you can read him books (that he couldn't understand, yet, technically), you could do everything. and theoretically, you could. and you would, until it made you frayed, and unhealthy.

that would be enough to make ellie to step in, put her hand on your shoulder, and advise you in a tone that was about as gentle as it was stern:

hey, let maria take him for a couple of days. you're tense -- i can feel you from across the house.

despite the anxiety and the frustration and the sleep deprivation and the exhaustion, you really would feel grateful to be experiencing this trying time together. there were some patterns characterizing it that were obviously stressful, and anxiety-inducing. but there were some consistencies throughout it that were be sweet, and tender. like, running each other warm baths. sitting – either in the bath, with the other, or on the toilet, or the side of the bath – and talking in low volume, not really out of fear of waking the baby, but just to kind of relish in the pocket of peace that existed between the two of you in that moment. the affection never died between the two of you. you were always snuggling close to each other when it came time for bed. always pressing tender kisses to each other's shoulders, holding each other's hands, circling your thumbs and indexes over each other's engagement rings.

… But!

you know... i'm a whore. so honestly, what really spurred this whole thought, is the fact that .. during parenthood your sex lives would practically be nonexistent. and it's not something that either of you really notice, until one of you explicitly brought it up. raising a child -- especially raising one in an environment that you both worked to keep safe, secured, and comfortable -- is a lot of work.

it wouldn't dawn upon either of you until you both were eating one night at the table - another tradition that you did not forfeit. you managed to dance around the subject due to something entirely tangential, and then it hit you, and you said – out of pure realization, ellie, we haven't had sex in .. like, months.

and just like that, the consequences of at least 98 days of involuntarily celibacy hit you both like a fucking truck.

for you, it came in the form of .. the simple reminder that your soon-to-be-wife is really... really fucking physically flawless. you'd notice this everytime she'd wear short-sleeves, or shirts no sleeves, which was really only.. every once in a while, as jackson got colder, or whenever you both woke up. sometimes you'd find yourself looking at ellie's back profile as she sat upright on the bed, adjacent and turned from you, stretching a big, grand stretch, and you'd feel a specific heat beginning to tickle the insides of your thighs. you found it harder to keep your gazes to yourself as ellie exited the shower, muscles apparent, and glistening. her whole body was littered with scars, and yet she was still so gorgeous. it was hard to believe that even for a second you failed to recall – or be conscious of – the fact that as much of a teddy-bear as she was, you were practically dating a fucking sculpture.

naturally, you would act on your desires first. and frankly, ellie would be so willing to lean into them. 

she'd be lying if she said sometimes she didn't wake feeling a bit restless, and like there was only one thing that soothe her. she craved it, sometimes – your hands, on her. all she needed were some quick rubs against her clit and kisses against her skin to motivate her to get out of bed and feed the animals. and she was so, so fortunate to have a fiancée good enough to her to give her just that.

she dared, shame on her, to forget how good you could make her feel. ellie never really let anyone touch her, before she met you. before she met you, she was honestly convinced a lot of the parts "down there" didn't work. she could hardly achieve making herself cum. it’d take so long. ellie hardly masturbated because she’d get impatient in any ordeal that wasn’t some needy, feral 3am occurrence that left her stirring, sweaty, and overwhelmed. it was a lot of buildup for what she saw as, in the end, very little payoff. and as far as other people making her cum went? well, no one had ever gotten that far. frankly, she didn’t think anyone would get that far.

that was until she met you.

it definitely wasn’t easy. there were a lot of tired wrists and upper biceps, and your jaw did get pretty sore. her pussy was gorgeously messy. but her clit liked to hide sometimes underneath the extra skin. when you found it, you learned that it was usually, extremely sensitive. but you told her that that was okay. you could make that work.

you spent a lot of time learning all of the technicalities. what was too much, what wasn’t enough. what to say to her; how fast to rub her.

it paid off, because about a month into dating, you showed her that it — and frankly, anything — was possible. just takes a little bit of time, and patience, kisses and whispers of affirmation how about how good she feels. how good she’s doing. takes some listening, intently, to what she needs. to what her body needs. 

can feel you twitching. you want my finger right here?

fuck, yeah. right there. just like that, baby -- please don't fuckin' stop.

and once you got good at it (and you got so fucking good at it), ellie couldn’t get enough. she jokes, regularly, that that’s one of the reasons why she’s going to marry you.

ellie's voice in the mornings would breathless and empty. all bostonian accent, rasp, and nothing else. they were vulnerable. whenever she'd let you between her thighs and you placed those kitten licks across her clit transitioning into these longer, learned drags, her moans would break, like glass. her hips would shuffle. sometimes, you’d have to hold her still.

no no, fucking running. it’s okay. just let me. can you let me? can you let me take care of you, baby?

fuck. yes. yes, yes, fuck. s— sorry just – oh, fuck.

it would mostly just be wake-me-ups. but ellie's back would always be arching by the middle of it. she'd find herself gasping, and sighing, and fucking -- against your tongue, against your finger -- and gripping onto whatever, all while mumbling to gods she didn't believe in.

that feels so, so so fucking – g–good.

so fucking good to me; feels so good, babe, thinki'mgonnacum–

ellie's orgasms hit her the same way every time. hard. ridiculously hard. leaving her breathing heavy, and screwing her eyes shut while she grasped at your hand, or your hair. her thighs would tense -- sometimes scramble -- and then collapse, after a while. she became this perfect amalgamation of tinted cheeks, chapped pink lips, messy brown hair, and sticky skin. 

she was such a fucking .. painting. she's so incredible.

the plan, as she wrote it, often was to immediately get out of bed after you made her cum. but oftentimes, she couldn't do anything for the first couple of minutes except lie there, body just a sack of bones and jello. her head would rest instead of pressing into yours, or would nuzzle its way deep into your neck. both occasions a precursor to her finally catching her breath. when she moves her head to kiss you, capturing your lips in something thankful, and sweet, it is almost always grounding for the both of you.

better?

so much better. holy shit, babe.

and that's not to say that ellie would never act on her desires. she was always just a little more calculated.

for ellie, her frustrations would creep up on her in the weirdest ways. it would be.. small things. things that were, actually, probably mutual. watching you wash the dishes, even when you’re not bent in a particularly promiscuous way. watching you cook, even when she wasn't really watching you, 'cause she was keeping the baby busy. but what really did her in was watching how you handled your son. something about seeing you have him on your hip, cooing at him or laughing with him, or playing with him, or smothering his cheek in big kisses that elicited these big, big giggles from him, drove her.. a very, questionable? kind of crazy? it was pure. it was so sweet, and most of the time, it was just that. but you were so, good with him. after so many months, despite all of the struggle, you really did blossom into a beautiful, capable mother, who still held the glow and all of the weight from the pregnancy and just–

ellie would realize how good it all looked on you. she would feel.. really proud.

and it made her feel like you ..  deserved something.

you both remember the first night she’d acted on her desires like it was yesterday. it was on the night that you two had hosted a dinner party for all of your mutual close friends and people who you called family. the dinner was a 3-week-long process of grocery picking, tablecloth finding, invitation designing, and recipe collecting. it honestly stressed you out more than it did ellie because, to be honest, she was kind of just there for moral support. it was your idea, after having had maria over for dinner once. and it was a great idea. but it left you drained – defeated from the final week of preparations, which was especially hectic. when you bathed that night, you bathed alone, a little overstimulated from the day. but you’d let ellie run the bath, though. only because she insisted on doing so. 

the soak cured some of the ache that settled deep into your joints, muscles, and bones.. but not all of it. after you'd set the tub to drain, brushed your teeth, and wrapped a towel around your body, you entered the room with an expected level of silence. you slathered moisturizer on your face, over your arms, over your stretch marks. when it came time to take off your jewlery, the rings – except the prized one – came off easily. but when it came to your necklace, your hands were simply too slippery. you sucked your teeth. you always did this.��

you eventually sighed, filling your lungs to call:

hey, bug. can you come help me take this necklace off, please?

ellie eventually would appear behind you, probably shuffling off of the bed or rounding some corner after changing and becoming into her own definition of comfortable. if she seriously complained, you didn’t hear it. you only felt her, how her hand placed itself on your shoulder just to let you know that she was behind you.

some things never change, move your hair over.

you do as asked, and hang your head. ellie's fingers brush against your skin with a kind of delicacy that makes shivers run down your spine. you lift your eyes, catching ellie's in the mirror before you. yours, heavier than hers.

you watched as she fought a smile, or a smirk. either was a given with her, honestly — in retrospect, it was most likely the latter. you couldn’t really tell, though. she’d dipped her head, eyes fixated on her fingers that fiddled with your necklace clasp.

you did a really nice job on the dinner, tonight.

suddenly, you were the one fighting the smile. you watched her, still.

yeah?

oh, you like.. completely knocked it out of the park. you did great. it was really, really really nice.

you didnt know if ellie was referring to the food, or the setup, or the wine choices – whichever. but something about the appraisal made your head buzz, like you were coming down off a two glasses of champagne (which.. maybe you were). ellie successfully removed your necklace, and yet didn’t back away. instead, she pressed herself closer to your back, and tilted her head so that she could speak just above the top of your ear,

you looked really nice, too.

been waiting for you to settle down, a bit. so i could tell you.

you probably hummed something in response, something that was probably suggestive but also thankful at the same time. it gets lost, though. because ellie bent down, and placed these slow, unassuming, appreciative kisses down your neck, and against the plateau of your shoulder. between those words and the way her hands lingered over your skin, the way she was breathing you in and drinking up the moment, and your scent, made you melt into her way too easily. like butter in a warm pan.

you exhale, like you've been meaning to for .. you don't even know how long.

el..

mhm?

you realize though, that the house is quiet. too quiet. there is a stillness to it that makes the pit of your stomach twist, and anxiety and guilt bubble in the base of it before you could even stop it.

...where's our baby?

you felt ellie grin against your shoulder. she masked it with a peck,

he’s at joel’s.

and then you felt her tongue drag across your skin. a long, open-mouthed kiss across the midpoint of your neck. she presses the padding of her tongue against tender flesh, sucks hard enough for blood to make the skin bloom, and almost -- against your own will -- makes your eyes roll shut.

the simple act -- acts rather, of ellie coordinating behind your back to have the baby taken off your hands (you knew it for a few days –  it's always a few days). she thought she was so slick. it was odd, how much relief those three words gave you,

but at the same time, you kind of wanted to be mad at her.

it was hard to, though. but you couldn't think straight, with how her hands were moving over you, over your towel. with her pelvis pressed against your ass, and her lips on your neck.

you tried,

he was fine here. everything was .. fine, ellie.

but she was so..

i never said everything wasn't fine.

i just think... you've had a really long, stressful week.

you hate how your body reacts to ellie's hands smoothing up your towel. your whole body broke out into goosebumps, seemingly trying to fit into the pores of ellie's palm, 

and i think i wanna make it better.

ellie's breath was hot on your ear, and you didn’t realize it, but your head was already tilted. your eyes had begun to flutter closed. you felt yourself, almost swaying against her. your mouth hung as her teeth grazed over sensitive flesh. her tongue pressed against familiar spots that had been untouched -- like the rest of you -- for so, so long. it was too activating.

in your best effort of defense, you spun yourself to turn around to face her. ellie’s head was tilted, her eyes were low. her breath spanned over your mouth while your palm laid flat against her chest. you stalled – shivering, shaking, suddenly caught in a rapture of toiling emotion that you hadn't felt that strongly in .. god knows how long.

her head dipped back into your neck. she pressed her cotton-clad hips against your towel-covered ones, and it just wasn’t enough. it was a lot, and yet, not enough.

your hand snaked over the nape of her neck as you breathed against your cheek, whole body feeling heavy and compliant. your knees were jelly. you could feel your clit. pulsing, and pleading. it ached as you feel ellie's hand slip over the backs of your thighs, inching under the cusps of your ass.

you needed something. you needed anything. you like to think that you had no idea what necessity meant before this moment, because you had never felt it so strongly. it knocked the wind out of you, only leading you to ask – to plead, without pleading,

e... ellie?

and she understood.

ellie’s head lifted from the crook of your neck she crashed her lips upon yours. the kiss was heavy, and deep. your knees buckled, and where you swore you may fall, she made sure you didn’t. you were shuddering, a hand suddenly possessive around the back her neck. her hands suddenly possessive and stabilizing with the grips she held on your ass. months worth of unknown tension relinquished itself in the pushes and pulls you demanded from each other's bodies while teeth clattered and bit into chapped flesh, turned glossy. moans and breaths circumvented between the two of you, and suddenly, the whole room felt like it was on fire.

she delivered a verbal command, teeth tugging at your lower lip as she half-way parted from it, 

jump.

you’d used whatever remainder of your energy to follow the simple instruction, your legs wrapping around ellie's waist like she was your lifeline. they remained around her as your back fell against the duvet, and as she kissed you so deep, your head ran dizzy and your body was left no choice but to arch into her.

you remember your hand smoothing over her abdomen, and reaching up to grab her chest. you remember sighing into her mouth over the fact that you could. you relished in the moan she released your mouth, and only returned it halfway. 

you remember gripping her and massaging her and bucking your bare hips up against her in hopes of making her make that noise again, louder. you remember how she bucked her hips into you in hopes of the same sentiment, her waistband grazing against your bair clit cauisng her to succeed far quicker than you. 

the night was filled with mind-blurring, fuck-until-the-sun-rises kind of sex. sex that you had no idea your body had needed until ellie had given it to you. your body reeled with every kiss that she'd placed over your skin – you’d watched as she peeled back your towel, and replaced bits and segments of the fabric with her lips in soft, attentive kisses.  it was hard to believe that they would transpire into messy, sloppy things. wet, tantilizing things that would trek down the axis of your body. that would hold your body hostage as her tongue and her lips worked on your clit to bring you closer and closer to your third orgasm of the hour. 

your body wasn’t used to it. any of it. it was, however, too used to and hyperaware of having a tiny human in the house that you simply couldn’t wake at this time of night.

you were shuffling, at one point, scrambling to put a hand on your mouth, or to bite your own knuckle.  when that didn’t work, you let your head fall over to a pillow while you fucked up against ellie’s tongue and bit the fabric, trying so hard not to moan. but you felt yourself cracking. 

you’ll never forget how ellie looked up at you. eyes a deep, pointed shade of green as she shook her head – mouth still attached to your clit – which in and of itself had almost made you cry. when she pulled away, it was the only time you let yourself make a noise. only because the whine that was ripped out of you was entirely unanticipated, just like her action.

her breath rippled over your the nerves as she ran her fingertip up, and down your hole. you whimpered, hips shifting up relfexivley, cunt tightening just from the invitation. nearly gushing from the feeling of her beginning to small rub circles against it, instead.

i’ve missed you so fucking much.

she dipped a finger inside of you with such ease, and no warning. a long, slender digit bottomed out inside your cunt, before she pushed in another, and made your jaw go slack. her eyes hung on yours – glossed over with lust and a bit narrow as a result of the devious smile that’d begun to overtake her expression.

she’d begun pumping her fingers.

he’s not here, baby.

it’s just us.

her fingers were so fucking long, you swore to god, you would never want a life without them in it. couldn’t bear another 3, 4, 5 months without having them in you. jesus fuck.

wanna hear you. 

wanna hear you be as loud as you fuckin’ want.

ellie emphasized her words by proceeding to fuck you faster. her tongue latched back onto your clit, rolling over and slurping at the nerves, rolling beads of saliva and your juices into and against the bundle. the sound of your cunt was so encompassing, it was hard to believe that it became the backdrop for the moans that ellie had ripped out of you. that made it into, and mostly out of, the pillow, amidst a sea of praise and bucking hips.

the next morning was luxuriuosly unproductive. ellie had only woke to feed the animals and returned to bed and slept with you until noon. she was always affectionate, come mornings. but especially riding off of the honeymoon buzz of the night prior, she made the morning after memorably tender, often pressing kisses to your forehead, and your shoulder, regardless of how awake both you or she was. she’d whisper sweet nothings into your ear, promises of how much she loved you. how she’s really glad this is how she gets to spend her life, as long as it’s with you. all of the sugary things that eventually caramelize into jokes and giggles and laughter, and that how you’d know it was time to get up.

it’s safe to say that parenthood brought you and ellie both very interesting things. it brought you challenges, and it brought you lows. it brought you highs, and photographs, and moments where you did feel like all of your hard-work was paying off, even when it didn’t seem that way. having a family meant having the opportunity to open your house up to people you who you loved. having a family meant having traditions, and things to fall back on – things that you would develop over time, as you learned more and discovered more of what you wanted. and having a family with ellie meant that you could fall back on each other, no matter how tough things got.

.. it also just meant sometimes having really.. really good sex. 

(whenever you remembered that that was something that the two of you could actually do, that is.)

#ellie williams x reader #ellie williams #the last of us #ellie williams smut #joel miller #the last of us smut #literally no one asked for this i just needed this #it's pretty valid i guess #i always notice its so easy to just write thoughts that come to my mind as opposed to like Hovering over one idea for like 2 months #idk that's wild #i feel like i have texts that are literally just written a lot prettier but like #i like the vibe setup #i just can’t reread it anymore or else i get really like critical and for good reason but bleh #actually no (10am mia speaking) #this is probably like fine im gonna give myself the benefit of the doubt #i Finished it which was Good i'm gonna pat myself on the back #good job mia!!!!!

[inhuman-obey-me]

@yyyyikees asked:

what are your theories about diavolo’s dad going into a deep sleep? do you think maybe God did that as a punishment? because originally diavolos dad ranked the brothers, correct?

Well, yes, Diavolo's father, the Demon King, did indeed rank the brothers and give them their "Avatar of ___" titles before he went off into his deep sleep.

However, we don't think God did that to him as punishment -- because the Devildom is not God's domain. In the OM universe, it's important to remember that the Devildom is equal to the Celestial Realm, and Devildom history is entirely separate from its religious counterpart as hell. That is, in OM lore, the Devildom and demons existed long before Lucifer's rebellion and always had their own system of rule which had nothing to do with the Celestial Realm. With that in mind, God and the Demon King are essentially on the same level, so if God had done such a thing, that would be basically a declaration of war between the realms.

You can think of it this way: God is technically leader of the Celestial Realm but we never see him or hear him being mentioned just hanging around, just as the Demon King is technically still king of the Devildom but is in this deep sleep. Partially, we think that's probably a narrative parallels thing -- in the same sense, Diavolo is prince and de facto ruler, and Michael is treated as the top authority of the angels in the Celestial Realm, but both technically are just short of being outright rulers.

As to story theories, however, Diavolo's father going into his deep sleep is basically a huge question mark. It was sort of retconned to some extent in Nightbringer actually, because OG outright said that Diavolo had become the leader of the realm even before Lucifer first met him. And we don't really know anything about what caused that sleep in either case. NB mentions that the Devildom is overall in a state of great upheaval and uncertainty, so it could be a wider magical effect that's affecting the realm, like something caused by the physical shift in raw magical power on each side with Lucifer's fall. It could just be some kind of curse -- the Kingsblood Crucible does make a note that the Fairy King had also fallen into a deep slumber when the first Demon King gave him wine with his own blood. Or it could be something else entirely! Maybe it was Nightbringer!

All of which to say, we really don't know at this point. We may get more info on it, or we very well may not. The Demon King hasn't been especially relevant to the story most of the time so far, so OM may simply never bother getting around to explaining it. Or, depending how things escalate, maybe they will! We'll just have to see.

#ask and ye shall be answered #yyyyikees #obey me #obey me! #obey me swd #obey me shall we date #omswd #obey me nightbringer #obey me nb #omnb #obey me nightbringer spoilers #obey me theory #obey me analysis #obey me demon king #we figured you accidentally submitted this instead of the ask box haha

[simplyanjuta]

Gallery Issues after Maintenance

So it's been nearly 2 months now after the maintenance of the Gallery and as someone who used to be active and create for the community of people on the Gallery I would like to address the concerns and also link the current issues that haven't been resolved so far to my knowledge.

If you resonate and encounter the same issues on your side, feel free to press "Me Too" and/or add your voice in the linked AHQ threads.

As you probably know, there was a maintenance for the Gallery from May 30th until June 1st. What sounded like overall improvements has from my point of view rendered the Gallery almost unusable as a result and unfortunately I don't see much progress being made to resolve reported issues.

Admittedly I haven't been happy with the state of the Gallery long before this maintenance for a variety of reasons and have been gone now basically for years.

I used to love the Gallery though as a creative space where I could share my creations and follow & interact with other people that did the same. I miss that time and I was actually hoping that the maintenance would make some things better.

To some degree it did. In particular, I was happy to see the performance improvements. But looking at the vast amount of issues and how little progress has been made, I'm not sure what to think.

I feel like the Gallery in its current state is basically unusable. Not only was the social function abolished overnight - which has been completely disheartening for those who have a close social circle on the Gallery. There are also technical issues that make navigating and finding content on the Gallery highly unpractical.

Below a list of current issues in relation to the maintenance as reported on the AHQ bug report forum.

'Item Name' search results are not accurate Fixed Sep 5th

Stats are missing

Gallery: Followers & Followed People are gone

Follower Names starred out

Download Numbers Lower After Maintenance (June 2023)

Some Maxis favorites are no longer favorited

Uploads Are Shown Multiple Times Fixed Sep 5th

Uploads are not getting any new downloads Fixed Sep 5th

Also the News Feed has not returned yet. Although it was announced that it will be gone "at launch", considering it has been a while now, I'm linking this (feedback) report here as well:

Gallery missing News Feed

What makes it worse in my opinion is the uncertainty resulting from the lack of communication from EA to (proactively) address the concerns (besides the acknowledgement on some of the linked bug reports which I do appreciate). As far as I can tell, the issues that people encounter have not been anticipated pre maintenance and still the last official statement sounds like it was a success.

Below the original statement from the patch notes on May 30th and on Twitter about the Gallery maintenance. Two minor issues have been adressed in a patch on June 13th but the listed issues above still remain.

#The Sims 4 Gallery #TS4 Gallery #TS4

[sairee]

Meeting the family (Ghost x Soap)

Ghost learns more about the name "Johnny" when he finally visits Soap's family for Christmas.

Chapter 37 excerpt of Don't Let Me Go.

(context: Eileen - mum, Fiona - cousin)

Ghost spent the next few minutes watching everyone pass around the delicious smelling dishes, relieved that their attention was not on him for the moment. Unfortunately, Ghost should have expected that this would have been short lived.

After a few bites, Eileen leaned forward on her elbows and linked her fingers together. “So, Simon… how did you two meet?”

“He’s also a trainer on the base for new recruits,” Soap replied quickly.

Ghost looked over to Soap, trying to gauge what exactly he had told his family and how much of the truth they really knew about his job. Both their jobs. God, it was so dumb of him to just show up; they hadn’t discussed any of this.

Soap gave him a knowing look and a small nod, encouraging Ghost to play along.

“Well… yeah. We work together… at the base.”

“What do you teach?” Fiona asked.

“Hand-to-hand,” Ghost said, as it was the first thing that popped into his mind. It wasn’t technically a lie. He had taught hand-to-hand before.

“That’s cool. Any specialities? Karate? Jiu-jitsu?”

“A little bit of everything. Mostly self-defence.” 

“Have you known each other long?” Eileen asked, calm and pointed, her gaze unwavering from his face.

She really wasn’t pulling her punches.

“Well…” Ghost trailed off, stalling to consider what to say. “We met fairly recently I would say, Johnny and I.”

In an instant, Ghost could palpably feel the entire atmosphere in the room shift as everyone stopped eating to stare at him. Lorna shifted in her seat. Fiona whipped her head over to them, her fork still hanging in the air. Eileen tilted her head as she continued to watch Ghost with curious scrutiny.

Fuck. Ghost said something he shouldn’t have fucking said. Even Soap next to him was slightly more tense as he sat up straighter. What the fuck had he done? A million scenarios ran through Ghost’s head, each one worse than the last. His eyes flicked between everyone at the table, searching for an unspoken answer.

The one second of loud silence lasted an eternity.

“Sorry. Did I say something?” Ghost asked with uncertainty.

Eileen huffed out a short laugh and the corners of her mouth turned up slightly, easing some of the tension that Ghost felt but he was still racked with confusion. “No, it’s just we haven’t heard that name in years.”

Ghost thought about what name she could be referring to.

Johnny?

Ghost looked back at Soap who glanced down at his plate and scratched the back of his neck sheepishly.

Eileen continued speaking. “When John was about… ten or eleven I want to say… he woke up one day having randomly decided that he no longer wanted to be called Johnny and started demanding that he be called John instead. It honestly took everyone by surprise, this sudden shift, and he would get very upset if anyone called him by Johnny. I got a few cold shoulders when I slipped up at the beginning of the switch over. He even got into a physical fight or two at school due to the whole thing.”

This recounting of events completely contradicted everything that Ghost had experienced. Although, looking back at it… Soap never let anyone call him Johnny. Not even Alejandro when they were still in Mexico. He’d never even heard the Captain use it. No one.

No one except for Ghost.

Eileen shrugged her shoulders. “I guess he decided to grow up. It’s interesting to hear again. That’s all. Very interesting…” She went back to eating and so did everyone else. Ghost felt Soap grab his hand from underneath the table and he gave Ghost an apologetic squeeze.

“Are you sure you don’t want anything?” Eileen asked, gesturing to the spread of food.

“No. No, thank you,” Ghost politely denied. “I look forward to when I’m hungry again so I can eat it. I’ll have some tomorrow morning.”

“You better,” she said jokingly.

Later

Ghost turned around to face Soap who had just sat down on the bed with a light grunt. As he looked back at the trophy, he saw the engraving John MacTavish. A question suddenly popped into Ghost’s mind.

“Why did you let me call you Johnny this whole time if you never liked it?” he asked, looking over at Soap.

Soap shrugged casually. “It never bothered me when you said it.”

“…really?”

Soap could sense his doubt. “Okay, I mean maybe at the very beginning, but we had other things to deal with in Mexico that were more pressing at the time. I figured I’d eventually get around to it. But once we finally took down Hassan, I guess… I’d sort of gotten used to hearing it… ya know? And I started to realize that I did like it. From you at least.”

“So, I should keep calling you Johnny?”

“I like when you so, aye.”

Full chapter a03.

#only Ghost is allowed to call Soap Johnny #we're not crazy out here #it's canon #ghostsoap #soapghost #soap x ghost #ghost x soap #john mactavish #john soap mactavish #simon riley #simon ghost riley #cod #codfic #mw2 #dont let me go cod #dont let me go fic #my writing #chapter 37 #ghoap writing #op

[morilemochi]

Can D2 Guardians Have Kids?

((this is all from memory with a bit of searching myself))

((im open to corrections, discussions, references, and questions thank you))

((WARNING: SPOILERS AND SOME KINDA OFF THINGS ABOUT BIRTH AND UN BIRTH))

Dear @hive-31real (sorry for being late)

To answer your question:

As far as I know, I don't think so but people have debated about it from what I can read about. I'm on the 'Guardians are possibly Infertile' team.

Specifics on Guardians in relation to children:

The thing that would come to the top of my head would be Zavala. He was the stepfather to Hakim when Zavala was with Safiyah. (I cant find a link video for the cutscene)

There's a small discussion about it on Reddit

In the comment section of the same post, they mention how Saladin's Ghost a couple of times, in the Iron Forerunner Armor Tab.

From what I'm understanding, Shin Malphur was revived as a 10 year old Gaurdian...? with Jaren's Ghost in Confession of Hope Part 1 & Part 2. They discuss about it in this Reddit Post, and here's his Destinypedia page if that helps. (This is the closest I got relating to a Hunter and Child)

(Other links that might help:) Destiny 2 Lore - The Origins of Shin Malphur! The Child Guardian of Palamon! by My name is Byf

Destiny 2 - THIS CHILD IS ONE OF THE MOST POWERFUL GUARDIANS! by Evaze

Destiny 2 Lore - Can children be Guardians? by Myelin Games

and here are some reasons why they might even rez a child

On Theory Food:

People have talked about it whether a Guardian's are rez sterile because they technically died already but it doesn't mean they don't function. (Pretty straightforward)

But for those who do believe that Guardians can reproduce, why we don't see them having kids can be funky:

Some Guardian's believe that you don't get rez with the baby (if your female and pregnant), since your Ghost only has the full data scan of you. So some think Guardians aren't even aware that they conceived considering the action packed lifestyle of Guardians. (Which is a very....cruel thought process to think about)

I acknowledge that there are Guardians who don't die often and even one who hasn't died at all, they live pretty distant lives as far as I know.

Some also argue that Guardians would prefer to not have children, since there is no record of a Human/Awoken/Exo child and the uncertainty of what the outcome may be. There's no guarantee if the child will be blessed by light or if they will be immortal or live long. They could just be born regularly and the toll of that personal connection would be heavy....

Yes, other races, such as the Fallen do have children and make it very well documented. It makes you wonder why big or important figures such as Zavala, Shaxx or Saladin wouldn't have children to grow a form of legacy considering how long they've lived right? You can also say this about other Guardians as well of course.

If Guardians were capable of having children, the concept of creating a bloodline and a form of legacy would be heavily and even well documented. (Cayde's broken Debt file I'm looking at you)

Even if they were civilians in the City, they would grow to be powerful noticeable elites or nobles, maybe even visiting the Tower occasionally but we don't hear from that. We have had multiple regular non-Guardians such as the Guard's around the tower, Amanda, Eva Levante and Hawethorn.

(if there's anything more I missed I would appreciate the feedback, thank you :))) )

#destiny 2 #destiny ghost #destiny titan #lord shaxx #destiny shaxx #d2 #destiny #destiny warlock #destiny hunter #shaxx #destiny the game #destiny 2 lightfall #destiny 2 spoilers #destiny guardians #destiny lore #destiny spoilers #destinythegame #the young wolf

[optiwashere]

How do you manage to write smut that's like, actually arousing? What's the secret?

Well, first of all thank you! I'm glad you enjoy it, I really am. Happy to hear from you here as well 💜

Also, I'll let you in on my secret — I can't stand almost anything I write after it's posted. I see nothing but the flaws, grammatical choices, and technical foibles. This extends triple, quadruple, to smut. So if you're feeling the same kinda way, that your writing feels somehow off, then just know you're not alone.

I could give some pointers, but I don't really know how much benefit anyone will get hearing these from me of all people. But in my opinion it's a lot of the non-smut aspects that highlight the smut and make it shine. So here ya go.

Keep it in-character. I'm not out here talking as an authority on anyone's characterization, nor am I saying I'm some master of it and there are plenty of people out there with differing opinions, so take this with a colossal mountain of salt. But you should focus on making the voices, internal thoughts, and prose in keeping with the POV character. This is something called "POV control" and it's a very useful skill. Be able to flow in and out of a character's POV as the need arises. How Shadowheart interacts with sex is very different from Karlach is different from Orin, for example.

Strong focus on dialogue. This is a sorta addendum to the first point. Characters shouldn't suddenly turn silent when they're having sex. That is, unless that's the point of the story! They should also be speaking in-character even (or especially) during sex. Also, "porn dialogue" is something that gets brought up a lot in writing, and I think we all know it when we read it. That being said, people in the real world do say things during sex that, out of context, are hilarious. So it's a balancing act.

Fitting descriptions. This is actually one of the more important ones! If a scene is very romantic and meant to be light and fluffy, maybe avoid words for genitals altogether and focus entirely on simple visual aesthetics (how moonlight plays on a body, to give an example). If it's meant to be rough and focused on bodies or the mechanics of the scene, ham it up on those words. This also isn't a binary. Things flow back and forth all the time.

Firm language. I don't mean, like, power dynamics "firm." I'm talking about a willingness to use the words that fit the descriptions and sticking to it. Some people despise certain words, but other people will find the alternatives hilarious and completely tone-breaking. Find the words you like and stick to them; consistency gives your voice strength.

Don't try to appease everybody. You just can't. You have to write what you personally enjoy reading/writing/doing/thinking about, and go with it. If you try to cater to everyone's whims with any of the above, you'll wind up with a beige platter of nothingness. That doesn't mean you can't explore other tones or flavors, but don't try to do too much in one story.

Focus on emotions. Emotions could mean anything from love to lust to anxiety to fear to uncertainty and so on and so forth. My strategy is to center a fic on a theme/emotion that resonates with the characters involved and then I explore the smut around that central point. Revisit the idea between the action. Show how the characters' feelings around the theme change or how they're reaffirmed.

#hey you can ask me things! #random rambling about writing #i just write a lot i'm not the queen of anything (re: an anon that I fear answering calling me the queen of shadowheart smut) #everyone's voice will be different #so just remember this is My Style and not a Universal Constant #that bit in the “keep it in-character” bullet point is not a call for comments on my characterization #it's just a note on what I've noticed and the people I've spoken to OUTSIDE OF this very curated space #a space that is obviously much more likely to enjoy my characterization #so I'm also not saying I don't appreciate folks' comments on the matter! I love hearing that y'all enjoy my characterizations 💜 #I had some more Tips 'n' Tricks but they wound up being personal quirks more than anything else tbh

[thephilosophersapprentice]

Having now read The Final Empire, I'm really impressed with it. It holds together really well as a whole and unlike some other books I've read I don't recall any parts that seemed particularly weaker than the others. It's a hefty book but it has the same quality throughout, and then when the climax hits... it's like a season-long final battle with twists and turns that keep you engaged through the whole thing.

At least the last 3 hours of the 24-hour audiobook were all final battle. Naturally that's not possible for an 8-hour audiobook (a lot of YA is I think around 8-12 hours in audiobook form, though I could be wrong), but holy moly. I think a reason the audiobook is that long is partly because Sanderson's style is dense. There's a lot of character in the writing and I appreciate that a lot. One of Sanderson's strengths, in my opinion, is that he has a talent for showing you what the viewpoint character sees and only that, leaving the reader to guess and work out what's going on in their heads along with the character. It's an excellent use of limited point of view that keeps the story moving forward and the uncertainty works well to keep the reader engaged.

Also it has a fantastic magic system. I know Brandon Sanderson basically (as far as I know) created the theory of hard vs. soft magic systems but this is a masterclass in balance; what allomancy can do, particularly physically, is limited but can be leveraged in dozens of ways, which helps maintain the sense of awe and wonder. I am a huge fan of magic systems with hard limits, but this has to be one of my favorite solidly fleshed-out systems, up there with bending in Avatar: The Last Airbender and alchemy in Fullmetal Alchemist. It also has one of the best introductions to a magic system; it introduces the hard limits first, makes the magic finite and dependent on a specific source, which can run out... and then later on you find out that there's more complexity to it. In my opinion, that's one of the best ways to do it; first show the core functions and tenets, and then gradually introduce the ways that the assumptions surrounding that system are wrong, or technically correct yet misleading... much like advanced science courses.

#mistborn #cosmere #brandon sanderson #the final empire #erin reads mistborn

[cat-dragoness]

Reading Castle in the Air out loud to my housemates (pt. 1/?):

(I was going to do one of these for Howl's Moving Castle but forgot and now I can't remember all of my thoughts. Oh well. The main thing I do remember is: If you're thinking of reading HMC out loud, do it.)

My housemates haven't read this book before. I have. This will be entertaining :)

Me: "Just to warn you, this story will start with a completely different cast than HMC had." The housemates: "But what happened to Howl?" Me: "… You'll find out." The housemates: *assorted noises of disappointment*

The flowery, "insults thinly veiled as compliments" manner of talking in that book is so much fun to read aloud. I'm probably making everyone sound more sarcastic than they're actually supposed to sound. But that's fine, because it's fun!

There is an assortment of sighing and groaning over Flower-in-the-Night. To be fair, I forgot how cheesy they kind of are.

I mean, they meet and immediately are in love. Or at least Abdullah is. It might take Flower-in-the-Night until the second night to fall in love (being slightly hung up on her uncertainty that Abdullah is a man at all). I'm not actually going to take issue with this, because I don't want to take issue with it, but it literally takes them twenty-four hours to decide to get married, only a couple of which they even spend together.

On that note though, the housemates found the whole "Flower-in-the-Night doesn't think Abdullah is a man" thing hilarious, which means I found it hilarious.

"But where's Howl?"

Aaaaand everything goes wrong and the housemates are loving it.

(This is about the point when Housemate #3 (who has been less involved in the reading shenanigans) walked in with zero context for any of what was going on, and started looking very concerned.)

Housemates are solidly convinced that Howl is the Ochinstan prince to whom Flower-in-the-Night is betrothed (because of the mention of "the princes of Ochinstan are very hard to pin down"), and I am dying. I'm also refusing to tell them anything about how correct they are (or aren't).

The housemates: "But wait, Howl's married already. [This was the only thing I did tell them, back when we started the book.] He must be lying; he doesn't actually want to marry Flower-in-the-Night." I am still dying.

Also we got to the part where Abdullah is challenging the Sultan to just kill him now (knowing that he won't), and that's where Housemate #2 (who has been a fan of HMC, both movie and book, for some years and is the more vocal about Howl's current absence) declared that she loves this book. I feel accomplished.

That is a great part of the book, though, which I had kind of forgotten about. Abdullah's not challenging Fate (yet), but he is setting the tone for that to come up later.

Abdullah: *realizes the carpet responds well to compliments*. Housemate #2: "He's talking to it like it's Calcifer!" Me: *hurriedly keeps reading before I can start snickering*

The genie: "[The soldier] appeals to me. He shines with dishonesty." The housemates: *gasp* "It's Howl!"

Some time later, while the genie is whining over something: "Maybe the genie is Howl?"

Honestly, they are extremely eager for someone to turn out to be Howl, and it's hilarious.

It's also even more funny for me, because there are so many hints about who everyone is, but also there's like five million side comments that just make you think of Howl. I haven't read this book in long enough that I forgot just how many there are.

Housemate #1: "Wait, the soldier doesn't have a name?"

Which is true, and I technically remembered that, and I want to come up with reasons why that could have tipped the reader off to the soldier being more than he seems, but it's not quite coming together right now.

Current running theory is that Midnight is actually Flower-in-the-Night, since Midnight is obviously more sentient than an average cat. I am refusing to confirm or deny anything.

#howl's moving castle #castle in the air #behold i exist #this literally just exists to entertain me

[mwolf0epsilon]

Pls pls pls tell us how do you think clones react to trauma PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

Full disclaimer, this is probably a lot of projection on my part in regards to coping with my own trauma and just seeing subtle things in media that helps me process a lot of thoughts I've had in regards to past negative experiences.

I am not an expert on trauma, and I am missing a lot of tcw lore because I haven't watched the full series, but I figure maybe I'm onto something on some aspects...

Anywho:

The clones are traumatized. That much is a given, considering their entire existence and undying loyalty is based on a set education/training/indoctrination regiment that's undoubtedly traumatizing.

They live and die for a government and people that don't really care for them (we've seen so many subtle and not so subtle instances of it, with the most recent additions to the roster being the clone veteran on Daiyo, and Riyo Chuchi fighting for the rights of the clones during the rise of the Empire) And the clones are essentially forced to understand and accept this wholeheartedly from an early age.

They have no basic rights, citizenship or even an actual home/lifestyle/traditions to return to once the war is done. Everything that is "theirs" is borrowed from someone else (Kamino, the Mandalorian ways they learned from their trainers, and what other bits and pieces they meshed together to to form into their own culture from the natborns they have limited contact with). Not even their lives, their bodies, are technically theirs. They are property in every sense of the word, and being forced to accept that so willingly and unquestioningly is not easy on the mind or heart. It could break a lesser being really...

But it's all they know. And that's one of the cores of certain types of trauma, and the basis of how you react to said trauma. Because is it really torment if you're born into it? If you don't know anything else? How do you want better if you don't know there IS better?

As someone who's been put through the grinder myself, I recognize reactions that are definitely born out of trauma. I'm most familiar with two very specific reactions that I do often write about: Silent complacency (which is a more passive defense mechanism in situations of stress) and outbursts of irrational anger (which is a more active defense mechanism in situations of stress). These are things I do on a daily basis that I can't help doing...

Most clones fall on the former over the latter, with just a few actually reacting in true anger when they are challenged in ways they can't really explain away, process, or deal with cleanly. Even so, silent complacency does have subcategories, so they way clones deal with their trauma is really up to which subcategory they fall into.

Rex for example, is complacent to a certain degree but not enough so that he isn't rebellious when things go sour. Even so he makes it his goal to try to fix things in the least disagreeable way possible (finding makeshift solutions to problems, trying to find the middle ground even if he doesn't entirely agree with how things are, generally trying to maintain the order of things by making himself useful in some way), even if it means sacrificing others's respect of him and risking going against his own moral compass (Krell, I'm talking about Krell here).

Echo is paradoxical in both being complacent to how things are (letting TBB do nothing for far too long, and sticking around in this sort of stupor of denial and uncertainty of how to proceed, because he honestly went through way too much and hasn't had much time to process), but also being rather obviously angry about how things currently are, and wanting to use that anger constructively (eventually leaving to fight for a cause he can believe in).

Dogma was truly complacent, submitting to the will of his superiors without question because he was taught that this was how you survive long enough to make a difference in war (I won't call it cowardice like I've seen some people do, Dogma was not a coward, far from it, but he was too blinded by his own dogmatic thinking and misplaced loyalty). He was a clear product of upbringing and trauma, and survived by the means that were provided for him since his very birth. The veil was only lifted when things got so bad that there was just no going back... And he still accepted it. He accepted his own death with open arms.

Slick was absolutely enraged by his and the others's unlucky lot in life because, for some inexplicable reason, he was able to see past everything he and the others were taught was their life's mission. Their unquestionable right. And it sucks that we don't know much about him besides what we got, so we don't really know what pushed him to rebel so furiously and so impulsively (endangering the lives of hundreds of clones and the Jedi WAS an irrational thing, but the reason behind it was not), but the fact of the matter is that Slick saw that there was something better than what he and his brothers got, and he was ultimately disgusted by how little their lives mattered in the grand scheme of things. Slick didn't want to die for the republic, didn't accept that he was going to die for the republic, and still died for the republic. There was no way around it. It NEVER mattered whether or not he fought against his set destiny.

There's others who react in different ways to their trauma as well.

We have Cody who's coping mechanism is a sort of nihilistic acceptance that clone lives don't matter in the grand scheme of things. Not 100% blind to the fact their entire existence is a bit of a sham, but also not 100% ready to accept they are now part of the problem until he stops to fully evaluate it. He can't fight the injustice so he accepts it for as long as he can manage. Even if it hurts to live with the fact there's no real better tomorrow for them, and that they're forced to make very difficult choices that are not morally correct. The best he can do is think there's a better tomorrow for the galaxy instead, that his service counts for at least those he serves and protects... He'll float along but never really want for more. At least not for himself.

We also have Wolffe, who eventually becomes so paranoid that he risked losing the one thing he still had: The respect of his brothers. He's lost everything and he's too scared to lose everything all over again, so he protects it tooth and nail without relenting. Protects others from themselves, because he's seen what's beyond the veil of lies and he's unwilling to have anyone else see the rot that has crushed his very soul. He's afraid and angry. Most of all, he's terribly tired of conflict that he'd rather run away from if it means his remaining family lives...

We have outliers like Gregor who have so many reasons to be resentful, but who instead take every given day like it's a blessing. Even if everything goes to hell tomorrow, he still smiles and jokes and deals with everything one step at a time. He is protective of others, that much is clear, and he can get a little lost in his impulsivity, but he doesn't let the trauma rule him or his emotions. Not entirely at least. He's got way too much on his plate to stop and think about existential horror and the injustice of a cruel apathetic galaxy.

We also have the entitled (TBB) who make their trauma everyone else's problem rather than deal with it like adults. Why be altruistic and mindful of your own faults when you can point the finger at your perceived enemies? They're traumatized just like every other clone, but they don't try to process it or even sympathize or empathize with others. They're even apathetic enough that they do many things that undermine one of their own (Echo). In their own eyes they have suffered more (false) and deserve to be regarded as more worthy of praise because they are different.

Just... The clones being traumatized from day one. Behaving based on their traumatization.

Instinctively striving for minimal forms of control through naming themselves, altering their appearance and the paint on their kits. Never really knowing that there's better in life than that which they all intimately know. Never even really getting to thrive because that was never in the cards. Not even when they had someone fighting for them...

There's so much to talk about...

And it might just me reaching hard and empathizing with characters that are undoubtedly tragic, but I just... I donno. I want things to end well for them. Even if I know that's not the conclusion they'll get.

#star wars #the clone wars #food for thought #of clones and trauma #milfcutlawquane #captain rex #arc trooper echo #clone trooper dogma #sergeant slick #commander cody #commander wolffe #clone commando gregor #the bad batch

[kierewrites]

What Would Karma Do... during your first assembly?

navi - masterlist

Karma Akabane x Reader

Mood Song: are we still friends?

Summary: Remember the beloved Assasination Classroom anime? This is pretty much that, except you enter the picture of Karma's chaotic school year. Let's see just how compatible the two of you are.

Warnings: None really this a pretty tame chapter, some floof of course

Once you accepted the fact that you would be placed in the lowest ranking class of your grade, you also accepted with a bit of relief that your classes would be much easier too.

Little did you know just a month ago that this would not be the case. Beyond the fact that you were actively training to kill your monster of a teacher, he also was teaching you all like his legitimate students. Even with such a large class, his speed alone allowed him to give attention to each and every one of you.

Technically it was a blessing, especially since you got more attention with the subjects you struggled on, but in reality it was exhausting. You typically left class stumbling out like a mindless zombie, your brain hurting from the learning overload and the constant stress of weapons being thrown around at your strange teacher.

Today was no different as you slugged out of the building with your classmates, not even realizing where you were leaving at midday or why. It wasn’t until one of your fellow students spoke up that you realized what was happening.

“Going from one monster to another,” Nakamura spoke with a huff as you all stood before the steep hill, “I hate assemblies.” 

Once you processed his words you tilted your head a bit in confusion. Before you could ask, Kayano seemed to notice your curious expression as she giggled to you.

"Every month we have to attend a school wide assembly that informs the classes on what events are going on and about mid finals."

Your head nodded in understanding, the assembly reminding you of what your old school used to do as well. Now your only concern was on why everyone seemed to dread it so much.

"That doesn't sound so bad, boring at most." You said while scratching the back of your head, "What's so bad about it?"

"T’ch yeah, it's not bad for the other classes." Terasaka growled, everyone seeming to share the same annoyed expression.

"The assembly for us is really every other class getting to gang up on Class E for fun," Maehara grumbled, Okajima letting out a pout as he glared down the hill, "Plus we have to walk through hell to get there and they only give us ten minutes!"

Your mouth was in an O shape at all of the complaints, not realizing how bad this event truly was, nor how much your classmates despised it.

"I know it's a bit of a drag but we need to make our way down. It’ll be best to arrive on time." Karasuma said sternly, everyone glowering at his comment before making their way down the hill.

Frowning at your classmates' solemn mood, you began to follow behind them until you felt a firm hand on your shoulder, causing you to stumble back a bit. Lifting your head up noticed Karma watching your class leave with a calm smile.

"You don't think we're actually going to that crap show, right?"

Blinking in surprise you turned around to fully look at him, "Skip assembly? Karma we would get in so much trouble, you're not serious right?"

Karma simply clicked his tongue, his golden eyes landing on your own with mild annoyance.

"Please, nobody really cares about that thing anyway. We both got the grades to skip it so why even bother."

Letting out a sigh you thought about it; very few people probably would notice your absence, especially being in the lowest class. And you did have pretty good grades, what could they possibly do? But then again, you knew your parents were hoping you would move up to the higher ranking classes. Would this ruin your chances?

The redhead seemed to notice your uncertainty, a sly smirk spreading across his face as he hugged you from behind and placed his chin on your shoulder, a warm blush spreading across your cheeks from the action.

"Plus if we skip we can have some alone time together.”

The feeling of his warm breath tickling your ear made you shiver, even in the harsh fall sun. You knew the devilish redhead was smart, pushing all the right buttons to make you want to stay, but the more your rational thoughts swarmed around your brain you just knew you couldn’t skip.

"Karma…" You whined, the sound making him smirk until you snaked out of his hold, “You just got back from a suspension, and I just got accepted into this school.”

Karma’s eyes narrowed into annoyed slits at your bullet proof resolve, his eyes already rolling as you continued.

“I don't want to taint my record, and you shouldn't taint your record any further,” You spoke with a stubborn glare of your own before snatching his hand, “So let’s go.”

Your sudden wave of defiance had Karma’s eyes widen a bit, forgetting that you were actively forcing him down the hill not too far behind your classmates. While part of him felt a surge of pride seeing you so determined, he also felt frustrated that you were bossing him around.

"Oh I'll taint that stupid little record, just you wait." Karma grumbled under his breath as he shoved his free hand in his pocket. You simply giggled, flashing him one of your stupid breath taking smiles as you dragged him along with your friends down the death trap of a hill.

Somehow, and you really weren't sure how, going down that hill was much worse than going up.

After nearly breaking your ankle five different times, your class finally made it to the official campus grounds, the building shining in all its glory.

"That... sincerely sucked." Okajima groaned, his body still covered in dirt and marks from the snakes that tried to attack him.

You were sprawled out on the concrete not too far away from him, your arm covering your eyes as you gasped for air.

"I ran t..track for... for three years..." You spoke in between drawn out pants, "And I've never been more exhausted... i..in my life."

The sound of Karma sneering caused you to temporarily move your arm and glare at him, to which you only received a smirk from him before you covered your face once more from the blinding sun.

"Well at least we're not late," Isogai said, he was one of the few people that wasn’t collapsed on the ground, "Hurry up people, we gotta get in line before they start!"

You along with your classmates groaned at the sound, some started to get up but you just physically couldn't. Honestly you probably would have laid there all night if it weren’t for the annoying shoe poking at your side.

"C'mon miss perfect record, it's assembly time," Karma hummed in a heavily sarcastic tone which earned his shoe a smack as you sat up with a groan.

You half expected him to be smirking at your pathetic whines, but when you moved your arm from your eyes you saw him genuinely smiling at you. As if he admired seeing you in such a state.

Lazily you lifted your hand into his own that he offered out to you, smacking your dry lips together as you looked into his smug golden eyes, “I think if I get up Karma… I’m going to pass out.”

Karma simply rolled his eyes at your theatrics, gripping tightly around your hand before yanking up causing you to fly up into the air with a yelp before crashing slightly into his chest. You still had no idea where his brutish strength came from.

“Your strength is as impressive as it is scary.” You whispered to him with amazed eyes, his smile growing into a grin as he chuckled down to you before leading you towards the back of your class’ line.

All seemed to be going fine until more students from the other levels began to file into the gym. Your classmates weren’t talking lightly when they said the other classes despised you, the amount of glares and whispers thrown in the direction of your class had you speechless.

A few girls in particular made sure to sneer in your direction, the sight making you tense up as you furrowed your brows. Karma took note of your sudden change in body language, his eyes following where you were staring. 

He immediately recognized the girls from his previous class, sure they were only sneering at you out of jealousy or self-consciousness. Regardless, your clenched fists showed you weren’t comfortable with it, resulting in Karma sending them a sharp glare causing them to quickly whip their heads away.

“They’re just a bunch of snobby assholes,” Karma muttered to you, your head whipping back not even realizing his eyes were on you until he moved you gently over to where he was standing so that you were closest to the gym walls rather than the rest of the students.

The gentle squeeze he left on your shoulder in the process made you smile softly, noticing how he avoided your gaze when his cheeks dusted a soft pink. Though he was still borderline sadistic, his softer side always shined through with you.

"Heyyy, Nagisa." A voice shouted, the sound catching most of your class' attention as you looked to see two males looking at your classmate, "Wow look at you guys, I'm surprised you made it! Must have been a heck of a trek rolling down the mountain."

As the two walked away in a fit of laughter you felt your fists clench at your side, your lips pinching together as your glare followed the two snobs away.

Karma could already see the gears in your head spinning as your face grew red, most likely from anger. As much as he loved to see you all flustered and fired up, he also knew whatever was going to haphazardly come out of your mouth wasn’t going to be good.

“Y/n.” Karma growled lowly, your frustrated eyes flicking to his own only to freeze in shock upon seeing his stern expression. You knew the anger wasn’t directed towards you, but you also knew it was a warning.

Letting out a sigh you nodded, folding your arms to yourself and deciding to glance out the windows of the gym before you got any angrier.

After a few words from a bunch of the school's authoritative figures, you felt yourself starting to get a bit more comfortable. At least the professors held themselves to higher standards.

That is, until the dean came out.

"I am proud to be your dean! But... don't get too comfortable," The dean spoke, his eyes falling on your class, "Let E Class remind us of the perils of that."

Soon the entire gym was in an uproar of laughter, it made you genuinely sick to your stomach. How could this possibly be allowed? No wonder your classmates were so uncomfortable around the other classes, no wonder those girls glared at you. It was nothing personal, it was just the status quo.

For the remaining time of the assembly the other classes pretty much found more ways to make fun of your class, until Korosensei showed up in his version of a disguise. You weren't complaining though, as he helped your class gain a bit more confidence and properly explained the schedules to your class unlike the actual leaders of your academy.

Though it all ended fairly well, you still couldn’t shake that terrible pit in your stomach.

"Korosensei really swooped in and saved us, huh?" Nagisa said as you and Karma followed him to the beverage machine, deciding to grab a quick drink before catching up with your classmates.

Walking in between the two boys you nodded your head in agreement, but your brows were furrowed in deep thought.

“I knew the E Class was looked down upon, but that was just sad,” You said with a frown as you clenched your fists, “And we can’t even retaliate, or we get in trouble!”

Nagisa and Karma seemed to be amused the more you got fired up, your sudden realization of the corrupt school not being anything new to them unfortunately.

“Told you we should’ve skipped, but somebody cared too much about their record.”

Karma’s smug tone had your eye twitch as you whipped your head to his already smirking face. Puffing your cheeks out in annoyance you pointed an accusing finger at him as he stuck his tongue out at you, “If you mention my record one more time Akabane…”

Nagisa simply listened to both of your bickering with a half-hearted smile, you two were made for each other in the most opposite way possible.

All he could really do is laugh and dare not to step in between you two as he placed his coins in the machine to get his drink. While cautiously listening in on your argument, he hadn’t even noticed the two boys that walked up to Nagisa until they called out his name, aggression evident in their tone.

"You proud of yourselves? Acting like you're having the time of your lives?" One boy spoke, you and Karma moving behind Nagisa with confused expressions, "You bums ever heard of respect? If I was in E Class I would keep my head down and mouth shut."

"Yeah and I sure as hell wouldn't have a reason to laugh!"

Your fists clenched at your side, you have had enough of the verbal abuse of these people. At this point they were just attacking you unprovoked.

Just as you were about to move forward and speak up, you felt Karma's hand hold your wrist in a vice grip. You quickly looked up to him in confusion but stopped when you saw a menacing snarl biting at his lips.

"Hey, watch it with that look. I'm warning ya."

Suddenly your tightened fists stiffened in Karma's grasp, realization washing over you.

Were these guys really about to attack Nagisa? You knew they were verbally abusive, but physically? Based on their words, you assumed they were all talk with no bite, but with the way they defensively stood you were nervous that wouldn’t be the case.

Karma felt your tense body loosen, relief washing over him until he felt you shift behind him, hand holding his side in a vice grip. He never really thought about the fact that you’ve probably never experienced a real fight before.

Though he didn’t know what your life was like prior to moving here, he could pick up enough from the first day that you were no skilled fighter. Maybe a bit stubborn, but your tongue did all the fighting.

The last thing the redhead wanted was for any attention to fall on you, but he also knew you needed to escape the situation somehow. Nudging Nagisa, the blue haired boy spared a quick glance to Karma, not wanting to look away from the two boys before them. Karma’s eyes pointed to your nervous form behind him, Nagisa nodding in understanding as he stepped forward to distract the two brutes.

You seemed oblivious to the interaction, which is exactly what Karma was going for. Turning towards you Karma held both your hands in his own before lifting your chin up to face him.

“Why don’t you go wait for us by the pillar over there angel face, we’ll handle this.”

Glancing into Karma’s eyes you looked for any hesitancy in them before attempting to spare another glance at the two brutes, worried with what the outcome of “handling it” could be.

Karma was quick to redirect your gaze to him so you didn’t accidentally make eye contact with the two boys, “We’ll handle it Y/n, now go.”

Biting your lip nervously you nodded your head, not sure whether to feel relieved or worried when he flashed you a genuine smile before turning back to his new little friends once he confirmed you were walking away.

That pit that you felt in your stomach earlier only grew as you shuffled into the shade of the pillar, your back leaning against it with a sigh as you forced yourself not to look in their direction again.

In some aspects you felt weak for not being able to stand up to a fight, but at the same time you knew it was most likely because you’ve never had to fight. Maybe it was just the privilege of the schools you had attended years prior, but bullying just seemed like something corny people would add to movies to make them exciting.

You rarely ever had to see your classmates bicker, let alone physically fight one another.

Regardless, you were clearly going to have to learn one way or another. It was still your first few weeks here and you were made painfully clear that your class was not welcomed. On top of that, part of your grades was to murder a large yellow creature. 

You just needed to suck it up, and start learning now.

Gritting your teeth you clenched your fists once again, the fire swarming back up in your chest ready to defend your friends no matter the cost until a large force stopped your path, your face slamming right into what felt like a wall.

Whipping your head up, your eyes widened when you saw the familiar violet eyes pierce into your own. Initially they were filled with disgust, but soon after they explored your face they softened into a look of curiosity.

“You’re Y/n L/n, am I correct?”

The sound of your name off his lips sent chills down your spine, your mind self destructing as you broke down the sight of him further in your head.

The boy had a sort of coralish orange hair with intense purple eyes. You weren't sure what about him creeped you out most: the fact that he looked strikingly like Karma, or the fact that you knew without question that this was the principal's son.

"Well?"

The sound of his impatient voice broke you from your deep thoughts, your flashes fluttering in embarrassment before you nodded quickly, a smile forcing itself along your lips.

“Yes, sorry! That’s me, I’m Y/n.” You spoke as smoothly as possible, your eyes giving him one last rundown before raising a brow, “Do I.. know you from somewhere?”

The boy slowly looked your body up and down, the unabashed way he checked you out made you want to hide behind the stone pillar. This guy seemed to be as blunt as they came, his aura reminding you of his father's unwelcoming personality.

"If it wasn't clear I'm the chairman's son, you may refer to me as Asano," The boy spoke calmly, he made an effort to bow before you before looking back to you with an unimpressed expression, "I heard about you from my father, you just transferred from out of the country, yes?”

Swallowing thickly you nodded your head, glancing back to see if your friends were still behind you and sure enough Karma was already looking back at you, his eyes in narrow slits as he seemed to be glaring at the boy before you.

"Yes I just moved a few weeks ago! I am starting to feel much more welcome around here though."

It wasn't long before Nagisa and Karma were at your side, the two boys who were bothering Nagisa immediately moved behind Asano, their faces bright red of what looked to be embarrassment. What did Karma and Nagisa say to them?

Asano acknowledged the two boys beside you, his violet eyes narrowing specifically to the redhead beside you before he glanced back down to your own figure.

"Well based on your previous and current academic achievements, perhaps I may see you in the A Class soon enough Miss Y/n," Asano spoke, your eyes widening at this. 

The A Class, so soon? Your parents would be ecstatic, sure, but were you ready for that? Honestly, the sound of it almost made you queasy. 

You couldn't ponder over the idea too much as you felt Karma's warm hand enlace with your own, your head whipping to his own only to see his golden eyes still intensely focused on Asano’s.

The orange haired boy seemed shocked by the sudden movement of Karma’s hand, but the moment he saw your fingers enlace back with his own his lips formed into a scowl.

"I look forward to seeing your performance for the midterms. Hopefully I will see a new seat added to my room after the holidays," Asano said, motioning his head for his friends to start moving towards the building, "I'm sure you're eager to get out of that dump of a classroom you're currently in."

Both you and Karma gripped each other's hands tighter at this, your teeth gritting slightly at his comment while you watched them saunter back into their castle of a building.

All you could do was stand there in shock. Who was this Asano guy? Why did he have such an effect on Karma, or let alone you? And how come you went from maybe moving up a level to the very top in just a few months? After seeing the other classes today, you wanted nothing to do with those other classes. Class E is where you belong, no questions asked. All you had to do was convince your parents that this would be best for you as well.

"So that's what assembly is like... wow." You spoke softly, breaking the silence as the three of you made your way back up the hill.

You weren't quite sure what had happened with those two boys but Nagisa and Karma didn't seem too bothered until Asano showed up, for now you figured you would question that in the future.

"Unfortunately, you get used to it after a while."

A small hum came from your lips, your hair whipping behind you in the fall breeze as you continued to trudge up the mountain.

More silence came amongst the three of you, the elephant in the room refusing to be addressed until Karma finally couldn't take it anymore. He hated when things ate at him, he would rather just let it out.

"Are you going to move to A Class?"

Pausing in your steps you glanced over to Karma, his eyes trained on the ground as his teeth seemed to be grit together.

"H..Huh?"

"I asked, are you going to move to A Class?" Karma hissed, his golden eyes flicking up to your own.

For the first time in the past few days you've been with Karma, you saw a new emotion in his eyes...

Jealousy.

You didn't know the boy was even capable of feeling jealous or insecure, but here he was being vulnerable because he couldn't hold in his own feelings.

But how could he help it? You were unlike anyone he had ever met.

You were cheeky and easy going, while also tenacious and determined. For some reason you weren't intimidated by his abrasive personality or many other people, but at the same time you had a certain innocence about you that he wanted to protect. The urge to claim you as his own and protect you at all costs had grown stronger and stronger in him recently, and after seeing Asano confront you today it had only confirmed his feelings for you.

"Honestly, no." You replied simply, both boys looking back to you with shocked expressions. Your response was so blunt and simple, especially on something that was so important, "Admittedly my plan was to move up, after all that's what my parent's goal was for me... but after spending time with this class and meeting all my new friends, and..."

Biting at your lip you felt a soft blush dust across your cheeks before looking up to Karma with a warm smile, "And meeting you..."

Karma's eyes widened at this before his expression softened, a smile reaching his lips as you played with your delicate fingers.

"There's no way I could leave you guys behind. I've already learned so much this year and I've only been here for a few weeks. I don't know how I'll convince my parents, but I know without question that I belong in Class E. Nothing will change that."

Nagisa smiled down to you, both boys sharing a proud smile. Before you could speak up again Karma had already swooped you into his arms, swinging you around gently which caused you to laugh softly before he lowered you back down and kept you in his embrace.

You inhaled his strong scent before letting out a relieved sigh, pulling away slightly before looking to Nagisa with a grin, "Besides, I would never want to be classified as one of those Grade A snobs. I have much cooler friends up here."

"We think you're pretty cool too, Y/n." Nagisa said with a smile, turning back to walk up the hill as you and Karma followed beside him, his arm around your shoulder and your arm around his torso.

"The coolest." Karma said softly, placing a soft kiss on your forehead which caused your face to swell with red, except this time you didn't feel embarrassed.

You felt like you were home.

next chapter

#karma akabane #karma #karma akabane x reader #karma x reader #karma akabane x you #karma x you #kunugigaoka #x reader #x you #E Class slander sorry ya'll #soft #sfw #long fic

[blazehedgehog]

Listen, I'm not sure where this needs to go, but... since opening it, my throne gifts page has been great, and I just wanted to say that... to everyone using it, thank you. Throne gives you a space to write this to specific people, but I wanted to say it publicly.

Things haven't been great for me lately. I've you've caught some of my streams you know some of it, but... I'm struggling to put out a video that was supposed to hit in November. But something else hit me in November that has put a lot of fear and uncertainty in me since then.

It's been a distraction that makes everything take longer. And soon, things are probably going to take even longer than that. Some of it is overdue, necessary growth. I'm behind the curve in some important places in life. I have my reasons for why I am the way I am, reasons I am coming to accept are valid, but it doesn't change the fact I'm still behind. And some of this is just going to suck. It's going to hurt. It's going to be scary. And it's going to be worse because of the former.

Things like this are not trivial to me. Things like this remind me it's not over, even when I'm slow and stressed and distracted and possibly making things worse for myself. I've been thinking about everything I've gotten since Throne opened -- Tears of the Kingdom, Sonic Superstars, Sonic Colors Ultimate, Super Mario Wonder, and now 97% of this. And now I wanted to do something with all of these. Technically I did -- I streamed all of them, but I wanted to do videos or even just text talking about what I liked about these games or something. But I remain slow and distracted.

And that goes for more than just these, too. Friends have also gifted me things like Wolfenstein: The New Order specifically because they wanted me to talk about it here. I got gifted Freedom Planet 2 on release and I made plans to stream it and even that got sidelined by something else and I haven't circled back around yet. And I mean, jeeze, I could write multiple pages of games I've wanted to stream last year and didn't.

I don't want anyone to think less of me. I know I'm not as fast as I should be, and that makes me feel bad, but I've also been coming to terms with the fact I may never be as fast as I want to be for certain reasons that may contribute to burnout in me more easily than others.

So I just want to say... I'm sorry, but also thank you. This kind of stuff has been a light for me to stay anchored to during a time where I both feel like I know exactly what I need to do but also incredibly lost on what's going to happen. It's just video games, but it's more than nothing.

I will always try to do my best.

#bad posts to queue at 3am #never trust your brain past 9pm #I'll be fine #it just kind of hit me a certain way tonight #feeling sentimental about this stuff since Christmas

[theflyindutchwoman]

The Road to Chenford - The realisation

The show has always been vague enough that we can all interpret differently when Tim and Lucy started realising their feelings were more than platonic. I wonder if we're going to have more insights on that regard now. In the meantime, let's speculate : what was the moment you think they had their "come to Jesus" moment?

Here's how I see things :

. Up until the end of season 3 - Friends (and TO/rookie).

When they met, they were under a very strict work imbalance of power (as hot it is in fanfiction, this is messy in real life). Any initial feelings of attraction there might have been, I'm pretty sure these were sublimated real quick. Not to mention that both were in relationships (dysfunctional but still there) and clearly not in that heads pace. Towards the end of season 1 and in season 2, we see them get closer. Tim let her set him up, something he would never have agreed before. They talk about their personal life in the shop. After Day of Death, the shift becomes stronger : they are less and less TO/rookie and more equals in the way Tim treats her (but not paper). It's obvious they care about the other very much. In 3.09, we have the infamous prank about feelings : between the way Lucy is easily able to crack up about it and the surprised and panicked face Tim makes, it's supposed to make us feel that if the feelings are there, they still don't realise it. Ironically Lucy is not wrong in her assessment, she just didn't fully get it yet. They are able to bounce back to being them real fast too, without much awkwardness. And then Angela's wedding happened (well technically it didn't but bear with me).

. Angela's wedding - The attraction Part

That's really the moment where it hits them both I think. The elevator eyes, the open flirting about the UC flirting, catching the other's eyes... While still being a superior officer, they are no longer in each other's direct chain of command. So it probably makes it easier to lower their guards. Tragedy strikes but we still see some remnants of this attraction at Tim's house. I honestly think Lucy was ready to risk it all, but I'm glad they got interrupted. Grief is hardly a good place to start something so important. Again, hot, but messy. I wish we didn't have the time jump, but I surmise Lucy was so adamant to become Tim's aide because it was safe. She had just lost her best friend, her life and job are full of uncertainties so being back to their old relationship was comforting. It's familiar, she knows how to navigate into this world.

And despite everything, their friendship really strengthens. Sure they date other people, but who do they confide in when it's tough or when in doubt? We even have Tim practically admit it after the double date : Lucy is comfort.

. The Practice Kiss - And so it begins...

I think Lucy has her moment slightly before actually. When she realises that Tim could get married, her heartbroken face spoke volume. I think it's really the moment where it hits her that there's something more and that she could lose him. Up until now, there was no real reason to worry : they always came up first. If he gets married, things might change. But it took the kiss for Tim to catch up. Poor boy got his brain broken so many nights that time, it's no wonder it stopped working. Also, Lucy's hopeful, then disappointed face when she thought Tim was going to talk about that kiss, makes me feel she is on the same page, they just don't know it yet. Something that was so comfortable becomes uncertain and that's scary.

There's a small detail that I think illustrate this perspective : the parking lot. Up until 4.22, all the major Chenford moments that took place in the parking lot, they happened underground. As a  way to suggest that the feelings are there, we can see them on their face, but they're buried underneath. But after the kiss, after they got their reality check, the location switch to outside… In plain view. Even the conversation they have about giving their relationship a chance to blossom happens nearby (the parking lot is just a bit further on the side if my geography is not fully messed up).

After that, they are both aware, but Lucy lets her fears win temporarily (and with the Rosalind's shadow looming over her, it's not too hard to sympathise). And yet, both still took a step forward in the apartment but Rosalind was not having it.

So why didn't they break up with Ashley and Chris? For Lucy, it's easy to answer : she's feeling guilty and decides to make amends by punishing herself. But her heart is not in it. For Tim, I think it's all about the safety : why break things up if nothing is going to change? He's craving for a family (not necessarily the children, he almost seems to have given up on that). If Lucy is not interested, why not stay with Ashley. Is it fair? No. But I'm sure many of us have been there.

#The rookie #Chenford #Lucy Chen #Tim Bradford #It's a love story baby #I love their relationship so much #Little notes on a piece of paper #Character Study #Meta Analysis

[feralmoonlight]

hey hi hello i just found out abt the samuri au and U HAVE MY ATTENTION

OK SO RIGHT OFF I'm gonna throw down a few inspiration sources that have my brain absolutely rabid for this samurai/ronin/old japan AU, with the front-runners being a loose Prince And The Pauper (YN is swapped and used as a decoy body double for an actual 'person of importance'), and the aesthetic styling of but not limited to Samurai Champloo, Blade of the Immortal (manga specifically but also the anime), Rurouni Kenshin, Natsume Yuujincho (for spirit-y things), Inuyasha(also for spirit-y things), Princess Mononoke, and Mononoke(Not to be confused with Princess Mononoke), AS WELL AS a big handful of other shows that I have seen over the years and could not for the life of me drag the names out of my subconscious to site. Mix all that shit up into a blender and you're in the right wheelhouse of vibes for this AU. I am letting my little weeb/romanticized japan fan run wild with this in my head. HARD FACTS SO FAR: Sun, Moon, and Eclipse are 3 separate beings. They are also all three non-human/spirit/demon creatures. They themselves don't differentiate between 'good and bad' spirits per say, as it's usually humans that place labels like that on what is GOOD and what is BAD based on human morality. They are usually seen as 'good' protector beings however. Sun and Moon aren't technically linked to each other in the traditional DCA way. They existed separate from each other before meeting, but their personalities/energies compliment each other so well they formed their bond and began to travel together of their own choice and have been companion spirits for ages. NOW they are linked together, but can exist without each other if the need arises. They'd just be sad about it. Eclipse is an example of two spirits merging (stares at Sun and Moon with intent, but uncertainty. You can see where this is going maybe. I can see where this is going maybe. I don't know where this is going yet but there are IDEAS). I don't know if they merged willingly, by force, one took over the other, or if it was out of mutual necessity. But there are technically two beings sharing one mind. Half of him is very calm and stoic, detached(seemingly) from his emotions, but also incredibly calculated. This half only talks when necessary, moves when necessary, and tends to observe the goings-on around him instead of intervening. The OTHER half of Eclipse is wild and playful, a mischievous trickster that likes to keep his 'companion of the moment' off guard with verbal and physical pokes and prods, holding the upper hand and either forcing them to rely on him for stability/support (again, physical or emotional) or without letting them gather ground for stable footing. He likes to stir the pot and rarely lets a few moments of silence go by without striking up new conversation and rambling on wherever his thoughts may take him, whether or not said thoughts are true or not.

All three of these beings are highly skilled swordsmen (obviously) and can usually 1v1 a human without much thought. A good benchmark for a light challenge would be a 3v1, 5v1 getting a little sketchier, and anything more than 6-7 generally skilled opponents leaving them at a slight disadvantage. However, Sun and Moon are rarely apart, and Eclipse has a few 'secrets' up his sleeve that can still tip these numbers in his favor. DEMON POWERS TBD so far. If anything much more interesting than longer life, generally stronger/more durable than humans/spiritual connection stuff. MORE IN A PART 2 cause it wont let me send it as long as it was

#Samurai AU #Sun #Moon #Eclipse #YN #Feral rambles