#there’s progress and I’m not praying to keep you in my life or anything if you’re still worried about that

[celabi]

okay thinking about genderwapped scummy scara dynamics - because normal scara can't really get away with a lot but with girl scummy scara she can get a bit more leniancy that her male counterpart can't. scummy scara who's a lot more unhinged since she can't stand at you looking at other women and their bodies since she feels so insecure that she's flat and you're this hot hunk who probably has a sleeper build so she tries to dress sluttier to appeal to you. she's already braving the cold to wear a miniskirt and a thong that digs into her cunt too much to the point she can feel herself getting wet whenever she can smell you and she may have a small chest but she foregoes wearing a bra so she can try rubbing herself on you (she hopes she makes you feel good <//3). but scummy scara who's foaming at the mouth when you take off your jacket (omg, your arms are so large your hugs must feel so warm! you could easily pin her down~) since you're concerned she might be cold, and being the gentleman that you are you take her home and give her a brief peck on her lips because she's been so cute staring at you at the start of the semester. thinking about mc becoming braver as the relationship progresses so you spit in her mouth, smirking as she swallows it as she's shaking horny af, fingerfuck her in between breaks while she's holding unto you for dear life as she squirts for the nth time, cup her thigh reassuringly during classes, treat her to all the dates and gifts she wants but not before cheekily asking for a kiss back as payment, and the student population is so jealous at the fact this loner somehow managed to bag one of the secret hotties of the school.

OH MY GOD 😫😫😫 fem scummy scara is sooooo goodness me.

I wanna be a 6’4 collage boy with a short scummy gf who loves me more then she should ☹️ scummy gf scara who sits on your lap while you play video games and whines into your ear, begging to be touched whenever you don’t pay her attention for a little while. She’s like “baby, I know you wanna beat this level but please play with me instead…” she says, and lifts up her skirt, showing how her cunt is already starting rubbing against your bulge.

Scummy gf scara who packs you lunches everyday, and hands them to you the moment she sees you. Literally bouncing in her seat and praying that the lecture ends faster so lunch time can start, and practically pulls you to the cafeteria and waits for you to start eating. Why? Uhh, cause she somehow mixed in her y’know, special sauce. So with each bite you take, you’re basically eating her out in a way. She’s delusional af but it’s okay cause she’s hot.

Scummy gf scara who literally tries to ride your thigh at any given chance. In the library and studying for up coming exams? She’s pulling your chair back and taking her rightful place on your lap, humping her hips back and forth onto your leg and mewling into your ear— and even though you should be silent in a library, she’s anything but, and proudly lets her noises be heard by not just you, but everyone around.

Scummy gf scara who somehow managed to bag the hottest boy in campus while being known as the most weirdest girl out there. They’re so jealous that she stole your heart, while they can only watch from the sidelines as she happily feeds you in the cafeteria, rests her small hand on your large biceps and squeeze, and put her fingers in your mouth so you can suck off the melting ice cream that dripped down her hand. Just stuff that they should be doing, not her 😒

She’s a pick me tbh, like “oh my hands are so small… and yours are so big!” “I’m so short compared to you… you’ll keep me safe then, right?”

#anon #🍃 — on her bullshit ☆彡 #scummy scara :(

[upsidedog]

max mayfield is 7 years old, like kelly green and annie johnson, who are her best friends. she isn’t their’s, she knows this. like she knows kelly will live in a mansion, become a princess and drive a lamborghini with her twelve kids and husband, tom simon, her seat partner. kelly’s happy, obviously, she cheated, she always cheats at m.a.s.h, but max is happy for kelly anyway, she tells her. max is marrying annie’s dad, the other girls gag at the idea, she makes a joke about marrying rich “like grandma said my mom should’ve!” max laughs too loud, no response from the girls. “i’m glad she didn’t though cuz i love my dad…” she specifies. this embarrassment doesn’t stop her from squealing at her own barf joke later on, she repeats it in case kelly and ann didn’t hear. “she’s so annoying, do we have to keep hanging out with her? your guy’s moms aren’t even friends anymore.” kelly pleads after recess, max knows they know she can hear them.

max mayfield is 9 years old, she and billy hargrove recently became siblings, legally at least, billy would not call them that, max doesn’t care. and not in the way that she’s feigning chillness to seem on top of things, but in the way that she knows if she plays her cards right she can prove herself as someone worth calling a sister. “that jacket makes you look like a dyke.” billy says, he and his friends pool into the backyard. a month ago she’d ask if she could play with them, but she’s smarter now, she’s no longer a pussy, she’s a dyke, its change, it’s progress, she can work with it. “yeah, even more than usual.” one of the friends adds, everybody laughs. max remains focused on tightening the bolts of her skateboard and uses her free hand to flip the boys off. mentally she prays this is what playful sibling fighting looks like and not an action that will get her deck ripped away from her and broken against the concrete. it’s fine, the boys mock and jeer but don’t say anything she hasn’t heard before. another friend asks if she rides her skateboard or just pretends to be it’s mom. this is in reference to the time she convinced herself the boys were interested in knowing her and earnestly spoke about the mechanics of her skateboard, being too passionate, speaking too much, smiling too wide. all things she has since learned the right amount of is none. “i don’t know.” she gets up. “do you have a life or are you such a dweeb the only time you feel the need to get off your ass is to annoy a little girl with real hobbies?” when she walks off she hears the other boys gang up on him, he’s the new fool, all the other boys were just guilty of the same thing, but whatever. she thinks maybe if she maintains this for a little longer they can return back to the sibling conversation. they don’t even have to call it that, they could just do the part where they’re nice to each other sometimes.

max mayfield is 11 years old. jenny chen is a teenager, fifteen, from san francisco, short black hair, dresses like she’s on the cover of thrasher, first girl max has ever seen at the skate park who isn’t just there to watch. max wants to be her friend so bad it makes her stomach turn. until it happens. “i never see other girls who skate! it’s so cool to meet you, i’m jenny!” max knows. she ignores jenny’s invitation to fist bump. “do you really skate? or are you just someone’s girlfriend?” max knows the answer to the question, but she also knows the ending to this story. jenny pulls her hand back like max hit it. “yeah i skate, but i’m sure the boys here wish.” her laugh is refreshing, max didn’t know that was a thing laughs could be, it was so cool and light and confident, like it reset something in her. max wonders how someone can be so cool without any hit of cruelty, when max tells jenny she has to do a trick to prove it she shrugs and agrees like it wasn’t something said with the intention of upsetting her. jenny does an ollie off on the half pipe and asks if she can see any of max’s tricks. it makes max more upset that there’s no malice in this request, the audacity to show genuine interest in her. max is usually too mean but to jenny she cannot be mean enough. and typically she cannot do an ollie off a half pipe. today is no different. she falls and wakes up in the hospital. billy hands her flowers, rolls his eyes, then goes to wait in the car. max’s mom lets jenny apologize. it’s a real genuine apology, even though she has nothing to be sorry for it still feels good and different. max tells jenny to leave and never sees her at the park again.

max mayfield is 13 years old, she wonders if the group of boys yelling over dig dug are too. her initial annoyance with their hogging of her favorite game has melted into an admiration.. that’s too bold, curiosity, maybe. there’s arguments every other minute but between those there’s “oh wait! oh shit! lucas you genius! you genius!” whoever’s praising “lucas” gets so excited his friend progressed in the game the other boys have to pull him away. when the little one says he can’t see, no one mocks his size, instead the group instinctively makes room for their friend. and they’re all being too loud, too passionate, definitely taking the game too seriously. max wonders what it would be like to have something like that. she wonders how long they have all been friends for. do you have one chance for something like their’s as a child and then never again? has she missed her opportunity? could she even exist in an environment like that or would her cruelness be so sharp it’d cut through any moments tenderness? if she just walked up and asked to join what they’d say? answers for another day. maybe never. probably never.

max mayfield is 15 years old and mike wheeler’s basement is her favorite place in the whole wide world. which is why it’s the ideal location for her birthday party. sure billy is dead and el and will are moving next week, but ignore that, because yes will and el are moving away which is sad because they’re two of her best friends, but they’re two of her best friends, and she’s there’s. el is sitting on the floor with max making stupid jokes and max is clutching a pillow to her stomach, laughing like she’s alone, too much, too loud, dustin joins in and is even worse, she loves it. lucas interrupts, nudging her back with his foot. “this is the part you like.” he mouths, big, stupid, earnest, adorable smile on his face, so proud to remember. she’s proud of him too, swooned might be the better word, if she’s being honest. she likes him so much she wants to shrink herself into something small and accessible for him, but the worst part is that isn’t even what he wants from her. as much as max is trained to see the worst in others, lucas is real and warm and never says anything he doesn’t mean and he says he likes her. “thanks.” is all she can get out, trying not unravel from the affection. her last straw is mike and will marching down the basement stairs singing happy birthday. she’s clenching her teeth, mentally “don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry”-ing. she’s crying. it didn’t work, she’s crying. they���re doing this nice thing and she’s going to ruin the moment because she’s crying, they’re the best friends she’s ever had and she’s crying, they’re the only friends she’s ever had and she’s crying and they’re hugging her and laughing and she’s laughing and oh god, it’s good, she’s crying because she’s loved.

#stranger things #max mayfield #lumax #elmax #madwheeler #madcleric #idk any of the other pairing names (the 1s u’d think are platonic r platonic btw) #byler #<- idgaf them bringing that cake down the stairs was romantic #sorry for the longness and the me clearly not being a writerness i need a way to write fanfiction without writing fanfiction #tw d slur #cw d slur

[remnantsofthepast-if]

A story influenced by the Guanche culture where you will navigate a fantasy world and face the destiny that the gods have chosen for you and your loved ones.

But what’s so special about your soul? I guess we will find out soon enough, won’t we?

Synopsis

It’s already been three years since demons began to ravage the world, leaving broken families and shattered dreams in their wake. People pray to the gods and beg for help, but they remain silent and ignore all prayers.

However, when fate causes the beasts of hell to knock on the doors of the humble town where you live, you discover that the gods have a plan, and that plan includes you. What would you be willing to give in exchange for ending the cycle of corruption and regain peace?

One life for another. Your soul for theirs.

Warning

This is a +18 story and it contains violence, blood, swearing, optional sex scenes, and deals with serious topics such as depression, death and drug abuse.

If you are sensitive to any of these topics, please proceed with caution.

Features

Customise the main character. Choose their gender, appearance, personality, combat style and occupation.

Build and maintain strong friendships with your companions.

Choose one of the four romance options available and experiment their story intertwined with the main plot.

An extensive codex where all the important information about the story, characters, places and crucial objects will be kept, and it will be updated as you progress in the plot.

Important choices that will shape the destiny of each world and lead to different endings.

Love Interests

Remnants Of The Past includes four romantic options. Learn more about the ones who are going to be by your side here:

Leire/Luca, the guard

Ada/Omar, the doctor

Albert/Lavina, the builder

Rayco/Gara, the tavern keeper

Things you should know

This is a WIP. The story is very long and what I am sharing is only the first draft. With time I could edit chapters that I have already published, changing some scenes or deleting them completely if I think it’s the best.

The language is in English, however, it is NOT my mother tongue and there will be grammatical errors. I would really appreciate if you let me know filling a bug report form so I can fix it. Link at the end of the post.

I'm a VERY slow writer, and I currently don’t have a schedule for updates, but there should be a new chapter every few months. However, keep in mind that I am only one person, and therefore, the time between updates can vary greatly depending on the length of the chapter and personal problems I may have in real life.

Support

Want to support this project? Visit Remnants Of The Past's Patreon page and consider becoming a patron! You will have access to exclusive content, art, and community posts. Depending on the tier you choose, the rewards may include:

Work-in-progress previews

Sneak peaks of future chapters

Characters Q&A

Unseen scenes

Fun short extra scenes with characters

HD illustrations

And more!

Contact

If you want to contact me you can do it in the following ways:    

Tumblr (@remnantsofthepast-if)

E-mail: ddomakir[at]gmail[dot]com

Play the demo

You can play the demo HERE

---

Current Word Count: 445k+

If you want to submit a report you can do it clicking here.

Feel free to ask me anything!

#remnants of the past #interactive fiction #text based game

[skylarmoon71]

Harry Wells (Flash) - Earth 2 - Chapter 16

~Two Months Ago~

“What was I doing?”

With your phone on your lap, you couldn’t seem to figure it out. There was a file open, but you didn’t think much of it. Shrugging, you closed the app, sifting through your messages. 

“I’m sorry that you had to suffer this much.” 

The female voice made you dart right out of your seat. 

“W-WHAT THE HELL! WHO ARE YOU?!!” 

The redhead standing in your living room was not someone you recognized. 

At least you didn’t think you did. 

But her face was…her face, it's familiar. 

Your once defensive stance changes. 

“Why do I feel like..I know you..” 

The smile this woman wore only provided warmth.

“Usually, my life force has been the biggest aid for Barry. I’ve always done what was possible to protect him. But you traded much more than external power. You willingly offered up your humanity, then stripped yourself of a power that was given to you, all to keep them safe.” 

Her words are making little sense. 

“She looks just like Nora. My mother. The speed force is unlike anything I’ve ever imagined. “ 

The memory of Barry’s words hit you, and you stagger back at the rush of it. You try to steady yourself against the side of the couch. 

“The speedforce. You’re the speedforce.” 

She nods, a sad smile on her lips.

“The process is progressing much faster than expected. You’re already beginning to forget about your friends. About Barry.” 

You wish you could deny it, but you’ve been feeling off since you woke up in the lab with Harry. 

“What’s happening to me..” 

You’re scared. It feels like you’re losing your mind. Nora moves to your side 

“There’s nothing for you to worry about. Everything will be okay.” 

~Present~

Harry hasn’t taken an even breath. He’s still rooted in his spot. Because his biggest fear is that if he blinks, then he’ll wake up. He’ll go right back to that moment. 

It’s painful just to think about. The only thing he can do is pray. 

Hope. 

Plead. 

That this isn’t some figment of his imagination. 

“I’m sorry about everything.” 

He’s close to tears. He shakes his head, because you have nothing to apologize for. He’s the one to blame for all of it. The breath he’s been holding releases and you run right into his arms. 

“I’m here, right here. I’m not going anywhere.” 

His hold tightens at your whispers. 

He believes it. 

Every word.

#harry wells #flash #memories #past #future #family #care #love #harryxreader #harrisonwells #feelings #trust

[rianafying]

this is not necessarily a happy journal entry but

i’ve had a lot of happy moments lately. and relief. also chaos but that’s nothing unusual, the happiness is. noticed something that made me upset just now. also opened bumble god knows why. i know fully well i don’t want to date, and yet, i opened bumble. it’s not like i have time to kill. in fact, i have no time. there’s so much stuff i’m meant to be doing. i just added a whole bunch of stuff to my master to do list. here comes the hyperventilation. i prayed the other day. i felt so bad that i prayed. can yall imagine how much anxiety it takes to get to a point where i genuinely broke down enough to beg god for help? but it means something. it means i have hope. it means i want things to get better. it means i feel it’s worth it. this is a start contrast to my indifference and disinterest in living last year. things are different now. i am different. nothing changes. everything changes. it feels like a cycle but also there’s something new about it. everytime i regain my will to life. you can’t force these things. it has a mind of its own. also going back to bumble, it’s such a waste of time for me and also it makes me feel a few things: 1) like dating is so strange, i don’t have it in me to do the whole ritual, it’s not organic, it feels forced, and superficial, it’s not for me, not for who i am right now. 2) it makes me think about aspects of myself that i have struggled a lot to make peace with, such as my appearance, my personality etc through the lens of others, like why would i ever subject myself to such torment, when i know i hate being perceived 3) i am too impatient and disinterested to send the first message or to wait for a response and then to carry on a conversation. there’s more points but ill just keep rambling for eternity. why am i even saying all this, why am i thinking so much about it, clearly this has struck something in me, since i feel so strongly about it and am desperately trying to make sense of it. the thing is. i like who i am. i like how things are going. that is not something i can say like ever. but can now. and i’m doing fine. and i do have the time. to be silly. to waste some. i don’t actually have to do the things, i just want to do them. and a break is never long enough to do everything i ever wanted to do. instead i’ll focus on the progress i’ve made, which is anything but little. i should be and i am extremely proud of myself. oh funny thing happened the other day, i accidentally splashed boiling water onto my face and chest when trying to break a bone in my stockpot. and i gave myself a pretty nasty burn that covers more than half my face. the left side. my left. your right. the side with the mole. anyway, so i dealt with it, i’ve been told to avoid exposing my face to the sun or heat in general. so ive been eating a lot of cold foods. and coincidentally watching that episode on gilmore girls where the dragonfly inn catches fire, and sookie can’t use the stoves until the insurance company pays for the contractor to fix them and she lists cold foods, all types of salads and carpaccios. i don’t eat raw meat/fish and i’m over my salad craze. i’m craving a hot roast chicken sandwich with cold tomatoes and zesty mayo on toasted brioche buns. the way i make it. i’m rlly hungry. and there is this lingering melancholy that just grows if i don’t address it every now and then.

for someone who is absolutely terrible at writing, i sure do write a lot. and this is technically writing. right?

even though things are better, i’m not yet okay. my mind still spins too fast. nothing sticks. i’m in distress because my friends are distress. how can we actually be happy if the ones we love are not. so many people so many attachments. it’s been a while since i’ve even had the mental capacity to care for others. i’m hungry as fuck. something is off, something feels bad. is it my hunger. is it my messed up sleep schedule. is it my perpetually cluttered room. is it the pressure of expectations. is it my godawful health, mental or physical. is it eternal.

i can’t fix everything. i can’t fix anything really. i can’t fix things at a rate fast enough to keep up with the pace of destruction. in this life there is too much to fight against. but also too much to fight for. at least i can take solace in the fact that it ends. which is not so much a fact to me as it is a hope. god forbid the heavens exist. i couldn’t take another minute of being, after i have been so relentlessly my whole life. i’m hungry. i’m scared. i’m hopeful. i’m apprehensive. always anticipating danger but never quite ready for it. nothing is ever right enough. except when i find a bit of poetry that changes the fabric of my being. maybe i just need to be receptive in case some poetry finds its way to little old me.

#personal #journal entry

[chimggukchim]

UNHINGED AND SNOWBALLING

I’ve been in this fandom since early 2017 (5 ½ years). That’s way shorter than a lot of ARMYs but it’s also way longer as well. So I think I’ve consumed enough content in real time to have the opinion I’m about to share.

Taekookers are increasingly becoming louder and more unhinged by the passing day in this fandom.

And THAT is a truly frightening thing.

Let me explain…

At the beginning of my ARMYdom, I knew nothing of shippers and shipping except for what ships were in the fictional world. I never imagined anyone ever ‘shipped’ real people (for fun or otherwise).

So colour me confused when a Jikook video popped up on my YT page. Anyway, after trying to avoid anything and everything related to shipping where BTS members were concerned, I eventually watched a VLive where Jeon Jungkook made me finally question the nature of his relationship with Park Jimin. And I essentially went down that Jikook Rabbit/Chicky hole.

For a good length of time, I read/heard/saw nothing about Taekook as a romantic pair.

Namjin? Umm…yeah. Sope? Obviously. Taekook? Negative.

Hell, I had never even seen any content which remotely looked like Taekook were anything other than those BFF’s who are inseparable and are a collective menace to those around them.

Until I did. I can’t remember exactly but I’m guessing it might have been the G.C.F. in Osaka. Some ‘fans’ were suddenly loud about Tae and JK. But they were definitely in the minority.

That was in 2018.

And over the years, the Taekook loudness, from my experience, has gone through these phases:

Ø  Hoping for content

Ø  Celebrating content

Ø  Overanalysing content (that really was mostly non-content)

Ø  Subtly throwing barbs about Jimin

Ø  Blatantly throwing barbs about Jimin

Ø  Calling Jikook complete fan service

Ø  Dubbing Bang PD the greatest fanfic writer

Ø  BigHit is keeping Taekook apart and the boys are miserable.

Ø  Jimin is a borderline molester who always makes Jungkook uncomfortable (save JK!)

Ø  Taekook have had it and are now rebelling against the evil machine and giving hidden content in plain sight.

Ø  Oh, but wait! Their relationship is only for them so they keep their moments private.

Ø  Jimin the homewrecker and sl*t is keeping Taekook apart. He and Bang PD are forcing JK to do fan-service cuz it pays the bills.

Ø  Completely, 100% making stuff up about dates with absolutely NO proof but being loud about it so everyone believes.

Ø  Oh, someone showed Jikook some love so let’s harass them until they either go private, delete or deactivate.

Ø  Jimin is the scum of the Earth – Taekook REAL – Jikook FANSERVICE

Ø  I HATE JIMIN – TAEKOOK IS REAL – JIKOOK IS FANSERVICE

Ø  JIMIN IS A ****** - SUPPORT TAEKOOK OR ELSE – FANNNSERRVICCEE (enter trucks/e-mails) – F*CK YOU, DELETE!!!

 Needless to say, their presence on social media (and in real life, I will never forget that b!tch at the airport with that damn sign where the boys could see!) has only gotten louder and more disturbing as the years have progressed.

And I have seen it.

And this is worrying to me because if this behaviour continues to go unchecked by this fandom, I can only see it escalating.

And eventually meandering into actual dangerous territory – the frightening part.

Because with the way they’ve been moving lately, I am truly terrified that there is a very real possibility that these psychopaths could have intentions of physically harming Jimin and/or Jungkook. Because they see our mochi as an obstacle.

And if ONE was brave (and f#%%ing STUPID) enough to physically show up with a sign to the airport, what’s stopping some truly disturbed psycho from physically approaching Jimin in some form or fashion?

So here I am praying for the boys’ safety and hoping it never comes to this.

…But the thought is sobering and chilling.

#jikook #jimin #jungkook #bts #bangtan sonyeondan #bangtan boys #toxic shippers #Kookmin #mingguk #minkook

[jadeile-writes]

Fanfic Progress Update 151

HEY PEOPLE I'M BACK, WOO! Good news: lots of fics in the horizon. Bad news: they're neither Zelda nor Hazbin. Sorry :D Hope you liked the Sonic the Hedgehog movies, and Agent Stone/Doctor Robotnik ship in particular, because that's what's on the menu for the next while.

I'll be resuming my writing hour and Saturday updates, I'm just doing this one right now so that I can add a link to this blog in the fic I'm about to post very soon and it won't look super awkward.

Current WIPs:

Keep the Cuddles Platonic -challenge

Fandom: Sonic the Hedgehog, movieverse

Summary: Doctor Robotnik is simultaneously touch averse and touch starved, which results in a plan to "get the touching needs over with" in the most efficient way he could think of: cuddles overnight, when he wouldn't be doing anything useful anyway. Agent Stone was not privy to the plan until they arrived at their hotel room for their business trip.

Progress: First chapter is finished and will be posted within an hour from posting this, I'm just giving it a quick last minute proofread. Second chapter is finished, will be posted next Thursday - there will be a sneak-peek in the next progress update. Third - and last - chapter not started yet, but I will have two weeks to write it, so worry not.

—–

I'm Signing in the Drain

Fandom: Sonic the Hedgehog, movieverse

Summary (temporary): Not many people know this, but Doctor Robotnik is actually deaf and uses hearing aids to make up for it. Agent Stone does not know this, he just kind of assumes he's told to learn sign language upon being assigned for some other, mysterious reasons, and not as a "just in case" measure.

Progress: This fic will have three chapters (maybe four if the fic decides to unexpectedly go wild). The second chapter is almost done, despite the first one not being written yet. I'm actually not sure if this fic will end up being Stobotnik aside from Stone being Big Gay as usual. We'll see what the third chapter will bring once I get there (tho I'll be writing the first chapter first, lol.)

—–

SBLF (workname)

Fandom: Sonic the Hedgehog, movieverse

Summary (temporary):

Wanted: a yesman who is capable of operating an espresso machine, has at least a higher IQ than your average amoeba, and is willing to put work before having a personal life, or indeed a life, period. The extra in your pathetic paycheck is good, but the strain in your psyche will make up for the positives. Forfeit your basic human rights and apply today if this sounds like you. 

Maybe it said something about Agent Stone - and probably not good things - that the poster in the cafeteria's pin board piqued his interest more than any of his official assignments had for a good long while. 

Dr. Robotnik, huh?

Progress: Listen. This one will be a massive longfic. Not Adventure Gone Mini massive (I pray), but at least as long as Afterlife. So like, probably around 20 chapters. It's a bit hard to estimate at this point, so the number is subject to change. My writing hours will be devoted to this fic.

Now for the actual progress. I have the first two chapters written (first is a prologue, so about half the length) and the third one is halfway done. I also have two halfway written chapters that don't yet know their exact placement within the fic (somewhere in the early middle, but like, are they chapters 5 and 6 or 7 and 8, nobody knows). I also have a rough map of the doctor's lab drawn, because I need to keep track of their movements. Send help.

—–  

Other WIPs I’m not currently working on but intend to get back to Someday™:

PoE Drabbles (Pillars of Eternity)

DC Drabbles (Justice League)

Diaphanous Relations (Forgotten Realms, R.A. Salvatore’s books)

Rolling with it (Zelda: BotW)

Hah, our afterlife is the most hilarious bushwa, dearest! (Hazbin Hotel)

—–

That’s it for the WIPs! Here’s a space that’ll eventually have sneak-peeks for future fanfics and/or chapters again, once I have something relevant to show. Which I will on Saturday!

—–

That’s it this time. See you next Saturday!

Links:

My AO3   My FFnet   My Ko-fi    Radiohusk Discord Server

#fanfic progress update

[sanstropfremir]

Hey D, how are you? ✨🎥 here! It seems that I come here every 6 months 😅

Mini update of my life: went to a Little Big concert in Poland and had a great time, got a bonus raise for every film fund I got (it’s pretty impossible to get them all due to the insane competition but at least we get one or two every year), still haven’t found a nice apartment (renters are insane and ask for stupidly high prices for tiny places with kitchens from 30 years ago 💀💀💀), did a super intensive course on production and that sucked the life put of me in November (it was Thursdays to Sundays so I had 3 weeks of no free days!), and my team changed a bit, we let go of one of the additions because he couldn’t perform well on the basic tasks and hired full time a girl that worked with us before as an intern (she’s good so far)

As for the projects that I’m working on, SLOW finally released in Spain this weekend and is gonna release this year in a lot of countries (US, UK and Ireland, Indonesia, Poland…). We also have two films scheduled to start shooting by March, another on April-May and possibly a fourth one in summer. So yeah, a pretty hectic year this 2024.

How are you? Anything interesting in your life? In kpop? In theater?

hello my friend!!!!!!! has it really been six months wtf time is FLYING....... don't worry about it tho i've been busy you've been busy, adulthood is meeting your friends every few months anyways

WOW that sounds crazy....but also exciting!! would love to hear about how the course on production went! very excited to hear that slow is gonna be released soon, usually stuff gets released in canada at the same time as the us so i'll keep an eye out.

idk if that much interesting has happened....we had a crazy busy christmas at the shop; i ended up singlehandedly doing an order of eighteen 2.5' custom evergreen + eucalyptus wreaths.........in a week..................do not recommend. i'm not doing any theatre but i did FINALLY see hadestown a few months ago! fantastic spectacular groundbreaking etc etc. oh and i recently got a commission to paint a mural! had the prelim meeting this morning, i haven't painted something big since my first year of grad school when i was doing life sized cave paintings so i'm excited! my therapist has been slowly coaxing me back into doing art and i'm being very slow about it, but at least it's progress!

tbh i have not kept up with that much kpop..........i'm in the process of finishing my end of year posts still but this year was so meh that the motivation is not there (plus working full time again).........there were some really really good cbs but most of everything was so mediocre. i am hoping praying pleading that companies start getting their act together for 2024 and there's been some promising stuff already, but. it's only january 😔

#im glad your work is going well!! even if it is busy #answers #text #✨🎥 anon #i saw your other message its coming up in a sec

[brokenmusicboxwolfe]

I went into the post office today still thinking about rather dark things. I was in a lot of pain, of course, so maybe it had gotten me in a mood.

Recently I found out that my brother has said horrible things, only horrible things, “never a kind word” about me to my one actual friend. She seemed amazed at how nasty he was. Maybe more hurtfully, he’d been telling her to never help me. I need to learn a lesson, you see, be punished for being a failure. Obviously I’m not trying hard enough, and if I can only suffer enough I will fix myself….

Yeah, I dunno either. My brother has been a painful mystery with his harshness for a long time. My parents worried, but were no more able to know what to so than I am. **What do you do to deal with a mindset that can be cruel, full of resentments, threats, and bitterness, that sees all the world in terms of enemies and battles? He actually lectured me once for not “hating properly”. It seems exhausting and sad.

Anyway, I limped in feeling upset with myself as much as hurt by my brother. After all, I am broken obviously. I work so hard for nothing, make no progress in anything. I feel lazy if I even rest when I hurt so much I’m crying out in pain, so when I’m accused of being lazy I find it too easy to believe.

So what happens? Oh, I get asked a out my day, so I start telling. And I laugh explaining why one of my hands is covered in something blue, why my injured finger resembles a cherry Tootsie Pop, why there are twig all in my hair, why my shirt has flour on it and I smell of spices, etc….I mean, it was just an ordinary enough day by my standards.

And so the wide eyed lady starts telling me how amazing I am. (The only compliment to seem more off base was my high school art teacher saying I was the coolest person in the school! LOL) She tells me I have a heart of gold. (Yeah, really! LOL)

She said I was one of the most beautiful people inside and out. (I resisted laughing, but it was hard)

She tells me I must stop taking care of other people all the time, and take care of myself. (Um, most of what I do is survival…you know, taking care of myself)

She tells me I deserve to take a day every week to pamper myself, just take a day off. (Not gonna happen, when my work is survival)

She tells me she is making it her mission before the end of the year to do a make over of me!

Actually that last one threw me the most. First off, a make over suggests I was ever made to being with!

It’s sweetly meant, but ridiculous. Nice as it might be to wear makeup once in my life, I can’t say I am keen on my being a living doll to be made up to someone else’s aesthetics. She insists it will change my life and everyone will be shocked by how beautiful I actually am, which is obviously absurd. Playing dress up can’t change a life, and no one will EVER think I am beautiful. And, even if I DID like whatever look, I sure as hell don’t have the time or money to mess around keeping it up, especially when my only audience for it would be the animals!!!

Then came the religion. Oh, she tells me, god knows how good I am. That’s why god keeps blessing me…

Um, if this is being blessed I’d hate to see what cursed is like!

And so she goes on about how everything is possible with god’s will, how faith like mine is rewarded, and on and on….

I’m not a christian. I’m agnostic, bordering on atheist. But I know how this goes. I live in a teeny town in the bible belt. You smile. You say thanks when they bless you or pray for you. You are grateful for the emotional intent. You never ever debate them or roll you eyes or…

And then an older woman came in, one that texts me when the weather seems dangerous. I haven’t seen her in person in years. Her health is rough, but her husband has never recovered from covid so he’s been hospitalized forever.

She sort of let me know she was hurt I didn’t always text her back. I try to explain my phone, which sounds feeble, and the post master jumps in to explain how busy I always am….And I ask about how she’s doing and her husband so everything is fine again.

A very strange thing happens. The woman is having some sort of questioning god moment. She’s using all the local language about praying and blessings and so forth, and the suddenly says: “But I keep wondering. I mean, a whole airplane full of hundreds of people, and it crashes. Was it REALLY the time for ALL those people all at once?!?”

She’s upset so you can tell it is getting to her, and the post master who is likewise religious thrown for a second, trying to think what to say from the grab bag of quotable they keep ready….

And I speak up. I tell her, well, thousands of people die every day, so why couldn’t many be in one place. And thousands are born too…

And so on.

I was doing the “well, if there is a god then couldn’t it logically work like this…”!!!!!

FFS, I, a skeptic to very bottom of my soul, was actually trying to soothe away the doubts of a believer simply because I don’t want them to be upset!! I was making the argument for religion because I felt she needs it, but what right do I have to decide that?

How presumptuous of me!

I should have said nothing I guess. Let the two religious women talk, see if the one unshakable could say something the one shaken needed to hear. But she was upset and what I said comforted her, and I never lied to her. I never mentioned god or spirits or any other mumbo jumbo. I just said a sort “ if this, then that” that I hoped help.

But it bothers me I jumped in like. I just encouraged someone to believe something I think is bullshit (not the “every day many people die” thing, but the “supernatural forced decide” implied part), and most likely have led them to believe I share their religion (which, to be fair, around here EVERYONE assumes about everyone else anyway). Hypocrisy and dishonestly about my beliefs are anathema to me and this comes perilously close.

So, today I went into the post office in a funk about myself, had a conversation that gave me an undeserved ego boost, and left in a funk again!!!

**I want to be clear about this, my parents were kind and generous people. Oh sure, they had their fill of frustrations (more than their share in Pop’s case) and anger, but it was never aimed like a weapon. They never wanted to hurt people, but to help them. His failing and mine are our own, mixed with “injuries” inflicted by the world beyond our home.

I know most folks blame their parents, usually understandably, but there are limits what even loving, smart, and well meaning parents can do when the chemistry of a child’s nature comes into contact with volatile parts of society . Boom. Explosions. Implosions. Everything changes and sometimes the results are poisonous.

#my day #conversations #peopling #me #socializing #religion #I have no idea how to tag this!

[rphelperblog]

American Royals Quote Rp Meme

Book by Katharine Mcgee- feel free to edit or change pronouns for rp purposes

“Who said anything about forgetting? The point of forgiveness is to recognize that someone has hurt you, and to still love them in spite of it.”

“Tell no one your secrets but make them think that you have. It creates the illusion of intimacy.” 

“Relationships never make sense from the outside; the only people qualified to weigh in on them are the people in them.” 

“Sorry isn't a magic eraser that undoes whatever wrong thing you did! You can't just say sorry and expect everything to be the way it was, not when people have been hurt!” 

“The only people free from censure are people who’ve never taken a stand.” 

“I think you're too clever for your own good” 

“Everything seemed to go luscious, and slow, and still.” 

“Despite how progressive America claimed to be, there was still a sexist double standard quietly underpinning everything.” 

“Only you would daydream about a library meet-cute.” 

“I wish I had someone I could turn to for guidance. But all I can do is pray.” 

“I’m a commoner.”

“It was so much easier to break an arm than to break your heart. Hearts didn’t heal themselves. Hearts didn’t remake themselves stronger than before.” 

“Only by engaging with the past can we avoid repeating it.” 

“Yes, exactly, because you’re a woman, and the world will make everything exponentially more difficult for you. It isn’t right, or fair, but it is the truth.” 

"It kills me that I don't have more to offer you,"

“Real love comes from creating a family together, from facing life together -- with all its messes and surprises and joys.” 

“Writers got to pick the endings of their novels, but she wasn’t living a story. She was living history, and history went on forever.” 

"I have no lands, no fortune, no title. All I can give you is my honor, and my heart. Which already belongs to you."

"I'm sorry it isn't a real ring, but I'm improvising here."

“That was the thing about success, it could be even more draining than failure.” 

That was the only word for it: known. Not hoped to marry, or dreamed of marrying, or even felt destined to marry. Those words involved an element of chance, of uncertainty.” 

“to the people, go out begging for votes—that could only end in disaster. That structure would attract the wrong sort of people: power-hungry people with twisted agendas.” 

“It feels like half my internal monologue has suddenly switched off.”

“I came in here to seduce you,“and then I cried all over you instead.”

“You’re going to be an amazing first queen. If this was a world where people could, I don’t know, vote for their monarch, I know that America would still pick you. I would pick you.”

“a good queen learns from her mistakes, but a great one learns from the mistakes of others.” 

“There was something too immediate about her face, the way all her emotions played themselves out over her features like the shadows of clouds on water.”

“Coatroom, five minutes”

“All I’ve ever done for America is give and give and give, and still America wants more! When will it ever be enough?” 

“woman. Or maybe it would have been better if America had never been a monarchy at all, and had some other form of government.” 

criticism is a good thing. It means you've fought for something.” 

Our nation’s history is woven from their errors in judgment, their wrong decisions, as much as it is from their achievements.” 

“All I know is that when I need to eat my feelings, my feelings taste like Wawa milkshakes with extra M&Ms.” 

She, too, was bound by a sacred oath.” 

“There was a nebulous, infectious energy to her, as if she were somehow more *alive* than everyone else. As if all her nerves were sparking at once, just below the surface.” 

“Say you want to make things right, to build a better future. But erasing the past—or worse, trying to rewrite it—is the tool of despots. Only by engaging with the past can we avoid repeating it.”

Just because she'd been brought up to keep her emotions hidden didn't mean that she never experienced those emotions.” 

They were being reckless and foolish; they were tempting fate; they were breaking the rules; they were falling in love.But they both knew that last wasn't true. They had already fallen in love, a long time ago.” 

“I’m America’s Sweetheart,” 

“She hated resorting to this—planting deliberate, self-promotional stories—but she wasn’t sure what else to do.” 

She had long ago resolved that if she couldn't be beautiful, she should at the very least be interesting.” 

“This was how a kiss was supposed to feel—electric and pulsing and smoky all at once, like you'd discovered a new source of fuel that could warm you from within.”

“They were living fragments of history. Each time she put one on, Sam felt the ghosts of her ancestors whispering to her across the fabric of centuries. The rings made her feel more confident, even majestic.” 

“But sometimes—when newspapers accused her of “getting emotional,” whatever that meant, or when the media spent more time critiquing her outfits than her policies—she wished she could act with a little less grace and a little more aggression.”

“I expect you to give her your support when she's earned it and your criticism when she deserves it. That's what siblings are for, after all.” 

“All she knew was that one day she woke up and her love for him was simply there, like newly fallen snow. Maybe it had been there all along.”

she had been trained to smile through anything.Even through her own heartbreak.” 

#open to all #open to anyone #open rp #ask meme #open meme #open to anybody #rp meme #ask prompt #roleplay meme #memes #american royals #open starter #open fantasy roleplay #open fantasy starter #open fantasy rp #open historical roleplay #open historical starter #open historical rp #katharine mcgee

[river-in-the-woods]

Good things, big or small that have happened on your path so far? I'm here for the times you celebrated ranging from making breakthroughs, the forces with you gave you undoubtable reassurance or anything else really.

This is a great question 🙂

I’m always grateful to my familiars – or at least, I’m tentatively referring to them as such because I still lack a great deal of experience in spirit work. I always used to call them thoughtforms and assumed they were simply an offshoot of my psyche. But they’ve continuously worked wonders in healing and guiding me for over a decade, and have surprised me and demanded respect from me throughout. I owe them everything.

One of the biggest breakthroughs I’ve made is in faith. A lot of work has gone into building trust in my teachers, the deities of my tradition, and my own skills.

I dabbled aimlessly in magic and spirituality for about 6 years due to having deep-rooted trust issues and executive dysfunction. I couldn’t settle or focus on anything, and I would search and pray for gods to take me under their wing only to be immediately discouraged and shut them out. (I had my familiars who helped as much as they could, but in terms of esoteric cultivation I wasn’t making any progress).

Until a certain Buddhist deity walked into my life, and waited patiently for me to notice. For all my fears and delusions at the time, I never once felt insecure in their presence. I was motivated to pray and practice daily, even when my inertia caused all other goals and plans to fall apart.

A year passed. I made a commitment to the dharma and continued to practice everyday.

The strangest thing is that my life changed, but in a completely organic and mundane way. I know that for many practitioners that spiritual initiation is like a roller coaster of experiences, but it wasn’t like that for me. My life changed in the way that the seasons change – slow, subtle, a little bit each and every day, until one day I looked back and realised I was not at all the person I used to be.

There were little miracles in between. Obstacles melted away, both within me and in the world around me. Wisdom and compassion budded and bloomed in my heart and mind. Every day, I became more joyful, calm, and secure.

It wasn’t always rainbows and sunshine, I want to make that clear. But even negative things felt meaningful and taught me valuable lessons. My experiences, both good and bad, lined up like a string of pearls, each one leading me to deeper levels of understanding.

I find Buddhist deities incredibly humble. They will dissolve your obstacles without leaving a trace of their involvement, as if it happened naturally – they’re purely pragmatic – and yet it is also strikingly obvious that it was their work.

One event that comes most strongly to mind is from back when I hadn’t received my driving license yet. I was commuting to work by bike. It was 40 minutes either way, which amounted to about 7 hours a week – it was a huge drain on my energy.

On one of the coldest days in winter, the roads were covered in ice. Still I had no choice but to cycle, as I work in science and my job is lab-based. I fell off about 3 times on the way to work, and aside from a small scrape I was a bit sore but unscathed.

However, I didn’t realise that crashing my bike so many times had undone the quick release screw, which was becoming more loose as I cycled. Aside from the weight of the bike resting on the wheel, there was nothing keeping it attached to my bike.

I crossed a busy roundabout, and as soon as I reached the safety of the pavement on the other side, my front wheel (finally) fell off. I was so shocked, and disquieted by how badly things could have gone had I been in the middle of traffic. I reattached the wheel on the side of the road and made it home without any problems.

At the time, I threw daily dice oracles to receive guidance from my deity. The oracle for that day was called “The Rescue”. Needless to say it felt like a divine intervention, considering I was in a cramped city with shoddy cycle lanes. I’ve had a few near misses, some of it owing to my own ineptitude, but I’ve always been safe.

I hope good things are happening to you too, and I welcome you to tell me about them. Thank you asking 💚

#inbox #anonymous #my practice #buddhism

[conduitandconjurer]

sorry this got long, so keep scrolling if you aren’t in a headspace for a mutual to vent ooc. 

i’m upset for stupid reasons that, i think, go back to bigger or deeper things IRL.

i’m upset that i’ve been too busy as my mother’s sole caretaker OR playing frantic catch-up at work (i’m a professor and it involves a LOT of grading, lecturing, reading, and writing, and frankly extracurricular things like counseling and reporting concerns about students’ emotional or physical safety) to do things like shower, sleep 7-8 hours a night, eat as healthily as i should, exercise, and most of all, do ANYTHING creative to my own satisfaction. it has been more than a WEEK since i have showered! it has been since JUNE since i have even started a complete, finished, full-color artwork. 

yeah, i know the positivity drill: “you create things for your own joy, not to be good at them.” but i only enjoy making things (image or word) that i can do with a certain degree of thoroughness and depth. i don’t like to half-ass anything. there’s also executive dysfunction borne of crippling anxiety and depression, which are more situational (C-PTSD) than the result of brain chemistry.

so i’m mad. i’m sad. i’m lonely. i’m tired. i want to just have some semblance of a normal adult life. i have not had a normal life since i was diagnosed with an incurable, progressively worsening illness AT AGE SIX. and i have let it get MUCH worse (my kidneys, stomach, eyes, lymph nodes, and blood vessels are all so badly damaged that there is no fixing them, there is just praying they don’t get worse, and now all sensation in my hands is going too: i can barely type this) because i’ve had to take over for my mother (no, insurance won’t help us, believe me, i’ve looked into it: she’s on dialysis but somehow “not sick enough”) and i have NO TIME to see my OWN doctors and do the necessary lifestyle changes to make MYSELF any better. i want to take a shower, and have energy to do anything after that. i want to go on a date. hell, i have a new boyfriend, but i find dating him to be a chore that i dread because i am so fucking drained by the end of the week that I’d rather just go to bed. 

i want to be selfish. i just want to be SELFISH for ONE DAY. 

but i know that’s not realistic.  i mean i live in a world where everyone, EVERYONE, that i know, has just gone back to attending major events maskless, even though COVID is still surging. people like me are apparently expendable; we’re “sick anyway,” so if we die, it’s “expected.”  we get left behind and NO ONE NOTICES. 

i won’t be able to do Sheehantober/Sheetober, whatever it’s called, that super cool thing with all the creative prompts. 

i won’t be able to draw/paint the entire notebook of ideas i’ve had waiting for “free time” since last february.

i won’t have time to answer my drafts here, that have been sitting since may.

i won’t be able to even catch up on Discord threads, and I CAN’T EVEN FIND THE TIME TO CELEBRATE KLAUS’S BIRTHDAY WITH GOOFY LIGHT HEARTED SIMPLE THINGS. I FUCKING FORGOT ABOUT IT ENTIRELY. 

but honestly THAT DOESN’T MATTER EITHER, because i haven’t had the time to form many meaningful connections with people (aside two lovely souls who know who they are) in this fandom, and nobody inboxes me or responds to my open starters anyway.  plus if they did, i’d probably be too sick or tired to do a thing about it. 

mom just spilled perishable stuff all over the kitchen floor trying to get her own food, so now i have to go mop that up even though my sciatica is so bad that i’m sweating. this weekend, i have to somehow find time to get a house cleaner, inventory and remove extra dialysis supplies (32 HEAVY boxes to cover), find and buy a table with very specific parameters to hold a dialysis cycler, etc etc etc). a day in the life. 

and you think, “can’t you ask somebody to help?” friend, if you say that, you have never experienced TRUE chronic illness, and how very quickly people you are close to become “too busy” to help when they have to interact with (noncommunicable!) illness, and acknowledge their OWN mortality. 

#ooc #chronic illness cw #medical cw #sickness cw #depression cw #mental health cw #please do not reblog

[itsyourchoicedevotionals]

In The Process

“Jesus also said, “The Kingdom of God is like a farmer who scatters seed on the ground. Night and day, while he’s asleep or awake, the seed sprouts and grows… The earth produces the crops on its own…” Mark 4:26-28NLT

One of the gardening facts I’ve learned: take a twig off of a tree, vine or bush, sticking the twig three buds deep, upside-down in dirt. Water that twig. in due season the twig will start growing roots underground and leaves above ground. Put a 4X4 wood post in the dirt. The post will begin rotting, trying to grow. Plant a seed in dirt, add a bit of water— viola— the seed changes form and a plant comes up out of the dirt. There’s a huge secret to success in the process— do not dig up the seed or twig to see if it is growing. Disturbing the root system destroys the growth process.

In God’s kingdom, seeds are WORDS, especially God’s words. God’s Word can’t do anything but grow. “As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is My word that goes out from My mouth: It will not return to Me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.” Isaiah 55:10-11NIV. When we plant God’s Words into our life situations, water the word-seeds by meditating upon God’s words, praying and declaring those words, we reap the crop of answered prayer.

Out of my three children, not one wanted to serve the Lord from youth. Being highly dysfunctional, I’d tried to control everything. Of course they rebelled— like their mom before them. I had to sow God’s Word over them in prayer and declaration with many tears. Each child came to Jesus in their own time and their own way, but praise God, they came.

My one child took an exceptionally long time to come to Christ. Reason? I kept checking on the seed to see— were any roots growing? What fragile little roots which had developed were pulled out and destroyed in the process. Then I had to plant more seeds, and water with tears of repentance to God. Why repentance? For not trusting Him to accomplish His words. Whenever we disturb the roots — this is a clear indication we’re not trusting God. “…Without faith it is impossible to please Him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who seek Him” Hebrews 11:6ESV.

Modern day Believers have the problem of microwave mentality. We want to plant the word-seeds expecting to reap our crop in one minute, or maximum sixty minutes. Faith doesn’t work instantly, except in the rarest of occasions. Sarah holds the record for having the longest term of pregnancy in history. Abram was promised Isaac and believed God 25 years before he was delivered. Why do we feel like we deserve receiving our answers faster? People, I’m guilty. I have expected quick answers. Assuredly, many of you readers have done so too. We must believe in God with Abraham-like faith.

Are you willing to be like the farmer in God’s Kingdom? He never inspected the progress of the process. We’ve got every need supplied to gain. It’s your choice. You choose.

LET’S PRAY: Father God forgive us for digging up the seeds we’ve planted. Help us to get over ourselves and begin believing the truth of your words, in the name of Jesus Christ I pray.

by Debbie Veilleux Copyright 2023 You have my permission to reblog this devotional for others. Please keep my name with this devotional, as author. Thank you.

#Jesus Christ #lord of lords #word of god #God #Holy Spirit #it's your choice #devotional #process #plant seeds #words #progress #grow #farmer #love #hope #faith

[survey--s]

565.

Do you feel bored with your life? I wouldn’t say I feel bored as such, but I regularly get a bit restless and need to do something totally unplanned...and that’s how we got a kitten lol. Who’s someone you miss that you haven’t talked to in years? Linnet, but last time we hung out it was really awkward and it was clear we’d both changed massively - not in a bad way, we’d just grown apart. Do you miss anyone who was mean to you in the past? No. How do you feel right now? My back hurts but otherwise I feel absolutely fine. Do you have severe withdrawals from medications? I have had withdrawals in the past, but I mainly struggle getting used to taking new medications.

What’s the most weight you’ve ever gained from a medication? About a stone and a half, and I never got rid of it. Do you have a doctor you can trust? I don’t have a regular doctor, I just see whoever’s available. What’s the stupidest decision you ever made? I can’t think of anything at the moment, really. How many tattoos do you have, and what are they of? One, it’s just a mandala design on my upper back. How do you get through hard times? Just keep going, really. I mean, there isn’t really another option. Have you ever been suicidal? Yes. Do you pray? If yes, to whom? Nope. There’s no-one to pray to. Do you ever feel lost and alone? Not really anymore, no. I have felt like that in before but generally those aren’t feelings I experience on any kind of regular basis. What do you miss about high school? I don’t miss anything about school itself, but I miss being younger and not having to worry about finances and bills. What do you miss the most about college? The independence/freedom. Did you like high school? No. What was the name of the first dorm you lived in? Spruces. What was the last flavor of tea you drank? Yorkshire Tea. Do you feel like youtube’s gotten boring lately? No. I mean, there are millions of videos to watch on there. I use it mostly for TV shows so there’s always something on there I like. What would you change about your hair if you could? I wish I had naturally straight hair. Are you jealous of anyone? People with naturally straight hair? lol. What was the best date you’ve ever been on? I’ve had quite a few good dates. I don’t think I could pick just one. What’s the last great song you discovered? Seven Summers by Morgan Wallen. Has facebook gotten boring lately? No. I mean, surely it’s only boring if you have boring people on there? Do you feel free to post how you feel on facebook? Yeah, but equally I wouldn’t just because I’m quite a private person in that respect. Which stereotype do you fit the most? I have no idea. Crazy cat lady? lol. What is the most beautiful landscape you have ever seen? In person? Probably one of the millions of sunsets on the beach. What was the first CD you bought? 2 Become 1 by the Spice Girls. How old are you? 34. What year were you born? 1988. Did you go to prom? Yes. Are you jealous of people who are ten years younger? Nope, I wouldn’t want to go back to my early twenties, I was a mess lol. If you could rewind time ten years, would you? No. What do you miss the most about your past? I don’t really miss anything, to be honest. I’m much happier now than I ever was back then. Do you like getting older? I actually prefer being the age I am now. That’s not to say I like ageing but I’m certainly much happier nowadays. What hard thing are you going through right now, if applicable? Nothing, thankfully. Life is going pretty well, all things considered. Have you made any progress toward going after your dreams? Yes. Who encourages you to go after your dreams? My family and my husband. Do you like pineapple on pizza? Nope. Cooked pineapple is all sorts of wrong lol. What song are you listening to right now, if any? I’m watching Hotel of Mum and Dad on YouTube.

#survey #surveys

[pinkieloveheartpastel]

small vent:

I’m in one of them liberal blue states, the state considered the most “diverse and friendly states”. And by diverse they mean only certain ethnic groups, and that damn sure doesn’t include black people, cause this state has a fucking history of excluding black people, and creating a law to keep black people out.

Now don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of friendly white people here…. but that ain’t enough to endure the fact that this is also thee whitest fucking state, and I FUCKING HATE IT, OMFG. It feels deeply fucking isolating and unreal.

I’ve read so many comments from black people talking about how they felt the same way, which I deeply understood, but nothing compares to actually EXPERIENCING IT. It’s like walking into another world, and not in a good way at all.

The combination of white and liberal is a fucking nightmare, and imagine being a black queer surrounded by white queers. Or just a sea of white people in general, and always seeing only like one or two black people. Fuck that shit.

Not to mention the fucking energy here is so fucking pretentious and performative, especially considering the fact that the city I am in is gentrified as hell, yet also has the nerve to put black lives matter signs all over the fucking city like that’s actually gonna do shit. Peak liberal shit.

There also seems to be a shit ton of black art everywhere, yet the residents here are a majority white. Gentrification.

Also, when a white person talks about states being queer friendly, they’re talking about white queers. This is a WHITE QUEER-friendly state. Their perspectives are always centering white people. Point blank period.

And I have to be here for three fucking months. Omfg, somebody pray for me cause I’m constantly being assaulted by the presence of liberals and black lives matter signs. This is horrible.

It’s like telling someone your worst nightmare, thinking you’ll never have to see or endure it, and then all of a sudden, they throw a gigantic bucket full of it at you.

I read about this state thinking I’d never have to ever come up here, cause it sounded like a true nightmare, and look what happened… Life really said fuck you, we goin’.

It feels like I’m in one of those pretentious arthouse movies…

The only good thing is the fact that there are black people here. There might not be a lot, but seeing even one black person lessens my anxieties about being kidnapped by a group of white terrorists and going missing. Cause even that one white person who seems friendly can turn out to be someone you did not expect.

Another good thing is being surrounded by nature. I could fill up a whole entire photo album with all these damn trees and animals and mountains. I love the landscapes and the atmosphere, just not people… at all.. But I will always say the same thing about any other state, country, etc. I prefer nature over people in general.

Another good thing is that people really love animals up here. There are so many pet places, so many different breeds of dogs. I also saw a cat look at me from a window, sitting like a statue. Meow.

Anyways, do not recommend. At least for black people. If you’re a rich white liberal, or a person of color, have at it.

This state is also perfect for any rich white person who is pretentious and performative as hell, and wants to claim to be progressive, but doesn’t actually want to do shit to change anything.

#white liberals #liberal bullshit #white people white peopling #gentrification #antiblackness #racism #pacific northwest

[ikpopwriting]

TL;DR: I’m sending a gift to a friend (who has been repeatedly hit with darkness) that she loved and jokingly asked for in a post because she didn’t think anyone would actually buy it, and I’m doing it anonymously.

Ok so I am terrible at keeping certain secrets to myself. Tell me your deepest, darkest, shameful secret and I’ll die with it, but tell me about a gift or surprise you’re doing and it eats at me with excitement. I have to tell someone, usually my mom (which should be a given because she’s my best friend).

I’m even worse when it’s me doing the surprise or giving the gift. I just get so excited about how the person will react to it (I put a lot of thought, significance, and love into the gifts/cards/services I give). I have to tell someone (again, usually my mom. It makes it 1,000x harder when the thing is for her and I have to tell someone else or I’ll explode).

I have decided not to tell anyone who personally knows me in my life that I’ve done my latest secret gift. BUT, I’m dying to tell someone. No one on here knows me outside of Tumblr, and few people in my life even know I write fanfiction (let alone what fandom they belong to or that it’s Tumblr). A couple know I’m on Tumblr, but haven’t the slightest idea I actually post anything.

So, here’s my latest random act of…love? Kindness? Honestly giving gifts is my output love language.

A friend I met a few years ago when she started working at the bakery with me posted early last month (December) about a piece of clothing she was in love with and jokingly said “someone please buy this for me 😭😭🤣”. I tracked it down to a shopping website, and took a screenshot of the price and item name and everything for later, because after 2 years of no income I am officially broke. Well, I got a little spending money for Christmas. I bought a couple small things on New Year’s Day I need electronic-accessory wise. Then I was scrolling through my pictures for a particular one and found the screenshot of the top—and smiled.

Now, something you should know about this girl (10 years or more older than me), is that when we met she was in an abusive marriage. It had progressed past manipulation and emotional/mental abuse to physical about two years before I met her. She also has 2 sons from a previous marriage (also not a good one) who love their mother very much, and had reached that point that they were starting to interfere a little with the abuse. One of the first times she opened up to me in regards to this was when she had started to fear that her husband would start hurting her boys, but felt she was stuck. She didn’t make enough, she felt, to support them well enough on her own.

Over the course of the next 6 months, I repeatedly told her that she deserved better, that both she and her boys were in a toxic, unsafe environment. I prayed for and with her, and made sure to always be encouraging and show her that she was worth more than he led her to believe; that she had other people in her corner who were ready and willing to help her and her boys. I had a card in my wallet from way before at school for an organization that helped women in those situations, and had always wondered why I kept it. I gave it to her, which I feel was the reason I had it. She contacted them. She filed for divorce. They got her a divorce attorney. She and her boys moved in with her parents, and me and 4 others I rounded up helped her go get HER stuff from her now-ex’s place while he was under court order not to be there. He had cameras that he let slip he watched, and which rooms they were in, and as the others loaded the last thing into the truck, I said “hey ___, you’ve lost probably the best you’ve ever had, and probably will ever. Oh, and fuck you” as I flipped the room off (never knew exactly where the cams were, just that they were there). The women’s advocacy group helped set her up in an apartment complex that worked with them at a low rate (a nice apartment with more space than she had furniture to fill). They even paid for her rent and utilities while she was in divorce court. We helped her move her stuff again, and even gathered things from within our family and friend circle that was in good shape but not used/wanted anymore. She cried each time, and just kept thanking us and was worried she couldn’t repay us. I finally told her “___, you’re not going to repay us; we don’t want you to. This is what being a Christian, a child of God, is about. If anything, we want you to pay it forward one day, when you come across someone in need.”

The breaking point, when she said realized they were out of the dark, was that Christmas, when my family forwent buying things we didn’t need and instead bought her boys both wants and needs (at first she didn’t know why I was asking so much about her kids, then figured it out and cried). And for her, too. I watched this woman, who had been in 2 bad marriages and just wanted her boys taken care of, go from being timid and unsure to confident, happy, positive, and strong. She is very much the “fuck around and find out” type now that she’s herself again. She will one day be a bridesmaid at my wedding, she’s such an important part of my life now. She’s fallen on hard times again, and is fighting for custody of her kids (a family member of their father’s has legal custody and is doing a shit job and lying through their teeth in court), but she has an amazing guy and his son to keep her grounded. She says I seem to always pop up with cards or gifts or just kind words and encouragement when she needs it most. She doesn’t realize how much she helps me in turn, that she’s helped me in the struggles with my own faith the last 2 years of chronic long-COVID illness.

She’s a forever friend.

So, as I looked at the screenshot of that top she really wanted last night, I decided I was going to give a little more sunshine into her life to start the year on the positive. I ordered it, set the address to hers and put her name on it, and will be anxiously tracking it and waiting to see if she posts about it and/or figures out it was me (haven’t decided if I’ll admit it was me if she strongly suspects or not).

Everyone deserves little things to show that someone cares, that they’re not alone in the dark this world brings. That besides (or in spite of) people expected to care (who may or may not), there are people who have chosen to.

#jess talks #jess rambles #anonymous fairy #personal