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nihilistem · 7 months

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Hey! I read your study tips both posts regarding adhd . (Feel free to ignore )

I am still undiagnosed and I think it's adhd but i do not have the resources nor the environment or support system to do anything about it .I am a high schooler preparing for entrance exams and i really need to like get my shit together and i feel like i have wasted sm time already but i really do want to get better. When i sit to study i just can't focus if I keep my phone in some other room then also i would just sit and stare at my books without accomplishing something. I am trying really but it's feels like my brain is frozen and my body is moving .my brain keep screaming guilty and ashamed but i can't seem to do anything about it.your study post actually i related to a lot because pomodro kind of seems to be working for everyone but me and the you described the exact same things I do

I know this is a lot to ask for please feel free to ignore but how do I stop Letting my emotions take over and study consistently because I only have one chance at the exams

Oh my, first of all I’d like to say that, as cliché as it is, I know exactly how you feel. I was undiagnosed for so long (I was only diagnosed a few months ago) and I didn’t even know that the adhd things I experience on a regular basis wasn’t normal or neurotypical for so long.

first up : I know this is difficult, but please do not say such things about yourself. I’m not gonna get into the whole thing, (cuz I have done a post on that already) but it’s true that the more you drill that bad stuff into your brain, the more it’s gonna stick. We need our brains to be in the best condition possible to study efficiently and saying bad stuff about yourself that isn’t even true is just going to hinder your performance. You got this. I promise you’re not lazy. Your brain just isn’t motivated by the same things others are, but we can work with that simple difference.

I’ll make a separate post on how not to let your emotions take over, but for now …

adhd study tips for those trying to get into the habit.

— by a stem student with adhd.

here’s my first post on adhd study tips.

— don’t put your phone in a different room. Instead, download an app that prevents you from using other apps on your phone.

there’s plenty of apps that do this but the one I prefer is ypt because all its features are completely free and it stops your timer when you exit the app unless you enter ‘allowed app mode.’ I don’t know about you, but if I find that I’m just zoning out on my textbook then I end up stopping my timer and deleting the record because I know I didn’t actually study, and this motivates me to actually get some work done. The timer also gets me motivated to keep going for longer so I have physical proof of my focus time and studies. It will feel good to even have just 1 hour of study time on it, I promise.

— even if you’re not interested in your studies, try your best to find even one thing that interests you.

novelty, challenge and interest are some of the best motivators of the adhd brain, so use it. I know that sparking your curiosity for a subject you hate seems impossible, but hear me out.

ever since I was young, I was exposed to books and I drew everyday. This caused me to become very passionate about the arts, but since I had adhd and didn’t know, I failed all my classes and specifically hated chemistry because it was specifically designed to be everything that I can’t be good at due to my poor memory and the need to memorize a TON of concepts. Then during class one day, I was doing chemistry work with my friends and felt frustrated that they could easily balance equations and work out which compounds were acids or bases purely by its chemical formula. And that’s what sparked me to start reading my textbook to see what the big deal was. How was it possible for one to just know when something is a acid solely from looking at a bunch of letters? This started a chain reaction; I found my answer, and found that the process of finding my answer and learning this new information was fulfilling. So I looked at all the other chemistry topics, and it turns out chemistry was fun. I was supposed to be an art student but now I’m majoring in chemistry and biology, all because of that sense of challenge and curiosity I was given that day.

tdlr; I was bad at chemistry but I’m now majoring in it because I felt challenged by a friend and was curious to know how they could solve chem equations easily.

All it took was a bit of curiosity. It’s a very powerful thing to the adhd brain. And if you use this as a motivator for your studies it might even cause you to hyper-fixate on your work, which means you’ll naturally spend more time studying just to find all the answers you’re now dying to know.

— use the pomodoro timer, but think about the things that you have to do that seems a little impossible to do under 25 minutes.

This fulfills the ‘challenge’ category I mentioned in the previous tip.

Let me explain; I subconsciously started doing this to myself without anyone telling me this and it’s helped me a LOT. Here’s an example;

“This chapter’s too long, it’s impossible to read through everything and understand the key concepts in just twenty five minutes.”

is it, though?

So I was off to the races, genuinely reading through every page and taking note of every single heading or bold or italicized word so I will be able to summarize the entire topic by the time the twenty five minutes is up.

And it doesn’t even matter if you don’t make that twenty five minute mark, because you’ll feel a sense of defeat and try it again with another chapter/topic.

this accomplishes two things; one, the work you’ve been putting off or zoning out on is now probably 20% - 50% completed and now you feel motivated to continue. Two, this method will train you to be faster in learning or studying new material or even just completing work in general, depending on what you’re challenging yourself to do.

— dress up, do your hair, study at a library or cafe you love (and possibly make pretty notes.)

I’ve talked about interest, I’ve talked about challenge, and now I’m gonna talk about novelty.

Do this with purpose! But what do I mean by that?

I’m sure you’ve come across studious girls in media or even people on social media making videos and taking pretty photos of their day out to study. Usually they’re dressed the part and even if they’re not, there’s a certain vibe, aesthetic or aura about them that is just so desirable that it makes you wish you were doing what they were doing. And if you don’t feel this way, find content creators or media that do make you feel this way.

How will this help me? Well, there are actually a few reasons but the first one that comes to mind is that this is also an adhd tip used outside of studying. Combining a task you don’t want to do with a task you’d like to do is a faster and more efficient way of convincing yourself to do long, difficult or even tiring tasks. Another is that doing this would also mean you’ve technically gotten yourself to desire studying, something more commonly known as romanticizing studying. If you make studying look fun, glamorous or even desirable for yourself then you’re sure to get to the hideous parts of it. Think about being a straight A student, someone who’s always wearing nice clothes with great hair and such a focused work ethic. Once you desire to be that person and you dress like that person, you’ll start to do the things that person will do.

— use the pomodoro timer but set it to even shorter bursts instead. (e.g. 15 minutes work, 5 minutes break.)

Or hell, on my worst days I set it to 5 minutes work, 5 minutes break.

The whole point of this exercise is to just start, because that’s arguably the hardest part about studying, you can’t get yourself to actually start or to actually focus. So promise yourself a five minute break after a very short amount of time of reading.

— skip straight to the questions of a topic, try to do them and identify the information you need to get the answer right.

For example, I came across a bio question that was rather simple but I didn’t know the answer to because I haven’t revised the topic for a while, and the question was, what is needed in the body for anaerobic respiration to take place? And the answer was simple, but I didn’t know because again, I didn’t study the material before answering the paper.

one’s brain can have the habit of being complacent especially when you don’t wanna do work, so diving head first into the questions and realizing that you don’t know jack shit would be a good wake up call for you and your brain—and this can connect to the second point that I made because you might find that you’d be eager to get the answer right all on your own, and become curious as to what the answer is.

important to remember …

erase everything bad that you were told or led to believe about studying. I promise that if you look for ways to make it engaging for you and form a habit, studying can be something you don’t dread or worry about everyday. You are capable. This is the start of your journey. Yes, the question of ‘what if I get distracted again’ will always be there but think about what could happen if today is the first day you’re not distracted. If you don’t at least try to start now, you will have zero chance of being able to actually focus and study. But if you try, the worst that will happen is that you tried. If you keep trying, it will happen. I promise.

If you need any more tips regarding adhd, (or being undiagnosed,) please do let me know. I’ll do my best to help.

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isazulabaeorwhat · 4 years

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Spill the tea, what's the deal with you and the BSG group (avatar-chang and her squad in particular)?

Ok anon, sorry for taking so long! I wanted to get everything right and honestly collecting the posts took a longass time xD

Anyways, the only ones I have a problem there are avatar-chang, hexful/dykesia/bizukos, catrademption, cardboardseagulls (never seen interacted b4) and bizulas (also never interacted b4).

I’m going to be really transparent about this whole thing so it’s gonna be long as there’s gonna be several links and I’ve included the dates so it’ll be easier to understand. Since I’ll be fully transparent about this, i’ll probably get hate or whatever. Honestly, I just want to put everything out there without being biased or hiding anything. I’m going to disclose everything here.

So, the whole thing between me and avatar-chang started off with this post I made last year on 10 March 2019. Afterwards, she PMed me on the same day and this was the conversation:

After that, I thought the argument was over because she blocked me lmao. The only ones I spoke to about this was nbw and my real life friends (who had nothing to do with ATLA lmao I just ranted to them).

And then the next incident I think was on 16 March 2019 when I made this post about Azula’s abuse of her friends. I was new and 16. I genuinely wanted to know why people labeled Azula as an abuser. It was dykesia who responded to me at the time.

Now, unlike avatar-chang, I had a few conversations with dykesia (who was bizukos then) that was generally civil. I first interacted with her when she made a post calling out Zucest shippers or something?? I was very new. Like fresh newbie baby ATLA tumblr fan new lmao so I thought what she said was too aggressive. I didn’t realize that there were actual Zucest shippers until after some time. And then she PMed me on 13 March 2019, saying that she doesn’t always agree on characters with me but I do write some interesting pieces on Azula— that she’s a huge fan of Azula but she just tends to stay away from her fandom. I apologized about the previous incident of the Zucest thing and it was fine after then. We talked about zuko, the fandom, the comics, Mai etc etc. I thought we were on fine terms.

And then I made a post about the cliff scene in the comics on 16 March 2019. Avatar-Chang made a post that was pretty directed at the post but it seems like she’s deleted it.

On 17 March 2019, I received an anon mail telling me that avatar-chang was talking shit about me behind my back. I censored her name then because I didn’t want to believe without any evidence. No one sent me any screenshots about it so I just dismissed it.

On the same day, avatar-chang answered an anon and talked about the 13 child post theory I made on 9 March.

On 23 April 2019, I received another anon mail about avatar-chang, asking if I’d seen the post she made about Azula. I censored her name again cuz I didn’t want to start any shit over having differing opinions. I’m assuming this is the post the anon was referring to.

On 28 April 2019, dykesia/hexful/bizukos PMed me to ask if I was talking shit about other people behind their backs, and her. I denied this because I hadn’t. This was how the conversation went:

Yes, I didn’t censor any name because as I said, full transparency. I have afp blocked because we’ve clashed several times and he’d still come for my posts last year despite already being blocked. If you’ve followed me long enough, you probably would’ve rmbered that time lmao

Anyways during then, I don’t think I realized that dykesia was actually being passive aggressive. It’d been barely a year since I started the blog and I just didn’t want to full out make enemies. Reading the messages now tho lmao she really was passive aggressive. But yeah then she said this in bsg so I don’t even know why she bothered to ask me if she wasn’t even going to consider believing me.

The 9th of June 2019 was the last time she messaged and it was to ask if I mind her discoursing this Zuko post while ‘hard and drunk’. It was the first time she could apparently agree with me so it was I quote a ‘Yay??’. Afterwards I don’t know when she did it but she blocked me lmao

On 17 July 2019, I received another anon mail telling me that avatar-chang publicly called me a bitch when she was answering an anon about me posting the scans of the EK Chronicles. She mentioned this in bsg again on 19 April 2020 lmao (she’s that petty) it seems:

On November 8 2019, an anon (one of avatar-chang’s friends actually) asked about my thoughts towards the allegations against Aaron Ehasz. I still believe in the system of ‘Innocent before proven guilty’, so I didn’t side with anyone. I tried to be as objective as possible. When I said that I hoped men would also come forward, I said that because I don’t want men to just sit on the sidelines and let the women get the heat if they were telling the truth. At the end of this whole thing, I concluded that Ehasz was a dick of a boss to the girls. Being called an abuser carries more weight than just being a dick. Everyone has been a dick at one point, but being an abuser is something else. Just because Ehasz was a dick doesn’t mean I’m going to stop watching TDP or dismiss his involvement in ATLA.

The next day, BSG brought the issue up despite both avatar-chang having already blocked me by then lmao

On 5 February 2020, after Legacy of the Fire Nation came out, I made a post calling out Iroh’s bs to Azula (guy literally blames Azula for everything that happened to Zuko (something which avatar-chang agrees with apparently, and Iroh even sees Ozai in a better light).

That’s so far what I’ve remembered that involved avatar-chang and dykesia.

Moving on to the next three attackers: catrademption, cardboardseagulls and bizulas.

I’ve seen catrademption around, but I don’t remember if we’ve clashed before. We must have though cuz she’s got me blocked lmao and I mostly only debate back to people when they reply to my posts. For cardboardseagulls and bizulas, I don’t think I’ve ever seen them them before but obviously they’ve seen my blog and misinterpreted everything I’ve written.

But according to them, I’m apparently a Azula apologist, extremist, irrational, toxic, coddles and woobifies Azula, justifies everything she does and invalidates abuse victims.

You can see the posts I’ve made to judge whether I actually am an irrational Azula apologist who blames everything on Zuko. One of the most recent posts I made about Azula’s character is this, and there’s still several more posts like that. Just search #meta or #analysis in my blog search and all of them will just pop up. I can assure you, I have never acted as if Azula has done nothing wrong or did everything right or whatever lies these people are spewing.

If anyone has proof that I’ve talked shit about people in the fandom to other people before, please, present your evidence. I highly think this is impossible because I actually don’t have many friends on Tumblr, nor do I usually initiate conversation because I’m awkward af.

I’ve also tried approaching those I recognized in bsg to find out more about the situation (and at least give my side of the story). Most of them have chosen not to speak to me LMAO but one of them who’s chosen to remain anonymous for their privacy, admitted that dykesia (hexful) forced them to block a blog before (after realizing they were interacting with said blog) and if not, they would be blocked themselves. I can’t post the conversation publicly because they’re afraid their speech mannerism will give away their identity. @space-sword has also shared his experience with avatar-chang on his blog and was pressured to cut off ties with ppb21 just to join the oh so magnificent Ba Sing Gay.

There’s absolutely no reason to judge someone based on their sexual orientation, race, color or age either. They rant about being discriminated against or being generalized or stereotypes but they’re the ones hypocritically committing these actions, and then justify their actions by saying ‘we’re oppressed, they’re not, so it’s not racism or discrimination’. And yet people still wonder why discrimination is still rampant LMAO

I can’t speak for the blogs they victimized in bsg, but I personally don’t agree with talking shit about them on a public server and then criminalizing them as if they’re actually predators. I also don’t agree with involving the blogs’ friends simply because of their association. I also don’t agree with demanding people to block blogs they don’t like because that’s just pure manipulation. That’s wrong and marginalizing people. Unless someone has actually been harassing or literally preying on people, then there’s no reason to actually go around warning blogs about them unless they’re asked about it.

If they feel uncomfortable about something? Then avoid that blog, filter their tags or even block that blog if they’re that uncomfortable—BUT they shouldn’t demand others to do the same just for their own benefit. It’s not up to them to decide what a person can or cannot see or who they can or cannot interact with. They’re not their parents, and they obviously have no right to pressure people into doing things they don’t want to. If they think it tactless that I shared the conversations? Oh honestly, a line was crossed when they spread shit about me so idc. If they actually feel terrible for being called out? GOOD. That’s what they should feel, because in no way was any of what they were doing right or justified. If they’re going to shit on me then expect to be burned because I’m not someone who’ll just shrivel in fear because they have a bigger following.

#ba sing gay #bsg

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paladinsheadcanons · 6 years

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Can i have a fic where something goes horribly wrong and both teams get sucked into the abyss in the middle of a match?

Listen do you not understand how much angst potential this has? Do you not? I had to delete the first draft of this cuz it got too dark and too long.

-Mod Inara

Edit: Decided to put it under a Read More cuz it honestly might still be a tad dark for some.

A single moment. All it took was a single moment of losing control.

Androxus had been in almost every match that day, and the stress of battle had taken a toll on him without his realisation. So when Seris came out of Shadow Walk one step too close to him, the chilling, horrifying presence of Abyss magic caused the Godslayer to snap.

Just as Seris began her Ultimate, Androxus fired his own at her weapon without thinking, the full force of his Accursed Arm colliding with Convergence before it properly activated with far more power than it should’ve had within a simple match.

A whirlwind of screams from the others erupted, Seris’s own voice a piercing, unearthly howl in the distance, as Androxus was mercilessly dragged into a swirling portal and plunged into an endless darkness. Immediately, the panic set in. He knew where this was, he knew where he was…!

No…

No…!

NO!!

Androxus’s arm throbbed painfully as the panic rose, suffocating him as his mind went wild. He could literally feel the agonising memories returning to him in the darkness, as he began to make out misshapen, blurry figures in the icy darkness. An army’s worth of disfigured, ash-grey hands reached for him, clawing at him, as a sea of white orbs faded into existence, all glaring menacingly down at him.

He had to run.

He had to escape before they got to him again. The hands…reaching…getting closer…He couldn’t let them get to him!

Forcing himself to move, Androxus used Nether Step as far as he could go, taking advantage of the lack of the match limit of three steps. But the hands and empty figures were everywhere, their glowing white eyes all still watching his every move.

Then the voices came.

Without any warning, an overwhelmingly thunderous storm of threatening hisses and growls alongside agonized howls and screams filled Androxus’s panicked mind, instilling even more terror into him. The Godslayer froze for no more than a second, and the figures seized their chance.

The hands all grabbed him at once, their touch seeming to pierce through his entire body, freezing him from the inside-out from where they grabbed him, and despite seeming to only be made of mist, each and every one of those ghostly hands held him tighter than anything he ever felt.

Androxus screamed. Any semblance of pride he had left was thrown to the winds, as he just screamed and screamed. Desperation to escape fuelled him as he begged and pleaded with the figures to release him. But every one of his pleas fell on deaf ears. They all closed in on him, and Androxus felt his body growing colder…and colder…and…

He was done for…or so he thought.

“Enough!” A single voice pierced through everything else, the same piercing voice that was heard above all others when Androxus was sent here in the first place. Seris materialized before them all as a massive projection of her usual self, raising her Soul Collector high, causing it to emit a powerful purplish glow which engulfed everything around them. Androxus squeezed his eyes shut, as the sensation of falling suddenly came, and a few fleeting moments later, he landed ungracefully on…on…grass…?

At once Androxus sat up and opened his eyes, regretting it immediately as the sunlight burned his eyes even behind his mask. He squeezed them shut again as he threw a hand over them, but the mild burning was more welcome than anything else. The pure, absolute relief that washed over the Godslayer was like nothing he had ever known. Not even his first time escaping the Abyss had felt this freeing.

“I apologise Androxus…” Seris’s voice came, as Androxus finally, though slowly, opened his eyes again to see her there, her expression blank as usual. Around her were the other Paladins who had been in the match earlier, and Androxus did not miss the utterly terrified or despaired looks on their faces. Wincing, he looked back up at Seris, waiting for her to continue speaking. She did.

“I had not meant to frighten you so badly earlier today. And I had assumed you would be the least bothered being there, so I had gone to retrieve the others first. I could not have been more wrong. For that, I am sorry.”

For a moment, Androxus did not reply. A surge of anger welled up inside him at the revelation, that Seris had deliberately saved him last, but it quickly faded. As much as he hated to admit it, she had made a logical assumption. The others had never been to the Abyss. They wouldn’t have known where they were, and Andoxus could easily imagine how they would’ve felt, having been in their position once before.

“That…” A small voice interrupted his thoughts, and he looked over at a shaking Lian, looking more vulnerable than he had ever seen her, “That was…that was the Abyss…?”

“…I’m afraid so.” Seris told her, “We had all been thrown where the lost souls gathered, and…”

“Don’t!” Buck exclaimed suddenly, cutting her off, “Don’t explain…please…”

He was shaking too, just like Lian. They all were. Androxus looked down at his own hands. Even he was trembling. Seris said no more, as requested, giving only a short nod before she vanished in a haze of purple mist. Some flinched as she disappeared, and they all sat there for a little longer in silence.

Eventually, someone spoke.

“Androxus…?” Ash asked quietly, catching the Godslayer’s attention, “How did you survive all that before…?”

Androxus looked away. He knew exactly what she was asking. And honestly? He didn’t know.

“Sometimes I’m not sure I did…” He muttered to himself, not really caring if anyone else heard him. Taking a deep breath, Androxus slowly stood, clenching his fists to stop himself to trembling any more. “Let’s just never speak of this again.”

There were no objections as one by one, the others got up as well and they all began making their way back to the base. No one said a thing, and no one stopped shaking until they were all safely back.

Like he suggested, none of them ever did bring up the topic again, even several months later, but Androxus saw the signs that they still weren’t okay.

He saw the way both Lian and Tyra refused to sleep without the fireplace being lit if they stayed the night at the base, the way Buck would scream in his sleep and awaken everyone in the Flanks quarters, the way Ash began to flinch at any shadow she saw from the corner of her eyes, the way Cassie and Pip would huddle together with a distraught Zigs as the sun went down each day. Most of all, he saw how much more wary they were of Seris whenever she was around, some even no longer being able to stand being in the same room as the Oracle anymore.

Sometimes, Androxus felt immense guilt at bringing his upon them, because of his impulsive reaction he’d doomed eight of his companions to the same terror that plagued him. The Abyss was never meant for the living. Once it grips you, it never lets go.

#androxus #paladins #paladins champions of the realm #paladins fics #seris #angst

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inevera13 · 7 years

Text

Fate’s Predicament - Chapter 1 (NEW MLB FANFIC)

THIS IS MY FIRST FIC EVER AND I’M ACTUALLY VERY DETERMINED AND EXCITED, I DON’T KNOW HOW MUCH I’LL BE ABLE TO UPDATE BUT I’M POSTING THE FIRST CHAPTER CUZ I JUST WANNA KNOW IF IT’LL HAVE ANY RESPONSE AT ALL??? IT’S A LITTLE SHORT AND SO FAR I’VE ONLY WRITTEN THREE CHAPTERS BUT I’M !!!, ANYWAY HOPE YOU ENJOY READING IT, I’M ACTUALLY PRETTY PROUD! (:

(It’s not posted yet, but here’s my AO3)

✍ ✍ ✍

Marinette picked a loose thread on her pink sweater and let it fall on her denim skirt before brushing it off. She played with the little silver hoop earrings Alya had gotten her last Christmas while waiting for said girl.

It had been a long while since the power granting, black miraculous stones had left her ears; yet, here she found herself, reminiscing. She thought of Chat Noir almost every day, even if it got less frequent and less painful over the years. It didn't consume or overwhelm her with a painful variety of feelings anymore.

Today, though, would be their 10th anniversary and, in days like these, Marinette needed all the distractions she could get.

"Hey girl!" Alya greeted upon arrival.

"Hey! Finally!" The designer said good naturedly, eyeing her friend's flowy purple dress, black biker jacket and matching booties in approval.

"Listen, i have something to show you..." Alya said, cryptically.

"Uh, okay..." She answered slowly, narrowing her eyes.

They ordered coffees and Alya looked at Marinette, increasingly excited.

"Look!" The happy girl shoved her phone on her friend's face.

"Alya, you're kind of blinding me right now. Um, that's a very nice phone...?"

"Girl. Please." Alya deadpanned "Look at all these e-mails!"

"Is that good?"

"Yes! Because-"

Their coffees arrived, the girls thanked and payed the waitress and, when she left, Alya quickly stirred the hot beverage a bit before blowing on it and gulping it down in one go, like a shot. She always did this, whilst Marinette always waited for it to cool down while calmly stirring it.

"Because...?" The now curious girl asked, black eyebrows rising.

"Because! These are all about a Chat Noir and Ladybug comeback!"

"...what?!"

"Yup."

"Why?! Did some Miraculous get stolen again? That's highly unlikely, and i think i would've heard about that."

"Nope. But the crime rate has been getting stupidly high in Paris, and the people are demanding a comeback."

"That's ridiculous!" Marinette rasped, incredulously. "The police can surely handle that. It's been six years since me and Chat left the scene... Why would they need heroes now? How did this idea even start?" The girl painfully rolled her eyes, "Besides, you know master Fu won't hand out Miraculous unless strictly necessary. We hopefully still have a lot of time until the next gen."

"Marinette." Alya whisper-shouted "The people have spoken! They want their heroes back. And, believe me, this is starting to blow up. I'm nothing but the administrator of a no longer active blog and look! I got hundreds of e-mails. The people want this, and they, we, won't stop until we get it."

Marinette sighed audibly. "Alya, don't be ridiculous. Master Fu won't be won over by a mass tantrum that isn't even directly associated with him or affects him in any way. He's a wise, patient man."

Alya smirked "We'll see." ---#####--- "I can't believe this is actually happening." Marinette whispered, eyes shut tightly.

"I told you..." Alya retorted in a small, dazed voice.

Both girls were currently looking down at a pair of very familiar polka dotted earrings, carefully stashed inside a strong wooden box that had magically appeared on Marinette's bag, for the second time in her life.

Marinette looked tentatively at Alya. "Do you think - you know - Chat got his too?" She fixed her gaze on the table in front of her. "Wherever he is. Or if i'll have a new, um, partner..."

"I don't know, honey...we can't know, we can only hope."

"I don't wanna do that. I don't want to hope. If i'm being honest, I don't even know if i actually want to see him again." She looked back at her friend. "I'm nervous, Alya. I'm gonna see Tikki again...I can't believe this. Maybe it's just- just a cruel joke. We didn't even see Master Fu at all today and...i don't know. This can't be."

"I get that you're nervous...it's a part of your life that took a lot for you to leave behind, and now it's coming back, out of thin air. But think of this as an opportunity, girl. To accept things better, or have closure..." Alya sighed "And...you said it yourself that you believe in fate. Maybe have a little more fate in fate, you know?" She paused. "Also...maybe master Fu sent someone, like that boy you helped today, to test you again, no?"

Marinette looked pensively at her journalist friend. "Maybe..."

All those years ago, the day after she had spilled her guts to Alya about everything, about a month after Hawkmoth's defeat and Chat Noir's disappearance, Marinette had gone to Master Fu's.

Eyes still red and puffy, she had said one last teary goodbye to the wooden box that contained the earrings, and the kwami, that had changed her life and had enabled her to do so much for her city. That day, her and master Fu had talked a lot about many things, some questions had been answered, including how the wielders were chosen.

At first, it had sounded a little silly to Marinette, but, with time, she understood that maybe it had been a stroke of pure fate. She definitely didn't feel like the jewels had been left in the wrong hands, so perhaps fate should be a little more trusted.

Ever since that day, she went to visit the old man at least once a month. Usually more, unless she got lost in a spiral of work where she forgot she was still a human with basic needs. Thankfully, she had people to remind her of such fact, and get her out of said spiral.

She had been at master Fu's about a week ago, and none of them had even mentioned anything miraculous related. Marinette had happily gushed about having finished a commission she was proud of, and the man himself seemed proud of her too, and happy. Everything just seemed normal.

But now, here she was, holding her past and her future in her hands. Despite missing being Ladybug, Marinette's life hadn't stopped at all. She was happy, had many good friends, an amazing family and a well paying job she loved, even if it was a bit of a risky career path.

The first year after both Tikki and Chat had left her life had been rough, but she had had Alya and master Fu to count on and talk to through it all. The girl had had a few brief relationships, but didn't really feel the need to have a romantic partner in her life. And, truth be told, since both Adrien and Chat had left, she hadn't truly liked anyone romantically, despite the casual flings and dates.

After Ladybug and Chat Noir had unmasked Gabriel Agreste, Adrien had moved to Canada to finish his studies. He hadn't said a word to anyone apart from leaving a carefully typed letter for Nino, Alya and Marinette. He'd deleted all his social media, changed his number, and went off the radar for years. Even if she hadn't been hung up on him anymore when he left - seemingly forever - it had been disheartening, and she had never felt as much hate for Hawkmoth as when she sat next to Alya on her and Nino's dark orange couch and listened to their friend read the cold sounding letter, tears silently streaming down his face.

Adrien and her had become very close friends over the years, and she had been so worried. He was the first thing that went through her mind when she saw the villain that had been terrorizing Paris for years turn into Gabriel right in front of her eyes. She had almost wanted to cover it up, just so Adrien wouldn't have to suffer. But she knew she couldn't, and Chat was already on him. Recent tabloids had talked about him possibly having come back to France a few weeks ago, but there were no clear pictures or official news yet. Some magazines venomously suggested he had come back for his father, who would probably be released sometime next year, which wasn't so far away.

"Should i...put them on?" Marinette asked tentatively.

"If you think you're ready..."

The girl inhaled and exhaled sharply before taking the earrings out of the box and putting them on.

✍ ✍ ✍

Chapter 2!

Thanks for reading! :D Follow the tag if you’d like!!

#Fate's Predicament #Miraculous #fanfic #mlb #marinette cheng #adrien agreste #chat noir #ladybug #alya cesaire #nino lahiffe #adrinette #marichat #ladrien #ladynoir #zagtoon #idk what else to tag #sigh #read this plz thnx

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pankopop · 7 years

Text

(Dis)Content Creators

Youtubers, 2014’s lasting models of Harrasment, and how the internet is suddenly a lot more left than you’d think.

(Note: pardon the messy mishmash of Unicѻde characters here and there, I’d rather not be part of the witch hunt for masturbatory mass-debαting, and I find flying under the S.E.O. radar helps that endeavor.)

Recently, Јѻntroп’s been acting the right dick. He’s never been the smartest cookie, and it’s not his paid job to be the shining example of internet public figuredom. But people are kinda reasonably pissed about his “whats wrong about locking refugees out lol” tweetstorm of late. And a lot of it, I’m sure, is a kind of disappointment. There’s a lot of people out there who look up to him, know his life story, and I guess for some reason expected more compassion from him.

To be honest, this isn’t super surprising to anyone who’s familiar with the circles of the Youtube creators. While there’s lots of crossover, and some inevitable bickering here and there, you can roughly feel out the corners of the map.

There’s a contingent of mostly fairly funny and talented animators who met on Nҽwgrѻunds and ended up on Youtube (which ended up sucking for said animators). It’s a tremendous shame that the general humor of the group turned so obsessively toward “Fҽmιnαzϊ SЈש censorship” and anti-sheeple insular rhetoric. But nonetheless, they and Јѻn ended up being quite close knit, and yeah, of course he was going to be a bit emboldened.

Јѻn has always been a bit politically green – I remember him in a podcast (might have been one of the old TGS Co-Optionαl podcasts) where he was trying to defend his claim that people shouldn’t get mad about videogame representations of women, with a woman present. It was like watching a cat fight its collar. He was a consequence free child of the 2007 internet age where “rape” and “retarded” were words to throw out for shock effect. He ended up on rҽddιt, the magical internet island of lost boys who never grow up. Women aren’t oppressed, racism is over, yadda yadda.

In turn, a symbolic partnership with Sӑrgѻп of Ѧkҟӓd, a non-face of gӑṃеrgatҽ, was nothing special. It doesn’t take much to join in the circle jerk; tweet about cultish sheeple being racist toward MEN and you’ve earned yourself a seat.

Still, how dangerous can the partnership of such a pop icon and a chin stroking self-acclaimed genius of a cock get? How will this play out?

To be honest, I think it’s been playing out since it began. It got us into this political mess, and remains the swarming gadflies of twitter we know and love today.

MECHANISMS OF THE GATE

This cybercultural partnership between pop culture and the rҽichwing should remind us about the ways in which Gӑṃеrgatҽ still affects the current political climate, specifically in online spheres. Notably, it’s interesting to see the cultural attitudes remain the same. Even in the face of finding something absolutely ridiculous to defend, the urge to take the pseudo-philosophical discѻurse to fucking prove intellectual superiority™ is apparently too delicious.

During my Bachelor, I researched that 2014 pissbaby fiasco to death. I would work it in to whatever essay I could, and for a while compulsively hoarded every available peer- reviewed article on online-shittiness-culture I could find. Something I wrote a lot about when I was filtering through gӑṃеrgatҽ’s language was not only a unified lexicon of insult, posturing, and argumentation, but a specific frameworks and ideologies of rationality.

Almost all of gӑṃеrgatҽ was hinged on insisting on two things:

-Race doesn’t exist, it’s not a thing, so stop making it a thing. If you’re talking about race, then you’re using PoC as an argumentative crutch, and surely no better than a racist. Erasure must occur, because I don’t want to have to defend my view that whiteness is normalcy.

-Gender does exist, it’s binary, and all common-sense differences between genders are rooted in biological fact. For example, women don’t play real video games because their biological drive for empathy stops them from shooting baddies.

(Queerness, and expression thereof, are often side stepped. Usually lumped into the race category - “gay people have nothing to do with it”. Sometimes lumped into the gender category, as often non-normative heteromasculinity is seen as performed.)

Regarding race, it is an argument of who belongs. Regarding gender, it is an argument of who is superior. These tenets of social structure in the world of “whoever debates wins” are still smeared across the comment sections of the world today. It’s only been two and a half years. The people who felt empowered in the gӑṃеrgatҽ movement will hold these attitudes close.

It appears to me that the biology-backed “common-sense” ideologies regarding gender superiority remain at wild play here. It’s a language of caricatures, and the SЈש is a woman.

The ideological transposition seems to go like this:

The woman, who lacks rationality, and is more prone to emotional outbursts of empathy. is not endowed, biologically, with the clearheaded, objective rationality of men. Therefore, even their empathy is comparatively feigned and weightless, and like the difference between a three year old crying over spilt milk vs. a grown man’s grievance over the death of a loved one.

The thing about worldviews like this is that once the first egg becomes a chicken, it doesn’t take long for the chicken to lay an egg.

Where maybe at first, the SЈש was a kind of woman, but types and tokens blur. All women become likely SЈשs. Women become SЈשs when they have a point that doesn’t align with a man. Eventually, the SЈש is just the woman out of line, refusing to virtuously lick the philosopher-king’s boots and parrot their objectivities.

But this accusation would be an affront to a gӑṃеrgatҽ-minded uberṃҽinsch! Pure sexism actually! Who’s talking about gender here!? We were only talking about how SЈשs are unreasonable! YOU’RE the one being sexist.

You can trace some of that same DNA of the Discѻurse™ around the refugee crisis. As soon as you reframe/move the goalposts of a racist problem to a Nationality problem, then you cannot by definition be islamophobic, because you’re not talking about humans anymore. You’re talking geography. Even though you did just totally say something incredibly racist, it doesn’t count cuz the tweet was deleted.

I’ve seen the term “Virtue Positioning” being tossed around recently. It’s interesting to note that as the subjects for debate get bloodier and messier and death counts become necessarily attributed to it, the goobermeinsch’s rebuttal is that empathy is sidestepping the issue. Who cares if people die, the important part is I’m taking you to town in INTELLECTUAL CHESS! WHOO! (It matters not that I will only frame the debate in ways where I win).

The positioning that’s actually going on is ideological frameworks of gender being set up so that the left is female, the right is male, and therefore the right wins. It’s what fuelled gӑṃеrgatҽ in 2014, and I guess the tactic’s effective enough to keep around.

“WHATEVER-DUDE” SOLUTIONS

What do you do when confronted then? I feel it would be pointless bringing this similarity up and leaving it hanging. If there’s been two years of resisting this harassment, then there’s gotta be some methods to employ.

When you’re asked to play house-rules calvinball, you know that you’re not going to win any medals. What can debate possibly hope to accomplish right now?

“Whatever dude. Have a good life.”

We are not here to debate. We are here to donate. We are here to protest. We are here to resist.

(DISCLAIMER: I mean, for god’s sake listen to the people who have legitimate problems and call-outs. Intersectionality is not divisive, it is the all-too-frayed twine that will unite people together, and everyone resisting would do well to strengthen our bonds with allies by throwing out our fuckhead perceptions about immutable goodness of the ego.)

The march does not halt to win over a “well AAAAaactually...” Your arguments belong with the demanding of accountability. Your energy should be spent doing what you can to help those who you can help. Internet progressives, just do your thing. Be there for the oppressed, and win the day - or as many days you can.

The Right’s not winning people over right now – when you get what you want out of a scam, you don’t hang around and try to patch up friendships. The thing about supporting and defending fascism is that before long, they turn you into an outsider. It doesn’t matter who you are, if your eyebrows are a bit too thick you’ll become a muslim. Your sexual deviancy makes you dangerous. Your chronic illness makes you a leech. Could just be a wrong place, wrong time. No matter how many boots you lick, they will step on you.

Sooner or later, people will see the trouble they’re in. They’ll convert. The Right’s numbers are always borrowed. Until that point, we’re gonna look real cultish to the cult. That’s how cults work: the world’s gone to shit and you’re the only “sane” ones.

YOUR HEROES ARE LEFT

There’s at least one silver lining to this cross-section of internet personality and this general craziness: a good majority of Youtube personalities know what’s up. In the last few weeks, I’ve seen a lot of people drop the apolitical guise. It’s not that they were centrists before - talking politics was just dodgy in the industry. But there’s a healthy amount of “fuck it” right now, and I’m happy for all of those sore, long-bitten tongues. I’m glad there’s enough of a contingent of generally older, 20+ viewers and consumers and patrons to send words of support and relief that their podcast hosts aren’t ทαzi sympathizers. There’s still a wall of sludge, but skins are being quickly hardened.

I’m most happy for all the kids. All of those 15 year olds who thought they were on the culture war’s hateful winning side, to wake up one day and their twitter feed is filled with distressed, active, and empathetic people. Marching and resisting.

Although it’s certainly not the entire story, a lot of these personalities are looked up to. They are the adults who “get” videogames, who talk about Anime and comic books – they’re 2017’s equivalent to the cool record shop owner in the 70’s who introduces you to punk.

I hope this “fuckit” storm shattered a lot of assumptions, and I hope that it spurs a reconsidering of the places where the good stuff on the internet comes from. (Hint: it’s not hatred).

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