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#there was a weird time in like...May of 2018
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Why's everyone gotta put all the attention on werewolves? Where's the love for bull peppino or even catboy peppino?!?! They need attention too!!!
(People are furries, I guess (lighthearted)
But really I do not know! Even tho he won that poll ages ago, Bull Peppino got like one ask (which was an M!A, so I save those for the story) and Catboy Peppino got no love lfdldf
I would like to draw them more (yes, even werepino), but getting spammed with just 'more more more' very much soured that, unfortunately)
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abalidoth · 1 year
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Huh. Just passed both 2 years of HRT and 6 months with the new name. My 2nd orchiversary is in a couple months. All that stuff feels like it's been forever and no time at all, simultaneously.
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mini-uzzy · 1 year
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5am and I'm feeling gay and yearning
#does not help that i just finished a cute romance#and im single for the first time in years and years#this is gonns be ny first single valentines fay in fucking five years#wow that's wild. remembering all the people i spent valentines day with#shit. six years. i forgot someone. my first lonely valentines day in six years#this is also the longest ive been single since i started dating#the longest before now was like three months. im now hitting six months#thats wild to think about. ive been almost constantly in a relationship since i had my first bf#and the last three years were with the same person#idk why thats all hitting me now#i have a crush on someone but idk if its because i truly like her#or because im lonely and not used to being alone for this long. yknow? or maybe ive just been reading toi many romances lately#but christ. hitting myself with those stats. i started dating in 2018#i started dating him in may and we broke up in june. then november 2018 i dated a guy for 8 months. i still miss him but just as a friend#we broke up in july. then i had a weird fwb thing starting in like september or october whoch lasted for a month or so#a few months maybe. idk its hard to define that shit. then in january i had a bf for like two months#and about a month after we broke up i got a gf and we dated for three years. and we just recently broke up#its weird beig single. it's hard. i dont care for it#but i refuse to get into another relationship. or try to. until i know whether i actually like her or im just lonely#hrm this post turned kinda sad. anyway irs 5am and i have a long day ahead of me. i should go to bed
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heroesriseandfall · 6 months
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Jason Todd & Chronic Pain
I scrounged for the panels I know from Rebirth about Jason still having lingering pain and injuries from when the Joker killed him. We know Jason had substantial injuries and brain damage when he was resurrected, and Talia healed that with the Lazarus pit. But here’s some I know of being mentioned even after Talia healed him with the Lazarus pit.
The first I know of is when evil future Batman Tim targeted Jason’s hip because of a Joker-related injury that he claimed would eventually become debilitating for Jason. This move does take Jason out of the fight so it definitely seems like evil Tim successfully aggravated the injury.
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Detective Comics #968 (Jan 2018) — earlier in #966 Batman Tim also mentioned future Jason would eventually lose an eye and a leg while fighting assassins.
More recently, regular, not-evil Tim referenced it while evaluating how to fight a Clayface Jason mimic:
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Tim Drake: Robin #3 (Jan 2023) — Tim says the pit brought Jason back, which has sometimes been a thing. Originally Jason was only healed by the pit after he’d already been resurrected by something else.
This next one was black label, so it may or may not be canon (the creative team claims “it’s up to reader interpretation” and disagree on whether they personally think it is canon). I’m not a fan of the comic but it did pretty clearly indicate Jason had chronic pain from the Joker:
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Batman: Three Jokers #2 (Nov 2020)
(There might be more than these—my reading of post flashpoint comics is kinda random and incomplete compared to my reading of post-Crisis. In post-Crisis though I think they mainly put emphasis on Jason’s destabilized mental health and didn’t really bring up physical aspects IIRC. His brain damage seemed healed and yet he seemed more affected after the pit than other one-time-in-the-pit characters like Dinah Lance or Cass Cain were.)
They haven’t bothered explaining how the pit didn’t heal them so far as I know (the pits kinda work to authorial convenience anyway). My route is usually to blame any weird Jason stuff on the strange, multiversal circumstances of his resurrection, but versions of his origin where he’s only brought back by the pit might not jive with that (which includes some Rebirth IIRC).
In any case, I do hope more writers pick up on this more and I love to see when it’s expanded upon a bit in fandom. I would already consider Jason’s mental health to be a disabling issue for him but it’s neat sometimes to have writers recognize chronic pain-related issues among DC characters. (I’d love to also see more expansion of Bruce mentioning he experienced chronic pain…it pops up every so often but rarely if ever in depth.)
Alt text is copied and expanded upon under read more below.
ID 1: Two panels from Detective Comics #968 showing Jason Todd as Red Hood leaping to fight evil future Batman Tim Drake. Jason says, “Sorry, Timmy, I don’t believe in Santa Claus.” Batman Tim slams his staff directly into Jason’s right hip joint, sending him flying back, and says, “Jason. In a few years you were going to learn that one of your bones never set right after the Joker killed you. There’s a growing debilitating bone spur in your hip joint. There, I found it for you you’re welcome.” They’re both in the batcave.
ID 2: A cropped panel from Tim Drake: Robin #3 showing a red narration box for Tim Drake which says: “The Lazarus Pit may have brought Jason back from the dead, but he’s still sensitive where The Joker killed him.”
ID 3: A comic page from Batman: Three Jokers #2. A Joker leans in Jason Todd’s face, looking intense and serious. The Joker says, “Who is the Joker, really? We’re going to find out.” The word “out” is written in an extended sing-songy way. The Jokers put Jason’s Red Hood helmet over his head but they’ve decorated it with a wide Joker-style grin. The two Jokers laugh, then one says, “We’ve spent considerable time trying to best answer that question: who is the Joker? We found that judge. A serial killer. A surgeon. All rather predictable and uninspiring. And then there’s you. Tell me something. Why would you put on that helmet and call yourself Red Hood after what we did?” Jason, who is sitting naked tied to the wooden chair, says, “Come on. Is every one of you copycats gonna ask me the same thing? It’s a joke.” One of the Jokers holds up a crowbar as the other says, “A joke? We left you with brain damage and permanent nerve pain. Physical and emotional trauma so severe that the only relief you ever find is when you inflict pain on others.” The Joker holds the crowbar by Jason’s head. “You and me, boy…..We’re more alike than you’d care to admit.”
ID 4: A comic page from Batman: Three Jokers #2 showing Jason Todd with no shirt on and small bandages on various parts of his arms and face. He looks at a calendar on a wall and reads the crossed out days that have physical therapy sessions written on them. He sees a stack of various healing and exercise books. The top book is titled Chronic Pain Management by Dr. D. Kresan. He picks it up. Barbara Gordon as Batgirl enters a different, dark room through a window.
ID 5: A comic page from Batman: Three Jokers #2 showing Barbara Gordon as Batgirl entering her own bedroom. She says, “Jason?” She sees a book on her bed titled “Chronic Pain Management” by Dr. D. Kresan. Jason says, “Barbara?” and walks out of the attached bathroom with only a towel around his waist. Babs says, “I figured you’d left.” Jason says, “I hope it’s okay I used the shower and I…I didn’t mean to go through your things. The closet door was open and that book looked…useful.” Babs says, “It was. Are you okay?” Jason has small bandages and bruises on his face as he says, “I don’t think I’ve ever been okay.” Babs looks concerned. Jason continues saying, “What the Joker said…about how I’ve been on the path to being like them for years…they’re not wrong. I don’t want to be like them though. I really don’t. You believe that, right?” Babs says, “I’m willing to.” Then Jason says, “Can I ask you something?”
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nights-at-crystarium · 9 months
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As a twitter/tumblr user since 2010-2011, I believe I have sufficient grounds to say that currently we as a community are living through the scariest, shittiest time yet. This post isn’t trying to fearmonger, no I’m not leaving tumblr until it literally keels over, but I suggest that we don’t put all our eggs in one basket.
If twitter/tumblr stay usable, great! In the worse scenario, you’d have kept posting on a new platform and stayed ahead of the curve.
This post shares my personal experience with three potential “new”* fandom places, and is aimed to help fellow content creators. I’m an artist fully depending on internet to survive, my reasoning may not apply to you if you’re a hobbyist. Do your own research, it’s always healthy. * Pillowfort and mastodon have been around for 5+ years, bluesky is ~2 years old.
Discovering new people to follow kinda sucks on all three platforms, twitter and tumblr are eons ahead, but, given the recent chaos and uncertainty, I’m willing to be patient, keep posting on those, and feel safer than I would’ve otherwise been. More baskets good, one basket bad.
All three have poor visual customization, don’t expect custom tumblr themes.
This list starts with the least popular, but most human and easy to join, and what I personally trust the most. All three allow nsfw if labeled properly.
✦ Pillowfort is a barebones tumblr. Intuitive, cozy, but currently very, very small. Be patient with its clunkiness or lack of some features, it’s made by an AO3-like team. I’d personally love if the fandom crowd managed to redirect its attention to it instead of the sus bluesky.
Joining: is free, invite-only, but the waitlist is nearly instant.
Lurk around on their official tumblr: @/pillowfort-social
✦ Mastodon, for me personally, is impossible to explain directly. I’ll use several comparisons.
- Discord but all servers can interact. You’re still on a server curated by some human(s) that might tell you what you can and can’t post, BUT, if you don’t like that server’s policy, you can move to a new one while keeping your followers. - Email, users A and B may be registered on different domains, still they can talk. It’s a weird comparison, but fediverse (please I’m not explaining THAT but it’s a good thing) in general looks like another email story: unlike big sites that come and go, it might stand the test of time. - Someone compared mastodon’s structure to xiv’s dc and servers, if you look at its domain names that way, it might be easier to understand.
Depending on user, mastodon may feel gatekeepy/snowflakey. I haven’t spent enough time on there to form a proper opinion yet, but a warning’s due.
An actually good and hopeful thing about mastodon AND tumblr: the two might start interacting in future. Ever lamented that your fav asian artists don’t use tumblr? If they use misskey, or any other place on the fediverse, it might be possible to follow them directly from tumblr in future, and vice versa.
Joining: is free, however some servers close for new members sometimes, and have human moderators reviewing your request.
✦ Bluesky is a twitter without Musk: today’s average internet user reads this, drops everything and already looks to register there. It’s still sus, but people flock to it like crazy. Most likely to become the next big fandom place in my eyes, even if I’m not happy about that.
I personally have no good feelings about bluesky. Same as twitter, which I hated even before the 2018 tumblr exodus, yet the crowd decided to make it The New Fandom Place, and, grudgingly, I had to give up and also join them in 2022. During the year I haven’t stopped despising twitter, yet, I can’t deny that it helped me survive. I estimate half of my patrons, and, hell, even tumblr audience, comes from twitter. So, if bluesky ends up being the next hot shit, I’ll have to keep up because internet pays for my living.
Joining: is free but hell, invite-only, the waitlist is a lie, your best chance to join is a direct invite.
This’s all I’ve got to say for now. If you have a correction or an addition, replies/reblogs are welcome!
Screenshots of the current interfaces under the cut, you may spy on my profiles o/
Pillowfort
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Bluesky
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restinslices · 5 months
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The Obsession Is Returning
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Y’all may not know, but I really like On My Block and I was thinking of the show again and I started wondering smth…
how do y’all think Oscar would react if Cesar had a friend that wasn’t afraid of him? Like, if my memory is correct, the kids were spooked when he was around. Now as the show went on the kids became more comfortable around him (besides Monse. He LAUGHED in season 3 and she fr got mad but moving on) but what if Cesar had a friend who was never scared of him, almost stupidly so, and said the most outta pocket shit.
Like, you’re ranting to him during that lockdown/lock-in/the shit that happened in season one and he’s like “I do not care” and you’re like “well you can’t go anywhere so sucks to suck I guess”. Idk, maybe it’s because I’m sleepy but that shit would be funny cause why tf did you tell that man his wardrobe is ass? Yes he has a bunch of long socks, let that shit go.
And when the Santos got all hype at that party and broke the truce? Oh gosh. “The truce was gonna break anyway but really Oscar? Since we on the topic, who the fuck was the guy that proposed the idea. I got a lot a shit I gotta say to y’all”. You could probably talk a bunch of shit cause what is he gonna do? SHOOT YOU? I hope not.
Y’all would have a more unhinged relationship than him and Jamal cause at least Jamal watches his mouth (somewhat) around him. Your dumbass would- “who decided the wardrobe for this gang?” “I just feel like being around bald dudes all day is weird but idk, that’s just me” “actually sit the fuck down. Or don’t. You got a gun, I don’t” “I know nothing of the streets. I behave. You don’t.” “Why do people in gangs refuse to say ‘happy birthday’? What the fuck is a ‘happy g day’?” “Aight gang - not like THAT though”.
I feel like the friendship would be gradual cause at first he’s like “why the fuck do you keep talking to me?”. Time skip and now this nigga knows your birthday. Can I say nigga on tumblr? We gon see what happens. Y’all go from “go do anything else besides talking to me” to “you ain’t text me all day. What’s up?”. This show came out in 2018. I was 13. I am 18 now. I am still in love with this man and that’s never gonna change. We ignore season 4. He never died. Y’all imagined that shit. He’s healthy and doing great.
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lilyrizzy · 6 months
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max & daniel's relationship, told through 13 years of max's google searches. thank you to @catofthecanals289 and @lajnias for reading through this for me!!! also on ao3
2010-2015
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2016
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IP: 195.78.0.67 Location: Monaco. 25th May 2016
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IP Location: 173.176.160.149 Montreal, Canada. 12th June 2016
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IP: 195.78.0.67 Location: Monaco. 3rd December 2016
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IP: 195.78.0.67 Location: Monaco. 1st June 2017
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IP: 116.229.74.4 Location: Shanghai, China. 16th April 2018
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IP: 195.78.0.67 Location: Monaco. 25th December 2018
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IP 162.89.0.47  Location Austin, TX, United States of America. 1st November 2019
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3rd  November 2019
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2020
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18th April 2020
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20th April 2020
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2021
IP: 94.79.192.0 Location: Bahrain. 27th March 2021
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1st January 2022
11:02 - how to plan a wedding
2022
IP: 217.13.124.105 Location: Barcelona, Spain. 11th March 2022
09:33 - home remedies for covid
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09:41 - what happens if you get long covid?
09:43 - is 32 considered vulnerable covid
09:54 - how bad is covid at the moment?
09:59 - flower delivery barcelona
11:34 - can you catch covid from swallowing come?
IP: 50.73.157.178 Location: Miami, FL, USA. 6th May 2022
20:12 - my boyfriend isn’t eating and I’m worried
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20:26 - cheesecake recipe
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21:23 - how to tell my boyfriend one of their friends is a bad influence in a nice way
IP: 217.13.124.105 Location: Barcelona, Spain. 22nd May 2022
19:01 - fastest flights from perth to monaco first class
19:23 - is it better to book your in-laws a hotel or invite them to stay with you
IP: 195.78.0.67 Location: Monaco. 28th May 2022
16:41 - sergio perez cheater
16:45 - how to get a colleague fired
IP: 195.78.0.67 Location: Monaco. 2nd June 2022
00:37 - is it normal that my boyfriend doesnt want to have sex anymore?
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IP: 46.17.160.235 Location: Silverstone, United Kingdom. 29th June 2022
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IP: 91.118.57.178 Location: Spielberg, Austria. 10th July 2022
22:41 - is my boyfriend depressed?
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23:23 - what to do when you feel like you can’t help someone
23:51 - how to help someone feel loved
IP: 195.78.0.67 Location: Monaco. 13th July 2022
23:12 - therapist monaco
IP: 193.224.221.253 Location: Budapest, Hungary. 31st July 2022
23:31 - how to hire a hitman
23:35 - can you go to prison for googling how to hire a hitman?
IP: 94.198.47.80 Location, Ibiza, Spain. 8th August 2022
14:12 - is it nepotism to get your boyfriend a job if nobody knows you’re dating?
14:16 - is nepotism really that bad?
14:26 - how to make an idea seem like your boss’s idea
IP: 109.237.220.159 Location: Zandvoort, Netherlands 5th September 2022
00:42 - my boyfriend just got fired and now he wants me to pretend i’m getting him pregnant
IP: 219.75.27.16 Location Singapore. 2nd October 2022
22:51 - zak brown memes
IP: 14.132.233.40 Location: Suzuka, Japan 8th October 2022
23:11 - I can’t stop thinking about getting my boyfriend pregnant help
IP: 162.89.0.47 Location: Austin, Tx, United States of America. 20th October 2022
14:22 - best way to tell someone you are proud of them
IP: 132.248.80.172 Location: Mexico City, Mexico. 27th October 2022
17:46 - buffalo bills game tickets
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IP: 34.95.186.29 Location: São Paulo, Brazil 13th November 2022
22:51 - vintage red bull beanie
IP: 217.164.96.105 Location: Abu Dhabi United Arab Emirates. 19th November 2022
21:31 - how to prove to someone that you’re going to stay no matter what
21:54 - registry office perth
& 2023
“Max,” Daniel calls to him from the bedroom, just as he is rinsing the shampoo from his hair. Not wanting shampoo in his eyes or his mouth, Max keeps them all firmly shut.
“Baby?” Daniel says again, louder.
The warm water is a gentle relief running over his sweat sticky skin, nowhere near the scalding temperatures Daniel sets their shower to at home. It’s why Max had insisted that they clean off separately, the Austin heat far too much for Max to endure boiling water too, despite Daniel’s pouting and dramatic insistence that Max couldn’t just ‘fuck and flee.”
“Yes,” he calls when all the suds are safely sliding past his shoulders, but he didn’t need to shout. When he opens his eyes he sees Daniel leaning against the doorway with a smirk, still wearing his unbuttoned satin shirt, cowboy hat and nothing else. His wedding ring sits heavy on his finger, and Max thumbs over the matching one on his own hand.
Max’s come is a shiny presence he can still see smeared between Daniel’s thighs.
The sight of him makes Max’s dick twitch. Daniel notices and his grin only widens.
“Baby,” he says again, too sweet. “Baby, why is your most recent Google search is it weird that my husband saying yeehaw makes me come?”
And just like that, Max suddenly longs for a hot shower, an excuse for why his cheeks start to burn red.
“Why are you snooping through my phone?” He demands, forcing himself not to turn away casually and instead keep rubbing the hotel’s own body wash under his armpits.
“I wasn’t snooping,” Daniel says easily, “I was looking to get us some ribs delivered, my phone died at the track, remember?”
Max makes a noncommittal noise because vaguely he does remember Daniel saying he needed to put it on charge. That was before Max started pawing at him the moment the hotel door shut behind them though, and then it had been forgotten by both of them.
There’s just the noise of the extractor fan whirring for a moment, but Daniel doesn’t move. When Max sneaks a glance at him, he’s still leaning against the door frame looking amused.
“Sooo.” He drawls out the word in the stupid Texas accent that Max wishes he didn’t find so strangely sexy. “Are we going to talk about this, little lady, or-“
“Nope,” Max says firmly, turning off the shower.
Daniel nods. It makes the lights of the bathroom catch on his chain and Max- Max really wants to fuck him again.
“What about the one below it?” He asks, “Daniel Ricciardo Austin 2023 photos?”
“Nope,” Max says again, stepping out of the shower and reaching for his towel. He’s smiling now too, because he knows that beneath Daniel’s teasing that one will have made him happy to see.
“Okay,” Daniel says, then he unlocks Max’s phone. “What about how to ask my husband to-“
“Daniel,” Max interrupts, taking the phone from his hand and putting it into the empty sink. “Do you want to read more of my internet history, or do you want to get back on the bed and play good cowboy, bad cowboy again?”
Daniel grins, takes the cowboy hat from his head and puts it onto Max’s. When his arms wind around Max, the silky fabric of his shirt presses cool against Max’s shower-warm skin, his nipples.
“Well, when you put it like that,” Daniel says, leaning in to put his mouth on the skin just beneath Max’s ear. “Yeehaw, baby.”
Max laughs and pinches Daniel’s ass, at the same time as his dick twitches again. Backing him out of the bathroom, towards the bed, his phone is forgotten in the bathroom.
Google never had all the answers when it came to them, anyway.
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genericpuff · 1 month
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So this is random, sorry, but someone I know is reading a touch of darkness (I think you've mentioned it here before) and oh my gods your right?? It's literally just LO in book format instead of a Webtoon. Persephone and Hades in a "modern" setting except this time he's a gambling den owner instead of running a corporation that stands in for the underworld. Persephone is a student at university etc etc until she happens to run into Hades (and is already weirdly fascinated with him for some odd reason). Enemies to lovers tropes out the wazoo, badly written smut etc. Like wow I know there's bound to be some overlap but this feels almost copy pasted. It's like a weird vicious cycle of the modern era where we keep getting the same tired Hades and Persephone story of "their in love really and they hurt people but it's hot and Demeter is a helicopter mom" that follow the same formula. Why is it such a thing? LO, a touch of darkness, losing beauty etc. There's so many of them.
OMG SO I HAVE A FUNNY STORY ABOUT THAT ACTUALLY LOL
a pal sent me this a couple weeks back and uh. I'm like 95% sure this person is talking about A Touch of Darkness:
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That said, I think it's really ironic that people are trying to 'report' whatever book this could be considering the characters in LO are not really Rachel's 'characters', but A Touch of Darkness is SUPER egregious with how much it ripped off LO. It came out in May 2019, and LO started in the Originals section in March 2018, though it was on Tumblr before that so I don't think it's far-fetched to think that Scarlett St. Claire read LO and was 'inspired' to write a novel that was exactly the same.
The reader here though says that LO came out 3-4 years before this unnamed series, which does make me think it could be something else, but it's also "series of novels" which A Touch of Darkness definitely is at this point.
So yeah, this could either go nowhere due to Rachel not owning anything when it comes to the Greek myth characters in her 'retelling', or it could lead to the smackdown of the century LOL
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wlw-imagines · 1 year
Text
No Truth In It - Amelia Shepherd/Reader (Grey’s Anatomy)
request: I love your stories!!!! Could you do one with Amelia Shepherd where she and the reader decide to be in a fake relationship for whatever reason you'd like and then eventually it turns into a real relationship? If you do, thank you so much in advance!!! - anon
a/n: these are from my old tumblr thefandomwritings from back in 2018 ! re-vamped and re-purposed!! hope u enjoy and forgive the 2018 me style writing
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Your day had started as a relatively normal day at the hospital. In some ways and in some people's opinions it may not have been normal at all but of course, it had to be taken in perspective.
But you were sure that in anyone's opinion what happened next was somewhat absurd.
The sound of hurried footsteps slowly drew your attention away from the chart you were holding and onto Amelia, power marching down the corridor looking frazzled and slightly panicky. Upon spotting you she smiled and dragged you away from the nurses you had been standing near and whispered, "You have to pretend to be my girlfriend."
"Excuse me?" You asked, taking time to actually look at the woman in front of you, quickly checking for any signs of her needing medical assistance. Surely she needed medical assistance. 
She just smiled innocently at you, leaving you feeling ever so slightly bewildered.
"My ex is- you just have to trust me.” She rambled on, still in a bit of a frenzy. “Pretend we're in love."
"I-"
She looked behind you, before interrupting your attempts at making sense of any of this with one demand. "Kiss me."
"I’m sorry... what?" Before you could do, think, or say anything else, Amelia had pulled on the lapels of your coat and brought your body as close to hers as she could. She held your gaze for a few moments and you returned a slightly startled look before she cocked her head to the side slightly. You frowned, nodding a little. Sometimes it was just easier to go along with Amelia’s plans than question them. 
Her eyes softened and she smiled, slowly moving forward and brushing your lips with her own. Your hands almost instinctively moved to her waist and hers were cupping your chin, keeping you close to her.
"Ahem, Amelia?" A feminine voice brought you back down to reality and you quickly parted from your colleague, taking a step back and clearing your throat. "Amelia Shepherd!"
"Oh, Joanne... Hi." You watched as she smiled at the woman, a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes making you curious about what was going on (and even more confused in general).
Joanne plowed on, "How are things? What are you up to now? How is the whole rehab thing going?" Asking one question after another. You found that you couldn't help but glare at this Joanne woman for asking such an invasive question and so you took a protective step towards Amelia way more quickly than you had previously stepped away from her. "Oh, and who is this?" She went on to ask, pointing at you but making a point of not looking at you.
Amelia glanced at you and smiled, "This is Y/N. She's my, uh, my girlfriend." You hesitated, sending her another alaramed look before smiling and nodding, eventually deciding that - fuck it - if the only way to be Amelia's girlfriend was through this weird situation of making a possible ex jealous (if that’s what was going on?) then you might as well go for it.
"Oh. Right, you moved on quick." Joanne laughed at her own comment. You felt Amelia tense up next to you and quickly held her back by wrapping an arm around her waist and holding her close to you. She glanced at you and softened again, taking a deep breath. "Well, I must admit that the real reason I came to seek you out today was to give you this."
The woman rummaged in her bag for a few moments, giving you time to properly look at her. It struck you that she really didn't seem like Amelia's type but maybe that was just wishful thinking. After all, the woman standing there was nothing like you and you wanted, more than anything, to be at least somewhat close to being Amelia's type.
Eventually, Joanne found what she was looking for and plucked out a deep pink envelope with a small sigh of satisfaction. She smiled, with a little glint in her eye, as she handed it over to Amelia.
There was an awful silence as Amelia realised what it was, "A wedding invitation?"
"Yes, Josh and I are getting married-" She beamed.
"Wow." Amelia quietly mused but still Joanne carried on, loving the sound of her own voice way too much.
"And I thought you would just love to stop by on my big day... As long as you don't suddenly confess you're still in love with me." She laughed again at her own comment. Your eyes widened at this strange woman and this weird encounter and at the fact that your assumptions had been correct.
"Great."
"Don't worry darling, you're more than welcome to bring a guest. Maybe your roommate or something. Although promise to keep that ghastly woman away from my family. You know they weren't big fans of your friends."
Amelia scoffed, "Sorry, what?" You could see how uncomfortable she was in this situation and to try and make it better, you did the only thing you could think of doing: Make this woman as jealous as you could.
"I'm sure Amelia would love to come but I'm afraid she's...” Your mouth had opened before your brain had decided on something to say, shit. Come on brain! “I'm- we're going house hunting." Okay, so maybe you weren't so great at this whole improv thing.
"Oh?"
You gulped and nodded, "Yes, I-" Amelia brightened up next to you, a cunning smile setting on her face.
"Y/N, surely we can put that on hold until next weekend? We wouldn't want to miss Joanne's wedding, of all things." Joanne tilted her head and let out an unimpressed little laugh.
"You mean, you're bringing her?" She finally looked directly at you, only to scoff and shake her head.
Amelia took hold of your hand again and brought it up to her lips, kissing your skin gently, "Of course."
You frowned, not intending to get yourself this deep in Amelia's dating drama, "You are?" You asked, trying to subtly shake your head.
"Yes. Maybe we can get some inspiration for our wedding." She beamed at you.
Joanne's smile quickly faded and she nodded, "Oh... well. That's just lovely. Marvellous, amazing." She muttered, evidently already hating your guts. "Anyway, I really should get going. I look forward to seeing you there, although if house hunting is planned I really wouldn't want you to miss out."
Amelia fake gasped and shook her head, "Oh, of course not. We're excited, right?" She squeezed your hand and you sighed.
"So excited." You said as sarcastically as you could. Standing next to each other and watching Joanne leave instantly made you feel better. You shuddered slightly and, once again, took a step away from Amelia, "What a vile woman." You muttered, picking your patient's chart back up and trying to focus - stop thinking about the kiss.
"I moved on fast? I moved on fast? She's the one that's getting married for fuck's sake!" Amelia ranted, frustratedly pacing beside you. You rolled your eyes and just grunted in response, trying to pretend your charts were more interesting.
"Mhmm."
"And the way she talked about my friends? Referring to them like that? Fuck you, Joanne." The fuming woman next to you stuck both her middle fingers up in the direction Joanne had left in.
"You do realise, she's gone?" You smiled, finally giving in and leaving your chart to the side.
"Well, I know that." She grumbled and pouted slightly. You both stood in silence for a few seconds, side by side, until Amelia perked up slightly, "But hey, we can show her what's what at her wedding, right? We can prepare. It'll be great-"
You shook your head and turned to face her, "Woah, no. We- I am not going to that wedding." The look on Amelia's face almost made you take it immediately back but then you remembered Joanne was a real life nightmare stuck in a human body, "Oh, come on, I don't know the woman! I don't want to know the woman. She sucks. What the hell were you doing dating her?"
"I know, okay? But firstly, I just want to say thank you for what you just did for me and also-"
"No, we're not going to the wedding. All right? I refuse." You firmly stood your ground, avoiding eye contact with Amelia.
"Why not?"
"Because!"
"Because?" She prompted, shuffling closer to you as she tried to catch your eye, "Hey, besides, I want to show off my girlfriend." You could see her grin slightly in the corner of your eye and you laughed, turning to her once again.
"You don't have a girlfriend!" Whilst there was a tiny ounce of hurt in her eyes, she pushed up her chin and raised an eyebrow.
"Come on! We're going. For me?” She tried again, but you stood firm. No way were you going to this wedding. “And you know, as your boss, I could always fire you if you say no." She smirked and started walking back down the corridor, the same way she had come.
You gasped slightly, "Amelia!"
"What, I'm just saying? Just think, there is bound to be a buffet. Free food?" She wriggled her eyebrows excitedly. You hid your laugh with a scoff and just shook your head. "See you for the wedding, gorgeous. I'll pick you up at 3:00." She shouted over her shoulder before rounding the corner and disappearing from sight.
Time to look for a wedding outfit then.
xxxxxxxxxxxx
"I hate you."
"You love me."
You sighed and crossed your arms over your chest, slouching in your chair, "There's no free buffet."
Amelia scoffed and nodded, "Which is great news." She took another swig at her water, finishing the glass.
"What? No." You shook your head like a small kid, "No, it's not. I've been here for 4 hours and it's the only thing I came for."
"Uh, it's great because it means it's a shit wedding. Everyone knows a great wedding has some kind of buffet." She smiled to herself before biting her lip and looking at your side profile. Even whilst you were sulking she had to admit you were cute, "And besides, I thought you came for my beauty and great skills of persuasion."
You hummed sarcastically, "Maybe the first one, definitely not the second." Amelia tried to hide her grin. Even if you were being sarcastic she still couldn't help the light blush creep onto her cheeks or a butterfly here and there in her stomach. She let the comfortable silence linger as she enjoyed the idea of being in a real relationship with you. The silence came to an end when she spotted a waiter carrying around slices of wedding cake, she called him down and took two slices.
"No free buffet but free cake is still good." She inched her chair closer to you, offering the cake as a symbol of peace. You gratefully took the cake and kissed Amelia's cheek.
Amelia sighed and looked at you in wonder, another great idea soon coming to her. She inched even closer to you and whispered in your ear.
"Hey, Joanne's looking, you gotta kiss me."
You frowned, looking around you, "What? Wher-"
Before you could finish, Amelia softly took your chin in her hand and turned your head to face her, "Hey, I don't make the rules." She softened her voice and slowly leant in, capturing every single feeling and memory that the kiss sparked. For a while, the two of you were in ignorant bliss, just using the excuse of making an ex jealous to move closer.
“Is she still there?” You asked, only inches away from Amelia.
“Let me check.” She looked over your shoulder behind you, and allowed a small frown to form before nodding, “Damn it, she is.”
“Oh, really?” You raised an eyebrow and Amelia shrugged, nodding.
“She’s walking over right now,” She looked back to you, “So we should probably kiss again. Only to make her jealous.”
You smiled, “You dated her for a while, right?” Amelia moved back slightly and slowly nodded, “Does she have a twin?”
She hesitates, clearly confused, “No, why?”
A small grin spread out onto your lips and you nodded over Amelia’s shoulder to the bride, her ex. “Just that I’m pretty sure she’s over there, not watching us.” You shrugged, “I wonder who you saw...” You make a show of looking over your shoulder, knowing that there she was never there to begin with.
“Okay, I’ve been rumbled.” Amelia admits and you turn back around to see her profusely blushing. 
You lightly squeeze her hand, “If I’d have thought of using that as an excuse, I would have a long time ago.”
She smiled warmly at you and pressed a kiss to your cheek, “You don’t need an excuse.”
Eventually you pulled slightly away, Amelia's hand still on your thigh, keeping you close. You took a minute just to look at the woman opposite you, really look at her, and to try and remember what this all felt like. It felt like home, like comfort. "Look, it's getting late. Shall I take you home?”
Amelia nodded, gathering her things, “God, I hate weddings.”
"Especially the ones without a buffet." You looked around at all the people trying to make conversation with the strangers next to them as you walked out of the building, desperately trying to avoid being caught by Joanne (which you were successful in).
Amelia looked down at the floor and linked arms with you, "I liked this one a little bit.”
"You did?"
"You made it more bearable."
"I try." You smiled, before moving your arm out from Amelia's and putting it on her lower back, "Come on, let's get you home."
"Mm, you're going to make such a great wife." She teased, getting into the car and shutting the door behind her.
The car ride back had been quick and full of comfortable silence. The radio had been on quietly and you had found yourself just humming along with Amelia next to you, staring at you every now and then.
It became worse once you had arrived at hers. The car ride silence was much more comfortable than this current torture anyway. You hated dating etiquette, especially when you weren't actually dating.
"So, thanks for being my fake partner." Amelia awkwardly smiled, getting her keys out and shuffling her feet as you both stood outside her doorway.
You nodded, "Any time."
She took a deep breath, turned to open the door before turning back to you and shooting you yet another awkward smile, with a little nervous laugh added in this time, "Couldn't have done it without you."
"Yeah, it's been a pleasure." You took a breath to say something, anything. Just so this wouldn't end but you came out with nothing. And all Amelia could add was another filler.
"Yes, good fun."
"Mhmm..." Even worse that all you could add was a noise. Why did brains fail to find the words to say when you needed them most? You were a doctor, for god's sake, you constantly worked under high pressure yet couldn't find a singular appropriate word to say.
You almost praised the lord when Amelia finally jumped the gun and said what you were hoping she would say from the very beginning of the night.
"Do you want to come in?" She hesitated but continued nevertheless, "I can put some coffee on and we can make out for a while." She asked as if it was the most innocent thing in the world. You let a grin spread on your face and let out relieved laugh.
"Now, that's what I'm talking about." You moved closer to her as she excitedly turned round to unlock her front door, "Obviously I'm only doing this as your fake girlfriend." You joked, still unable to cope without being awkward.
Amelia turned round again, standing in her hallway and shook her head, "Nope. Just as us, no fakeness about it." She took your hand to pull you in, and swiftly shut the door behind you.
"That definitely works for me." You nodded before rushing forward back into Amelia's arms for more than just an ex-girlfriend. This was for you, this was what you had wanted all along.
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Princess Entrapta, from the 2018 Netflix reboot of She-Ra
Strengths: willingness to examine supernatural phenomena from a scientific standpoint; cybernetic prehensile hair allows her to escape from basically any physical restraints Dracula puts her in; has shown resistance to mind-controlling effects above and beyond other characters in the show; experienced in befriending pale-faced evil geniuses like Hordak; carries a shitton of tools on her person at all times
Weaknesses: would absolutely go poking around in the deeper areas of the Castle; tends to focus on learning more about a threat rather than dealing with it immediately; might make Dracula's brides jealous; lackluster sense of self-preservation
I was scrolling my inbox looking for an appropriate one to schedule for Pi Day (shockingly, no one has submitted any Talking Pies) and this seems like the right option
Oh Entrapta... it's all in the name isn't it. Would she see Dracula as a potential lab partner I wonder? She's very [whatever]-century up to date with a vengeance and he is more about the old powers which mere modernity cannot kill. And she's into that to! But there are no robots to play with in Castle Dracula. Maybe they could bond over their mutual love of trains (I have to assume Entrapta would love trains. They're not robots, but they're the closest the 1890s have to offer). Although why would you invite Princess Entrapta to your castle if you haven't got any robots to mess with?
But yeah, it's canon that as long as Entrapta has Science to do she's not going to be too concerned about being a prisoner or how evil her hosts are. But I worry that Castle Dracula will lack the sort of enrichment she needs. She also exclusively eats tiny food (hey, just like the Girlies) which Dracula may or may not be willing to accommodate. Maybe making tiny food will be less repulsive to his vampire senses so it's actually a plus.
I think Dracula's weird hours, excessive grabbing, and invasions of privacy would also not particularly bother her because she does all that too. (That hair of hers has no concept of personal space whatsoever. .......actually if she could make Dracula's mustache I think he would be super into that). On the other hand I think Entrapta would be very vulnerable to his overtures of friendship. She is easy to manipulate if you can get at her actual insecurities, and friendship is one of them. Especially with not being put-off by Dracula's eccentricities, if he tells her they're friends she's going to believe him and act accordingly.
I don't think locked doors pose any particular barrier to Entrapta, either practical or social. Ladies' wing nothing, she's in his walls now. The Girlies present a quandary. You say that Entrapta is not particularly mesmerable; and amoral as she can be, I doubt she'd be on board with baby eating. IF, I suppose, she figures out that that's what's going on. People are not her strong suit. Dracula says "I too can love" and she sits up like "aw really! That's sweet of you! But more importantly, how are you guys doing that moonbeam thing?"
I've said before Dracula expects people to react in a certain way and uses it to toy with his food, but Entrapta does not react as expected. To the Horrors at least - once he figures her out a bit as I have said he can then get into the emotional manipulation and abuse... if he is bemused by her enough to get there. How does Dracula react to being grabbed and poked and prodded by other people's hair?
So circling back, I don't think Dracula can really contain her, but she may not have any particular reason to leave. He can definitely emotionally break her. I don't think Dracula is as soft hearted as Hordak - a vampire can only love one way: by consumption, to destruction. As much as he might enjoy having an actual friend for a bit, at the end of the day he's a bastard who enjoys being cruel on purpose even more. He probably could figure out a way to kill her, but it's more fun to befriend and then abuse her.
I think the Girlies though hate having her around. She's always getting into things. Does Entrapta recognize this and treat them as a real threat? If so, that's a motivation to also leave once Dracula does. If she doesn't, I don't think she can take all three of them at once.
So presuming she has something to do there, I think Princess Entrapta can survive Castle Dracula, though not without being put through the ringer emotionally. But if she doesn't choose to escape when Dracula leaves, the Girlies get her.
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a-dinosaur-a-day · 1 year
Text
Round Three: Ambopteryx vs Caihong
Ambopteryx longibrachium
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Artwork by Gabriel Ugueto, written by @i-draws-dinosaurs
Name meaning: Both wings with long arms
Time: 163 million years ago (Callovian stage of the Middle Jurassic)
Location: Haifanggou Formation, China
Look, evolution has done a lot of weird stuff to dinosaurs. It put penguins underwater, and did whatever the hall mamenchisaurid necks are, and game lambeosaurs a built-in face trumpet. But I would argue there is one group that represents dinosaur evolution at its most unhinged, and that is scansoropterygidae.
Scansoriopterygids were generally considered “weird little tree dinosaurs” in the 2000s, with long fingers to pick grubs out of bark or something. Then Yi qi swept along in 2015 and revealed that those long fingers were actually supporting membranous bat wings. With an extra bony rod (the “styliform element”) sticking out of the wrist to help support it, because well if you’re a dinosaur evolving bat wings why bother being normal about it after that? Although really, the dinosaurs did it first so bats actually have dinosaur wings.
Yi was sensational, but it was also extremely weird and completely unique. Even other scansoriopterygids didn’t have wing membranes, so the whole bat thing was a bit up in the air. Or not up in the air, as the case may be. But then along comes Ambopteryx, published in 2019, packing another set of skin wings, and the vindication of Yi is complete! 
Ambopteryx preserves a styliform element and wing membrane, as well as a thick coat of feathers, and honestly out of a whole selection of dinosaurs I think these might be some of the most huggable in the lot. Obviously this whole wing membrane thing didn’t end up working out for them long term, but Ambopteryx is part of an incredible lineage that challenged what we thought was possible for dinosaurs!
Caihong juji
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Artwork by @i-draws-dinosaurs, written by @i-draws-dinosaurs
Name meaning: Rainbow with big crest
Time: 161 million years old (Oxfordian stage of the Late Jurassic)
Location: Tiaojishan Formation, China
It’s always a special treat to hear the announcement of a dinosaur with known colours, because it gives the most direct impression of how truly stunning these animals would have been to witness in real life. And Caihong might just be the most spectacular of them all so far, described in 2018 from an immaculate full-body fossil that preserves detailed feathers! Caihong’s feathers are longer than some other floofy dinosaurs, and would have had the appearance of a luxurious mane along its neck. Not only that, the fossil preserves feather microstructures that in life would have made this dinosaur gloriously iridescent!
Now iridescent dinosaurs aren’t new, Microraptor has been decked out in fabulous starling-esque plumage for a while now, but Caihong absolutely takes it to the next level. Its whole body was covered in iridescent black, including the enormous tail, but the real star of the show are the platelet-like melanosomes found on the head, neck, and the base of the tail. Different from the usual iridescent melanosomes, the structure of these tiny organelles reflects brilliantly iridescent colours, like those on the heads of hummingbirds and particularly the bright purple feathers on the necks of the trumpeter family. Caihong would have put on an absolutely dazzling jewel-toned display in the treetops or on the forest floor of prehistoric China!
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gollancz · 1 year
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Why I'm Not Allowed On Twitter Unsupervised Any More: A Photo Essay
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Key Notes:
Since this was posted I discovered that the books had briefly been available in the UK under the name Peter Beagle rather than Peter S. Beagle in the mid-90s, which is why they didn't show up on the British Library search
The article by Tor.com @torbooks: Peter S. Beagle Has Finally Regained the Rights to His Body of Work
If you want our gorgeous limited edition, I believe there are still a handful left (except for the US and Canada, sorry lads), and you can get it here. I'm not kidding when I say I got a little teary-eyed when these showed up.
[Image Description: A tweet thread from the Gollancz twitter dated 20th July 2022, which goes as follows -
Tweet 1: You may have seen that we're printing a Brand New Edition of The Last Unicorn. We're very excited! I was asked to tweet about it. I wasn't asked to do it quite like this, but I also wasn't asked NOT to do it like this, and I have the twitter login so whose fault is that? (Thread emoji, and gif from the film Scream reading 'The Call is coming from inside the house!')
Tweet 2: Imagine, if you will, you are a small child in the UK during the late 80s/early 90s. You might look a bit like this, or you might have had parents who didn't choose suffering (ask my mum about The Saga of the Hat) (an image of a small girl approximately 3 years old wearing a blue dress and a big white hat)
Tweet 3: Imagine you have a cool older cousin, one who, as you get age, introduces you to fantasy films like Ladyhawk and The Princess Bride and has a post the whole family knows as 'the vampire and the naked lady'. She's extremely responsible for the way you turn out as an adult.
Tweet 4: One year, for your birthday, this cousin buys you a video. It's the first video that is yours, not to share. It has a bright yellow cover. The butterfly scares you. But you watch it on a loop. You don't realise how special it is, but it's a seed that burrows into your brain. (An image of a VHS of The Last Unicorn)
Tweet 5: A decade or so later, in your teens, you rediscover it. None of your friends have heard of it, despite also being fantasy-inclined. That's odd, you think. Is this an outlandishly weird title? Then you get older and you realise: no, it isn't. (Principal Skinner meme reading 'Am I out of touch? No, it's the people who don't know about The Last Unicorn who are wrong')
Tweet 6: Time and tech march on, you get a DVD of the film. You realise it's got Christopher Lee in it! And Angela Lansbury! Your mum tries to get you to listen to songs by America other than the soundtrack, but the only one that really sticks is the other one they did about a horse. (Gif of Walter White from Breaking Bad singing along to Horse With No Name)
Tweet 7: You realise that the film is based on a book. Like The Princess Bride, which you've also read (after spending longer than you're proud of trying to find an unabridged edition). 'Neat,' you think, 'I'll have to read that!'
Tweet 8: And then you can't find it. Because, as mentioned previously, you're in the UK. The Last Unicorn was published for the first time in 1968. But, if you look at the British Library's National Bibliography (super neat resource btw), that was, uh, about it. (screenshot of the search results from the National Bibliography showing four editions of The Last Unicorn by Peter S. Beagle, one from Gollancz in 2022, one from IDW in 2019, one from Tachyon Publications in 2018, and one from Bodley Head in 1968)
Tweet 9: The Tachyon edition is the unfinished first draft of the story. The IDW edition is a gorgeous graphic novel. But in terms of the novel? I don't know how many reprints it had (if anyone knows, I'd love to find out), but there's a good chance it went out of print in the 70s.
Tweet 10: The film, however, was released in 1982. Although it didn't make it to the UK until 1986. Conservative estimates could put that between 10 and 15 years since the book was last available in the UK. This gives you a generation in the UK who only know the story through the film! (A screenshot of the IMDB page showing the different release dates for The Last Unicorn around the world)
Tweet 11: The screenplay was written by Peter S. Beagle, and made by the legendary animation directors Arthur Rankin Jr. and Jules Bass. That's right, the guys behind Thundercats and 2 out of the 3 films based on The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings.
Tweet 12: The Book has been in print in the USA (and possibly all of North America) constantly since its publication, so it seems baffling that people in the UK haven't heard of it. As the internet became more prominent, however, it became easier to just... import a copy of the book.
Tweet 13: But! This also isn't quite as simple as you think. You see, until last year the rights to The Last Unicorn were tied up in legal limbo. And the US edition of the book contained changes that Peter wasn't happy with. (Link to the Tor.com article about the rights)
Tweet 14: Back to you, the 80s/90s kid, who is now an adult, happy that unicorns are A Thing again and you're living your best life. You're very easy to buy presents for. Your partner despairs of unicorns. You get a job working in books about magic and space. (unicorn emoji and photograph of a collection of unicorn memorabilia, including three different versions of The Last Unicorn)
Tweet 15: You mention that one day you would like to publish The Last Unicorn. That if you did, you would like to do a really beautiful edition of it. And you would like it to be purple. Because since the film is what you know, you associate it with purple.
Tweet 16: And, after taking a very circuitous route, here we are! This is the original text, that was first published in 1968. Reading it after you have only seen the film is the strangest experience - like being introduced to a very dear friend that you have never met before.
Tweet 17: Peter's screenplay kept the voice of the story so well, you can hear the characters when you read the book. But now there's so much more depth, softness and warmth to it. The butterfly doesn't seem so scary any more. And, it's beautiful. And it's purple. (Image of a hardback edition of The Last Unicorn, with a black base, purple background, and a linocut image of the unicorn in her wood. On the black cover underneath is a foiled unicorn with the moon and butterfly, the page edges are sprayed purple, and the endpapers are black with silver butterflies)
Tweet 18: Anyway, I've taken you on a three day trip that could have been done in a single tweet, but that's what happens when you let me drive. This edition is the limited exclusive one only available through the Gollancz Emporium and you can preorder here: (link to Gollancz Emporium)
Tweet 19: But there is also a standard edition available through all booksellers! You'll be getting the author's preferred text, with an introduction from Patrick Rothfuss. There's also a brand new audiobook and it will be available in eBook for the first time ever.
Tweet 20: It's like going from famine to feast, and I wasn't able to talk about this for months so now I am able to talk about it, I'm going to make the social media team cry. UNICORNS. SPECIAL EDITION. PURPLE. The End.
Tweet 21: Additional behind the scenes bonus detail - I did take this cover to the art meaning while wearing a unicorn onesie.
Tweet 22: The comms team wrestling me away from the twitter account: (gif of Ross from Friends shouting 'Stop typing! Stop typing!')
End ID]
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knifedog-machina · 2 months
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Daemons To Systems, And The Ways They Intertwine
Hey, I’m Max, he/they - I’m the host of our system, the guy who lives in the front and has only ever lived here, the one who identifies our body as my body specifically. A few nights ago, we realized something about our system origins while talking to some other systems, and I’ve honestly never heard of it happening before, so I thought I’d talk about it.
I used to think that I was a singlet before Jude and Gavin walked in. Now I’m pretty sure I wasn’t. See, before I was the host of a system, I was a daemian. I had three daemons, over the course of my time practicing daemonism, interacting with the community. And they were all a little weird.
The first one was Charlie, affectionately longformed as Charlemagne. Xe appeared in January 2018 as a red fox, said that was xir settled form, and never changed from that. That’s an option for daemons - I know other daemons who chose their forms, independent of how well that form represented their daemian, and stayed that way - but it was in contrast to how most people seemed to do it. I never really felt the need to find a form that fit my personality, not when xe was so confident that this was what xe was.
I didn’t try to make xir do anything, I didn’t decide to give xir faux autonomy - xe just did things xirself, with or without my prompting. Xe was playful, optimistic, a cheerful presence always willing to race around and perk me back up. I really needed xir, back then - I was going through a lot of stress in high school, and I needed someone around to remind me of the whimsical little joys in life. Xe fronted sometimes, and I loved when xe did, conjured phantom tail and paws and big fox ears and an unstoppable zest for life.
My next daemon, Martin, appeared in May 2019 after a fever dream. Really. I was sick and tired and miserable, and I didn’t want to do anything, including things that would make me feel better, and a new internal voice appeared in my head. She told me to drink some water and get to sleep. The next morning, she was still there, lounging around as a large black dog, and she stayed.
This became her role, her purpose in our mind, being a shepherd for my needs. She ran our faulty executive functioning, told me to take care of myself when I forgot important things, encouraged me when I failed to meet expectations. She raised her hackles when anyone tried to overstep our boundaries, and advocated for doing what we needed to protect ourselves, regardless of whether it was nice or polite.
Charlie and Martin overlapped in existence for a while. Charlie loved having a big sibling to play with, and Martin was fond of xir. So I had two daemons for a while, and the arrangement was nice. As I transitioned out of high school into college, my circumstances and environment drastically changed. Charlie was sweet, but xe stopped having a function in my life, so over the months, xe popped up less and less, until xe faded away entirely. Xe wasn’t upset to go, and xir memory is a comfort to me - xe served xir purpose, brought me joy, and had a life well lived.
In October 2021, I created a new daemon, compartmentalizing my emotional dysregulation and disordered anxiety into something that was Not Myself, so I could talk to it and understand its needs without being overwhelmed with distress. This became the feral shadow of a dog that we named Cortisol, nicknamed Court - and if Martin was our Freudian superego, who provided guidance for my decisions and stability when I got stressed, Court was our id, feeling all the explosive emotions that I couldn’t externally express and curling up for scritches like a beloved pet when it got what it needed.
We stayed like that for almost a year, getting familiar with the rhythm of life together. Then, in August 2022, my current headmates walked into my brain. My daemons vanished for the duration of their stay.
They only stayed around a few days, that first time - I was moving to a new place and having new people in my brain simultaneously was overloading our mental RAM, so I was forgetting a lot, and I decided that I’d rather live with them some other time. They understood, we said our goodbyes, and they walked out the next morning. (Recounting this to my friend Tanix was hilarious, by the way. “what the fuck (positive)” he said, his own headmates unable to do this. The joys of being a gateway system.) Once the headmates were gone, my daemons returned into my life.
They came back in March 2023, after I settled down into college for a while, and the memory didn’t jam up like it did previously, so we didn’t part ways this time. Martin and Court vanished overnight, again, and looking back on it, I’m noticing some patterns.
Gavin is basically performing the same role that Martin did - he’s the guy reminding us about our responsibilities, talking through the emotions when we feel like garbage, telling me to eat when I forget, or encouraging me to eat when I have enough sensory issues that I can't stomach anything. He consistently fronts when talking to people we don’t especially like, because he feels protective of us and tends to be the most patient with annoyances.
He’s also literally just some guy, just a decent human person who wound up in here because his partner arrived in my brain five minutes before him and understandably got really upset about it, so he followed them in. Somehow. We don't know how it works, but I also don't know exactly where the first two of my daemons came from, so I’m fine leaving it as a mystery.
(He has a lot of complicated feelings about the position he's in, playing a daemon’s role as a completely different person from me, and will probably write his own post about it some time.)
Jude is, unfortunately, kinda in the same role as Court. And since Court held the emotional dysregulation in my brain, Jude also holds the grand majority of the distress and anxiety that we feel on a regular basis. We all really wish it was split more evenly, because Jude tends to not only lose the ability to talk when they panic, they also get stuck in the front, completely unable to talk to me or Gavin.
(It’s not even that they feel the stress that directly affects them, it’s that on top of the stress that we get in our daily life. They regularly had panic attacks over my grades and exams last semester, and they weren’t even the one studying for it at all! It’s fucked up and I don’t love it for us.)
And there are other interesting little coincidences. You know how Court was a sketched-in sort of black dog? Jude only really realized they related to dogs upon arriving in the system with me, and the archetypal form they identify with is, again, a stylized black dog.
It’s really interesting, the ways my brain decided to be plural, because I didn’t think I was a system back then. I had a daemon, then two daemons, and they were daemons because I considered them parts of myself - no matter how autonomous they were, we were bound together in the same identity, as parts of the same person. They were reflections of me, and I loved them like I loved myself, and they loved me with the same ferocity.
With this realization, that my daemons effectively merged into my system, I did have to ask - are my headmates also parts of me, since they’re falling into the same functional compartments in my brain? We don’t think so, or at least, we don’t think it’s that simple. 
They’re completely different people from me, people who arrived here with their own lives and memories and identities. They aren’t autonomous reflections of my psyche like my daemons were. They’re my weird roommates who moved in with me, and my boyfriends, and I guess you could say we’re life partners - because hey, what’s a partner if not someone you share a life with? What’s more intimate than sharing the same body, hearing each other's thoughts and feelings? They aren't parts of me, but we live the same life together, and I think that counts as something just as significant.
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cleolinda · 9 months
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youtube
Here's another song I had wanted to write about: Hozier's "Movement." It is a fact of my existence that I get into a musical artist/band about 10 years after everyone else does, and then they become 30% of my personality (see also: Florence and the Machine). So I didn't really get with the program until Wasteland, Baby, and even then, it was for an unusual reason.
When did this album come out, spring of 2019? I had spinal surgery in early 2018. A discectomy, L4/L5; the disc had gradually become herniated due to a fall I'd had at a convention. My surgeon was required to warn me that surgery would come with a (low) chance of paralysis; it was my choice to make. After two weeks of seizing up in pain every hour or so, confined to my bed—hydrocodone did nothing—I chose the scalpel. Even then, it was another four weeks before he could work me into the operating schedule. Trust me when I say, no matter how I'm doing now, I do not regret having that surgery.
But he also told me, "You will always be a person who has had spinal surgery." Since anything was better than screaming every time I moved, I didn't fully understand what he meant until a year or so later, when I was still in pain—a chronic but lower-grade pain that came and went depending on how much activity I dared try that particular day. It was infinitely better than before. And, but, yet, I still deal with that chronic pain today. I will always be that person.
"Walk," he told me. I had a packet of therapy exercises to do, sure, but he was firm on this point. "That's the main exercise you need. Just walking." Which I couldn't do at first—I didn't have to learn to walk again or anything, but I was in a wheelchair early on, then on a wheeled walker for a couple of months. I also have inherited neuropathy in my feet, which was exacerbated by electrically painful sciatic nerve damage down my right leg while I waited for my slot in the surgery calendar. (I swear to God I will start talking about music soon.) I only walk across the longest side of my backyard. I don't leave it and walk around the neighborhood, because I generally have about two minutes upright to get back to the house once my feet start hurting.
So I had been struggling with my walking assignment for about a year when "Movement" came out. Of course it's literally about physically moving (and emotionally being moved), but that wasn't what captured me. The song starts out slow and reflective; it was a gentle tempo for a time when I couldn't walk very fast, and I still use it as a warm-up today. But there are two other things I love about it. One, the willow tree in the chorus, as I was walking my little runway back and forth under a canopy of wild water oak draped with wisteria, looking up into the sun through the leaves and snowflake flowers of an overgrown cherry laurel. Sound met landscape.
But the other thing is how—generous? accepting?—the words are of the "you" of the song. This person, the lyrics say, does not have to be a virtuoso dancer like Fred Astaire or Sergei Polunin (who's in the video up there). Instead, "you're Atlas in his sleeping, and when you move, I'm moved." My absolute favorite part is,
Move like grey skies Move like a bird of paradise Move like an odd sight come out at night
What the fuck even are these lyrics. I can't. That's so good. You ever sit there as a writer and think, I'm so mad I didn't come up with that? Just the pure unexpectedness, "I'm telling you how earthshakingly amazing this person is. Like a beautiful willow, like a rare bird, like some weird-ass cryptid in the night, I don't even know what that was about but I love it." What even. So good.
And I was for sure an odd sight shambling back and forth across the back of my yard: five minutes at first. Then ten the next week, working my way up to thirty, still in a dull roar of constant pain a year into my recovery. But this is a song that says, your efforts to move are moving, whatever movement is natural for you; you may be sleeping just now, you may be moving without moving, but you are wonderful not in spite of being strange in your movements, but because of it. The song always feels like a friend walking along with me, no matter how many setbacks I have, or how slow I have to go.
Anyway, Unreal Unearth comes out next Friday. The five songs Hozier's put out so far are ridiculously good, and I've scheduled a couple of months to be completely feral about it. When the weather is less dangerously hot, we'll find out which songs are good to move to.
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yellowloid · 2 months
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I'm kinda new to Milex, despite loving both AM and TLSP for years, and like so many questions.......What happened to those sweethearts, what are the divorce allegations, why they don't hang out anymore, is there any tension between Miles and Alex's girlfriend?😭 I need to know
hiii and welcome to the milex fandom!!
first of all, you can check out this post to know more about the divorce allegations - but of course always remember it's just theories, no one really knows what happened (if anything happened at all)
second of all, they do still hang out! they're just very private about it and rarely ever get spotted together, but over the years after the tbhc and cdg eras we got to see them together a few times, usually hanging out in london like here (august 2020):
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and here (july 2021):
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but also in jnstances like this one (september 2021) (it's not confirmed that they were together but miles posted this with the caption 'ARRABIATA HEAD X' and arrabiata is Their Thing + those are alex's sunglasses and the photo was most likely taken by him idc i will die on this hill)
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then we got to see them together in june 2022, hanging out at some pub:
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and also at zackery michael and lola mcdonnell's wedding aka the wedding of the century aka i wish i was a fly on the wall there. this was also in june 2022, they were both there but sadly we didn't get any interaction nor photos of them together:
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we did however get a few interactions between miles, (nadya) and louise.
in may 2023 they were spotted having a cute little date night at a scott walker tribute concert in london (feat. the one and only brown leather jacket):
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and then of course we got to see them playing 505 together in june (💖) after five whole years of not sharing a stage:
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and then again in dublin, miles opened for them on all four nights of the irish leg in october and joined them for 505 on the very last one:
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during both the cts and omb eras miles has mentioned alex and tlsp quite a few times (both spontaneously or because of annoying interviewers asking him about it).
speaking of miles and louise, they ignored each other for a long time since alex started dating her back in 2018, which was quite weird considering miles usually seemed to have great friendships with alex's girlfriends (he was very close to taylor, and he's still friends with alexa). recently they started interacting more, liking each other's posts or leaving comments there (see miles commenting on her latest birthday post for alex). as i mentioned, they interacted a bit during zack and lola's wedding (katie posted a video on ig where her, kirstin, louise, miles and nadya were all hanging out together). i think at this point it's safe to say miles and nadya aren't together anymore, but her and louise were hanging out quite a lot during 2022/start of 2023 and they probably got introduced through their respective boyfriends. there's no official drama between miles and louise but they don't seem to be friends, just close acquaintances at best.
and... i think that's it anon! in conclusion they're still very much close and hanging out with each other, it's just much rarer to get a glimpse of them but maybe in the (hopefully not so distant) future we'll get a tlsp3 announcement and then they'll finally be touring together again, planet earth will heal and we'll be well-fed once again. in the meantime, i hope this little recap was helpful <3
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